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Speaker 1: The Hypnotist by Ambrose Bierce, by those of my friends

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who happen to know that I sometimes amuse myself with hypnotism,

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mind reading, and kindred phenomena. I am frequently asked if

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I have a clear conception of the nature of whatever

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principle underlies them. To this question, I always reply that

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I neither have nor desire to have. I am no

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investigator with an ear at the keyhole of Nature's workshop,

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trying with vulgar curiosity to steal the secrets of her trade.

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The interests of science are as little to me as

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mine seem to have been to science. Doubtless, the phenomena

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in question are simple enough and in no way transcend

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our powers of comprehension. If only we could find the clue.

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But for my part, I prefer not to find it,

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for I am of a singularly romantic disposition, deriving more

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gratification from mystery than from knowledge. It was commonly remarked

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of me when I was a child that my big

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blue eyes appeared to have been made rather to look

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into than look out of. Such was their dreamful duty,

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and in my frequent periods of abstraction, their indifference to

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what was going on in those peculiarities they resembled. I

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venture to think the soul which lies behind them, always

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more intent upon some lovely conception which it has created

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in its own image, then concerned about the laws of

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nature and the material frame of things. All this irrelevant

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and egotistic as it may seem, is related by way

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of accounting for the meagerness of the light that I

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am able to throw upon a subject that has engaged

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so much of my attention, and concerning which there is

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so keen and general a curiosity. With my powers and opportunities,

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another person might doubtless have an explanation for much of

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what I present simply as narrative. My first knowledge that

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I possessed unusual powers came to me in my fourteenth year,

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when at school, happening one day to have forgotten to

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bring my noonday luncheon, I gazed longingly at that of

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a small girl who was preparing to eat hers. Looking up,

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her eyes met mine, and she seemed unable to withdraw them.

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After a moment of hesitancy, she came forward in an

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absent kind of way, and without a word, surrendered her

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little basket with its tempting contents and walked away, inexpressibly pleased.

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I relieved my hunger and destroyed the basket. After that

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I had not the trouble to bring a luncheon for myself.

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That little girl was my daily purveyor, and not infrequently,

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in satisfying my simple need from her frugal store, I

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combined pleasure and profit by constraining her attendance at the

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feast and making misleading proffer of the viands, which eventually

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I consumed to the last fragment. The girl was always

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persuaded that she had eaten all herself, and later in

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the day her tearful complaints of hunger surprised the teacher,

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entertained the pupils earned for her the sobriquet of greedy gut,

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and filled me with a peace past understanding. A disagreeable

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feature of this otherwise satisfactory condition of things was the

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necessary secrecy. The transfer of the luncheon, for example, had

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to to be made at some distance from the madding

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crowd in a wood, and I blush to think of

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the many other unworthy subterfuges entailed by the situation. As

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I was and am naturally of a frank and open disposition.

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These became more and more irksome, and but for the

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reluctance of my parents to renounce the obvious advantages of

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the new regime, I would gladly have reverted to the old.

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The plan that I finally adopted to free myself from

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the consequences of my own powers excited a wide and

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keen interest at the time, and that part of it,

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which consisted in the death of the girl, was severely condemned.

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But it is hardly pertinent to the scope of this narrative.

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For some years afterward I had little opportunity to practice hypnotism.

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Such small essays as I made at it were commonly

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barren of other recognition than solitary confinement on a bread

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and water diet. Sometimes, indeed, they elicited nothing better than

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the Catanine tales. It was when I was about to

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leave the scene of these small disappointments that my one

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really important feat was performed. I had been called into

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the Warden's office and given a suit of civilian's clothing,

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a trifling sum of money, and a great deal of advice,

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which I am bound to confess was of a much

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better quality than the clothing, as I was passing out

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of the gate into the light of freedom. I suddenly turned, and,

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looking the warden gravely in the eye, soon had him

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in control. You are an ostrich, I said. At the

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post mortem examination, the stomach was found to contain a

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great quantity of indigestible articles, mostly of wood or metal,

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stuck fast in the esophagus and constituting, according to the

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coroner's jury, the immediate cause of death one dorknob. I

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was by nature a good and affectionate son. But as

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I took my way into the great world from which

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I had been so long secluded, I could not help

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remembering that all my misfortunes had flowed like a stream

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from the niggard economy of my parents in the matter

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of school luncheons, and I knew of no reason to

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think they had reformed. On the road between Succotash Hill

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and South Asphyxia is a little open field which once

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contained a shanty known as Pete Gilstrap's Place, where that

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gentleman used to murder travelers for a living. The death

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of mister Gilstrap and the diversion of nearly all the

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travel to another road occurred, so nearly at the same

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time that no one has ever been able to say

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which was cause and which effect. Anyhow, the field was

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now a desolation, and the place had long been burned.

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It was while going afoot to South Asphyxia, the home

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of my childhood, that I found both my parents on

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their way to the hill. They had hitched their team

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and were eating luncheon under an oak tree in the

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center of the field. The sight of the luncheon called

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up painful memories of my school days and roused the

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sleeping lion in my breast. Approaching the guilty couple, who

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at once recognized me, I ventured to suggest that I

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share their hospitality. Of this cheer, My son, said, the

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author of my being with characteristic pomposity, which age had

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not with us. There is sufficient for but two. I

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am not, I hope, insensible to the hunger light in

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your eyes. But my father has never completed that sentence.

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What he mistook for hunger light was simply the earnest

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gaze of the hypnotist. In a few seconds he was

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at my service. A few more sufficed for the lady,

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and the dictates of a just resentment could be carried

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into effect. My former father I said, I presume that

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it is known to you that you and this lady

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are no longer what you were. I have observed a

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certain subtle change, was the rather dubious reply of the

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old gentleman. It is perhaps attributable to age. It is

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more than that, I explained, it goes to character. Two species.

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You and the lady here are, in truth two bronchos,

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wild stallions, both and unfriendly. Why, John exclaimed, my dear mother,

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you don't mean to say that I am madam, I replied, solemnly,

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fixing my eyes again upon hers. You are scarcely had

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the words fallen from my lips. When she dropped upon

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her hands and knees, and backing up to the old man,

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squealed like a demon, and delivered a vicious kick upon

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his Shin. An instant later, he was himself down on

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all fours, headed away from her, and flinging his feet

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at her. Simultaneously and successively, with equal earnestness, but inferior

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agility because of her hampering body gear, she plied her own.

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Their flying legs crossed and mingled in the most bewildering way,

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their feet sometimes meeting squarely in mid air. Their bodies

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thrust forward, falling flat upon the round, and for a

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moment helpless on recovering themselves, they would resume the combat,

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uttering their frenzy in the nameless sounds of the furious brutes,

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which they believed themselves to be. The whole region rang

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with their clamor round and round they wheeled, the blows

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of their feet falling like lightnings from the mountain cloud.

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They plunged and reared backward upon their knees, struck savagely

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at each other with awkward, descending blows of both fists

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at once, and dropped again upon their hands, as if

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unable to maintain the upright position of the body. Grass

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and pebbles were torn from the soil by hands and feet, Clothing, hair,

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faces inexpressibly defiled with dust and blood. Wild inarticulate screams

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of rage attested the delivery of the blows, groans, grunts,

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and gasps their receipt. Nothing more truly military was ever

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seen at Gettysburg or Waterloo. The valor of my dear

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parents in the hour of danger can never cease to

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be to me a source of pride and gratification. At

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the end of it all, two battered, tattered, bloody and

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fragmentary vestiges of mortality attested the solemn fact that the

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author of the strife was an orphan arrested for provoking

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a breach of the peace. I was, and have ever

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since been tried in the court of Technicalities and Continuances. Whence,

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after fifteen years of proceedings, my attorney is moving heaven

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and earth to get the case taken to the Court

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of Remandment for new trials. Such are a few of

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my principal experiments in the mysterious force or agency known

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as hypnotic suggestion. Whether or not it could be employed

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by a bad man for an unworthy purpose, I am

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unable to say. End of the Hypnotist by Ambrose Bierce