Speaker 1: This episode contains adult language theme party the podcast episode
six Monsterfucker Part two by Jada Mendoza.
Speaker 2: My mother left the tavern that same morning with nothing
in her pack or pockets beside some water in her
canteen and her trusty boot dagger. Despite this, she was
determined to keep going. Little did she know that the
assassin mister Stabbington had just missed her.
Speaker 3: You mean, sir Stabbington.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, details details. Following the lead from the unsavory
taverns barkeep, Trevor Stabbington found himself at a small settlement
within the woods. There he successfully tracked down Earnest Goodman,
the guy who seduced your mom, the thief who seduced
my mom. Details details anyway, Stabbington confronted Ernest about the
possible whereabouts of my mother.
Speaker 4: Sorry, we're closed for the day. Sun's going down.
Speaker 5: Oh I'm not here for anything.
Speaker 6: You've got a show.
Speaker 4: You'll be useful to me in other ways. Hmmm. That
kind of thing will cost you. But you're not bad looking,
so if you can persuade me, I'll cut the price. No,
I'm not asking for that.
Speaker 6: Don't come here, come.
Speaker 4: Very handsy, What do.
Speaker 5: You know about Gemma Foshika, Oh her.
Speaker 4: I mean, she didn't put me to sleep, but I've
had better.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm not asking about bad stuff.
Speaker 4: Bad stuff. You're not ten years old, by the realm.
Speaker 6: Whyever, where did she go?
Speaker 4: I don't know. All I did was take her crossbow,
which sold for a pretty penny.
Speaker 7: So you truly don't know where she went.
Speaker 4: All she told me was that she was hunting a
young demon folk guy looking for her daughter. Apparently they
ran away together or something. Ah, that's nothing to go on,
m Since you're kind of cute despite your demeanor, I'll
let you in on a little secret. There's a popular
hunting spot for demon folk not too far from here.
I wouldn't be surprised if that's where she was headed. Next,
I can point you in the right direction for a prize. Uh,
you're sure on my parents' graves.
Speaker 2: I kind of ship them, Fiona.
Speaker 8: What they're kind of made for each other, two rogues
led astray by their graying morals.
Speaker 3: Maybe they'd be good for each other.
Speaker 9: That's not what this story's about.
Speaker 3: Whatever anyway you were saying.
Speaker 2: My mother continued through the vast woods, using as much
tracking knowledge as she could remember. But as we've said before,
the vast woods are not easy to navigate. Deep in
the thick of the forest, it's hard to remember where
you've already gone. For Gemma, especially while thirsty and starving,
she was desperate for a miracle and may have found one.
A young demon appeared through the brush with a giant
satchel at their hip.
Speaker 7: Ooh yeah, Hugh.
Speaker 2: Sour foot edible. My mother looked on at this scene
with incredible envy. She had never felt so thirsty in
her life, but she thought that in her moment of desperation,
she could get everything she needed at the expense of
this demon folk kid.
Speaker 3: And did she Wow?
Speaker 1: Hey, since just me Sorry, there have been way too
many fleshmongers around Lee Lee's so I can't help it.
Speaker 7: That invisibility would be a lot more useful if you
could control it.
Speaker 5: Hey, what's that?
Speaker 3: Oh it's nothing.
Speaker 7: What in the realm is this? Have you been running
off from the hunt to doodle pictures again?
Speaker 3: I'm I'm studying them.
Speaker 7: You're supposed to be a hunter. You hunt. I don't
know why you're so interested in leaves and berries.
Speaker 5: I'm no good at hunting stuff.
Speaker 7: Well, maybe if you practiced, then you'd be better at it. Oh,
I thought you would grow out of this. You're an
embarrassment to the rest of the klan. Get your gear
out and hurry up. Well, the rest of us will
leave you behind.
Speaker 2: Gemma, who was hiding in the bushes waiting for the
right time to ambush this demon kid, started to become
uncomfortable at the demon folks conversation. It reminded her of
many interactions that she had previously with me. She started
shifting her feet where she stood and accidentally snapped a
small twig, which perked the young demon's ear. Shit, who's there?
The two caught eyes, Gemma hiding in the dark shade
of the forest, and the demon kid staring back at her,
not knowing what to do. Suddenly, a poison tipped arrow
shot into the flesh of Gemma's right arm. The impact
of the hit caused her to drop to her knees.
The poison worked fast, invading her bloodstream. Fucking in a
nearby tree, a stealthy assassin was perched on a branch.
Speaker 9: He shouldered his bow and leapt to the ground.
Speaker 6: Hie me, it.
Speaker 4: Took me ages to track you down. A royal gift
for her wretchedness.
Speaker 2: But just as he pressed the blade of his knife
to Jemma's throat, Flushmonger, it's a fleshmonger. Demon Kids shouted
to the rest of his hunting group, and they all
came running.
Speaker 6: Nah fucking monsters.
Speaker 2: Before the rest of the demon kid's hunting group arrived,
he crouched over Gemma and turned invisible, concealing them both.
Speaker 5: Where did they go? Maybe borg Naff chased after the fleshmonger.
Speaker 7: I hope you're right.
Speaker 5: They can't be far.
Speaker 7: I can still smell fleshmonger.
Speaker 8: There.
Speaker 4: Movement in the trees thirty feet northeast.
Speaker 6: But move.
Speaker 7: Why?
Speaker 1: Why did you save me?
Speaker 8: I don't know.
Speaker 10: It felt like the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 5: I wish there was break too.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 9: Sorry.
Speaker 2: As my mother knocked out from the poison, she began
to hallucinate. The interaction between the demon folk had reminded
her of one of many moments in my childhood.
Speaker 1: What why the realm Amelia.
Speaker 2: I'm trying my best.
Speaker 5: It's not that easy.
Speaker 9: I've been doing this far.
Speaker 1: This shouldn't be this hard at your age. I was
doing this when I was ten years old. Don't cry.
We wouldn't be out here for hours if you spend
more time practicing instead of reading all those damn books.
Speaker 2: Reading is easier than doing any of this.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, hey, bar seekers, do not back talk. All right,
show some respect. Ugh, I can't watch this. You're an embarrassment.
Keep practicing. I'll be back later. Hopefully you'll be better
by then. You're meant to be a monster hunter, Amelia.
It's in our blood. You'll come to your senses eventually.
Speaker 2: Wait, but this isn't how she dies, right, Oh, someone's
invested now, I see well. I mean she's finally realizing
her past wrongs toward you. Wow, judge, jury and executioner
much Just keep going?
Speaker 9: All right? Let's see where was I?
Speaker 8: Your mom realizing the error of her ways, is about
to die alone in the vast.
Speaker 2: Woods until someone comes to her rescue.
Speaker 3: Based on the way you said that, I feel like
I already know who the sum one is.
Speaker 1: Oh, who's there?
Speaker 5: I was wondering if you would wake up. Let me
go relax. You aren't even restrained. If you want to
get up, be slow about it.
Speaker 1: Hey, my boots are my knife? Where's my knife?
Speaker 5: You mean this that's a good knife, great for stripping bark.
I'm surprised this is the only thing on you right now, considering.
Speaker 1: Who you are. What were you expecting.
Speaker 5: I've heard the stories. I just figured you'd be more
equipped to hunt a monster.
Speaker 1: Actually, I got robbed. I slept with some young thief
and he nabbed all my stuff.
Speaker 5: And demon folk are the only ones you shouldn't trust.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 9: That's what I was taught.
Speaker 1: And now I'm starting to have second thoughts.
Speaker 5: Here, wait a second, what is that? Calm down? It's medicine.
You should still be feeling the effects of the poison.
It's just a standard antidote. And anyway, if I wanted
to kill you, I surely wouldn't be doing it while
you were already conscious. Okay, ugh, ugh, I know it's gross,
but you should be feeling better in a moment. Now,
let me ow.
Speaker 1: What are you trying to do now?
Speaker 5: It bandaged you up while you were sleeping. I'm just
checking your wounds. It wouldn't kill you to cooperate a
little mine, Well, is it bad? With enough time and
proper care, it should heal. But you shouldn't try to
do anything reckless with this arm if you could manage it.
Amelia was right about you.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, she was right about you too, about me,
and all her letters to me, she just went on
and on about this boy that she met, how smart
and kind and brave he was.
Speaker 5: Oh I don't know about brave.
Speaker 1: I was coming to kill you. It takes a lot
of guts to nurse me back to health. Or maybe
Amelia was wrong, and you're just so stupid. You somehow
seem smart.
Speaker 5: Maybe Actually, I think everyone from my clan would say
the same thing, what do you mean? Back home? I
was already an outcast because I could shape shift, and
it got even worse because I didn't want to be
a normal healer. I wanted to study the medicines we'd
been using for generations and hopefully help other people using
the knowledge I had.
Speaker 1: So you decided to leave.
Speaker 5: Kind of education I desperately wanted was in the capital.
Realized that if I disguised myself, I could get everything
that I wanted. The only problem was that I couldn't
be the human version of me for long periods of time.
Amelia was in every one of my classes, and she
eventually figured me out. I thought she would be disgusted
and report me, but she didn't. She gave me the
space to be myself.
Speaker 1: And then things took off from there.
Speaker 5: Huh, Amelia, She's everything to me. When I feel self
conscious about anything, she's quick to encourage me. Her passion
is contagious, and she's never made me feel like I
didn't matter. She speaks her mind and allows me to
do the same.
Speaker 1: She wasn't always like that, you know, at least not
with me. She has more determination now than when she
was a kid.
Speaker 5: She told me about the monster.
Speaker 1: Hunter training, probably not nice things.
Speaker 5: To be quite honest.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I don't think I treated her rite either,
but that was just the way I was taught. Bar
seekers are supposed to be monster hunters. I was never
given another option, and honestly, I didn't go looking for
anything else either, even when I was treated harshly during
training by my mom and dad.
Speaker 5: Your parents treating you badly doesn't give you the right
to treat your daughter the same way.
Speaker 8: I know.
Speaker 5: We're leaving. Once you finish the rest of that potion,
where are we going? You'll see you stopped being cryptic
and just tell me where we're going. We're almost there,
I think.
Speaker 1: It's customary for you to make a patient walk a
mile after just waking up from being unconscious.
Speaker 5: Sh stop where you are?
Speaker 9: What is it now?
Speaker 5: Stay on this side of the bush and don't come
out until I come and get you. Okay, what.
Speaker 2: So, by the realm, I almost shot you.
Speaker 9: Where have you been?
Speaker 2: You've been gone this entire morning. I was so worried.
I've been sitting here with the crossbow. I thought something
happened Amelia.
Speaker 1: With a crossbowl.
Speaker 5: I was just uh. I got stuck gathering herbs and Amelia,
for fuck's sake, put the fuck Amelia. Wait. Let me
just say, get away from her.
Speaker 1: What are you doing, Amelia? Let me explain.
Speaker 9: Stop or I'll shoot. I'm serious.
Speaker 5: Whoa wait a second.
Speaker 1: Please, Amelia, just listen to me.
Speaker 9: I told you not to follow us.
Speaker 4: Millie.
Speaker 5: Put the crossbow down, please.
Speaker 9: I'm not putting the crossbow down. Get behind. You're in
danger right now.
Speaker 1: Where did you get the crossbow?
Speaker 2: It was being sold in the closest village. Lots of
bad looking guys were really salivating over it.
Speaker 1: And you bought it. I thought you hated that thing.
Speaker 2: I do hate this thing, but for some reason I
couldn't let it be snatched up by some random mercenary.
At least it'll serve as poetic justice to kill you
with it.
Speaker 5: No one is killing anyone, got it? Soul?
Speaker 4: Move?
Speaker 2: Why are you defending Amelia?
Speaker 1: Please? Can we just talk?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 9: So you want to talk?
Speaker 2: After all these years of running your mouth at me, Amelia,
put those stupid books down and focus on your training. Amelia,
you're not good enough, Amelia. You're an embarrassment to the
Parsager name. That was how it was every day for years.
I carried it all around on my back. And for what,
I don't need any of that. I don't need you.
I told you to leave us alone, and look you're
still here. So I'm finally taking matters into my own hands.
Speaker 5: Millie. Please calm down.
Speaker 1: Move so you're not gonna shoot me.
Speaker 9: You doubt your years of training?
Speaker 5: Mother?
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm sorry, all right, I'm sorry I treated you
that way. I know that that was wrong of me,
but can you really blame me? I spent my whole
life thinking that the only way a four Seeker could
live was to be a monster hunter. That's what I
thought success meant. I wanted you to be successful. I
wanted you to have a better life than me, to
make better choices and be able to protect yourself. Can
you blame me for wanting that for you?
Speaker 5: Amelia? Put the crossbow down?
Speaker 2: Please.
Speaker 1: I know that probably wasn't the apology you were looking for,
but I understand now that you deserve to live the
life you want to live.
Speaker 5: Ah just die already.
Speaker 9: Ah my shut no, it wasn't.
Speaker 2: I meant to kill him.
Speaker 5: So what do we do now?
Speaker 9: Who sent you?
Speaker 6: You'll never get alcohol?
Speaker 5: Tell me who Oka?
Speaker 7: Kingbas Striker, King bays Striker.
Speaker 3: Wait, so then what happened?
Speaker 2: Well, my mother explained to me why she had an
assassin after her. She also explained that technically I was
a direct descendant of King b Striker, that bastard.
Speaker 3: And how did you take that?
Speaker 2: I was angry that she hadn't told me about it before,
But at the same time, how could she relay that
to me without sounding like a maniac? When he wasn't
in correspondence with her?
Speaker 3: Right? He never responded to her letters?
Speaker 9: And so we went to the Capitol.
Speaker 8: But how aren't you guys on the outskirts of the
vast woods?
Speaker 3: How did you get back so fast?
Speaker 2: Fiona, dear you must be forgetting that your mother graduated
from Cresclade School for the Practical arcane with every academic
accolade they offer.
Speaker 1: Are you sure this plan is going to work?
Speaker 9: That's what we hope.
Speaker 5: Anyway, you really shouldn't be worried about Amelia. She knows
her way around a teleportation portal.
Speaker 1: This is what you learned in school.
Speaker 9: Watch and learn, mother dearest, what's going on?
Speaker 2: Pardon the intrusion, your majesty, or should I say father?
Speaker 6: Who are you to call me that?
Speaker 1: I told you she'd figure it out one way or another?
Speaker 6: By the realm, where did you all come from?
Speaker 1: End?
Speaker 6: Goodness? A monster? Jeeves, it goes.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't call for anyone if I were you. Why
did you just do a spell that blocks out all
sound from every known entrance in the room. I've also
locked the doors now that no one will disturb us.
I'm here to claim my inheritance.
Speaker 6: And what gives you that right?
Speaker 1: How hurtful?
Speaker 2: I'm your flesh and blood, after all? Isn't that why
you sent an assassin after my mother so you could
come to a poor orphan girl's rescue and keep all
your royal wealth in the family.
Speaker 6: Sounds like a great plan to me.
Speaker 5: I mean not really. Amelia's twenty two years old, hardly
an orphan girl needing to be saved.
Speaker 6: Well, someone take care of this well spoken monster, Gemma.
Isn't that your job?
Speaker 5: Come on?
Speaker 1: Get them you, of all people, do not tell me
what to do, and starting today, I don't hunt demon
folk anymore for the record.
Speaker 6: Ooh, and what's this?
Speaker 10: No, honey, don't honey me, you adulterous pig. I'm so
sick of your illegitimate relations. You've taken advantage of this
marriage for the last time. How did she get in
your capable daughter's spell? Blocked sound coming out of all
known entrances and exits. She did not know about this
little side passage, Your majesty. I it's all right. We
can't change the past, now, can we?
Speaker 2: But we can change the future.
Speaker 10: Is that what you intend to do, young lady?
Speaker 2: Please, your majesty. I want a realm where everyone can
stand as equals and we can be free to love
whoever we choose.
Speaker 10: Well, all that will have to come at a price.
As it stands, our laws claim that only a direct
royal descendant can claim the throne.
Speaker 5: But Emilia is a direct descendant.
Speaker 10: She is a direct descendant of the king. Yes, but
not to me. However, if you're willing to start over,
we can come up with a story of long lost
offspring or something. It's not like we haven't done such
a thing before, but you will have to forego your
far seeker name. Is that something you're willing to do?
Speaker 1: Amelia? It's okay, mom, what are you talking about? Isn't
this what you told me you wanted in your letter?
To start over? You can get everything you want, Mom,
I it's okay. If you want to leave me behind,
I'm okay with it. This can be how it ends.
Speaker 10: Well, your spell's about to wear off. What's your choice?
Speaker 2: This isn't right?
Speaker 10: What isn't right?
Speaker 2: I just find it odd that two rulers of our kingdom,
who have time and again advocated for the wellness of
specifically human citizens, feel that it's perfectly normal to send
a skilled assassin after the most important monster hunter of
the Great Creature War.
Speaker 5: Even I know that it's political suicide to send an
assassin after the legendary hero that vanquished Magtha Meth, the
evil demon King.
Speaker 10: And what proof do you have of that?
Speaker 5: We literally have your assassin bound and gagged on your
cassle floor.
Speaker 4: I was your died before I got here.
Speaker 2: Now, if word were to I don't know, spread amongst
the common folk, who view you, especially Queen Bee Strikers,
so highly. I wonder what that would do to your reputation.
Speaker 6: By the realm. You can't treat us this way. Wait,
are your royal superiors? I am the.
Speaker 10: King silence worm by the realm? Let me think.
Speaker 2: I think it would benefit your royal highnesses greatly if
you were to tell the truth about everything that's been
going on. No more trampling on people you consider beneath you.
Speaker 6: And it it's ridiculous. This plan won't work. Even if
you do have mister Stabbington as proof, who would believe
you against us?
Speaker 10: I'll tell the people myself.
Speaker 6: You what now?
Speaker 10: This family tradition of the beast Strikers to run our
kingdom in underhanded ways should have been put to an
end a long time ago.
Speaker 6: Even so, your aim to legitimize those monsters, how do
you expect to convince the people to think any other
way about them?
Speaker 2: I'd like to legitimately be married to one, if he'll
have me.
Speaker 5: Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Speaker 6: Okay, Now you two are clinically insane. Demon folk are
reviled amongst mortalians. Surely a royal wedding wouldn't be enough
to sway opinion.
Speaker 1: I'll help even if it takes decades. If a renowned
monster Hunter can change her perspective, then surely anyone can write.
Speaker 8: Wow, So this is the real origin story of Unification Day.
Speaker 3: Huh.
Speaker 2: It did take a couple of decades to get the
entire realm on board. But you're here as proof that
it worked out, aren't you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess so.
Speaker 2: So what do you think of your grandmother? Still think
I'm a far Seeker doesn't deserve to be memorialized?
Speaker 3: Okay, maybe I was wrong.
Speaker 9: And that's okay.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we just need to take the time to understand
a little better.
Speaker 6: Umm.
Speaker 8: By the way, Mom, there's something I've been meaning to
tell you.
Speaker 9: Oh what is it?
Speaker 8: Don't freak out, but there's someone I want you to meet.
Speaker 1: Monsterfucker was written by Jada Mendoza, starring Maretta Mos as
Jimma far Seeker, Caroline Noruela as Amelia Parseeker, Anthony Romanelli
is Zoghia Tyler, Hurchuck is Travis Stabington, Jonathan Harden as
Ernest Goodman, Jasper Jade as borgs Now, Jamie Lewis as
King b Striker, Alisa Petrie as Queen Bee Striker, Portland
Fitzgerald is Zokor, Jonathan Harden as Ralgieth, and Jada Mendoza
as Biona Farzeker. This episode of Theme Party of the
podcast was directed by d Henry Hanson with assistant directors
Alisa Petrie and Jadam. Casting by Jada Mendoza, Sound design
and engineering by Lindsay Vonn, Production coordination by Jada Mendoza,
Story development by Alissa Estevan. The theme song for Theme
Party the Podcast was composed by Bad Machine. Episode art
by Alissa Esteban. This episode was produced by Jada Mendoza,
The executive producer and host of Theme Party. The Podcast
is Moretta Mos. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please consider
supporting us on Patreon by visiting Patreon dot com slash
Lengthy Tangent. Learn more about this episode and all of
our shows at lengthy tangent dot com and follow us
on social media. Our theme for this season has been
family Traditions. I've been Moretta mos and this has been
theme party the podcast.
Speaker 4: We'll just edit that part out.
Speaker 6: Likely Dangent