Speaker 1: Connie gather Raw, Dirty Conny did the can, join the
Questing is and Charted join the icy Basted.
Speaker 2: Six writers face off by a roll of the dice
tale Fight Dirty leave nothing behind but fingerprits and a
tall tale stealing cart breaking parts with plenty of time
to kill.
Speaker 3: And icy.
Speaker 1: Maasters Tens always ticing. You know the camp be tasty fasts, John,
and join the enticing Bastard.
Speaker 4: Hey, they're Aian Devian's Junior's Adventurers and friends. Welcome to
the brand new season of the Dicey Bassards. Will it
be diceier? Will it have more bastards? Who knows?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 4: I do? I'm because I'm M K. Gibson, your host,
dungeon Master, an author of such books as Villain's Rule,
to Beat the Devil? And who do I have with me?
Speaker 6: Today?
Speaker 4: We've got the full cast back alphabetically. Let's begin with
mister Bevins, Sir, how are you?
Speaker 5: I'm doing all right? Thank you for asking. H I'm
Ropert Bevin, author of the Caverns and Creatures, a series
of comedy fantasy novels and short stories. The most recent
book in that series Critical Failures. Ten X Marx, your
Mom is now available in ebook and paperback formats. Audio
coming as soon as it is recorded, So.
Speaker 4: Stop reading here right now, and I'm loving it, sir.
Speaker 5: Well, thank you, You're very welcome.
Speaker 4: Next up is mister Walteriery. I'm not going to make fun
of you this time. Just mister Walter. How are you, sir?
Speaker 7: Am I being detained?
Speaker 4: Fuck you nark, Ricky Guatemala in part two The Whole Elf, Rick,
how are you? Sir?
Speaker 7: My name is Rick Valterion. I play moog Fish Eater,
which is probably gonna kill my voice because I haven't
done that voice in over a month. In real life,
I write several things. But my newest book out there
is Time Chaser and kind of Lick with the with
Bob's Book. It's available for ebook print and it is
coming soon to audio. I think it's February. It's almost
February right now, but should be out there in March.
Speaker 4: Awesome, dude, I can't wait to pick it up on an audio.
Drew Hayes, how are you feeling, sir?
Speaker 3: Terrible?
Speaker 6: I have a cough at a scientist drip, which is
why I sound like I've been smoking a pack of day.
Speaker 4: Buy Sexy my friend is right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's it's It's Kabert the Hothrse today riding wise.
I have Rover Powered number three scheduled for May, and
then other books that will also be coming out this
year that I have not officially scheduled yet, always.
Speaker 4: The fun ones. Uh Emily Caplan, how are you, ma'am.
Speaker 8: Hi Hi, I'm I'm okay uh hi. I'm Emily Kaplan,
e M Kaplan. I write books like the Josie Tucker
Mystery series and a new one called Arsenic and Albis,
which people seem to be enjoying, which is awesome. I'm
playing Claudia the Rogue.
Speaker 9: Ish.
Speaker 4: I love the Ish part and bring up the rear
is our anchor, our team captain, and our friend Steve
weather Orll, Sir, how are.
Speaker 10: You, yeah, Steve Webell here alive? Not that in the flesh.
What a pleasant surprise at this time of year. Yeah,
I'm Steve Weverell. I write books such as the Doomsay
Journeys with Foul Staff books, and I am playing Stanton
Dandy Liver team captain. Ish.
Speaker 4: I went ahead, gimmy, well you are a captain in
our hearts all right? Before we get into the game.
I'm gonna remind everybody. If you're not already part of
the A and D family, then you are missing out.
Head over to patreon dot com slash Authors and Dragons
and check out the various tiers and all the types
of perks. For those who don't know, Starting the twenty
twenty five we changed our perks. Starting the lowest tier
of just two dollars a month, you can join our
discord and chat with hundreds of amazing friends, France friends,
future friend family, fuck it, a lot of great people
and us all. I know it really came out wrong.
Five dollars a month, yeah, frands, five dollars a month.
The mid tier actually still lower. One gets you the
same access to the discord, plus bonus channels, and you
get to be here for at least one live recording
per month. Like several of our friends are right now
our and are listening to this game live as we
play it and screwed up. They want to see other saucers.
You're made well now they're finding out we have even
we have tiers even higher than that. You want some merch,
you want some swags. Check out our Patreon and see
what you can get. Per month. But if you if
you want swag but don't want to pay for the Patreon,
just go over to our our page on tee public.
Get some T shirt, show your friends, get some stickers,
you know what, Just buy for your enemies. We need
the support. And if you have no money and you
don't want to help us out in any other way
other than just give us thumbs up and ratings reviews,
We'll take it all right, the shilling out of the way.
Speaker 5: Only five dollars to see my sausage.
Speaker 10: Chilling out the window at the end.
Speaker 4: Now, Wow, I ran out, I ran out of steam.
I forgot I really how to rewrite this? Who wrote
this copy? This is bad copy.
Speaker 8: I'm wearing my A and D Las Vegas T shirt
and I just noticed it has a hole in it?
Speaker 9: How long ago? Do were we in Las Vegas?
Speaker 3: A while?
Speaker 9: But it's still up on the tea public.
Speaker 5: I should have four holes in it for your arms,
in your.
Speaker 4: Neck, for my extra sausage.
Speaker 3: Ye.
Speaker 7: I'm wearing my GEWR shirt dinosaur shirt, and unfortunately it's
covered in bleached stains for some reason.
Speaker 4: I think you're gonna say bloods some reason and it bleach.
Speaker 5: I'll tell you what I'm wearing, but that's a different tier.
Speaker 4: Greetings, Oh this is Connie Stan's conscience. How are you,
dear friends. I love to say that we've come a
long way and a short amount of time, but that
would be a load of crap. In fact, it's quite
the opposite. The dicey bastards won an incredibly short way
in a very long time after getting their mission to
travel to Blago Gulch in the land of Stroctom to
steal the tooth of Tea Matt Stand, recruit a crack team,
then fucked off for a month. Seriously, I think they
spent one episode doing paperwork something about ham and composts. Now,
to be fair, they did travel whole three or four
days away, kill two of the three Hags to liberate
a town somehow, also saving kids. You say, crack.
Speaker 10: Team, you've missed an important word out in the middle.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yes, but we'll give them a pass anyway.
The town of West Cherry was so elated that to
be free of the of the hags influence, they threw
a party in their honor d Bag Day and because
his candidate won, Father Brandon the Maje Father himself has
an extra gift for the dicey bastards. They rically went
onto this little little mission to make money to secure
passage to sale distract him. But because they helped out
their mage father, he has paid for an all expenses
booking on the luxury vessel the Grand Whimsy, departing the
port town of Fairmeo headed for black O Gults in
just two weeks, plenty of time for these guys to
travel the one week south. Sadly, their guide was Cobert.
Now what he may know many things about the cities,
he knows dick all about nature, as we've proven. So
it's taken them approximately twelve days. They are camped just
outside of Farameo for their first last night before going
into the town, and that is where we pick up
a wonderful little campsite.
Speaker 10: Finally, some fucking whimsy. Is everybody ready for some whimsy?
Speaker 4: I would just appreciate the Also the landing page that
you're on, the starting page. For fans at Homer who
will not be able to see this, I created a
new page for them to see. Like they are once
again all on a bed together. They have a lot
of their little little.
Speaker 5: Things been sharing it for this recording. Yeah, I don't
see anything, so I thought the whimsy was a boat.
Just doesn't feel very whimsy.
Speaker 10: We're getting there's whatever. I'll take what I can get.
Speaker 7: So right now, nobody's see it seeing it even where
they're watching you guys.
Speaker 4: Can you guys see the Okay, that's the landing page,
the season two landing page, which is full of our
T shirts, mask gold for dead turtles, sex, torture devices,
amount of kid corpses, a blow up doll, and cocaine.
Speaker 10: Oh the brick a brack of a typical adventure.
Speaker 4: I don't know where the sex blow up doll came from.
Speaker 7: But I.
Speaker 10: Can I get one?
Speaker 7: Why? Why?
Speaker 10: Why isn't unavailable in our cheap public store yet? Yeah,
forget T shirts. We built in bleach stains and extra holes.
I thought that was a great idea, but apparently Emily
thinks it sucks. But yeah, blow up massive valkyrie sex.
Speaker 4: That's or a blow up Jorserer. Don't think that would
not sell that.
Speaker 10: Kilby Joyser For all I know, I don't know what
clothes he's wearing. It's been two weeks on the road.
What outfit choices have we missed?
Speaker 3: That's what the test, stummy, except the cars keep filing
harassment suits.
Speaker 4: All right, we pick up in the little camp site
just outside of you, but you'll travel in tomorrow in
a couple of hours. But you've arrested, you're tired. This
is your campsite for the night.
Speaker 10: What the fuck is a quog?
Speaker 4: Well, because both Jorceer and Moog became warlocks and they
can summon George work is summon an imp, and I
believe Mook and southerment a quoset as are a little familiars.
I named them jimp and quog.
Speaker 10: Oh wonderful.
Speaker 7: I had notes of my character she and I can't
find where the fuck they went.
Speaker 4: Now the one that told me you wanted a quoset
and Georiser said he wanted an imp. So now you've
got jimp and quig.
Speaker 10: Have we been on the road long enough that this
isn't horrible?
Speaker 4: No, it is not horrible. You've gots, like I said,
you guys been on the road. It's supposed to take
you about seven days to get to to uh the
port town of Ferromeo again Cobar, no offenser. But after
the rolls the last I'm been taking you guys about
twelve days.
Speaker 3: Hey man, nature sucks.
Speaker 4: I know nature sucks. I mean grass is icky. Towns
are where you're at, baby, you are the town druid.
Speaker 10: I get that nature does indeed suck. Tired of sitting
on logs, got an aice like a bunch of gripes,
and ready for a cruise.
Speaker 9: Like a bunch of.
Speaker 5: Looks like a bunch of reasons.
Speaker 10: Whatever. My point is, it hats and no one's eating it.
Speaker 3: Wine.
Speaker 7: Oh and you never. I don't think we got a
chance to him. But actually my closets name is Kevin
okay Stan which stand which dand which is short for
kill all repugnant elves noisily.
Speaker 5: There now it's Kevin, all right, if we can rename him,
I want to. I'll keep jimp, but I want to
spell it with a G.
Speaker 4: Got it.
Speaker 10: Wait a minute, kill olver, pugnant elves noisily. That doesn't
stand kevin doesn't stand for that.
Speaker 4: What's going on?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 7: No, no, no, I'm sorry. I named her Karen.
Speaker 4: See all right, Karen, okay, Karen the Karen the closet
and jump with a gimp.
Speaker 10: You've just called them g imp. It's just gimp, gimp
the imp.
Speaker 5: It's it's jimp but spelled with the G.
Speaker 6: You might have named it after the photoshop knockoff program.
Speaker 3: We'll go with that.
Speaker 5: I think we all know that's not true.
Speaker 3: Damn it, Bob. It's called reasonable deniability.
Speaker 10: When the IMP's just sitting there in a little leather
mask with a zip across it.
Speaker 4: Well, it's a little imp, so I mean I had
to blow it up large size for everybody to see it.
But yes, it's it is. These are your familiars to
do with as you see fit. You can make them
going visible, to talk to whatever you want with them.
You're you guys are part warlocks now, So.
Speaker 10: I mean I know, gim come because the zips across,
but can they generally talk?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 7: Sure?
Speaker 10: Oh no, Well, I guess you guys have got to
come up with some horrible voices.
Speaker 5: I'll work on it.
Speaker 4: I think I have to come with horrible voices. This
sucks side again, bad forethought on my more poor planning
on my part.
Speaker 10: I don't see this ending well A tool really?
Speaker 4: All right? So is there anything you got? This is
your time they give you don't want to role play
it out a little bit? Or if you guys want
to move on to the next thing. Get starry to
go to bed. You can do that too, Like the
floor is yours. Just let me know what you would
like to do at the moment.
Speaker 5: Are we near a cruise ship?
Speaker 4: Well you are. You are again tomorrow morning. You'll wake
up in March. A couple of hours, you'll get into town.
You aren't going to make it tonight, so you are
pausing for the night. You're setting up. Uh, you are
getting It's here's the thing, you guys been traveling south.
It's beginning warmer and warmer. That's been switching over for
like the trees becoming a little bit more tropical. The
climate's getting hotter.
Speaker 10: Uh.
Speaker 4: It's also kind of muggy, you know, for those of
you guys who like to wear a lot of clothing
like that. It is now you're getting what to hurt
you medically great as swamp ass, and it's setting in
pretty hard.
Speaker 10: So I had to think that Jaelstra has just been
saying that every night since we started traveling.
Speaker 4: No, is that a ship.
Speaker 10: I let you know when when they're a fucking cruise ship.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna I'm going to assume between the weather and
the two week time lapse that Claudia's mask has toally
rotted and slid off.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it had rotted off. I think was listening
back to the last adventures. You eventually peeled it off
because you never cured it, cleaned it tanted. Actually it
was at the beginning of the d bag day because
another two weeks of going by from there, so it
was pretty foul. I think you gave it to Jeorser
and he's and you said something about he could fuck
his own koala.
Speaker 11: So so if you want to still keep it, that's fine,
but it's it is now a very month at this
at this point, one month, six week old piece of
dead flesh that is gross, very very gross.
Speaker 9: Yeah, n she's just gonna.
Speaker 5: It's more semen now than flesh.
Speaker 7: That's one squishy quala face.
Speaker 4: All right, And this is what they This what you
give and the audience paid for.
Speaker 5: I would like to Eldritch blast mosquitoes continuously by all means.
Speaker 4: Like you like a bug zapper, because it's a cantrip.
You are just force blasting h mosquitoes to your heart's content.
Is there any particular place you're shooting it from? Fingers,
penis eyes? What are you doing.
Speaker 5: I'll start with the fingers. I'm not ready to go
beyond that.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 5: And if you know, if we need food and there's
like squirrels or rabbits around, I'll blast them as well.
Speaker 4: Well. I I talk to Comber, I assume he's feeding
your good berries. He might be keep trying to keep
the animals safe. I'm not sure.
Speaker 6: So, I mean he's definitely providing the good berries. But
trying to stop death from occurring in nature is like
trying to stop the raid with your hands.
Speaker 3: That's just part of the cycle, man.
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, I mean better we eat the rabbit than
some fucking leopard.
Speaker 10: Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, I assume you guys been trapping and keeping like
animal small game, and that's how you've been living, you know,
whenever you don't feel like just eating, because we've learned
that after a couple of good berries, bad things do happen.
Speaker 3: Well, it's only if you max out a good berry smoothie.
I mean those four full feels in your stomach at once.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Also, I have pressed to education, so I'm cool with
bad things happening.
Speaker 4: Oh do you get that up? Good?
Speaker 10: I think that this is kind of like a situation
you know, when you have such a bad experience on
a particular type of alcohol, you just don't want to
really deal with it anymore.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 10: I think it's probably why Stan is with good berries
after watching two of his party shit themselves massively. I
imagine as a distin smell, and it's probably not a
good smell despite the name.
Speaker 3: The berry might be good, but the consequences not so much.
Speaker 9: Yeah, the sweeter the berry, the worst the juice.
Speaker 3: You were going for juice.
Speaker 7: Kind of like a bus.
Speaker 4: So three of you sleep? Are you guys? Are you
guys want to head off the bed? Are you going
to stay up for a little bit? Or what's your plan?
Speaker 10: Stan's been working on his soul play. That's my that's
my role play for the fact I have the defensive
dualist feet.
Speaker 3: Now, oh nice, I got to look up how sleep
works for me?
Speaker 4: Well, I think you just stand up and sleep.
Speaker 3: I think I can't. I know, I'm part fey. I
can't remember if that translates into the four hours.
Speaker 4: Unless it's just specifically, like Claudia doesn't need to sleep
in mood goes into like a meditative state.
Speaker 3: For four hours.
Speaker 7: There we go, But not an elf meditative state.
Speaker 10: Us is sleep on their feet right, but humans, So
the horse is upright, but the body is just kind of.
Speaker 7: Like f over.
Speaker 3: I like to imagine he's like an airplane sleeper. His
head is just rocked back like a goose staring at
this guy.
Speaker 10: Ah, it's an optimum snoring position. Yeah, I assume we're
all used to that by now.
Speaker 4: All right, Well, as you guys are starting to wind
down for bed, you know it's you've you've been doing
this for again for about the last twelve days. Now
you're coming home the day thirteen and the ship is
supposed to set sail on day fourteen. So you guys,
guys are getting climate your tennis and Claudia takes up
her usual like she just stays awake kind of thing.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 4: You hear a sound off in the distance and you
see a slight blue glow coming from the northeast.
Speaker 5: What kind of sound?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: Rustling something moving through the underbrush, boy, and there's a
blue there's a stuff wrestling you're underbrush.
Speaker 5: It's glowing blue. That's never good.
Speaker 10: It's glowed west.
Speaker 8: Can we tell if it's a large.
Speaker 4: Well, it's coming on the screen now.
Speaker 7: Ah, it appears to be the ghost of a.
Speaker 4: Glowing, skin faced Koala.
Speaker 7: Claudia, it's for you.
Speaker 5: I'm going to bed.
Speaker 8: Claudia will speak to it. Hey are you you're you're
not mad? Are you?
Speaker 10: Well, let's stop jump to any conclusions. Anyone could have
peeled off his Koala's face.
Speaker 4: You get Okay, So it doesn't speak to you, not directly,
but there is a familiar spirit to you, Claudia that
you recall your time before this adventure began, when you
were in a place, a world between worlds, and a
spirit that talked to you. Do you remember this.
Speaker 9: Something about a bear?
Speaker 10: Yep?
Speaker 9: Yeah, bear?
Speaker 4: Okay, uh, this has a very familiar feel to it.
And all of you watch as this glowing Koala spirit
steps into Claudia and then disappears. She's still there, but
this glowing Koala spirit enters Claudia and that's it.
Speaker 10: There was an entire episode dedicated to Claudia's trendscendental experience.
Unless you's taken away. But yeah, something about a bear.
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah, I've been I've been penetrated.
Speaker 9: Do I feel any different?
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah you do? Yeah, well this is based on
what you did during your level of so yep, okay, so,
but you do feel like there is something physically inside
you now that feels a little bit different. And for
someone who's kind of half dead, this you feel slightly
more alive, and it's weird.
Speaker 9: I'm tingling.
Speaker 8: Pardon me, I should have gotten some privacy.
Speaker 10: Well, this is the way this poem I've ever seen that.
We've been on the road a while, so alrighty, then
much entertainment out here in the.
Speaker 8: Woods set Codia will scratch her head, pull out a
piece of straw and stick it between her teeth.
Speaker 4: Okay is would you pull the straw out from yourself
and put it in your mouth?
Speaker 3: Or yes? Yes?
Speaker 4: Okay, got it.
Speaker 10: It's been like a week or so. Has anybody asked
her what her deal is yet? Or are we still too?
Speaker 4: That's up to you, guys, to have any of you
ask a lot, Hey, what's your deal?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 10: I'll watch I watched the best spirit and to her,
I'll watched her pull a bit straw out of her
and put.
Speaker 5: In her mouth.
Speaker 10: Claudia, I've been meaning to ask, what is your deal?
Speaker 9: What do you mean?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 10: I don't know if this is rude to point out,
but I have noticed that you were more straw than
most people are. Hey, I'm not saying you're too much straw.
I'm not. It's not a criticism.
Speaker 9: I don't really understand it.
Speaker 8: I mean, I do remember something about a bear, and uh,
you know, I don't think I sleep anymore. I really,
I haven't really thought much about it. But I'm just
kind of going with it. Like I see a straw
inside me.
Speaker 10: You smell like formaldehyde. Is that a personal choice or.
Speaker 8: I think that's a separate, separate issue.
Speaker 10: But I feel bad for pointing it out.
Speaker 5: Now move will point out the formalde hyde smell much
better than rotting liquor qualities.
Speaker 10: True, Yeah, I forget I bought it up. One more thing,
You just ingested an undead bear. Did you notice that? Well,
we're supposed to notice that. I don't know. It's just
a woman things.
Speaker 7: And like.
Speaker 4: Care you were married over the course of Standani Liver's life,
has he been married?
Speaker 10: Yeah, well I've been married. Doesn't mean I've been paying attention.
That's not how married.
Speaker 3: He's an old fifties kind of husband, right.
Speaker 10: All I know is women have their own unique problems.
They're none of my fucking business.
Speaker 8: You know, I don't really understand how any of this works.
Usually I put the bear on top of the skin,
and this time it is somehow beneath the skin. And yeah, yeah,
I don't have any more explanation.
Speaker 9: I didn't get a book.
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, Well then, so you've been possessed by a
dead bear.
Speaker 5: No, you can get or.
Speaker 10: Cranky about it.
Speaker 8: Oh god, it's fine.
Speaker 10: Somebody make Claudare a cup of tea and we'll it'll
give us some space.
Speaker 7: Smile more.
Speaker 9: Oh I will, I will.
Speaker 4: Oh uh at those comments, Clauda, you definitely feel that
bear spirit stirring inside you.
Speaker 9: You wouldn't like me when.
Speaker 7: I'm angry inside of us. There hurt two bears. One
of them doesn't have a face.
Speaker 8: One of them is a little bit stinky. So there, yeah, yeah,
I don't really know. Let's see what happens.
Speaker 10: Well, I admire your calmness in the face of batchet insanity.
Speaker 7: No, I think the face of bat in sanity is
currently in Georgeer's pocket covered in jizz.
Speaker 10: That's probably true.
Speaker 4: Speaking of pockets, I know that George Ray, you have
the safety pants moved, you have the boots of walking
all over. Did anybody ever attune to the flashpants over
the course of this time. It was an extra piece
of magical treasure that was left over the last adventure
that you guys got from the hags.
Speaker 3: Can you remind us what it does?
Speaker 4: Uh? No, no, uh, it is a thing I'm trying
to I did the magic item, and I don't know
if we ever grabbed it. I gave you list a
long time ago, and I now I gotta find the things,
So stand by roll fast.
Speaker 3: See would it be in our handouts?
Speaker 4: Well, I don't know. If it's in your handouts, it'd
be under D and D beyond. But it's in like
the homebrew things. So I got to find uh.
Speaker 5: Give me a quick second, and not in an immediate danger.
I'm not wearing the safety pants right now. I need to. Okay,
air my boys out for a little bit, all.
Speaker 4: Right, flash pants, Okay, here, I will put the link
into the uh into I'll put it into the chat in.
Speaker 10: Yeah, some smass in the chat has just said, does
the best spirit cad at Koala is bez. This is
a fantasy universe, and I've just decided that Kowal is
a bass.
Speaker 4: It's Koala bear, not Kuala MARSUPI or Koala rodents. It's
Koala bear and it's speaking to you know what? Chat
shut up?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The flash pants, they are a pair as an ultra
thin pair of nude color leggings. Once a day, the
tune wearer may emit a burst of powerful magical light,
blinding all site rased creatures within line of sight up
to sixty feet away. After using the item, though wearer
drops the ground, arcs their back and his doubts with water.
Oh what a feeling.
Speaker 6: I almost want to, like claim just to watch the
pants be very confused, as they have to magically adapt
to a horse. But I feel like Kabert just runs
raw natchral on the bottom, but you can wear on
the front legs.
Speaker 10: He could wear both pairs of enchanted trousers, right, Is
that something that's in the game. Can he wear two
pairs of enchanted trouses?
Speaker 4: I'd say yes, I'd say yes he could.
Speaker 10: I'd say allow, bullshit.
Speaker 7: If not, somebody get that horse bananamic.
Speaker 3: Oh God, so that's a pass from Cabert, got it?
Speaker 10: Not a problem if I'd be playing a certain other
character nude leddings with some one of those like hot
pink kind of ankle warmers would have been a definite choice. No,
I'm afraid that my latest character is more stylistically subdued, understood, understood.
Speaker 8: Claudia will take them if nobody else wants them.
Speaker 4: Just make sure you have her they are. You have
to be a too to make sure you got your
slots available for that.
Speaker 10: So it'll be like pants, like spinks, the nice coptable
pair of spanks. Right, I mean you've been wearing this
whole time. You can wreck on that.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 10: You're not putting them on now, are you? After the
whole awkward conversation we just had.
Speaker 9: Oh, I absolutely am.
Speaker 4: The bear answers there, She's like, you know what, now,
I want.
Speaker 9: Pants, Give me, give me the pants.
Speaker 10: They show you can handle the pants.
Speaker 9: They're very flashy.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 7: Can can other characters understand? Are familiars or only us?
Speaker 4: That's a very good question. They definitely.
Speaker 7: No.
Speaker 4: You're talking to them if you want the If you
want the familiars to talk back to you telepathically, they can.
If you want them to speak vocally, I'll.
Speaker 5: Allow it, Okay. Can I understand Rick's familiar when it
speaks telepathically only to Rick unless you want it to
do you know? So with my apparent sorcerer mind.
Speaker 4: You're putting thoughts into somebody's else's head, and you can
pick up the receiving end of those thoughts. But you
can't like listen to other people's thoughts. That's a whole
nother skill altogether. Okay, Basically you like you're an unwelcome
intruder in other people's brains.
Speaker 10: Which you were before you had that ability.
Speaker 4: Yes, all right, well with everybody got some magic items.
Just put away Bears inside each other. I believe it's
time to move. Want a fair meal on this every
he wants to do something else for the.
Speaker 7: Rest of tonight.
Speaker 10: Bears inside each other is a potential episode name. I'm
going to write that down.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 10: We've had an enlightening conversation, We've watched a strange and
apparently pointless miracle. Just another day on the road.
Speaker 4: All right, you all go to bed. Those two of
you who do sleep a bear, you can lay down
or just flop over your call moving Claudia, you tend
to keep watch as she stays awake, and he only
not elf but goes into low power mode. While Stan
and George were I don't know, share the same bed.
I don't know, all right, moving on?
Speaker 7: All right, Well, since we're gonna be moving into a
into a populated area and quasis their demons. Yes, Muke
realizes that might be a little bit creepy for moving
in there, So to keep things a little more civil,
he will order Karen to polymorph into a giant centipede.
Speaker 4: Don't do this to me, man, Can I do that?
Speaker 10: Yes, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: He's gotta tell it, all right. Is there anything you
want to tell the folks about the town before we
get there?
Speaker 3: The lovely town of Ferimiah is a port town on
the southern coast. There are several colonies of tropical birds
that reside in the high trees, a lovely vintage of
rats that make a wonderful wine. Don't drink it. It's
incredibly poisonous, but it is fantastic.
Speaker 6: They run through the streets, which are heavily crimed, and
I think there's some more forged and ship like that. Anyway,
So there's a lot of cats, a lot of cats.
They sort of run things. I think there's a gambling done.
Speaker 7: They harbor.
Speaker 3: Let's see. Oh, they do have a sport.
Speaker 6: It's a sort of a running with a ball underwater.
Speaker 3: There's magic.
Speaker 6: They've got a great player named Blake Turtles Turtles, who
is super super fat.
Speaker 3: If you get in any trouble around Ferimiah.
Speaker 6: Just yelled turtles, there's a fifty chance it'll get you
out of it. The other fifty percent is that you're
surrounded by the sea elves and they obviously don't like
Blake Turtles very well. So yeah, yeah, yeah, there's there's
like a whole bunch of sea elves and turtles live here.
I I really, I can't be asked with the non
animal things.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 6: So yeah, there's some sea elves, there's some turtles, but
most importantly are the tropical birds, the rats, the cats,
and the wolves that sometimes hunt through the garbage raccoon infestations.
Uh and some pigeons. I know, some good pigeons there.
Actually one of those fucking pigeons does mean money.
Speaker 10: That's all very well and good, Kabad, but you have
been telling us that for about ten days and I
still think we're lost.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean probably.
Speaker 10: I'll believe all this ship when I say it. Thank
you very much.
Speaker 7: Yes, mook seat elves, moo kill elves. Good luck.
Speaker 3: I think you're gonna get along real well with the
turtles at least.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Point to the pile of dead birds around the campsite.
None of these are beautiful.
Speaker 3: Well we're not there yet.
Speaker 4: Well we are now, so you should you should be
on that map. So moving in. As you guys come
down the path, you transitioning away from the campsite, and
after a couple of hours you start coming into the
port town of Farameio. You hear drums in island music.
You hear people like talking and barking and laughter and
drinks flowing. As you come down the pathway, the beach
gets sandy and it's warm, and you smell rum drinks
and coconuts and suntan lotion and tourists. There's that torus
smell of people who don't not to wash properly and
just keep lathering themselves up when they're at the beach.
It's disgusting. And you're coming down the pathway and it's
like a loud Caribbean.
Speaker 12: Mixed with dude, let's go over it, dude, dude, bro, bro, dude,
Oh my god, life. You see look at that girl's
tendies and they're on the beach. There are a lot
of people's sunbathing topless. You come down the way and
there are a mix of sir.
Speaker 3: I'd like to wave at the tropical birds.
Speaker 4: They wave back.
Speaker 10: Yeah, well, team looks like that's tits and rum. So
you will in forty eight outs.
Speaker 4: Well, the boat's supposed to take off that you're now
on day thirteen is supposed to depart on day fourteen,
So so you will in twenty four hours. Well you
have to see they bought to things, but you still
need to make sure. You need to check in, you know,
just let you know. So uh yeah, okay.
Speaker 10: I suppose we should orientate ourselves and do the paperwork
and and then we can. I don't know what we'll
do next. Surrounded by all these boobs and rum.
Speaker 7: We could kill some elves.
Speaker 10: Ah moo, moo moo.
Speaker 7: Nobody else have suggestion.
Speaker 3: They are seemed for playing a game upon these shores.
It is known as hunk volleyball. It requires a lot
of oil and no shirts.
Speaker 13: That sounds ideal for Jaucer blueskin shirtless Elvin Man who
is like uh, he's he's with like amphibious, like walks
by seas move like what's up, dude?
Speaker 4: Keeps on walking. Now move, well, why forever bro keeps
on going?
Speaker 10: I mean, surely that's not like a typical ELF.
Speaker 7: Right, well, move just thinking that it, like typically speaking,
might take a long time to drown elf.
Speaker 3: That's true, the other hand, wouldn't make the process all
the more favorable if he wastes time trying to drown
at aquatic elf.
Speaker 10: On a good point, tell you what move cross that
bridge when? Well, I guess when a bridge isn't.
Speaker 4: Available to the south, there appears to be the statues
pointing in different directions. That appears to be that is
the signpost giving you literal directions to the town of Parameo.
Speaker 3: I would walk right past it.
Speaker 4: Fair enough, fair enough, follow me either where I'm going.
Speaker 3: Look, I'm playing a very specific character.
Speaker 4: Specifically, I'm into this.
Speaker 10: We're back in the city.
Speaker 3: I'm competent again. Ship. Okay, don't worry about that.
Speaker 6: Let me absorb its information as I quickly go past.
Speaker 4: All right, ten, Uh, well, it's it's a big ass
sign posts like docs this way, libation row that way.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 6: I will head toward Libation Row and say, I'm assuming
you all want to drink.
Speaker 10: What a grand assumption?
Speaker 6: Look, we've been together long enough that I I'm just
steering into the skid at this point.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't soon.
Speaker 10: I smell of road and jewelcer. I want to drink.
I want to get cleaned up.
Speaker 3: Actually, I'm not even gonna say this out of character.
Could beara will turn.
Speaker 6: Back and say, I feel like my easiest option for
getting you all on board on time is just to
let you all get drunk, pass out, and then haul
your unconscious bodies there.
Speaker 3: So brilliant, so let's go for it. Move.
Speaker 10: What do you mean you smell of Geelsperer too? We
all smell of Jouser.
Speaker 7: Move. I know how you smell. Move, Stay away from
a sticky wizard though.
Speaker 4: Dude, you're gonna play some You're gonna play some beach ball. Dude,
bro bro, dude.
Speaker 8: Do any of these TOURISTI type people look intoxicated and wealthy?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 4: Many of them, in fact, Like there's a yes everybody, yeah,
Everyonoho's basically who's not at the moment, who's not a
turtle or a self looks like a drunk, rich touristy person.
Speaker 10: Ooh, gibbie, is there any way at the gamble?
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, there is a libation way.
Speaker 10: We haven't really, I mean, there's been like a big
payday and then there's just been in the woods for
however long. I've done pretty well with money management so far. Uh.
Speaker 4: This one elf and this one health girl and her
daughter are walking by. They say they they see moved.
They wave a handsome and theres they is. They keep
going by. They're like, okay, so I have to get
that you you have to go. You have to secure
your tickets right before you have to because you have
to get the You have to get the pass from
the dock. I know. You have to either get the
passion the doc or you have to get it from
the adventuring guilt. Whichever way you get it. Okay, honey, honey,
I know what I'm doing. Honey, I know what I'm doing.
And they keep on walking past.
Speaker 7: Perhaps we should help elves who obviously need help being
escorted out of their lives out of this town.
Speaker 10: It does sound like you know they're going where where
you need to go. I mean, fuck them. I guess are.
Speaker 3: We on good terms with the Adventuring Guild or not?
I remember, we're either on really good terms or really
bad terms.
Speaker 4: But it's one of those situations like so, uh, father
Brandon secured you guys passage, but you don't know if
you need to check in with a doc or you
need to check with the Adventuring Guild, because you need to
stop in one of those two places to basically, hey,
we're here, Please don't sail without us, or at least
get us our get us our boarding passes.
Speaker 3: So all right, what I will suggest the Adventurers Guild,
since we're on good terms there, we might have a
little more slack. Yeah, or whatever guild is.
Speaker 4: Down Libation Way.
Speaker 10: That's convenient.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost like they know their audience.
Speaker 10: Yes, we can get a walking drink on the way right.
Speaker 4: Of course, dude, Like everyone's walking by. Again, most of
these guys, either the turtles or the blue skinned l
people walking by, they have got there. They're playing game there,
they're engaging with the tour seats, with the crowds. They've
got drinks, they've got drugs, they've got fun like what
do you need kind of thing.
Speaker 6: So I'm glad you asked that, Givvey, because as we
are walking, I would like to roll or keep an
eye out or whatever for a rentable I guess, or
purchaseable cart.
Speaker 4: Oh no, if you have one, dude, hang on, you
have that can.
Speaker 3: Hang on that can allow me to easily haul for
unconscious bodies onto a ship.
Speaker 4: Specific ass, dude, I've got you covered.
Speaker 10: One second, specify comfortably.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, you know you got to make cuts somewhere.
Speaker 10: That's very responsible. Due I thought he was going to
like roll to keep an eye out for horse tranquilizes.
That's the first thing I thought.
Speaker 3: All right, so we we already have that, or I've
already spotted that.
Speaker 4: No, it's you got you you have that from pink
Reata literally have her cart that you guys got at
the end of a when you guys left the town.
Speaker 6: So okay, and that will that will fit, That will
fit on a ship and everything.
Speaker 4: It depends on the size of the ship, you know,
on the luxury cruise line, the what was it, the
Grand Whimsy? Yeah it should all right.
Speaker 3: Well, let me I guess, let me rephrase as a backup,
I would like to keep out, keep an eye out
for a wheelbarrow with which by haul one to four
unconscious bodies onto the deck of whatever vessel week So.
Speaker 4: Bodies along the coastline whre there's a lot of people
passed out in the sun, topless and burning because they're
tourists and they didn't know it any better. Uh you've
seen there are more need several of those umbrellas.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 4: You see the pavilions they have, the staff they have
basically body movers for just such an emergency. Usually can
carry like one human size or two halflings out once,
so they're about one per person kind of size.
Speaker 10: Man, this place is great.
Speaker 6: All right, I'll note that for later we could go
do the adventure guilt stuff first. I just that is
something Kabert has was a was on his list.
Speaker 7: Well since for walking non libation way looking for walking
drinks Google, keep an eye out for any vendors selling
drinks that look particularly flammable.
Speaker 4: Most of the drinks are like there, These are like
basically my ties, pinacoladas, very fruit and and and like
the high sugar, high ice overcharged. But they're mostly free.
But it's like, so it's that right now, nothing's really flammable.
Speaker 6: Wait wait now, if this is like a Cozamel or
beach like style situation, flaming shots are a thing you
want to throw that in.
Speaker 4: You're not in a bar yet, are you.
Speaker 3: That's true. We haven't reached slightvation way fair.
Speaker 7: Enough flaming shots.
Speaker 3: Oh god, we really got to stop by that guild
to get our ship first.
Speaker 10: St missus shut shuts shuts.
Speaker 4: Uh you guys, Claudia, now that you have a little
bit of a spiriting, you know, you're starting to sweat
for the first time in a long time under all
those furs.
Speaker 8: Oh dang, does that mean I can also get drunk?
Speaker 3: Uh? What is that?
Speaker 10: It's smell?
Speaker 7: Speaking of smelling like George?
Speaker 4: For I do believe that all the cocaine you guys,
after after like twelve days, that pounds of cocaine, you guys,
I assume that's gone? Or you did you save any.
Speaker 5: I'd like to save a little bit to rub on
some uh, you know, grilled tuna or something, right, got
a real taste for cocaine steak then, and who wouldn't.
Speaker 8: Let's be real, all right, cool that that elf mom
and her kid are they going toward places where you
can buy tickets?
Speaker 4: Well they just you just over heard them talking. They
just they're walking down Livation Way.
Speaker 9: Okay, so we can find will follow, Okay, Okay.
Speaker 7: But not, but not in an obvious creepy way, just
in the standard.
Speaker 4: Creepy did you twitter your mustache?
Speaker 10: Has you?
Speaker 7: Has you like like your hands are up like fantastically
creepy Exactly, He's just like strangling dead dead exactly.
Speaker 4: That's that's what I was doing there. So all right,
I mean, I'll set you guys up on the maparrel fast.
You're not at the you're not at the Adventuring Guild
yet because you don't know where anything is just yet.
So uh, I'm gonna put your gimps and gyms somewhere
else for the moment because they don't need to be here.
You can let me know when you once, and I'll
summon them back.
Speaker 7: Well, if I figar Karen as a giant centipedece, it
just kind of curls around my shoulders.
Speaker 4: That's fine. Okay, you guys are now officially online.
Speaker 5: Jim invisible at will.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you guys come through, you pass through too,
would appear to be total guards, but they look like
just lazy guys like, but they're larger. They're larger than
your average tourtal the ones you saw before. These guys
are way bigger, way more mustard.
Speaker 10: What that bowls like, Gibbie, let's get some Season one
vibes exactly.
Speaker 4: I was just flashback on Yeah, they've got the boiling
claws and where they're like hiding their balls.
Speaker 10: Ah, well fuck them then, I guess yep, move on,
not interested.
Speaker 4: Okay. As you come down Livation Way, it is like
there are several bars. There are several stands. There's another
another little private beach to the south.
Speaker 8: Uh.
Speaker 4: You know that they are what you can see. There
are currently two main bars. There's one with an inside
that seems to have people talk about gambling, and there's
an exterior bar that's down by the down by the
docks or not by the by this off its own
little wharfs, like an open air bar.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 4: I can take in any one of those. Uh, but
you haven't seen the adventuring Guild yet.
Speaker 10: You know, if you're drunk enough anyway, it could be
an adventuring guild just putting it out there.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 4: You guys, you guys approached this one area. There's like,
so you've got these people there, they're these server who's
like all the all the little olds guys down here
are like seen to be servers at these little tables
for the outdoor sections. Like, Hi, everybody, how are you doing?
Welcome to uh, welcome to the fair. Meo, you look,
you look hot, you look overly dressed. All right, you guys?
Need anything to drink? Are you good? What's going on?
My name's Brad. What's up?
Speaker 7: Mook? Need something that burns?
Speaker 10: I need quite the opposite.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, what do you need, bro?
Speaker 10: Something fruity?
Speaker 4: Oh well, then you know any of the I mean,
what are you looking for?
Speaker 3: To you? You can eat?
Speaker 4: You look at drink, looking gamble? What do you need?
What's in the right direction?
Speaker 10: I'll take free of those? Please same?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 4: The silent wave to the north, that one's that's the
one that's got the indoor bar, and it's got the
gambling area. To the south, you've got the rusty pier.
That's more of a like, No, it's a little rougher
place to for you to like, you know, drink and
hang out. And that's got some it's got a sleeping
arrangements for those who just want to power down. Uh gambling,
I said, gambling den like, uh, you guys look uh adventury,
you look you look like guild guys and that guilds
right over there to the to the north, right above you, guys,
So what are you looking for?
Speaker 7: I believe the.
Speaker 6: Guild first and then we let everything else commits it
sort of just like there's a ticking clock over Mood's head.
If we can get the work done before the crime starts.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. It's like, and this is I see Ylf
talking to moods I imagine moving the eyes just twist.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's why commers already like we're gonna head toward
the Adventuring Guilt.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much, have a great safety. You should
probably go fast, move.
Speaker 7: Go for business first, pleasure later.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, at least he understands the concept of priorities.
Speaker 4: Okay, I assume you think you guys want to go
into the Adventuring Guild first.
Speaker 3: Correct, it's more of a need to.
Speaker 4: But yeah, okay, not a problem. That's as mess you guys.
What you guys wanted to do? Okay, I'll take you
over the Adventuring Guild.
Speaker 6: Look, we it's it's a question of can we get
this done before Mood gets kicked out of town?
Speaker 3: Flash shirts downtown.
Speaker 10: I'd like to bat to you guys, five go pieces
that we can get into that adventuring guild, get the
PaperWorks salted and into the gambling. Then ten minutes.
Speaker 3: Now now stands big a leader?
Speaker 4: Am I allobby part of this bet?
Speaker 5: Trust me?
Speaker 10: Set in on this moo.
Speaker 7: Let's stand getting old sweaty while he's saying this.
Speaker 4: If he's wearing all these leathers and things like that,
so very.
Speaker 9: Fact, what's the security level around here?
Speaker 7: Are there?
Speaker 8: Like can we see like police officers or anything?
Speaker 4: So that's a very good question, uhber, if there's anything
you want to fill them in on. Otherwise I was
making real perception checks.
Speaker 6: I believe I mentioned that there were likes of war
forged and ship around here. That's that's what hang on,
hang on, I'm gonna go bed down and talk to
a rat.
Speaker 5: Uh huh uh huh uh huh.
Speaker 3: How that motherfucker?
Speaker 10: Okay?
Speaker 3: All right, all right? Peace funds?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 6: So the the war forged are apparently here to keep
the peace there. The guards, it's the it's a general
tourist town rule. Small crimes, fine, big crimes, you're on
your ass.
Speaker 10: I've had some bad experience with Warfage and their definition
of small crimes. I tend to find them rather enthusiastic
and not very willing to see uh compromising gray areas well.
Speaker 3: Here's a good rule of thumb to keep in mind.
Speaker 6: If you're fucking with the money of the people who
run all this, they're probably gonna care.
Speaker 3: If you're not, they're probably not gonna care.
Speaker 7: Actually, because moough know that most elves are freeloaders.
Speaker 10: Anyway, that's true, And I'm gambling. I'm not the guy
running the gambling. If anything, I'm a victim.
Speaker 6: I was going to say, Stan. Honestly, I think they're
just going to be here to let you lose as
much money as you want in peace.
Speaker 3: Oh thank god, they might bring you drinks of concerned wonderful.
Speaker 10: All right, like this place already?
Speaker 4: All right, So you guys are wandering over into the
Venturing Guild now, correct, all right? The Adventuring Guild is
more like the Adventure in Cabana. As you walk up,
you come into the sand, and the step up and
you see some people already inside, familiar people.
Speaker 10: Wait a minute, you order, pervert from me?
Speaker 3: Have a place?
Speaker 4: Oh, Mike Ale, it's all my look God, it's hey, God,
it's me. It's Jack Human Oh my god, we're here
at the same time. Isn't this amazing?
Speaker 10: Hello, Matt Damon, Hello, justin time?
Speaker 7: Hello.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that guy was definitely not the Koala's son. Yeah,
oh just in time?
Speaker 4: Is uh? He looks angry?
Speaker 10: So yeah, uh, you have some friends we haven't met.
How delightful anyway, paperwork.
Speaker 4: No, come on, in mate, you know we were just
finishing up with a slide. Did you know we got
we got we Mike, come on up here, come on,
come on, you walk up to the stairs, you know,
come on, you guys can come inside.
Speaker 8: Claudie feels a strong urge to go over to that
guy and ask him, you know, about his life choices
and to make some judgments about his choice in in
partners and how he's spending his money.
Speaker 4: Which guy are you talking to?
Speaker 10: You talking about Stan?
Speaker 9: Just in time?
Speaker 4: So Jack's still jabbering on. It's like, so, man, mate,
we totally we took that. We took that one job
right with the one. It was the merchant guard job
that you guys didn't get on. Anyway, it turns out
the guy was a vampire the whole time, who knew nobody,
And we had a killer and we got rewards. You know,
it was amazing. We got an all expensive paid trip
on the the the the, the Grand Whimsy. We're gonna
be seiling on that ship down destruct. We're doing the
same missions.
Speaker 10: No one ever could have suggested that the job to
beat a bodyguard for Jonathan T. Vampire would turn out
that way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he he only came out at night. No one
could figure it out.
Speaker 10: It was amazing.
Speaker 4: So yeah, we were apparently we're local heroes now. The
town Galahad put a thing of it on and put
up the money to pay for our trip onto the
on the adventure.
Speaker 3: Here.
Speaker 4: We talked to you. We talked to uh, this is
oh say hi to slack like bro slack of all
trades something mane, I'm the adventuring gil guy.
Speaker 10: You look like a guy.
Speaker 3: To Jonathan T. Vampire like I've heard of hiding and played.
God fucking damn.
Speaker 4: It did very well.
Speaker 7: Okay, it's just gonna look at stand at stand for
lake sand. To make the slightest gesture of role initiatives.
Speaker 10: Staff will say reluctantly, I'm glad you're all the life.
That's it.
Speaker 4: Just in Toime walks up and slaps Claudia right in
the mouth. Wow, what he killed my dad?
Speaker 3: Fuck you?
Speaker 4: He was my stepdad. He was a dick, but you
still killed him. He killed a lot of people, buddy,
He polymorphed, He did a permanent polymorph spell into a kowala,
and you killed him. He was a dick, but he
was my stepdad.
Speaker 7: Fuck you. We may have killed step son too.
Speaker 3: You know, justin times, got a lot of shit to
work through. It seems like that was a whole lot
of backs.
Speaker 4: I'm out looking for my real dad. I'm on for
an eventualaw and I've been trying to get my life together.
And ah, he's just you know, he flips his white hair,
twirls a little mustache, and starts walking away.
Speaker 7: You know, George short, now would be the time to
pull out his dad's seaman soaked face.
Speaker 8: Cottie is feeling a little hot under the collar. She's
she's holding her cheek and she's a little feeling a
little un out of the norm, feeling a little hot tempered.
Speaker 9: Can you believe that guy?
Speaker 8: I mean, everything he said was pretty much true, But
can you believe that guy?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 10: He was completely accurate. What a dick?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 4: All right, come on, totally innocent party. Let's let's let's
let's get out of here and let's leave these guys
to that business. Right, all right, Well see you guys, like,
see you guys later.
Speaker 10: We're heroes too, by the way, the very big heroes detail,
you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we're gonna be on the Grand the Grand
Whimsy ship. I don't know about you, So yeah, that's
the town of Gala had paid for us to be
on the Grand Whimsy. It's it's kind of a big deal.
Speaker 7: So you might need, might need to sink ship.
Speaker 9: If my knuckles can crack, I'm cracking them right now.
Speaker 4: Oh they can.
Speaker 10: My knuckles crack whenever I move my fingers, all right.
Speaker 4: So they leave to go off, and it's like to
do their thing because it's like, all right, you guys
are left alone with slack of all trades. You're just
offended by saying that all satyrs look alike.
Speaker 10: You even have nearly the same name except for a letter.
I don't think this is on me. You clearly have
some sort of arrangement.
Speaker 4: He justice Prukaschell necklace. He's like and he's like, he's like, bro,
not cool, dude.
Speaker 10: I'm just saying well, I'm not cool. I'm like one
hundred and fifty years old. Fuck being cool.
Speaker 7: Anyway, what do you want? Man?
Speaker 10: We have passage on the grand whims. He paid for
us because we're heroes. Heroes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're not paying attention. Imagin you guys come a
little closer. Okay, so.
Speaker 3: FYI give you.
Speaker 6: We don't have, or at least I don't have control
of my character. That's probably that's why we're staying so stationary.
Speaker 4: You don't have control of your character.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't click my guy. Can you guys click
your guys? Yeah?
Speaker 10: Oh I can't.
Speaker 3: Oh I can't.
Speaker 10: I just wasn't somebody else. I'm happy to addicate responsibility.
Speaker 7: You know you don't.
Speaker 4: Actually, that's weird. For some reason, you didn't hear. I'll
safe settings. You now control of your character. That's weird.
Speaker 7: There we go.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I just assumed that was a group issue.
Speaker 7: Purposely have a seal infestation.
Speaker 4: No, well, they work here at the resort, so he's just.
Speaker 10: There's like one cl fit here.
Speaker 4: Addition, In addition, this to be in the Adventuring part
of the Adventuring Guild Local Chapter H. This is also
with the Magic Shops that are at they sell to
the adventures and the sea off. It's out there looking
at like underwater breathing potions and like you know, water
walking boots like this is so useless. And he's just
laughing as he's looking looked at all the water breathing.
So he's like, just be amphibious like me.
Speaker 10: Some guys I've got admit. I mean, I'm high felt,
but else can be real dicks.
Speaker 4: He goes and dives in the ocean, all flipper style.
Speaker 3: Mood.
Speaker 7: Now he hated ocean anyway, we heard it. Check in,
not committed trocities or anything. Just check in and be innocent,
like totally innocent party who's not very innocent. They actually
accused of horrible crimes that we totally not commit.
Speaker 10: Yeah we're accused.
Speaker 7: You know who are you?
Speaker 3: Then?
Speaker 10: Did we not just tell him whom we were?
Speaker 4: You guys said, you said, I believe.
Speaker 3: We're registered under dicey bastards.
Speaker 4: All right, and really and your pin.
Speaker 10: Uh prisoner.
Speaker 3: Nine two six?
Speaker 10: All right?
Speaker 4: He checks his things.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah it was stupid, but we remembered oh yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah that' stuff that's been paid for. But you
got to go pick up your boarding pass from the docks.
Speaker 10: Man, this is yeah, endless paperwork. I just want to
see some dogs in an athletic All have.
Speaker 3: To go pick up our boarding passes or can one
person go pick them up for the group? Oh?
Speaker 4: One person go pick them up for the group. As
long as you're like, you know, yeah, it's fine. Whoever,
whoever your appointed leader is, or you're just whoever does listen.
As long as one of you knows your team name
and your number. That's how we secure these things. So yeah,
I got the thing saying here, it's in your boarding passes.
They're waiting for the team down at the dock.
Speaker 10: You just go talk to the doc to backsie, well,
I nominate Keibert and the rest of you. If you
want me to hold your money, we can go check
out the gambling.
Speaker 7: See if we can.
Speaker 10: I reckon we can probably triple our money.
Speaker 3: Realistically, Claudia, would you mind coming along for some extra protection.
That is a rough area of town.
Speaker 9: Yeah, absolutely sounds like it's gonna be rough.
Speaker 7: You better leave your money with me. Mook have good idea.
Moo could leave moog money with Fancy no longer half Elf.
If Fancy no no longer half Elf is destructive enough
to ignore any screams that fancy not half elf might hear.
Speaker 10: Well, I don't know what kind of gambling may have,
so you might be on to a winn a hit
my friend. If it's intriguing, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 7: Perhaps we can all agree that anything bad that happened
in the next twenty four hours is totally innocent party's fault.
Speaker 10: Yeah, whatever happens in wherever we are stays wherever we are.
So Luke keeping down, move us.
Speaker 4: Let me know everybody wants to go, because we're drawing
to the end of this particular episode that I have
one or two more places I want to put you all.
Speaker 3: So I want to throw it here. I was very curious.
I had to look it up.
Speaker 6: Made eighty eight fucking episodes, a flipper, eighty eight episodes.
Speaker 3: I'm Lasting with a Dolphin.
Speaker 6: Jesus Christ TV used to be crazy three years, three
goddamn seasons?
Speaker 3: How many?
Speaker 4: How many seasons of talking horses we go with mister
Red Sir oh Man? All right, not enough, keep going.
Speaker 5: I'll let you know, all right, I'm going to join
Stan in the gambling den and in door bars.
Speaker 10: Okay, Yeah, Stan, has restrained himself long enough thanks moving
drink just.
Speaker 4: Enough to get angry, all right, so move, are you
gonna go?
Speaker 3: Hunt?
Speaker 7: Elves said, I'll come. I'll come with Stan and uh
and drink just enough to get belligerent.
Speaker 10: Okay, so you'll be like a quarter of a pint.
Speaker 3: Give me an answer your question. One hundred and forty
three fucking episodes for six seasons for mister Ed.
Speaker 10: You know that was just like as long as the
holest lived.
Speaker 4: Now, all right, so I'm gonna put you guys over here.
So we got this team of Cabar and Claudie who
are gonna go to the docks and to get the
boarding passes, and Moog, Stan and Georcer are going to
go to the gambling den.
Speaker 10: Correct, yes, absolutely, all right, I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Start with Moog. We'll probably get to the gambling in
the next episode, but I'll polease put you in the location. Okay,
so stand by, come.
Speaker 10: On, Josie, let's make some great decisions.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 4: Actually, gonna put you all on the same maps at
the same time. You just remember who is and who's
not there one second. So, uh, the first thing I'll
do is show you all the gambling or the actual
house you're going to. I forget. I think is the
Silent Wave was the first bar that actually has the
gambling den.
Speaker 7: Uh, and it will be.
Speaker 4: I'll put you guys up here. I actually have a
special map just for the gambling. But this is the
bar that you guys will be And I know you're
not on the map yet. One second, all right, So
this is the up here, so you guys will be
up here at this section at the gambling den. The
Silent Wave is appears to be. It is a rock
is fun loving, really bad knockoff of a Jimmy Buffett parrot,
you know, cheezburger paradise kind of place. There is the music, playing,
a lot of drinks. There's even a fighting pit in
the middle for people to get their brawls out of
their system, you know, like a little sandpit down there.
And there's a band playing really bad knockoff White Eye
Calypso at the bottom of the map. The music is fun,
the people are drinking and is a hoot, and the
gambling section is open.
Speaker 10: I finally come home.
Speaker 4: Okay, And now for Claudia and Cabert, I'm gonna take
you guys over to the other part of the map.
One second, where did I put that up?
Speaker 3: There?
Speaker 5: We go?
Speaker 4: Cool, this is a big ass map, so you guys
want all right, Uh, okay, cool. You guys will be
coming down the way to this section now, Claudia Cobert
takes you about ten minutes to walk this direction because
it's the bigger boats are further further away. All right,
and you guys come down to this. You're coming along
the path again a Georgier standing mood. You're not there
because I didn't have time to put the bucket on
the map, But Claudia Cobert, you are. You see Tobas.
He's sitting there by the ship. He's got a ledger
out in an a gigantic nine and a half foot
total standing behind him. Ask his bodyguard, we're not.
Speaker 9: We're not playing anything shifty.
Speaker 8: I mean we trust he had to get tickets.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're actually uh up and up for one.
Speaker 4: That's Claudia said out loud to I like to think
she just said that too.
Speaker 10: I thought Klaus was the West Road.
Speaker 4: All right, you guys, you guys go up to see
the Tobac sea with the ledger. All right, Hello, how
are you? My name is mister Migi, how may I
help you?
Speaker 3: Good day? Combat the.
Speaker 10: Fucking cats?
Speaker 9: Does he have tears?
Speaker 7: He got?
Speaker 4: He's adorable. He's like that seeingor cat that you can't
quite have the heart to put down yet.
Speaker 8: Oh so he swore the end of his life and
it would be uh oh no, so I hadn't been
planning anything shifty when I said that.
Speaker 4: He sticks one leg out and starts licking like, can
I help you?
Speaker 3: Yes, we are here to check in the dicey Bastards
for a passage to borrow.
Speaker 4: Interesting Can I have your number?
Speaker 5: Please?
Speaker 3: Two four six oh one one you.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but the gentleman with the floppy hat was
just here just a few minutes ago. He got your
boarding passes.
Speaker 3: I'm afraid you are corrects.
Speaker 4: There we are, turns the ledger around, signed Stan Dany
Liver like dicey Bastards and the exact same number on
the ledger. He was literally just here.
Speaker 3: Oh dear min Ago. I'm afraid, mister Maogi, someone has
perpetuated a fraud upon you.
Speaker 4: Well it sounds that's not my problem. You know, the
Adventuring Guild secure the thing, they had, the they had
the number, they had the right access. Uh, they came
and got it.
Speaker 8: Can you describe the rest of the party to us?
Speaker 4: Uh? Well, there was no There was just the one gentleman.
There's just the one gentleman. He had a fancy cat
and a feather.
Speaker 10: Uh.
Speaker 4: He kept over a nunciating a grand adventure on the
whimsy and he kept saying it like that.
Speaker 3: Ah, so it was just in time. He lied well, and.
Speaker 4: He gives a description and it's like he was like, no,
he's like, here's an older gentleman. Like he gives you
an exact description of Stan. He did, down down to
the down to the thing.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And that's what magic does. It allowed us
to take on different appearances. Ah well, all right, let's
go turn. Let's go turn justin time into the Adventuring Guild.
And then I don't know, tell the others we're not
gonna bother with the boat kill. Yeah, we'll report him
for fraud. And then I don't know, I don't honestly
remember why we were getting on the boat.
Speaker 10: If Stan would hate to defend himself, he wouldn't be
able to because of the alley on set to match.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, I hope what Ghibbey had planned on
the boat wasn't fun.
Speaker 4: The gentleman did leave something behind for you. We're not
for you, but he left us behind. If he's a
friend of yours, he left us here. Excuse me. He
hands you a strip of cloth and it looks like
it's a balaklava to a turtle.
Speaker 6: Oh okay, I don't know what this is, but uh
neat anyway, we're gonna go. We're gonna go report this
guy for fraud. And I guess figure out what we're
gonna do with our next few days.
Speaker 4: For pull some for gravity leaves tomorrow morning. He's lets
you know, well, the ship leaves tomorrow morning at promptly
at dawn.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, that's that's someone else's problem. If our things
got stolen, we're not really accountable for all that. And
I gotta I gotta tell you man, I just don't
care about anything that's not animal related.
Speaker 8: Connie would like to reach out and touch the Tobaxi's ear.
Speaker 9: It's possible.
Speaker 4: Okay, give me give me a uh you know what,
give me a persuasion.
Speaker 10: I thought you're gotta do something useful, like use your
magic mirror on the battlet club.
Speaker 4: Can I can I, you know, give you persuasion A
twenty oh he leans into it. Nice, that's perception, no persuasion. Sorry, sorry,
sorry sorry, looks twenty oh.
Speaker 10: He remember Lista's it's only a cult if they don't
dig it.
Speaker 4: He leans, he only leans into it and like he
starts to do that thing were Listle's tale and shows you.
Speaker 10: His buttole so remember Lista's it's only a sault if
he doesn't dig.
Speaker 4: And with Claudia scratching the rear end of a aged
male to Bacsi showing off his A and us, I
think that's where we're gonna leave this episode. With someone
already stole their uh, having someone already stole their their
passport and their tickets, the Dicey Bassards are to be
stuck in the town of Faramio. What will happen in
the next episode, I don't know next time, So on
behalf of Robert Bevan received whether or Rick Waltz here
and Drew Hayes and Emily Kaplan. I'm Mk Gibson, We're
the Dicey Bassards and you can great. Thank you all
so much and we'll see you all next time. By everybody, by.
Speaker 10: You've been listening to Dicey Bastard's cats see if Orphans
and Dragons check us out at Orphans and Dragons dot
com or look up our Patreon if you want to supporters,
get secret content, and hang out on our discord. Music
by the Golf cour Full.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't honessily remember why we were
getting on the boat.