Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. My name is Clayton.
Speaker 2: I am the brother of Satan, and this is my
show where I interview every soul in Hell in the afterlife.
Normally I'm joined by my friend Chris, but unfortunately, back
in December, there was an elf uprising and Chris managed
to slip through my fingers and he got away. But
I'm here to announce, ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
The elf uprising was quelled. All of the elves have
been dealt with swiftly. They've all been crushed down to agnog, which,
as you know, is the remains of elves squished down
into a liquid, delicious drink. So anyways, yeah, if you
drink agnog, you've been drinking elves. It was actually elf noggin,
it's their brains, but we shortened it to agnog just
to simplify it. So anyways, Napkin, he's dead and we've
isolated Chris's. Look, it looks like he is in a
strip club in Tijuana. Uh so Seal Team six x
six is moving in. They're about to teleport him now.
Speaker 1: Uh and we're gonna We're gonna we're gonna catch him
by surprise.
Speaker 2: So here we go and uh teleporting him back in
three two one?
Speaker 1: Did you have a change for a five? Welcome back? Chris?
Oh my god, yeah, you thought you'd get away, Chris, Come.
Speaker 3: On, I just I just needed five more minutes with Candace.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, sorry, that's very unfortunate. But I'm sure she
was going to become your next wife or something. Chris.
That's sorry to break, sorry to break your heart, like.
Speaker 3: Could you break this five instead of my heart?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 2: Chris? No, no, you're you gotta get back to work,
all right. You know it's a it's a new year,
a new show, new us.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so new new year. Okay, so anything changed?
Speaker 1: Oh no, nothing, the calendar changed, but the year.
Speaker 2: I mean it's trust me, twenty twenty one is just
gonna be just as bad.
Speaker 1: Just just wait till March. You know, things are getting
a rocky.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, what happens in margin.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna tell you. You'll just have to find out,
all right. Anyways, Uh, let's bring on our guests. It's
so we got to get back into interviewing people. We
got a lot of people to get through.
Speaker 1: Chris.
Speaker 3: Yeah, good list this year, great list? Yes, okay, So
who's up first this year.
Speaker 1: Well, Chris, I was looking through some of the files.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm always looking for guests and you know,
people to bring on, and I came across this brother
and sister, and I I don't really know why they're.
Speaker 1: Down here in hell.
Speaker 2: They seem perfectly normal. You know, maybe you heard them
and when, you know, in your bedtime stories. But I
really it's a head scratcher why they're down here in hell.
So I thought we'd bring them on, get their side
of the story. So, uh yeah, come on in, Hans
Fling Gretel, Come on, guys.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, Hello, so nice to be here. Hello.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys are so cute. Do you guys need
booster seats or anything like that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that would be nice.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Dunker, Dunker.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2: Your little legs are dangling, so I just want to
make you because you're nice and comfortable.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's right. Hi guys, So nice to be here. Wow,
this nice place.
Speaker 4: Oh you pulled my ready, you.
Speaker 1: Don't want you to. It's gone down, so all right.
Well hello, my name is Clayton. This is my friend Chris.
Speaker 4: Hello, Chris, Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3: So y'all are the Hansel and Gretel from all the stories.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm handsl Yeah, we're from all the stories. You know,
you probably know the stories. We're a little bit famous,
born in deutsch Land. Yeah, that's right, and you know
you're kind of the basics.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 4: We went into the woods. We like to walk in
the wood.
Speaker 5: We love to walk into we love to fall and
we you know some you know, just one time, the
one that everybody knows, you know, we got lost.
Speaker 4: Snooze first, everybody knows this one.
Speaker 5: And then we put some bread crumbs out to try
and find our way home. We didn't want to get lost,
that's right, and said, you know, the birds take the
bread crumbs.
Speaker 4: And we can those pisky birds.
Speaker 5: So we came upon a house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you was so cute.
Speaker 5: It was so cute, and the lady inside was giving us,
you know, lots of candy and soups and soups and
sweets and yeah, then we found out she was a witch.
And we knew she was a witch, had we had
to kill her. She had a big nose, Yeah, big
nose sort of point he had.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this switch she was gonna eat you right and
murder you.
Speaker 5: I wanted to fatten us, right, She wanted to give
us lots of sweets to make us really fat. And
then she said, you know, you start to she can
make us rub butter on us skin. Yeah, but that's right,
that's right. It was like a lotion. Yeah, I guess
it was like lotion. I guess we did have some
like dry skin from all the woods walking. So she
was like, you can put this on your skin to
make it feel better. But we knew that she was
a witch because she was trying to, you know, make
us skin nice and soft for eating. Well. She also
had a big pot cauldron. Yeah, she had a big, big,
big cauldron and then oven.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she had a I mean this is a witch.
She is a witch.
Speaker 2: I mean, hansel Gre these sound like normal household objects
to me.
Speaker 1: I mean what other evidence.
Speaker 4: I mean, she had a big nose.
Speaker 5: She had a knife. She had a knife, a short knife.
Speaker 3: With a knife. Did she like try to stab you or.
Speaker 5: She cut up an apple and she puts the apple
in the pot and was like here, I'm going to
put the apple in the pot. And I was like, whoa,
is this some witch stuff?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: Yeah, she had a walking stick. Yeah, she had she
was bent over.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she had a cat. She had a cat. It
wasn't black, but she had cat.
Speaker 3: Did the walking stick? I mean, did she like use
it to cast spells?
Speaker 7: Like was it a wand was it like a big
wand yeah?
Speaker 3: Did she?
Speaker 4: But she was a lady.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she was a lady. That was the big That
was the big clues that there was a witch.
Speaker 3: Right, so she did cast spells or no?
Speaker 5: Probably yeah, you know, she probably did. But maybe that
was the part we didn't see because we were like
sleeping or something. But yeah, she probably did cast spells.
And at one point I saw her looking through a
book of of of of spells and and and it
said recipes on it. In all of the recipes were
probably spells.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay.
Speaker 7: And then so so you just you were like, this
is a witch. She's going to kill you. And then
what did you do?
Speaker 5: Well, this is the kind of the fun part. Yes,
this is very good, because I wait, I wake up
and I was like, hey, Gretel, to see that witches asleep? Yes,
And and so we we crept out in a little
stocking feet.
Speaker 4: Yes, we were very quiet.
Speaker 5: We were very quiet. We snuck around like a little mouse,
and her.
Speaker 4: House was made of gingerbread and cake and pastries. Also
some she's a bitch.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's right, that's right. And it might have also
just been sort of architectural detail that sort of looked
like a gingerbread house. I'm not totally sure about that,
but your.
Speaker 4: Foot floors are very quiet, yeah, ginger bread.
Speaker 5: Very soft floors.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And so we crept out into her bed, and then
we bound up her hands.
Speaker 4: We put the pillow over her face.
Speaker 5: And we slowly smothered her until she was kicking and kicking,
and you see the last little kick of her little foot.
Speaker 4: I threw my whole body over her legs, say stop kicking.
Speaker 5: That's right. And then we pulled her over to the cauldron.
Speaker 4: Then we had a little disagreement because I said oven
and I said cauldron and I said oven and I
said cold and I said oven.
Speaker 5: And so she won because you know, she said, you
know it's going to be the oven or it's not
going to cook.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Oh, so you you you.
Speaker 1: Threw this old woman into the oven. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we threw her in the oven.
Speaker 4: And she was not completely dead. She would she she came.
Speaker 5: She came to right that's because she's a witch. She
came to with some magic powers and was like, don't
do this, you're killing an innocent person. And we were like,
that's exactly what a witch would say.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, did she at any point us any mad
spells she tried?
Speaker 5: But luckily the oven door was really like a magic proof,
so it was nice because it couldn't get the magic
couldn't get out of the oven.
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean she so she did.
Speaker 1: Was there any other means for her to exit?
Speaker 2: I mean did she try to, like like fly away
with your witch powers or anything like that.
Speaker 3: I think she.
Speaker 4: Tried to climb up the chimney. Yeah, she probably did,
but it was too skinny.
Speaker 5: Yeah, too skinny. It's just a nice fat plump, which
is really nice. And then so you know, you cook
it about, you cook you about you know, seventy celsius
for about you know, how long would you say about
three four hours?
Speaker 4: Three four hours? These screams only last three four minutes,
So you really have to enjoy the beginning, right and.
Speaker 5: Then you really you really want to make sure that
when you take it, when you take the witch out,
you let it cool. You have to let it cool
before before you slice it, you have to slice it
in very thin, beautiful slices.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it's sort to be clear.
Speaker 2: You you you once you cooked her to make sure
she was thoroughly dead, you were were you slicing her
open to make sure she was dead?
Speaker 1: Or were you planning to do something else with her?
Speaker 5: Well, I mean with sliced, with sliced her so that
we could have a good, you know, nice presentation presentation
for well, did you don't want to you don't you
know when you when you're plated?
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you plate oh yeah.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, you have to eat them or they
come back somehow.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: We added an egg noodle.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you have your egg noodle really spots. Yeah, it's
very good.
Speaker 4: It's like I start to taste a bit like.
Speaker 5: Schnitzer Yeah, a bit like schnitzel, a bit like spats,
you know, all all the good stuff. And then you
just slice really thin and then you put it on
a plate with a nice sauce like a you know,
apple sauce or just anything sweet, because you know, it
tastes a bit gamey.
Speaker 4: You say, I took some of the ashes and I
put it in my caraffe and cook.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, say that again.
Speaker 4: What was the ashes of the witch You can put
in your caraffe and cook it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you just put the ashes in there. It's really good.
Speaker 4: Do you have this do it? Coffee and cooking?
Speaker 3: I don't know what that is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what that is. I'm kind of
unscratch my head here.
Speaker 4: It's saying you make it every morning.
Speaker 1: People drink coffee morning.
Speaker 4: It's yeah.
Speaker 1: Coffee, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: And cooking, cooking like if it's your birthday party.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I do not put human remains. Yeah, coffee. No.
Speaker 5: That's the one thing that you have to try is
you have to try some witch powder. The witch powder
is really good. It's like it's like it's like a
collagen totally. It's like a good protein powder, you know,
lean protein powder.
Speaker 4: That's what protein powder is is bone.
Speaker 5: I don't think it is basically protein powder is just
a witch powder.
Speaker 4: They even do this on Earth.
Speaker 5: Yes, that's how they make it.
Speaker 4: They drink bones colorgen powder.
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, well that's news to me. I'm disturbed in
a lot of ways. I didn't know that the protein
I used to drink it was bones. And also I
think you murdered sid woman.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, no, no, I mean she was a witch.
This is you know, we were saving the children. We're
saving all the children.
Speaker 4: This is what you do.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, So have you ever had any other like run
ins with with other witches or was this just the
one time?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, witches witches everywhere that.
Speaker 5: They say, you know about eight and eleven people that's
a lady is a witch.
Speaker 1: What that's a very strange statistic news to me.
Speaker 5: We've actually met about it.
Speaker 7: I mean, we've had witches on the show and I
don't think I mean, do you don't have any?
Speaker 1: Quite nice?
Speaker 7: Yeah, they were very nice. I mean, even as far
as Hell's concerned you under their spell.
Speaker 5: Well, you know what was crazy? Remember Tammy's a Witch.
Speaker 4: Sammy's a Witch was so good.
Speaker 5: This was fine because you know, right after we ate
that first witch, we were like, okay, we've got to
go home now. So we're walking through the woods and
we came upon this road and this lady was driving
a horse cart and she was like, do you need
a ride? And we were like sure, and we got
into the horse cart and this lady, guys, she was
a witch.
Speaker 4: She was a wich.
Speaker 5: The first lady we saw she was a witch.
Speaker 1: I mean, what evidence do you have?
Speaker 5: She was well, she had long, stringy hair. She was
a female, right, she was female. She had kind of
a grating voice, like she was like, hey, can I
help you? And we were just like, oh, my ears,
that's a witch.
Speaker 4: She seemed to be very educated.
Speaker 5: Yeah, very educated. That's always a good sign of witch.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think she held a master's degree or doctoral degree.
That's also a sign of a witch.
Speaker 4: This is very dangerous for females to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what happened to Tammy? I mean, did she
take you home? Or oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah? This was cool, guys, this was fun. So you know,
we were like, okay, this is clearly a witch. And
we're like back in the hay you know, riding around
in the hay cut and so basically what we did
I gave I gave Gretel the look, you know, I
gave her the wink wink pointing at the witch.
Speaker 4: I saw that sparkle in your eye.
Speaker 5: Yeah that was good. And then we crept up behind
her just so quiet. We got we got a bit
of rope that was in the back of the horse cart,
and I was like, this is lucky, this is here,
or we would you know, maybe not be able to
kill this week?
Speaker 4: Also a signed she's a fish.
Speaker 5: So we put the We put it over her head
and she couldn't really do much because she was driving
the horse cart.
Speaker 4: And we were driving her.
Speaker 5: That's right, And so we're just one side of the other.
We start to pull.
Speaker 4: I climbed up her bag. My feet were on her.
What do you call these the vases?
Speaker 5: Yeahs?
Speaker 4: So what are these bones called back here?
Speaker 5: The version slash?
Speaker 1: Shoulders?
Speaker 5: Yeah, shoulders, shouldery yeah, yeah, I told us, and you
started pulling. I need to talk, yeah, you know, a
lot of talk.
Speaker 4: And so I had my feet on her.
Speaker 5: What does the shoulder?
Speaker 4: And then I'm and I'm standing behind, I'm pulling.
Speaker 5: And I'm going to come on this which is it
going to die if we don't pull really hard? And
she's going, hey, guys, I'm trying to try the cart.
What are you doing? I'm trying to give you a
ride home. We're going shut up, which we're going to
kill you.
Speaker 4: So then we took the rope from around her neck
and put it in her mouth like a what's it
called like a horse's bitch?
Speaker 5: Ye, like a horse bit, like a belling stock because
I wanted to shut Yeah. Right, and she drove the
horses right into a ditch, which was really crazy because
the horses are screaming. She's screaming and we're pulling, pulling, pulling,
and pop pop of her head. That's when her head
pops off.
Speaker 1: It was My guys are incredibly strong for children.
Speaker 5: What about those poor horses, Well, they were both witches,
and so what you do with the horses were witches?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: First of all, they were both female. They have chairs
something as a tail, and that's a right.
Speaker 5: And the horses are dual doing a lot of work
that they're not paid equally for. That's pretty clear sign
that says a witch.
Speaker 3: Did they cast the horses casting the spells?
Speaker 5: Look, I don't know why you got are so hung
up on this closet spell thing, Like, not every witch
has to cast a spell for you to know it's
a witch, guys.
Speaker 4: Is it not constantly casting spell right?
Speaker 5: Like one of you? You know, you guys do this show.
You're not constantly doing the show. You know, that's just
part You've got to have some down time.
Speaker 3: I mostly am. That's kind of my eternal punishment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's just you know, it's one aspect of
your personality. It doesn't mean that you're just like completely
defined by it. Guys, Come on.
Speaker 2: I mean that's the case, then wouldn't you argue that,
you know, all witches aren't that bad? I mean, you know,
if it's that complex, you know where you're always just
killing witches.
Speaker 5: If there's one thing about witches that you got to
know is that they're complicated and they're complex. But they're
all definitely bad.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, but the most sinister of witches thinks they're good, right,
They always think they're good and telling us they're good
when we kill them. They want to do good, right,
they want to help, right?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So what sort of witches have claimed to be good?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Like, I'd say, Jesus of Nazareth. Very very strange that
it was a.
Speaker 5: Man, right, Johan of arc Yeah, lots of people like that.
Speaker 4: All the girls from Salem.
Speaker 5: Right, most of the cast of the Gilmore Girls. Yeah,
let's see Michelle Obama.
Speaker 4: Oh, she's such a powerful, glorious dying.
Speaker 5: Oh glorious Steine. I'm huge witch. I wanted to take
a shot at her. Now we can't very powerful?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 1: Also, you guys, is witch killing.
Speaker 2: That was It's just these two isolated events, right, I mean,
it wasn't anything else beyond that.
Speaker 5: Oh no, I mean basically after that first witch killing,
we pretty much like redefined our career after that, you know,
we really had to sort of focus on getting rid
of all the witches.
Speaker 1: What were you guys originally before you were witch killers?
Speaker 4: Well, when we were very young children.
Speaker 5: Oh well, unfortunately, guys, we are orphans.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm so sorry. How did your parents go?
Speaker 3: If you know what happened?
Speaker 4: Oh, we killed him right, yeah. First we killed our
mother on their way out.
Speaker 5: Right, because we're twins, you know, and.
Speaker 4: We were fighting in the canals, right and I'm coming
out first. No, I'm coming out. No, I'm coming out first.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and she basically just you know, she tore in half.
And then you know, our father he caught us on
the way out, and I pretty much I knew right
away that he was a witch or maybe aware wall
for warlock or something, so you know, I just went
ahead and did weigh with him right away. So, now, oh,
this is really fun, guys. So I took so I
was like little baby, and I looked at my father
and he was looking it was his eyes, and he
was like, okay, cool, cool, kaka or whatever they say
to a baby. And I was like, this guy is
probably saying some spell. So I took my little baby
fingers and I just put them into his eyes and
I just start pressing slowly, slowly, like slowly, and eventually
he just screamed enough that he died.
Speaker 3: Okay, wow.
Speaker 2: Second an upbringing, So like, where where did your career
of witch hunting progress after? After you know, the layer
with the PhD and then the one that was feeding
you food.
Speaker 5: Well, you know, guys, we kind of hit the road
after that. I guess our first thing after that was
in the New World. We came over and we It
was really great because the place we landed was just, guys,
it was filled with witches us basically like a witch Townsetts.
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 4: These people they had so many Christians and so you
could smell off of the witches.
Speaker 5: Yeah, totally. And it was really fun because there was
a lot of people there too that were totally on
board with what we were doing. So they were just like,
we'll help you. So it kind of turned into this
little like like let's kill the witch's party, and that
was that was really great. Those some of our best
friends were from Za time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you would also see ladies with a scarlet s
on zichs.
Speaker 5: Oh right, yeah that's a witch. Yes, that's a witch.
We killed her, We did away with her.
Speaker 3: Did anyone ever question these which is that you were killing? Like,
I don't know. The authorities, the police, they ever.
Speaker 4: You cannot open your mind to a witch. If you
let her start speaking, she might cast a spell on you.
Speaker 5: Right, So you can't really engage in any sort of
debate about it, you know, like anything, guys, you just
have to make the decision and go with it. Sometimes
some people would be like, hey, wait a minute, are
you sure about this. That's my mom or that's my
auntie or something. But you know, most of the time,
most of the men around are just like, yeah, you're
probably right. Men. Men don't really care too much when
you kill a witch.
Speaker 4: Do you seem to remember Ansie Planet Earth?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 4: The authorities they mostly exist to kill people. See police
is the government. They love to kill people, the CIA, FBI, right,
all those guys. So they see two little innocent children,
you know, they say, it looks like they're doing the
lord's work, right.
Speaker 2: See, so I mean, let's role play for a second.
You know, say Chris, for example, is a witch. You know, like,
how do you how do you handle the situation? How
do you assess him? You know, I walk me through
the steps of finding and dealing with the witch?
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, Well, first I would offer him an apple, right,
and I would see how he eats the apple. Chances
are he will eat it whole like a horse.
Speaker 5: Okay, let's go ahead and offer.
Speaker 4: Him, Chris, might I offer you this apple?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 5: Right? Okay, okay, See how see how he's eating it
like that. It's like a little bit like a horse.
Speaker 4: Did he choose it? Visus chumpers?
Speaker 5: See how he draws a little bit, and how his
mouth It looks like an ugly little kind of little
mouth that has like an ugly shape to it when
he eats.
Speaker 7: Well, I was just saying, I was only eating it
that way to test y'all to see if you would
recognize it.
Speaker 3: This is how I normally eat apples.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, that this could be a problem.
Speaker 3: Chris.
Speaker 5: We haven't done the three points relicing it.
Speaker 4: This peanut butter, this is only a.
Speaker 5: Which Okay, now, we're going to be like, Okay, Chris,
I'm a little bit lost. Can you tell me how
to get to my house?
Speaker 4: Tin to find my whole?
Speaker 5: Oh I'm kind of cold and tired. What's going on?
Speaker 3: I say, well, I don't know where you live? Do
you need help? Okay?
Speaker 5: This is a telltale sign, guys. Like, so basically what
Chris is doing is he's like, you know, I'm going
to help because I'm going to eat you. Guys.
Speaker 4: He wants to fatten us up to you.
Speaker 5: That's what that is exactly what it says.
Speaker 2: So, Okay, you've identified Chris, We've marked him. He's a witch,
all right?
Speaker 1: Confirmed?
Speaker 2: You know that he that he wants to e you. Now,
how do we deal with the situation? What happens next
now that the threat is.
Speaker 5: Well, first, you know, you have to kind of realize,
like what what level of which he is? So like, Chris,
what what kind of education level do you have?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 3: I got a college degree undergrad Just.
Speaker 4: That just I think is the role of women in culture?
Speaker 3: I mean, answer the question, Chris.
Speaker 7: I think they have many roles and they're not.
Speaker 3: Like what kind of roles anything they want to do?
Speaker 4: Do you do you think they are, would the word
you use would be equal?
Speaker 5: Yes, Chris, Yes, okay, Chris, I'm sorry, but I'm already
kind of giving you know, I'm kind of looking at
Gretel right now, and I'm saying, okay, I'm like pointing
at this guy, and I'm going this guy's clearly oh
wait yeah, so yeah, now we would. Now we would
just you know, begin a dangerous and violent creep towards
you ending your life as violently and entertainingly as possible.
Speaker 2: I mean, you can show me that, because I mean
can keep in mind, Chris is about five foot ten,
a little gangly, you know, longer limbs.
Speaker 1: He's bigger than you. So so how are we going
to deal with this?
Speaker 4: So this is where I uh is a benefit to
be small and coming here and got his shoelaces, tie
them together.
Speaker 5: That's when I'm sneaking up behind. Yeah, I'm taking my.
Speaker 3: Little This is just a role play though, right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right right, And so I'm taking my little fingers
and I'm poking them in his sight.
Speaker 4: Then I will guys his torso and now I would
put my little sums in his act.
Speaker 5: And I'm taking minds and I'm slowly placing them in
his ears, and I'm feeling his brains.
Speaker 4: Start to feel a little bit leaky.
Speaker 2: Don't forget to bind his hands. He's gonna cast.
Speaker 5: I put his little hands, I tie my shoelaces around
his little hands, and I'm poking in his ear. And
now I take his tongue and I pulled, pull harder.
Speaker 1: This is so fun.
Speaker 4: And now you tip him over. Time to die, watter
type him over and I sit on his face. I
cannot breathe.
Speaker 5: That's right, he can't breathe. And I'm slowly starting to
crack his ribs, crack his ribs, crack, ribs, crack, crack.
Speaker 1: Wow, he's a responsive. I think you took care of
that witch. I knew it.
Speaker 2: Guys, thank you so much for coming on the show,
because all along I thought Chris was a witch.
Speaker 5: And he was just keeping it from Oh yeah, totally.
This guy was definitely a witch, now, you know, definitely. Okay, Hey,
do you have any sort of like large cooking device or.
Speaker 4: Maybe two sticks we could start a fire or you know.
Speaker 5: What I'm really into right now, I'm kind of into
the hibachi. If you have one of those.
Speaker 1: I have a very large crock pot.
Speaker 2: The only unfortunate thing about that is that he's probably
gonna come back, you know, any second now he'll I'll
regenerate and he's gonna Yeah, it's gonna be kind of
scary when he comes back.
Speaker 4: I like said, you have a crock pot, Oh yeah,
slow cook has really good. Then you don't have to
make time for making dinner.
Speaker 5: You know what also works well with the Witches is
the air fryer is so good, nice crispy.
Speaker 1: Witch just picked one of those.
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, let's do the crock pot. Yeah, the crock
pot's good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, shut him in the him.
Speaker 2: Here, Okay, we drop it right there, it is okay, Yeah,
you can just stuff him in there.
Speaker 1: He's small.
Speaker 5: You got to have make sure you set it on low.
It's got to be nice and low and slow, low
and slow to make some meat tender.
Speaker 4: That's what he always says. You're so good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, he looks great. Where am i? Where am i? Chris? Chris?
You're in the crockpot? You're in hell and hell and
Gredel just killed you witch. Yeah, yeah that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Wait, why this is very disappointing. This the first witch?
Does it ever come back?
Speaker 3: Remember. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm doing this podcast for all eternity.
That's right, okay, yeah, why why am I Crockpott?
Speaker 2: Well you're a witch, Chris Sons? Great, yeah, they found
your secret, so.
Speaker 3: Witch were taking care of you. How did you know
I was a witch? How? How am I a witch?
I don't remember that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, the Telltale signs hansle Gretel.
Speaker 5: They figured it out basically, you know, you ate an apple,
like pretty weird.
Speaker 4: And then you had these very strange views on right.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well at least it's not too hot. It's just
like a it's like a slow swimmer.
Speaker 5: Low and slow. That's how you have to do and
see you have to do the podcast forever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all eternity.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like where's your work life balance? You can never
you're always recording.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, pretty much. I mean that's I mean, that's
that's that's kind of like, you know, that's my eternal punishment.
What do you all do in hell?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's kind of the bomber is that you know,
we can't actually find a lot of which you actually
as the first witch that we had found since we
got here. So that's kind that's kind of a bumba.
Speaker 1: You know, well, I think we could.
Speaker 2: Work something out, you know, I think that, you know,
for Chris's mental health. You know, he can take some
breaks on the podcast and it kind of keep you
guys thresh on witch hunting. You can borrow them, you know,
we can set a playdates.
Speaker 5: It would be like the most dangerous game.
Speaker 2: Exactly, except for Chris is babysitting you without payment.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so yeah, what what have y'all been doing and help?
Just look wandering around looking for witches or what?
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, you know, when we're not hunting witches, you
have to do something that's kind of innocuous so that
people don't suspect you, because you know, you have to
have what we call a professional cover. So we do
accounting on the side.
Speaker 4: Mostly for performing artists.
Speaker 5: It's hell right, it's the busy season right now.
Speaker 4: They write every single I put on makeup? Can I
write at all?
Speaker 5: And there's so much competition here because this place is
crawling with accountants. It's really unfortunate.
Speaker 3: So so how did y'all die on her?
Speaker 5: Okay, guys, this was a big bomber. Guys.
Speaker 4: What a drug?
Speaker 5: So you know we've been going around we've been killing
all the witches, sweet children, right, just doing a service
for everyone. And then you kind of had how would
you say, Like, she basically came to us and was like,
you know, can you help us hunt down the witches?
And we were like sure. She was new to the FBI.
Oh yeah, totally, yeah, yeah, yeah, any capable lady is
going to be a witch. She comes down to this
basement where we were working at the time. We were
down there trying to kill a witch.
Speaker 4: If we had a witches a bottom of a how
do you say lass? Yeah, the well, the well well,
and we had a white dogs and the dog was
barking at the lady.
Speaker 5: So we're trying to get you know, we're trying to
get this lady in the world to put on this
butter on the skin.
Speaker 7: But that's like you said earlier, that's the sign of
a witch.
Speaker 5: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. Anyway, so yeah, then you know,
the FBI lady should come in there, and she was
basically like, well, you know, bank bang, and that was
it for us. You know, this gun violence in America
is disgusting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, witches right, I mean the casting spells with
their pistols and stuff.
Speaker 3: You know, totally.
Speaker 5: It's kind of lazy. If you use a gun, you're
a lazy witch.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, hear that guy.
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is it's getting hot. Oh yeah, Chris, Chris Simmer,
so do you have it?
Speaker 5: Do you guys have any warsters here?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Christopher tasted like a kool Oh yeah yeah, Christopher coohol.
Speaker 5: That's good.
Speaker 1: It's so yeah. Well Chris started super pretty good. I
think I do have some.
Speaker 2: More Chester sauce in the fridge any other room, so
we can go ahead and grab that. But let's we
can wrap it up. Hansol Gretel. Thank you guys so
much for coming by. Oh, just such a treat.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys.
Speaker 4: The pleasure is blast.
Speaker 5: That's a pleasures edician Petitian And here's our card if
you need any tax.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, thanks for joining us, guys.
Speaker 2: Listeners at home, share this with your friends, tell your
friends about Good Morning from Hell, and uh yeah, follow
us on social media at Morning Yeah.
Speaker 7: You find all though we have every every episode has
drawings of what it's like in Hell and our guests,
so be sure to check it out at Morning from Hell.
Speaker 1: That's right. If you want to see a little Hansel
and Gretel. You follow us on social media? All right?
Oh Clayton, Hey guys, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2: We want to thank our special guests Hansol and Gretel
played by Greg Hess and Holly Larentz from the podcast Mega.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us.
Speaker 4: So fun to play with y'all.
Speaker 5: Thanks so much, guys, that was a blast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so tell us about Mega for our listeners who
are unfamiliar.
Speaker 6: It is an improvised satire said in a fictional megachurch.
We play characters who work in this megachurch, and on
every episode we have guests come on to improvise with
us playing different members of the church staff or community.
Speaker 5: That's right. Holly plays a character who is a weekend producer,
and I play an Australian youth pastor of the teen
ministry called Climax. So it is every every megachurch has
have a cool Australian youth pastor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're good.
Speaker 7: We both thought you were Australian when we listen, and
that's really kind. If anyone hasn't listened to it, they
should absolutely check it out. It's very funny and in fact,
Chris and I are in an episode that should be
releasing around this time that this episode's out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is right. We can't wait to have you
guys your episode come out. It's really funny and I
think we'll definitely give people a different flavor than than
the than the Demon and the podcast host.
Speaker 6: You played some really interesting double brother in laws from
the way, yeah, double triple brother in law's lawyer.
Speaker 4: With a very interesting family tree.
Speaker 5: It was lawyer Texans.
Speaker 4: It was so fun.
Speaker 7: Definitely, you should absolutely go check it out to search
for Mega anywhere you get podcasts and anywhere else where.
Speaker 4: People can find it everywhere and anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1: Okay, and like, how else can they find you? Guys?
Like social media? Do you guys? Are you on Twitter?
Speaker 3: And you on Instagram?
Speaker 5: We're we're on socials with Mega at Mega the podcast
and you can find me at Hey Greg Hess awesome,
I am at Holly Law.
Speaker 2: You guys are incredibly, incredibly hilarious and very talented improv
comedic comedians.
Speaker 1: So is pleasure working with you guys.
Speaker 5: It was so fun.
Speaker 4: It was such a treat. Thanks for creating such a
fun world.
Speaker 3: Okay, cool, Thank you very much, all right, bye bye
Speaker 4: See y'all ya,