Speaker 1: This is section eleven of The Gilded Age by Mark Twain.
Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Gilded Age,
Speaker 1: A Tale of to Day by Mark Twain and C. D. Warner,
Speaker 1: Chapter eleven. Two months had gone by, and the Hawkins
Speaker 1: family were domiciled in Hawkeye. Washington was at work in
Speaker 1: the real estate office again, and was alternately in paradise
Speaker 1: or the other place, just as it happened that Louise
Speaker 1: was gracious to him or seemingly indifferent, because indifference or
Speaker 1: preoccupation could mean nothing else than that she was thinking
Speaker 1: of some other young person. Colonel Sellars had asked him
Speaker 1: several times to dine with him when he first returned
Speaker 1: to Hawkeye, but Washington, for no particular reason, had not accepted,
Speaker 1: no particular reason except one which he preferred to keep
Speaker 1: to himself, viz. That he could not bear to be
Speaker 1: away from Louise. It occurred to him now that the
Speaker 1: Colonel had not invited him lately, could he be offended?
Speaker 1: He resolved to go that very day and give the
Speaker 1: colonel a pleasant surprise. It was a good idea, especially
Speaker 1: as Louise had absented herself from breakfast that morning and
Speaker 1: torn his heart. He would tear hers now and let
Speaker 1: her see how it felt. The Seller's family were just
Speaker 1: starting to dinner when Washington burst upon them with his surprise.
Speaker 1: For an instant, the colonel looked nonplussed and just a
Speaker 1: bit uncomfortable, and missus Sellers looked actually distressed. But the
Speaker 1: next moment the head of the house was himself again
Speaker 1: and exclaimed, all right, my boy, all right, always glad
Speaker 1: to see you, always glad to hear your voice, and
Speaker 1: take you by the hand. And don't wait for special invitations.
Speaker 1: That's all nonsense among friends. Just come whenever you can,
Speaker 1: and come as often as you can, the oftener the better.
Speaker 1: You can't please us any better than that Washington. The
Speaker 1: little woman will tell you so herself. We don't pretend
Speaker 1: to style plain folks, you know, oh, plain folks, just
Speaker 1: a plain family dinner. But such as it is, our
Speaker 1: friends are always welcome. I reckon you know that yourself, Washington,
Speaker 1: Run along, children, run along Lafayette. In those old days,
Speaker 1: the average man called his children after his most revered
Speaker 1: literary and historical idols. Consequently, there was hardly a family,
Speaker 1: at least in the West, but had a Washington in it,
Speaker 1: and also a Lafayette, a Franklin, and six or eight
Speaker 1: sounding names from Byron Scott and the Bible. If the
Speaker 1: offspring held out to visit such a family was to
Speaker 1: find one's self confronted by a congress made up of
Speaker 1: representatives of the imperial myths and the majestic dead of
Speaker 1: all the ages. There was something thrilling about it to
Speaker 1: a stranger, not to say or inspiring stand off the cattails, child,
Speaker 1: can't you see what you're doing? Come? Come, come, rodri Da.
Speaker 1: It isn't nice for little boys to hang on to
Speaker 1: young gentlemen's coat tails, but never find him. Washington, he's
Speaker 1: full of spirits and don't mean any harm. Children will
Speaker 1: be children, you know. Take the chair next to missus Seller's.
Speaker 1: Washington to tut Mary Antoinette. Let your brother have the
Speaker 1: fork if he wants it. You are bigger than he is.
Speaker 1: Washington contemplated the banquet and wondered, if he were in
Speaker 1: his right mind, was this the plain family dinner, and
Speaker 1: was at all present? It was soon apparent that this
Speaker 1: was indeed the dinner. It was all on the table.
Speaker 1: It consisted of abundance of clear fresh water and a
Speaker 1: basin of raw turnips, nothing more. Washington stole a glance
Speaker 1: at missus Seller's face and would have given the world
Speaker 1: the next moment if he could have spared her that
Speaker 1: the poor woman's face was crimson and the tears stood
Speaker 1: in her eyes. Washington did not know what to do.
Speaker 1: He wished he had never come there and spied out
Speaker 1: this cruel poverty and brought pain to that poor little
Speaker 1: lady's heart and shame to her cheek. But he was there,
Speaker 1: and there was no escape. Colonel Sellers hitched back his coat,
Speaker 1: sleeves airily from his wrists, as who should say now
Speaker 1: for solid enjoyment, seized a fork, flourished it, and began
Speaker 1: to harpoon turnips and deposit them in the plates before him.
Speaker 1: Let me help you, Washington. Lafayette passed this plate to Washington. Ah, well, well,
Speaker 1: my boy, things are looking pretty bright now, I tell you,
Speaker 1: speculation by the whole atmosphere's full of money. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: take three fortunes for one little operation I've got on hand. Now,
Speaker 1: have anything from the casters? No, well, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1: Some people like mustard with turnips. But now there was
Speaker 1: Baron Poniatowsky, Lord, But that man did know how to
Speaker 1: live true Russian. You know, Russian to the backbone. I
Speaker 1: say to my wife, give me a Russian every time
Speaker 1: for a table. Comrade. The baron used to say, take mustard, sellars,
Speaker 1: try the mustard. A man can't know what turnips are
Speaker 1: in perfection without mustard. But I always said, no, Baron,
Speaker 1: I'm a plain man, and I want my food plain.
Speaker 1: None of your embellishments for Barria cellars. No made dishes
Speaker 1: for me. And it's the best way. High living kills
Speaker 1: more than it cures in this world. You can rest
Speaker 1: assured of that. Yes, indeed, Washington, I've got one little
Speaker 1: operation on hand that take some more water. Help yourself,
Speaker 1: won't you help yourself? There's plenty of it. You'll find
Speaker 1: it pretty good. I guess, how does that fruit strike you?
Speaker 1: Washington did not know that he had ever tasted better.
Speaker 1: He did not add that he detested turnips even when
Speaker 1: they were cooked, loathed them in their natural state. No,
Speaker 1: he kept this to himself and praised the turnips to
Speaker 1: the peril of his soul. I thought you'd like them.
Speaker 1: Examine them, Examine them. They'll bear it. See how perfectly
Speaker 1: firm and juicy they are. They can't start any like
Speaker 1: them in this part of the country. I can tell you.
Speaker 1: These are from New Jersey. I imported them myself. They
Speaker 1: cost like sin too, But Lord bless me. I go
Speaker 1: in for having the best of a thing, even if
Speaker 1: it does cost a little more. It's the best economy
Speaker 1: in the long run. These are the early Malcolm. It's
Speaker 1: a turnip that can't be produced except in just one orchard,
Speaker 1: and the supply never is up to the demand. Take
Speaker 1: some more water, Washington. You can't drink too much water
Speaker 1: with fruit. All the doctors say that the plague can't
Speaker 1: come where this article is, my boy? Plague? What plague?
Speaker 1: What plague? Indeed, why the Asiatic plague that nearly depopulated
Speaker 1: London a couple of centuries ago? But how does that
Speaker 1: concern us? There is no plague here, I reckon sh
Speaker 1: I've let it out. Well, never mind, just keep it
Speaker 1: to yourself. Perhaps I oughtn't said anything, but it's bound
Speaker 1: to come out sooner or later. So what is the odds?
Speaker 1: Old McDowell's wouldn't like me to bother it all. I'll
Speaker 1: just tell the whole thing and let it go. You see,
Speaker 1: I've been down to Saint Louis and I happen to
Speaker 1: run across old Doctor mc dowells thinks the world of me,
Speaker 1: does the doctor. He's a man that keeps himself to himself,
Speaker 1: and well he may, for he knows that he's got
Speaker 1: a reputation that covers the whole earth. He won't condescend
Speaker 1: to open himself out to many people. But Lord bless you,
Speaker 1: he and I are just like brothers. He won't let
Speaker 1: me go to a hotel when I'm in the city,
Speaker 1: says I'm the only man that's company to him. And
Speaker 1: I don't know. But there's some truth in it too,
Speaker 1: because although I never like to glorify myself and make
Speaker 1: a great to do over what I am, or what
Speaker 1: I can do or what I know, I don't mind
Speaker 1: saying here among friends that I am better read up
Speaker 1: in most sciences, maybe than the general run of professional
Speaker 1: men in these days. Well, the other day he let
Speaker 1: me into a little secret, strictly on the quiet, about
Speaker 1: this matter of the plague. You see, it's booming right
Speaker 1: along in our direction, follows the Gulf stream, you know,
Speaker 1: just as all those epidemics do. And within three months.
Speaker 1: It will be just waltzing through this land like a whirlwind.
Speaker 1: And whoever it touches can make his will and contract
Speaker 1: for the funeral. Well, you can't cure it, you know,
Speaker 1: but you can prevent it. How Turnips, that's it. Turnips
Speaker 1: and water. Nothing like it in the world. Old mc
Speaker 1: dowells said, just fill yourself up two or three times
Speaker 1: a day, and you can snap your fingers at the plague.
Speaker 1: Sha keep mum, But just you confine yourself to that
Speaker 1: diet and you're all right. I wouldn't have old mc
Speaker 1: dowells know that I told about it for anything. He
Speaker 1: never would speak to me again. Take some more water, Washington.
Speaker 1: The more water you drink, the better. Here. Let me
Speaker 1: give you some more of the turnips. No, no, no, no, now,
Speaker 1: I insist there. Now. Absorb those. They're mighty sustaining brim
Speaker 1: full of nutriment. All the medical books say so. Just
Speaker 1: eat from four to seven good sized turnips at a meal,
Speaker 1: and drink from a pint and a half to a
Speaker 1: quart of water, and then just sit around a couple
Speaker 1: of hours and let them ferment. You'll feel like a
Speaker 1: fighting cock next day, fifteen or twenty minutes later, the
Speaker 1: colonel's tongue was still chattering away. He had piled up
Speaker 1: several future fortunes out of several incipient operations which he
Speaker 1: had blundered into within the past week, and was now
Speaker 1: soaring along through some brilliant expectations born of late promising
Speaker 1: experiments upon the lacking ingredient of the eye water. And
Speaker 1: at such a time Washington ought to have been a
Speaker 1: rapt and enthusiastic listener. But he was not, for two
Speaker 1: matters disturbed his mind and distracted his attention. One was
Speaker 1: that he discovered, to his confusion and shame, that in
Speaker 1: allowing himself to be helped a second time to the turnips,
Speaker 1: he had robbed those hungry children. He had not needed
Speaker 1: the dreadful fruit, and had not wanted it. And when
Speaker 1: he saw the pathetic sorrow in their faces when they
Speaker 1: asked for more and there was no more to give them,
Speaker 1: he hated himself for his stupidity, and pitied the famishing
Speaker 1: young things with all his heart. The other matter that
Speaker 1: disturbed him was the dire inflation that had begun in
Speaker 1: his stomach. It grew and grew, it became more and
Speaker 1: more insupportable. Evidently the turnips were fermenting. He forced himself
Speaker 1: to sit still as long as he could, but his
Speaker 1: anguish conquered him. At last he rose in the midst
Speaker 1: of the colonel's talk and excused himself on the plea
Speaker 1: of a previous engagement. The colonel followed him to the door,
Speaker 1: promising over and over again that he would use his
Speaker 1: influence to get some of the early malcolms for him,
Speaker 1: and insisting that he should not be such a stranger,
Speaker 1: but come and take pot luck with him every chance
Speaker 1: he got. Washington was glad enough to get away and
Speaker 1: feel free again. He immediately bent his steps towards home.
Speaker 1: In bed, he passed an hour that threatened to turn
Speaker 1: his hair gray, and then a blessed calm settled down
Speaker 1: upon him that filled his heart with gratitude. Weak and languid,
Speaker 1: he made shift to turn himself about and seek rest
Speaker 1: and sleep, And as his soul hovered upon the brink
Speaker 1: of unconsciousness, he heaved a long, deep sigh and said
Speaker 1: to himself that in his heart he had cursed the
Speaker 1: colonel's preventive of rheumatism before, and now let the plague
Speaker 1: come if it must. He was done with preventatives. If
Speaker 1: ever any man beguiled him with turnips and water, again,
Speaker 1: let him die the death. If he dreamed of all
Speaker 1: that night, no gossiping spirit disturbed his visions to whisper
Speaker 1: in his ear of certain matters just then in Bud
Speaker 1: in the east, more than a thousand miles away, that
Speaker 1: after the lapse of a few years, would develop influences
Speaker 1: which would profoundly affect the fate and fortunes of the
Speaker 1: Hawkins family. End of Chapter eleven.