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Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.

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Speaker 2: I'm Chris, and I died recently and my eternal punishment

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is to do this podcast where we interview everyone in

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the afterlife. And I'm joined as always by the younger

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brother of Satan, Clayton, by his official title the Secretary of.

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Speaker 1: War down in Hell.

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Speaker 2: He does all the planning and scheming for our battles

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with Heaven or soon to be battles.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing, Clayton, Oh, Chris.

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Speaker 3: You know you're saying all these planning and scheming, and

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today I'm planning and scheming, and I'm just trying to

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work up the courage for our for our coming guests,

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because it's a it's gonna be a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be a lot. I gotta I gotta warn

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you a lot in what ways.

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Speaker 3: I mean normally, you know, this is a pretty funny show,

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or at least I like to think. So I laugh

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at my own jokes, and I make you laugh at

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my own jokes, you know, so you know it's funny.

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Speaker 1: But thank you, thank you Chris.

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Speaker 2: Today, though I don't know if it's gonna be much

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of a funny episode, because I mean this, this guest

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that we have on there they're frightening, they're scary.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, is it, uh someone i've heard of? Possibly,

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it definitely is. I'm pretty positive. I mean they're they're

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very well known for their evil deeds. Uh.

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Speaker 2: Is it like like a serial killers like Charles Manson

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or something?

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Speaker 3: Oh, Chris, if only it was Charles Manson, If only

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what a walk in the park that would be No, No,

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it's not think worse.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, like there's some historical figure. It's just

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like like resputing or something. Oh, if only we could

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get resputing. I mean, uh, resputing on the ritz. That's

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I don't know.

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Speaker 3: If that wasn't very much. Laugh at that joke, laugh

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at the jo grid job, great job. No, it's not resputing. No,

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it's even even worse, think even bigger and worse. Your

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brother say no, now, fuck that guy. No, it's not safe.

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Speaker 1: It's worse than Satan. All right, Chris, I'm coming closer.

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Speaker 3: Huh, I'm in closer, coming closer.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to get we're touching. I know, Okay,

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it's the tooth fairy. Prepare yourself. It's the tooth fairy.

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It's the tooth fairy. Prepare yourself.

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Speaker 2: Chris, what do I need to do to just keep

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your mouth closed or whenever you talk, because this is

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a talk show, so you're gonna need to talk.

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Speaker 1: Just like curl your lips over your teeth.

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Speaker 3: Because if you show any sign of weakness, so you

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show your teeth, he'll he'll snatch him. Okay, So all right,

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I'm ready. Okay, you ready? Yeah, You're not gonna talk

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like that the whole time, are you?

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Speaker 1: No? No?

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Speaker 2: No, okay, all right, yea can see your teeth. You

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gotta watch those teeth, all right?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 2: Actually, you know what just to just to prepare. I

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we're drawing this whole thing out.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know, but I'm gonna knock out all

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of your teeth and then we're gonna give it to

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the tooth fairy as an offering. Okay, okay, so hand

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me that hand me that hammer, hand me that hammer

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over there? All right, Okay, hold still, I'm gonna I'm

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gonna chip them all. Maybe maybe just punching. Can we

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just do punching.

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Speaker 1: We'll do it all. We'll do it all. Here.

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Speaker 2: I'll take these flyers here, you go, great, all right,

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there's a couple here, we go.

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Speaker 1: Okay, gonna pull these out, all right.

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Speaker 3: Smile awful. Okay, you got no teeth left? This is great, Okay,

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all right, I'm gonna collect these in a little dish

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and we're gonna be ready to go. Chris, are you ready?

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Speaker 1: All right? All right? Send him in. What's up, sluts?

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It's I the Collector of teeth, the tooth Fairy. Hello, hello,

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mister tooth fairy.

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Speaker 3: I've I have I have an offering for you, sir,

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hands out, put them in my hand right now. What

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do you got for me? It's all of Chris's teeth,

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every one of them. It's the best I could do.

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Which one's Chris?

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Speaker 1: This one the woman no teeth? Hey, buddy, Hey, these

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are baby teeth? What these are baby teeth? How old

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are you? Well? In earth years? Thirty four? So you

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you got a mouthful of baby teeth at thirty four

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years years old? Eh? Well, I just what kind of

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what are you rolling with down here? Clayton? I don't know, man,

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I don't know. That's what's going on down in the

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big Age. You guys got a bunch of man babies

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rolling around with baby teeth. Listen. I didn't realize that

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that he had the baby teeth. I fight a node.

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Look at it this way.

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Speaker 3: Someday you can come back onto our show and I'll

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give you his man teeth.

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Speaker 1: Jesus Craw I almost said his name. That's how frustrating

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this is. Just I just thought they were little heyt

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the human Yeah, grocy More teeth. Okay, work on that.

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Speaker 3: Chris, faster, grocy More teeth now faster, quickly, quickly concentrates.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of blood, uh, Clayton, they are well

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over sixty teeth here. Listen. I don't have a shark mouth, sir.

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I don't know what happened. I have baby shark mouth. Look,

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I just had weird teeth sixty You have sixty seventeeth

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sixty seven baby teeth in your adult male human mouth.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean maybe it's a of those aren't teeth,

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because like, I think that's a ticktack right there. I

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don't think that that was a finished ticktack.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was. I was saving that. I'll be I'll

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be honest with you, Clayton. I've been doing this gig

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for quite a while. I didn't think I could see

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anything lamer. Yeah, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: I thought i'd seen it all here we are, Chris,

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You're you're defying the laws of.

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Speaker 1: Nature yet again with your shitty mouth.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm curious, mister tooth. Did I call you tooth

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fairy or do you have a name or.

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Speaker 1: A technically mister fairy is fine, but my full legal

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name is tooth Larry Fairy. Okay, tooth fairy, Larry, tooth,

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Larry Fairy. I went by Larry in high school, Larry Fairy.

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But but yeah, my first name is is tooth Toothlair.

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Speaker 3: The order of which those words are placed is confusing

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to me, but.

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Speaker 1: Might might even be a little surprising to you. But

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that's that is point of fact. What it says on

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to certificate tooth Larry Fairy. You changed it, you changed

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your first name, but just too Oh I saw how

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I was born. It was too tooth Larry Fairy.

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Speaker 3: So question for you, I mean, just right off the bat,

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first one of the day. Uh, what's it like being

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a child with the name Larry. I'll tell you what

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it's like.

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Speaker 1: It's like the kind of life that makes you go

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to bed at night wishing you could smash the teeth

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out of every kid in your class that calls you Larry.

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Fairy or fairy Larry or Harry Larry Canary. Oh. I

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got called canary Larry so much because they were like,

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look at little canary Larry piss his pants with his

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yellow canary Larry pee. He did it again. Hey, everybody

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kick Larry in the face. And oh, look at Larry's

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big buck teeth. It was it was. It was a

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living hell. It was what it was. And every night

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the only thing they could soole me was falling asleep

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thinking about smashing the teeth out of every one of

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those little pricks faces. Okay, and uh, you know you

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dream for the job you want, and that's what I did.

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Speaker 3: So a lesson here is just stay away from Larry's.

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Just don't just avoid Larry's.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so this was like fairy school, I assume, well, uh,

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it's fairy preparatory school. I didn't make it into fairy

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school outright. I had to do eighteen months at a

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preparatory school work work on some of the foundations. And

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I guess you wouldn't know being a human with sharp teeth,

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not even human adult teeth. Beag's the question, Clayton, if

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that's what's going on in his mouth, what goes on

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below the below the waste.

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Speaker 3: You know, I haven't I haven't checked, but I mean

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we could. We could just whip it out live on

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air and have a live reaction.

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Speaker 1: Listen. There are some things too terrifying, even for you

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know where we are. It's not stop talking about it, Chris, Stop. Yeah,

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I don't. Nobody wants to see that now. Sixty seven

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little shark penises down there, sixty some foreskins.

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Speaker 3: So when you're living in Fairyland and going to Fairry

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school and such, they say they have a river there

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in Fairyland. Do they have a fairy fairy, you know,

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for carting the fairies around?

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Speaker 1: Is that a thing? They have wings, don't they? I mean, okay,

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you can see the wing. Yeah, listen, I understand. I

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painted it black because I'm very dark and very edgy.

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Oh yeah, it's you know, black glitter on it. It's

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a fairy requirement. But it is black. Yeah, it's very

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very scary. Yeah, it's a scary fairy I get it. Yeah,

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But the wings work. I mean, that's how I get

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into windows. Otherwise every kid on the third floor would

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be safe. I can't have that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So how did you get into stealing teeth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well it was a bit of a circuitous path,

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if I'm being honest with you. I was in fairy school.

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Things weren't going. Well, that's funny you say that, Clayton.

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I was. Actually I was a lip major in Fairry school,

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studying Proust. I was hoping to be the pre eminent

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fairy expert on Proust the Minor and carecer guard. However,

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let's just say there's a lot of politics in Ferry School,

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and and things didn't work out, and I ended up

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going to fairy reform school with a bunch of those losers.

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I didn't want to end up spending the rest of

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my life fixing other fairies cars, and so I, uh,

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I set out on my own, and UH kind of

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forged my own path, and uh started out on the

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revenge front, you know. UH started thinking about all those

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as I got bigger, and I got a leather jacket,

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and uh, you know, got some fairy stubble, if you

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know what I mean. UH started hitting the gym a

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little bit, and Uh, I started thinking about those nights

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I'd fall asleep, uh dreaming of beshing those kids' faces

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in and and uh, well that just seemed like while

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I was figuring out what to do with myself, sort

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of a sort of my Julia Roberts eat Pray love

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type situation. Yeah, I thought I'd go, uh let some

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other kids eat my fist. Uh huh, and uh, you

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know I started, you knock got a few teeth here

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and there, and then you start to want a memento,

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and then the next thing you know, you got a

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full blown collection, and then you're you're looking for more

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and more, and then uh, before you know it, I

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was knocking out teeth a couple of three, four or

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five times a night. And it wasn't he. I had

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gone through the kids that had bullied me, and so

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I was just like, you look at me wrong. At

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the grocery store, I was gonna I was gonna wait

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till you fall asleep. I was gonna knock you teeth out.

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Then the kind of the happy accident, the circuitous part

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kind of happened to Clayton. I dropped my wallet one night, and.

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Speaker 3: Then that is that how the money thing started, Because

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I mean, it seems like you're known for collecting teeth

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but also giving money, which which I had a lot

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of questions about that but yeah, I dropped my wallet

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and unfortunately I had my driver's license, not my full name,

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but tooth fairy and and a ten dollar bill and uh,

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the rest is kind of history.

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Speaker 1: Word of mouth is the best advertiser, as they say,

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And uh, before I knew it, I had people like

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going to bed dreaming, wishing that I would show up

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and uh and take a tooth out from under their pillow.

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And you know, I'm not gonna look at gift horse

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in the mouth.

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Speaker 3: I mean you will, because you want to look at

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the hillart your horse's teeth, because that's your thing.

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Speaker 1: But that's a hell of a poy, Clayton. I never

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thought about it deeper than the frame. You know, I

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don't even have I don't even have horse teeth. That's

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a whole that's a whole market. Yeah. Have you ever

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met the gift horse? Is that? Is that like a

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toothfairy thing? Or is a horse that gifts gifts? I

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don't know.

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Speaker 2: It's a saying, Chris, it's a saying, oh, okay, sorry guy,

235
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you're you're dumber than the teeth in your mouth.

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Speaker 1: That is ridiculous. I'm sorry, Clayton.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So so we met Santa Claus on a previous interview, and.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that fat fuck. How's he doing loud? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

239
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he's the giving shit away for free. Find a nickel

240
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for every time I tried to convince that dude take

241
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a tooth on the way out, I'd uh, let's just say,

242
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I'd be able to buy a lot of teeth with

243
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those nickels.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you do like giving away money, So you know,

245
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Santa Claus, do you are you friends within like Easter,

246
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,679
Bunny or any of the other I don't know.

247
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Speaker 1: A thing friends things, friends is That's tough. This is

248
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not the career you get into to take it easy

249
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and hang out with your friends. This is this kind

250
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of an all encompassing job. I will say Bunny and

251
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then Sayanna and a few other and I. We do

252
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communicate on an email chain, you know, share stories occasionally,

253
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,679
you know, professional courtesies here and there, and give each

254
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:14,000
other tips on occasion. Occasional meme, Yeah, exactly, occasional meme

255
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or like, hey check out watch out for Cleveland. It's

256
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,399
extra shooty tonight. You know that kind of thing. But yeah, no,

257
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it's this kind of job. But I don't have the

258
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time for like barbecues at the East Buddy's house. I

259
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used to that's for sure.

260
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you say that, but I thought you

261
00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:30,279
and the poop Bear were pretty good friends.

262
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Speaker 1: Is that Is that still a thing? Poop poop Bear?

263
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:34,399
Let me just say I got a lot of respect

264
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for poop Bear. But poop Bear and I we we

265
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didn't see eyed eye on something hygiene or let's just

266
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let's just say tooth to tooth. We didn't see tooth

267
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to tooth on something. Okay, and we're, uh, you know,

268
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nothing but respect for what bear does, but we're we're

269
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taking some time to kind of focus on focus on

270
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us right now. Sorry, I'm not familiar with the poop Bear.

271
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You don't know poop Bear. What's the poop? No? How

272
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did you use the toilet? Yeah? Do you poop? Yeah? Poop?

273
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,720
What your whole life? You pooped every day? Yeah? Where

274
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,000
do you think it goes? What do you think you're doing?

275
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,960
Why do you poop? Uh? I don't. I never thought

276
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about it. I guess because there's just like waste. This

277
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guy's unreal. Clayton, No, it's embarrassing, Chris. The poop Bear.

278
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Speaker 3: It's it's this giant bear that lives at the end

279
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,960
of every sewer system ever. And every time you poop,

280
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,879
you feed the poop bear. So you got to poop

281
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otherwise the poop bear goes hungry. Oh and that's that's

282
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,679
well known. Yeah, everybody poop bear. I mean, my hand's raised.

283
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,679
Speaker 1: I've heard of it. Yeah, so it's it's just like

284
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,120
a thing that kids are told that's why you poop

285
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,039
to feed the bear. Yeah. Also, sky's blue, you know,

286
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and chocolate tastes good.

287
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Speaker 2: Uh yeah, well not not not poop Bear's chocolate. He

288
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has a different kind of chocolate.

289
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Speaker 1: No, you don't want to taste that. Chris.

290
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Speaker 3: Someday I'm gonna take you by the poop Bear's place

291
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and then maybe maybe he'll let you, you know, take

292
00:13:50,279 --> 00:13:51,919
over for him for a little bit, you know, take

293
00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:53,279
a break, and then you can eat all the poop

294
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that comes down.

295
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,639
Speaker 1: How does that sound a little bit field trip?

296
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Speaker 2: Yeah?

297
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,720
Speaker 1: Why not? I mean, oh, wow, we've really broken your soul.

298
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Speaker 2: You would have normally resis did that, but now you

299
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,200
just actively want to eat shit.

300
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,200
Speaker 1: Okay. Cool, Good to know you're doing great work here, Clayton. Thanks, Thanks,

301
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,159
I try you too, man, you too. I'm a big

302
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,679
fan of your word. I'd be lying enough. I said

303
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,799
it wasn't good to hear. Sometimes you get kind of

304
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,960
exhausted by the repetition. But uh, but being able to

305
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,360
to sit here and spend some time with some of

306
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,519
my contemporaries and also shark mouth, it's uh, it's nice.

307
00:14:21,679 --> 00:14:24,440
It's nice, makes it worth it. Yeah. Okay, now tooth fair.

308
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:25,279
I got a quick question.

309
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,840
Speaker 3: So, so you you have this like reputation now for

310
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:33,120
giving money for teeth, Like, what's the evil angle behind that?

311
00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:36,720
Speaker 1: Because like you're an evil guy you you love Oh yeah, yeah,

312
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,360
there's always got to be an angle, right right, Well,

313
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,679
here's the deal. First off, I'm funding it all off

314
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,799
game stop stock. Oh so I'm crashing the the global

315
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,440
economy with a meme.

316
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:51,240
Speaker 2: Uh.

317
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,720
Speaker 1: But that's just the least of it. That's just the

318
00:14:53,759 --> 00:14:56,279
surface level. That's the easy stuff, right what it's the

319
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,679
long play for me. What I've done, uh is uh.

320
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,360
And you're gonna stick with me on this. And this

321
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:04,200
might be a little hard for like a shark toothed

322
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,679
brain like you to understand, Chris. So if you need

323
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:09,480
me to explain or slow down, you let me know

324
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,000
what I did was I'm the one that put the

325
00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:16,879
addiction into sugar. You guys know sugarah. I didn't. I

326
00:15:17,159 --> 00:15:19,440
didn't create sugar. I can't claim sugar. But I'm the

327
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,879
one that made a taste so damn good. And here's

328
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:25,440
why I did that. I wanted the kids to eat

329
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:30,159
the sugar to rot their teeth. There's a long play

330
00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:36,000
so that their teeth will fall out faster, their go

331
00:15:36,639 --> 00:15:40,639
less work for me. I no longer have to rip

332
00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:43,320
them out of their mouth. They fall out on their own.

333
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,559
They fall out quicker and easier, with less must less

334
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,600
fuss from the kids. Teeth go onto the pillow. They're

335
00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:52,679
kind of rotten at this point, which I'm into anyway. Yeah,

336
00:15:52,679 --> 00:15:55,679
you know, yeah, you're seeing a greenhouse. You know a

337
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,080
lot of people do plants' familiar I have a Yeah,

338
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,720
I have a brown house, and it's where I go

339
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,240
in and I create a set a certain environmental rotten

340
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,440
teeth in and it is truly hideous. You would you

341
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,759
would absolutely love it clean. You're working all the angles then,

342
00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:12,720
so you're you're you're crashing the economy. You're giving children money,

343
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,279
which you know, money is the root of all evil.

344
00:16:14,399 --> 00:16:17,399
There's that it goes deeper, It goes deep, yeah, because

345
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,120
what a what what a parent's combat sugar with? I

346
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,679
don't know what brushing teeth the dentist, right, you guys

347
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,360
know the dentist thing. Yeah, guy goes and polishes your teeth,

348
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,440
cleans him up. Christ has clearly never been but I

349
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,440
think he's familiar that well. I can't imagine a dentist

350
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:35,039
surviving ten minutes in that monster mouth of his. A

351
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:39,360
little tiny, they even small for baby teeth. I don't

352
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:43,279
want to get into it. They were oddly thick a tooth. Yeah,

353
00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,600
it was oddly thick for a tooth, like you have

354
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:51,279
girthy baby teeth. What they just they were called all

355
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,440
my ears. I've never seen that anyway, So dentistry, right,

356
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,440
everybody hates the dentist. That's me. I did that that

357
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,039
you don't remember, but the dentist. When it was conceived,

358
00:17:01,159 --> 00:17:03,080
it was supposed to be fun. It was. They refer

359
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:05,440
to it as a massage for your mouth and then

360
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,440
you go in. It's like going to a spa, right,

361
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,480
I had I did away with that. I made everything

362
00:17:10,519 --> 00:17:14,400
at the dentist silver and sharp, and oh you know

363
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,000
the other cool thing I did? What do you think

364
00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:16,319
of when you.

365
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:20,680
Speaker 3: Hit think of the dentists you think, I think of

366
00:17:20,759 --> 00:17:22,519
a like a cartoon character.

367
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 1: What is that? I don't know.

368
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:28,559
Speaker 3: That's a drill, like a submarine, like an ooh situation.

369
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:31,640
Speaker 1: Why would no? I mean it could be from the pain,

370
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,519
But why why would you drill your mouth? That's ridiculous.

371
00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:38,680
I'll tell you why. To terrify children away from the dentist.

372
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,559
It's a perfect plan, and I have the market cornered you.

373
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,920
I'll tell you what. Chris, yeah, closures for a second.

374
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,000
Chris earmos you hear us? Okay, Clayton, Yes, if you

375
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,960
ever want come on by the Brown House sometime. I

376
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,559
would like to show you the universe's largest collection of

377
00:17:57,599 --> 00:18:01,079
teeth and rotting teeth. You would, absolutely It is hideous

378
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:04,000
in ways you cannot imagine. I'll let you take some

379
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,200
home if you want to. Let you drink a few.

380
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:12,799
It is you have never experienced a sour like the

381
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:18,160
sour you get from extracting the blackest elements of the

382
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,960
most rotten baby teeth.

383
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I bet that brown House smells like shit too,

384
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:23,920
which kind.

385
00:18:23,759 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 1: Of like that, you know, adds to the name, you know, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

386
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,400
it was kind of a happy accident. But it worked

387
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,400
out very well though. I mean, he's still I just

388
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,799
didn't want him. I didn't want him to hear the invitation. Okay, okay, okay,

389
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,519
it wasn't extended to him. We can knock you, we

390
00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:41,359
can bring I mean, this is kind of nice. Just

391
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,759
like an idiot. You should do it from time to time. Yeah,

392
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:50,119
still while he's while he's still under. I'm being serious

393
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:51,880
about the teeth thing. I I've been doing this. I've

394
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,039
been in this game for hundreds of years, and I

395
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,839
have in all of my I've looked in a lot

396
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,119
of mouths. I've looked in some of the biggest mouths you,

397
00:18:59,319 --> 00:19:01,240
some of some of the some of the heaviest mouth

398
00:19:01,319 --> 00:19:02,039
hitters you.

399
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:02,240
Speaker 2: Uh.

400
00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:05,599
Speaker 1: I've looked in Hitler's mouth, I was. I've looked in uh.

401
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,720
I looked in lbj's mouth. I've looked in Kennedy's mouth.

402
00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:11,400
Oh yeah, I looked in Shaer's mouth when she was

403
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,160
a kid. I uh. Oh you remember the uh you

404
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,960
remember the Zodiac Killer? Remember those chompers. That's me.

405
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:22,319
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, and I have yet to see I have

406
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,839
yet to see a row or in Chris's case, it

407
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,920
looked like four rows of teeth.

408
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 1: I mean, quite as hideous as that, Larry Fairy.

409
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 3: You're you're you're talking to me as if I care

410
00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:33,440
about Chris as well being.

411
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,559
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't.

412
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,559
Speaker 3: I'm hating this humming that he's doing. Yeah, he's trying

413
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:39,359
to get our attention to unplug his ears.

414
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:39,799
Speaker 1: I know, I know.

415
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 3: Yeah here, let me slap him real quick. But uh,

416
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,200
you can unplug your ears now, idiot? All right, thanks, yeah,

417
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,279
just so you know, Uh, the tooth Fairy he just

418
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:51,279
invited me to over to his house and you're not invited,

419
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,759
so oh sorry that kind of that takes away the

420
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,279
point of him closing his ears.

421
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 1: But it's hell, yeah, how does that? How does that

422
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,440
make you feel? Chris? I'm honestly, I don't know if

423
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,079
I would have won to go anyway. Well, now you

424
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,799
gotta go. Yeah, you're gonna spend the night in the

425
00:20:03,839 --> 00:20:08,279
brown house when you can't leave until you take a

426
00:20:08,319 --> 00:20:10,000
souvenir and leave one.

427
00:20:10,079 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 3: So tooth Larry Fairy, you mentioned that you have the

428
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,279
brown house, but like, what are some other things that

429
00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:17,319
you do with all these trophies? I mean, you must

430
00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:20,359
have millions, if not billions, of teeth at this point, like,

431
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:21,480
what what do you do.

432
00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:25,039
Speaker 1: With all those teeth? Oh, it's a great question. What

433
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,279
do you do with all these teeth? Are you familiar

434
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:34,559
with loot crates? Yeah, well I'm I'm starting an offshoot

435
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,000
where you pay you pay me a couple bucks a month,

436
00:20:37,079 --> 00:20:39,799
I don't know, somewhere between like thirty and three hundred

437
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:42,960
bucks a month, and I send you a box of teeth,

438
00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:45,240
random teeth. It could be new, they could be old.

439
00:20:45,279 --> 00:20:47,440
It could be baby, they could be maybe I'll throw

440
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:50,079
some horse teeth in. You know, it could be rare,

441
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,880
like maybe uh, maybe you want a Restputet's baby teeth

442
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,960
is in there, or or maybe you get like, uh,

443
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,319
I don't know Ted Bundy's by Cuspard. You know, Okay,

444
00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:02,480
I'll bag it and topload it and stuff. But uh yeah,

445
00:21:02,519 --> 00:21:04,839
and then you know, it's like a monthly tooth service,

446
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:05,960
the tooth graate, tooth grade.

447
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 2: This is a market for that. Are there a lot

448
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,799
of people who like teeth? Or is that a fairy thing?

449
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: Or do you like teeth? Do you like your teeth? Chris?

450
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:13,599
Do you miss your teeth?

451
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 2: Do?

452
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: Okay? Yes, that's I just never have you ever thought, man,

453
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:19,920
do I hate teeth. No, do you know anybody who

454
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,519
ever thought, man, do I hate teeth? No? Okay, why

455
00:21:23,519 --> 00:21:25,200
don't you sit with that for a second and think

456
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,039
about how how stupid you are to ask that question?

457
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:29,720
All right, all right toothlawry Fairy?

458
00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:32,880
Speaker 3: Like what tell us like outside of work, you know,

459
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,839
you're collecting teeth and stuff like that, Like tell us

460
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,960
about your personal life, you know, like any any relationships or.

461
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,319
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I'm a happily married man. Oh yeah,

462
00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:46,920
I'm a wife. Her name is Sherry, Oh okay, Sherry Fairy.

463
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:49,720
Well she's uh, she's Irish, so we call her Sherry

464
00:21:49,759 --> 00:21:52,160
o Fairy. That's kind of a kind of a nickname

465
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,319
about lovely, lovely woman puts up with a lot. I'm

466
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:57,039
not gonna lie. Great set of teeth on her obviously

467
00:21:57,079 --> 00:21:59,480
prerequisite to be married to me, of course, you know. Yeah, yeah,

468
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:03,960
we have two lovely children, Terry and Mary. Oh oh yeah,

469
00:22:04,039 --> 00:22:09,119
and she's on the way with we hope, uh fingers crossed.

470
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,440
A little little little boy Carrie, no, no, Barry, little

471
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:17,039
baby Berry, little baby Berry Fairy, hopefully is what we're

472
00:22:17,079 --> 00:22:21,039
shooting for. We'll we'll, we'll find out next week, hopefully.

473
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,039
Speaker 2: How about how many pets you got, like a little

474
00:22:23,079 --> 00:22:24,680
little little Harry run around.

475
00:22:25,599 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: No, no, no, little Harry's yet, although that would be funny.

476
00:22:29,079 --> 00:22:33,160
Do you have a pet dog named Donna? Donna? Yeah, Donna,

477
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,799
the Donna, just Donna Donna. Okay, little Mutt got her

478
00:22:36,839 --> 00:22:39,160
with the pound, all right. Well, so it's it's just

479
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,880
a happy little family. It's it's Larry and Cherry. Oh

480
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,640
and then Terry and Mary and hopefully baby Barry and Donna.

481
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,400
Speaker 3: Okay, lovely selling, great people. What's it like whenever they

482
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,480
lose their teeth?

483
00:22:50,519 --> 00:22:51,079
Speaker 1: I mean, is it?

484
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 3: Do you steal the same thing you want them to

485
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,480
lose their teeth? You you steal their teeth?

486
00:22:55,559 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: You know, like how when your kid finds out that

487
00:22:57,799 --> 00:23:00,720
Santa Claus isn't real, But for couple of years, you

488
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:03,240
still you still go through the motion because it's even

489
00:23:03,279 --> 00:23:05,119
though you know it's not it's not it's not real.

490
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,519
It's fun to play along. We we we kind of

491
00:23:07,559 --> 00:23:09,759
do the same thing in the in the fairy family.

492
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,559
We uh we put it under the pillow and then

493
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,559
uh then like little Mary goes to sleep, then uh

494
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,319
I go in and I rip it out from under

495
00:23:19,319 --> 00:23:22,079
her and then I shove some money in her mouth,

496
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,359
and you know what, as you do, and then I

497
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,839
put it in a bag and then I hide it.

498
00:23:28,279 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, with other fairies, I guess are they also eclectic

499
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,720
or I mean I always di vision fairies is like

500
00:23:34,759 --> 00:23:36,079
happy twinkly things.

501
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,319
Speaker 1: Are you looking at me right now? Do you see me? Am?

502
00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:41,480
I smiling? Yes, I'm smiling because I love what I do.

503
00:23:41,519 --> 00:23:43,079
I get up every day and I trade in teeth

504
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,119
and I love teeth. Teeth is what I love. Teeth

505
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,759
is what I think about. I go to bed, I

506
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:48,400
think of teeth. I wake up, I think of teeth.

507
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,240
I live for teeth. So I got the biggest shit

508
00:23:52,279 --> 00:23:55,519
eating grin out of my face because I know that

509
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,359
after this interview, I'm gonna go back to teeth and

510
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,680
then tomorrow, hold on, hold on, look at my calendar.

511
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,279
Teeth all day, all day, okay, and am to a PM.

512
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,000
Nothing but teeth. And then as far as the twinkly thing,

513
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,839
I understand that my wings are black, but they have

514
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,680
glitter on them. It's a requirement. I got the black glitter.

515
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,799
I couldn't be any twinkler. Yeah, I mean, what's a

516
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,799
normal fairy job? Because you seem like you have a

517
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,559
very specific one. What's a normal human job? Is this

518
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,319
a normal human job for you to Most normal humans

519
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,839
have sixty seven shark teeth and sidekick as a podcast

520
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,240
in hell? Is that normal? I guess it's a little weird. Chrise,

521
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,680
I wouldn't piss off the tooth fairy Lary. Ye, he's

522
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,440
about to get scary. I don't mean to get angry.

523
00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:35,079
It's just I don't like being lumped in with all

524
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,319
the other fairies. You know, It's like I'm my own guy. No,

525
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:37,880
I understand.

526
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:42,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris's questions are making you wary. I fully understand. Yeah, exactly.

527
00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: So. Uh, you know, I get up and I unfold

528
00:24:45,279 --> 00:24:47,359
my wings one at a time like every other fairy,

529
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:48,839
and I go about and I do the best damn

530
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,319
fairy job I can do. So don't be contrary. Yeah,

531
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,559
I'll try not to. All right, Well, mission failed out

532
00:24:55,599 --> 00:24:56,279
the gate, damn it.

533
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, you know what, fairy, tooth lairy fairy, you're

534
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:00,759
are a right busy guy.

535
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,039
Speaker 1: We don't want to hold you any longer.

536
00:25:02,039 --> 00:25:03,559
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's a lot of teeth that need to

537
00:25:03,559 --> 00:25:05,960
get knocked out of people's skulls and stealing from underneath bed.

538
00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:07,799
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go ahead and let you go. All right,

539
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:11,200
I appreciate it, and yeah, it's it's truth. Let they say,

540
00:25:11,279 --> 00:25:13,359
the mouth of the mouth and the teeth wait for

541
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,400
no man. So I got to get back to it.

542
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,400
But before I go, allow me to plug one last time.

543
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,240
Tooth Crade should be launched soon. You can sign up

544
00:25:23,279 --> 00:25:28,000
for it at Chris's email address and we will alert

545
00:25:28,039 --> 00:25:29,680
you as soon. It's going to be still working on

546
00:25:29,759 --> 00:25:32,079
the pricing structure, but it's gonna be probably somewhere between

547
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,519
nineteen ninety five and twenty nine to ninety five a month,

548
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,720
and you will get a box of old used teeth

549
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,079
every month to your door. You're not gonna know are

550
00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:43,079
they alligator teeth or are they Chris's tiny shark teeth?

551
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,839
One way to find out tooth Greaze it great, all right,

552
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:46,720
you heard it here first.

553
00:25:46,799 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 2: I'm sure we'll post a link to it on our

554
00:25:49,279 --> 00:25:52,960
social channels at Good Morning from Hell on Twitter, Instagram,

555
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:53,960
We're on Facebook.

556
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: All that.

557
00:25:54,319 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 2: We'll be sure to give you guys some good, good

558
00:25:56,519 --> 00:26:01,079
press subtle. Yeah, all right about wrapping it up. Thanks

559
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:11,160
for listening, guys, Hell Clayton, thank you very much to

560
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,880
mister Jeff Ramsey for returning. It's a second episode, but

561
00:26:15,519 --> 00:26:17,400
you're you're before, you are our first Grimlin.

562
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 1: Now you're a tooth fairy. Thanks for coming on, Jeff, Yeah, man,

563
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,160
thanks for allowing me to play the tooth fairy. That

564
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,240
was a lot of fun. And as a parent I

565
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,960
used to play the tooth fairy fairly often, so it's

566
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,640
nice to be able to to step back into the role.

567
00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:37,200
Just dust off that old Uh it's part your favorite exactly. Yeah, awesome.

568
00:26:37,319 --> 00:26:39,160
So Jeff, what do you got going on these days?

569
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,920
What are you working on? Oh? This is the plug portion. Yeah,

570
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:46,319
you can check me out on the fuck Face Podcast. Yeah,

571
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,480
it's a it's a roost teeth podcast starring me and

572
00:26:49,759 --> 00:26:53,359
Gavin Free and another person who his name is up

573
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,079
for debate right now, fuck face podcast wherever podcasts are podcasting.

574
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 3: You know what I love about rooster teeth search engine optimization,

575
00:27:00,079 --> 00:27:02,359
and we got fuck Face, we got rooster Chief, Good

576
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,359
Morning from Hell, Why We're going to Hell? All these

577
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,720
names titles that roll off the tongue and are easy

578
00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:07,480
to find on Google.

579
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,519
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah.

580
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 2: For someone who doesn't know anything about fuck face, how

581
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,799
would you kind of describe it. Oh sure, Chris, that's

582
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:14,960
a great that's a great point.

583
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: Fuck face is a podcast about shooting yourself in the

584
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,400
foot for a laugh. As an example, naming a podcast

585
00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:24,599
something unsearchable like fuck face.

586
00:27:25,799 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 2: It seems to have worked unfortunately against that, because it's

587
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,119
it's a really good podcast and doing okay. Yeah, so

588
00:27:33,759 --> 00:27:36,200
people should definitely go listen to it if you haven't.

589
00:27:37,079 --> 00:27:39,440
It's really weird in a good way.

590
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that means a lot. That a scary amount

591
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,960
coming from the weirdest person I've had the pleasure of

592
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,839
knowing for the last twelve years. Awesome.

593
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 3: Well, Jeff, just before we let you go, where can

594
00:27:51,759 --> 00:27:53,240
the people find you on social media?

595
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,799
Speaker 1: I am on Twitter and Instagram at Jeff L. Ramsey

596
00:27:57,279 --> 00:27:59,680
GEO f F though, because uh, you know.

597
00:28:00,039 --> 00:28:02,759
Speaker 3: Search engine optimization started at a young age. Yeah, started

598
00:28:02,799 --> 00:28:06,319
with my mom in nineteen seventy five. Awesome, Thanks Jeff,

599
00:28:06,319 --> 00:28:06,759
Thanks guys.

600
00:28:06,799 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: Thanks