Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: I am Chris, and I'm dead and my eternal punishment
is to do this podcast where we interview everyone in
the afterlife, and I'm joined as always by the younger
brother of Satan Clayton.
Speaker 3: Whoa yeah, oh man, big episode. Oh I'm bouncing off
the walls today. You see my peping my step when
I walked into this hot today.
Speaker 1: So excited for today's episode.
Speaker 2: Dude, what do we have going on?
Speaker 3: Okay, well, I wanted to keep this a surprise from
you because you're in your eternal punishment after life and
it's good to torture you. But the smile I get
from a Chris's face after I reveal a big surprise,
you know, whether it be just a big sloppy turn
in his bed sheets, I do love this.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: We're like a kind little birthday gift, you know, like
a big turn.
Speaker 1: Big turn. Yeah.
Speaker 3: But like sometimes I like to treat Chris. I don't know,
it's I love seeing the glimmer in Chris's eye. So
I got a big surprise for you today, Chris, do
you want to take any guesses?
Speaker 1: We got a big guest.
Speaker 3: We got big guests, plural big guests, yeah.
Speaker 1: I can't hold back the secret anymore.
Speaker 3: We're dipping our toes for the first time or hooks
or hoves into music. Chris, I don't want to freak
you out, but I'm thinking we might try something a
little bit different for this episode and maybe just for
future episodes going forward.
Speaker 1: You know, normally we do talk show interviews and have
people come in and, oh, tell me about your fucking
life boo. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: But like I was thinking, what if we were like
a venue for like musical guests, right.
Speaker 2: So, like they'd play a concert.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they've come in, they play us live, and
then we could be kind of like Jimmy Kimmel or
like that fucking terrible guy that was on SNL that
isn't funny, but he has a show for some reason.
He like humanized Donald Trump. Was that guy's name, Jimmy
Fammy Fallon.
Speaker 1: That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: So we're gonna be like, then we we'll have a
musical guest and then we'll interview them and it's gonna
be really okay, Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2: So we're gonna start having a musical component to the show.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 3: So if this goes well, and I think host crossed.
I think it's gonna be.
Speaker 1: Great, Chris.
Speaker 2: I think it's gonna see how it couldn't all right?
Speaker 1: Who do you got booked? Well, Chris? Is it Elvis? Yeah? Elvis? No, no, no,
let me get is it Bach? No, it's not Bok
it's not Boxing.
Speaker 3: Stop guessing. Your guesses are really Buddy Holly. It's not
Buddy Holly. Shut the fuck up, Chris. Okay, you're bringing
down the moon. So it's not those guys. Okay, Hey,
if you're feeling lonely, you know what I'm here waiting
for you.
Speaker 1: You know you know that song? Right? Yeah, you do.
Speaker 3: You're a fucking hipster guy. What is it early two thousands.
I'm just across. I'm just a waiter from you.
Speaker 1: You know that.
Speaker 2: I think so that sounds it's the lyrics are taking
me out, Chris to the ball game.
Speaker 4: No, you're fucking more on.
Speaker 1: It's Franz Ferdinane, the band. Franz Ferdinan.
Speaker 3: Oh, come on in, guys, let's play a song the
rock band.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Franz Ernan, Yeah, come on in guys.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hey, hey, mine's the right place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just booked you.
Speaker 4: Yes, someone came and got me and I'm here now.
I'm not sure I was watching Fallon. Oh okay, it's
the one show where allowed it is?
Speaker 1: It is terrible. Are you like the agents? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Where are the other?
Speaker 4: Is the agent for the.
Speaker 2: Band Franz Ferdinand, Fritz Fernand the band?
Speaker 4: Yes, I am Franz Ferdinand.
Speaker 2: Where the other members of your band.
Speaker 4: As a members?
Speaker 1: Were your instruments?
Speaker 4: I do not play any instruments.
Speaker 1: Oh uh, okay, look, Chris.
Speaker 4: Chris, I signed documents these types of things.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, who's this fucking Schwarzenegger impersonator?
Speaker 1: Who is this your Franz Ferdinant?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh the other Franz Ferdinant Clayton Clayton, what clerical error?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, what is this like Werner hertzog? What is
going on here? No?
Speaker 2: It's Franz Ferdinand from Austria Hungary.
Speaker 4: I don't yes, yes, this is the one. Okay, this
one is smart. Is Austria Hungary a band? Are they
like a cover band for Franz Ferdinand?
Speaker 1: I'm not following.
Speaker 2: No? No, Austria Hungary the Empire?
Speaker 4: Okay, we're very big.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm I'm sorry. Was this like a mistake, Archduke
Franz Ferdinand. Yes, no, I'm looking for the band Franz Verne. Okay,
all right, pause, time out. What the fuck is happening?
Because Chris, you got a rock on right now? You
got a heart on something? Is this like a historic guy?
Speaker 1: Who are you?
Speaker 2: He's pretty important figure in history?
Speaker 1: Right? I've never heard of you. I'm sorry, sir, I've
never heard of you. What do you do? What was
your work?
Speaker 4: I was very important in Austria and Hungary until yeah,
well until I died, of course, and came here, and
unfortunately no one now probably knows who I am.
Speaker 1: Okay, hold on, just.
Speaker 2: Wonder No, no, everyone knows who you are.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna. I'm just really yeah, so let me give
you from my work in so he does it for everyone?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 1: What were you saying? Sorry?
Speaker 4: From my work in modernizing the military or something else?
Speaker 2: Yeah, not exactly. Military is involved?
Speaker 4: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Any other guesses?
Speaker 4: Oh? I loved cars if I married a woman under
my station in life?
Speaker 1: Yeah, why are you dressed that way?
Speaker 3: Because you don't look like you come from an era
of car I know nothing about you.
Speaker 1: Frans Fernan. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: I know that you have a sick band named after
youstic Otherwise you just are wearing this really weird paramilitary
garb that looks like it's from anywhere from the fourteen to.
Speaker 1: The eighteen hundreds. I don't what is this, Chris?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Well, Franz Ferdinand Okay, yeah, he started World War One?
Oh what? Yeah? You started World War One.
Speaker 4: I don't recall starting any world wars.
Speaker 3: Wait, this is the guy, the guy that got fucking
and then everything I did get to bam, bam bam.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you don't know anything beyond that though no
one told you no.
Speaker 4: I've been here watching Fallon.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, this episode sturting around. Wow, so we've
got to catch you up on a couple of things.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, okay, very well. How is Austria Hungary well thriving.
We'll get to that under my modern military.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, actually, before we get into like what happens in
the aftermath of you getting blown away, can you just
tell us about your day, like, what was the last
day on earth Link? Yeah, and then when from there
we can go on.
Speaker 4: The last day was fantastic. We drove around all day.
People were throwing bombs at me. Yeah, yeah, all day long.
It was fantastic. It was so much fun. Yeah, okay,
Sarahjevo a city where nothing bad has ever happened.
Speaker 2: Well, I have a question for you, Archduke France. Yes,
should I just call you Duke? Archduke France fran fran
is fine?
Speaker 4: Okay, no, just Fran you can drop the z Okay.
Speaker 3: I'm glad we don't have to call March Duke, because
that's what I call when I take a massive taco
bellshit drop an Archduke?
Speaker 1: Am I right?
Speaker 2: So you're heir to the throne of Austria Hungary, right,
very much so. And the Serbian people hated you, right, yes, yes,
of course.
Speaker 1: Wait, you're so casual about that. What's up with that?
Is this accepted the sibs.
Speaker 4: They don't like anyone. Yeah, they're Obama people. Yes, oh okay.
Speaker 2: And you decided to go and drive around in the
Slavic States, right.
Speaker 4: Of course, Just to put myself out there, say in Bosnia.
In Bosnia, of course, another place where nothing bad's ever
happened or will happen, zero genocide. I like to see them,
let them know I'm here. They cannot get rid of me.
I'm here to stay and that kind of thing.
Speaker 3: Was this like a victory lap, like you're flipping the
double birds and you're saying, ah, I'm your leader now,
or was it like you're trying to like be a
man to the people.
Speaker 1: What was the motive there with this little joy ride?
Speaker 4: You know, it's been a long time, but it could
have gone either way, honestly, depending on my mood that day.
Speaker 1: It's very noncommittal.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's been so long, but.
Speaker 2: You knew that the people hated you there, right, yes,
So why did you go driving around?
Speaker 1: And convertible to be more precise, Yeah.
Speaker 4: If you had access to a car, are you telling
me you wouldn't go for a little drive?
Speaker 1: Okay, you got me there, friends Bernan, you got me there.
Speaker 4: These things are extraordinary. There's no horse, Yeah, it drives
of its own will. So it's just a joy ride. Yes,
of course, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Fair fair.
Speaker 4: So you're driving around my driver, I don't drive.
Speaker 2: Sorry, of course, not no, no, and an assassin throws
a bomb and it bounces off your car and explodes, yes,
under another vehicle a horse.
Speaker 1: You're getting bombed.
Speaker 4: The other vehicle was a horse.
Speaker 1: A horse. Okay, well it's been a long time.
Speaker 3: You're in like a real world Mario card situation where
people are throwing redshells at you and you're still going around. Driver,
you didn't feel like, hey, maybe we should call it,
maybe we should go home?
Speaker 4: Is Mario? We have a game Boy with Doctor Mario,
but that is our only game? Is this the Mario?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a whole franchise.
Speaker 3: But you didn't think to just call it quits after
the first bomb.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, No, when you're in my line of work,
this is happening all day, every day and again. When
you have access to an automobile, you must use it
to its fullest. I mean especially convertible, a convertible especially
hair down. Sorry the hair is up, the roof is down.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, of course.
Speaker 4: It's such a rare treat. And my deposit. If I
brought it back early, I would have lost my deposit. Okay,
I see it was a rental gotcha hats and rental
cars back hats hats, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Frans burn in hairts.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yes, yes, they throw a bomb at
bounce off your car, and you're like, well that was lucky,
and you.
Speaker 4: Just what are the chances?
Speaker 2: What did your wife think?
Speaker 1: Did she say anything?
Speaker 4: You know, she's shining and crying and saying, oh, Franz h,
this is so scary. I don't want to get bombed.
As you know, she was beneath my station. I said,
I outrank you. You mentioned that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've made a point of saying that twice.
Speaker 4: Now. Yes, yes, I'm sure you're a great husband. Yes,
I was a wonderful husband. But sometimes when you marry
a peasant woman, she wasn't a peasant. Of course, I'm exaggerating,
but this is what you married. In two You're gonna
have bombs thrown at you from time to time. You
just have to chill yeah, okay, chill out and get
comfortable with it.
Speaker 3: So you just kind of like boom flipped it like
this is your problem, not mine. Yes, exactly, you're the
one that's being crazy exactly.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: What I said at first was no, that didn't happen.
There was no explosion.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, all right, guessole.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, yes, so bomb goes off. You're like, all right,
keep on. Your driver gets.
Speaker 4: Lost, Well, I had a short cut I told him
to take. Oh yes, it was taking too long, and
I wanted to see there was a gift shop. Oh
that had those little spoons. Oh it says your name.
And I could not find friends. So I'm looking, I'm looking,
I'm looking, and in the time between, another horse explodes.
Oh oh in the street.
Speaker 1: Wow. Was this like a random combustion or was it
another bomb? I'm confused here.
Speaker 4: We don't know. I didn't look into it. I just
assume peasants doing peasant things, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Sometimes a horse pops so we couldn't go that way,
so we had to go around and take a different route.
Speaker 1: And then your car broke down, right.
Speaker 4: Yes, I was trying to show my wife the suspension,
how good it can feel, you know, in a car.
It's because a horse is up and down and up
and down. So I'm jumping. I'm jumping. I'm jumping. You're
jumping in it, yes, and I'm telling everyone jump, jump
everyone jump. Show my dim wife scared of everything. Yeah,
and then pop.
Speaker 3: You're jumping where you're jumping for joy because you found
the spoon with Frans on it.
Speaker 1: We got a lot to get to, but I'm curious
about the spoon though.
Speaker 4: No, I could not find Fran I found Fred Oh,
which close enough. Yeah, it's not the same, but close enough.
Speaker 1: Chris doesn't have to worry about that.
Speaker 3: He can get Chris always anywhere, little license plates, key.
Speaker 1: Chains, Yeah, Clayton, little bit more hidden, miss but man France,
that must be a tough one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, especially outside of the Austrian Hungarian Empire, which
still going strong.
Speaker 1: We'll get to that. Yeah, you mentioned that, we'll get
to that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, very well.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: So you're jumping in an area where people want to
kill you? Yes, and then the car stops?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: What happened next?
Speaker 4: I began beating my driver. I say, drive, drive more on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the car wasn't working.
Speaker 1: I think it's more of the car's problem, not the driver.
Speaker 4: Nevertheless, a car is a vessel for those who ride.
I'm not a philosopher, but someone must be blamed. I see, Okay,
not you, No, of course, not am I driving?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: Right, didn't even have my gloves. I beat my driver. Okay,
you say I can do nothing. I can't do anything.
Speaker 2: So then what was then?
Speaker 4: Biden?
Speaker 1: Bang?
Speaker 4: And I wake up and I'm watching Fallon.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so just to give you a little
contact that first assassinent threw the bomb, messed up. Then
there was another assassin, but they shot up late.
Speaker 4: Oh to work.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess, I don't know. Can you you call
assassination work? I guess if you're geting paid for.
Speaker 2: I think these was more pro bono the game.
Speaker 3: Yeah, these were just like dudes that were just doing
it for the love of the game.
Speaker 1: From recollection. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So this guy I think his name was It's not
important gav Rillo. Yeah, I mean, what are you?
Speaker 2: Carl Gavrillo showed up late and was like, dang, I
missed my big shot. So he just went to a
cafe and was hanging out and then yeah, lo and.
Speaker 1: Behold you roll up not lovely for you friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you roll up on the wrong route where you're
not supposed to be and then your.
Speaker 1: Car breaks down.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then bang.
Speaker 2: Gavrillo was like, well, this is my shot, yeah, or
your shot that killed you.
Speaker 3: Michael Jordan says, you miss under pursuit of the shots
that you don't take, and he took.
Speaker 1: I guess he got two shots on you.
Speaker 4: So pop pops the last thing I hear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you died, bummer, What do you think happened after that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, actually, no, this is a fun game.
Speaker 3: Let's do some like mad libs, Like what do you
think happens for the rest of the world.
Speaker 2: For context, it's been about geeze hundred years, right, you fucking.
Speaker 4: It's been one hundred years, two hundred years, one hundred years.
Speaker 3: What day is it's been over one hundred years, one
hundred years?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. Wow.
Speaker 2: So what do you think has happened in that time?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, a bit flying cause the horse is done for entirely.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like, let's go broaderly, just like we know
you like cars, but yeah, yeah, I know you're a
big cars guy. Let's like move on from cars. What
else do you think has happened in the world?
Speaker 1: Come on, this isn't Pixar.
Speaker 4: Well, in terms of commerce, you no longer have to
go to hats to rent a car. I see a
future with as many different car rentals.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, all right, all right.
Speaker 4: You can rent every car you can imagine in all colors.
It's not just black anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not wrong. Yeah, you've nailed it.
Speaker 4: Competitive prices, Yeah, okay, but what else?
Speaker 1: What else do you think has happened?
Speaker 4: Well, for me, I think the state funeral, my wife
was there. Everyone cried and it was so sad, very respectful,
and I'm probably in the history books known as a
chill guy who loved classic cause.
Speaker 3: Well, going back to your funeral day, your wife was there,
but not in the capacity that you think. She wasn't mourning,
she was also dead. Sorry, I guess I gotta break
this to you.
Speaker 4: Now, I've never seen her here.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe she isn't here. Have you considered there's another
place that she might have gone to?
Speaker 1: Valhalla? What?
Speaker 4: No, No, no, what's the other place.
Speaker 2: It's a long start. We're getting derailed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my apologies.
Speaker 1: You're getting derailed, just like you're driving around.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's a metaphor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just roam around. We got to stay on subject.
Speaker 4: France bernand sorry, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 3: You know, Frands, earlier you mentioned visiting gift shops and
going on vacation. Well, summer is here and I've got
some trips planned myself. But before I go on vacation,
I like having my finances sorted. And that's where Monarch
comes in handy. We want to thank Monarch for sponsoring
your show. Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks
everything accounts, investments, savings, goals and spending. Get your first
year of Monarch Corps for half off just fifty with
promo code GMFH. Monarch is taking the mental load of
tracking finances off me and Chris's plate. You know, before
I was going through various bank account portals and writing
down account balances, organizing receipts, YadA, YadA, YadA. But now
I just use one art to track my money, and
instead I can focus on planning a sick vacation trip
instead of focusing on all that money stuff.
Speaker 1: I love how easy Monarch has used.
Speaker 3: It's my go to finance app that tells me what
I've already spent, how on track I am for financial
goals that I've set. I can map out big purchases
like flights and hotel bookings, and Monart tells me whether
or not I need to make adjustments to spending stay
within my budget. It's great, so folks listening at home
give them a try. Use code GMFH at monart dot
com to get your first year of Monarch Core half
off at just fifty dollars.
Speaker 1: That's fifty percent off your first.
Speaker 3: Year at Monarch dot com with code gmfh okay, fronds,
where were we?
Speaker 2: How do you think the rest of Europe reacted to
you getting assassinated?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you think they're like stoked? Do you think
they're bummed?
Speaker 4: I'm sure that's a Serbs and Batch group of course
was probably a bit happy. Yeah, But the rest of
Europe they would have said, no way, no way, he's gone,
and they would have cried. And I'm sure there were
many newspaper articles there were, you know, so sad. Yeah,
no way, he's gone, no way, Frans can't be gone.
It can't be m m. I should they cry? They
kissed my grave?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: So listen, you dying. And I'm not trying to make
you feel overly important because you're not. Like you getting
shot it was really the most important thing that you
ever did.
Speaker 3: Really, you were the second choice that I had for
friends for an in book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just so that you know how important you are.
Speaker 4: This is extremely rude.
Speaker 1: Sorry.
Speaker 2: So basically Austria, Hungary blamed Serbia, yes, and then Germany
they wanted to go to war.
Speaker 1: Yo, Germany had a boner on they wanted to go
to war.
Speaker 2: Really, they wanted to support Austria Hungary of course. Yeah,
so Austria Hungary declared war on Serbia. Yes, that kind
of led to a chain of alliance. Russia declared war
on Serbia, Germany declared war on Russia. Germany then declared
war on France.
Speaker 1: And then this is a thirty minute podcast. We could
be here all day.
Speaker 4: Okay, I understand.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna line up these checkers.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is you right, Yes, yes, all right, you
see all these checkers in front of you.
Speaker 4: I see it. Yes, I'm just.
Speaker 3: Gonna wipe them all off the border. I'm not even
gonna knock it down. Wow, World War One, you fucking.
Speaker 1: Started it, bro.
Speaker 3: It was a chain reaction, and then so many people
died because of you, you fucking loser.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 4: World War One an entire war, an entire war, an
entire world war.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm talking because I was so beloved. I wanted
to fight for my honor, my name. No.
Speaker 2: No, it was really more just like a string of alliances.
And I think everyone in Europe really just wanted to
go to war.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Everyone was just real horned up for like war, and
you were just like the viagra pill. That popped the
first boner that set off the chain reaction of an orgy. Yeah,
mass murder and death the world has not seen since well,
actually they have, Okay, the World War two? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 4: When you said will to a something, Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's weird to clarify if there's.
Speaker 1: Not a second. Yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, technically it was called the Great War War or
the War to End All Wars.
Speaker 1: Oh, that was a fun one. I remember. I was like,
we'll see how that goes.
Speaker 4: You must have done farewell there, you dirty dog me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, yeah, we got staffed up down here in
hell real quick with the mustard gas. Yeah, and the executions. Yeah,
I got pretty crazy, pretty harrowing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's war. Guess how many people died? That's a
fun game.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, go ahead, one, let's see. Horses are people.
Speaker 1: I think we should probably go with people, just people
for now. Yeah.
Speaker 4: People, okay, and a lot of horses did die. I
have to rethink it then, Okay.
Speaker 1: Your instinct was horses first.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course. I twenty twenty what a thousand million people?
Speaker 2: Twenty people total?
Speaker 4: Twenty twenty people, more, twenty people, more.
Speaker 1: Cold, go more for ae hundred more. Keep going more
than four hundred. It's a pretty bloody war.
Speaker 4: Yeah, two thousand more. You'll have to just tell me.
I don't think I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna geh okay, more like sixteen to twenty million.
Speaker 3: Yeah, horses, No, no, no, people, fans, people, what a.
Speaker 4: World where sixteen million horses can be spared to die?
Speaker 1: Just like that? It's not horses, they're people like, excuse me,
it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 4: France's heads is in the clouds again, seeking of horses.
Speaker 1: It must be because you're so shocked.
Speaker 3: We have laid a lot on you, and so you
just can't wrap your head around the sheer number, right.
Speaker 4: The enormity. Yes, maybe that could be it.
Speaker 1: Maybe sixteen to twenty million.
Speaker 4: Look, it's a big number. But I'm in hell. If
I could flip a switch and bring them back and
say I didn't die, you don't have to go to
war for me. Of course I would, but that's not
the position I'm in.
Speaker 1: I'm going to stop you there before you go much further. Yes,
if you could bring who back? Who are you talking about?
Speaker 4: Who would I like to bring back? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you can flip a switch to bring you
said them back? Who do you mean?
Speaker 4: Well, how many horses?
Speaker 1: Did you say? Diet stop with a lot of horse?
I mean, okay, see a horse girl? What is going
on here? Looking this up?
Speaker 4: I would bring back all the horses first, if I
only have one not very clear? Yeah, they didn't do
anything wrong.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 4: Next, I would bring back the cause I assume some
cars were blown up. A lot of cars they come
back to first round of revivals.
Speaker 1: And then tanks. Oh god, the tanks, dude.
Speaker 2: Oh, I guess you didn't even know what a tank was.
Tank is like an armored car.
Speaker 4: You're joking.
Speaker 2: It's like a warship, but in a car.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's got like instead of wheels, it has these
things called treads.
Speaker 1: That's all terrain, dude, They're not ra Yeah.
Speaker 4: Can we get some done here? We have them, I
think we do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't think you're allowed to be near them.
Speaker 4: Come on, I'm doing this show. Surely you could pull
some strings and get me into a tank for just
one two days. We can keep taking a horse if
not a tank.
Speaker 1: Was gonna say.
Speaker 3: If we want to talk about World War two and
get into that, we've got a lot to catch you
up on or Yeah, you seem to be really.
Speaker 4: Interested in the tanks. Did you want to talk about tank? Yes,
of course, okay, so the tank.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Can I go to any hats he does not have tanks?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, I mean if you go to Texas?
Who knows?
Speaker 4: Maybe Texas. This is the other place that my wife went.
Speaker 2: No, not quite, No, it's culture to here.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, hell okay.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, I've heard this. Lots of Texans
are here actually in Hell. Oh yes, yeah, I've noticed.
Speaker 1: They love it down here, they love it.
Speaker 2: How do you think Austria Hungary did in the war?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, of course we crushed we crossed the opposition.
We have more horses, I imagine, more tanks than any other
country on Earth. There's no one who could destroy us
or even tear us apart. Yeah, we are too strong.
Austria and Hungary as an empire. We're like two lovers.
Speaker 1: And you were allied with Germany.
Speaker 4: Yes, like a little brother to us. I was running
around causing conflicts in Europe.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Whatever became of Germany?
Speaker 2: Oh well they're still around. They're actually doing pretty well.
So you know that World War two that we mentioned yes,
they did that, that was them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so they want to get no no, no, no, no.
Speaker 4: And now we live in a golden age where Germany
won two World.
Speaker 3: Was that wouldn't be very golden. I don't think for
a lot of people.
Speaker 1: Really.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna just break the news to you.
Speaker 4: Go ahead, I'm ready.
Speaker 2: Austria Hungary lost World War One.
Speaker 4: No that's not true.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is. It is they did.
Speaker 4: They didn't objectively, it's the truth. They did not lose.
Speaker 1: No, not only did they lose, they ceased to be.
Speaker 4: How can a place cease to be?
Speaker 2: That's not No, well the land is still, it's just
not Austria Hungary. No, like your entire population was like decimated,
millions died. No yeah, yeah yeah, so they basically kind
of no yeah yeah yeah, we're telling you facts.
Speaker 1: This is history. Like you can't argue with this.
Speaker 4: Anyone could have made this up.
Speaker 1: Okay, Wow, that's true. That's valid. He's not wrong.
Speaker 2: But okay, there is Austria still, o god, and there's Hungary.
Speaker 1: But instead of Austria, hyphen Hungary.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's now a comma and then a series of
other country names.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I want to and so they all still exist,
but they just didn't want to be in the big
kind of happy family anymore.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, they really didn't want.
Speaker 4: To be That's such a bummer. Yeah, I hate it
when you know, families are split up like that of
for such petty bullshit.
Speaker 2: Like World Wars.
Speaker 4: Yes, like World was I haven't talked to a lot
of my family in nearly twenty years. They took my
favorite horse and they took him outside, and you know,
pop much like myself, and now.
Speaker 3: He's gla they're showing more emotion right now over that
dead horse than any of the other facts that we've
told you throughout this episode.
Speaker 4: Well, yes, I mean, guilty is charged. I haven't been
known to be a bit morbid, out of touch. Yeah,
girlfriends have said that I don't listen. I'm not present
in the moment because you're not a peasant. I'm not
a peasant. No, But they're saying, Franz, you're always thinking
of horses. Yeah, you're never taking time for us horses
and classic cars.
Speaker 2: Would it just be cars back then, though?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Just be regular cars for you. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, you know, the classics were year too late, but
still we always call them classics even back then.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know why I'm feeding into this, but
so what did your horse think when you started riding
your car? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, was there like a jealousy? Was that a hard
day for the horse?
Speaker 4: That little minx. She looks at me from across as
I swing my hips over the hard metal, sit myself
upon the seat as I have upon her back so
many times. Now Here she comes trotting over Begains, licking
me as she has done so many times before. And
I say, not today, not today. I will be in
the barn later. I will see you in the barn later.
I'm not replacing you. This is new technology. And then
I put the blinders on her. One of my servants
leads her away to be you know, put down. Unfortunately, yes,
put down. She was very sick. When I got into
the car, I accidentally hit the gash and I collided.
It was very sad, but is a sign of the times.
I still love horses.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, clearly.
Speaker 2: Really, when you think about it, you indirectly also are
responsible for World War Two because of the way that
World War One ended up kind of let to World
War Two.
Speaker 1: It's a blueprint for it.
Speaker 4: Listen, I was down here, so you'll have to catch
me up on what happened, I assume again, just like
World War One, Germany, Austria, the good guys, No.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, another guys, good guys.
Speaker 4: We went some good guys.
Speaker 2: World War One, it's kind of a crap shoot, really.
Speaker 4: Sure, much more complicated, strange family dynamics. Yes, yeah, everyone's
king and queen and cousins married. Yes, yes, of course.
Speaker 2: There wasn't really a right side, just so curiosity because
we talked about it earlier.
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about horse deaths.
Speaker 3: But yes, World War One somewhere between like sixteen to
twenty million dead.
Speaker 4: It's a lot of people just out curiousity.
Speaker 1: How many things? For World War Two?
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean they would have learned so many lessons.
I go back to my original guests and probably say
about twenty twenty, yes, because they would have probably figured
it out. No, yeah, what was it, Clayton, It was
like seventy to eighty five million. It was like, it's
not so many people in the world, How could it
be this many?
Speaker 1: Well there was, and then there wasn't.
Speaker 4: And yeah, I suppose yes if they died.
Speaker 3: So knowing all that you know now about you fucking
around in your car, jumping up and down, looking for
your little spoons, taking shortcuts in a city that you
probably weren't very familiar with.
Speaker 1: Is there anything different you would have done on that day?
Speaker 3: Absolutely not No, no, even knowing the near one hundred
million deaths that happened as a result.
Speaker 4: No, I wouldn't change this thing. You see, as I said,
when you get the chance to drive a classic car,
god damn it around town around Sajevo, you take that.
You know, opportunity it only knocks once.
Speaker 2: Now, Actually yours was like twice because again people tried
to kill you twice. Yeah, like, yeah, you had an
opportunity to turn back.
Speaker 4: What am I to live in fear? No, the opportunity
was knocking. I said, come in. I give Opportunity a hug,
as if he is my horse, pat. I feed Opportunity
and apple fit him with a bridle in a saddle,
and I ride Opportunity into the sunset. And no, I
don't think there's anything to change. It would have been
chilled to live longer, but no, it's happened, It's done.
Speaker 3: Wow, you're oddly at peace with your fate. I mean,
I appreciate your honesty, friends, Ernance. It might be flawed,
but at least you were being sincere. And uh, what
the fuck do you want to go right in a tank?
Speaker 4: Are you serious?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, it's a convertible one. Really.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the kind of tank I was picturing in
my head when you told me about them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, strategically, does it make sense to have a convertible
tank because then the tops down?
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, of course, yeah, but what the fuck?
Speaker 4: So cool?
Speaker 1: We've got one out back.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Oh my, this is the best
day of well on my life, I suppose.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, here there's the keys. There, you go knock yourself out.
Speaker 3: It's gonna take some getting used to. There's a lot
of gears and stuff like that, but you seem to.
Speaker 1: Know your way around a car.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, don't worry about me, all right, saddle up, goodbye.
Speaker 1: A bye bye, see you later. Franz Vernon, thank you?
Wow wow.
Speaker 2: Well, while he dries off, remember you could support us
at good Morning from hell dot com. You get tons
of content like our behind the scenes while we're doing
a Hell show. You get the chance to be roasted,
You get unreleased content that's only on good money from
Hell dot com and also helps us make the show.
Speaker 1: Oh what's he doing?
Speaker 3: It looks like he was going to the but it
seems like he just got stopped by a horse. They
seem to know each other.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, that is horse.
Speaker 1: That was his old horse. And when they got put
horse has a gun.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, no, no, no, oh god. Listeners at home,
The horse has shot Franz Ferdinand. He's been assassinated for
a second time.
Speaker 1: Again.
Speaker 3: Wow, the bullets hit another Franz Ferdinane second frand Ferdinand
has hit the ground. Okay, well, thanks for listening to episode.
Speaker 1: Of Good Morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll get that band on next time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe maybe, all right, Gill Clayton, Patrick, what's your
last name?
Speaker 4: Brown?
Speaker 3: We're gonna include this in the cut. Hey, thanks for
listening to this episode.
Speaker 1: Can work.
Speaker 4: What's your name?
Speaker 1: Our special guest, Patrick Brown?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you got it.
Speaker 1: For coming on. Patrick. Oh man, we used to collaborate
with you over in the Funhouse days, but you were
busy over an astrogoblin. Now tell us about that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're one of the many fractured piece of rooster
teeth along with yourself.
Speaker 2: Just like the Austria Hungarian Empire.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's exactly like that.
Speaker 1: It crumbled and fell into all these different countries.
Speaker 4: This whole episode is actually a metaphor for Rooster Teeth
and the pre show meetings that we've been doing for
a couple of weeks now. Yeah, that was kind of
what we discussed, was like, okay, how do we tell
the story of Rooster Teeth?
Speaker 1: Yeah, who's Bernie frans Verdin?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: So at astro Gooblin?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Who Al is in there?
Speaker 1: And what are you all doing?
Speaker 4: It's me and Charlotte and Jacob, all from Funhouse And
we started off trying to play video games, like you know,
standard stuff, and then realized that we didn't really like
doing that. So we still do that a lot. Actually,
it's probably mostly what we do, but we also apply
for jobs at RB's Wow cool sick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we call.
Speaker 4: Ourselves a Google Chrome Let's Play channel. At this point,
we've done podcasts about Star Wars young adult novels. Right now,
we have a podcast and video whatever you call it,
TTRPG show that's current coming out on our Patreon.
Speaker 1: Yeah there's no money in those, I know, I know.
Speaker 4: That's that's not all why we did it. It's truly
for the money.
Speaker 2: So everyone can find astro Goblin on YouTube and social media,
and you also have a Patreon, right.
Speaker 4: Yes, Paton dot com. Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: Everyone go check them out. It's hilarious stuff, and everyone
in astro.
Speaker 1: Goblin is hilarious.
Speaker 2: So you'd be dumb not to listen to them or.
Speaker 1: Watch them be stupid, stupid, stupid.
Speaker 4: All right, you'd be so dumb.
Speaker 2: We're gonna go talk about why we're going to hell.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, thank you, Bye,