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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, this is nor Confuse

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know More with your hosts, doctor and evangelist Hey Rich,

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helping you to admit what you feel in order to

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heal from the mix of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings

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do matter.

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Speaker 2: Good morning, Good morning, good morning. How you are doing

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out there? I pray that you all or having a

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blessed and wonderful day. I pray that your week last

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week has been stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free so

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far this week rather and not the remainder of this

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week will continue to be so as well. But if not,

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we're gonna be talking about a few things today again.

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My name is doctor ko Rich or nark Abuse No More.

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Where we're here to help you admit what you feel

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in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse,

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because your feelings do matter, yesday do. But before we

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go on with today's podcast, I like to it to

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let you know that we're on every Monday, Wednesday, and

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Friday at ten am Eastern Standard Time, not am Central.

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That's ten am Eastern Standard Time, not am Central, or

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you can check us out at the time of your choice.

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That's the great thing about podcast is if you're at work,

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if you're busy, if you're not a to come on

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and get on at the time that we actually aired

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is always in the archives. So again that's every Monday, Wednesday,

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and Friday on various platform speaker Our, Heart Radio, Spotify, Google, iTunes,

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I can't think of all the other platforms. Apple podcasts, Yeah,

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Apple podcasts, So you can check us out on various platforms.

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All right, excuse me, what are we talking about today?

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We're talking about narcissistic enablers. Narcissistic in ablers. Yes, the

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narcissists often times have to have someone that's going to

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support their behavior. Rather this person knowingly or unknowingly does it.

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It always allows the narcissists to continue their behavior in

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creating a toxic environment, and so it can be difficult

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to break free from this when you're dealing with someone

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that's enabling you or enabling the narcissists to continue that behavior.

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Speaker 3: So narcissistic enablers, who are they?

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Speaker 2: These are people who protect the narcissists. They support the

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unhealthy behavior of the narcissists and oftentimes they don't understand

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what the impact of their actions are. They could be

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family members, they could be co workers, they could be

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friends or associates, but they provide the narcissists with the

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validation that they crave because if you do not address

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the issue, if you do not address the issue, then

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you are endorsing the issue.

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Speaker 3: And let me repeat that, if you do not address

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the issue, the bad behavior, then you are endorsing it

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rather normally or unknowmally. So this relationship with this enabler

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is oftentimes with a lack of boundaries. It has this

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codependency dynamic with it. So the enabler feels responsible for

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the narcissist happiness. Okay, so they feel like, well, if

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I don't make the narcissist happy, or if I don't

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create an atmosphere that brings happiness to the narcissist, then

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I'm not doing my job. And this is what then

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enabler actually feels is that they feel like they're responsible

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for the narcissist happiness instead of actually making the narcissist

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be responsible for their own actions. So I want to

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give you some signs of a narcissistic.

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Speaker 2: Enabler, because if you have dealt with the no narcissists,

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you have maybe been the enabler yourself, or there's other

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people that are around you that have been an enablers,

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enablers with this narcissist. So number one, one of the

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signs when you're dealing with an enabler of a narcissist

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is they tend to ignore or minimize the problem. They

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tend to ignore or minimize the problem, and so enablers,

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they will downplay the real issue that's at hand, or

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the severity of the issue at hand. Rather it's whatever

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type of behavior that this narcissist is operating in. Rather

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it's verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or whatever they're doing. Then

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abler tries to minimize it by saying, oh, well, you

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know what, it's not as bad as it seems, or

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they're not that way every day, or you know what,

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it's not really them, they're just stressed out or whatever.

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So they come up with a lot of excuses for

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this for this narcissist. And it's not healthy when you

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have someone that minimizes the abuse of what the narcissist

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is handing out, because it's actually abuse. As I often

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say on this podcast, abuse comes in various forms, and

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narcissists abuse their victims in various ways.

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Speaker 3: So then abler tries to minimize it.

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Speaker 2: So if you are the victim of a narcissist, then

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if you have an enabler around you, they will try

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to make you feel as if you know what, well,

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just look at the good side of them. They're not

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all bad. Oh they don't do this all the time. Oh,

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they're just in a bad mood. Oh they'll be okay

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in a few days. They minimize the damage that's been

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done to you because they're really they're wanting to see

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the good things within this person, but they're minimizing the

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horm or not really even even understanding the damage that

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it does to the victim. Each time, excuse me, each

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time this victim has to enter this relationship with this person,

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because what happens is that, as we talked about before

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and we're gonna talk about again, the cycle of abuse,

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and what happens is that it's a cycle. It's like

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you're on a constant roller coaster. Is like you getting whiplash,

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even where times are okay for a while, and then

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it starts escalating and then you have this big bam,

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this event that takes place, the big blowout, and then

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it calms down, and then it goes back through it again.

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It doesn't matter if it happens once a week, once

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a month, once a year. You're still in this never

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ending cycle. And you will stay in this never ending

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cycle until you decide to jump off, until you decide,

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you know what, I've had enough. I'm no longer gonna

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allow this person, regardless of then abler trying to make

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you feel like, hey, you have this. You know it's

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not as bad as it seems. Yes, it is as

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bad as it seems. It only takes one one time

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for someone to do something like, for example, verbal abuse

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to send you spinning emotionally. Only one time. You may

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have been you know, it may you may have gone

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a long time without any events occurring, and then that

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one time would send you spinning. It's just like an alcoholic.

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It only takes one greed of one grease lord, one drink,

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one drink to send them off the bandwagon. And you

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don't want that to happen to you. Another sign of

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an enabler is they have a blind sense of loyalty.

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So they have this unwavering support for this narcissist, and

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this is what caused them to minimize or downplay the

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harmful behavior that has been done to the victim, and

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an enabler could be the victim. You may be this

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enabler that has allowed the narcissists to continue to abuse, misuse,

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the value in all these things, and then you try

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to downplay it to you talk to yourself, well it's

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not as bad, or I can you know, I can

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deal with it, or I can take it, or I'm

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strong enough. And then you continue in this because sometimes

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you feel like, well if I don't, I'm weak. But

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you're not. You're strong when you say enough is enough,

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prove it. You know, being in an abusive relationship doesn't

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make you strong. I mean it doesn't. It doesn't make

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you strong, and it doesn't say that you're weak. What

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it says is that I don't know my value. So

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you when you leave this or decide, you know what,

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I'm no longer gonna take this from this individual, that's

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your strength right there. To make a conscious chick used

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to say enough is enough. It doesn't matter where the

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abuse is coming from. It could be a parent, it

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could be a sibling, it could be a spouse, it

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could be a boss, it could be a so called friend.

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Your strength is being able to say, you know what,

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enough is enough. I will no longer allow this person

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to abuse me, because that's what narcissists do. They abuse,

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and then they try to make you feel like you're

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the one that's causing a harm when it's actually them.

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Another thing, excuse me have a cold to day? Another thing,

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when it comes to narcissism enablers, they try to avoid conflict.

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They try to avoid conflict. Now, you know, as Christians

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we're to be peacemakers, and yes, absolutely by all means.

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As Paul said in the Bible, that be at peace

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with all men as much as it relies on you.

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But guess what, when you're dealing when you're dealing with

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the narcissists, it's not even about you. It's about them.

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Regardless of how you try to be at peace with

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the narcissists, the narcissist is always gonna come around with

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the abuse because abuse goes in cycles. So things may

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go well for a while and you're trying your best,

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but then as soon as they feel like they're able to,

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they will go back to the abusive type of tone

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that they were dealing with you before. Even if you

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mention something that you feel that they've done. A healthy

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relationship will take into consideration what each person is saying,

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and then they won't abuse you. See, when you're in

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a healthy relationship, you should be able to tell someone

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you know what I feel that you that this was done,

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this is how I perceive it, this is what was done,

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and then they try. If that person really cares about you,

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they're gonna take it into consideration and say, you know what.

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You know, if they actually did something, they would actually

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care that they did it and they would try to

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change it. But when you're dealing with a narcissistic relationship,

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they don't care because they never actually want you to

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ever point out anything that they've done to you because

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it's all about them. So therefore, when you're dealing with

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an enabler, and an abler prefers to avoid confrontation at

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all calls, So therefore the narcissistic behavior oftentimes goes unchecked.

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They try to do anything to maintain the peace, and

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so therefore it perpetuates this same cycle of.

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Speaker 3: Abuse over and over and over again.

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Speaker 2: Just because and for those of us who are Christians,

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just because you are a peace maker doesn't mean that

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you have to allow someone to disrupt your peace. Come

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on now, just because you are a peacemaker doesn't mean

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that you allow an enemy in your camp to disrupt

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your peace. We're to try to be, as the word says,

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ministers of reconciliation.

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Speaker 3: But it takes two people to reconcile.

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Speaker 2: And when you have one of those individuals that is

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a narcissistic mindset, then there is no true such thing

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as reconciliation when a person will not even acknowledge that

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they've done something wrong or and I'm talking about in

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the genuine sense, not to try to get you back

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into their good graces or or try to get you

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back so they can re victimize you again. And so

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this is one thing that you have to be careful

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of when, uh, when an enabler make an excuse for

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someone else's behavior, justifying it instead of addressing it or

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even covering it up, covering up the problem to prevent

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them from facing the consequences of their actions. This is

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not healthy. It's not healthy for you if you're the

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one that is the victim of this behavior and it

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and it actually it actually causes damage with your self

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esteem because you're always at the state of I gotta

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walk on eggshells. I cannot be myself. I never know

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what bag this person is gonna come out of on

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any given day, and I gotta try to make sure

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that I be at peace. Let me just say this, people,

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narcissistic behavior is of the devil. Okay. And those of

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us who are Christians, we know that that the Bible

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lets us know that. Let this mind be in you

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that is in Christ Jesus, and nowhere in Christ is

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there a narcissistic mindset is totally of the devil. Okay.

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So if it's not of Christ and it's not bringing

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you peace, then guess what is of the enemy. Another thing,

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when you're when you're dealing with enablers, they you know,

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enabler will they oftentimes struggle with their self worth and

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they feel the need to please.

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Speaker 4: You.

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Speaker 2: Will have these type of people that have difficulties setting boundaries.

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They will act like the White Knight. They feel like

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they got to.

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Speaker 3: Rescue the narcissists and it's.

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Speaker 2: Up to them to try to rescue the narcissists, when

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in actuality, the narcissists need to go get help. They

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you know, it's not your job to try to make

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them see that they are toxic.

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Speaker 3: Because what it does is when you're.

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Speaker 2: Trying to make someone see something that they don't want

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to see, then it causes you to be stressed out,

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It causes you to be depressed, or it causes you

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to be even even abused even more because you're getting

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into possibly conflict and arguments and everything with them, because

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they they don't want to see who they are. They

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don't want to see that they need help. They don't

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want to see that they are doing things that is

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causing harm to somebody else. So therefore this enabler is

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actually causing you just as much harm, nearly just as

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much harm as the narcissist by not addressing the issue.

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We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back

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in just a moment.

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Speaker 4: It's not the fancy words perfect tool. It's the way

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finds mane when we.

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Speaker 5: Knew before strong.

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Speaker 2: In the cry, I feel his speech.

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Speaker 4: Too hard, sharm, we feel must heavy, aim.

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Speaker 5: Up trus head.

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Speaker 6: Lights up, boys, pray, gather, I feel strong.

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Speaker 4: Please holds a scold A little long. Heaven is the

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sound of the horse and holds my spirit forever and time.

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When we pray when we play agather.

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Speaker 7: Mm hmmm, heavy storm, even nice. Your voice reminds me

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God is me.

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Speaker 4: When the chance that you let me.

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Speaker 2: Together we touch the high the sky.

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Speaker 8: Men, words fall short, infay, sad and stilly coach.

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Speaker 7: Pain, Your faith goes now were reflesh.

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Speaker 3: Heavy, fair ship, never save.

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Speaker 4: We pray, cab.

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Speaker 6: The fistrong, Grace holds us close, a little heaven and

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chops with our hands and.

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Speaker 3: Promise when we pray.

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Speaker 4: God, when we prayed again.

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Speaker 2: And that is when we pray together.

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Speaker 3: You know, I don't know who who.

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Speaker 2: Makes these songs.

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Speaker 3: These are Christian love songs that's.

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Speaker 2: On YouTube, and I don't know who the individual artists are,

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but these are some beautiful songs. If you notice this

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year with the podcast that I've done, you're hearing a

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lot of Christian R and B love songs with the

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emphasis of faith and God in the center, because in

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order to have a good relationship, you have to have

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God in the center. And so therefore, so for those

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of you who may want to know where these songs

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are coming from these or on YouTube, you just type

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in Christian love songs and you will see a whole

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lot of them. And these are very beautiful, beautiful songs.

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All right, all right, so we're still talking about enablers.

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These these enablers of the narcissists. Be careful of the

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enabler who sometimes adopt certain manipulative tactics that the narcissist does.

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You know, they may gaslight you into thinking that you know,

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it's not as bad as you think, so they want

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you to doubt your reality or coursion, or they protect themselves.

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And see, one thing you have to be careful.

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Speaker 3: Of is that the they're enabler.

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Speaker 2: While they may be with good intention trying to have peace,

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that peace is for them.

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Speaker 3: It's not bringing you peace.

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Speaker 2: The peace is for them. So in actuality where they

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maybe feeling as if they are helping the situation by

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by trying to get you back involved in that toxic

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dynamic with that narcissist, what is actually doing is bringing

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peace to them and harm to you. And they may

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not always even realize it. But when someone refuses to change,

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when someone does not take the initiative to say I'm wrong,

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I'm sorry, forgive me, I did wrong. See, someone has

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to admit that they did wrong. And when the narcissist

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does not take it upon themselves to even recognize that

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they've done something wrong. They see, when you put yourself

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back into that relationship, you're going back in with the

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full knowledge that this person doesn't even think that they've

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done anything wrong. That's the thing sometimes as a especially

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for Christians. Christians, you know, some Christians feel like, well,

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you know, some Christians have stayed in toxic relationships because

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they feel like, well, because I'm a Christian, then I

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have to go the extra mile and try to make

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this relationship work while the other person is not even

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in a state of repentance. It takes two to reconcile.

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So if the person is not in a state of repentance,

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this person has done something wrong and they're not in

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a state of repentance, then guess what, they're gonna do

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it again because they don't even they don't even want

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to recognize or realize or they could care less that

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they've done something wrong. So therefore you wind up putting

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yourself back into the fire in the frying pan, thinking

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that you're gonna get a different outcome, when all you're

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gonna get is burned. And this is what happens when

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you go back into a toxic relationship where there's been

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no acknowledgment and no even sign of repentance. And then

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you have to be careful with the enabler who makes

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you feel like the person's changed. Oh, well, they're doing

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this and they're doing that, and they're changing. If that

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person has not come to you to show you that

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they've changed, to acknowledge the wrong that they've done. Because

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let me just say this, even with God, the Bible

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says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful

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and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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Speaker 3: But first, well, it's the first thing you have to

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do if you confess.

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Speaker 2: And so when you put yourself back into a toxic

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situation where the person does not even confess that they've

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done something wrong, then you're asking to get more of

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the same. Okay, but let me go a little bit

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beyond that. Confession and repentance. Repentance requires change. That means

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that someone can say, oh, I'm sorry, but if they

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don't change, then those words are useless.

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Speaker 3: So true repentance, true repentance means I need to change.

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Speaker 2: There's a text in the Bible when God told Israel

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to render their hearts and not their garments. See, when

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there was a sign of sorrow, one of the outward

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displays of sadness or grief or remorse was for that

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person to tear their garments, even with anger, to tear

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their garments. And God was telling Israel, I don't want

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to just see the outward display. I need you to

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change your heart. And it's the same thing with the narcissists.

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I don't need you just to say I'm sorry. I

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need you to do the steps to let me know

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that you are sorry, that you even acknowledge that what

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you did was wrong. And when a person won't even

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acknowledge that what they did was wrong, then there's nothing

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you can do to even fix that relationship. You're basically

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putting in a on an open wound. You know, when

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you when when someone is someone may have for example,

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someone may have gotten some glass in their in their foot,

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for example, when you go to the er, they're not

357
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just gonna put a band aid on it. At least

358
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they shouldn't put a band aid on it and say, okay,

359
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,559
go home, but the glass is still there. No, you

360
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have to make sure that you take out all of

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them bits and pieces of glass first before the healing

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can begin. And and this is when you're dealing with

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a narcissist. In order to in all, and this is

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for anyone, in order for true healing to take place,

365
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you got to remove all those broken pieces. But see,

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narcissists will not allow you to heal because they're never

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gonna admit at least, let me put it like this,

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because there is healing apart from them. Okay, so let

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me let me rephrase that there they there are when

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it comes to them, when it depends on them, if if,

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if it depends on the narcissist, you're not gonna have

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any healing because they're never gonna admit that they've done

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anything wrong and change in the truth sense of the word.

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So therefore you have to be responsible for your own healing.

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If you wait on the narcissist, you're never gonna have it.

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Another thing, when you are dealing with uh an enabler

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there uh uh. Their their need to have peace with

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the narcissists harms you. Their need to have peace with

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the narcissists harms you. What do I mean by that?

380
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What do I mean is that then then abler will

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try to do anything and everything to bring peace because

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it helps them, but it's at the cost of your

383
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emotional health. And again, when you don't deal with what

384
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went wrong to begin with, then there can be no peace.

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An enabler often struggles to set boundaries, and so this

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allows them to continue that harmful behavior without any intervention.

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The narcissist feels that they can have unlimited rain, and

388
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therefore they do have unlimited rain when it comes to

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their behavior because no one is putting them in check,

390
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all right, so they enable or feel like they must

391
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rescue their loved one from the consequences of their actions.

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And when you don't face the consequences of your actions,

393
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that you keep doing the same behavior over and over

394
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and over again. As a victim of narcissism, you have

395
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to be careful of the enabler that will try to

396
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,680
entice you to get back involved in a relationship with

397
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that person when there has been no true repentance. And

398
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so then abler sometimes try to overcompensate for the other

399
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:36,240
person's failures and short and shortcomings, and this is increasing

400
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or adding on to that person's behavior.

401
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 3: Let that person take responsibility for.

402
00:31:43,119 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 2: Their own actions. See the n abler tries to be

403
00:31:48,559 --> 00:31:51,440
in a sense the White Knight, and they try to

404
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:55,480
do the rescuing. But the thing is is that there

405
00:31:55,759 --> 00:32:00,200
is no there is no such thing as rescuing if

406
00:32:00,279 --> 00:32:06,200
the person does not acknowledge that they are wrong. We're

407
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,960
going to take another quick break and we'll be back

408
00:32:09,519 --> 00:32:11,039
in just a moment.

409
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 4: I never thought I find a lover like this, so gentle, pure,

410
00:32:43,119 --> 00:32:48,640
she with having excuse. You love me the way that

411
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,920
Jesus was. You haul me.

412
00:32:52,079 --> 00:32:57,359
Speaker 2: Clothes, and it feels so good when you pray with me.

413
00:32:57,799 --> 00:33:03,599
Speaker 4: The world fades a way. Every word you speak feels

414
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:09,359
like grace, sor and display. You remind me daily that

415
00:33:09,519 --> 00:33:16,279
it's not just a flame, it service. It's patience he carries.

416
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 2: And when to see hard, I see his his your souls.

417
00:33:21,119 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 4: A realm by his command.

418
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Speaker 9: I've never known loved by this heaven tserin God talkis.

419
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 4: You're the reason I believe in, for God brought this story.

420
00:33:43,119 --> 00:33:49,319
We wrockets and gather of you, no doubt. Just be

421
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,920
said this, because I've.

422
00:33:51,880 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 8: Never known a love life to leave with kindness, now

423
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:11,360
with pride. You love me like crist SAEs.

424
00:34:11,079 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 10: Right through every season, every scene, through joy of pain,

425
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:22,679
joy and my shelter my sunshine. After the way when

426
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,400
I fall short, you remind me of Gracio.

427
00:34:27,679 --> 00:34:32,039
Speaker 4: You see my heart not just myth is.

428
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 10: And every time you hop me leave, I feel God

429
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:44,000
whisper my child. I'm here injunship nor.

430
00:34:44,119 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 4: Touch is pretty all in your arms.

431
00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 5: I feel God everywhere.

432
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 4: I don't even know love live, haven't touch Earth got you,

433
00:35:00,119 --> 00:35:05,000
so keep up. You the reason to believe it, for

434
00:35:07,159 --> 00:35:11,119
God brought the story the buckets.

435
00:35:10,599 --> 00:35:27,639
Speaker 9: And gather movie No Doubt, shasky sample exa'mble Yeah, when

436
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:32,559
the night feels on, we'll keep our facetrong, face strong.

437
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:42,039
Speaker 4: What God has wrong? No buckets who have known?

438
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 5: Like you're my answer prayer, My soul's pures. Every heartbeat

439
00:35:53,159 --> 00:35:59,119
sees his Grayson New Grayson New cause guy's love shines

440
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,119
right through.

441
00:36:08,119 --> 00:36:22,119
Speaker 4: Never know love love, and that is a love like this,

442
00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:23,280
Like I say, go.

443
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 3: On YouTube and get some of those Christian love songs.

444
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,679
Speaker 2: Come on now, They're not gonna lead you in the

445
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:33,679
wrong direction. Y'all know what I'm talking about?

446
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 4: A man?

447
00:36:37,559 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 2: All right, all right, all right, So we are, excuse

448
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:47,000
me talking about the narcissists in Abler, the narcissists in Abeler,

449
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:49,760
and again.

450
00:36:49,559 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 3: You have to be careful of the narcissistic and abler.

451
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 2: They're enablers and and they you know, not all of

452
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,199
them know that they are being enablers their things. Some

453
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,440
of them think they're doing the right thing. And sometimes

454
00:37:04,519 --> 00:37:06,800
the victim is the one that's the enabler as well.

455
00:37:07,159 --> 00:37:12,000
But it's at what cost, okay. So another thing is

456
00:37:12,079 --> 00:37:16,000
that they deny or ignore the reality of the situation

457
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,599
when it's when when a person is engaging in harmful behavior,

458
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:26,280
they dismiss it or they rationalize the behavior again to

459
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,320
protect the individual. But the thing is is that at

460
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:36,559
what costs is causing harm. It is causing harm rather

461
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,920
as to that victim, or if you're the victim, it's

462
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,320
causing harm to you. And you have to look at

463
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:47,400
the reality of the situation. So do not make excuses

464
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:52,840
for that person, because what you're doing is allowing your

465
00:37:53,039 --> 00:37:59,000
needs to suffer in the relationship. And this is something

466
00:37:59,159 --> 00:38:01,480
I want to this quote I want to read to

467
00:38:01,519 --> 00:38:05,559
you by doctor Borland that says, think of your capacity

468
00:38:06,119 --> 00:38:09,400
to give like a gas tank. If you're given given

469
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:13,320
giving to someone else, eventually you're going to start running

470
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,840
on empty. There are consequences to our own well being

471
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,679
when we enable others or if we fall prey to

472
00:38:23,519 --> 00:38:24,559
the enabler.

473
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 3: So that means that if you're if you're the person that's.

474
00:38:29,599 --> 00:38:32,599
Speaker 2: Always given in this relationship and you're trying to make

475
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,239
peace and you're trying to go the extra mile, and

476
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:41,840
you've been doing this okay, but then the narcissist does

477
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,719
not try to change, then there's no change within that narcissist.

478
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 3: Then you have to protect your own gas tank.

479
00:38:50,639 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 2: It's you know, there's a story in the Bible that

480
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,880
talks about the ten virgins, the five foolish, and the

481
00:38:56,039 --> 00:39:01,039
five wives. The five foolish did not come with enough oil,

482
00:39:01,639 --> 00:39:04,760
so they wanted to get take off from the wise ones,

483
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,320
who did come with enough oil, to wait till the

484
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:14,840
bridegroom came. The five foolish as the wise ones, give

485
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,400
us some of your oil, But the wise ones told them, no,

486
00:39:18,599 --> 00:39:21,400
go get your own oil. Go buy your own oil.

487
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:25,800
So the wise were they were considered wise because they

488
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:31,119
did not allow the foolish ones to deplete them in

489
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,599
order to be just be nice. The same thing applies

490
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,679
when it comes to narcissists. You don't have to allow

491
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:43,199
anyone to deplete your oil. You don't have to allow

492
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:48,320
anyone to deplete you. If they want to deplete you,

493
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:52,320
let them go do it somewhere else. But you can

494
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:56,719
say no. You can set boundaries and say, at the

495
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,840
expense of my peace, at the expense of my happiness,

496
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:05,400
I'm no longer going to allow you to deplete me

497
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,599
and mean it and do it.

498
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 3: It comes a time where, regardless of who that person is,

499
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:14,079
you have to say no.

500
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 2: You have to just say, you know what, I'm no

501
00:40:17,079 --> 00:40:21,920
longer going to be this person's punching bag, because that's

502
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:26,199
what narcissists want. They want to be your emotional punching bag.

503
00:40:28,119 --> 00:40:30,440
And you have to be the one. Regardless of if

504
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,840
an enabler tries to get you to get back into

505
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,559
that relationship or whatever, you have to say no. You

506
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:42,639
have to say no, you're not You're not How would

507
00:40:42,639 --> 00:40:48,599
I say this? You are not obligated to be anybody's

508
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:56,320
anybody's doormat. If that person will not get help, if

509
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,559
that person do not need to do not see the

510
00:40:58,679 --> 00:41:01,079
need for them to get help that person And and

511
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,599
the thing is, let that person speak for themselves, do

512
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:07,119
not be the do not allow the enabler to be

513
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,119
a third party trying to put things together. If that

514
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:15,119
if that person that's doing the harm, if they were

515
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:19,880
truly repentant, they would they would get things right themselves

516
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,880
without having a third party. And you have to at

517
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:33,320
some point say no, enough is enough, narck abuse no more.

518
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,679
All right, we are about it here today. I pray

519
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:42,360
to today's podcast has been a blessing to you and

520
00:41:42,639 --> 00:41:47,079
that you will know you will know that your feelings

521
00:41:47,199 --> 00:41:51,960
do matter. This is doctor Ko Richard knock Abuse no more.

522
00:41:52,639 --> 00:42:36,679
Until next time, the spasssssss