Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice
mix in.
Speaker 2: Some vodka colored.
Speaker 1: A podcast from the Mac of All Trade Studio in
Fairport and driven by Victor Chrysler Dots. Gee Ram, It's
Billified the Bill Moran Podcast.
Speaker 2: Well, hello and welcome.
Speaker 3: Boy.
Speaker 2: Am I excited for this?
Speaker 4: Me too?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I know lauris here, but I'm not the starter.
Speaker 2: No, you are not.
Speaker 5: I'll start today, And actually I think it'll be a
good conversation because it's coming off of when we had
Mercedes Bascus Simmons on which we all got brought up, yes,
which you said, you you like that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's pretty good.
Speaker 5: That's great, very very impressed with how all that went.
Speaker 4: Very diverse.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And a lot of interesting things came out of
there that I think are I think when you were here.
Were you here when we did the Rich and Trashy? Yeah? Right,
And I said, taking government money if you're if you're poor,
it's trashy.
Speaker 2: If you're rich, it's classy. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And that's one of the things that I think. When
you heard her say my mother would never take government money,
it's interesting because you know, I'm sure it was needed,
but she didn't do it because there was the stigma
to it.
Speaker 4: When she said that her mom handed out five dollars
for every a yeah, for kids, I was just like, damn,
what a awesome way to like kids. Yeah right, and
to you know, be like a community leader because you
know that everyone's going to respect you, kids are going
to look up to you.
Speaker 5: Then. Uh, just for anybody who didn't listen to that episode,
Mercedes Veskae Simmons is running for New York State Assembly.
She kind of fell into the legislature. And what was
interesting to me was like I would see her stuff
pop up on my bilified Facebook page and there was
boxing stuff. She's standing with Sugar Ray Leonard and all this.
I'm like, who is this woman?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: And then it turns out she was a boxing promoter.
So I called and the podcast didn't go the way
I thought it would. You know, we talked a lot
about kids and things, and there was a point that
she said something that has stuck in my head ever since.
Speaker 2: She talked about kids, real kids right here.
Speaker 5: In Monroe County, and I think this could apply to
any big city in our country, maybe around the world,
but definitely in our country. And they said if I
make it to sixteen. If I make it to sixteen,
and when you think about that, it's not when I
turned sixteen. Remember when you wanted to turn sixteen, Like
you're all excited, You're gonna get your car, your license,
whatever it was.
Speaker 2: It was a big deal.
Speaker 5: And I want to know, what are these kids actually
thinking and what the hell is kind of missing? And
Laura said, well, my boyfriend Joe works at that rec center.
Speaker 4: He works at the Carter Street Rec Center.
Speaker 2: And that's the one that Mercedes was talking about.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I thought it was just interesting, and I thought, boy, Joe,
you probably have some great insight to this because you're
right on the front line so to speak with the kids.
Because I have often said, like the answer, and I
don't know if if it's necessarily true, but I feel
like the only way to combat so much stuff is
building a kid's self esteem.
Speaker 2: And when I say so much stuff.
Speaker 5: Anybody's seeing this Instagram ad that's going around where it
was like it's little kids and they're saying, Wait, in
the future, you can order food that comes right to
you through this box. In the future, you just look
at everything on this box. Wait, you can't. Yeah, it's
like so it's like kids. There's like little kids in
the eighties being told what's coming. Okay, right, it's supposed
to be flashback and it just shows you like that
simpler time and like one kid goes, wait, in the future,
people just don't sit and.
Speaker 2: Stare at the stars, you know what I mean?
Speaker 5: And something to that effect, I'll have to I should
have found it for this.
Speaker 2: But the.
Speaker 5: With Mercedes saying all that stuff and I say, build
self esteem, I think the self esteem sometimes can help
combat all the influence.
Speaker 2: If you feel good.
Speaker 5: About yourself, I don't need this other bullshit. But it's kids, right,
and what looks cool and what's going on? So I
feel like it's a buzzword. And I don't know how
you necessarily build self esteem in kids other than trying
to incentify them that winning feels good, or when you
do well it feels good, or when you work hard
and there's a payoff, it feels good. But I'm just
curious because if I make it to sixteen, that kind
of that hits is like a real thing, right, you
know what I'm saying. It's a strange thing. And then
I'm just wondering when you see these kids. What's something
kids casually say that would kind of shock people who
don't live in that world, who aren't around those that
the Carter Center.
Speaker 2: I mean, do you hear.
Speaker 3: Things like this?
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't hear stuff like that, per se.
I guess it's just more the language that kids use.
An eight year old the way he talks that my
rec center is completely different than an eight year old
that's Laura's kids or the kids out here in the
suburbs and stuff like that. So I don't hear anything
directly the way you're saying it. But what I can
say is, you know, you're bringing up the age of sixteen.
Speaker 3: Our leagues that we run usually end at fifteen.
Speaker 6: So that sixteen seventeen year old kid, if he's going
the streets, he's going the streets. If he enjoys the
rec center, we're making an impact on him. He stays
stays at the rec center still. So it's a very
interesting age where you do see kids choose.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So with that being said, I guess our impact is
on the younger kids, hopefully changing them so they when
they turn sixteen.
Speaker 3: They stay with us or they get a job.
Speaker 6: Right, if we get those kids who are fifteen sixteen
at the time, nine times out of time, they already lost.
Speaker 5: Really, man, because I'm thinking when when you walk into
the rec center, and if it's mostly younger kids, then I'm.
Speaker 6: The youngest we serve is I think I have a
five year old, and then it goes all the way
up to I mean seventeen.
Speaker 3: It's supposed to be high school.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but if we have some of our regular kids
who've been there for a couple of years, we let
them come in. I'd say you probably go up to
like twenty two, twenty three, twenty four.
Speaker 3: We'll let you come in.
Speaker 2: What's the uh what's the vibe when you go in there? Like?
Speaker 5: And by that, I mean is there are the kids guarded?
Is there kind of a hopefulness with them? The survival mode?
Speaker 2: I mean these are all.
Speaker 6: No, I wouldn't. I mean it didn't miss. Everything's different.
So the rec centers are coming go as you please.
It's not a daycare facility. So when we get parents
that drop their kids off, they literally think we're just
gonna watch their kids all day. Then we tell them
that their kids are free to leave. They can leave
whenever they want, So that scares parents at times because
it's like, I have a seven year old.
Speaker 3: I don't want my seven year old to just walk away, right,
you know, we're not just gonna.
Speaker 6: A lot a seven year old walk away, but technically speaking,
he could. The other thing that a lot of parents
and the public season they worry about it sometimes, is
that huge age gap. You know, at one point you
can see a six year old and then you see
the nineteen twenty year old. It's a big brother, big
sister program. Ok, brother, little sister. Yeah whatever I'm trying
to say, it's that so and that's like the most
beautiful thing I've seen, and I've been there, you know,
eleven twelve years now. It's just it's just cool to
see that fourteen fifteen year old look after the six
and seven year old.
Speaker 3: So it's a family. That's what I would say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, that's to me, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 5: I guess the thing that I hear, and I don't
know if you hear the same thing, Laura, when a
kids says, if I make it to sixteen, I feel
like they feel as though they don't matter, you know
what I'm saying, Like I really do, I do these
kids believe that they actually are.
Speaker 4: Made value or just from I think it's also from
what they see of their peerers. So if you know,
I know, Joe has said that he has had a
lot of kids come through that you know, eventually he
does lose to gun violence. Or even when the Kia Boys,
he knows a lot of them because they came through
his program and he's like, you know, we thought we
were going to save them, but then we couldn't. So
it's if you have that as a older sibling or
a family member that you looked up to and then
you see the violence happen or going you know, the
wrong route, is that what you expect for yourself.
Speaker 2: I could totally see that. I mean I could see that.
Do kids feel like that?
Speaker 5: I mean, it feels like you guys make them feel
like they matter that the rec center sounds like it's pretty.
Speaker 6: So what I was gonna say is when you were
talking about incentivizing kids with money and stuff like that,
what we do at the rec centers attention. You know,
just giving giving kids attention is huge. It goes a
long way. You know, just hey, how is your day,
or we're joking with them. One of the biggest things
is just literally just joking with kids all day. And
that's one of the things Laura gets mad at me
about because I'm a joker. So I'll joke with Laura
and stop picking on me. And it's like, this is
the love, you know said at the rec center.
Speaker 3: Teasing people is love.
Speaker 5: Laura likes teasing, just of a different kind.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so you I mean, oh, yeah, the whole world knows, Joe,
the whole world.
Speaker 2: Whole world knows.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean Joe. I think that was one
of the first things that when we met and I
found out what he did for work and I got
to see like his heart from that standpoint, it impressed
me a lot, you know, knowing what he does. And
one of the first days I think that we were
talking our first few weeks, he had texted me. He's like, oh,
it's this one kid's birthday today and he's homeless, so
I want to make sure I stop and get him
some things so that he feels special.
Speaker 5: And it was you know, we're Joe, how do you
know like when a kid's homeless, like or what is
the term now, unhoused?
Speaker 2: I mean, do they tell you?
Speaker 6: So I in that situation, the child came in and
he wore the same.
Speaker 3: Clothes for like four or five days in a row.
Speaker 6: Okay, they're dirty, smelly, you know, they're you know, they're
down on their.
Speaker 3: Luck, and you know you just pull them aside. Hey,
what's going on?
Speaker 6: And that's just part of having rapport and building relationship
with youth.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I'll ask, they'll tell.
Speaker 5: Me because like, okay, because this is where I think.
Sometimes people see kids like acting out or or or whatever,
and you hit the nail on the head when you said,
at least in my mind, giving them attention, right, because
that shows them then that they matter, right, And it's
important to talk to them because I think a lot
of these kids, you'll hear, they need structure, they need discipline, right,
they need better homes, whatever it is. And when I
I keep coming back to the one thing. If a
kid doesn't believe that they matter, then none of that lands,
none of that means shit. And so to make them
feel like they matter, yeah, I mean that. Yeah I
want to jump his boons. No, no, no, but you
know what I'm like, I can see no, I heard,
I heard, But I just I think that it's an
interesting uh something about kids. It's very important that they
feel like they matter and they've got somebody in their
corner that gives a shit. And it sounds like that's
what the whole rec center does. You're there all day,
every day.
Speaker 6: Two to nine during the school days, and then when
the kids are off from school, we go to a
day shift, usually eleven or six.
Speaker 3: Same with the summer.
Speaker 6: Summer summer hours are generally nine to seven. So yeah,
I'm there two to nine.
Speaker 3: Schedule changes based on when kids are out of school,
when they or not.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what what do you think most adults misunderstand about
these kids.
Speaker 6: I don't think it's that they misunderstand. They're just not present.
And that's that's the huge thing. I guess if you
don't know the kids, you know, everybody just says, ah,
they're city kids, and they label.
Speaker 3: Them or they stereotype them. You got to get to
know the kids.
Speaker 6: The kids again, if you give them the attention and
and you treat them, they're just like any other kid.
Speaker 3: Are they going to be a little rough? Yeah, you
know they're in the city.
Speaker 6: They deal with bullshit that we don't deal with, you know,
in the suburbs or different places.
Speaker 5: What do you think is some of that like that
that bullshit when you say that because I agree with you,
I'm just curious as to what you think that that
bullshit is. I mean, it's hard to learn in there.
Speaker 6: I mean, I mean you can go to school, you
can go to the neighborhoods. When you're walking down the
neighborhood and you just see run down after rundown house,
you see garbage, like where's the where's the pride? You
don't see nice.
Speaker 3: So it's just that's what you're just used to. When
you go to.
Speaker 6: School and teachers can't do anything or reprimand the student
or anything like that for cussing or misbehavior.
Speaker 3: You're packed in a class with thirty kids. How are
you going to learn? I don't know.
Speaker 6: There's a lot of There was an interesting poem I
don't I can't read the whole poem because I don't
know off memory, but it was basically like a kid
saying like, I didn't do my homework last night because this,
I didn't do this, I didn't do that.
Speaker 3: I didn't have food to eat, I didn't.
Speaker 6: Have electricity to do this, and my teacher was mad
because I didn't do my homework.
Speaker 3: I didn't have a pencil.
Speaker 6: So it's like this teacher literally was mad that he
didn't do his homework, but she has no clue what
he's dealing with at home, right, So it's like homework
is the last my worries.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that, like it's hard for teaching. They
have systems, right, and they got to get so many
kids through the state test and you've got to do
this and there's all you know, there's money involved. There's
money from the state or the money from the federal
government if we don't reach these standards. And so I
think there's a lot of pressure on these teachers, and
I don't know that they're attuned to the kid who
is where I say, like, meet the kid where the
kid's at, try to understand that this kid probably can't
do his homework. So here's why I used to always
wonder why my father would not give homework. He taught
in the inner city of Poughkeepsie and it's sixth grade.
He wouldn't give homework for pretty much that same reason.
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, because it was like.
Speaker 5: You go back to I failed, So everything I do
is I suck and I failed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, one thing that Joe talks about a lot,
you know, obviously being in Webster in the past few years,
is the parent involvement, right, And because last week I
had the boys parent teacher conferences and Joe's acclaiming that
even though his kids have parent teacher conferences at their
schools in the say, the parents don't show up.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I can remember doing recruitment for the our centers, that's
what we're called. There's I think there's like seven or
nine out the city of Rochester, and I was doing
like an open house, so it's not parent teacher conference,
but like an open house you think a lot of
parents are gonna come and whatnot. I'm sitting in a
gym for two hours and I speak to four people
and it's like there's literally no parent involvement.
Speaker 3: Be it that the.
Speaker 6: Parents just don't care and they can't or you know,
they have to work, you know, one or two jobs,
and there's just no presence there.
Speaker 3: So it's just it's a different life.
Speaker 5: It is a different life, and it's a different life
just a couple of miles away. Yeah, I mean that's
the thing that always kind of surprises me, and yet
at the same time, like when I hear the kids
say if I make it to sixteen, I don't know
if that's fear. I don't know if that's just their environment,
if it's a learned statement because they see other kids
have said it, or they know somebody who didn't.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, you hear about the violence, and he's
had violence. He had Last week there were two girls
that were threatening to fight each other.
Speaker 6: I would say I would say at least once a month,
maybe once every two months, there's always an incident where it's.
Speaker 3: Like, all right, are we calling the cops or are
we handling this ourselves with security.
Speaker 6: And the crazy part is is, at least at my
rec center, when we get girls that come to the
rec center that are between the ages like twelve and sixteen,
twelve and seventeen, and their unfamiliar faces, we already know
something's going down.
Speaker 3: So all the staff.
Speaker 6: Are on alert. We're walking around and you know, all
the story Lord is explaining. It was literally this past
Friday night, I had a group of girls come in
and they're hanging out in the game room. They're mean
mugging another girl. So I'm just keeping an eye on it,
just make sure everything is good. And by the end
of the night, you know, the group of girls say
something to the one girl.
Speaker 3: Now the one girl wants to fight six of them.
Speaker 6: I got a step dad coming in dragging the one
girl out, and it's just like, oh my god.
Speaker 3: Here we goes.
Speaker 6: I didn't even start yet, but it just when when
it's wintertime, it almost feels like I don't want to
say bad kids, but it feels like all the troublesome kids,
they're troublesome people.
Speaker 3: They're staying home, it's cold.
Speaker 6: At the rec center, you know, that family environment that
I'm talking about.
Speaker 3: The kids want to be there, so they're coming. If
it's raining, it's snowing, they're going to be there.
Speaker 6: Because not only do they want to be there, but
they need to be there.
Speaker 3: They don't have food. We serve food on a daily basis.
We provide, you know, a hot.
Speaker 6: Meal, and that might be the only hot meal that
kid gets. That being said too, you know, with Laura's
organizing things, she gets a lot of stuff and I
bring in to the rec center, you know, shoes and
clothes and.
Speaker 2: Do they need that? I mean, do they need that?
Speaker 5: But so I'm like cleaning out my closet and I'm
going I'm gonna drop all this stuff off at good Will,
but should it.
Speaker 2: Go to the rec center?
Speaker 5: A lot of it's like workout stuff because I ballooned
up and I'm.
Speaker 2: Trying to balloon back down. But I'm never gonna fuck
wear these things again.
Speaker 4: It's kids sizes and it's shoes.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, shoes are definitely insted.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Joe will talk constantly. He'll he'll look at like Lucas's
shoes and he'll be like, Lucas, are you wearing these anymore?
Like I have a kid who needs a pair of shoes.
You know, we're just like take them because he'll have
kids come in in the winter wearing crocs that are
two sizes too big because they're wearing their parents shoes.
Speaker 3: I don't mean, but no, I don't want to lose
track of my thought.
Speaker 4: I'm in Okay.
Speaker 6: What I was going to say too, is you know
what we're talking about this just I've interviewed for a
couple of suburban rec center jobs and it's.
Speaker 3: Funny what we're talking about. When I share this to
you know.
Speaker 6: Directors and stuff in the suburbs, they have no clue
the suburbs. You can literally focus on recreation. You know,
a kid can come, you can run a program in.
Speaker 3: The whole nine yards.
Speaker 6: But when I got kids coming that, Hey Joe, I
haven't had food today, or I need I need this?
Speaker 3: Do you have that?
Speaker 6: We're providing basic needs. So it's not just recreation, it's
literally basic needs. When when kids come and they don't
have a coat, you know, and it's ten degrees outside,
Are we going to let that kid walk home? No,
we're not gonna let them walk home. Are we supposed
to drive them home? No, but get my damn car.
I'm gonna bring you home and we'll find a coat
for him. So it just it goes back to the
family thing. So it just it stinks that when I
go into these interviews and I talk, it's not about recreation.
It's just about being an important person in these kids' lives.
Speaker 2: Why what makes you stay?
Speaker 3: What makes me stay?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Because I mean I would assume if you've interviewed other places, Yeah,
you probably stand out as a candidate.
Speaker 2: I would.
Speaker 6: I think I got a negative attitude sometimes and I
spend too much time in interviewing griping about with the
background of the recreation apartment in the city.
Speaker 3: But the kids make me stay.
Speaker 6: I tell everybody, if I work ten days, eight of
them suck, but two of those days is beautiful and
it's worth it.
Speaker 2: So what what what makes it beautiful? Like you feel like?
Speaker 6: So I never had I never had any kids of
my own, and I grew up in the rec centers
as a kid. The rec centers were very important to me.
I started volunteering at one, then I started working. So like,
for instance, I guess one of my favorite stories is
I had a kid and we were softball practice and
he was eight or nine years old. Little kid didn't
really play a lot of sports. And the very first
practice he got a black guy, you know, trying to
catch pop ups or whatever.
Speaker 3: I got hit with the ball.
Speaker 6: And then fast forward a month and a half later,
we're a couple of practices, in four or five games,
he catches that pop fly.
Speaker 3: He just smiles and he looks at he goes, mister Joe,
I caught it, yeap, And it's just like wow, you know,
like I did that. So it's just knowing that I
have an impact on somebody's life and well.
Speaker 5: Building that confidence and stuff. Yeah, and the impact. Yeah,
I agree, but you you're building confidence. I mean I
always think, like, how do you build self esteem? Or
the answer is self esteem? It sounds like a poster
and a guidance counselor's office, but it sounds like that's
exactly what you're doing, is you know, for the to
make that catch, I'll always say, and I think one
of the great things you can say to kids is
you did that. Yeah, right, you did that, because it's
a self esteem builder in a way, and it reminds
them that they did it right. You showed them how,
but they actually did it. And I think that that's
like a really important concept because I think that, you know,
it just sounds like one of the things that rec
center provides and maybe you in particular, is consistency attention.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 5: I know, I go in there, I'm going to see
my favorite people. I'm going to feel safe. I feel
like I matter there, you know what I mean? Those
are all really really important things. And it's so funny
because you go, well, yeah, of course you matter, but
if you never ever felt it, if you don't feel
like it, right. I always think one of the most
important things you could do for your kids is feed them,
like make them breakfast, even if it's you know, boiled
eggs and an apple. I don't care if you have
to go to a food pantry to get the food
to do it. You need to do that because there
is such an important thing. They need to know they
can count on you, and when they don't, and when
they can't, that's a it's an open you know, it's
open season on whatever. So I mean, you've seen kids
change and stuff is there. I hesitate to ask this,
but I will. What's the funniest thing it can ever
said to you that you absolutely could not believe it?
Repeat in a staff meeting?
Speaker 3: Oh, I would repeat the staff meeting. We're all we
talk about all the time.
Speaker 6: I guess one of the standout stories, like I was
telling Laura, you know, picking on.
Speaker 3: People as a love language at the rest center.
Speaker 6: So drilling somebody or making fun of somebody, that's that's
just love language. So I had a kid, he was
actually the kid that was almost a couple of years ago.
I did lose them to the streets. Unfortunately he pops
by here and there. But we were sitting at at
a table and you know, I'm bald head and whatnot.
Speaker 3: So he he told me I looked like a cracker.
Speaker 6: So he was eight or nine at the time, may
have been a little bit older, and the rest of
the table was just.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I can't say.
Speaker 6: So I looked at him and I said, uh, I
want to use his name, but I laughed because it
was innocent.
Speaker 2: He had the idea, what kind of cracker do I
look like? No, I just looked at her.
Speaker 6: I go, listen, I understand, you know, you're just joking around,
but like, you can't say that, and he goes, what
do you mean. I go, well, if I said you
look like a monkey, dude, like you can't do that.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 6: So he laughed, and you know, it was just a
funny story. But you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 3: Man. You just got to lighten up about that.
Speaker 2: Are they roasting you constantly?
Speaker 3: These kids? I get roasted all the time for being
bald headed.
Speaker 6: So like my latest thing, especially, I go back to
the you know the kid that's like thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, Hey,
mister je you know you're bald headed.
Speaker 3: And I go, well, your mom likes it. So there's
a couple of kids. There's a couple of kids.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I want to go down there and play.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's really funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well look if they're open to playing and stuff like that,
I mean, it makes you, you know, it makes me
feel like they matter because I think everybody like when
they hear things is and I think one of the
biggest mistakes we do sometimes is throw money at a situation.
Speaker 2: And why did you laugh? I'm just thinking, why are
you laughing?
Speaker 4: Because like Joe will sometimes be like if I've tried
to do like a big gesture to the rec center,
Joe's like, the kids don't need that. Just bake them cookies,
like do something simple because they will appreciate that more.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 5: Well, what I was saying is, sometimes, like you know,
through government funding or whatever, we throw a lot of
money at a situation, but the situation never gets better.
And I think a lot of times it's because we're
spending somebody else's money.
Speaker 2: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: I now see why my parents wanted to pay my
car insurance when I first got my car sixteen, because
you're gonna it's your skin in the game, you know
what I mean. And I think sometimes there isn't that stuff,
and that's where when you see misappropriation of funds or
all of a sudden, somebody's doing something. I go, I'm
not sure we can actually blame the person, and I
know that sounds terrible, but for example, that Minneapolis daycare.
Speaker 3: They were cold.
Speaker 5: If your kid has autism or something, it's two thousand
dollars and they're going, hey, does your kid write the
number five backwards? Could you use an extra two thousand dollars?
I'm like, how do you not do that to try
to help your community out, you know what I'm saying.
And it's not it wasn't the right way, was in
the way the money should be used. But we just
throw money out there with no guardrails on it, and
then and then we get pissed off, and it's like
a whole lot a.
Speaker 4: Second, he'll talk about like getting programming, funding programming, or
somebody comes in through the city that tries to show
the kids something and he's like, this is not what
these kids need. I'm trying to think of like a
specific but you know what, But like I would say,
from my perspective, one of the coolest things has been
when we will be out and about in a Rochester
setting and have kids who came through his rec center.
Five years later, I'll be like, oh my god, Joe.
And then they'll come up and they're so excited to
see him, and they will talk to me because he'll
introduce me and the boys, and they will be like
he was the best person ever, Like he saved us.
I had client the other week in the city, and
her twenty two year old niece showed up and randomly
started talking about Carter Street. It was like, my boyfriend
works at Carter Street, Joe read. She's like, are you
kidding me? You know, it's just to see the impact
that this man has truly on our community has blown
me away past few.
Speaker 5: I can't imagine that you would want to leave that necessarily.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I have one reason why. But yeah, I'm not going
to talk about that. Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 6: You know, oftentimes I don't mean to segway, but I'll
segue a little bit. The only other thing that I
thought about doing potentially and still living in the city
and working with the city is you know, becoming a cop.
That's what I went school for. I went to school
for criminal justice. I wanted to be a police officer.
I lived in the community. I know the people. You know,
even at the rec center when they raise the age
to be a police officer, I still went back and
forth because I think I'd make.
Speaker 3: A great cop.
Speaker 6: You know, what you see, especially in the city, is
you see a lot of cops that aren't from the community.
They're a lot younger, they're not people people, And I
don't know. I think I just got enough swag, enough juice.
Speaker 2: So you don't want to situation. Would you do it?
Speaker 6: I would do if you could tell me that I
wouldn't be stuck overnights my entire first year or just
working the crappy hours. Yeah, I would do it if
you if you say, hey, we'll give you hours, I'd
leave tomorrow if you gave me hours, and then like
put me in a school setting or one of the things.
Like the first thing I would do is I would
visit the rec center. You know, now when cops come
to the rec center, the kids scatter and they're like,
oh my god. And it's like telling the kids like,
just because the cops here doesn't mean it's negative.
Speaker 3: It could be a positive, but the cops don't do that.
Speaker 6: So like that is one of the hugest things that
I would have made an effort to do.
Speaker 5: That was something that Mercedes said that there was a
soccer game and at the last game or the last
whatever the season, the officers showed up in their uniforms
and the kids didn't know they were police officers and
they were like, oh my god. And it just kind
of and I said, you know, there was the I
forget the name of the program, but there were basketball
leagues where the police were either coaches or played or
whatever I think it was called. Yeah, I think you're right,
And it was years ago, and that was something that
what's his name in Greece. John Wallace always talked about
being part of that, you know, and he went on
to play for the next So you just it's those
types of things that I don't know. I guess I'll
ask you, like, for every adult listening, what is kind
of one thing to do differently with kids.
Speaker 3: I don't want to use the word attention again, but.
Speaker 2: I think that's it.
Speaker 3: The one thing. It goes against everything in twenty twenty six,
but we got to stop baby in the youth.
Speaker 6: You gotta give it to them direct, and you got
to give it to them firm and.
Speaker 3: Come back if it's too harsh.
Speaker 6: One of the things I do is if somebody's messing
up in my rec center or breaking a rule, I'll
get my voice pretty loud and I'll correct them. And
then if I see, like if they shut down or
if they do that, that's when I come back.
Speaker 3: And that that's when you can be soft. You know.
Speaker 6: That's one of the things like Laura has seen, you know,
just with my impact and her boys' lives, is I'm
not going to baby you, you know, and we got
to stop babying people. I mean, we all grew up
in this generation where we weren't babied, and now this
generation they just baby too many people.
Speaker 3: Yeahn't know if that answers the question, but no, I
get it.
Speaker 5: I Mean I'm sitting here thinking like, maybe it's not
really about fixing the kids as much as it's more
about helping them to grow up not believing they they
weren't worth fixing. So by correcting them, you're fixing them,
You're fixing the situation by correcting them whatever, you know,
whatever that is. And I think that you know, when
you grow up feeling like you don't matter, you weren't
worth fixing, well, I will say scary, it's a scary thing.
Speaker 3: But I was going to say, is you know exactly
what you just said I should brought up earlier.
Speaker 6: I don't do a great job at it as much
as my other staff.
Speaker 3: And then something I need to work on.
Speaker 6: But complimenting the kids, you know, calling the parents saying hey,
you know, he's been doing good for the last week
and a half, month and a half, or when the
parents come in and you're telling them that the positive
things not just always focusing on the negative things, which
which was?
Speaker 3: Which is good?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 6: So like when I see a kid and say, hey, man,
you've been doing good, that just brings joy to them.
They just want to be told like like you just said,
you know.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I mean I I even with my own kid,
I think at times just said to me.
Speaker 2: You never tell me I'm doing anything good.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I mean, okay, I let's start doing
something good. No, no, no, I like I will.
Speaker 2: To not.
Speaker 5: I guess Joe, what you said where we are baby
and kids is the phrase you used. So my thing
has always been more of I don't say I'm proud
of you. I say I'm proud for you and I
don't know why that makes a difference for me, or
I will say to each one of them, like like
even my oldest son, I got my partner to the
ground twice in taekwond do today and he's a belt
above me. And I'll write back and go, that had
to feel great right to recognize. But I don't need
to say I'm proud you.
Speaker 2: Did it right.
Speaker 5: I have no interest in getting my ass thrown to
a fucking met in taekwondo whatsoever.
Speaker 2: I don't want to get in a boxing ring.
Speaker 5: So I mean, it's my right, but I think that
there is something there and so or if if, like Jamison,
I'll come home, he'll come home, or he'll text me
he's not supposed to have the phone in school. I
got a hundred on this and I did something else,
And I'll say to him, it's a lot of wins
per day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's a lot of wins. You know.
Speaker 5: Keep you know that's got to make you feel great,
proving that you can, you can, and remember you got
these resources.
Speaker 3: I don't know I'm gonna take that.
Speaker 2: I have no I can't look the parenting.
Speaker 5: I have no idea, But I'm just trying to think
is And I'm older now and you get a much
different perspective on things, and you wish you had kind
of had this perspective when my older sons were younger
other twenty five and twenty four. So but I just think,
like sometimes I don't need to take credit for this.
This is something you did, but to recognize it in
a way that's that's that way. I just when I
see here that that sixteen year old thing, that's that's
the shit that suckond I had them all, yeah, And
I think it just sounds to me like I don't
matter or I don't know if it fear, is it real,
is it consistency?
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
Speaker 4: Well, and like I mean, I know he touched on
it losing kids to the streets, but he, you know,
he's opened up with me about how hard it is.
And I remember last year one of the that there
was that Kia crash that killed done like ninety one
year old in Brighton and we read the names and
Joe was like, that was one of my kids.
Speaker 6: Slice crazy that day he literally graduated like a trade
school and he was in the backseat with the ghost
gun and he was doing I mean he came into
the UR Center and he was a troubled kid.
Speaker 3: He was there for about a year, year and a half.
Speaker 6: He was turning and around, and like I said, he
did this job program and then.
Speaker 3: To hear that it was like damn, he was just
doing so much better. Right.
Speaker 5: And the thing that sucks is, like I'll often say,
I don't know if it's the real good or not,
but there's not a whole lot you can do at sixteen, seventeen,
eighteen years old to fuck up your entire life.
Speaker 2: But that maybe one of them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, when you're with a ghost gun or
the serial numbers scratched off and you're in the backseat
of a car that just killed a ninety one year
old man, we might have a problem here, Yeah, you know,
because the other stuff is like, all right, we can
you know, you can work through some of this other.
Speaker 2: Crap like that. Joe is also a ref Have you
ever been an umpire you.
Speaker 3: Talking about for baseball?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I did softball for a couple of years.
Speaker 6: I never did baseball, so no longer ref though I retired.
Speaker 2: Oh you did I did?
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, you took a year off last year and
then decided, so he wanted to take a year off
because he's like, this is the first time I've had
a family. And he had to be gone every single
Saturday roughing and missed all of Lucas's football games, and
him and Lucas are two peas in a pod, and
so he'd look at this, Joe, a year off.
Speaker 2: I'm not a bad guy, that you were a bad guy.
Speaker 4: And we were talking about switching jobs. He works nights. Yeah,
kids all they every day when I pick them up
for her school mamas. Joe coming home early tonight is
so he's that's you know, it's yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2: I get it. We'll take a short break.
Speaker 5: I want to ask you though, because something happened, and
I think it's by the time people hear this, the
actual event will be kind of old.
Speaker 2: But I think it's a conversation. Conversation that's going to
go on for a while. So we'll get to that
right after this. When it comes to home improvement, you've
got choices.
Speaker 5: Let's say there's a hole in the bedroom wall and
somehow nobody in the house knows how it got there.
You could fix it. I mean, there's always YouTube, right,
but you know, three hours later, it's gonna look like
a patch job, not even a good patch job. And
how about that leak under the kitchen sink? Yeah, you
said you'd get to it, and that was what two
and a half three months ago. If we're being honest,
we all have that list, the one word deep down
you're not totally sure you've got the skills to pull
it off. If it's my list, I'm calling Mac of
All Trades. Holes in the wall, handled, leaky sinks done,
full kitchen remodel. Yeah they got that too, And hey,
warmer weather's coming. How's that deck looking? Need it extended?
Rebuilt outdoor patio. Don't be a deckhead called Mac of
All Trades five eight five two zero two ninety two eighteen.
That's five eight five two zero two ninety two eighteen.
And you can see all they do online at Macofalltrades
dot net. They'll handle it so you don't have to.
Speaker 3: Whatever the hell they want.
Speaker 5: So Joe's retired as a ref family man. Now, well
there's something that's happening. And I really wanted to hear
your take on this, because the Reds beat the Red
Sox six' five eleven. Innings but the story wasn't really.
That it was that the home plate umpire's name IS. C. B.
BUCKNER i Believe Cebe buckner may in his. Seventies Cebe
buckner had a brutal day behind the.
Speaker 2: Plate brutal day behind the.
Speaker 5: Plate buckner had six ball strike calls overturned By Major
League baseball's new automated ball Strike challenge. System, okay so
including back to back incorrect strike three. Calls this guy
was more like a suggestion box with legs that day
than he was an, umpire.
Speaker 3: You know WHAT i?
Speaker 5: Mean, LIKE i THINK i think that was uh and
overall that the teams went six for eight in the.
CHALLENGES i think The reds were five out of five
in their, challenges and THEN i think The Red sox
were one for one for three in, theirs including like
a strike three uh call that triggered an injection and
From alex For Alex, corea The Red sox. Manager so,
look we could all go bad, umpire but this to
me wasn't about one bad. Umpire it's what happens when
technology starts creating human beings in real, time and what
do we think of? That in a, way because there's
a piece of me that goes the human. Error who
are you gonna yell?
Speaker 2: AT i like yelling at. SOMEBODY i want to blame
you for a shitty.
Speaker 3: Call you know WHAT i?
Speaker 2: MEAN i want to blame you for a shitty. Call
NOW i. Can't it's it's it's a.
Speaker 6: Machine you want to blame me for a shitty. Call
it's the same WAY i want to blame you for
a shitty. Coach so, like, YES i make.
Speaker 2: Them exactly as a.
Speaker 3: Referee you've made plenty of mistakes as a.
Speaker 5: Coach just yell at, me, Right But i'm just, saying,
like even as, fans we like that. Shit and that's,
where LIKE i, go what happens when authority figures can
be instantly? Corrected like take that to like parenting OR
i don't, care teachers whatever you. Know and it's, like,
man because, umpires they weren't reviewable for a number of.
Years AND i think they tested this first because The
Red wings had it The minor league.
Speaker 2: Baseball, yeah they tried it TRIPLE.
Speaker 5: A and does this make the game more fair or
do you think it kind of chips away at? Respect
or are we looking to just eliminate umpires all.
Speaker 6: TOGETHER i, MEAN i think you still need them for a.
PRESENCE i think technology is great to get the correct
call in the.
Speaker 2: Field, SURE.
Speaker 3: I think you need. BOTH i don't think you can
just go straight to.
Speaker 6: Technology you can't have robots on the field just calling,
stuff because you still got to have some.
Speaker 5: Humanity Human, yeah well that that's kind of my thing.
Too and and and that's the, thing, like can you
imagine being fact checked in real time on ship when you're.
Speaker 4: Just that would be it would be amazing and also so. Annoying, well,
yes and you have your own, opinion so it's not
always what you. Say not everything is false or. Correct
it's just sort of right. Opinion BUT i guess in the,
sports when there's, money when there's, everything well that's the problem.
Speaker 5: Now so gambling that was fought by all these leagues
or pretending to be fall by off these, leagues you,
know and now they're making so much money off of.
It it is they got to get the the call
correctly or. Correctly that's the part THAT I i guess
that it's almost. Ruined but do we want a flawless?
GAME i, mean do we want a flawless?
Speaker 2: Game and then who do you have to?
Speaker 4: BLAME i.
Speaker 2: Don't, well that's my. Point it's like bad calls have
always been part of sports.
Speaker 6: TODAY i just it depends on what it. IS i,
mean let's just look at the sport of. Basketball a player.
Fall DO i want to go to replay every time.
Speaker 3: To see if it's your? Faul, no it is what it.
Speaker 6: Is and then with that being, said every individual who
calls the game is going to call the game. Different,
yes you, know sometimes you let stuff go sometimes you.
Don't just depends on what kind of referee you.
Speaker 5: Are well THAT i mean like if we erase human,
error right to, me you're you're erasing human moments like.
That that's sort of the imperfection of the. Game like
you know what THE.
Speaker 2: ESPN i.
Speaker 5: By time myself in the morning by WATCHING, espn so
when they get To Get, up which is on at eight,
o'clock they could do twenty minutes on a back.
Speaker 4: Hall it up every.
Speaker 2: Morning, yeah, RIGHT i like. IT i like. IT i
Think greenberg does a great.
Speaker 5: Job for a WHILE i was watching THE nfl thing
and THEN i just kind of fill. In so that's
become my daily, habit AND i think they.
Speaker 2: Do a great, job but they would. Do, right what
was the call?
Speaker 5: RECENTLY i think it might have been In oh, no
it was in The World Baseball classic.
Speaker 2: At the Age oh, yeah that's.
Speaker 5: Okay but either, way they did like twenty minutes on,
it AND i, go.
Speaker 6: You get these shows stop? Existing, WELL i mean that's
the issue in itself. Too you look at twenty years,
ago you didn't have the technology for replaying this and
that and, whatnot so everybody was fine with human. Error
now you're so quick to highlight a, call and you
can show it from forty different, angles and then you
can make it so egregious that that's all people want
to talk. About twenty years ago you went to a baseball,
game how many people actually knew it was a striking
it was a?
Speaker 3: Ball maybe the people behind home. Player, yeah that's about.
Speaker 2: It that's about.
Speaker 5: It and now, right and now can see and we
slow it, down and there's cameras, everywhere AND i, MEAN
i guess part of that, too if it's not automated
in a, way gives us stuff as fans to.
Speaker 2: Are you it was right?
Speaker 5: There? Bob BUT i, go you, know people worry ABOUT
ai replacing, them, right replacing certain jobs and, things AND i, go,
WELL i.
Speaker 2: Think it does start out by.
Speaker 5: Helping, yeah, right right now we're just, assisting and then, yeah, slowly.
Speaker 2: You, know it goes.
Speaker 5: Away and that's that's why to, me this is like
a bigger. Conversation it's not about the. Umpire it's about every,
job every job that that that people are doing.
Speaker 2: It AND i don't, know it.
Speaker 4: Is funny at Like lucas says basketball games this, Season,
Yeah joe would be, like oh this rough is not
calling anything, today or he just. COMMENTS i think sometimes
you even do it to. Yourself BUT i hear, about
oh that was a bad. Call that should have been a.
Call this should have been a. Call and the other.
Parents everyone's gotten to Know, joe all my parent. Friends
they will look At joe sometimes for a, call especially at,
football like When lucas's team is playing another, team and
he'll be, like, No lucas stepped out of, line like
that's not you, know it's not that he always sides
With lucas's, team but they all respect his. Calls WOULD.
Speaker 3: I, Coach, NO i don't want to.
Speaker 6: COACH i MEAN i coach for work just because it's you,
know it's there basic it's.
Speaker 3: There but, Outside, No i'm not A i'm not a head.
Speaker 6: COACH i could be like an assistant coach or like
a helping, coach but head coach, NOW i don't have an.
Speaker 3: Interest you could, be, uh.
Speaker 2: But the kids would love.
Speaker 4: It lucas has. Asked, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Like yours are.
Speaker 3: Bad, yeah the hours are bad for family.
Speaker 6: Life, yeah and that was one of the you, Know
i'm a little off topic or, whatnot but that was
one of the THINGS i Told laura WHEN i first met.
HER i don't REALLY i can't have a relationship with
somebody with kids because my work hours. Suck it's not
fair to. You it's not that you. KNOW i looked
At laura different from having. Kids it's, like you got two.
Kids i'm not gonna be around and.
Speaker 3: That's the tough. Part but LIKE i take personal, TIME
i take, VACATION i take sick. Days So i'm. THERE
i you, KNOW I i'm there as the BEST i.
Speaker 6: Can but it's about the quality of time. Too it's
not just being. There just make time for.
Speaker 3: It.
Speaker 2: Mhmm, wow where'd you find this.
Speaker 4: Guy bronk at a?
Speaker 1: Bar?
Speaker 2: See that's one of the best love of stars. MAN i,
yeah tell you a little, alcohol we, can you can
find the right.
Speaker 4: PEOPLE i mean it WAS i think neither of us expected,
anything and then it just happened very, quickly so, right,
YEAH i mean it Was New Year's eve when we.
Met we were out with different groups of, people and
one of my friends is married to someone who also
ref's college football and refed With, joe And joe went
up to him and was, like, Hey, dave who's your blonde?
Friend And dave, said don't waste your.
Speaker 3: Time?
Speaker 5: Wow, really, oh don't waste your?
Speaker 2: Time what is? That that's a, challenge.
Speaker 3: Buddy it wasn't that it was a.
Speaker 6: Challenge it WAS i, mean you guys probably had plenty
of podcasts About laura in her past and.
Speaker 3: Whatnot laura was.
Speaker 2: HAVING i don't know what you're talking, About. LAURA i
know what you're talking, About. JOE i take great offention of.
Speaker 3: That, yeah.
Speaker 6: But, No laura was having. Fun laura wasn't really looking
for a. RELATIONSHIP i wasn't looking for a. Relationship it, says,
hey you, know we'll go hang, out we'll go to
life music, together and you, know whatever happens.
Speaker 3: Happens just blossomed a new.
Speaker 5: Relationship, yeah that's, uh that's pretty.
Speaker 2: Good see.
Speaker 4: That we're like that stupid epitome of like things happen
when you least expect, it like neither of. Us, yeah
he was, like BECAUSE i was, LIKE i don't do.
Relationships i'm happily, single and he was, LIKE i would
never date a single mom just my. Hours and we
hung out a couple of, times just at sort of
group outings and it's just.
Speaker 2: Immediate who. Called who oh.
Speaker 6: God it Was New year's AND i went.
Speaker 3: Home she stayed.
Speaker 4: There we didn't even. Kiss we were dancing and we exchanged.
Speaker 3: Numbers SO i went.
Speaker 6: Home i'm, Drunk i'm, HORNY i Got i'm showing her
pictures with my.
Speaker 3: Dog i'm showing her. Pictures i'm trying to get her
to come. Over, wow it didn't.
Speaker 2: Happen if you had another word that began WITH d
on your? Camera what he lost?
Speaker 5: ME i would never send a, picture we know years,
later SO i don't THINK i wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Either but, no SO i did all.
Speaker 6: That it didn't, work and then the next MORNING i was, like,
huh that's not really. Me i'm reading back through my text.
Messages SO i apologized to. HER i, said you, KNOW
i was. Drunk i'm, sorry it's not really HOW i,
am but you, Know i'd like to hang, out you,
know and go see some, music and because a lot
of my friends they don't like to go out and
listen to. Music and she seemed very passionate and enjoyed,
it SO i was, like why?
Speaker 3: Not you, know she was, Pretty SO i apologized to
her and.
Speaker 6: Whatnot we scheduled a date and she gave me a second,
chance and it just worked.
Speaker 3: Out what did you go?
Speaker 2: See what the?
Speaker 4: Hell we went and saw dial? Up it was funny
BECAUSE i was out with some of the gym group
and it was me And jamie and we met up
with him And jamie the next morning, goes you're going
to marry that? Man AND i, Go i'm not even
going to date, him and she could just tell from
that night it was just the three of us that
went and saw, them and we're hanging.
Speaker 2: Out look at, this that's? Great should we take a?
Moment and then, sure, ASKED.
Speaker 4: I don't, know you, know there's no. Shame the podcast
has been along for this whole ride of my relationship
with D what didn't when we met AND i told
YOU i do a. Podcast what did you was your initial? Thoughts,
OH i don't.
Speaker 3: THINK i had initial.
Speaker 6: THOUGHTS i just didn't realize how often you did, it
or when you did it and.
Speaker 3: Whatnot but.
Speaker 4: He, said he said he went home that night and
like googled me On New Year's.
Speaker 2: Eve.
Speaker 5: Though, yeah we'll get into this right after. This you
never think you're gonna need a personal injury attorney until you.
Speaker 2: Do it's not something you plan.
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Speaker 2: Life do do next?
Speaker 5: Thing you know you're dealing with an accident and, injury
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how to. Win connors In, first what's what's your first
concert you're going to this? Summer oh that is, Yeah
i'll be.
Speaker 4: There, Yeah i'm excited for that.
Speaker 2: One, yeah me, TOO i am.
Speaker 4: Too did you see That dermott just announced a Tour, no,
yeah and so he's coming To syracuse On september twenty.
Speaker 2: Six, wow, yeah, hey.
Speaker 3: Good.
Speaker 2: Time Well, joe what is your? Music are you a?
Speaker 3: COUNTRY i MEAN i listened to, country but IT'S i don't. Care, yeah,
NECESSARILY i just like me and around happy.
Speaker 6: People so like the concert with me was just the
vibe of just going out being surrounded by you, know
thousands of people that are just enjoying the, moment being.
Speaker 3: Happy so that's that's what draws. Me.
Speaker 6: Yeah other than that music IS i don't really care about.
LYRICS i, mean if it's got a good melody or
a good, Beat i'll listen to.
Speaker 4: It that's WHY i said On New year's when we
met and we're. Talking he was, like, YEAH i love
to go out to live, music AND i was, like
so DO I it's my favorite. Thing so that's really
how we started talking and Planned, okay next time dial
up or someone good is, playing we'll go meet.
Speaker 2: There yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: Wow so When i'm thinking live, Music i'm thinking like a,
concert but you're.
Speaker 4: Just, YES i love going to. Concerts but we're just
talking local cover. Bands you. Know we we go To
Iron smoke all the. Time three heads just anywhere out
going and listening to live music is one of our
favorite things to, do no matter who it.
Speaker 6: Is.
Speaker 4: Right, so And i've gotten him to come to. You
do like enjoy country concerts the, most going to, You
and that's why he had gone to That wildwood festival
a couple of years before he went.
Speaker 2: Solo wait wait what you?
Speaker 5: Wait you went so all to that big. Festival how
fucking fun was? That it was a good?
Speaker 3: Time why?
Speaker 6: NOT i mean you meet, people people are, there there's
theme nights and country music.
Speaker 3: DRINKING i mean it was a good. Time nobody's going to.
Speaker 4: That he's my, Person, Like i'm, amazing that is SOMETHING
i would have.
Speaker 5: Done well, yeah, Okay So my question is, like when
you go to this place soul and they have theme,
nights give me a theme, night and did you have
to dress? UP i would be so self, conscious especially
If i'm by.
Speaker 6: MYSELF i, MEAN i guess one of them that they
do every year Is America, day so everybody just wears,
red white and blue and stars and stripes and stuff like.
That so you, JUST i, mean nothing. CRAZY i think
one of the knights was Like Neon.
Speaker 4: Night Deniman diamonds was one year that you showed that
was another one picture Of Youn.
Speaker 3: Diamonds.
Speaker 5: Denim he's such a big.
Speaker 4: Guy he gets. Attention, yeah so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, hey what, like does that make you? Jealous?
Speaker 4: No, NO i love.
Speaker 2: It you love when he gets.
Speaker 3: ATTENTION i don't get. ATTENTION i could See laura gets the.
ATTENTION i DON'T i could.
Speaker 2: Attention.
Speaker 3: NO i, MEAN i guess the one time.
Speaker 6: At the festival we got the video or, whatever there
was some Girl he's maybe trying to give me some
kind of. Attention she was looking at me And i'm,
like what the fuck are?
Speaker 3: You, Like i'm with my girlfriend, here what are you?
Speaker 2: DOING i was literally.
Speaker 4: Standing in front of him and this girl comes up
like behind him and starts holding him and just like
dancing with, him and he's looking at me And i'm,
like but YOU i was just like, whatever like nothing's gonna.
Speaker 5: Happen but, yeah wow The, Yeah, Well laura has talked
about everything on the on the.
Speaker 2: Podcast You laura's very. Open i'm very.
Speaker 5: Filter, yeah filter, filter and and it's appreciated and it's
it's noticed and people Like laura for, that.
Speaker 2: And, no they.
Speaker 4: Do some people don't Like who doesn't Like laura for?
That i'm just thinking there's some people who have listened
who don't like how UNFILTERED i.
Speaker 3: Am.
Speaker 2: No, well.
Speaker 5: Oh, yes. Man that took me. That that took me a.
Moment that took me a. Moment, no BECAUSE i was
thinking of when we were talking About trump the other.
Day so we got very upset with something you said good,
yeah AND i had To, OKAY i talked. IT i
didn't talk it. DOWN i just talked around like about
it BECAUSE i think it's one of the biggest problems
we have today.
Speaker 4: That you can't have.
Speaker 5: Conversations, well it was more like we're not asking the
question why we automatically draw a dividing line into you're
on team red or you're on team, blue and what's
your jersey color instead of what's your kind of your
why your reason for for?
Speaker 4: That we talk about this all the.
Speaker 5: Time, yeah AND i AND i think that THERE'S i
think that that would open dialogue a little bit more
and maybe some, understanding because.
Speaker 2: You, know it's just what came up.
Speaker 5: In a podcast THAT i did With doug that will
drop this week is the fact that for many years
people were dropping out WHEN i was a kid of
political races because they were found to have an extra marital.
Affair and a lot of times that was discovered by
the inquirer who people, go you, know Was bigfoot in
The alien. Landing but they had, great great reporters That
dug Deep, man and there Was Gary, hart and there
was another GUY i forget his, name and they were
all kind of exposed for this stuff and they. DISAPPEARED i,
go now we have we've come so. Far and, look
we Got clinton right The White, house that whole thing.
Speaker 2: And no big.
Speaker 5: Deal and now we've got somebody who was allegedly paying
a porn star hush, money you know WHAT i.
Speaker 2: Mean AND i, go it's come.
Speaker 5: To the point where it just doesn't fucking matter. Anymore
LIKE i feel like that just doesn't. Matter and so,
okay so is it the best person for the, job
is it the? Policy what does? Matter it is kind
of the, thing and we'll see as time goes on
what happens with. That but it is. Strange it's just
strange because, well you, guys are are you?
Speaker 2: Political uh? Compatible politically?
Speaker 4: Compatible that's one of my absolutely like no like boundary.
Breakers But joe is very middle of the. Line, yeah
She joe sees things from multiple points of. Views And
i've told, you we've we've had conversations about, it and you,
know you can.
Speaker 6: Speak WHAT i was going to say is like my
favorite conversation With, laura AND i say it all the
time Because i'm not, political.
Speaker 3: But, Laura laura's you, know she aligns the way she.
Speaker 6: Aligns but my question To laura always, is you know
she has knowledge she aligns on the left or. Whatnot
when you talk to somebody who aligns on the, right they're,
smart they have their knowledge, Too so how can.
Speaker 3: You say they are totally wrong?
Speaker 2: Right you.
Speaker 6: Can't it has to be in the. Middle and SO
i always, say if your diehard, left you're a. Wacko
if you're diehard, right you're a. Wacko the truth is
in the.
Speaker 5: MIDDLE i OFTEN i would agree with. YOU i think
that that we get two extremes uncertain, things for. Sure
BUT i just sometimes look even at The Democratic, party
AND i, Go, god there's so many factions and fractions
and people. Fighting it is very. Disjointed and so that's
the part that bothers. Me and THEN i, go, well,
yeah the pendulum swung to a certain way, right and
people decided they were pissed off about. That so now
the pendulum swings back and you've got then you, go,
like here's what comes out of that? STUFF i think
IS i don't know if you've Watched The manosphere On.
Netflix so it's about really like kind of right wing.
Speaker 2: Guys there's a guy In.
Speaker 5: Louisiana it's all about their, money it's all about their,
stuff and they're you, know they're odd YouTube and they're
preaching it and they show this one guy's like, yeah
and the wife, says we have our, lanes we have our,
lanes AND i do you know traditional?
Speaker 2: Women?
Speaker 5: Okay and then but he gets to go out and
if he finds someone he can hook up but she
has to be monogamous in the.
Speaker 2: Relationship and it's.
Speaker 5: A weird thing to me BECAUSE i, go all, right
but but they're all in there in your.
Speaker 2: FACE i came from.
Speaker 5: NOTHING i built it up and a lot of, misogyny
a lot of.
Speaker 4: Misogyny and the thing.
Speaker 5: THAT i think, IS i think some of that comes
from the fact that we went so far to where
people are pissed off about certain things.
Speaker 2: They maybe shouldn't, be but they.
Speaker 5: Get pissed off about declaring pronouns or whatever that. Is
AND i AND i think that's how these things, start
and then they get attention and somewhere if we were
able to.
Speaker 2: Keep it in the. Middle you want to change a
change a? Pronoun who gives a?
Speaker 5: Shit, Right if you're gonna feel, good that's all that really, matters,
Right but the other stuff is like then it becomes
it just becomes like people just yelling at each. Other
And i'm, like there's no.
Speaker 2: DISCUSSION i like that you guys discuss stuff we do because.
Speaker 4: But like it's also WHAT i have Told joe is
it's not to me always just left, first right it?
Is and what when he, says, like how can you
be smart and be well educated and know your shit
and believe this and somebody. Else AND i say it's
because of everyone has different values and, morals and mine
are very socially. Aligned LIKE i do not believe THAT
i am better than, anyone AND i think everyone deserves,
respect so. Too that is one that is my core
belief in, life LIKE i will Whether i'm organizing a
three million dollar home and doing a Woman's manolo, blomics
or If i'm working in the inner city with someone
who has rodent, Problem i'm going to respect these two
people the exact.
Speaker 5: Same and it's called unconditional. Regard, Yeah and it's, really,
really really hard to do because it's so nice to
maybe slip on a lot of block when they're, yeah.
Speaker 4: But like you, know other, people they're they're more their
priority is. Guns some people's priority is their. Face and
so that is how you believe things and what is
true in your. Regard And i'm okay with everyone having different.
BELIEFS i don't think that one belief is really right versus,
wrong but it, is and he knows it. Is to,
me the people who support someone who is openly misogynistic and,
racist and that is WHERE i have a hard.
Speaker 5: Line, yeah and that's, Fine and there's your. Why, yeah,
right there's the why that we're talking. About AND i
think that that's something that a lot of people would
say is a hard pill to. Swallow would you be
friends with someone like? That if you had a kid like?
That would you be trying to correct? THAT i can understand, that,
Right but there's that's exactly What i'm talking, About.
Speaker 4: Like in him AND i in our, conversations we've talked
about like OBVIOUSLY i SUPPORT dei and he has been
LIKE i have not been given promotions where he is
the best. Candidate but he is, white.
Speaker 2: Right and that's also. Right really working in.
Speaker 4: A wreck program that is, minority or that white is the,
minority it's.
Speaker 3: Tough it wasn't really geared towards the rec. Program it
was more geared towards like law. Enforcement.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah you know if when DE i first came in to,
play you, know IF i score a ninety ninety five
on an exam and a MINORITY e, scores you, know
it kind of snings a little bit, that you, know
the person with the seventy is gonna get looked at
before the person with the ninety, five just because you
have a quota To, PHIL i, MEAN i understand we're
all about equal, opportunity but at the same, time it's you,
know what's that what's that telling the other person, LIKE
i don't.
Speaker 5: Know, NO i think that that's a problem that a
lot of people have uh talked about for a, while,
like you, know who is the best person for the?
Job is that what we really? Want and it was
sort of WHAT i THINK i was Asking, laura like
if it was a doctor who had big oh, yeah
and he was and he had he was one of
the best surgeons for whatever you needed in the world
people flew to would you go to.
Speaker 2: Him if you found that?
Speaker 5: Out and it's interesting BECAUSE i think a lot of
people we make these, judgments but is it the best
person for the? Job don't you want the best person
for the?
Speaker 2: Job or not? Necessarily and this is where D i to,
me is a very slippery.
Speaker 5: Slope like it was it was certainly needed for, many
many many, years right we had people that had abilities
and things and trying to lift people up and make
a more equal. Society and NOW i feel like in
some instances it should almost be readjusted to where you're
going more especially with education and, Stuff why are we
doing it more on a poverty.
Speaker 6: Level so that's that's the one THING i always discussed with.
LAWYER i don't THINK di is anything about black and white.
Speaker 3: ANYMORE i. Don't if you're, poor you're. Poor if you're,
rich you're. Rich.
Speaker 6: Right you, know If African american with money commits a
crime AND i commit a, crime the guy with money
is going to get off of the crime the day
potentially you, know a good word, there.
Speaker 2: No, no but you're, right, right better, lawyer more, money more.
Speaker 6: Influence, YEAH i mean it's similar WHEN i had my Little,
shpiel my little d W I i had a. Lawyer
i'm in a, courtroom you, KNOW i HAVE i suit.
ON i have a lawyer the whole nine. Yards everybody
else doesn't have a. Lawyer who's the first person they
talk to? ME i don't have to sit, AROUND i
don't have to wait BECAUSE i have a. Lawyer, Right
and it's like it's just. Stupid it's all about money
who has and who?
Speaker 3: Doesn't.
Speaker 5: Right and my thought on that came from looking at
like The Ivy league.
Speaker 2: SCHOOLS i Think i've said this, Before.
Speaker 5: Like you go back to nineteen sixty, eight there were
twelve black people in all The Ivy league. Everywhere now
majority of students At harvard identify as other than. White
not that that's, bad that's, Fine but my point, is
what about trying to expand that. Out because some people
who are meeting the quota come from well to do,
families why aren't we also trying to make It so
there's the kid In. APPALACHIA i, mean have we not
seen a guy From appalaysia who went on to win
The Nobel Peace?
Speaker 2: Prize?
Speaker 5: Yeah or a kid in the. CITY i, mean there
was always this thing about urban flight for a while
where somehow the kid gets out out of that environment
and does. It why aren't we helping that? Kid why
aren't we finding those brilliant minds that are in those
places and not and showing. Them, yeah, man we, noticed we.
Care let's and give them that. OPPORTUNITY i don't know
how that. Works it's easy to sit here and say. Shit,
Yeah so that's the thing is, like it's easy to
sit here and say that, shit AND i understand, it.
Speaker 4: But it's definitely it's definitely a lot of, money like
just the. Differentials oh, YEAH i mean when we started Dating.
Joe the first time he came to my, house he
like felt uncomfortable because he was, like you live in
what did you call?
Speaker 3: Them home alone?
Speaker 6: Houses i'm driving through the neighborhood and home alone, house
home alone. House, WELL i grew, up you, KNOW i.
DIDN'T i didn't have a ton of money growing, up
and my. Parents it seems like when you're lower, income
lower income people always want to talk crap about people
who do have money and say they're snooty or snoudy or. Whatnot,
yeah SO i mean you take that into.
Speaker 3: Consideration that's HOW i was.
Speaker 6: Raised and THEN i Meet laura AND i don't know
her from, anything And i'm driving in a.
Speaker 3: Neighborhood it's.
Speaker 6: Intimidating it's, like you, KNOW i got my little ranch
on the on the west, side and you know she's
got this giant house on the east. Side because everybody
knows there's a stigma between the west and east.
Speaker 3: Side everybody.
Speaker 2: There.
Speaker 5: IS i THAT'S i get. THAT i can see, that
not the stigma so, much but the money. Thing and
then you, KNOW i think one of the things that often.
Speaker 2: Upsets a lot of people.
Speaker 5: That are white is when they hear white privilege, right
Because i've had guys say to, me, WELL i busted
my ass to build my, company AND i, Go but
that's not what white privilege is. About white privileges to,
me just means the road you got to wherever you
are had less, potholes you were less likely to be pulled,
over you were less likely to not be seen for
a job. Necessarily it's, certain you know What i'm, Saying
like it just. Did and, yes to your, Point joe
THE dei in certain. Places but like you, know IF
i knew a lot of, times And i've said, this
AND i have a diversity class That i'm part, of
AND i would say things LIKE i never felt LIKE
i didn't. BELONG i could walk Into Oak hill OR
i could walk into a garage with a bunch of
blue collar mechanics and talk, cars AND i never felt
LIKE i didn't fit in.
Speaker 2: Anywhere and so that's that's an easy.
Speaker 5: Thing then they had in one of my classes this
thing where you do a privilege walk and they ask
you questions like did you grow up in a home
with a college where at least one parent of guardian
was college?
Speaker 2: Educated or you, know and on and on from.
Speaker 5: THERE i was the first one to the, candyball and
then somebody said there was a young black woman in the.
Back and somebody, SAID I i was thinking about AND
i won't say the. NAME i was thinking about this
person and how she felt being way back. There AND i,
thought and SO i, thought how was she like an
odd thing to say to?
Speaker 4: Me but didn't you, say, like OH i?
Speaker 2: Forgot, NO i, Said i'm so far up, FRONT i
couldn't see. You, yeah that's WHAT i.
Speaker 5: Said but my point Was and THEN i just recently
had to do a group thing and at the end
that sort of came up, again and that person was
sitting right next to, me AND i, said the one
thing THAT i walk away from is fuck.
Speaker 2: It we're all. Here what are you gonna do with?
Speaker 5: It however you got, here whatever, potholes you, know good
for you for fucking navigating more, Potholes but we're all. Here,
now what are you gonna do with? It AND i
and NOW i Think i'm gonna HAVE t shirts when
the semester is to.
Speaker 2: Say fuck, it we're, here you know WHAT i?
Speaker 5: Mean only BECAUSE i think that sometimes we start to
argue for our limitations of whatever that, is and that
to me is, like, oh we got to push past. It,
yes there have been, setbacks they should be. Recognized we
should learn those. Things we should try to make the
road a little smoother for. PEOPLE i get all, that
but when you're, here fuck can.
Speaker 4: Go that is very similar to how you, Think oh, yeah.
Speaker 6: ABSOLUTELY i MEAN i didn't come from a great. HOME
i tell every everybody's how did you get to where you?
Got yoae by doing the opos in my? Parents my
parents loved, me but LIKE i saw all the negative
things in my parents' lives AND i didn't want that for.
Speaker 3: Myself SO i did.
Speaker 6: THAT i did that nobody else and then that's WHAT
i tell, Everybody Like laura hates, it BUT i had
a quote THAT i made, up and if you stick
around with your thumb up your, ass all you get
is a poopy.
Speaker 3: Finger if you want, it go get.
Speaker 4: It if you want to, go get it a thumb
sucker or a nail. BIER i mean, true, yeah half,
Far BUT i, mean.
Speaker 5: Yeah he's got a, point, Right, yeah, Yeah Well laura
does it sit on her? Ass, no, jesus she's like
running all the time doing.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 4: YEAH i think that that in when he realized, Like,
Okay i'm not a single mom who sits at home
like he was, Like, okay she's she's. FINE i don't
need to be someone who's home with her every. Night
THAT i was very much, LIKE i have a very full,
life very, abundant And i'm like happy with Where i'm,
At so you don't need to like fulfill. Anything but
then it was like more THAT i ended up wanting
to open up space for him.
Speaker 6: AND i never dated anybody with kids just because my
work schedule and you, know and the fact That laura
had her kids fifty percent of the. Time it was, Like,
OKAY i can dip my toe in.
Speaker 3: And see how this.
Speaker 6: Works i'm not just coming in immediately and just you,
know being that folly figure stepdad.
Speaker 3: Role she still has her time to go out and enjoy.
Being you, know.
Speaker 6: What's the slogan that you like THAT i, said you
make kids with the wrong.
Speaker 4: Person, oh you have kids with the wrong person to
spend time kid free weekends like with the right person or.
Speaker 2: Whatever, yeah, well speaking of kid, free.
Speaker 5: WELL i hang a hand BECAUSE i am going to.
Speaker 2: TRANSITION i Have, yeah.
Speaker 5: BUT i think that this is who you, Are, LIKE
i think being with, kids is truly?
Speaker 2: You oh, NO i would.
Speaker 5: Agree, yeah it sounds like you'll. Be you're very a
wonderful influence on these. Kids AND i get, it you're
ours and all that, Stuff BUT i mean it sounds
like they just adore, you and that's a great.
Speaker 4: Thing all the kids adore like not only at his
work and not only my. CHILDREN i, mean he is
their favorite parent. Figure like they talk about it all the,
Time luke at their, Friends like we were at A
nighthawks game the other week And lucas's like two of
his best friends are Like, Joe, like you, Know lucas's
friends know him more now is. AMAZING i, MEAN i
was volunteering at school the other day And lucas walked
in with his friends and they're all, like but Where's,
Joe like they everyone gravitates towards him because he also
he interacts with the.
Speaker 3: KIDS i, Mean i'm still a.
Speaker 6: Kid i'm never GONNA i got my ears. Pierced i'm
forty one years. OLD i act immature here and. THERE
i know how to act serious WHEN i am just.
Speaker 3: Got to live. Life, man you gotta be. Happy, WELL i.
Speaker 5: AGREE i often think a lot of times when you,
know like we can all get bogged down in the
humanness of our humanness right in a way.
Speaker 2: That doesn't just, stupid you know What i'm, saying, right our.
Speaker 5: Humanness AND i often, think like after a good night's,
SLEEP i, go there's nothing serious going on, here you.
KNOW i really, believe like you never really get it,
wrong and you never get it, done and if you
get it, done it means you're, dead so you. Know
and and the other, THING i just said it to
somebody the other. Day they, go, well you, know you
only live. Once AND i, said, True BUT i, say
you only die. Once get to, living you, know get
to living because you only die. Once and that and
that's the part THAT i think is sometimes, lost you.
Speaker 2: Know but it's.
Speaker 5: Taken me to this ripe old age of WHERE i
am to see life that. WAY i, mean that's that's
the bad. PART i, Go i'm running out of.
Speaker 4: Time i'm running out of a. RUNWAY i joke THAT
i like to be on a plane every other, month
LIKE i want to be going. SOMEWHERE i want to
be doing. Something and now we get to do it
together and it's so much.
Speaker 5: Fun, Yeah and now that the kids are gone and
you guys must Have they're gone this, week.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah for the whole, week the whole.
Speaker 4: Week, WOW i Know i'll miss, them but will?
Speaker 2: YOU i, MEAN i MEAN i, missed of, course but
we get to have.
Speaker 5: Fun, yeah somebody looks like they got they.
Speaker 4: Went like around, round you, KNOW i, KNOW i got.
Speaker 5: Jokes i'm trying to think of like a rabbit, puncher you,
know Like Manny pakia Rabbit.
Speaker 4: Joe what?
Speaker 6: HAPPENED i, fell just like every Domestic, uh, yes, yes
that Is it's.
Speaker 3: TRUE i fell his.
Speaker 5: Eye he came in here and he can't really see
it because of the way our lighting is.
Speaker 2: Now which is.
Speaker 5: Great but he came in AND i knew he was
playing basketball, today AND i thought he got an elbow
in The ey'm, like, damn only because around the orbit
of your eye is fragile and it could. Break and
he had it almost looked Like he's, like, oh you
can see, this And i'm, like see. It it looks like
it looks like you're in a fucking glam band from the.
Eighties you got eyeliner is, purple And i'm wanting for
you to start singing round and round with a rat or.
Speaker 2: Something i'm, like what is going? On and THEN, I
i don't know.
Speaker 4: What soon may have hit his head on the headboard last, Night.
Speaker 2: Oh, well oh we were.
Speaker 5: Finishing oh man lost his footing and just went, wow
we were.
Speaker 4: A little too high up on the. Bed when he came,
down it was just, punk like damn full weight right.
On and then we had to go to a dinner party.
Speaker 2: After, wait this was an early.
Speaker 4: Room, yeah it was an early. Round we were gonna go.
EAT i don't want to be all full of food and, everything,
like let's get it done Through in the, AFTERNOON i
had just gotten home from, work took a. SHOWER i,
LITERALLY i literally texted him like WHILE i was at,
WORK i was, like meet me in bed at four.
O'clock and. Yeah so he showed up to the dinner
party and people are, like what? Happened what else do you.
Speaker 2: Guys want me to?
Speaker 3: SAY i guess we go in a little DO i
go into the?
Speaker 2: Details, no you don't have to go to that's tough to.
You laura watched? It, No laura at.
Speaker 4: All, No, No i'm so used to.
Speaker 6: This ora would like to know If i'm the only,
Person SO i guess put it out there listeners will
respond to.
Speaker 2: This, okay so.
Speaker 6: Great as a, male WHEN i, ORGASM i have very intense.
ORGASMS i hold on to them to the point WHERE
i can't and WHEN i release and a good, TERM i,
uh my.
Speaker 3: Body tangles like you have a.
Speaker 2: SEIZURE i like lose.
Speaker 3: Coordination AND i was having a good time last.
Speaker 2: Night.
Speaker 6: Feah USUALLY i braced myself or. WHATNOT i JUST i
didn't brace myself. Yesterday, YEAH i just took a, Tumble.
Speaker 2: NO i, could uh, yeah or do you convulse a
little bit?
Speaker 3: Too?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Shake some. Balls so normally when we, FINISH i have
to be on top so he doesn't fall or else
he'll fall on top of. Me AND i mean that happened,
too but that's what was going on last. Night but
he was JUST i guess we were higher on the. Bed.
Speaker 2: Dude i'm. Sorry it looks, painful that's. All it looks.
Speaker 3: Painful it really doesn't.
Speaker 6: Hurt it was just it was more funny and embarrassing
because it was literally, like at the same.
Speaker 3: TIME i, FINISHED i whacked my head and it.
Speaker 6: Was just just like she's over, there you, know enjoying and.
Speaker 3: BLISS i got my hands high.
Speaker 2: Problem she's all.
Speaker 6: Happy she looks over she's, like oh my, god it's the.
Speaker 4: Medium there's a. Video one of my friends took the
video at the dinner party last night because there was
like six different couples and she had us all doing
this game where we had to put a cucumber on
our head and try to get it into our, mouth
and everyone's, like and then you just See joe have
an ice pass.
Speaker 5: For.
Speaker 4: Joe all, Right, hey you know we had a Little saturday. Funnest,
yeah what's wrong about?
Speaker 5: That absolutely, nothing, no. Nothing it's just that it's an
interesting black guy and it's.
Speaker 2: The best black eye Story i've ever. HEARD i fell,
no BUT i mean that that go with.
Speaker 5: That BUT i, mean when you get into the, details
that's a great reason to GET i, Mean i'm, like,
wow exactly you need you, know what you need to
do is you need to buy one of those pool,
noodles cut it in half and just put it over.
Speaker 4: The edge of THE i, know but it's Heaven like we're,
like if we're standing or anything towards the, end we
always have to plan it out because you can't just.
Drop it's like.
Speaker 3: An elephant hit with a. Tranquilizer it's just that's what it.
Speaker 2: Is Oh, god that's, Phenomenal. Joe that's the. Best that's the.
Best i've enjoyed the conversation. Overall that we save this
for the last but, really, man.
Speaker 5: INSIGHTFUL i THINK i see the big heart you're talking,
about and what a wonderful thing you're. Doing AND i
hope you find something that fulfills all that for. You you,
KNOW i really do that that gives you all. That
AND i love the fact that he's, saying you, KNOW
i haven't had a, family so Now i'm retired from
getting screamed at by over zealous dads on the. Sideline,
well we said.
Speaker 4: It maybe he'll go back down To Roughing High school.
Speaker 5: Eventually so, yeah well when the boys are, right if they, yeah, yeah,
WHATEVER i don't right, now he.
Speaker 4: Just gets to wear that pinstripe suit around.
Speaker 2: Me oh, really flagging the play seven minutes For, roughing.
Speaker 5: Seven inches For, ROUGHING i don't, know all, right For
joe The, Man For, Laura I'm Bill.
Speaker 2: Moran we'll see you next. Time