Speaker 1: Any you know what that music? See? Yes, Sir, amos
that music say good health to all from.
Speaker 2: Rex All.
Speaker 1: The Amos Rani Show Transcribed Written by Joe Connelly and
Bob Moser, featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Roy Glenn,
Jean vander Pile, Jeff Alexander's Music, Yours Truly, Harlow Wilcox
and starring Radios all time favorites Fraeman Gosden and Charles
Carrell Amos Randy, How do you do, Ladies and gentlemen?
I am Freeman Gosden. This coming Wednesday, rex Al's big
one sense sale begins. This is the famous sale where
you get two guaranteed rex All products for the price
of one plus a penny. It's a marvelous opportunity for
you to stock up on your drug store needs for
months to come, and on every item you buy you
get twice as much for just a penny more So,
this week Wednesday through Saturday, be sure to shop and
save at your friendly rex Al drug store. It's rex
Al's great one cent sale.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: This afternoon finds Andy Brown, of all places, at an
exhibit of modern art over on Lenox Avenue, right now
he's standing in front of a large impressionistic painting, trying
to make heads or tails of it. Mmm, venus descenen staircase.
That ain't nothing but just a mesa color. That painting
looked like the Kings fishes sealing the time we was
cooking the spaghetia meat balls and the pressure cooker blowed up.
Speaker 3: Well, I guess that it is lovely, isn't it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't think it's very I don't believe it ain't.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: Hell no, I noticed you admiring this painting. I'm the
model that posed for it.
Speaker 1: You mean to say that you are somewhere in this message?
Speaker 3: Yes, I posed at the artist studio for three weeks.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that explains why it turned out so bad.
But a honey baby like you in the room. Wonder
he got anything on the canvas at all? White house. Yeah. Well,
now need to make my acquaintanceship with you. I as
Andy Brown, the well known single bachelor.
Speaker 3: Well, how do you do? My name is Constance, Constance Lamar.
Speaker 1: That's a pretty name, Constance. I always like that. Back
on my father's farm, my favorite hog's name was Constance.
Speaker 2: That's nice.
Speaker 3: I guess you were fond of her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Constance living a chair. He's you the gal
that I see on the calendars and on the magazine covers. Constants.
Yeah yeah, well Constance, I I was, I was.
Speaker 3: Uh I is there something wrong?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you one thing. I never felt this way
around the hog. You say that you as a model.
Speaker 3: Huh, Well, I pose occasionally, but I'm also studying art.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, uh tell me something about maybe maybe some night. Well, uh,
if you ain't busy, why maybe uh you and me
could step out next Wednesday they happened Ladies' night at
the pool Hall.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know. I'm awfully busy with my posing
and my art studies. To tell you the truth, I
wouldn't know how to go about recreation.
Speaker 1: H shake hands with the old athletic director.
Speaker 4: George, can't they Stevens come in here. I want to
speak to you.
Speaker 1: Oh the bullmoose is calling to us me. What is it?
My charming sweetheart?
Speaker 5: George, Me and Mama ran into Andy Brown on the
street today.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I had never seen such a sad, lovesick expression since
back hold when our old beagle try to.
Speaker 4: Salute you in a parcket Pine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the boy is really infatuated up with that model
Constance Lamar. He bought the picture of her from the museum. Yeah,
he mopes over it all day. Venus descending the staircase.
Speaker 6: I shall feel sorry for Andy.
Speaker 1: I see that gal slashing him.
Speaker 6: Down the streets, showing off a figure.
Speaker 1: She ain't nothing but a hussy. Now listen, Mama, just
cause you was an old burnt out front of us
full of clinkers, don't knock rady and get it. I
still say she's a hussy.
Speaker 6: I look all right too if I wore one of
them Lamb's wool sweaters and used all them make up
creams on my face.
Speaker 1: Now listen, Mama. He gets the wool for them to
sweaters from a sheep, and he gets the landland for
the fierce creams from a sheep. But Mama, you could
take a sheep and share it, skin it, stew it,
and brew it, and that animal still wouldn't come up
with nothing that would do you no good.
Speaker 5: Well, I feel sorry for Andy too.
Speaker 6: I ain't never seen a man that crazy about a girl.
While he was telling us he was thinking of taking
some kind of personality.
Speaker 1: Course, Moore thinking of taking one of them personality courses. Huh, Well,
if the boy is looking for cusness, why you don't
have to go out and spend no money at one
of them schools. After all, ay as his friends, I
can help him. I can give him all the charming
culture he needs. After all, you know I used to
be No, there's Dandy Stevens.
Speaker 7: You got as Danny as a Ryan Osceros and a
French bathing suit.
Speaker 5: Well, whether he can do it or not, Mama is
beside the point. I think it's wonderful, just a wonderful
gesture for George to offer to help Andy like it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, after all, the boy is desperate. He is in
love with this gal. I ain't never seen him in
love like this. He's doing anything to win up. It's
a pitiful thing.
Speaker 5: Well, George, I just want to say that whatever you
does to help Andy, you're gonna come out of this
whole thing. It's a much bigger heart.
Speaker 1: And if a players with cards, right, I gonna come
up with a much fatter pocketbook too, or I'll get it. Well,
King Fish, I don't give you the fifty bucks you
think you can help me? Now? Certainly I can't end it.
I got the money right here. I told you, I dude,
who's fifty. Now, there ain't gonna be no problem giving
you charm and culture. Now all you needs is a
few etiquette lessons. Yeah, well, I hope you can do something.
I have so much in love with this consoles that
I can't eat or sleep when I ending out. The
first step in etiquette is how to enter a room? Now,
how does you enter a room? Well? Use you by
the door, you know, I can. I can see that.
Besides the d slapping you here, why we're gonna have
to unignorant you too? Yeah, well, explain to me about
entering the room. Well, now let me give you a sample.
Let's say that Emily Pools was coming the court here
at the large hall. Yeah, let's say that, all right. Well,
the first thing Emily Pools would do is to knock
gently on the door with her lawn yet and then
she would say, ain't there? No, one wasn't within, And
I'd say on trede, She'd say mercy, and I'd say, whirla,
shall shede the door? And then she would enter, and then,
looking neither to the left nor to the right, she'd
crossed to the other side of the room with her
head held high majestically in the air. Well, if miss
Post is coming, you better move that cuspoer dark because
you're gonna fall smack over.
Speaker 2: Wo.
Speaker 1: He goes on. Here another point of charm and cussier
in the four hundred, the tobaccoche and set never refers
to the instrument in question as a cuspidor they don't,
uh no, And the dose in the door refers to
it as the brass castle role. And I'll remember that.
But King Fish, I don't think we can ever get
me cultured up enough for a high class gall like conserence.
Every night you see her name in the paper going
out to someplace or other with some society fellaw well,
and it that's how angle we is going to make
her think that you as a dashing society playboy. But
now how we're gonna do that? And we is going
to start off by showering her with presents, candy, flowers
and everything. What you mean, well, now look, and every
morning we is going to have a dozen rules that
sent to her penthouse apartment with your name on her.
And then the first thing every evening, a five pound
box of candy with your name on that too. Is
I gonna take them up there? Oh no, And then
we're gonna prepare the way for you. We'll have well,
we'll get al Gunquin j. Calhoun to take him up
there and make you look like a big shot with
your own personal delivery man. And then after these maneuvers
and we are softened up for a week with the
flowers and candy, then we moves in for the big attack.
Well other would do that generalized. Now I can see
it all. Now you shows up some evening with white
tie and tails. She opens the door, she sees you
standing there, see me there, and at this moment, and
this beautiful gal falls right in your arm. She fall
right my arm. You got it in your army. She's
your she might not in your arm. I got it. Now,
come on, Andy, let's talk to Calhoni by taking the
flowers and candy up to her right away. Wait a minute,
get this gall out of my arms, jail, I ain't
gonna carry.
Speaker 2: Her all over town like no.
Speaker 1: Well, Kingfish is Conserence apartment house building. Thanks for coming
this far with me to give me the im moral support. Yeah, yeah, many.
Speaker 2: I see it.
Speaker 1: Light up there in the apartment on the top floor. Yeah, oh,
King Fisher, let's go home. I was too nervous to
go through with it. What you mean and it cal
Hoon has been taking her them presents of flowers and
candy all week with your name on them. Right now,
she's all softened up for you men. I was still nervous.
How do I look at my white tie and tails? Well,
you look like a real playboy in there, and you
smell high class too. Hey, by the way, what is
this perfume you've done sprayed all over me? That's a
special brand that I hooped up myself. And there it's
a mixture of Chanel number five and DDT the stuff
at Tracks Women's but keeps off the flies. He say,
wait a minute, and wait a minute. Somebody's coming out
to go over the department building. Oh yeah, yeah, hey, it'sconsin.
Yeah it is in. Yeah, yeah, I go, King Fish. Oh,
she's got a man with her. Oh me, Yeah, he's
a good looking fellow too. Look at him there, Yeah,
look at it. They're walking over there, getting ready to
get in that cab. But the curb. Yeah, maybe they're
talking business. After all, she's a model. He might be
an artist.
Speaker 2: Hmm huh.
Speaker 1: I tell you one thing, and it from the sound
of that left, he must be the board that pain
in September morning. You know me, there ain't no hope
for me with that gal kingfish. That was a real
high class fellow too. Come on, let's go home. Yeah,
by the way, in I knew that when she got
into cab there she was wearing a cossergeant you or roses. Well,
there's one thing that I hope that when he was
waiting up there in her apartment, he wasn't getting his
strength up on my candy. Good evening, This is your
Rexol family druggist with money saving news. This coming Wednesday morning,
April fifteenth, the doors of rex Al drug stores everywhere
will open on rex Al's tremendous one cent sale, the
sale where you get two absolutely top quality, guaranteed rex
Al products for the price of one plus a penny.
Never before has there been such a wholesale opportunity to
buy twice as much for just a penny more. For
This offer applies to literally hundreds of drug and household needs,
from vitamins to lipsticks, from fountain pins to aspirin from
writing paper to tooth brushes. And remember these are rex
Al products sold on an unconditional money back guarantee. So
check those four money saving days on next week's calendar.
Wednesday through Saturday, the days when just a anymore buys
twice as much at rex Al drug stores everywhere. Yeah, Amos,
you see before you a poor broken hearted man. Hey, well, Andy,
I know you're crazy about this Constance Lamargaret. You gotta
forget this, gal. You gonna get yourself sick the way
you moping around here. Yeah, I guess you're right, But
I still got Calhoun's taking her those flowers every day. Yeah.
And the Kingfish found out who that fellow was that
she went out with last night, and we watched the
apartment and he went out with her every night this week.
Oh they're going steady, huh. Yeah. He's an artist. His
name is Salvador Jackson. Oh, Salvador Jackson. Oh out here
to him. Yeah, he's doing fine illustrats, some magazines and
all that stuff. Oh, he's really wealthy. And they, Oh,
you gotta forget this, Carol. You just gotta stop carrying
the torch. Yeah, I guess you're right, Amos. I know
I should stop carrying the torch. But every time I
look at that picture of Venus going up and down
them stairs, the pilot light keeps flickering. Wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute, I'll get it. I'll get it. Uh Hello, hello, Hendy,
this is the Kingfish calling. I don't figure out the
weird to solve your problem with constant No, no, Kingfish,
it's all over, No, no, any look here, you can't
give up.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Look, we are figures that your big rival is dis
painted Salvadul Jackson, and the wad to cut him out
is to make him think that she is in love
with you. Well, how we're gonna do that now, Andy,
Look here, we race up some romantic love letters to
you and signs her name to him Connie, and then
we choose them to this Jackson fellow. Now when he
sees them, he's gonna think that she's in love with you,
and he gonna drop out the picture. Say that's a
great idea, Kingfish. I'll be right over to the lodge hall.
And what's up ending? I can't tell you as but
the next time you seize me, I'm gonna be missed
of Venus descending the stairs. Kingfish, Why as we writing
these love letters on a typewriter? Else? Who was Helvador
Jackson who recognized a handwriting dummy? Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Well read what you got so far? Well I start
off here, says dear honeybun and the baby. I am
crazy about you. I have a deep affection affection, uh affection.
Oh way, look, kingfish, stead of using these big words,
can't catch just right in there that she loves me. Listen, man,
that you know the letter l fell off this typewriter
last week. She can be nuts about your crazy about you,
mad about you, but there's one thing she can do,
and that's to love you on this typewriter. Go ahead,
king Fish, do the best you can. Now, let's see
here my honey. I Oh, there goes the k I
can't kiss you no more neither. I got it. Uh,
let's see, I got it. H That goes to s me.
Now we've done lost smooching and sweetheart, and they're losing
all these letters. She done took the fire out of
this room.
Speaker 2: Mance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the most romantic thing that you can do now
on this machine the space bar and shift key. The
gal we ain't getting no place, King Fish, what is
we're gonna do here? Well, not just singing. And you
know that gal that works down at the delicatesting store,
the one that always writ in poetry, Yeah, well for
about five books, I think we could get her to
write up a batch of love letters. Yeah, yeah, they
gallop the delicatessen store. I'll go down and see her
right now. Yeah, but and you better tell her wash
the hands force she writes the letters. I've always found
it sure death the romance to have your love. Let
us smell like marinated hearing. Hello, and what's that again?
Oh yeah that's fine, Anna good, she got them all ritten.
Huh well, now look at her after you showed the
love letters to the Salvador Jackson. Fella fooled me again,
and let me know how you made out. Yeah, that's
really she got some real hot stuff there. Huh good,
Get on over there now, and so long, boy, I
toog he's working fine. After Andy shows them letters to Jackson,
he won't have no more trouble than I was in
fifty bucks. Oh hey, Calhoun, what's the matter, Kingfish? Where
is Andy?
Speaker 7: I've got some news?
Speaker 2: Funny?
Speaker 7: What is up?
Speaker 2: Calhoun?
Speaker 1: You look all excited.
Speaker 7: Well, you know that gay concert, Lamar, that Andy Craze
about the one I've been delivering to Candon Flowers.
Speaker 1: To have a dead Yeah, well what about her?
Speaker 7: I just found out she's married, married, not only that
she got her husband, Macrol.
Speaker 1: This is terrible.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and that's who the husband is, Salvador Jackson. Lamar
is just a professional.
Speaker 1: Name, Salvador Jackson.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and he say he's the most jealous man that
ever lived. Say he'd kill anyone that even as much
as looked.
Speaker 2: At his wife.
Speaker 7: He used to be a football player before he was
an artist.
Speaker 2: Calhoun.
Speaker 1: This is terrible, and he don't know this, and he
is on his way up there now the shouldest Salvador
Jackson about your phone in love, let us sign Connie Lamar. Oh, Calhoun,
I got a head Andy off somehow. He's on his
way there.
Speaker 7: And what he do to end he gonna take that
bar and drop kick him into that great Henzil in
the sky.
Speaker 1: I just done to send my buddy to his shore desk. Calhoun.
Ain't there nothing I can do? Yeah, there's one thing
you can do. Oh what is that?
Speaker 7: Call up Woodlawn Cemetery and tell him to start digging
a guest room.
Speaker 1: Now here is your rex Al family druggist. This coming Wednesday,
April fifteenth, rex Al's gigantic one cent sale begins, the
sale where you get two unconditionally guaranteed rex Al products
for the price of one plus a penny.
Speaker 3: Would you tell me how that works?
Speaker 1: Well, here's an example. The regular price for the one
hundred tablet bottle of rex Al aspirin is fifty four cents,
but during the one cent sale, you'll get two bottles
for only fifty five cents.
Speaker 3: You mean I just add a penny and get twice
as much exactly?
Speaker 1: What's more, ma'am, You'll find litterally hundreds of those double
bargains in our stars, from mouthwash to adhesive tape, from
household gloves to hair brushes, from cold cream to sunglasses,
plus more than sixty super specials on every type of
household need.
Speaker 3: How long does this sale run?
Speaker 1: From this coming Wednesday morning till the closing of the
store's Saturday night four miracle days when you get twice
as much much for just a penny. Moore at rex
Al Drug Stars everywhere.
Speaker 5: George Stevens, you mean to tell me that Andy Brown
is on his way there right now to read them
phony love letters to the gal's husband.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, honey, that's all my fault, all my fault.
Never mind that ball. Then the man will probably kill it.
Speaker 5: God, you're just gonna have to do something.
Speaker 7: You just gotta stop it.
Speaker 1: I know, but it's too late. He's probably talking to
the man right now. Say wait a minute, Wait a minute.
I think I got it. Suppose he thought that end
there was some kind of a nut who didn't know
what he was talking about. What you mean, Yeah, that's it.
Convinced this man that end is a crackpot. Yeah, I'll
borrow a white coat from the butcher and get right
over there.
Speaker 5: Now, George, this is a crazy idea. This will never.
Speaker 1: Work, and I gotta tries my only chance. I gotta
save my buttery's life. Hold of my way, here I go.
I'm going up there now. Well, Salvador Jackson secretary, say
he'll be with me in a minute. He's just finishing
up painting the picture. Yeah, nice studio he got here,
pictures on the wall. Hm, look at this photograph of
this big bruiser here in the football uniform, say Bronco
Jackson the terror of the National Football League must be
Salvador's big brother, but after all, he's artists.
Speaker 2: My secretary said, you wanted to see me.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, mister, I got some letters here and I
and I uh uh, excuse me for protruding, mister, but
uh that's a nice picture your brother on the wall there,
my brother. Yeah, the fellow there in the football uniform
with the shoulder pads.
Speaker 2: That's not my brother. That's me. And I'm not wearing
shoulder pads.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, you shows a big fellaw.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just what do you want?
Speaker 1: Well, I I you ain't thinking of going on a
diet or nothing? No, yeah, well that wouldn't do me
no good to come back later.
Speaker 2: You said something about letters, yes, mister, uh.
Speaker 1: Well, ain't no sense beating around the bush. I has
got proof here that Connie Lamar is in love with me.
Speaker 2: Connie in love with you?
Speaker 1: Come now, Oh it's true, missus Salvadore. I got the
love letter she written me right here in my pocket.
And I know what you're gonna do after.
Speaker 2: You read them. Yes, I'd like to see those love letters.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well here you is.
Speaker 2: There is just a minute. Come in, yes, what is it?
Speaker 1: Excuse my white coat, mister, But I was looking for
a man who in responsible for what he said if
he already said it, and if he said it, I
won't get him out here before we do say it.
That's all I want to do here. Yeah, kingfish, what
is you doing in that white coat? This is the
boy right here. He call me kingfish. To see that, mister,
he thinks I'm a bird. Come along, little friend, back
to the caide, if you will please just.
Speaker 2: A minute here.
Speaker 1: Do you mean to say that he's a fugitive from
some kind of an institution? Oh? Yeah, yeah, he has
done huge away from us this morning. He done slipped
away while we was changing the wall mattresses on his
pad aself. Wait a minute, you yeah, don't worry, mis uh.
He ain't dangerous or just irresponsible unfortunate kiss. A couple
of years ago, he was walking by a tall building
when a potted plant fell from the fifteenth floor and
went right through his skull. You see his skull? Oh, yes,
there's every spring of beautiful geranium sprout out the back
of his head. He has to get a hair cutting,
a prune and job at the same time. Yes, yeah,
he was troubled with air for us, is he? Yeah,
I don't know what the Kingfisher is talking about here.
I had just come up here to show you some
love letters that they now dare go again, Now I
got explain and playing words. Just what's the matter with
the man? And I want you both to listen carefully. Now,
ever since he been hit on the head, he writes
love letters that he said were written by some gal,
and he comes up and reads them to some fella,
And the fella he shows them to is always the gals. Husband,
As you get what I'm talking about, patient, King fish Less,
go out and prune that geranium. You find it brightened
up a little bit. Good for you, Patient, From now
on we can cut down on the voltage on your
shock feet. We'll save a little on electric bills.
Speaker 2: Now what is all this nonsense?
Speaker 1: Well, now I just forget the whole thing, Missus Salvador,
see you again, come along, patient, dear? Yeah, so hodong,
mister drop in and send me sometime next spring when
I'm in full broom. I'll give you a cutwright on
a boquet geranium. Oh that was something boys, mister Jackson
turning out to be Connie's husband. Yeah, as you see
Lamar was just her professional name. Yeah it boy. I
got the boy out just in time, he must. If
I'd have got there one minute later, I we'd be
having a big blue suit party right now in the
large hall only, and it would be enjoying the festivities
from a horizontal position. That's right. If Calhoun hadn't have
found us out today, I'd have been to late Andrew H. Brown. Yeah,
Calhoun finally know she was married? Really saved today for you? Yeah? Well,
her being married, yes, then scared you off for good? Honda. Yeah,
I guess it is. He must when it comes to
dousing the torch. Why there ain't no bigger fire extinguisher
than a girl's.
Speaker 3: Husband, you know, My dear, I don't know what happened
to Andy Brown. He was so interested in me, but
neither of my brother Salvador I can figure out what
scared him away? Can you hurry?
Speaker 7: Ain't nobody gonna know that?
Speaker 2: For Lord?
Speaker 1: This is Harlow Wilcox with your money saving tip of
the year. Rex All's tremendous one cent sale begins next
Wednesday morning, the one and only nationwide sale where you
get two guaranteed Rexall products for the price of one
plus one cent, and this unmatched offer applies to literally
hundreds of drug and household needs plus more than sixty
super bargains items like bath Toowel's candy, toothpaste, shaving cream, billfolds,
and scores of medicine chest needs. So this coming week,
stock up and save where your pennies save you dollars.
Rex Al sensational one cent sale Wednesday through Saturday at
Rexall drug stores everywhere the store with the orange and
blue sign. And don't forget ladies and gentlemen. This is
National Boys Club Week. No subversive isms exist in boys clubs.
The boys that talk to love America and to be
tolerant and fair toward all individuals and groups. Support the
Boys Clubs in your community. Thank you and good night.
See you next Sunday. Remember rex All's gigantic one cent
sale begins next Wednesday morning, the sale that gives you
two guaranteed rex Al products for the price of one
plus a penny. Remember next Wednesday through Saturday, just stop
inside a rex All store by twice as much for
a penny more. Your rex Al druggist has presented the
Inmoson Andy Show, transcribed and directed by Cliff Howl. This
is the CBS Radio network.