Speaker 1: Deborah, with her thirty years of being an entrepreneur and
Speaker 1: creating over seven companies, knows exactly what it means to
Speaker 1: accept the mission. When you make that decision, when you
Speaker 1: accept the mission to become a solopreneur, to take yourself
Speaker 1: and your talents to market, then you embrace a life
Speaker 1: of not only unlimited possibilities, but also the unknown. It's
Speaker 1: an elixir of fear and bravery that only someone who's
Speaker 1: taken the leap really understands. On our show, deb digs
Speaker 1: deep with her guests to highlight what you the listener
Speaker 1: wants to know the stories, the whys, and the hows
Speaker 1: to navigate the journey to success. Get ready to hear
Speaker 1: from some of the most incredible mission takers from Generation
Speaker 1: Z to boomers. So sit up, perk up, and get
Speaker 1: ready to be blown away. Now Here is your host,
Speaker 1: Deborah Drummond's.
Speaker 2: A low and fulcoment of fact, if you accepted five
Speaker 2: past me would have just heard what the show's all
Speaker 2: about about people that take a mission. And predominantly I
Speaker 2: know that my audience because I get to talk to
Speaker 2: you and meet you often, especially when I show up
Speaker 2: live in places, and there's no better I'm sure that
Speaker 2: Bill's going to agree with me when we start chatting.
Speaker 2: There's no better when you get to meet people in
Speaker 2: person that you're being inspired by or they're being inspired
Speaker 2: by you, and you get to have that you know,
Speaker 2: that handshake, that meeting, that hello, that conversation, getting to
Speaker 2: know people better, which is really one of the topics
Speaker 2: that we're going to talk about, is about making people
Speaker 2: better today. Feeling better, living better, having access to betterment
Speaker 2: is so important.
Speaker 3: And as an audience, you.
Speaker 2: Know what, my audience today, you that are listening, you
Speaker 2: are just the most caring audience. How's that you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I know what we're talking about today. If you would
Speaker 2: hang around long enough, you know, you too get to
Speaker 2: get leaned in on on what we're going to share today.
Speaker 2: So I had the pleasure of meeting mister Bill Cohen
Speaker 2: on line as many of us were doing, and we
Speaker 2: were meeting new people from all over the world, and
Speaker 2: we kind of came together on the beliefs that we
Speaker 2: had around health and wellness and making people better. And
Speaker 2: look at a lot of you, I know are entrepreneurs
Speaker 2: and you're doing things, and you're on mission, and you're
Speaker 2: caring for yourself and your care for your business, and
Speaker 2: your care for people in your life. And there's a
Speaker 2: whole game around caring on self and others and the
Speaker 2: balance of that and what you do when when you
Speaker 2: do it. But I always see people in the health
Speaker 2: and wellness sector as kind of like servant leaders, because
Speaker 2: predominantly when you're teaching someone to take care of themselves
Speaker 2: or you're giving advice that makes their life better, there
Speaker 2: is what we call the domino effect, the ripple effect,
Speaker 2: the whatever it is that you're doing, and other people benefit.
Speaker 3: And that's that whole philosophy around betterment.
Speaker 2: So me and Bill were chatting, and as you've heard
Speaker 2: me talk before, I kind of have this. You know,
Speaker 2: there's a couple of organs in the body, one being
Speaker 2: you know, the lymphatic system, the skin, and the brain
Speaker 2: that I absolutely love. And he was sharing some really
Speaker 2: incredible statistics and sharing a story about his life and
Speaker 2: how he learned more about the brain and what that
Speaker 2: was all about. And then, like most I don't know,
Speaker 2: how do you want to call it, I'm not even
Speaker 2: going to brave courageous entrepreneurs, But they had a personal
Speaker 2: experience and they turned it into their mission, and so
Speaker 2: that's what I just love about this man. And we
Speaker 2: get to meet him in person soon enough as he
Speaker 2: comes over to is a Canadian, so the world of Canada.
Speaker 2: So with no further ado, let me give you a
Speaker 2: title that you may not have heard before. It's not
Speaker 2: my title, it's his title. But I'm loving this.
Speaker 3: We just shared earlier.
Speaker 2: And I know that he is a caregiving support consultant
Speaker 2: and that's something that I've known Bill to do. But
Speaker 2: I loved this and I love to see when people's
Speaker 2: businesses start to merge and grow with the needs of community.
Speaker 2: And he is also a trained elder mediator, and we're
Speaker 2: going to dig a little bit into that.
Speaker 3: So Bill, welcome to mission.
Speaker 4: Accepted today, Thanks for having me. It's an houtor be here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my gosh. I love that French.
Speaker 2: I call it when I when I get to meet
Speaker 2: someone like yourself, and it's not some when I met
Speaker 2: in business that's turned into a biz ship, you know, friendship.
Speaker 2: Bishop put it together all.
Speaker 3: Right, Never mind my little my little fun part.
Speaker 2: So look, I mean, go ahead, that's what makes you
Speaker 2: you as it makes me me. I just introduced you
Speaker 2: as a caregiver mediator, elder, what do you do and
Speaker 2: how did this come into your life?
Speaker 4: So interestingly? Tomorrow is the anniversary of a date that
Speaker 4: changed my life, my family's life. My mother was living
Speaker 4: in Biloxi, Mississippi, of all places, I'm not from there.
Speaker 4: I live in the Portland, Oregon area. I'm originally from
Speaker 4: New England. And she was showing signs of concern and
Speaker 4: we thought, was she just getting tired, was she getting older,
Speaker 4: stressed out taking care of my late stepfather. But what
Speaker 4: happened nineteen years ago tomorrow on the Gulf Coast Hurricane Katrina.
Speaker 4: Their home was completely swept away in the storm surge.
Speaker 4: It was that bad. Fortunately they had evacuated safely, but
Speaker 4: she came back to that house expecting it to be there,
Speaker 4: and the trauma just exacerbated accelerated whatever is going on
Speaker 4: with her. Make a long story short, she was on
Speaker 4: the East Coach with other family members. I started attending
Speaker 4: a support group, getting counselate, talking to a care community.
Speaker 4: I moved her out here to Portland after a bit,
Speaker 4: and I was her primary caregiver. But she was in
Speaker 4: a very wonderful care community, faith based nonprofit for about
Speaker 4: five years. Four of which were memory care, and she
Speaker 4: passed away eleven years ago this past February at age
Speaker 4: eighty three. Now that support group I kept going for
Speaker 4: a little bit. I became the facilitator. I got involved
Speaker 4: with fundraising the walked into Alzheimer's and going to the
Speaker 4: Capitol and raising funds to get more research funds to
Speaker 4: find a cure, which were still working on. But as
Speaker 4: I was working a completely unrelated government job, and I thought,
Speaker 4: as I approached retirement that oh, I'll just do more
Speaker 4: volunteer work. But I came across this concept of caregiving
Speaker 4: support consultant, and the really short version of all that
Speaker 4: is I turned my pain, my loss into my passion
Speaker 4: and what some people refer to as a noncore career.
Speaker 4: What you really want to do, what's fulfilling, what's gratifying
Speaker 4: to you, And it's all in my mom's memory and honor.
Speaker 4: So what I do is I provide advice, support resources,
Speaker 4: referrals to family caregivers so they can not only take
Speaker 4: care of their loved one, manage the care. But we'll
Speaker 4: talk about this in a moment, self care prevention, right,
Speaker 4: that's very important. And I put together the care team
Speaker 4: and the care plan so the caregiver doesn't feel so alone, overwhelmed, isolated,
Speaker 4: stressed out, losing sleep. I tried to help them sleep
Speaker 4: better night.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, And that's a lot, right. That's not only are
Speaker 2: you dealing with family, a member by nature which has
Speaker 2: its own you know, beg of marbles. I would say,
Speaker 2: there's dynamics, there's relationships. You're not just dealing with someone
Speaker 2: who's a client or you know, there's or there isn't
Speaker 2: history with which can be beneficial. And I would imagine
Speaker 2: sometimes challenging.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: I've heard over and over again how the parent doesn't
Speaker 2: want to take advice from their child when that role
Speaker 2: is now starting to be reversed.
Speaker 3: Right, Can you tell us.
Speaker 2: Some of those some of those nuances that happen that
Speaker 2: are maybe unexpected or make people feel like, Am I
Speaker 2: the only person that has a mother or father that
Speaker 2: doesn't want to take some good advice?
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 4: It happens a lot because in most cases they've been independent,
Speaker 4: they've been taking care of themselves. The rest of the
Speaker 4: family goes about their own lives, and they may be
Speaker 4: spread out all over. Part of the problem is that
Speaker 4: you may not realize that until maybe you visit them
Speaker 4: for the holidays and suddenly you see reasons for concern
Speaker 4: and oh, mom, dad, we need to take some steps,
Speaker 4: we need to do this. I'm going to come and
Speaker 4: take over. Well, they're going to get resistant. Oh we're fine,
Speaker 4: We're okay, We don't need any help. And they may
Speaker 4: not be able to see the forest for the trees.
Speaker 4: They may be in denial themselves because of their declining help.
Speaker 4: So what I try to do is help family members
Speaker 4: start talking about it, come together. They may not all
Speaker 4: agree on every little nuance, but at least get on
Speaker 4: the same page as far as taking care of your
Speaker 4: family member is aging and may not be able to
Speaker 4: take care of themselves let alone make their own decisions.
Speaker 2: Now I have to say, is that where the mediator
Speaker 2: part of your.
Speaker 3: Your services come into play?
Speaker 2: Are you mediating for one side or are you meeting
Speaker 2: within the family?
Speaker 3: What does that mean?
Speaker 4: Well, since you brought up a legal aspect, I'll use
Speaker 4: a legal term. Depends And actually I'm going to use
Speaker 4: the line that you told me a while back. Some
Speaker 4: families can't decide on ordering pizza for dinner, let alone,
Speaker 4: How where why et cetera? To take care of their
Speaker 4: loved one. So the problem is that not everybody is
Speaker 4: always on the same page, and they may be spread out,
Speaker 4: and they'll have excuses, I'm too far away, I'm too busy,
Speaker 4: i can't deal with it, I have a bad relationship
Speaker 4: with mom, dad, whoever. But everybody can help in some way,
Speaker 4: and if they do, even if it's a small piece
Speaker 4: of the puzzle, they're a carrier. They're part of the
Speaker 4: carry giving team. But what I try to do is
Speaker 4: communicate and talk about the various issues as an elder mediator.
Speaker 4: Not everybody's going to get what they want, but to
Speaker 4: get to an agreement they all can live with, right,
Speaker 4: and it keeps it out of the courts, keeps it
Speaker 4: away for the lawyers. It's private, and the big key
Speaker 4: is making sure everybody keeps talking so they can come
Speaker 4: to an agreement that's in the best interest of their
Speaker 4: loved one.
Speaker 2: Wow, as you say that, so, I'm sure lots of
Speaker 2: bills and whistles, and I think that's very much the
Speaker 2: case right where some people are going to take on
Speaker 2: more responsibility than others, or some can participate financially, some can't,
Speaker 2: and all that I love how you say, no matter
Speaker 2: at what degree people participate and they are still part
Speaker 2: of the caregiving team. I'm sure that's very relieving for
Speaker 2: most And so they go through that process, and I
Speaker 2: would imagine that they would need support through the whole process,
Speaker 2: you know. I imagine that maybe things change or things change
Speaker 2: in people's lives and just having that kind of support. Also,
Speaker 2: I imagine it would be quite beneficial to have someone
Speaker 2: who's not attached emotionally to you know, when they you know,
Speaker 2: to the issues that may happen emotionally in a family dynamic.
Speaker 4: An objective, neutral third party, right, and you'll make the
Speaker 4: decision for them, right, they come to it themselves. And
Speaker 4: the other aspect that I mentioned to I'm not a therapist,
Speaker 4: although I kind of act like one. Sometimes I can't
Speaker 4: fix your family problems. I can't fix your family dynamics.
Speaker 4: Now I can give you a quick example where my family.
Speaker 4: Even though I kind of played the peacemaker role at
Speaker 4: times in my family, Yeah, I was fortunate that my
Speaker 4: especially two aunts had a lot of opinions, but they
Speaker 4: always had my mom's best interest at heart, and they
Speaker 4: also knew my name was on the paper on the
Speaker 4: power of durable power of attorney, and I also had
Speaker 4: Mom's best interest at heart. I would listen and say, okay,
Speaker 4: I'm going to take that in and then I will
Speaker 4: decide which I think what I think was the best
Speaker 4: for my mother.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm yeah, yeah, very good, No, very good. I'm sure.
Speaker 3: I'm sure it gets interesting. I'm sure it gets interesting.
Speaker 3: So there's more.
Speaker 2: I mean you said it earlier when you said a
Speaker 2: lot of times people don't realize that there might be
Speaker 2: a problem until there's a family visit or an extended conversation,
Speaker 2: or they're noticing that on each time that they talk
Speaker 2: there's a little bit something different, or there's a continued
Speaker 2: conversation that's not going in a direction like well, I
Speaker 2: thought maybe she was forgetting things because she was stressed,
Speaker 2: or I thought.
Speaker 3: You know, the whole birth.
Speaker 2: I mean, who remembers phone numbers anymore. We're all attached
Speaker 2: to these phones that have our so you know what's
Speaker 2: what's the line and what's not. But I would ask
Speaker 2: you is there a movement? Is it just us in
Speaker 2: the health and wellness field that are hearing more and
Speaker 2: more about Alzheimer's or dementia, or like what's going on
Speaker 2: in your industry?
Speaker 4: That's a really good question, because I think there is
Speaker 4: an increasing awareness the general public, not just people in
Speaker 4: the healthcare profession. But I don't like to get obsessed
Speaker 4: about celebrities. But we can think about many people we've
Speaker 4: heard in recent years, Glenn Campbell, Tony Bennett. I mean,
Speaker 4: if people saw that concert with Lady Gaga that he
Speaker 4: did when he was had Alzheimer's, he didn't remember what
Speaker 4: he had for breakfast, but that piano player started playing
Speaker 4: it was Tony Bennet from thirty years ago.
Speaker 2: It was not.
Speaker 4: But that raises awareness. Or movies like Still Alice or
Speaker 4: The Father with Anthony Hopkins, I think that helps people realize, oh,
Speaker 4: this is something to be concerned about. I'm wondering about
Speaker 4: so and so in the family. So it's a matter.
Speaker 4: And that's what I try to do. It's not just
Speaker 4: actually helping individuals. I think you know from my social media,
Speaker 4: my blog, et being on podcasts like this is to
Speaker 4: raise that awareness about the things you should be doing first,
Speaker 4: like make sure there's safe, to make sure the legal
Speaker 4: documents are in place, have those conversations about how are
Speaker 4: we going to take care of and have a plan.
Speaker 3: A, B C.
Speaker 4: Because there's a lot of what IF's in there, so
Speaker 4: every case is a little bit different.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was going to ask you if there was
Speaker 2: kind of some advice that you can have. Whether it's because,
Speaker 2: as in the world of health and wellness, preventative is
Speaker 2: better than corrective. And at what point do you start
Speaker 2: having those conversations and are people having those conversations with
Speaker 2: people in their life before there's ever even any signs like, look,
Speaker 2: this is a possibility. You know, there's a percentage of
Speaker 2: the world that comes up against this challenge like when
Speaker 2: and where are those conversations to be had?
Speaker 4: Well as soon as possible. You see some signs and
Speaker 4: it could be as simple as the place is messy.
Speaker 4: Mom's not making recipes the way she used to. They're
Speaker 4: not taking care of the finances properly. They're repeating questions.
Speaker 4: They come into a room and don't know why they
Speaker 4: came in there. Now, the difference is that they may know,
Speaker 4: We may remember why we went in there, but remember
Speaker 4: what the room is for. Okay, it's like your cell phone,
Speaker 4: or your glasses, or your or your keys to your car, right,
Speaker 4: we remember what they are for. We all lose things
Speaker 4: because we're also busy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, good point, good point.
Speaker 4: But it's it's a matter of if you have a
Speaker 4: family history that's going to be a factor. Just that
Speaker 4: somebody is getting into their seventies and eighties, the risk
Speaker 4: levels of higher. But I should mention that. And my
Speaker 4: mom was like the post a child that it's not
Speaker 4: just genetics in age. Those definitely are risk factors, but
Speaker 4: it's also your environment and your behavior, your lifestyle choices.
Speaker 4: And I could and I could talk about those.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's talk about a bit, you know, because if
Speaker 2: it's not an issue, it may be.
Speaker 3: And here's the other thing. I don't think it's ever
Speaker 3: too late to change your lifestyle choices.
Speaker 4: Right because if you if you take steps right away
Speaker 4: when there's some concern or there are some symptoms, some
Speaker 4: behaviors that are changing, the sooner that you take action
Speaker 4: on getting enough sleep, good nutrition, keeping physically active, socially active,
Speaker 4: mentally active, doing puzzles and things like that, it's going
Speaker 4: to help slow the progression and maintain a good quality
Speaker 4: of life as soon as possible. And they didn't even
Speaker 4: mention eating crap, which is an acronym for like the
Speaker 4: carbonated soda is the added sugar is the process and
Speaker 4: artificial foods or I don't know. If you've heard this
Speaker 4: being up Europe and Canada, you may have the acronym
Speaker 4: SAD Standard American diet, yes, right, yeah, oh, standard North
Speaker 4: American diagonal. Right. So people eating like that, if they
Speaker 4: start eating more healthy something like a Mediterranean style regimen
Speaker 4: or diet, it is in their best interests and that
Speaker 4: will help you long term. Again, my mom wasn't that old.
Speaker 4: Nobody else in the family has Alzheimer's. Maybe a little
Speaker 4: mild cognitive impairment, m like eighty nine and ninety that
Speaker 4: type of thing. But Mom was living out of that
Speaker 4: Gulf coast with all the toxin pollutions and chemicals. She
Speaker 4: used to smoke, She didn't exercise, She was socially isolated.
Speaker 4: She was in the Carreger role. And as you know,
Speaker 4: she was an entaglio printmaker and artist, etching into metal
Speaker 4: plates and putting it into an acid bath for about
Speaker 4: thirty years. Which thing, if any, or commination, we don't know,
Speaker 4: but we know she had Alzheimer's. There was no question.
Speaker 4: All the signs were there.
Speaker 2: Well, and I think that's and I think when we
Speaker 2: talk about that there's become more observation around neuronal differences
Speaker 2: or neronal deficiencies or Alzheimer's or the whole gamut that
Speaker 2: can happen in that arena that people are starting to
Speaker 2: look at their lifestyle. And I think that if I've
Speaker 2: heard you before many times and when you just said,
Speaker 2: we don't know what percentage of every of her activity
Speaker 2: that she was doing, that played factor. But you know
Speaker 2: when it comes to having a healthy brain that those
Speaker 2: percentages line up as well. So if it's like if
Speaker 2: you're not exercising, you don't have to go to the
Speaker 2: gym every day, but you're doing something. If you're eating
Speaker 2: a lot of packaged foods, you know that their package
Speaker 2: with preservatives decrease your packaging you or what where you're
Speaker 2: eating out of a package by half.
Speaker 3: It's not difficult to do.
Speaker 2: It's not difficult to do, or making different choices when
Speaker 2: you're at a restaurant. So I was, I've just come
Speaker 2: off the road I travel for work, and people say
Speaker 2: to me all the time, oh my gosh, it must
Speaker 2: be so difficult with the way you eat because I
Speaker 2: have certain allergies, And I said, absolutely never, like absolutely never.
Speaker 2: Now I always have, you know, sugar free granola bars
Speaker 2: where I go, because if I need to shove something
Speaker 2: in my face and a plane, that's fine, but.
Speaker 3: You know, you take responsibility for it.
Speaker 2: But I've never been at a restaurant that I couldn't
Speaker 2: put a meal together with the sides, Like I'll have
Speaker 2: roasted potatoes and I'll have these vegetables and I'll have
Speaker 2: this or whatever I'm eating, you can put it together.
Speaker 2: And everybody has been very accommodating in every country I've
Speaker 2: gone to. I'm like, please don't put butter there, you know,
Speaker 2: use oil instead or whatever. So I think people's mind
Speaker 2: ship ship has to change because I know when I
Speaker 2: travel with people, they're like, yeah, well I'm just traveling.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're traveling for two weeks, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, So you don't have to move off an
Speaker 2: unhealthy diet. And I think people do that. And you
Speaker 2: hear people I don't want to go on a cruise
Speaker 2: because I come back ten pounds or eight pounds or
Speaker 2: five pounds more because there's food everywhere, and I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, well, you don't have to eat it, you don't
Speaker 3: have to go and eat it.
Speaker 2: So I think that it does come down to those
Speaker 2: small choices over a continued manner of time that starts
Speaker 2: to bank the odds in your favor right exactly exactly.
Speaker 4: And by the way, why I talk about that a lot.
Speaker 4: I'm involved with a health and wellness team here in
Speaker 4: my chamber of commerce, and I talked about a lot
Speaker 4: because even though I'm not a practitioner, we have to
Speaker 4: talk about self care and preventive care. So I call
Speaker 4: myself wellness tangential.
Speaker 3: Oh what is that?
Speaker 4: Did you say? Wellness tangential?
Speaker 3: Oh? Tangential? Never heard of them? Does that mean that
Speaker 3: you have other people that you really like? What is
Speaker 3: I've done on?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, I work with them. I'm on the of
Speaker 4: the healthcare practitioners, but I do talk about it a
Speaker 4: lot so that people will take care not just for
Speaker 4: a loved one but themselves.
Speaker 3: Wow. That there you go. I learned a new word today.
Speaker 3: I have learned a new word.
Speaker 2: Today along those beans. You talked about your mom. Is
Speaker 2: there a situation either with a family that you've mediated
Speaker 2: with or someone who was starting to show signs that
Speaker 2: you were able to kind of come in and can
Speaker 2: you give an example, because I think one of the
Speaker 2: things that happens.
Speaker 3: In your industry.
Speaker 2: Is that when you are that child or that niece
Speaker 2: or that caregiver or whatever. I think you get succumbed
Speaker 2: a little bit with this is only happening to you.
Speaker 2: You might know statistically that's not going to be accurate,
Speaker 2: but it is an isolated experience, right, You're going to
Speaker 2: work with worries of this other person. Is there a
Speaker 2: story a success story? Hey, this kind of made a
Speaker 2: different story that you can share with us.
Speaker 4: Sure, And it's actually when it's almost a combination of caregiving, consulting,
Speaker 4: and elder mediation. And it's a good example that you
Speaker 4: can't do it alone, you can't do it all at once.
Speaker 4: Do you need to build a support team, need to
Speaker 4: see God help, And too many people try to do
Speaker 4: it and that's just a recipe for burnout, getting sick
Speaker 4: or worse. Because many caregivers predecease the person they're caring for,
Speaker 4: which is yes, especially once you get over seventy years
Speaker 4: old with dementia, it's like about two thirds predeceased because
Speaker 4: they're not taking care of their own health. They're stressed out,
Speaker 4: they're exhausted, they're isolated, which is really sad. But it's
Speaker 4: it's preventable because if they do get go to a
Speaker 4: support group, they do, go yoga and meditation, go to
Speaker 4: their own doctor, have somebody watch their loved one, or
Speaker 4: set up a respite, or have a caregiver commanded to
Speaker 4: watch them. Then you can at least take care of
Speaker 4: your own health. Hey, what about just getting your haircut? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Exactly how to do those things?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the dentist right. So what I'd had was a
Speaker 4: case where woman is from originally from here in Portland, Oreon,
Speaker 4: but she's been living in the UK, in London for
Speaker 4: thirty years. Her mom and her stepfather were living in
Speaker 4: a one of these big buy in beautiful building care communities.
Speaker 4: They had all levels but it was mostly independent living.
Speaker 4: And fortunately the daughter got my name from the Alzheimer's Association.
Speaker 4: Of course it's called Alzheimer's Society elsewhere. And the big
Speaker 4: problem was that the mom was being neglected, not only
Speaker 4: by the care community. They stuck her into memory care,
Speaker 4: which she had no business being it at that point,
Speaker 4: she was being neglected by the step family, by even
Speaker 4: her own doctor. A simple thing like she needed be
Speaker 4: twelve shots. He didn't believe in it. Oh, Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 4: So she was manifesting like she had some cognitive issues,
Speaker 4: I mean more severe than she should be at that time.
Speaker 4: So she gets a hold of me. We put together
Speaker 4: a care conference and a mediation of sorts with the
Speaker 4: care community, Adult Protective Services, which was called by the
Speaker 4: care community. They're the ones that were neglectful, crazy elder
Speaker 4: law attorney, home care, a house called geriatrician. I think
Speaker 4: I'm missing one other element as well as the family,
Speaker 4: and get everybody together, keep them talking, and come to
Speaker 4: an agreement that got the mom back on track. She
Speaker 4: got her be twelve shots from the house called physician.
Speaker 4: Mom gets back out of there, back up to independent
Speaker 4: living with her husband. Things progressed over time. I've been
Speaker 4: actually working with his daughter for close to two years now.
Speaker 4: Actually there have been falls, there have been hip fractures,
Speaker 4: there has been progression of the mom's dementia are but
Speaker 4: I've continued to support her. But we got that team
Speaker 4: together to take care of the mom so that she's
Speaker 4: God knows where she would have been if she had
Speaker 4: been stuck in that memory care, that care community, And
Speaker 4: imagine the stress for the daughter in UK making all
Speaker 4: these trips, but having a team to keep her eyes
Speaker 4: and ears on her mom so she didn't have to
Speaker 4: make even more trips and more phone calls and zoom calls.
Speaker 2: So great, that's a wonderful story that you're sharing, because well,
Speaker 2: first of all, it's not a story, it's real, a
Speaker 2: life story, because I think it does take a team.
Speaker 2: You know, they always say, you know when you have
Speaker 2: a new baby, you know it's a village. You know,
Speaker 2: a village raises children.
Speaker 3: But also I.
Speaker 2: Think on when you start to become at a place
Speaker 2: where you're not as capable, right, so children not as capable,
Speaker 2: and if you get to that place where you're not
Speaker 2: as capable for whatever reason, you know, for whatever reason,
Speaker 2: how wonderful it is to have a team or someone
Speaker 2: who's facilitating a team to see things that you don't see.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's that's kind of how it works, right,
Speaker 2: And with this world being so global and parents and
Speaker 2: children living and relatives living in different or you know,
Speaker 2: people that didn't have children and they're relying on other
Speaker 2: family members, just how vast the world is, and we're
Speaker 2: not living on the same street anymore, we're not necessarily
Speaker 2: in the same community, and we don't all go to
Speaker 2: the same school, right, so that we can see the
Speaker 2: importance of that.
Speaker 4: And long distance caregiving isn't necessarily easier harder than in
Speaker 4: the same town. It's just a different emphasis. And I
Speaker 4: did both making those cross country trips and travel and
Speaker 4: long and taking care of our affairs from the distance
Speaker 4: that I did it here in person. Yeah, right, in
Speaker 4: the same community. And no matter what, it's still hard,
Speaker 4: it's stressful. Had a lot of my plate and basically
Speaker 4: you have to go into triage mode. Are going to
Speaker 4: take care of this that's the most important. Then this
Speaker 4: everything else will have to wait, like er or the battlefield.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, Well, look, I love listening
Speaker 2: to you because not only do I think it's important
Speaker 2: to put real things on the real table, right and
Speaker 2: just talk about things that are happening, but also very
Speaker 2: solution based and to give people an inspiration and idea
Speaker 2: and also how people start having those conversations and having
Speaker 2: those conversations with themselves.
Speaker 3: You know, I think that I mean as morbid as my.
Speaker 2: Son was experiencing it, like, so, you know, I do
Speaker 2: my will every couple of years because life changes, and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm at the stage where my daughter had
Speaker 2: a baby and she had another baby, and you know,
Speaker 2: now my son has a business and there's these things
Speaker 2: that change your life financially, and you're having that conversation.
Speaker 2: And I was sitting with my kids, and you know that,
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, who's going to take these things and who's.
Speaker 4: Going to do this?
Speaker 2: And my son looks at my daughter, whose there's ten
Speaker 2: half years apart, and he's like, this is a little strange.
Speaker 2: She goes, Oh, just get used to it. You know,
Speaker 2: this is what she does, right, because I live in it.
Speaker 2: You know, I live in a world of having friends
Speaker 2: and colleagues like you where you know, you like, hey,
Speaker 2: this is this is something that you need to make
Speaker 2: sure that you take care of and having that conversation.
Speaker 2: And I remember sitting there having a conversation and I
Speaker 2: might sound more of it, but.
Speaker 3: You got to talk about these things. And I said, Okay,
Speaker 3: here's the deal.
Speaker 2: If I'm in this, if I'm in this condition, and
Speaker 2: we and you know, the decision needs to be made.
Speaker 3: I said, I've designated this person. And my daughter's like,
Speaker 3: why isn't it going to be me?
Speaker 2: And I said, because you want it to be someone
Speaker 2: that emotionally could handle. If the if the cure for
Speaker 2: the disease I had shows up forties after this decision,
Speaker 2: you know, those really in depth conversations she's like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm going to do it, you know, like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: I doubt you will. But having those conversations, and it's
Speaker 2: interesting because generationally, I mean, it's not like I might
Speaker 2: have this conversation with my children, but it sure was
Speaker 2: not a conversation that my mother was having with us
Speaker 2: at the age of my daughter's thirty and my son's twenty. Like,
Speaker 2: oh hey, so if I do, it's I'm not saying
Speaker 2: it's new information. It certainly should be talked about as
Speaker 2: much as possible. But I still think there's a bit of.
Speaker 3: We don't talk about these things because I think I'm
Speaker 3: the exception to the rule, and that if my friends
Speaker 3: are like really.
Speaker 4: Especially some generations, some cultures exactly right. Some are more
Speaker 4: open about it. Some you know, we don't talk about it.
Speaker 4: We don't air our laundry in public, and blah blah
Speaker 4: and so forth.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, do you have any advice as we wrap
Speaker 2: up for someone who is conscious, who you know, conscious
Speaker 2: of this world and possibility and they're up against a
Speaker 2: parent that doesn't want to talk about it, that doesn't
Speaker 2: want to have a conversation, that may not say I
Speaker 2: have a will. I don't know, Like, do you have
Speaker 2: any advice for someone who's up against the unknowingness?
Speaker 4: I think we alluded to at the beginning that you're
Speaker 4: not going to come in and just take over. That's
Speaker 4: not gonna work. There's gonna be resistance. I like to
Speaker 4: use the example that, well, hopefully he won't hear this.
Speaker 4: My brother was a musician and the only thing that
Speaker 4: he played better than the piano was mom. Right, okay now,
Speaker 4: And it's better that he didn't become power of attorney
Speaker 4: in my case, I learned to play mom a little
Speaker 4: bit but her best interest. For instance, when this is
Speaker 4: before the hurricane, she used to do her finances, She
Speaker 4: used to do her taxes, and the taxes were sitting
Speaker 4: there on the table, they weren't moving. Mom, how much
Speaker 4: you like it if I come down there and help
Speaker 4: you with the taxes? She says, Oh, that's a great idea.
Speaker 4: I'm glad I thought about it. It was how I
Speaker 4: framed it, right, or think she thought about? Or who's
Speaker 4: going to or reject help? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the same thing.
Speaker 4: Like, Mom, there's something I'd like to work on with you.
Speaker 4: Can you help me with this, not say we're going
Speaker 4: to do this, And it might be here's the paperwork,
Speaker 4: this will help you. I want to know your decisions.
Speaker 4: I don't want to have to try to read your mind.
Speaker 4: And that might be the power of attorney. It might
Speaker 4: be the living will, advanced directive, making your wishes know.
Speaker 4: If my mom had not made her wishes known to me,
Speaker 4: my job would have been a lot harder, such as
Speaker 4: taking extraordinary measures to you know, artificial eating and tubes
Speaker 4: and antibiotics. There was a famous case in Florida, and
Speaker 4: I said, Mom, do you want to end up like
Speaker 4: Terry Shivo woman end up on it for years, a
Speaker 4: persistent vegetative state, and everybody's fighting over. Mom responded very
Speaker 4: clearly absolutely not. That was a gift.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 4: We have those conversations and talk about it among yourselves
Speaker 4: and with your your aging family members. And it might
Speaker 4: take somebody who has the best relationship, somebody they listen to.
Speaker 4: It might take again, a neutral third party. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: missus Smith, this is something you should be taken care of.
Speaker 4: It your your family will really appreciate. It's a gift
Speaker 4: to them.
Speaker 3: Absolutely look as as as.
Speaker 2: Always a real pleasure. And I know that in the
Speaker 2: show notes are all of your information. But just in
Speaker 2: case someone is driving right now in a direct woo,
Speaker 2: I almost said to Sneeze.
Speaker 3: You got to do and we don't edit, so you're
Speaker 3: going to hear that people. That's our thing. We don't
Speaker 3: add it.
Speaker 4: We are real.
Speaker 2: So someone may be able to raise something down and
Speaker 2: they want to not wait for the show to come
Speaker 2: out and what have you. Can you please tell people
Speaker 2: your website or whatever point of interest that you can
Speaker 2: have them contact you now, and then I have one
Speaker 2: special question for you.
Speaker 4: Okay, So first my website and this hopefully this is
Speaker 4: simple enough. Cohencaregiving Support dot com. That's co h and
Speaker 4: Caregiving Support dot com.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, perfect, Okay, So we are you are on
Speaker 2: your way to a desert island and you have one suitcase.
Speaker 2: I know you're coming to Canada soon. It's not a
Speaker 2: desert island.
Speaker 3: You're on your way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're on your way to Paradise. You and you,
Speaker 2: just you and you and you have this suitcase. And
Speaker 2: in the suitcase you've got room for one album. What
Speaker 2: album are you taking that you could not imagine not
Speaker 2: listening to for the rest of your days.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna date myself.
Speaker 3: We should all date ourselves.
Speaker 4: Right, I'm an old Rolling Stones fan Hill Silver Hair
Speaker 4: to prove it. And going back to the late sixties
Speaker 4: after they went through their psychedelic period, Beggar's Banquet, which
Speaker 4: had like Sympathy for the Devil and jump Jack Flash,
Speaker 4: those kind of songs. It was great. It was the
Speaker 4: Stones were back the way we knew them and we've
Speaker 4: been hearing those songs ever since.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, that's.
Speaker 4: To probably be right after that or yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And of
Speaker 2: course they just finished Storing. So thank you so much
Speaker 2: for being on the show today, audience. Thank you for
Speaker 2: being you, listening, sharing, always asking if you want to
Speaker 2: be here, if you have a mission, or you have
Speaker 2: a passion, or there's something that's going on with you,
Speaker 2: or you've written a book or anything like that that
Speaker 2: you want to share that falls in the category of
Speaker 2: accepting the mission, because it's one thing to accept it, right,
Speaker 2: So you heard Bill accept the mission and taking care
Speaker 2: of his mom and now who now look at how
Speaker 2: far extent that the mission has happened. So if you've
Speaker 2: fit in that category and you want to come spend
Speaker 2: some time chatting with me.
Speaker 3: I want to hear from you, super easy. You know
Speaker 3: what to do with this point. It's dev at dev
Speaker 3: gruman dot com.
Speaker 2: We're just go to devruman dot com little contact page,
Speaker 2: tell me.
Speaker 3: To reach out to you. You reach out to me
Speaker 3: and we'll make that happen.
Speaker 2: So until we meet, be well and see grouping and
Speaker 2: we will see you all next week