Speaker 1: This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
Speaker 1: I AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on
Speaker 1: demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I AM six forty.
Speaker 1: You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Speaker 1: Doctor Wendy Walsh Show, and I am taking your calls
Speaker 1: and answering your dms on Instagram. The number is one
Speaker 1: eight hundred and five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 1: Just a reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
Speaker 1: professor at cal State Channel Islands. But I've written three
Speaker 1: books on relationships and wrote a dissertation on attachment theory,
Speaker 1: and I've had a whole lot of life experience. All right.
Speaker 1: One eight hundred and five two zero one five three four.
Speaker 1: Producer Kayla, Who do we have? We have Steve with
Speaker 1: the question is Steve?
Speaker 2: Hello?
Speaker 1: Steve is doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3: Hey, doctor Wendy. My question is I have never been
Speaker 3: faithful to one girlfriend slash wife ever in my whole
Speaker 3: entire life. I'm always looking for the next person. Am
Speaker 3: I what am I? What's what's going?
Speaker 1: What do you think? Well, that is a very big
Speaker 1: question for you and your therapist to spend months digging
Speaker 1: into the real question is, uh, do you want to
Speaker 1: change or is this okay for you? Or you know?
Speaker 3: No, no, I would like to have somebody do I
Speaker 3: actually like and like? But it seems like that I
Speaker 3: get a I start dating somebody, and I'm like, eh,
Speaker 3: and they just never go away, and then I go
Speaker 3: to the next one and then like, But like I said,
Speaker 3: I've never been faithful.
Speaker 1: So you've never been faithful with any woman that you've
Speaker 1: ever been with. Have you been married? I have been married,
Speaker 1: You've been married, and you are.
Speaker 3: I cheated on her before we even got married.
Speaker 1: Wow. And now the research, by the way, and again,
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily have to change unless you really don't
Speaker 1: like that you're hurting people. But I don't care if
Speaker 1: I hurt people. Honestly, you don't care if you hurt people,
Speaker 1: because I was going to say that the research that
Speaker 1: compares men who are monogamous with men who are not monogamous,
Speaker 1: the big thing that keeps men monogamous is empathy and
Speaker 1: compassion for their partner. Worried so much I don't have
Speaker 1: hurt you don't have, and so what do you want?
Speaker 1: Because it sounds like I mean, the only advice I
Speaker 1: would give you. You know, the human beings have the widest
Speaker 1: range of sexual behavior of any primate species. Right, Some
Speaker 1: have multiple partners and some are completely monogamous and everything
Speaker 1: in between. I think the most important thing is that,
Speaker 1: just from a purely moral standpoint, is that you're honest
Speaker 1: with your partners instead of this it sounds like you're
Speaker 1: in this pursuit of perfection, instead of saying, this is
Speaker 1: who I am, and I'm going to find partners who
Speaker 1: are willing to have open relationships with me, because in
Speaker 1: this day and age that's very common. You just put
Speaker 1: it in your dating profile and you'll find your peeps.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: So the question is are you looking for monogo or
Speaker 1: you feel satisfied or are you looking to maintain multiple
Speaker 1: relationships in a more honest way.
Speaker 3: If I could find something that I'm comfortable with, monogamy
Speaker 3: is no problem for me. But I just haven't found
Speaker 3: the right one. And I've gone through about fifty And
Speaker 3: you use.
Speaker 1: The word comfort and uncomfort and discomfort, So what is
Speaker 1: the discomfort that makes you want to have sex with
Speaker 1: other people?
Speaker 3: Like even the littlest thing like can irritate me sometimes
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, I can't, like, I can't sleep
Speaker 3: in the same bed with somebody for more than like
Speaker 3: two hours. I have to kick him out.
Speaker 1: Even when you're married, you got your own bed.
Speaker 3: Well, it's been twenty five years since I was married,
Speaker 3: right since, So it sounds like twenty five years.
Speaker 1: It sounds like intimacy is not your thing, not physical intimacy,
Speaker 1: not emotional intimacy, which is separate from sex. By the way,
Speaker 1: sex is a drug, right, So it sounds like that
Speaker 1: amount of closeness you find something wrong with somebody to
Speaker 1: protect yourself from the threat of intimacy. Intimacy is being
Speaker 1: close enough to somebody where you can see their flaws
Speaker 1: and still like them, and also knowing that they can
Speaker 1: see your flaws and you still like yourself. Right, that's
Speaker 1: real intimacy. I would suggest if this is bothering you,
Speaker 1: or it's causing ruptures in your life or your social life,
Speaker 1: that you seek a licensed therapist to get to the
Speaker 1: bottom of it, because a lot of it was programmed
Speaker 1: in childhood for all of us, and maybe finding those
Speaker 1: answers might set you free. Thank you for calling, Steve.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate your honesty, all right, do we have
Speaker 1: another caller? Or am I moving on to social media?
Speaker 1: Social Okay, Dear doctor Wendy. Every time I try to
Speaker 1: talk about our future, kids, moving, etc. My boyfriend change
Speaker 1: is the subject. How do I bring it up without
Speaker 1: pushing him away? There are many ways that people communicate.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they communicate with words. Sometimes they communicate with their
Speaker 1: bodies body language. Sometimes they communicate with silence. I think
Speaker 1: you got your answer. When you talk to him about
Speaker 1: a future and wanting to have kids, or wanting to
Speaker 1: move in together or whatever, and he changes the subject,
Speaker 1: his answer is not with you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: be the deliver of bad news. But you have to
Speaker 1: pay attention to that kind of communication. Then you have
Speaker 1: to say, I don't think we have the same goals
Speaker 1: in life. We may not have the same values, so
Speaker 1: it's probably best that we part ways. You know, the
Speaker 1: hardest thing about love is being able to break up
Speaker 1: with somebody who's inappropriate, because there is this belief, as
Speaker 1: I've said, that it's the last man on the planet.
Speaker 1: He's not the last man on the planet, I promise you,
Speaker 1: But I don't think he wants the same things you
Speaker 1: do in life. So all right, producer Kayla. Who do
Speaker 1: we have on the line. We have Susan with the question. Susan, Hi,
Speaker 1: Susan is doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5: Hi, doctor Wendy. My question is is I suffer from
Speaker 5: very deep depression and anxiety. Oh, how do you? How
Speaker 5: do you maintain a relationship with anxiety and depression?
Speaker 1: Okay, So, Susan, thank you so much for sharing with
Speaker 1: me that you suffer from depression and anxiety. The most
Speaker 1: important thing is that you seek therapy to get the
Speaker 1: help that you need to heal. There is start with
Speaker 1: your insurance. Go onto your insurance's website. If you don't
Speaker 1: have insurance, you can go to medical who will pay
Speaker 1: for all kinds of therapy for you. There are really
Speaker 1: affordable therapy. One is called in Pathways in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: who does on a sliding scale. But you need to
Speaker 1: be an intensive therapy for your depression and your anxiety
Speaker 1: because it is not the job of somebody else to
Speaker 1: make you happy. Right relationships, The research is pretty clear.
Speaker 1: Happy people have happy relationships. And I feel that all
Speaker 1: of these things can be addressed. That there are treatments
Speaker 1: out there, but you've got to reach out. You've got
Speaker 1: to do what you need to to get the treatment
Speaker 1: for depression and anxiety. And I'm so sorry you're hurting, Susan.
Speaker 1: But it's not a relationship that's going to fix it,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. You've got to start out from a
Speaker 1: better place, a more whole place inside, all right, when
Speaker 1: we come back. Never thought that if you choose a
Speaker 1: mate who's most like you in many ways that things
Speaker 1: will go great. Well they will, but it actually could
Speaker 1: hurt society. I'm gonna explain when we come back. You
Speaker 1: are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Dr Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So
Speaker 1: Ever heard the saying that opposites attract well, In reality,
Speaker 1: similarity is sexy, and people are more often likely to
Speaker 1: choose a mate that's most like them at least that's
Speaker 1: linked to longer, more satisfying relationships. But this can be
Speaker 1: good or this can be bad. So, for instance, I
Speaker 1: think Julio and I are pretty similar. Julio and I
Speaker 1: are both extroverts, although I do talk more. We're both
Speaker 1: pretty educated, and we value education and gaining new inform
Speaker 1: like we're thinkers, right. We both love the outdoors and walking,
Speaker 1: Thank goodness. I once had a boyfriend who said I
Speaker 1: hate walking, walking the most basic human action. Anyway, Hulu
Speaker 1: and I love to walk. We walk all the time.
Speaker 1: We like to travel, we like to talk. We walk
Speaker 1: and talk and walk and talk a lot. But we
Speaker 1: met later in life, so we didn't have kids, so
Speaker 1: our assortative mating choosing somebody similar to you isn't dangerous
Speaker 1: for society. So what is assortative mating? It is the
Speaker 1: fact that individuals tend to pair up with people who
Speaker 1: are similar, well obviously similar, like in age, education, income, religion,
Speaker 1: or even physical traits. And this can happen completely by design, consciously,
Speaker 1: or it can be completely unconscious, but it can influence
Speaker 1: all kinds of things I mentioned, relationship satisfaction, social mobility,
Speaker 1: and even genetic diversity. Let's break it down. Okay, so
Speaker 1: assortative mating, so you choose somebody who's like you, maybe
Speaker 1: your same age, race, the same value system the same
Speaker 1: amount of education, et cetera. So a study out of
Speaker 1: the Netherlands looked at how people select potential partners on
Speaker 1: dating apps, and they found that people with higher education
Speaker 1: levels are more likely to choose profiles indicating that that
Speaker 1: partner has higher education. In fact, there are apps for that.
Speaker 1: I think there's one called the League, like implying that
Speaker 1: you all went to an ivy league. That's all about
Speaker 1: assortative mating. Another study looked at how personality traits influence
Speaker 1: partner selection on dating apps, and they found that people
Speaker 1: tend to pick others with similar personalities, like I said,
Speaker 1: Hulu and I are both extroverts right now, Then there's
Speaker 1: the sexual strategies and made value. The other research looked
Speaker 1: at the interplay between people's mating strategies and their perceived
Speaker 1: mate value, and so they found that, well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go do now because I'm gonna saying this forever, people
Speaker 1: with short term mating orientation and higher perceived attractiveness were
Speaker 1: more likely to match with also, hot people who just
Speaker 1: wanted to hook up. Basically, I mean, there's real cycle
Speaker 1: babble to describe that, but we'll just call it hot
Speaker 1: people who also wanted to hook up, and those people
Speaker 1: with long term mating orientations tended to choose partners who
Speaker 1: shared the same thing. Now, if you are somebody who
Speaker 1: proclaims that you would like a long term relationship, but
Speaker 1: you keep finding that you only meet people that want
Speaker 1: short term relationships, that has and you'll say things like
Speaker 1: my pickers off or I don't have a good picker.
Speaker 1: That often has to do with attachment style and attachment anxiety.
Speaker 1: And that's something to talk to your therapist about. All right,
Speaker 1: here's the bad news. Assortative mating, especially by education and income,
Speaker 1: has been shown to contribute to growing economic inequity in
Speaker 1: our culture. Sure, it can lead to more stable and
Speaker 1: compatible relationships on a personal level, but when we're talking
Speaker 1: about society as a whole, it actually can reinforce or
Speaker 1: even widen gaps between the social classes. And here's why.
Speaker 1: So let's say two people who both make a pretty
Speaker 1: good living and are pretty educated. They come together and
Speaker 1: their double income high earners, and what do they do.
Speaker 1: They concentrate wealth, right, so they're more likely to own
Speaker 1: property together, to invest in assets, and they accumulate generational wealth.
Speaker 1: On the other hand, people in lower income couples or
Speaker 1: single earner households have fewer opportunities to build wealth, and
Speaker 1: that's what widens that income gap. Educational stratification. So college
Speaker 1: educated folks are increasingly like to likely to marry somebody
Speaker 1: else who went to college, and this creates a divide
Speaker 1: between households with two college degrees, which means access to
Speaker 1: higher paying jobs. And also then their kids are more
Speaker 1: likely acculturated to go to college. So I happen to
Speaker 1: teach at California State University, Channel Islands Go Dolphins, and
Speaker 1: I think from the last statistic I saw, we're about
Speaker 1: like sixty nine percent Latino female first in their family
Speaker 1: ever to go to college. We call those first gen. Now,
Speaker 1: these are super important students, these first gen students, because
Speaker 1: by changing the educational level in a family, making it
Speaker 1: normal the norm within the family to go to college,
Speaker 1: that first one to start to do that starts to
Speaker 1: rise up the entire family and future generations and indeed
Speaker 1: communities as a whole. So my grandparents on my dad's side,
Speaker 1: where my mother did not go to college because her
Speaker 1: dad didn't believe in educating girls. On my dad's side,
Speaker 1: they were farmers and college was kind of unheard of. Now,
Speaker 1: my dad was smart, so he was first in his
Speaker 1: family to go to college. And here's the loophole that
Speaker 1: he used with his very Catholic mother. But let me
Speaker 1: go get a degree in philosophy and then I'll enter
Speaker 1: the seminary and I'll be a priest, and a good
Speaker 1: educated priest will be better. Now, back in the day
Speaker 1: now we're talking about the nineteen forties or fifties, having
Speaker 1: your firstborn son become a priest was the biggest deal
Speaker 1: in the world. A firstborn daughter was supposed to be
Speaker 1: a nun. And yes, my aunt to Emily's sister Emily
Speaker 1: did that. So my dad finishes his degree, and then
Speaker 1: he goes to his mom and he tries another trick,
Speaker 1: and he goes, look, let me just join the navy
Speaker 1: for a year, and then when I come back, I'll
Speaker 1: go into the seminary with my degree, and I can
Speaker 1: enter the navy as an officer. So you know, it's
Speaker 1: not gonna be dangerous. I'm gonna be fine. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll make a good living. I'll come back in a
Speaker 1: year after I see the world. She says, yes, he
Speaker 1: comes back. You know, twenty two year old boy with
Speaker 1: a thirty year old bleach blonde from the city my mother.
Speaker 1: I had always heard that my grandmother didn't like my
Speaker 1: mom so much. Now I kind of know why. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: assortative mating moon right along, reduces upward mobility. Right So,
Speaker 1: if you're stuck in a lower income bracket with your partner,
Speaker 1: it's harder for the two of you to move forward,
Speaker 1: and the outcomes for kids. So high income, high education
Speaker 1: parents they invest more time and more money into their
Speaker 1: kids development, extracurricular activities, tutors, better schools, et cetera. And
Speaker 1: this enrichment gives kids a really strong competitive edge in
Speaker 1: education and career opportunities. So, but that's only part of it.
Speaker 1: Assortative mating also reduces genetic diversity. Look, I just did
Speaker 1: twenty three and meters recently, no a while ago, a
Speaker 1: few months ago, and I found out that I'm one
Speaker 1: hundred percent Irish. This is like embarrassing. Okay, they might
Speaker 1: as well have just sent back basic white bee back.
Speaker 1: Think of it. Both my parents' ancestors came over during
Speaker 1: the Great Potato Famine, and they both landed on islands
Speaker 1: where they made it with cousins. I mean, I'm lucky.
Speaker 1: I don't have three heads. Just want to say that.
Speaker 1: But one of the problems with a assortative mating is
Speaker 1: that you don't have as much genetic diversity, which is
Speaker 1: really important because we need to have We can't be homogenized,
Speaker 1: right it can. It's dangerous for our health to inherit
Speaker 1: inherit similar kinds of genes, and we need to we
Speaker 1: need to mix the gene pool so we'll have a
Speaker 1: better future. So okay, bottom line, Well, assortative mating might
Speaker 1: feel like easy and then the relationship is compatible and
Speaker 1: you have shared values. It unintentionally can create a wide
Speaker 1: gap between the haves and the have nots in society.
Speaker 1: So my thing is day outside your comfort zone. Mix
Speaker 1: and match, right, mix and match. I'm lucky. I mixed
Speaker 1: with my kids. My children are Irish, Canadian, African American.
Speaker 1: I finally mixed up that gene pool. Whew, I did it. Hey,
Speaker 1: when we come back, if you're a woman of a
Speaker 1: certain age trying to figure out what your next big
Speaker 1: act is, I have an author and coach who is
Speaker 1: going to help you find your diamonds. In her new book,
Speaker 1: Finding your Diamonds, Heal the Girl and the Warrior appears.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty be live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My
Speaker 1: guest is someone who has been spending a great deal
Speaker 1: of her life helping women transform their own lives. I've
Speaker 1: actually been honored to be a guest on her podcast,
Speaker 1: Conversations with Warrior Women in the past, although now it's
Speaker 1: called The Liz What Oh, I'm gonna say ye wrong?
Speaker 4: Liz?
Speaker 1: How do I pronounce your last name?
Speaker 2: Love?
Speaker 1: Swatik swatik Like I'm gonna swatick you out of my
Speaker 1: way so I can go forward to be a warrior
Speaker 1: right Swatik Liz Swatik. Liz is a healer and rapid
Speaker 1: transformation coach. Rapid I love that word, and she basically
Speaker 1: is all about resilience and when she, just like myself
Speaker 1: as a journalist, brings knowledge to the masses, it is
Speaker 1: from the worlds of neuroscience, human design and sometimes mastering
Speaker 1: our own illogical, irrational, and downright wrong beliefs. Liz Swatik,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being with us.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1: I am curious to know how you found your own
Speaker 1: passion and what you did before this that led you
Speaker 1: to this place of being a healer and transformation coach.
Speaker 2: Well, the better question might be what haven't I done.
Speaker 1: That I know?
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I have been. I was a stand
Speaker 2: up comedian, I was an actress. I was in luxury marketing.
Speaker 2: I had a social media company that I ended up
Speaker 2: selling because it was just too much for me. All
Speaker 2: this to say, I think, you know, you hit a
Speaker 2: certain age. I'm fifty five, Double Nickel, just had my
Speaker 2: double Nickel birthday, Happy birthday. I thank you. I think
Speaker 2: when you, you know, when you're in your forty fifty sixty,
Speaker 2: you start to realize, you know, maybe the things you
Speaker 2: were doing before, just because you're good at it, doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you want to keep doing it right. And I
Speaker 2: think I learned that and I kind of hit a
Speaker 2: wall at forty nine and I realized I'm not I'm
Speaker 2: just kind of going along just doing kind of whatever
Speaker 2: comes to me. I'm not really making these choices that
Speaker 2: I want to make. And then I had some guilt
Speaker 2: and shame about the pack that I'd done. I felt
Speaker 2: like I was the Jane of all trades and the
Speaker 2: master of none. You know, I've done everything and had
Speaker 2: some success. But really now when I look back on it,
Speaker 2: now it seems like this beautiful mosaic my whole life. Now,
Speaker 2: everything I'm doing now I use every single thing I've
Speaker 2: ever done in my coaching and my healing. It's almost
Speaker 2: like Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz, like I went
Speaker 2: down the yellowick road, and here I am and I
Speaker 2: have arrived. So it's I think I was always curious
Speaker 2: about transformation. I think I've always been curious about healing
Speaker 2: and transforming and changing and evolving, and I think now
Speaker 2: I get to do it for a living, and that
Speaker 2: just is amazing.
Speaker 1: Well, what's interesting is I think often of my own
Speaker 1: media work. I think of that wonderful saying from is
Speaker 1: It from Jonathan Livingston Seagull in that book where he says,
Speaker 1: we teach best what we most need to learn, and
Speaker 1: for people like you and I, Liz, who are extroverts,
Speaker 1: who process externally. As we are going through our own life,
Speaker 1: navigating of life, we're like shouting it from the rooftops
Speaker 1: for people like, oh my goodness, this is what this
Speaker 1: is how you do it. Look, I'm doing it and
Speaker 1: it sounds like you went through your own transformation to
Speaker 1: get to this place to want to share it with
Speaker 1: other warrior women.
Speaker 2: No, that's exactly right. It's because I have walked this
Speaker 2: path that I am an expert in transformation. And also,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm also an expert of getting knocked down
Speaker 2: and getting back up again, which I know you are
Speaker 2: as well. I think that's kind of you know when
Speaker 2: people come to me like, well, Liz, I can't do
Speaker 2: it because I'm going through this or this, and I think, yes,
Speaker 2: I've done that, Yes me too, uh huh, Yes, I've
Speaker 2: heard this, you know. So I think because I've been
Speaker 2: through so many things, everything from infertility to marriage issues too.
Speaker 2: I've got a child with a physical difference, I've got
Speaker 2: a child with ulteris. I mean I have things, you know.
Speaker 2: I've had a kiddd a HD who's struggled through high school.
Speaker 2: I've had so many things. So I think because I've
Speaker 2: had so many things. I have a unique way of
Speaker 2: using my stand up comedy, using my humor, and really
Speaker 2: understanding where women are in midlife and they what the
Speaker 2: unique challenges are of that zone.
Speaker 1: And I don't need to tell you that we are
Speaker 1: a very unique species in that we are the only
Speaker 1: one of three species on the entire planet that has menopause,
Speaker 1: a time of a woman's life where she is wise, experienced, energetic,
Speaker 1: fun and also sterile and evolution. Mother Nature was so
Speaker 1: perfect she was she created the stage of a woman's life.
Speaker 1: I believe. Well. Evolutionary psychologists would say to help nurture
Speaker 1: the next generation, but that includes getting involved in politics,
Speaker 1: building businesses, building charities. That's all nurturing the culture. We
Speaker 1: become costodians of the culture because we now have the
Speaker 1: time to do that. But figuring out it sounds to
Speaker 1: me like the people who follow you and read your
Speaker 1: work and listen to your podcast are people who are
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to create that important meaning
Speaker 1: during that special third of their life. Am I right?
Speaker 2: You're one hundred percent right? I call it legacy work.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of women think of legacy of
Speaker 2: what happens after we're gone. I believe that we live
Speaker 2: our legacy now in our thoughts are actions, how we
Speaker 2: make people feel, how we feel, all the choices that
Speaker 2: we're making every single day is leaving a legacy. And
Speaker 2: I lead women to that many different ways. But the
Speaker 2: first step is always there's needs to be some healing. Right,
Speaker 2: Sometimes we have to go back into our past to
Speaker 2: look kind of at how we got where we are,
Speaker 2: how did we get here. And when you look at
Speaker 2: your past, it's not to live there, right, to not
Speaker 2: live in the hood, as I say, the victimhood. Not
Speaker 2: live in the hood, but to look at it and
Speaker 2: find the diamonds. What are these points of wisdom? And
Speaker 2: like exactly like you're saying, there's a unique wisdom that
Speaker 2: comes to us in our forties, fifties and sixties because
Speaker 2: we have lived. We have lived, and we have wisdom.
Speaker 2: And I think there's this kind of prevailing knowledge that
Speaker 2: we're supposed to shrink away or feel bad because we're aging.
Speaker 2: It's like, no, this is the juiciest period of your life.
Speaker 2: This is the time where you need to be sharing
Speaker 2: your wisdom. And I have these safe spaces where women
Speaker 2: can come and share their wisdom. And you know, there's
Speaker 2: everybody gets to, you know, be together and feel safe
Speaker 2: enough to expand and grow and try things right and
Speaker 2: evolve exactly.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, there is so much opportunity
Speaker 1: for all women to be effective, to create change and
Speaker 1: have meaning. And definitely we are not meant to wither away.
Speaker 1: We're in what I call our power stage. This is
Speaker 1: definitely our power stage. So when we come back, Liz
Speaker 1: Liz Swatik, there's a via there by the way that
Speaker 1: she says sounds like a W so she apparently has
Speaker 1: rewritten the alphabet as well. That's how. Yes, this woman's
Speaker 1: super powerful. Your new book is called Finding Your Diamonds.
Speaker 1: Heal the Girl and the Warrior is revealed. I got
Speaker 1: cut my spear and the Warrior appears literally one word
Speaker 1: got cut off and my printed thing. I was like,
Speaker 1: I know something happens with this warrior. I know she
Speaker 1: comes out somehow. All Right, we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: Liz Swattick's new book when we return. You're listening to
Speaker 1: the Doctor wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty live
Speaker 1: everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the home stretch of the Doctor Wendywall
Speaker 1: Show on KFI AM six forty. My guest is Liz Swatick,
Speaker 1: healer and transformation coach. Her new book is called Finding
Speaker 1: Your Diamonds. Heal, the Girl and the Warrior appears. First
Speaker 1: of all, Liz, when I saw your new book cover, rilled.
Speaker 1: It's gorgeous. You're gorgeous. The colors are great. We're not
Speaker 1: afraid of pink anymore?
Speaker 2: Are well unafraid?
Speaker 1: Tell me how you chose this title and what does
Speaker 1: it really mean finding your Diamonds?
Speaker 2: So yeah, first of all, I love it because to me,
Speaker 2: when I see this cover it's pink and white, it's
Speaker 2: just I would I would want to buy this cover
Speaker 2: just because it looks delicious. It looks like a dessert.
Speaker 2: But don't don't hear what I'm not saying, because this
Speaker 2: is a very deep book. This is a very very
Speaker 2: deep book despite all the pink and every all the
Speaker 2: things of the cover. But Finding Your Diamonds is about
Speaker 2: finding the wisdom going back in the ashes of your past,
Speaker 2: maybe even things that you thought really went terribly or
Speaker 2: things you have regret or shame about and unearthing excavating
Speaker 2: the diamonds of wisdom, because how are diamonds made? Of course,
Speaker 2: through pressure, force, heat, you know, all.
Speaker 1: The elements, and we've had a lot of pressure. Liz.
Speaker 1: Let me just say, oh my god.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I mean, there's no listen to the
Speaker 2: truth is women are just standing on diamonds. That's what
Speaker 2: they're doing. And I think they don't understand that. They
Speaker 2: think that all these things that have happened to them,
Speaker 2: you know, it's ruined parts of their lives, or they
Speaker 2: have regret. There is no regret because everything that you
Speaker 2: have been through is a diamond. And I think it
Speaker 2: takes some distance and time right to hit those juicy
Speaker 2: forty fifty sixties so you can really look and find them.
Speaker 2: But I'm encouraging women to find the diamonds that they
Speaker 2: can stand on and build a foundation on and then
Speaker 2: heal the girl and the warrior appears. I am a
Speaker 2: big proponent of little girl work. Back in the day
Speaker 2: they called it, you know, inner child work. I call
Speaker 2: it little girl work because I work with women. But
Speaker 2: she is really the key, that little girl. When you
Speaker 2: reconnect with her, it brings back to playfulness, the energy,
Speaker 2: the lightness, and then also guess what you get to
Speaker 2: feel your feelings. I mean, every woman I work with,
Speaker 2: they tell me their tears are stuck in their throat
Speaker 2: and they're apologize for crying, and I say, no, it's okay, right,
Speaker 2: Like we're supposed to feel the full range of human emotion.
Speaker 2: So that little girl is really the key to our healings.
Speaker 1: And let's talk about some news you can use. Can
Speaker 1: you share a couple strategies from the book Finding Your Diamonds?
Speaker 2: Yes, and I will tell you. In this book, I
Speaker 2: have included a little Girl meditation, so you get to
Speaker 2: in the kindle you just click to it. Otherwise you
Speaker 2: can see the website to go to that there is
Speaker 2: a meditation. So I'm a big proponent of using meditation
Speaker 2: to reconnect with your little girl because I know it's hard, right,
Speaker 2: it's hard to kind of imagine sometimes or we're afraid
Speaker 2: to do this work. So I've made this gorgeous meditation
Speaker 2: that you can do. Also, in every single chapter, I
Speaker 2: have exercises everything from boundaries to little girl work, to
Speaker 2: legacy work and questions that you can ask yourself. So
Speaker 2: even though I'm using my story to kind of illustrate it.
Speaker 2: Every single chapter has questions and things you can do
Speaker 2: in journal about. But one thing I would say if
Speaker 2: I had, if I had to give a tip, I
Speaker 2: would definitely say that it's getting it's getting quiet. You know,
Speaker 2: I think we're really busy. We never slow down.
Speaker 1: We are very busy, Barbie Wis. We have people to
Speaker 1: take care of older people, young people, work people. We
Speaker 1: barely have time to take care of our own bodies.
Speaker 2: Yes, and we are, we are the caretakers, and so
Speaker 2: I get that. But if you do not slow down,
Speaker 2: you cannot hear your intuition, You cannot hear your own voice.
Speaker 2: So that's that's the first thing you have to do.
Speaker 2: You have to slow down and start letting your feelings
Speaker 2: and your thoughts catch up with you. Not that you can.
Speaker 2: You don't have to believe every thought you're thinking, because
Speaker 2: guess what, that mind is tricky, So I wouldn't believe
Speaker 2: every thought comes to your mind. But at least here
Speaker 2: hear yourself right, and slow down and a long enough
Speaker 2: so you can actually feel and know where you are.
Speaker 1: Where can people get the book? Finding Your Diamonds Heal
Speaker 1: The Girl and the Warrior appears.
Speaker 3: Right now.
Speaker 2: You can get it on Amazon. It's available kindle, paperback,
Speaker 2: hard cover, and actually for the next four days it's
Speaker 2: free on your kindle.
Speaker 1: Wow, you should have told me to bring my kindle
Speaker 1: to work. Wait, I think I have the Kindle app
Speaker 1: It might even work on the Kindle app. Right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try to figure this.
Speaker 2: We can do it.
Speaker 1: Try to figure this out. It's interesting that you will
Speaker 1: close by talking a little bit about meditation. For any
Speaker 1: of our listeners out there who think that meditation is
Speaker 1: woo woo California silly stuff, there is. I teach a
Speaker 1: section on meditation in my health psychology class to university students,
Speaker 1: and I teach what the research says. And what's really
Speaker 1: fascinating about the research is not only does it make
Speaker 1: you more empathetic more than anything, you have less rumination
Speaker 1: about your stress. Those are thoughts spinning around. It creates
Speaker 1: a nice little gap between Oh, a bad thing happened
Speaker 1: and what should I do next? It slows your brain enough.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you know how Lizy call it
Speaker 1: a practice, right, And I always say that you know
Speaker 1: what you're practicing for stress in life? When you meditate,
Speaker 1: your practicing for the stress. So I use the metaphor
Speaker 1: of like, you know, you don't go on a StairMaster
Speaker 1: or run on a treadmill only to look good. It's
Speaker 1: because one day that car is going to careen at
Speaker 1: you while you're in a crosswalk and you're gonna need
Speaker 1: to jump out of the way, and if you've been
Speaker 1: working out, you'll be able to do that. So the
Speaker 1: same thing with our minds and meditation is if we
Speaker 1: stop our thoughts. I mean, we're not supposed to stop
Speaker 1: our thoughts. You supposed to just watch your thoughts and
Speaker 1: acknowledge them and respect them. But it gives you a
Speaker 1: chance to just create a little gap or a space
Speaker 1: between feeling and behavior, and it gives you like this
Speaker 1: little time to think it out, which is so right.
Speaker 1: And I'm just so grateful, Liz, that you do the
Speaker 1: work you do, because I know this is important to
Speaker 1: many many women. They feel like, you know, our culture
Speaker 1: talks about agism like we're somehow irrelevant. We can't have
Speaker 1: a baby yet. Now our babies are the entire globe
Speaker 1: of babies and adults. We're taking care of lots of people.
Speaker 2: Right absolutely, And you know it's funny about meditation. You
Speaker 2: just made me think of something. When you think about meditation,
Speaker 2: you know, you think about all the things you're like
Speaker 2: you're saying, you're practicing. We're always practicing what we don't want.
Speaker 2: We're always worried, we're focused on what we don't want.
Speaker 2: Rarely do we focus on what we do want and
Speaker 2: how we do want to feel. No one asks women,
Speaker 2: how do you want to feel? But that's the question
Speaker 2: you can ask yourself in midlife. And that's what you
Speaker 2: get to do when you meditate. You get to actually
Speaker 2: focus on what you do want, practice what you do
Speaker 2: want to feel when you're meditating. So and you're and
Speaker 2: meditating brings brain coherence. Everybody tells me, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I feel like my brain is scrambled. I can't remember anything.
Speaker 2: They're using meditation with Parkinson's now, they're literally helping people
Speaker 2: with Parkinson's with brain coherence. It literally tells the centers
Speaker 2: of your brain to come back together. So listen. I
Speaker 2: went kicking and screamings. I did not want to do it,
Speaker 2: but boy is it important.
Speaker 1: You're a hundred percent right, Liz Swadik, Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us today. The book is finding your Diamonds,
Speaker 1: Heal the Girl and the Warrior Appears. You can get
Speaker 1: it on Amazon Kindle anywhere, and it's free for the
Speaker 1: next four days. I'm going to punch it into my
Speaker 1: Kindle app Liz right away. Thanks for being with us
Speaker 1: and that and that brings the Doctor Wendy wall Show
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