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Speaker 1: The problem is that I think both hip hop fans

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and journalists for the most part and most of the scholars,

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that we're still acting as if we need to defend

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hip hop from Cee de Laurus Tucker or like, you know,

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you know who's the man of Calvin Butts, you who

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rolled it over with a steamroller? You know, I'm like,

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they've been beaten to a pulp. There's no respectability politician

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from the black middle class involved anymore. It's corporate America

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that we have not such a mumbling word about who

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is determining the content at the level Cee Laurus Tucker

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couldn't imagine ever controlling, and yet we're acting like they're

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the one some sort of church lady is like breathing

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down our neck.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, that's not what's happening.

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Speaker 1: So I want us to, like, you know, wake it

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up a minute and really ask ourselves we can we

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push the field forward with a critical dialogue. So what

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this is mean you will have to separate from people

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who don't want to be in.

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Speaker 2: A critical dialogue at that level.

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Speaker 1: That is painful.

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Speaker 2: Trust me, I've been in that situation.

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Speaker 1: Andrew Ties, I'd be like, well, dang, I got to

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go It's not gonna go well because I will eventually

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lose all my patients because people just want you to

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create a theory that allows their love to look analytical.

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I'm like, no, it has to be that you're really

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trying to ask yourself what are the moral and ethical

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questions about culture that you have, no matter the genre,

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and then say, well, how is this working out?

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Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean you.

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Speaker 3: Give it away?

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Speaker 4: Andy? Who is that? Oh? My god, Trisha rose out

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here cooking with the rarest grease. I had to do

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this topic over the weekend, Clarissa Shields. People flew me

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out to the fight in Atlanta and the stadium was

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filled to the brim, and I I wondered. I pondered,

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had they not flown me out, would I be in

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this arena right now of my own accord? And I understood.

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You know, the music industry is different than what it

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was when I was younger. You know, we barely had internet,

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so we didn't have social media popping the way it's

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popping now. The music industry made a fatal flaw. They

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went to war against the Internet, and as you can

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see now, they've lost social media has changed everything, and

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so I'm seeing negative narratives trickle downstream from the advent

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of social media. And now I have to ask this question,

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because what I saw in Atlanta was I was stupefied.

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I didn't Does it seem to let me just let

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me frame it up. Does it seem like narcissism is

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more attractive now than ever? Does it seem like toxicity

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and negativity, drama, trauma, all of it is at an

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all time high premium, and it's attractive. People love it,

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or maybe we're addicted to it. I brought in some

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heavy hitters tonight, or at least one heavy hitter. He's

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gonna join me in a second. It's about to get

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about to get ugly up in here. We're about to

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do it. Tonight's topic. Can black love compete with the

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high of being seen? Oh? Gosh, the validation horse, is

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that what we're dealing with? Oh goodness, the attention horse?

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Is that what we're dealing with?

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: The deeper inquiry into whether attention, validation, money, status, desire,

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and public recognition have become so psychologically rewarding that unconditional

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love can no longer command the same emotional voltage. Gosh,

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who I'm seeing it right now. I was in this

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cigar lounge in Atlanta, very nice cigar lounge, chilling with

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our brother Rob, very nice. A young girl in there

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as a bartender. She was in her late twenties, early thirties,

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and somebody asked her, you know, where's your guy? Like,

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where's your man? She was like, if I had a man,

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I would not be working here. I said, wait, what

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that's the response? Yes, he I just listened. I just wow.

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Ladies and gentlemen, it to your phone lines. Get ready,

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get ready to get ready, to get ready. The voice

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of reason is on complete fire already. My special guest

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in the building. It's a good brother, Brett Riley L

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C s W P I D candidate. Don't tell me

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he's a he's a Atrosian? Where is he a trojan.

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Speaker 5: Asy?

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Speaker 4: And oh yeah talking to Mike Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Also yeah, okay, there we got yeah. Also Acorn State University.

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Speaker 4: University of Chicago too. Oh I read it. Oh you

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didn't you anything?

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Speaker 5: I read it.

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Speaker 4: My brother Brett Riley is in the building and we're

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about to do some work because I'm trying to understand

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the state of our folk the state of our peace.

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And I would say these gravity fields or these pressure

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fields that are kind of molding us. And a lot

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of people don't think they're being molded, but I'm saying,

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when you live in a society that has social constructs,

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social game rules, you're being molded. You're in an intellectual

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psychological aquarium. And and as a clinician, you know a

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lot of this stuff happens in childhood in terms of

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the modeling, but I also believe it happens out in

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the world. The modeling doesn't stop if you don't gain

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control over yourself, this self awareness piece, right, you don't

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pick up the pen of self authorship. And I'm looking

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at social media, and I know social media is just

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a microcosm. It's not all of us, but it is powerful.

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Its influence is powerful. I saw eighteen thousand people in

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the State Farm arena and they all were locked in

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in a certain mentality. Talk to me, what's going on

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with our folks?

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Speaker 5: Well, a microcosm, for sure, but very powerful.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 6: And I think the modeling that you spoke of. You know,

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when I'm usually starting off with a new client or whatever,

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whether it's in private practice or in public work. I

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like to start in the childhood. You know, usually we

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take that journey back to childhood just to see how

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that upbreaking was, and it usually gives you kind of

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a window into what's going on today, at least you

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help you figure.

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Speaker 4: It out, kind of lay of the land exactly exactly.

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Speaker 6: But you spoke on something that's actually even taking I mean,

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the modeling of today. The device is right. Yeah, I

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just disclaimer, this is not a show about the negatives

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of social media. However, you know, it is very powerful

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in the sense that it is modifying what maybe how

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me and you grew up, and persons and the environment

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kind of mold in us.

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Speaker 4: Give me an example, we were talking about it earlier.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I think you know, when

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you are seeking, I mean, at one point in time,

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I mean, it is still a thing. But love and

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and that's consistent slow uh affirmations and and and being

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able to be affirmed from persons in your life was

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was enough, right, and you learned how to you know,

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adjust to that.

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Speaker 5: But now.

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Speaker 6: That that culture of competing for attention and affirmation has

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kind of changed the game, and it also changed the

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psychology of how we think the process connective connectivity, right,

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connectivity versus connectiveness, you know, human beings versus that artificial

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bringing together. You know what I mean that? Yeah, yeah,

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So I think it's it's it's complicated in some ways,

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but actually it's it is very simple, and that we

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have entered a culture of needing that consistent you know,

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affirmation or or or yeah, yeah, yeah and so. And

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the problem with that is that when it wears off,

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now you're having to get the next hit or search

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for it again. Right where you are able to talk

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to someone someone you're in a relationship or friend whoever,

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that's not enough anymore.

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Speaker 4: Right, So, yeah, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the

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voice of reason. Bret Riley is in the building, lcsw

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in the house. You already know what it is when

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everybody needs to be the one who still knows how

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to love. A deeper investigation into whether black life can

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sustain unconditional love inside and attention economy that monetizes visibility,

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reward it rewards exceptionalism, converts pain into content, and teaches

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human beings to experience recognition as worth. What if validation

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has been misidentified as love?

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Speaker 3: Ugh?

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Speaker 4: Ah, what happens when Black people are already carrying the

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historical complications of recognition, exclusion, representation, economic scarcity, racial projection,

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and contested the worth enter technologies that monetize the human

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hunger to be recognized. Black love now competes inside an

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economy that can turn recognition into reward and public response

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into psychological evidence. Yikes, this is getting ugly. Is this

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the reason why Game is beefing with Kendrick? He wants

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to be Oh gosh, I'm sorry for black people, but

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I'm just saying, is this why Clarissa is beefing with

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the other girl, bomb Gardener? Or maybe maybe ray J

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told us the secret. He says, when my life is bad,

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I make millions because he's filming it. That's the new hustle.

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My life is a train wreck, I make bread. So

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maybe Clarissa is very smart. Maybe she's like, let's make

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these fights into a train wreck, into Housewives of Atlanta

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or bad whatever, and that's the build up for the tickets.

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I don't know what it is, but what I saw

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was an entire arena with that particular mindset they had.

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They had different boxing matches. Of course, ray J's boxing

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match that was a boxing match with Orlando Brown, and

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then they had the Bad Girls boxing match, you know

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the television show to Bad Girls listen when we come

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forward more from the Voice of.

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Speaker 7: Reason, a little more work to do, and it's really

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an It doesn't happens pretty often, so I love that,

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Thank you very much. So it's great to be here.

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It is very late where I live. It is after

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ten o'clock, and so I will try to remain normal,

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but I do. I think it's why I'm only really

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on the earlier shows and not on ED very often,

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because I get a little freer later in the evening.

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So I'm really thrilled, particularly to have this opportunity to

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at this point be walking around the country and talking

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about my new book project, Sister Citizen. And it's exciting

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for me because it is this opportunity that I just

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I'm not sure I ever expected what happened. There's a

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part of me that still feels like the graduate student

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dying for anybody to read anything that I've written, and

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so it is still always surprising to me when my

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work goes before me and people have read things that

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I've written. But then to have an opportunity and come

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and be in conversation about something as precious to me

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and as overidentified as I am with this particular book

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is fantastic, and especially I think in this political moment.

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Speaker 4: When we are.

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Speaker 7: As we gear up, I think for the twenty twelve

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election cycle, the difference at this moment than what we

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felt four years ago, with all of the angst and

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the war and the economic crisis that we were experiencing

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in two thousand and eight, there was nonetheless a sense

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of dare I say it, hopefulness in the American electorate,

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a kind of willingness to imagine that we could still

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find answers to our collective problems. And I sense in

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so many ways that really disconnected from even who the

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candidate are or the parties, there's a sense of angst

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about whether or not we still believe that we have

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the capacity to find answers together across our differences. And

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so I'm also excited to be here because I'm hoping

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that we can have a conversation not only about the

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book project, but hopefully that will open up some discourse

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about our current political moment. So Sister Citizen is a

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book that took me way too long to write, it's

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not my fault. It's my daughter's fault. She's nine and

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a half. And that's about how long it took the

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book to be written. The first two years of her life.

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I don't even think I saw anything above like this height.

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You know, you're just looking down all the time. But

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part of the process of rearing a little black girl

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child was to make Sister Citizen that much more important for.

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Speaker 2: Me to write.

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Speaker 7: I am interested in this book in trying to think

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about black women's interior lives as a site of citizenship.

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And so that makes it odd. You know, if you

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ask people in Intro American government, as I often, do

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you know what is politics or what is political science?

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You know, they say things like voting elections, we have

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three branches of government, you know, that sort of thing.

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And this book is not about any of that. It's

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really not about the way that black women behave when

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they go to the voting booth. It's not really about

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the choices that African American women make when they decide

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to run for office or choose not to.

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Speaker 6: It's not, for the.

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Speaker 7: Most part, even about what our current office holders or

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historical office holders have done in the realm of the

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world that we think of and identify clearly as the

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political world. Instead, it's a claim about what it feels

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like to try to do the work of citizenship when

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you are in a body that is racialized and gendered

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in a way that produces shame, fear, and distress.

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Speaker 8: I was pregnant at thirty, divorced at thirty one, lost

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at thirty two. How else would I have ended up

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in a place called Rudines. It really is no other explanation.

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Rudine's was an institution. It sat in a strip mall

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on a street, Batty's Ford Road, that had once been

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the heart of the new black middle class in Charlotte,

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North Carolina. That's where I'm from. As went the fortunes

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of black home ownership, entrepreneurship, wealth creation, citizenship, and health,

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so went Baty's Ford Road. You know every town has

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that street, right, Rudines held on. So did Rudine. The

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establishment was named for its owner, even though it perhaps

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would have been would have sounded better were it not.

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But I do not tell old black people nothing. It

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is rude. What wasn't rude was Route's reputation. You grew

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up on jokes in Charlotte, North Carolina, about the old

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players and the aging flygirls living out their glory days

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at Rudine's, that nightclub that also sold fried fish plates

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and chicken wings. You had to get there early because

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parking was slim pickings, and there were only maybe a

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dozen or so tables pressed up against a long wall

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on the empty side of the room. The other wall

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had the bar, which was wrapped in that tufted pleather,

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you know, papered with liquor ads featuring smiling, glorious black

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people living the high life. You ordered your fish at

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the bar. If you were early enough, you could eat

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it at a table as bodies pressed by you, inching

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and beat together. After you ate, if you were feeling

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extra festive and didn't have the itis, you slid through

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those bodies in an oddly narrow doorway into a second

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room in the back, narrow like the front room, but

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in a different direction, horizontal to the front room's vertical.

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This was the makeshift dance floor. Going to Rudin's your

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first time was a write of passage. In your teens,

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you laughed at Rudine's. Right in your twenties, you joked

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about the sugar daddies, you might one day meet at

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Rudine's when you hit thirty. You busted your Rudine's cherry

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on my first of only two visits to Rudines, and

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I promised I only went twice. I sat alone at

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the bar waiting for friends as a man sidled up

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next to me. He talked as they do. I mostly

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demurred as I do, and I waited on my croker

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plate fried hard. Just before he asked me for my

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phone number, he said, And I really can still see

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him in my mind's eye.

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Speaker 1: Mmmm.

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Speaker 8: Yo hair, dick yo, nostick your lipstick.

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Speaker 9: All of you just thick.

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Speaker 8: It was true, if not artfully stated.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that Tressy mcma and Cottam presents thick boy.

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Let me tell you something. Come on, man, let me

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tell you now. Shout out to State Farm Marena in Atlanta,

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cause it was thick up in there. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

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but I'm having this conversation because we're talking about the

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condition of black love in general, and of course I

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love using the term some but all, some but not all.

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We're not speaking in absolutes here, but when we're looking

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at the digital footprint that's being left on a younger generation. Right,

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Like we were talking earlier about how when I was

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coming up, the thing to look at that was the

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most crazy was Faces of Death. And I never watched it.

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I saw like a quick clip and that was enough.

308
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I say, oh, I don't need to see I don't

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need to see that. But that was like the danger

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thing that is cold. That's a cold cup of tea

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right now compared to what's you don't understand what compared

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to what's happening now. And I'm saying now, it's being monetized,

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right The toxicity of the culture is being monetized and

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shot through the veins of social media, and the kids

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are being addicted and becoming addicted to it. Validation comparison culture,

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she ugly, she light skin, she dark skinned. All of

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this is happening within our community. And we started this

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conversation by talking about the modeling of early childhood, but

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then we progress to the modeling of society and now

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the modeling of social media. Talk to me, Brett, how

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do we break the pattern and get the hell up

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out of here.

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Speaker 6: That's that's getting an answer in one session. That's definitely

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not going to have it. But I do think that

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we have entered a space where it has become difficult

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to discern from healthy reality and dysfunctional reality. So we

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talked about places of death, which is a great example, right,

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and we're so past that. For those who are not

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sure what we're referring to, just google faces of death, right.

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And for this time, it was the most outrageous thing

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you can put. Right, And like you mentioned, we're far

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past that. So when we're talking about pushing the envelope

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and what we are desensitized to, that carries into that,

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goes against, goes along that line of where you're speaking

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of modeling, right, And so what we've thought was the

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right thing, the best thing in terms of relationships, it

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00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,640
is proven to be even more difficult or not the

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00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,400
case now, right, And it can be confusing. It can

339
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be confusing for so many people, especially of a certain ay, right.

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Speaker 4: But so let me ask you this, what's the difference?

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Because typically we go back to what's familiar, and if

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that early modeling was toxic or fractured or broken in

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some way, that becomes like that's the home design or

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the home pattern, and we tend to attract people that

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resemble that, right, We go back to these re enactments,

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so to speak. Yeah, right, we go back to that.

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If we want healthy relationship, doesn't it stand to reason

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that we would have to break that pattern, effectively breaking

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up with the home kind of formula where the formula

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we got from home? Do we have to break that?

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And if we do, how do we attempt to break that? Bread?

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Speaker 6: You hit on something that's actually very poignant because when

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you're talking about breaking that pattern, especially of the earlier

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time or find foundational time, often we stay in certain

355
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behaviors or create adaptive behaviors, right, or that are often

356
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seen as maladaptive, which is behaviors that are not usual

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or helpful. And ultimately these are things that bring us comfort, right,

358
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:47,640
we get to a place where it's just comfortable to

359
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,480
be in that rather than invest in change, right, And

360
00:24:51,599 --> 00:24:54,920
actually investing in change can be scary. Rather we're talking

361
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about from trauma or from attachment, right, whatever the case, right, right, right, man, So.

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Speaker 4: You're telling me, if the home is bereft of love,

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then when love shows up in your life, it is

364
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seen as a threat in some cases, stay right there,

365
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,160
don't go nowhere, Brett. Is only when we come forward

366
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,519
the voice of reason. We're going to come right back

367
00:25:21,559 --> 00:25:24,359
to Brett. Brett Ridley is cooking right now. Elsie has

368
00:25:24,519 --> 00:25:26,680
w He's in there on fire. I'm on fire. I

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00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,240
want to hear from you. The number to Dowe one

370
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,200
eight nine, twenty fifteen eighty.

371
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Speaker 2: Let's get it.

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Speaker 4: Hold on handy. You know, I get upset a little bit,

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00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:40,880
because why why the playlists gotta be better than our relationships?

374
00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:46,000
The playlist sounds so lush and beautiful. Andy in here

375
00:25:46,039 --> 00:25:49,720
acting a fool? He he done played the kindred soul?

376
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,440
Is that the name of the group come on and

377
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:57,559
the playlist be fire? The relationships be on fire. Go ahead, Andy,

378
00:25:57,599 --> 00:25:58,200
play again.

379
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:10,319
Speaker 2: Poetic in its brevity and clarity, no other arrangement of

380
00:26:10,519 --> 00:26:17,119
five common words could better reveal the contradictions confining enslaved

381
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:23,039
black women's options for sustained romantic love and marriage during

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00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:27,519
their years of bondage in this country. When twenty four

383
00:26:27,599 --> 00:26:32,200
year old Margaret Peggy Garner uttered these words to her

384
00:26:32,319 --> 00:26:36,359
husband Robert on her deathbed, she certainly was not the

385
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:41,000
first among black women in America to change her mind

386
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:50,240
about the benefits of marriage. While legally enslaved, the singular

387
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,119
message gleaned from the initial two hundred and fifty year

388
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:58,799
period of black and voluntary presence in this country. Is

389
00:26:58,799 --> 00:27:04,079
that slavery constituted the first battlefield in America's war on

390
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:10,519
African American marriage, making marriage unstable and unworkable for millions

391
00:27:10,559 --> 00:27:15,960
of African descendants. This fact must be tempered, however, by

392
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:21,279
testaments of bond person's inscrutable capacity to make a way

393
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:25,039
out of no way in the thick of their daily

394
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:31,519
battle for love. Not all vanquished by slavery, succumbed to

395
00:27:31,599 --> 00:27:35,160
the forces bent on destroying their bonds of affection.

396
00:27:36,519 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 4: That's forbidden black love? Am I right? And who is

397
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:46,759
the sister reading Diane Stewart? Forbidden black love? Now, no, no,

398
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,720
let me just stop. There was a time when black

399
00:27:48,759 --> 00:27:51,519
love in America was forbidden, Black marriage, all of it.

400
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:56,279
And now if we throw in the intergenerational piece of

401
00:27:56,319 --> 00:28:01,200
what we're already carrying internally, young might call that the

402
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:06,880
shadow the unintegrated self. Right, So we're carrying that, and

403
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,680
then we're gonna put that on full blast like faces

404
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:17,000
of death on social media. Now his his pants are sagging.

405
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:22,319
We see three pair underwear boxers that he doesn't showed

406
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:27,440
the streets she got turquoise hair, and we out here

407
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:32,720
in these streets and this toxicity is now proliferating. We

408
00:28:32,839 --> 00:28:37,279
have to break a cycle. You were talking before we

409
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:44,480
came full circle about the difficulty in accessing love. Now

410
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:48,160
you gotta tell me if we're gonna access love, we

411
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,759
gotta go in before we can go out looking for it.

412
00:28:50,839 --> 00:28:51,279
Am I right?

413
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,359
Speaker 6: Absolutely, absolutely talk to me about that process. Well, I

414
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,240
think again, and we're I'm going to always start from

415
00:29:04,279 --> 00:29:07,000
here and talk about this is you know, our experiences

416
00:29:07,039 --> 00:29:12,440
from childhood, what we have seen, learned, et cetera. But

417
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:16,640
often to arrive at a healthy place and a healthy relationship,

418
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:20,519
we do have to do some some inmitory. I mean

419
00:29:20,559 --> 00:29:22,880
it's inevitable. I mean, what what can I say? It's

420
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,440
inevitable for us to be able to trial and error

421
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,720
because again, we don't always learn these tools that help

422
00:29:30,799 --> 00:29:31,279
us arrive.

423
00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 3: You know.

424
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 4: But you also mentioned fear.

425
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:42,039
Speaker 6: Yeah, fear, so you know when when love does show up,

426
00:29:43,039 --> 00:29:45,519
and the fear of looking, you know, that fear of

427
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:52,240
looking within that that can be overwhelming. The absolute someone

428
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:57,519
showing up who truly unconditionally cares for you, loves you,

429
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:02,000
that doesn't care about what you post et cetera. And

430
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,359
it's willing to be patient and invest in you for

431
00:30:06,359 --> 00:30:09,400
for many of us, that can that can be alien,

432
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:10,319
that can be foreign.

433
00:30:10,759 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 4: You're basically saying, if you weren't raised by unconditional love,

434
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,759
you're going to be skeptical of unconditional love.

435
00:30:16,799 --> 00:30:20,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're gonna be skeptical, and you're going to be confused. Right, Wow,

436
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,680
you're gonna be confused. So, man, I feel like we've

437
00:30:23,759 --> 00:30:28,160
all been there. Even in the best situations of upbringing

438
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:36,039
and positive environmental UH affirmations and and and modeling, we

439
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:43,759
have struggled in identifying what we believe is good for us,

440
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:45,640
you know.

441
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 4: So wait, hold on, now you're telling me, because this

442
00:30:50,079 --> 00:30:52,759
is what everybody is saying. Oh, my girl picker is

443
00:30:52,799 --> 00:30:57,440
broken or my my man picker is broken. But is

444
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:02,759
it Maybe it's picking what it knows what.

445
00:31:02,799 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 6: It knows, But that's not to say and let me

446
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,559
just say, it's not to say that there's the influences

447
00:31:07,559 --> 00:31:14,000
of today. Isn't hindering how we're able to come together

448
00:31:14,279 --> 00:31:19,000
and in a relationship so our communication matches or at

449
00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:22,759
least is negotiable. It's you know, not to just use

450
00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:25,319
general terms of when people say it's hard out here

451
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:30,799
to be in love, but it really is all the factors.

452
00:31:30,799 --> 00:31:38,160
You can consider, the psychological parts, the absolute social parts, it's.

453
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,279
Speaker 10: A lot of different financial parts financially because you know,

454
00:31:42,519 --> 00:31:47,960
I have you know, friends, bruhs, family members who talk

455
00:31:48,079 --> 00:31:50,480
about how difficult it is to.

456
00:31:52,039 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 6: Even go down the path of dating because you it's

457
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,880
such a long endeavor and you know, and some of

458
00:32:00,079 --> 00:32:01,119
this is an expensive one.

459
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 5: You know.

460
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 6: I'm trying to find ways of saying it without making

461
00:32:07,359 --> 00:32:10,000
but it's it's it's one of those things where it

462
00:32:10,119 --> 00:32:15,319
is it's daunting, and it's and it's you're you're competing

463
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:20,599
against profiles a lot of times, and when you.

464
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 4: Don't say more, what do you mean competing?

465
00:32:23,559 --> 00:32:28,039
Speaker 6: Well, I truly believe in that you if you don't

466
00:32:28,039 --> 00:32:31,119
meet the mark right, that person can possibly you know.

467
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,079
It's it's it's who's up next, right, and what profiles

468
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,720
up next? And what catches my eye next?

469
00:32:38,759 --> 00:32:41,599
Speaker 4: Sports? It is it a roster?

470
00:32:43,519 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 5: I just think that, man up.

471
00:32:45,759 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 6: I think I think we are in an age where

472
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:54,279
we are just using the tools available to us and

473
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,480
not really considering it's it's.

474
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:04,519
Speaker 5: How detrimental impact ramification? Yeah right, so.

475
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, man. Listen. I'm in here with Brett Riley Man

476
00:33:10,079 --> 00:33:12,799
and he's on the quiet storm side of the game.

477
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:20,559
But he's dropping jewels and it's it's it's almost sounding ominous. Listen,

478
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,960
when we come forward, that was our number one, just

479
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,160
that quick. When we come forward, the voice of Reason

480
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,480
and Brett Riley We're gonna keep cooking. Tonight's topic is

481
00:33:29,519 --> 00:33:34,559
on fire? Can black love compete with the high of

482
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,519
being seen? I want to talk to y'all one eight

483
00:33:37,559 --> 00:33:39,359
hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty call me.

484
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,039
Speaker 5: Either commit to your breakthrough or submit to your breakdown.

485
00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 4: Ooh Jesus, Okay, I'm gonna commit to the breakthrough because

486
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,240
I'm not ready for a breakdown. Actually, I had a

487
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:52,799
breakdown so I could have my breakthrough.

488
00:33:53,319 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 11: It's like, how do I view myself even while I'm struggling.

489
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,240
How do I get myself permission to not be okay?

490
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:04,440
How to get myself permission to go through moments struggling?

491
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,639
How do I give myself confidence when all the things

492
00:34:08,679 --> 00:34:10,880
around me are telling me I may fail, right, and

493
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,840
I can still love myself and I can still show up.

494
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:14,599
Speaker 12: I like that.

495
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 4: What in the broken fax machine? Where were listening to,

496
00:34:30,559 --> 00:34:33,960
But he said, got to commit to your breakthrough or

497
00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:36,320
commit to the breakdown. I think the breakthrough and the

498
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:40,000
breakdown are synonymous. Two sides, two opposite sides are the

499
00:34:40,039 --> 00:34:45,400
same coin. Sometimes it's the coin, ladies and gentlemen. Zoe Williams.

500
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,199
The voice of Reason is in the building tonight. We're

501
00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:50,920
having a serious discussion, really about the state of black love.

502
00:34:51,079 --> 00:34:54,280
Is it possible to achieve with all of these seemingly

503
00:34:54,360 --> 00:35:00,000
insurmountable obstacles, internal obstacles, external obstacles, and now we even

504
00:35:00,119 --> 00:35:04,559
have digital obstacles. Digital platforms did not create the human

505
00:35:04,639 --> 00:35:09,639
hunger for recognition. They gave that hunger a visible score

506
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:15,400
and a business model. Under those conditions, attention may deliver

507
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:22,440
more immediate emotional voltage than intimacy. I need to be seen.

508
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,679
Damn Love, Love ain't enough. No love is not gonna

509
00:35:25,679 --> 00:35:31,000
pay the bills. Yikes. Love is intangible, Love is not real.

510
00:35:31,199 --> 00:35:37,400
Love is for soakas desire can feel more convincing than devotion.

511
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:46,000
Status can quiet doubt for a moment. Public approval can

512
00:35:46,039 --> 00:35:51,800
make private love feel strangely insufficient. The streets are calling

513
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:56,760
me fifteen eighty. Get to your phone lines, Get ready

514
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,519
to get ready to get Ready, to get ready. Tonight's governing

515
00:35:59,519 --> 00:36:05,840
thesis asks whether unconditional love can retain psychological authority. When

516
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:13,920
a person learns to experience visibility as evidence of value,

517
00:36:14,079 --> 00:36:21,800
once another person must continually confirm worth, relationship can shift

518
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:28,440
from encounter towards regulation. Wow, a partner can no longer

519
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,519
carry only a I'm gonna stop because this is too good.

520
00:36:34,599 --> 00:36:36,400
Right now, we got callers on the line. I got

521
00:36:36,559 --> 00:36:43,360
to introduce my guests. Let me stop, Brett Riley lcsw

522
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,719
it's in the building right now, and I'm telling you, man,

523
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,679
he's been giving us the Morpheus vibe all night.

524
00:36:52,719 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 13: It's probably impossible to encounter true love if one does

525
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,599
not go inward neo.

526
00:37:04,079 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 4: Listen, Brett tell me, man, like, I know it sounds doom.

527
00:37:12,039 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 6: No, Bro, but I don't think it is. I don't

528
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:18,760
think I think it. There is light at the.

529
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 4: End of this Wait you don't think there is light.

530
00:37:22,599 --> 00:37:25,559
Speaker 5: No, I think there is light. There is okay at

531
00:37:25,559 --> 00:37:28,079
the end of this digital tunnel. For sure.

532
00:37:28,559 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 6: I think at a certain point there's no way we

533
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:41,159
can sustain uh finding gratification through through through our phones,

534
00:37:41,199 --> 00:37:47,960
through platforms. Now, I say that, man, just just wanting to.

535
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,159
Speaker 5: Be positive.

536
00:37:50,639 --> 00:37:54,199
Speaker 4: No, don't give us toxic positivity. We already don't do

537
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:54,880
it like that.

538
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,519
Speaker 6: But in all seriousness, and we do have a whole

539
00:37:57,599 --> 00:38:00,639
generous in my private practice, you know, I see it

540
00:38:00,679 --> 00:38:05,039
all the time where we get you know, teenagers, those

541
00:38:05,079 --> 00:38:10,400
in Generation Z high schoolers who are seriously addicted to

542
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,280
social media, right, and their inability to not be able

543
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:19,400
to interact with persons outside of the models.

544
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:21,079
Speaker 5: Right.

545
00:38:21,159 --> 00:38:24,679
Speaker 6: So I think that's where it gets scary. And I

546
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:30,000
think that's where we are in some danger territory in

547
00:38:30,079 --> 00:38:33,039
terms of our next generations and then being able to

548
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,119
uh foster relationships that are meaningful and that take us

549
00:38:39,159 --> 00:38:42,320
forward to the next because.

550
00:38:42,039 --> 00:38:43,760
Speaker 4: We're not going to be here forever. We need to

551
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:44,679
be able to pass.

552
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 6: That part, right, So, man, I think that. But to

553
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:56,199
go back to relationships specifically, I don't know if so

554
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,920
much great research is going to come out about this

555
00:38:59,079 --> 00:39:02,400
time in regards to social media, and I can't wait

556
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,880
to start reading it. A lot of it is starting

557
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,599
to trickle out now. But I truly believe that at

558
00:39:08,599 --> 00:39:11,920
a certain point human beings cannot keep up the energy

559
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:17,079
for this. I believe that I believe that that dopamine

560
00:39:17,199 --> 00:39:24,960
hit in terms of that instant gratification and affirmation kind

561
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,960
of wears you out. It's my belief. Again, I'm not

562
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,800
on social media, so I wouldn't, but I can just

563
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,920
from my experience in private practice. From my experience, I've

564
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,039
seeing persons who lives are absolutely in shambles for whatever

565
00:39:39,079 --> 00:39:45,599
reasons based on social media, whether it's comparison issues, the

566
00:39:45,639 --> 00:39:50,039
inability to stay away from it, feeling like their lives

567
00:39:49,679 --> 00:39:54,639
is is, you know, not as comprehensive as the person

568
00:39:54,880 --> 00:40:00,599
or the profile, the one dimensional, two dimensional, three dimensional profile. Yeah,

569
00:40:00,639 --> 00:40:03,480
so that's that's but there are persons who are very

570
00:40:03,599 --> 00:40:07,920
much in shambles and and who deteriorate and their daily

571
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:14,199
lives are are difficult because of trying to navigate everything

572
00:40:14,199 --> 00:40:18,840
that we're talking about tonight. So yeah, man, I think

573
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:24,519
that relationships, I think there's so many different lanes that

574
00:40:24,559 --> 00:40:28,639
we can address when it comes to relationships. But I

575
00:40:28,639 --> 00:40:32,320
think it's very difficult when you are looking to find

576
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,719
someone that you can share time with, but you have

577
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,280
so many other things that you are trying to battle

578
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:38,679
as well.

579
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 4: But listen, you just tapped on, so I don't even

580
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:49,119
think you know what you just did. Social media is

581
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:54,440
terriforming the person, and then the person tries to terrorform

582
00:40:54,599 --> 00:41:02,400
the partner. I'm trying to change it. I'm not here

583
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:08,400
to spin presence with you, to exchange presence with you.

584
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:13,000
I'm here to extrapolate meaning from you. And if there's

585
00:41:13,119 --> 00:41:18,079
no meaning in you to extrapolate, you're you're meaningless. This

586
00:41:18,159 --> 00:41:21,679
is the discard. This is all of that, right, So

587
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,280
you're like tapping into this.

588
00:41:24,119 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 6: Yeah, And that's a scary part of this. And that's

589
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,480
the maladaptive behavior part of this. And it makes a

590
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,440
man I can't imagine. It makes it scary to even

591
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,800
try to But again I don't. First of all, not

592
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:44,159
all of you know, there's a the world by large

593
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:48,760
isn't on social media. But interesting, I think it's something

594
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:58,199
like of black adults or on social media.

595
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 5: That's what we're talking about the exactly. So it's.

596
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,199
Speaker 4: Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the voice of reason.

597
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:10,280
We're on complete fire. We got phone lines. People want

598
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,480
to talk to my brother Brett. Brett, are you ready

599
00:42:13,519 --> 00:42:17,440
to talk to the folks tonight? Come on? They want

600
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,280
to talk to Brett. We got Michael from Los Angeles

601
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,920
on the line. La is the first up. Michael, what

602
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,719
are your thoughts on tonight's topic.

603
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 14: My thoughts on tonight's topic is that there is no

604
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:38,639
hope whoa because people do not understand who they truly are.

605
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,159
They do not understand you know what or who God

606
00:42:43,199 --> 00:42:47,199
truly is. Because what you two are just saying with

607
00:42:47,519 --> 00:42:51,280
social media terrorforming people. You wouldn't allow that to happen.

608
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,960
If as many people claim they love God and they

609
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,599
know who God is, that wouldn't be allowed to happen

610
00:42:58,639 --> 00:43:03,360
to you. You would know who you are, for example,

611
00:43:04,159 --> 00:43:07,280
like I was a corporate employee, I was an accountant,

612
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,920
I was a CPA, and all of that was my ego.

613
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,360
But what I realized in my fifties, as corporate America

614
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,400
has done with me because of agism and of racism,

615
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:21,920
is that I have always been inside a creator, a rapper.

616
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,559
So if you look at my social media in my fifties,

617
00:43:25,119 --> 00:43:27,079
that's what I am, and that's what I'm being on

618
00:43:27,119 --> 00:43:29,719
social media. And I truly love when I create and

619
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:33,599
it makes me feel whole at the person. The problem

620
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:37,480
is with relationships. I don't feel that I can ever

621
00:43:37,599 --> 00:43:42,760
find someone at my age who's going to buy into

622
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,679
that I mean, I work a part time job that

623
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:48,159
I just was able to get a month ago. And

624
00:43:48,199 --> 00:43:50,800
I'm very happy with my part time job, with my

625
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:54,119
little bit of money, with my creating, and I'm living

626
00:43:54,599 --> 00:44:00,480
my whole internal, purposeful self with God. I know what

627
00:44:00,519 --> 00:44:03,400
that is. The spirituality. God is me and I am God,

628
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,239
and I am Love and I am my creativity, my

629
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,360
true self. I'm never probably going to be able to

630
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,559
find a woman in her fifties who I say to her,

631
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,199
I don't need you to take care of me. I

632
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:18,079
can't take care of you, but I can take care

633
00:44:18,119 --> 00:44:20,440
of myself. And if you can take care of you

634
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,800
and understand and know who you are and love yourself,

635
00:44:24,039 --> 00:44:26,159
and then I understand who I am and love myself,

636
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,519
then we can come together in communication and be in love.

637
00:44:30,599 --> 00:44:33,559
But honestly, I don't think that is ever going to

638
00:44:33,559 --> 00:44:36,119
be possible. What is going to be out here alone?

639
00:44:36,599 --> 00:44:37,079
Speaker 5: What do you think?

640
00:44:37,559 --> 00:44:42,119
Speaker 6: What do you think the barriers are? Brother, Michael, Michael correct, Yes, yeah,

641
00:44:42,119 --> 00:44:45,199
what do you think the barriers are? What have you encounter?

642
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,079
What have you seen that makes you believe that and

643
00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:50,400
feel that? Not to say that you're wrong, I'm saying

644
00:44:50,639 --> 00:44:52,239
what have you in your experience.

645
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:56,639
Speaker 9: It's really.

646
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:04,360
Speaker 14: Just a conditioning within our culture, because our culture continuously,

647
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:08,079
you know, reaches for the top of everything. But there

648
00:45:08,119 --> 00:45:10,079
are subsets in the cultures, like one of the things

649
00:45:10,079 --> 00:45:12,159
I like to think about her talk about when I

650
00:45:12,199 --> 00:45:14,280
talk about people getting married. You know, people like to,

651
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,840
you gotta have this job, or you gotta have this

652
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,280
going on before we get married, so we can put

653
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:21,159
this together. We can build, and we can buy this,

654
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,840
and we can do that. But people all they already

655
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,119
wanted to be together. And I like to think of

656
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:31,760
I read Ruth Vader Ginsburg book. She after she graduated

657
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,960
law school, her husband married her. He followed her across

658
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,360
the country, not knowing what he was going to do,

659
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:43,440
and they stayed together forever until he died and she died,

660
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,280
and she became a Supreme Court justice.

661
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 4: Hold on, I hear you, Mike, No, I see what

662
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:56,519
Mike going. Mike saying for our people, you gotta have

663
00:45:56,639 --> 00:46:00,880
your whole thing assembled. Your ish got to be together,

664
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:06,679
he said, he read the former Supreme Court judge. And

665
00:46:07,079 --> 00:46:12,000
they got married and they built their lives together, not

666
00:46:12,159 --> 00:46:14,280
really knowing where they're gonna end up up. And one

667
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,280
of them ended up as a Supreme Court justice. That's

668
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,039
what Mike and Mike. Don't go nowhere. I see what

669
00:46:20,079 --> 00:46:22,599
Mike is on. He said, right now, we got instant

670
00:46:22,639 --> 00:46:25,119
relationships and it ain't gonna be real un you got

671
00:46:25,159 --> 00:46:29,559
everything together. Yes, he pointed, Is that what you said? Mike?

672
00:46:29,599 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 14: Am I clear, that's exactly what.

673
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,679
Speaker 4: Okay, don't go nowhere, Mike. You sit right there. We

674
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,360
got phone lines cracking. I want to talk to everybody.

675
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,400
Brett Riley is in the building. It's going down. Let's

676
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,480
get it. Hey.

677
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 15: I'm Shemaiah, a twenty four year old version who still

678
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,679
lives with her mom. And if life was a chick flick,

679
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,400
I'd be the girl that no one notices the before picture,

680
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:56,320
you know, the one who's one makeover away from being

681
00:46:56,679 --> 00:47:00,559
yeah pretty. But in real life, there's no magic lipstick

682
00:47:00,639 --> 00:47:04,000
or fear of Godmother. There's just me and this face.

683
00:47:04,559 --> 00:47:07,559
Scrolling through perfection every day doesn't help either. I mean,

684
00:47:07,639 --> 00:47:10,360
everyone has it. It just feels like everyone's got that

685
00:47:10,559 --> 00:47:14,760
it factor, except of course me. Maybe if I had it,

686
00:47:15,119 --> 00:47:17,360
i'd be good enough. Maybe then I'd be.

687
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: Happy.

688
00:47:20,119 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 15: I don't know, I mean I don't think it Yeah, no, yeah, no,

689
00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:26,440
it definitely is that bad. I mean, look at my nose,

690
00:47:26,639 --> 00:47:29,719
it's huge. I really wish I had higher cheek bones.

691
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,800
I mean, should I try botox? I don't really know.

692
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,519
It's just something about the girls that they just look

693
00:47:34,599 --> 00:47:38,719
so nice, and me I look like like, oh, for

694
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:39,360
Pete's sake.

695
00:47:39,639 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 4: I don't really know.

696
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,159
Speaker 15: I just know I don't look come.

697
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,519
Speaker 2: On, so I have to use the n athrom.

698
00:47:45,119 --> 00:47:49,320
Speaker 15: Too, you know, yeah, just your average and visible girl.

699
00:47:49,639 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 13: But what if?

700
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 4: Come on? The Internet made us visible, but it also

701
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:58,599
made us compete and compare and colorism and my face

702
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,719
and it's not my My nose is an aquiline. My

703
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:07,000
lips are too. This is happening right, right, This is happening.

704
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:14,559
We're fracturing right And in my estimation, real love or

705
00:48:14,639 --> 00:48:18,920
healthy love first is about being able to go inward

706
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:24,360
and embrace what is disjointed or broken. This is Carl

707
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:29,280
Jung's individuation or integration, right. This is that right. And

708
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:35,119
you can't give what you haven't cultivated within. So if

709
00:48:35,159 --> 00:48:38,760
I am trying to give or presenting as if I'm giving,

710
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:42,800
it's really performative. If I haven't done this right, if

711
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,960
I haven't done this right, And to me relationship is

712
00:48:47,079 --> 00:48:50,079
the vehicle for one to see themselves and say, oh,

713
00:48:50,119 --> 00:48:51,719
this is what I need to work on, this is

714
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,119
what I need to deal with. But the way relationships

715
00:48:54,159 --> 00:48:57,920
are set up now, it's what can Michael from Los

716
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:04,079
Angeles give me? Is your issue together? And it has

717
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:08,159
nothing to do with the interior, Michael? Is that true?

718
00:49:09,199 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 5: Well?

719
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 4: And also, Michael, yeah, is that true?

720
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:14,159
Speaker 6: Yeah?

721
00:49:14,159 --> 00:49:14,519
Speaker 5: I'm here.

722
00:49:14,599 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 14: That is very true. That's really the core of it,

723
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,960
and especially at a certain age because I used to

724
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,400
be there. I moved to New York when I was

725
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,199
twenty six, and my requirement was a woman who had

726
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:26,800
one kid or less, who was making forty thousand dollars

727
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,519
and who looked good. But as I got to forty

728
00:49:29,519 --> 00:49:33,159
three and older, now I understand, I'm starting to understand

729
00:49:33,159 --> 00:49:35,079
what life is really all about. It's not about how

730
00:49:35,159 --> 00:49:38,039
much money she makes. It's about is she happy with herself?

731
00:49:38,119 --> 00:49:40,639
Is she taking care of herself? Is she healthy? You know,

732
00:49:40,679 --> 00:49:45,159
physically and mentally and emotionally, to bring a calm and

733
00:49:45,159 --> 00:49:48,199
serene and loving constitution to me that I can love

734
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:49,920
and hopefully she can love me and we can work

735
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:50,559
it out together.

736
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 4: Brad, give Michael some insight, because I feel like.

737
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,079
Speaker 6: I was gonna ask, do you feel like based on

738
00:49:57,119 --> 00:50:00,840
those criterions you had, do you feel like you set

739
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:04,280
yourself up because it sounds like today you know no

740
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,960
better that that's something that you shouldn't have based on

741
00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:10,400
finding someone worthy? Do you feel like you set yourself

742
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:15,400
up by having those preconceptions?

743
00:50:17,039 --> 00:50:20,559
Speaker 14: Yes, I pretty much set myself up for failure. If

744
00:50:20,559 --> 00:50:22,639
we could just learn that earlier, if I could have

745
00:50:22,679 --> 00:50:25,320
just learned, if our culture or whoever could just learn

746
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,079
that earlier then I learned at forty three, then maybe

747
00:50:29,079 --> 00:50:31,119
we could all be a lot better, you know, in

748
00:50:31,159 --> 00:50:34,079
love and life and our whole lives. But it's really

749
00:50:34,119 --> 00:50:38,599
not about like I always because I'm not really religious,

750
00:50:38,599 --> 00:50:41,480
but I point to religion like they say, every outside

751
00:50:41,519 --> 00:50:44,880
purpose is destined to fail, that every outside purpose is

752
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,000
just your ego the money that you want to make.

753
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,000
Most people on their jobs don't even lie. I didn't like.

754
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,760
I mean, I sort of like being an accounting but

755
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:54,800
I really didn't. I was really a rapper trying to

756
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,199
say I'm too old to rap, I'm too old to

757
00:50:58,199 --> 00:51:00,760
be trying to create because creating doesn't make me money.

758
00:51:02,159 --> 00:51:06,119
Speaker 6: For my ego as a now.

759
00:51:06,519 --> 00:51:13,079
Speaker 4: He's five times ten five times. That's how he is going.

760
00:51:13,639 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 14: All of that is ego and outside purpose is destined

761
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,840
to fail. Like like Joe said, once you understand your

762
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:24,280
inner self, once you understand what God is, your spirituality,

763
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,440
everything will start to work out for you, regardless of

764
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:29,599
how much money you're making, once you're doing what you

765
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,480
what you love. Now about social media, I do think

766
00:51:32,519 --> 00:51:35,119
that a lot of people on there it's coming out

767
00:51:35,199 --> 00:51:38,280
that we all. A lot of people have creativity inside

768
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,000
of them and that's where their expression is at. But

769
00:51:41,199 --> 00:51:45,199
a lot of them maybe don't understand also their inner self.

770
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:49,440
They're maybe doing it for outer purpose or ego purpose,

771
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:52,360
but it's really that's truly who they are. So they

772
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:56,800
have to find the balance between making money, if money

773
00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:59,440
is that important to them, and the balance of their

774
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:03,800
creative or what it is in their true soul that

775
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,800
they really want to bring out into the world and

776
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,000
that makes them happy, which makes them able to be

777
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:12,760
themselves and able to find love and able to live

778
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,239
a great life going forward.

779
00:52:15,559 --> 00:52:17,679
Speaker 4: So Mike, let me just ask you a quick question.

780
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,440
Guess what you just did.

781
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 14: I'm in Los Angeles, but I brought Warren Ohio into

782
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:26,760
the building, and that's where I'm from.

783
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:31,199
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, he's in Los Angeles, but he brought Ohio

784
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,920
in the building with him. If you want to bring

785
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:35,840
your city in the building, all you got to do

786
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,000
is call me at one eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty.

787
00:52:38,119 --> 00:52:40,559
When we come forward. We going to Inglewood and we're

788
00:52:40,599 --> 00:52:44,000
going to Denver, Colorado. Who wants to talk to my homeboy,

789
00:52:44,079 --> 00:52:47,119
Brett Riley. He in here cooking the night. Let's go.

790
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 8: I say something.

791
00:52:49,079 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 4: I think it's a bar.

792
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:54,159
Speaker 15: There's a fine line between preference and pathology. How are

793
00:52:54,199 --> 00:52:56,320
we trained to value things?

794
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 5: You're dropping?

795
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,559
Speaker 4: Boss?

796
00:52:58,559 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 12: Welcome to pop syllabus. I'm your host, Christiana in Backway Medina. Sexism, agism, racism.

797
00:53:05,559 --> 00:53:08,320
These are some of the isms most people agree exist,

798
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:12,599
but when it comes to colorism, especially in Hollywood, things

799
00:53:12,639 --> 00:53:15,320
get a little bit touchy. To help us understand what

800
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,400
colorism is and how it impacts us all, I'm joined

801
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:26,039
by scholar, activists and author Dr Yaba Blaye. Dr Yarba Blay,

802
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:28,800
thank you for joining me, Thank you for having me.

803
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,400
I'm excited to speak to you. You know, I've been

804
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,119
a huge fan of you and your work for years.

805
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:39,519
I think It's deeply instrumental and important, especially today in

806
00:53:39,599 --> 00:53:42,000
this moment that we're in. I don't know how much

807
00:53:42,039 --> 00:53:44,239
you know about this show. It's very new, but we

808
00:53:44,519 --> 00:53:49,880
attempt to deconstruct the zeitgeist and answer the big cultural questions.

809
00:53:50,039 --> 00:53:51,679
And the reason I really wanted to speak to you

810
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:56,119
today is because colorism is a thing that is kind

811
00:53:56,159 --> 00:54:00,480
of evergreen. Unfortunately, it just always exists, not just in

812
00:54:00,519 --> 00:54:03,320
the wild, but in pop culture in general. And I

813
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:05,719
think it's prevalent in Hollywood and the music industry and

814
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:08,360
impacts like old women, whether you're black.

815
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,719
Speaker 4: So the reason why I played that clip is because

816
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:17,199
Charleston White came out and was talking about the reason

817
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:21,079
why people are hating on Clarissa Shields so much is

818
00:54:21,159 --> 00:54:25,679
because of she's a dark girl, an Alisha Baumgardner. And

819
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:29,639
this is part of the toxic cycle that is social media.

820
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:32,880
These narratives keep getting pushed. You guys, don't go at

821
00:54:33,079 --> 00:54:37,920
Alicia Baumgardner because she's light. They're pushing all these different

822
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:44,760
negative But that moves the needle, right, That moves the needle.

823
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:50,960
And let me tell you something, Black women are magical

824
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:57,119
by default, but if you drop a black woman in

825
00:54:57,199 --> 00:55:04,559
a toxic social aquarium I E. America. She will become tragic,

826
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:11,159
and she will be devastatingly tragic. Do you understand, boy?

827
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,440
That magic turn to the dark side of the forest

828
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:18,599
is something real. And this is what I'm starting to

829
00:55:18,639 --> 00:55:23,480
see being pushed as a narrative through the social media channels.

830
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:30,039
You'll go get help from a narcissist, right, a straight

831
00:55:30,119 --> 00:55:35,480
up bona fide narcissist, because they're charismatic and in control

832
00:55:35,599 --> 00:55:39,239
and look like they've got it together and the you know,

833
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:43,159
the square jawline and dressed nice and that you'll go

834
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:47,519
for all of that, right because that reminds you of

835
00:55:47,559 --> 00:55:51,320
what birthed you. Oh, this is heavy stuff tonight. We

836
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,199
got topics, we got people on the line. Let's get

837
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:58,360
him in here. Tony from Inglewood, what are your thoughts

838
00:55:58,440 --> 00:55:59,559
on tonight's topic, Sir.

839
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,079
Speaker 9: I was first feeling sorry for brother when he was

840
00:56:03,119 --> 00:56:04,880
saying he didn't think he was gonna find a woman

841
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,360
till he talked about he read ruthe Grade.

842
00:56:07,159 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 4: Of Bensburgh book.

843
00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:12,199
Speaker 9: I don't know what. I don't know what that was all,

844
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,280
but he will never find nobody. You read the book

845
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,679
about an old white woman, ain't gonna try to try

846
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:18,480
to find out how he gonna get a relationship with

847
00:56:18,519 --> 00:56:20,840
a black woman reading about old white woman didn't know

848
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,920
when to sit down. That was that was that was

849
00:56:24,039 --> 00:56:26,119
just too much for me, you know what I mean.

850
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,719
The other thing, the other thing is, I don't know

851
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,239
why we tripping so much about social media. Y'all remember

852
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,000
them club they used to have when negro going, they

853
00:56:34,079 --> 00:56:36,360
sit down and you dill the phone call woman at

854
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:36,800
the other.

855
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 4: Table, listen to y'all had a phone.

856
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 9: The phone in the club and at the different tables.

857
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,760
A Negro saw a woman he like, he dillar up.

858
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,719
Now she crossed the room, you know what I mean?

859
00:56:56,199 --> 00:56:59,079
So all that, all that just that was the social

860
00:56:59,199 --> 00:57:00,000
media of that time.

861
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:00,800
Speaker 4: You to.

862
00:57:02,519 --> 00:57:02,559
Speaker 12: It.

863
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 6: But you still have the ability to get up, walk

864
00:57:07,079 --> 00:57:09,280
over and have a conversation. Though you still had to

865
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:10,039
do that though.

866
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 9: Right, yeah, but your heart was pumping dirty water and

867
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,280
kool aidy because you should have even picked up the

868
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:22,000
phones and walk on over that. And I think that

869
00:57:22,119 --> 00:57:26,519
I think, no, I'm serious, I think it's but I

870
00:57:26,559 --> 00:57:28,840
mean people, people have been lost in the fake and

871
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,840
since the beginning of the time, that ain't new. You know,

872
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,280
you get you get all work, wash you wash your body,

873
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:36,280
put on the fake diamond ring, go out to the club,

874
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:39,360
pretend you bowled it out of control, I think. But well,

875
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,519
let me say this too. I think it's good. I'm

876
00:57:41,559 --> 00:57:44,599
loving hearing brothers talk about this subject, you know, And

877
00:57:44,639 --> 00:57:48,119
I think it's it's really it's really interesting too when

878
00:57:48,159 --> 00:57:52,400
I hear brothers, you know, just almost for lack of

879
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:56,079
a better word, like wing and complaints. Find somebody like you?

880
00:57:56,159 --> 00:57:59,280
And when did money become the measured meaning of all things?

881
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,079
When it comes top out of day women had more

882
00:58:02,159 --> 00:58:04,079
money than me. Out of dated women, I got more

883
00:58:04,119 --> 00:58:05,239
money than them, and out of.

884
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 5: Day some women.

885
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 9: That was both the key thing in relationship with that

886
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,519
did you like me? You know what I mean? And

887
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:13,920
and did you show me that you liked me? And

888
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:16,159
I and and then I could like you? And I

889
00:58:16,199 --> 00:58:20,039
think sometimes we go into relationship bringing too much too fast.

890
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 5: You know what I mean.

891
00:58:20,679 --> 00:58:22,559
Speaker 9: You can't go out on the first date to tell

892
00:58:22,559 --> 00:58:25,760
your Mama's them saying your brother's independitentiary, you know what

893
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:28,519
I mean? And you would and you were the twelve

894
00:58:28,519 --> 00:58:29,599
step program that.

895
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:33,239
Speaker 5: Too much on.

896
00:58:36,079 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 9: The sisters say, I want a date, not a conference session.

897
00:58:39,159 --> 00:58:41,880
This is too much for me. So what you gotta do?

898
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,440
You gotta you gotta date people. They gotta earn and

899
00:58:44,519 --> 00:58:47,199
know certain things about you, just like you gotta spend

900
00:58:47,199 --> 00:58:49,880
time to find all things about them and all that

901
00:58:50,039 --> 00:58:52,760
and and you know what, all due respect, my brother

902
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,159
was quoting, you know, God gonna get God. Ain't worried

903
00:58:55,159 --> 00:58:57,239
about your social media account. He got too much on

904
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:01,280
his plate. Be worried about who who you instagram it?

905
00:59:01,599 --> 00:59:02,079
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?

906
00:59:02,079 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 9: You put a lot of pressure on God for no reasons.

907
00:59:05,159 --> 00:59:07,559
But I think that I think that we just have

908
00:59:07,679 --> 00:59:11,559
to like be but naked, honestly good relationship. Hey, right now,

909
00:59:11,559 --> 00:59:14,360
I'm a little shot. Tell a woman I'm looking. I'm

910
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:16,519
a little shot right now. I would like to go out,

911
00:59:16,559 --> 00:59:18,039
but I'm a little show. Maybe you can come over

912
00:59:18,119 --> 00:59:21,519
this house. I can cook something and just be honest

913
00:59:21,519 --> 00:59:24,079
in terms of who you are and what you are.

914
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,920
And once you do that, the process. Ain't that loan?

915
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:27,920
You know what I mean?

916
00:59:30,199 --> 00:59:33,559
Speaker 6: I think you're honer something. I think it still exists, brother,

917
00:59:33,719 --> 00:59:36,360
I think that that is still a thing. Like I said,

918
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:40,320
I don't think the majority of us are trying to

919
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:43,480
find love through social media, but I think it is

920
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:47,559
something that that still exists. Brothers, I think you're part

921
00:59:47,599 --> 00:59:48,639
on it in regards to that.

922
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 9: But you know what in our last thing, and I

923
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,280
think this too. You ain't no real big Bible thought

924
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:56,079
of but the But the Bible does say vy not

925
00:59:56,199 --> 00:59:58,559
that I don't press and take on none of his ways.

926
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:00,480
You can't be run around here doing with all these

927
01:00:00,519 --> 01:00:02,840
white folks doing the expect you're gonna get a black result.

928
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:09,760
Speaker 4: Hey, Tony, Oh, I love his call, brother, I love it, Tony.

929
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:11,840
Guess what you just did? My brother?

930
01:00:12,639 --> 01:00:13,239
Speaker 9: What I do?

931
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 4: You brought inglewood in the building.

932
01:00:16,199 --> 01:00:19,239
Speaker 14: That's my man by where Detroit?

933
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 4: Yes, sir Detroit, thank you for the call. Brother, We

934
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:26,280
appreciate it. And I dedicate this song to my brother Tony.

935
01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:28,320
He said, you got to show me girl.

936
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:34,599
Speaker 16: Welcome to the season twelve premiere of Left of Black

937
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:39,840
and Befitting this occasion, we are honored to have Professor

938
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,519
Michael Eric Dyson join us.

939
01:00:41,559 --> 01:00:41,719
Speaker 5: Now.

940
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 16: Now I know Michael Eric Dyson for the last twenty

941
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:45,639
five you know, and.

942
01:00:45,599 --> 01:00:47,559
Speaker 4: I want to play this clip and I love Michael

943
01:00:47,679 --> 01:00:53,039
Eric Dyson. But we have callers on the line, and well,

944
01:00:53,239 --> 01:00:56,920
you know, we'll we'll play another clip of Michael later,

945
01:00:57,639 --> 01:01:01,880
but we have to make space for our callers. We're

946
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:06,599
going to fly over to Denver, Colorado. Cali's soul is

947
01:01:06,639 --> 01:01:11,639
in the building. Cali, what are your thoughts on tonight's.

948
01:01:11,159 --> 01:01:20,719
Speaker 3: Topic though, Brother Riley topic, Thanks you for this topic.

949
01:01:21,719 --> 01:01:26,639
I was just pondering some of these things earlier this week,

950
01:01:26,719 --> 01:01:30,320
and what I have to contribute to this conversation is

951
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:35,960
back to the question, can black love compete with the

952
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,960
I guess addiction of needing to be seen or the

953
01:01:40,039 --> 01:01:44,639
high of needing to be seen? My answer is no,

954
01:01:45,679 --> 01:01:49,239
because love doesn't have to compete. Love is not a game.

955
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:56,719
But what we're doing as men and women is playing

956
01:01:56,760 --> 01:02:01,960
a game. And we're worried about more about who will

957
01:02:01,960 --> 01:02:05,960
look good to our friendship circles, what woman will make

958
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:10,000
my friends jaw drop, what man will make my girlfriend's

959
01:02:10,079 --> 01:02:16,800
eyes bulge, you know, and we're not thinking about who

960
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:20,679
is gonna speak to our spirit it's gonna make my

961
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:28,800
eyes bulged, who's gonna do the dance with me? Because

962
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,920
when it's all said and done, I'm going home with

963
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,400
this other person. Not all the rest of the world

964
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:38,159
and homies and girlfriends and stuff, but it's so superficial

965
01:02:38,239 --> 01:02:40,800
right now, and it always has been. But I believe

966
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:45,719
that social media has definitely played a big part of

967
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:51,440
feeding what is natural in humans, which is addiction. And

968
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:57,239
it's taken this these addictions that we have and really

969
01:02:58,719 --> 01:03:01,239
blown them out of proportion where we're not even trying

970
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:06,000
to live in our real life, in our reality, we're

971
01:03:06,119 --> 01:03:08,760
so busy trying to live this fantasy. And that fantasy

972
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:09,679
doesn't be your soul.

973
01:03:10,719 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 4: Damn, who upset you today?

974
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:23,679
Speaker 3: I'm telling you I was. I was contemplating this topic

975
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:27,159
earlier this week because I was like, Wow, every a

976
01:03:27,159 --> 01:03:30,159
lot of what we do and how we present is

977
01:03:30,199 --> 01:03:33,480
for everyone else. What's everyone else gonna think.

978
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:35,119
Speaker 2: About?

979
01:03:35,119 --> 01:03:37,719
Speaker 3: How I'm showing up, who I'm showing up with, How

980
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:40,960
what it looked like? It look like we're wealthy. Do

981
01:03:41,039 --> 01:03:42,559
it look like we smell like money?

982
01:03:44,519 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 4: Wow?

983
01:03:46,159 --> 01:03:48,519
Speaker 3: But no, that's not the way.

984
01:03:48,599 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 9: That's not love.

985
01:03:49,559 --> 01:03:53,039
Speaker 3: That's the ego. You're trying to satiate stuff that is

986
01:03:53,079 --> 01:03:57,000
a bottomles it's a bottomless pit. You never scratch that edge.

987
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:01,360
You gotta work with your spirit, who speaks to your spirits,

988
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:02,519
who speaks to your soul?

989
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 6: So is that a journey and I appreciate your call, Sister.

990
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,159
Is that a journey? Is that something that we all

991
01:04:08,199 --> 01:04:12,480
need to invest in and make sure that we cultivated

992
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:13,400
within ourselves?

993
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:19,239
Speaker 3: Sir, absolutely, absolutely, But you've got to be able to

994
01:04:19,239 --> 01:04:20,800
shut off the mental chatter.

995
01:04:22,039 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 4: And develop the courage. Courage is the peace. Many of

996
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,239
us lack the courage, you.

997
01:04:33,199 --> 01:04:35,559
Speaker 6: Know, because if you're not even willing to face it,

998
01:04:35,599 --> 01:04:38,719
if you're not even willing to go through it, what

999
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:39,679
are we talking about?

1000
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:43,079
Speaker 4: Stay right here, Cali, don't go nowhere, Stay right here,

1001
01:04:43,159 --> 01:04:45,800
CALLI and brother Riley. We're in here right now. It's

1002
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,880
a storm brewing right now. I got questions if being

1003
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:57,559
deeply loved in private and being publicly desired produced opposite

1004
01:04:57,679 --> 01:05:05,960
emotional rewards. Which one would your behavior reveal you actually

1005
01:05:06,079 --> 01:05:14,199
value more? Being loved in private or being publicly desired?

1006
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:21,039
Which one would your behavior reveal you actually value more?

1007
01:05:22,079 --> 01:05:22,239
Speaker 5: There?

1008
01:05:22,239 --> 01:05:25,119
Speaker 4: It is right, And I asked that question. That's a

1009
01:05:25,159 --> 01:05:32,679
societal question. And I believe if we were honest, what

1010
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:34,599
do you think the answer would be? Brett, what do

1011
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:38,440
you think the answer would be, Kelly? What do you

1012
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:38,679
think that?

1013
01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:42,159
Speaker 5: I answer?

1014
01:05:43,400 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 6: But again, society, it just speaks to everything that we

1015
01:05:50,239 --> 01:05:58,880
have environment that contributes to what informs us, what we desire,

1016
01:06:00,079 --> 01:06:00,800
what we seek.

1017
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 4: But Brett, you're hitting it. Listen, do you know everybody

1018
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:10,159
know the right answer, and most people will give the

1019
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:14,199
right answer, but then when they get what the right

1020
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:19,840
answer provides, they would have wish they chose public validation.

1021
01:06:20,719 --> 01:06:23,119
Am I, Cali, am I off here?

1022
01:06:24,239 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 3: Now you're on because if you choose what you really

1023
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:32,800
ought to choose, and not just what everybody thinks you

1024
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:35,199
ought to choose or what the answer should be, a

1025
01:06:35,199 --> 01:06:37,360
lot of times, that's going to lead to solitude and

1026
01:06:37,599 --> 01:06:40,960
you at peace, possibly by yourself.

1027
01:06:41,159 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 4: Okay, I got another question for both of you. This

1028
01:06:43,519 --> 01:06:46,800
is good, This is good. I want you both to answer, please, please, please,

1029
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:52,760
What happens when being seen starts producing more emotional voltage

1030
01:06:54,199 --> 01:06:59,000
than being seen than seeing another human being? Clearly? Let

1031
01:06:59,039 --> 01:07:03,199
me read it again. What happens when being seen starts

1032
01:07:03,239 --> 01:07:09,079
producing more emotional voltage than seeing another human being? Clearly?

1033
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:13,159
Speaker 6: For sure, we're having a different conversation. We're having a

1034
01:07:13,159 --> 01:07:21,920
different conversation at that point, right. I don't think viable, sustainable,

1035
01:07:22,519 --> 01:07:30,599
healthy relationships form out of the absolute joke of public validation.

1036
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:35,039
I could be wrong, because that's not my experience. That's

1037
01:07:35,039 --> 01:07:37,440
not the experiences of persons who have come to me

1038
01:07:38,159 --> 01:07:43,400
for work therapy work. But I don't.

1039
01:07:43,679 --> 01:07:45,519
Speaker 5: That's a tough tough one.

1040
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 4: To intimacy survive. Once a tension becomes the more stimulating experience,

1041
01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:54,480
that's the question recontextualized.

1042
01:07:56,119 --> 01:08:00,360
Speaker 3: No, because you got to keep feeding it. That's narcissism.

1043
01:08:00,559 --> 01:08:05,559
What's the ego that's gotta be fed? So yeah, I'm

1044
01:08:05,639 --> 01:08:11,039
not gonna have peace with that. It's insatiable.

1045
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,360
Speaker 5: So how are you navigating that? Kelly? So, if you

1046
01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:16,920
don't mind me asking, sister, how are you navigating this?

1047
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:21,039
Speaker 3: I'm chilling living my life one day at a time,

1048
01:08:21,399 --> 01:08:28,640
enjoying it out of the way, joining the holy encounters materialized,

1049
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:31,560
and I'm good. It's all good either way.

1050
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:34,319
Speaker 4: I love it. I love it. I love it. I

1051
01:08:34,359 --> 01:08:36,399
love it. Kelly. Guess what you just did? Sweetheart?

1052
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:38,720
Speaker 3: Denver into the house.

1053
01:08:39,119 --> 01:08:42,279
Speaker 4: Come on, Denver, Colorado. You already know what it is.

1054
01:08:42,319 --> 01:08:42,520
Speaker 13: Hey.

1055
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:46,960
Speaker 4: The voice of reason starts the conversation, but it's up

1056
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:49,760
to you to finish it. I brought my brother in here,

1057
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,640
y'all know, get to know him. We're gonna bring him back.

1058
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:57,079
Brother Brett Riley bright, Hey Brett, where can they find you? Brother?

1059
01:08:57,239 --> 01:08:59,359
Just give him an email address. He ain't even got no.

1060
01:08:59,399 --> 01:09:02,439
Speaker 6: So true, it wasn't hard to figure that one out.

1061
01:09:02,479 --> 01:09:05,239
No social media, but I am on LinkedIn. The simple

1062
01:09:05,279 --> 01:09:07,560
search B B R E T T R I L

1063
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:11,199
E Y is where you'll find me on LinkedIn. But uh,

1064
01:09:11,399 --> 01:09:14,680
I am looking to have my private practice up and

1065
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:18,600
run in and so that's something that I'm very very

1066
01:09:18,720 --> 01:09:21,720
very excited about. And uh yeah, soon I will be

1067
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:24,680
having that information to be able to get out in public.

1068
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,199
Speaker 4: That's all right, we'll bring you back Michael who just

1069
01:09:27,239 --> 01:09:29,840
called in. Sais though you're cook in private love or

1070
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:34,039
public desire? Maybe both? Ask Aisha Curry.

1071
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:36,000
Speaker 5: Damn, damn.

1072
01:09:36,560 --> 01:09:40,039
Speaker 4: Listen. When we come forward, it'll be tomorrow and I'll

1073
01:09:40,039 --> 01:09:42,319
have another slapper for you. Let's get it.