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<v Speaker 1>Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the

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<v Speaker 1>Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you

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<v Speaker 1>every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you

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<v Speaker 1>take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even

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<v Speaker 1>God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to miss. Okay, and now here's Pastor

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<v Speaker 1>Rick with part one of a message called What Destroys

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<v Speaker 1>Relationships and what builds Them?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, good morning everybody, it's good.

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<v Speaker 3>To see you.

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<v Speaker 2>If you'll take out your message notes. Now, we were

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<v Speaker 2>created for community, We're wired for relationships. We're made to

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<v Speaker 2>go through life together. We're formed for a family. The

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<v Speaker 2>Bible says this the top verse on your outline Romans

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<v Speaker 2>twelve five Rice makes us one body and individuals who

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<v Speaker 2>are connected to each other. Would you circle that word connected?

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<v Speaker 2>Now you may not realize it, but the people you're

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<v Speaker 2>sitting next to you are connected to If you're part

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<v Speaker 2>of the family of God, they are connected to you

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<v Speaker 2>and you are connected to them.

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<v Speaker 3>Here's the problem. It's easy to.

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<v Speaker 2>Get disconnected in relationships. Would you agree with that it's

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<v Speaker 2>very easy to get disconnected from your children, from your parents,

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<v Speaker 2>from your brothers and sisters, your friends, your family, your

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<v Speaker 2>husband or wife if you're married. It's easy to get

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<v Speaker 2>disconnected from your church, from your small group. And so

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<v Speaker 2>today we're going to look at what causes that. Why

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<v Speaker 2>do relationships fall apart, Why do relationships go bad? What

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<v Speaker 2>destroys relationships? And how do you rebuild them or how

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<v Speaker 2>do you build new ones or how do you prevent

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<v Speaker 2>relationships from going bad? Now, the Bible tells us that

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<v Speaker 2>we're connected, and how do we stay connected? How many

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<v Speaker 2>of you are in a small group? Can I see

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<v Speaker 2>your hands? Yeah, look at that. That's amazing. Let me

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<v Speaker 2>give you a little secret. I want to warn you

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to have differences in your small group. The

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<v Speaker 2>only people who agree on everything are dead people. So

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<v Speaker 2>if you're getting along in perfect harmony in your group,

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<v Speaker 2>it means either one you're not being honest or two

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<v Speaker 2>you're all dead. You're going to have you figured out

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<v Speaker 2>that God likes variety. He could have made us all alike.

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<v Speaker 2>He could have made us all with the same opinions,

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<v Speaker 2>the same background, the same interest, the same personality, But

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<v Speaker 2>he didn't. God loves variety, and one of the purposes

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<v Speaker 2>of groups, a small group is to teach us relational skills.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the laboratory for learning how to get along with

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<v Speaker 2>each other. And the skills that you learn in a

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<v Speaker 2>small group can be applied in your work, can be

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<v Speaker 2>applied in your family, could be applied in your marriage

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<v Speaker 2>if you're married, can be applied in your ministry. It's

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<v Speaker 2>the lab for learning how to relate to each other.

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<v Speaker 2>You see, Unfortunately, we're not taught how to have healthy relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>You never had a class growing up in school, not

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<v Speaker 2>a single class on how to have good relationships. And

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<v Speaker 2>yet that's the most important thing in life. It's far

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<v Speaker 2>more important than anything else. How to have good relationships,

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<v Speaker 2>how to have a relationship with God, how to have

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship with each other. And I doubt even your

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<v Speaker 2>parents taught you how to have good relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>They may have not even known themselves, so.

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<v Speaker 2>They never sat you down and said, here are the secrets,

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<v Speaker 2>the building blocks to good relationships, and here are the

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<v Speaker 2>things that destroy them. I've talked to so many people

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<v Speaker 2>who've gone through a divorce, so I have no idea

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<v Speaker 2>why did it happen? What really caused it to take place.

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<v Speaker 2>So today we're going to look at how relationships get destroyed,

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<v Speaker 2>what destroys them, and what builds them.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm very, very.

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<v Speaker 2>Excited about what Tom and I are going to share

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<v Speaker 2>because it has application in so many areas of your life.

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<v Speaker 2>You can apply it with your friends, you can apply

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<v Speaker 2>it with your family, you can apply.

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<v Speaker 3>It with your marriage if you're married.

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<v Speaker 2>You can apply it in your work and in your

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<v Speaker 2>career in relating to others, and you can apply it

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<v Speaker 2>in your small group. And what I'm going to share

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<v Speaker 2>with you, what Tom and I are going to share

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<v Speaker 2>with you today, will save you tens of thousands of

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<v Speaker 2>dollars in counseling. So just make out the tech the

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<v Speaker 2>check too, doctor Rick. Okay, now, actually just give it

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<v Speaker 2>to the poor.

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<v Speaker 3>That'd be better if if you did that.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're going to dig into this what builds relationships

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<v Speaker 2>and how do you rebuild them and how do you

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<v Speaker 2>keep it from happening in the first place. Well, folks,

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<v Speaker 2>this is not rocket science. God has said that every

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<v Speaker 2>relational problem comes down to one of four negative attitudes.

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<v Speaker 2>Every problem you've had in a relationship comes as a

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<v Speaker 2>result of one or more of these three or four problems.

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<v Speaker 2>They are the enemies of community. Number one selfishness. Selfishness

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<v Speaker 2>destroys relationships. Now, this is the number one enemy. It

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<v Speaker 2>is the number one cause of conflict, the number one

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<v Speaker 2>cause of arguments, the number one cause of divorce. It

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<v Speaker 2>is the number one cause of war. When some dictator says, well,

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<v Speaker 2>I want what you've got, he starts a war.

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<v Speaker 3>And that's how it happens.

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<v Speaker 2>James four, verses one and two says this what causes

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<v Speaker 2>fights and quarrels. Don't they come from your desires, that

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<v Speaker 2>battle within you. You want something, but you don't get it.

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<v Speaker 2>Everything starts because of our self centeredness. Now, it's very

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<v Speaker 2>easy for selfishness to creep into relationship. You know, when

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<v Speaker 2>you start a relationship, you work real hard at being

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<v Speaker 2>selfless and being unselfish, like.

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<v Speaker 3>In dating and oh here please. You know, you go first, you.

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<v Speaker 2>Know, and you're very unselfish at the start of a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>But then as time goes on, selfishness begins to creep in.

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<v Speaker 2>Would you agree that we put more energy into building

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<v Speaker 2>than into maintaining relationships, Yeah, we do. Some of you

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<v Speaker 2>have heard me read this before about the five stages

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<v Speaker 2>of a married cold. The first year, baby, Darling, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>worried about that sniffle, so all the paramedics to rush

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<v Speaker 2>you to the UCLA Hospital for a check up and

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<v Speaker 2>a week of rest. And I know you don't like

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<v Speaker 2>hospital food, so I'm having gourmet meals brought in for you.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the first year. Second year of a marriage, sweetheart.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't like the sound of that cough. I have

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<v Speaker 2>arranged for doctor Knox to make a house call. Let

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<v Speaker 2>me tuck you in bed. Third year of a marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>You look like you got a fever. Why don't you

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<v Speaker 2>drive yourself over to the medi stop get some medicine.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll watch the kids, you know, very magnanimous. Fourth year,

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<v Speaker 2>look be sensible. After you fed and bathe the kids

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<v Speaker 2>and wash the dishes. You really ought to go to bed.

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<v Speaker 2>Fifth year, for Pete's sake. Do you have to cough

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<v Speaker 2>so loud? I can't hear the TV. Would you mind

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<v Speaker 2>going in the other room while this show is on?

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<v Speaker 2>You sound like a barking dog. One guy said. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>in the first year of marriage, my wife used to

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<v Speaker 2>bring me my slippers and the dog came barking. Now

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<v Speaker 2>my dog brings me slippers. You know, we just stopped

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<v Speaker 2>making the effort. It's easy to slide into selfishness. I've

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<v Speaker 2>always said, if there was more courting and marriage, there'd

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<v Speaker 2>be fewer marriages in court that we have to date

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<v Speaker 2>your mete.

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<v Speaker 3>You know it happens to all of us. A couple

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<v Speaker 3>of weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>Ago, I got in bed about three seconds before Kay

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<v Speaker 2>did as She got in bed three seconds later, she said, did.

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<v Speaker 3>You lock all the doors? Now?

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<v Speaker 2>In three seconds, I pretended I was asleep. Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>laying motionless and I whisper as if I'm in alpha state. No,

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<v Speaker 2>it had only been three seconds. She gets out of

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<v Speaker 2>bed and she goes and locks all the doors. There's

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<v Speaker 2>a word for me, dufous. Okay, it's on. It was selfish,

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<v Speaker 2>pure and simple. I wanted her to do it. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>we all know that selfishness destroys relations. We know this,

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<v Speaker 2>So why don't we change or better yet? Why can't

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<v Speaker 2>we change? Why can't we be more unselfish? Well, there's

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of reasons. First, it is natural. It is

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<v Speaker 2>human nature to be selfish. I don't think about you

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<v Speaker 2>most of the time. I think about me, my needs,

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<v Speaker 2>my interest, my hurts how do I look? How do

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<v Speaker 2>I feel? Who's hurting me? And you don't think about me.

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<v Speaker 2>You think about yourself more than anybody else. You think

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<v Speaker 2>about yourself all the time. It is natural to be selfish.

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<v Speaker 2>When a baby's born, its first words are aye, me,

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<v Speaker 2>and then they demand total attention. They don't give anything back.

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<v Speaker 2>They are totally selfish creatures. It's human nature. Now, it's

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<v Speaker 2>interesting that a lot of people that I say, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, if there is a God, why is there

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<v Speaker 2>evil in the world. I don't have a problem with

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<v Speaker 2>that one. It's because we're all selfish. And when I

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<v Speaker 2>want what I want and you want what you want,

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<v Speaker 2>to cause us conflict, wars, a lot of other stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to do what I want to do, and

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<v Speaker 2>that hurts people. I don't have a problem with why

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<v Speaker 2>there's evil in the world. The real issue is, the

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<v Speaker 2>bigger issue is why is there good?

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<v Speaker 3>Why is there good in the world.

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<v Speaker 2>There's only one reason there's good in the world, because

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<v Speaker 2>of God. Without God, there would be no good. Because

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<v Speaker 2>by nature, I am not altruistic. By nature, I think

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<v Speaker 2>of me first, not you, and so do you and

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<v Speaker 2>so as Darwin would have called it, survival of the

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<v Speaker 2>fittest is the natural thing of life that we think

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<v Speaker 2>of ourselves and protecting ourselves and caring for ourselves. The

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<v Speaker 2>only reason people do good in the world is because

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<v Speaker 2>of God. It is God that motivates us to do good.

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<v Speaker 2>And if there were no God, there would be no good.

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<v Speaker 2>He is the only explanation for good in the world

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<v Speaker 2>because we're naturally selfish. Now, not only are we naturally selfish,

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<v Speaker 2>it is our culture that everything in it feeds our

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<v Speaker 2>self centeredness. Do you realize that every advertisement that comes

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<v Speaker 2>out caters to your self centeredness? It's quite things like

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<v Speaker 2>have it your way, We do it all for you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's all about you. I gotta think about what's best

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<v Speaker 2>for me, have it your way. And you know the

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<v Speaker 2>most recent one is this Sprite commercial. Obey your thirst. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>if that isn't a juvenile attitude toward life, a self

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<v Speaker 2>centered attitude, Obey your thirst. Think about that that says,

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<v Speaker 2>do whatever your urges are. Forget about if it hurts anybody,

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<v Speaker 2>forget if about if it bothers anybody.

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<v Speaker 3>You're just an animal. So obey your urge, Obey your thirst.

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<v Speaker 2>Live for yourself, regardless of what it does to everybody else,

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<v Speaker 2>or one that's a little more sophisticated. But it's the

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<v Speaker 2>same thing. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, think about that.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's okay for me to cheat on my wife

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<v Speaker 2>as long as I do it in Vegas. It's okay

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<v Speaker 2>for me to be immoral and rotten and do anything

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<v Speaker 2>I want to do total because it's gonna stay in

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<v Speaker 2>sin city. By the way, Las Vegas has really lost wages.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you know that? That's what it really stands for. Now?

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<v Speaker 2>Self centeredness can't build relationships. It creates destructive things. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>read together Proverbs twenty eight twenty five. Selfishness only causes trouble.

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<v Speaker 2>It only causes trouble. Now, if selfishness destroys relationships, then

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<v Speaker 2>it is selflessness that builds them. Selflessness builds relationships being unselfish.

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<v Speaker 3>So what does it selflessness mean?

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<v Speaker 2>It means a little bit less of me and a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more of you. Means I think a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit less of myself and I just think a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit more of you.

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<v Speaker 3>That is being selfless. I'm not the.

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<v Speaker 2>Center of the universe. I'm thinking about other people. Philippians

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<v Speaker 2>two four says this in the Bible, it says look

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<v Speaker 2>out for one another's interest, not just your own. That's selflessness.

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<v Speaker 2>Selflessness brings out the best in others, you know, it

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<v Speaker 2>builds relationships. In fact, if you start acting selfless in

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship, it forces the other person to change because

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<v Speaker 2>you're not the same person anymore and they have to

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<v Speaker 2>relate to you in a different way. And so selflessness

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<v Speaker 2>not only transforms a relationship, it also transforms that person.

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<v Speaker 2>I've actually seen it many, many, many many times. I've

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<v Speaker 2>seen some of the most unlovable, unlikable people, you know, irascible,

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<v Speaker 2>cranky people that nobody wants to be around, and you

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<v Speaker 2>start being selfless toward them and giving them what they need,

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<v Speaker 2>not what they deserve, and you start being selfless, and

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<v Speaker 2>it transforms them into nice people. It transforms them when

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<v Speaker 2>you show them selflessness and show them kindness. God's God's

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<v Speaker 2>favorite place to teach you selflessness is in one your

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<v Speaker 2>family and two your small group. Why because those are

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<v Speaker 2>the people who get closest to you up close on

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<v Speaker 2>a regular basis. It's very easy to be selfless in

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<v Speaker 2>a crowd like right now, nobody's requiring anything for you,

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<v Speaker 2>nobody's demanding it. It's very easy for you to be selfless.

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<v Speaker 2>It's when you're in relationship with other people that you

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<v Speaker 2>have the give and take of learning to get along

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<v Speaker 2>with people who are different from you, different personalities and backgroards.

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<v Speaker 2>That's where you have to learn to be selfless. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>since so many of you, most of you are in

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<v Speaker 2>small groups. So I made a list of practical ways

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<v Speaker 2>you can practice selflessness in your small group this week.

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<v Speaker 2>Number one, by showing up. Okay, now, I mean that

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<v Speaker 2>by showing up, you know, I have to admit I

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<v Speaker 2>don't always want to go to small group.

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<v Speaker 3>I've been in group for years.

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<v Speaker 2>But I need it and other people need it, and

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<v Speaker 2>so when I show up, well, you know a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of times I don't want to go sit on somebody

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<v Speaker 2>else's couch. I want to stay at home and lay

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<v Speaker 2>on mine, and I don't want to do anything. And

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<v Speaker 2>so when I after dinner get up and go to

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<v Speaker 2>small group, it is a selfless act. I am putting

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<v Speaker 2>the needs of the group over my own personal needs.

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<v Speaker 2>And so just showing up honestly is an act of selflessness.

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<v Speaker 2>By accepting new people in your group, that's another way

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<v Speaker 2>you can do it.

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<v Speaker 3>By not being a clique.

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<v Speaker 2>You know us for no more you know, and you're

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<v Speaker 2>not resentful when somebody says, well, let's bring somebody else in.

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<v Speaker 2>That is an act of selflessness. Another way is by

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<v Speaker 2>really listening to people in your group. Do you know

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<v Speaker 2>that listening is one of the greatest gifts you can

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<v Speaker 2>give others because you're giving them your time and that

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<v Speaker 2>is your life. It's far more important than your money.

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<v Speaker 2>You can always get more money, but you only have

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<v Speaker 2>a certain amount of time in life. So when you

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<v Speaker 2>give somebody your attention and you give them your ear ear,

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<v Speaker 2>you are actually giving them a port part of your life.

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<v Speaker 3>And that is selfless.

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<v Speaker 2>And when you really listen to people and you're not

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<v Speaker 2>thinking what am I going to say next, or you're

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<v Speaker 2>you're really listening people and you're not multitasking what do

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<v Speaker 2>I have to do after group?

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<v Speaker 3>You're paying attention. You are being and practicing selflessness.

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<v Speaker 2>When you draw other people out to talk in your

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<v Speaker 2>small group and you say, well what do you think?

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<v Speaker 2>And you ask questions and you don't dominate the conversation

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<v Speaker 2>and you don't do all the talking, and you draw

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<v Speaker 2>it out of others, that is practicing selflessness. By offering

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<v Speaker 2>people your help and helping your abilities in the group,

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<v Speaker 2>that is selflessness.

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<v Speaker 3>By being a host, those.

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<v Speaker 2>Of you are hosts. You are opening up your home.

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<v Speaker 2>You are being selfless, you know. By not hiding the

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<v Speaker 2>best snacks, that's that's being selfless. You know, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't hold back the good stuff. Now, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>confession is good for the soul. And in my group,

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<v Speaker 2>we've been meeting for years, we rotate where we meet,

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<v Speaker 2>so sometimes we meet at somebody's house. And a couple

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<v Speaker 2>weeks ago, you might try this in your group. In

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<v Speaker 2>our group, we rotate, and a couple weeks ago, we

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<v Speaker 2>were meeting at my house.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, in my garage, I have.

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<v Speaker 2>This refrigerator where I stock it with soft drinks, and

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<v Speaker 2>so anybody, anytime they come over, I say, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>just go out the refrigerator, get yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Something to drink.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, I knew my small group was coming over, and

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<v Speaker 2>I really wanted to hide my stash of Stuart's root beer.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to hide it behind the Albertson diet cola,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, let them drink the cheap stuff. Okay, you

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<v Speaker 2>know I paid good money.

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<v Speaker 3>For that diet root beer. Okay, but I didn't.

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<v Speaker 2>I left it there and I felt noble, and I felt,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, a little pride got in there, and I

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<v Speaker 2>just thought, see, I did the good thing. Now look

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<v Speaker 2>at this next verse. Galatians six seven and eight says this,

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<v Speaker 2>The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others

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<v Speaker 2>and ignoring God, harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll

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<v Speaker 2>have to show for it is life. In his life

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<v Speaker 2>is weeds. But the one who plants in response to God,

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<v Speaker 2>letting God's spirit do the growth work in him, harvest

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<v Speaker 2>a crop of real life and eternal life. And this

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<v Speaker 2>is a very important verse because it talks about the

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<v Speaker 2>principle of sowing and reaping, and the universe is built

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<v Speaker 2>on this. What you sow, you're going to reap. What

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<v Speaker 2>you plant, you're going to reap. If you plant criticism,

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<v Speaker 2>people are.

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<v Speaker 3>Going to be critical of you.

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<v Speaker 2>If you plant affirmation, people are going to affirm you.

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<v Speaker 2>Whatever you sow in life, you're going to reap back.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're jealous, people are going to be jealous of you.

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<v Speaker 3>And on and on and on.

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<v Speaker 2>So it says here three or four things. First, it says,

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<v Speaker 2>respond to God, not to what others do. He said,

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<v Speaker 2>if you want to plant good seeds, He says, plant

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<v Speaker 2>in response to God?

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<v Speaker 3>What does that mean?

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<v Speaker 2>When somebody is offensive to me? It is my nature

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<v Speaker 2>to be offensive back to them.

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<v Speaker 3>So are you?

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<v Speaker 2>And he says, no, no, don't respond to that pettiness.

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<v Speaker 2>Respond the way God would respond to God. How would

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus handle this pettiness. When you do that, you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to be unselfish. You're going to be selfless.

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<v Speaker 3>He says.

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<v Speaker 2>You respond to God, not to the attack that's coming

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<v Speaker 2>towards you. And then he says, God rewards selflessness. He says,

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<v Speaker 2>you'll get real life and you'll get eternal life.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, Rick, what a great message today. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>if you've been listening to the broadcast for a while,

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<v Speaker 1>well you know that Rick is always saying that God

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<v Speaker 1>wants your relationships to be more than just fair, average, good,

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<v Speaker 1>or even great. He wants your relationships to be awesome,

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<v Speaker 1>life giving, filled with joy and purpose. And that's why

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<v Speaker 1>he created the Awesome Relationships Bible Study. Through this four

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<v Speaker 1>session video based Bible study with workbook, you'll discover the

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<v Speaker 1>tools you need to build an awesome marriage and family,

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<v Speaker 1>awesome friendships, and most importantly, an Awesome Relationship with God.

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<v Speaker 1>This resource is perfect for individual or group study. Be

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<v Speaker 1>sure to request Pastor Rick's Awesome Relationships video based Bible study.

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<v Speaker 1>When you give a gift to help Daily Hope take

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<v Speaker 1>the Hope of Jesus to a hurting world, it's our

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00:19:35.319 --> 00:19:39.200
<v Speaker 1>way of saying thanks. Just go to Pastorick dot com

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<v Speaker 1>to get your copy of this great resource. That's Pastororick

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<v Speaker 1>dot com. Or you can text the word hope to

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<v Speaker 1>seven oh three oh nine. Again, that's the word hope

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<v Speaker 1>to seven oh three to oh nine. Be sure to

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<v Speaker 1>join us next time as we look into God's word

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<v Speaker 1>for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor

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<v Speaker 1>Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support. M