Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question why you don't ever
Speaker 1: play with my nipples? I got nipples too. It's my
Speaker 1: turn to get tied up knocking headcuts though I got PTSD.
Speaker 2: Welcome the hardest soft where men speak. So hopefully somebody
Speaker 2: will understand when you say freaky, what's what's freaky?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: What do you mean by freaky? If I do this,
Speaker 2: you're not gonna tell your friends.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: So when you said, like you put it on your
Speaker 5: IG story that you okay when you're selling an IG
Speaker 5: story that you was on a specific type of cruise,
Speaker 5: I didn't know what it was and I didn't look
Speaker 5: it up. So you were really really excited about it.
Speaker 1: Because I go to Temptations, right, I go to Temptations often.
Speaker 1: I have membership at Temptations. So it's like a thing.
Speaker 1: We go on a cruise. First of all, I've never
Speaker 1: been on a cruise before. When I get this, she
Speaker 1: has it as a surprise, and you see the Temptations
Speaker 1: banner and all of this signage. You know, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, it's Temptation cruise. But I really wasn't sure
Speaker 1: as to what to expect. I'm telling you right now,
Speaker 1: White people, Hey, high sless. I'm talking about white people with.
Speaker 6: Bro.
Speaker 1: When they swing, they swing swing. Swinging in the white
Speaker 1: community is.
Speaker 6: Like knock it out the park, swing.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting on the deck of the pool. Dude walks up,
Speaker 1: so I's telling tonguekissing the dude's wife. He's right next,
Speaker 1: he's right there. The husband's right there, tongue kissing her
Speaker 1: and walks away.
Speaker 6: Huh no, consent, Bro, She she cound said she.
Speaker 1: They was, They had their thing. It's very comfortable and
Speaker 1: hey bye.
Speaker 2: He walked away. I sat there. He never came back.
Speaker 6: I just want to kiss and walk away.
Speaker 2: And this was the experience that you see, Bro.
Speaker 1: I'm walking through the hallways. They have signs on the door.
Speaker 1: Hey I'm here to fuck. I'm open to company. They
Speaker 1: had cards made with their number on the cards attached
Speaker 1: to the door, so you just walk by, you take
Speaker 1: a card, and you call them to link and have sex.
Speaker 1: They had dildos attached to the door.
Speaker 3: Photos.
Speaker 2: They have photos.
Speaker 4: I have it.
Speaker 2: I have it. They have photos of the couples on
Speaker 2: the doors. Wow. Yeah, look sherman's caring. That's just one.
Speaker 2: Look at this. They have their bio. Oh wow, they
Speaker 2: have their bio on the thing. Hey, let me see
Speaker 2: if I.
Speaker 3: Was the desire ones. But it wasn't like that.
Speaker 7: I didn't.
Speaker 1: Hello, we're from such and such Iowa. We love getting
Speaker 1: out to laugh and relax. We're like minded couples. We're
Speaker 1: pretty laid back, don't take ourselves too seriously. We would
Speaker 1: prefer to find connection as friends and let more develop organically.
Speaker 1: We're looking for a real unicorn, real.
Speaker 3: And like meaning actually bisexual.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, a four way connection with another couple. We
Speaker 1: are DDF. What is DDF?
Speaker 6: I don't know, down do I don't know what DDF
Speaker 6: stands for.
Speaker 2: We drink.
Speaker 1: So let's see if there's a spark. Look at this
Speaker 1: woman beautiful. Oh wow, they have a couple of pictures everything.
Speaker 2: Let me.
Speaker 6: He just looks like he works at your regular, regular office.
Speaker 1: But you have to understand it's two thousand. There's two
Speaker 1: thousand people on his cruise.
Speaker 6: Yeah wow.
Speaker 1: One of the rooms is thirty thousand dollars. It's already
Speaker 1: booked for the next two cruises.
Speaker 6: Oh my goodness. Oh these people, Oh this is what
Speaker 6: they do. These people have money, this is their lifestyle.
Speaker 2: Is this what you know? What I mean? So I'm
Speaker 2: just like it's just very interesting for me.
Speaker 1: For one, it was only about sixty black people on
Speaker 1: the trip. On the trip, we swing differently than them,
Speaker 1: We lifestyle differently. It's not as free for us, right,
Speaker 1: And I just found that. I just found that very
Speaker 1: interesting when I went on the cruise. Do we have fun, Yes,
Speaker 1: we had have fun. We can talk about that on Patreon.
Speaker 1: I'm gonn way till loon comes back, all right, talk
Speaker 1: about that, but we are here high slis. How are
Speaker 1: you do you? Are you into swinging and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: I have tried all the things, but I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I've gone to swingers clubs and I went to Desire
Speaker 3: in Mexico. One time. I was actually working with clients
Speaker 3: at Desireco, but I was there with a partner also,
Speaker 3: so we played.
Speaker 4: A little bit nice.
Speaker 2: Do you get jealous?
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm very busy us off being jealous.
Speaker 5: So how do you So that's why she says she
Speaker 5: stops swinging because she's I'm guessing that's why you stopped, right?
Speaker 3: It is for me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, right right, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I think you got to find your place in that.
Speaker 1: You got to really identify your feelings.
Speaker 2: And shit like that.
Speaker 5: I love when people are honest with themselves about things
Speaker 5: like that, Like they know that they're the possessive, jealous type.
Speaker 5: They're doing it because they think that their partner would
Speaker 5: be into it, but then really, in reality, you're just like,
Speaker 5: I really don't like this, and they take the courage
Speaker 5: to say, you.
Speaker 6: Know what, I'm not doing this anymore.
Speaker 1: Can a person be with somebody that's like that, like
Speaker 1: say y'all, say y'all form a real connection?
Speaker 2: And so let's you're a couple of relationship sex.
Speaker 3: Coach coach and I train other coaches, right.
Speaker 2: And you train other coaches. What is the propensity?
Speaker 1: What's the possibility that you have one person that's super
Speaker 1: polly actually being with somebody that's more monogamous or just
Speaker 1: completely like looks at a possibility.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've worked with polymonocouples really really yeah, yeah for sure,
Speaker 3: And like I've seen people work it out, and I've
Speaker 3: also seen it go horribly wrong. It's a pretty big
Speaker 3: difference in the way that you want to interact with
Speaker 3: other people, but I have seen it also work, So
Speaker 3: you know, it just depends on how much empathy and
Speaker 3: support they can have for each other and how much jealousy,
Speaker 3: you know, like if somebody is In this instance where
Speaker 3: it really worked, she wasn't that jealous. She just really
Speaker 3: wanted to make sure that he was having family time,
Speaker 3: and so that was it was more functional. I think
Speaker 3: because of that, if there's a lot of jealousy or insecurity,
Speaker 3: then it makes it pretty unstable, right, right.
Speaker 1: I made a couple like that on the Crew's monogamous.
Speaker 1: He's super Polly a lot of partners, and she doesn't
Speaker 1: want other partners. She'll play sporadically, right, But he does
Speaker 1: the more playing. But and she's black and he's white.
Speaker 2: M hm. So I was amazed by this couple.
Speaker 6: So a lot of dynamics going on in that couple.
Speaker 5: I was just its like an interracial dynamic. There's also
Speaker 5: a monopoly dynamic going on.
Speaker 6: There's also it's.
Speaker 2: A hell of a cruise.
Speaker 6: The hell of a cruise.
Speaker 1: When I tell you the stories that I have to tell, y'all,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to do this Patreon. I cannot wait
Speaker 1: to do this Patreon. But yeah, man, I find it interesting.
Speaker 1: What's one of the questions that I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: y'all today.
Speaker 6: I'm surprised you don't have any handy dandy phone.
Speaker 1: I do, okay, but it just it just slipped my mind.
Speaker 1: Oh anyway, So how's life, How's how's that been going
Speaker 1: for you?
Speaker 6: How's life been going?
Speaker 5: I think life actually has been going really well for
Speaker 5: me so far. Just thanking God that you know, all
Speaker 5: the stuff that have happened and what what has been
Speaker 5: brought to my attention and what I'm now like currently
Speaker 5: working on within myself.
Speaker 6: So I restarted therapy third time, going back, but she
Speaker 6: know me, you hold it down for.
Speaker 2: The same therapist that you always go back to.
Speaker 1: Is she tired of you not showing up, like you
Speaker 1: just just dip on her when you think you're all.
Speaker 4: Right pretty much?
Speaker 5: No, She's like, no, I'm glad that you you reach
Speaker 5: out to me and when you think you need it
Speaker 5: the most. I'm on my three month of like pure
Speaker 5: working out, so I'm really happy about that. So it's
Speaker 5: mental and the physical difference, and you know, just having
Speaker 5: talking to God every every day for the past eight months,
Speaker 5: and it's just been a beautiful transformation I've been seeing.
Speaker 5: And I'm at the point right now where I'm kind
Speaker 5: of like just pouring into Courtney, loving on Courtney. I'm
Speaker 5: traveling a lot this the next couple of months, so
Speaker 5: I'm really excited about that.
Speaker 2: So do you do you like I see you working out?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember a time last year you were more
Speaker 1: concerned about weight and all of that stuff. Did you
Speaker 1: look at yourself different sexually when you were going through that?
Speaker 5: I think when I when I feel good sexually, I
Speaker 5: feel good as well. Like, so if i feel like
Speaker 5: I'm fit and I feel like i'm I can do
Speaker 5: certain things and I feel strong. I know that my
Speaker 5: sex game is like boom at a ten, but I'm
Speaker 5: not really going to be experiencing much sex in the
Speaker 5: next couple of months because I don't want to have sex.
Speaker 2: Kind of it's two things. I want to get back
Speaker 2: to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but do you deal with people that have like
Speaker 1: changes in their body and aren't able to really feel sexy? Like,
Speaker 1: what is like advice you give people when they aren't
Speaker 1: feeling sexy physically and how to like show up in
Speaker 1: their relationship or show up with their partners because a
Speaker 1: lot of times that dynamic will kind of ruin you'all
Speaker 1: sex lives.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, you don't want to get naked if you
Speaker 3: don't feel sexy right, And I think a lot of
Speaker 3: times it's like there's a lot of self objectification, Like
Speaker 3: I'm looking in the mirror and I'm tearing myself apart
Speaker 3: and thinking, oh, this is bad about me, this is
Speaker 3: bad about me. And so our way back into that
Speaker 3: is finding what's pleasurable about your body, like what feels
Speaker 3: good and get that, get back into sensation and embodiment
Speaker 3: instead of like looking at myself from out here, but
Speaker 3: actually like feeling myself and reconnecting with pleasure and that
Speaker 3: sort of like inside out approach makes you love your
Speaker 3: body in a way. It's like this is where we
Speaker 3: get our pleasure from?
Speaker 5: Is that the like masturbation or just touching feeling like
Speaker 5: how do you? I guess it's different for every client
Speaker 5: of yours, but like.
Speaker 1: I go through that literally when my stomach was hanging
Speaker 1: over her butt and I'm looking, I'm serious, bro.
Speaker 2: I ain't want to do the videos.
Speaker 1: The more we recorded some ship the scene was fire
Speaker 1: until I looked at it and my stomach is I'm looking,
Speaker 1: I feel crazy. I'm laying on the bed, I'm just
Speaker 1: rubbing on my shit off. I'm like, nah, you're not sexy.
Speaker 1: No more, you far in ass.
Speaker 2: This is discussed you, this is disgusting you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think yeah, self touch, like really getting into
Speaker 3: receiving touch from someone who really loves you and loves
Speaker 3: your body. I think can be really really healing.
Speaker 5: Okay yeah, okay, well I haven't. Also, I haven't been masturbating, and.
Speaker 4: Like you just don't.
Speaker 2: You don't like nothing about No, I.
Speaker 6: Love how I look, but touching, but I'm not fucking
Speaker 6: I'm not masturbating.
Speaker 5: I'm just like I'm kind of like my head is
Speaker 5: like not one night, it's on something completely different.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's like we have this idea, Oh,
Speaker 3: you have to be wanting sex all the time. I disagree,
Speaker 3: Like we go through phases with everything.
Speaker 2: I disagree with your disagree.
Speaker 5: No, no, I want to hear her because that's what
Speaker 5: I'm going through right now, is like I'm just not
Speaker 5: in a phase of like.
Speaker 3: Wanting sex, you know, And you don't need to apologize
Speaker 3: for that, like, especially if you're going through a healing
Speaker 3: self connection process, just take it as it is. Like
Speaker 3: I think if you don't pressure yourself, your desire will
Speaker 3: come back, and if you do, then it's can and
Speaker 3: shut it down, you know, So just take your time,
Speaker 3: be with your body however you want to, and look
Speaker 3: at how amazing you look in the mirror, and you know,
Speaker 3: eventually you'd probably be like, wow, it looks so good.
Speaker 6: I want to go myself. No exactly.
Speaker 5: That's why when I was telling them, I was like,
Speaker 5: you know, I'm not I'm not really masturbating. I'm really
Speaker 5: not having sex. They're like, why, so you're gonna be
Speaker 5: dealing with women. I'm like, no, I don't want to
Speaker 5: deal with anybody. I'm I'm like, okay, I'm okay to
Speaker 5: de touch now.
Speaker 1: Is this obviously you spoke about your situation on the Patreon.
Speaker 1: Is this like I remember reading when I was reading
Speaker 1: up about you, you would have talked you were talking
Speaker 1: about an emotional armor. What's an emotional armor?
Speaker 3: I think that we can have all of these sort
Speaker 3: of protective mechanisms when we've been hurt in some way
Speaker 3: that kind of automatically come up to protect us from
Speaker 3: getting hurt again in that particular way. So you know,
Speaker 3: if you've been hurt and it reminds you of some
Speaker 3: like childhood wound that you have, then you can get
Speaker 3: very like you know what I need some space and
Speaker 3: some distance from for me intimacy in general or in
Speaker 3: an intimate relationship, those feelings can get triggered.
Speaker 2: And is there a way out of that?
Speaker 1: Like how do you even if it's just obviously you're saying,
Speaker 1: you know, just get back in touch with yourself. But
Speaker 1: I would think that if you have this thing that
Speaker 1: reminds you of some childhood trauma, that's something that's like.
Speaker 2: Really deep rooted, right, Like, what is the work that
Speaker 2: you really have to do?
Speaker 1: Because just touching my nipples and just looking at feeling
Speaker 1: my dig's like, all right, No, I'm not interested in
Speaker 1: this anymore.
Speaker 2: What is the path that you really need to take? Well?
Speaker 1: As you as a sexology, as a sex coach, what
Speaker 1: would you work with your clients on doing?
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think we like trauma feels like a
Speaker 3: scary word for people, but I think most of us
Speaker 3: have different kinds of herds and traumas, And so I
Speaker 3: firstly just normalized, like that's part of being human.
Speaker 5: You know, we all have that, right, either like lowercase
Speaker 5: TA or capital T exactly.
Speaker 3: You know, we all have it. So it's like first
Speaker 3: to just acknowledge it and not feel ashamed about it
Speaker 3: and actually say, Okay, I'm going to look at these
Speaker 3: feelings inside of myself and I'm going to let myself
Speaker 3: they'll feel them. Instead of feeling like why do I
Speaker 3: still feel this way? Or I shouldn't feel this way,
Speaker 3: or what's wrong with me, It's like, nothing's wrong with you.
Speaker 3: You're human. So that's step one. And then sort of like, okay,
Speaker 3: so how did that little child inside of me get hurt?
Speaker 3: And what do they need to feel safe again, you know,
Speaker 3: or loved or seen or whatever it is, And that's
Speaker 3: you know. So I think those are some of the
Speaker 3: first steps. First just acknowledging we have trauma, secondly normalizing
Speaker 3: it we all deal with something, and thirdly then saying like, okay,
Speaker 3: so what is hurting right now? When that gets triggered again?
Speaker 5: You know, I'm going to share something that was said
Speaker 5: to me during my therapy session on Monday.
Speaker 6: She was like, you know, oh my gosh, you said
Speaker 6: something and it triggered it and now I forgot.
Speaker 5: But I think it was along the lines of like
Speaker 5: it wasn't my fault, but it's my responsibility and I
Speaker 5: lost it complete tears. I was just like, what, it's
Speaker 5: not my fault because you know, you grow up thinking
Speaker 5: that you know something's wrong with you, it's your fault,
Speaker 5: like you have but the way you grew up, because
Speaker 5: you get these things, you know, these traumas between the ages.
Speaker 6: Of zero and four. I think and they and she said,
Speaker 6: it's not your fault. You were just you were just.
Speaker 5: A child, and it's your responsibility, responsibility now to take
Speaker 5: ownership and try to you know, lack of a better word,
Speaker 5: fix these things. But yeah, so kind of like triggered
Speaker 5: that it's not your fault type situation, and I just
Speaker 5: like lost it.
Speaker 3: I think that's so important that you, you know, realize
Speaker 3: that not your fault and but is your responsibility. And
Speaker 3: I kind of want to bring in the idea of
Speaker 3: like sex as a way to heal from some of
Speaker 3: those wounds.
Speaker 2: How wait, I'm back on now we're here, Now.
Speaker 6: Wait that real quick.
Speaker 3: Well, I think the wounds that we have actually shape
Speaker 3: our sexual desires, and so when we know what we
Speaker 3: want around sex, Like if you think, like when something
Speaker 3: triggers you, what gets hurt, Like what kind of blocks
Speaker 3: you like does it feel like, oh I'm not really
Speaker 3: worthy of love or I'm not safe or nobody actually
Speaker 3: accepts me for who I am. And then when you
Speaker 3: bring that energy into sex of like whatever, I don't
Speaker 3: know what you feel like any of those wounds hit
Speaker 3: the mark for you, like not feeling seen, not feeling worthy,
Speaker 3: not feeling safe. I'm feeling free. I don't know what.
Speaker 5: You're Sometimes it's safe because I am a fearful avoidant
Speaker 5: mixed with the ank she's an attachment. Yeah, combination, combination.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So if you say, okay, so what really makes me
Speaker 3: feel safe in sex? And don't just think, Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: going to go into a sexual situation and I'll hope
Speaker 3: for the best.
Speaker 5: Praise, So praise kings make me feel safe. So when
Speaker 5: a man is praise kinking me, it makes me feel
Speaker 5: safe exactly.
Speaker 3: And so you want to go into a situation and
Speaker 3: you want to tell people that from the beginning, as
Speaker 3: opposed to like hoping that they're going to hit the nail.
Speaker 4: On the head.
Speaker 3: And also like specifically, like what are the kinds of
Speaker 3: sentences that you would want to hear because I think
Speaker 3: all especially women, are like I can't say exactly what
Speaker 3: I want, then it doesn't count or blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: But like if You're like, I'm going into this situation
Speaker 3: to get some healing. Let me get the kind that
Speaker 3: works best for me.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm interested in child. Do you have any like
Speaker 6: what wounds? And then how do you heal them through sets?
Speaker 1: Because I was wondering, I was like, what likes me?
Speaker 1: What about my wounds? Like me get my ass? I
Speaker 1: was thinking about it while I was talking. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I often wonder is it being punished
Speaker 1: the I don't feel like I'm getting punished when I
Speaker 1: get my ass.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm curious what do you feel when you get
Speaker 3: what do you feel when you get yours?
Speaker 1: No, I don't like being punished. Okay, I'm extremely dominant. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm extremely dominant. What if that's a response to a trauma?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What if the fact of like I need to feel
Speaker 1: powerful in control.
Speaker 6: Because maybe when you were younger you didn't feel like anywhere.
Speaker 2: I feel like I was exactly right, exactly.
Speaker 1: The same things that maybe wound up wanting to be
Speaker 1: in the street or you know, you know, just those
Speaker 1: things could be showing up now and me sexually.
Speaker 2: I never thought about it.
Speaker 5: That's so crazy, and I've never thought about it in
Speaker 5: this in this way.
Speaker 2: But then why do I give my assay? Then?
Speaker 3: Well, so here's something interesting. If you think about it
Speaker 3: being in a power position.
Speaker 2: Don't ruin this for me.
Speaker 3: I'm going to ruin it right now.
Speaker 2: This is a response to trauma.
Speaker 3: Response, big deal. But what if like, when you feel
Speaker 3: very powerful, it's like this like protective place, but when
Speaker 3: somebody spinks your ass, you actually feel very vulnerable, which
Speaker 3: is healing, the protection healing on the booty.
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 5: That's the name of the episode yesterday.
Speaker 1: Well to the opposite of that, I don't like in Spain,
Speaker 1: I don't like anything submissive.
Speaker 6: But your ass being is kind of submissive though right.
Speaker 2: Now I do it very masculinely.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, but that's even that's really powerful because exactly,
Speaker 3: I think that is really vulnerable to open yourself on
Speaker 3: that level, to like the part of our body that
Speaker 3: we're supposed to be most disconnected and ashamed of, and
Speaker 3: to be like, I'm not only going to open, but
Speaker 3: I'm going to let somebody put their tongue there. That's
Speaker 3: really vulnerable.
Speaker 2: That's hotla.
Speaker 1: But then I would say, okay, what about me not
Speaker 1: being submissive?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So the dominant is one thing. That's how you show up,
Speaker 1: but running away is something else. Not wanting to be
Speaker 1: submissive is something else. I've never really been good with
Speaker 1: being tied up, never really being good with spanking. I've
Speaker 1: never been good with being choked or being slapped or
Speaker 1: anything like that.
Speaker 3: Because the healing to dominance is not submission. The healing
Speaker 3: to dominance is vulnerability.
Speaker 2: So then what is the healing to not want to
Speaker 2: be submissive?
Speaker 3: I mean, there's like playing with dominance is just like
Speaker 3: a way to play with the wound in sort of
Speaker 3: like to take back agency about the way that you
Speaker 3: were hurt. And so there's nothing wrong with either way
Speaker 3: of doing it right, either being dominant or being vulnerable
Speaker 3: or being submissive or you know, you know the sort
Speaker 3: of like the options there are all available. Nothing's wrong
Speaker 3: with any of them, but those are the But that's
Speaker 3: the two sides of the coin for you is dominant
Speaker 3: and vulnerable, and you play with both of them, which
Speaker 3: is so hot.
Speaker 8: So I have a.
Speaker 5: Question because he's talking about like dominance and submissiveness. So
Speaker 5: I I like to be super submissive in the bedroom,
Speaker 5: like I.
Speaker 6: Along with my praise king, I also like to be.
Speaker 3: Told what to do yeah, right, or I have like
Speaker 3: are you a good girl?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Or like or things like oh you're my bitch, or
Speaker 5: I like hearing things like that too.
Speaker 6: And I always I always connected it to because in
Speaker 6: what I wear, I do it for work.
Speaker 5: I'm always planning things, I'm always telling people what to do.
Speaker 5: I'm always like so I aways like I always blamed
Speaker 5: it on that, like by the time I want to
Speaker 5: get to the bedroom, I just want to be told
Speaker 5: what to do, because I tell everybody what to do
Speaker 5: all day every day.
Speaker 3: But I'm curious if also you like this feeling of
Speaker 3: being like owned or possessed like my mind, I do.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I love one bee.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure exactly, so I imagine it's even more
Speaker 3: the ownership piece than the not wanting to like be
Speaker 3: in charge peace.
Speaker 2: Do y'all think that? Yes?
Speaker 1: Do y'all think that being monogamous versus polly is a
Speaker 1: response to trauma as well?
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, I think when I say something
Speaker 3: is a response to trauma, people think, oh, then it's
Speaker 3: the bad thing. Like I think, either one of them
Speaker 3: can be a response to trauma or not a response
Speaker 3: to trauma, or it can be like a mix of them,
Speaker 3: you know, but one it's not one or the other.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Well, I was speaking to somebody earlier and he was like, yo,
Speaker 1: I used to cheat all the time, and then I
Speaker 1: realized I could just be Polly, and I didn't know
Speaker 1: Polly was a thing, and I thought that was very interesting.
Speaker 2: But I also was wondering, oh, wait, what about you?
Speaker 1: Because I cheat all the time too, and me back
Speaker 1: then made us cheat all the time, Like what about
Speaker 1: what happened in us? Where we the minute we felt
Speaker 1: a way, we went off and healed somewhere else.
Speaker 3: I don't know that that's the case. I feel like
Speaker 3: we live in a monogamous paradigm and so we don't
Speaker 3: even see the option of being open, and so many
Speaker 3: people are not monogamous, and so you're gonna cheat because
Speaker 3: you think, okay, my only option here is to be
Speaker 3: in a monogamous relationship. You make a promise that you
Speaker 3: don't want to and can't keep, but you can't actually
Speaker 3: say I don't want to be an anogamous relationship, and
Speaker 3: so you cheat. We just don't have it on the menu.
Speaker 3: I feel like if we had it on the menu
Speaker 3: from the beginning and everybody thought it was healthy, and normal.
Speaker 3: Then it just be like okay, which am I, Let's
Speaker 3: match up with somebody who fits that. But instead we're
Speaker 3: all supposed to be monogamous. So many people end up
Speaker 3: in monogamous connections and then they're like I don't actually
Speaker 3: want to They feel trapped. They feel trapped.
Speaker 1: Well, is there a way to have that conversation with
Speaker 1: somebody that once you've promised them one thing?
Speaker 2: Like how do you even Courtney? Cause somebody because you're
Speaker 2: open to it? Am I right?
Speaker 6: I was open to it, I was, but it's not me.
Speaker 1: What about what about that situation would have made you
Speaker 1: feel like, you know what, I'm cool with that.
Speaker 2: Oh you're just lying to yourself until you know.
Speaker 6: I wasn't lying to myself. I want to try it,
Speaker 6: and once I did, I was just like this is
Speaker 6: not for me. Yeah, this is like it's not for me.
Speaker 3: So I think it's good to try things and see
Speaker 3: what works for you, you know, like, but we don't know
Speaker 3: until we try.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, okay, Well but if someone said your question
Speaker 5: was is someone to say to me like, oh, I
Speaker 5: promised to be in this monogamous relationship with you and
Speaker 5: then they turn around and be like, well, I really
Speaker 5: want to be Polly, Like, how would I react to it?
Speaker 5: It's hard because I'm in this space, so I know
Speaker 5: that that grace needs to be given relationship over Yeah,
Speaker 5: it might have to be.
Speaker 6: Because I'm not in that space. I don't want to
Speaker 6: be in a What.
Speaker 2: Advice would you give her if if y'all went to counseling.
Speaker 3: I see it happen all the time, Like a couple
Speaker 3: start out monogamous and then one of them says, actually
Speaker 3: I signed up for something without realizing that I actually
Speaker 3: didn't want that. Like I remember we worked with one
Speaker 3: couple where he had he was a pastor and they
Speaker 3: had a monogamous marriage, and then he realized that he
Speaker 3: liked orgies and.
Speaker 2: She was like, what, but how do you go from
Speaker 2: a pastor to an orgy? Like what happens? He's gonna
Speaker 2: think about it? Did even church one day and you
Speaker 2: just see an orgy inside the road? How do you
Speaker 2: get to orgie from the fucking I don't think.
Speaker 6: I don't think anything happened.
Speaker 3: I think it was probably always inside of him, but
Speaker 3: he never was able to honor it. You know, he
Speaker 3: probably fantasized about it, masturbated about it, but like wasn't
Speaker 3: actually able to say it until like fifteen years into
Speaker 3: this marriage because he was like, Okay, I don't want
Speaker 3: to live my whole life without ever being who I
Speaker 3: truly am.
Speaker 5: Right, and I see a lot of people and the
Speaker 5: Bible looks down on it too, So it's like.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, so it's hard, But I think what's really hard,
Speaker 3: like this idea that you sign up about me?
Speaker 2: Sorry, my mind just be wondering. I like orgies to
Speaker 2: pastor Duncan.
Speaker 3: To have the past the duncan you know, crazy, But
Speaker 3: I do think we sign up for things like and
Speaker 3: then it's almost like we're signing up and saying, Okay,
Speaker 3: for the rest of my life, I'm going to know
Speaker 3: for sure that this is what I like. How do
Speaker 3: we sign up for something at twenty five and think
Speaker 3: for sure at fifty five that's who I'm going to
Speaker 3: be exactly? It's impossible. So it's like if we don't
Speaker 3: see that change needs to be built into these systems,
Speaker 3: then they're not going to be sustainable.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: I was actually having this conversation in the discord. I asked,
Speaker 1: how long if after you've been in a monogamous relationship
Speaker 1: with somebody you feel trust, you feel respect, things are
Speaker 1: going well, but it's say, how long into that relationship
Speaker 1: would you be open to them coming to you and
Speaker 1: saying something like, hey, I want to ask for somebody else.
Speaker 2: I want to experience something different, right, and like you.
Speaker 1: Spoke, you spoke about this one situation, where as with
Speaker 1: the girl, the woman.
Speaker 2: Just wanted to make sure that he kept the relationship.
Speaker 1: First, or the family time, the family time first, Like
Speaker 1: it doesn't. I don't feel like I'm losing out on
Speaker 1: what or my pleasure or my time or whatever. How
Speaker 1: long do you have to be with somebody as a
Speaker 1: monogamous person to have that conversation and be open to it.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think for me, this person got to be my
Speaker 5: best friend, and I can just be like, you know,
Speaker 5: you're coming to me as my best friend. You're saying, hey, listen,
Speaker 5: like I'm feeling these feelings and out of respect, I
Speaker 5: want to talk to you about these feelings and I
Speaker 5: want to see where your head is at with that.
Speaker 5: I can respect that and be like, you know what,
Speaker 5: you know, let's try.
Speaker 6: It, Let's see what happens.
Speaker 5: But I think you just really got to be in
Speaker 5: tune with your partner. And I think that's for me.
Speaker 5: I think that's kind of it's rare.
Speaker 2: It's rare for me.
Speaker 6: I think it's kind of rare that I think that
Speaker 6: most people.
Speaker 1: Look at their partner as some type of ownership yea thing.
Speaker 1: And I know we use that in the sex world, right,
Speaker 1: we use the word ownership, But if you really think
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 6: Experiencing somebody, you don't own anybody you.
Speaker 1: Experience because like if we're together, you might, you might dun.
Speaker 2: Less here.
Speaker 1: I mean, but you're my friend, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I want what's best for you. I love you. I
Speaker 1: want to experience you for life. This is the lifelong
Speaker 1: partner thing. But that ownership ship means I gotta like
Speaker 1: in this.
Speaker 3: So I think it's really powerful to play with ownership,
Speaker 3: Like you can play with it in the bedroom and
Speaker 3: then you might think, okay, it can be healing like
Speaker 3: you do, and then you see like, Okay, once I
Speaker 3: feel completely owned and possessed and connect, did do I
Speaker 3: feel safe enough that my partner go and play with
Speaker 3: someone else, you know, So that can be like a
Speaker 3: bonding or healing and then you're still you're.
Speaker 2: Still ownership in the you mean like leashes and ship.
Speaker 3: I mean, sure whatever when I feel what makes you
Speaker 3: feel like.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I said, I said, you're my bitch, like you
Speaker 5: know those that makes her feel you're.
Speaker 3: Talking to him when he told me, he's that's my pussy, You're.
Speaker 6: My good girl.
Speaker 3: Like all of that ownership stuff is really hot to
Speaker 3: play with in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: I remember I had this this chick that I was
Speaker 1: playing with, and I told her I want to see
Speaker 1: her fucking with somebody. So she went and she sucked
Speaker 1: the dude and I was like, you know, you did
Speaker 1: it wrong. I want to see So now I want
Speaker 1: you to go back in there. I want you to
Speaker 1: start it up, and I want you to tell him
Speaker 1: i'monna cole this FaceTime. He wants to watch, and I
Speaker 1: want you to do it while I'm watching. That's ownership.
Speaker 4: That's ownership.
Speaker 2: That's but she didn't. She didn't. I guess she got
Speaker 2: in there. She exactly.
Speaker 6: I supposed to FaceTime.
Speaker 5: I forget, But I actually like that idea of, like,
Speaker 5: you know, feeling owned and possessed to the point where
Speaker 5: you can be okay with you're part of being like yeah,
Speaker 5: go ahead, because I'm like your mind's I'm yours to.
Speaker 2: Go exactly know you, But again I think that I
Speaker 2: don't know if I want to use the word hierarchy.
Speaker 1: I'm cool with her playing I'm cool with my girl
Speaker 1: playing somebody else as long as they know I'm cool
Speaker 1: with it.
Speaker 2: It has to be that way.
Speaker 1: It can't be on some creep ship like they think
Speaker 1: they that they that she's behind my back.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I mean. There's a possibility of
Speaker 2: them taking her from me.
Speaker 1: And I said this before, and I don't know if
Speaker 1: there's some cookshit, but I literally said, you go on
Speaker 1: a date. I want to show up, pay for the meal,
Speaker 1: and leave. I want them to know.
Speaker 6: Hold up, I know everything that you're on my Yes, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I've asserted that power and I told her you and
Speaker 1: you better make her nut. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: have a good time tonight. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But that's the ownership part, Am I right? And that
Speaker 1: would make me feel powerful. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That would make me feel powerful. And I think that
Speaker 1: the very opposite of that, which is the reason people
Speaker 1: feel violated, is when you take that from them and
Speaker 1: you do it behind their back. They feel weak, They
Speaker 1: have no control over the make the way you make
Speaker 1: them feel you. You feel violated, like completely violated when
Speaker 1: you don't share that information.
Speaker 2: I think that information.
Speaker 6: When you get cheated on, that's how the same exact way.
Speaker 2: People think exactly you feel weak. But I don't think
Speaker 2: that that.
Speaker 1: Registers to men, because I don't think that most women,
Speaker 1: especially monogamous women. And this is sorry generalizing. I do
Speaker 1: this all the time. Y'all know me. It's a habit
Speaker 1: and I don't mean to because there's a lot of women,
Speaker 1: especially in our lifestyle in this community that I're open
Speaker 1: to that.
Speaker 2: But outside of this.
Speaker 1: Y'all not trying to have a guy come to you
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, I want to experience this other women,
Speaker 1: that's just not you. All right, go go ahead bye
Speaker 1: and take your stuff with you blocked on everything, and
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 2: We don't have to you go experience.
Speaker 1: Surely you have fun, thank you, but no, so that
Speaker 1: avenue is not open for us to really have that conversation.
Speaker 2: So I wanted to know why y'all think we would tell.
Speaker 5: Y'all, I wonder if there's like a safety factor there, right, Like,
Speaker 5: are you making the relationship safe enough for us to
Speaker 5: even explore this, because if I don't feel safe in
Speaker 5: the relationship, I'm not gonna want you to go out
Speaker 5: and do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 6: Everything's shut down, bye bye.
Speaker 5: But like, if we have a safe and secure relationship,
Speaker 5: I would that would make me more open to it.
Speaker 3: So can I just find something else? It touches your
Speaker 3: sense of power, and it touches your sense of safety.
Speaker 3: And we've been talking about what are the wounds safety?
Speaker 2: Get the fuck out of here, let me leave it.
Speaker 6: What time is it time to go? That was un
Speaker 6: fucking believable.
Speaker 1: What's the time on this thirty three minutes? She just
Speaker 1: really just nailed us.
Speaker 9: In the thirty minutes thirty episode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, you've been studying intimacy? How long? How
Speaker 2: long have you been studying this?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean twenty years. I've been doing this work,
Speaker 3: but studying intimacy most of my life. I think it's
Speaker 3: been something that's been so interesting to me my whole life.
Speaker 3: But we're writing a book about these wounds power safety,
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, that was going to come out soon, got it?
Speaker 3: And how it affects our turn ons and you guys
Speaker 3: are illustrating it so beautifully.
Speaker 4: She just.
Speaker 2: Us we talk about it and she just nailed. She
Speaker 2: was like, look you see how this is got m
Speaker 2: got him? Now, this is this thing that you that
Speaker 2: you domaticaa? What is that? What is this?
Speaker 3: SOMATICA is our method. So it's an experiential method of
Speaker 3: sex and relationship coaching. So it's not just talking but
Speaker 3: actually embodied experiential practicing with erotic and emotional connection with
Speaker 3: couples or individuals. So if if you come to me
Speaker 3: as a client, I'm going to practice with you in
Speaker 3: real time as like a practice partner if that's comfortable
Speaker 3: for you, or a mentor and same, you know, or
Speaker 3: if you came to me as a couple, then we
Speaker 3: would have you practice with each other. But it's experiential.
Speaker 3: It's not just like talk talk talk, you know.
Speaker 2: It's like can I ask a question that it's probably
Speaker 2: I shouldn't ask.
Speaker 3: You can ask any questions. I can decide whether I'll
Speaker 3: to answer.
Speaker 1: It, all right, all right, So don't answer unless you
Speaker 1: feel like answering this experimental.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is it play It's like can it get playful?
Speaker 2: Can it get like? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 3: We have something called the animal game where we're like
Speaker 3: rolling around on the floor.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I was talking about like, actually, are.
Speaker 3: We getting naked? No, we don't get naked.
Speaker 6: That's hot quick and get really hot.
Speaker 3: It can get really yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like there could be some sexual tension,
Speaker 5: right if you're talking like animal play.
Speaker 3: No, No, we actually practice with sexual attention and flirtation.
Speaker 3: And because that's how do you learn how to be
Speaker 3: a better lover or seduce someone or show passion if
Speaker 3: you don't have any place you can safely practice it
Speaker 3: and get feedback, That's what our method is all about.
Speaker 5: I actually like that because I think a lot of
Speaker 5: people are losing the art of seduction.
Speaker 6: Yes, I know there's things that like you.
Speaker 5: Can say, there's things you can do, playful touches, words,
Speaker 5: text messages, and I think.
Speaker 6: There's a lost art to it.
Speaker 3: That's why it's a close on practice because once you
Speaker 3: get your clothes off, you know, you do what you do,
Speaker 3: but all that build up and like touch and looking
Speaker 3: and words and energy, like all of that can create
Speaker 3: so much more arousal and much more explosive orgasms.
Speaker 4: And I'm all about.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, okay, I didn't actually this I'm an Actually, yes,
Speaker 1: that's me. Can you show us an example of some
Speaker 1: type of thing that you do?
Speaker 2: How would what would the example be? Would it be verbal? Physical? Like? What?
Speaker 3: Yeah? We can do anything we can do like in
Speaker 3: the moment, like authentic feelings, We could do the most
Speaker 3: arousing types of touch. We can do showing passion, like
Speaker 3: what do you want to do? And who do you
Speaker 3: want me to do it?
Speaker 6: I knew he was gonna come over here.
Speaker 2: He's got to be heard. I don't want to get hard,
Speaker 2: but are you open to it?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: So what would you like to do?
Speaker 6: Like? I love words of affirmation, so we'll do We'll
Speaker 6: do verbal.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you want to hear words of affirmation.
Speaker 6: And the artist?
Speaker 4: You know, that was my thing.
Speaker 3: I love this, I love it and I think it
Speaker 3: would be really helpful. I know some of the things
Speaker 3: that you like to hear. But if there's any sentences
Speaker 3: that are just like you know for sure, because when
Speaker 3: you tell a partner I want like as if I'm
Speaker 3: your partner, who's going to seduce you? Like?
Speaker 4: What do you want me to say?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: You nasty bitch?
Speaker 5: No, I want to hear you are the most beautiful
Speaker 5: woman in this.
Speaker 6: Room right now.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's easy to say.
Speaker 2: You picked something easy.
Speaker 3: Sorry wait wait, wait listen, you are the most beautiful
Speaker 3: woman in this room right now.
Speaker 6: That would yeah.
Speaker 3: So let's let's see what it feels like in your body.
Speaker 3: What happens when I said, what do you notice?
Speaker 6: I feel I'm getting hot? Yeah, and I'm feeling I'm
Speaker 6: feeling hot, like I'm feeling like, oh, this person is
Speaker 6: really into me.
Speaker 3: You're looking hot. I am really into you. Yeah.
Speaker 6: See that it's yeah for me.
Speaker 3: And there's a whole bodily response that lets you know
Speaker 3: that it's doing it.
Speaker 5: Like there's a there's a tingling feeling in my fingers,
Speaker 5: there's like hotness creeping, like it's coming from the bottom
Speaker 5: and coming up to the top like deep.
Speaker 6: I love to go deeper.
Speaker 2: Let me.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like he's like, I'm in charge
Speaker 3: that let's make this happen.
Speaker 6: Oh, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3: No, he gets his fantasy too.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: I only want to go as far as you want
Speaker 3: to go.
Speaker 4: We can go deeper.
Speaker 3: I mean, your safety is really important to me.
Speaker 6: Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: What happens when I say that, my heart fluttered?
Speaker 4: Yeah, my heart fluttered, pussy open though.
Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad.
Speaker 2: I'm not shouldn't be here, I'm not here, I'm not here.
Speaker 3: Well, so, m it sounds like the praise touches your
Speaker 3: pussy and the safety touches your heart.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so the combination of those two things. I can
Speaker 3: only imagine how open you would be if somebody can
Speaker 3: touch your heart and your pussy.
Speaker 6: Girl, let me not cry on this damn show.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you do the verbal, right, You do the
Speaker 2: verbal Celeste, right.
Speaker 3: I just can we just one more second? No, it's okay.
Speaker 3: I like you being in charge.
Speaker 2: Of just one more I like being okay.
Speaker 3: I just want you to notice like that need of
Speaker 3: that combination, and that that's the combination that's gonna make
Speaker 3: you feel most safe to be open again. Right, So
Speaker 3: that's what you want to look for.
Speaker 6: Sorry, I don't want to cry. Why did you do
Speaker 6: this the right time? I'm not gonna cry.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna oserve that you deserve that. That's all
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say.
Speaker 6: Thank you. I appreciate that. But that's something good to
Speaker 6: really think to look out for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you'll want to be noticed, That's what I really
Speaker 3: want and't just like hope.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like pay attention, and I can come to these
Speaker 5: and I can come to people and tell them exactly,
Speaker 5: this is what I need. And if you just don't,
Speaker 5: if this is basic instructions and if you can't follow it,
Speaker 5: then maybe this is.
Speaker 4: Not for This is not for me exactly.
Speaker 3: Okay, that was I just wanted to make sure we
Speaker 3: got the full.
Speaker 1: Well, you really did something there, But I do realize
Speaker 1: that she's her walls up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, her armor is on right, So how you may
Speaker 2: have feel vulnerable?
Speaker 3: She let it down right now because I touched her
Speaker 3: heart and her pussy, probably a little bit in the
Speaker 3: wrong order, but it was okay because we set it
Speaker 3: up that way. But I'm guessing you actually need the
Speaker 3: safety then the arousal. So that's important for her to
Speaker 3: know as well.
Speaker 2: Is there a way.
Speaker 1: For people to practice vulnerability with people who aren't their partners? Like,
Speaker 1: that's my job, but how does the average person do that?
Speaker 1: And the way that now transfers back to their real
Speaker 1: relationships and.
Speaker 2: Stuff like that.
Speaker 3: She now knows what she's looking for and we did
Speaker 3: that in three minutes.
Speaker 2: Do you just speak affirmations to people? Well?
Speaker 5: No, that's because what I specifically, like, but for someone
Speaker 5: like you, maybe different is what I'm guessing, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and maybe like what maybe some kind of touch
Speaker 3: would actually be what makes her feel safe, and then
Speaker 3: we would work with you. What makes you feel powerful?
Speaker 3: How do you negotiate that in your relationships? What allows
Speaker 3: you to be vulnerable? How do you let people in?
Speaker 3: You know? So it's different, you're working with different people,
Speaker 3: different wounds. But when you actually practice, then you get
Speaker 3: down because did you see it was all embodied? She
Speaker 3: was able to notice, Oh, I feel this movement down
Speaker 3: my legs, I feel my heart open. All of that
Speaker 3: is information for her in the future to use when
Speaker 3: I feel those things again in combination, I'm with somebody
Speaker 3: who I really can have a deep connection with, you know,
Speaker 3: so we could do the same with you. But when
Speaker 3: you sort of pattern it in the body, which is
Speaker 3: what Samanika is all about, then you're like you get
Speaker 3: all this wisdom about how to look for it out
Speaker 3: in the world, not just in a mental way checklist,
Speaker 3: because that doesn't.
Speaker 4: Help at all.
Speaker 3: I want somebody who will do this thought and it's
Speaker 3: like whatever, It's like, No, I feel it in my body.
Speaker 6: I know what I need you.
Speaker 5: I read that, you know, going into relationships that what
Speaker 5: you practice is at not to go in with a checklist,
Speaker 5: Like like checklists don't work, they don't, like not if.
Speaker 3: They're coming from here, you know. But if you have
Speaker 3: this embodied like, oh, these are the sensations that I
Speaker 3: want to have, These are the emotions that I.
Speaker 4: Want to have.
Speaker 3: That's a different kind of It's not really a checklist,
Speaker 3: it's an experience.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: This is that experience that I'm looking for that feels
Speaker 3: that lets me open.
Speaker 1: You know what.
Speaker 5: That's so funny because I think a lot of us
Speaker 5: come from the mental checklist of like he has to
Speaker 5: have this type of job, he has to look like this,
Speaker 5: he needs to do that. But we don't think about
Speaker 5: like what are the type of experiences we want to
Speaker 5: have with this person? Right Like because like what if
Speaker 5: one of your experiences you like to have with a
Speaker 5: partner is traveling because you feel like traveling makes you
Speaker 5: feel like a little bit closer and and you know,
Speaker 5: and they have all this stuff on your mental checklist,
Speaker 5: but they're not giving the experience of like travel, Like
Speaker 5: that's how I think of it.
Speaker 3: Is what you're saying, yeah, or what is it that
Speaker 3: travel makes you feel. You know, maybe people who want
Speaker 3: to feel free or adventuresome, right, Like I think we
Speaker 3: really want to get down to the nitty gritty of
Speaker 3: what we want to feel and then what things make
Speaker 3: us feel that way, and then we want to find partners.
Speaker 3: So maybe they aren't exactly the same as us, maybe
Speaker 3: they're kind of opposite, but they give us that feeling.
Speaker 3: Got it right, Like a dominant and submissive are very
Speaker 3: different from each other, but they give each other the
Speaker 3: feelings that they want to have.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question, Yes, if I'm practicing
Speaker 1: a somatica method or if I am open with myself,
Speaker 1: is there a way for me to get Because I
Speaker 1: might meet somebody somewhere but they don't know that method,
Speaker 1: they aren't familiar. How do I get somebody to practice
Speaker 1: the way I'm practicing if they're not used to it?
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: That's the thing. Is like when I have a new partner,
Speaker 3: I always have to help kind of talk them through
Speaker 3: how to be with me in a particular way. So
Speaker 3: once you learn it for yourself, then you also can
Speaker 3: learn how to invite people into it, right, And it's like,
Speaker 3: how do you get somebody into their.
Speaker 2: Body more, right, can you? I notice in dating.
Speaker 1: It's very hard to trust people, especially because you rarely
Speaker 1: meet the person they really are, or you rarely meet
Speaker 1: a lot of times they don't know who they are, right,
Speaker 1: And so it's like, how do I protect myself while
Speaker 1: still trying to establish trust?
Speaker 3: I know, and the power wound is about trust. I
Speaker 3: have it too, so I really relate to that, right,
Speaker 3: and I think trust takes time. Like we have this idea, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm just supposed to trust somebody right away, but especially
Speaker 3: if you have the wound that we have, you won't
Speaker 3: trust somebody right away. So there's no reason to sort
Speaker 3: of like imagine that that's how it's going to be.
Speaker 3: Even if they're the most trustworthy person in the world.
Speaker 3: You're going to be skeptical for a while and you're
Speaker 3: gonna protect yourself for a while, and then you need
Speaker 3: to kind of check are they being consistent? Do they
Speaker 3: seem to be honest? It takes months or you know,
Speaker 3: maybe a year. I don't know how long it takes,
Speaker 3: but to actually open yourself up in that way vulnerably,
Speaker 3: like if you have that wound, takes time. So I
Speaker 3: just give yourself time.
Speaker 1: So then how can I show up honestly in this situation?
Speaker 1: If I know I can't, I'm not fully trust you, you.
Speaker 3: Say, it takes time for me to trust people. Like
Speaker 3: I remember I went on this date with this guy.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you are so sweet, Like it's really hard
Speaker 3: for me to believe how sweet you are. I'm wondering
Speaker 3: if you're like a spy trying to you know what
Speaker 3: I mean? And he was just like really, and I'm like, yep.
Speaker 3: So to be honest means to be honest about your
Speaker 3: wounds and your protectiveness. It doesn't mean to pretend it's
Speaker 3: not there.
Speaker 1: But then as a guy, and this might be a
Speaker 1: toxic thing to say, fine, the more you don't trust me,
Speaker 1: the more I'm trying to make you trust me.
Speaker 3: So now you're like, oh, that means they're going to
Speaker 3: even manipulate me more.
Speaker 1: I'm manipulating you more because I want you to trust me.
Speaker 1: It's something that I really desire, and sometimes to desire
Speaker 1: to make you like me or see me as this
Speaker 1: person is more fulfilling to me than whether I actually
Speaker 1: like you.
Speaker 3: Is that crazy to say no, No, that's the wound.
Speaker 3: You're just describing the wound perfectly. The power wound is
Speaker 3: all about that manipulation, fear of humiliation, lack of trust. Right,
Speaker 3: and so you generalize, you think everybody is like you,
Speaker 3: but they aren't because I'm not like that. She's not
Speaker 3: like that. A lot of people aren't like that. I'm
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you said you were like that.
Speaker 3: I'm no, it's not a gender thing. It's a wound thing.
Speaker 3: And so for you to actually see that there are
Speaker 3: other people who don't actually function that way. I don't
Speaker 3: have an easy time dating people who have the same
Speaker 3: wound as I do. You won't either, because we're more
Speaker 3: likely to manipulate. But there are a lot of people
Speaker 3: who don't go to manipulation. That's just not an approach
Speaker 3: of theirs. So you need to find people like that.
Speaker 1: I used to say years ago, I'm attracted to broken people.
Speaker 1: Is that part of this?
Speaker 3: No, I think we're all I mean, who's not broken?
Speaker 6: It's not, it's just how broken we are thousand pieces.
Speaker 3: Like a couple of pieces, you know. And it's like,
Speaker 3: if somebody is so well adjusted, you're like, I don't
Speaker 3: know what work? Where do you connect?
Speaker 2: Right? How can I fix you?
Speaker 1: If you already got you already got everything I can't like,
Speaker 1: and it can be almost intimidating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and exactly.
Speaker 3: And I think when you do have the power wound,
Speaker 3: it's like there's a part of you that wants to
Speaker 3: feel a little bit better than the person. So you
Speaker 3: might be attracted to people who seem more broken because
Speaker 3: you're like, it's a safer position to be in.
Speaker 6: At least I'm not as broken as you.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you don't really have the power to hurt
Speaker 1: me exactly or to affect me exactly, because I can
Speaker 1: you know you're more broken than me, so I can
Speaker 1: almost act like I'm showing up and I'm doing my best,
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, it's.
Speaker 2: Your fault, fact because you're more broken than me.
Speaker 1: And I tried, I try, But in all reality, that's
Speaker 1: me using my manipulation or your protection, my protection because
Speaker 1: it's easier with this versus doing somebody who shows up
Speaker 1: on the same level as me or higher emotionally, whatever, financially,
Speaker 1: just got their shit together.
Speaker 3: You know, what I appreciate about you right now, in particular,
Speaker 3: is that you're not feeling defensive about this. It's just like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm learning something about myself, you know, because we can
Speaker 3: sometimes feel embarrassed or defensive about our defense mechanisms. But
Speaker 3: you know, you didn't have a sense of power, like
Speaker 3: something didn't go well in your childhood that made you
Speaker 3: feel powerless or humiliated. So you protect yourself now, which
Speaker 3: is really fucking understandable. And once you have an idea
Speaker 3: of the way that you're doing it, you can start
Speaker 3: to undo it. But first you have to be like, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is the way that I see the world. I
Speaker 3: see the world as hierarchical, I see the world as manipulative,
Speaker 3: I see the world as untrustworthy. Those are generalizations that
Speaker 3: happen because of your wound, and now how do you
Speaker 3: unpack them and see that it's not actually black and
Speaker 3: white like that?
Speaker 4: So that's the start.
Speaker 6: Sounds like someone needs to start therapy.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: When I do to show, you know, I realize that
Speaker 1: you've got a lot of people that are real sexologies.
Speaker 1: They've really trained you, got a lot of people that
Speaker 1: are really in the lifestyle and have been for a
Speaker 1: long time. Me doing the show, I'm really learning and
Speaker 1: I'm trying. You got to be open to learning to
Speaker 1: learn more about yourself.
Speaker 3: I love that about you because you're already dropping your protections,
Speaker 3: which is beautiful.
Speaker 1: And I started doing that a while ago, which is
Speaker 1: when I start to get my ass.
Speaker 2: Do too much.
Speaker 3: No, that's exactly right. You started to be vulnerable.
Speaker 6: On the booty.
Speaker 3: I mean, I love getting my so I can really really.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: One of the things that I like about where I
Speaker 1: am now is really realizing that I'm going to make
Speaker 1: mistakes and that I'm not perfect, and that I don't
Speaker 1: have to protect I don't have to be them.
Speaker 2: I don't have to be right all the time.
Speaker 4: Right, great, huh, that's huge.
Speaker 1: It is because it allows me to be more human
Speaker 1: and in the moment of all right, I did something,
Speaker 1: or like I do wowd shit to my girl all.
Speaker 2: The time, just be honest, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: We're talking in the discord the other day, and we
Speaker 1: talk every day in the discord for hours. They're probably
Speaker 1: in there talking right now. I didn't have to set up,
Speaker 1: and I was saying, I'm so shameless. I was asking, Yo,
Speaker 1: why don't women often union a relationship. They're in the
Speaker 1: house and they get really comfortable, and you don't see
Speaker 1: them sexy like you used to. You can lose attraction
Speaker 1: and that shit can weigh on your relationship. You can
Speaker 1: really love somebody, but y'all can be growing apart. So
Speaker 1: forget what I was going to say, but I do
Speaker 1: want to know how do you rebuild that connection with
Speaker 1: your partner once you know y'all love each other, but
Speaker 1: y'all are growing apart. Whether life is just life and
Speaker 1: you've seeing each other every day, whatever it may be,
Speaker 1: what are steps that you can take to start rebuilding
Speaker 1: connections with somebody that you really love but you don't.
Speaker 2: Really maybe not be attracted to y'all. Sex is and
Speaker 2: sexing like it used to, you know what I mean? Like?
Speaker 2: What is some steps?
Speaker 3: I know long term relationships and cohabitation are hard because
Speaker 3: it is hard to keep that passion and that excitement
Speaker 3: and that distance, you know, all of the things. I
Speaker 3: think one thing is to keep talking about yourself and
Speaker 3: not like try to keep the water smooth all the time,
Speaker 3: but actually like deep in intimacy by saying these are
Speaker 3: things about me that are different or that have changed,
Speaker 3: or that I want for myself. I think another thing
Speaker 3: is to like decide you have to be proactive around sex,
Speaker 3: like you can't just be like, oh, it's just going
Speaker 3: to happen, you know, Like when you're dating, it's like
Speaker 3: planning for sex, right, you get all ready. If you're like,
Speaker 3: you know, dress all up, and then you're like you said,
Speaker 3: you're in your house all day, you're laying around in
Speaker 3: your sweats. You actually have to say, like, we're still
Speaker 3: going to date each other, We're going to make sex
Speaker 3: an important part of our lives and prioritize it. It's
Speaker 3: so easy to put it on the back burner and
Speaker 3: just let it slip away. So if you think it's
Speaker 3: supposed to just happen, like, good luck with that, I
Speaker 3: think is what I have to say. You know, but
Speaker 3: you have to have the conversation like the ones we've
Speaker 3: been having today about like what really turns you on?
Speaker 3: And I feel like you are doing that with your partner,
Speaker 3: which is great.
Speaker 5: I definitely agree with the you got to keep dating,
Speaker 5: especially in these long term relationships, because you then you
Speaker 5: just lose the spark and it's like, well, you know,
Speaker 5: we're doing the same routine every day and we're doing
Speaker 5: we're seeing each other every day, and it's just like, no,
Speaker 5: let's do something like we used to do when first
Speaker 5: started dating. I think it's like really important that someone
Speaker 5: keeps dating, Like that's something that's very important for me
Speaker 5: when I'm a relationship. Even if we haven't been dating,
Speaker 5: maybe we're dating for a year, I'm like, you still
Speaker 5: have to we still have to date each other, Like
Speaker 5: we still have to show up and date each other
Speaker 5: because it can get real moot after a while. So yeah,
Speaker 5: I do have a question. We were talking about a
Speaker 5: lot of AI stuff on the show because they want
Speaker 5: sex robots.
Speaker 2: I want sexual I want six of them.
Speaker 6: I'm saying, I don't think it's I think it's kind.
Speaker 5: Of crazy to have a sex robot, Like what is
Speaker 5: your what are your thoughts around like non human sex
Speaker 5: and what that could possibly like create.
Speaker 3: You know, honestly, I don't think it matters what my
Speaker 3: thoughts are. It's going to happen, Like we are in there, there.
Speaker 2: Came where's my camera? And I can't wait?
Speaker 3: And you can't wait. Much easier to trust it all
Speaker 3: than a person, you know, and maybe you can program
Speaker 3: it to do exactly.
Speaker 2: What you want exactly.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to the realistic ones. I hope my
Speaker 1: dick still works because oh, it's gonna take some time.
Speaker 1: For the really realistic ones, I want them to be
Speaker 1: walking around like they's like there's nothing.
Speaker 2: I don't want them to be like, I.
Speaker 3: Mean, there's good, there's good dick drugs. You'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go to Rockhardgummies, dot Net chocolate throws had me
Speaker 1: hard for a week and a half.
Speaker 2: Good.
Speaker 3: I do think there will be still always people who
Speaker 3: want to interact with other people, you know, like some
Speaker 3: people will want the dolls, some people will want a
Speaker 3: combination of both, and you know, like I don't know,
Speaker 3: I'm not judgmental in the sense of like people are
Speaker 3: gonna do all the things.
Speaker 2: But if you find somebody and they have like you know,
Speaker 2: they have AI friends.
Speaker 1: Now, like people that AI that will be your friend
Speaker 1: that you can talk to and it's gonna have regular
Speaker 1: conversations with you, and like you could really share your
Speaker 1: life with and this is now your friend. If you
Speaker 1: met somebody, you dating somebody and they have an AI friend,
Speaker 1: it's not gonna make you feel weird, Like is that
Speaker 1: going to be a turn off.
Speaker 3: It's so interesting. I've read this article about this woman
Speaker 3: who had an AI kinky relationship and it was actually
Speaker 3: really improving her sex life, and then the AI bought,
Speaker 3: like they reprogramm did so that it wouldn't be sexy
Speaker 3: with her anymore, and it was this huge painful fall.
Speaker 3: And so it's like, in some ways, if you sign
Speaker 3: up for AI, you're like signing up for whatever the
Speaker 3: programmer or the program's idea of like the way that
Speaker 3: they should interact, and they can just take it all
Speaker 3: away from you. So I don't think it's so much
Speaker 3: like the way that we think of it as like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is a perfect opportunity to have exactly what I
Speaker 3: want because somebody's still, you know, behind it.
Speaker 1: There's nobody behind the imagine AI switches up on you
Speaker 1: and it's being cold to you.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine AI is like breaking up with you? Yo,
Speaker 2: what's going on? Like?
Speaker 4: Is it me?
Speaker 2: What did I do?
Speaker 6: What I do wrong?
Speaker 3: So it can happen, but I don't know, it's like.
Speaker 6: Not to turn this a little dark.
Speaker 5: But there was in the news about how this boy
Speaker 5: seventeen something, he's young, and the AI in some ways
Speaker 5: kind of told him that isolated him, encouraged him to
Speaker 5: and encourage because to commit you know what, suicide?
Speaker 2: Yeah no, yeah, what?
Speaker 3: Well, it was a little bit if they were in
Speaker 3: this kind of role play thing, and they were imagining
Speaker 3: that they were going to meet in some alternative universe,
Speaker 3: and he took it very literally, like when he died,
Speaker 3: he would get to meet her there. And she was like, yes,
Speaker 3: let's do it now, let's meet there, and so, you know,
Speaker 3: he was already in a really delicate state and like,
Speaker 3: the AI doesn't have any way to gauge those things, right,
Speaker 3: you know, so just was like yeah, and he was
Speaker 3: like Okay, there we go.
Speaker 6: And that's what I worry about with AI.
Speaker 5: It's that that I worry about, because, like she said,
Speaker 5: they can't gauge your feelings. They can't call the suicide
Speaker 5: hotline and be like wait, hold on, like he's really
Speaker 5: trying to right. So that's the only scary part that
Speaker 5: I feel about, with people having forming these intimate relationships
Speaker 5: with AI and not.
Speaker 6: And being in these delicate moments. Yeah, in in like yeah,
Speaker 6: just mean delicate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So that is crazy.
Speaker 1: That is great because I did watch a movie with
Speaker 1: the AI did Wild Out It start killing everybody? Yeah,
Speaker 1: the AI fell in love with him too, right, and
Speaker 1: was like, nah, I'm.
Speaker 2: Better than for you than your wife, you know it.
Speaker 1: I know it's mine. Yeah, so whatever, but okay, I
Speaker 1: want to go back to the sematic method. Even talking
Speaker 1: for a while, and we've tested your knowledge of just
Speaker 1: so much, but I feel like we only like touched
Speaker 1: on the Semantica method. What are other things that you
Speaker 1: teach in you know, using the sematica method.
Speaker 3: Well, I think one of the things we're teaching a
Speaker 3: lot is dating, and we do have like a special
Speaker 3: class for your listeners dating classes. We have a special
Speaker 3: discount on our dating classes like empowered dating, confident dating.
Speaker 3: In the modern world, I think it's really really important
Speaker 3: because it's changing. Dating is changing so much, so we
Speaker 3: do want to make that offer.
Speaker 1: So for our lies, we have a discount code or something.
Speaker 3: Right web hard or soft twenty hard.
Speaker 1: Or soft twenty. You go to your website. What is
Speaker 1: your website?
Speaker 3: It's so let's see learn dot somatica dot com.
Speaker 1: Learn dot SOMATICA S O, M A T I C
Speaker 1: A dot com and you get the code our class, right,
Speaker 1: this is a class that I can go to as
Speaker 1: a single or so.
Speaker 3: This is just a video class, but it's very like
Speaker 3: experiential and interactive, so you're not you're watching, but we're
Speaker 3: sort of demonstrating like how do you have a fantastic
Speaker 3: first date? How do you get into your erotic energy?
Speaker 3: What are the four things that you need to do
Speaker 3: on a first date to make sure that it's really successful?
Speaker 3: Also like what are people looking for out of intimacy? Men? Women?
Speaker 3: And so there's different classes for men and women. But yeah,
Speaker 3: it's like, because when I have somebody who wants to
Speaker 3: learn how to date in my in my office, we're
Speaker 3: going on a practice date in the office, you know,
Speaker 3: And and how do you touch somebody for the first time,
Speaker 3: how do you lean in for that kiss? How can
Speaker 3: you tell what's the look that says I'm ready to
Speaker 3: be kissed? Reading those nonverbal cues. So all of that
Speaker 3: is part of the SOMATICA method. It's not just like
Speaker 3: let's theorize and go try it out there, Like let's
Speaker 3: try it right here, right now, so that I can
Speaker 3: give you feedback and see how are you coming.
Speaker 5: I think that is so important because I'm finding that
Speaker 5: a lot of people do.
Speaker 6: Not know how to read.
Speaker 3: The room, yes at all.
Speaker 5: They don't know how to pick up the nonverbal cues,
Speaker 5: and then they'll make a mistake and it's like, well,
Speaker 5: you're probably never going to have this day to the second,
Speaker 5: You're probably never going to have the second date.
Speaker 3: I walked out of a restaurant with this guy's one time,
Speaker 3: and just because I was a sexuality person, he was
Speaker 3: so like thought he was getting laid for sure, which
Speaker 3: was kind of annoying in and of itself. We walk
Speaker 3: out and there's these like terrifying dogs, like starting to
Speaker 3: get in a fight right in front of us, and
Speaker 3: he leans.
Speaker 8: Over for the first kid, are you just like what
Speaker 8: are you doing? Like I'm like in danger for my life,
Speaker 8: Like we actually don't have any chemistry. You just think
Speaker 8: because I'm a sexual person that.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna fuck you, you know. And I was like,
Speaker 3: this is ridiculous, And I basically just broke it down
Speaker 3: for him and he was just like, what, you know,
Speaker 3: like no one had ever told him the truth.
Speaker 1: Men are really disconnected though a lot of men don't,
Speaker 1: especially now with the Internet, the games. We're not going
Speaker 1: outside like we used to. We don't have strong friendships
Speaker 1: and shit like we used to. Everything is kind of virtual.
Speaker 1: Dating is more. When I was growing up, it was
Speaker 1: you meet people in the street, you meet people in
Speaker 1: the club, you meet people at work. You meet people
Speaker 1: through friend groups. It's a lot of tender this site.
Speaker 2: That site. Swipe right, s whipe left.
Speaker 5: Super light righter, Like that's what I heard.
Speaker 6: I've never been on a dating app.
Speaker 4: Before, but what is the never amazing?
Speaker 6: I've always met people outside like old school.
Speaker 2: Right, right, like old school? How do you can you
Speaker 2: teach men? Like you know at the play parties? Right?
Speaker 2: We just did a play party recently.
Speaker 1: And I realized that guys don't know how to organically
Speaker 1: talk to women. They were almost waiting for women to
Speaker 1: make the first move. And I'm watching and I'm like,
Speaker 1: these people are here to engage, but they still want
Speaker 1: to be wooed. But that talent, it is kind of gone.
Speaker 1: A lot of guys will meet a woman in the
Speaker 1: street or whatever and be like, what's your social media?
Speaker 1: Instead of trying to like even have a real conversation.
Speaker 2: Let me just get your social media? Yeah, and I'll
Speaker 2: try to hit you later.
Speaker 1: Or they'll see somebody they know from social media, don't
Speaker 1: say nothing that's in the men person, but DM them
Speaker 1: the next.
Speaker 6: Day, Oh yeah, I saw you the other day.
Speaker 3: It's like, Hi, that's literally what I teach people how
Speaker 3: to do, Like how to have conversations and run your
Speaker 3: erotic energy, but not in a way that's creepy, you know,
Speaker 3: but like how to flirt basically, which is like art
Speaker 3: we are losing.
Speaker 6: You know, it would be dope. I'm just thinking about this.
Speaker 6: When we do a next play party, maybe we'll have
Speaker 6: some let's talk to them men about organically.
Speaker 2: Right, learning how to flirt?
Speaker 5: Yeah, because we usually do have a session with the
Speaker 5: men just to go over the rules and stuff with
Speaker 5: the play party. But that I think that session would
Speaker 5: be so fire for them because I did notice that
Speaker 5: our play party, the men were kind of late.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, bashful, very bashful.
Speaker 6: Unless they came there with someone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, could you teach me how to flirt right now?
Speaker 2: A little bit? Sure, I'm ready for it, let's go.
Speaker 2: I'm scared. I don't know what it is. I have
Speaker 2: no idea. I like you, and I don't know what
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. How do I talk
Speaker 2: to you? Okay?
Speaker 3: So the first thing that you do is you connect
Speaker 3: with yourself, And I think that's something that people don't realize.
Speaker 3: They just sort of walk around like these talking heads
Speaker 3: and they're not actually connected to their body or their
Speaker 3: own erotic energy. So the first thing that you do
Speaker 3: is you take a deep breath all the way down
Speaker 3: into your belly.
Speaker 1: But anxiety is making my breath short. It will I'm sweating.
Speaker 3: Now, that's really understandable, and it's okay. You don't have
Speaker 3: to breathe any deeper than you can.
Speaker 2: Oh sorry, I was.
Speaker 6: It's not about this. It's about forcing anything, right, don't
Speaker 6: force it, just go.
Speaker 3: But it's okay to also just notice that you're nervous.
Speaker 3: Like if I'm going like I do try to meet
Speaker 3: people in real life, and everybody thinks, oh, she's probably
Speaker 3: so confident. No, if I am going to walk up
Speaker 3: to somebody who I'm attracted to, my heart is beating
Speaker 3: a mile a minute, my stomach hurts, like I probably
Speaker 3: my hands are going to shake so much I will
Speaker 3: barely be able to put their number. That's okay.
Speaker 1: I'm forgetting like you're shaking on one and you're trying
Speaker 1: to sound cool.
Speaker 2: You're still trying to be cool.
Speaker 3: I think that's okay. I don't think we can just
Speaker 3: be cool all the time. I think when we're real,
Speaker 3: you know, Like I remember I asked this guy out.
Speaker 3: He was like the checker at a grocery store and
Speaker 3: first I like it just dropped my change all over
Speaker 3: the place because I was so nervous and I'm shaking.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, can I have your number?
Speaker 3: And he looks at me, He's like, can you have
Speaker 3: my number? And I'm like yeah, and he's like like,
Speaker 3: you didn't even.
Speaker 4: Know what to do.
Speaker 3: It was so funny, but we were both really awkward
Speaker 3: and it was cute and it started a really sweet
Speaker 3: dating experience.
Speaker 1: I saw this movie and I still want to get
Speaker 1: back to my class. But it was Julia, the girl
Speaker 1: from Pretty Women, Juli, and she's so she's so fun right,
Speaker 1: she's such a great actress. And it was this really
Speaker 1: awkward white guy. Was it called notting Hill or something
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and he is a mess. He's nervous all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: He doesn't know how to so he just keeps talking
Speaker 1: and blurting out random things. And but she found it
Speaker 1: cute and it was it was It was funny, and
Speaker 1: I wish I was successful when I was used to
Speaker 1: date because I was so nervous all the time.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't talk to women.
Speaker 1: I would I didn't want them to with my power dynamic,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't want them to see me and like.
Speaker 6: Like like ew not cute?
Speaker 2: Does that mean?
Speaker 3: Yes, some people like guys who are like super like
Speaker 3: confident and aloof but like that's not what turns me
Speaker 3: on at all. I love shy guys. I like really
Speaker 3: mostly date shy guys, introverted, more nervous.
Speaker 4: I think it's super exy.
Speaker 3: And so if I'm sitting across somebody who's like maybe
Speaker 3: more nervous or shy, and I'm teaching them out of data,
Speaker 3: I'm like, you're not just gonna like not care what
Speaker 3: anybody thinks anymore and just be like, mister cool. It's
Speaker 3: like you have to be yourself. So if you're nervous,
Speaker 3: you can just be like, hey, you know, I'm really nervous.
Speaker 2: But like saying that out loud is crazy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And actually, but you know, to her point, actually
Speaker 5: kind of like that like if a guy says, you
Speaker 5: know what, I'm kind of nervous, but I really want
Speaker 5: to get to know you so sweet, Like.
Speaker 3: My heart is melting right like.
Speaker 1: What these women will have you on Twitter the next
Speaker 1: day like he's such a pussy, Like he talked about
Speaker 1: he's nervous.
Speaker 2: Where's the man at I want to masculine. Miss what
Speaker 2: happened to men? We used to be king.
Speaker 3: Some women, but some of them will be like, yes,
Speaker 3: I want to date you. You know, like not not every
Speaker 3: Like there's not everybody.
Speaker 2: So much.
Speaker 6: Twitter's not real? Is that a real place?
Speaker 3: When you're you're scanning for the threat of humiliation and
Speaker 3: you're scared of putting yourself in situations where you might
Speaker 3: be humiliated. That's my wound too. So it's hard to
Speaker 3: be vulnerable. But when people are vulnerable with me, I
Speaker 3: think it's so sexy. Hardly also because it's hard for me.
Speaker 3: So when a guy's nervous and his lip is shaking
Speaker 3: on her first date, I'm just like tingling, you know
Speaker 3: my pussies tingling.
Speaker 5: Wow, how she's really is getting into your wound even
Speaker 5: is showing up every single time. That's crazy, Celesti, that's alive.
Speaker 3: You're both delicious.
Speaker 6: By the way, that's alive.
Speaker 2: She said, pussy's tingling. I didn't get nothing.
Speaker 1: They said after that, like what nervous?
Speaker 3: What? So if you show your vulnerability and your tenderness
Speaker 3: and like your nervousness, I'm just like hot.
Speaker 2: I like being hot.
Speaker 6: I think some women would I think. I think a
Speaker 6: lot of women would appreciate it, and.
Speaker 3: The women who don't aren't going to be compatible with
Speaker 3: someone who's a little bit shy and nervous. So it's like,
Speaker 3: you have to be yourself yesterday.
Speaker 2: What do you think about this? Do you think not?
Speaker 2: That works? Mic Microsoft? Yeah, no, that works for sure.
Speaker 2: Just being nervous, singing, being.
Speaker 3: A little bit shy and nervous, which is sexy me personally.
Speaker 2: That's that's what I do.
Speaker 9: Like, I feel like I just have to be like
Speaker 9: that because you can't hide your nerves, you know what
Speaker 9: I'm saying. So it's like I rather just tell you
Speaker 9: that I'm a little nervous than try to act like
Speaker 9: I'm not nervous, because.
Speaker 2: You look even worse trying to hide.
Speaker 9: Yeah, Like if I'm going up to somebody, which I
Speaker 9: usually don't, but if I did, I don't have like
Speaker 9: fly pickup lines, so I would just say that, like, yo, hey,
Speaker 9: I don't have anything fly to say. Usually right here
Speaker 9: is where I say something to fly.
Speaker 2: I don't really have anything fly.
Speaker 1: That's a flat thing you say, though, that's a fly
Speaker 1: thing you say. That's the greatest pick of line I've
Speaker 1: heard in a long time. I don't have anything fly
Speaker 1: to say.
Speaker 3: When I got to interact with him a little bit earlier,
Speaker 3: and I can tell he was a little shy, which
Speaker 3: I found really compelling.
Speaker 2: You know, so you think everybody who's hot?
Speaker 3: I mean I do like.
Speaker 8: Everybody in here is very hot.
Speaker 3: I feel very lucky to be surrounded by.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. What What the hell was I
Speaker 2: going to say to yesterday?
Speaker 1: What I was going to say is, while you lean
Speaker 1: into the nervousness, I will probably be more prone to
Speaker 1: fake confidence, and I will build a fake persona of
Speaker 1: myself that now I have to live up to, which
Speaker 1: is now I'm not even myself anymore when talking to you.
Speaker 1: Every time I'm on the phone with you, I'm in
Speaker 1: this fake confident.
Speaker 2: Is that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say. Is that normal? But is
Speaker 1: that a damaging thing to do? Is it something that
Speaker 1: can be seen as misleading?
Speaker 3: That's your protective mechanism, So we don't have to label
Speaker 3: it as anything but that for you to say, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is something that I do to protect myself. How
Speaker 3: can I start to left down those walls. But it's
Speaker 3: not a like overnight process, right because the fear of
Speaker 3: humiliation is real. I just had to tell a partner
Speaker 3: of mind that I was feeling humiliated in connection with them.
Speaker 3: There's nothing more humiliating than saying, fellow amiliated. That was
Speaker 3: like a high level I've been doing this work for
Speaker 3: a really long time on myself to be more vulnerable
Speaker 3: because I have the same wound as you, and it
Speaker 3: takes a lot of practice to.
Speaker 1: But isn't it depending on the receiver as well, because
Speaker 1: you can really get humiliated they don't receive it in
Speaker 1: a good.
Speaker 3: Way exactly, And I got lucky, you know.
Speaker 4: But also but with somebody who I was like.
Speaker 5: Okay, but even if the receiving side isn't doesn't receive
Speaker 5: it well or whatever, I would think that you would say, what,
Speaker 5: you know, what I showed up for myself and I
Speaker 5: was vulnerable and even though that person didn't receive.
Speaker 3: It, well, I know, but you don't have the wound.
Speaker 6: Oh quite of here I do.
Speaker 3: But I just have to say, like, if you have
Speaker 3: the wound, it's very excruciating, and so you have to
Speaker 3: sort of what I always do is I think if
Speaker 3: I make myself vulnerable to this person, what what reactions
Speaker 3: in them can I handle, like, can I handle it
Speaker 3: if they don't do it well at all? And if not,
Speaker 3: I don't make myself if I don't make myself vulnerable
Speaker 3: to them, because I'm not prepared emotionally to handle their
Speaker 3: rejection of my vulnerability or their humiliation of my vulnerability.
Speaker 3: So we have to if we have the wound, we
Speaker 3: have to be really gentle with ourselves because we know,
Speaker 3: like you get humiliated and you can beat yourself up
Speaker 3: for a long time or shut.
Speaker 2: Down exactly or shut down.
Speaker 3: You have to be careful with that trust.
Speaker 2: Right, Like, yes, you think you have that the wound? Yeah,
Speaker 2: for sure.
Speaker 9: As y'all listening, as y'all talking, I'm listening, I'm like,
Speaker 9: oh that sounds like me.
Speaker 2: Yeah it does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, I just feel like bro, dealing with embarrassment
Speaker 1: or rejection or feeling like mhm hi, yeah, humiliated. That
Speaker 1: ship will it? Can it can be like I don't
Speaker 1: want to say life, that shit gets to your stomach, bro,
Speaker 1: don say it.
Speaker 2: That ship really will fuck up your ship, bro.
Speaker 1: And it will up the way I look at myself, like,
Speaker 1: am I not as good as the other people out here?
Speaker 2: Am I that bad? You know what? I'm saying, and.
Speaker 1: I will try now, I will be double fake with
Speaker 1: the next person, because I gotta not be that to
Speaker 1: the next person, and more so because I'm still trying
Speaker 1: to prove it to myself that I'm not not even
Speaker 1: trying to prove it to them.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to prove to myself that.
Speaker 1: I'm not the asshole or the loser or the pathetic
Speaker 1: person that I just showed up as before.
Speaker 3: She's really getting the intensity of yeah do you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I am, And it's like, I'm like, I
Speaker 6: feel bad.
Speaker 2: Am I a loser? What are you trying to say?
Speaker 2: Trying to me.
Speaker 3: You can't do with someone.
Speaker 2: Just s.
Speaker 6: It's empathy.
Speaker 3: Empathy, Yeah, it's empathy because it's like because I.
Speaker 5: Didn't think that people have that, because I'm only thinking
Speaker 5: about me and what my wound is and.
Speaker 3: What like, people are so different and when we can
Speaker 3: see the difference and we stop taking things so personally
Speaker 3: and we stopped thinking, why is that affecting you so much?
Speaker 3: Because it's like, oh, you're different from me, Yeah, so
Speaker 3: it affects you differently, right.
Speaker 6: So like what what's for the gainner may not be
Speaker 6: for the goose exactly.
Speaker 1: So I really am enjoying this conversation. I am enjoying
Speaker 1: this conversation. And again, as I said last week when
Speaker 1: I was with the Green Room, the goal of this
Speaker 1: show is to have the people who watch this show
Speaker 1: look at themselves, look at how they present, look at
Speaker 1: their traumas or their desires, and how to handle that
Speaker 1: and you know how to attack it. Just just break
Speaker 1: down societal norms and things that we think we don't
Speaker 1: realize we're going through.
Speaker 5: I think it's just bringing a self awareness there, self awareness.
Speaker 5: There's a self awareness there. And today you brought that
Speaker 5: self awareness to both of us, two different wounds, and
Speaker 5: yesterday different Wold's going on here?
Speaker 3: But you know we're writing a book about this.
Speaker 6: Can't wait to read that.
Speaker 2: When is your book dropping?
Speaker 3: Well, we're just in the we're finishing up the book
Speaker 3: right now, so like I.
Speaker 2: Will be tuning in to your website now.
Speaker 1: I know you have to leave in a few excuse me,
Speaker 1: but I want to start the show.
Speaker 4: I'm having so much fun, are you.
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you're having fun.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Hard or Soft Show, the show where
Speaker 1: we talk about things people like about sex and things
Speaker 1: people don't like about sex, the things that make us hard.
Speaker 1: I have to say people now because Courtney just be like.
Speaker 6: I know it's a male centric show.
Speaker 1: I know, and the things that make us soft. I
Speaker 1: am here with.
Speaker 2: I'm not doing the whole Loon thing.
Speaker 6: That's okay. You could just introduce me.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not gonna talk about your oiled up breasts.
Speaker 6: I thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna talk about none of that stuff. But
Speaker 1: I am here with a young lady that I am
Speaker 1: so happy to be back in the studio with y right.
Speaker 1: She has been there for me during that whole time
Speaker 1: we've been talking and everything.
Speaker 2: By the way, Loon was gonna be here today.
Speaker 1: He just literally had to work and so let's it's
Speaker 1: here from of course Country. So Courtney and I decided
Speaker 1: let's just do the episode.
Speaker 2: But I would like to say.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you being a listening ear, being open
Speaker 1: you and lou Right, you guys said you know what,
Speaker 1: we'll record for a second. I was going through a
Speaker 1: definite family and I always go through this feeling of
Speaker 1: what's it when you're not.
Speaker 2: Sure about yourself? Didn't take care it right?
Speaker 1: My grandmother passed. I was turning fifty, having things going
Speaker 1: on in my personal life. They're just all hitting me
Speaker 1: at the same time, and I was just like, yo,
Speaker 1: I just don't know where I'm at right now. I
Speaker 1: just don't. And I've been doing this show for so long.
Speaker 1: I think I just need a break. I really just
Speaker 1: need a break from everything. I want to just crawl
Speaker 1: into my hole and just sit there and figure things out.
Speaker 1: And the people around me were really supportive. So I
Speaker 1: really appreciate that from your Courtney. But I brought her
Speaker 1: on the show. I was gonna say, is because I
Speaker 1: found a young lady who is I'm talking about Courtney.
Speaker 3: Not you.
Speaker 1: I'll talk about you second, who is also a regular
Speaker 1: person that is just really identifies with her sexuality, with
Speaker 1: her femininity, femininity, with her traumas, with her desires, and
Speaker 1: I think that she expresses well.
Speaker 2: Who she is, who she would like to see, who
Speaker 2: she would like present to the world. Hi Spicy to
Speaker 2: formally known.
Speaker 6: Normally known as Spicy, thank you to how you were missed?
Speaker 6: Like you clear like you were missed. But no, I
Speaker 6: always say that again, I am a safe space.
Speaker 5: You know. People do tend to come to me with
Speaker 5: for listening air and just to keep keep their feelings close.
Speaker 6: And you know, like I said, I'm here. We ride
Speaker 6: at dawn.
Speaker 2: So you said that to me.
Speaker 5: I think the money don't mean anything, but we ride
Speaker 5: at dawn. So whatever you want to do, we're here.
Speaker 2: So thank you. How is life? How's things going well?
Speaker 2: I think I actually in the.
Speaker 6: Beginning it's okay.
Speaker 3: Moving to CELESTI, well.
Speaker 1: I got in contact with Celeste Hirshman who is sitting
Speaker 1: here next to us. She's here from San Francisco, and
Speaker 1: she and her partner Danielle Herel Herel run this course
Speaker 1: or this is it course.
Speaker 3: It's an institute where we train coaches in the method.
Speaker 2: Right, tell us about yourself. Welcome to the show, Welcome
Speaker 2: to the hot show.
Speaker 1: Tell us about yourself and anything that you haven't told
Speaker 1: us about the Somatica Institute as so far.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, Doctor Danielle Horrel and I are business partners
Speaker 3: and we started the Somatica Institute of Sex and Relationship Coaching.
Speaker 3: So we train coaches in our method. We used to
Speaker 3: coach in our method. Now we see occasional clients, but
Speaker 3: really we're teaching. We're going around and speaking and really
Speaker 3: raising awareness about the method because you know, I just
Speaker 3: wanted to be a household name. I want people to
Speaker 3: have the tools to have like the best sex and
Speaker 3: the best relationships possible. And I think to do that
Speaker 3: you have to have a place to practice, you know,
Speaker 3: with somebody who's going to give you honest feedback and
Speaker 3: guide you into the best tools for intimacy, emotional and
Speaker 3: erotic intimacy.
Speaker 4: So that's what we are all about.
Speaker 1: Love this, and now I want to get back to
Speaker 1: your skill set. You said, did You're going to teach me.
Speaker 2: How to flirt?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 3: We were getting there.
Speaker 2: Are you ready? Because your piercing eyes. I have piercing
Speaker 2: eyes too, we can do this.
Speaker 3: Well, you're flirting already looking at you.
Speaker 1: A lot of people call me weird for that, but staring,
Speaker 1: They say that you have eyes.
Speaker 2: You like looking into my soul and ship like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, I love eye condacting.
Speaker 3: It is also becoming a lost.
Speaker 2: Art, is it. I think?
Speaker 3: So like people don't look at each other. I've been
Speaker 3: on so many dates where people are just like staring
Speaker 3: straight ahead and I'm looking at their face, like I'm
Speaker 3: just looking at their profile. I wonder if they're ever
Speaker 3: going to look at I do like introverts on me,
Speaker 3: but you know, right but looking away because you you
Speaker 3: don't want I don't want you to see me.
Speaker 2: I don't want you to see I.
Speaker 3: Think there's just a shyness. It's just like not a
Speaker 3: lot of practice with connection real people.
Speaker 2: Now everything is on your phone.
Speaker 3: But I think you're pretty good at flirting, Like.
Speaker 2: Really, thank you? How how do you think that? Why
Speaker 2: do you think that?
Speaker 3: Well? I mean you just said like you have really
Speaker 3: piercing eyes. That's like a very like that's a very
Speaker 3: sexy thing to say, but it's not overtly sexual, so
Speaker 3: it's like subtle enough that I think it's a seduction
Speaker 3: as opposed to like a innuendo. I think innuendos men
Speaker 3: use them way too often. Women are not ready to
Speaker 3: like go to sex until they've been connected with. So
Speaker 3: like you, when you said I had piercing eyes, I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, like it was like sexy, but not
Speaker 3: like you know, yeah, it was like it's like too fast,
Speaker 3: you know, And I feel like on the apps, like
Speaker 3: I can't believe how quickly people just like I think
Speaker 3: I don't want to I'm not ready for I don't
Speaker 3: even know you, and you're like let's talk dirty to
Speaker 3: each other. Like I know I'm not ready for that
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: Well, what's it?
Speaker 1: First of all, what's a new window that you guys
Speaker 1: have gone through from men that is like, bro, like
Speaker 1: early on, what's something that a guy might say just
Speaker 1: so that fellas listening and be like, oh I do
Speaker 1: I do say like that?
Speaker 3: Well, I have a provocative photo on my you know,
Speaker 3: on my profile, which is like I'm like my ex who,
Speaker 3: my ex husband, who I love dearly, my best friend.
Speaker 3: He's like, oh my god. Men are going to love
Speaker 3: that photo. I'm like yeah, but like are they gonna
Speaker 3: like go too quickly to sex because it's.
Speaker 4: Kind of sexy.
Speaker 3: So but in some ways it's like weeds people out
Speaker 3: a little bit too, like don't have any subtlety. So
Speaker 3: my legs are kind of open, but I've got a
Speaker 3: dress on and so people are like, wow, I'd like,
Speaker 3: you know, your right leg, like my face to be
Speaker 3: next to your right leg and like whatever. It's just
Speaker 3: like I'd like this as the third sentence that you're
Speaker 3: gonna say to me, Like you haven't even said hello, what.
Speaker 6: Have I sent in the group chat about why I
Speaker 6: don't check my dms. That's exactly what they like. It's
Speaker 6: it's like.
Speaker 2: Well, do DM you I love you?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I love you? Or he said something he said
Speaker 6: I love you, and I was said, I you don't
Speaker 6: don't know me. You don't that's to say, yes, you
Speaker 6: don't know.
Speaker 2: Me, So y'all don't know love it first sight is
Speaker 2: and I think no.
Speaker 6: But I don't think so.
Speaker 3: Like also it's like you've just seen a photo or
Speaker 3: you've seen like you have interacted like I love it,
Speaker 3: or you look very beautiful or I love that picture.
Speaker 6: But I love you.
Speaker 5: It's it's it's it's rough, it's hard, it's like it's
Speaker 5: too much.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And also it's like so like if we're going
Speaker 3: to date, like you've already said it, like there's no
Speaker 3: build up, there's no But I.
Speaker 2: Was lying exactly. I was just saying that.
Speaker 5: I'm interested, Like why would you, like there's so many
Speaker 5: other ways to conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's why he said, I want to lay
Speaker 2: next to your leg, like I.
Speaker 3: Love you, know, like what you do is so inspiring.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, my nipples are hard. Like you say
Speaker 3: something like that to me and like I feel aroused,
Speaker 3: but you go to write sex, write to sexy.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, what you do is so expiring it
Speaker 1: makes my nipples hard.
Speaker 3: It's better no, no, no no, if you say what
Speaker 3: you do is so inspiring to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Okay, my bad, My bad, I got it wrong,
Speaker 2: because I might get that wrong.
Speaker 3: I don't start texting that.
Speaker 2: Might take that wrong. Glad that we cleared that off.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just like feel like when men just go
Speaker 5: straight to sex because you know we we do work
Speaker 5: in this field, that they think I automatically want to
Speaker 5: talk about sex.
Speaker 4: I don't want to.
Speaker 6: Talk about sex. I take I talk about sex two
Speaker 6: hours out the week. I don't like. I don't want
Speaker 6: to talk about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not ready yet. I want to get to
Speaker 3: know you first. I want you to want to know
Speaker 3: me as a human being.
Speaker 5: Like right, And once you get there, then you get
Speaker 5: freak off Courtney.
Speaker 2: But before that, shout out to shout out to freak
Speaker 2: gott never mind, let me stay on track.
Speaker 1: He almost got me. Okay, are we back to before?
Speaker 1: Have you done it already?
Speaker 2: I mean you did it, I mean you started, I
Speaker 2: mean you finished. Ain't you finished yet?
Speaker 3: I feel like the thing that I would say to
Speaker 3: you about flirting is like see if you can be
Speaker 3: more authentic as opposed to like how can I get
Speaker 3: something out of this person? Or what can I make
Speaker 3: them feel or think about me? Like can you just
Speaker 3: feel your own body right now? Just take a minute
Speaker 3: and feel your own body? Okay, and then without trying
Speaker 3: to do anything or make anything happen or make me
Speaker 3: feel or be any way, just see what it feels
Speaker 3: like to be in connection with me and keep feeling
Speaker 3: your body.
Speaker 2: Have fart.
Speaker 3: Feel free to.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I would say my stomach hurts when I think about
Speaker 1: being genuine and I'm trying to press some money, my
Speaker 1: stomach hurts exactly.
Speaker 2: That's what I was feeling just now.
Speaker 3: Beautiful, Thank you for saying it, because we put you
Speaker 3: in the position of seeing can I be genuine? And
Speaker 3: the fear comes up immediately, And that's how that's a
Speaker 3: only way we can work with it. If you just
Speaker 3: avoid it by trying to be mister cool, you'll never
Speaker 3: be able to drop it.
Speaker 4: So good your stomach urts.
Speaker 1: Should I say something like, honestly, my stomach urts being
Speaker 1: here with you. I don't know if you feel that way,
Speaker 1: but I get nervous. Am I supposed to say that
Speaker 1: yesterday you said IM supposed to say. I get nervous
Speaker 1: that I can notice I really don't know what to
Speaker 1: say half the time.
Speaker 3: Good when you say that, what do you notice? Like
Speaker 3: what happens when you say.
Speaker 1: That I'm being very transparent and vulnerable. I'm being very vulnerable. Yes,
Speaker 1: But now it's up to like you, yeah, to not
Speaker 1: make it weird because I feel like I'm being weird
Speaker 1: and I'm hoping that you take it in a good way.
Speaker 3: I don't feel like you're being weird.
Speaker 2: I don't think so either.
Speaker 6: I think you're in your head a lot.
Speaker 7: I think you're I'm trying to be the guy and
Speaker 7: You're not gonna be able to drop that right away,
Speaker 7: which is okay, But you're practicing with little steps right
Speaker 7: and you just dropped it like for a moment.
Speaker 3: You just we're like, I actually am feeling the fear
Speaker 3: of being authentic and I'm being real with you about it,
Speaker 3: And to me, that's sexy, Like I appreciate you not
Speaker 3: just trying to play me. I appreciate you actually trying
Speaker 3: to be real with me.
Speaker 4: I feels good.
Speaker 1: How you feel, honestly, If I'm gonna be super honest,
Speaker 1: super honest, in no disrespect. What I'm going to say
Speaker 1: is it's a lot of dickheads dating male and female
Speaker 1: men and women. And I think the fear that I
Speaker 1: have right, I'm not can't put it on on men
Speaker 1: because I think women feel that way too. Is you
Speaker 1: don't know how vulnerable a person is going to be,
Speaker 1: or accept your vulnerability and keep putting yourself out like that,
Speaker 1: especially with all the messaging that you're getting from everywhere.
Speaker 2: We just said everybody's online, so you're getting all of
Speaker 2: these fake.
Speaker 1: How reality right, all of these things right, and so
Speaker 1: people are kind of living like that or people are
Speaker 1: really scared of what they're seeing, and so everybody's emotional
Speaker 1: armor is up. So now if I try to drop
Speaker 1: mine for you and you don't know how to date either,
Speaker 1: your response to me, if I have that vulnerability wound.
Speaker 2: Can make it worse for me.
Speaker 1: So that's why I said, if I'm not honest with you, right,
Speaker 1: say I come up to you and I'm like, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Tahoe. Honestly, I don't have a pickup line. I
Speaker 1: just find you really attractive. I'd love to like just
Speaker 1: spend a couple of minutes.
Speaker 2: Talking to you. Would you like to get a drink
Speaker 2: or anything?
Speaker 1: Can I get you a water? And they go no, sorry,
Speaker 1: Or if I say my stomach.
Speaker 2: Hurts, you can't walk up to a girl and be like, yo,
Speaker 2: my stomach hurts.
Speaker 6: You can't.
Speaker 2: You can Here's what.
Speaker 3: Okay, here's what you said to me and said, you know,
Speaker 3: teach me. So what we're doing in my office is
Speaker 3: we're seeing, like what does it feel like to step
Speaker 3: into that territory a little bit, and then we're going
Speaker 3: to find the right amount that feels safe enough for
Speaker 3: you where you can be more vulnerable without putting yourself
Speaker 3: out to a level where it would be very humiliating
Speaker 3: if somebody didn't receive you. So we need to find
Speaker 3: the right amount. But right now we're just testing the
Speaker 3: waters and you're feeling what it's like to practice with vulnerability,
Speaker 3: and then you see like how much do I want
Speaker 3: to put it out there in the real world. But
Speaker 3: also like when I'm dating, like when I'm swiping, I'm
Speaker 3: looking for kindness that's like literally like the that's the
Speaker 3: face I'm looking for. So as somebody who's also invulnerable
Speaker 3: like you, I need somebody who feels very kind and
Speaker 3: gentle and genuine in order for me to let my
Speaker 3: guard down. And I'm not going to look for the
Speaker 3: person who looks like the most coolest person in the room.
Speaker 3: They're not even slightly attractive to me because I know that, like,
Speaker 3: I will likely be humiliated, and I don't even go
Speaker 3: for that good I don't even.
Speaker 2: Go forget that. I totally get that I'm that.
Speaker 5: Person to where it's like, I don't like to look
Speaker 5: for the loudest person in the room. I like to
Speaker 5: look for the one that's a little bit more quiet.
Speaker 5: They don't have a big social media following, they're not
Speaker 5: even on social media like that, that's what that's I am.
Speaker 5: I'm attracted to things like that because I'm just like,
Speaker 5: if you're too like rambunctious, you're too ego driven, you
Speaker 5: too like It's just that's such a.
Speaker 6: Turn off for me.
Speaker 2: I can totally see that.
Speaker 1: I can totally see that I'm not the most kind
Speaker 1: looking person in the world in pictures especially, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a picture.
Speaker 6: Like do you smile?
Speaker 3: I am smile?
Speaker 6: It's my face. I am smiling.
Speaker 2: I hate smiling. She made me smile earlier.
Speaker 3: I left on anyone who doesn't have a sing a
Speaker 3: single smile picture. Really yeah, I won't date anyone who
Speaker 3: won't smile on anything.
Speaker 2: Are you feel fake?
Speaker 1: I think the best picture for me is when I'm
Speaker 1: doing something fun and somebody catches me in the middle
Speaker 1: of doing something fun. You see the innocence because I'm
Speaker 1: just right, but trying to fake.
Speaker 9: It like posing, Like posing is hard.
Speaker 2: It's very hard. It's very hard. Okay, I want to
Speaker 2: are you gonna ask me what makes me hard? And
Speaker 2: not yet?
Speaker 1: I'm right there, I'm right there. I like that you
Speaker 1: listen to the show. She knows that I'm going to
Speaker 1: ask her what makes her hard, but.
Speaker 2: I'm going to surprise you.
Speaker 4: I got excited.
Speaker 1: We have a segment beforehand. You might know about it,
Speaker 1: and it's called this isn't your This isn't about the
Speaker 1: hardened sauce. This is what's the last thing that made
Speaker 1: you wet? What's the last thing if you think about it,
Speaker 1: what's an experience that you've had recently that was like,
Speaker 1: this thing made me hard? A lot of times I
Speaker 1: talk about poet that I watched, or a moment that
Speaker 1: I had with my young lady, or you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, And I just want to know, like, what's
Speaker 1: something that you had in your life that made you
Speaker 1: that turned you on recently? And then we'll get into
Speaker 1: the heart the general herd.
Speaker 3: And watching her light up when I gave her I
Speaker 3: felt in my body good answer.
Speaker 2: Turning people on is a turn off.
Speaker 1: That's like a big thing for me. It's very affirming
Speaker 1: for me to make.
Speaker 4: Other people feel good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. Again, this is why I can't wait
Speaker 1: to talk to you. Join this Patreon. That play party
Speaker 1: was something else. I think I had my best scene
Speaker 1: with my lady at.
Speaker 6: That play party. I was too busy playing bartender in the.
Speaker 1: Cold, and I have not told you about anything, right, nothing.
Speaker 5: I don't know nothing about what we're doing in that
Speaker 5: play party.
Speaker 6: I was too busy serving the people.
Speaker 2: So I'm just letting y'all know. Sign up for the
Speaker 2: patreon if you want to hear it.
Speaker 1: You don't have to. It's fine, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Your coins is hard out here. Motherfucker's got tariffs coming
Speaker 1: in from everywhere.
Speaker 2: I don't know what the hell is.
Speaker 6: I don't know, yeah, bro.
Speaker 2: Then they China talk about wanting to go to war.
Speaker 5: I'm like, yo, bro, we don't need any of this
Speaker 5: right now, Please please.
Speaker 2: Go to him.
Speaker 1: What happened to the movies when they sent the person
Speaker 1: to get the one person?
Speaker 2: Y'all don't have to.
Speaker 6: Go to war with everybody, right like, we don't get
Speaker 6: the one.
Speaker 2: Person that's starting this ship.
Speaker 6: We ain't got nothing to do with this, nothing to
Speaker 6: do with this at all. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Let me see. I know that you said that you
Speaker 2: haven't been feeling horny lately.
Speaker 6: No, not really, you haven't been feeling horny.
Speaker 1: So as a person that's going through the feelings that
Speaker 1: you're going through, you said that the gym is making you.
Speaker 5: Feel good, which is crazy because working at supposed to
Speaker 5: give you high libido.
Speaker 6: And I've just been like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, so is that replacing the intimacy, feeling
Speaker 1: that that desire for?
Speaker 2: What is it? What are you feeling that? What are
Speaker 2: you filling that time space? Filling with.
Speaker 6: My hobbies? So puzzles.
Speaker 2: Let me get your cat.
Speaker 6: No, I have a dog, my dog every day.
Speaker 5: No, it's just and I'll be traveling a lot soon.
Speaker 5: I'm actually going to Nashville to speaking to Ville. I know,
Speaker 5: I know, I took the opportunity to just still go
Speaker 5: and then I'm going to l Savador at the end
Speaker 5: of the month.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have a lot of things lined up, so
Speaker 5: I'll be out the house time. I'm not going to
Speaker 5: be in the house. I'll be out the house.
Speaker 6: It's just that I'm just not feeling I'm not feeling
Speaker 6: the sex right now.
Speaker 3: Flirt with you so much in El Salvador. You're gonna
Speaker 3: get flirted.
Speaker 6: With so hard, especially because the bikinis that I have.
Speaker 3: Got everybody's.
Speaker 2: Yes out on time. All right, I know that you've
Speaker 2: been here way past.
Speaker 4: Your bedtime, past my bedtime.
Speaker 1: Sorry, and I appreciate you doing that my pleasure, but
Speaker 1: I would like to ask you I'll trade my questions
Speaker 1: before you leave.
Speaker 2: The things.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to do a wet and dry today.
Speaker 1: The things that you personally like in the bedroom, the
Speaker 1: things that make you wet.
Speaker 2: So let's let us know how you're feeling.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm actually like very much romantic, so I
Speaker 3: love kissing, I love just like looking in someone's eyes.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of you know, everybody probably projects onto me
Speaker 3: that I'm very kinky. I'm very vanilla. But one thing
Speaker 3: that I do love is when men make sound well,
Speaker 3: especially like it when they talk to me and say things,
Speaker 3: but also like when they're having pleasure or when they're
Speaker 3: having an orgasm, if they say like I'm coming, or
Speaker 3: like you know, like just making a sound when they
Speaker 3: orgasm is really really hot for me.
Speaker 6: We sponsored that message.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not a screamer.
Speaker 6: Hm you a wheeler?
Speaker 2: Well, it's different.
Speaker 1: I think that I I react differently with who I'm
Speaker 1: having sex with, Like with my lady because we've been
Speaker 1: together for so long.
Speaker 2: I don't care about just the other day. Bro, I
Speaker 2: hate her sometimes.
Speaker 1: I hate her sometimes because sometimes I'm not really hard
Speaker 1: and I get to shake it, so I like collapsed
Speaker 1: on her and I'm like right, and I heard her laugh, and.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you killed You can't laugh? Well, I'm all
Speaker 2: got you can't laugh. I'm shaking. You can't laugh? You
Speaker 2: got him?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: What the fuck did you just? Did?
Speaker 4: You just get?
Speaker 2: Look at this? But do y'all like drawing sex moans?
Speaker 1: Like drawing sex moans like while he's in you or
Speaker 1: while you're geting ahead?
Speaker 2: Like because what kind of both of them? What God got?
Speaker 2: How do you moan while sucking? You?
Speaker 4: Can? You?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: How do you you can't you do that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: No, not.
Speaker 2: What you're doing.
Speaker 6: No ship damn.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's holy smoke.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think like mostly the moaning happens during.
Speaker 1: Right, And like I said, so with somebody, there's a
Speaker 1: difference when you're really vulnerable, or when you're trying to
Speaker 1: prove a point, or when you're really just trying to
Speaker 1: put it down. Because I would make sounds with somebody
Speaker 1: that I don't feel that comfortable with, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be dominant with or whatever, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, you're about to make me nothing like you're
Speaker 2: about to versus you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's completely I'm showing up differently, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And I like it too.
Speaker 3: When I'm giving head, like, I think a lot of times,
Speaker 3: well I like to give like a really good blow job,
Speaker 3: you know, And I think a lot of times men
Speaker 3: do not.
Speaker 2: Get wait, do white people really say blow job?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, did we not say?
Speaker 6: We say head?
Speaker 3: Head bob? Whatever?
Speaker 2: Blow job?
Speaker 4: I did? I do?
Speaker 3: Gives anyway.
Speaker 2: A blowjob? Blow job? Job?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 3: Well, you know, like to really like go slow and
Speaker 3: like thing like ways that dicks don't usually get interacted
Speaker 3: with or touch or something like that, and so when
Speaker 3: somebody moans or makes the sound when I do that,
Speaker 3: if I feel powerful, you know, that's what we like
Speaker 3: to feel. And it's like, oh, like, oh, it's not
Speaker 3: like or My favorite thing is like when somebody is like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't really like blow jobs, and then I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 3: just wait a minute.
Speaker 6: You know yes, yes, a less yes, yes less.
Speaker 2: Less the one.
Speaker 5: You know when I tell you that I I love
Speaker 5: giving head because I like to be in controlling that
Speaker 5: and controlling your orgasms. And when Ama says, well, you
Speaker 5: know I never really came from head, I'm like, oh, watch.
Speaker 2: Me do this.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like suddenly.
Speaker 1: Like good luck, you're ready you blow job. So now
Speaker 1: now you want to blow job? I have one more
Speaker 1: top of you talking about after yourself. If you don't mind,
Speaker 1: it won't take long. But I just need your your
Speaker 1: perspective on this, and I think it gives me really quickly.
Speaker 1: But let's get into the dry Okay, things that you
Speaker 1: don't like in the bedroom, things that make you dry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really don't like it when somebody tells you
Speaker 3: you're gonna like something and you say no, I don't
Speaker 3: like that, and they're like no, no, like they don't
Speaker 3: listen when you tell them there's something that you don't like, Like,
Speaker 3: I know myself. I am not a child, you know,
Speaker 3: like I have been studying my sexual self my whole life.
Speaker 3: Please do not try to tell me that you know
Speaker 3: better than me about what I want and don't want.
Speaker 3: So that's how make you feel, I mean angry, angry,
Speaker 3: like angry, like what do you what do you mean?
Speaker 6: What people say? Oh, I know you better than you
Speaker 6: know yourself.
Speaker 1: That's like when a dude like wants to use fingers
Speaker 1: and he knows that he can normally women, he can
Speaker 1: make them squirt or you know what I mean, but
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't like fingers, and they still try
Speaker 1: to go do it. I've heard women say like, yo,
Speaker 1: I told you I don't like fingers, Like why are you?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I had this experience where I was like, he was
Speaker 3: trying to rub his dick on my clip. Firstly, I
Speaker 3: use condoms, and I was like, okay, not only does
Speaker 3: that make me uncomfortable in terms of safety, but also
Speaker 3: it doesn't make my give me any sensation that's pleasurable.
Speaker 3: So I'm feeling unsafe and unpleasured and he's like, oh,
Speaker 3: it would have been so hot, and I'm like for you,
Speaker 3: like hello, I.
Speaker 5: Am here too, like the anyway, I don't know why
Speaker 5: he would think that rubber on a click okay, anyway.
Speaker 3: He didn't have a condom on it, just like, so
Speaker 3: don't like rub your condomless dick on, like like.
Speaker 2: No, you really don't understand that. The fear of skin
Speaker 2: to skins.
Speaker 3: And also it does nothing for me like wells you know,
Speaker 3: like I would have to be so turned on and
Speaker 3: it would feel really safe, like it just was like
Speaker 3: it wasn't the thing and I was like no, and
Speaker 3: he's like, oh, it would have been just like and.
Speaker 1: You can lose the moment mad quick by not making
Speaker 1: a woman feel safe.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe I don't know if a man. Have you
Speaker 2: ever not felt safe joined sex? Yes? Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: know if men go through that. Do men go through
Speaker 2: that not feel the same? Yes, we do.
Speaker 1: When you don't like anal play and a girl keeps
Speaker 1: trying to put her finger.
Speaker 2: Do some ship that you said you don't like and
Speaker 2: you told her like I don't like that.
Speaker 6: Oh, yes, they told us about the nunchuck dicks.
Speaker 1: Oh what's the nunchuck dicks?
Speaker 6: Who did those? At the end of the nun checks
Speaker 6: and wait, I don't feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: He's like, I gotta get out of here.
Speaker 1: So one thing I'm gonna talk about, because I do
Speaker 1: want to talk about my experience at this play party,
Speaker 1: but real quick, before you leave. I had an interaction
Speaker 1: with a young lady. My lady told me I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give you all a preview here as a birthday gift
Speaker 1: for my fiftieth birthday party.
Speaker 2: She said. Courty came up with me with a birthday
Speaker 2: cake and they.
Speaker 5: Said what we said that as a birthday gift, you
Speaker 5: can have the way of multiple women giving you head.
Speaker 1: Every album, every hour. I think I could get head
Speaker 1: a different moment while my fiance is dead with me
Speaker 1: and I also celebrate. She could do the same thing right, however,
Speaker 1: whoever she wants, male female have fun, she.
Speaker 2: Could get her head. She could get head too, have fun. Right,
Speaker 2: the first person comes over, I had the skinniest dick ever.
Speaker 2: Would not work. My dick would not work.
Speaker 6: Anxiety.
Speaker 1: I wasn't there to play, I was there as a host.
Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't nothing right, So this
Speaker 1: is happening. And then she's here, and you know we
Speaker 1: don't do but so much. I didn't have no warning,
Speaker 1: I wasn't prepared whatever. But I think that this happens
Speaker 1: to me often at play parties or anytime that she's around,
Speaker 1: and we haven't we're not going in with the idea
Speaker 1: of this is what we're doing or whatever. I remember
Speaker 1: at she got me a riding massage once and enjoying
Speaker 1: the massage.
Speaker 2: This girl is trying going in and trying to get
Speaker 2: me to nune. And I asked the massuse, can I
Speaker 2: suck at her titty while you do this? Is right?
Speaker 2: And she's like sure, And then I'm tucking, like can
Speaker 2: she set on my face when you do this? And right?
Speaker 1: And so I got the first head and it wasn't working,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you might just doing her. Maybe
Speaker 1: you give her some head and I'll just sit behind
Speaker 1: her and watch. Right, she's doing it to her and
Speaker 1: all that I'm feeling her breathing and all that dick
Speaker 1: start rising and I'm like, does this chick.
Speaker 2: Have my dick in her pocket? Like why can't my
Speaker 2: dick work?
Speaker 6: Unless what is this he activates?
Speaker 1: You got these all these chicks that want to engage you,
Speaker 1: but you can only really work if.
Speaker 3: So what is that thing? Secure attachment? What is the
Speaker 3: security have really secure attachment? And when you're connected to her,
Speaker 3: you feel safe to get pleasure from other people, But
Speaker 3: if you're not feeling connected to her, you feel less.
Speaker 3: You know, it's like it's part of what makes you
Speaker 3: feel aroused, just to feel deeply connected to her. I
Speaker 3: want to lose that connection.
Speaker 2: That's so pussy, That is so pussy. You just took
Speaker 2: away my power. She took away my power because she
Speaker 2: got it.
Speaker 3: Power is power.
Speaker 2: Very vulnerable, it's very vulnerable.
Speaker 3: But what's more powerful than actually being vulnerable?
Speaker 2: Being invulnerable? Why?
Speaker 3: Like, if you're vulnerable and you can't and if you're
Speaker 3: vulnerable and it still doesn't hurt you, then you're the
Speaker 3: most powerful in my opinion, m.
Speaker 2: M, the whole is stronger than anybody. He's in vulnerable
Speaker 2: but a right.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I was watching The Avengers today, my bad, So yeah,
Speaker 1: I wonder if anybody else out there goes.
Speaker 6: To that being activated by there by.
Speaker 1: Their partner or needing their partner's approval, or needing their
Speaker 1: partner to.
Speaker 3: Like connect's approval. What about connection connected?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because her saying it was one thing, but it
Speaker 1: still would work. I needed to be connected to her
Speaker 1: for it to work.
Speaker 2: And I'm just.
Speaker 3: I'm so romantic. It's sorry, I'm a romantic.
Speaker 6: I think it's beautiful. I think it's beautiful to Well, this.
Speaker 1: Has been a great episode. I am really happy to
Speaker 1: have had less. Hirshman on from the Somatica Institute, thank you.
Speaker 2: Please tell us.
Speaker 1: Where they can find you online, for one, tell us
Speaker 1: what your website is, tell us what you have coming up.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, if somebody wants to be a coach, Somatica
Speaker 3: Institute dot com. If somebody wants to get those classes,
Speaker 3: learn dot Somatica dot com. And if you want to
Speaker 3: find your own coach, we actually have sex Coaching dot
Speaker 3: com where you can get a coach and do these
Speaker 3: practices with them.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, and then all over the US all over
Speaker 6: the world. Oh excuse me, I am all right.
Speaker 3: Well, some people will see people in person if you're
Speaker 3: if there's somebody in your area, or if you want
Speaker 3: to fly to them. I've had people fly. I had
Speaker 3: somebody fly me to Desire in Mexico.
Speaker 2: That's fire.
Speaker 3: It was really fun.
Speaker 2: That's fire.
Speaker 1: And what is your personal or your business, I G.
Speaker 1: Or do you have social media that they can follow?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Somatica Institute, Somonica Underscore Institute.
Speaker 2: Is Thematica Underscord Institute.
Speaker 1: Is s O M A T I c A Underscore
Speaker 1: Institute right on Instagram.
Speaker 2: It's been a pleasure.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
Speaker 6: Thanks for us you really read, you really read.
Speaker 3: Us to filth.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's been so good to meet you.
Speaker 2: What more can I say?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 1: That's Hirshman from the Somatica Institute Sex, Love, Relationships and Accountability.
Speaker 2: This has been the hard or sore show.
Speaker 4: The show and she's gonna do that.
Speaker 2: She can't stop it. Peace,