1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: Colonel Crockett's Cooperative Christmas by Rupert Hughes forward. Of all 2 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:13,160 the strange gatherings that have distinguished Madison Square Gardener, the 3 00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:16,960 strangest was probably on the occasion last Christmas, when the 4 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:23,079 now well known Colonel D. A. Crockett of Waco rented 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:27,280 the vast auditorium for one thousand dollars and threw it 6 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,320 open to the public. As he is going to do 7 00:00:30,399 --> 00:00:34,640 it again in this coming Christmas. An account of the 8 00:00:34,759 --> 00:00:40,439 con in and reception of his scheme may interest some 9 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,759 of the thousands who find themselves every Christmas in the 10 00:00:44,799 --> 00:00:49,920 Colonel's flight. My plan to describe it was frustrated by 11 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:54,560 the receipt from his wife of three letters. He wrote her. 12 00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:57,799 It seems only fair, then, that the author of an 13 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,840 achievement which is likely to become an incas institution, should 14 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,319 be allowed to be the author of its history. I 15 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:10,599 shall therefore content myself with publishing, verbatim, two of the 16 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:21,200 colonel's own letters. Rupert Hughes, Letter one, New York, New York, 17 00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:30,319 December twenty sixth nineteen at four Friend Wife. The miserablest 18 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,519 night I ever spent in all my born days. The 19 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:39,400 solitarist with no seconds. Was sure this identical Christmas night 20 00:01:39,519 --> 00:01:44,159 in New York City, And I've been some lonesome two 21 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:49,439 in my time. I've told you how as a boy 22 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,359 I shipped before the mast, the wrong mast, and how 23 00:01:53,439 --> 00:01:56,680 the old tub bumped a reef and went down with 24 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:01,879 all hands and feet except mine. You remember me telling 25 00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,799 how I grabbed a holt of a large wooden box 26 00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:09,000 and floated onto a dry spot. It knocked the wind 27 00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:12,680 out of my stomach considerable, but I hung on, kind 28 00:02:12,719 --> 00:02:16,759 of unconscious till the tide went out. When I come to, 29 00:02:17,479 --> 00:02:19,759 I looked round to see where in sam Hill I 30 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,439 was at, and found I was on a little pinhead 31 00:02:22,479 --> 00:02:25,319 of an island about the size a freckle would be 32 00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:30,639 on the moon. All round was mostly sky except for 33 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:34,400 what was water, and me with nothing to drink it with. 34 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,879 I sat down hard on the box and felt as 35 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,280 blue as all the swear words ever swore. There was 36 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,360 nothing in sight to eat, and that made me so 37 00:02:46,479 --> 00:02:50,800 hungry that me and the box fell over backward. As 38 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,919 I laid there, sprawled out with my feet up on 39 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:57,960 the box, I looked between my knees and read them 40 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:04,400 beautiful words, eat Buggins biscuit in plane sight before me 41 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:09,599 on the end of the box. Well, me and friend 42 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,800 Buggins inhabited that place about as big as one of 43 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:20,879 Man Friday's footprints were going on four weeks when tide 44 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,159 was in. I held the box on my head to 45 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,439 keep my powder dry. Long toward the end of my visit, 46 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,439 just before the ship that saved me hove in sight, 47 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:34,000 I began to feel a mite tired of that place. 48 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,840 I kind of felt as if I saw about all 49 00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:42,000 that was interesting on that there island. I thought I 50 00:03:42,159 --> 00:03:46,639 was unhappy, and I had a sneaking idea I was lonesome, 51 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,800 But I see I was mistaken. I hadn't spent a 52 00:03:51,879 --> 00:03:57,400 Christmas night alone in a big city. Then then once 53 00:03:57,479 --> 00:04:01,520 when I was prospecting for our mind, I was snowed 54 00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:04,800 up in a pass I reckon. I've told you how 55 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,919 I got typhoid fever and wrestled it out all day 56 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:16,040 by my lonesome, unparalleled thirst, Boston baked brains, red flannel tongue, 57 00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:21,800 delirium dreamings, and self acting emetic down to the final 58 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:27,120 blissful where am I at? And on through the nice 59 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:32,399 long convalescence till my limbs changed from twine streams to 60 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:39,319 human members. Six weeks doing time as doctor, patient, trained nurse, 61 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:44,720 and fellow mason, all in one was being alone, right smart, 62 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:50,240 But it wasn't a patch on the little metrolopis of 63 00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:56,600 Manhattan on Santy Claus Day. Then, once I had a 64 00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,399 rather unrestful evening out in the western part of Texas. 65 00:05:01,079 --> 00:05:04,439 A fellow sold me a horse, right sheep, and later 66 00:05:04,519 --> 00:05:08,120 a crowd of gentlemen accused me of stealing it, and 67 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,279 I was put in jail with a promise of being 68 00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:15,519 lynched before breakfast. That would be an uncomfortable sum too, 69 00:05:15,759 --> 00:05:19,279 But I wished last night that my friend Judge Watson 70 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,920 hadn't come along that night and identified me. It would 71 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:30,000 have saved me from New York itis. Then there was 72 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,120 the night when I proposed for your hand, and you 73 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:37,120 sent me to your paw, and he said if I 74 00:05:37,199 --> 00:05:40,040 ever come near again, he had sick the dogs on me. 75 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,240 I spent that night at a safe distance from the dogs, 76 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,199 leaning on a fence and not noticing it was barbed 77 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,120 wire till I looked at my clothes and my hide. 78 00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:56,040 Next day, I watched your windows till the light went out, 79 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:01,160 and all my hope with it, and on that till, 80 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:09,399 as the bullet says, till daylight dust appear. Then there's 81 00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:12,519 the time I told you about. When I bet there's 82 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,079 no use of making a catalog of every time I've 83 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,399 been lonesome. I have taken my pen in hand to 84 00:06:18,519 --> 00:06:23,399 inform you that last night beat everything else on my 85 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:28,279 private list of troubles. My other lonely times was when 86 00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:32,399 I was alone. But the lonesomest of all was in 87 00:06:32,519 --> 00:06:37,519 the heart of the biggest crowd on this here continent. 88 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,120 There was people of plenty, but I didn't know one 89 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,680 gall During galoot, I had plenty of money, but nobody 90 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,600 to spend it on except tip takers. I was stopping 91 00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:58,800 at this big hotel with luxury spread over everything thicker 92 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:04,000 than sorghum corn pone. But lonely, Why, honey? I was 93 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,439 so lonely that as I walked along the streets, I 94 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,639 felt as if I'd like to break into some of 95 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,160 the homes and compel them at the point of my 96 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,680 gun to let me set in and dine with them. 97 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,160 I felt like asking one of the bellboys to take 98 00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:21,199 me home and get his mad to give me a 99 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,560 slice of goose and let her talk to me about 100 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:31,439 her folks. There was some four million people in a 101 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:36,000 space about the size of our ranch. There was theaters 102 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,319 to go to, but who wants to go to the 103 00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:43,079 theater on Christmas? It's like going to church on the 104 00:07:43,079 --> 00:07:50,879 fourth of July. There were dime museums, penny Vaudeville's dance halls. 105 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:56,800 There was a big dinner for newsboys. The Salvation Army 106 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,279 and the volunteers gave heeds to the pool. But I 107 00:08:01,279 --> 00:08:05,480 couldn't qualify. I was a poor I had no home, 108 00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:11,439 no friends, no nothing. The streets got deserted her and 109 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,800 deserted her. A few other wretches was maroon like me. 110 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:19,839 In the hotel corridors. We looked at each other like 111 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:25,959 sneak thieves patrolling the same street. Waiters glanced at us pitiful, 112 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,560 as much as to say, if it wasn't for shrimps 113 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:34,200 like you, I'd be home with my kids. The worst 114 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,559 of it was, I knew there were thousands of people 115 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,919 in town in just my fix. Perhaps some of them 116 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,480 were old friends of mine that I'd have been tickled 117 00:08:44,519 --> 00:08:49,879 to death to foregather with, or leastways people from my state. 118 00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:55,039 Texas is a big place, but we'd have been brothers 119 00:08:55,039 --> 00:08:59,639 and sisters or at least cousins. Once removed for Christmas sake, 120 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,200 But they were scattered around at the Saint Regis or 121 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:09,360 the Mills Hotel, the Martha Washington or somewhere while I 122 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:16,879 was at the Waldorf hyphen Ass Storia. It was like 123 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,679 the two men that Dickens, I believe it was. Dickens 124 00:09:20,879 --> 00:09:26,039 tells about somebody gives a a concertina, but he can't 125 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,840 play on it. Winter coming on and no overcoat. He 126 00:09:29,919 --> 00:09:33,240 can't wear the concertina anymore than he can tootle it 127 00:09:34,039 --> 00:09:37,759 a few blocks away. As a fellow mister b he 128 00:09:37,799 --> 00:09:42,080 can play a concertina something grand, but he hasn't got one, 129 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:46,720 and his fingers itch. He spends all his ready money 130 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:51,159 on a brand new overcoat, and just then his aunt 131 00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:55,000 sends him another one. He thinks he'll just swap one 132 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,039 of them overcoats for a concertina, so he advertises in 133 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:05,240 an exchange about the same time he advertisers that he'll 134 00:10:05,279 --> 00:10:10,200 trade one house broken concertina for a nice overcook. But 135 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:16,360 does either A or b ever CB's or a's advertisements 136 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,960 Not on your beautiful deck garrow type. That was the 137 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,679 way with us all in New York. The town was 138 00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:31,039 full of lonesome strangers, and we went moping around, stumbling 139 00:10:31,159 --> 00:10:36,600 over each other and not daring to speak. They call 140 00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:41,720 us transience here is like a common sailor that's lost 141 00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:47,480 at se. He's only a casualty. So us poor homeless 142 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:52,240 dogs in New York are only transience. Why do you 143 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,679 know I was that lonely. I could have stood out 144 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,279 in the square like a lonely old cow in the 145 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,600 rain and just mood for somebody to take me in. 146 00:11:04,759 --> 00:11:07,039 I had a telegraphed for you and the children to 147 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,919 come to town, but Texas is so far away, and 148 00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:15,320 you'd have got here too late, and you couldn't come anyway, 149 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,080 being sick as you wrote me, and one of the 150 00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:24,720 kids having malary. How is his blessed self today? I 151 00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:28,559 hope you're feeling better, telegraph if you ain't, and I'll 152 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:34,360 take the first train home. Well, last night I ate 153 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:38,679 a horrible mockery of a Christmas dinner in a deserted restaurant, 154 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:44,519 and it gave me heartburn in addition to heartache and 155 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:48,440 a whole brood stable of nightmares. I went to bed 156 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:53,159 early and stayed awake late. Gee, that was an awful night. 157 00:11:54,480 --> 00:12:00,960 I tried philosophy the next station. Beyond despair. I said 158 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,879 to myself, you old fool, Why in the name of 159 00:12:04,919 --> 00:12:09,159 all that sensible should you feel so excited about one 160 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:13,200 day more than another. I wasn't so lonely the day 161 00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:18,879 before Christmas. I ain't so lonely today. But then I 162 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,519 was like a small boy with the mumps and the 163 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,679 earache on the fourth of July. The firecrackers will pop 164 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,799 just as lively another day. But well, the universe was 165 00:12:30,879 --> 00:12:34,399 simply throwed all out of gear, like it must have 166 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:39,279 been when Joshua held up the moon or was it 167 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:44,639 the sun? You remember reading me once about I reckon 168 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:49,120 it was mister Aldrich's pleasing idea of the last man 169 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,519 on earth, everybody killed off by a pestilence or something, 170 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,840 and him sitting there by his lonely, little lonesome And 171 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,480 what would he have done if he had heard his 172 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:01,679 doorbell ring? 173 00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 2: Well, I reckon he'd have done what I'd have done 174 00:13:05,879 --> 00:13:11,200 if I'd met a friend given one wild whoop, wrapped 175 00:13:11,279 --> 00:13:15,120 his arms around his neck, kissed him on both cheeks, 176 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,639 and died with a faint gurgle of joy. 177 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: I'd have been glad to have died so too. Finally, 178 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:29,919 I swore that if I ever foresaw myself being corralled 179 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,799 again in a strange city on Christmas, I put on 180 00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:38,039 a sandwich board or something and march up and down 181 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:43,000 the streets with a sign like this, I'm lonely, I'm 182 00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:47,600 homesick for a real Christmas. There must be others. Let's 183 00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:53,159 get together. Meet me at the fountain in Union Square. Well, 184 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,639 hang our stockings on the trees. Perhaps some snow will 185 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:02,720 fall in them. Come one, come all, both great and small. 186 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,639 I bet such a board would stir up a procession 187 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:12,879 of exiles a mile and a half long, and we'd 188 00:14:12,879 --> 00:14:15,960 get together and have a good crying match on each 189 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,600 other's shoulders and wring each other's hands while the band 190 00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:28,639 played Old Lang's sign. But it's over now. I've lived 191 00:14:28,639 --> 00:14:31,919 through the game of Christmas Solitaire in a big city, 192 00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:36,559 and I feel as relieved as a man just getting 193 00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:41,279 out of a dentist's office. He's minus a few molers 194 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:46,720 and aches considerable, but he's full of a pleasing emptiness. 195 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,519 But let me say right here and put it in 196 00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:56,440 black and white. If I'm ever dragged away from home 197 00:14:56,519 --> 00:15:01,360 again on Christmas. I'll take a laughing at enough for 198 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,320 a day and two nights, or I'll take some violent 199 00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:08,399 steps to get company. If I have to hire a 200 00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:13,080 Cayu Senta lariat and Russell Broadway, rounding up a herd 201 00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:18,320 of other unbranded stray cattle. Well, this is a long 202 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:23,639 letter for me, honey, and I will close loving kisses 203 00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:26,879 to the sweet little kids and to the best wife 204 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:36,039 a fellow ever had, Your loving Austin PS. I pulled 205 00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:38,840 off the deal, all right. The syndicate buys the mind. 206 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,639 I get five hundred thousand dollars in cash and five 207 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,720 hundred thousand in stock, and I start for home in 208 00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:54,720 three days. We'll hang up our stockings on New Year's Day. 209 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:05,120 Between letters, the fates accepted Colonel Crockett's challenge, and, by 210 00:16:05,159 --> 00:16:10,240 an irresistible syndication of events, forced him to be alone 211 00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:15,039 in New York again the very next Christmas. After a 212 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,120 series of masterly financial strokes, he had felt rich enough 213 00:16:19,799 --> 00:16:23,080 in his two millions to spend a year abroad with 214 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,320 his family. A cablegram called him to America early in 215 00:16:27,399 --> 00:16:32,159 December to a director's meeting, expecting to return at once. 216 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,480 He had left his family in Italy. A legal complication 217 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,279 kept him postponing his trip from day to day, and 218 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,759 finally an important hearing in which he was a valued witness, 219 00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:51,480 was postponed by the referee or deferry till after the holidays. 220 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,559 The colonel saw himself confronted with another Christmas, far away 221 00:16:56,639 --> 00:17:00,159 from any of his people. The first two days he 222 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:05,200 spent in violent profanity and in declining invitations which he 223 00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:10,240 received from business acquaintances to share their homes. Then he 224 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:14,839 set out to make the occasion memorable once more. We 225 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:24,640 may leave the account to him. Letter two, New York, 226 00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:35,160 New York, December twenty eighth, nineteen ought five. Friend, wife, Well, 227 00:17:35,559 --> 00:17:39,039 I've been and went and gone and done it, and 228 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:43,680 golly bud, it was fun. Barron, wishing you and the 229 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,920 little ones had of been here too. Next year we'll 230 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:50,519 arrange it so for I'm going to do it again. 231 00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:55,519 You remember Artemus Ward's man who had been dead three 232 00:17:55,559 --> 00:18:00,720 weeks and liked it. Well, that's me. This camping out 233 00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:03,640 in New York is getting to be a habit. I'm 234 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,839 sending you a bundle of newspaper clippings as big as 235 00:18:06,839 --> 00:18:13,000 a stove pipe, all about yours truly. As soon as 236 00:18:13,039 --> 00:18:16,559 I saw that circumstances had organized a pool to corner 237 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,559 me and my Christmases, I spent a couple of days 238 00:18:20,559 --> 00:18:25,000 sending up rain making language. Then I settled down to 239 00:18:25,079 --> 00:18:29,400 work like a bronco does to harness. After kicking off 240 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:36,079 the dashboard and snapping a couple of traces. If I've 241 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,359 got to be alone this Christmas, I says to myself, 242 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,279 I'll make it. The gall blamed is crowded. Is solitude 243 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:50,039 ever heard of? This side of the river. I looked 244 00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:54,519 for the biggest place in town under one roof Madison 245 00:18:54,640 --> 00:19:01,039 Square Garden. Was it? You remember it? We was there 246 00:19:01,279 --> 00:19:05,359 to the horse show so called you recollect. I reckon 247 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:09,079 that the garden holds right smart of people at a 248 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:13,400 political meeting. Once they got fourteen thousand people into it 249 00:19:13,559 --> 00:19:16,480 and there was still room for Grover Cleveland to stand 250 00:19:16,599 --> 00:19:21,559 and make a speech. Well, feeling kind of flush and 251 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,559 reckless like I decided to go and see the manager 252 00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:30,079 or janitor or whatever he is, and go I did. 253 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:34,160 I says to him, Could I reach a cute little 254 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:40,160 shack for one evening Christmas night? Certainly, sir, he says, 255 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,319 there happens to be nothing doing this Christmas. How much 256 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,640 would it set me back, I says, very polite. Only 257 00:19:49,839 --> 00:19:56,119 one thousand plunks, says he smiling. But my dear Gaston, 258 00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,079 I says, with a low bow, I don't want to 259 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,880 buy your little Noah's ark for the baby. I only 260 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,000 wanted to borrow it for one evening. One thou is 261 00:20:07,079 --> 00:20:11,640 our bargain counter limit, he says, I couldn't make it 262 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:17,640 less for the poor old tzar of Rushie. I kind 263 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,119 of hesitated, remembering the time when a thousand dollars would 264 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,359 have kept me comfortable for about three years. It's hard 265 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,799 to get over the habit of counting your change. Then, 266 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:32,720 mister Janitor, seeing me kind of groggy, says a little 267 00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:37,720 less polite. If that's more than you care to pay 268 00:20:37,839 --> 00:20:40,559 for a single room, you can get a cot for 269 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,359 five cents on the bowery for a quarter, you can 270 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:51,440 get a whole sweet That riled me. I flashed a 271 00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:54,599 water bills on him that made his eyes look like 272 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,519 two automobile lamps. He could see it wasn't Confederate money either. 273 00:21:00,279 --> 00:21:03,680 Then I shifted my cigar to detract attention while I 274 00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:08,720 swallowed my Adam's apple and I says, I was only 275 00:21:08,799 --> 00:21:12,720 hesitating my boy because I wondered, if you're nice little 276 00:21:12,759 --> 00:21:16,119 garden would be big enough. You haven't got a couple 277 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,720 more to rent at the same price. He wilted and 278 00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:23,319 caved in, like a box of ice cream does just 279 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:27,039 before you get home with it. Then he began to 280 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,279 bow lower, and we cut for a new deal. He 281 00:21:31,319 --> 00:21:37,000 took the lead. He says, what might I be wanting 282 00:21:37,039 --> 00:21:42,240 to use the garden for? Oh, I won't bulge the 283 00:21:42,279 --> 00:21:46,799 walls or strain the floor, I says, I only want 284 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:50,480 it for a Christmas tree. I am going to invite 285 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:55,599 my friends to a little party. Who but you must 286 00:21:55,640 --> 00:22:00,359 be popular, he says, Who the Dickens? Are you, brother 287 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:06,880 Teddy or mother Eddie. I'm Colonel d Austin Crockett of Waco, 288 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:12,160 I says, as meek as I could, pleased to meet you, Colonel, 289 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:16,599 he says, what you're running for District Attorney? Or are 290 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:24,160 you starting a new mutual benefit life assassination? Neither? I says, 291 00:22:24,519 --> 00:22:30,079 I'm a stranger in New York. But these friends of yours, 292 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:33,839 he gasped, Is all Waco coming up here on an excursion? 293 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:40,160 Is the town going to move bodily. Mister prosecutor, I says, 294 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,759 if you'll stop cross examining a minute, and that means 295 00:22:43,759 --> 00:22:46,799 tell how it all happened, it will save right smart 296 00:22:46,839 --> 00:22:51,400 of time. I'm a stranger here to about four million people. 297 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:55,599 They are strangers to me. We ought to know each other. 298 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,480 So I'm going to give a little Madison Square garden 299 00:22:58,559 --> 00:23:04,759 warming and them in what are you going to sell them? Prize, 300 00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:11,400 poultry or physical culture? I have nothing to sell. I'm 301 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,880 just going to entertain them. Well, I've heard of southern hospitality, 302 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:21,640 he says, But this beats me. How much you're going 303 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:27,400 to charge ahead and nothing. Everything is to be free, 304 00:23:28,279 --> 00:23:35,200 admission included, not on your dear old lost cause, he exclaims, 305 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,720 these ways, not in our little dolls house, not for 306 00:23:39,799 --> 00:23:43,640 ten thousand dollars. Why, man, do you realize that if 307 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,839 you offer these New York Brooklyn, Bronx, hackensack Ana Hoboken 308 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,079 folks a free show, more than two thousand women would 309 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,559 get trappled today. Did you ever see a bargain counter 310 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,759 crowd on twenty third Street. Well, that's only for a 311 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,880 chance to get something they don't want at a fish 312 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,119 bait price. But if you offer them a free take 313 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,000 one chance. Holy key whiz, I can just see it now. 314 00:24:13,839 --> 00:24:16,839 The garden ain't half big enough in the first place. 315 00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:20,680 There's enough take winners in these parts to fill the 316 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,119 old colosseum, and they'd make the wild animals look like 317 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:30,119 a cage of rabbits or white mice. Well, the upshot 318 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,440 of it was he persuaded me to charge an admission, 319 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:38,200 so we set it at a dollar a head. On 320 00:24:38,319 --> 00:24:42,279 the hoof, I wrote out a card and sent it 321 00:24:42,319 --> 00:24:46,400 to all the papers to print at advertising rates. It 322 00:24:46,559 --> 00:24:51,279 costs rights smart, but it looked neat to every stranger 323 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,680 in New York and his lady. If you are not 324 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,559 otherwise engaged on Christmas Night, the honor of your presence 325 00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:04,079 at Matta Wilson Square Garden is requested by David Austin 326 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:13,400 Crockett's Colonel fifth Texas Calvary CSA music, dancing, refreshments, souvenirs 327 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:18,039 for the purpose of keeping out the undesirable element. A 328 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:24,720 charge of one dollar will be made. I knew that 329 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:29,519 them magic words, refreshments and souvenirs would hit him hard. 330 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,240 In order to wet the public interest, I ask the 331 00:25:33,279 --> 00:25:36,759 papers where I advertised to give the things, some editorial 332 00:25:36,839 --> 00:25:40,640 or other reference. But they was very cold and said 333 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,640 the best they could do was to send their dramatic 334 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:48,640 critics to criticize the show afterwards. A lot of good 335 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,960 that would do me, so I took more space in advertising. 336 00:25:54,079 --> 00:25:56,599 In a day or two, I was visited at the 337 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,839 hotel by one of the most in parents looking fellows 338 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,880 I ever met up with. He sent up a car, 339 00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:13,920 James j James, publicity expert. I said to show him in, 340 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,039 and he sort of oozed through the door. He was 341 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:23,160 that oily. He looked about to see if we was alone, 342 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:31,319 then winked slow and important and says, what's your game, Colonel. 343 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,839 It looks pretty slick, but I can't quite make it out. 344 00:26:35,519 --> 00:26:39,240 It's a new Bunco, all right, But slick as it looks, 345 00:26:39,279 --> 00:26:41,720 it ain't quite so slick as it ought to be. 346 00:26:44,319 --> 00:26:49,359 Look here, you cup, I roared. If you imply that 347 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,880 I have any evil motives in this, I'll shoot you 348 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:58,200 so full of holes you'll look like a mosquitoet He 349 00:26:58,319 --> 00:27:01,519 wasn't a bit scared. He said, wink the other eye 350 00:27:02,079 --> 00:27:07,599 and said, in a kind of foreign sounding language, forget it, colonel. 351 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:12,400 Cut it out. Back to the alfalfa with your buffalo 352 00:27:12,519 --> 00:27:16,640 bill vocabulary. If you are really on the level, you 353 00:27:16,759 --> 00:27:20,559 don't need to prove it with artillery. But it makes 354 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:26,200 no diff to me about that. My business is producing fame, 355 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:36,079 not merit. Once more, I ask what's your leg I 356 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,400 overcame a desire to kick him through the ceiling and 357 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:44,000 told him I proposed to entertain the strangers in New York. 358 00:27:45,839 --> 00:27:50,200 Strangers in New York. Why that means everybody. There's been 359 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,720 only one man born in New York since the war, 360 00:27:53,319 --> 00:27:57,400 and he's kept an alcohol at a dime museum. Your 361 00:27:57,599 --> 00:28:00,799 idea is really to give old old New York a 362 00:28:01,039 --> 00:28:06,920 Christmas party. Hanh very pretty, very pretty indeed. But if 363 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,559 you insist on exploding money all over the place, I 364 00:28:11,599 --> 00:28:14,880 don't see why you shouldn't get a run for it. Besides, 365 00:28:15,079 --> 00:28:17,880 I need a bit of it myself. What you want 366 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:22,200 is a press agent. You're starting all wrong. People in 367 00:28:22,279 --> 00:28:26,119 New York can't understand or believe anything except for the 368 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,440 language of the press agent. You take one on your staff, 369 00:28:30,839 --> 00:28:34,200 and in three days you'll be so famous that if 370 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:37,279 a child in a kindergarten is asked who is the 371 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:44,240 Queen of Holland? It will answer Colonel Crockett of Waco. Well, 372 00:28:44,279 --> 00:28:47,119 he poured out the most remarkable string of talk I 373 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,119 ever heard, and before I knew it, he had made 374 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,559 me promise to trust my soul and my scheme to him, 375 00:28:55,519 --> 00:28:58,799 to be surprised at nothing that might appear in the papers, 376 00:28:59,359 --> 00:29:04,279 and to refer all reporters to him. The next morning 377 00:29:04,319 --> 00:29:07,480 I found my name on the front page of every journal, 378 00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:11,920 with my picture in most of them. It seems I 379 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,599 had held at bay two hundred angry Italians who were 380 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,839 trying to mob a Chinese laundermen. The evening paper said 381 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,480 that I had stopped at Runaway Coaching for on Fifth 382 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:27,440 Avenue that morning by lassoing the leader. On the coach 383 00:29:27,519 --> 00:29:35,519 were Missus Aster, Missus Fitch, Reggie Vanderbilt, George Gould, Harry Lear, 384 00:29:36,079 --> 00:29:41,880 and a passel of other among those presents. That night, 385 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,400 I went to a music hall, according to the next 386 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:48,079 morning's papers, and broke up the show by throwing a 387 00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:52,880 pocket full of solitaires to the chorus girls. The next day, 388 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,240 three burglars got into my room. I held them up 389 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,720 in a corner, took away their masks, spanked them, and 390 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,960 gave gave them each one hundred dollars bill to help 391 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:07,480 them to avoid temptation. That afternoon, the three big life 392 00:30:07,559 --> 00:30:12,119 insurance companies asked me to be president, and so on. 393 00:30:12,759 --> 00:30:16,119 You can read for yourself, and the clippings only, for 394 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,519 Heaven's sake, don't believe any of it. In every article 395 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:26,039 was a neat allusion to my Christmas party. I wanted 396 00:30:26,079 --> 00:30:30,279 to kill James j James, and I scoured the town 397 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,640 for him, but he dodged me. He kept his word. 398 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,359 Though for the last few days I'd been the most 399 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:42,720 talked of man in town. Looks like I'd been the 400 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:47,519 only man in New York. And now to tell about 401 00:30:47,519 --> 00:30:51,359 my little party. For two days a regiment of men 402 00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:55,039 was working in the garden under my direction and at 403 00:30:55,079 --> 00:31:00,519 my expense. It was like paying the war appropriation of Russia, 404 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:06,119 but it was worth it. At six o'clock Christmas night, 405 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,119 the crowd began to line up at the garden doors. 406 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,799 At six thirty, a platoon of police arrived. At six 407 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:18,119 forty the line reached twice around the garden. At six 408 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:22,680 forty five they sent for more police. At seven point fifteen, 409 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,920 every street was solid with people. They called out the 410 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:31,759 police reserves and clubbed about four hundred innocent bystanders insensible. 411 00:31:33,119 --> 00:31:37,160 At seven forty five the fire department was called and 412 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:41,400 played the hose on the crowd. This then them off 413 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,000 a bit on the outskirts. Then the ambulances give out 414 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,920 and the fainting women was carried home in express wagons 415 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:54,480 and wheelbarrows. The subway was the only line that could 416 00:31:54,559 --> 00:31:59,640 run cars. At eight thirty the doors open. You should 417 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,920 have seen in the rush the Gallaston flood wasn't in it. 418 00:32:05,039 --> 00:32:07,680 At eight forty five the garden was so full they 419 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:12,039 closed the doors that sent some of the outside crowd home. 420 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:18,319 The garden was a beautiful sight. On the tower outside 421 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:24,319 in big electric letters was a sign Merry Christmas to 422 00:32:24,599 --> 00:32:29,759 you and yours. Inside it was decorated with holly leaves 423 00:32:29,839 --> 00:32:33,640 and berries, tons and tons of it. At one end 424 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,920 was built a big house with a chimbley and an 425 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:41,559 old fashioned fireplace. The roof of the house was covered 426 00:32:41,599 --> 00:32:45,960 with snow cot and the sky back of it was 427 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,799 full of electric stars that twinkled something beautiful, and there 428 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:56,920 was a moon that looked like the real thing. There 429 00:32:57,039 --> 00:33:01,200 was four bands in the balconies and of angels with 430 00:33:01,359 --> 00:33:06,880 real wings and electric haloes. They sang Peace on Earth, 431 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,599 Goodwill to Men, written for the occasion by mister Dick 432 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,359 coven By, and by all the bands bust out gorgeous, 433 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:21,480 and then santy Claus appeared in a sleigh drought by 434 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:27,480 six real live stuffed reindeers. He ran along the sky 435 00:33:27,799 --> 00:33:31,799 on unseen grooves and drove up to the roof of 436 00:33:31,839 --> 00:33:35,240 the house and slid down the chimbley with a pack 437 00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:40,400 of presents. He filled all the stockings with candy, corny 438 00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:44,960 kopies and toys, and a lot of attendants passed them 439 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:49,799 out to the children. You should have heard them squeal 440 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:55,519 with joy, poor little talks living in hotels and apartment 441 00:33:55,599 --> 00:33:58,759 places where sandy Claus would have had to come up 442 00:33:58,799 --> 00:34:04,400 the steam radiator or the gas log pipe to get in. Well, 443 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:09,360 my santi Claus had to make sixteen trips to satisfy 444 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:15,199 the children. The garden was divided into sections, one for 445 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:20,360 every state and territory, with its own shield in electric 446 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,840 lights and colors. There was a native of every state 447 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:29,079 in charge, and every state had its own big Christmas 448 00:34:29,079 --> 00:34:33,920 tree and reception room and refreshments. Some of the people 449 00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:37,000 I noticed seemed to have been born in several states 450 00:34:37,039 --> 00:34:39,920 at once the way they passed from one boot to another, 451 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:45,559 filling up their pockets and stomachs. I reckon they paid 452 00:34:45,639 --> 00:34:51,920 for it the next day in doctor's bills. But there 453 00:34:52,039 --> 00:34:56,719 was narri a sign of rowdyism. That dollar admission was 454 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:01,960 a regular sieve for straining out the tufts. Then there 455 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,599 were policemen everywhere, and every other man nearly was a 456 00:35:05,639 --> 00:35:11,280 plainclothesman or a detective. Besides, after sober consideration and on 457 00:35:11,519 --> 00:35:16,119 advice from the gardeners, I cut out all drinks except 458 00:35:16,199 --> 00:35:20,840 soft stuff, so there were no jags except what some 459 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,679 people brought with them from their Christmas dinners and loaded 460 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:30,559 plum puddings. And then, of course that peculiar something we 461 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:35,079 get into us at Christmas time filled everybody with a 462 00:35:35,119 --> 00:35:41,039 sort of loving fellowship and a hankering to hug their 463 00:35:41,079 --> 00:35:45,239 neighbors and divvy up their funds like a mutual life 464 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:51,599 insurance company Prospectus says, it's a going to do someday. 465 00:35:52,639 --> 00:35:54,599 In the center of the hall, there was a big 466 00:35:54,679 --> 00:36:01,920 sign in electric letters, everybody is hereby introduced to everybody 467 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:07,639 else for tonight only. At every state booth you'd see 468 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:13,760 people gathering, recognizing old friends or introducing theirselves to new ones. 469 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:19,719 It was surprising how each state had its gathering. At 470 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:24,639 the Texas booth, there was a big, immense crowd. A 471 00:36:24,679 --> 00:36:27,199 lot of them turned out to be old friends of ours, 472 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:32,559 school friends of yours, ranch friends of mine, people I 473 00:36:32,599 --> 00:36:36,519 had worked for, people who had worked me or for me. 474 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,679 A lot of them sent their love and a merry 475 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:46,679 Christmas to you. I remember especially here we omit a 476 00:36:46,679 --> 00:36:52,480 list of names, somewhat lacking in universal interests. I had 477 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,559 advertised that people who wanted to give each other Christmas 478 00:36:55,639 --> 00:37:00,639 presents could have them hung on the state trees. Attendants 479 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:04,320 gave them checks for their gifts, and there wasn't many 480 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,719 mix ups. Ol Miss Samanthy Clay got a box of 481 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,320 cigars meant for Judge Randolph, and he got a pair 482 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,480 of silver buckle garters meant for her. But most of 483 00:37:15,519 --> 00:37:18,679 them came out right, and several of them was so 484 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:23,239 surprised at getting presents in New York they bust out crying. 485 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,199 Major Calhoun's whiskers was soaking wet with tears when he 486 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:33,519 got a bottle of old bourbon from Judge Peyton. Rich 487 00:37:33,599 --> 00:37:37,079 folks who had been poor men met charter members of 488 00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:43,280 the I'm on to your origin association. But the Christmas 489 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:48,480 spirit made them forget to be snobs. You'd hear millionaires 490 00:37:48,559 --> 00:37:52,000 telling plain people how they used to play Halloween jokes, 491 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,840 how they scraped up to buy their mother's little Christmas gifts, 492 00:37:57,519 --> 00:38:05,320 what ridiculous things they used to get and give. All evening, 493 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,440 as fast as anybody went out, they'd let somebody else 494 00:38:08,519 --> 00:38:12,239 in along. About eleven o'clock, a lot of the people 495 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,320 began to go home. Then a new crowd came in. 496 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,119 People who had taken their children home and put them 497 00:38:18,119 --> 00:38:21,840 to bed would come back for more fun. Others who 498 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:26,840 had spent the evening dining began to dribble in. All 499 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,360 the actor people and singers came. It was good to 500 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,679 see them. Some of them told me what a God's 501 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,639 end such a thing was to them. Homeless by profession. 502 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,559 A lot of them brought their wives and babies. One 503 00:38:42,679 --> 00:38:47,000 father was playing Romeo in Newark, his wife was playing 504 00:38:47,039 --> 00:38:51,000 Little Eva in Harlem, and their daughter was playing Camille 505 00:38:51,199 --> 00:38:55,480 on Broadway. You should have seen them rejoicing round the 506 00:38:55,599 --> 00:39:02,760 Kansas Tree. About midnight, the big refreshment hall was opened, 507 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:06,599 and everybody that could squeeze in set down to long 508 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,639 tables where I had supper served. I had some of 509 00:39:10,639 --> 00:39:14,239 the best after dinner speakers in town come in, and 510 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,559 you should have heard some of the funny stories. It 511 00:39:17,559 --> 00:39:21,159 would have brought back to your old childhood memories. Mayor 512 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,760 McLellan gave us all a welcome, and then there was 513 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:29,920 Chauncey Depew, of course, and Simeon Ford, and Augustus Thomas, 514 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:35,199 and Wilton Lackay and Job Hedges, and let mel Evie 515 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:40,760 Quigg and General Horace Porter, and a passle of others. 516 00:39:42,039 --> 00:39:45,119 They all made the most surprising allusions to your poor 517 00:39:45,159 --> 00:39:49,320 old husband. They call me Daddy and sang about me 518 00:39:49,519 --> 00:39:53,239 being a jolly good fellow, and one of them christened 519 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:58,480 me Santy Crockett. Why my ears burned so hot? I 520 00:39:58,679 --> 00:40:02,480 near set my collar on fire. It sure was worth 521 00:40:02,599 --> 00:40:05,639 all I spent. And I had a terrible time to 522 00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:10,119 keep from blubbering. I must have swallowed about four hundred 523 00:40:10,119 --> 00:40:15,400 and eleven Adams apples. Finally they called on me for 524 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,480 a speech. I just kind of gibbered. I don't know 525 00:40:19,519 --> 00:40:24,800 what the papers say. I said, Merry Christmas, my children. 526 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:29,400 This old world sure is some comfortable. After all. The 527 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,280 only trouble is that the right people can't seem to 528 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:36,119 get together at the right time often enough. But this 529 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,400 year Christmas Supper tastes to me terrible, much like more, 530 00:40:40,199 --> 00:40:43,599 I'm gonna try it again, and I hereby invite you 531 00:40:43,679 --> 00:40:47,599 all that ain't in any better place or any better world, 532 00:40:48,159 --> 00:40:51,719 to meet me here a year from tonight. And so 533 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:58,039 God bless you all, and and God bless everybody. Then, 534 00:40:58,079 --> 00:41:01,440 after a lot of songs, singing and hand ringing, we 535 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,239 all went home, tears in every eye and smiles on 536 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:10,880 every mouth. The remnants of food and toys made more 537 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:16,559 than the twelve baskets full of scripture. I sent them 538 00:41:16,639 --> 00:41:21,760 round to the hospitals and orphaned the solomons. I've engaged 539 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,559 the garden again for next Christmas and paid a deposit down. 540 00:41:27,039 --> 00:41:31,480 It ain't the extravagance it looks. For while the expenses 541 00:41:31,599 --> 00:41:36,639 was high twelve thousand dollars dollars they took in at 542 00:41:36,679 --> 00:41:41,679 the door nearly eighteen thousand dollars. I sent the profit 543 00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:45,719 to the Salvation Army and the volunteers. And now I'm 544 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,639 being prayed for and hal aluyed for everywhere there's a 545 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,360 base drum. But I do it again. If it cost 546 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:57,519 me twenty thousand, It's worth that and more to have 547 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:02,480 your heart nearly break wide open with joy and fellowship. 548 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,360 It was broad daylight when I got to bed, all 549 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,119 wore out with happiness. I cuddled up like I was 550 00:42:13,159 --> 00:42:15,599 a little boy once more, in the days when I 551 00:42:15,679 --> 00:42:19,679 used to get up Christmas morning, cold and early, and 552 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,320 look at my presence, and then crawl back under the 553 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:26,360 covers again with a double armful of toys to keep 554 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:31,119 warm and sleep some more. If only you and the 555 00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:35,880 chicks had have been there, next time, you shall be 556 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:50,079 your loving Austin. End of Colonel Crockett's Cooperative Christmas by 557 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:51,280 Rupert Hughes