Speaker 1: What is up? Pricks? Welcome back to Bachelor in Paradise,
Speaker 1: Episode three, Part two, Heart are we are going crazy?
Speaker 1: I want to say one, We're loving it. We're loving Yeah,
Speaker 1: we are having so much fun. There's so much. In
Speaker 1: part one, mc scatcat made an appearance. Listen. I just
Speaker 1: want to commend you guys. I've been looking at the numbers.
Speaker 1: Most of you guys are listening to both parts. Now
Speaker 1: you heard us, Yeah, you felt my wrath and you
Speaker 1: were like, we don't want to make Stephanie angry because
Speaker 1: she's like Jeremy. When she's angry, she's just real mad,
Speaker 1: big mad. She said, she gets like a floating head.
Speaker 2: If you could see the show, if it was like,
Speaker 2: if you're watching it, you just see her head floating around,
Speaker 2: saying like, listen to that first one.
Speaker 1: I hate Janet. She's like, what are you guys doing me?
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you guys doing? Are you getting
Speaker 1: spa treatments? Are you all over each other's bodies? Avoiding
Speaker 1: part one?
Speaker 2: How Dareio and his version though of spa treatments is
Speaker 2: so not They're actually rubbing each other's body in a bathtub,
Speaker 2: and he's like, Alma, officials like maybe like a toll
Speaker 2: massage or something.
Speaker 1: All No, his eyes were crazy. Somebody's got always cucumbers
Speaker 1: over their eyes. Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 2: His face Okay, so then it was a good day whatever.
Speaker 2: So the goldens the goldens. Yeah, two truths in a lie,
Speaker 2: which is adorable. Leslie is so funny.
Speaker 1: So Leslie says, like, Prince wrote a song about me. Oh, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I fucked a guy.
Speaker 2: He's something about Kenny Gas and then another guy and
Speaker 2: they're like, well, we know Prince wrote a song about her.
Speaker 2: I did not remember that myself. And I'm such a
Speaker 2: Leslie stand so like, what the fuck? She's the coolest ever. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then she goes, oh, I forgot to tell one
Speaker 2: of them to be a lie.
Speaker 1: This is just the fucking coolest. I love her. We
Speaker 1: are obsessed with her, and we are going to get
Speaker 1: her our show.
Speaker 2: She's gonna We had her on the show and then
Speaker 2: we had to cancel because I got evacuated from the
Speaker 2: fire January. The fires, and yes, she was scheduled to
Speaker 2: do the show and she was excited about it. And
Speaker 2: then we tried to get her back like the next week,
Speaker 2: and she had taken.
Speaker 1: Oh, she was going here. She couldn't tell us. My god,
Speaker 1: she goes, I'm going to I'm taking a trip to
Speaker 1: Costa Rica.
Speaker 2: She couldn't tell us what it was. And now we
Speaker 2: just put it together like idiots. Wow, oh my god.
Speaker 2: And now she really can't do it because she's probably
Speaker 2: on contract for a while, so we had to wait
Speaker 2: to get her the first time. She'll be worth it
Speaker 2: to get her again. But she was on the show,
Speaker 2: and this is happening.
Speaker 1: Jeremy.
Speaker 2: Jeremy's like in a vest now, so we still got
Speaker 2: his stupid tank top, but he's put some sort of
Speaker 2: like weird thing around it so that his disgusting muscles.
Speaker 1: No, it's like a vest over the.
Speaker 2: Tank top, so it's still sleeveless.
Speaker 1: But I don't think he's wearing some scarf like that.
Speaker 2: You'd get it like Bergdorf, like, I don't know what
Speaker 2: the fuck it is, but it's not and I don't.
Speaker 2: The arms are like I'm not trying to body shame
Speaker 2: in any way, but to me, that's too much working out.
Speaker 2: That's too much. I feel like it's take it down. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think that's like Jax too. If we're going back.
Speaker 1: To the valley. Also, there's something about his hairline and
Speaker 1: his face that reads steroids to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe something in his eye at his pupils. Something's
Speaker 2: going on. Maybe not, but he's just so big.
Speaker 1: Well now he's become shoey of the men, and he's
Speaker 1: just like complaining. He's just like, yeah, man, she fucked
Speaker 1: me over, like you know, like, I mean.
Speaker 2: He's talking to Alex, who I guess they're friends because
Speaker 2: she's He's just yelling about everything to Alex and then
Speaker 2: she's like he has her confession that she's like, I
Speaker 2: just can't get there with Jonathan. Then did you think
Speaker 2: for a second those two were gonna get together?
Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: didn't because he's so on like a one track, like complaining.
Speaker 1: He's not really listening to Alex. He's like, I mean,
Speaker 1: Susie asked me on her date, like I went on
Speaker 1: a date with her, but then Bailey told me she
Speaker 1: was really into me and then yeah, and Alex is like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: like knowing what you know now, like would you have
Speaker 1: chosen her? And he goes, I just called Susie And
Speaker 1: Alex is like, oh shoot god, and he's like right,
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, I'm sorry, and he's like, duh, don't
Speaker 1: feel bad for me. It's not a bad thing. It's
Speaker 1: a good thing. It's a good thing. I'm totally going
Speaker 1: to hook up with Susie as soon as they get back,
Speaker 1: Like fuck Bailey, Like this is.
Speaker 2: So not into him anyway, so it all it's like,
Speaker 2: I don't uh oh, what makes me sad is that
Speaker 2: because he's sort of he's famous and he's on the show,
Speaker 2: like he can walk into some bar and get like
Speaker 2: whatever he wants, really and that makes me sad. So
Speaker 2: then Alex pulls Jonathan to end it, and he's so
Speaker 2: sweet about it.
Speaker 1: She's crying.
Speaker 2: I did feel she was being a bit performative here.
Speaker 2: The crying didn't seem totally real. Did I think she's
Speaker 2: very emotional. I know she's emotional, but she's And also,
Speaker 2: it's worse if someone's breaking up and you're like, I'm
Speaker 2: just so sorry, I just like didn't like you. He's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: you don't have to keep saying things.
Speaker 1: I just don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not physically you gross me out.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. He's like, the mentally you'd honestly, I did
Speaker 1: you don't have to don't do that. It's okay.
Speaker 2: He's like hugs or he's like, no, I mean I heards,
Speaker 2: of course, but like you're we're good.
Speaker 1: She's like, is it because like I just like you're
Speaker 1: such a bad kisser. I'm so sorry I didn't tell
Speaker 1: you that. Why did you make me tell you that?
Speaker 1: He's like, I really didn't like you could have, Like
Speaker 1: I really want you to stop saying things totally. So
Speaker 1: that's just so thick. It's just not like I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I don't like it's not my type. And
Speaker 1: you're like you don't smell that good.
Speaker 2: I wish I didn't have the worst Okay.
Speaker 1: So then basically Jonathan Jonathan is so bummed out. He's
Speaker 1: telling camera he's like, I'm just out of chicks, like
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I Alex, like I didn't like
Speaker 1: her either, Like let's be real, like it wasn't it
Speaker 1: wasn't happening, it wasn't. But now like who's I can't
Speaker 1: even stay around for the next girl because like I'm out,
Speaker 1: like there's no one for me. Yeah right right? So okay,
Speaker 1: so then.
Speaker 2: Uh, this is when Bailey is going to come. This
Speaker 2: is when she goes to Jeremy and is like apologizing
Speaker 2: to him, and.
Speaker 1: She sits at the bar. They're sitting down together, like
Speaker 1: next to each other, but he's clearly giving her the
Speaker 1: cold shoulder mm hmm. So she's like, do you want
Speaker 1: to talk? He's like yeah, he's so mad. He's so
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, okay what and she's and he's so
Speaker 1: he's pissed off.
Speaker 2: But then shocker, which is shocking to me, She's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I really want to go on the date, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, mind you, I want to be with you.
Speaker 2: And then he's like cool, well, also, I was so confused.
Speaker 1: So she apologizes way too much, which I wrote she
Speaker 1: shouldn't be doing. It's like a scared apologizing, like this
Speaker 1: guy tell me did the same thing.
Speaker 2: He's abusive in that way, yes.
Speaker 1: The way she's just like, I really I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: done it, and like it's just I know that I
Speaker 1: told you that I was really into you, so like
Speaker 1: going on a date was wrong. It was wrong of me.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done it, and yeah, and then he
Speaker 1: doesn't say right away, okay, we're good. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: well I felt misled because after we talked to the
Speaker 1: cocktail party, you made me believe you were here for me.
Speaker 1: Then you went on a date and she's like no,
Speaker 1: I know, Like you know, I said I'm sorry, like
Speaker 1: I'm really really sorry, like I'm so sorry. I really
Speaker 1: want to be with you.
Speaker 2: And he's like, ah, yeah, He's like, I'm gonna do
Speaker 2: her dirty anyway. And also poor Andrew, and well, Andrew
Speaker 2: got a little stuck. He chose what he chose, So
Speaker 2: that's on him. But I mean, also you I would
Speaker 2: have were him, I would think she was into me.
Speaker 2: You know, we just took a bath together. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: can't you go on the show and say like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm on this date, but I really don't feel comfortable
Speaker 2: getting in a bath with you, so I'm just not
Speaker 2: going to do that.
Speaker 1: This is what I think happened. I think on the date,
Speaker 1: Bailey was going back and forth. This is I'm making
Speaker 1: this up. I'm making up this narrative, but it kind
Speaker 1: of fits if you think about it. So I think
Speaker 1: Bailey was telling Andrew like, yeah, like let's have fun.
Speaker 1: But you know, Jeremy was pretty mad and like I
Speaker 1: am into him and I'm going to end up giving
Speaker 1: him my rose. So I think that they were like, cool, cool,
Speaker 1: let's be friends. And then I think as soon as
Speaker 1: they got back, and I think Andrew is probably like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I also like Alex anyway, so like it's totally fine,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go make a play for Alex later.
Speaker 1: So I don't think Bailey cared at all. Right, Yes, agree,
Speaker 1: I think it was. I think they literally talked about it.
Speaker 1: And the reason I would know that that is because
Speaker 1: every time you read like behind the scenes stuff, they're
Speaker 1: always talking about like you could have had a conversation
Speaker 1: like we you know, we talked about this off camera
Speaker 1: or you know, it's like stuff that wasn't shown. They
Speaker 1: do a lot of that. I don't think that the
Speaker 1: producers would show that because it would be too easy
Speaker 1: and they want it to be a surprise anyway.
Speaker 2: Okay, so the Goldens are in the pool and Jack.
Speaker 2: Jack likes April. He's like, I just want to I
Speaker 2: want to kiss her because when I you know what
Speaker 2: he happens. When I kiss somebody, I get a bone up.
Speaker 2: Didn't say that, but that's kind of what he's at.
Speaker 2: Things he happened when I kiss things he happened. Keith
Speaker 2: and then he just kissed.
Speaker 1: Keith is trying to do like a Will Farrell impression
Speaker 1: by like jumping on an inflatable unicorn in the pool,
Speaker 1: and I wrote, it's cute.
Speaker 2: Sorry Cecily, I'm like, no, I think he's cute. I
Speaker 2: have no I love every Golden. There's not a single
Speaker 2: Golden I don't love. Even April am into all of
Speaker 2: this so likable, Yes, and they they are an infusion
Speaker 2: to the show that like we need and it works,
Speaker 2: you know, And I.
Speaker 1: Know what I would watch. I would watch a Golden
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Paradise season. Yeah, for real, like have to.
Speaker 2: Actually because Wells or Jesse somebody says leader, it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're going they're gonna use the boom boom. First of all,
Speaker 2: why wouldn't they use the boom boom room, right? And
Speaker 2: why are the youngs not using it? Because like, what
Speaker 2: generation are they gen They're not gen Z. They're like millennials, right,
Speaker 2: They're in their like mid to late thirties. They're millennials,
Speaker 2: so they're millennials. Like, but what they don't have sex anymore?
Speaker 2: Like I miss that. I've said this before on the show.
Speaker 2: I will stand by it. I miss like, go use
Speaker 2: the boomboo, go fuck each other, guys. I know you've
Speaker 2: all been tested.
Speaker 1: I know they stay about like so many seasons ago.
Speaker 2: I know. And So I was surprised when Well said that, like, also,
Speaker 2: don't put down the goldens like that. Yeah, if they
Speaker 2: want to go make out, let them make.
Speaker 1: Out like they're supposed to.
Speaker 2: Just that's why they're there, right to meet people later
Speaker 2: in life, Like they're allowed to do that for stuff.
Speaker 1: They're all acting like it's so gross that like older
Speaker 1: people have sex atally.
Speaker 2: I just said that's what I was like, why would
Speaker 2: it be crazy if old people use that? Like enough,
Speaker 2: So Andrew is this When he goes to Alex to apology.
Speaker 2: He's like, sorry about that. I really wanted to take
Speaker 2: you anyway, and she's pissed. She's like, well, but you
Speaker 2: didn't choose, and.
Speaker 1: Also I don't think it makes it better that he
Speaker 1: goes Yeah, it took me like thirty minutes to decide, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's not the flex you think it is, Like, oh man,
Speaker 1: I really thought about it, like a half hour. It
Speaker 1: took me like maybe, but I chose the other persons
Speaker 1: and not even like you didn't win, right, that's even worse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would be better.
Speaker 2: If you said, like a split second. And I was
Speaker 2: just like, I just go with whatever pops in your head.
Speaker 2: But I really thought it through and it was definitely Bailey.
Speaker 2: That's actually true helping. Yeah, but it's also.
Speaker 1: Not like he was like, you know, I just wasn't
Speaker 1: sure what to do, and I went and consulted with
Speaker 1: my friends and I really thought about it, and then
Speaker 1: I read a book and then like it took me hours,
Speaker 1: and then I just you know, no anyway, okay.
Speaker 2: But then they kiss, I write, I don't know if
Speaker 2: I miss something here. But then they kiss and she's
Speaker 2: into it, so she just that they didn't get kissed. Right.
Speaker 1: Then he's like, I'm gonna I'm going to keep at this.
Speaker 1: I'm going to try to wear that's right, And she's
Speaker 1: like all right. So then Jeremy goes to get a
Speaker 1: massage and he tells the camera because he's still mad.
Speaker 1: So he's like, yeah, oh that's right, yes, Okay's this
Speaker 1: scene is even worse for him. I mean, he's so
Speaker 1: he tells the camera, he's like, yeah, fucking Bailey got
Speaker 1: a massage like that, that lying hoard didn't deserve a massage,
Speaker 1: misleading R. So I'm going to get a massage. Then
Speaker 1: he goes, who knows, maybe I'll get a happy ending.
Speaker 1: What why?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he is a horrible such a fucking
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: They leave in these edits to just make him just horrible. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so then I just wrote a bunch of people make out.
Speaker 1: Well wait, so no, because this is funny. So he's
Speaker 1: getting a massage and you can just he his face
Speaker 1: is in through through a hole, so like a bunch
Speaker 1: of the guys. So she so Bailey comes up and
Speaker 1: like kisses him underneath it, and while she's distracting him,
Speaker 1: the guys step in for the messuse and then they're
Speaker 1: like rubbing him. And then he looks up and he
Speaker 1: starts screaming because you know, gay panic. Uh huh. He
Speaker 1: jumps up like ew grows. A guy was touching me.
Speaker 1: Get away from me, dude, it's so on the wood.
Speaker 1: I know it's so gay, dude, I'm not gay. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, he's toxic masculinity. Okay, So now Andrew and
Speaker 1: Alex kiss that's right.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I don't know why, I like, maybe I'm
Speaker 2: just blocking Jeremy out a little bit, but she's into it.
Speaker 2: Alex didn't really have to be worn down that hard,
Speaker 2: but I get it. She deserves to like go out
Speaker 2: and hang out with someone she likes. Yeah, and they
Speaker 2: are a good match. They really are, I think, Yeah,
Speaker 2: we never really know. Then we go to this obnoxious
Speaker 2: Jill and Jonathan chat, which like really wrecked my mind
Speaker 2: in a way that I don't really know how to
Speaker 2: explain it.
Speaker 1: Jill, that's awful. I mean, she can't help herself. She
Speaker 1: comes by it naturally, she's very anxious, but it's I
Speaker 1: don't know how she thinks that's going to play if she.
Speaker 2: Just beyond anxious. She's nuts, Like he's not even following.
Speaker 2: He's trying to be so nice. He's like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: was just you know, we were kind of testing the
Speaker 2: waters as friends. Really we were definitely friends on that date,
Speaker 2: but you were sexy to me and I really didn't know.
Speaker 1: And she's so mad. She goes and she says something, say,
Speaker 1: she goes, Why did you say? She goes? You said
Speaker 1: I made your decision harder, and he says, he goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it reminded me that, like I want somebody who
Speaker 1: I can have like good conversations with like I had
Speaker 1: with you, and she goes, yeah, but do you mean
Speaker 1: I made your decision harder but not like you want
Speaker 1: to be with me?
Speaker 2: And he goes yes, no, but then he goes he's
Speaker 2: like not following, and then.
Speaker 1: She goes she goes like, why does this happened? I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, no, she's not. And then she starts
Speaker 1: to do all the voices to camera. Then she does
Speaker 1: the chipmunk and monk thing where she's just like pretending
Speaker 1: she's like a chipmunk eating a cracker, Like who is
Speaker 1: that comedian that used to do that? That was her
Speaker 1: whole I feel like her name was.
Speaker 2: I was just thinking about her and I can't think
Speaker 2: of her name, but I can picture her physically.
Speaker 1: That was her whole thing, was just being doing that,
Speaker 1: like hands like close to him on like the Tonight show.
Speaker 2: I remember being very jealous and being confroned. O. Her
Speaker 2: name was she got Beth. Yes, I was gonna say Beth, Beth.
Speaker 2: I was absolutely gonna say that.
Speaker 1: So if you guys want to google Beth chipmunk impression,
Speaker 1: it's basically the same thing Jill's doing where she's squirrel
Speaker 1: and it's like a squirrel. Yeah, not that it's you know,
Speaker 1: squirrels look a lot like chipmunks though, right, I.
Speaker 2: Mean that says you I can't find her, but it
Speaker 2: just does that.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, like like I'm gonna eat,
Speaker 1: eat eat, And then she's like, uh, well, why don't
Speaker 1: you just tell me you just want to be friends?
Speaker 1: And he just stares at her and she's like the camera.
Speaker 1: She goes, men should not even be on this planet. God,
Speaker 1: she's nuts.
Speaker 2: But then mom incomes as if it couldn't get worse
Speaker 2: even though we're liking it. Incomes Sean, and I was like, fop, no, yep,
Speaker 2: he such Eric Trump.
Speaker 1: Vibes to me. Yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 2: I'm not to make it political at all. Like his
Speaker 2: giant cross dangling, there's something and I'm not saying you
Speaker 2: can't have a cross. You be able to have whatever
Speaker 2: religion you know, all that's fine, but there's something very
Speaker 2: like that was what that's what we said about him.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, do you guys wash my robe.
Speaker 2: I'm like saying that there's something about him. So and
Speaker 2: maybe we were wrong? Were we wrong about him? Like
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a jerk because maybe he's fine.
Speaker 1: I don't think we were wrong about him. I think
Speaker 1: we were like suspending our suspicion and then I think
Speaker 1: we read something bad about him and went forward to it.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I remember, but.
Speaker 2: Anyway, so he meets but he's nice enough, Like I
Speaker 2: even wrote like, okay, he's nice to the Goldens, Like,
Speaker 2: but what's he gonna do? Be like, fuck you guys,
Speaker 2: where's the young chicks? He's gonna be nice on camp?
Speaker 2: I mean, he just did what anyone would do, right,
Speaker 2: But then the Kendall thing, which nobody cares.
Speaker 1: I know, and Jill is like, yeah, well he's gonna
Speaker 1: have to pick me cause I do a lot of
Speaker 1: bosses and I'm the only one who's saying go, And
Speaker 1: then somehow he does.
Speaker 2: But then so then also when they in the production,
Speaker 2: they're like, you know, you look like you look like
Speaker 2: Jason Priestley, us like, who the fuck is that? Yes,
Speaker 2: I mean it's fine that he doesn't know who Jason
Speaker 2: Priestley is. I guess why would he like that?
Speaker 1: He should know that? My kids all would know who
Speaker 1: Jason Priestley is? Would they though? By name? If you
Speaker 1: didn't say Brandon. I don't know that they would.
Speaker 2: I think we could test this if you don't lead
Speaker 2: them in any way and just say we say, if
Speaker 2: I say Jason Priestley, do you know who that is?
Speaker 2: I don't think because he's not. And let me just
Speaker 2: tell you I saw him. I told you Jason Priestley
Speaker 2: is no joy. I saw him at the Soho house.
Speaker 2: That's right, that's pretty cool story. Yeah, he was very like,
Speaker 2: he was just I think we said somebody that I
Speaker 2: was with said hi to him. They're like, oh, hi,
Speaker 2: you know whatever, we've met before. And he was like
Speaker 2: he could not be bothered that someone spoke to him
Speaker 2: waiting for the valet and then the car and don't
Speaker 2: I don't remember exactly because I don't pay attention to cars,
Speaker 2: but it was some kind of room room with like
Speaker 2: license like LA license plates, like I know, do you
Speaker 2: want to like something? Annoy He was annoying. He he
Speaker 2: read not great, So we don't need to know who
Speaker 2: he is.
Speaker 1: So funny. So I have a neighbor, my neighbor who
Speaker 1: lives down the street, whose name is Mitch. He has
Speaker 1: told me this story so many times that I could
Speaker 1: almost you know, when someone starts to tell you a
Speaker 1: story you've heard before that you could almost say it
Speaker 1: with him. His story is about and now I can't
Speaker 1: remember the name of this club that was on Sunset Boulevard.
Speaker 1: It was a very big club back in the day.
Speaker 1: But he's like, yeah, I went to this club and no,
Speaker 1: it was like way more hip than that. It was
Speaker 1: like celebrities all went there for a while. I'll think
Speaker 1: of it. But anyway, he went there.
Speaker 2: Oh the place that I made you go all the
Speaker 2: time on Sunset.
Speaker 1: No, the other side of the street. Okay. Anyway, his
Speaker 1: whole thing that he loves to share is that Jason
Speaker 1: Priesley was there, so he got to hang out with
Speaker 1: Jason Priestley and he seems so.
Speaker 2: Cool, so all they maybe it's cool.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think Jason Priestley was cool. I think
Speaker 1: he just felt like because he was in the vicinity
Speaker 1: of Jason Priestley, Like lots of girls thought it was
Speaker 1: because Jason Priestley is I see now ew like that?
Speaker 1: I mean story yeah, mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Jesse gets a uh no, not Jesse, what Sean
Speaker 2: and the guy Sean gets a date card and on
Speaker 2: the day it's like a TV and they're all pretending like,
Speaker 2: can you imagine if that was us, If we were
Speaker 2: Jill and we knew we were probably gonna get the date,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, can we not do the ATV? That's
Speaker 2: where I would step and be like I want the massage, right,
Speaker 2: I'm not an ATV, but she I'll act. She's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: fun the fun love.
Speaker 1: He's asking her, He's like, do you like adrenaline stuff?
Speaker 1: And she's like, yeah, if a man has if a
Speaker 1: man has a motorcycle, him into it, Like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: really want to go on a date with I really
Speaker 1: want to go to a date with you. I right,
Speaker 1: I don't go. I'm not dad with all. I'm really
Speaker 1: bad to it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's so stupid. I was just shocked that
Speaker 2: he was even into her at all.
Speaker 1: And then he says, he says, uh. She says, if
Speaker 1: Sean asked me on this date, I'm gonna go because
Speaker 1: like this is word for word. She goes because like,
Speaker 1: if a man shows me a lick of attention, I'm
Speaker 1: and then she does the chipmunk impression again or sorry right, and.
Speaker 2: They're so weird and they're both talking about how She's like,
Speaker 2: I use humor. This is my thing is just I
Speaker 2: use humor as coping. He's like me too. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: maybe Jill does. It doesn't read well, but maybe that's
Speaker 2: what she's doing. But Sean, I have never noticed you
Speaker 2: doing that, right, He's like, I even do it with brief.
Speaker 2: I just do with everything. I'm the funny guy. I'm
Speaker 2: kind of the Chandler was like.
Speaker 1: When they're on their date, though, I think before they
Speaker 1: go on a date, I think I need to say this. Well,
Speaker 1: you're right, You're right, he says. He tells the camera.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, I think Alex is really pretty. But
Speaker 1: if I go on a date with her and then
Speaker 1: she's still into Andrew after, then I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be able to stick around. And I really want to
Speaker 1: midst he knows it, because I want the rose. I
Speaker 1: want to have options. So like, if I pick Jill,
Speaker 1: like I know I'm gonna have I'm going to be
Speaker 1: able to stay so cool.
Speaker 2: I can't believe he does it out loud, but I
Speaker 2: mean I get more power to him. I'd prefer that really,
Speaker 2: just say the truth. Yeah he's not wrong, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: So then they go on the ATV and like you said,
Speaker 1: they have they have that conversation and.
Speaker 2: They have the muddiest date. They have to sit by
Speaker 2: like the everybody else has these beautiful ocean views and whatever,
Speaker 2: and they have to go sit by the round swamp
Speaker 2: for some reason. I don't know if you notice how
Speaker 2: brown the water was. And then yeah, they have the
Speaker 2: dumb she's talking about herself and third person they're talking
Speaker 2: about how funny they are. I'm just like, oh god,
Speaker 2: let's let's move on to this from this, like not much. So.
Speaker 2: Now the goldens are in a room and that's when
Speaker 2: the bat flies.
Speaker 1: Right and they're all screaming freaking out, except for our friend.
Speaker 1: Well Jack is like all right, okay. Jack's like it's
Speaker 1: a bit, it's a beat, it's a beat. It's okay.
Speaker 1: He's trying to keep it together. And then somebody says, what,
Speaker 1: I could put it on a pizza from Chicago and
Speaker 1: make a pizza.
Speaker 2: Somebody literally made a joke. They're like, okay, so lady
Speaker 2: bugs are good luck, but what our backs.
Speaker 1: Kathy is the one. She's like, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: I heard they could. They're like a sign of something.
Speaker 1: So there's either going to be a slew of new
Speaker 1: men or I'm going to get a bat bite. I
Speaker 1: mean it was kind of cute water bats.
Speaker 2: And then Leslie is our hero as always and she's like,
Speaker 2: you guys, everybody calmed down, I'll get it. She just
Speaker 2: opens the door, the bat plays out, end of bat. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I do all.
Speaker 1: My question, which was, Kathy, why do you need a
Speaker 1: whole slew of new men. There's a bunch of guys
Speaker 1: with you and they've only been there for like a day. So,
Speaker 1: like that was a line that the producers game. I
Speaker 1: just thought it was weird that, like, so you're already
Speaker 1: not in that you have a bunch of great guys.
Speaker 2: Somebody just wrote it for her and just said it,
Speaker 2: all right, that's all. Now we're gonna get really mad
Speaker 2: because Jesse, first of all, I'm like, is he going
Speaker 2: to molest someone? Because it shows him like being very
Speaker 2: creepy in the shower, Like what is he why is
Speaker 2: he being? Why is he skulking around like this in secret?
Speaker 2: And I know this had to have made you so mad.
Speaker 2: He looks at the mirror and the steam and they're
Speaker 2: just we could actually skip this because fuck them. They
Speaker 2: do a whole ad for I know what you did
Speaker 2: last summer. My note that I do want to say
Speaker 2: was why does.
Speaker 1: It go on so long? Like I wrote it, it.
Speaker 2: Literally forty five minutes. Yeah, it was so long. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, and Wells is trying so hard to be
Speaker 2: like they're really trying to act, They're really trying to.
Speaker 1: Do oh yeah, and then they're like, you know, there's
Speaker 1: Wells is chasing him with a hook. Okay, so all
Speaker 1: that you could just have him wake up, but then no,
Speaker 1: then he goes to the bar where Wells is bartending,
Speaker 1: and then Wells has to do all the bad acting
Speaker 1: and go, hey what no, I just remember that last
Speaker 1: summer you chose to do like a tour around the world,
Speaker 1: so we didn't get to do a season. But no, okay,
Speaker 1: they gave you a margarita. And then he throws a
Speaker 1: big block of ice down and he's got the ice pick,
Speaker 1: and it's like, how many scenes is this going to be?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I just for lots of acting here. This is
Speaker 2: forty five minutes.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. It took the all day to make
Speaker 1: that with different setups.
Speaker 2: And obviously that sponsored the entire episode because so then
Speaker 2: the next thing they have to do, the secrets, is
Speaker 2: like just like they're really it's really a stretch too,
Speaker 2: like just like and I know what you did last summer.
Speaker 2: They have secrets. Some of their secrets are who murdered.
Speaker 2: They're each other, who are their murderers. That's a secret,
Speaker 2: right that ties into this game we're gonna do. Yep,
Speaker 2: so stupid. Yeah, it just does not write itself. But
Speaker 2: then yeah, okay, So the big thing I thought was
Speaker 2: kind of funny is the big they each have to
Speaker 2: write some ridiculous secret and then they're going to vote
Speaker 2: on which secrets the craziest, which is the person shocking
Speaker 2: forward so dumb and so it was a very long time,
Speaker 2: a very long package of them writing their secrets putting
Speaker 2: them in the box.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So luckily I was like, okay, we can skip all
Speaker 2: that ribbling them down the boxes. The boxes like has
Speaker 2: a big lock on it. It's like a treasure thing
Speaker 2: that would be at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then Jesse tells them, which ends up being so
Speaker 2: anti climatic, but he's like, okay, and then afterwards you're
Speaker 2: going to get an option to to say if it
Speaker 2: was your secret, and you're gonna want to say it
Speaker 2: because there's gonna be a something crazy.
Speaker 1: For you, which I don't know what was? What was it?
Speaker 1: What was the VIP suite?
Speaker 2: Oh I miss that. I totally miss the VIP part.
Speaker 2: I guess. I mean, I don't remember, but okay, that
Speaker 2: makes it.
Speaker 1: This is where I wrote down. So there's a bunch
Speaker 1: of secrets you you might remember more of them, but
Speaker 1: one of them is I hooked up with somebody twenty
Speaker 1: five years older than me, and I wrote that's April's secret,
Speaker 1: Franky yea years old.
Speaker 2: It could actually be any of them, but for sure. Also,
Speaker 2: I want to point out Leslie's reap. Every time Jesse
Speaker 2: would say something, you'd hear Leslie going like, yay, she
Speaker 2: was trying so hard to be I could just hear
Speaker 2: her voice. So some of them were, uh oh, Katz
Speaker 2: was like she threw up on herself in an uber
Speaker 2: at eleven am, and they show at looking all whatever.
Speaker 2: That's kind of gross, each one getting it. I thought
Speaker 2: it was kind of funny though, and I'll tell you
Speaker 2: something it's true. Uh So then she goes, yeah, and
Speaker 2: it cost me two hundred dollars. Somebody got fined two
Speaker 2: hundred dollars. Guess what that happened to?
Speaker 1: Lb. One night she though she threw she threw up
Speaker 1: in an uber and I know it costs tw hundred bucks, you.
Speaker 2: Know, Yeah, they have to clean that shit.
Speaker 1: They got to. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never thrown up. Have you ever thrown up
Speaker 2: in a cab? I don't think I ever do.
Speaker 1: But one time I was in a cab horribly, horribly,
Speaker 1: horribly hungover and I had to make a cab driver
Speaker 1: pull over so I could go throw up in an alley. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I would never know it. I feel like the
Speaker 1: cab driver. I think he had to pull over twice
Speaker 1: and he I do think he was nice.
Speaker 2: Well that's a happy story. Then, well I'm trying to think, yeah,
Speaker 2: twenty five years older whatever, April, Yeah, found five hundred
Speaker 2: thousand dollars and kept it. I wouldn't have shared that.
Speaker 2: They're going to come for you. That's crazy. What do
Speaker 2: you mean you found it? You found it because it
Speaker 2: was a settlement, And by found, I mean sued Frankie
Speaker 2: Valley and by gott kept it means he gave it
Speaker 2: to me, right, What the hell? Then one of them,
Speaker 2: I think it was RJ, was a playmate for a
Speaker 2: female couple. I was confused by that same let's talk
Speaker 2: about this. Let's let's break this down. Okay, so it's
Speaker 2: a female couple that is into women, but they wanted
Speaker 2: a guy to have sex fuck around us. Oh that
Speaker 2: wasn't he was all it went into it. He was like, yeah, cool.
Speaker 2: I feel like they brushed by that pretty quickly. I know,
Speaker 2: because this must have been longer than a scene.
Speaker 1: Because doesn't he admit it at the time, But it
Speaker 1: had This was a very shocking secret. Like I feel
Speaker 1: like that was the most shocking I thought kind of too,
Speaker 1: but hey, man, he owned it. Then somebody slept with
Speaker 1: someone while the other their partner was in the other room.
Speaker 1: That's just rude. Probably jam it is rude, And no,
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It was Kathy oh Ew because she admits it.
Speaker 1: This is the whole thing. So basically that became the
Speaker 1: most shocking secret. And then and they're like, okay, who
Speaker 1: wants to own up to it? I think you were?
Speaker 2: No, No, no, I was, And I got confused. I
Speaker 2: didn't remember that that was the last one. But yes,
Speaker 2: for some reason, that just didn't seem like.
Speaker 1: The worst one.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. On this summer playmate was the
Speaker 1: worst one that was crazy, but that was Kathy's secret.
Speaker 1: And so they're like, who wants to own up? Are
Speaker 1: you sure you don't want to own up? And then
Speaker 1: they go to commercial and then they come back and
Speaker 1: they're like, okay, seriously, do you want to own up?
Speaker 1: And Kathy raises her hand and they're all like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, Kathy. And then Jess's like, guess what. You
Speaker 1: get to spend the night in the VIP suite? Okay,
Speaker 1: how is that? I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 1: I was kind of excited because I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe she gets to send somebody.
Speaker 2: Home, right, No, we don't want that. She's not going
Speaker 2: to want to do that, but she's going to get
Speaker 2: to have sex with somebody. J Kez Viegra. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, it's a good thing. We're you grossed
Speaker 2: out by this part. Captain Kim starts trying to hit
Speaker 2: on April.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Jack was just like, okay, what what's going on? You?
Speaker 1: And I want to put some on the grill And
Speaker 1: they show Captain Kim and he's just like rubbing her
Speaker 1: shoulders and I.
Speaker 2: Was like, oh, do you think any of them like him?
Speaker 1: I think they think he's you mean, anybody like Captain Kim. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like the older the gold I don't think. I think
Speaker 1: they think he's like way too much, too intense, yeah,
Speaker 1: and weird. So all the older people start getting ready
Speaker 1: to go to bed at this point, and Jack is
Speaker 1: kind of bummed about April, and then uh, she something somehow.
Speaker 1: Jonathan is like walking by and April passes him and
Speaker 1: she's like, you know where my door is? Second door,
Speaker 1: the second door to the right. Yeah, you need me.
Speaker 2: But I think she's just kidding. No, like I think
Speaker 2: you really think that she come on. I think she
Speaker 2: was making a joke. And they're like, oh, I don't
Speaker 2: know about that. I think Jonathan is not that smart.
Speaker 2: And it was just sort of like I think wants
Speaker 2: me to come over. Do you think she was serious?
Speaker 1: I mean maybe no, she's really like hitting on people.
Speaker 1: I thought maybe she's being funny. I don't know, she's
Speaker 1: a little weird. We know that she for sure really
Speaker 1: kind of stalked Frankie Valley for you know, many years
Speaker 1: and then wrote a book about right. I mean, he
Speaker 1: was also wrong, my god, more wrong. He was more wrong.
Speaker 1: Of course, he had a very teenager and messed her up,
Speaker 1: but I do, but you know, she gets she gets hooked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh water not.
Speaker 2: Mam con secks manthree.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, so Kathy invites Keith, my boyfriend, up to
Speaker 1: her penthouse her VIP yeah, and Keith is like he
Speaker 1: because Keith is so sweet, He's like yeah, no, no thanks,
Speaker 1: I'm good. And then Keith admits to Kathy and that
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, I was the one I cheated in college.
Speaker 1: But he's so cute. He's a chemical engineer, he's so smart.
Speaker 1: I like him.
Speaker 2: I just don't love him exactly. I don't think he's
Speaker 2: going to turn. It's not in any way that I
Speaker 2: am calling him out like I think he's going to
Speaker 2: become a bad guy.
Speaker 1: He's a good guy. He just doesn't I don't know.
Speaker 1: He's fine. He's fine. So Kathy and Keith are having
Speaker 1: like a really good time and they're hot tubbin and
Speaker 1: they're drinking, and all the young younger generation is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're probably up there reading the Bible God. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: So okay, so kay I think now we go to
Speaker 2: Jonathan goes.
Speaker 1: Up to Jill. He's like, hey, you like, you know,
Speaker 1: I just want to say like, I just want to say,
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm sorry, uh sorry about like kind
Speaker 1: of my words from before, and like, I do think
Speaker 1: you misinterpreted though, like what I was saying, like on
Speaker 1: our date. And she's like, I don't think so.
Speaker 2: Right, she's so immediately combat honestly yeah, but.
Speaker 1: He's also won't let it go, and it couldn't be
Speaker 1: more obvious that he just wants her rose yes, but
Speaker 1: he won't style give you that, and she's like okay,
Speaker 1: like and then she's like, I'm just frustrated because you know,
Speaker 1: like I just you did give me mixed messages. And
Speaker 1: he's like, I just like I don't think you're understanding
Speaker 1: like what I'm saying, and she goes, well, because what
Speaker 1: you're saying doesn't really make sense, and he goes, but
Speaker 1: you're not understanding me, like I'm trying to explain to you,
Speaker 1: and he's like, but it doesn't make sense, but it's fine,
Speaker 1: like and he goes, he goes, no, but the real
Speaker 1: the real issue is I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: you're okay. And then he embarrasses her by going cause
Speaker 1: you know, like you came up to me crying, and
Speaker 1: she goes, I'm fine, I'm totally fine, and he goes, no,
Speaker 1: you're not fine. You know you were crying, like you
Speaker 1: were so emotional, like you.
Speaker 2: Were you remember you're screaming having yourself with scissors. Remember
Speaker 2: that it just happened this morning. You're seriously like it
Speaker 2: was crazy. And she's like, nope, I got Sean. Now
Speaker 2: I've got Shawn.
Speaker 1: Right, So everybody is hearing this, which I thought was funny,
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, I'm popping popcorn. Everyone's watching them.
Speaker 1: And then Jill is all we have all been Jill,
Speaker 1: I feel like in this. She's like, okay, like I
Speaker 1: get it, Like, let's drop up the conversation and then
Speaker 1: uh and then she's and then he's like, no, but
Speaker 1: I just I really need you to understand me. And
Speaker 1: she goes, oh my god, like you look like you're
Speaker 1: gonna cry, and he goes, yeah, I might. I might.
Speaker 2: You might cry because he's not gonna get a rose,
Speaker 2: and then he actually once it. Finally, I guess he's
Speaker 2: really considering. I don't know if this was a joke.
Speaker 1: I think it was a.
Speaker 2: GP role that I wrote is April and Option, but
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1: If I know they're they're fucking with him because they'd
Speaker 1: played that scene of her going second door to the right,
Speaker 1: second door to the right, making a joke about it
Speaker 1: over and over and everybody teasing Jonathan, so they're like, you.
Speaker 2: Know what, he can give each other roses. It doesn't
Speaker 2: mean they have to hook up, so like they totally can.
Speaker 2: So if somebody wants to keep Jonathan there, he could
Speaker 2: like kind of hang out with April and be like, listen,
Speaker 2: I know we're not going to hook up, but like
Speaker 2: you save me that I guarantee that's gonna happen with
Speaker 2: somebody in April.
Speaker 1: April might be like, well, what do you mean we're not.
Speaker 2: Going to hook up, and she's like, we're going to
Speaker 2: hook up from behind. And when I say behind, I
Speaker 2: mean like full anal, I don't mean like doggy style,
Speaker 2: Like you're fucking idiots, millennials, and that's our show.
Speaker 1: Well, you guys, we did it. We did it. We
Speaker 1: did it twice, we did it four times. Yep. We
Speaker 1: did it in the butt, we did it in the VIPs.
Speaker 1: We did it in the spotted Reverse Cowgirl. We did
Speaker 1: so uh.
Speaker 2: We also today if your fans and Bravo's the Valley
Speaker 2: to that we have both the valleys. We got a
Speaker 2: lot up there, so just go check it out. We
Speaker 2: also have a Hollywood cringe up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go back and listen to what I have and
Speaker 1: all of that's happened, just so you know, our un
Speaker 1: just like that is going to be early next week
Speaker 1: because Cecily has to take a trip, but we're going
Speaker 1: to wish her well and we're all still going to
Speaker 1: watch the show and hate on it mentally until we
Speaker 1: get back to Dah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: All right, guys, we love you, thank you for being
Speaker 2: here honestly, and we will see you soon.
Speaker 1: Bye.