Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the
Speaker 1: Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you
Speaker 1: every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.
Speaker 1: In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you
Speaker 1: take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even
Speaker 1: God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series
Speaker 1: you don't want to miss. Okay, and now here's Pastor
Speaker 1: Rick with part one of a message called What Destroys
Speaker 1: Relationships and what builds Them?
Speaker 2: Well, good morning everybody, it's good.
Speaker 3: To see you.
Speaker 2: If you'll take out your message notes. Now, we were
Speaker 2: created for community, We're wired for relationships. We're made to
Speaker 2: go through life together. We're formed for a family. The
Speaker 2: Bible says this the top verse on your outline Romans
Speaker 2: twelve five Rice makes us one body and individuals who
Speaker 2: are connected to each other. Would you circle that word connected?
Speaker 2: Now you may not realize it, but the people you're
Speaker 2: sitting next to you are connected to If you're part
Speaker 2: of the family of God, they are connected to you
Speaker 2: and you are connected to them.
Speaker 3: Here's the problem. It's easy to.
Speaker 2: Get disconnected in relationships. Would you agree with that it's
Speaker 2: very easy to get disconnected from your children, from your parents,
Speaker 2: from your brothers and sisters, your friends, your family, your
Speaker 2: husband or wife if you're married. It's easy to get
Speaker 2: disconnected from your church, from your small group. And so
Speaker 2: today we're going to look at what causes that. Why
Speaker 2: do relationships fall apart, Why do relationships go bad? What
Speaker 2: destroys relationships? And how do you rebuild them or how
Speaker 2: do you build new ones or how do you prevent
Speaker 2: relationships from going bad? Now, the Bible tells us that
Speaker 2: we're connected, and how do we stay connected? How many
Speaker 2: of you are in a small group? Can I see
Speaker 2: your hands? Yeah, look at that. That's amazing. Let me
Speaker 2: give you a little secret. I want to warn you
Speaker 2: you're going to have differences in your small group. The
Speaker 2: only people who agree on everything are dead people. So
Speaker 2: if you're getting along in perfect harmony in your group,
Speaker 2: it means either one you're not being honest or two
Speaker 2: you're all dead. You're going to have you figured out
Speaker 2: that God likes variety. He could have made us all alike.
Speaker 2: He could have made us all with the same opinions,
Speaker 2: the same background, the same interest, the same personality, But
Speaker 2: he didn't. God loves variety, and one of the purposes
Speaker 2: of groups, a small group is to teach us relational skills.
Speaker 2: It's the laboratory for learning how to get along with
Speaker 2: each other. And the skills that you learn in a
Speaker 2: small group can be applied in your work, can be
Speaker 2: applied in your family, could be applied in your marriage
Speaker 2: if you're married, can be applied in your ministry. It's
Speaker 2: the lab for learning how to relate to each other.
Speaker 2: You see, Unfortunately, we're not taught how to have healthy relationships.
Speaker 2: You never had a class growing up in school, not
Speaker 2: a single class on how to have good relationships. And
Speaker 2: yet that's the most important thing in life. It's far
Speaker 2: more important than anything else. How to have good relationships,
Speaker 2: how to have a relationship with God, how to have
Speaker 2: a relationship with each other. And I doubt even your
Speaker 2: parents taught you how to have good relationships.
Speaker 3: They may have not even known themselves, so.
Speaker 2: They never sat you down and said, here are the secrets,
Speaker 2: the building blocks to good relationships, and here are the
Speaker 2: things that destroy them. I've talked to so many people
Speaker 2: who've gone through a divorce, so I have no idea
Speaker 2: why did it happen? What really caused it to take place.
Speaker 2: So today we're going to look at how relationships get destroyed,
Speaker 2: what destroys them, and what builds them.
Speaker 3: And I'm very, very.
Speaker 2: Excited about what Tom and I are going to share
Speaker 2: because it has application in so many areas of your life.
Speaker 2: You can apply it with your friends, you can apply
Speaker 2: it with your family, you can apply.
Speaker 3: It with your marriage if you're married.
Speaker 2: You can apply it in your work and in your
Speaker 2: career in relating to others, and you can apply it
Speaker 2: in your small group. And what I'm going to share
Speaker 2: with you, what Tom and I are going to share
Speaker 2: with you today, will save you tens of thousands of
Speaker 2: dollars in counseling. So just make out the tech the
Speaker 2: check too, doctor Rick. Okay, now, actually just give it
Speaker 2: to the poor.
Speaker 3: That'd be better if if you did that.
Speaker 2: So we're going to dig into this what builds relationships
Speaker 2: and how do you rebuild them and how do you
Speaker 2: keep it from happening in the first place. Well, folks,
Speaker 2: this is not rocket science. God has said that every
Speaker 2: relational problem comes down to one of four negative attitudes.
Speaker 2: Every problem you've had in a relationship comes as a
Speaker 2: result of one or more of these three or four problems.
Speaker 2: They are the enemies of community. Number one selfishness. Selfishness
Speaker 2: destroys relationships. Now, this is the number one enemy. It
Speaker 2: is the number one cause of conflict, the number one
Speaker 2: cause of arguments, the number one cause of divorce. It
Speaker 2: is the number one cause of war. When some dictator says, well,
Speaker 2: I want what you've got, he starts a war.
Speaker 3: And that's how it happens.
Speaker 2: James four, verses one and two says this what causes
Speaker 2: fights and quarrels. Don't they come from your desires, that
Speaker 2: battle within you. You want something, but you don't get it.
Speaker 2: Everything starts because of our self centeredness. Now, it's very
Speaker 2: easy for selfishness to creep into relationship. You know, when
Speaker 2: you start a relationship, you work real hard at being
Speaker 2: selfless and being unselfish, like.
Speaker 3: In dating and oh here please. You know, you go first, you.
Speaker 2: Know, and you're very unselfish at the start of a relationship.
Speaker 2: But then as time goes on, selfishness begins to creep in.
Speaker 2: Would you agree that we put more energy into building
Speaker 2: than into maintaining relationships, Yeah, we do. Some of you
Speaker 2: have heard me read this before about the five stages
Speaker 2: of a married cold. The first year, baby, Darling, I'm
Speaker 2: worried about that sniffle, so all the paramedics to rush
Speaker 2: you to the UCLA Hospital for a check up and
Speaker 2: a week of rest. And I know you don't like
Speaker 2: hospital food, so I'm having gourmet meals brought in for you.
Speaker 2: That's the first year. Second year of a marriage, sweetheart.
Speaker 2: I don't like the sound of that cough. I have
Speaker 2: arranged for doctor Knox to make a house call. Let
Speaker 2: me tuck you in bed. Third year of a marriage.
Speaker 2: You look like you got a fever. Why don't you
Speaker 2: drive yourself over to the medi stop get some medicine.
Speaker 2: I'll watch the kids, you know, very magnanimous. Fourth year,
Speaker 2: look be sensible. After you fed and bathe the kids
Speaker 2: and wash the dishes. You really ought to go to bed.
Speaker 2: Fifth year, for Pete's sake. Do you have to cough
Speaker 2: so loud? I can't hear the TV. Would you mind
Speaker 2: going in the other room while this show is on?
Speaker 2: You sound like a barking dog. One guy said. You know,
Speaker 2: in the first year of marriage, my wife used to
Speaker 2: bring me my slippers and the dog came barking. Now
Speaker 2: my dog brings me slippers. You know, we just stopped
Speaker 2: making the effort. It's easy to slide into selfishness. I've
Speaker 2: always said, if there was more courting and marriage, there'd
Speaker 2: be fewer marriages in court that we have to date
Speaker 2: your mete.
Speaker 3: You know it happens to all of us. A couple
Speaker 3: of weeks.
Speaker 2: Ago, I got in bed about three seconds before Kay
Speaker 2: did as She got in bed three seconds later, she said, did.
Speaker 3: You lock all the doors? Now?
Speaker 2: In three seconds, I pretended I was asleep. Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: laying motionless and I whisper as if I'm in alpha state. No,
Speaker 2: it had only been three seconds. She gets out of
Speaker 2: bed and she goes and locks all the doors. There's
Speaker 2: a word for me, dufous. Okay, it's on. It was selfish,
Speaker 2: pure and simple. I wanted her to do it. Now,
Speaker 2: we all know that selfishness destroys relations. We know this,
Speaker 2: So why don't we change or better yet? Why can't
Speaker 2: we change? Why can't we be more unselfish? Well, there's
Speaker 2: a couple of reasons. First, it is natural. It is
Speaker 2: human nature to be selfish. I don't think about you
Speaker 2: most of the time. I think about me, my needs,
Speaker 2: my interest, my hurts how do I look? How do
Speaker 2: I feel? Who's hurting me? And you don't think about me.
Speaker 2: You think about yourself more than anybody else. You think
Speaker 2: about yourself all the time. It is natural to be selfish.
Speaker 2: When a baby's born, its first words are aye, me,
Speaker 2: and then they demand total attention. They don't give anything back.
Speaker 2: They are totally selfish creatures. It's human nature. Now, it's
Speaker 2: interesting that a lot of people that I say, well,
Speaker 2: you know, if there is a God, why is there
Speaker 2: evil in the world. I don't have a problem with
Speaker 2: that one. It's because we're all selfish. And when I
Speaker 2: want what I want and you want what you want,
Speaker 2: to cause us conflict, wars, a lot of other stuff.
Speaker 2: I want to do what I want to do, and
Speaker 2: that hurts people. I don't have a problem with why
Speaker 2: there's evil in the world. The real issue is, the
Speaker 2: bigger issue is why is there good?
Speaker 3: Why is there good in the world.
Speaker 2: There's only one reason there's good in the world, because
Speaker 2: of God. Without God, there would be no good. Because
Speaker 2: by nature, I am not altruistic. By nature, I think
Speaker 2: of me first, not you, and so do you and
Speaker 2: so as Darwin would have called it, survival of the
Speaker 2: fittest is the natural thing of life that we think
Speaker 2: of ourselves and protecting ourselves and caring for ourselves. The
Speaker 2: only reason people do good in the world is because
Speaker 2: of God. It is God that motivates us to do good.
Speaker 2: And if there were no God, there would be no good.
Speaker 2: He is the only explanation for good in the world
Speaker 2: because we're naturally selfish. Now, not only are we naturally selfish,
Speaker 2: it is our culture that everything in it feeds our
Speaker 2: self centeredness. Do you realize that every advertisement that comes
Speaker 2: out caters to your self centeredness? It's quite things like
Speaker 2: have it your way, We do it all for you.
Speaker 2: It's all about you. I gotta think about what's best
Speaker 2: for me, have it your way. And you know the
Speaker 2: most recent one is this Sprite commercial. Obey your thirst. Now,
Speaker 2: if that isn't a juvenile attitude toward life, a self
Speaker 2: centered attitude, Obey your thirst. Think about that that says,
Speaker 2: do whatever your urges are. Forget about if it hurts anybody,
Speaker 2: forget if about if it bothers anybody.
Speaker 3: You're just an animal. So obey your urge, Obey your thirst.
Speaker 2: Live for yourself, regardless of what it does to everybody else,
Speaker 2: or one that's a little more sophisticated. But it's the
Speaker 2: same thing. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Speaker 3: Now, think about that.
Speaker 2: So it's okay for me to cheat on my wife
Speaker 2: as long as I do it in Vegas. It's okay
Speaker 2: for me to be immoral and rotten and do anything
Speaker 2: I want to do total because it's gonna stay in
Speaker 2: sin city. By the way, Las Vegas has really lost wages.
Speaker 3: Did you know that? That's what it really stands for. Now?
Speaker 2: Self centeredness can't build relationships. It creates destructive things. Let's
Speaker 2: read together Proverbs twenty eight twenty five. Selfishness only causes trouble.
Speaker 2: It only causes trouble. Now, if selfishness destroys relationships, then
Speaker 2: it is selflessness that builds them. Selflessness builds relationships being unselfish.
Speaker 3: So what does it selflessness mean?
Speaker 2: It means a little bit less of me and a
Speaker 2: little bit more of you. Means I think a little
Speaker 2: bit less of myself and I just think a little
Speaker 2: bit more of you.
Speaker 3: That is being selfless. I'm not the.
Speaker 2: Center of the universe. I'm thinking about other people. Philippians
Speaker 2: two four says this in the Bible, it says look
Speaker 2: out for one another's interest, not just your own. That's selflessness.
Speaker 2: Selflessness brings out the best in others, you know, it
Speaker 2: builds relationships. In fact, if you start acting selfless in
Speaker 2: a relationship, it forces the other person to change because
Speaker 2: you're not the same person anymore and they have to
Speaker 2: relate to you in a different way. And so selflessness
Speaker 2: not only transforms a relationship, it also transforms that person.
Speaker 2: I've actually seen it many, many, many many times. I've
Speaker 2: seen some of the most unlovable, unlikable people, you know, irascible,
Speaker 2: cranky people that nobody wants to be around, and you
Speaker 2: start being selfless toward them and giving them what they need,
Speaker 2: not what they deserve, and you start being selfless, and
Speaker 2: it transforms them into nice people. It transforms them when
Speaker 2: you show them selflessness and show them kindness. God's God's
Speaker 2: favorite place to teach you selflessness is in one your
Speaker 2: family and two your small group. Why because those are
Speaker 2: the people who get closest to you up close on
Speaker 2: a regular basis. It's very easy to be selfless in
Speaker 2: a crowd like right now, nobody's requiring anything for you,
Speaker 2: nobody's demanding it. It's very easy for you to be selfless.
Speaker 2: It's when you're in relationship with other people that you
Speaker 2: have the give and take of learning to get along
Speaker 2: with people who are different from you, different personalities and backgroards.
Speaker 2: That's where you have to learn to be selfless. Now,
Speaker 2: since so many of you, most of you are in
Speaker 2: small groups. So I made a list of practical ways
Speaker 2: you can practice selflessness in your small group this week.
Speaker 2: Number one, by showing up. Okay, now, I mean that
Speaker 2: by showing up, you know, I have to admit I
Speaker 2: don't always want to go to small group.
Speaker 3: I've been in group for years.
Speaker 2: But I need it and other people need it, and
Speaker 2: so when I show up, well, you know a lot
Speaker 2: of times I don't want to go sit on somebody
Speaker 2: else's couch. I want to stay at home and lay
Speaker 2: on mine, and I don't want to do anything. And
Speaker 2: so when I after dinner get up and go to
Speaker 2: small group, it is a selfless act. I am putting
Speaker 2: the needs of the group over my own personal needs.
Speaker 2: And so just showing up honestly is an act of selflessness.
Speaker 2: By accepting new people in your group, that's another way
Speaker 2: you can do it.
Speaker 3: By not being a clique.
Speaker 2: You know us for no more you know, and you're
Speaker 2: not resentful when somebody says, well, let's bring somebody else in.
Speaker 2: That is an act of selflessness. Another way is by
Speaker 2: really listening to people in your group. Do you know
Speaker 2: that listening is one of the greatest gifts you can
Speaker 2: give others because you're giving them your time and that
Speaker 2: is your life. It's far more important than your money.
Speaker 2: You can always get more money, but you only have
Speaker 2: a certain amount of time in life. So when you
Speaker 2: give somebody your attention and you give them your ear ear,
Speaker 2: you are actually giving them a port part of your life.
Speaker 3: And that is selfless.
Speaker 2: And when you really listen to people and you're not
Speaker 2: thinking what am I going to say next, or you're
Speaker 2: you're really listening people and you're not multitasking what do
Speaker 2: I have to do after group?
Speaker 3: You're paying attention. You are being and practicing selflessness.
Speaker 2: When you draw other people out to talk in your
Speaker 2: small group and you say, well what do you think?
Speaker 2: And you ask questions and you don't dominate the conversation
Speaker 2: and you don't do all the talking, and you draw
Speaker 2: it out of others, that is practicing selflessness. By offering
Speaker 2: people your help and helping your abilities in the group,
Speaker 2: that is selflessness.
Speaker 3: By being a host, those.
Speaker 2: Of you are hosts. You are opening up your home.
Speaker 2: You are being selfless, you know. By not hiding the
Speaker 2: best snacks, that's that's being selfless. You know, you know,
Speaker 2: you don't hold back the good stuff. Now, you know,
Speaker 2: confession is good for the soul. And in my group,
Speaker 2: we've been meeting for years, we rotate where we meet,
Speaker 2: so sometimes we meet at somebody's house. And a couple
Speaker 2: weeks ago, you might try this in your group. In
Speaker 2: our group, we rotate, and a couple weeks ago, we
Speaker 2: were meeting at my house.
Speaker 3: Well, in my garage, I have.
Speaker 2: This refrigerator where I stock it with soft drinks, and
Speaker 2: so anybody, anytime they come over, I say, you know,
Speaker 2: just go out the refrigerator, get yourself.
Speaker 3: Something to drink.
Speaker 2: Now, I knew my small group was coming over, and
Speaker 2: I really wanted to hide my stash of Stuart's root beer.
Speaker 2: I wanted to hide it behind the Albertson diet cola,
Speaker 2: you know, let them drink the cheap stuff. Okay, you
Speaker 2: know I paid good money.
Speaker 3: For that diet root beer. Okay, but I didn't.
Speaker 2: I left it there and I felt noble, and I felt,
Speaker 2: you know, a little pride got in there, and I
Speaker 2: just thought, see, I did the good thing. Now look
Speaker 2: at this next verse. Galatians six seven and eight says this,
Speaker 2: The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others
Speaker 2: and ignoring God, harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll
Speaker 2: have to show for it is life. In his life
Speaker 2: is weeds. But the one who plants in response to God,
Speaker 2: letting God's spirit do the growth work in him, harvest
Speaker 2: a crop of real life and eternal life. And this
Speaker 2: is a very important verse because it talks about the
Speaker 2: principle of sowing and reaping, and the universe is built
Speaker 2: on this. What you sow, you're going to reap. What
Speaker 2: you plant, you're going to reap. If you plant criticism,
Speaker 2: people are.
Speaker 3: Going to be critical of you.
Speaker 2: If you plant affirmation, people are going to affirm you.
Speaker 2: Whatever you sow in life, you're going to reap back.
Speaker 2: If you're jealous, people are going to be jealous of you.
Speaker 3: And on and on and on.
Speaker 2: So it says here three or four things. First, it says,
Speaker 2: respond to God, not to what others do. He said,
Speaker 2: if you want to plant good seeds, He says, plant
Speaker 2: in response to God?
Speaker 3: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: When somebody is offensive to me? It is my nature
Speaker 2: to be offensive back to them.
Speaker 3: So are you?
Speaker 2: And he says, no, no, don't respond to that pettiness.
Speaker 2: Respond the way God would respond to God. How would
Speaker 2: Jesus handle this pettiness. When you do that, you're going
Speaker 2: to be unselfish. You're going to be selfless.
Speaker 3: He says.
Speaker 2: You respond to God, not to the attack that's coming
Speaker 2: towards you. And then he says, God rewards selflessness. He says,
Speaker 2: you'll get real life and you'll get eternal life.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Rick, what a great message today. Hey,
Speaker 1: if you've been listening to the broadcast for a while,
Speaker 1: well you know that Rick is always saying that God
Speaker 1: wants your relationships to be more than just fair, average, good,
Speaker 1: or even great. He wants your relationships to be awesome,
Speaker 1: life giving, filled with joy and purpose. And that's why
Speaker 1: he created the Awesome Relationships Bible Study. Through this four
Speaker 1: session video based Bible study with workbook, you'll discover the
Speaker 1: tools you need to build an awesome marriage and family,
Speaker 1: awesome friendships, and most importantly, an Awesome Relationship with God.
Speaker 1: This resource is perfect for individual or group study. Be
Speaker 1: sure to request Pastor Rick's Awesome Relationships video based Bible study.
Speaker 1: When you give a gift to help Daily Hope take
Speaker 1: the Hope of Jesus to a hurting world, it's our
Speaker 1: way of saying thanks. Just go to Pastorick dot com
Speaker 1: to get your copy of this great resource. That's Pastororick
Speaker 1: dot com. Or you can text the word hope to
Speaker 1: seven oh three oh nine. Again, that's the word hope
Speaker 1: to seven oh three to oh nine. Be sure to
Speaker 1: join us next time as we look into God's word
Speaker 1: for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor
Speaker 1: Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support. M