Speaker 1: I made a decision.
Speaker 2: Face Sunny summoned on Ihad agony n.
Speaker 1: What's up? Everybody? Welcome to Hi? Hi? What happened? Happy Friday?
Everybody Friday.
Speaker 2: Stephanie has a new bit that she is going to
insert in our show. Yeah excited, fun, Yeah fun. What's
going on this week, Stephanie?
Speaker 1: Well, Elbie's been at sleepaway camp. How's that going?
Speaker 3: I miss her horribly? Oh she misses you too, she does,
but she's having fun.
Speaker 2: At least you don't have to get up and get
that get her to clippers camp that starts at eight
a m.
Speaker 1: Oh god, how's that going? Uh? Fine?
Speaker 2: Except I get up early and Anne, he has to
bring us a lunch. It's like a school day is
to bring a lunch, has to bring a snack, water,
and it has to be there at eight a m.
Every day until three. That part's fine, but it's like Natalia.
I would like for her to do it too, because
she's the difficult one. Sonny could be home all day
and you won't even know he's home, so right, the
fact that he's got like people are like, oh, isn't
that great? Though he's gone all day? And I'm like,
not really, right, he's no problems. She's the problem.
Speaker 1: She's let's slim it up. What are we doing today?
Making slime? Right?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've been trying. So Elbie's taken care of,
but Sadie and Xander are both little Natalias and they
need stuff to do, right, And I'm forever trying to
find stuff to do, and they're forever finding a problem
with anything that I come up with.
Speaker 1: Right, And how about the reading? Is Telly to read
a book? Right? Huh? Oh? What what happened? They're supposed
to read?
Speaker 3: I didn't get them am So let's see. The other
night there was they were playing the movie sing outside
at a parky a big screen, and there were going
to be food trucks and then there was going to
be like music, So it's going to be dinner at
like six thirty with different food trucks, and then seven
o'clock someone.
Speaker 1: Was going to be music, and then eight thirty the movie.
And I was like that sounds great, yeah, done and done.
Bless you. I love stuff like that, bless you. I know,
excuse especially on a Sunday? Was it Sunday? It was
Saturday night? Okay?
Speaker 3: Because then I love Sunday night or Saturday, No, Saturday night, Saturday.
Speaker 2: I just like it because then you don't have to
worry about dinner. Dinner is the worst, right, the worst.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: I was like, this is a win for all of us.
They love the movie sing, I love not cooking dinner.
I like listening to music.
Speaker 1: At a park. I like them in my living room.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it couldn't have been more work, right, turned out?
Really yeah, because there's just so many complaints from my kids.
There's just for and also they don't really want to
watch the movie, so that's the thing. It's like, well
they've seen the movie a bunch of times, so who
watches the movie? Me? And they're up like doing other things,
and then they check back in and then now it's dark,
and I'm like, I don't need my kids running around a.
Speaker 1: Park in the dark, right, I need to be able
to see them.
Speaker 3: I got Xander and his friend are off on their
heey's on the sidewalk like a waif, and I was like, no, no, no, no,
no no. So I was hanging out with two other
moms and we were having fun. But like, you know,
then you just get this. It's you know, eight thirty
the movie starting. It's dark out, and I got my
nine year olds going, can we go into the park
in the playground and play?
Speaker 1: No? No, you can't go in the play ground to play, right.
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Have you ever heard of Adam Walsh? Oh?
Speaker 3: I know, I know, but listen, I'm not trying to
even be a helicopter. But like, it's dark, they're off
near Ventura Boulevard, like in a playground, Like I don't
know who's over there.
Speaker 1: I can't see them. No, you can't. Well can you
come watch us? No? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2: That means I have to go stand there in the
dark watching you do what?
Speaker 3: First of all, I graduated from watching you guys on
a playground like nine years ago when you were infants.
We were done, we were done.
Speaker 1: I don't what. Am I going to push you on
the swings?
Speaker 3: No, I'm not going to go sit there in the
dark watching you when we're here, there's a perfectly relaxing
movie to watch.
Speaker 1: I know. Well, did you bring like blankets and bars?
Speaker 3: And yeah, here's a little genius tip for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so you know how.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you're like me, but I don't
have blankets for for parks.
Speaker 1: Of course not.
Speaker 3: I'm just not somebody who's going to ever go on
a picnic, so I don't have that. So I was like, oh, shoot,
we're going to be at a park, Like we need something,
like something that can stand in for a blanket. Yes,
Like do I take the comforter off my bed? No
bad idea. So but guess what, we had a sleeping
bag that the zipper doesn't work perfect, and so we
had to replace LB's sleeping bag. And somehow I hadn't
thrown it away because I thought it might come in handy.
Nothing is more comfortable than a sleeping bag open.
Speaker 1: It's like a blanket, but it's even more comfortable. It's
a little bit pushy. That's great. Yeah, so do you
keep it in the back of your car. Now it's
in the back of my car. It's going to stay
there forever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, wasn't good for anything else, Like nobody could
go to camp with it because it was the Zipper's
a great idea.
Speaker 1: That's a great idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do have something in the back of my
It's just been there.
Speaker 1: It's always there.
Speaker 2: It's always in my way, and it's always in the
back and it comes in handy once a year maybe, right,
it's like.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, I have that.
Speaker 2: I have that blanket in the back of my car,
and it just then the rest of the year is
just in the way. And yeah, and then what about chairs?
You didn't you don't bring chairs.
Speaker 3: I have one of those kind of chairs. It's broken,
but I use it anyway. And that's on the back
of the car. I brought that, but we didn't end
up sitting on it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because then they argue, why do you get the chair? Right,
I want to sit in the chair.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm not gonna have four chairs, right,
that's just never gonna happen.
Speaker 2: Way, that will never be me. But that is me
at Sonny's games. At his football games, I had to
bring four chairs.
Speaker 1: And most of the time Adam.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't even show up because I was like, I'll meet
you at the game. And then I get the text, go,
I'm not gonna come. I gotta go to work anyway.
I'm gonna go to just tell Sonny good luck.
Speaker 1: It's like I just.
Speaker 2: Dragged your stupid chair all the way out to the field,
and now now I'm letting somebody else's mom sit in it.
But but the chairs are a pain in the neck,
and then I have to pack it back up because
they go into a leave and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: But I know it's not easy, right, and you're just
you feel like a camel all loaded down, trying to
balance yourself out with like all right, I got three
chairs on this side.
Speaker 1: And all the food on this side. And that's you know, there's.
Speaker 2: Always that one mom too that's always caring and schlepping
everything around.
Speaker 1: All the time.
Speaker 2: And I'm always like, why don't you have two boys?
Why don't you have your boys do it? Sometimes I'm
always like, Diane, just tell your boys to carry it.
Like she's always caring and she's holding the thermos and
she's holding the back back and she's holding the two
chairs and I just feel bad for her. But anyway,
what is that that thing you were going to show us?
Speaker 1: The bit? Oh? The books? Okay, So.
Speaker 3: People love to hate on stuff on the internet, as
what I know, but I was wondering. I was looking
up something for a kid's book and on Amazon, and
I came across like a bad review for it, and
I was like, this is hilarious, Like really, people will
find something wrong with even the most like beloved kids
books like I did so with good Night Moon. Yes,
but but okay, but we're being funny about it. But
you know there's people like and listen, I've written some
funny articles about some classic kids books, but they're full
of jokes, right, right, I wouldn't really go to Amazon
and really try to warn people and be outraged. Right,
I have like comedic outrage, yes yet, but it never
ceases to amaze me. The outrage people get over like
they have too much time on their hands.
Speaker 2: I know. So there's people out there that actually are
pissed off and they go to Amazon and they get
on their typewriter and they voice their opinion about how bad.
Speaker 1: Yes they do classic book.
Speaker 3: Yes, so I found a few that I wanted to
read to you that just made me laugh. This one.
You'll know the book that it's about in just a moment.
But the heading is what a terrible book? Oh, let
me just say that A big theme. I don't know
how many of these are going to have it, but
people love to tell you on reviews that they threw
it in the garbage. That's the big thing. It was
so bad, I few it in the trash. A lot
of my books have gotten that review.
Speaker 1: Ah, I had to.
Speaker 3: Put it in the trash. It's like they just can't
ever catch sight of it. It's not for goodwill. They're
not going to give it to a library. They're just
they don't want anybody to ever have to see that book,
so they are going to throw it in the trash. Okay,
so this heading is what a terrible book? I few
it in the garbage. You never throw a book away, ever,
This is a terrible book. The book description on Amazon
says it will put a smile on your face as
you as you're read about Alexander's terrible day. I am
not filled with happiness watching others suffer. It's sick to
smile watching others suffer. This book does not teach anything good.
I threw it in the garbage.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding?
Speaker 3: I held on to the last page, looking for when
this would teach about how the boys outlook or mindset
can change his day to a positive one.
Speaker 1: But no, this never happens. He continues to bed, thinking
his day is terrible and on to a terrible life.
If you want your children to think they're subject to
all the problems around them, powerless to change their life
for the better. Then read them this book. Oh my god, so.
Speaker 3: As you can guess, that was for Alexander and the Terrible, horrible,
no good, very bad Day. Hey everybody, I just can't
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My husband loves the Elevate gummy, which has a little
bit of THCHC in it, and he also loves the
Flow State, which is just a CBD gummy. Oh my gosh.
You need a break after this crazy holiday season, so
get yourself some Via. Here's what you're going to want
to do. If you're twenty one or over, check out
our link to VIA's website and our description and use
the code FCOL for fifteen percent off. Okay, that's going
to our description and checking out the link and then
using the code fcol for fifteen percent off. You will
not be sorry. That was the one I found because
I love that book and I was it's like my
go to for baby showers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was the heading.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm just curious as to people that
didn't like it, so I looked up once.
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's one.
Speaker 3: Okay, I want to see if you write, I'm going
to read you the review, and then I want to
see if I know what book, If you know what
book it is, Okay, this is I am sad. I
paid for this book because I did not dot dot
dot Okay.
Speaker 1: Wow, this story is off. I am sad.
Speaker 3: I paid for this book because I did not enjoy
reading it and did not read it to my kids
at all.
Speaker 1: Two exclamation points.
Speaker 3: A child who is into adventure and would not be
scared by this story would instead be bored to tears
because hardly anything happens. My more calm and sensitive daughter,
who loves a slow paced story, will cry herself to
sleep if I read this to her. Frightful, the little
girl wanders away from the mom, who does not seem
to care or notice at all, and ends up near
a mother bear can you say dangerous all in caps,
whom she mistakes for her own mother. The bear cub
has an almost identical adventure until each offspring finds its
way back to the correct mom as far as it goes.
Speaker 1: That's sort of cute.
Speaker 3: But only if you and this is I'm going to
just read it as it's written and promorphize the bears
and completely forget how all in caps very dangerous this
would actually be. And yes, even my small kids would
realize this just way way too over romanticized while also
being painfully slow paced. That was a review of Blueberries
for sal a book like from the fifties that is
so adorbed. I know, it's the most adorbed book ever.
My kids love it. Wait, that did the little kid
that she wandered away? I don't remember that. So the
little girl wanders away from her mom, and the little
bear cub wanders away from the mama bear, and then
they match up with each other picking blueberries. Right, So
the little girl ends up with a bear cub with
the mama bear.
Speaker 1: And then they get back and they've had a.
Speaker 3: Nice terrible message horrible, so dangerous, yes, very dangerous.
Speaker 1: Okay you want another one?
Speaker 3: Wow? Yeah, Okay, such a disappointment. I know this is
supposed to be some kind of Quintus essential childhood classic,
but I cannot for the life of me figure out
why my son loves books, loves stories, and demands story
time on a regular basis. But he doesn't care two
wits about this book, and I don't blame him. There
is no story. There are a few lines in the
front about Max being an ugly little boy, and a
few lines at the end where he comes back to
a hot dinner, but.
Speaker 1: The majority of the book is nothing but pictures.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: I think Adam wrote that review.
Speaker 3: This is one of those rare instances where the movie
was better. I suppose that opinion is tarnished a bit
because I never had this book as a child.
Speaker 1: But I can't see my dad spending money on.
Speaker 3: A story with no story in it, and I feel
foolish that I did. Purchasing this book was a lesson
for me, though I learned never to buy my son's
books off the internet. Now I actually go look at them,
turn the pages and make sure I know what I'm
buying before I buy it.
Speaker 2: I think Adam Carolla wrote the review he hates did
that book because Natalia would go read it, read it,
read it, and he go I feel like, I feel
like Natalia could write this a better story than this
he actually brought it into the studio and read it
out loud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I don't blame it, but he's a comedian, right,
and I have done the same thing on many books.
I think it's funny to do that. But this person's
not a comedian. They're just angry. They're angry.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: They're not doing it for public entertainment. They're just really like, Wow,
I'm offended.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't buy it. Danger stay away. Okay, I'll go
to do are the Wild Funds.
Speaker 3: Okay, So this one, I'm going to tell you the
name of the book because we're going to discuss the
fact that it's the freaking cutest book ever. Ok Have
you read Lama Lama read Pajama? Yes, Okay, it's really cute.
The Lama, the mama Lama is the baby Lama's going
to bed and read these stories and she wants the
Lama wants a glass of water and is calling for
the mom, and the mom's like downstairs doing the dishes
and doesn't come right away, and the Yama's getting really upset. Yeah,
and it's very cute. And by the way, the woman
who wrote Lama Lama read Pajama died of brain cancer.
So anybody that says bad shit about this book is
on my shit list. Okay, okay, it's she It's a
cute book. It's cute, nothing to hate about it, all right,
This is the review that Lama needs guidance. My daughter
read this book at daycare, and she talked about it
enough that I got the impression she really liked it.
I ordered it and it came in time and everything.
But the story is awful, so at least it was
delivered on time. Yeah, this little Lama decides he's not
ready for bed and screams and puts up a terrible
fuss for his exhausted mother, who's awfully slacken her parenting
to let him act like such a jerk. I read
it to my three year old a few times, then
decided I needed to donate it so she doesn't get
any ideas for bad behavior.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my god. Okay, I'm going to close on.
Speaker 3: I have something, A couple of funny ones. Okay, I
have three more. They're short, they're all about the same book.
Uh oh, I just tried to pick the best ones. Okay, okay,
I'm not going to tell you.
Speaker 1: The name of the book.
Speaker 3: I read this to my niece. She slapped me with
the book. The illustrations were hideous and the language terrible.
No originality whatsoever. I couldn't spot any parallelism other than
if you eat too much, you'll become a painful butterfly,
or you'll become a beautiful butterfly. Okay, which is anatomically incorrect.
What are we teaching our kids the nerve of the author?
Oh okay, here's the next one. Same but wow, read
to my Read to my thirty two month old daughter.
Speaker 2: Okay, right there, I hit right now, I shot buff.
Read to your thirty two By the way, thirty two months?
Speaker 3: What an I'm not doing math, I know before I
start reading your review.
Speaker 1: Stupid.
Speaker 3: How about your almost three years or just say you're
three year old. Nobody's gonna ask for a birth certificate?
Oh god, okay, read to my thirty two month old daughter.
I was thinking I never seen caterpillars eat fruit, but
seems possible. I then got to the part this caterpillar
upgrade to eating sweets like chocolate cake, cherry pie, and
lollipops with some other things like Swiss cheese and salami,
and thought there goes realistic and educational. I don't need
her bringing in caterpillars some spring and trying to feed
them sweets. Then in the wild slash real world they
munch happily on leaves, flowers, and seeds. Also, a small
number are carnivores and eat other bugs aphids.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Okay, one word ready, only a couple of lines, but
it was a good one to close it out. Well,
I think the hungry caterpillar is a little too hungry
to be believable? Am I supposed to believe that this
caterpillar can just turn into a butterfly whenever the fuck
it wants? Overall two cute to be believable rating, no stars.
Speaker 2: Wow are these people that have time to burn calories.
Speaker 1: About books? Children's books that they find unbelievable? Wow?
Speaker 3: Oh just saying I have plenty of hateable kids' books,
but like, I just can't. I think if you're writing
it to really to be funny like I have, right,
then I'm gonna laugh. Like I'd love to read some
reviews where you're making fun of the books.
Speaker 1: But you're being serious. I know you're really angry that
the caterpillar read.
Speaker 2: Hungry that you're thirty two month old is going to
bring home a caterpillar during your school year and feed
it a lollipop.
Speaker 3: These people need to stick to nonfiction. Okay, this is
in the same category. Okay, So I took the picture.
I took a picture of this.
Speaker 2: We got it in the mail, and I sent it
to Jimmy Kimmel because I don't know what's more disturbing.
Speaker 1: I'll read you the letter. Okay. I hate when it
does that.
Speaker 2: It does the landscape to Adam Carolla, I see you
on the Jimmy Kimmel Show on a regular basis. I
admire you, but you should please tell Jimmy Kimmel to
stop saying And I apologize to Matt Damon.
Speaker 1: We ran out of time. He has been repeating that
for years.
Speaker 2: I know you are a good friend to him with Jimmy, therefore,
you can get him to understand that it sounds very ridiculous.
And by the way, Matt Damon probably feels the same
way and is annoyed by it.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Adam, please send me an autograph photo. Do we
even solid first?
Speaker 2: Then?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: Please go ahead and send you Please send me a
photo or a promotional item. Will do such as decal
a button. Uh wait wait wait, decal button, lapel pin,
lapel pin, CD, DVD, poster, et cetera. I will appreciate
it the utmost, and I will appreciate your utmost concern
and cooperation as I look forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. PS, don't forget to talk to Jimmy. Oh
my god, that is classic. So I sent it to Jimmy.
I sent it to Jimmy. I said, don't just a note.
Speaker 3: You should also maybe send it to the head writers,
right too, you know, to let them know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't write that into his script. I sent
it to him.
Speaker 2: Ridiculous Into Mollie, I said, don't kill a messenger from
a random fan. I said, but, by the way, not
sure what's more disturbing the fact that she has our
home address or that she asked for a lapel pin
a lapel pin?
Speaker 1: I know. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Send it to
baby Doll.
Speaker 2: Molly wrote, never open mail that has an angel wings
on it, because angel wings equal crazy.
Speaker 1: Was it an actual Oh? So it was like a
letter that came in the mail. Yeah, how did they
have your see? Whoa? I know, how did you have
your address. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know, creepy or maybe maybe it was sent
with our other mail that comes to us from here.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it was forwarded. Maybe,
Oh my goodness, I love people are really like.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if it's mental illness or
some people are just OCD, or if they really are
just like I. This person is going to be so grateful. Yeah,
I let them know right what's going on.
Speaker 2: Thank god, Jimmy's going to get that note. But stop
saying that you ran out of time. And by the way,
I'm sure it's a noise Matt Deem. But those people
on Amazon, though, they I don't think they're mentally ill.
Speaker 1: I think that they really Oh, they're just angry people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, they're the same people that I fight
with on Facebook or whatever that.
Speaker 1: Are just like that have to outrage. They're just outrage.
Speaker 3: Now, how dare somebody write about a caterpillar that eats cake?
Speaker 1: What's so unrealistic? I know they first of all, they don't.
Speaker 3: I mean, some some eat or even carnivores athens.
Speaker 1: I don't know why that line. I laughed out loud.
I had to read it to John.
Speaker 3: I was like, like, they just did that, add on
athens they eat other insects, athans, after the whole after
just the nonsensical review, I think I'm going to do that, like, yeah,
I'm gonna bring in like maybe just one from now
on and I just read you guys a bunch or
you know what, if you guys find any yes, send
it to us.
Speaker 1: The problem once I went around and was looking. One
of the problems I just.
Speaker 3: Heads up in case you want to be in on
this bit, is that Amazon now became a place for people.
In the reviews section, everybody reviews the product like they'll
go like, uh, first of all, this took two weeks
to get to me. And second of all, one of
the pages was bent. Do you think that they people
at Amazon give a shit about like the cart and
your book came in, or they'll just go or it's
all worried about the same thing, like oh, this was
the kindle edition. First of all, the book was too small,
or it doesn't look right on my kindle, or and
then they it has nothing to do with the actual content.
So if you look at one star or even two,
so here's what you got to do. Go to Goodreads. Ah,
so there's there's because Goodreads has nothing to do with
ordering online, So it's all about people that want to
tell you their opinions about the book.
Speaker 1: Did you find any good stuff on good Reads? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I found I found a bunch of the I found
all the Hungry Caterpillar once.
Speaker 1: I think on good Reads, Oh my god, that's insane.
Speaker 3: I just love that somebody reads a book that is
not controversial in the least.
Speaker 1: Right, like Blueberry's Firm South. It's like, I don't no
one is reading that book going what a dangerous message?
Speaker 2: I know, and then go to their computer like it's
just so weird, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 3: Sometimes time flies and sometimes it does not fly. All right,
So what else have you been doing this week? Anything exciting?
Have you tried any like trips? Have you gone to
Magic Mountain?
Speaker 2: No? I think Jody and I are going to go
to San Francisco for after last night, I feel so
bad after Disneyland on Sunday, I feel bad. I mean,
there's I just sent her the picture of her drenched
at the end of the night.
Speaker 1: Did she have fun? Did she go on any rides?
Speaker 2: She had a great time. We went on all the rides.
It was so much fun. I forgot how Magic Mountain
is so much fun. Not Magic Mountain, Space Mountain that
because I never I always skip it. I don't know
why because it's always at the end of the day
and I'm just like, you guys go, But I went
on at this time and it is it hauls ass
and it's dark.
Speaker 1: You're in the dark.
Speaker 2: Because when I went, ABC would give us tickets, you know,
once a year, and you could go. They would at
Christmas time close the park down, but you would have
to go at like from eight o'clock to eleven o'clock
because they ain't going to waste a day for our asses, right,
So they would close like they would pick three nights
that you could choose from and they would close it
and then so there's no line. And when I did it,
the last time I did it Space Mountain, they turned
all the lights on so you could see everything, which
was kind of cool, like you could see the track
and everything. But yeah, I forgot how fast the thing
is pretty fast and powerful.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I went on all the rides.
Speaker 2: But I think Jody I just feel bad because at
first she was like, yeah, like she always is, is
like this sounds great, let's do it. And then she's
in it and she's like this is can we go?
You know, because she's not a mom, so she's like no, dude.
She talks to them like they're twenty five years old,
like no, wait, dude, we're leaving after that. There's no
more going on Pirates of the Caribbean again.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: And you're like, uhh, we drove all the way down here,
We're gonna go on more ride.
Speaker 1: We have to Jodie like we are like me no,
but so yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Don't have that sense of like we could always come back.
The kids are like this is it. We're here right,
like it's not going to have everything. Yeah, they're not.
They're not like, oh, next year we'll come back, right.
They're like, yo, well that's gonna be a year of
trying to wear down.
Speaker 1: My mom trying to convince me to go again. Right.
And also, like I tell them, I said, like, we
live We're lucky. We live in southern California. Look around.
Speaker 2: These people save their money planned for how many years
maybe who knows, and they fly their whole family out
stay at a hotel.
Speaker 1: And she's like can we say at a hotel, No,
we cannot miss the.
Speaker 2: Point, not when I'm trying to get the point. And
so then they want to just keep it going, going, going,
and I just like.
Speaker 3: By the way, it's a small world sucks now. I
haven't been on a small world. It's so bad, is it?
It just looks like a bunch of cardboard, Like it's
just not how you remember it Caribbean. Really, I haven't
been on that in so many years that I still
have the memories of being scared shitless as a kid.
Speaker 1: But it's not scary anymore.
Speaker 2: No, But you know what kind of holds up haunted
house because it's supposed to be, you know, creepy and scary.
I mean, it's not scary, but like they get the
ghosts and they have like the floating heads, that floating
head that's talking. And then the best is when you're
leaving and the hitch hiking ghosts get in the car with.
Speaker 1: You, all right, I forgot about that.
Speaker 2: Look in the mirror and they're like there's a ghost
sitting in between you and Cammi And it's.
Speaker 1: Like whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 2: There's a mirror as you're on your way out the
the the ride that you're sitting in turns towards the
mirror and there's a ghost in the mirror, you know,
projected into the mirror, and they're hitchhiking and so they
you have a ghost like sitting in between you.
Speaker 1: So let's get it's cool and uh, did you go
to California Adventure? That's yeah, that's a lot of fun.
Did you go on California Screaming That? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I love that roller coaster upside Down one? Yeah that
Jody wasn't ready for that one either. That one takes
off that one like you're going slow and then it
stops and then all of a sudden, it just hits
like fifty five miles from the It just goes and
then you go up and you go around upside down.
Speaker 1: That one's a lot of fun.
Speaker 3: At Magic Mountain, there's a ride called Full Throttle and
it's a huge loop and it's a similar thing where
it's called full Throttle because it just blasts you off
right right from the get go, does not start slow
and go up a hill. It just you just shoot
off like a bullet. And the fun thing about that ride,
and I'm also I guess easily amused. But the ride
operators always do like a funny lead into it, like
they'll go every time they do a thing, like they'll go, Okay,
do you guys want like a countdown or do you
want a joke or whatever, and then people will be
like a joke and then they'll be like okay, and
then they just they go or they'll go, uh, okay,
everybody on one, three, two, one, Oh, it's weird. It
usually goes on one, and then they'll then it'll go
or this was my favorite, they'll they go knock, knock,
and you go, who's there?
Speaker 1: Not you? And then they just just go like so
they always are always surprised.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it goes so fast, and Elbe.
Speaker 1: And I just always laugh at the joke and we're like,
what joke are they gonna do?
Speaker 2: That's that's cool, Like they only do that at the
They changed the the Tower of Terror, which I liked
it because it was the Twilight Zone and had Rod
Serling like Witness if you will you know on.
Speaker 1: The Light Zone.
Speaker 2: I liked it, but it's now changed to the Gardens
of the Galaxy, so now you see animatronic you know,
squirrels and raccoons talking whatever.
Speaker 1: It's still cool.
Speaker 2: But it's the same ride. It goes all the way
up and then it drops and then up and drops.
It's in an elevator. It's like an elevator. But they
always do a little thing like they said yesterday, like Disneyland.
As you're sitting on it, they're closing the door and
they're like, who's been on this ride before? And then
who's never been on before? Like and they'll go, Okay,
have fun, you know, or whatever, do that kind of thing.
But but some of those rides, though, I get nauseous,
Like that ride made me nauseous. I can't like the
Star Wars one where you're sitting there and.
Speaker 1: Oh Star Wars love that ride. Yeah, no, not anymore.
I can't do it. I can no longer go on
anything that spins. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I reached a certain age and I was like, nope,
gives me a migraine. No teacups, no thing that spins.
Wallet's spinning, like what.
Speaker 1: It's going around and while you're spinning. That's weird. I know,
it's too much spinning. Now We'll got plenty of spinning.
It's already spinning, right, It's more spin.
Speaker 2: You know when when I was a when I was
like twenty one and I was looking for like my
first job, did we talk about this that I tried
out to do the You had to audition to be
the tour guide at Universal Studios. Oh no, a Universal Studios.
You have to They take you on a tram and
it's a whole hour, isn't it Like an hour and
a half of they take you on a tour of
the studio lot, like they'll show you Jaws and they'll
show you where they did Psycho, And so you're on
a tram, so it's not it's not a ride. So
it's an hour tour, right, and the person up at
the front is you know the one that's like talking,
like right on your left you'll see is where they
you know, right where they film Psycho. And uh, you
had to audition for that, and they gave you like
a whole notebook. So they do a day where they
have like twenty five people come at the same time.
They do a class in the morning where they like,
you can't say this, you can't do this, you have
to take you you know this, this and that you
have to be schooled. You have to know exactly what
you're talking about. Then they give you the notebook to see.
Speaker 1: This seems like too much homeworks for an audition.
Speaker 3: I know, Like I'm like, I'll learn all that stuff
if I have the job exactly, thank you, and they don't.
Speaker 1: They are I think they should just tell you to
wing it.
Speaker 3: They should just do it just for the people hiring, right,
and they should see how good you are at improv.
Speaker 1: And then you should just make sit up.
Speaker 3: And here's Jaws. I saw the movie. It's from the seventies.
It's pretty scary, like if you look, keep your arms
in the tram or you're gonna get chewed off by
That's how realistic.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'd make it up.
Speaker 3: And then they should just know, like, hey, if I
get the job, I'll learn the real shit.
Speaker 2: Right now, you have to They send you off to
a lunch hour and you have to sit there and
they the notebook all in there is it's it was,
you know, a real notebook, like it's a It was
blue and it had probably thirty pages. Oh jeez, But
you don't have to memorize it. You just have to know, Okay,
this is the you know, back to the future. Exhibit,
So you got to know these are the points you
have to hit Bam bama. Then the next one, this
is the whatever exhibit, Bam bam bam. And you had
to memorize it. But then you had also have put
your flavor. You had to do a little and then
they would throw out stuff too. They'd ask you questions,
you know, like how many days did it take to film? Uh,
you know, psycho or whatever, And you had to know
the answer right away because it's in there.
Speaker 1: It's in the notebook and if you that's how that's on.
Speaker 2: We had one day to learn it. Like what they had.
They did a whole day. They didn't block a day
out for like six hours. It's like traffic school.
Speaker 1: Wow. And then at the end of the day you
do your audition.
Speaker 2: And at the end of the day they call you
in one by one and you have to sit there
in front of a bunch of people and audition.
Speaker 3: Oh so you go, do you go on the tram
first and then watch them do the tour?
Speaker 1: No, so you just learn everything and then you're not
ever on a tram.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: They shot a video in the morning, so the morning
session they show you the video.
Speaker 1: This is you know all about Universal. This is all
the movie. Like my brain is already going like should
I go do that?
Speaker 3: I'm seriously yeah, okay, so you I know, this is
a lot of people start showbiz job right the total.
Speaker 2: I know a lot of comedians that started out being
a Universal Studios tour guy.
Speaker 1: My dad's the one that told me to do it.
Speaker 2: And but I maybe has changed since then, But I
don't think it's changed that much.
Speaker 1: I think they still kind of you have to audition.
Oh yeah, I'm sure you have to.
Speaker 2: They want you to get a lot of the They
want to see how much you can.
Speaker 3: You know, this sounds like something I would have dropped
out of, like midday. I would have been like, I can't,
I'm down. This is too much. So I would have
been like, I'm not going to embarrass myself.
Speaker 1: It's okay. What happened? I left? You did I?
Speaker 5: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Because I stayed there, I watched the morning thing, I
went to lunch, I sat there.
Speaker 1: I memory. I didn't memorize it, but I went through
the book. I went through it.
Speaker 2: The thing that scared me was the improv because I
didn't have any improv at that time. I didn't know
how to, you know, because they say, we're gonna throw
out questions. We want to see how witty you can be.
And then I was like, all right, I gotta do this.
Speaker 1: I can do it. I can do it. And then I.
Speaker 2: Was It got close to the time for my turn,
and it was probably another hour or two of waiting still,
but after all of that I left. I just couldn't
do it. I got two stage fright. I just couldn't
do it.
Speaker 1: I totally hear you.
Speaker 2: If I could just have sat there and told them
what I just learned and just read about Universal students
because it was very interesting, that's no problem at the time.
I can't remember now, but back then that would have
been no problem. But them saying we're gonna throw out
questions at you, that's when I started going, huh huh,
really really can't they just like just trust that we
can do it, right, you know? And so I just
sat there and then and I think a girl that
I like, you know, got to be pals with, because
I always got to find somebody like to hang out with, right,
I think that I waited for her to go because
she was au front in front of me, and I
want to say, like, I don't remember exactly, but I
think she did go and she came out and she said,
it's kind of like intense, and that's when I was like,
I'm out of here.
Speaker 1: I don't I can't know.
Speaker 3: Like I remember being when I was younger, being so
impressed by all those type of jobs, like the teaching
comedy traffic school, and so back in the day, you
actually went to traffic school.
Speaker 1: There's no online anything.
Speaker 3: I'd go in and you would get a comedy traffic school,
and those people seemed like the most amazing. Like I
was like, oh my god, how could anybody be this funny?
Like I thought, my.
Speaker 1: Guy he was, Yeah, he was liked shock my guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he did like occasun thing, like he told all
these stories about his family and they're all from like,
uh Narleans, and he would do the accent and oh
my god.
Speaker 1: I was just like, this is so funny.
Speaker 3: And then later they were like I remember there were
auditions and I was like, oh, I could never do that.
Speaker 1: That's just too I could never be funny all day.
Speaker 3: No. I remember knowing people that were auditioning for that,
and I was like, oh god, you have to.
Speaker 1: Be funny all day long. I know, I know I
could never do that.
Speaker 2: No, Adam did it. Adam did it. Adam taught traffic school.
But I was shocked. And how was it comedy traffic school?
It was comedy traffic school. But I was shocked that
Adam even knew, you know that, because he had to
study the right thing. You have to teach all the
lessons right, and the fact that and he I guess,
you know, because he's he's into it and you know, no,
but he said he would never care, you know, like
if he came late, they'd be like it it would
eat into the time because you're you have to have
like sick ten hours of track.
Speaker 1: So if you showed up like an hour later or.
Speaker 2: Whatever, like they would say, well, you know you you
know you got to come back. Or he didn't make
it so that to try over start over. He didn't
care at all. He would be just like, come on in,
sit down, name, I love him, Sign the card. Like
I know, I'm like, why did I get him? I
had to go to traffic school so many times?
Speaker 1: Do you have to grade all their tests?
Speaker 2: I guess I don't know, but I just know that
he he memorized everything and he didn't care.
Speaker 1: He said, I would just be like, I don't care,
what do I care? Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Did he feel pressure to be funny the whole time? No,
but it was before he was anything.
Speaker 2: And he was like, come, none of my friends think
I'm funny, like all my friends.
Speaker 1: Some he stopped talking.
Speaker 2: But these people are laughing, and that's I think, I
think is what made him.
Speaker 1: I think is what made him do try stand up.
Speaker 3: Well, they're audience too, like, here's the thing, anybody that
they didn't go anywhere?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: But then I remember having to take this class with John.
It was a safety class for baby safety. I think
I told you about this and the guy they were
trying to be like it was trying to be like
comedy traffic school, except for it was like comedy baby care.
And it was the most excruciating thing I've ever sat through. Somehow,
you had to take it at the hospital where we
gave birth. You had it was a mandatory class. You
had to take this safety course to deliver at this hospital. Yeah,
I remember that we had to go. You had to
go and get like marked off that. I don't know
what happened to people that like went into labor like
an emergency, but I think to do whatever. I just
know that we had to be there and we couldn't
leave early. Yeah, and we were so miserable. I was like,
it was just the guy was full of puns and
just telling stories that he thought were It was like
listening to your like drunk, unfunny uncle, like you're stuck right.
Speaker 2: But my comedy traffic school guys that I always it
was never a girl, was always a guy. I always
found them funny. Yeah, and some of them I would
end up having a crush on by the end of
the day.
Speaker 1: I had such a crush on the cage the Cajun guy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think his name was Danny, my guy. It
was on Tampa and Nordolph.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, mine was. I mean, this was like
thirty years ago. I want to say, so long ago.
I don't remember.
Speaker 1: I just but I still remember the guy.
Speaker 3: He'd probably be thrilled to know that somebody remembers how
funny he was from traffic school.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely. And he was a.
Speaker 3: Comedian that I know I ran into later. Not a
funny comedian, no, very funny.
Speaker 1: Teaching traffic school.
Speaker 2: Maybe he's still doing it today.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's so funny. Oh so I remember
this job that I got. So I know we were
talking about this on Monday when we recorded for Tuesday show,
but this just came to me. So sometimes I would
get hired at a restaurant, but then I would go
in for the training and I'd be like, this is
like this is going to be too intense, and I
would leave. So I had one job that I came
to the training day and then never went back because
the salad bar was, like I remember, it was this,
so many things you had to remember for the stupid
salad bar. Oh, and I was because the newer people
that were hired had to open. That was like the
crappy shift was you had to get there at like
six am, which was already horrifying. Right, I really needed
a job though I was super broke. I'd probably been
fired from whatever my last job was. So I was
like I'd gotten hired, Oh my god. And you'll know
the place, okay, and it's closed now, but it was
Mo's in bourbonk oh yeah, but it was something else
before that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a different name before that.
Speaker 3: It did yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So that restaurant hired me.
Speaker 1: I mean this was I was in my twenties.
Speaker 2: That's like right the heart of Burbank where the videos
and stuff. Yes, Bob's Big Boys.
Speaker 3: Right there, still there, and it's a great restaurant. So
but I was going to have to work the breakfast shift.
I was going to have to be there at six am.
And the first day I come in, they're like, okay,
a salad bar, right, and you look at this thing
and it's empty because they cleaned it out the night before, right,
so you're starting from scratch and it's like a five
hundred piece jigsaw huzzle. They're like, all right, there's no
signs anywhere, right, But you're like the blue cheese goes here.
Speaker 1: The blow there's like eighteen different dressings.
Speaker 3: They're like, okay, now you got to go into the
walk in and then you got to get the dressing,
and then you got to take this off, and then
you got to put it transferred.
Speaker 1: Into the thought and then this spoon goes in this one.
Speaker 3: And I was like, you know, I was probably hungover,
and I'm like zoning out and I'm going, holy shit,
I'm going to have to remember like five hundred steps
to putting it together, this fucking salad.
Speaker 1: Bar and it's never going to happen and whatever. I
was going to work my first shift. I was going
to be alone, like I was going to be on
sid salad bar patrol.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I got overwhelmed and I was like, oh no,
like not for me, no, bye bye.
Speaker 1: They were so, were you already hired? Yes? I was hired.
I was training.
Speaker 3: My god, I was fully hired. I'd already interviewed. I
was getting trained. It was my you know, I was
getting paid for the training. Don't think I didn't ask
for that check for the day of training because I
needed the money, right. I was like, I'll take that
thirty dollars And they were like and they had to
pay you, yeah, because you did officially go and punch
in and work hours.
Speaker 1: They can't just not pay you. They're mad. They're mad.
Speaker 3: They're like really no, they're not no, And you have
to call and go like, so, can I come in
and pick up my check? And they're like mm hm.
They all know who you are, they know that you
didn't show up.
Speaker 1: That's embarrassing. Then you have to give them that call
to tell them you're not going to be there. You're like, yeah,
something came up.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be able to do this job,
so good luck with that. I'm sure you'll find a
good salad bar replacement.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure, and I'm sure they'll know
how to put that jigsaw puzzle together.
Speaker 3: But you know then, like you go into restaurants and
you see a salad bar and you look at it
differently because you're like, somebody put that shit.
Speaker 2: And then yeah, I said a lot, So that's respect.
I remember when I were kids. I see you were
a wagerss. I worked with kids, and I was in
my prime of partying at like age nineteen, right, and
I was going to a bar. I had a fake
ID and I'll never forget. I was drinking all night
and somebody gave me blow and I was one of
the like the one month that I did blow and
my friend Amy, I hated master Pees in Laughlin.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I.
Speaker 2: Had the was the first time I've ever really had
that like cocaine type of hangover.
Speaker 1: And it was like one hundred degrees.
Speaker 2: I had to work outside and be outside with kids
and they're like, Linnette, could you set up.
Speaker 1: The finger painting area?
Speaker 2: And I'm shaking and sweating, and I'm like, I can't,
I'm gonna throw up. I just I couldn't. I just
that was one of the worst days of my working life.
Speaker 1: And were you like, oh my god, I need to quit.
Speaker 3: I wanted had that feeling where you're like, I screw
the repercussions, I just have to quit, and you're like,
I can't quit.
Speaker 1: I mean I can't.
Speaker 2: Well, I couldn't. I wanted to leave. I wanted to
say I'm sick. I yeah, I can't, but the other
girl was sick, and I had to like I was
the only one because they.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm coxic. I can't get I know, and I.
Speaker 2: The teachers had to set up for their lessons, so
I was the only like ta out on the on
the field. It was a small little preschool, right, and
so they're relying on me because they have to set
up there. Who's going to watch, you know, the lady
in the office, the director of the you know, I
guess she could. But I was just like, I'm trapped
like a rat in a cage and I think I'm
gonna throw up.
Speaker 1: But I had to leave. I was like, I'm sorry,
I'm not feeling good.
Speaker 2: I just threw up in the bathroom out just not
feeling good.
Speaker 1: I was just like, when is this feeling going to stop?
Speaker 3: Too?
Speaker 2: I was like, this is the worst that I was
like depressed and oh my god, crawling out of my
skin feeling. I was like, this is awful, awful, And
I did it again like two nights later.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course that was me too, like.
Speaker 3: I did Problemo. It's it's some kind of coke amnesia
you get where you're like, it's like the worst night
of your life, and then something you're like, I'm never
doing that again. And someone's like you want to do
a bump and you're like, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: And then you're thinking, ah shit, I can handle it.
I don't know that that.
Speaker 3: Much to do tomorrow, right, And then you don't sleep
for forty eight hours.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, quit your job. And I'd call my
sister in laws and I'm like, you're like, I don't
need to pay rent.
Speaker 2: Wendy, when is this going to stop? Because she's ten
years older than me, when is this feeling going to stop?
And she's like, yeah, you have a good like eight
more hours. Three o'clock in the afternoon, the next day,
I was like, oh my god, oh my god, never again.
Speaker 3: All I want to say is that I really enjoy
the fact that our podcast is under the category kids
and Family. This is our Like when you tell people
the podcasts you do and you're like, yeah, it's a
you know, it's a parenting podcast.
Speaker 1: I mean not really.
Speaker 3: Sometimes we don't talk about parenting. Sometimes I talk about
like coca hangovers.
Speaker 1: You know, porn. I know.
Speaker 3: Sometimes we just remind you what life was like before
you had kids.
Speaker 1: Remember that, there you go, there you get, there, you go.
Remember when you just.
Speaker 3: Did like a shitload of blow and quit your job,
no problem, moved to Laughlin, it became a stripper. Remember Anyway, man,
babysitters charge a lot.
Speaker 1: Anyway, this has been another great show. Yeah, thanks Caitlin,
thank you. Okay, you guys are parents. Don't f it up.
Speaker 5: See the girl with the diamonds and the shoes, she
walks around that she's got nothing. Just see the go
get it.
Speaker 1: She sent it by the side.
Speaker 4: She's we never said it, but she don't believe that
she's got her own elevation.
Speaker 1: Holy monivation, So roll some letters. I'm big bull side.
Speaker 4: Such a good I don't fake.
Speaker 1: Stay and seeing one say ain't got a cool I'm.
Speaker 4: Going to carry it.
Speaker 1: He's a go get it? Is it akode making the
mission make a feel a bay, here's a ton on
a tann point. I can't he johny just say the
workause second saying n't say.
Speaker 5: I'm not saying you know, are you such a such
a good f Meyah, I'm not saying.
Speaker 4: Your son though.
Speaker 1: I get a rounder in Mama.
Speaker 4: I think I bout a voting till night and day.
I got a voter rose crep. I think a bunch
of voting. This got me.
Speaker 1: To say this. I halp you hallo. Look again, second
Speaker 4: Again, Hey yay