Speaker 1: I was already tired before I even parked the car,
Speaker 1: and the night pressed heavy as I shut off the
Speaker 1: head lights and sat in the driver's seat, catching my breath.
Speaker 1: Our Friday trivia Knight was supposed to feel like a
Speaker 1: reward for surviving forty two high school as armed with
Speaker 1: fidget spinners and apathy for enduring Kaffetiva launches that always
Speaker 1: tasted vaguely of guardboard. But that night I felt like
Speaker 1: an intruder. Late after a blur of veseigrading at eedn
Speaker 1: through my afternoon and half my evening, the winter air
Speaker 1: nipped at my ankles as I crossed the cracked lot
Speaker 1: to McBride's, half lit humming with condensation on the windows
Speaker 1: and the thump of the smith's coming through the breakfast
Speaker 1: od inside, the familiar warble of laughter hit me. I
Speaker 1: spotted our group's usual table near the dartboards, scattering of
Speaker 1: half empty pink glasses, the pile of purses, some one
Speaker 1: scarf over a scratch wooden chair. But what I didn't
Speaker 1: see was Caleb. He tucked at me a thumbs up
Speaker 1: emoji after work said see you there, save me that
Speaker 1: seat by the wall. That was the last ping I
Speaker 1: glanced at our group. Lila was chatting up Mark from
Speaker 1: Social Studies. Stuff poured over the trivish sheets and over
Speaker 1: by the bar. Two teachers from another department, mister Yule
Speaker 1: and mss Pereres, were deep in conversation, foreheads almost touching,
Speaker 1: like conspirators. My instincts left over from years of deciphering
Speaker 1: teenage lies made me double back. Did Caleb tell me
Speaker 1: he'd meet me here? Or was there a plan I'd
Speaker 1: missed because I was grating how let essays until my
Speaker 1: brain went static. I checked my phone again, no new messages. Then,
Speaker 1: just as I walked closer to the bar to order
Speaker 1: or drink, I heard mister Yule mention Caleb's name something
Speaker 1: in a Kitin's soft, almost apologetic. I just think he
Speaker 1: should have Then silence. I pretended not to notice, giving
Speaker 1: them a practice tired smile, but a mess. Perez's eyes
Speaker 1: flicked up, sheepish and round a heartbeat pass. Nobody finished
Speaker 1: the sentence. It could have been anything. I forgotten faculty
Speaker 1: meeting and off Han Cassip about a committee job. But
Speaker 1: I heard the hush, the way a room dips quieter
Speaker 1: when you say something about someone and realized too late
Speaker 1: that they've just walked in. I brushed it off, ordered
Speaker 1: a Gin and tonic, but the sensation stuck to me
Speaker 1: a burr under a sock. I checked the time again,
Speaker 1: trying to will Caleb's name on to mine modifications. Did
Speaker 1: everyone know something I didn't? If so, no one seemed
Speaker 1: eager to fill me in. I returned to the table,
Speaker 1: squeezed between Leela and s death that in the chatter
Speaker 1: in the first round of trivia questions filled whatever space
Speaker 1: in my chest. The silent had hollowed out. The absent
Speaker 1: sat next to me at the table, as sharp as
Speaker 1: the cold outside. The music was the same. The trivia
Speaker 1: horse Corny banded just as bad as always, Leela nudging
Speaker 1: me for useless band facts. Only I ever scored, but
Speaker 1: I kept scanning the bar, waiting. I told myself to
Speaker 1: let it go, to not ask, to not send a
Speaker 1: needy text, to not embarrass myself with suspicion that I
Speaker 1: didn't want anyone else to see. But when the round
Speaker 1: ended and Callop still wasn't there, the prickle that had
Speaker 1: started was mister Yel's and finished sentence turned into something
Speaker 1: nearly like dread. We'd always been the golden pear, a
Speaker 1: phrase I hated and love an equal measure. It started
Speaker 1: as a joke at the Falstaff Retreat. Callup and me,
Speaker 1: two impossibly earnest young teachers, still so sure that teaching
Speaker 1: English or social studies actually changed the trajectory of anyone's life.
Speaker 1: We met a professional development session about project based learning
Speaker 1: of all things. I was twenty six save he was
Speaker 1: twenty nine. Both rolling our eyes through another teedy talk
Speaker 1: clip about transforming to flatterom leadership. We snuck out to
Speaker 1: the hallway exchanged ry glances inside jokes about the lamest
Speaker 1: ice breakers. That first bark was easy, so easy, in fact,
Speaker 1: that everyone pointed it out before we even omitted it ourselves.
Speaker 1: We married not long after. Looking back, maybe I should
Speaker 1: have questioned how quickly everything's laid into place, But at
Speaker 1: the time it just felt right, like we'd figured out
Speaker 1: adulthood faster than the rest. Two good jobs and apartment
Speaker 1: with built and bookshelves, a routine involving late night lesson
Speaker 1: planning punctuated by bursts of laughter and left over PATAI
Speaker 1: calap drived on motion. He volunteered for every club, signed
Speaker 1: up for chaperoning, joined committees and had a knack for
Speaker 1: rising to every challenge to school. Through his way, I
Speaker 1: was steadier, content to put in my best and go home.
Speaker 1: Slow to ambition, but supportive. I cheered him on, even
Speaker 1: when his drive sometimes cast shade over our evenings. We
Speaker 1: made triviaur tradition every Friday, unless flu season or parent
Speaker 1: teacher conferences intervened. Wednesdays we'd cook together. Sundays, we'd do
Speaker 1: the Times crossward in bed, arguing over wordplay and who
Speaker 1: got the clever clues fir ust. My family, a mess
Speaker 1: of step relatives and Milwaukee cousins were close by, but
Speaker 1: not intrusive. Caleb's parents lived in a quadra Chicago suburbs.
Speaker 1: More hands off. We'd build our own chosen family in
Speaker 1: the city. Our friends from work, a few grad school
Speaker 1: hold overs, occasional artist types who drifted in and out.
Speaker 1: We lived in a two bedroom walk up with peeling
Speaker 1: paint and mismatched furniture, my grandmother's velvet arm chair, our
Speaker 1: record play from a thrift shop, cheap posters from every
Speaker 1: faculty Halloween party we ever attended. We shared passwords, email accounts,
Speaker 1: corocory lists on the fridge, everything, money, wasn't tight, but
Speaker 1: we both grew up frugally from necessity, me from hat.
Speaker 1: I always thought our differences balanced usal. He'd go after
Speaker 1: assistant department head, and I'd remind him to breathe slow down,
Speaker 1: to take the small pleasure seriously. He topped me through
Speaker 1: my health scare, holding my hay back, rubbing my back
Speaker 1: while half the world fell away in a blue lit
Speaker 1: hospital room. We'd planned trips obsessively. I'd do the spreadsheets.
Speaker 1: He'd find the best little record store in whatever city
Speaker 1: we visited, no matter how small even. And now when
Speaker 1: I look around our apartment, it's hard to sort out
Speaker 1: which memories are only my number two hours, the mags
Speaker 1: with bad puns, the faded concert tickets tacked over the desk.
Speaker 1: They do not disturb reading sign we bought on a whim.
Speaker 1: All of it evidence of two people who, at least
Speaker 1: for a while, trusted each other more than anyone else.
Speaker 1: But something shifted the past year. Maybe it started when
Speaker 1: the new principle took over a mess coldwell, all starched
Speaker 1: collars and dated assboards, cutting costs and doubling paperwork. Calob
Speaker 1: threw himself into surviving her regime. He came home, Brittle,
Speaker 1: poured two fingers of whiskey instead of one, complained less
Speaker 1: unless until he barely offered more than a shrug after
Speaker 1: a day's work. Work was always the centerpiece of around
Speaker 1: which we arranged our life. But when I tried to
Speaker 1: ask about the latest drama, his responses grew shorter. Long day,
Speaker 1: or it's just the new leadership, you know. I interpreted
Speaker 1: his silence as exhaustion, not detachment. That was safer. At
Speaker 1: some point, I tell myself, we take a breath and
Speaker 1: laugh about it over brunch. I didn't want to nag,
Speaker 1: or worse, confer my worse. Fear of the partnership we'd
Speaker 1: buid so meticulously had invisible cracks neither of us wanted
Speaker 1: to see. I never thought that the cracks would become
Speaker 1: so wide I could fall right through the morning After Trivia,
Speaker 1: Calob was already up running the shower. I padded into
Speaker 1: the kitchen, fighting the string of questions I didn't want
Speaker 1: to say out loud over eggs. He was casual, almost bland. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I miss Trivia got caught up as Skull had to
Speaker 1: set up for Monday's lesson. They last track of time.
Speaker 1: He had a way of tossing excuses off handedly and
Speaker 1: slightly to practice John behind the words. I tried, in
Speaker 1: my own clumsy way to close the tiny gap I
Speaker 1: felt growing between us, brushing his arm, jerking about the
Speaker 1: trivia answers. He would have nailed offering another round of
Speaker 1: coffee in a mug that said hot for teacher, but
Speaker 1: he smiled without meeting my eye, and as I leaned
Speaker 1: in lips seeking his, he ducked away, brushing at invisible
Speaker 1: crumbs on the counter. Sorry, Jane, just paperwork, over load,
Speaker 1: principal drama, you know. I let it go and busied
Speaker 1: myself with dishes. No point forcing a mood. Most saturdays
Speaker 1: we clean, run errands on wine together, but that day
Speaker 1: Calb was distracted. He typed at his lap up, then
Speaker 1: switched his phone. When I tried to ask what he
Speaker 1: was working on, he waved it away, just emails, schedules.
Speaker 1: Can we talk later, gent I retreated to the couch,
Speaker 1: hiding in a novel and resisting the urge to scroll
Speaker 1: back through our texts for reassurance. The hour slipped by
Speaker 1: that evening. A group message unded in my phone are
Speaker 1: a cap of trivia fast and light but half our
Speaker 1: friends were missing from the thread. Leela didn't respond, and
Speaker 1: neither did Steff, both usually glued to their phones. I
Speaker 1: sent a private text to Steph. No answer. Dinner that
Speaker 1: night was left overstew Kalab picked at it. I was
Speaker 1: flicking to his phone every few minutes, fingers flicking over
Speaker 1: the screen. He'd never been openly rude or dismissive, but
Speaker 1: every smile felt like a hollowed up version of itself,
Speaker 1: every aha substitute for connection. I asked if Fork was pressing,
Speaker 1: if I needed to back off, give him space. He
Speaker 1: stared at me, jaw tight. I said, I'm handling it.
Speaker 1: Can we please stop talking about work? Just this once?
Speaker 1: I stared at my fork, chained into silence by the
Speaker 1: heat in his voice. After dinner, he disappeared into the
Speaker 1: spare bedroom, claiming he had grading to catch up on,
Speaker 1: leaving the door open. The conversation closed. A batch of
Speaker 1: small rejections with him one day, all easily explained, except
Speaker 1: that strung together, they left me restless, trolling Netflix for distraction.
Speaker 1: I thought about asking straight out if something was wrong.
Speaker 1: I also thought about the look that passed between a
Speaker 1: mess Perese and messill all the night before, and how
Speaker 1: easily I could imagine there and certainty being meant for
Speaker 1: something innocuous, a surprise party and new committee, even a joke.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't shake the sense that for the first
Speaker 1: time in years, Caleb was gently but deliberately pushing me away.
Speaker 1: I rolled over in bed that night and tried to
Speaker 1: convince myself. The couples went through rough spells. No marriage
Speaker 1: was seamless. Ambition stressed the brutality of our jobs. It
Speaker 1: wore you down until you had nothing left to give
Speaker 1: when you got home. I watched Calb from the darkness,
Speaker 1: his shoulder turned toward me as he scrolled his phone,
Speaker 1: with the brightness dimblow. I pretended to sleep and let
Speaker 1: the distance between us settle like snow over everything we'd built.
Speaker 1: A week later, the staff putlock loomed large on our calendar. Tradition,
Speaker 1: always noisy and crowded, held in the teacher's lounge with
Speaker 1: cropputs and some porsel dragging in a karaoke machine. It
Speaker 1: was the kind of event were calub usual thrive, moving
Speaker 1: between conversations, collecting inside jokes like trophies. But this time
Speaker 1: he texted that he'd be late, had to wrap up
Speaker 1: the robotics clubs sign ups and asked me to hold
Speaker 1: down the fort. I showed up with my tried and
Speaker 1: true Bennet charter schook dat, smiling at faces I only
Speaker 1: cared for in passing, I navigated, gossip about the new principle,
Speaker 1: joked with Muck about the string, and chick in his
Speaker 1: contribution I learned, and all the wildcat glancing toward the door.
Speaker 1: Calb showed up an hour in, breezing through the doors
Speaker 1: with a big, performative smile, then skirted the main crowd entirely,
Speaker 1: greeting only a few coworkers before pouring himself a cup
Speaker 1: of tea and settling into her chair near the back.
Speaker 1: This phone was never out of reach, held in his lap, thumb,
Speaker 1: scrolling screen carefully angled away from view. I felt him
Speaker 1: drifting from our usual orbit, but wasn't sure where he'd landed.
Speaker 1: That's when I noticed Ms Rivera. She was new second
Speaker 1: semester at the school, taught literature. Rumor was she transferred
Speaker 1: from a rival district. Younger than me, maybe early thirties,
Speaker 1: sharply dressed, a bright laugh that carried even when she whispered.
Speaker 1: She made her way across the land, pausing at our table. Hi, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: I hear your a trivia queen A. Calob keep saying,
Speaker 1: uneat up my game. Her eyes flicked toward where Caleb
Speaker 1: sat when she joined him. I watched the boardy language
Speaker 1: or lean in here, a shard smirke there. Calob's posture
Speaker 1: open and relaxed in a way I hadn't seen at
Speaker 1: home for months. I watched them at distance, the kind
Speaker 1: of watching, you pretend is only curiosity. The two exchanged
Speaker 1: a series of sidelong glances, spoke in low voices, laughed
Speaker 1: at something that didn't include anyone else. It was small,
Speaker 1: it was nothing. It was probably just friendly, but anxiety
Speaker 1: as a way of magnifying the insignificant into signs from
Speaker 1: the universe. A little later, refilling my cap, I heard
Speaker 1: a mess with vera murmur something about catching up before
Speaker 1: the big flow tomorrow. Calob's smile was genuine. He touched
Speaker 1: her roost in a gesture that would have meant nothing
Speaker 1: to an outsider, Yet to me it was too intimate
Speaker 1: to practice, to something careful and familiar that should have
Speaker 1: sat me at ease, but instead made me want to run.
Speaker 1: On the drive home. I sat in silence for several blocks,
Speaker 1: hands tide on the wheel. Finally, I asked, so, what's
Speaker 1: up with the mess? Rivera you ty seemed to be
Speaker 1: getting along. Calub looked out the window. Voice flap, she's new,
Speaker 1: she struggled, I'm mentoring her Cardwell, ask me you know
Speaker 1: how it is? That could have been the whole truth.
Speaker 1: I let it drop, hating how small and me my
Speaker 1: question sounded. Later that week, I was tidying up when
Speaker 1: I found a crumpled paper in Caleb's work pants to
Speaker 1: run on the back of the chair. In expensive restaurant
Speaker 1: receipt dated a weeknight he claimed to be stuck at
Speaker 1: skull prepping curriculum. He paid for two entrees and a
Speaker 1: bottle of mid range wine. His handwriting round looping circled
Speaker 1: the total. I told myself maybe it was a group
Speaker 1: in a teacher gathering, but my stomach taganed at how
Speaker 1: easily I wanted it to be true. When Caleb came
Speaker 1: home that night, he was extra considerate, offering to order
Speaker 1: take out and suggesting we pick a movie together. I
Speaker 1: found myself treating it as evidence of guilt rather than kindness.
Speaker 1: The next day, at skill Leelah, our mutual friend, the
Speaker 1: glue in our social group, pulled me aside to chat
Speaker 1: between classes. I tried broaching the subject as lightly as
Speaker 1: I could, asking if she'd noticed calib acting differently. She snorted,
Speaker 1: everyone's acting different. Gen new principles got the whole place wire.
Speaker 1: Then without warning, she reached for her coffee, as drifting
Speaker 1: away from mine, and veered the conversation into safe territory.
Speaker 1: Miss Zelensky and her much lamented COMPI who brought the
Speaker 1: worst karaoke voice to last year staff party. I tried
Speaker 1: again softer, but she vaded thhwne out busy fingers. I
Speaker 1: couldn't decide if I was being generally steered away or
Speaker 1: if Leela genuine wanted to ignore what I increasingly felt
Speaker 1: pulsing beneath the surface. The following Thursday, after an exhausting
Speaker 1: current conference night, I decided to bring Caleb dinner at school.
Speaker 1: His car wasn't in the lot. I wandered through the
Speaker 1: near empty halls, his cast room, immaculate, the chairs neatly stacked,
Speaker 1: his personal laptop, missing only a mug of coltie on
Speaker 1: his desk and the faintest trace of cologne. I called.
Speaker 1: He answered out of breath, claiming he was helping with
Speaker 1: the lake club meeting up at the library, but a
Speaker 1: home later that night, the laptop he supposedly needed was
Speaker 1: on the dining room table, where I'd left it that morning.
Speaker 1: Part of me balked at the idea of tracking his movement.
Speaker 1: The growing up part, the one who trusted him, who
Speaker 1: prized her own privacy, felt sick at the idea. But
Speaker 1: the other part, the smaller, more suspicious version of myself,
Speaker 1: started cataloging inconsistencies like a detective with too many open cases.
Speaker 1: The next weekend brought another red flag. One of Khaled's
Speaker 1: closest friends, Dave, celebrated a birthday, an annual excuse to
Speaker 1: eat pizza in rent bad action movies. Cawoed bailed last minute,
Speaker 1: claiming a grading marathon at the library. Before I left,
Speaker 1: I checked his work back was under our coffee table,
Speaker 1: laptop in plain view. I then my confusion had bled
Speaker 1: into irritation. Every conversation turned evasive or tense. On Sunday,
Speaker 1: I overheard more whispers in the staff lounge. This time
Speaker 1: I caught the phrase faculty drama just as I walked in.
Speaker 1: Then a chorus of silence. I stared straight ahead, fixed
Speaker 1: a cup of coffee, and pretended not to notice. On Monday,
Speaker 1: running through our finances, something I always did midmonth on autopilot,
Speaker 1: I noticed a withdrawal from our shared savings account, A
Speaker 1: few hundred dollars label innocuously Room Haash seventeen. I recognized
Speaker 1: the hotel name, a butique spot barely six blocks from
Speaker 1: the high school, best known for its dication spa deals.
Speaker 1: I closed my laptop numb. Was a fur a conference,
Speaker 1: a faculty event, maybe paid for a guest speaker, or
Speaker 1: helped book rooms for some one in need. I tell
Speaker 1: these options over until the explanations became too thin to
Speaker 1: hold together. By dinner, I built up the courage to
Speaker 1: ask about the hotel charge friend as a question about
Speaker 1: our budget. Calab didn't blink. Offered a vague story about
Speaker 1: covering for a faculty guess who forgot their wallet. He
Speaker 1: was gracious, almost offended. I double checked, Do you think
Speaker 1: I'd really waste money on something like that? I tried
Speaker 1: to believe him. Later, I caught myself wondering how I
Speaker 1: was becoming someone who rummaged for explanations for satisfaction. Rather
Speaker 1: than warmth. That night, at dinner out, something calib orx
Speaker 1: strated almost as an apology. He seemed on edge, nervous
Speaker 1: even before the appetizers arrived. I tried to stare conversation,
Speaker 1: asking again about mess Rivera, what she was really like,
Speaker 1: if she was settling in? He glared, dropping his fork, Jen,
Speaker 1: can we not do this? You keep hopping on the
Speaker 1: same thing? Why is it always about her? Don't you
Speaker 1: trust me? I almost laughed at the hypocrisy, but instead
Speaker 1: fell silent. We spent the rest of the meal discussing
Speaker 1: safe finalities. Netflix shows a possible road trip the weather
Speaker 1: next week. When we got home, he retreated his phone.
Speaker 1: I wondered if I was making him or if his
Speaker 1: distance was fuel in mine, but the cycle was unbreakable.
Speaker 1: A few days after that fight, Caleb surprised me by
Speaker 1: coming home earlyer removed these days. He tested from the train,
Speaker 1: said he wanted to take me out. My first instinct
Speaker 1: was disbelief. But when I opened the door, he stood
Speaker 1: there with the sheepish smile and two tickets to a
Speaker 1: favorite neighborhood Italian place. Dinner was easy, familiar, he explained,
Speaker 1: and prompted that work had been nearly impossible cult while
Speaker 1: driving everyone mad. New responsibilities dumped on top of already
Speaker 1: impossible expectations. He admitted he'd been asked to mentor MSS
Speaker 1: for VERA. She's struggling as she's young. Guess Cold Wall
Speaker 1: thinks I'm good from mo Raut. That's why the extra hours,
Speaker 1: the mysterious dinners, the long texts. He held my hand,
Speaker 1: soft but sincere. He apologized for being distant, insisted that
Speaker 1: things would get better after the semester. There was no
Speaker 1: hint of irony in his words, Jen, I love you,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I haven't been myself. Can we reset. Let's
Speaker 1: just take a week end, just us, remember Door County
Speaker 1: or maybe somewhere new. For the first time in months,
Speaker 1: his once felt real. At home, he pulled up photos
Speaker 1: of our last vacation, smiling faces, arms entwined. We ordered
Speaker 1: dessert that night in bed. His touch was tentative but real.
Speaker 1: I caught myself thinking that Navy I had been catastrophizing
Speaker 1: that stress, not betrayal, was all it ever was. We
Speaker 1: planned a trip for the following week into Little Bed
Speaker 1: and Breakfast in Lake Geneva. I let myself hoop for
Speaker 1: return to normal back In the next day, I rustled
Speaker 1: through his backack, the one he brought to school to
Speaker 1: the library to trivia night. At the bottom, buried beneath
Speaker 1: a stack of printed rubrics and granola bar wrappers, I
Speaker 1: found a scuff, wine red with delicate fringe, not my
Speaker 1: style at all. I lifted it, and a faint trace
Speaker 1: of unfamiliar perfume drifted up, clean and sharp, with a
Speaker 1: musky undertone. As I folded it, a slip of paper
Speaker 1: tumbled out. Last night was incredible. You make me brave.
Speaker 1: My hand shook, and for a long moment I stared
Speaker 1: at the words. If they were meant for calib they
Speaker 1: must be right. Then this was a truth I couldn't
Speaker 1: talk away. I stood there in the living room, sunlight
Speaker 1: slanting over the rug, and felt the world till beneath
Speaker 1: me there was still a version of events, somewhere, in
Speaker 1: a pocket of denial, where this was all a misunderstanding,
Speaker 1: a prank left in a staff lounge, a gift accidentally swapped.
Speaker 1: But the edges of that hope were shedding already. My
Speaker 1: heart pounded in my ears. I set the scarf aside,
Speaker 1: folded the note. For once, I decided I wouldn't react
Speaker 1: on impulse. I would gather more than fragments. I wanted
Speaker 1: the truth, whole and ambiguous, even if it broke me.
Speaker 1: But as the first of my lusions collapsed around me,
Speaker 1: I understood I couldn't trust myself to even know what
Speaker 1: a warning sign looked like any more. The next day,
Speaker 1: I texted Lila under the guise of needing advice about
Speaker 1: sub plans. I waited for her to ask for details,
Speaker 1: or at least offer one of her warm, supportive check ins,
Speaker 1: but her texts came strained. Each replied, alaid her usual
Speaker 1: stream of emojis, and gave's absent. I called instead a
Speaker 1: few rings, then her voice higher than usual, Hey, jem,
Speaker 1: what's up. I could almost hear her checking her surroundings,
Speaker 1: the shift in tone that signaled she didn't want this call.
Speaker 1: I pressed anyway, stammering a vague question about a mess
Speaker 1: for Vera and if she'd noticed anything odd lately. Leelah hesitated,
Speaker 1: and then her response came quick, slick, Oh God, I
Speaker 1: can hardly keep track. Every one's fried this week. I shoot, Den,
Speaker 1: can I call you back? Dave just walked in with
Speaker 1: Peter and I told him I'd be right up. That's all.
Speaker 1: She clicked off, leaving me holding my phone as if
Speaker 1: it had more to say. I sat on the edge
Speaker 1: of our bed, scarf still in its evidence bag, so
Speaker 1: to speak, unresolved. I muled over confronting calap but couldn't
Speaker 1: bear the idea of doing it wrong, making an accusation
Speaker 1: that would allow him to slide out of the trap
Speaker 1: by giving a half answer, another glibri assurance. Instead. That night,
Speaker 1: as he showed after dinner, I did what I promised
Speaker 1: myself I never would. I picked up his phone from
Speaker 1: the night's into clumsy with nerves thumb finding patterns, already
Speaker 1: expecting disappointment, and scrolled his messages under the spray's white noise.
Speaker 1: It wasn't instantly damning, the way it would be in
Speaker 1: a bad TV procedural. There were messages from friends, parents,
Speaker 1: to the department. Then, in his conversations with a mess Rivera,
Speaker 1: the text took on a new shape, half coated, sprinkled
Speaker 1: with inside joke's references to escape plans and rainy de
Speaker 1: rendezvous akoy room seventeen again and a string of fire emojis.
Speaker 1: Her last message last night, miss you already your bravest girl.
Speaker 1: I scrolled father screenshots of schedules lined up close beside
Speaker 1: fragments of flirtation, half whispered promises of the next time,
Speaker 1: and a short video of someone's hotel slippers kicked under
Speaker 1: a bed I didn't recognize. I put the phone down,
Speaker 1: hand shaking, forced myself to breathe. No deniability left, not
Speaker 1: excess work, not stress, not mentoring responsibilities or professional boundaries.
Speaker 1: I'd been circling the truth for weeks, seeing only the
Speaker 1: faintest ripple on the surface. Now the shape of it
Speaker 1: moved under the ice, dark and fully formed. Every interaction
Speaker 1: replayed in my mind. The staffroom silences, Calob's short answers
Speaker 1: a mess were Vera's easy, confident the way leel evaded.
Speaker 1: I realized that at some point the awareness had shifted
Speaker 1: from my gut to the periphery of every other adult
Speaker 1: in our circle. I was the last to know this story,
Speaker 1: that everyone else was too polite or too cowardly to
Speaker 1: say aloud. The world I had built with Caleb was
Speaker 1: now held up by nothing but stories meant to keep
Speaker 1: me in the dark. And I sat with the full
Speaker 1: weight of that as my hands dropped to my lap,
Speaker 1: the scarf trip to cross my knees, and the night
Speaker 1: closed in around me, Part one of two. I didn't
Speaker 1: sleep that night. I lay on my back, aware of everything,
Speaker 1: the too hot radiators sighing, the way the scarfs and
Speaker 1: familiar sent home to my palms, the soft creak of
Speaker 1: our mattress when calibrawled on to his stomach and snored faintly,
Speaker 1: as if none of the scaffolding of our lives was
Speaker 1: buckling beneath us. Morning came slate and chill, light, barely
Speaker 1: scraping the inside of our windows. I rose carefully, letting
Speaker 1: the scarf and note settle into my workdtout between stacks
Speaker 1: of student esses, as if they blonde there among the
Speaker 1: rank and file business of being a teacher. I pinched
Speaker 1: my cheeks hot in the bathroom mirror and tried to
Speaker 1: remember who I had been before. Every interaction felt loaded,
Speaker 1: before my own reflection seemed uneasy in its skin. Calub
Speaker 1: was cheerful, even borant, making coffee and humming some half
Speaker 1: remembered since op tune. While moving about the kitchen, he
Speaker 1: offered me a bite of toast, as if yesterday's reconnection
Speaker 1: had cast out all shadows. I watched him. He looked tired,
Speaker 1: if I was honest to dark circles, A nervous energy
Speaker 1: barely contained under his collared shirt. He chatted about his
Speaker 1: first period class, about an upcoming student play, as if
Speaker 1: keen to fill every silence, big weak hop, I said,
Speaker 1: watching him fuss with his travel mug, he nodded, huge coldwall.
Speaker 1: Want data on everyone's last three units, and the robotics
Speaker 1: build is behind schedule. Just ye know, normal chaos. He
Speaker 1: looked directly at me, then searching maybe for some old rhythm.
Speaker 1: How's your morning? I forced to smile, the kind I
Speaker 1: used with difficult parents accumferences, same old grading Manton. But
Speaker 1: thanks again for last night. I really needed that. He grinned,
Speaker 1: brushed my cheek with his lips, almost as if to say, see,
Speaker 1: we're fine. But I couldn't ignore the way he tixted
Speaker 1: through breakfast, or that his phone stayed in his palm
Speaker 1: even as he left the house, barely looking up when
Speaker 1: he said good bye. At work, school halways buzzed with
Speaker 1: their usual Monday morning dread. I drifted through the day, distracted,
Speaker 1: barely registering my student's questions. I found myself watching a
Speaker 1: mess of her during the passing periods, studying her posture,
Speaker 1: the way her eyes darted down the hall before rounding
Speaker 1: a corner. Once, near lunch, I saw her step out
Speaker 1: of her room, phone pressed to her ear, face lit
Speaker 1: by some secret smile. I wanted to be wrong about her,
Speaker 1: about calap about all of it. As the days bull
Speaker 1: I kept telling myself not to invent motives, not to
Speaker 1: turn ordinary gestures into evidence, but every normal thing, the
Speaker 1: careful greets from colleagues away. Conversation trailed off when I
Speaker 1: joined the English apartment table at lunch felt barbed, loaded,
Speaker 1: like a riddle with no solution. Half Way through the
Speaker 1: afternoon I intercepted a mess purers by the copy room,
Speaker 1: her arms stacked with hand deats. Hey, Maria, I venture
Speaker 1: keeping my voice light lawn day, she went, smiling wearily.
Speaker 1: Is there any other kind? I laughed, then sighed at
Speaker 1: tamping down the tremor in my voice. So how are
Speaker 1: your classes settling in? How's Rivera doing? She must enjoy
Speaker 1: having Calab as a mentor. He always jumps in with
Speaker 1: both feet. She paused, squinting as if debating how much
Speaker 1: to say, oh ms, Rivera she's adjusting. We'll take some time.
Speaker 1: I think she's lucky to have extra support. Calobs are
Speaker 1: good at that, good at that. I tried not to
Speaker 1: imagine what that meant. Do you ever get the sense
Speaker 1: something else is going on? She seems really close to him,
Speaker 1: forres studied me for just a second too long. Close,
Speaker 1: I mean he'd spend a lot of time helping your staff.
Speaker 1: Her tone was neutral, but her hands fidgeted, fingers tapping
Speaker 1: papers in quick succession. You know how its people at
Speaker 1: this place, they get chatty. Don't read too much into it,
Speaker 1: den I did anyway. After school, I wandered through the
Speaker 1: empty halls, peering into class rooms. Out of habit at
Speaker 1: Calob's room. The lights were out, the desks arranged in
Speaker 1: neat little islands. On one a yellow sticky note don't
Speaker 1: forget Caldwell wants day a Thursday, not in Calob's handwriting.
Speaker 1: I left, pushing down a twinge of nausea. That evening,
Speaker 1: Calob texted, running late meeting w' sluss coldwell, go'll wait
Speaker 1: up for dinner. The message arrived well after school hours ended.
Speaker 1: Sitting on our couch at home, my laptop bounced on
Speaker 1: knees that wouldn't stop bouncing. I pulled up the hotel's
Speaker 1: website from the bank statement, studying every photo gody velvet headwards,
Speaker 1: exposed brick, spaw tubs, rooum, hush seventeen cunjred details. My
Speaker 1: memory supplied eagerly, sickeningly. No matter how I tried to
Speaker 1: cut them off, the notes perfumed, still strong, even tupped
Speaker 1: in a zip up bag in my tote. Was more
Speaker 1: expensive than I could afford. Not something you pick up
Speaker 1: at the drug store and knock on the door startled
Speaker 1: me out of my spiral whela and announced, standing there
Speaker 1: with two containers of takeout Chinese, looking like she'd just
Speaker 1: run to reblocks. I, just as she began, thought she
Speaker 1: could use some girl time. You've been a ghost in
Speaker 1: the group chat. She set the food on the counter,
Speaker 1: muff pressed in a thin line. I bit my lip,
Speaker 1: watching her line up chopsticks and napkins with an anxious
Speaker 1: precision that reminded me of myself. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: ruin the evening, didn't want to push, but the words
Speaker 1: tumbled out, We'll have you noticed Caleb being I don't
Speaker 1: know Cagy. She froze halfway for pouring tea, and then
Speaker 1: gave a helpless little stroke. It's not just callup. Everyone's
Speaker 1: on edge Coldwell's got half the teachers thinking it's Hunger
Speaker 1: Games week. I pushed harder, mainly to hear my suspicions
Speaker 1: bounced out loud. I just I don't know. It feels
Speaker 1: like people are talking about us, about me. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what I'm asking for a harpbeat, she hesitated,
Speaker 1: but then she folded, sighing and staring hard at her rings.
Speaker 1: Gen people talk, It's what teachers do. Most of it's nothing.
Speaker 1: I got up, piercing, unable to sit still. But if
Speaker 1: you knew something was up about Caleb, you tell me right,
Speaker 1: even if it was bad. Layelah's face crumpled with guilt
Speaker 1: or maybe pity. She shook her head, setting her tea
Speaker 1: down delicately. If I did, I would I promise. Maybe
Speaker 1: you two just need a weeken to yourselves like the
Speaker 1: old days. Her response was meant to be comforting, but
Speaker 1: it felt evasive. I wondered for the million time if
Speaker 1: my friends were covering for him or for me, or
Speaker 1: just hedging. Because nobody wants to be the one to
Speaker 1: make things worse after Leelah left. I braced myself before
Speaker 1: checking the messages on the home line, just robiciclls on
Speaker 1: a PTA volunteer request. Calub came through the door close
Speaker 1: to tempe m face drawn, eyes flickering. I tried to
Speaker 1: keep my tone even long night theah. He crossed the room,
Speaker 1: dropped his bag, met with Coldwell, she's in a mood.
Speaker 1: He hugged me, not tightly, then headed straight for the shower.
Speaker 1: I waited in the hall, the steam billowing app When
Speaker 1: he emerged, toweling his hair, I worked up the nerve.
Speaker 1: Did you eat? I could reheat something? I'm good, Jen
Speaker 1: just tired, But his phone, which he never left behind,
Speaker 1: was carefully zipped into her pocket in his stuffled back,
Speaker 1: not even set to charge by the bed. If I
Speaker 1: was going to ask anything, it would be now. Instead,
Speaker 1: I said nothing, paralyzed by eco Pot's tread and a weird,
Speaker 1: humiliating hope that he would volunteer the truth without my prompting.
Speaker 1: The next day, at school, the air was brittle with
Speaker 1: the rumor. I felt it as I passed the faculty
Speaker 1: launch saw a mess Pervera's kurt hanging close to Caleb's
Speaker 1: a sticky note on her bag is handwriting, this time playful,
Speaker 1: signed with only a C. I ducked into the office
Speaker 1: to check my mail, and staff, always a fast talker,
Speaker 1: stop mid sentence. As I approached the counter, I overheard
Speaker 1: the words hotel Anne MESSI, and my pulse jumped. I
Speaker 1: smiled her, trying not to sound desperate. Hey, Staph, what's
Speaker 1: up though, you know, just trying to survive another week?
Speaker 1: But her eyes didn't meet mine, and she fumble, nearly
Speaker 1: dropping her coffee. As I walked away, the laughter behind
Speaker 1: me felt twice as loud. A few hours later, I
Speaker 1: sent calib attacks, want to grab a drink after work?
Speaker 1: Just us. The reply came a half hour later to
Speaker 1: night's bad. Have to help he reverse set up her
Speaker 1: classroom for the new unit. Maybe tomorrow. It was almost
Speaker 1: too perfect, the kind of alibi you could never question. Directly.
Speaker 1: That afternoon, after the holes emptied, I wondered to Rivera's room.
Speaker 1: The door was closed, the light off. I knocked, no
Speaker 1: answer from inside, only the faint shuffling of papers. I lingered, waiting. Eventually,
Speaker 1: the door opened slightly and Vera's face appeared. Startled, HI Jennifer. Sorry,
Speaker 1: just cleaning up. Can I help you? It's just all
Speaker 1: looking for Calb, I said, trying to sound casual. She blinked, Oh,
Speaker 1: I haven't seen him since eighth period. Maybe he's in
Speaker 1: his room, maybe, I said, retreating quickly, I stopped by
Speaker 1: Callub's room again empty. His bag was gone. I texted
Speaker 1: once more, heading home, need a ride, No answer. I
Speaker 1: paused in the parking lot, watching as Revera eventually left alone,
Speaker 1: getting into a dark silver purse. Calob's car was already
Speaker 1: gone back homb that was dragged. My phone finally was
Speaker 1: close to it. Sorry, long one heading home now. I
Speaker 1: wanted to scream. Instead, I waited, sitting on the edge
Speaker 1: of the taalp fingers to tsting the scarff in my
Speaker 1: tote until the fabric feltsinnis tissue. When Kalab returned, I
Speaker 1: tried to play normal. He seemed less guarded for a moment,
Speaker 1: shattow about the Robotics Club's new project, but the energy
Speaker 1: was forced, the detail shallow. I tried pushing the conversation
Speaker 1: house a mess for Vera holding up. She seems to
Speaker 1: rely on your lot. He flinched, just briefly yeah, well,
Speaker 1: Coldwall's got everyone running in circles for very need a
Speaker 1: lot of hand holding, but she'll get there. I pressed
Speaker 1: for her. There, do you like mentoring sometimes it seems
Speaker 1: like a lot. His smile was then it's fine, honestly,
Speaker 1: Jen Can we just not talk sharp? I'm exhausted. I
Speaker 1: could have pointed out the contradiction that all he talked
Speaker 1: about was shop until I asked about specifics, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I led him wander into the bedroom, tooth brush in hand,
Speaker 1: shutting the door behind him with a little too much force.
Speaker 1: The next day, a Wednesday, I had prep time free
Speaker 1: and found myself aimlessly sorting through the school supply closet.
Speaker 1: I ran into mister Ewell, who offered a one smile. Hey, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: you look like you're solving the world's problems in here,
Speaker 1: just hiding from the whiles a fourth period, I joked.
Speaker 1: After a pause, I turned serious. You've been here longer
Speaker 1: than any one. Does it ever get easier? He considered me,
Speaker 1: not really, But he build up a thicker skin, people's
Speaker 1: business becomes white noise. He darted a glance toward the doorway,
Speaker 1: and for a second I almost believe he wanted to
Speaker 1: say more, but the moment faded. I left, hauling folders
Speaker 1: out in her knee, feeling less comforted than ever. By
Speaker 1: Friday afternoon, the cracks in my composure were shoring. I
Speaker 1: forgot staff meetings, placed a stack of tests, snapped as
Speaker 1: a sophomore who asked for an extension on her essay.
Speaker 1: I pulled Lela aside between classes, the tension in my
Speaker 1: neck and spooling. Lo, please just tell me I'm being crazy, pew,
Speaker 1: paranoid or something. She grerabbed my hand, squeezing hard. You're tired,
Speaker 1: that's all. Semester's almost over you, Incalli will be fine,
Speaker 1: jan you always are. But her reassurance felt practice brutle.
Speaker 1: I wanted her to say I know something, Ah, you're right,
Speaker 1: instead of she was gentle steering me towards the standard
Speaker 1: adult's script. It'll all work out. I stayed at school late,
Speaker 1: hope and to catch calib off guard. If he claimed
Speaker 1: the meetings, I'd just show up. But as dusk settled,
Speaker 1: his room darkened, his car vanished. A few class rooms down,
Speaker 1: I saw Rivera's light on a silhouette at her desk.
Speaker 1: I almost went, and almost, but veered away at the
Speaker 1: last second, suddenly afraid of what I'd say, afraid of
Speaker 1: what I'd find. On the way out, I noticed an
Speaker 1: unfamiliar car in the staff lot, of rental plates indicating
Speaker 1: it wasn't local. I remembered the hotel charge I not
Speaker 1: tightened in my chest. That weekend, I processed none of it.
Speaker 1: I did laundry, scrubbed the bathtup, baked bread, anything to
Speaker 1: keep myself too busy to think. When calab sat beside
Speaker 1: me on the couch Sunday night, I could feel the
Speaker 1: chasm between us. He watched the documentary fake, laughing at jokes,
Speaker 1: touching my leg audso mindedly. When he excused himself to
Speaker 1: call Dave about softball, I watched from our bedroom window
Speaker 1: as he pierced the alley behind our building form press
Speaker 1: close force, muffled shadow cast long by the potch flight.
Speaker 1: After he returned, I reached for him, kneading a sliver
Speaker 1: of normalcy. He hesitated only a second, then let me
Speaker 1: settle against his chest. I my eyes, pretending it was
Speaker 1: still last year, when dress hadn't to come. A question,
Speaker 1: I asked Houri, But that night I couldn't dismiss the
Speaker 1: idea that even's molest gestures, his fingers trace him my shoulder,
Speaker 1: his slow breeding could belong to her life happening elsewhere.
Speaker 1: Monday came, and the sense of being watched dog in
Speaker 1: me from home room to lunch. At the copier mess
Speaker 1: Perez dropped a stack of hand does, and I'd been
Speaker 1: to help her. She whispered, Careful, jen people will talk.
Speaker 1: You don't want to give them ammunition. The words chill
Speaker 1: me ammunition for what She looked away, face pale, Just
Speaker 1: people gossip. Don't let it get to you. But I
Speaker 1: heard the unsaid part she knew for she'd hard enough
Speaker 1: to guess that afternoon cold will corner me by the
Speaker 1: mail boxes. Her smile fixed, perfunctory. How are you holding up, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: Everything all right? Your students seem a bit distracted. End
Speaker 1: of your blues, I maddine. I nodded, just middle of
Speaker 1: may craziness. She peered at me, searching, if you or
Speaker 1: your husband need anything, let me know. We like to
Speaker 1: look after our own heir. The words sounded like warning,
Speaker 1: disguised as care I headed to my room, sinking into
Speaker 1: the chair as the bell rang for dismissal, I opened
Speaker 1: a blank email, typing a message to my mother and
Speaker 1: deleting it. What could I possibly say? Mom? I think
Speaker 1: my life is unraveling now. I was an adult adulthood men,
Speaker 1: carrying your own secrets. When I finally made myself leave,
Speaker 1: the horse felt hollow echoing. On my walk to the
Speaker 1: parking lot, I found calibleaning against his car, staring at
Speaker 1: his phone. He looked up, startled, then forced an easy grin,
Speaker 1: Hey beautiful, Ready to head home. I wanted to say,
Speaker 1: walk me through your day every minute, but instead I smiled.
Speaker 1: Unlocking my own car. That night, after dinner, I noticed
Speaker 1: a half sip pocket on his messenger bag, inside a
Speaker 1: crisper seat from a boutique dated to the previous friday.
Speaker 1: In use golf wine read matching the one I found.
Speaker 1: The salesperson's name was yun Sex. I fingered it, then
Speaker 1: tucked it back. The detritus of ordinary life, receipts, notes,
Speaker 1: texts had become a map of lies. I debated calling
Speaker 1: MSS for vero trite, but ran through possible conversations she'd
Speaker 1: or pity me were exploded, all into a new round
Speaker 1: of whispered faculty drama. I wasn't ready yet for my
Speaker 1: private humiliation to go public. One night, unable to sleep,
Speaker 1: he rode outolus detective style, hotel charge, restaurant receipt mess
Speaker 1: Bervera's scarf plus note, evasive ounces, furtive texting, slash calls,
Speaker 1: Lela's hedging staff from gossip, distant intimacy, Caldwell's support. The
Speaker 1: evidence laid out seemed inarguable. Yet still I circled the
Speaker 1: word maybe after every item. Maybe it was nothing, Maybe
Speaker 1: I was wrong. Maybe this was how MYURGI started to
Speaker 1: look after eight years, dulled by routine and fatigue. The
Speaker 1: next day, trying to ground myself, I threw myself into work.
Speaker 1: Bad idea. The Skull's gossip network had matured into an
Speaker 1: entire ecosystem. Mess Pervera breeze into the teacher's lunge just
Speaker 1: as I left, her, eyes flicking over me, her greeting warmth.
Speaker 1: Eclipped later a cockmark near the vending machine. Hey mark,
Speaker 1: any plans for summer? He grinned to you. We early
Speaker 1: to think about why you and Caleb have something fun
Speaker 1: up your sleeves. My voice was casual. Maybe honestly I needtification.
Speaker 1: Calop's almost never home these days, I think they are
Speaker 1: working him to the bow menoring the new staff, Marks
Speaker 1: grew in, faded a notch. Yeah, I guess so Rever
Speaker 1: is lucky. He's a good guy. He met my gaze
Speaker 1: with the faintest hesitancy. You know them pretty well, right,
Speaker 1: I said, His tone shifted a defense of almost. Well,
Speaker 1: we're all colleagues. Schools like a fishbowl, jan things get twisted.
Speaker 1: Just ignore the noise. Easier said than done. That afternoon,
Speaker 1: the substitute schedule popped into my email A note Caleb
Speaker 1: requested Friday off personal business. I caught him that evening,
Speaker 1: casually taking Friday. Ha, what's up? He shrugged, dentists finally
Speaker 1: kill her toothache, But when he smiled, there was no WinCE.
Speaker 1: That Friday, I called his dentist's office on a whim,
Speaker 1: pretending to confirm an appointment. The receptionist checked, no, nothing
Speaker 1: for a Caleb Foster this week. Maybe he's booked under
Speaker 1: something else. Never mind, I mumbled, hanging up. I spent
Speaker 1: the afternoon wandering lake from park, fung glued to my hand.
Speaker 1: By five thirty, his location in the fine map said
Speaker 1: not available. I stared across the water, fighting tears. Not
Speaker 1: from anger yet, but from humiliation and from how small
Speaker 1: my life felt when trust was in question. I couldn't
Speaker 1: decide whether to confront him, tail him, or simply disappear.
Speaker 1: I did none of those things. I went home were heated, soup,
Speaker 1: left the apartment light a lowe a quarter past ten,
Speaker 1: calb drifted in, cheeks flushed with cold or wine. I
Speaker 1: couldn't tell. Sorry, Ranleigh ran into Dave and a few
Speaker 1: others after the appointment. You should have come. We missed you.
Speaker 1: He kissed my forehead, as if that would reset the clock.
Speaker 1: In bed, I bumped my hip against his, craving a
Speaker 1: flicker of closeness. He responded for a while, his touch
Speaker 1: oddly remote, like he was somewhere else in his head,
Speaker 1: even when our bodies lined up, practiced skin to skin.
Speaker 1: When we finish, he rolled away, already half asleep. I
Speaker 1: lay awake throughat thick with dread and shame. Saturday, during breakfast,
Speaker 1: my phone buzzed a calendar of reminder calb sports league
Speaker 1: ninn at the y. I texted Leelah, half joking, can
Speaker 1: I borrow your detective hat to day? She replied with
Speaker 1: a single emoji, sip lips I nearly laughed you and
Speaker 1: everyone else. I muttered that afternoon, Unable to stand it,
Speaker 1: I finally called a mess preys guilt eating at me
Speaker 1: for turning to some one I barely knew outside school. Hey,
Speaker 1: marie've got a minute. Something's been eating at me. Her
Speaker 1: pause was long, then a careful of course, Jen everything okay,
Speaker 1: it's above Caleb and a mess Rivera. I mean, I no,
Speaker 1: mentoring can mean late nights. But as there, do you
Speaker 1: think there was more there? I could hear her in
Speaker 1: hail exhale. The line crackled. They've been whispers. She said,
Speaker 1: finally voiced thin. I think maybe it's not my place,
Speaker 1: but he should talk to Caleb. Some people saw things
Speaker 1: outside school. I really shouldn't say more. Her tentative empathy
Speaker 1: felt like damning confirmation. Thank you, Maria. I surprised myself
Speaker 1: with how steady I sounded. After we hung up, I
Speaker 1: sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, head
Speaker 1: against the tub. Nope, cup to my chest. I knew
Speaker 1: then the answer wasn't going to walk in the door.
Speaker 1: I had to force the truth out, but every muscle
Speaker 1: in my body revolted at the idea of a fight.
Speaker 1: Of losing face, losing friends, losing the fragile structure of
Speaker 1: my days. That night, after Caleb fell asleep, after watching
Speaker 1: him scroll, prop up his laptop reading a book half scene,
Speaker 1: I gathered the strength to do what I'd sworn I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: With trembling hands, unlocked his phone again, flipping to his messages.
Speaker 1: The thread with Ravera stretched back for months, each message
Speaker 1: couched implausible deniability but unmistakable. Miss last night, already the room,
Speaker 1: seventeen tomorrow of a coffee on your way, and he
Speaker 1: brings sunshine to can't wait for her After I was
Speaker 1: meeting some messages floated at the edge of open risk.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being brave with me from her, I feel
Speaker 1: like myself again. From him, If only you'd met me sooner.
Speaker 1: Photo's two blurry city lights, her feet and new shoes
Speaker 1: on a hotel ruck, part of a dinner plate. I
Speaker 1: didn't recognize emoji strung together like code, No mention of me,
Speaker 1: just the language of two people who'd built something secret
Speaker 1: and shameless, right in the hollowed out space where my
Speaker 1: marriage once lived. I scrolled, scrolling until I felt physically
Speaker 1: Narlcius sat in the phone down, I realized, as my
Speaker 1: own story had slipped away from me some time ago,
Speaker 1: that everyone else had seen the end in coming, but
Speaker 1: had been too polite or too frightened by the blast
Speaker 1: radius to warn me. I watched Calob's sleep, heard him
Speaker 1: murmur something in coherent, trusting and childlike in the dark,
Speaker 1: and for the first time, I allowed myself to feel
Speaker 1: not just heartbreak, but a brittle, in condescen anger, not
Speaker 1: only at Calob, not only at Rivera, but at the
Speaker 1: friends who'd hedge, the colleagues who'd observe the silence, the
Speaker 1: network of small betrayals that made the bigger one possible.
Speaker 1: Dawn broke, washing our bedroom in sickly goal. I knew
Speaker 1: what would come next, and I was no longer afraid
Speaker 1: to find out. I hadn't planned to say a word
Speaker 1: that morning, but silence was a luxury, and shot supply.
Speaker 1: Calub was up first. He moved quietly, setting the coffee
Speaker 1: to brew, glancing at his poe whenever he thought I
Speaker 1: couldn't see. When our eyes met over the worn lip
Speaker 1: of my favorite mug, nothing registered in his The familiar
Speaker 1: easiness replaced with a quick, darting calculation. I realized then
Speaker 1: I might never know where she was thinking, not really.
Speaker 1: I kept to the bathroom longer than needed, listening for
Speaker 1: the front door click for him to leave, but he didn't. Instead,
Speaker 1: he hovered by the hall mirror, knotting his tie. My
Speaker 1: body ran on otto pilot, shower, dress, hair half dried,
Speaker 1: make up done by rope. Even the scuff shoes I
Speaker 1: pulled and felt like they belonged to some one else,
Speaker 1: some one still living in the old, unbroken story of us.
Speaker 1: My mouth tasted like metal. I pretended to search my
Speaker 1: tote for lesson plans, though I'd packed them hours ago.
Speaker 1: Every nerve in me hum with the need to move.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't leave, not first, not before he did.
Speaker 1: Hallip cleared his throat, eyes on his phone's green You
Speaker 1: heading in early. I thought maybe we could drive together
Speaker 1: to day, he offered, voice steady but thin as tracing paper.
Speaker 1: I couldn't fake normal. I'm walking need the air his
Speaker 1: muff twitch offense or confusion. I couldn't tell suit yourself.
Speaker 1: As he left, door, slamming a little too high behind him,
Speaker 1: I felt myself deeply. I waited until his footsteps faded
Speaker 1: on the stairs, then pressed my hand to the coal
Speaker 1: wood of the door. Just that touch, just that moment,
Speaker 1: forced a tremor through me. I couldn't keep up this
Speaker 1: performance much longer. Skull was a tunnel, fluorescent lighting, echoing footsteps.
Speaker 1: I managed attendants, half listening as students recounted we can
Speaker 1: trivia a mathy drama. But there were moments, small as
Speaker 1: dust motes, where I glanced through the glass panel in
Speaker 1: my door and see Cala pass in the corridor with
Speaker 1: a mess for Vera's short as close, talking softly. Once
Speaker 1: Ervera looked up and her eyes met, she smiled, polite
Speaker 1: but untroubled, as if nothing in the world was strange
Speaker 1: at all. Conversations clipped short. When I passed by in
Speaker 1: the copy room, Steph and Mark went silent. Leela's message
Speaker 1: blinked on my phone during propy O K, but I
Speaker 1: couldn't bring myself to answer my own signature. My own
Speaker 1: words fell fraudulent. At lunch, I sat with my department
Speaker 1: in brittle silence, unpacking a salad I couldn't taste. Foreres
Speaker 1: caught my eye. I saw regret in her face, but
Speaker 1: she said nothing. The lions had been drawn, and I
Speaker 1: was on the outside of something intimate and ugly. By
Speaker 1: the last period, I could barely hold my own. In
Speaker 1: the past room, I let my juniors work for group
Speaker 1: projects and stared a half finished seating chart jeeling in
Speaker 1: the margins. Some one knocked coldwealt the principal. Her cheeks
Speaker 1: flushed with the pretense of warmth. Everything all right, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: she asked, was pitched to concern. He seem a little
Speaker 1: under the weather. I'm fine, I said, just tired. She nodded,
Speaker 1: but her eyes didn't leave me. If any time or
Speaker 1: so be no my doors open. The implication stung, but
Speaker 1: I thanked her and watched her leaf, fighting the urge
Speaker 1: to cry at my own desk. Grief is rarely grand
Speaker 1: or cinematic. Mine was blunted, dissolving its staff room coffee
Speaker 1: in polite avoidance. Later, I passed over her on the
Speaker 1: way to the parking lot. Her bag was slung over
Speaker 1: her shoulder, her scarf my scoff I realized, were one
Speaker 1: exactly like it, trapped around her neck. She paused and
Speaker 1: certain I almost stopped her, almost let the questions tumble out,
Speaker 1: but my body moved past her before my mind caught up,
Speaker 1: carried by the inert of some one who cannot bear
Speaker 1: confrontation until is forced by necessity. That evening, I waited
Speaker 1: past sunset for Kalob to come home. He was late,
Speaker 1: but I hadn't asked where he'd be. I sat in
Speaker 1: our living room, scarfing my lap, no beside it, the
Speaker 1: phone face down so I wouldn't watch his stots flicker
Speaker 1: in the messenger app He arrived at half past nine.
Speaker 1: The heaviness in his gait, the mild hesitation as he
Speaker 1: unlocked the door. Of these told their own story. I
Speaker 1: to the way he sat down his bag, slow and careful,
Speaker 1: as if even gravity could pick something if he let
Speaker 1: go all at once. Hey, he called, voice echoing around
Speaker 1: the walls. I watched him from the sofa, heart and
Speaker 1: a tight lattice of nerves. Hey, I said back, And
Speaker 1: something in my voice must have told him the night
Speaker 1: would not end gently. He paused, reading my expression or
Speaker 1: my stillness in the darkness. Everything all right, he tried.
Speaker 1: I gestured to the coffee table with scarff and notesat
Speaker 1: ranged together. But not doubtfully Can we talk? I said?
Speaker 1: He blinked where he setting his phone down on the
Speaker 1: side table, but not out of reach. He nodded, coming closer,
Speaker 1: his body folding into the nearest chairs if he were
Speaker 1: bracing himself for impact. I took a breath, trying to
Speaker 1: keep dread and anger at Bay, unsure which was stronger.
Speaker 1: I pushed the scuff across the table. I found this
Speaker 1: packing for our trip, I said, and the note silence.
Speaker 1: Whose garf is this? He looked at it, then at me,
Speaker 1: searching for mercy, for an easy explanation. Its Rivera's, he
Speaker 1: managed to voice. Then have left it in my car.
Speaker 1: The noted, just an inside joke. Faculty stuff, you nor
Speaker 1: you know how new teachers are always over sharing. I
Speaker 1: watched him, marveling at the speed with which he manufactured
Speaker 1: his version of reality. A joke, I echoed. She wrote,
Speaker 1: last night was incredible. You make me brave. That's faculty humor.
Speaker 1: He hesitated, then dropped his shoulders, the mask slipping. It's complicated.
Speaker 1: Things have gotten blurry. She needed support, cold, will ask
Speaker 1: me to I cut in, not out of anger but exhaustion.
Speaker 1: Did you sleep with her? He hesitated, and in that heartbeat,
Speaker 1: I knew it just started small. I didn't mean for
Speaker 1: any of it. You didn't mean for me to find out,
Speaker 1: I said, for sharper than I intended. The fulidates cracked.
Speaker 1: He denied, then minimized, stuttering through all the gradients between
Speaker 1: confession and evasion, the classic cycle. He blames dress, a
Speaker 1: sense of being trapped, and every other actor in his environment,
Speaker 1: from Coldwall's impossible standards to our marriage supposed rot. I
Speaker 1: kept pushing how many people knew? How long has this
Speaker 1: been happening? My voice was shaking, not for effect, but
Speaker 1: because I could barely contain myself. Have you ever said
Speaker 1: any of it? Out? Lower? He folded, eyes watering rach
Speaker 1: Fleckord replaced with shame, then a strange selfish relief, as
Speaker 1: if omitting to the betrayal, lesson its weight. It wasn't
Speaker 1: supposed to be like this. It felt near. I couldn't stop.
Speaker 1: I leaned forward. You let me walk around school like
Speaker 1: an idiot. You'll let our friends lie for you? Why?
Speaker 1: He looked at his hands, twisting his wedding ring. I
Speaker 1: didn't think it would matter. I thought you'd never know.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to hurt you. He raised his face,
Speaker 1: a glimmer of sincerity beneath all the ruin. It meant nothing,
Speaker 1: but it made me feel alive again. The statement made
Speaker 1: me sick. He reached for my hand, but I pulled away,
Speaker 1: feeling the edge of the table press against my thigh.
Speaker 1: He didn't just have an affair, calp He made me
Speaker 1: question my own sanity. He let every one else protect
Speaker 1: you from the fall out. What did you expect would
Speaker 1: happen when I found out? He shook wedder with fear
Speaker 1: or remorse. I didn't know. Please, Jen, just don't leave.
Speaker 1: We can fix this. I'm sorry. I love you, you
Speaker 1: know I do. I saw the fear in his eyes,
Speaker 1: and for a moment I remembered a memory, our old
Speaker 1: easy laughter in the kitchen, bright Sunday mornings before the fall.
Speaker 1: I let it pass, was dissolved into silence, charged with
Speaker 1: all that couldn't be said. I stood pocketed the scarf,
Speaker 1: scooped up the note, and left him in the circle
Speaker 1: of lamplight, unable to look at him again. In the hallway,
Speaker 1: my legs wobbled, but I made myself move, glancing once
Speaker 1: at the closed door behind me, as if the house
Speaker 1: could expel all the memories by itself. I've packed a
Speaker 1: bag with mechanical efficiency, toothbrush, pajamas, chargers, notebooks, a change
Speaker 1: of clothes, thrown in haphazardly from the closet. I grabbed
Speaker 1: my old pea coat and slid into boots, without bothering
Speaker 1: to pull the lace's tide. My hand shroop, but did
Speaker 1: not hesitate. In the kitchen, I scribbled a note to Kelib,
Speaker 1: no detail, no emotion, just what was necessary, taking time away.
Speaker 1: Don't call Jaye. I send a group text to my parents,
Speaker 1: and after a long hesitation to Leela, staying with you,
Speaker 1: we'll explain I'm there. I left the apartment shoulder in
Speaker 1: my bag. The air was sharp, biting, making me grateful
Speaker 1: for the clarity. I locked the door with a steady hand,
Speaker 1: then walked into the street to hail a cap. My
Speaker 1: phone buzzed calls from Caleb to Tick, blinking with apologies
Speaker 1: and please and explanations. I silenced my phone, stuffed it
Speaker 1: deep in the pocket of my coat, and watched the
Speaker 1: city lights roll by as the taxi carried me away
Speaker 1: from everything I thought was stable. Lela answered the door
Speaker 1: in baggy sweats and a soft, old band T shirt.
Speaker 1: She took one look at me and opened her arms.
Speaker 1: I didn't cry. I let her hold me until my
Speaker 1: knees stopped shaking. We sat at her small kitchen table
Speaker 1: te seeping between us. She didn't ask questions, just slid
Speaker 1: a mugged to my side, where I finally found my voice.
Speaker 1: It was hollow and calm. It's over, he admitted it,
Speaker 1: all of it. Leela squeezed my hand. I'm so sorry, Jen,
Speaker 1: Just stay for as long as you need. The evening
Speaker 1: blurred around the edges. I unpacked in Leela's bare room,
Speaker 1: a patrick of old guest linens, a hum of traffic
Speaker 1: leaking through the window glass. I made my bed, stacking
Speaker 1: my things in neat, deliberate arrangements, the familiar compulsions, making
Speaker 1: order from chaos, as if tidying the material world could
Speaker 1: sort the fragments inside me. The city glimmerd beyond the glass,
Speaker 1: indifferent and alive. I scrawled through Caleb's desperate texts, though
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to though I never wanted this, the appeals
Speaker 1: to our shared history. Then I powered my phone town
Speaker 1: I didn't reply. The next morning, I drafted a brief
Speaker 1: female to Caldwell, taking family emergency days this week, will
Speaker 1: return lesson plans. Thank you for understanding. My hands didn't tremble.
Speaker 1: I typed, attached send the practicalities came easier than I expected.
Speaker 1: In Leela's kitchen, we moved carefully around each other. She hovered,
Speaker 1: anxious to destruct, offering breakfast, quiet music. The TV left
Speaker 1: unlow in the living room. She offered to call and
Speaker 1: sick herself to stay with me, but I insisted she go.
Speaker 1: How normalcy was a relief. When she left, I stood
Speaker 1: at her window, absently watching the morning A fold the
Speaker 1: world carried on. Cars flooded through, greenlit into sections, people
Speaker 1: with arms wrapped tight against the late winter chill. Hustle
Speaker 1: passed without a glance up. I watched the river when
Speaker 1: through the city, gray and implacable. That afternoon, Leelah texted
Speaker 1: anything you need, why and snacks, just say the word.
Speaker 1: I thank her, but asked for nothing. I started through
Speaker 1: the messages on my phone. My parents wanted answers, concern,
Speaker 1: tactful distance. I replied with a single line, I'm safe,
Speaker 1: just taking space. Will explain soon. Meanwhile, Caleb sent new apologies,
Speaker 1: growing more anxious texts that cycle through grief, blame, bargaining.
Speaker 1: One I was lonely too, Jem, please don't freeze me out.
Speaker 1: Another let's talk in person. This isn't us. At one
Speaker 1: point my phone buzz with a call from a private number, Caldwell,
Speaker 1: I guessed, or perhaps Mark, or even ms Perez, but
Speaker 1: I let it roll to vorsemil I was tired of
Speaker 1: other people's voices that attempts to decide how I ought
Speaker 1: to process my own jumulation. I tried to nap, but
Speaker 1: every time I closed my eyes, details returned. The ten
Speaker 1: of Rover's perfume, calybs and steady confession, the texture of
Speaker 1: our couch where we'd spent half a decade, folded together,
Speaker 1: all receding quickly but not quietly. The second day, I
Speaker 1: set myself small tasks, laundry, emails, sorting through lesson, plans
Speaker 1: to send to the substitute. I avoided social media, avoided
Speaker 1: text from anyone connected to the skull, terrified of seeing
Speaker 1: a photo or a stray comment at my chatter. Whatever
Speaker 1: composure I'd managed to scrape together, I realized unpleasantly that
Speaker 1: the worst was not Caleob's betrayal, but the necessity of
Speaker 1: enduring its echo in every sphere of my life. I'd
Speaker 1: have to see Rivera at school, I'd have to navigate
Speaker 1: the stuff, lunge every sidelong glance, every whisper, every person
Speaker 1: who already knew what had happened, but now could indulge
Speaker 1: the curiosity Openly. Mid day, A crafted a short, motionless
Speaker 1: text to callup. I need space. Don't contact me unless
Speaker 1: it's urgent, he replied, within sixty seconds. If this is
Speaker 1: about Rivera, it's over. I ended it. It was a mistake. Please,
Speaker 1: gent let's figure out what we want. I ignored it,
Speaker 1: but the words what we want echoed in me. I
Speaker 1: realized I no longer knew. I washed my face, put
Speaker 1: on real clothes and walked to the grocery store for supplies.
Speaker 1: An older man at the checkout smiled. Hand of me
Speaker 1: might change the normal nerve of citil I've pressed in
Speaker 1: a relief for welcome and enmity acate lela Is. I
Speaker 1: found a small note on the table, in her curly handwriting,
Speaker 1: proud of you for being brave, Take your time, love Leela.
Speaker 1: I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes,
Speaker 1: but pressed them back. I didn't want tears to be
Speaker 1: the last thing I shared for Caleb, for us, I
Speaker 1: wanted something cleaner, emptier, if not stronger. After three days,
Speaker 1: the routines formed a kind of slender lifeboat, wake, make coffee.
Speaker 1: Answer nothing in Norcaleb's attempts can we talk face to face?
Speaker 1: Or do you want me to move out? And there
Speaker 1: were so much we haven't set I deleted them one
Speaker 1: by one. Lily came home a takeout in the bottle
Speaker 1: of malbick. We didn't talk about the affair. Instead, we
Speaker 1: watched bad TV, traded stories about awful field trips, and
Speaker 1: first and glower. I remembered the person I used to be,
Speaker 1: some uncapable of laughter without qualification. The school sent check ins.
Speaker 1: The department had offering to connect me with a char
Speaker 1: if you need to talk, I filed it away. I'm
Speaker 1: read the day after We're very email the staff white
Speaker 1: update about her new after school reading group and her
Speaker 1: cheerful tone, so oblivious and bold, rattled me. Rage sudden
Speaker 1: why hot rose in me for the first time. I
Speaker 1: thought of writing her or going to her room when
Speaker 1: I returned, but the impulse fizzled, replaced by something heavier,
Speaker 1: more finish. I would not give any one else more words.
Speaker 1: I'd been enough of a spectacle. I thought briefly about reconcilation,
Speaker 1: then let it pass. I like the feeling of base
Speaker 1: more than I feared the loneliness. Each day I spent
Speaker 1: outside the narive of his apology, as need made the
Speaker 1: future seem less frightening. Shortly afternoon, my parents called again.
Speaker 1: I answered, keeping my voice level, I'm safe. I just
Speaker 1: need to figure some things out. Please don't come. I
Speaker 1: spent the rest of the afternoon's stair rain at the
Speaker 1: gritted pattern of the city lights, the glass towse shining
Speaker 1: against blue gray dusk. I listened to the rhythmic white
Speaker 1: noise of cars and wind. The world bent but did
Speaker 1: not break. Late that night, alone in the living room,
Speaker 1: I found myself composing a list the things I could control,
Speaker 1: The things I loved before I love Caleb. The pieces
Speaker 1: of my life that might come back, or change or fade,
Speaker 1: bookstores or early morning walks, the Crossword on Sundays. Even
Speaker 1: if now I do ever square myself slowly as will
Speaker 1: now crept past the next I realized the cost of
Speaker 1: moving forward would never be as high as the price
Speaker 1: I had already paid for years in denial and self doubt.
Speaker 1: The following day, I returned home to collect essentials, passport,
Speaker 1: a couple favorite books, a few sentimental keepsakes. I entered quietly,
Speaker 1: bracing for chaos or drama. But the apartment was empty
Speaker 1: except for the stale trace of Calab's aftershave. The apartment
Speaker 1: was exactly as I'd left it, throw blanket tossed and
Speaker 1: mug in the sink, A wild tangle of lesson plans
Speaker 1: on the table. The scarf and note were gone from
Speaker 1: the living room. On the bedroom dresser, his wedding band
Speaker 1: lay beside my own set apart but not touching. I
Speaker 1: pocketed mine, leaving as behind. I didn't linger. I packed, quickly,
Speaker 1: moving from room to room, not letting the memories catch up.
Speaker 1: In the bath room I found a half used candle,
Speaker 1: lavender and cedar, a silly inside joke from our third
Speaker 1: anniversary trip. I left it where it was, unwilling to
Speaker 1: carry the old laye forward. Just as I finished, my
Speaker 1: phone buzzed Calab again. The words were more desperate this time,
Speaker 1: let me see you, even if it's just to say goodbye.
Speaker 1: I stared at the screen, thum hovering, before turning the
Speaker 1: phone face down. I left a short note in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: I'll be staying elsewhere. Don't try to find me. When
Speaker 1: I'm ready to talk, I'll reach out. I closed the
Speaker 1: door behind me and didn't look back at Lili's and
Speaker 1: pack what I brought. Familiar things looked different in the
Speaker 1: souflight of someone else's spare room. I laid the mug
Speaker 1: and books on the bedside table, stacked clothes in the dresser.
Speaker 1: I pushed my wedding ring into the back of a drawer.
Speaker 1: I called my school and officially extended my leave by
Speaker 1: another whet. I lied only a bit, blaming illness and
Speaker 1: family strain. I spent the afternoon finalizing small task, setting
Speaker 1: up new passwords, arranging bills, separating bank accounts where I
Speaker 1: could functional steps, each one more severing than the last.
Speaker 1: That night, Little made pasta and opened another bottle of wine.
Speaker 1: We ate in silence, side by side, her presence anchoring
Speaker 1: me as my mind swirled. For the first time in weeks,
Speaker 1: I fell asleep without waking panic. The next morning, I
Speaker 1: stood at the kitchen table with leela and messy handwriting
Speaker 1: beside my own shopping list. The house felt warm, stable,
Speaker 1: like something that belonged to its inhabitants. Outside, the first
Speaker 1: rays of clean, cold sunlight slid through the blinds. I
Speaker 1: realized I couldn't remember the last time I felt a
Speaker 1: clear sense of what came next, and for once, with
Speaker 1: everything uncertain, that felt like its own kind of freedom.