WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:04.360 Welcome to becoming the beautiful Discovery, the courage to wake up. 2 00:00:04.960 --> 00:00:08.480 I'm Raina Bigham, Coach Queen Bee, and this is a 3 00:00:08.519 --> 00:00:12.919 space for anyone ready to reclaim their power, honor their truth, 4 00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:18.320 and rise from survival into self awakening. I spent many 5 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:23.719 years living by everyone else's rules, invisible in my own life, 6 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:26.960 until holding my newborn daughter changed everything. 7 00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:29.000 From that moment, I began to. 8 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:35.039 Rewrite my story, but myself first and discover what freedom 9 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:38.880 and beauty really mean. Here, along with doctor Pat, we 10 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:44.679 explore courage, self care, and the messy, magnificent journey of awakening. 11 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:48.679 Every scar can be a signature of strength, every. 12 00:00:48.520 --> 00:00:51.759 Step can be a claim to your own life. 13 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:55.520 This is your invitation to wake up, speak your truth, 14 00:00:55.719 --> 00:00:58.880 and become the beautiful discovery you are always meant to 15 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:03.399 be me The beautiful Discovery starts now. 16 00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:08.040 Well, Hi everyone on Doctor Cott, we got a great 17 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:10.200 show for you today. I want to make sure that 18 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:13.280 you know, as you're going through things and you're wondering, 19 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:15.920 what is the best way for me to find out 20 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:21.560 more about coach I love this Queeney Bee. We're going 21 00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:24.040 to make sure we give you lots of information because 22 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:27.719 here's the topic for today. This is what we're talking about. 23 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:37.120 Why do you feel comfortable judging others? Why do we? 24 00:01:37.159 --> 00:01:41.040 Why do we? That's the show, isn't it? 25 00:01:41.799 --> 00:01:43.920 Yes? Yes? Yes, yes? 26 00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:48.719 So why do we? I mean, you know, people say 27 00:01:48.760 --> 00:01:51.519 I don't feel comfortable doing that, right, that's like an 28 00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:54.120 industural So I don't do that. I don't do that, right, 29 00:01:54.359 --> 00:01:57.319 I don't do that. But yet we do, and you 30 00:01:57.359 --> 00:01:59.159 know it. We do it and it doesn't have to 31 00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:03.319 be personal. I mean, there's so much conversation right now 32 00:02:03.400 --> 00:02:07.760 about women's basketball and not a in a very judging 33 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:10.680 way about a couple of situations. But that's the way 34 00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:14.560 the media does things, right, just because we're seeing it 35 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:19.120 in our pop culture and other places. What is it 36 00:02:19.159 --> 00:02:21.319 all about when we do it? You know what I'm saying? 37 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:23.719 Right? Right? 38 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:27.759 So how do you feel when? I mean that's the question. 39 00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.360 How do you feel when you're judged by others and yourself? 40 00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:38.080 I don't like being judged by others. You know, we 41 00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:44.719 all go through things in our life and for somebody 42 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:47.439 to pass judgment on us when they have no idea 43 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:52.120 what's actually happening, and when they have also done things 44 00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:56.400 in their life and then they feel the right to 45 00:02:56.560 --> 00:03:00.960 judge others just amazes me. You know, they will cast 46 00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:04.919 that first stone, you know, but let's look into your 47 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:10.400 closet real quick and let's see what you've done. And 48 00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:13.840 most people don't do that. Most people are real quick 49 00:03:13.879 --> 00:03:18.439 to go, oh, well, I wouldn't do that, but in actuality, 50 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:23.120 you probably did and have and could you know, and 51 00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:26.639 so you know, why would you put that judgment on 52 00:03:26.680 --> 00:03:29.560 somebody else when you don't like being judged yourself? 53 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:31.520 It never made any sense to me. 54 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:35.000 You know, I do the best that I can that 55 00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:37.719 And don't get me wrong, there are moments where I 56 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:41.879 pass judgment and the moment I do, I go, oh 57 00:03:42.120 --> 00:03:46.159 wait a minute, let me rain that in, let me 58 00:03:46.199 --> 00:03:49.240 look at myself for a minute, and what would I 59 00:03:49.319 --> 00:03:52.719 do in that situation or what would or what have 60 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:54.360 I done in that situation? 61 00:03:54.919 --> 00:03:56.199 And am I. 62 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:59.879 Actually capable of doing these other things? Yes, I'm very 63 00:04:00.039 --> 00:04:03.919 capable of that, And at which point then I do 64 00:04:04.039 --> 00:04:06.400 my best to put out there going you know, I'm 65 00:04:06.439 --> 00:04:09.599 sorry I passed this judgment, even if it's not personally 66 00:04:09.639 --> 00:04:12.439 to them, I just you know, put it out sorry, 67 00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:13.479 didn't mean to do that. 68 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:18.279 I know I'm capable, so I'll rain myself in. 69 00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:22.639 And you know, what we're talking about today isn't what 70 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.199 I opened the show with. We're not talking about opinions 71 00:04:26.240 --> 00:04:30.600 about sports or opinions about music. We're not doing that. 72 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:34.759 You know, when it gets down to the veneer a personalization, 73 00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:40.720 that's what we're talking about when we're personalizing things. So 74 00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:44.720 you know, I have a friend, Ronda Britain, who wrote 75 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:52.480 a book Do I Look Fat? And the book was 76 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:57.560 really about the judgment around that, right, about body image. Right. 77 00:04:57.959 --> 00:04:59.680 But you know, when you pick a title like that, 78 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:03.759 people are like, what what are you looking at? But 79 00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:06.160 these are the things that happen. And I want to 80 00:05:06.199 --> 00:05:09.759 ask you, don't you find now that we're seeing more 81 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:12.959 of it, there's almost like we're seeing more, not because 82 00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:17.639 I'm saying that people are doing it more because our 83 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:21.399 technology has advanced to the point where you almost can't 84 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:23.240 escape it. Do you know what I mean? 85 00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:27.439 Oh? No, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I mean. 86 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.079 Let's take social media for example. 87 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:34.600 You've got to talk, you've got Instagram, you've got Facebook, 88 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:37.519 You put out what you want to put that, you 89 00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:43.120 feel that you're just doing your best to express yourself, 90 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:47.160 you know, and then You've got people coming on going, oh, well, 91 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:49.000 you should have done it this way, or oh you 92 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:51.959 should have done it that way, or you're you're slum 93 00:05:52.120 --> 00:05:57.920 or you're this, and they start bullying, and I'm real 94 00:05:58.000 --> 00:05:59.920 quick to be like, would you say that to my. 95 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:03.120 Exactly right? 96 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:08.279 Social media has given us a platform that we a 97 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:12.240 lot of people feel they have the right to come 98 00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:17.759 on to somebody else's stuff and put them down, belittle them, 99 00:06:18.040 --> 00:06:21.319 past judgment and act like they've done no wrong in 100 00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:25.920 their life, and then they do this to make somebody 101 00:06:26.040 --> 00:06:28.800 feel bad because they're passing judgment. 102 00:06:29.519 --> 00:06:32.319 Why do you think this is so acceptable though? I mean, 103 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:35.879 honestly it is. We may not like it, we may 104 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:40.839 not like it, but you're quick to hit the button 105 00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:47.800 that demonstrates the audio destruction between Stephanie White and Cathlan Clark, Right, 106 00:06:47.879 --> 00:06:51.439 you're quick to hit that fan who took the video 107 00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:58.120 of that for some reason? Right, why do we think 108 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:01.720 it's so acceptable? And what is that mean? And the 109 00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:04.519 way we raise our children and do other things? 110 00:07:04.839 --> 00:07:07.360 Right? Well, I don't know. 111 00:07:07.399 --> 00:07:10.959 I mean, I feel part of the reason it's felt 112 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:16.759 to be acceptable is because people allow them to continue 113 00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:21.160 to do the bullying, even the person that is being bullied, 114 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:23.040 and I get it. 115 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:23.639 It's hard. 116 00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:28.759 It's also real easy to block that person and to 117 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:32.319 send them on their way. They've been able to get 118 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:36.240 away with it, they've had no consequences to their actions, 119 00:07:37.079 --> 00:07:40.560 at which point they think they can get away with it. 120 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:42.480 On and on and on and on. 121 00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:46.480 Because maybe somebody in the chat didn't come back and 122 00:07:46.519 --> 00:07:50.959 be like, dude, what's your problem, Or maybe because even 123 00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:54.720 the person that they're coming at comes at them in 124 00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:58.759 a way that instead of just blocking them and ignoring them, 125 00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:04.720 we get in our feelings. We hurt, and it hurts 126 00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:08.240 when somebody says something bad to us, and instead we 127 00:08:08.279 --> 00:08:12.959 are so used to staying in that negative aspect and 128 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:17.079 and going, oh, well, maybe they're right, you know, maybe 129 00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:21.399 what they're saying is true, and da da da and that. Unfortunately, 130 00:08:21.399 --> 00:08:24.480 that's only because so many of us don't have the 131 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:28.319 wherewithal within ourselves to know who we are and to 132 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:31.120 know what power we have to be like, you know what, 133 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:32.559 I don't have to put up. 134 00:08:32.519 --> 00:08:33.279 With your bs. 135 00:08:34.039 --> 00:08:39.320 You're out blocked, and anybody else that follows and does 136 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:40.320 the same thing. 137 00:08:40.759 --> 00:08:44.799 You're out too. If I don't got people protecting. 138 00:08:44.279 --> 00:08:46.279 Me and showing up for me, and if I'm not 139 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:51.039 doing it for myself, then unfortunately, these people think they 140 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:52.279 can continue to do it. 141 00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:54.759 Yeah, and you know what's at the core that one 142 00:08:54.799 --> 00:08:57.399 of the real psychological issues that's at the core of 143 00:08:57.440 --> 00:09:02.320 that is losing faith using favor. And you know, the 144 00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:05.399 psychology is a little twisted, to be honest with you, 145 00:09:05.720 --> 00:09:09.639 but it is the twisted idea of wow, if I 146 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:12.440 do that with you, what is everybody else going to 147 00:09:12.519 --> 00:09:14.360 think that I did that? Right? 148 00:09:14.440 --> 00:09:14.679 Right? 149 00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:17.120 And so there are some people that will come out 150 00:09:17.159 --> 00:09:18.960 and say, you know what, it doesn't matter what other 151 00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:21.200 people think. They're gonna be people that see me do that, 152 00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:23.879 maybe they'll do it the same. Then there's the other 153 00:09:23.919 --> 00:09:27.759 side of the coin that says, wait a minute, Okay, 154 00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:30.879 I don't know if I do that and stand up 155 00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:33.440 for myself, people are just not going to like me. 156 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:36.679 And no, no, that story. But you know, I grew 157 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:38.360 up with a saying, and I want to ask you 158 00:09:38.360 --> 00:09:41.600 about this, those that live in glass houses should not 159 00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:46.720 throw stones. Oh do you remember that expression? Yes? Yes, 160 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:53.639 And that's to your point, right, I'm not sure we're 161 00:09:53.639 --> 00:10:02.200 throwing stones period. Is a vibration, a spiritual vibration. Now, 162 00:10:02.279 --> 00:10:05.879 I say that almost in tongue in cheek, because almost 163 00:10:05.879 --> 00:10:10.039 everything you read there's some judgment. I don't care what scripture, 164 00:10:10.159 --> 00:10:13.799 what religion, whatever you pick up, there's somebody that's judging 165 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:17.720 somebody about some kind of slug that they are right right. 166 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:20.120 So how do we break the cycle. 167 00:10:21.720 --> 00:10:24.720 We break the cycle by learning who we are and 168 00:10:24.840 --> 00:10:28.279 accepting us for ourselves, and so that way, when somebody 169 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:33.519 comes at us, we can go, yeah, you might be right, 170 00:10:33.799 --> 00:10:36.720 but that's not exactly who I am, and I don't 171 00:10:36.759 --> 00:10:39.600 need to listen to you, and I send you away 172 00:10:39.639 --> 00:10:45.399 with kindness and I block you. Yeah, you know, But 173 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:48.639 people don't realize how important it is in knowing who 174 00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:52.320 you are. People think they know who they are, but 175 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:55.840 with everything we've gone through in our life, people telling 176 00:10:55.919 --> 00:10:58.440 us who you're supposed to be, what you're supposed to 177 00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:02.399 look like, how you're supposed to act, and then they 178 00:11:02.440 --> 00:11:05.519 con form because they do feel like, oh well, if 179 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:07.720 I don't do it this way, people are going to 180 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:08.679 look at me badly. 181 00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:12.679 But when you know who you are and you. 182 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:18.720 Know what you can and can't or won't accept, you 183 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:20.159 will do things differently. 184 00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:23.240 You know you won't allow. 185 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:28.360 These people to continue to bully or hurt others by 186 00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:31.759 casting those stones, you will stand up and be like, dude, 187 00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:33.120 where have you been? 188 00:11:33.639 --> 00:11:35.440 Have you come on? 189 00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:39.200 You know? And I think part of this too, which 190 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:42.000 is so really good to look at right now, is 191 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:45.720 you know, judgment is so embedded in our very nature. 192 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:50.320 It's in our nature, and it's a gift, right because 193 00:11:50.360 --> 00:11:54.960 you know, imagine previous, previous, previous, I don't know how 194 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:57.639 many million years ago, walk in the air, and you've 195 00:11:57.639 --> 00:12:01.200 got to have what they call good judgment. But the 196 00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:07.559 question mark is when does a judgment of one person 197 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:13.120 to another move out of the love zone? Right? And 198 00:12:13.159 --> 00:12:18.159 why why would one want to inflict harm on another person? 199 00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:21.879 That's really underneath it. That's really what makes it a 200 00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:24.039 in my case the language I use, that's a no 201 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:28.159 fly zone, right, That is a place where we are 202 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:32.799 not going to have that conversation about Mary. That's not right, right, right, 203 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:40.799 But we don't even stand up for ourselves enough. So 204 00:12:40.919 --> 00:12:43.879 what would you suggest we do? Starting with the self? 205 00:12:46.519 --> 00:12:55.000 I would suggest whenever something like that comes up, it 206 00:12:55.080 --> 00:13:01.240 is important to evaluate it, to look at it. There's 207 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:05.000 nothing wrong with that. We will all pass just I 208 00:13:05.039 --> 00:13:08.399 feel one of the reasons why we do have judgment 209 00:13:08.519 --> 00:13:12.759 within us, so we can evaluate other things and other 210 00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:18.320 people and what we would do and how we would 211 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:23.399 do it. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's 212 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:28.639 when you express that and act like you wouldn't and 213 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:33.840 then you act like unfortunately, your shit don't sink and hello, 214 00:13:34.440 --> 00:13:37.840 you know, And I feel the best way for us 215 00:13:37.879 --> 00:13:40.000 to look at that is one to have compassion for 216 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:45.639 ourselves and to look within and to accept it. 217 00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:46.919 And even if you go. 218 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:50.679 Even a little bit, go, I remark, be capable of that. 219 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:55.519 Just accept that and go. It's not my place to 220 00:13:55.559 --> 00:13:58.399 pass that judgment on that person, but you need to 221 00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:01.960 look within yourself first when you when you even notice 222 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:05.159 that judgment coming up, especially when it starts to be 223 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:10.320 like unkind and hateful, where is this coming from? 224 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:13.320 And I know, and it's so simple for me, right, 225 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:16.200 it's I was talking to a friend of mine that's 226 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:16.600 in the. 227 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:18.279 Can. 228 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:23.039 I call it manscaping industry. Manscaping is what they call it, right, 229 00:14:23.480 --> 00:14:27.039 you know, like men that want to look good. Yeah, 230 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.080 I don't. We don't do a women's skaping thing. I 231 00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:31.679 guess it's just a man's okay. So he's in that industry. 232 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:34.840 And we were talking one day and he said, I 233 00:14:34.840 --> 00:14:36.960 don't get it, and I'm like, okay, you don't get 234 00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:40.919 what I don't get? Where does Pitbull come from creating 235 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:44.360 a razor to shave heads? I said, dude, do you 236 00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:48.679 know what pit Bull looks like? I do not even 237 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:52.720 know why he would create a razor to shave a 238 00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:57.120 bald head. Have you seen his pick? Do you see 239 00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:00.600 a picture? I mean, do you understand why he had 240 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:04.799 a genius idea to create a four part electric razor 241 00:15:05.080 --> 00:15:07.200 to shave men's heads? Bald? 242 00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:11.919 Right, he's bald, dude, But. 243 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:17.000 He was so engaged in a conversation about you know 244 00:15:17.159 --> 00:15:18.720 this celebrity. 245 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:20.279 Yeah. 246 00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:23.440 So it's a typical example of how we get engaged 247 00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:28.200 in judgment, accusation, questioning, and putting somebody down before we 248 00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:30.080 even understand anything about. 249 00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:36.759 Them, right, right, You don't know anybody's circumstances, and okay, 250 00:15:36.879 --> 00:15:41.840 so quick example. Unfortunately, there was a part of my 251 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:46.440 life when I was growing up. I was homeless, I 252 00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:49.399 was a child. I was homeless with my mom my Bretas, 253 00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:56.159 and I late, let's let's move forward. I'm telling somebody 254 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:58.679 about this, and I'm like, look, this is These are 255 00:15:58.679 --> 00:16:01.639 the things that I had to do in order to survive. 256 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:02.519 You know. 257 00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:06.000 I made sure that my family was fed even though 258 00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:10.519 I was fourteen years old, you know, and I didn't 259 00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:15.080 know the difference as far as whether I should call 260 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:16.559 certain people or anything like that. 261 00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:19.480 But I also didn't have phone numbers. I was fourteen, 262 00:16:20.120 --> 00:16:22.159 you know, my mom wasn't. My mom wasn't like, hey, 263 00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:24.080 here's your phone, here's your dad's phone that we're called. 264 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:26.480 You know, she didn't do that. 265 00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:32.039 But I told somebody about this, and he literally turned 266 00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:33.919 it around and told me that it was all my 267 00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:37.120 fault and I could have literally got out of the situation. 268 00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:41.480 How I was fourteen. How can you pass that judgment 269 00:16:41.559 --> 00:16:44.279 on me and be like, you could have done better. 270 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:48.600 I didn't know better. I was fourteen. I was supposed 271 00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:53.279 to be led by my mom and my stepdad and 272 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:58.320 I wasn't. And I was doing what I thought was 273 00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:03.000 the best thing at fourteen. So why are you passing 274 00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:06.759 judgment on a fourteen year old who has no clue 275 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:09.680 when if you were in that situation, you would have 276 00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:13.960 done the same thing. So let's stop passing judgment on 277 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:16.759 the things that people do because you don't know what 278 00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:19.079 you would do in that situation. 279 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:22.079 Yeah, and you know what you just said, you have 280 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:26.119 got to have the courage. And you know this is 281 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:30.720 not just for women, but I need to say this 282 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:33.160 is something else as women need to learn. You have 283 00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:36.319 to have the courage to be able to one not collude. 284 00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:40.599 So what do we mean by collude? Like oh yeah, 285 00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:45.000 oh you know, yeah, that was hard. And you know 286 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:48.160 what I'm saying, it's like, yeah, instead of saying you 287 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:51.960 know what, Billy, Joe, Bobby, Tim whoever you are saying 288 00:17:52.039 --> 00:17:55.920 that to me, I need you to stop right now, Like, 289 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:59.279 let's just stop the conversation because I'm not going to 290 00:17:59.400 --> 00:18:00.480 engage you that with you? 291 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:01.799 Right well? 292 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:05.039 Why aren't you going to I don't need to explain myself. 293 00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:07.720 I'm not going to engage with you right right well? 294 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:10.599 Why are you taking it so personally? You're too sensitive? 295 00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.440 You know what, I'm not going to engage with you 296 00:18:13.559 --> 00:18:16.480 if we can have a conversation that doesn't require you 297 00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:20.160 continuing this. We're going to hang up now or whatever 298 00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:21.960 that is, or I'm going to walk away, or we're 299 00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:24.200 not gonna have coffee or get out of my life. 300 00:18:24.279 --> 00:18:26.680 I don't know what it is right. But that's what 301 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:30.400 we need to learn that part right there, because you 302 00:18:30.440 --> 00:18:35.000 know what, you cannot change other people. I'm sorry, I've changed, 303 00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:35.720 I've tried. 304 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:38.079 You cannot, you can't. 305 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:42.480 We have to build it to courage, right, yes, yes, 306 00:18:42.799 --> 00:18:44.839 So part of what you do in helping people in 307 00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:48.720 your coaching practice is to build that sense of courage. 308 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:50.000 Yes, you know. 309 00:18:50.559 --> 00:18:53.519 I do the best that I can to help you 310 00:18:54.559 --> 00:18:57.759 learn who you are, to accept the things that have happened, 311 00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:00.720 and if somebody comes to you, for you to be 312 00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:04.440 to not explain yourself, because don't get me wrong, I 313 00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:06.680 have spent a good portion of my life explaining the 314 00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:08.920 reasons why I do certain things that I do, and 315 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:13.160 it's not necessary. I do it as a kindness, so 316 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:15.359 you know, but I don't have to. 317 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.200 And when dude came at me. 318 00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:20.839 About that, I literally looked at him because I wasn't 319 00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:23.759 in a place where I knew how to do these things, 320 00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:27.599 and I literally judged myself and thought that I was 321 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:31.359 like a horrible child that didn't know what to do 322 00:19:31.799 --> 00:19:36.000 and I should have done better. And I literally judged 323 00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:40.200 myself because he judged me. Now, if he comes at me, 324 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:42.519 which he won't because I don't talk to him. But 325 00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:46.680 the thing is is if somebody comes at me that way, 326 00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:49.400 I can look at them and go, who hurts you? 327 00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:54.119 I'm sorry that this has happened to you. And I 328 00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:57.240 don't need to deal with you judging me for what 329 00:19:57.480 --> 00:19:58.240 I did. 330 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:00.519 When I was fourteen. 331 00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:03.359 You know, I know right, and I know so. 332 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:05.720 Right, and so you know, my best thing to be 333 00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:08.359 able to help people do is to come into their 334 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:13.720 own selves, to be able to have that cur And 335 00:20:13.720 --> 00:20:16.200 don't get me wrong, that's nerve wracking when it happens 336 00:20:16.200 --> 00:20:17.920 and you're like, oh my god, should I say something? 337 00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:20.880 Should I not? Should I just walk away? Or you know, 338 00:20:21.640 --> 00:20:25.319 at which point you just respond in kind and go. 339 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:30.000 I'll need you, man, You know I'll need you. I 340 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:34.160 know who I am and I accept that. And that 341 00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:37.519 can be scary in that moment. That can be very scary, 342 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:41.519 but it's very courageous because you've just fought your fear. 343 00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:45.960 Yeah, you know. And what you're saying though, I mean, 344 00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:48.640 you and I are talking about things that we have 345 00:20:48.759 --> 00:20:51.279 some experience with and now we've decided in life we're 346 00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:53.000 going to help other people with them. You don't want 347 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:56.160 to love about it. We help other people in areas 348 00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:00.519 where we've been most wounded. Right, that's why were talking 349 00:21:00.559 --> 00:21:03.640 about it. And you know, you may think that some 350 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:10.440 side comment, just in public is is harmless, right, And 351 00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:15.160 it's not. You know, I have a friend who went 352 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:19.559 to a funeral event and at the funeral event, they 353 00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:22.440 were standing over there a couple of people talking to 354 00:21:22.519 --> 00:21:27.759 my friend's sister, and my friend overheard them and the 355 00:21:27.880 --> 00:21:34.680 comments was, oh, you know, is your bitch sister here? 356 00:21:35.319 --> 00:21:40.319 And my friend heard that, and so how did this 357 00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:44.720 random person know that? Well, because her sister gave that 358 00:21:44.759 --> 00:21:48.359 person a thought. And so can you imagine being at 359 00:21:48.359 --> 00:21:51.880 a funeral in overhearing that conversation, because first of all, 360 00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:54.319 the person didn't even know what my friend looked like, 361 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:57.440 so didn't even such you are standing here, right, And 362 00:21:57.519 --> 00:22:02.599 I mean if you think that's harsh, people, think about 363 00:22:02.839 --> 00:22:05.519 what you may be doing that has a ripple effect 364 00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:09.240 you may never know about. And it's all energy, isn't it. 365 00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:11.359 Oh? Yes? I mean when. 366 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:19.079 My oldest daughter's dad passed away, he unfortunately committed suicide, 367 00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:23.079 and they had a memorial for him in Ohio and 368 00:22:23.119 --> 00:22:23.880 then he went to it. 369 00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:26.279 Then they took it to Arizona. I didn't get to 370 00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:27.359 go to the one in. 371 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:32.359 Ohio, but there was a woman there talking shit about me, 372 00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:37.279 saying that it was my fault that he committed suicide. 373 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:41.640 She was passing a huge judge judgment on me. She's like, 374 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:46.599 it was it's Raina's fault that he committed suicide. 375 00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:49.680 And luckily I had people there. 376 00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:54.160 To defend me and be like, what is your deal 377 00:22:54.359 --> 00:22:57.599 right now? But why is that something? Why is that 378 00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:00.519 a judgment you would put out on somebody when you 379 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:05.759 don't know what actually happened. Yeah, you know, so I 380 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.920 totally get how people will sit up there and say 381 00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:13.240 stuff and they have no care in the world as 382 00:23:13.240 --> 00:23:16.759 to who they're hurting, including around them. 383 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:21.920 I know it is what you're talking about? Is it is? 384 00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:24.519 And here's what I want to say about why coaching 385 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:27.799 is so important in the work you do. People don't 386 00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:30.240 realize that if you are doing that, that's an energy 387 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:34.480 that stops you from your abundance and prosperity. You are 388 00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:36.319 not going to make a ton of money doing that. 389 00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.720 It just can't work. So what is the best way 390 00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:40.920 for people to find out more about you and how 391 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:41.680 to work with you? 392 00:23:43.160 --> 00:23:48.759 Coach Queeniebee dot com and yeah you can. You can 393 00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:51.079 go there and hit all those links. 394 00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:54.200 I will get those links memorized at some point, my people, 395 00:23:54.400 --> 00:24:00.000 I'm so sorry, Coach Queneb. You should be able to 396 00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:01.839 just put in rain a big of them anywhere and 397 00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:02.880 you'll find me. 398 00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:07.039 So, yeah, that's right, you know. But part of this 399 00:24:07.160 --> 00:24:11.960 too is also I mean, you know, every midpoint year, 400 00:24:12.039 --> 00:24:14.599 which we're in now, like a midpoint year, and this 401 00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:18.359