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Today we are talking about when men used to be men,
and this time we kind of mean it. You always
hear about how, you know, everyone in the past was
harder than we are now, and that has been a
narrative throughout all of history. It's a narrative now, or
it is a narrative one hundred years ago, to the
narrative five hundred years ago. In fact, it was even
a narrative in ancient Rome. But now today we are
going back to a time when, boy, that might have
been accurate, because we are talking about the very very
first hero of the Roman Republic and what he did
in five oh eight BC is frigging bananas.
Speaker 2: Listen up, Welcome to softcore History.
Speaker 1: What is up? Welcome back to softcore History. I am
your host for the week, Rob Fox, joined as always
by Dan Regester and our very special guest, Scott Lopez.
Speaker 3: Very special indeed, thank you guys for having me. It's
always fun. Honored, love to.
Speaker 1: Have you here. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I feel good. I look good. I'm punchowed up great, Yeah,
big paunch, I'm poncho, got the Puka shows on it.
Speaker 2: I'm punked up. You're always the best dressed guest. We
have pooched up, oh by far.
Speaker 1: And I like the Mexican version of a pancho because
it's useless in rain. Yeah, it's really I don't know
what its use is other than just.
Speaker 3: This thing would just weigh a lot. It'd be super
heavy in the rain. It's alpaca. I don't know why
that's a thing. It's just a tunic because also isn't comfy.
It's very itchy. This thing sucks. I hate wearing it.
It's terrible. It provides nothing good for me.
Speaker 2: He's married to the bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it provides a bit. It looks good, that's it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the old pack has died for it.
Speaker 1: I want to tell you what my wife just texted
me before we went on air. This has been a
developing situation for about a week and I just couldn't
be prouder of my oldest and I'm gonna share it
with you guys now. Yeah, he thinks poop is funny awesome.
Every night this week he has been, he has said
to following me dad at because he usually will be like, Dada,
will you tell me a story before bed, like after
reading books whatever. I'm like, oh, okay, sure. He used
to be like, tell me a story about a tiger
that goes to the store or something stupid, like that
elephant that goes to the player round. So this week, finally,
for whatever reason, he was like Dada, he thought it
was really funny. He's like, Dada, tell me the story
about a poop at a peep And he's like, like
the funniest thing. So I'm like, okay, all right, I'll
tell the story. And he's like, poop at pee goes
school and I'm like okay, okay, and he's like dying,
And so I told him like, so poop and a
pee went to school and the teacher was like, oh,
what's your name? And and then I'm like, and then
the poop said, my name's Poop. And then the teacher
said get out of here, and he fucking like is
literally crying laughing in the bed, much to the chagrin
of my wife, who does not want to tell ship
stories to my fucking toddler. So tonight, as she's putting
both kids down, she goes, she goes, she just texted me,
She goes. Rory asked her a story about a gross
poop and a yuckie pee, and I assumed he was
just laughing.
Speaker 2: She didn't oblige.
Speaker 1: She did not oblige. She was like, I'll be right back,
and then just left and never came back.
Speaker 2: Wow. I don't ever want to tell somebody how to
be a parent, But Courtney, you're letting your child down.
Speaker 1: Tell that child a story about shit.
Speaker 2: Make something up. You're supposed to be creative too.
Speaker 1: I know it's not hard.
Speaker 2: I mean that dream died a long long time ago.
Speaker 1: And died for all of us. What are we doing here?
Speaker 3: There's a there's a picture of me from my time
in Korea and the barracks, naked on the toilet because
I was drunk and walked outside, uh, naked but I
kept like fighting all my friends like to get off
of me, get off of me, because I had like
poop and I was like going to take a poop
and then I fell asleep on the toilet. And there's
a picture of my buddy like pulling me like forward
and then checking the toe to see if I.
Speaker 2: Shit, to like carry me to bed, like is he done?
I'm just naked on the toilet. He's just like looking
in the toilet to see if I and I didn't.
They're like, fuck, could you just drag him to bed?
And yeah, also Rob, I'm still my prime, all right?
World's Strongest Man those competitions, Yeah, they're usually late thirties,
early forties.
Speaker 1: Who said you weren't your prime? Where'd that come from?
Speaker 2: You said? Uh, that time would be a star past us?
Oh yeah, yeah yeah I don't think so. Okay, I
judged they high school lifting competition this weekend.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, how that? Who?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It was very humbling.
Speaker 1: They crush you.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of fat, hispanic, chubby, just strong men.
Speaker 1: Real but real strong men don't they're not ripped.
Speaker 2: Uh. Well, the strongest kid there was, Oh he was
like he stunted on everybody okay, but uh yeah, no,
some impressive stuff for high schoolers. We had kids squatting.
I think the most they squatt was five ninety five.
God dang pretty good. Yeah yeah, can I squad five
to ninety five?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Could I ever squat five to ninety five?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: You were talking before like you were gonna like be
better than all these kids.
Speaker 2: Oh surprise, although kind of kind of cheaters, like numbers
a little juiced. They're all wearing, especially for bench. They're
wearing the bench and shirts. Was that kind of everything
gets pressed and it's kind of like a slingshot. Oh okay,
So like if I wore one of those, I could
easily bench over three fifteen.
Speaker 3: You don't have to go down as far essentially.
Speaker 2: You do, and I like so I had to instruct them,
like you have to keep it on your chest to press. Yeah,
but it keeps everything nice and.
Speaker 1: Tight for you.
Speaker 2: So like the you don't really have to worry about form,
and like you don't have to worry about what something
going out. It's kind of it's just like I said,
a slingshot, just it helps you. But yeah, these kids, uh,
some of the kids were benching, like I think max
bench was like four hundred pounds. That's crazy, like four
or five. I was embarrassed.
Speaker 3: Like a week ago, I have a bench in my
garage like with like one thirty five on it. I
barely did ten. And I was like, that is sad, but.
Speaker 2: That their best numbers were I couldn't believe it. I
was very lenient though. Some of these kids didn't go,
you know, full range of motion.
Speaker 3: But I never went full range of motion in high
school lifting. I never went all the way down. I
had no idea they got that counted.
Speaker 2: They had their fucking wrist bands, arm bands, they were
just geared up. I also wanted to test them. I
wanted I want to get.
Speaker 3: Some p they're weightlifting LARPers.
Speaker 2: Dude, No, I respect these kids. These kids are cool,
they're all it's all the ghetto schools too, because I
went to, uh, you know, a a low economic high school.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Was this through your teacher friend?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's through shehay. She teaches at this like really
poor Hispanic school that like I think already three kids
have died this year at school of murder. Yeah, of
like stab ins or shootings. But these kids are disciplined.
They have the coaches are cool. It was kind of
like a Coach Carter situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna lift your way out of here, your
way out.
Speaker 2: Of poverty, and it starts with yourself. Yeah, but I've
seen the appeal now. So Georgia has been coaching Texas
club wrestling for like three years UT. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't think he gets paid. I hope he does
soon for.
Speaker 1: Club sport, not much if he gets You would think,
by the way, that UT would not have a club
team since there's such an Olympic powerhouse.
Speaker 2: Wrestling though, is not a big say.
Speaker 1: In fact, when Missouri joined the SEC, we had to
join a different conference for wrestling because we have a
good wrestling program, which Georgia wrestled at Missouri. We had
to join the MAC I believe.
Speaker 2: Actually max powerhouse for wrestling. Yeah, it's not quite the
Big ten though, you know Big tens. Those are the
big boys for wrestling.
Speaker 1: Big twelve used to be good at wrestling.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because of Missoo, uh not just Miszoo.
Speaker 1: I would stay. I was in probably the camp. Actually,
I think o U was solid wrestling as well.
Speaker 2: I haven't kept up with my high school wrestling and
college wrestling knowledge.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Miszoo had been askern and.
Speaker 2: But my whole point is I see the appeal of
being a youth coach. It's kind of addictive. I was
a referee, but I was I was coaching these kids up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, helping kids is fun. Being part of kid's license fun.
Why having kids as sweet? I see the appeal, rob Yeah,
although it gets them one pregnant.
Speaker 2: Your kid's gonna let you down. The good thing about
the somebody that's like not your child. If you fail,
you don't feel as bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can eject.
Speaker 2: You can easily eject.
Speaker 3: You can have your kids join up my youth paintball
team that I help own and coach.
Speaker 2: Hey, they's got second place yesterday. That's why I helped
my friend Shay out with her kid who's nine. Now,
he's really good at soccer, but because you know, she's
a teacher and a single mom, she doesn't really have
the funding to send them to all these camps and
all these different leagues. So he plays like once a year.
But he's like a stud.
Speaker 1: Gotta get him.
Speaker 2: It's just nat really good at it.
Speaker 1: You got to get him in something I know well,
and he's.
Speaker 2: Gonna be I'm gonna lift him out of poverty.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna make him a real man.
Speaker 2: He's like Michael war and here's Sandra.
Speaker 1: Blindside. You're gonna make him a real man. And that's
what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, I know it's your favorite campaign, real man
a geene. Yeah, I thought that was a great campaign
back then.
Speaker 1: It's fine back when America was here.
Speaker 2: I hope we get those back. Well, that's a sign.
That's a sign that.
Speaker 1: We're real mana genius, we're here. Yeah. So today we're
talking about it's similar to an episode that did recently. Uh.
The ancient Romans much like us today.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: And also everyone ever in the history of Earth always
talked about how how men used to be men. Yeah,
man used to be everyone of love today no matter
what today is, whether it's now or two hundred BC
or fifteen hundred AD, we're all pussies now. We used
to be hard, yeah, Or.
Speaker 2: You rip the ladder up and you're like in my
day we were. We were the real fucking gangsters. We
were the fucking g's. We're the fucking alphas.
Speaker 1: You don't do it like we do it.
Speaker 2: It's every sport too, like uh, Chuck Shack. You know,
they're on their TNT show rip, but they're just talking
about how soft the NBA is now and how bad
the NBA is now. It's like our league. You could
close line a guy. Yeah, used to fuck.
Speaker 1: Dude's up. Everyone's a pussy now, And that was I.
Speaker 2: Kind of look at us right now, we're currently podcasting
talking about better men, talking about better men, but also
popping zen pouches.
Speaker 3: All of us have, like men, do you you lower
deck it? That's strange, that's the only way. Now do
you go upper deck? Yeah? Every time it's right, feel like.
Speaker 1: I would swallow it on accent every time.
Speaker 2: I go lower deck because, uh, when I used to
dip and high school, like you know, long cut skull, straight,
no big deal, you know, because if you did anything else,
you were a pussy. Copenhagen straight though. Yeah, not school, dude,
you get what's available to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, high school, Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: It was the Northeast thing. School was I think king
back then. Copenhagen, it was a little. I think that
was a I think it's a regional thing.
Speaker 1: So even part of Augustus Caesar's lifetime of propaganda was
a he was a good, humble, masculine Rome lived like
Romans used to live well, Roman men used to live
in stuff like that. Uh, presumably he was thinking about
men like Skippio Africanus, right, one of the guy who
won the Punic Wars. Yeah, the episode you did. But
even during the Punic Wars, if you'll remember, the Romans
were like, this wouldn't be a problem. The carthag Jenans
would be a problem if we weren't all such bitches nowadays.
Not like the old dudes, the old heads who founded Rome.
They were hard as fuck. Yeah, we're pussies, even though
we just won one of the most important We're pussies, dude.
Speaker 3: Very progressive to acknowledge the fact that they're pussies.
Speaker 1: It's just eternal bullshit, you know what I mean. It's
what people always say, it's what people always do.
Speaker 2: Well, brother, you are what you eat and buddy do
I lunch Box if you ever go through the TFM Marcus,
it's one of the better columns ever wrote.
Speaker 3: Is it just called munch and box, called munch more box.
Speaker 1: Hell?
Speaker 2: Hell, it's a propaganda piece to go down on ladies.
Speaker 1: I'm sure everyone loved it time.
Speaker 2: It's a great time, especially when you have a mediocre dick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta make up for it somehow, and you
get her off a couple of times. It's the easiest
way to do it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also zero pressure, less effort, Like.
Speaker 3: I already got you a couple of times, so I'm
not getting sweaty doing it either.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, it's the way to go. It's the move.
It's the pro move. Kids. If you're out there listening, let.
Speaker 2: Her sit on your face. Yeah, munch on box kids.
Speaker 1: So, even though even though throughout history it's been constant
bullshit that people have been like, oh, they used to
be still much harder than rouse. There used to be
such twelve for the ropes. We're pussies now. Sometimes, just sometimes,
there is an example from history so egregiously hard ass
masculine that you have to concede that maybe, just maybe
they did used to be harder. Today, we were telling
the story of Gaius Mucius Cordus, better known as sky Vola,
which means left handed.
Speaker 2: It's a hard name. Yeah, fucking Skyvolla. There was a
kid at the meat That's how I knew I was.
I was in a presence of a soft kid. His
name was Phoenix. He was the one white kid at
the meat His name was Phoenix, and he was the
weakest kid there.
Speaker 3: Yep, I guarantee everyone at the school calls him Sunshine
boy because we had one white kid on our football team,
and besides me, I was considered white adjacent, but we
called him Sunshine.
Speaker 2: I felt bad for because because I knew, like his teammates,
his everyone at school probably just relentlessly bullies him. That's
probably why he got into lifting.
Speaker 1: Why was he there? Was he big?
Speaker 2: You know he's getting into it. Oh, okay, you gotta
start somewhere, right, I guess so. But dude, yeah, he
was squat. He was squat like one thirty five. His
teammates are squatting like six hundred pounds, fucking literally six
and he's just getting started. He's a freshman whatever.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, full body yet, all right, fair enough.
Speaker 2: But he's doing one rep one thirty five. We gotta
get we gotta get there, bro, Come on, Phoenix. He
never had a chance though. No, your your fucking parents
name me Phoenix, that's.
Speaker 1: Your fucked you gotta go by Nicks and just never
telling him what your full name is. Eyes from the
Ashes I think they call him like flame or bird.
Speaker 2: They definitely do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I would do. I mean I was
in high school at the same time. Say it might
be like, is that flame of bird? Is that flameer chicken?
Speaker 3: I'd go buy Dumbledore because he had a phoenix he did.
Speaker 1: That was cool. Fox was cool.
Speaker 2: Though. The softest name I ever came across was my
freshman roommate in college, Skyler. Oh it's tough, but he
he was a hockey player. So mmmmm, the one Skylar
I know plays D and D.
Speaker 1: Loser. Yeah, right, what do you mean losers played D
and D.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Okay. So in five oh eight BC, early in the
Roman Republic, the Romans were at war with the Etruscan kingdom.
They were also Italians. Uh, The Romans and Etruscans have
been fighting for like two hundred years at this point,
on and off. This was Rome's first great rival before
Carthage and stuff like that. And when I say early
in the Roman Republic, I mean in five o nine
BC they overthrew the Roman monarchy and the Republic was
born with the election of the first Consuls and all
that stuff. The king the Roman king who was deposed
Lucius Tarkinis Superbose was actually.
Speaker 2: Just making words up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, right, Latin's funny like that where it
sounds all fake because it just sounds like an English
word that you.
Speaker 3: I mean, you can say any word right now, but that's.
Speaker 1: Adding us to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, peniss and that's what made the Catholic Church dominant
for centuries until fucking Vatican two ruined everything. We got
to go back to Latin and the priest not looking
at you. I'm a big proponent of going back, Like
I think Vatican too ruined the Catholic Church. I've read
nothing about it, but I just it's not the same.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was hyper controversial at the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what the sixties? Uh yeah, I think I think
it was in the sixties. Is under was it John Paul.
Speaker 1: Not the second I think it was Pop Jumpaul one.
Speaker 2: Ruined it for the rest of us.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was like, we got to make it
more accessible. No one understands what we're saying.
Speaker 2: Some dude at the gym actually came up to me, older,
older fella complimented me on my beard, as one does. Yep, yep,
I've been getting a lot of compliments on the beard
just let it go. And I told him I had
a history podcast, and then I told him I was
he found out I was Catholic. He's just like, yeah, dude,
been out ever since Vatican too.
Speaker 1: That sounds about right.
Speaker 2: Oh my hell yeah, brother.
Speaker 1: I think my grandparents hated it.
Speaker 2: This all came up within a two minute conversation.
Speaker 1: Like I remember, I remember growing up, which was only
like thirty years after Vatican two. So I was like,
my grandparents were alive and they're you know, Catholic since
they were born in the twenties and the nineteen teens,
like my mom's dad was born in nineteen twelve. Uh,
like they were when when Teddy was running for in
the Bullblue Party was here he was born. Yeah, they
were like Vatican two Vertican too, bro, you know what
I mean. It's just like the type of thing like
what are their pronouns? Like that was Vatican of that two? Okay, uh.
Speaker 2: You got Vatican two? You hell two point zero? Everything
to the two version. We gotta just go right to three. Yeah,
because two ain't doing it. It ain't cutting it.
Speaker 1: No, it's attack of the clones. It's not great.
Speaker 2: So my favorite Star Wars, the deposed king Count Dooku.
Come on, badass. Yeah, General Grievous Grieves is in three.
He's in two as well.
Speaker 1: He's only in three. It's not true General Groose is.
Speaker 2: Only Grievous pops in in two when throughout the Clone Wars.
Speaker 1: Brother, that's not that's an Attack of the Clones and
the Clone Wars not the same thing.
Speaker 2: I understand that. But Grievous is in two.
Speaker 1: He is not an Attack of the Clones. No, General
Grieves does not appear on screen in Attack of the Clones.
Speaker 3: His name was mentioned.
Speaker 2: That's your timeline, all right. Just because it's accurate doesn't
mean General Grieves in my timeline and my life isn't in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your lived experience is different than mine. It's not
the same with General Grieves fair enough. So really he's
only in three and he gets fucking got immediately. Yeah,
he's only in three.
Speaker 2: Damn.
Speaker 1: He's not great storytelling. But it is a great movie.
Speaker 2: It's just the light Saber Battles are so much better.
Speaker 1: Literally that make the first ones on on?
Speaker 3: Yeah, is that the one where they're tied up in
the arena when Natalie Portman gets her mid rift.
Speaker 2: That one's badass, I mean because of her. Yeah, yeah, god,
she's perfect.
Speaker 1: Natalie Portman in Attack of the Clones.
Speaker 2: I can't think of anyone better. No notes, Yeah, you're like,
who's our hell try Honestly, it was not an a Portman.
Oh boy, early two thousands.
Speaker 1: Just perfect. So the deposed king has familiar ties to
the Etruscans and he goes up there and he garners
support from the cities of v I and Tarquina, hence
the name. And he's like, hey, help me get the
thrown back, and I will get lands back for one
city and for the other city. It's just like, hey,
I'm part of your family, so like, help me out.
So the armies follow him and they are defeated by
the Romans at the Battle of Silva Arcia, and they're
just defeated, and you know whatever, they're like, all right,
I guess we lost blah blah blah. But Tarcinus or
Tarcinus Sorry, is like, God damn it. I'm not giving
up that easy. I want the fucking Roman thrown back.
I'm the king of Rome, God damn it. So he
goes to the city of the Etruscan city of Closseum
in five oh eight PC and they're king Lars Porcina.
This is the most powerful Etruscan city. I think it's
definitely one of the most powerful Trustcan city. It's super powerful,
more powerful than Rome even at this point in time,
I believe. And uh, he's like, hey, help me take
back the throne when I'm king of Rome again. I'll
you know, concede shit to you, and you know, we'll
have a good deal and blah blah blah. So the
city's like, all right, fuck Rome, and you know you're
kind of Etruscan so we'll help you out and plus
we'll get shipped out of it. So all right, well
we'll do it. We'll go we'll go fight Rome for you.
When the Senate finds out that Tarkinus's army, Etruscan army
is approaching the city, they're like, oh shit, our little
Republican experiment is already fucked. The people of Rome are
for sure going to surrender. We cannot win this fight.
So the Romans turn to communism. Sad they saved democracy
with communism?
Speaker 3: Is that a good idea?
Speaker 2: Well, it's never truly been done.
Speaker 1: I've never gotten tried, never tried. Uh no, so the Senate.
Speaker 2: At least, that's what the pamphlets tell me. Yeah, correct,
did you know that?
Speaker 1: No matter what it is, because I hear this, I
feel like I hear this all the time about liberalism, conservatism, capitalism, communism.
If something bad happens under the banner or guys of
your system of something, then that actually wasn't the real
version of it, and it doesn't count. Right, So like
if you try conservatism and something bad happens in whatever
you're trying it with, that wasn't real. Or like a
conservative president does something, it wasn't real conservatism. If a liberal,
if a superliberal person does something and it goes super wrong,
it wasn't real. It wasn't that. Oh, that actually doesn't
count because it wasn't a real thing.
Speaker 3: That's how you stay winning the data.
Speaker 2: Nothing counts because you know, religion has killed so many people,
but we're not going to.
Speaker 1: Tell that's not real religion.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not gonna talk about now or.
Speaker 1: Yeah when yeah, and see Salem with trials. Not real
Christianity now, great, not real communism. So it doesn't count
full stop. So they actually do they They nationalize a
lot of stuff immediately just to make sure that people
get free shit and don't turn on them.
Speaker 2: Basically, they had fucking UBI.
Speaker 1: Close. They nationalize grain and make sure grain is super cheap.
They nationalize the sale of salt, which was costly at
the time, and they take away all taxes from the
lower classes so that the fucking pores don't turn on them.
Speaker 2: They incentivize a tax break with children.
Speaker 1: I who knows what the fuck, but they're basically they
basically just bought the loyalty. They were like, we'll just
bite what is buy off?
Speaker 3: You gotta stop the bleeding somehow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this worked, and the population was like the
city's sweet to live in. Fuck these guys. And so
the city was like, all right, we'll defend, like we'll
defend this shit. Fuck it because before it was a
little bit of I suppose the mood of like I
don't know, man, what are we doing? A ripaboloa what?
And now this powerful city is gonna come and just
fuck us up. Like there's there's a lot of motivations
to just surrender and be like just let the dude like,
oh my god, this sucks ass, Yeah, like why not?
And so they do all these measures and they're like,
you know what, Okay, fuck them, let's go grab my
pitch for yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the army comes to Rome. The Etruscan army comes
to Rome, and there's a little bit of a battle
outside of Rome to try to set up the siege, essentially,
try to get to a point where they can besiege
the city. As Etruscan troops are are attacking over the
river Tiber, the bridge is leading into the city. There's
one bridge in particular. They're trying to destroy the bridge
to cut off to like delay the enemy or whatever.
But they're having a tough time because the enemy is
coming on so fast. So hey man, this isn't even
a man we're talking about. It's just another hard ass
moment in this war. Man named Pubilius Horatius Cockles Cocles
leaps across the bridge with Titus equilinieslah and Spurius Larcius,
and the three of them just hold off. I don't
know if they have spears or whatever. They're just like
straight back, straight back. They're like getting ready to like
everyone else, destroying the bridge, like at the fuck back,
just goot fucking back, and they the three of them
hold off a large amount of troops, not probably not thousands,
but like they're out. There's three of them. They're absolutely outnumbered,
like ten guys a fuck up, three guys alone the
fifty year hundred home of there.
Speaker 2: It's like an episode of American Gladiators.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, if a guy named pub Cock is like, yo,
we gotta defend this fucking bridge, I'll be a little
bit inspired.
Speaker 2: I'll ride to the gates of Hell for him, Pubious
Cockalus or whatever the hell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, I got you.
Speaker 1: So two of them retreat as the bridge is almost destroyed.
They're like, Okay, there's like only one plank left, let's
run back across. Horatious though stays keeps fighting the Etruscans
by himself until the bridge is completely destroyed, just so
they can't stop it or anything like that, then swims
across the river as the enemy finally decides to shoot
arrows at that. I don't know why they're waiting.
Speaker 3: Isn't that a weird thing. There's a lot of historical
moments of one dude pretend are protecting a single bridge. Guys,
get an.
Speaker 2: Arrow, get a fucking yeah, where's the archers? They're usually
pretty close.
Speaker 1: I do understand it to a little bit of an
extent because people don't movies don't really do a good
job of showing what ancient medieval combat was actually like,
which is it's it's actually quite a bit tentative. Like
they're not just like a lot of swinging to each
other and shit like that. They're kind of like feeling
each other out. O poke yeah, like it really like
nobody wants to get stabbed, believe it or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like a striking battle where both are
very like good at punching or kicking, and it's just
guys kind of you you go for a faint, he
doesn't budge.
Speaker 3: You're finding your range and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Typically a born fight, yeah, because you're looking for that
one moment when you can kind of like get in there.
Speaker 2: And especially when there's like two counterpunchers, nothing happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And and so that's like a big thing
with ancient and medieval battles is essentially it's it's it's
really not about combat effect or like not combat effectiveness,
like melee effectiveness or like being like sweet with a sword,
or it's it's positioning I always want all maneuvering and positioning.
Speaker 2: Because guys will just survive battle after battle after battle,
and like how like I would have thought the way
movies portray stuff, like a random ara is gonna take
you out eventually. No, no, because the death toll in
a lot of these battles very minimal. Yeah, comparatively and
so essentially les you're in China, Yeah, slaughter in China.
Speaker 1: But like essentially, it's all like maneuvering, and all you
want to do really is like kind of get around
the flank. I mean there's certain instances where that's not
the case. Like the reason Alexander and Phillips, like Macedonian
Failanxes were so sweet in part is because they just
had like longer spears. Yeah, that they were just able
to like fuck you up before you could fuck them up.
Speaker 2: What if we made it longer?
Speaker 1: If he was longer than the other ones.
Speaker 3: You have to be so strong to manipulate a fucking
long spirit.
Speaker 1: They had sixty foot spears.
Speaker 2: What how do you hold on? That's insane too long,
that's not gonna be good in battle. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: I couldn't hold Sorry, I'm totally right. I couldn't hold
that Macedonian spears were twenty one feet long.
Speaker 3: Even still, that's insane.
Speaker 2: Sixty feet that things snapping.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so they were twenty one feet long, and
like a normal Greek failings was seven and nine. Okay,
you come out. I don't know where I got sixty.
I apologize, that's fucking stupid. But yeah, they were much longer,
and so you just were able to hit people before
they but mostly it's like maneuvering and shit like that.
And so it was the very tentative fight.
Speaker 2: So like it's not fucking sixty foot sphere would be
like inspector, gadget, the guy's trying to hold on for
dear life just to the spears, like grabbing her from
him and be like, hey, dude, drop it. He misses
the guy there. Yeah, they're just gonna grab it and
just pull him forward, which.
Speaker 1: Let go the spears. At that point, I guess.
Speaker 2: They really funny. There's pulling the guy away from value.
Speaker 3: Nothing I can do.
Speaker 1: So, I mean they had side arms, they had like
a sword. Yeah, but it was one serious, which always
makes me wonder how the Romans would beat any failings,
but they did. They beat the shit out of them.
Probably maneuverability. Actually, they were a lot more maneuverable because
they weren't rocking spears and yeah, and so a lot
of it is maneuverability. And once you get around the
side of a formation like that, yeah exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean with that kind of length, you
could probably pull vault over the line, pull.
Speaker 1: Vault into it. So these are guys weren't even talking
about There's just three dudes who held a stand at
a bridge. But the attack succeeds overall and a siege
is laid.
Speaker 2: Do that one guy get killed by those arrows? No,
no one got killed. No, No, those guys didn't get killed.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they.
Speaker 2: Will remember our name for eternity as we defended this
nameless bridge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Pubio horsio.
Speaker 1: I mean they're technically remembered. I don't I already don't
remember their names, but they are technically remembered, like they're
written down, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So siege is lay. The Romans kind of like
will pop out and fight a little bit now and
then whin some skirmishes, but for the most part, cities
under siege they don't know what to do. So a
young Roman man, Guayus Mucius, comes to the Senate and
he's like, I got an idea. I'll go sneak in
to the Etruscan Army camp and I'll kill their fucking king.
Speaker 2: Yeah, little assassin.
Speaker 1: And the Senate is like, oh, well, we're fresh out
of fucking ideas.
Speaker 2: It's not honorable, though.
Speaker 1: Let's go for it. Senate doesn't care. They're like, we're
only a year old, this republic that barely exists, Like
we're fucked, go ahead, do it. He doesn't care if
he makes it or not.
Speaker 2: He's gonna kill suicide mission.
Speaker 1: It is a suicide mission. He's going to kill the
king to save the republic, to save the city. So
he sneaks into the Etruscan camp, swims across the river Tiber,
sneaks into the Etruscan camp, and sneaks around until he
finds the king. However, apparently it had recently been payday
for the Etruscan Army. So like a soldier with the
fresh paycheck and nothing to spend it on is wont
to do a lot of people bought a lot of
fancy shit walking around balled out right.
Speaker 2: I thought they were gonna have like card games, rolling
some diet that was almost certainly happening.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, they're either drunk because of payday
or they're gambling their new money in some way that too,
which might help this dude assassinate him, But it sounded
like because they were rolling around and looking baller, he
had a hard time finding out which one was the king.
Speaker 1: Which one was the king. Yeah, so he spots who
he thinks is the king. Turns out it's just the
king's assistant, and he stabs that guy to death and
is immediately captured.
Speaker 3: Damn it.
Speaker 1: So Mukius is captured by the Etruscans and he's brought
before King porcina A, and King Porsin is like who
are you? And he's like Michus is like, I'm a
Roman and I'm here to fucking kill you. Hell yeah,
he says straight up. He goes, this is a quote.
I am a Roman citizen. Men call me Guias Mukius.
I came here as an enemy to kill my enemy,
and I am ready to die. I am as ready
to die as I am to kill. We Romans act bravely,
and when adversity strikes, we suffer bravely.
Speaker 3: What a cool dude.
Speaker 2: I bet they're like, chill out, man, you're.
Speaker 3: Kind of that was his movie moment. Do we just
got paid, We're chilling, relaxed, dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're all having a good time. You just had
to come in here and stab a motherfucker.
Speaker 2: And it's his assistant. I'd be like, dude, I gotta
get a new one. That guy was good, Yeah, it was.
It was the King's scribe. So I wrote everything down,
and the King's just like, God, I gotta find another
dude that can write as well or as fast.
Speaker 1: We just got writing. No one else knows how to do.
God damn it.
Speaker 2: Really send us back, you dick.
Speaker 1: So then Mukius says, he's like, you can kill me,
but it doesn't matter because there are three hundred guys
just as fucking brave and fucked up as I am,
ready to kill you if I don't, which I guess
I didn't, So you can kill me, but they're gonna
keep coming, and one of them is gonna get your
ass nice and the King is like, okay, yeah, right, whatever, asshole.
We're gonna rip you limb from limb, like we're gonna
torture you. And then and then kill you so so
you know, like you failed, and.
Speaker 2: We were not just gonna slay your throat. Yeah, we're
gonna suffer for this.
Speaker 1: We would make you fucking bleed like you were gonna
have a horrible time.
Speaker 2: And then this is a huge inconvenience for us, So
we're gonna make you pay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're a dick. This is annoying. You killed
my my guy. Here, we're gonna we're going to make
your life, the last eight minutes of it, a living
fucking hell. And Mukius is like, again, fine, you wanna
fuck torture me, you wanna fuck me up? You think
you can even fuck me up. It doesn't matter because
there's three hundred assholes at least back in there that
are gonna come and they're gonna get you. And here's
how hard romans are. I'll just show you. So Mukius
walks over to a fire in like a cauldron that's
in the tent and he go he says this is
what he says, leisurely watch so that you know how
cheap the body is to men who have their eye
on great glory.
Speaker 2: He did something like Tony Robbin shit, like walk the coals, no,
he puts his face in it close.
Speaker 1: He takes his right arm and he sticks it over
the fire, and the Etruscans are like, oh wow, cool,
you're gonna burn yourself a little bit. Whatever, whoa fire?
You don't care about fire? Oh whoa, Well, we're still
going to torture you when you're done. But Miukius doesn't
take his arm out of the fire. Mukius stands there
without flinching until his whole right hand burns off.
Speaker 2: The man.
Speaker 1: He literally just keeps his hand over the fire, staring
at the intrusting Etruscan king, just gritting his teeth until
his fucking right hand burns off of his body.
Speaker 2: I guess he was not a true targarian.
Speaker 1: Why is that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: The only thing cooler in that moment to do, not
my kalisi, was to just starting masturbating.
Speaker 1: With your left hand. Yeah, dude, while you.
Speaker 2: Do, how fucking hard I am? They surround start cranking.
One's going to try to capture you if you're just
jerking it.
Speaker 3: I had I had a section leader who went through
that the Seer school, which is like where you get
tortured and learn how to evade capture and survive. He's
like every time they would come into fuck with us,
would just hard jack off. They'd be like that guy
is weird, and they would like kind of let him
off a little bit easier. There everyone else that's genius.
And I was this is my first, like team leader guy,
if you're compromised, I'm doing that.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's genius.
Speaker 2: Let's say you get into a bad spot, say you're
out numbered, you gotta be the crazy guy. Yeah, you
gotta go full mental.
Speaker 1: Here's why I don't think that's genius. It worked on
his trainers, right, that's true. Yeah, Here's what I would
do if I was some Isis soldier and I was like,
this guy keeps trying to psych us out by jacking off.
I'll probably just I'm gonna cut his dick off so
you can't do that anymore because it's annoying.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, I'd be like, oh, you think you're gonna
get us this fingering finger your asshole?
Speaker 2: Now, that's a risk you take.
Speaker 3: You look at that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna solder your asshole shut if you start doing that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then you take your cut off penis and
maybe you start whipping and around like I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Throw if I'm cutting off your penis keeping it, it's
getting pickled, and it's a war trophy.
Speaker 2: You put it in a jar from aldehyde.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm not giving it back to him.
Speaker 2: Like mind now, wait, that's how they got Napoleon's dick, right.
Speaker 1: That was post mortem?
Speaker 2: Who did that though?
Speaker 1: As well? You know medicine at the time.
Speaker 2: Who owns Napoleon's dick?
Speaker 1: Now, let me look where Napoleon's penis is.
Speaker 3: I know this was the thing.
Speaker 2: Someone has his dick, Someone has Napoleon's penis. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Napoleon's penis is currently owned by It's a great set
of words Evan Latimer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a Russian oligarch.
Speaker 1: The daughter. It's a woman, the daughter of the late
John K. Latimer. John Latimer, an American urologist, bought the
penis at a Paris auction in nineteen seventy seven. Oh god,
there's a picture.
Speaker 2: What do you go for?
Speaker 1: What? Three grand?
Speaker 2: You have bought Napoleon's dick for three grand? I'd go
in debt for his dick. I'll buy his dick right now.
Speaker 1: Here's a dick.
Speaker 3: I'd be dead dicked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, imagine Napoleon's piece on our set.
Speaker 1: That's pretty good. That dead dick. That's a solid dead dick.
Speaker 2: You get the inflation calculator out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely right now I'm doing an inflations.
Speaker 2: Three thousand dollars in nineteen seventy worth now.
Speaker 1: I bet you, I might guess would be like twenty.
Speaker 2: I'd still pay twenty grand for Napoleon's pea fucking obviously.
Speaker 3: I'd sell my house.
Speaker 2: Fifteen grand.
Speaker 1: You bought Napoleon's dick for you can get a credit
card tomorrow for a higher.
Speaker 2: Maxing it out. I'm getting that piece. Oh my god,
I am calling Evan as soon as the show ends.
Speaker 1: But like, hey, I need that.
Speaker 3: Are you on the part with that dick?
Speaker 1: With that I'll give you?
Speaker 2: We should split it, split it in half. It's easy.
Oh do we go one? We each own one third
of Napoleon's penis? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, every quarter, we we get joint. We just get
joint custody.
Speaker 2: We pass it around like the Stanley cup.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we do weird stuff.
Speaker 2: We just get a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: Would you do a coke bump off a Napoleon's dick?
Speaker 2: At this point Yeah, it's not gay. It's history obviously
not gay, not gay at all. That's so powerful? Would
you do because dick probably never touched coke and it
will probably ground up pieces of it, and then snort.
Speaker 1: That I wouldn't I wouldn't hurt that penis at all. Yeah,
are you kidding me?
Speaker 2: Now? Now we're gonna have problems if you have custody
of the dick for the quarter. You can't have that
dick if you're going to do that to it, you're
gonna use it on your wife. No, we'll talk about
us as I mean, you just use as a dildo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do the penis extender, you know what I mean?
Like how you can get those on.
Speaker 3: Tie a little like like the loop around it, so
it adds to you.
Speaker 2: Some girth and some inch to you. Yeah, you just
double penetrate.
Speaker 3: Your wife, dick of conquering dude.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can conquer your wife with your penis and
him you know what, you dp your wife with napoleons penis.
Speaker 1: You know what I would do, I'll take that penis
to Moscow and be like here you go, dude, I
mean think he took Moscow, but whatever, I'd be like
here you go, dude.
Speaker 2: I think Putin would actually appreciate it. Putin would, Yeah,
it'd be a gift well received.
Speaker 3: I would like cast it in bronze and make it
a hilt of a sword or like the handle whatever
it is. Yeah, like you're just holding onto his dick.
Hell yeah, as the sword.
Speaker 1: That would be cool.
Speaker 2: It's obviously going to be the centerpiece of your house too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's in the foyer in glass as soon as you
walk in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone needs to see it. You enter my apartment
boom being you.
Speaker 1: Can't miss it. And if you do miss it, I
will make sure you go back and look at it.
Speaker 3: The best thing is that would be my second piece
of art or like pictures I have in my whole house.
The only picture I have is Loak Dog from Don't
Be a Menace?
Speaker 2: Wait, did you just say dick coor and it would
be art.
Speaker 3: It would just be like his dick, like I have
this Dick and Loak Dog.
Speaker 1: I gotta say real quick that Don't Be a Menace
is one of the most underrated movies ever created.
Speaker 3: Have you seen that? That portrait? I have?
Speaker 1: No, I have to show it to you after this.
It is that movie. Is so goddamned funny it doesn't
make sense. Yeah, it is a master all right.
Speaker 2: So you're not gonna take credit for dick Core.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't. I didn't even hear what you said.
Speaker 2: Oh that's why you asked. Yeah, sorry, I didn't hear it,
but it was good shouts credit. I thought you said that.
That's why.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't say it. Okay, No, I just pronounced
it badly because I have his in in my mouth
that has mush mouthed it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so boy, am I familiar with that? Real quick?
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fitbod dot emmy slash Softcore. That's fit bo d dot
emmy slash soft Core again. Mukius holding his hand over
the fire as his hand melts off of his body.
He's just looking at poor Sina and he like, there's
so many fucking more me bro, check the shit out.
Speaker 2: Hell, yeah, you.
Speaker 1: Want to come for the republic. This is what you're
dealing with. Porcina and everyone else in the tent is like,
oh my god, like they're just freaking. They're like, what
the fuck?
Speaker 3: Then the smell hits you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so Porcina is like, Jesus Christ, dude, you can leave,
just go back to all right? Fine, he literally says,
go back since you do more harm to yourself than me.
Speaker 2: What ad whoa.
Speaker 1: He's like, you can just go, dude.
Speaker 2: And but now he's handless.
Speaker 1: But now he's a legend.
Speaker 3: Wait was he the guy that was a lefty that
you said earlier? Oh okay, what is it?
Speaker 1: Hold on? Yeah, Skyvola, dang it.
Speaker 2: Okay, so that was probably right, Yeah, he's right here.
Speaker 3: The fuck now, I can't do anything that's Jamie lanistered himself.
Speaker 2: It was his jerkn it was his crank can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, almost certainly.
Speaker 2: So the rest of his life he's just going stranger. Yeah,
there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: So at this point, after sky Vola.
Speaker 2: Spiced to your own sexual masturbation, you're gonna get better
at it.
Speaker 1: You know, I am left handed, so I jerk off
left handed.
Speaker 2: That's a true story here, mom.
Speaker 1: If you know what lefty, they jerk off left handed?
What if you write if anyone who writes left handed
jerks offliftenined gross guaranteed.
Speaker 2: That's why they get all that fucking silver on their hands.
Speaker 3: Joking it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So at this point, after sending Mukius now Mukius
sky Vola out, the Etruscan king is like, I don't
know if what he said was true, but that was
so fucked up that I'm not going to risk it.
Holy shit, And poor Seedas sends ambassadors to Rome and
offers peace.
Speaker 3: Yukius did it.
Speaker 1: The terms were negotiated. There's you know, weird terms or whatever.
Porcine is like, can my guy have the throne? And
the Romans were like no, and he's like, all right,
fuck it, I don't want to deal with you. Anyway.
The Romans did give a little bit, like they returned
some lands to the Etruscans, but the siegees lifted. The
Republic survived part of the deal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, Mukia has got a free kill and got
the like negotiation. Yeah that's what.
Speaker 2: Cost was his hand? All right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well and the worst pain you can ever imagine.
I assume.
Speaker 3: I'm sure he's fine. Caught a rise the moon. Probably
no infections. I don't know how it works, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but here's the thing.
Speaker 2: It's called mental toughness. Robbie wouldn't know about it.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't know about me about Mucius Skyvola and Romans being
so tough. Dude, they used to be so tough. They
used to be so fucking tough, dude, Men used to
be men. Probably story mm hmm, probably fake, But he's
a fucking legend due Jorans don't know for sure. Romans
weren't really writing a lot down back then. It's basically
a spoken legend the Roman period of literature. I mean
they were writing, they had writing, but it was they
weren't didn't really get down to writing a shit ton
down until about two hundred years later. It's the war
itself happened, but a lot of the stuff in the war,
including probably the bridge thing, more of a foundational propaganda
myth to help be like, we got so badass after
we went republic. Dude, dang it, it's got so fucking hard.
Speaker 2: Not my boy, Muki is skuy Vola.
Speaker 1: So just so you know, when someone tells you, dude,
used to be so hard, I walked uphill both ways
to school, blah blah fucking.
Speaker 3: Blah, it's not written down.
Speaker 1: It's all fucking bullshit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 3: Maybe my great uncle's eye is real this whole time,
and that glass eye was fake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your great uncle is a liar. Fuck grandma's a liar.
Whatever you want to say. Damn it.
Speaker 2: History is all lies. This entire show all nothing.
Speaker 1: But I haven't told said one real thing on this show.
Speaker 2: It's written by the winners.
Speaker 1: It is they said it. It was just funny me
though that I mean it is literally it's a This
is Rome's much cooler version of George Washington chopping down
a cherry tree.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, Wait, that didn't happen either, allegedly. No, you're
telling me Santa's not real.
Speaker 1: Uh No, Santa is real. For my children that are
listening twenty years from now, Santa is real. No, I'm
just kidding. I bought you all those gifts, you bastards.
Speaker 2: And he's hot. Santa's hot as hell hot Santa.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's probably a Roman foundational myth that future
Romans were like, dude, we gotta these hard asstitude motherfuckers were,
and then other elements as hard as they were, We're
gonna be as hard as they were. We're not hard,
still not hard, never been hard.
Speaker 2: You gotta hype yourself up and your boys. If it
prevents violence, I guess there's a method to the madness.
There's a reason to lie. That's it's preventative.
Speaker 1: It's a Harvey Dent, right, He's not the hero we need.
He's the hero we deserve, but not the hero we need.
Right now.
Speaker 2: Most dudes that are like really buff and jacked, they
can't fight. But it's all so you don't fight to
begin with, right, He's like he's huge. Yeah, you don't
want to try it.
Speaker 3: Have you ever had one of those competitions with like
one of your boys on who's the toughest just as
a kid, anything like that.
Speaker 1: Me and another dude I went to grade school with
for whatever. In like music class, do you remember the
those pens They were like really wet ink pins that
had like almost like a needle coming out of it
was like a It wasn't like a bic. It was
like the Yeah, I forget what they're called. Uh. In
music class, we would just stab each other in the leg.
Speaker 2: With those Oh cool, it's pretty sick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just to see who could take it the most.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We would do things like a junk ball, oh yeah,
where you had to kind of just keep your your
legs wide open so your genitals were able to be
hit with a tennis ball and you couldn't flinch.
Speaker 1: Yep, if you flinch, lose.
Speaker 2: But you just kept going and oh, last person to
quit wins.
Speaker 1: It's a fun game, yeah, just.
Speaker 2: Getting hit left, left, and right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I watched right in the set.
Speaker 3: I watched two grown men that were drunk, like a
stap where was brought out and they're like, oh, stay
with my forehead right now. You know you won't staples
a forehead. The other guy does the same, all staple
in my tongue, staples each other's tongue. Oh, they go
to the nipple and they go it was nipples not
as bad as tongue. Like then they like, you want
to do dicks, and the like, let's do dicks. So
they staple their own dicks and then they're like, what
do we do next? Next logical thing was the butthole?
And so I saw two like one was like in
his probably thirties, one was early forties, uh like spread
like bend over naked, and the other guy was like
like a surgical doctor getting that stapler in there and like, yes,
smacking this dude's butthole and.
Speaker 2: He has a sea bag the rest of his life.
Speaker 1: It was inspiring. Yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 3: That's and and they proved that their manliness very tough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was the weirdest thing I've ever see.
Speaker 1: Where did you see this? The military? Yeah it was
the military.
Speaker 3: Yeah it was. It was like an actual squad leader.
And then another team leaders like these are are like
idols we looked up to for like direction and everything.
They couldn't like arm wrestle, and so so we had
a month long of like we weren't allowed to drink
because we got in trouble, and so the day we
were able to drink again was when that happened, and
it was five o'clock at night.
Speaker 2: We were all just drunk by.
Speaker 1: The sun has not even gone down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, that's why I can see clearly to this day.
Just like one of our squad leaders just butthole, like
spreading his own cheeks, bent over, well fucking bleeding. Another
sergeant is just in there and hit.
Speaker 1: Them with the stabler. Good for him.
Speaker 3: They're both doing great today, are they imagine?
Speaker 1: Oh they are.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One of them is like, oh, he works on like
high rise, like like fixing or repairing or even just
building high rises in Chicago.
Speaker 2: Now, okay, I was gonna say they're the CEOs of
fortune five hundred.
Speaker 3: The other one is like, h like a fucking warden
or some.
Speaker 2: Shit, a prison, Yeah, something crazy like that.
Speaker 1: That's fair.
Speaker 2: Yeah that sounds right though.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Uh what you guys learn.
Speaker 2: Today, man, I learned everything I've ever been.
Speaker 1: Told is bullshit. Maybe maybe certainly in terms of how
fucking I don't know, just valorizing the past is uh fraud.
Speaker 2: Well, the further away you get from I'm saying, the
more you romanticize it typically, Yeah, yeah, what.
Speaker 1: Did you learn today, Scott?
Speaker 3: I learned that if a guy with a cool name
like pube Cock tells me to defend something, I'm doing
it and I'll probably survive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I have to do just back, get back, Yeah,
have that the Yeah, I'm like, all right, well, I
don't want to get stabbed right now.
Speaker 3: I got forced to be here.
Speaker 1: So especially if you've already kind of won. Yeah, what
I mean, it's like I'm not gonna like I like
my favorite thing about the eighth episode of Band of
Brothers in particulars that like at that point they knew
the war was done, but they still have to keep
like moving forward and they're just like, yeah, we're not
trying to get killed anymore. Yeah, like we got we
get it with the Battle of the Bulge in D Day,
like you gotta tick riff. Now we're just kind of
like they're fucking losing, like we're bombing the fucking Christ
out of them. Yeah, let's just calm down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who's in the game seeing how far you can
get away with a lie?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all about just like origin story, you know
it's your it's your brand.
Speaker 2: This is my villain archy. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think it's believing in yourself and historical facts that, yeah,
I believe are factual.
Speaker 2: What's in the game, saying the story over and over
and over again until it becomes truth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm repeating that you're a badass until it's fucking real.
Speaker 3: And he's probably still alive to this day with his
arm just going.
Speaker 1: Just wanders around.
Speaker 2: I bet he talked himself to the point that he
believed it. He's like, yeah, that happened, Yeah, I did it.
Speaker 1: Definitely.
Speaker 2: He has a full arm.
Speaker 1: Doue.
Speaker 3: I burnt this arm off. Yeah, I grew back three
years ago.
Speaker 2: I'm a reptile.
Speaker 3: It's weird the reason you guys are still living currently.
Speaker 1: You're welcome.
Speaker 4: But yeah, that's all I got for today, dude, Scott,
thanks for thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1: Thank you as always. Thank you guys.
Speaker 3: It's always fun, my favorite show to be on. It's great.
Speaker 2: Where can the people find you?
Speaker 3: Lastro Lopez on Instagram that's it perfect. Check out my
cool LARPing stuff and new love for Sabrina Carpenter. Everything
I do is for her now.
Speaker 1: Queen, I'd burn it off for her right hand in
the fire.
Speaker 3: I'd go left hand personally, but if she, if she
asked for my for my right hand, I would still have.
Speaker 1: To do like you see, this is ping. It's all
for Sabrina.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she has a little spinster.
Speaker 1: I love her.
Speaker 2: How dare you?
Speaker 1: How fuck you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a tiny little girl. You just she's spin
on that thang.
Speaker 1: Spin. That's not what spinscer means. What is it like
an old gross lady who no one could get or
no one wanted.
Speaker 2: Oh I have a totally different definition of spinner.
Speaker 3: Do the windmill on.
Speaker 1: Aong with dude? It's a spinner.
Speaker 2: That's a dig Yeah yeah, I thought it was just
like a tiny girl you just throw around.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, spinster, spinner, spinner a spinner Yeah, okay,
two different words, but if I if I just say
spenser enough, it'll become that exactly.
Speaker 1: That's what you learned today. That's just saying enough. Yeah,
for damn Regester and Scott Lopez, I'm round Fox.
Speaker 2: You just got saf served