Speaker 1: This is an unspoiled network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering Dungeon Crawler Carl Book four Gate of the Pharaoh
Gods chapters twenty five, twenty four, twenty five, and twenty six.
In these chapters, we are getting a whole new and
exciting format for our boss battles. Isn't that fun? Isn't
that fun? Welcome to spoil Me, Welcome to the show everyone.
I am Natasha. Thank you very much to Michael for
commissioning this episode. Oh man, y'all it is There is
a lot to get through this episode, and we are
going for it. So let's begin right where I had
left off. After I did my little life read about
what it was that was being forced out of Carl's inventory,
it turns out that it is the head of the
sex doll. And you know, I was wondering, like, why
is it that this gets forced out? And as soon
as I finished the recording and like went off screen,
I was suddenly like, oh, I bet it's alive. I
bet that he can't keep something that's alive like that
in his inventory. That's probably it, And indeed it is.
It's a lot moreover with the god that they thought
was in that ghost. So it turns out whatever is
going on with the ghost isn't what they had thought
it was. And that's interesting, isn't it. So let's jump
back into this Leka loved doll head. This item is
possessed with the withering spirit of Samaith. Sameth or Samantha
as her friends used to call her, is a minor
deity who was banished it than nothing by her father
after he found out she was kicking around with some
ancient king guy. She's usually accompanied by her trusty sidekick,
a sand Ooh's familiar who also happens to be the
cursed child of her union with the king. You know,
typical god stuff. And then there's a mention of like
real weird shit that you're gonna be in four with
gods and later floors including a woman whose menstrual blood
is sentient, And I would just like to say for
the record, no, Samith is an intelligent is as intelligent
as she is quick tempered. Unfortunately for her, her first
escape attempt from the Nothing resulted in a split, and
half of her essence was forced to take refuge in
the closest unoccupied NIAD vessel she could find, which happened
to be a sex doll based on the fictional Lika,
who oddly enough, was actually based loosely on an inaccurate
history of Samaith. She's had to live in the doll
for many years, unable to move until the rest of
her spirit could be reunited. And then it says, the
story gets kind of weird from there, which if that's
what he is saying as the AI, you know, must
be fucking bananas. So it turns out says like, now
that she's been split, it's really hard for her to
be killed, Like he's not even sure if it will work,
but you don't want to bring the halves together. You
don't want her to like be fully powered. And I
really later on, I appreciated very much that Carl is
thinking about how lucky they got, that it's you know,
not like that it isn't fully powered, and then wonders
is it actually lucky because the other half of her
was sort of teetering in such a delicate way that
he can't help but feel there's got to be something
in this like destruction of her body that is of
the plan that, as he puts it, is written in
to get us somewhere they want us to go. And
eventually Samith is like, there is a Naiad on the
hunting grounds who I think could help me. Can you
bring me to her? And that's when Carl's like, ah,
I see here it is. That's the thing. So this
this head though at this point he doesn't even know
that it can talk, and I was sort of wondering
as well, like, you know, I know that it can
because it talked to what's his name, whose name I've
already forgotten, made him believe that she was really Leika.
But I was sort of like, you know, that dude
had a certain type of magic and maybe a certain
kind of maybe it would be like they couldn't understand
her or you know, like that there would be some obstacle.
And it turns out like the real only obstacle is
the positioning of the jaw of the doll and that
he can like open and close her mouth enough so
that she is either totally incoherent or can actually speak
somewhat normally, like she can make the lips move a
little bit. So let's see, we don't want to get
involved in her story, Mordecai said, we avoid God's like
we avoid dealing with factions outside the dungeon. We have
enough of this bullshit to deal with already. I know
what happened, Kachia said, snapping her finger. It said that
when she escaped the first time, she ended up in
the body of the love Doll. Right. It said it
was the closest thing she could find to her real form.
That means she was the one who taught God's at Gassie.
That's it into coming here in the first place. She'd
been lying to him the whole time about who she
really was. She wanted him to open the enough. She
told him it was to find that god of lust.
But it was a trick. The moment that nothing opened up,
her second half flowed out along with the sand ooze.
But something went wrong. Gatsi screwed something up during the process,
and the love Doll, the vessel holding her first half,
got turned to glass. She had to use the ooze
to keep him here until something came along and decrystallized everything.
Everyone thought she went into the body a quetzal coatless,
but they had it wrong because they didn't know she'd
been split in two, and they didn't know Gatzi had
her other half on him the whole time. So at
this point they start talking about how this is like Chucky,
and Katschia says that it actually reminds her of the
Hohore Cruxes and Harry Potter, and Carl is like, it
doesn't really matter because she was in the nothing for
long enough that it made her insane, which we have
heard enough that we have to trust is true. And
then Donut, I've watched you abuse yourself more than once,
and I know it wasn't good for my mental health.
I can't imagine what it would have done to me
if I'd been forced to actually participate. She turned to
Katcha and lowered her voice. He wiped his hand on
me once. You know afterward that is absolutely not true.
I exclaimed, I believe you, Carl, I mean, Donut gets
you confused with so many other dudes, you can't believe
a word, she says, honestly about his behavior. And there's
also earlier on you know, I had just been saying
how I felt it was starting to get a little
bit too aggressive, how often Doughnut was making jabs about
be cheating on him with other guys, and she says, here,
Miss Beatrice had a drawer full of sex toys, but
she never sailed off to the other side of the
world because her vibrator told her to. She cocked her head. Actually,
you know what, that is kind of what she did. Now,
isn't it only her sex toy? Was that, brad Fellow,
Why isn't this eligible, eligible to be in my inventory anymore?
I asked, trying hard to ignore donuts jab. Guys, that
is literally the first time we have ever heard him be,
we have ever heard him sneeze. It was a real
landmark moment. Sorry, guys, I've been dealing with allergies today.
The first episode I recorded, it was really bothering me,
and then it seemed to calm down and get into
me a little bit again. But it's the first time
we have actually, like consciously heard him say I've got
to not let this bother me, or at least like
not openly let it bothering me and let it show
that it's bothering me. And I've got to admit, guys that,
like I feel it, maybe the author is doing this
all on purpose, and that it is now leading up
to a little bit of a confrontation between him and
Donut because it just seems like, you know, it just
seems it just seems like I'm very curious because, like
I said, Donut is somebody who apparently really values loyalty,
but she's treating the fact that be cheated on him
constantly as this joke. And I want her to like
hear you know, I don't know he's been so careful
about her feelings in not wanting her to see that,
or not realizing that she was aware that they were
thinking about getting rid of her. You know, he didn't
realize that she had been listening enough to know already
and purposely had never let on because he didn't want
to hurt her feelings. And then she's like throwing it
in his face like this, and it's like, you know,
up to a point, it was funny, and then it
starts to be like ouch a little bit more and
a little bit more, and now finally trying to ignore it.
It's just to me, we're winding up for something. I think.
So anyway the uh the doll can talk, her mouth
has to be open just the right way. Going to
kill your mother, I'm going to find where she lives
and set her on fire and then kill her and
then get a Nick romansa to bring her back from
the dead and then kill her over and over again
and make you watch while it. She trailed off once
she realized I'd moved her mouth just just the right
position where she made coherent words like I tuned into
the proper radio station and she can feel that her
uh ooh's sand ooh's child is still alive and wants
them to work on getting her other half of her
body back, and Carl is like, yeah, that's not happening.
You are You were broken into a billion pieces and
then swallowed probably by a shark or something. So no.
And I love this bit where she Donna mentions Tish
to her and Samith says, Tish, Tish almost ruined everything.
Take me to her. I'm I'm going to kill her mother,
I asked. Samantha started bawling, all right, I said, standing
up and dropping the head back on the floor. This
isn't gonna work. And he just drops it on the
floor and later like they just keep doing that is
very funny to me. It's made out of like silicone,
vinyl whatever, so like, yeah, it makes sense that it's
not going to take damage doing this, and you know,
but it's just so disrespectful in a way that's genuinely
very funny. When it's a god, that is hilarious. So
Mordecai tells him, I think we should keep her. We
can keep her in the safe room, and if she
doesn't leave, she won't summon a god, and she might
have some really valuable knowledge that we can use. We
can actually hire and PCs as you know, and I'm
almost positive it's going to work for her, and conscious is.
I think it's a terrible idea, but if keeping her
in the room keeps us safe, then we can give
it a go for a little while. The game obviously
wants us to keep her. Carl. Yeah, that's what I'm
worried about. I picked up the head, pushed the mouth
all the way closed, and I strode to the training room.
I rolled her inside and closed the door. I rolled
her inside. You guys, it was just it was too much.
It was too much. What I'm saying is, you take
two sometimes three showers a day. That's water. I don't
understand how that's any different than going into the ocean.
And it turns out that they're working on this next
bit of the plan and Dona is going to stay
on the surface, not go into the water, and she
feels a little bit guilty about not participating, as we
see later on. But you know, she's only she can
only do what she can do, you know she I'm
not mad at her. There are some things that the
kind of fear that you have around them is just
not in your control. It's you know, it's just not
And I am like that very much when it comes
to in tense heights. Even when I'm like watching a movie,
if the height is too much, I will feel like
I'm going to be sick in the movie theater and
I can't look at the screen. I compulsively look away
because I cannot handle it. It's just I don't get
a say, it's just you know. So anyway, this whole
bit here, I do not hold against her one little bit,
and I appreciate that Carl doesn't either. You know what
I said to Donut, when was the last time you
checked your social media board? You know you can do
that now? You know you can do that now again.
Since Zev has gotten her job back, I was confused
about this, guys, because I thought that the whole thing
was that they don't need a social media manager because
they have the social media board. So I don't understand
how Zev getting her job back means that they I
don't understand how this worked. So this is when Carl
is talking with Katya about the ninth floor and the map,
and it's they they it's him and Katya, and they
summon over Mordecai to have him look it over and
tell him tell them like how accurate it is. And
I'm really trying to like figure out exactly what it
is that Carl could be planning here, and I can't
figure it out, but he is talking to for it.
First of all, Mordecai tries to be like, y'all, do
not worry about this yet. It is you have to
make sure you live through this fucking floor. You have
to make sure you live through this fucking day. Actually,
don't work about anything other than what is right in
front of you. It's not worth it, And he is,
and he being Carl, is very much like just humor me,
and you know, I know that it's not just humoring him.
There is obviously a plan, and Katchya knows also that
there is a plan, but she doesn't try to get
him to explain the plan. She just sort of accepts, Oh,
you're on your bullshit right now, aren't you, and decides like,
I don't even really want to know what's the point.
It's going to be something insane, and I know that
there will be no talking you out of it, so fine,
I'll just let you do your little planning. But Mordecai
isn't nearly as suspicious as I wanted him to be.
I wanted him to be like, no, but really, why
are you asking? So we're getting the description of Lorocco
and that the city is an inverted cone that goes
down into the ground, which I really enjoy because so
much of the time these sorts of things are built
with the peak in the center, you know, which makes
sense like in terms of a fortification when you are
a regular human. But since these are dwarves and their
native land is to be just in the ground, in
the earth, this makes more sense. So let's see. The
whole area is mostly rolling hills and pre dug trenches.
There's a forest that surrounds the whole thing. The deeper
you get into the forest, the more difficult the monsters are,
but they're usually hunted to extinction by the time you
get there. Back when the third floor opened up, each
of the nine factions arrived at their designated area. Each
spot is randomly picked, with one exception. The previous winter
is allowed to choose where they start, and we eventually
find out that there's a that's like God its fortifications
already like it comes with a building, and so that's
usually where they pick. Once the sixth floor opens, they
have access to the market and they can start buying
armor and magical supplies from the crawlers. They can only
bring one large chest of supplies, so it's not enough
to outfit their army. Everything has to be purchased or looted.
They aren't allowed to fight each other until the crawlers arrive,
but before that happens, they make the officers fight and
grind in the forests, leveling themselves up. Plus they all
bring several cheap potions, and he mentions that he is
willing to bet everybody is going to be much lower
level than they normally are because of the way everything
has been sped up, and the armies they all start
with fifteen thousand troops and there's a pool of mercenaries
and specialists. They can hire. The addition, mercenaries are all
collected via games and gambling and trade ups until when
the ninth floor opens. The mercenary market is near the castle.
But they can't really die, Katcha asked. The tourists know
not on that floor. It's like a game for them.
The system holds some of their health and reserve and
teleports them away before they can die. They feel real pain. Though.
The troops are mostly NPCs, but the richer of the
factions can pay for their own people to fill the ranks.
They are equally protected. The real people can respawn too,
up until the time you guys arrive. The NPC troops
don't respawd Dead is dead for those port bastards. I
felt my heart quicken. How many of the fifteen thousand
are outside people? Usually, he shrugged, A rich faction will
bring maybe two hundred. It's not very many because it's expensive.
A poor faction, like the Blood Sultant, it will only
bring about twenty. It's a little like the dance floor
for the Desperado Club. For every person they bring in,
one of the NPCs is removed, so there's no major
tactical advantage to bring too many people. In unless they're
well trained already, and these guys usually aren't. And I'm
just trying, like why does his heart quicken? Is he
planning to try and take the tourists hostage somehow? Like
that's all I can think. But if the hostages can't
actually die, then what can you possibly what kind of
leverage can that really even give you? I mean, I
don't know. So with the sixth floor, how does that
work in conjunction with the ninth The hunting grounds are
a different sort of thing. The factions can and sometimes
do send people to the sixth floor to collect gear,
but it's dangerous because they are not protected. It's the
only place in the game where they can really die.
Now that's interesting, and like I said before, they do die.
Most of these guys are rich assholes to treat the
whole thing like a weekend excursion playing paintball. A lot
of bets are made regarding the outcomes of the faction wars,
but most of the ones who are here are so
rich they don't care. If there's an upset, A lot
of credits can change hands, plus there's a cash prize
to the winner. It's more about the bragging rights than
the cash though, so I mean here I can understand,
but like the earlier I don't understand his preoccupation with
the later floor. The people who do decide to hunt
on the sixth floor, they can bring gear back. Yes,
that's pretty much the point for some of them. Someone
on the ninth right now can go down to the sixth.
But more often the hunters of people who aren't a
part of any faction, they come to win gear, things
like that ring you still need to do, then they
sell it to the factions. Okay, I said, thinking hard.
One last question, when can someone decide to participate in
all this? Say I'm a random guy floating around in
a spaceship and I decide tomorrow I want to get
in on the action, can I Yeah, if you have
the credits and can get here in time, hunters can
sign up until the opening of the sixth floor. It's
not too late for the ninth floor guys, or any
of the tourists and partygoers on the eighteenth for that mattered,
and wander down to the sixth if they dare, But
most of the hunters are already there. It would be
dumb to wait until the last minute. Why is that?
Because all hunters start out as level thirty. They can
start arriving when you hit the third There are appropriate
mob areas for them to train, so they can be
pretty strong by the time you arrive, especially since the
lethality doesn't get turned on until you get there. The
hunters tend to be around fifty. But and like I said,
he thinks it's going to be a lot less intense.
So this like who can join in? I'm trying to
think of anybody that could possibly like pop in that
Carl would have connection to. Like why why is he
even asking this question? I can't figure it out. I
don't know what you know. I'm trying to pick up
little little clues. And I'm positive that if you've read
this already and you are listening to this conversation now,
it's sort of like, oh, I see why he you know,
like it makes sense, But without any context, I genuinely
have no Normally, I can sort of begin to formulate
a little bit of a concept, but like, I can't
imagine the only thing that I could think is that
maybe Carl can make an offer, like have somebody out
there who is a regular person and make it appealing
to them to jump into the game and be sort
of on his side somehow, And I don't know if
he'd be allowed to do anything like that, or like
what the restrictions would be. You know, it just feels
like what he's talking about is appealing to an outside party,
and I don't know who it could be. So the
only thing I can think of is a stranger and
how you know, he's got enough star power so to speak,
that that's not out of the question, But I just
don't know what then, you know, So anyway, okay twenty
five he keeps opening the pocket watch to see if
Henrik will respond, and he doesn't. Later on we find
his body. Port bro Chris and Maggie my remained in
their tomb. I still didn't know what we were going
to do about them. Mordecai was having little luck finding
the supplies he needed to kill the parasite, and there
had been a moment earlier on where Mordecai is like,
I think I still need one ingredient, and I was
sort of wondering if it was that yam like maybe
that's why it came from a pacifist group, is like,
here's a non lethal way to help your friend this
yam is an essential ingredient in getting the worm out.
That's all. That's all I can come up with. But anyway,
we could toss the paralyzed creature through the portal if
we had to. When the time came, I did not
want to do that. Chris clearly didn't want us to
do that, since we probably wouldn't teleport to the same place.
It would just unleash Maggie on the sixth floor and
all this bullshit would start over again. And Moni was
insistent we do everything to save him. It felt like
the wrong move, but what could we do? And I
really get it in terms of it feeling like the
wrong move. And honestly, if I were watching the show,
I'd probably be like, guys, just kill him, Oh my god,
you know. But as somebody reading the book who actually
has gotten to know Chris as a person, of course,
I'm very much like, you've got to figure it out,
help him. I do respect the fact that Chris wanted
them to just kill him, but enough time has passed
that it feels like we're just on this different path
now and there's no use worrying about that. So they
begin talking about their other plan with two strangers, Brittany
Roscorina a level twenty seven Pit Fighter, Level twenty eight
get Go called a C which I thought was weird
because I knew that was a type of fish, not lizard,
called a gut rearranger class, and there were two. These
were the two other survivors of the water quadrant. It
turned out Vadim was a cosmetic surgeon in the real world,
and Brittany had been at his office for a consultation
when it all went down, and they were the last
two survivors of their original party. And later on we
get some tea about the fact that this dude apparently
impregnated a ton of women, which is a phenomenon with
some doctors that you can look up. And Carl's sort
of like that feels like a very weasly, slimy move
to make, And maybe I don't like the fact that
this guy is on my team, but there's not a
lot to do about it at this point. And this
tron turned to vadem Do you want a red shirt?
I feel as if I should put going on. What
does that mean, Betty masked? Ah, yeah, yep, makes sense. Uh.
The Nightmare two remained in the large garage of the house,
Donut was in a foul mood. Apparently the AI had
showed her a message from the intergalactic Internet that had
pissed her off, and they have evidently said that Donut
and Mango have no redeeming qualities and they hate watching her.
This is like a huge reason why I just don't
even read like reviews of the podcast anymore. On like
Apple podcasts, you can go and look at your reviews,
and honestly, most of them are nice, they really are.
I am lucky that the majority. But every now and
then there's one that like, either it's so off base,
it's so wrong that it makes you angry because you're
just like, what are you even talking about? Or it's
right in a way that's very hurtful. Also it's just
like there's really no good way. It's I've reached a
point in what I do for the podcast that I'm
just I am not accepting much feedback for my overall approach.
I will definitely take feedback of like you forgot to
post a thing, or you edited the sound wrong, or
what you know, like things like that, but the way
that I do the show, I'm just I do it
this way, and it's probably not going to change. Now
I've been doing it over a decade. It's done, you
know what I mean. So I don't see the point
in reading reviews the way that I used to where
I used to be Like, let me see if I
could take on any suggestions for updating our method and approach.
And I understand the temptation, DON'TU, I do, but I
it will eat away at you. I wouldn't recommend it.
So let's see. I'm trying to find the next uh.
The chum bombs were not more than triple plied garbage
bags filled with various dead bodies along with the fused
one eighth strength hoblobbers, each with a piece of hobgoblin
puss attached to them. They were all timed to the
same detonator, so when Doughnut hit the button, they'd all
blow at the same time, sending a mighty plume of
gore out into the ocean. We were dropping them near
the edge of the current, near the edge of the
current from the draining acropolis. The bags would probably start
leaking before we got into position, but that was okay.
All I really wanted was a distraction for the first
layer of underwater security, the concierge, sharks, and yeah, good idea.
I approve of all of this, and I didn't actually care.
Oh right, he started talking about where people were from,
and he's just like, as long as they're from Earth,
it's fine. But yeah, that this guy might be kind
of a weasel. Brittany is not pregnant, Kancia said. If
she was when she went in, she'd probably be showing
by now. Women can't get pregnant in the dungeon. Our
periods stop and we get a notification informing us we
are no longer able to conceive until after we fulfill
our crawl. Wait, really, I asked. I never received anything
like that. I realized how stupid that sounded the moment
I said it out loud. Yeah, it's not about you,
just as usual. I did, however, remember an oddity from
the cookbook. Rickard, the guy who'd written the most recent
version of the book, didn't add too much content, but
he did mention that he'd entered the dungeon with his
pregnant wife, but the moment he went through the gate,
she disappeared and he never saw her again. I thought
it was just one of those things. I knew dudes
still had the ability to knock creatures up. The whole
reason Brandon had died was because another guy in their
party had banged a succubus and she'd given birth. Has
anybody seen any pregnant women in the dungeon, I asked,
Hatcha shrugged. I don't think it's sex a Firebrandy and
Unice the Dwarf, those were both NPCs. I wonder if
they do something special with pregnant crawlers. Probably something awful,
Katia said, But I can't imagine someone who was pregnant
would come here voluntarily. I thought that was a weird line.
If you are about to be killed on the surface
in a horrible way, or you can go and possibly
find a way through, many pregnant people would do that
out of those two options. Like, I just thought that
that was a very weird take, because there's no way
they know what they're getting into. That's the whole thing,
you know, They're just they're given minimal information. So yeah,
especially in like you know, Carl's his situation. It was
freezing cold outside and now the place is collapsed and
there's no buildings to retreat into anymore, Like of course
they would. It's just that had no logic for me.
So they go into the water. It's Donut that's handling
the depth charges and obviously, like I said, is wrestling
with a little bit of guilt that she's letting him
and Kotcha go by themselves, and Kotya is being the sub,
which is such a fun idea. And you know, the
fact that she can manipulate where metal pops up and
whatnot means that she can change the weight and make
things move in certain directions and keep herself from tipping
over or flipping upside down. And it's just a really
cool idea. And also we find out that like the
pressure of the water doesn't fununction the same in the
dungeon as it does in real life, so there's no
there's no threat of them if they leave the sub
getting like crushed by the water. That's not how that works.
I nervously watched the little needle that kept me apprized
of our viewer count, and it was starting to spike.
That was always a bad sign. And yeah, this got
me very concerned. I see it, Katya said, after only
a minute. I'm pulling my masks in small amounts now
and flapping my wings. Oh wow, it's bigger than I thought.
The whole top part is ripped away, and she says,
the whole sub is the pump. And there are a
bunch of jellyfish, and Vaden asks what color, and when
she says blue, he says, okay, good. Watch out for
the white ones, the pain amphlifiers. They're smaller. The big
blue ones will wrap around you if you get close,
but they'll leave you alone if you avoid them. But
you must watch because they drift. Which the drift is
something that I know with my adhds that I would
lose track of. I would get very used to it
being in a place and I would know intellectually that
it won't stay there, but I would absolutely get too comfortable.
I know I will. This is how I am with time.
You know. I check my watch, it's one thirty. I
have an hour before I have to start recording. And
then forty minutes pass and I'm like, yeah, what, I
have an hour before I start recording. I just don't
feel it. This would be a problem for me, so
they Katscha continued to change. She was transforming herself so
she'd cover the hull, camouflaging herself. She was going to
stay out here and keep an eye out for the large,
dangerous monsters while the three of us entered the sub
which is a very smart idea, and we get a
description from the AI about the jellyfish. They're a little
like that guy used to know in high school who
was always wearing overalls or a jersey, six foot five
and pushing three hundred pounds when he was a freshman,
always had a crew cut. Dad's a trucker, never talks,
never does his homework. He's always just kind of there.
He doesn't mean any harm. Plus he always has a
super hot girlfriend for some reason. This description, if I like, God,
strike me dead, if I knew the exact person in
my school that fit this precise description, I mean, honestly, guys,
he was. He went by the name Pudge. It wasn't
even like people bullying him with that name. He introduced
himself to say hey, I'm Pudch and he was like
at the very least six foot two, and he was
a really nice guy. He really was. But uh yeah,
just yep. Anyway, they enter the Akula and we have
the dem the submarine was in terrible condition when we
first got here. Only three of us survived. Did you
get the gear of those who didn't make it? I asked, no, Usually,
there wasn't anything left. There was a gun that just
blew them up. Nobody could get past it except Chris.
He had some ability that made him invisible to the thing.
He went past into the boss chamber alone. When he
killed the robot thing with the head in the jar,
the gun blew up on its own. And when Carl
asks him, did you know that he was two people?
Vadim was like, I didn't, but it didn't really surprise
me when I found out. He was just really argumentative
and insulted us and stuff. And we find out later
that he also was like an experience hog. He said
there wasn't room for him to get to the land quadrant.
That was a lie. There was plenty of room. We
couldn't fit a whole party, but each escape tunnel can
only be used once. What's wrong? This was open. We
left all the doors open so we could escape to
our sub You don't see anything on the other side. No,
but it's a small room, like one of those rooms
where you can drain the water away. Gotcha, guys, there's
something out here. It's big. It just swam by underneath
the sub. I didn't get a good look. But the
damn thing is bigger than the sub. It's gone now
and this is what they're realizing, like, oh, we're going
to have to face this thing. And I kept thinking
of the Meg and I don't think i've even seen
the Meg. Just for the record, guys, but if you
recommend that I watch it for a good bad movie,
I would do it. Sometimes movies though aren't good bad,
sometimes there's just tedious and terrible. So I think that
I avoided it just because it seemed like it was
going to turn out to be really tedious. There are
some movies that, despite not being good, they don't realize
it and so they take themselves too seriously and there's
no fun and you've got to find a really good
like tone, you know. But I'll say, guys, last night
I watched Renfield for the first time, and if you
are looking for a very weirdly, very gory but also
funny action, it is quite a ride. I had a
very good time. So they all have their vomiting that
they do when they are using those water breathing spells,
and I think it's yeah, Vadim says, you get used
to it. It's really bad if you're under for more
than an hour. It just doesn't seem fair that that's
how they work. You know, they're just capable of so
much in this dungeons that like that side effect seems
cruel to me. There's probably like just a better version
of the scroll where that doesn't happen, maybe, and that
these are the freebies, and so there's that little hiccup
in there that ruins them for being like a decent experience.
So let's see lootable corpse, the bugbears delight, neighborhood boss
killed by system deactivation. And this is the thing that
Chris in quotes killed. The moment I took the map,
the entirety of the akula populated on my screen. Multiple
red dots appeared, mostly in the lower decks. A red
dot moved back and forth across the bridge on the
other side of the door. There were also the multiple
exs of corpses. I first focused on the ex's and
my heart quickened. What is it? It's a ghost, one
that shouldn't be in here. It's before I could finish
an ear piercing screech filled the submarine. The entire hull.
Oh my god, that was so hard to say. The
entire hull shuddered. A glowing green head of a goddamn
pterodactyl appeared leaning in through the bulkhead screamed, and my
vision flashed red. The dim fell to the ground, his
health suddenly in the red. An oral attack, and then
it disappears again, and he's like, oh fuck, it's a
quenzl coatless katcha. Something green and glowing just shot out
of the side of the submarine. Oh shit, oh shit,
I can see it. The green thing just smacked it
and turned around. Uh, blow your ballast, get out of here,
get to the surface. And she, understandably unwilling to abandon
him him telling her to just like get the fuck
out of there. I respect it, but I just don't
see her obeying that order right away. There's going to
be an argument, right so anyway, twenty six there was
a pure, deep dubstep growl punctuated by high pitch ear
piercing glitches that sounded like whale song. It gave the
sense of overwhelming frenetic panic. The whole vessel shuddered, and
suddenly the three of us fell to our backs. I
scrambled to my feet and pushed forward. He'd actually been
on his way here to the Akula. I had no
idea he's talking about Henrik here. We'd all just assumed
he'd gone to the Necropolis. I had no idea why
they'd come here, but whatever they were trying to do,
they'd failed. Six of the seven bodies were changeling principles.
I spun the wheel ripped to open the portal as
the submarine jolted again. The portal opened toward me, and
I pulled myself inside. I shouted over the panning music
for Tran and Vedem to follow. Kotcha, did you get out?
The moment I sent the message, I realized no, she
hadn't gotten free. I saw her dot on the map
moving through the innards of the Akula. She fled into
the submarine. God damn it, Kotcha, it was too late.
I wouldn't have gotten away. Okay, get your ass in here.
Why is there boss music? But the other stuff hasn't happened.
I don't know. I yelled for Tran to stay back
and to close the door to the airlocks so Klotcha
could get in here. The whole sub rolled onto its side.
I fell inside the bridge behind me. Both Vadim and
Tran yelled out in surprise as they also fell, plummeting
out of sight in the room behind me. So just
the whole sense of this with it moving around, is
just so claustrophobic. This is just terrifying. It's like being
inside a bottle kicked around at the bottom of a pool.
Like it just feels very nightmarish to me. I absolutely
hate it. And we get to the bridge of the
Akula and He's just like, oh my god, it's really nice.
This was unexpected, and I found this very funny. It
was a combination between Enterprise Bridge from Star Trek and
the interior of a Victorian era themed restaurant that was
so expensive. The prices weren't on the menu at least
it had been once upon a time. And I won't
go through all of the description of this, but it
just was, I don't know, it caught my attention. I
thought that that was fun. The most impressive site was
the glass portal, giving me a wide view of the
underwater world. The window was broad, about twenty five feet
across and ten feet high, and framed with riveted brass.
I could see a film of muck had grown over
the class, but an area had been recently cleaned off,
either by Chris or Henrik's crew, and he can see
see something moving on the other side. At first he
thinks he just sees darkness, and then he realizes something's
covering the portal and eventually figures out that it is
a single sucker that takes up half of the window.
And if that is the size of just the sucker,
how big is the rest of this fucking creature? So
he loots Hendrick's corpse for the watch and the torn
book page. The moment I had it, I took his
entire body into my inventory. The moment I had at
the world froze system message please wait, thank you for
your patience. You may now resume normal activities. So, of course,
when it freezes, Carl thinks this is the start of
the boss battle. But no admin notice. Three items in
your inventory have been placed under an administrative lock, while
an appeal in the Syndicate court determines if these items
are The message appeared and disappeared in a flash, almost
too quickly to read or understand. It never finished fully displaying,
and then another message appeared and disappeared just as quickly,
you guys. I would just like to state for the
record that once again I became very paranoid about the
cookbook once I I stepped back and I was like, oh,
three items. It's obviously the winding box and the two watches, duh.
But like, I am still just so aware of that
illegal cookbook that I am paranoid every time anything happens
to stuff in his inventory. It's just I assume it's
going to be that, you know, and obviously that doesn't
make any sense to be happening right now. He just
took the second watch. Of course, that's going to be, like,
you know, duh. Anyway, I can be very dumb. Admin
notice court determination lack of standing for all plaintiffs. Administrative
lock removed. We apologize for the inconvenience. I absolutely cannot
wait to hear more about what the fuck this is.
I'm extremely curious, you guys. I just really every now
and then there will be a moment when I'm covering
something that is so revealing of my personality that I
can't help but laugh at how perfect an encapsulation it is.
And this moment we're about to be attacked by like
basically a kraken. You know, this is the part that
most people would find very exciting, but for me, I'm like,
lack of standing. What was the lock? Oh my god?
Who were the plaintiffs? Like that's the part that I'm
super pumped about and excited about. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
the fight. Okay, can we get the fight over with
because I want to know about this court case? Like
it's just very much who I am, and I'm fine
with it. It's just funny every now and then when
I take a step back, like, ah, okay, it's the
logistics every time that fascinate me. I just love them
so much. I thought of the weird system message. Someone
had sued to keep the pieces of the Gate of
the Parh Gods out of my hands. That wasn't a surprise.
Neither was it a surprise that there were multiple plaintiffs
in the suit. But Henrik had something else in his inventory.
It was starting to become clear that this was a
common thing in this game, that the system would plant
important information on corpses. I extracted the torn book page.
This piece of paper was mercilessly ripped from a perfectly
innocent book and it's an extract from a cleric's journal,
and she formed into a rage elemental. Another curiosity is
the she who waiales or wailing shrieker. A rare ghost,
It is formed when a grieving widow dies of her
despair in the dark, unhallowed ground, while the corpse of
her affection rots nearby. These were often purposely created to
guard tombs, oftentimes at the direction of the ailing pharaoh
or king himself, who would ply the woman with affection
in order to have ready stock upon his burial. Sometimes
he would do this with a harem of women if
he was especially paranoid about keeping his treasures safe. The
women would not know this was to be their fate.
Eww I hate it. If a wailing shrieker forms, she
has the tendency to haunt her lover's grave, and she
will aggressively defend the area. She is defeated with a
high level exorcism spell, the destruction of the corpse of
her lover by varying high degree banishment spells, or via
electric shock. Beware her scream and her touch. She is
intelligent and jealous. She is fully non corporeal, and any
flesh giving spell can be used to neutralize her. So interesting.
The electrocution as an option was very appealing. Before I
remember that we are in water on a metal ship,
and probably that's the worst possible idea of all time,
the destruction of the corpse of her lover. Curious about that,
where is the corpse? Maybe that's something that we can
do supernatural style, a flesh giving spell. I can't remember
if we've got anything like that in any of our inventories,
but it does seem like the kind of thing that
an ex plastic surgeon might have. I don't think that
that's necessarily like that. It makes sense that somebody who
used to have that job would now have this spell,
but it just made me think of it. So their
original plan was to use whin the Gnome. I didn't
know why they'd come here. Whatever they'd been planning, it
was b or C. And it hadn't worked. They'd pissed
off the ghost and she'd killed them all, and now
we'd been dragged to the bottom of the ocean because
of it. So he gets in contact with Gwen and
gives her some instructions, and we don't get to hear
what those are. I'm curious about that. I am assuming
because it's the storm and that's like a source of electricity,
that that's what he's instructing her about. But again, it
just feels like the worst possible option to me. I
don't know. So he has everybody loot the corpses. Katcha
and the other two didn't respond to my show. All
three of them stood still, and this is when he
turns and sees a shark coming at them, the size
of a mountain. I saw the tentacles flowing behind it.
A shark topuss. Dona is going to be pissed she
missed this one. The monstrosity rocketed toward us. It turned
to the side like it was about to eat a
goddamn taco, and then finally did the world freeze. Admin
notice this special event Boss Battle is being streamed to
all Special Event subscribers. Congratulations, you have been opted into
the beta testing program. We are testing a new format
with this battle. You may be asked to complete a
survey on the completion of the fight. Should you survive.
Thank you, And then we get special event with two hosts,
Kevin and I can't remember the name of the other guy,
magnificent Troy right right, right, right right? Were the assholes
really going a live comment as we fought? What the fuck?
I muttered through gritted teeth, What the fuck? Look what
we have tonight? We have Carl and Katchia, both top
ten crawlers, along with two guys who've really been underperforming
until recently, hey Tran said, also through clenched teeth, and
all four of them have to face such a powerful boss.
Combine that with the drama regarding this particular bubble and
the type of battle we're about to face, and it's
truly a match for the ages. Let's find out exactly
who that boss is. It's the one, It's the only
taken straight from the depths of the water Moon Hayes seventeen.
It's the Queen Bitch herself. An image appeared super small.
It started spinning toward us, looking like it was coming
straight from the real shark to Puss's mouth. It was
a full three D rendition of the creature. This reminded
me very forcibly of the Arcade Jaws game really like
old fashioned one that came out a little after the
movie was released. So Carl once again is messaging, Gwen,
depth charges. Now turn the little dial on the sides
all the way to the left, set them to maximum depth.
Lewis and Fearis. Once you drop the charges, get out
of there, land the house and get all your asses
to a safe room, Gwen. Once you're done at the
sand castle, get to a safe room. Bobby or Morris,
if you can hear me, get all the tomb raiders
to a safe room asap. You too, Langley, Gwen, why
donut what about you? Won't the death charges hit you too?
I really hope not. I love that he calls them
depth charges, but she just calls them death charges. There
is a point earlier, I'm trying to think what was happening.
Somebody says we'll be able to control the pumps or
the we'll be able to control the pumps in there,
And I was listening to the audiobook and I heard
the guy say like something about pump controls, and I
was just like what, And I realized, like I've just
had my whole mind too much on Halloween decorations lately.
Oh that's what it was. He says, like, will we
be able to reach the pumpkin controls from there? And
pump controls. It sounded like, so it's luska octo shark,
browed mother queen. Shock to post is much cooler sounding
than octo shark. This is a real creature, not something
I made up, So don't blame me. It's not I repeat,
it is not named in such a way because of
naj just the woman, the so called octomom and her
eight babies who took the tabloids by storm all those
years ago. So weird to think about things like this, guys,
because like, there are going to be many people who
have no fucking idea what this is referencing. But when
he says take the table by storm, that is not
an exaggeration. This bitch was all anybody talked about for
a minute. That was the weird thing about the pre
Internet era was that it was still so much of
like a monoculture. In terms of our television and news.
There were just you know, like three sources, and everybody
went to those same sources, so when something was being
talked about, it was everywhere. And now it's all split
up into all of these different platforms and these different
factions of people, and it can be very easy to
not hear about one thing, and to hear so much
about another thing that when you run into somebody who's
part of a different section of the Internet, the fact
that they don't know about your thing is mind blowing
to you, because it's fucking your whole feed, you know. Anyway,
she has a bunch of babies in her mouth and
needs to keep them fed, and these guys are going
to be food for the babies. The world unfroze. I
stumbled forward as the giant creature swallowed us. The subtumbled,
the mini map flashed, The world froze once again, and
the world the word uh oh splashed on the screen
before turning into bubbles and disappearing. A cartoon like diagram
of the shark's mouth appeared on the screen, replacing the
two commentators. Luska is a mouth breweder, Magnificent Troy said.
A circle appeared around the mouth like Troy had a
pen and was diagramming out a football play, and we
were floating in the goddamn creature's mouth. The graphics showed
the happy faced babies zooming in on the sub, cartoon
zipping around at Tasmanian Devil style, and then zooming away,
leaving a skeleton of a ship trailing smoke. The remains
of the cartoon submarine bounced merrily in the shark into
the shark's stomach, where it was melted by stomach acid,
and then it moved to another stomach, and then a third,
and then it finally depicted the massive creature pooping out
a cartoon skeleton of a human wearing heart covered boxers,
and then it showed cartoon donut with tears flying from
her eyes. The display returned to the two announcers, who
were both falling over themselves laughing at the cartoon. A
ten minute timer slammed onto the screen. Oh boy, guys,
oh boy, I am assuming we're going to have an
electrical solution to this problem. But again, I just don't
know how they protect themselves from that. He's got a
lot of stuff in his inventory, you know, like but
still still I don't know. We'll see ooh. Eduardo's in
the chat and says one of the reasons I enjoy
this podcast so much is the difference of things I
pay attention to than you. Often you pause over and
talk about things that I completely gloss over. Makes me
appreciate some books in an entirely different way. Oh that's
the life, thank you, Eduardo. Yeah, I mean, and this
will happen with me as well. In like the chat
here or sometimes in the discord, people will bring up
a thing that I just like on the service, had
no interest in, and they'll be like, did you know?
And for a split second that did you know? Followed
by the thing I had no interest in? My brain
will be like no, I didn't know, and I don't
fucking care, And then an instant later, as I begin
to read there did you know, I'm like, oh, that's
really interesting. What you know? There's like it happens all
the time. I don't know. I think that's ADHD probably,
but it happens, all right, guys, Well, thank you all
so much for coming and hanging out with me. I
am just so curious. I really am. Like I said,
the fight all well and good interested in all, but like,
mostly I am very curious about these objects and what
it is that the AI is doing giving Carl access
to something that clearly like the people who do really
run things don't want him to have access to. I
am assuming it's them, and why don't they? What do
they think he's going to be able to do? And
I'm assuming that this is all like part of his
whole reason for questioning Mordecai the way that he did.
But I cannot figure out because you know, Mordecai seems
so certain you can try and open a portal to
the ninth floor, but you're not going to be allowed
to go through. And I believe that Mordecai knows what
he's talking about. I am not going to sit here
and say, like, maybe there's something about this he doesn't know.
But I think that Carl is planning to try something different.
And you know what, guys, is he going to send
a bunch of NPCs through? That might make sense if
he's trying to rescue beings. The whole thing has been like,
we just wanted to survive because we thought we could
get to the next floor and finally be safe. What
if he could just send a bunch of beings to
that floor ahead of him and they would be like
loyal to him because he saved them, and potentially when
he gets there, he could have a lot of allies.
Maybe that's it, if they are able to go through it.
He would have to be really careful about when he
triggered the portal too, like they'd have to all be
able to go through before you know, and like if
he doesn't fall, they're going to be on the side
that the evil God comes out of the nothing. So
they'd have to make sure and time this so that
they have access to a stairwell right as it's closing
and that the God can't reach them and they managed
to get out of there. Ah, that might be it.
I would be very down for that, But I'm not
really sure, Like I feel like there's got to be
a hole in my theory here somehow, because like I'm
just I just I'm trying to piece together, Like even
if that were the case, why would he be asking
Wardecai about what he's asking about? Like, if I'm just
some guy on a spaceship, can I get in on
the action right now? Like I don't feel like an
NPC that wouldn't be something that would function like that
for them, So why would he have asked that question?
Or is there somebody that's like in a lower floor?
Oh my god? Could he send them to the lady
from the daughter storyline? Maybe that still doesn't really link
up with his other question though, I don't know. I
don't know. I guess i'll see I've got to go,
but thank you guys again, Appreciate you all, Thank you
Michael for commissioning this one and looking forward to Thursday.
Until then, to the Loo, motherfuckers. That was an unspoiled
Network podcast.