Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey back, come on, this is not
Confusion no More with your host doctor and evangelis Kao Rich.
Speaker 2: How about you play them to sound or nothing to
heal from?
Speaker 3: But o God and sister because you're Philly dons. How
y'all doing on this Wednesday morning, January the.
Speaker 2: Twenty eighth of twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3: I pray that you are having a less than wonderful
week so far. I pray that it has been stress free,
narcissistic free, abuse free, and if not, we're gonna be
talking about some things today again. My name is doctor
ko Rich or Knock Abuse No More, where we're helping
people admit what they feel in order to heal from
the effects of narcissistic abuse because your feelings do matter,
Yes they do. But before we go on with today's podcast,
I'd like to invite you to visit us on our
website at www dot nock Abuse No More dot net.
That's knock Abuse No More dot net. And just as
a reminder, we're on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at
ten am Eastern Standard time nine am Central. All you
can listen at the time of your choice on various
platforms such as Spreaker, Our Heart Radio, Spotify, Amazon.
Speaker 2: iTunes, and others.
Speaker 3: All right, what are we talking about today, Well, we're
talking about UH children and their basic needs for survival.
Speaker 2: And you might be an adult child or someone.
Speaker 3: Of course, we all were born through someone, and so
you are. Whether your parents are here or they're not,
you know, they've been deceased. But everyone that was growing
up had basic needs for survival.
Speaker 2: The thing is, some of those needs.
Speaker 3: May not have been met, and so therefore, when you
recognize those needs, then you can understand, Okay, this is
where I may have lapsed in getting what I need,
and this is what I need to tend to because
guess what we all need to tend to our inner child.
And sometimes those things that we needed may not have
been UH. Regardless of how much your parents tried or whatever,
you might have been lacking in some of those things.
If you were raised by a narcissist, you were definitely
lacking in some areas. And so we're gonna talk about that,
the basic needs for survival in.
Speaker 2: Adult children as well as younger ones.
Speaker 3: And if you were missing those things in your childhood,
where you can pay attention to what you need to gild.
Speaker 2: To your children.
Speaker 3: And so I'm gonna start off with a Bible verse
in Matthew chapter eighteen, verse eleven, and it says, beware
that you don't look down on any of these little ones,
for I tell you that in heaven, their angels are
always in the presence of My heavenly Father. And that
means that everyone is assigned an angel, a guardian angel.
Speaker 2: And so therefore, just because.
Speaker 3: Someone is small a young child, doesn't mean that God
does not pay attention.
Speaker 2: Yes, he does. So most people will agree.
Speaker 3: And I want to just let you all know I
have been working on a book for a few years
and it's it's dealing with narcissism, and I don't have
an exact time when I'm gonna release it, but it's
gonna be possibly within the next year or so, and
it it would be dealing with for narcissistic abuse and
so it uh, this is coming from that particular book
that I'm that I'm working on right now. So meeting people,
they would agree that there are basic needs that everyone need,
that uh children need when they grow up in order
to be uh well rounded individuals. Rather, whether you're a
teacher or a guardian a parent, if you're in charge of
a child's care, you are supposed to try to meet
those needs that you know children have.
Speaker 2: And even if you are not.
Speaker 3: A ch therapists or whatever, there are still that's still
a basic understanding that there are certain things inalienable rights
that children have. However, sometimes when children are are not
getting the needs that they that they are entitled to get,
then it could cause them to have different cognitive issues,
such physical issues, psychological issues, and lead to what.
Speaker 2: They call as early life trauma.
Speaker 3: And we definitely don't want to traumatize a child because
when a child is traumatized, it can lead to other
issues so fate. For example, if they're being physically deprived
of things, then it can lead to all kinds of
physical issues such as vision laws, brain damage, broken bones.
If they're being physically abused, they're there psychological issues that
can occur from a child not getting the knees that
they are entitled to, such as depression, eating disorders, panic attacks.
Sometimes it leads them into what's called a gorea for phobia,
which is a fear of leaving home, sleep disorders, and more.
These are things that we don't want children to have
to deal with as they grow up. It can lead
to behavior issues such as showing anger through various inappropriate ways,
them having control issues, aggression, or even a lack of empathy.
Many criminals who took the road to crime, which may
have led them into being in prisons sometimes a lot
of times this is not in all cases, but they
were victims of abuse, neglect, or rejection from someone that
was supposed to be a supporter or a guardian in
their life, and so therefore they ended up abusing someone else,
whether it's physically, emotionally or verbally. The saying that hurt
people hurt people is absolutely true, and therefore we want
to recognize what you were entitled to as an adult
that the adults were supposed to give you.
Speaker 2: Because children do not ask to.
Speaker 3: Be born, They are just brought here, okay, So no
one is able to ask, well do you want to
come into this world that you know you're not able
to do that, okay. So but the thing is is
that when a child is brought into this world, then
they have certain inalienable rights that God has designed for
parents to give their children.
Speaker 2: We know that.
Speaker 3: And Proverbs chapter twenty two, verse six, it says to
train up a child and the way he should go
and when he is old he would not depart from it.
So we gonna go with a few things that it
is important to know that you things that you were
entitled to as a child, and things that you may
have not received as a child from your narcissistic parent.
And if you didn't, and guess what, you have to
grace yourself with those things. Excuse me that you were
not that you did not receive as a child. Number one,
you have the right to be treated as an important
human being with unique feelings, ideas, and desires that are
not an extension of your parents' unfulfilled dreams.
Speaker 2: What does this mean? You know, parents are to train
their children in the.
Speaker 3: World the Lord, but this does not mean to make
your dreams their Okay, so you may have wanted to
be this awesome football player, but it doesn't mean that
your child is going to excel in that same area. Therefore,
you were entitled to be your own unique individual because
God did not make two people the same.
Speaker 2: Even though you may have twins.
Speaker 3: There are still differences in those twins. Okay, you could
be identical twins, you can look exactly the same, but
your personalities are not okay, your DNA. There's something different,
something unique about you. So even though you might be
a twin or a six tuplet or a tuplet or whatever,
there's still something unique about you, and you are entitled
to your uniqueness.
Speaker 2: Number two, you.
Speaker 3: Have the right to have a sense of security and belonging,
which comes should come from a loving and nurturing environment
that does not do you harm.
Speaker 2: And I want to give you a verse.
Speaker 3: In First Timothy, chapter five, verse eight, it says, but
if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially
for the members of his household, he has denied the faith,
and it's worse than the unbeliever. So parents are supposed
to provide for their children's well being. That means sheltered,
that means food, that means clothes, safety, and.
Speaker 2: A warm, loving environment.
Speaker 3: Now you may not have been able to have the
best of those things for its name brand clothes or
the best name brands and food or whatever, But as
long as you were provided for to the best of
your parents' ability and most importantly, loved. Narcissists do not
truly know how to love. They go through the emotions,
but they don't know how to love, especially when it
comes to children. The narcissist wants to look like they're
the epitome of a good parent when they're actually not
doing some things that require that that children need, and
that is a love, a loving.
Speaker 2: And nurturing warm environment.
Speaker 3: Number three, the children have the right to have listening
parents who care and will not reject and neglect them.
That means that parents can sometimes when you're dealing with
narcissistic parents, they can sometimes get so caught up in
their own world that they do not have time to
listen to the needs of their children, because at the
end of the day, the narcissists is more worried and
concerned about their own reputation for their own image rather
than it being real, so children can oftentimes feel neglected.
These parents do not allow their children to even mention
their needs and their feelings because narcissists are unempathetic, so
the child grows up thinking that their.
Speaker 2: Feelings do not matter.
Speaker 3: You may have found yourself feeling this way as a child,
that your feelings didn't matter. But in James Chapter one,
verse two, it says, know this, my beloved brothers. Let
every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and
slow to anger. And so if you did not get
this as a child, then you were missing some essential
things that's important for your that was important for your
well roundedness as an adult. Number four, children have the
right to express love and affection as well as receive
it from their parents without having to stifle that love
because of the fear of disapproval and rejection for showing emotion.
Speaker 2: So children should not have to.
Speaker 3: Feel should be able to feel an express love to
their parents.
Speaker 2: This is a.
Speaker 3: Natural born emotion that is given to everyone at birth,
but it has to be nurtured. Okay, So parents should
say to their children, I love you, and it should
outweigh any negative thing that It should outweigh any negative negativity.
Speaker 2: So what do I mean by that?
Speaker 3: If you are always constantly criticizing your child always they're
never doing anything right? You never you very seldom say
I love you. So if your negativity outweighs your affirmation
for that child, then guess what that's not balanced.
Speaker 2: Your child should hear you say I love.
Speaker 3: You way more than any negative thing that you have
to say. And this is even what constructive criticism. Yes,
you have to train children in the right way. But
the thing is they should always hear more of I
love you, I love you, I love you, I support you,
I stand by you.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 3: You know, they should hear more positive things, positive affirmations.
Speaker 2: Than they do anything that's negative.
Speaker 3: And Proverbs chapter twenty three, verses twenty four through twenty five,
it says, the father of godly children has cause for joy.
Speaker 2: What a pleasure to have children who are wise.
Speaker 3: So give your father and mother joy made she who
gave birth be happy. And children should be able to
be happy in their parents, giving them love, attention, and joy,
far more than the constant criticism.
Speaker 2: All right, we're gonna.
Speaker 3: Take a quick break and we'll be back in just
a moment.
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all the way, lot of me.
Speaker 4: Me back to truth wherever I will test it. God
let me.
Speaker 5: All Glartine the water bo who shows his hat to
kore me.
Speaker 2: M God met me in your eyes. I love that song.
That is a beautiful, beautiful song. All right.
Speaker 3: So we're talking about things that you know for as
you needed in your childhood, so basically healing, healing your
inner child and even if you did not receive some
of these things, gracing yourself with these things if you're able.
Speaker 2: To, as well as being able to if you have children,
to ensure that you're giving these things to your children.
Number five, children have the right to grow and thrive in.
Speaker 3: An atmosphere free of mistreatment, abuse, and niglect. Children should
not have to fear their parents, and they should know
that even when their parents discipline them, it is not
in an abusive manner. Okay, there's a healthy discipline, and
there's a type of discipline that is peer abuse. So
parents that care for their children in a loving way,
it should be done with free from violence and free
from the fear of abandonment rather that's physically or emotionally.
So a child should never think, oh, my parent is
gonna abandon me if I'm not.
Speaker 2: Good enough, if I'm not perfect, if I mess up.
In Ephesians chapter six, verse four, it says, fathers, do
not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up
in the discipline and instruction.
Speaker 3: Of the Lord.
Speaker 2: And we do not serve an abuse of God. So
some children have been abused.
Speaker 3: You may have been abused, and they may not have
even been physically, but you may Some have endured physical abuse,
some have endured sexual abuse.
Speaker 2: Some have endured verbal abuse.
Speaker 3: You know, you should never call your child stupid or
make your child feel like they're undeserving of love.
Speaker 2: You should never. And another, let me just say this,
another form of abuse is also throwing up your child's past.
Speaker 3: You know, if your child made mistakes when they were younger,
but they have grown into this wonderful adult and have
changed in everything. Constantly throwing up when they was a child,
or when they was a teenager or something. That's still
another form of abuse. And you have parents want that
loves to hang things over their children's head as a
method of control, and that is still abuse. So you
are entitled, and you were entitled as a child to
be abused free. And if you have children, your children
are entitled to be abused free. Number six, the right
to know that Children have the right to know that
their parents' poor decisions, mistakes, and failures in life are
not their fault, whether it's me. Children should not be
made to be the scapegoat for what goes wrong between
the parents' marriage or other adult situations that they had
no control over.
Speaker 2: Children should not be made to choose.
Speaker 3: Between their parents at any time, nor should they be
brought into your arguments.
Speaker 2: So if you are if you're having some.
Speaker 3: Kind of argument between you and your spouse, do not
bring your children in the middle of that. And if
you were a child that was brought into the middle
that you felt like I had to choose between my
parents or I had there was there was issues that
was going on that I was always to blame for
because of my parents.
Speaker 2: That was unfair.
Speaker 3: And so one thing we know about narcissists is that
they transfer blame on to whoever the target of their
of their narcissistic rage, and that is oftentimes especially when
you're underage children. But in Proverbs chapter twenty eight, verse thirteen,
it says whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but
he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Speaker 2: Number seven.
Speaker 3: Number seven of children have the right to have proper
care and guidance from parents, where they can be educated
in their mind, their body, and spirit. And they love
an environment free from abusive conditions and any type of conditions.
This means that children should be should never be made
to feel that they must earn their parent's love and affection.
If you bring a child into this world that means
that you should love that child because that child did
not ask to be here. This should be regardless of
what the child does or doesn't do. If children are
made to feel that they must work for their parents' love,
then they will always go through life feeling as if
they must earn the love of others.
Speaker 2: This is how people often become people pleasers.
Speaker 3: Take, and this places them also in a position to
be taken advantage of or abused and Psalms Chop the
one twenty seven, verses three through five, It says, behold,
children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of
the wound, a reward like arrows in the hand of
a warrior, or the children of one's youth blesses the
man who fills his quiver with them.
Speaker 2: He should not be put to shame when he speaks
with his enemies in the gate.
Speaker 3: And this means that children parents should treat their children
as if they are a gift. Okay, they're not something
that you're entitled to. They are a gift from the Lord.
And therefore anyone who has a child should treat their
children as gifts, okay, gifts from the Lord. And therefore,
when you mistreat your children, then you're dishonoring the gift
that God has given to you.
Speaker 2: So if you were.
Speaker 3: Mistreated as a child, then your parents dishonor.
Speaker 2: The gifts that God gave to them.
Speaker 3: Number eight the right the children have the right to
honest answers to questions about God and life.
Speaker 2: You know, many parents are not honest with their children.
Speaker 3: They tend to lie because they expect their they expect
their children to tell the truth, but they lie to
their children.
Speaker 2: This does not mean that children should.
Speaker 3: Know everything about your problems or everything that's going on.
But when children ask for answers about life, concerning whether
it's the family, you should give them honest answers or
say you know what this is not You're not at
the age appropriate well at the appropriate age for me
to discuss this with you, but I will do so
later on. Okay, So do not lie to your children.
If your children or needed to know clarity or about
things that's going on, and especially when it comes to God.
You know, parents, sometimes when you do the one narcissists.
Narcissists will have a child thinking that God is against
them and all for the abuse that the narcissist is
doing and Therefore that's called spiritual abuse. But in Proverbs
chapter one, verses eight through nine, it says, here, my son,
your father's instruction and forsake, not your mother's teaching, For
they are graceful garland around your head and penance for
your neck. This means that children that you know children
or to listen to their parents when their parents are
speaking honestly.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: This means don't lie to your children just because their children.
It might be some things you can't share with them
at the moment, but don't lie to them. Number nine,
have the right to have a relationship with both parents,
regardless of parental agreements. Now, many children are the innocent
victims of parent wars. Okay, the parents use the children
as weapons to get back at the other parent.
Speaker 2: Now, when it comes to abuse, make no mistake that
the parent has a right to protect the children.
Speaker 3: Okay, they have a duty to protect protect the welfare
of the children involved.
Speaker 2: However, if a parent is using a children just to.
Speaker 3: Get back and hurt the other parent, just because they're
having issues, then that is still a form of abuse
by denying the children the benefits and love and attention.
Speaker 2: From the other parent.
Speaker 3: So if you were a child that was denied being
able to see your other parent because of their issues,
then that was also a form of abuse. In Luke
chapter seventeen, verse two, it says it would be better
for him if a milestone were hung around his neck
and he were cast into the sea, then he should
cause one of these little ones to sin. Don't hurt
your child just because you're trying to get back at
someone else. We're gonna take another break and we'll be back.
Speaker 2: In just a moment.
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Speaker 8: God.
Speaker 4: So I decided.
Speaker 2: And that is you, me and God.
Speaker 3: Alright, alright, So we're coming to a close and getting
ready to wrap this up, but I want to go
over a couple more things. Children have the right of
being struck according to their age and mental capacity and
be held accountable for their own actions accordingly. So one
thing is important for people to remember is that children
should not be considered adults. They should be a judge
age appropriately. Okay, they should be allowed to be children. Yes,
you hold them accountable for their own actions, but for
what they're able to understand and what they're able to comprehend.
Speaker 2: Remember, they are not adults. And you may have been
been raised as uh uh as an adult when you
were actually a child. You may have been.
Speaker 3: Expected to do things and understand things as an adult,
when you were put in the position that you should
not have been in.
Speaker 2: As a child.
Speaker 3: In Deuteronomy, chapter twenty four, verse sixteen, it says fathers
fathers should not uh be put to death because of
their children, nor shall should s no sh nor shall
children be put to death because of their fathers. Each
one shall be put to death for their own sin.
And these were things that was taking place in the
doing the life of the children of Israel, when God
was saying that, you know, everyone is accountable for their
own actions. Okay, so whole children of course accountable for
their own actions, not because of something that that's beyond
their years, or because you're trying to get back at
maybe the other parent or something like that.
Speaker 2: And you may have gone through this as a child.
Speaker 3: And let me just say this, if you have any
of these things we're talking about today, if you have
dealt with these things and you need healing, talk to
a therapist. Do not be afraid to talk to a therapist.
You don't have to announce it to anyone unless you
just want to. But you know what that's between you
and that that particular therapist, counselor whoever you decide to.
Speaker 2: Talk to so that get you can heal your inner child.
Speaker 3: Last, but not least, children have the right to be
able to decide their own life's purpose.
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna put within the.
Speaker 3: Confines of God, children should be able to they should
be encouraged to follow their own course of life. And
what I mean by that, you know, for those of
us who are Christians within the will of God. So
parents are to train and they are to guide their children,
but not make their children an extension of them.
Speaker 2: That means that.
Speaker 3: Children have the right to follow the path that God
has given them. Okay, they can make their own decisions,
make their own choices once they leave the nest. In
Isaiah chapter fifty four, verse thirteen, it says, all your
children should be taught by the Lord, and great shall
be the peace of your children.
Speaker 2: Parents are to.
Speaker 3: Guide their children, treat them with love and kindness, regardless
of the situations that the parents find themselves in.
Speaker 2: The children should not.
Speaker 3: Be the blame, should not be the scapegoat, should not
be made to feel that they are the issues that's
wrong with the adults in their life.
Speaker 2: If parents are dealing.
Speaker 3: With issues, they need to be responsible for their own
issues and not victimize their children. If your parents victimized you,
it was an unfortunate situation and it was not your fault.
Speaker 2: You had nothing to do with the abuse that they
gave to you.
Speaker 3: You do not have the bear to cross that they
should be burying them, that they should be carrying themselves.
Speaker 2: And everyone has to carry their own cross, including your parents.
Speaker 3: And if you were victimized by your parents and you
were made to feel that you were responsible for previous generations,
then try to get some counseling so that you can
let go of that load, because it is time for
you to unburden yourself so that you can be free.
Speaker 2: To be who God has called for you to be.
Speaker 3: And an in Galatian shot, the five verse one, it says,
for freedom, Christ has.
Speaker 2: Set us free.
Speaker 3: Stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a
yoke of slavery.
Speaker 2: And what this means is whom the son says free
is free.
Speaker 3: Indeed, that means that you're free from the burdens of
what your parents put on you because of their lack
of responsibility. And therefore, if you found yourself in a
situation like this, get the help that you need to
heal your inner child. Talk to a therapist, talk to
a counselor talk to someone who can support you and
aid you. And healing from those wounds, those staffs, those
herbs that caused you to maybe become traumatized and damaged
in life. All right, we are a body here, I
pray that today's podcast has been a blessing.
Speaker 2: To you and that you will know that your feelings
do matter.
Speaker 3: This is doctor k O Richard mark Abus, no more
until the next weeks.