Speaker 1: Come gather roud Dirty Come he did. Then join the
questing is charted.
Speaker 2: Join the icy Blast.
Speaker 3: Six writers face off by a roll of the dice
tale Fite Dirty leave nothing behind but wigaprits and a
tall tale stealing carts, breaking parts with plenty of time
to kill, and.
Speaker 4: Icybasts ten pisolas ticing and you know the cabby Jastybasts.
Speaker 1: Go on and join it.
Speaker 2: Diicing Bastard.
Speaker 5: Hey, they're Arian Devian's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome to
the next episode of The Dicey Bastards Season two. I'm
Mkay Gibson, your host, dungeon Master, author of many books,
and I've been told I talk too faster than the intro,
so I'm slowing it down so to use people. I
hate you and I hate speaking at this this speed.
So uh, who do I have with me today?
Speaker 2: Who told you that? Gibby? Was it a boomer to
get the boom? Is that done?
Speaker 6: Man?
Speaker 2: We're all about gen z speak quicker if anything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but unfortunately the boomers they have taxes. It's it's
supposed to be like one of those stinerarios, like where
like people are listening to the podcast and like and
they're like, Oh, if the guy's talking too fast, they
like blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. So I'm just
started bringing out to an even speaking speed. If this
is more comfortable, or I'll speak speed it back up.
Speaker 7: We were just talking about how old we are, so
so speed it up.
Speaker 5: Fair enough?
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 5: Who have you today? We have Rubber Bpvan. How are you, sir?
Speaker 9: Hello? Friend nice? I'm doing all right. Yeah, I'm ro Bevan.
I play the role of Jorser, the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer
with the Mocerer, and I write the Caverns and Creature
series of comedy fantasy novels and short stories.
Speaker 5: Now, because you were late last time you did not
attend class, you have explained to the rest of the
kids what happened what happened to you last week? And
make it a good excuse.
Speaker 2: I forgot great excuse.
Speaker 5: I love it so filling in for mister Bevan was
our other Bevin stand in Rick Walterry Rick. How are you, sir?
Speaker 10: I am quite fine, mister Gibson. Anyway, my name is
Ritred Walteriri, and I play Mook Faced Eater, who is
a feisty orc trapped in the body.
Speaker 11: Of a filthy, freaking elf. In real life, I write
such such things as the tom of Bill, the High
Moon series, and currently I'm working on for trying to
edit four books, including a techto thriller, another horror comedy.
New Stuff's going to be out someday, probably not today,
So go read my old stuff again.
Speaker 5: I'm glad you built up to the explosion of the
moog in er L thing, because you would. The way
your your cadence was like, oh wow, this was like
a very like old McLaughlin g a very pleasant way
of speaking. Good how are you? And I was I
was uncomfortable by this, speaking of uncomfortable. Drew, fresh off
of GoF Coom New Eyeliner all the way around and black,
tell us about it, mister Hayes, Oh.
Speaker 8: Man, I look great an eyeliner. Halloween in the mid
two thousands was a wonderful time for me. But I
am Drew Hayes, author of books such as NPC Superpowerspread,
The Vampire Accountant, Villains Code, five Minute Sherlock, and I'm
not slowing down for any of you focks uh. In
recent news, I have the latest book in the Villain's
Code series, Villain's Vignette's Volume two coming out an audiobook
on August twenty sixth, and the next most recent Chilling Reflections,
came out back in July Jule when I played Cobert
the Expedient.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we say the expedia there it is.
Speaker 8: Yeah, the horse who always walks into.
Speaker 12: A bar, Emily Captain the bear her walks into the bar,
the bomb and says, hi, kebad, what can I get you?
Speaker 5: Long du why the long face drew? Yeah, about your dick,
you know, speaking of okay, speaking of dead moms, Emily Kaplan.
Speaker 2: Emily has to do with Segy.
Speaker 5: Has to happen, how gooey it is is up to you,
So pick your go.
Speaker 2: Oh hi, hey, you know only woman on the podcast.
Speaker 7: I'm Emily. I write books under em Kaplan. I'm writing
the second book after Arsenic and Albis. It'll be called Lie, Larceny.
Speaker 6: And Lies and yeah, yeah, playing Claudia the Rogue Bear
Rager thing. And I was thinking, as we were watching
the hurricane defy all odds and not shift north and
make make tracks exactly toward where I am on Woman
in Wilmington, that maybe I should stop killing kids.
Speaker 5: In character or real life, you know, exactly which one
we're talking about here?
Speaker 7: No comment?
Speaker 5: Oh, speaking of.
Speaker 2: Child murder there, you've got to do the segway.
Speaker 5: I don't know what my friend Steve's doing. Instead.
Speaker 9: I saw a billboard the other day and said stop
human trafficking, and I thought they're right. I am going
to stop.
Speaker 5: Thanks billboard, you're right, Steve, save us from all the sincanity.
Speaker 2: Oh I haven't seen that billboard, gibbe, So I'm going
to carry on doing whatever the fuck I want. Yeah,
and Emily, I have to say this. This episode is
going out in the future. There's still time for the
hurricane to come back, so maybe don't count your chickens.
Speaker 8: Yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my name is Steve. No hurricanes here, no billboards
telling me to be a better person. I like my life.
It's fine. I play stand Andy Liver, a boomer hero
in a world of feisty millennial antiheroes. And you can
find my books wherever books exist, which is in reality.
Speaker 5: Find his books in reality. All right, before we get started,
that's deep. It was deep, deep shit, hey, before we
get started, taking moments or mind everyone that you're not
part of the NDE family. You are missing out. Hilvert
Patreon dot com slash Authors and Dragons. Check out the
various tiers and all kinds of perks two dollars a
month to you woin our discord. You can hang out
with our fans. Hang out with us. We just had
a live hang out with our fans last night. Rick
and I talked a lot about writing and listen to
our fans. It was a good time. If you want
to jump give us some higher tiers and get more perks,
please feel free or ed over Authors and Dragons Authors
and Dragons dot dashery dot com. They need a better
thing for this and gets some cool march.
Speaker 11: Just go to our website. Just go to Authors and
Dragons dot com. There's a link at the top. Don't
make his remembership. We're getting old.
Speaker 8: You go to Authors and Dragons dot com. You go
up near the top. There's a cow. Don't turn left
at the cow. You go right by the cow, left
by the barn. There's a link up there. It's not
the first but the third. Ling. Oh, none of y'all
grew up in a fucking rural community and had to
give direction.
Speaker 5: Com Peterson's farm. He went too far. You got to
turn around and come back now no, I understand, motherfucker. AnyWho?
All right, hey, you know what, hillink, We're done with it.
We're done with the Let's play a fucking game. We're
like ten minutes into this, So all right, is everybody ready?
Speaker 8: Hoofs and my hoofs?
Speaker 5: Greetings? Oh this is Connie Stans conscience. How are you?
When we last left a dicey Bachelard's dog Gaggalo goofy
gangsters once again committed an unforgivable sin of splitting the party.
Not in two no, no, this time it's a throuple.
Going three ways is always more fun, especially when you're
in the center of attention, which they are. Moog Face
Eater decided to check out the impossible tastes and dragged
a comotos George with a sorcerer along with them. Once there,
they met Rischard, the bard just in time, and Matt
Demon from the totally Innocent Party and a trio of
demonic monsters, including Bacon Burger at a veggie pizza. A
totally innocent party opted to not help in any way,
shape or form. In fact, they wish move to die,
which is something he said using a fancy fortwork move
dodged the veggie pizza shoved some bacon had it and
created it an unholy calzone. Over on the other side,
we have the CNC Music Factory, which is Claudie and
Kbert opting to fulfill their wet dreams and check out
the Grand Ribses Pool also named the Wet Dreams, but
their's with a Z because they're cool. But the duo
had to face the ultimate decision deal with a monster
made of chlorine water and piss or play slide jack
human page turner from an innocent party were not helping
in any way either. After the color piss monster, whose
children has improvided missiles, Cabert opted to walk on water
while Claudia just threw them back, adding not just to
her belt child murder not just on the belt for clarification.
And last, but not least, my beloved Daniel Dandy Liver
opt to educate the mind as he headed off to
the book nook. Unfortunately, he encountered a thought goblin. This
mimic like being consumed ideas and spits back onto Monopoia
grassy No mostly complained about how books were just dead trees,
showing how spry he is stand dodge several attacks, including
a fireball which has the library on fire. Then pulled
a back muscle attempting to push a shelf onto the monster.
And that's where we pick up.
Speaker 2: I wasn't really looking to improve my mind. I was
just looking for a place to have a quiet nap.
I failed in both of those aspirations.
Speaker 5: Who would like to start first? We have to start
with move and moogh Moogan Joryswer. We started to pull
with Claudia Caberra. We could jump in the stands at
the at the library, I.
Speaker 8: Think the people missed their daily dose of joyser last time,
so check in on.
Speaker 5: Do you need a daily doses orser? I thought they said,
if you have to, you have to see a doctor
at a certain point. When it's no more than once
a day, is the okay, okay.
Speaker 2: Okay, joeceerer a day keeps society away.
Speaker 10: If Georger hangs out around your house for more than
four hours, call it doctor or the police.
Speaker 5: All right, just for Bob's uh say, we are not
doing a turn base. If this is more of a
role play style com you still do your actions, they
do their actions, but we're not keeping strict term bas roles.
We keeping this kind of loosey goosey. So we have
so many people all over the place. So right now,
as you can see there, Bob are at the bottom
of you are on this You are sitting on this
st up outside of this portal which is currently closed
just in time, and Matt demon with totally some party.
You are just kind of leisurely watching move fight a
giant but looks like a big slice of veggi pizza
that has now wrapped itself into a cal zone thanks
to shoving bacon into it. And there is a burger.
There is a giant burger with a basketball throwing balls
from time to time. All right, and I am just
waking up to this kind of Remember the last thing
you did was you were diving for clothes inside of
the theater thing and they just kind of drugged the pile.
So you are in a pile of theater clothes and
you're just kind of you finally made your way out.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, Bevin, how you dressed?
Speaker 5: Yeah? So after all this, how are we dressed?
Speaker 2: A good call?
Speaker 9: Well, I don't know. There's some giant food runner around.
I kind of don't want to get all my new
fancy clothes darty. So I'm not gonna bother getting dressed.
I'm just gonna go. We'll try and take a bite
out of that.
Speaker 7: Burger a surprise, And how is Georcier dressed?
Speaker 5: But make on the bingo card.
Speaker 8: I think that.
Speaker 2: Wrestles a giant cal zone. Then I think I've actually
dreamed that.
Speaker 8: I might have gone with the nightmare. But you do
you yep, yep, yep.
Speaker 2: It's not nothing as good or bad true any seeming
all right?
Speaker 5: So you come out and you see a giant pizza
folded over to a calzone attacking Moog and a basketball
burger to its right. What do you do? Georger? Does
anybody else hear me?
Speaker 8: Right?
Speaker 5: Did I go quiet?
Speaker 8: No? No, no, no, we hear you? All right?
Speaker 5: Well, he ponders that mood. What do you want to?
Speaker 9: Don't know?
Speaker 2: He I think he left. I think he felt he
fell off.
Speaker 8: Georcer just looked at the food and walked the fuck away.
Speaker 5: Right, No good, I'm clearly not awake yet.
Speaker 2: Back to sleep?
Speaker 5: I go, all right, so move Briefly, you saw Georger
stand up, looked around, took off his clothes and just
laid it back down. So that's what you got going
on with you, my friend, so Mood you're left behind
once again, and like Matt Demon and just in time,
are like, way to go this team, this fucking team,
Am I right?
Speaker 8: Oh? The best part is like that easily could have
been what Bob chose to do.
Speaker 11: If you're still that's okay, that's okay. Moog is ready
for Uh. Mooke really didn't expect much help from Dorcier.
So what he is going to do is he's going
to use his once a day misty step okay to
appear behind Matt Demon. Okay, and at that point, Moog
is going to grapple Matt Demon and well doing so
whisper in his year.
Speaker 2: Now you the meat in this asshole sandwich, all.
Speaker 5: Right, So give me an attack role. You're trying to
you are trying to grapple Matteve. You gotta beat his
arm class.
Speaker 8: I'm I'm so glad we're not there, because, like I think,
we'd be ethically complicated, but not being in the same
room means we could just be like fuck yeah, get.
Speaker 5: Him eighteen all right, that would normally get him, except
he's also a warlock, so he uses his misty steppability
reaction to uh, teleport away. He's sending out he's inside
that fire, her botchy ring. He just enjoying some like
you know, toasted top us and like watching like good
job buddy gives. He's like the snarkiest thumbs up that
ever could thumbs up.
Speaker 10: Well, that's okay, I still have a move action move.
I'll move behind just in time, because you know something,
all of these innocent party dickheads, they'll make as good
as corpse as the next.
Speaker 2: Right, Gibbie, I've been trying so hard to convince these
people not to murder this party, and you were not
making it easy.
Speaker 5: Well, remember what happened last night. Move salk shit to them,
they say, you know what, fuck it. We work on
he but now we're not. So let's remember. Let's let's
go back to the point of this. And at the
same time, fuck, come on there, you're.
Speaker 8: Right, Clodia killed justin times dad the koalas.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's true. Adoptive dad, you know stepdad, you know who.
Speaker 2: Was a piece of shit.
Speaker 8: It's only fair that we kill the son too.
Speaker 7: Hey, he slacked little. I think we're even.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this white.
Speaker 5: Haired half helf young man who's looking for is you know,
like he was adopted by this guy with the time family.
He's been looking around for somebody, but you know it
doesn't matter. Just in Time sees what you're doing, goes Huh,
uses his rogue skills to disengage and dash over to
here where Moog is left sitting on the corner. So
I'm gonna let move ponder those actions for a while,
and I hope that uh Jorgeerer comes back the static.
Speaker 2: I like, this is something I said.
Speaker 8: Lucan Drouser effectively had the same amount of impact on
combat that way.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So the veggie Peacher moves in, and the b
ball Burger is gonna move around to reshard the bard
uh just because why not? So because he paid to
beat he be not reshart at the bar, not reshot
the but no shot. All right, So while that's going on,
who wants to go next? Chlorine or knowledge.
Speaker 8: Chlorine? Let let's let's give the people what they want,
which is definitely murdering.
Speaker 2: The swimming pool filled with pace.
Speaker 5: All right. We left off Emily attacking coming basically haul
and asked over there in her murder bear form uh
to go over to the chloropiss monster. Uh, you know
and once again for the CLA audience, that is that
this is a water elemental that's mostly chlorine water and
uh public pool piss, it's gross. Jack Human is trying
to do some inspiration for off to the side. He's
not doing great because he's a barred and page turner
wearing heavy armor. I can't really get into the water
unless she and her dwarding form drowned. So it's kind
of left you guys to do your own thing. Where
did you end up? Cobert? I don't even see you
on the map?
Speaker 8: Uh, I'm right, I'm right here.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, yeah, I see you there you are.
Speaker 8: Yep, I believe I have water walk and my you do.
Speaker 5: You have a little air spirit down there.
Speaker 7: So yeah, we're not doing turns, so we can just
I can like, yeah, you just gotta.
Speaker 5: Do your own things. Give a few things and there
a few things. So yeah, just we're just keeping it
tight or excuse me, keep it loose.
Speaker 8: My bad. Wait, if this is a.
Speaker 7: Pea monster, can I actually slash at it? Is there
some kind of like form?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I mean you are magical, so it's magical, so
you slash unmagical? Yeah, your your claws? I mean you
are a magical murder bearer. So let's do this seventeen
hits yep, okay, eight damage for total fifteen. Well that's
not so sneak attack. So actually, techling, you get sneak
attack because there is something engaged on the other side
because there are other things around it. So you you
do fifteen damage, you take uh, you take five orciprocal
damage of like this core like poison because it's like
this this hissing chloring like a steaming got in my
eyes exactly, but it's looking like it's hurts. It's it's
you are going to get.
Speaker 2: Who do have I splashed? All this pists around something
might get on me.
Speaker 8: Everyone has pink guy. Just everyone who is pink guy.
Speaker 5: It is a public pool, so chlorina not you Remember
everybody's unwashed asshole and crotches in this water that you
are now swimming in. So just keep that in mind
on vacation. Yeah, how many kids open their mouths when
they're swimming? You know, please, there's a reason.
Speaker 8: Cobert cast a spell to walk on top of this ship.
Speaker 5: I don't blame you. I think every time I go
to a public pool, like especially one on a cruise. No,
thank you.
Speaker 8: Wait, why the cruise specifically.
Speaker 5: Because it's grosser. It's because at the pools, like a
big simmering survey of like of like midwesterners. It's gross.
Speaker 7: I just watched that poop cruise.
Speaker 8: The three drunk women were like the Greek chorus. They
were so fucking incredible, like the just they talk about
getting handed bags to poop and it just cuts to
these three women in the middle when I immediately started
chugging what's the thing emodium?
Speaker 7: And then they opened the bar.
Speaker 5: All right, Cobert, poop aside, what do you want to do?
Speaker 8: Okay, let's take care of business first. We'll let the
air elemental do a slash. Yeah, he flies down, cuts
it and flies back up out of range with his
fly by attack, hitting for a hitting with a fourteen,
it's all right.
Speaker 5: For seven damage it takes, and it takes about two
points of chlorine damage.
Speaker 8: Oh right, I will update its health. I know I
have it somewhere here.
Speaker 5: Basically a third of whatever you hit it for, it
hits you back because it is just a massive amount
of chlorine like coming out, So it's just big wads
of poison.
Speaker 8: Oh, I'm using my blue to track it. Okay, I've
got it. So two yep, okay, I've got its health
tracked then, and.
Speaker 5: Both of you have movements left. You can stay in
there and fight Claudia, or you can try to move
around and Drew. You can also try to get your
way to the water slide if you want to.
Speaker 8: So, yeah, I'm moving. So it's half speed on the sand.
Speaker 5: Unless you're hopping onto if you can do the hot
if you're hopping from Chase lounges, would you hot from
thing to think the thing? You can make the total
movement that way.
Speaker 8: So all right, I'm gonna spend twenty feet to get
to here, okay, and then once I'm on the water,
I don't believe the penalty should apply from my water walking.
Speaker 5: It does not. Yeah, you're good to go, yep, all right.
Speaker 8: So then I will use another twenty feet to get
to there. Got it? So for the folks listening, Cabert
has moved up to the pool and then gone northeastern
away from the monster to keep himself out of range
while he moves towards the slide.
Speaker 5: Thank you for reminding me. I got it, tribe on
the screen, because since we're always looking at it, so yes,
for the For the audio listeners, the map is of
a giant looks like a beach, kind of a semi
circular beach resort with a big pool with water slides
in the section, and good old Cabar is now standing
in where all the kids are supposed to get to
the bottom of the water slide and swim away, but
they never do. So he is like, you're actually standing
on baby heads as you walk by these kids popping up,
you're pushing back down to ace your water walking.
Speaker 2: I could just imagine a kid just flying full speed
into the flank of a horse.
Speaker 8: But the hoof of a horse, thank you, I'm standing
above the water.
Speaker 5: I'd like to think we just just pushed our heads
down as you walk.
Speaker 8: All right, So I since I'm within thirty feet, I
rolled the thorn whip attacks the chlorine monster. Okay, uh,
and I rolled a twenty one, so it's a fourteen head.
I'm guessing the twenty.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yese, oh god, yeah, yeah, it's four damage. Okay,
and you are actually too far away to get reciprocal
damage because you that was the hope. Yes, yes, you're
how many feet away are you?
Speaker 8: Twenty five.
Speaker 5: Oh no, you're good. Thirty it's thirty feet. That's sorry
you are. I'm sorry you are in with it, so
for you one point because it's twos half, so you's
a one point of chlorine damage. All righty, it's a
thirty foot air or so.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is the kind of Atlantic
translation issue, but if I ever go to a swim
park beach that has chas long on the sand, I
didn't care it as a giant piss monster. I know
I've made it, especially a padded one.
Speaker 5: All right. So the piss monster not to like just
getting upset with you like again, reaches down to the
water and picks up children. He's gonna he's going to
like use a two handed slap attack against uh uh
Claudia the murder Bear. It's kind of like he's got
like a pro wrestling styles, Like he's trying to box
your ears kids on either side because you're much larger
than you used to be some yes child?
Speaker 8: Wait wait yeah she dodges. Does that mean it's slamming
two children in.
Speaker 5: One thousand percent? What it means? So plus eight? So
uh with a plus eight to hit, that's only a
twelve so I think she misses. I don't think. What's
your armor class? It's got to be above a twelve, right.
Speaker 7: It's eighteen.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So you slip out of the way and the
monster does exactly just describe, and the kids like kind
of pulp each other and are pushed into his watery hands,
and he just kind of looks like whatever, and then
uses the second attack. He takes their corpses and then
flings them at Kebert. So you got two incoming missiles
coming to you, A kabar Jesus. Okay, so eighteen plus
eight is uh so a twenty four and a twenty
coming at you?
Speaker 8: Yeah, those are both hit for for listeners. He rolled
those together for a second, it looked like you rolled
a thirty two.
Speaker 5: Jesus right, rolled two of them, so plus twenty four
and twenty So to incoming kid corpses, like are just
flying dead?
Speaker 7: Are their parents? I'm imagining the.
Speaker 5: Look over here, like you see in these beaches waiting
for their drinks to get delivered. They're reading their magical
scroll and like that's nice, dear, have fun, you know.
Speaker 2: I have a couple of this way, and I'm finally
at beach with a Chez Long, do not spoil this
for me, Kimmy, I don't care of.
Speaker 8: You that there's a drunk British man in one of them,
just housing down.
Speaker 5: All right, Drew, there are two okay, so there are
two D six is coming at you, but each one
of these are so it's you both hit you. So
it's two d it's two D six per plus four,
so that's what that's a total damage. So sixteen total
damage of you of kid damage slamming into you.
Speaker 8: Alrighty dang, I am wounded.
Speaker 7: Can I have a couple more slashes at this guy?
Speaker 8: Uh?
Speaker 5: How many tacks do you get around?
Speaker 8: Just one?
Speaker 5: Okay, Well i'll see you next round. Drew, you were there,
you were hurt, and now we're coming over to our
good friends and Andy Liver in the library.
Speaker 2: Okay. So to recap this mimic like creature, not technically
a mimic absorbs knowledge and turns it into not a
matthipeer or ideas, I suppose, just real world things. I
mean trying to think of an interesting way to kill
this because if I try to fight it fairly, I
will die and I'm a rogue. So using my keen
rogue intellect and the fact that I have free beers.
I am going to I'm going to use my my ink,
well pen and parchment which I have in my inventory, Okay,
to write the darkest shit imaginable and attempt to feed
it to this goblin.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, so you are currently are you? I don't
recall if you're hidden or not. Because it was, it
had eaten. It had eaten to regain its ability. So
that's hits. Its round is over. It has to eat
to regain its ability, so we cannot do anything this round.
There's still people in the room, so I don't recall.
Speaker 12: If your head say, distract it, I'm about to craft
a masterpiece of self destructive dark literature.
Speaker 2: Charles Pokowski, each of us out, all right, So here's
what I want.
Speaker 5: I want a persuasion role with advantage to try to
get everybody else in the theater to distract this creature.
Why you write your your skull manifesto?
Speaker 2: I don't see. Uh, that's just as well. Persuasion is
not writing it, or it would be a come manifesto. Okay,
here we go with advance. Does see anyone else coming
up with ideas? In you all right, okay, eighteen twenty
four and that's twenty four.
Speaker 5: So we'll go with the twenty four. Uh yeah, okay,
So you've convinced pretty much everybody with the near shot
to like willingly help you while you do your thing.
So you are dashing around the corner you are writing, so, uh,
these are other people. So we have some elf wizards,
got some merchants, some of like reading by swashbook or
this little elf druid stands back up, they were hurt,
but everybody's trying to come around to help deal with this.
And even Grass, you know, from totally into some party
being the druid. Were you hurt last time.
Speaker 9: I heard?
Speaker 8: All?
Speaker 5: Okay, Grass okay is going to switch over to here
try to see past you and give you a healing word.
So actually you just take eight points of healing, uh
being their druids, so they're healing you at range and
while everyone else comes in. So the mimic or the
thought goblin sees this and is going to use all
four of its abilities because that's what it's going to do.
So it's going to shoot zapp this direction, and it's
going to electrify these guys and they because they're nobody's
it's going to work because yeah, they're gonna pretty much
fail their their roles. So the swashbuckler goes down, This
little kids backsy cat goes down. It's gonna use its
pal to use four stam on the cat.
Speaker 2: This is all great material, thank you.
Speaker 5: It's gonna throw another fireball towards Grassy Knoll's way. Grassy
Nell is gonna attempt to dodge it fails. Okay, fire,
So Grassy Knowles hit with a fireball and the and
the books that they're around, So this whole bottom right
section is now on fire.
Speaker 2: Uh and uh, hippie, yes, yes, this is all good stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah so the duh So it has a poof left.
But all these people are now down. Uh so yeah,
they gave you the round, but these other people are
kind of out of the picture at the moment. And
there's a lot of fire to the bottom right, so
you get your time to write. Oh no, there's one
guy standing. The ultrude runs around like, hurry the fuck.
Speaker 8: Up, so.
Speaker 2: Stands just smoke at the cigarette dog rush the price.
Speaker 5: Yes, the one that helps you try to push over
the bookshelf is like pray before it season before Seasus,
and the mimic turns around, sees that person, and he
will use the poof ability to send that druid tell
the porter to the other side of the room. The
mimic now needs to eat, so it's gonna go around
the corner and look for more food to regain its abilities.
So you are currently safe.
Speaker 2: Wonderful.
Speaker 5: All right, We're gonna jump back over to the restaurant.
But unless you guys, else you want to do while
you're writing your masterpiece?
Speaker 2: No, that is the plan gave you is do you
have any plan?
Speaker 8: I have?
Speaker 5: All right, back to the restaurant.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, can I cast a bodic inspiration on myself?
Speaker 5: Of course you can?
Speaker 2: Does that work?
Speaker 8: It does?
Speaker 5: How do you inspire yourself?
Speaker 2: I already mentioned the cigarette?
Speaker 5: I think, yeah, as you're smoke a cigaret looking at
your own work on God, damn, I'm.
Speaker 2: Good and I saw that cat die, so I don't
know how much more inspiration I need.
Speaker 9: I love it?
Speaker 5: All right, Jorcerah. Now that you're back, my friend.
Speaker 9: And thinking you heard nothing I said.
Speaker 5: Last time, I used to get naked and then you disappeared.
So we as far as the game is concerned, George
stood up naked, looked at mood and laid back down.
Speaker 9: Tricks.
Speaker 5: So, George, where you stay still naked? Moog tried to
uh tell, he tried to Missy step in to mess
with the totally in party. They have Missy stepped out
and use their rogue skills to get out of there.
So left Moog facing down once again the giant cal zone,
which is now much closer, and our good friend richarded
the bard is stuck to the right, is now facing
down a burger.
Speaker 9: Oh man, I wanted a piece of that burger, but
we said this pizza has bacon on it.
Speaker 5: Now, well, it was a piece of vegetarian pizza, so
it's like, you know, yeah, cheese, pesto, broccoli and whatever reason, pineapple,
And then Moog slammed bacon into it and it created
this unholy cal zone of like where no one's happy
because it's got technically has meat, but it's all also
vegetarian and so it kind of sucks. At the same time, it's.
Speaker 9: Not technically vegetarian or it's gotten meat on it.
Speaker 2: It used to be vegetari.
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, m okay, Well, I think I'm gonna go
help you with the burger then okay, and yes, I
am not going to bother getting dressed because you know,
fancy new clothes and burger grease. If there's a bib,
I'll put that on.
Speaker 8: Uh.
Speaker 5: If you want to take the time to look for
a bib, give me an give me an investigation, all right, Yes,
I just.
Speaker 9: Want to roll and die. I guess it's important, all right,
investigation here goes? Fuck?
Speaker 5: All right? Yeah, no bib sir, with a natural one.
You went looking for a bib and you kind of
you leaned over to look at it and kind of
like just you felt you mean, you just tripped, You
just tripped and fell into the concrete and just bunked
your head like oh damn it. Your eyes hurt and
like down your assholes hanging out and uh yeah and
move you look over and there's George's brown eye winking
back at you.
Speaker 9: That's the opposite of fighting a bib.
Speaker 8: As if this day wasn't going bad enough, but.
Speaker 5: You still let you have the rest of your action, Georger,
what is it you want to do?
Speaker 9: Fine, fuck bibbs. I would like to go run toward
that burger.
Speaker 5: Okay, go run towards the burger. Okay, are you running
over the wine bottles or are.
Speaker 9: You running off ship the stuff? There?
Speaker 5: Uh no, just move up one square there you go?
Speaker 9: All right?
Speaker 5: All right, so you're charging Rashard of the Bard and
the giant burgers. I made him. I made Rishard bigs ever.
You could see him, but he's you know, he's technically
his human size, so he's like that size. So you are, okay,
the entertainment of this particular cruise ship and the giant
burger with the basketball you are charging, get them balls out?
Speaker 9: Correct? Yeah, still kind of confused. Why is their giant
food running around?
Speaker 5: You still have I let you have an action that
was your movement, you know, allow. I looked up.
Speaker 9: My action was.
Speaker 5: You haven't done anything in a while, so you still have,
like cast speller, do something.
Speaker 2: I'll allow it to happen, saving up those actions while
you napped in a pile of clothes for an entire episode.
Speaker 9: All right, well, I guess I'll fire bolt that burger.
Speaker 5: Oh, by the way, you are also at full health
all spells and health. By the way, you guys got
a long rest during that scheme.
Speaker 9: You aren't, so fuck firebolt. I have eldritch blast. Yes,
you do, I'm gonna blast that burger.
Speaker 2: Okay, have it you away, motherfucker.
Speaker 5: Uh sixteen hits, give me some damage, just like a
real Burger King burger.
Speaker 8: This thing's gonna be all sorts.
Speaker 10: Of fun, wealthy petty special sauce let us pain.
Speaker 9: I love Burger King.
Speaker 8: I enjoyed him too, But they do not make well
constructed burger.
Speaker 5: No, but their bacon, their bacon eater was pretty freaking good.
Speaker 8: That Rodeo Burger kept me a while.
Speaker 5: Whichever which is the one that puts the fried onion
rings on it?
Speaker 8: That's the Rodeo Burger. Yeah, motherfucker that has good came
out with small soldiers as a fucking time.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a callback, it's a reach. Well, I'll allow it.
Speaker 5: Uh with with with the ability granted to you by
pink readle tying a forced lightning force power shoots out,
shoots through the patty. The burger like ah recoils and
it's pain and it's holding its action for the moment.
Speaker 2: Move.
Speaker 5: You've got a giant cow zone. What you're gonna do? Baby?
Speaker 8: Pay?
Speaker 10: So let me ask a quick question, are any of
these people at this table at these tables in elf.
Speaker 5: I will repeat what I said earlier, way back when
I forgot you. I don't know if you remember, so
everything remotely didn't think so, So everybody, okay, everybody who's
like inside the circle, everybodys of the chefs, right, there's
an enchantment on them, so you see what you want
to see. So if you want to see man, woman,
big boob, little boob, no boob, dicks whatever, elf, dwarf.
So if you want to see nothing but elves working
behind these range, you will see nothing but elves behind
the thing. So as far as you're concerned, if that's
what you want to see, every single one of these
stone circles with a cook inside of it is an elf.
Speaker 2: All right, then.
Speaker 5: That means that's what you want to see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fine, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 10: I we'll move around the sky and.
Speaker 2: I'll let them take an off attack.
Speaker 5: Got it. Okay, So it's going to attempt to try
to crush you inside of its cal zone again. So
it's a D twenty plus eight. She's two, so a
ten missus badly.
Speaker 2: Yep, not to derail the tone, But is anyone else
ever fantasized about falling asleep? In a giant calzone.
Speaker 5: Who has Jesus?
Speaker 11: All right, So, since all our power's recharged and I
want to put a little distance between myself and this sky,
I will activate my boots of walking all over you.
Speaker 5: And okay, since I need to target this elf, who's
who's in here? Yep, that's not a problem. So yeah,
you launch? Are you ready? Boots? You click your heels,
You fly across the map, drop kicking that elf in
the face. Give me an I use elfin air quotes.
Speaker 8: Only, not I.
Speaker 2: Dropped kidding that minimum wage service worker in the face.
Speaker 5: It's it's a nobody. They have armicle. Yeah, you hit them.
They're they're just a person. They're just a person hiring
a cruise ship their employee, you know who? No, no,
that might not be an Okay, okay, we're an employee.
Well it's three damage. You didn't quite kill them yet.
Speaker 8: But you have burned my shrip motherfucker.
Speaker 5: Well, hang on, what's the average what's the average MPC half?
Speaker 10: It's three damage plus two, so it's five damage.
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, so you hit them so hard their heads
turning the wrong the other direction.
Speaker 2: Do you have any idea how how badly your life
has to go wrong in a light, in a world
of might and magic, when anyone can control godlike powers
to be a fucking buger flipper on a cruise ship
and you've just come along, just end this guy's day.
So move fluid, minimum wag, drift.
Speaker 10: Tips man Move's gonna look at at their corpse and
be like, sir, this is a Wendy's.
Speaker 5: So yeah, you with this lady lady uh in the
face her her next snaps around, so you like you
fly in anime style across the jaw. The head is now,
shoulders are shoulders and body facing one way, the head
looking one to eighty back where like now at you,
where you're now behind them, where you've cracked them. Corpse
falls over and you stand up and there are three
people waiting for their food in front of you.
Speaker 8: I feel like maybe this is an example of why
you don't pair the comic relief.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've made a We've made a bad decision here.
Speaker 8: It's like if rosen Krantz and Guilderstern, we're carrying the
full plot of a Hamlet and also one yeah, almost
I have.
Speaker 5: I've seen that movie and that's amazing. This is a
apart two right, the Rosenkrantsinger dead are amazing, all right?
Speaker 8: So uh what's that one? Rosen Krantz and Guildenstern give head.
Speaker 5: Yeah exactly. Uh so George, you're chasing uh at this
b ball Burger with your balls out, but he's driven
a ball that he's gonna aim at your balls.
Speaker 13: So he's gonna take a uh, he's gonna throw the basketball.
Thing to say, quick, if you said that boom speed,
that was great. I'm gonna make that my ring tone.
Speaker 5: Can you do that? I'm impressed? Oh dude, okay, a
twenty do rap his delight?
Speaker 9: I hit, I have it?
Speaker 5: No, godam it?
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 5: So peoble b comutch the balls right now Burder George
for Giant Basketball just slam with a twenty total twenty
not a natural twenty is anymore? God damn it. He's
taking this, So I gotta.
Speaker 8: He gotta start with Bob. I think it's the moral.
Speaker 5: You know what he's taking. He's gonna wake up with
a basketball shot to the nuts. That's what happens.
Speaker 8: Like.
Speaker 5: I don't care who he is. He's all fell over.
Speaker 8: Fuck well on the plus, I were winning America's funniest
till video.
Speaker 5: Same first sent so, uh, Matt demon and justin time
see the what's the cal zone? As it starts approach,
it's like it's looking for mood. He doesn't see moochs Now,
it's just gonna start this direction. So it's going to
attempt to engulf just in Time and the elf priests
and ingest them. Let's see what happens before. Okay, still
a teddy. Everybody miss it? Well, just the time gets
out of the way. This random actual elf lady I missed.
Uh yeah, so uh the poor veggie pizza and gulfs
and veggie pizza and anybody ever watched The Beast Master
when you were a kid and it star you. But
so when those the whatever reason he's you know, there's
people that are like this bird, like guys that wrapped
their arms on it and engulf them with acid and
they yeah that but but so they're ball there. Their
bones fall out to like pesto, aoli, sauce, goat, cheese
and uh, you know and broccoli.
Speaker 8: Did we do Beast Master on at the movies? I
feel like we did. We did.
Speaker 2: You should have remembered the cals. I would know but
you know, I was pretty.
Speaker 8: Talked about how many ferrets we estimated they went through.
Speaker 10: Moga is conflicted now because this this this monster just
killed an elf.
Speaker 5: There was a problem like that is like you hit
the one elf in the corn I did miss. There
wasn't el there. Technically there was one, but as far
as you were just on their elves everywhere, so you
just took hit the one far away. But yeah, that
that that veggie he's had just literally melted an elf.
This poor lady is now a pile of lactose and goo,
so I'll put her.
Speaker 8: So how exactly did the veggie pizza monster join the party? Well, no,
fuck you.
Speaker 5: If you'll let hands that way, you ain't keep veg
pizza better than hands, you know.
Speaker 8: What, because the vegie pizza doesn't talk.
Speaker 5: There all right, So just let Bevin know uh, because
he is. I saw him pop back in there. So,
mister bob Uh the basketball burger threw a ball like
a ball, throw a ball of your balls and hit you.
For I hit you an armacause of twenty I assume
you cannot not do anything about taking a testical shot
of twenty a c all right, So I'm gonna roll
some tescl damage.
Speaker 2: I wonder if D and D World has kind of
news reports, because it would just be like entirely normal
scenes Applebee's today.
Speaker 5: All right, Right, so you just took you just took
eight points of testical damage. You know, do you think
you have the constitution to stay standing or would you crumple?
Speaker 8: Well?
Speaker 9: I mean I think I cum just looking at move
last turn, so I guess I'll crumple.
Speaker 5: Okay, so you crumpled down. So that's we're gonna leave you.
Speaker 8: Guys.
Speaker 5: We're gonna hop back over to pulling piss. All right.
Speaker 8: But the name of this water park it's kind of
wearing its heat on the sleep.
Speaker 5: Well it was Wet Dreams with a Z because it
was cool.
Speaker 8: So, uh, you know what pulling piss is better.
Speaker 7: I'm definitely buying a Souvenior Advisor.
Speaker 5: Oh god, I had that lime green one. Yeah you are.
Speaker 2: You should have done that before going into combat. And Mike,
get your eyes.
Speaker 5: You're in the right place.
Speaker 6: Just pissed, just and then they come out with like
red eyes. How big am I compared to this thing?
Because I really want to pick it up.
Speaker 5: Uh, you are at ten feet it is at fifteen feet. No,
it's at twenty fot you are half its size.
Speaker 7: Oh dang, I wanted to fight, so you can't pick
it up.
Speaker 5: It's just gonna be harder. You can give it a shot, okay, Yeah,
I do want to try, so you're gonna okay. So
basically it's pool rules, so you're just you're trying to
do a classic pool belly to back suplex. Yeah, you've
got around the way, so you're trying to slam. Okay,
I get it, so give me, give me a grapple check,
so give me an athletics role. Atoletics twenty two is
good God damn. So it's higher than it's ac it's
going to try now, it's good to try to wrap.
It's going to try to do an athletics or acrobatics
to get around you. But it has shit for aprobatics.
So this is what happens here. You beat it. It
has a plus eight, so it rolled a twenty. You
got a twenty two. So you have managed to grapple
this thing. You're trying to flip it over backwards and
don't get correct
Speaker 7: Yeah, or actually push it more towards the shore because okay,