1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: The party was two weeks ago. I stole a few 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,679 beers when the adults went looking, and shared them with 3 00:00:07,759 --> 00:00:12,279 Lucy Sitkins away from the crowd. She drank hers greedily 4 00:00:12,839 --> 00:00:15,240 as we sat beneath the bow of a low tree, 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:20,120 speaking low so no passers by could hear. Every time 6 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,679 we whispered, we tilted our faces a little closer and closer. 7 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,800 There was a moment when I thought she was going 8 00:00:26,839 --> 00:00:29,480 to rest ahead on my shoulder as she told me 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,920 about how she wanted to be a vet, and my 10 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,159 heart skipped as they debated, putting my arm around her waist. 11 00:00:36,799 --> 00:00:40,359 It was all cut short when her father, Larry, stood 12 00:00:40,359 --> 00:00:43,159 in front of everyone in the party and forced the 13 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,479 beer can down his throat. I didn't see it. I 14 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,240 only heard the cries that had us both sitting upright 15 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,000 beneath the branches. By the time we got back to 16 00:00:54,039 --> 00:00:58,039 the party, the adults escorting the kids away and ambulance 17 00:00:58,079 --> 00:01:02,439 sirens were fast approaching. Dad was there, and he told 18 00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:05,840 me to take my little sister home. The grim and 19 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,719 frightening lock on his face made me forget Lucy and 20 00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:12,439 the smell of beer on her breath. I try hard 21 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,959 to remember if she ate from the barbecue. Sometimes I 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,640 think she didn't. Other times I swear I can picture 23 00:01:19,719 --> 00:01:23,000 a biting into a burgher, and it's so vivid I 24 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,359 think it must be a memory. It's moved. Either way, 25 00:01:28,519 --> 00:01:32,560 I'll never see her again. I felt a little gross 26 00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:35,159 when I went into school the next day and asked 27 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,840 round if the stories about her dad were true. When 28 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,480 my father got home the night of the party, he 29 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,920 hadn't spoken to me or maum. He just went to 30 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,480 bed and didn't tell us what happened. Come morning, I 31 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,879 saw some of the older kids by the school gates 32 00:01:52,159 --> 00:01:56,519 and overheard them talking. The details made my stomach churn, 33 00:01:57,519 --> 00:02:01,280 but I wanted to know more. I didn't want to 34 00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:05,280 act all excited about something terrible, but this felt by 35 00:02:05,319 --> 00:02:09,360 the kind of thing people we'd be talking about for years. 36 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:15,520 Larry Sitkins had swallowed a beer can, shoved it down 37 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,599 his throat like a damn bog and strict wreath in 38 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,080 an egg. At least that's how one kid described it 39 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:25,639 to me. There was more, of course. He'd praised Satan 40 00:02:25,719 --> 00:02:28,800 before slitting his own throat, got and drunk and fallen 41 00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:31,840 hard onto the ground while chugging a beer tried to 42 00:02:31,879 --> 00:02:35,520 catch the can mid air. Some one had punched him midsip. 43 00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:39,360 There were lots of variations and what happened and how, 44 00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:43,000 but there were only theories that got turned into rumors. 45 00:02:44,199 --> 00:02:46,159 A lot of us were just trying to make sense 46 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,840 of it. Larry was a pretty run of the milk guye. 47 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,479 He was a landscaper who made lame jokes at kid's 48 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,159 birthday parties. He was about as nondescript as they came, 49 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,680 at least as far as a bunch of teenagers concerned. 50 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,639 We got halfway through the day before mister Stroup shut 51 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,840 the bleachers on his neck. He was in front of 52 00:03:08,879 --> 00:03:14,000 the cheerleaders. There were ambulances again, crying girls and boys, 53 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,680 and even some of the teachers. Most of them just 54 00:03:17,759 --> 00:03:22,680 looked confused, except for mister Stroup. I managed to catch 55 00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:24,800 a glimpse of him as I jogged over to find 56 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,520 out what all the screaming was about. He looked empty 57 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,719 of all thoughts and emotions, and his head sat at 58 00:03:31,759 --> 00:03:35,599 a crooked angle. I figured that was how people must 59 00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:38,919 look him, and dead. But apparently he'd been like that 60 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:43,159 during the act. He'd walked up, perched his neck between 61 00:03:43,159 --> 00:03:46,479 the slatted benches and hid the remote button to slide 62 00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:51,280 the bleachers closed. Whole time, he was just sl like Jordan's, 63 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:56,120 stupid looking even as the metal mechanism crunched vertebrae and cartilage. 64 00:03:56,879 --> 00:03:59,520 I later learned Larry had been like this too when 65 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,120 he killed. He was getting ready to pop the tab 66 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,759 on a fresh beer when he simply stopped, looked up 67 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,759 to the sky, then forced the whole thing down his 68 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:16,040 throat in a single, world shattering moment. I didn't know 69 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:19,240 it back then, but there were others just like Larry 70 00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:22,519 had missed the strobe. A barista in a coffee shop 71 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,240 steamed half the skin on her arm while keeping eye 72 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,519 contact with the guy in the drive through. A doctor 73 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,480 had the local clinic used the biopsy needle to inject 74 00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:36,160 air straight into his own heart. Lots of people shot themselves, 75 00:04:36,879 --> 00:04:40,639 but not one of them aimed for the head. That's 76 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,160 a weird touch if you think about it. These people 77 00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:47,759 obliterated their torsos or limbs with high powered rifles at 78 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:52,839 point blank range, no reason, offered just a vacant expression 79 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,319 as they deleted bits to their bodies and left nothing 80 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:01,800 but ragged stumps. There was no school the next day, 81 00:05:02,439 --> 00:05:05,120 which was the only real clue I got about how 82 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:09,120 panicked the local authorities were. Wouldn't be long before the 83 00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:12,800 national authorities joined in on the panic too, but that 84 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:17,600 would come later that morning. My parents left the house 85 00:05:17,639 --> 00:05:19,959 at nine thirty for a meeting at the town hall, 86 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,839 and they dropped me off at my grandma's on the way. 87 00:05:23,959 --> 00:05:26,480 I waited for them to leave before I told Grandma 88 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,920 I was heading out. It was a hot day, and 89 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,079 she only nodded her approval as she sat reading with 90 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:37,759 my sister. She hated seeing me play video games and 91 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,879 always encouraged me to go make my own adventures outside. 92 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,959 I had no plans, didn't even want to see any 93 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,800 of my friends. I thought a lot about missus Strabe's 94 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,519 face as I crossed empty farmer's fields and walked into 95 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,800 the woods. I'd been to an open casket funeral once. 96 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,439 It was for Father Denis, who'd christened me as a baby, 97 00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:05,399 not that I remember anything about him except his stony 98 00:06:05,439 --> 00:06:08,360 face resting gently in the soft white folds of his 99 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:14,160 casket's interior. That seemed so long ago and so sterile 100 00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:17,079 that the thought of it was a bit sad, but 101 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,439 not a whole lot else. But mister Strap's face had 102 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,639 frightened me, with his swollen lips and bulging eyes, alive 103 00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:29,360 one moment and dead the next, with only pain to 104 00:06:29,439 --> 00:06:34,199 separate the two. And yet he looked so bored, hanging 105 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:38,120 there from his own broken neck, still wearing those ridiculous 106 00:06:38,199 --> 00:06:41,000 red shorts he always had on no matter the weather. 107 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,000 It took time to recognize that seeing a dead body 108 00:06:47,079 --> 00:06:50,000 had freaked me out. I felt like it shouldn't have 109 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,519 messed me up as much as it did, And I 110 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,920 guess that's why there was a little bit of anger 111 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,439 mixed in with all those thoughts in my head. It's 112 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,279 also why I pushed on through the woods until the 113 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,199 trees began to thin, marching in the humid summer heat, 114 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,040 until my t shirt was soaked and my legs ached. 115 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,560 I wanted to feel tired, wanted it so the only 116 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,319 thing I could think of with my throbbing handstrings and 117 00:07:15,439 --> 00:07:21,319 sunburnt forehead. It ended when I reached the tracks. Shaggy 118 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:25,519 rocks and boulders rose steeply on the opposite side. Only 119 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,639 other ways to go were left into town or right 120 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:34,120 into a dark tunnel, its mouth bristling with ivy. At 121 00:07:34,199 --> 00:07:37,360 least the air coming from It was cold, so I 122 00:07:37,439 --> 00:07:40,680 took a second to stand and catch my breath, feeling 123 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,120 the sweat cool and evaporate as the wind billowed gently 124 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:49,480 out of the darkness. I wasn't stupid, though I paid 125 00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:52,199 close attention in case I heard the sound of any 126 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,639 passing trains, and when I didn't hear one, I raced 127 00:07:56,639 --> 00:08:02,240 off the tracks as quick as I could. It honked 128 00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:05,720 as it came past. Another day, I might have worried 129 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,399 that I was going to get in trouble over playing 130 00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:10,240 in the rails, but all I could really think of 131 00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:14,199 was the thing I'd seen lying by the tracks. It 132 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,399 had been lit up by the train as it came 133 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,639 roaring out of the tunnel, not far from the entrance. 134 00:08:21,079 --> 00:08:24,279 In the strange silence after the train had gone, there 135 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,040 was only the dim light of the setting sun to 136 00:08:27,079 --> 00:08:32,639 see inside the tunnel, and everything looked the same over clothes, 137 00:08:32,759 --> 00:08:38,200 broken bottles, discarded crates, trash strewn around wherever it found space. 138 00:08:40,039 --> 00:08:42,080 But I knew what I'd seen in the harsh white 139 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,519 light of the train's passing beam, and it was a 140 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:51,080 hell of a lot more than garbage. I'd seen a man. 141 00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:56,120 He was lying face down. There had even been a hand, 142 00:08:56,639 --> 00:08:59,120 bright and pale like the moon in the night sky. 143 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,879 I was sure of it. I didn't know what to do, 144 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,840 not right away. I was afraid and didn't want to 145 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,960 go inside. But I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen anything either. 146 00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:15,919 I tried shouting to them if some one down there 147 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:20,279 heard me. They gave no sign of It. Wasn't until 148 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,320 I stepped into the darkness and let my eyes adjust 149 00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:27,039 that I confirmed there really was a man lying down 150 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,240 in there. He was draped across the tracks, and he 151 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,720 didn't have any legs, and judging by the wather blood 152 00:09:34,759 --> 00:09:38,080 stains had turned the collar brown. He'd been there for 153 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,159 a while. Hell, half a dozen trains must have gone 154 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,799 right over him, thinking he was just an odd bit 155 00:09:44,879 --> 00:09:48,320 of cloth or something that if they saw anything at 156 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:53,200 all in that time it dried out a little. He 157 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,159 wasn't a mummy or anything, but the blood on his 158 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,039 stumps and coming out of his mouth looked more like 159 00:09:59,159 --> 00:10:03,879 jelly than corn syrup. I was sobbing by this point, 160 00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:06,759 crying hard as I tried to make sense of what 161 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,759 I was meant to do, while also feeling like all 162 00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:13,639 of this was terribly unfair on me. There was a 163 00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:16,200 moment where I could almost feel myself wanting to be 164 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,399 a kid again, a proper one, little one who doesn't 165 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,399 have to do things, one who can get upset and 166 00:10:23,519 --> 00:10:27,960 scream and run away. I'd only just started to appreciate 167 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,879 how badly I'd been messed up by seeing mister Stroup, 168 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,960 and then God went and dropped that kind of nightmare 169 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,440 into my lap, teeth stained black with blood, and open 170 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,440 eyes that looked at nothing. It felt like a nightmare, 171 00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:47,519 not just the moment with a body, but everything else too, 172 00:10:47,919 --> 00:10:51,279 Everything since that beer beneath the tree had felt like 173 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:58,480 it wasn't part of reality anymore, but nightmares end. I 174 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:03,279 was outside, gasp vomiting, crying my eyes out when I 175 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,519 heard something shuffle in the tunnel i'd just run out of. 176 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,679 Part of me thought that a sound must mean someone 177 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,840 was alive and close by, and that meant I wasn't alone. 178 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,519 Another part of me thought something else. Entirely, it was 179 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,360 the part of me that took over and stopped me 180 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,799 crying and making any more noise. My mouth turned dry 181 00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:28,919 as a desert, and all of a sudden I was 182 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:35,440 no longer hot all over, but cold, freezing cold, and 183 00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:38,720 my legs were back pedaling away from the tunnel with short, 184 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:45,759 quiet steps. The noise persisted. It was the shuffle of 185 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:50,080 something getting dragged over gravel and old plastic bags. It 186 00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:53,159 had a rhythm to it that was slow. The word 187 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,960 that springs to mind is one I got taught in 188 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:03,279 biology class a long time ago. Commotion. Something down there 189 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:08,519 was moving. He was moving towards me. It sounded slow 190 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:15,000 and broken and feeble. But that didn't matter. Somehow, even 191 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,759 though I knew it wasn't completely insane, I just knew 192 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,720 what was going to come out of that tunnel. I 193 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,519 knew it the way the rabbit knows the wolf, or 194 00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:29,559 the hand knows the spider. But still, when I saw 195 00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:32,000 him crawl out of the dark and into the light, 196 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,840 I screamed so loud i'd have a sore throat for 197 00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:40,159 the next few days. It was the man from the tracks, 198 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:46,399 and even though he moved, he was not alive. I 199 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,879 tried to telling myself that he couldn't have been dead, 200 00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:54,440 because only living things move, but that was nonsense. He 201 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:58,960 dragged his bloody, legless torso with one working arm while 202 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,679 the other lay dis gated across his back. The fingers 203 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:07,240 of both hands curling as he heaved himself along, and 204 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:13,480 that face, that same empty gawking expression. Just like mister Strobs. 205 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,080 He wasn't alive. He was a dead thing, and that 206 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:23,480 made him some kind of impossible monster. I turned and ran, 207 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,919 screaming through the trees. Whole time I could only think 208 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,600 of the thing that was behind me and was trying 209 00:13:30,639 --> 00:13:34,399 to close the distance. It didn't matter that it was slow, 210 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,399 didn't matter that I ran for over an hour, didn't 211 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,799 even matter that I wasn't sure if I knew my 212 00:13:40,879 --> 00:13:45,279 way home or even running in the right direction. All 213 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,399 that mattered was putting one foot in front of the 214 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:53,960 other until there was nothing left inside me. Time turned funny, 215 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:59,200 seconds moved into strange staccatos, until eventually I collapsed on 216 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,039 legs made of rubber. Then I dragged myself into an 217 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:08,120 old hollow tree to hide, and that was where I 218 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:14,600 lost all consciousness. When I woke up, the sun had 219 00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:18,440 set and it was dark. I vomited some, then found 220 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,639 my way back to the beaten path and stumbled achingly 221 00:14:21,799 --> 00:14:25,000 through the cold night air back to my grandma's farmhouse. 222 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,799 Dad was sick. My Grandma screamed something to this effect 223 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,919 at me as she held down his right arm while 224 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,120 my mother tried to grip his head in her bloods 225 00:14:36,279 --> 00:14:42,159 like hands. He resisted with dumb determination. My little sister cried, 226 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,279 watching the scene like a shell shock soldier. There was 227 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:52,480 grunting and sobbing, and suddenly a bang. Then a puff 228 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,720 of plaster rained down onto my head, and everyone began 229 00:14:55,799 --> 00:15:02,000 to yell and shriek. A little louder had a gun. 230 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,559 That was what my grandma was trying to wrestle out 231 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,000 of his hands. She held a knife, and that's why 232 00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:12,000 there was blood, but I didn't know whose it was. 233 00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:15,120 I wasn't sure what she was planning to do with 234 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,320 it until she tried to use it to cut his 235 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:22,120 trigger finger off. The scuffle resulted in another bang, and 236 00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:26,840 a window exploded outwards. I finally ducked and grabbed my sister, 237 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:31,200 rushing her into another room, but there were three more explosions, 238 00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:35,600 and each one broke something inside me. By the time 239 00:15:35,639 --> 00:15:38,519 I heard my name being called, I was half deaf 240 00:15:38,679 --> 00:15:42,799 and twitching at things that weren't there. My sister pleaded 241 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,960 for me to come back, her pink fingers grasping for 242 00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:49,080 me as I put her down, but my mother was 243 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,919 shouting for me to come help, and I wanted to 244 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,240 keep my family safe. She told me to get something 245 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,799 to tie that up while she and my grandma used 246 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,360 both arms to pin each of his wrists to the ground. 247 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,960 His hands bled weakly as my Grandma used every inch 248 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,000 of her strength to simultaneously pin him and stop the floe. 249 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:14,720 He thrashed beneath them. His movements languid and easy, but 250 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,759 I could tell it was a struggle for them to 251 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:21,039 keep him down. As I ran to the garage, I 252 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,440 saw the gun on the ground with Dad's severed finger 253 00:16:23,519 --> 00:16:27,200 near by. I kicked it out of reach before returning 254 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,000 shortly with the rope my grandma used to tie the 255 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,480 garage store open during hot summers. Mam tied the knots. 256 00:16:34,879 --> 00:16:37,679 My Grandma tried talking to my dad, and it was 257 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,799 one of the few times in my life I saw 258 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,159 her as the woman who had once changed his diapers. 259 00:16:43,639 --> 00:16:47,000 She was so soothing and tender, and her constant muttering 260 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:52,960 that everything would be okay seemed so fragile. She was 261 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:57,320 scared for him. Ma'am just did everything in a power 262 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:01,000 to wrestle some safety out of the moment. Only once 263 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:03,919 his arms were secure behind his back, and she was 264 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,680 confident he wasn't breaking free. Did she stand back, put 265 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,000 her hands behind her, and then immediately hunch forward and 266 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:16,640 sob call an ambulance, my grandma told me as she 267 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,599 walked into the other room to get my sister. Before 268 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,440 I got on the phone, I briefly hugged my mom, 269 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,200 who didn't seem to notice. I risked a glance of 270 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,960 my dad, who didn't look at anything at all. Dead 271 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,559 eyes glazed vacantly at nothing as he fought to free 272 00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:39,279 his arms. When he finally looked at me, it was 273 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,720 no different to how he looked at the foe or 274 00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:48,079 the wall. I didn't go to school the next day either. 275 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,200 Some men from the government came to take Dad in 276 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,960 the morning, and Mam ordered me to my room. When 277 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,160 they arrived. She asked them a thousand questions, but their 278 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,640 replies were short and stern. All I managed to over here, 279 00:18:03,079 --> 00:18:06,920 we were a few muffled phrases, Please stay put, ma'am, 280 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,839 someone will be in contact with you. Shortly, when I 281 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,079 ran to my window to look at them walking down 282 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:18,200 the drive, I saw that they all wore masks. One 283 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,920 of them saw where I was staring. I thought he 284 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,039 was going to wave, but he didn't. There was a 285 00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:31,000 biohazard symbol on their clothes. After they left, Mom focused 286 00:18:31,039 --> 00:18:34,960 on making dinner and looking after my sister. She kept 287 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,799 me close the whole time, barking anxious questions whenever I 288 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,839 tried to leave the room. Where are you going? Just 289 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:47,880 the bathroom? Oh okay. Then it felt like she was 290 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,720 painting normality into tissue paper, desperately afraid of breaking it. 291 00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,279 I tried my best to seem like I was okay. 292 00:18:57,519 --> 00:18:59,880 Last thing I wanted was to feel like some ki 293 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:04,440 who needed his mommy. We mostly just talked about mundane things, 294 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,680 but it was hard for both of us. The only 295 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:11,880 time the atmosphere seemed to change was when she asked 296 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:18,440 me something strange halfway through dinner. Did your father when 297 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,920 you both went hunting a few months back? What did 298 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:26,400 you do to the meat? I don't know. I shrugged. 299 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,240 Dad took care of all that. Why the men who 300 00:19:31,279 --> 00:19:35,599 took him asked a whole bunch of questions about it. Then, 301 00:19:35,839 --> 00:19:39,960 with a fragile smile, have you done your homework? They 302 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,680 told me your teacher would send you some assignments online. 303 00:19:45,079 --> 00:19:48,519 Just like that, The thin pretense of normality came back, 304 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,079 but I was left with a wriggling feeling in my stomach. 305 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:57,359 It didn't go away as the evening marched on. In fact, 306 00:19:57,759 --> 00:20:00,799 it only grew worse until I found my self in bed, 307 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,799 rolling from side to side and thinking about Mum's question. 308 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,680 The men who bundled Dad off hadn't seen like the 309 00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:12,240 kind who messed around. They must have had some idea 310 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:16,400 of what was going on, So why ask about the meat? 311 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,039 On some level, I knew the moment she'd asked me 312 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,319 why it was relevant. Dad loved to hunt, and he 313 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:30,119 always brought meat to parties and barbecues. Wasn't it obvious 314 00:20:30,519 --> 00:20:34,640 he'd brought something back from the woods, hadn't he? I 315 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,960 hadn't gone hunting for a long time, nearly three months. 316 00:20:38,799 --> 00:20:42,559 Every time he'd asked, I'd refused, and I think he 317 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:48,119 knew why. On the very last trip, Dad shot three deer, 318 00:20:48,519 --> 00:20:52,440 but we only took back two, one for us, one 319 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:56,519 for the town barbecue. The thirty shot, but we left 320 00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,960 it on the forest floor because by the time it 321 00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:02,680 had died, I was pale and shaking, and even Dad 322 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,319 couldn't keep the tremor out of his voice. Neither of 323 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,839 us had expected the deer to stand on its hind 324 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,559 legs and walked towards us like a man. Its gait 325 00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:16,640 a heavy, broken thing as it lumbered over the forest floor, 326 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,480 and it had kept coming even after Dad shot it 327 00:21:20,599 --> 00:21:23,559 six more times. One of the rounds struck it in 328 00:21:23,559 --> 00:21:27,799 the head, but still it shambled forward on two misshaven 329 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,640 legs as its brains painted the ferns in pestilent gray. 330 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,759 When it finally fell, even Dad had gone pale, and 331 00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:39,720 in the silent aftermath, I had to go off and 332 00:21:39,759 --> 00:21:43,839 be sick in a bush. After that, we cut the 333 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,599 trip short. Dad walked me gently back to the truck 334 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,160 where the two deer we shot and trusted earlier that 335 00:21:50,279 --> 00:21:53,920 day lay waiting in the pick up. I don't think 336 00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,799 either of us even remembered they were there until later. 337 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,880 He'd still asked me if I wanted to head out 338 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,039 with him each weekend, but he never seemed surprised when 339 00:22:04,079 --> 00:22:07,960 I made some excuse. The only time we talked about 340 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,160 it was not long before the barbecue, when he drove 341 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,279 me to school one day. He didn't deal with it 342 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:20,079 head on. He skirted the topic. Sometimes deer get sick, 343 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,039 he told me a little like old folks do. Remember Grandpa, 344 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,200 he got real scary towards the end, inn't he. Well, 345 00:22:29,279 --> 00:22:32,319 deer get sick too, but we don't have to worry 346 00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:36,440 same way. You couldn't catch what Grandpa had, Well, we 347 00:22:36,599 --> 00:22:39,880 can't catch for the deer have us. Humans are safe, 348 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,759 just an uncomfortable part of nature. It had come out 349 00:22:45,839 --> 00:22:48,440 of the blue, or at least it seemed like it. 350 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,359 I figured it was Dad's way of trying to get 351 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,640 me back on board with hunting. I knew he liked 352 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,119 me going with him. I'd liked it too, at least 353 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,839 until I saw that deer walk towards me on two legs. 354 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,359 But lying in my bed that night, after Mom had 355 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:08,440 gone to sleep, I started to wonder if maybe he 356 00:23:08,519 --> 00:23:12,200 hadn't really been trying to convince me, Maybe he carried 357 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,680 a little doubt in himself about something he was gonna do. 358 00:23:17,279 --> 00:23:24,640 What if he'd been trying to convince himself it was okay, too, dear? 359 00:23:25,839 --> 00:23:29,240 I tried remembering what they'd been like. I hadn't shaked 360 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,759 them after we got in the truck. Why would I 361 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,519 seemed as normal as any others as we tied them down. 362 00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:40,079 But I hadn't really been paying attention either. I'd been 363 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,920 hunting since I was seven. Helping Dad was automatic to me, 364 00:23:45,079 --> 00:23:47,680 and to top it off, I hadn't known what I 365 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,640 was meant to be looking for. I squirmed beneath the 366 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,359 sheets and tried so hard to remember every detail of 367 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,279 that trip. Most of all, I tried to remember what 368 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:03,160 the first oh dear Dad had shot were like. They'd 369 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:07,759 gone down so quick, they'd seemed normal, But Grandpa had 370 00:24:07,799 --> 00:24:10,720 been sick with Alzheimer's a long time before he got scary, 371 00:24:11,519 --> 00:24:13,680 and I had to figure the same could be true 372 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,920 for those deer. Who was to say the one on 373 00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:19,720 hind legs was the only sick creature in the woods 374 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:24,480 that day. I couldn't have forced these thoughts out of 375 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,519 my head with a crowbar. At some point, I accepted 376 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,839 I wasn't getting any sleep that night, and I settled 377 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,720 down to torture myself some more, until I realized it 378 00:24:35,799 --> 00:24:39,279 didn't have to be that way. Dad had an old 379 00:24:39,319 --> 00:24:42,519 freeze in the shed, and he sometimes kept meeting there, 380 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,319 not for long, and usually not for eating. He'd use 381 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,640 it for things he'd wanted to skin, or tried to 382 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,599 make a trophy out of it, which he rarely did, 383 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,880 since Mom didn't like that kind of thing in the house. 384 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,839 But if the deer weren't in the freezer, in the 385 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,400 kitchen or the garage, then they might he'd be in 386 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,160 the shed. And if I did open up that chest 387 00:25:04,519 --> 00:25:08,400 and saw two dear bodies in there, that meant whenever 388 00:25:08,559 --> 00:25:11,880 was going around and making people hurt themselves couldn't have 389 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,640 come from our little hunting trip. I snuck out of 390 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,640 my room as quiet as I could. Mom was on 391 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,920 the phone with my grandma and she was crying. I 392 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,240 stopped briefly by a door and listened to see if 393 00:25:25,279 --> 00:25:28,839 maybe they knew something I didn't, But after she started 394 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,079 talking about how scared she was, I just felt bad 395 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,079 and moved on. At least it meant she was too 396 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,720 busy to notice me creeping down the stairs. I never 397 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,200 liked the shed at the end of the yard. It 398 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,279 was rarely used, even by my dad, who kept the 399 00:25:45,319 --> 00:25:48,799 lawn mower and some old junkin there. It wasn't the 400 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,359 kind of place he kept food, but I had this 401 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,759 feeling he didn't keep these deer with the rest of 402 00:25:53,799 --> 00:25:56,759 the meat he got from hunting. As I opened the 403 00:25:56,799 --> 00:26:00,160 back door and looked over the shadow covered yard. I 404 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,200 found myself thinking about the tunnel and what I'd seen 405 00:26:03,279 --> 00:26:07,799 back there, with everything that had happened, since I'd done 406 00:26:07,799 --> 00:26:11,119 a good job of convincing myself it had never really happened. 407 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,880 The man with no legs who dragged himself out of 408 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,680 the darkness had become little more than a half remembered nightmare, 409 00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:22,480 a moment out of time that was incompatible with all 410 00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:27,519 logic and reason. But suddenly it was back with me, 411 00:26:28,759 --> 00:26:31,559 all the emotions and thoughts that raised through my head 412 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,759 as I stared at his rotten flesh and glassy eyes. 413 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,559 The walk to the shed was uneasy. I fought the 414 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,680 urge to turn around the entire way there. Each step 415 00:26:43,759 --> 00:26:47,119 was like walking on feet made of the lead. At 416 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,240 the door, I paused with my hand poised by the lock. 417 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,519 The house seemed so distant behind me, and I became 418 00:26:54,559 --> 00:26:58,359 painfully aware nobody knew I was alone and out in 419 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:03,799 the dark. Inside was nearly pitch black. My phone helped 420 00:27:03,839 --> 00:27:06,079 me light it up a little, but I didn't touch 421 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,440 the near by switch in case Mom saw it. From 422 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,839 a window. Cobwebs hung low from the ceiling, and shadows 423 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,759 crawled across the floor. And walls as I moved closer 424 00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:20,079 to the freezer. The entire time, I kept expecting something 425 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,839 to happen. I even imagined that deer rising from beneath 426 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,160 the lid, pushing it open to stand unnaturally tall on 427 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,559 its hind legs, where he looked down at me with 428 00:27:29,599 --> 00:27:31,759 the same dead eyes I had seen in my father. 429 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,279 The thought scared me so bad I nearly hyperventilated myself 430 00:27:36,319 --> 00:27:39,720 straight into a panic attack. But before I had time 431 00:27:39,799 --> 00:27:42,799 to really worry about any of that, I found my 432 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:47,599 hand on the freezer's latch. I pushed it open and 433 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:52,319 looked inside. The misty vapors cleared to reveal a pile 434 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,160 of meat and fur encrusted with ice. It was only 435 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,759 one head visible, but I so badly wanted come for 436 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,680 me that there were two animals in there, And I 437 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,519 took a deep breath and reached in to try pry 438 00:28:05,599 --> 00:28:08,680 some of it loose. Some of it came away from 439 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,559 the sides with a sound like duct tape. But no 440 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,279 matter how deep I rooted in that mound of bone, 441 00:28:14,599 --> 00:28:18,920 antlers and rock hard flesh, I couldn't see a sign 442 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,319 of the second deer. Her dad really served everyone's sick 443 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:26,759 meat was that why Larry Sitkins had missed the stroup 444 00:28:27,079 --> 00:28:31,079 and all those other people had killed themselves. The thought 445 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,839 made me feel ill. I slammed the freezer shut and 446 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,759 walked back to the door in a daze, trying with 447 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,359 all my might to swallow the painful weight that settled 448 00:28:41,359 --> 00:28:46,799 in my gut. I had one foot outside when the 449 00:28:46,839 --> 00:28:51,599 freezer door rattled against the latch. The entire world spun 450 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,880 around me. My heart sank, and my skin froze in 451 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:59,720 a sensation that was growing increasingly familiar. I turned to 452 00:28:59,759 --> 00:29:04,319 face the sound, both hands braced against the door, and 453 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,519 watched as the latch slammed into the lock once more. 454 00:29:08,599 --> 00:29:11,799 The light inside the chest came on for the briefest moments, 455 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:17,319 and I glimpsed thrashing fur and teeth. Then it happened 456 00:29:17,359 --> 00:29:20,920 again and again, and each time I saw bits of 457 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,039 hoof and bone and strange musculature that frightened me so 458 00:29:25,279 --> 00:29:28,200 deep I fell down onto my ass and didn't even 459 00:29:28,319 --> 00:29:33,200 realize when the latch finally gave way, the lid flew 460 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,839 open and stayed there. Light poured out of the box, 461 00:29:37,839 --> 00:29:41,799 and I waited, breath held for that thing to emerge, 462 00:29:42,319 --> 00:29:45,519 to come roaring out of sight and bear down towards 463 00:29:45,559 --> 00:29:52,119 me on unnatural legs, But nothing happened. The silence stretched 464 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:56,400 on ford seemed like an eternity, until at last there 465 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,559 was a crash, louder than any before, and the entire 466 00:29:59,599 --> 00:30:05,079 freezon rocked back and forth and slowly fell over. The deer, 467 00:30:05,799 --> 00:30:09,200 or parts of it, fell out with a hard, wet thumb. 468 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,960 Bits of its chin and face shattered on the hard 469 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,640 packed ground, sending little shards of meat and bones skating 470 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,680 across the floor on melting streaks of blood. Some of 471 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:25,079 them even reached my feet. The thing inside moved with 472 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,599 the sound of snow crunching beneath your feet, its thick 473 00:30:28,759 --> 00:30:32,720 neck and broken head twisting side aside, scanning the shed's 474 00:30:32,759 --> 00:30:38,440 interior with faulty eyes. I've never seen anything move like that, 475 00:30:39,119 --> 00:30:42,720 not before or since. This was worse than the man 476 00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:47,039 in the tunnel, worse by a thousand times. The deer 477 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:51,759 was still mostly frozen, but some impossible force was making 478 00:30:51,759 --> 00:30:55,920 the crystallized water in its own cells, and the result 479 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,720 was skin that rippled like tissue, and muscle that cracked 480 00:30:59,759 --> 00:31:03,559 and crunch as they tried to flex and contract. It 481 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,319 lifted its head and tried to scream. The breathy sound 482 00:31:07,359 --> 00:31:10,440 that left its fuzzy black lips made my heart start 483 00:31:10,519 --> 00:31:14,839 skipping beats while my blooder entered. I couldn't help it, 484 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,559 couldn't stop myself, and when I looked down and saw 485 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,400 pieces of melting flesh starting to writhe and wriggle. I 486 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,680 tried with all my might to stifle the cry building 487 00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:29,640 up in my throat, but it escaped as a desperate, 488 00:31:29,839 --> 00:31:34,480 high pitched wine. The deer turned its head towards me 489 00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:38,599 with a violent swing, another breathy shriek, and then it 490 00:31:38,599 --> 00:31:41,599 began to thrash its stiff and frozen legs in a 491 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,440 terrifying attempt to get closer. To say it had a 492 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,480 predatory look would be inaccurate. Anyone who's seen a predator 493 00:31:49,519 --> 00:31:53,039 in action knows that nature is mostly indifferent when it kills. 494 00:31:53,799 --> 00:31:56,440 A bear tears into its prey with the same dull 495 00:31:56,519 --> 00:32:00,559 look of someone opening the McDonald's. Predators don't hate the 496 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:06,400 things they're hunting. For this thing, I could feel its hatred, 497 00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:10,079 its malice. It was nothing like what I'd seen in 498 00:32:10,119 --> 00:32:12,599 my dad's eyes, or even the eyes of the man 499 00:32:12,599 --> 00:32:16,480 in the tunnel, but it had spent months in that box, 500 00:32:16,799 --> 00:32:20,680 hadn't it This was the disease when you skipped three 501 00:32:20,759 --> 00:32:27,640 months ahead, anger, hatred, jeez. I couldn't even say if 502 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,279 it was going to eat me. That's what you think 503 00:32:30,359 --> 00:32:33,440 when you see a zombie, right, It's going to try 504 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,279 and take a big bite out of you. With this 505 00:32:36,359 --> 00:32:40,160 frozen clump of hair and meat and brain, lips, dragged 506 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,039 itself across the floor with an expression like murderous rage, 507 00:32:45,039 --> 00:32:47,759 the look of someone ready to beat another living thing 508 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:50,359 to death using its own hands if it had too. 509 00:32:52,359 --> 00:32:55,799 Unable to face it a moment longer, I dragged myself 510 00:32:55,839 --> 00:32:59,079 back unto my feet and fled, shutting my eyes as 511 00:32:59,119 --> 00:33:03,200 I entered the cold night air. I made it three 512 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:11,880 steps before I slammed into my dad. It was like 513 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,440 I'd run full speed into a tree. I bounced back 514 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,160 and hit the earth, pain flowing at my cocksis as 515 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,519 my father loomed over me. He'd felt cold for the 516 00:33:21,559 --> 00:33:25,200 brief moment where we made contact. My mind blocked out 517 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,079 the sound of something hideous scrambling in the shed behind me, 518 00:33:28,799 --> 00:33:31,480 and the entire world narrowed until it was just the 519 00:33:31,519 --> 00:33:34,839 face of the man who raised me, looking down with pale, 520 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:43,319 dead eyes. Dad, He swallowed and briefly examined his hands. 521 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,559 I think I'm dead, he muttered, almost as if he 522 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:54,960 was talking to himself. When did I die? I poured 523 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,519 myself up and grabbed his hand. He was cold, but 524 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,880 his pulse was still raising. I could even see the 525 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:10,239 veins in his forearms. Throbbed sickeningly. Dad. Are you okay? Dad? Dad? 526 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:15,800 Are you okay? They told me I'm sick, he said, 527 00:34:16,159 --> 00:34:19,199 his eyes gazing vacantly at the empty space behind me. 528 00:34:20,599 --> 00:34:25,719 I think they're right, But there's more. He looked at me, 529 00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,440 the intensity of his gaze so powerful that I let 530 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,880 go of his hand and took a step back. For 531 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,519 the first time in my life, I was scared of him. 532 00:34:38,079 --> 00:34:41,920 I'm not alone in here, he said, his voice pleading 533 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,760 for help. Slowly, his expression twisted into a grotesque mask 534 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:51,760 of agony and desperation. Oh jeez, it isn't just me 535 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,400 in here. I tried to move, but he was a 536 00:34:55,440 --> 00:35:00,199 big man, and his arms wrapped around me like steel bands. Dad, 537 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,000 I cried, struggling to pull myself loose as he sobbed 538 00:35:04,039 --> 00:35:08,079 louder and louder. Dad, jeez, you gotta let go. There's 539 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:13,079 the shed door burst open. I managed to turn around 540 00:35:13,159 --> 00:35:16,239 just enough I could see what came out, and I 541 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:20,400 felt an urgent terror crawling at my flesh. The deer 542 00:35:20,519 --> 00:35:23,519 had pulled itself loose from the freezer, and now it 543 00:35:23,559 --> 00:35:27,119 stood in the doorway and two legs. Its body looked 544 00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:29,760 all wrong in that posture, like when you twist the 545 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,039 limbs around on a doll. Probably not far from the 546 00:35:33,079 --> 00:35:37,719 truth thinking about it. Dad didn't react, but I began 547 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,800 to scream as the nightmare coalesced around me, my father 548 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,679 gripping holding me in place, as that horrible thing lurched 549 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:50,199 towards me on two legs. It moved like clamation or 550 00:35:50,199 --> 00:35:53,800 a puppet show gone wrong, but it was quicker than 551 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:58,239 I feared. As each step brought it closer, I found 552 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:02,079 myself losing what little control all I had. I started 553 00:36:02,079 --> 00:36:05,360 to scream, started to shriek. I beat at my father 554 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,039 with my fist, but he didn't budge an inch. My 555 00:36:09,119 --> 00:36:12,760 clenched hands just bounced off his strong shoulders, and it 556 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,079 was like I was trying to hurt a punching bag. 557 00:36:16,119 --> 00:36:19,360 I started to swear too, started to scream. Things I 558 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,199 thought were bad, then worse. Then so bad. I'm not 559 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,679 even sure I can blame other people for putting those 560 00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:28,960 words in my head. I told my dad I hated him, 561 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,000 called him the worst names under the sun. All that 562 00:36:33,079 --> 00:36:37,239 commotion got the attention of others. Neighbour's lights started coming on. 563 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,599 My mum emerged from the back door, wrapping a robe 564 00:36:40,599 --> 00:36:43,320 around herself, and she squinted at us in the dark. 565 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,719 What the hell is going on, she cried as she 566 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:52,119 stumbled towards us. But when she saw that deer, she 567 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:58,159 started screaming too. I don't know why, but I thought 568 00:36:58,199 --> 00:37:02,800 that other people appearing would help somehow that as two three, 569 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:07,079 half a dozen people came stumbling into open lawns, peering 570 00:37:07,079 --> 00:37:10,400 over waist eye fences, it had stopped the slow but 571 00:37:10,519 --> 00:37:15,840 inevitable onslaught of that monster. It did no such thing. 572 00:37:17,199 --> 00:37:19,840 I had to listen to their confused shouts and cries 573 00:37:20,199 --> 00:37:24,119 or gesturing and begging for help the entire time, the 574 00:37:24,159 --> 00:37:29,239 sound of the creature over my shoulder getting closer and closer. Meanwhile, 575 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,239 my hands tried to pry away my father's thick arms, 576 00:37:32,679 --> 00:37:35,719 but each time I got leverage, he simply flexed and 577 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:40,000 his grip tightened around me. He was muttering something the 578 00:37:40,039 --> 00:37:45,239 whole time, but I couldn't hear it. Finally, my mum 579 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,480 screamed and ran, swinging an old rake at the space 580 00:37:48,559 --> 00:37:52,519 behind me. I heard the impact, the splintering of the 581 00:37:52,559 --> 00:37:56,760 wooden handle. Then she stumbled backwards, and I had to 582 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,159 twist to get a look at the deer that was 583 00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,440 now just sick or seven feet away, the spokes of 584 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,880 a rake still sticking out of his face. A monster 585 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,199 looked right at me and opened its mouth, and I 586 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,760 swear to God, who was going to talk? But right 587 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,920 then someone shouted, for the love of God, Alice, get 588 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:23,199 away from that thing. Alice was my mother's name, and 589 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,719 she fell to the floor, just seconds before an explosion 590 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:31,280 broke the night, silencing all voices and shattering the deer's 591 00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,679 head like a crystal ball hitting the ground. My heart 592 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,199 raised so fast I thought for a moment I was 593 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:42,119 going to die. Then I looked down at Dad and 594 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:47,199 finally heard what he'd been mumbling this whole time. It's 595 00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,000 in us and it wants us. It's in us and 596 00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:56,519 it wants us. It's in us and it wants us. 597 00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,599 There isn't much left of Dad these days. I got 598 00:39:00,599 --> 00:39:03,440 to visit a couple of times. Fat lot of good 599 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,920 it did, as far as I'm concerned. He died that 600 00:39:07,039 --> 00:39:09,760 day in the kitchen when he first tried shooting himself. 601 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,360 They're treating us in this special hospital. Mom was real 602 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:18,239 upset that visitations are limited, but I think it might 603 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,760 be for the best. Her and my sister tested clean. 604 00:39:22,519 --> 00:39:28,920 Most people did, I didn't. Mom snug me this phone 605 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,199 a couple of weeks ago, and I've been using that 606 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:35,360 to write. Funny thing is. One of the orderlies saw 607 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,480 me on it a few days ago and just laughed. 608 00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:40,760 I think that maybe the government aren't too worried about 609 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:44,440 this story getting out. At first, I didn't really get 610 00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:48,199 why until I started actually putting all this down into writing, 611 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,440 got to the part where that halfman came out of 612 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:58,320 the tunnel, and I realized, no one's gonna believe me. Still, 613 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,679 I got a try, partly because I want to protect people. 614 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,519 Whatever this disease is, it's a hell of a lot 615 00:40:06,559 --> 00:40:09,840 more than some twisted Bryans, And I think the government 616 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:15,679 knows that Dad certainly did. Most Invector did too. That's 617 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:20,119 why they killed themselves. They wanted out the voice that 618 00:40:20,199 --> 00:40:23,800 comes with its illness. Is like. It's like if your 619 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,719 brain is just words in a book and then someone 620 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,360 DipEd that book in a full kind of used motor oil. 621 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,000 You just want to give in hand it all over. 622 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,920 It wants your body, so whatever you do, you don't fight. 623 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:43,760 That's worse, give it up. In hindsight, we should have 624 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:48,440 let Dad kill himself. What he went through was well, 625 00:40:49,039 --> 00:40:51,159 it was probably a lot worse than the others who 626 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,920 got to die. I sometimes think about going into his 627 00:40:55,039 --> 00:40:59,760 room with a pillow, but security is pretty tight around him. 628 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,159 As for me, infection is still in its early phase. 629 00:41:05,199 --> 00:41:09,360 It takes everyone differently, and for me it's taking quite 630 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:14,519 its time. They think it's because of my age. Still, 631 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:20,079 I can sort of feel it under there growing. I 632 00:41:20,119 --> 00:41:23,800 think it's why I'm writing this. It wants me to. 633 00:41:25,599 --> 00:41:29,239 This sickness. It lives out in the woods, way way 634 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,320 out in parts of the soil where the sun hasn't 635 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:36,119 shown in millions of years. It's old enough to remember 636 00:41:36,119 --> 00:41:39,480 a time you could walk from Appalachia to what's now 637 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,599 called Glasgow, and it's been fumbling around out there in 638 00:41:43,679 --> 00:41:48,320 the brains of deer and other things. The sickness tells me. 639 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:52,760 This tells me it's learning about this new world. Tells 640 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:59,400 me about how mind tastes. For most of all, it 641 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:03,320 tells me it's getting closer.