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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Becoming You Show, where limits get torched

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<v Speaker 1>and possibility takes the mic. I'm lea rowing human in

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<v Speaker 1>permanent beta, neurostrategist, mom to three amazing humans, married to

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<v Speaker 1>one legendary soul, and your no Fluff permission slate to

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<v Speaker 1>stop waiting. Every week, we rewire brain patterns, smash hand

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<v Speaker 1>me down mindsets, and dive into the daring, identity shifting

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<v Speaker 1>conversations most people gosh ready to turn potential into proof.

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<v Speaker 1>Grab your pen. Your next chapter starts now. Hello, my

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful friend, Welcome to the Becoming You Show. I am

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<v Speaker 1>your host, Leah Rolling, And this is the space where

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<v Speaker 1>we do the real work of becoming, the inner work,

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<v Speaker 1>the identity work, the self leadership work that quietly changes

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<v Speaker 1>everything everything downstream from it. So, if you're here, there's

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<v Speaker 1>some part of you that is reaching for more because

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<v Speaker 1>you know deep down that you're deserving of more. You

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<v Speaker 1>know deep down that there's a capacity of becoming more.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're joining in

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<v Speaker 1>on this conversation. If you're new, welcome, if you've been

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<v Speaker 1>here for a really long time, I love that you're here,

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<v Speaker 1>and I love hearing from you. So just know that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm here with just my producer in my office, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'd like to think that I'm speaking directly to you

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<v Speaker 1>right now folding your clothes or walking on a trail

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<v Speaker 1>or and so that's not lost on me. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to get into it. Ear replaceable. That is the conversation today,

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<v Speaker 1>and most people want to be irreplaceable. Right. We want

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<v Speaker 1>to be the ones that can be replaced. We want

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<v Speaker 1>to be the ones that they maybe significant others, spouses, organizations, groups, missions.

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<v Speaker 1>We want to be the ones that they cannot do

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<v Speaker 1>this whatever this is without right, the one where our

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<v Speaker 1>absence would actually be felt. Right. It's one of the

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<v Speaker 1>most human longings there is to matter, to matter that much,

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<v Speaker 1>to be that significant, to know that your presence is

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<v Speaker 1>not interchangeable with anyone else. But and here's the thing

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<v Speaker 1>that almost nobody says out loud. Wanting it is common, right,

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<v Speaker 1>almost everybody wants it. I say that with coaching all

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<v Speaker 1>the time. Every time I ask people if they think

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<v Speaker 1>there's a benefit to being coached right, to become better,

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<v Speaker 1>to become more of who you can be, everybody raises

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<v Speaker 1>their hand. But yet when I ask who has one Armstrop. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so everybody, most people want to be irreplaceable. Becoming is

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<v Speaker 1>the work, and not a lot of people are signing

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<v Speaker 1>up for that. Not a lot of people are willing

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<v Speaker 1>to do that. I know you are because you're here

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<v Speaker 1>on this podcast. You're here listening to this conversation. So

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<v Speaker 1>today we're going to talk about the actual work. What

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<v Speaker 1>truly makes a person irreplaceable. It has nothing, nothing, nothing,

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<v Speaker 1>nothing to do with luck or talent or being born special, right,

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<v Speaker 1>and it has everything to do with how you build

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<v Speaker 1>it on purpose. So I'm going to start by tearing

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<v Speaker 1>down what most people think it is, because the common

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<v Speaker 1>version is not just wrong, it quietly makes you smaller.

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<v Speaker 1>So when most people try to make themselves irreplaceable, they

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<v Speaker 1>reach for one of a few things, and almost every

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<v Speaker 1>single one of them is built on fear, right, built

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<v Speaker 1>on ego. An ego will always be your ceiling. It

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<v Speaker 1>will always be your ceiling. And so what does it

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<v Speaker 1>look like. It looks like trying to be the smartest

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<v Speaker 1>one in the room, right, the one with all the answers,

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<v Speaker 1>the one that knows the most, the one that has

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<v Speaker 1>the sharpest, most sophisticated take on everything, and being smart

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<v Speaker 1>is wonderful, but using it to stay irreplaceable is a

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<v Speaker 1>trap because the second someone smarter walks in, your whole

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<v Speaker 1>identity is on the line. Your whole identity is reconsidered.

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<v Speaker 1>So you start competing with this person instead of contributing. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>and in that competition you hoard. You hoard what you know,

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<v Speaker 1>You hold your knowledge close, you keep the keys to yourself. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>They make sure that no one else can do what

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<v Speaker 1>they do because if everyone could do it, then what

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<v Speaker 1>would they need me for? It feels like security. It's

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<v Speaker 1>actually a cage. You've made yourself valuable by making sure

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<v Speaker 1>no one else can grow around you. And that is

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<v Speaker 1>not strength. That is a bottleneck. Right, And when organizations

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<v Speaker 1>look right to let people go, they let go of

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<v Speaker 1>the bottleneck. Courses are created in business to talk about

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<v Speaker 1>the bottleneck. Right. The bottleneck is the one that everything

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<v Speaker 1>has to run through. Every decision, every approval, every question,

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<v Speaker 1>all of it comes to them and they tell themselves

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<v Speaker 1>that's what being important looks like, right. But being the

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<v Speaker 1>bottleneck is not what important looks like. Right. The bottle

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<v Speaker 1>neck makes everyone wait if the whole thing falls apart

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<v Speaker 1>the moment that you step away. You did not build

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<v Speaker 1>something irreplaceable. You built something very fragile, and you tied

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<v Speaker 1>it to yourself. And I have watched what this costs

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<v Speaker 1>a person, right, I've watched it. The bottleneck. They cannot

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<v Speaker 1>take a real vacation because everything waits for them. They

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<v Speaker 1>cannot get sick, they cannot fully rest. They are drowning

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<v Speaker 1>and being needed and calling it being important. But their calendar, right,

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<v Speaker 1>their calendar leaves you a hostage and your phone never

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<v Speaker 1>stops ringing. You built a life where nothing moves without you.

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<v Speaker 1>And I've seen the exhaustion and the resentment and the

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<v Speaker 1>bitterness and the stress that they have created on the

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<v Speaker 1>other side of it. That is not significance. That is

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<v Speaker 1>a very slow burnout that you mistook for being a value.

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<v Speaker 1>So the difference here is I really want you to consider,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a difference between being needed and being irreplaceable. And

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<v Speaker 1>they're not the same thing. Right, One of them empties

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<v Speaker 1>you and the other one fills you up. So that

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<v Speaker 1>is the heart of this entire reframe. Right, the version

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<v Speaker 1>of irreplaceable, right, the smartest, the gatekeeper, the bottleneck. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not power, it's not power, and fear can never make

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<v Speaker 1>you irreplaceable. It just makes you more small and controlling.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I want to spend the rest of this

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<v Speaker 1>conversation right with you. What what what does it mean

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<v Speaker 1>to be irreplaceable? And as most of my work, it

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<v Speaker 1>involves us going inside right where where that level of success,

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<v Speaker 1>external success, being smart, being the bottleneck, being needed is

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<v Speaker 1>all is all outside of you. It all requires someone

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<v Speaker 1>else to acknowledge that in you. This work of being

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<v Speaker 1>irre irreplaceable is built from the inside out. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>about your position. It's not about your knowledge. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>about how tightly you can hold everything together. It's about

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<v Speaker 1>you at its core. It's about your character. It's about

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<v Speaker 1>the kind of person that you have built yourself into,

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<v Speaker 1>quietly over time, through the choices that maybe maybe no

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<v Speaker 1>one saw you make. And so here's the way that

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<v Speaker 1>I think about it. Irreplaceable is personal power that refuses

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<v Speaker 1>to stay private. It is everything you have built on

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<v Speaker 1>the inside, your standards, your steadiness, your follow through your

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<v Speaker 1>depth finally showing up on the outside, and how you

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<v Speaker 1>carry yourself and how you treat people, and how you

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<v Speaker 1>keep your word and how you hold up under pressure,

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<v Speaker 1>how you regulate yourself, emotionally so that you can ground

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<v Speaker 1>a room. Should the room be grounded so that you

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<v Speaker 1>can bring enthusiasm to the room? Should enthusiasm be required? Right,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not. It's not a thing that you do to

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<v Speaker 1>people so that they cannot replace you. It is who

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<v Speaker 1>you are made visible that no one can copy because

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<v Speaker 1>no one has lived in your experiences. Right. So I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to think. I want you to think about

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<v Speaker 1>the person who was truly irreplaceable to you, maybe a mentor,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe a grandparent, maybe a boss, a friend, maybe your mom.

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<v Speaker 1>I promise you you are not remembering their title, You're

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<v Speaker 1>not remembering their resume. You're not you're not remembering their GPA.

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<v Speaker 1>You're not thinking about how much they knew you were

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<v Speaker 1>remembering what how they made you feel, how steady they were,

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<v Speaker 1>how they showed up, how they made you feel like

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<v Speaker 1>you're the most important person in the world. Who they

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<v Speaker 1>were when it counted. That is what made them impossible

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<v Speaker 1>to replace. And it is the exact same thing that

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<v Speaker 1>will make you impossible to replace, not for what you know,

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<v Speaker 1>but for who you are. Right, And so I want

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about what these might be like, what are

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<v Speaker 1>the what are the three things that you can build

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<v Speaker 1>my choice by practice to actually become more irreplaceable in

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<v Speaker 1>your own life with the people that you love, with

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<v Speaker 1>the teams that you lead, with the missions and movements

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<v Speaker 1>and promises that you steward. So first, first, you've got

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<v Speaker 1>to take goals seriously. I know it sounds really simple.

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<v Speaker 1>I heard this from one of my very favorite mentors,

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<v Speaker 1>but he says that we don't take the goals of

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<v Speaker 1>the people in our life seriously enough. Our own included,

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<v Speaker 1>our own included. Right, it's the one that most people

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<v Speaker 1>just skip right. Take your goals, your own goals seriously enough, seriously.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's what I see constantly. Right, people are too loose,

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<v Speaker 1>They're too casual about their goals. They treat the promises

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<v Speaker 1>they make to themselves as the most negotiable thing in

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<v Speaker 1>their life. Right, we say we're going to do this,

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<v Speaker 1>but we don't. We say we're going to work out

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<v Speaker 1>and we don't. We say we're going to eat on

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<v Speaker 1>plant and we don't. We say we're going to make

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<v Speaker 1>these calls, but we don't. We would never do that.

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<v Speaker 1>We would never blow off these levels of commitments to

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<v Speaker 1>our bosses, or to our clients, or to our kids,

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<v Speaker 1>or to our you know, our spouses, But the commitment

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<v Speaker 1>to ourselves, that's the one that we renegotiate. Right, I

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<v Speaker 1>was going to get up early, but right I was

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<v Speaker 1>going to start to think, but I said I would.

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<v Speaker 1>But every time you do that, every time you do that,

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<v Speaker 1>you are teaching yourself something. You are teaching yourself that

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<v Speaker 1>your word does not mean anything, that you are are

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<v Speaker 1>not someone who can be counted on by you, that

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<v Speaker 1>you do not have your own back, and that choice

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<v Speaker 1>repeatedly create the pattern, and that pattern creates a level

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<v Speaker 1>of distrust in you. You cannot build an irreplaceable self

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<v Speaker 1>on a foundation of broken promises to the most in person,

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<v Speaker 1>the most important person in your life. You you irreplaceable.

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<v Speaker 1>People treat their own goals like they are binding, like

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<v Speaker 1>they matter, like the promise that they made to themselves

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<v Speaker 1>carries the exact same weight as the promise to anyone else.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe should I dare say more? Because they understand that

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<v Speaker 1>the relationship they have with their own word is the

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<v Speaker 1>whole game, it's the whole play. When you can take

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<v Speaker 1>your own goal seriously, you become someone that you can trust.

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<v Speaker 1>And when you can become that person, you can take

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<v Speaker 1>that trust into the world, and people will trust you back.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone who can trust themselves carries themselves completely different in

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<v Speaker 1>this world. People say that people see in you what

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<v Speaker 1>you see in them, and you see in others what

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<v Speaker 1>you see in yourself. So to the level, to the

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<v Speaker 1>extent that you begin having your own back, taking your

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<v Speaker 1>own goals seriously enough more seriously, you have a level

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<v Speaker 1>of trust that is unshakable. Right, you become somebody that

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<v Speaker 1>you will not replace, that you will not abandon. So

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<v Speaker 1>let's just picture the simplest version of it. Okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>set the alarm in the morning, right, you meant it

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<v Speaker 1>when you said it, and then it goes off, and

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<v Speaker 1>right there, right there, you hold the note in the negotiation.

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<v Speaker 1>Does it really matter? Eh, one day won't hurt. I'll

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<v Speaker 1>start tomorrow. Maybe I'll do it tonight. And whenever you decide,

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<v Speaker 1>and whatever you decide, please hear me on this. Whatever

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<v Speaker 1>you decide in that thirty seconds, just know that you're

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<v Speaker 1>not just deciding about sleep. You're not. Actually, it has

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<v Speaker 1>very little to do with sleep. You are casting a

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<v Speaker 1>boat on who you are. You are, and you keep

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<v Speaker 1>enough of those small promises to yourself, and you become

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<v Speaker 1>someone who keeps their word, somebody that obeys themselves, break

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<v Speaker 1>them and you quietly become someone who expects to let

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<v Speaker 1>themselves down. Same person, to completely different lives. I've seen it.

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<v Speaker 1>Thirty seconds, thirty seconds away from choice, from choosing right,

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<v Speaker 1>the better nature, the pattern of trust, the consistency of

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<v Speaker 1>commitment or sleep end quotes. You get that choice, that

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<v Speaker 1>is your choice. So you want to become somebody that's irreplaceable.

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<v Speaker 1>You got to become irreplaceable in your own life. And

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<v Speaker 1>then when you develop that trust, then and you take

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<v Speaker 1>your goal seriously, you begin to matter. Then you begin

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<v Speaker 1>to take the goals of other people more seriously. But

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<v Speaker 1>it all starts with you. It all starts with you.

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<v Speaker 1>And then once you do that, once you begin to

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<v Speaker 1>take your goal seriously, then you begin to explore what

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<v Speaker 1>are the goals of the three or four or five

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<v Speaker 1>people that are the most important to you? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>know what they are? How can you support their growth

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<v Speaker 1>if you don't know what they are? But again, you

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<v Speaker 1>are the foundation. How can you support their growth when

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<v Speaker 1>you're not even supporting your own? So we start there

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<v Speaker 1>and then watch what happens. Watch what happens? Two Number

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<v Speaker 1>two How to become irreplaceable in your life. You follow through, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you follow through. The distance between the person that you

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<v Speaker 1>could be and the person that you are right now

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<v Speaker 1>is follow through. It's followed through. I'm telling you that

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<v Speaker 1>right now. It's not talent, it's not a shortage of information.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not knowledge. Right, let's think about it. You probably

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<v Speaker 1>already know what to do. You've known it for a while.

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<v Speaker 1>The gap is in the doing of it again and again,

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<v Speaker 1>especially on the days that you don't feel like it,

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<v Speaker 1>and especially when no one would know that you skipped it.

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<v Speaker 1>That is the part that builds you, not the doing

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<v Speaker 1>it when you are inspired. Inn one can do it

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<v Speaker 1>when they're inspired. The follow through that builds an irreplaceable

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<v Speaker 1>self is the kind that happens in private on just

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<v Speaker 1>an ordinary Wednesday, when the feeling is gone and the

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<v Speaker 1>only thing left is you and your level of trust

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<v Speaker 1>for the promise that you made to yourself. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>do it? Do you do it? That's the whole question.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you do it? Yes or no? Because every time

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<v Speaker 1>you follow through when it's hard again, it goes back

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<v Speaker 1>up to taking your goal seriously enough. The second part

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<v Speaker 1>is to follow through on it. Every time you follow

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<v Speaker 1>through when it's hard. Right, you are not just getting

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<v Speaker 1>the task done check no, no, you are becoming a

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<v Speaker 1>kind of person that is different, one who's commitment to

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<v Speaker 1>themselves mean something. And there are very few things rarer

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<v Speaker 1>or more valuable than a person who's yes means something.

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<v Speaker 1>Right means something, not just right to the person that

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<v Speaker 1>they are saying yes too, but most important to yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Saying yes to you, Yes to you, that can that

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<v Speaker 1>can boundary themselves by saying no as a complete sentence,

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<v Speaker 1>but saying yes to the commitments that you have made

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<v Speaker 1>to yourself, Yes to the goals that you've declared for yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Knowing what it is that you want and going for it.

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<v Speaker 1>That is how you become irreplaceable. Right, Knowing the goals

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<v Speaker 1>of the people that employ you, what are their goals?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know what they are? Knowing the goals of

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<v Speaker 1>the house, do you know what they are? Again? All

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<v Speaker 1>of that is completely dependent on you being consistent and

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<v Speaker 1>having your own back. I've seen this play out. I've

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<v Speaker 1>seen it when you don't take your goal seriously, but

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<v Speaker 1>you take your family's goals seriously. When you say no

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<v Speaker 1>to you consistently and you say yes to them more frequently,

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<v Speaker 1>you begin to feel resentful, you begin to be bitter.

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<v Speaker 1>You deserve better. You deserve better. So we're going to

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<v Speaker 1>take your goals seriously. We're going to follow through as

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<v Speaker 1>a yes or no to these goals, to these commitments

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<v Speaker 1>to self. And the last thing that I want to

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<v Speaker 1>offer up on this irreplaceable conversation is this invitation to

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<v Speaker 1>grow your capacity. Grow right, This is the one that

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<v Speaker 1>keeps you from plateauing. Grow your capacity, keep it exc

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<v Speaker 1>spanning what you are able to hold. Most people get

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<v Speaker 1>to a certain level of comfort, and then they just stop.

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<v Speaker 1>They stop reaching, they stop stretching, they stop putting themselves

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<v Speaker 1>into rooms where they're not the most capable person. And

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<v Speaker 1>I understand why comfort really feels safe, right, But comfort

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<v Speaker 1>is a cage, right that comfort feels good, And that's

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<v Speaker 1>why they say good is the enemy of great. Ordinary

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<v Speaker 1>is the enemy of extraordinary. The exact place that feels

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<v Speaker 1>safe to you is the place that you stop growing.

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<v Speaker 1>And the place that you stop growing is the place

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<v Speaker 1>that you will slowly start becoming replaceable, because the world

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<v Speaker 1>keeps moving even when you decide to stand still. Irreplaceable

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<v Speaker 1>people keep growing their capacity on purpose. They take on

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<v Speaker 1>the thing that is slightly too big for them, They

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<v Speaker 1>have the conversation that scares them. They stretch into to

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<v Speaker 1>more responsibility, more honesty, more depth, more range, and they

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<v Speaker 1>do that be before they feel ready, because they know

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<v Speaker 1>that the readiness comes from the reaching, not before it.

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<v Speaker 1>So every time you grow what you can hold, you

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<v Speaker 1>become a little more rare. You become a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more irreplaceable because most people are not willing to leave

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<v Speaker 1>the comfort to do it. Most people aren't willing to

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<v Speaker 1>leave the comfort to do it. But you're here in

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<v Speaker 1>this conversation. So none of these three look like much

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<v Speaker 1>on any single day. One kept promise, one follow through,

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<v Speaker 1>one slightly uncomfortable stretch on their own. They almost look

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<v Speaker 1>too small to matter, but they do not stay small.

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<v Speaker 1>They compound every promise you keep to yourself. Every single

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<v Speaker 1>promise you keep to yourself makes the next one easier

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<v Speaker 1>to keep. Every time you follow through, you trust yourself

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more, and that trust makes you reach

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<v Speaker 1>a little firm. That trust builds that level of confidence

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<v Speaker 1>in yourself to reach just a little further, and that

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<v Speaker 1>reaching grows your capacity, which makes you which makes you

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<v Speaker 1>able to take on more, which gives you more chances

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<v Speaker 1>to follow through. It is a flywheel. It keeps building

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<v Speaker 1>on itself. You will you will not see it day

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<v Speaker 1>to day. You won't. And that's the hard part and

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<v Speaker 1>the beautiful part. Right, So look at those three. Take

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<v Speaker 1>your goals seriously, follow through, grow your capacity. Notice right,

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<v Speaker 1>Notice again, what's not on the list. It's not about

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<v Speaker 1>being the smartest, it's not about hoarding, it's not about controlling. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>All three are completely available to you. Right. None of

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<v Speaker 1>them require you to have been born special, or lucky

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<v Speaker 1>or gifted. You do not need also permission for any

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<v Speaker 1>of these three. Right. You just need to decide. You

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<v Speaker 1>just need to decide. Wanting to be irreplaceable is common.

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<v Speaker 1>A'll end where I started, But actually doing it is

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<v Speaker 1>the work. It's the work in doing it, And so

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<v Speaker 1>I will leave you always with an invitation, right, building

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<v Speaker 1>this the goals that you take seriously, the follow through

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<v Speaker 1>that nobody sees the capacity to keep growing. You can

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<v Speaker 1>do it on your own. I just told you could.

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<v Speaker 1>Doing it with people is so much more fun and

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<v Speaker 1>it will expedite your progress. Right. We live in an

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<v Speaker 1>Amazon world. We want results just like this. You get

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<v Speaker 1>those exponentially when you join a community where we hold

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<v Speaker 1>you accountable to the growth, to the follow through, to

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<v Speaker 1>the capacity, to the goals that you have for your life. So,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're not in our membership, if you're not in

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<v Speaker 1>the Leadership Lab, if you're not with us, join join

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<v Speaker 1>this month. Make this be the month that you stop

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<v Speaker 1>just listening to me talk about the lab and participate.

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<v Speaker 1>Get in there with us so that we can all

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<v Speaker 1>help each other become irreplaceable in our lives. We all

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<v Speaker 1>deserve that. If this bring true to you, share it,

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<v Speaker 1>share it, comment like on it, let me know, let

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<v Speaker 1>me know what landed for you, and I'll see you

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<v Speaker 1>next week. Have a beautiful one, everybody, take care bybye.

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<v Speaker 1>If this episode cracked something, open good, let it and

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<v Speaker 1>then head to lea rollincoaching dot com and grab the

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<v Speaker 1>tools to rewire the story and replay your future. It

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<v Speaker 1>is yours. And then share this with someone who's still

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<v Speaker 1>waiting to be chosen, still waiting for permission, and remind

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<v Speaker 1>them they don't need a breakthrough, that they are the breakthrough.

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<v Speaker 1>Until next time, my beautiful friends, invest in you and

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<v Speaker 1>keep becoming