Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is good at
Patreon dot com slash software history, where every week you
get two additional episodes on Wednesday and Friday. And at
this point we have a three year evergreen back catalog
to check out pictureon dot com slash software history. Thank you.
On today's episode, we talk about miss Crowley, what a
voice you like? My Alsie impression there, I was a
brilliant Aussie impression. I would say, yeah, thank you. I
think I nailed it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1: I mean this episode is just gangbusters from the start.
Our friend Alex Buscemi joins to talk about this total loon.
I had a lot of fun, so enjoy.
Speaker 3: Welcome to softcore History.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to soft core History. I'm your host of
the week, Dan re Jester, joined as always by Rob Fox,
What Up? And very special guest Alex Buscemi.
Speaker 3: What go back.
Speaker 1: Is in the building? Once up? Did?
Speaker 3: Dude? Not much? Man? Clean cut and look I just
I just look clean cut because I'm wearing a polo.
Speaker 2: But you don't have a mullet anymore.
Speaker 3: I haven't had the bullet for like a year.
Speaker 1: You haven't seen him for a long time.
Speaker 3: Huh.
Speaker 2: Clearly, I haven't one of the last time he was
on the show. I don't remember the.
Speaker 3: Last time I was on the show. I didn't have
the mullet anymore.
Speaker 1: Ron doesn't pay attention, pay attention anything. It doesn't matter.
I'm excited for today because if boushe was telling me,
still a little drunk from last night, still fucked.
Speaker 3: Up, I am. Yeah, I mean, I'm not you know,
a Sunday morning. I told him. I was like, dude,
I don't. I was like, fuck, I don't know if
I can make this, but I found a way for
you guys. We appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it was supposed to be Sunday night,
but then shit changed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, got to work around the schedule of our bosses.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this is not ideal. I'd prefer to be
drinking right.
Speaker 1: Now, but you can drink. He's drinking right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't want to though.
Speaker 3: Baday morning, dude, It's just like a tread, like a brunch,
you know, fel like I feel like I'll feel great
in the moment and then the rest of my day
will be a living hell. Yeah. You probably got to
take the kids to practices and stuff, right, you got
you got shit going on. I bet you got to
get to Costco.
Speaker 1: Both of my parents raised me while they were intoxicated.
My mom was always drunk, my dad was always high. Fine, Yeah,
my dad was a huge postmoker.
Speaker 3: Really really, I didn't know your parents were both blasted
while they were Maybe that's what killed is lung now,
d it was the chemicals he's breathing in for forty years.
Speaker 2: We just safe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course that. All the studies and all the
podcasters told me that weed is actually good for your lungs.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, helps clear it out. Man. It's
of the earth on like tobacco. Dude, there is nothing
natural about the weed we're smoking now, Dude, that ship
it's dude, it's like too much it.
Speaker 2: I feel like the weed that that gets sold today
is the equivalent of like everything is the blue ribbon
pumpkin at the state fair. Yeah know what I mean.
It's not a normal sized pumpkin anymore. Every type of
weed is just the freak pumpkin that they cross bread
and fill the shit until it was one thousand pounds.
Speaker 3: Dude, everybody has yeah, everybody has a thousand pound and
pumpkin now and high as fucked.
Speaker 2: I don't want it too much. I don't want it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's weed, that's just jacked to the gills.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, get me the mids. Get me something that
will make me a little silly, a little hungry. I
don't want to see God every time I take it, right.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine if every single beer was like twelve ABV.
That's fucking weed now, like every single.
Speaker 3: I mean that's craft beer too though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you can't drink twelve. You can drink twelve
bud Lights, but you cannot drink twelve. Ip A's right,
Like that'll black you fucking out.
Speaker 3: Twelve bud lights will black you out too, man, that's plissy.
I mean, I guess that depends how quick you drink them.
If it's twelve over, you know, ten hours, you'll be fine.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's usually usually like twelve over between six
to ten. It's like a tailgate.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you would be fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wait, if you drink twelve in like three hours, you're
gonna be blacked out.
Speaker 1: This is actual great preamble for our topic today.
Speaker 2: Why is that a lot.
Speaker 1: Of substance abuse?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, in this episode, we love a good substance abuse.
I'm sad that I'm not gonna I forgot my zins.
I fucking I'm not drinking right now. Like nothing is
going well for me.
Speaker 1: I've already broken my uh non energy drink fast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was never gonna last.
Speaker 1: Coffee just doesn't do it for me anymore. It's I
could drink twelve cups of cole Brew feel nothing.
Speaker 2: Oh see, colebrew explows my heart, but.
Speaker 1: What does blows my asshole?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good clear out for sure. I get
I get these ads now on Instagram that are like,
you could lose ten pounds tomorrow by taking colon broom
you just filled with poop, And I'm like, I don't
think I am. I think I'm pretty sure I am
blasting it all out all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to I want to say, like fifty
percent of my shit's are diary and I I feel
like I live pretty healthy. Oh, I drink a lot.
Speaker 1: But fifty of your poops are emergencies.
Speaker 3: Not emergencies but wet or loose.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh, those like twenty five percent of your.
Speaker 3: General How many are emergencies are run to the toilet.
I don't know if run, but it's like a fast
paced Yeah, like whoa, I don't know about a run,
but it's like I'm gonna need to find a toilet
in the next thirty or yeah, these pants are ruined.
Speaker 2: Now Is that a good preable.
Speaker 1: Kind of yeah? Perfect. Actually, today we're talking about a
man the media portrayed as one of the most wicked,
vile humans to ever live, a dude whose own religious
mother called the Beast, and a guy many considered to
be the father of modern day occultism. He influenced the Beatles,
Timothy Leary and l Ron Hubbard. We of course heard
finally doing an episode on Alistair Crowley.
Speaker 2: Oh right, I forgot you told me you were gonna
do Alistair Crowley, miss crow but you had to make
sure Jake hadn't done it already, like four years ago.
Speaker 1: Yep, he finally got back to me. He's like, uh, yeah,
somehow I miss that. Would have thought he led with
this subject for the podcast Jake Number one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So. Edward Alexander Crowley was born into a fundamental
Christian Warwickshire family in October of eighteen seventy five. His
old man, Ed was a retired engineer who cashed out
his portion of the family's bruin business, Crowley's Alton Ale
before little Eddie came into the world. So they were
banking on this bruin business.
Speaker 2: Making bank or banking on it as in like no
they may only hope.
Speaker 1: No, they crushed okay, okay, okay. So he came into
money pretty I mean as soon as he was born money, okay,
because his dad's family was in this like anale business.
Speaker 2: Cashed out of shares.
Speaker 1: Yeah, his dad did. Yeah, his dad just cashed out,
got a shit ton of money, and then retired respect Yeah.
He was a former Quaker converted to evangelicalism, and big
Ed spent most of his retirement as a traveling preacher
because it ain't no zell it like a convert.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good lord, what and you to do all that
with beer money. You're gonna have all that beer money,
and that's what you're gonna do with it.
Speaker 1: He would read a chapter of the Bible to his
wife and little lead every morning for breakfast.
Speaker 3: Oh it's sufferable.
Speaker 2: Wait a chapter, because chapters aren't that long in the Bible.
Speaker 1: It's like breakfast, dude.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like chapter one, book through your verse three Okay.
Speaker 1: Dude, I'm eating some eggs and some bread. That take
that long.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, I'm saying it's chapters aren't long. If it's
like a book. He's like, today we're reading Genesis at breakfast.
Speaker 1: Not just chapter. We're not doing an entire yeah, book
of the Bible. No, man. They had a pretty good relationship,
whereas much as a father and a son could back
in the late nineteenth century, and Eddie described his pops
as his hero and good friend. Okay, that wasn't until
his dad died of oral cancer when he was eleven,
and he often cited this as the turning point of
his life.
Speaker 2: Smoker. Probably dad's just well, I mean, between all the
coal in the air and his dad.
Speaker 1: Just having chewing tobacco.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, oral cancer seems like it's just like
a you just countdown to cancer.
Speaker 1: Back then, they said specifically tongue cancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah you can get that from smoking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, toung cancer's nasty though.
Speaker 2: Any foul, any type of cancer like that. He said,
those pictures that was the most effective anti tobacco thing
I've ever seen was the fucking pictures of the dudes
without jaws who did chewing tobacco or whatever.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: I was just like, whoa, because like someone with lung cancer,
it's like, well, it's their ugliness is on the inside. Yeah,
I can't see it. I mean, I guess the people
with the like larynx, yeah.
Speaker 3: But they're not missing the lower half of their face. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But when they're just like oh yeah, that's I was like,
all right, well, I guess I won't show it.
Speaker 1: He inherited a third of his father's ale fortune and
began to act up in school. He was brutally beaten
by Reverend Henry Darcy Chapney, who he described as a
man of the cloth and a true sadist. Jesus, so
he used to beat the fuck out of him for
acting out.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, for Jesus. He went home every night and
he's like, Lord, why.
Speaker 3: Did these boys want to beat in so badly?
Speaker 2: Why do you want me to give it to them?
The arms sore?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 2: Lord?
Speaker 1: This, of course, helped him check out of the whole
Christianity thing. He started to pick fights with his teachers
about the religion, and you know, just as an act
of rebellion, started to smoke and bang prosty's in his teens.
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, oh nice.
Speaker 2: How old was what year was this?
Speaker 1: This is his teenage years.
Speaker 3: He's like, he's like fourteen banging prop He.
Speaker 1: Lost his virginity at fourteen. Okay, but what I'm just
saying like he was born in seventy five.
Speaker 2: Okay, so eighteen eighty nine. Yeah sick. I'm just saying
that's like, literally he's banging prostitutes a year after Jack
the Ripper is killing prostess.
Speaker 1: We're gonna mention Jack the Ripper real quick.
Speaker 3: Okay. You know they found Jack. They did an episode
on that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we just did that two weeks ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they killed the guy. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: He lost his virginity one of the family's maids on
his mother's bed. The maid was promptly fired and became
a homeless drunk. It is rumored that she became one
of Jack the Ripper's victims.
Speaker 2: Dude, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: So he's wiener, he was wiener cousins with Jack the Ripper.
Speaker 1: Well, well maybe I don't know if Jack fucked all
the prostitutes he killed.
Speaker 2: Yeah you imagine though. Yeah, I'm eskimo bros. Jack the Ripper,
that would be that's do it.
Speaker 3: Who's do you y'all have a famous eskimo bro.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, it's he's less famous than he used to be,
but yeah, uh Anthony Rizzo, the New York Yankees first baseman.
Oh nice who is? He won a World Series with
the Cubs. He was better on the Cubs and he
was on the Yankees.
Speaker 3: Nice mine is? Uh? My most famous eskimo bro would
be the lead singer of All That Remains.
Speaker 1: I have an eskimo brows shares the same birthday as man.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, you guys are true bros.
Speaker 1: I Knowronk.
Speaker 3: Youre Gronk bros with like top tier athletes. Though that's
way that's way more impressive than the lead singer of
All That Remains, the guy with the nipple rings.
Speaker 2: I like that. Though.
Speaker 1: Sex became a major vice in his life, and he
contracted ghanar rhea early on, which only agitated a pre
existing kidney disease. By college, he develops some more family
friendly hobbies like chess and mountain climbing, spending time in
the Alps every year from eighteen ninety four to eighteen
ninety eight.
Speaker 2: Wait, so this guy just had gotoreea for the rest
of his life.
Speaker 1: I think he cleared up a little bit. He gets
more than Goneria.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I think Gonnoia doesn't stick around. I don't know.
I've never had an STD, so.
Speaker 1: I've never had an STD either, tells about tell us
about GONORIEA I've.
Speaker 3: Never had I just got a fucking whatever it's called STD. Check.
I'm clean, baby, let's go, and my te levels are good.
You know, I got all the I got all the stuff,
all this stuff I got, no I got no engine
lights on, no lights on the dashboard. I'm good to go, baby.
Speaker 1: That said, he was still banging out hookers pretty regularly
and contracted Syphiliss Wile at Cambridge.
Speaker 3: Oh, there's nothing you can do about that back then either, Yeah,
I go insane, melts.
Speaker 2: Your brain slowly, but surely boy did it? Boy?
Speaker 1: In eighteen ninety six, Crowley went away on holiday to
Stockholm and he had what he described his as his
first mystical experience, and by that he just did a
bunch of drugs and popped his cherry with dudes.
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean, when you've had enough prostitutes.
Speaker 2: I guess what about what you said isn't magical?
Speaker 1: Well, he experienced it as horror and pain. Yet at
the same time. It was the key to the purest
and holiest spiritual ecstasy, ecstasy that existed.
Speaker 2: Okay, so he bottomed on drugs.
Speaker 1: Well, if he said horror and pain, Yeah, you have
to assume he was at least he's a power bottom.
Speaker 2: He bought it. Yeah, he bottomed.
Speaker 3: He was. He's a dominant. He sounds like a dominant man.
I bet he was definitely a power bottom. Yeah, he
was generating the thrust.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 2: He was in charge the whole time, you know what
I mean. So he bottomed while taking some drugs, and
also his life was on drugs at this point because
syphilis was just constantly fucking up his brain.
Speaker 1: Probably better for the dude if he was the bottom,
because you got to get that dirty dick away.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you you're less likely.
Speaker 1: To contract an STD from the ass, I don't know.
Speaker 2: No top, just topping.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, you're much more likely to get an SDD
from anal sex. Yeah, which like a if a woman
has sex with a man with AIDS, it's like a
one percent chance of transmission. But if they've anal is
like it's skyrockets.
Speaker 1: But it is the syphilis and gonnerion exclusively on his
penis or is it everywhere in his body?
Speaker 3: The simplest and gun I mean, I mean, I mean
you transmit it through the penis, Like I don't I
think you can hug a guy with syphilis newly fine, I.
Speaker 1: Don't mean that. But like, if you're fucking a dude
who has a gonneriea dick and yeah, yeah yeah, are
you more likely or less likely to get the gonnerrie?
Speaker 2: Less likely?
Speaker 1: Probably because if he's fucking you and the ass, then
you'll get the GUNNERRIEA. I don't know.
Speaker 2: How yeah, yeah yeah yah yea, yeah, yeah, I'm probably
not gonna get gonerio talking to talking a guy with
goneria and the ass, I don't think you're gonna get.
Speaker 1: It, okay, I think you're less likely.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if they have that goneria to blast the ass,
then then you're heading GONERIEA.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I think if you're receiving.
Speaker 2: Receiving is way easier to get an STD.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I imagine, so, which just seems like it
because it's going into you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The next year, he moved to Saint Petersburg in hopes
of learning Russian and going down a diplomatic career path
in the country. Sure, sure, but became deathly ill in
October of eighteen ninety six and came to grips with
his own mortality. He also swallowed a major black pill
that hard work amounts to nothing and life was ultimately pointless,
and decided to give up on pursuing the geopolitical thing
and shifted his energy and attention to occultism.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, sure, why not.
Speaker 3: That's the natural progression of the syphilitic mind.
Speaker 2: It seems like he hasn't even tried to work that hard.
Speaker 1: Why would heah some money? Dude?
Speaker 2: That is funny. That is much like a rich kid
blackpill thing, like it pullshit, nothing bad. I'm not happy
with those.
Speaker 1: That's what he thinks at first, And eventually that kind
of escalates into like just do what you want, yeah,
which becomes a religion, which is.
Speaker 2: Hilarious because he's already doing what he wants. Yeah, entirely.
If you're going to Sweden on a whim to get
drilled by other dudes, you're doing.
Speaker 1: Whatever you want. That wasn't his intention, all right. He
just did a bunch of drugs and one thing led
to another.
Speaker 2: Just saying you're living whatever life. You're like, no one's
stopping you from doing anything at that?
Speaker 1: Oh certainly, I mean if yeah, we haven't even gotten
to most of his life and where he just picks
up and does whatever he wants.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys keep going on and take a bathroom.
Speaker 1: Break and we're bad.
Speaker 3: I had to take a little hangover shit.
Speaker 1: Really not great for your you know, numbers of not
being an emergency.
Speaker 3: That one was definitely the previous day. In my defense,
I drank a lot last night. I like how you
guys have an Alpha bidet too, Like, it's not gay
getting water up up my butt. It's Alpha bidet, bro Alpha.
Speaker 2: Yet yeah, we still installed it. They ordered it and
they're like, yeah, we put them into you. It's like,
I'm not installing that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to share a bidet with other men.
Speaker 3: No, it's not like I mean, what what what?
Speaker 2: Why would that?
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a weird thing to happen. Public bidet,
A public bidet.
Speaker 3: I mean, dude, Like, I mean if you go to
Thailand or the Philippines, like they they're all public bidets.
Speaker 2: But it's not.
Speaker 3: It's like a hose that you take off the wall.
And that's a nightmare. It looks like a garden hose basically,
and then you just like take it off the wall
and just put it between your legs.
Speaker 1: And I want to get blasted in the ass by
water in the comfort of my own home. I don't
want to do it at work.
Speaker 3: It's too private of a too private of an order.
Speaker 2: So we were just talking about getting gone to re
up the asshole. Let me tell you something right now,
I'm not blasting Thaie tap water into my fucking asshole.
Speaker 3: Dude. That might have been how I had my medical
issues there.
Speaker 1: Like, truly, it's not happening. Yeah, it wasn't. The fucking
ghost dude was throwback. Crowley began reading foreign literature like
The Book of Black Magic and Packs of the Cloud
upon the Sanctuary. He also wrote his own publications, like
The White Stain, which was a series of poems on
male MASTURBATIONE.
Speaker 3: Series of poems. Tell me you have one of them
here for us? I don't, but oh, come on, I'll
find it.
Speaker 2: I'll find it.
Speaker 3: Find a series of poems on male masturbas.
Speaker 1: He did a lot of this stuff. I'm not going
to cite every one of his publications.
Speaker 3: He wrote a lot, a lot of poems about jacking it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that's awesome. Now, we'll say he may sound
kind of like an edged lord and h a little
bit of a try hard with certain things, especially when
it comes to sex. But I do think it was
always a little tongue in cheek. He was a little
bit self aware. Oh yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you're writing poems about jack and off,
they had to be like comedic poem.
Speaker 1: And he wasn't necessarily the most handsome man. So the
fact that he was able to pull a lot of
ass outside of the prostitutes meant he had a bunch
of charisma.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was risen him up. But dude, what was
anybody attractive back then? I feel like late eighteen hundreds,
early nineteen hundreds, pre dental care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, feels feels like there weren't many.
Speaker 1: Don't spend too much time looking forward to either.
Speaker 2: It's hard to I finding, like the book, but I'm
not finding yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: In eighteen ninety eight, he visited Switzerland and hooked up
with chemist Julian L. Baker, discussing their shared love of alchemy.
Baker introduced Crowley to his brother in Law, who was
a member of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn,
a secret society dedicated to dark magic and spiritual development.
Modern day Wicca and Thelma rituals and traditions are inspired
from the group. Crowley was initiated by the group's leader,
Samuel Ladell McGregor mathers into the Outer Order a few
months later, in November eighteen ninety eight.
Speaker 2: So you got him quick, m M. I think you
did stuff with them.
Speaker 1: He was also rich.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you get fast tracked. Like if if you
go out to scientology, you pull up in a fucking Ben's,
you know, a fucking range rower.
Speaker 1: It's like being a legacy in a fraternity.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, oh hell, right to the front line,
whereas like some poor persons like please, I just need answers,
I'll do anything. They're like, wait your fucking turn.
Speaker 1: Our guy moved into a luxury flat in London and
invited senior Golden Dawn member Alan Bennett to live with
him to be his own personal magic tutor. Okay, Bennett
essentially taught Crowley some low end Jenet level one hundred
magic like what, and they did a bunch of drugs together.
All the name of ritual purposes. I don't fucking.
Speaker 3: Mind.
Speaker 2: His mind is just withering away. And I assume they
were banging.
Speaker 1: He's you should always assume he's banging.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's fucking all these dudes.
Speaker 2: Like, but it's not gay. It's like pan sexual. Like
they're banging each other. They get five hookers, they bang
them together, like one just watches the other bang. They
just jerk off in front of each other one night.
Then the next night they're just banging hookers, not even
really caring about each other, and then like one day
they just tired, so they just blow each other.
Speaker 3: Like it's just it's just sixty nine tonight. Yeah, you know,
I don't.
Speaker 2: Have the energy.
Speaker 1: Although this group was a little bit uh anti homo eroticism,
doesn't sound like it.
Speaker 3: Do you guys think they did well?
Speaker 1: Not with this guy, but the group as a whole,
And we'll get to it later.
Speaker 3: Do you guys think they did a four person sixty
nine also known as the hashtag ooh, four person sixty nine,
it's it's called a hashtag?
Speaker 1: Well, they probably did the original swasaka symbol because it
was like Hindu and how would that prosperity.
Speaker 2: I think you need eight people for that, maybe right, Yeah,
some people wouldn't be giving.
Speaker 3: Some people would only be receiving. If you're at the
end of the swastika, you know, I mean, if you're
an arm of the Swatstka, like at the outer arm one, two, three.
Speaker 1: Four five, you're not accounting that you could just bend
your legs.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, well then that could just be two people.
Speaker 3: I think they just had just good old fashioned fucked piles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, back to the pile, but to the pile.
Speaker 1: Bennett eventually left for South Asia and totally flipped the
switch on his life from darkness to light, become an
instrumental and introducing Buddhism to the United Kingdom. So he
gets out of Dodge with this group and leaves Crowley alone.
In November of eighteen ninety nine, Crowley purchased a large
manor on the shore of Lochness in Scotland. Interesting he
got ingrained in Scottish culture and began wearing the traditional
Highland dress.
Speaker 2: What a turd. He just like goes places and absorbs
the cold. I should note that it's funny that his
buddy just woke up one day, he woke up kind
of like I woke up this morning where it's like
you drink too much.
Speaker 1: You drink too much, Yeah, to turn this around.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then like that guy woke up and he's like,
this is ridiculous. You cannot keep doing opium and fucking
horse and alistair all night every night. Like it's just
you're running through opium and holes left and right. You
gotta stop. And then like his I and his solution
for that was, you need to go to East Asia.
You're doing too much opium, banging too many horse. You
gotta go to East Asia.
Speaker 3: Fine enlightenment, he said, there's gonna be even more hooking.
Speaker 1: Dude.
Speaker 3: It's like their whole thing.
Speaker 2: It's like me being like it's like if you were
just like, oh god, I've eaten too many I've eaten
too much hamburgers and chili. I gotta go to Ohio.
Like it's just what.
Speaker 3: You're too many progies. I gotta go to Klee.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Crowley got through his beginner's defense against the Dark Arts
courses and was ready to move on to level two
of the order.
Speaker 2: That said.
Speaker 1: He was not particularly liked or even tolerated much within
the secret Society. The whole banging dude's thing was a
big hang up for most of the boys in the
Magic Club.
Speaker 3: Weird, really, Magic's like the gayest thing.
Speaker 1: Hey, man, get your gay shit out of our Magic Club.
Speaker 2: Alistair Crowley's the only one with any self awareness. You're right,
you're right.
Speaker 1: The London chapter refused to upgrade his sorcery skills and
welcomed him into the second Order, So our wealthy Wizard
went to Paris to visit the head honcho of the
operation who initiated Crowley from the jump, Samuel Adell McGregor Mathers.
Please try not to cough into the mic too much.
Speaker 2: I moved the mic away.
Speaker 1: How sick are you gonna You're gonna be sick for life?
Speaker 2: I'm not sick. I just have some leftover little drippings.
Speaker 3: He's not sick, he's ill.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's also true.
Speaker 1: Mathers gave Crowley clearance to Level two, and that pissed
off everyone else in London to the point that they
straight up isolated both men from the group. Crowley listening
pay to play, Yeah, but they're like, you're you've been
in a fraternity. You fucking hate people when you're.
Speaker 2: You hate group. Yeah, they're like, I don't.
Speaker 1: Fuck with you anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, dude, this guy sucks. Let's stop. Let's stop
bringing him around.
Speaker 1: I talked to like five guys from my fraternity still
maybe maybe like on a routine base.
Speaker 2: I would say I'm friends with like ten or twelve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're not talking to them.
Speaker 2: On a daily basis. No, but I don't talk to
most people.
Speaker 3: On daily basis. I don't talk to you like anybody
on it.
Speaker 1: I'm not like, hey, guys, well, no, modern friendship now
is just sharing memes on Instagram.
Speaker 3: Yeah, basically it's just back in funny real you found bike.
Speaker 1: You don't even say, hey, this reminds me of It's
just like, here's a meme. You share a meme, he
shares a meme.
Speaker 2: Dude.
Speaker 3: I was talking to this woman who's jen Z, and
she's like, yeah, me and my friend will sit in
the same room together and send each other reels back
and forth. That's a night while we're just sitting in
the same room.
Speaker 1: It's awful.
Speaker 3: I know. I was like, Jesus Christ, your generation is cooked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolute garbage generation. But whatever, who cares. I don't care.
Do what you want.
Speaker 1: Crowley went on to Mexico in nineteen hundred, where he
chilled for a little bit with a mama Sita, got initiated,
apparently into the Free Masons, climbed a few mountains, escaping
a volcanic eruption at one point, and wrote a play
in a series of poems that he published into another book.
Speaker 3: He's like the most interesting man alive. Like, just you
just casually throw in escaped a volcano erupting volcano. Yeah,
we're like if that's a little aside in your life.
Speaker 1: We're only like a page in right now. We still
got plenty more ballpark.
Speaker 3: How many dudes has he fucked at this point? How
many people has he has he fucked?
Speaker 2: These people quad? These four digits.
Speaker 1: I don't know about this point, but in his lifetime,
I wouldn't put it past. Like the Wilt Chamberlain numbers.
Oh well, like what ten thousand thousand?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh man.
Speaker 2: Five figs? Damn has anyone hit his whole figs? That's
what I want to know.
Speaker 3: I mean, prostitutes probably six figs, so many. I mean,
they just are fucking all day.
Speaker 1: I'm sure the porn star that got pregnant from a
thousand dudes. Well at one point trying.
Speaker 3: There's no way she fucked eates and just the way
she fucked one thousand dudes a day, like some of
those guys were definitely just like jerking off in the corner.
Speaker 1: Logistically, it just it doesn't seem possible. I guess maybe
they put their penis in and then leave.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, there's no way that they all nutted. That
does that count? No, I don't think a nut counts.
Speaker 1: Sex doesn't fully have to be a nut, right, Yeah,
as long as penetration happens.
Speaker 3: Unless she grips like that like the retarded count holding
the class hamster.
Speaker 2: The average human being lives twenty eight basically twenty nine
thousand days. That's your life span, twenty nine thousand days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, he lived into his seventies.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying what I'm telling you got to be
knocking out.
Speaker 1: Let's let's do the math.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 1: He lived into his seventies, right, but.
Speaker 2: He started fucking at fourteen. Yeah, So, I mean.
Speaker 3: I think I think a prostitute could hit like ten thousand.
Speaker 2: Ten thousand, no question. I'm saying six figures, ohka, one
hundred thousand bodies.
Speaker 3: Oh there's no way anyone's ever hit that many.
Speaker 1: It's too hard.
Speaker 3: There might be someone in uh, you know, nineteen hundred England.
Speaker 1: No, there's just mathematically you can't do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're probably right.
Speaker 2: Fifty six times three hundred and sixty five. So he
was sexually active for twenty thousand days basically, so he'd
have to be putting away five a day.
Speaker 3: That's a life.
Speaker 1: You have to live keep that pace.
Speaker 2: And you can't and we can't repeat.
Speaker 3: No right, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, if you have this, yeah,
that doesn't count.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So there's gotta be some flirtatious you know, time
built in. There's gotta be some four play.
Speaker 2: Maybe just saying someboty nobody you're not insert and dry, right,
nobody's ever done it as far as I'm now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but damn it, Alistair got close to.
Speaker 2: Has anyone even had zacks one hundred thousand times in
their life?
Speaker 1: Yeah? You and your what?
Speaker 3: No way?
Speaker 1: You love her so much?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had I have more children than anyone here
and less sex. She's been pregnant for three years. I've
basically it sex like five times.
Speaker 1: Every time you enter her you pop out a baby.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean once the once she's pregnant, it's.
Speaker 1: Just like over you not into it.
Speaker 2: The horny pregnant chick thing is bullshit, at least for me.
Nine months of like a random blowjob here or there.
Speaker 3: Oh that's not, that's not. I like, random blow jobs
are the best kind. You know, we weren't expecting and
then sudden yeh yeah, yeah, suddenly she's your You're in
her mouth. That's great. That's exactly the sound I make
when I get a bull job.
Speaker 2: Now her dad subscribes as a show, but I don't
think he listens to it.
Speaker 1: No, probably not. You would have heard at this point
whether or not the line yeah, and you've said much
worse much but maybe he's a Crowley boy. He was like, oh,
it's like, wow, this is actually finally.
Speaker 2: An episode I care about, and I'm just let my
wife and Rob goes we Yeah.
Speaker 1: So he gets bored with Mexico, said deuces to the
Hispanic mommy and left to Hawaii on a ship from
San Francisco.
Speaker 2: This guy's just going everywhere.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I went on a bumble date with
a Hispanic mommy very recently, like a mother. No, no, no,
she's she's not a mother.
Speaker 1: She's just mad, you know.
Speaker 3: But uh, yeah, we're in I'm in my I'm thirty two.
I want to say half the chicks on my dating Yeah,
but he said that.
Speaker 1: Because you implied that she was Hispanic.
Speaker 2: I'm it's the double.
Speaker 3: She's from Mexico.
Speaker 2: It's the double. It's that she's Hispanic and you're in
your thirties. It's a miracle she didn't have a child.
Speaker 3: I know, right, but uh but yeah, I was. We
were talking about colleges for some reason. She's like, oh, yeah,
I had a friend who went to jail. And I
was like, oh, what they do to go to jail.
She's like, oh, you know, studied really hard, got a scholarship.
I was like, a scholarship to go to jail. She's like, no, jail.
I was like what. He's like, you know, the college
in Boston jail because like, yeah, she because.
Speaker 1: Of her accident yail.
Speaker 3: She couldn't say yeah yeah. I was like, this has
to be like a you know George Lopez bit.
Speaker 1: The problem because they'll text you not ha ha ha
it's josh. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I thought that was funny.
Speaker 1: While on the boat, he had an affair within married
woman by the name of Mary Alice Rogers fell in
love with her and wrote a series of poems and
published romance book about the whole thing. I'm sure her
husband was thrilled to pick up a copy about his
unfaithful wife getting piped down by a magic man at sea.
Speaker 2: I think, what's funnier? You wonder if she's like, oh,
your poems are so beautiful? Can I read your older poems?
Do you have other poems? And he's like, ah, no,
like all about Jack for the first poems I ever wrote?
Speaker 1: What the White State?
Speaker 3: Yeah, not ding, it's ectoplasm.
Speaker 2: From the Ghosts.
Speaker 1: Crowley went on to the Japan in Hong Kong, where
he briefly reconnected with Alan Bennett. Bennett was like, I'm
about this path of enlightenment and reincarnation. Crowley wasn't feeling
it at all.
Speaker 2: Crowley's like, let me toss one in for old time's sake, Benny.
Speaker 3: That come on, Well, they definitely dicked each other.
Speaker 1: So he wasn't down with the Buddhism. But he's like,
maybe I'll give Hinduism a chance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's Buddhism is crazier cousin, So.
Speaker 1: He goes to India and he keeps it chugging along.
He ends up getting malaria and has to hunker down
and recover in Calcutta. Eventually gets better and for some
reason has a sweet idea to invite his mountain climbing
boys from college to conquer K two, which at that
point had never been done ever. I'm K two, Like
we're gonna be the first.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sweet, I think that's stupid to do now, let alone.
Speaker 1: Then, so all throughout his life too, there's just this
background theme of him trying to conquer mountains with his uh,
his college buddies, like they're never around for the occultism
or the crazy magic shit, but they're like, yeah, dude,
I'll fucking climb K two with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. He just calls them up and they're like you
got to think. There's like a obviously not a group text,
but like whatever the Dat Times version of the group
text is where it's just like, dude, did you read
Alistair's book?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What up to?
Speaker 1: Because I have buddies that I'll go back to Orlando
and hang out with and like I have a good time,
but like, yeah, I don't keep up to date with
their day to day.
Speaker 2: Right, but then but one of them does right, like
the one. There's always one that's more plugged in, and
then they'll just be like, dude, Alistair has been actually
up to some really weird funck. Like I know he
seems normal because I feel like he just kind of
reverts when we're around like college days, but like we're.
Speaker 1: Just rehab old stories.
Speaker 2: He's he's been getting into some shit. Dude. He's in
like eight different black societies. He's banging anything. Wouldn't like
any woman know anything thing. I'm just telling you, like,
I don't know if we should climb this mountain this time.
Alistair's getting into for while we know Alistairs wants to
open a portal at the top and die. Like I'm
just warning you now, he's not the Alistair you remember.
Speaker 3: Like it's fine, dude, we climb mountains, what we do
come on college?
Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck yeah, Alistair's just writing poems about getting anal.
Speaker 1: They only get about twenty thousand feet up before eventually
ripping the cord and turn him back. So K two's
about twenty eight thousand feet.
Speaker 3: Oh god, that's so close.
Speaker 2: They were close, didn't they though? Now I feel like
it's the last eight thousands.
Speaker 3: But really that's when it goes straight the fuck up. Yeah,
it really gets you.
Speaker 1: They all get hit with like a crazy flew. Crowley
developed snow blindness for his efforts.
Speaker 2: Didn't ring sunglasses.
Speaker 1: No, Crowley at this point had enough of India and Pakistan,
and he goes to Paris in nineteen oh two.
Speaker 2: Okay, back to where he did he meet with his
magic boys again.
Speaker 1: No, he makes friends with painter Gerald Kelly and weasels
his way into both the French art scene and the
pants of Kelly's sister.
Speaker 2: Okay, good for him.
Speaker 1: What happened to his love the married woman that he
fell in love with on a boat? She went back
to her husband. Okay, yeah, No, This is a common
theme with his whole life. He falls in love with
women for a brief period and then he moves on.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, although.
Speaker 3: What a boss.
Speaker 1: Crowley actually marries Rose Edith Kelly in nineteen oh three
in a self described marriage of convenience, at first to
help Rose avoid an arranged situation her family set up.
This blew up his friendship with Gerald, but Crowley eventually
comes to love Rose the more time he spends with
their especially on their honeymoon to Cairo and Sri Lanka.
Speaker 2: Now they married, but they weren't into each other at first,
so they bang on the honeymoon.
Speaker 3: Basically, Oh yeah, dude, to travel this much in pre
airplane times is crazy.
Speaker 2: This guy spend his whole life on a boat.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, that's wild.
Speaker 1: Dude, that that al must have been good, make that
kind of fortune well. In Cairo in February of nineteen
oh four, Alistair and Rose set up a temple room
in their apartment where they would bang and invoke ancient
Egyptian deities.
Speaker 2: What God damn, he just gets anyone in on this shit.
Speaker 3: That's his whole game. Probably, Yeah, you know he's he's uh,
just like those guys with man buns and shit today.
Speaker 1: You know, opening up chakras.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, I'm going to enlighten you. My penis going
on my root chakra. Yeah, like the one single guy
who goes to the hot yoga class and sits in
the front of the room and just prays on women afterwards.
Speaker 1: He's flexible.
Speaker 3: Respect to game.
Speaker 1: Must have had some good drug fueled sessions, because Rose
started getting starts getting delirious from all the digmatizing and
starts telling Alistair that God Horace was waiting for him.
So she goes nuts perfect and they go to a
museum and she shows him this seventh century stone that
was exhibit six six six. He takes it as a sign,
knowing it was the number of the Beast, and suddenly
starts hearing a messenger of Horace, who apparently yaps for
the next three days as Alistair writes down everything that
is dictated to him and creates the Book of Law.
Speaker 2: Oh so he went Joseph Smith's style. He was like
a voice certainly I can hear while his wife is
what like going insane and blowing him and leaping and
going insane and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, yeah, also, well she was also an alcoholic,
allegedly alcoholic.
Speaker 2: Gotta think she's got his syphilist by this point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's probably the syphilist brain.
Speaker 2: Yeah eah, yeah, yeah, I'm surprised this guy's still walking around.
Speaker 1: Okay, to be honest, he made it to like seventy
two man crazy, and he got gonorrhea and syphilis at
like fourteen and seventeen or something like.
Speaker 2: The gonorrhea you know, that goes away. But yeah, yeah,
the syphilis is seventeen.
Speaker 1: I don't think he treated it.
Speaker 2: No, of course he didn't treat it.
Speaker 1: So it didn't go away. It's just lingered off.
Speaker 2: Eventually it could the syphilists, it won't.
Speaker 3: I mean said this all by all accounts sounds like
a man who's going insane, more and more like he
had syphless brain for sure.
Speaker 1: Long story short, Alistair was tripping balls, and he wrote
this nonsense about humanity entering a new timeline and being
the right prophet to guide the world forward.
Speaker 2: Interesting. Interesting, how we'd say this all the time. It's like, oh, yeah,
our our time being alive is different and we're about
to enter in to a new age. This time, our
time now, it's different from all the other times. We're
the ones that are are turning the page and entering
a new air of humanity.
Speaker 1: You know, you're not fucking not inside it said to alive,
steal the stone from the museum, fortify his own island,
and translate the book into the world's languages. Crowley sobered up, though,
and didn't do any of that. He sent a few
copies to his occultest friends, but largely ignored his own
ramblings and grew to hate the book. At first, it's like,
what the fuck was I on?
Speaker 2: See, this is the one mountain climbing friend. There's one
mountain climbing friend that gets the book, and he's like
Jesus Christ, dude.
Speaker 1: But it is crazy. He's a little self aware.
Speaker 2: He's winky winks, he's a.
Speaker 1: Little winky yea yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. He's like,
what the fuck was I on? He said, the fact
of the matter is that I resented the Book of
Law with my whole soul. I was bitterly opposed to
the principles of the book on almost every point of morality.
Speaker 2: So everything he wrote was just like, this is obscene,
this is gratuitous.
Speaker 1: Listen. He was just dictating when he was told her.
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: Even for a man who spent half his life writing
poems about jacking off, this too much for him.
Speaker 2: This guy just was like in a like sex relationship
with another man, where like anything went.
Speaker 3: Do you have any of these laws on hand?
Speaker 2: Here?
Speaker 1: Dude? It's a whole book. So despite this, the Book
of Law becomes the sacred text of the Thelma religion
and discovers one's true will and true path guided by love.
Speaker 3: M It's just like do what you want. Just pure hedonism, Yeah,
the whole.
Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, anarcho hedonism. He just like, yeah,
whatever you want to fox them, fuck them you want.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It all just comes down to that too. So you know,
it's like that, it's like someone's beliefs or bullshit when
it all just boils down to like their dick and
like jamming your dick in places. It's like, so it all,
all of it. The meaning of life comes down to
you taking your fucking monkey dick and jamming it in
monkey holes.
Speaker 1: It's really that simple, Rob.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Hm, I don't know that is the meaning of life.
I don't feel like there might be more than that.
But you know what, you have fun jam and monkey holes.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's how you create life, Rob.
Speaker 2: It is how you create life, but it's not how
you nurture life.
Speaker 1: So he goes back to Scotland with his wife. They
pop out his first kid and daughter, Lilith, and he
writes a book of smut to entertain his recovering wife,
while also starting his own publication company called the Society
or Propagation of Religious Truth, which was just a parody
of an already existing publisher called the Society of Promoting
Christian Knowledge.
Speaker 2: Ah, that's fun. I like that. Also, uh named his
daughter Lilith.
Speaker 1: Huh.
Speaker 3: They're like evil chick from the Bible.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, perfect, Yeah yeah, no, he was he knows
what he's doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a smart dude. Yeah yeah. Crowley then goes
to the Himalayas with his rock climb and buddies. Once more.
They get into a big argument and break away from Crowley,
dying while climbing down. In the process. Crowley is blamed
for their death, and he loses all credibility and a
favorable reputation within the climbing community.
Speaker 2: They all die, All his buddies died, like most of them.
Yeah yeah, see that's I told you, That's what happened.
At the last climb. The guy was like, I'm just
telling you guys. I know you're like, oh, it's cool
old alistair, like funny week kind of weird, but funny alistair.
He is getting fucking crazy and then they're like whatever,
and then like next climb, what happens. He gets them
all killed.
Speaker 1: They got no blow up.
Speaker 2: They're like they're like on the Mountain. They're like, Alistair,
We're not saying another prayer to a fucking coat.
Speaker 1: God damn it.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, there's a blizzard coming and leaving. We're
just leaving you. We're just leaving you.
Speaker 3: And then he survives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, prayer to the goat. He goes back to
India to game hunt, write homoerotic poetry, and hang with
his wife and child in Calcutta before being forced to
remove or to leave the country after shooting two locals
who attempted to mug him.
Speaker 2: Well, I like, I like that he's just sitting there
writing like gay poetry while his wife is taking care
of his kids. What are you writing, Alistair? Nothing, just
poems poems for me. No, not for you. Don't worry.
There's things I wish you could do that you bloody can't.
Speaker 1: They move to explore China and Crowley gets into opium.
Speaker 2: Finally took this long.
Speaker 1: Well, dude, opium is not widely available all the time, especially,
and if there's one place you're gonna do opium, it's China.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll did that opium around, wasn't it?
Was it around this time that it basically brought China
to its knees.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is like probably peak Opium China, which is
like the main theory of why even though we didn't
do it, they're like this kind of the US is
the West now where the New England or whatever. So
that's why they're kind of just like pump them with feedanyl.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the long game, yeah, the revenge tour.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: While on this kick, he starts talking to his Holy
Guardian Angel on a daily basis.
Speaker 2: Oh not Horace.
Speaker 1: This time he kind of goes back and forth.
Speaker 2: You got a couple of different gods he talks to.
Yeah enough.
Speaker 1: Apparently there's there's ancient Egyptian deities, there's Greek gods, there's
UFOs that he talks to.
Speaker 2: And then there's your classic Guardian Angel and the Guardian Angel.
Rose and Loath go back to Europe. Alistair stays all
opiumed up in Shanghai and meets up with an old
female colleague, Elaine Simpson. She is interested in the copies
of the Book of Law that he sent to her.
They perform a bunch of rituals, most likely bone the
whole time, yeah, yeah, and they try to contact the
messenger of Horace I was, it's just a guy he creates,
just the messenger that was dictating him. Like his name,
it's like not even Egyptian. It's like, just make something
that sounds Egyptian. I was, Yeah, I always whatever, Like
it's the equivalent of making up a Chinese name. The horse.
Speaker 1: It's horse. Horse is talking to us, but just not
directly right.
Speaker 2: Like what what the ancient Chinese god is talking to you? Fun?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Fun?
Speaker 2: His name's fun. That sounds Chinese, right, it's just nonsense word?
Or like what English? What English god is talking to you? Uh? Chork? Yeah,
chork that's an English word, right, sounds in English. Chork.
That's what that's the Egyptian equivalent of this, that he's
just making up an Egyptian word.
Speaker 1: He gallavants a little more in Japan and Canada before
returning home, where he learns that his daughter has died
of a fever. He blames Rose for drinking too much
and not taking care of their child. Again, as he's
smoking opium and fucking around the world. Yeah, he gets
involved with an actress and another author while pumping another
baby girl into rows. Lola Zaza was born in nineteen
oh seven and Crowley starts getting back into his spiritual life,
this time with a she sh.
Speaker 2: Okay, I liked it. He's just on the other side
of the world, and he's like, you didn't take care
of our daughter good enough, you dumb bitch.
Speaker 3: Here's another one to replace the last. Yeah, fucking hate you.
Speaker 1: Put the bottle down and give our baby a bottle.
Speaker 2: It's one thing for Ben franklinly get mad at his
wife for the kid dying, since she wouldn't like get
him a smallpox vaccine or whatever. She's like, I don't
trust it. We'll just baptize them. But like, what, dude,
you're just having orgies. You're just having black magic orgies
in Shanghai and Shanghai it's like two on the nose,
and she's just like alone and drink I guess drinking. Look,
maybe she was a drunk. She probably was a drunk.
She's fucking crazy too.
Speaker 1: Probably like Oppenheimer's wife and we're a second wife in
the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, where she's just los
alamos at the house. She never round.
Speaker 2: I kind of felt that when she was like, oh,
the monster's crying again, it's like the baby. I'm like, oh, oh,
I mean, I get where you're coming from, but it's
your fucking kid, lady. But I get it, but you're
fucking kid. But I can but just drink. That was
a Shangulis sketch of her live last night. A couple
of beers. It's a new medication, gonna make your entire
life better. Just have a couple of beers.
Speaker 1: A couple of beers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple beer.
Speaker 1: He writes an entire book dedicated to the mysticism benefits
of hashish Iowis. During this time suddenly starts dictating more
books to Alistair. Oh shock her, I know, and these
are all adopted into the Thelma religion upon further review.
He actually loved the Book of Law and why because
other people were like the rules and its representation of
objective truth. I think, so, yeah, I could never do that,
Like if someone if other people were like this, this
is the funniest thing you ever did, and I was like,
and I like looked at it and was like, that's
happened before for sure. Now, things that I put minimal
effort into and things I'm just like, all right, whatever,
I'll put it out. Especially when we were writers. Yeah,
we're all writers that usually got the most tractions, like dude,
I fucking love that. I'm like, oh really, like, oh
that was stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't like it.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I felt like, truly, there's no way that other people
liking something would make me be like, you know what,
that was dope because I could still read it and
remember every fucking thought I had before a stranger was
like good thick, and there's no way I could lie
to myself on that level.
Speaker 1: I would think, oh, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, have you read this, this or this
or watch this video because they're all way better. And
then they literally I think I've done that before, and
they'll be like, yeah, good, all right.
Speaker 1: And then you start to diet yourself. Oh fuck dude,
what Yeah.
Speaker 2: All it tells me is like, you don't know, just
write it, Just write something down because you don't know.
Speaker 3: Your booze mean nothing to me because I've seen what
makes you cheer.
Speaker 2: That's one of the greatest lines ever, right, Yeah, what's
that from.
Speaker 3: Rick and Morty?
Speaker 1: Hyah, Rick and Morty never seen them?
Speaker 2: You never watched Rick and Morty?
Speaker 3: What dude?
Speaker 1: Ricking Morty's great that's fine.
Speaker 2: I don't watched it. I just any of the news.
Speaker 1: I have no desire to watch Rick and Morty.
Speaker 2: It's truly excellent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great. It was quite great, especially the first
like three seasons.
Speaker 2: Yeh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's truly excellent.
Speaker 1: By this time, his family ale money was starting to
run dry, so he buckled down and got a blue
collar job to help provide for his family. Yes, he
finally got an honest day's work, convincing the Earl of
Tankerville that he could protect them or him from witchcraft.
Speaker 2: Oh so he's kind of resputantying at this point, Yeah,
a little bit. He's like, you must listen to me,
and I will protect you from all the witches trying
to get you. Like what witches?
Speaker 1: Well, the Earl of Tankerville was fearing his mother, actually
it was practicing witchcraft on him.
Speaker 2: Okay, And you can't just hang a witch anymore. In fact,
you're past the time now, Like now, if you accuse
someone of witchcraft, people would think that you're fucking crazy.
It's not like back in the day. Yeah, when you
can be like they're a witch and they're like oh fuck,
can then hang it? Like now, it's like they're a
witch and they're like, oh fuck, put him in a sanitarium.
This guy's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: Alistair realized the Earl was a paranoid cocaine addict schizo
hell ya, So he took him to France and Morocco
and took away the booger sugar to allow him to heal.
Speaker 2: I think, oh.
Speaker 1: Suddenly the witchcraft uh fears went away because he was
no longer addicted to.
Speaker 2: Cocaine, were no longer wildly paranoid. If I was gonna say,
it seems like the worst thing Alistair could have done
was getting cocaine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh maybe, I mean if he wanted to do uh,
keep getting paid.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean. Milk this man dry.
Speaker 1: You know, he's an honest man.
Speaker 2: I fucking guess he's never misrepresented who he is, honest
to God like he's been like I'm aleister Crowley, pervert extraordinary.
Speaker 1: He also began taking in paying students to pass along
his knowledge of the dark arts, his most notable being
Victor Neuberg, who became his closest disciple and dedicated cocksucker.
Speaker 3: Uh dedicated to cocksucker.
Speaker 2: How literal are you being with that very okay, cool, cool.
Speaker 3: Cool, yeah, oh of course of course.
Speaker 1: What do you mean how of course he's having this
d blow him?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, let me show you the darkest
magic of Oh just right there. It's so funny too
because like at some point, like this is like a
thing in the da Vinci code too. They're like sex
ritualves or whatever, you know what I mean, Like it's
like a thing in the DaVinci code. Clearly he's he's
doing this as like.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's part of the magic or it's part of you.
Speaker 2: Learning whatever, but like at some point there's no magic
to it because you are just like like, that's not
there's nothing magical about the or like in the Divinci Code.
The funniest, the funniest thing about the Vinci cod when
they're talking about the h there's like a like she
walked in on like a sex ritual when she was
a kid or whatever for the whatever secret society is
protecting Mary Magdalene. Like at some point during the ritual
you're just like okay, hold okay, right there, ok yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
good got it, Like what where's God?
Speaker 1: There's definitely some awkward moment. Yeah, like where's God in that?
Speaker 2: Like you can't watch that and be like like it's
just like ball slapping and fucking chugging dick. There's no
way you can watch that be like just feel holy.
Like it's just like this is this is hilarious. We're
not wrong, but.
Speaker 1: We're trying to be holy though they're trying to just
do whatever they wanted.
Speaker 2: Maybe they were, but the Dvinci Code one always made
me laugh because they were like it was like a
whole ritual, but it is just like hold on yeah right,
yeah right, okay, good, yeah, okay, Well in a minute,
I'm a little sore for yesterday's ritual. Just yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: They would routinely travel together and take part in s
and m aka bondage of spankings and whippons, chains wabs
that may. George Cecil Jones and Crowley decided to start
their own order in November of nineteen oh seven.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: The result was AA with what AA alcoholics anonymous? Maybe
what No, it's not it's different AA, like you stand
for eight like do you know that?
Speaker 2: Like like I hope to Alice Crowley is just like, hey, buddy,
remember that club we were in? Yeah yeah, well, I
started magic classes and it was like twelve you know
guys there or whatever, and uh, one of them was
so into it that I was able to talk him
into sucking my dick a lot.
Speaker 1: Should we.
Speaker 2: Do more of this?
Speaker 3: We make a whole club.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what the twelve step program actually is, where.
Speaker 2: We're like gods and we can just convince anyone to
suck our dick anytime.
Speaker 1: That's step six of AA.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Steps one through six are just different ways of fucking
alistair alistair anonymous. Yeah, wait, what did AA actually stand
for in this? In this story?
Speaker 2: Who could say?
Speaker 3: You don't know?
Speaker 2: This is a softocore history.
Speaker 3: We want to go we only go service level.
Speaker 1: The rituals were ripped directly from the Golden Dawn, but
added a Thelmaic twist to them. In nineteen oh nine,
Crowley was sick and tired of the developing alcoholism of
his wife that he ignored and routinely cheated on, so
he files for divorce. You just you need to grow up, lady. Sure,
I'm gone half the year in India and Morocco and Indonesia,
and yes I'm banging every hole I can find boys, girls,
other stuff that I'm not even gonna mention.
Speaker 2: To you, grow up, grow up, you drink too much.
Speaker 3: Dude, she how many kids was she raising on her
own at this point?
Speaker 1: I think the one just the one now because the
other died.
Speaker 2: The other dued, which is one kid is actually extremely
manageable unless you only have one kid, and you have
no idea how manageable it is.
Speaker 1: We also have no idea how many other kids he is.
Speaker 2: Oh Ram running around, got a million kids, They're just
all over the place.
Speaker 1: They they have rough estimates. I think they say like
five ish.
Speaker 3: Ish ish, that's one for every continent.
Speaker 1: There's definitely a dude later on that like claims to
be Krewley's bastard that kind of takes his mantle, okay,
and everyone's just like, yeah, you kind of fall shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah you kind of suck.
Speaker 3: I'm a DNA test, which they did not have. So
you could just say.
Speaker 1: She finally finds the help she needs, though, and by
that I mean she's institutionalized a few years later.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, bring back sanitariums. Free mental health. Oh, I'm sorry,
we against free mental health. If it's not the way
you want it, not the way you want it, and
you don't want it.
Speaker 1: Krowley and his boy toy Neiberg go to Algeria and
beat each other with switches or something while reading the Quran.
Speaker 2: The Koran there. So they go to Algeria and read
the Koran while doing the most un Koran shit possible.
Speaker 3: Whipping sounds pretty Whipping each other sounds fairly koran esque,
that does.
Speaker 2: But then when they start sixty nine ing each other
right after, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, when they just you can't,
you can't read the Quran all day and then dump
ropes into your buddy all night?
Speaker 3: I think you can.
Speaker 2: I think that's Look, that's the world I want to
live in, But it's not the world we live in.
Speaker 3: Let's read the Quran while inside of each other.
Speaker 1: They also perform a mountaintop sex ritual and blood sacrifice
that Crowley sees as a watershed moment in his magic career.
Speaker 2: So he just focks them on top of a mountain.
Yeah for a couple, Okay.
Speaker 1: It also was apparently too much for Neiberg, as he
eventually goes his separate way soon after.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's only he broke him so much. My
and my assumption too, is like this guy's probably got
a pretty fresh butthole. Yep, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like the days of reading the Koran on a mountaintop,
engaging and just like the most violent sex.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Like at some point, this guy's like I
can't physically yeah, like I have a fissure for sure.
I can barely make it back down the mountaine. I
can barely walk. It's just a trail of blood behind him.
With the magic, It's like, there's nothing magical about this.
Speaker 1: My asshole hurts oh lot real quick.
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Speaker 1: When you gets back to London. His old boy mather
sus Crowley for essentially publishing the Secrets of the Golden
Dawn with his new group AA. Crowley ultimately wins the
very public court case and gains further fame, leaning into
being a Satanist and a fan of human sacrifice despite
being neither. He was just trolling.
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's just like, yeah, sure, I love that shit.
Speaker 3: What an edge lord douche.
Speaker 1: He kind of is. Yeah, he started to expand an
AA with scarlet women.
Speaker 2: First off, he's not an edge lord. Okay, if you're
butt fucking a guy into surrender basically on top of
a mountain, like, you're not edge lording. You're doing it.
Speaker 1: You're just lording.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're lording. He's edging.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like no, he finishes every time. He ain't edge
edge lord.
Speaker 2: Is almost like fake, you know what I mean. It's
like not committed to it. You're just saying things like
he's living that life.
Speaker 1: He's about that life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he is one hundred million percent about that life.
Speaker 1: So he starts expanding AA with a bunch of like
scarlet women under him that he'd bang under the guist
of studying together.
Speaker 2: Just love that. This guy's like, I want it all.
Speaker 3: All that is so much for a single life with
a legend.
Speaker 1: He would also do public performances with his new group
while drinking peyote spiked punch and incorporating anal. Sex magic.
Sex magic while doing a bunch of peyote is a
public show. Yeah, they would do a bunch of public shows.
Speaker 3: Payoti and Anal and I'm gonna I'm gonna sell a
T shirt.
Speaker 2: He was just and anal getting up on stage doing anal.
We used to be a proper world, you know, just
doing art.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I call art.
Speaker 2: I mean, at some point that's pretty much what it is. Wait, no,
I'm sorry. He was butt fucking people on a stage
sometimes like they're like no ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 3: Dude. I saw a sex show in Thailand. Like there's
just two people went on stage and fucked. Oh really,
and they wore masks and then afterwards like with both tie. Yeah,
they were both tie. And then and then like they
had like an old lady come on stage and like
pulled fish hooks out of her vagina on a string.
Was it was crazy and I was like, I was like, dude,
that's not it's not sharp. That's definitely stage. And she
must have heard me say it because she pointed at
me and made me come on stage, and I like
she made me touch the hook. And then yeah, and
then afterwards the people that fucked, like the woman comes
on stage and she's holding a drum and she gets
on her knees and they're both dead pants staring in
the audience, and the guy's dead pants starring in the
audience and he just takes his dick out and just
thwaps it against the drum a few times. Sweet, it
was awesome. But yeah, sex shows hell yeah, go to
Thailand and check it out.
Speaker 1: In his ritual that he called the Mass of the Phoenix,
participants had to consume cake of Light, which was his
version of the Eucharist, but instead of the body and
blood of Christ, it was full of jizz and mental
blood of his fellow members.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. See it's like, okay, this is he's
deep in the Syphiliss brand. Now he's getting more and
more disgusting.
Speaker 2: But it is like, what's your religion? Ah, we fucking
giz on a cake and it's gig and period blood.
Like it's just like a fifth grader's idea of something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like when you're playing mad libs in fourth grade,
just come up with the most disgusting shit. You can't
oh period you have to eat period blood.
Speaker 1: And well, it definitely kind of elevates when he initially
abuts with this German cult called the Ordo Temple Orients
or ot O, but becomes friends with their leader and
he starts his own English branch, so he kind of incorporates.
They're but a big like sex cult in Germany, So
he's taking all the German sex stuff and then just
doing his own kind of version of it. Perfect And
that's kind of when everything kind.
Speaker 2: Of gets nuts.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's just now getting nuts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Now now things get crazy.
Speaker 3: What part of this inspired John Lennon, like, that's that's
what I want to know.
Speaker 1: Crowley headed to America and made money in New York
writing for Vanity Fair, along with collecting dues for members
of his cult, claiming to be of Irish ancestry, and
won an Irish independence. He took a pro German stance
against England and World War One.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there were a lot of people that did that, Like,
for sure, there are a lot of people.
Speaker 1: And he became a writer for the German propaganda paper
The Fatherland.
Speaker 2: Yeah boo. Now, the Irish were absolutely rooting for the
Germans and World War One, like full stop, which is fine.
Everyone was an ass world World War One. There's not
there wasn't a good guy.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, well the Irish were salty about England, I know,
fucking him over.
Speaker 2: They like good kills.
Speaker 1: They should be man, that's way too modern. Still.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, the potato famine was not. But the thing
that shocked me about the potato famine is there were
plenty of potatoes to go around.
Speaker 1: The England was just taking oh they started from yeah yeah, yeah.
Oh I'm not even talking about the eighteen hundreds. I'm
talking about the fucking nineteen sixties and seventies when they
put Northern Irishman Catholics in to internment camps.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, I didn't know about this.
Speaker 1: I didn't either. I found out like last week. But
that's way too modern.
Speaker 3: That is so recent. Christ, How are they able to
exist at all with each other? Like you put my
grandpa in a German camp. I mean, I guess we
did that to the joy makes way.
Speaker 1: More sense now, I'm like, yeah, all right, let's get
that now.
Speaker 3: Oh God.
Speaker 1: He traveled across the country and continued his sex magic
operation and writing. He spent a good time of his
tour and fell in love with, of course, the city
of New Orleans.
Speaker 2: Ah, well, that's black magic one on one. That's grounds
fucking zero. You can actually there's one city where you
could feel the magic, the voodoo. It's fucking New Orleans.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He writes some past life stories and him being
a former pope and Chinese emperor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you're never just some guy.
Speaker 1: But he's struggling at this point pretty hard financially, and
goes back to England in nineteen twenty. They don't forget
his propaganda pieces for Germany during World War One, and
he is seen as a trader to the country while
he's back. At this time, he gets sick again and
gets addicted to heroin.
Speaker 2: Well you know, he was doing opium before one out
upgrade that he just goes back to England. He's like,
hey guys, and like half the country died in World
War One, Like you dick, you fucking They're just like we.
Speaker 1: Already didn't like you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like waiting for him with clubs. Theyre just
like hello, alis their.
Speaker 1: It's been a minute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, welcome back boy.
Speaker 1: He starts up his colt shit again in England, makes
his followers drink cat's blood and cut themselves with razors
every time they use the word I.
Speaker 3: It's we.
Speaker 2: Let's who Like so some people just need to belong
real bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And at this point I get to the part
of the story where I'm like, all right, this is
just like we're harping on the same shit.
Speaker 2: It does it the same thing over and over and
over again.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So the cycle of depravity and destitution continues for
a few more decades. He pops out a few more
kids with other women, gets even more drug addicted to
other things. Right, every thought that pops in his head
and fucks every man and woman that he comes across.
He's deported at one point by Mussolini in Italy because
he has his own little kind of compound where he
is fucking these women. But then there's a bunch of
these sex rituals. The kids aren't involved, but.
Speaker 2: They do watch they're involved.
Speaker 1: Then yeah, so they yeah, it gets to the point
where Mussolini, fucking Mussolini is disgusted, so he deports.
Speaker 2: Mussolini's like, you do, You're too fucked up, man, get
the fuck out here.
Speaker 1: So he gets deported by Italy for being too fucked up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, by Mussolini.
Speaker 3: Nobody pissed off every country on every side of every issue.
Speaker 1: He also gets deported from France because they're They're like,
you're a German asset.
Speaker 2: I mean, France should hate him even more than England.
Speaker 1: Dude, France doesn't fuck with anything German.
Speaker 2: They got fuck twice as hard as England did during
World War One. I would be like, yeah, fuck off,
get no, don't come in here. He's like, guys, not
nothing personal to you. I like you guys, but fuck England.
Speaker 1: He tries to get a little bit more publicity and
buzz by faking his death in Lisbon. That doesn't really
pop off the way he wants. He's like, oh damn
nothing nothing sold care done cared. He declared bankruptcy in
England in like thirty five, and then he tried to
convert Hitler to his religion go on, although that it
doesn't work because Adolf labels him a black magician and
not a friend of the Nazi Party.
Speaker 2: So but he met Hitler. He met Hitler and was
like he he met you walk into.
Speaker 1: I think he met people around Hitler and they were like, oh, hey, Adolf,
you want to you want to meet Aleister Crowley And
He's like, fuck no, I just liked it.
Speaker 2: He kind of wanted to shoot his shot to see
if he could get Hitler to suck his dick. That
would have been sick, right. He's like, man, that's my mark, dude,
what if?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It was this total butterfly effect or just this
crazy cycle of like Aleister Crowley at seventeen gets like syphilis, yeah,
eventually transmits it to Hitler, and that's what makes Hitler
go crazy.
Speaker 2: Right. Hitler was just gonna make Germany great again, but
then he got alistair Crowley's fucking god tears syphilis that
had been fermenting in his body for forty years, and
he lost his mind. Fucking bananas.
Speaker 1: He also offered his services to British intelligence agencies before
the war, and they were just like now.
Speaker 2: We're good, yeah, please please leave.
Speaker 1: His health got worse and with no other option, turned
back to Heroin, turned back to the needle, which he
was on it off again pretty much the remaining of
his life.
Speaker 3: I don't how did this guy get famous, like just
his poems and shit and his writing.
Speaker 1: I think it was the public blood and anal sex performances.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a tabloid queen's tabloid darling.
Speaker 1: He was also rich as fuck at first, and then
he blew all his money because he's clearly I mean
he saw the world right, but.
Speaker 2: He but yeah, that is true too. So he was
rich and he did crazy things. So he's just and
at this time there when he was a good writer,
so we could write about it. Yeah, there are British
tabloid I mean you could imagine that person now, like
say there's like some Kardashian cousin. Right, it was just
enough money to be considered rich or whatever, and they
are just no one actually cares about them, but they
have the name and they do weird shit.
Speaker 1: I would say it's more of like a Branson type, right,
like a Richard Branson.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but not not even as cool as Richard Brady.
Speaker 3: Now, but Richard Branson isn't eating period blood cakes.
Speaker 1: We don't know that.
Speaker 3: We don't know, don't know that he might be.
Speaker 2: I'm possible to know.
Speaker 1: So he devised a succession plan for his colt and
got his ducks in a row in nineteen forty but
Crowley doesn't actually die until nineteen forty seven. This is
a fun, little kind of urban legend. Refusing to refill
his prescription for morphine for his asthma and bronchitis, Crowley
allegedly put a curse on his last doctor and that
guy died within twenty four hours of Alister.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's that magic, dude, what's that mad? That's a
butt sex magic.
Speaker 3: That's the plot twist. The magic was real.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole time.
Speaker 1: Crowley's funeral had about a dozen people attend, and it
was labeled a black mass by the British tabloids.
Speaker 3: Twelve people, that's rough.
Speaker 1: It's unfortunate. His body was cremated and sent to Karl Germer,
who he had named his successor. Gemer spread his ashes
in a garden in Hampton, New Jersey.
Speaker 2: Oh he's here, yeah boom.
Speaker 1: In his autobiography, Crowley wrote that his purpose in life
was to bring Oriental wisdom to Europe and restore paganism
in its purest form.
Speaker 2: Sure, no, your.
Speaker 3: Goal in life was to shoot lassos into every hole
you could find.
Speaker 2: That it's your only goal in life.
Speaker 1: Some actually suggest that Crowley was a spy for British
secret services, and that, among other things, he joined the
Golden Dawn under the command or under their command to
monitor the activities of Mathers. So he may may have
been a you know, an asset and agent when for
the Golden to investigate the Golden Down.
Speaker 2: So like early in his life kind of right, I
guess he already he was already like a fucking wild card.
But I guess he still had maybe like some pedigree
early on. He hadn't flushed his name down the toilet yet,
did any just what did he just go native like
he was like this, sh it's pretty sweet.
Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, maybe he was there Epstein, We don't know,
we don't we'll never know. We'll never We'll get the files,
but never drop the seems like Crowley droughout. The Crowley list.
Speaker 2: The Crowley list is just everyone that Crowley penetrated.
Speaker 3: Like it's just like long list.
Speaker 2: It's just imagine the list. The Epstein list is just
Epstein but fucked Bill Gates. Epstein had anal sex with
Bill Clinton Epstein, you know what I mean. Like, it's
just the only thing you learn is that he just
talked to all these people into sucking his dick and stuff.
Nothing illegal happened. It's just like, oh my god, every rich.
Speaker 1: Person, including potentially one founder of scientology, el Ron Hubbard.
Speaker 2: Now when did they meet?
Speaker 1: The forties, so like very late in his life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so after World War Two probably even.
Speaker 1: He was he was like on his deathbed, so maybe
he maybe got a little last second suck by Elron Hubbard.
Speaker 2: You never let let's let's pretend like that happened.
Speaker 1: I want to live in a world where l Ron
Hubbard sucked this Crowley's dick.
Speaker 3: That's what killed him. That final orgasm was too much.
Speaker 1: He actually sucked out like all the the theons and
thetans yeah, the Thetans.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he sucks his dick and he's like, that's when
he got the idea for scientology. He's like, it's come
to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he sucked all the Thetans out, took the Crowley
power and started scientology. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Crowley actually, after Eleon Hubbard sucked his dick, looked like
those dudes in the Mummy after the Mummy takes the jar. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh god.
Speaker 1: He was included as one of the figures on the
cover art of the beatles Sergeant Pepper album.
Speaker 2: Sergeant Pepper, Dude, that's their greatest album.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: Led Zeppelin's co founder Jimmy Page actually bought his Scottish
property in nineteen seventy one, and part of the band's
film The Song Remains the Same was filmed on the grounds. Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's just like normal heavy, heavy metal shit. I feel like,
oh look at this, we got all Uster Crawley Skull.
I swear black magic happens whenever you walk, boy now,
so messed to.
Speaker 1: That's so hard cold, that's Geronimo dude, so rock and roll,
poor Geronimo. I know, yeah, we's got it. LSD guru
Timothy Leary once claimed that by car Uh Karen On.
Much of the work of Crowley, Uh and the sixties
themselves was just essentially Crowley's creation. Okay, David Bowie's number
one hit single Lets Dance paraphrases Crowley's nineteen twenty three
poem lyric of Love to Leah, And of course we
have Ozzy Osbourne's miss to Crowley.
Speaker 2: Which Dan was playing before we went on air.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Iron Maiden also has several references to Crowley.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, oh so dark, so heavy metal Alistair Crowley.
Speaker 3: You remember that guy, he did black Magic.
Speaker 2: We just but people on top of mountain.
Speaker 3: It's so metal, and it's pretty metal.
Speaker 2: It's pretty metal to take a guy to the top
of a mountain and just blast him until he leaves.
I can't It's all consensual, but he's just like, I
can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm out done.
Speaker 3: My asshole is destroyed.
Speaker 1: And that is the story of Aleister Crowley.
Speaker 3: What a man?
Speaker 1: Uh? What do you learn today?
Speaker 2: Every I didn't know anything about him. I knew that,
I knew the name that that was really about it.
So everything I learned that basically he did a lot
to justify his sex addiction.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, what about you.
Speaker 3: I learned that people back then were really fucking stupid
and you can just say that, oh I'm going they
give you magic powers if you let me rim you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and people would believe to do it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Nowadays I feel like being really intelligent is almost a
curse and you're just like burdened by the weight of
the world. But back then, you could just manipulate people
so much easier.
Speaker 2: Or not be manipulated. Yeah, right, like it was used. Yeah.
Now if you know what's going on, you're just like,
I don't want to do this. I want to go
to sleep.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Who is today's Hitler?
Speaker 2: It's Alisair Crowley's Today's or maybe it's Hitler for not
sucking Alisair Crowley's dick. Can you can it? I mean,
Hitler was in the story.
Speaker 1: So it feels weird though, because Hitler does get into occultism,
I know, but he starts his own thing. Yeah, it's
like we're gonna steal fucking Egyptian monuments and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I would say it's probably Alistair Crowley. Maybe
the maid who molested him sent him down this path.
Speaker 3: Dude. Yeah, he was just a victim of trauma.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah he at some point though, Your
trauma doesn't matter if you inflict it. Yeah, Oh yeah
for sure, especially on just one guy's buttthole alone, let
alone everything. I mean, he was just like a piece
of shit, just a piece of some.
Speaker 3: People trauma dump. He was trauma pumping.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I thought he was pretty sweet.
Speaker 3: I mean he was, uh, look legendary.
Speaker 2: He left it all on the field.
Speaker 1: He spent every goddamn penny he inherited.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he did not let a single penny go to waste,
like truly, like he couldn't couldn't have died with regrets?
Did his uh like what are what did his kids
end up?
Speaker 1: His child ended Well, it is funny you say that
Rob did he die with regrets? Maybe because there is
uh these are all just kind of you know, hearsay stories.
But apparently on his deathbed, he he like screamed out like,
oh what did I do?
Speaker 3: If I've done you did everything, I think you've met God?
What haven't you done?
Speaker 2: That's the better question? Yeah, like, ope, you wanted to
do satanic magic?
Speaker 1: Well he hell yeah, it's like, oh I think I
was gonna answer my crat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck. I got to do that stuff for what
forty years, so I have to do this forever.
Speaker 1: It might be a win for the Pope.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Pope wins. I'll tell you who was one of
the heroes of the story. Benito Mussolini.
Speaker 1: Great guy, which is like, yeah, I get out of
my country. Yeah, what you gotta go? You having kids?
Speaker 2: Watch you fuck get get out.
Speaker 1: That was a bridge too far for the Italian for
the moose.
Speaker 2: For Mussolini, he used to kill people by pouring motor
oil down their throat and ship. Yeah yep.
Speaker 1: Anyway, that's our episode for today. We love you guys,
thanks for tuning in, Boush, thank you for joining.
Speaker 3: Love you guys too.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: We're always to be here. Where can the good people
find you?
Speaker 2: Oh at what's up?
Speaker 3: Boosh on all the social media's mostly Instagram is where
my I G Yeah, I G postma.
Speaker 1: And we also have a Patreon. Check out our patreon
dot com slash softcore History. We get two additional episodes
that drop on Wednesday and Friday. We have a sketch
is about to come out.
Speaker 2: And record it tomorrow morning, Brother Helen and Slugerman. Sketches
uses to include Alistair Crowley into one of those.
Speaker 1: Apparently we got to get that reference in the rites.
Speaker 2: I had no idea.
Speaker 1: Maybe, uh, we'll do we should we should maybe get
white stains and and read it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually we should get that, and we.
Speaker 1: Should at least get it on the set, you know,
if you, I mean, if somebody at homes listening right now, please.
Speaker 2: Let's see we've done, we've done. Watch along, let's do
a read along. Let's do a read along. Yeah, why not?
All right.
Speaker 1: Again, thank you for joining us, so, thank you, thank
you for joining us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, happy to be here, Happy to be here.
Speaker 1: Kid number three is on the way. Yeah, any day,
help financially support us for the leve of God. His
wife doesn't work.
Speaker 3: Well, she's just so busy pumping him out. Dude.
Speaker 2: Well we're done, all right. I'm putting a coffee stopper
in my penis and whenever having another kid again.
Speaker 1: It's unnatural. Don't do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, are you getting are you getting to paseect me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 1: Take the debt now you're slapping.
Speaker 2: I gotta I should be making white stains for the
rest of my life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely, Yeah, dude, snip snip, and then you can
just dumploads in your wife without.
Speaker 2: Word shooting hollow ropes.
Speaker 1: We'll just do a better job track in the moon.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, No, let's work pull out game week,
Rob so weak, Hello.
Speaker 1: Week anyway, h thanks for tuning in for Rob fox
ox Buchami. I'm damn regester and you just got saucers.