Speaker 1: Conny gather roul Dirty Conny can.
Speaker 2: Join the Questing is and Charted join the ticy Blast.
Speaker 1: Six writers face off. Buy a roll of the dice
felt quite dirty, leaving nothing behind but fingerprits and a
tall tale, stealing carts, breaking parts with plenty of time
to kill the icy.
Speaker 2: Maasters, Tans always ticing know the camp be tasty Fasts.
Speaker 1: Come and join the Dice Fast.
Speaker 3: Hey, they're a and Devians Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome
to the next episode of The Dicey Bassard Season two.
I'm MK Gibson, your host, dungeon master and author of
several book series, but most popular being in the Shadow
Master series. Uh with the latest Billin's Academy is out
on audio. Please go get it.
Speaker 4: I want to eat.
Speaker 3: So who do we have me today? Well, we're down
a person. We're gonna skip over to see if anybody
catches on Rick wal Tiery, who's also known as someone Else.
How are you doing today, sir?
Speaker 4: I am doing pretty goddamn good.
Speaker 3: Because he's not here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you have fun that that guy, every coming's
here to me? Rus My goddamn, do you know how
hard it is to play both myself and play Bob
you know, got no no toll over like you know,
we're trying to remind to wait wait hello No.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't how. I don't know how you maintained
the voice. I've tried it. It's not easy.
Speaker 4: So pur's my throat, much much easier to like, you know,
to uh to uh to do the voice for moo fishater.
So my name is Qualteririan. I play that guy. In
real life. I write several things, but my latest should
be out who the fuck knows when done editing it.
Mike the Werewolf, which is a spin off of my
my Bill of the Dead series, and I got other
things in flight that'll be done eventually.
Speaker 3: All Right, fantastic dude, thank you. Moving on, Drew Hayes,
how are you, sir?
Speaker 5: I'm doing well. I play Kabert the Expedient, the only
patron who walks into a bar and orders half beer,
half whiskey. Uh. And if that's joke, what over your head?
Then go listen to some terrible country music because I'm
running out of songs. The horse and the name anyway.
In regular life, I write books such as NPC's Villains Code,
Fred the Vampire Accountant, the final book of which is
planned to come out this Halloween. And Rover Powered, the
latest book of which came out this month.
Speaker 3: This month, and how many books are going to be
in the Rover Power sies? Do you get tired of you?
Do you have a plan?
Speaker 5: I always have a plan, all right? You know your plan? No?
I learned that the lesson I learned from Superpowers when
I set the parameters of the series in the title
year one, year, two, year, three, year four. Never tell
people how long your series sits until it's done.
Speaker 3: M M all right, Well that's fine. I mean I'm
still waiting for the the the probationary years where they
had their second after college where they graduated, and they
will move on. But you know that's me. I know
other fans are waiting for that too, so we're all waiting.
Emily Kaplan, how are you man?
Speaker 1: Hello?
Speaker 6: I'm good. I am Emily A right under the name
e M. Kaplan. I just finished a draft of my
second book, Larceny and Lies in the Arsenic and Albis series.
I have to do some cleanup and then I'll send
it off and it'll be in your hands or ears.
Speaker 3: No hands, no put in the ear.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I play Emily the babysitter otherwise known as Claudia
child murderer.
Speaker 4: Is That's what ri?
Speaker 1: I just laugh believe the kids? Could you put the
kids down? By about nine?
Speaker 3: Speaking of popular baby killers, Steve Weather, how are.
Speaker 5: You, sir?
Speaker 4: Don't know?
Speaker 1: I give and I was doing bad before you let
that one slip.
Speaker 3: Well, I've picked on Emily so many times in the
past and all of you all like said, yeah, ha ha,
So I turned it to someone else this time, So
am I bad?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well it's less funny because I do actually kill children,
So you fucked that one.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm Steve Weverell and probably not going to be doing
a lot of podcasts from here on in once the
police kicked down my door. But I also write books
and you can probably buy them while I'm in prison,
like some time to write a new one, might finish one. Uh,
I'm making a card game.
Speaker 4: Hey.
Speaker 1: You like that, don't you do?
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 3: I've seen a lot of the updates. Man, how's it
coming along?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's doing well. Version two should be out this
month for playtesters. Who are the playtesters? I don't know, man,
I'm like you, I don't have a fucking plan. I'll
just wing it, but somebody's getting a deck of cuts.
Speaker 3: Before we get started. I want to remind everybody who
if you're not part of the A. D and family,
then you're missing out. Head over to Patreon, dot com,
slash Authors and Dragons, check out the various tiers, all
the different perks, and for two bucks a month and
do on our discord hang out with the fans, and
at certain amounts you can be live with us as
we're recording right now, and I get to hang out
backstage and hope fun of us and send us messages
and things like while we're playing the game live. Also
some of those tears. Every couple of months we send
you some free swag. If you also you want to
be you want to give us some more money, head
over to Authors and Dragons dot dashread dot com and
check out some of like some of our merch, some
of our t shirts, some of our cool stuff. You
can buy a certain thing to buy a Hamburger hindrance
for those who love hanzos so much, and you see
what are some of the ways you can help us. Obviously,
you might.
Speaker 1: Get to play test a cord game if select you
from my Throne of Gold.
Speaker 3: Head over to YouTube, click like, leave, subscribe, leave subscribe,
Jesus Christ uh leave, leave comments, subscribe, like and all
that crap to go do wherever you hear us, whether
that's through podcast services or through YouTube or whatever, please like,
leave comments. It helps more than you know. All right,
if everybody's ready, let's get the shilling out of the
way and play the damn game. Greetings all, this is
Connie Stan's conscience. How are you? When we last off
the Diisi passors, we were split three ways, just like
my soul and my divorces. Anyway, at the Impossible Taste,
Moog and Joryser were still battling out with some foul
food move opted to mock the totally incent parties met
demon Ad just in time, while Jorser, naked as the
day was born, looked for a bib, but as soon
as the fight got real, this led to the Moo
drop kicking what he thought was an elf and then
puppeting that chefs that dead ELFs corpse to incite a
fight between the Frocious Food and the totally instinded party. Meanwhile, Jorser,
after taking testicular damage to clear that it was time
to penetrate some buns and dove into a giant monst
giant burgers monster butt casting an Eldrich spell, Jorser got
to pull off the Lovecraft Nerd sex trifecta, eating an
enemy while fucking the enemy and controlling go tentacles you people.
Over at the sliding at the Wet Dreams water Park, Cabert,
using his water walking ability, trotted it away from Daja Well.
Claudia and her murder bear format directly engaged the chloral
pist monster. Needless to say, whenever Claudius involved, many small
children died. But between Cobert's air spirit attacks and claudius
soup plexing the monster into a pile of tourists, the
pair emerged victorious. In celebration, they used the rest of
their time to play on the water slide. Over at
the book Nok Library, Stan convinced the library patrons to
distract the thought goblin while he worked on his master plan,
adopting the persona of a many of many great and
talented writers. He smoked cigarettes and got terribly depressed and
wrote a manifesto. Once there, she fishedwoop the creature shut
it down in its mouth and depressed the creature into
shrinking down and nearly dying. However, the creature, now the
size of a mouse, is now lives inside of Stan's hat,
but the library is now on fire. Stan calling up
for aid to the other people who were willing to listen,
And that's where he left off, with the library on
fire and stand looking for help.
Speaker 1: You know, Gibbie, when you say all that out loud,
you sound fucking insane.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it was a I was going to say, like,
having having forgot what was going on and now having
listened to the episode recap, I feel like worse off
for it.
Speaker 6: I have a new nickname for a grocer, which is
Hamburger humper.
Speaker 1: I can't believe we missed that one.
Speaker 3: That's pretty good.
Speaker 5: I found the part where he was describing Grocer as
naked as a jaybird surprising, and I realized it's because
in my head, Grocer is always naked as a jaybird,
so like calling it out feels like, you know, in
the sky, which was blue.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 5: I don't think my impression is accurate, mind you, but
it feels like he's just naked so often I think
my brain stopped ever giving him a rowe.
Speaker 1: It's like saying a joecer wet as a newborn baby.
It's of course obviously.
Speaker 3: It's I guess the rare thing would be like a
clothed grocer. So yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I think see my my changes, I would
say damp as a newborn baby.
Speaker 1: Moist is a baby just moist, just slick, drizzled.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, So we did leave off because also
when you mentioned like, like that's crazy for the recap, Yeah,
I listened back to our episode this morning, just double
check out as everything that did happen, I'm like, and
I I realized, yeah, we uh, I think we've been
off the rails for quite a while.
Speaker 5: So yeah, baby, what people signed up for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, I'm not apologizing for it. Just stay in
the obvious, all right. So we do pick up with
Stan in the library. The fire is getting bigger. He
has got some uncontent like that, You've got your little
demon memory thought goblin under your hats, and the fires
raging sort of rage out of control, and it's right
by where you would normally get out. There's nother way out.
The patrons are moving to the back the smoke is
filling up, and Stan used this uh uh the communications
bracelet to like, uh talk to everybody else you I
think you already stoped fucking Hamburgers and get in here
to help you.
Speaker 1: So, but yeah, I think I asked for help. I'm
not sure if I told him to stop fucking hamburg
I guess they can do both. I'm sure they still
a bunch.
Speaker 4: I mean, would he listen if you told them?
Speaker 1: Okay, I assume everybody has to find me, and I'm
sure my reliable team will will be here any minute
in the meantime, Does it look like any way I
can ventilate the smoke out of this place?
Speaker 3: Actually? No, So this is a magical like dimension. So
it is like a little pocket dimension on the ship.
So there is no outside of these walls. There is
just this space. And whoever designed this thing didn't expect,
you know, to be a battle world, like you know,
Monster's gonna up here and like throw fireballs and things
that in your books. Because all the magical lights around it,
it's a flameless room filled with lots of combustible paper.
But someone actually brought real fire in here, so that's
the that's kind of the problem.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Well I gotta tell everyone stay low and
to get get the back of the room. I'm gonna
help dragging anybody who can't make that by themselves, and
I'm going to I'm going to engage the services of
this tiny little cat man to see you alive.
Speaker 3: Oh the one up here that's the backseat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, cat man, you're recruited. Let's save some lives. That's
what I expected to say.
Speaker 3: You gotta does the cat things. Just that book just
kind of looks at a book off a shelf, just
knocks it off without him.
Speaker 1: Just yes, not really listening to you. I don't know
what I expected, okay. And I also I will say,
does anybody a magic user? Does anybody have like a
I cast not die in a fire or something?
Speaker 3: So most of the hands go up, but they all
remind you that their powers don't work on the ship.
You're one of the few people. You and the to
insert party are the ones who have actually access to
your powers. Everybody kind of gave up their abilities because
there's supposed to be a safe cruise where they can
just like relax and not have to worry about all
this stuff.
Speaker 1: So yeah, good news. Folks, I have access to my powers.
Bad news, no.
Speaker 3: Powers, Misty step Wizards.
Speaker 4: Needs to get on that and create don't die in fire.
Speaker 1: Spell that probably is. There's probably some ways that. Okay,
Oh I just I make a fucking poll old chimney
for the fire.
Speaker 5: That's for boring characters.
Speaker 4: Spell die in fire, counter spelled don't die in.
Speaker 5: Fire protections from elements who wants that.
Speaker 6: If I wanted to grab Cobert and say, hey, let's
go help Stan, how long would it take us to
get over there?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 3: You know, not too long because you literally just run
out of the portal near the here, I'll show you.
We'll just we'll just we'll just if.
Speaker 1: You'll say, and do I have enough time to go
on the water sled again.
Speaker 3: Then okay, so exactly.
Speaker 6: So I just want to make sure we're nice and
damp before we, you know, go to a fire.
Speaker 3: So you guys over here on the water slide. So
for the fans who are like listening, because I got
to remind people, so don't watch a thing. So this
beautiful beach, this this beach like setting with a multiple
two and water slide inside of the What the Wet
Dreams water Park and on on board the Grand Whimsy.
Kbert and Claudia have gone just down. So they're splashing
in the pool, having a good old time after defeeding
the Chloropiss monster. Uh. Some people are looking for their
kids and not realizing that there are bodies now just
floating like dead fish uh on the water. But you
know it's it's a public pool, so that they won't
notice that still shift change.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's a public pool. This easily could have
happened exactly the same without the presence of a monster.
Speaker 3: Or even does you adventures just exactly so you know?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So uh, So you guys are there down here to
the bottom corner, down to this edge of the thing
is where the the portal is. All you dudes get
from there to there. You go through the portal into
the one room with all the other portals and go
to the other one. So you're it takes you to
take honestly like two minutes to get over there to
where stands at.
Speaker 6: So, okay, Cabert, did you hear that? I think he
needs help.
Speaker 5: Cavert comes rocketing out of the tube and runs across
the uh the thing rather than splash again. Hit what now?
Speaker 3: I don't think Compar's now got the line of the
zinc down the nose at this point he's got he's
having too much fun, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, look, everybody loves a water slide. Just universal traits.
Speaker 6: Are you still an alligator shape or you in your
normal shape?
Speaker 5: I think I've been in my normal shape formosis. I
fought with the summon and spells for this one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I thought he turned to an alligator to
then go down.
Speaker 5: The go do turn into alligator?
Speaker 3: So yeah, because you're going to chop children.
Speaker 5: So I was not going to chomp children. That's Claudia's thing.
I'm not stealing somebody else's bit. But I do still
have water walking. So everyone sees an alligator goes skittering
across the top.
Speaker 3: Of the water stone like.
Speaker 5: I don't know if you've seen an alligator run, it's
fucking scary and fast. Those little legs flap to the
old man. Yeah, Claudia, the alligator will just kind of
turn its head and look up at you quizzically, as
if to say, I was on a water slide.
Speaker 4: What now?
Speaker 6: According to our wristwatch, if you have your wristwatch on
your little alligator.
Speaker 5: Wrist, he does technically think it works like that, but
I'll leave it to Gibby first. Yeah, it's cute.
Speaker 1: It's like this is where we interact with the kids
at home. Now, kids, if you've been in your off
is a dragon cereal and go you a free dis bastard.
Speaker 4: Wrist watch.
Speaker 1: What's sad?
Speaker 5: Stand?
Speaker 6: You need to help.
Speaker 5: Drink your more merch?
Speaker 1: Say with me, kids, don't die in a fire.
Speaker 3: Droorcerer is not your babysitter. Repeat after me.
Speaker 5: Remember, kids, if you want stan to live by the merch,
scan the QR code and cast.
Speaker 3: If you want to live through the night, you don't
have Claudia visits. You buy our ship. We've got your address.
Speaker 1: Knowing how to give us money is half the better.
You have a half the battles giving is your parents' money.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I was about to say this is why
none of us write kids books, before realizing I now
write kids. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Let's get a lot of the crazy out here, though,
so you write the wholesome stuff in the book. But
like otherwise, it's like I get died.
Speaker 6: Okay. Probably the cleanest she's ever been. Oh yeah, she
lost her hat. I think she probably smells like a
bale of wet hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have to go for a hurricane of piss
and chlorine clodias.
Speaker 6: She's ever been with bright pink eyes.
Speaker 5: Again again though, that is just a day at the water,
no real difference.
Speaker 4: And now our plan is to draw off next to
the fire.
Speaker 3: And there's like all this sand. You'll stuck inside of
your clumps of sands, stuck inside your straw.
Speaker 6: So okay, to the to the portal thinging, let's go
help the old guybligator noise is.
Speaker 3: Okay, YouTube, I'll start moving you in this direction. We'll
come back to you in a minute. All right, uh moog,
you are over at the restaurant, so let's jump over
there real fast. All right, Joriser has jumped inside of
a burger. Tentacles exploded out. There's a big meizza art,
there's a big there's a big meat pile where Josper
seems to be in his refractory period. He seems to
be kind of useless at the moment.
Speaker 1: Luckily, I made everybody on this podcast watch Society, so
they know exactly what this looks like.
Speaker 5: Oh god, damn it. If anybody is just listening to
the podcast feed, this might be one to check out
the YouTube for just to just to see the art
of the food monsters.
Speaker 3: They're very cute. They're adorable.
Speaker 4: Uh horrible.
Speaker 3: Yeah so, but if I remember correctly, Moog, because I
had set it up so like the whoever the chef
is at these various tables, at these Benny Hanna style
circular fire tables where you can make their food for you. Uh,
they appear as whatever you want them to see. Because
the monster was attacking the cooks, Moog sees them all
as dying elves and it's pretty much stopped trying to
fight the monster, and it has been watching his elf
after elf after elf die as basically he's watching all
the people who work on the ship be killed. So Moog,
you hear the thing coming through saying hey help fire
blah blah blah blah blah. Maybe hear some alligator noises
and Emily talking about like possibly helping, but you are
still puppeting a dead cook while jorce Hr is in
his like again his food sex rerafactory period.
Speaker 4: So does the communication go both ways?
Speaker 3: It does?
Speaker 2: Okay, Moog, come with fire soon right now, there are
elves that must die right now, Mook have hand a
passive dead Elf using him as puffet.
Speaker 3: You kind of do you kind of do say.
Speaker 5: What you will about Moog. He's consistent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know this stands. Communication was kind of static
y last time, but I'm going to see that's standing.
Knew exactly what Mike was going to say anyway, so
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: I have move moved moves puppeteering this guy, moving them
back and forth like.
Speaker 1: Work dead Elf puppet. He's like, yeah, I expected.
Speaker 3: H yeah. So Georgier's laying like like he's doesn't appear
to be. He seems like he's He's like, I'm good
for now. You know, he has just passed out, so
he's gonna use the sow move. Uh, if you want
to stay here and watch more fight, or if you're
trying to get past the veggie pizza stills are trying
to attack. It keeps going after Matt Demon and just
in time, and they keep being out of the way,
and more and more chefs keep dying.
Speaker 1: So Joel Surah and the Burger Cheese are in an
eternal battle to find out which one is more salty
and greasy.
Speaker 4: Oh God, this is true. I think Move's gonna let
you to stay here where he is continue puppeteering the
dead health. But I will I will like try to subtle,
not so suddenly ready in action, you know, keep orphan
split it close. So if the pizza comes up to, like,
you know, the point where where I have the dead
the dead chef, I can pop right up and slice
and dice.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, So the veggie Pizza was trying
to do its thing. Let's see, it keeps moving around.
It's going after it just killed this particular it dissolved
this Yeah, that cook is now dead. So I'm gonna
turn him on its side real fast. I know he's dead. Cool,
that cook is dead. That guy's that one's dead. Matt
Demons keeps moving around. Let me see Matt Demas going
to do some attacks.
Speaker 4: On his but moo will will broadcast to the group.
Moog doing really good job of ruling out suspects. Okay,
moo doing important things.
Speaker 3: All right. Matt Demon throws off the Eldritch blasts and
they hit the veggie Pizza up. He takes some damage.
The Veggie Pizza then is now going to try to
uh just in time, sneaking in from the side. He's
going to do some attacks because Moog is not doing
anything eighteen he stabs it directly into the back, doing
some more damage, and the veggie pizza is not going
to try to engulf just in time plus eighteen oh
actually hang on, but justin time gets out of the way.
Means he falls onto this particular chef and engulfs him
and dissolves him. Of course to move. It looks like
it's an elf. So that's where we left off there,
So you Pizza.
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when Moog summons
off and split whilst having being like elf deep in
a dead elf.
Speaker 3: All right, so Stan, you hear the like you heard
what you heard, moved enjoying having a good old time,
and you do have some reliable friends who are on
their way. Grassy nolled. The Clara can't can't get through
the door at the moment because of the fire. She
doesn't want to leave you. No, she's a drewid my bad,
she's a drew. She doesn't get by the fire. But
the fire is starting to grow. This tobacxia has grabbed
this guy, has drug him back. So he's pulling some
people back with some speed. This one merchant. This merchant's passed.
So you have an elf wizard who has passed out
here and a merchant side person who's passed out on
that side of the fire, and the fire is starting
to grow. What would I do?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 1: Can GRESSI no?
Speaker 4: Actually leave? Uh?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Get help? Idiot?
Speaker 3: What you aren't you need help? I can cast some
spells to like help me, know, like rest some people,
and you know, do other things I can. I can help.
Speaker 1: Can you cast no more fire?
Speaker 4: Please?
Speaker 3: No? But we'll cast healing word on this particular elf
who are like like, oh, and it sits up like
a fire and use a hap.
Speaker 1: It's wonderful step. You've delayed his demise by minutes. Go
and fetch help. They're are staff aboard this ship who
probably don't want it to burn down, and probably this
is a terrible customer experience. I imagine this is getting
half a star.
Speaker 3: All right. If you believe you can do it on
your own, I'll go.
Speaker 1: But well, it's not that I believe I could do
it on my own. It's just a you've done fuck hole.
Speaker 3: I helped. I helped, No, I did help. I helped
you fight that thing. I hope I helped push the
shelf down and I help, like shut off, fuck you.
Gratching is like leaves like whatever, fine, just gratching. Old
takes off to the portal.
Speaker 1: Okay, we got who is this little person down here
is practically on fire.
Speaker 3: Pinghum for me, so I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: The bomb left of the circular and finot.
Speaker 3: Oh god, oh yeah, I didn't see him down there.
Oh he's good. He's dead. He's burnt up. I didn't
see that guy. Yeah, he's toast. I'll put him on
all the side.
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, well I'm going to leave.
Speaker 3: That fire started to grow a little bit more, so
there we go.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, I'm going to go to the nearest unconscious person.
Speaker 3: That would be up here. So that one elf wizard
that Grassy and Ole used the healing word on is
trying it got up and it's like now trying to
help that person up and they're kind of heavy.
Speaker 4: So but that's good.
Speaker 1: But hopefully Grassy Ole can find someone more useful than
grass you know, by which I mean someone. Well, that
was a movement. I've got an action. I'll pull my
water decant. Oh no, I've got I've got a mug.
You've got a magic mug water. I just keep getting
that and just splashing that about continuously.
Speaker 5: Okay, Okay, I mean I know it's the right move,
but also nerd, I.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, I'm gonna use my say, does anybody have
one of these mugs? Get everybody wet? Everybody get wet.
And I don't mean like we did in the other room.
Speaker 3: This room, you're trying to convince it because these people
are panicking. They're not adventurers, so that you're trying to convince,
trying to convince people in the in the moment of
danger to like, you know, run towards the danger basically, so.
Speaker 1: I will be leading by example. And this is more
a case of let's just make the room as damp
and nonflammable as possible. I believe that's a firefighting technique.
Speaker 3: So by give me a persuasion role with advantage.
Speaker 1: It's the sixties. It's pretty good, and it's pretty good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1: And it's twenty one.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: See I saw in this movie, well, there was a
forest fire and Robin than trying to put out the
forest fire. Everybody just got themselves in the area around him,
very wet, so the fire wouldn't spread. See what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: It was a good movie and it was called back Draft.
Speaker 1: It was cold, the people who got themselves wet so
they didn't die in a fire.
Speaker 3: Pante's peak.
Speaker 1: It's cooler movie because they were moving around the stage.
That's what we call movies in here. It's fantasy round,
all right.
Speaker 3: So convincing everybody else around that everybody produces their their
their commemorative grand whimsy mug starts summing water and started
chucking it around like just like you said, like they're
just kind of splashing it about. Cup after a cup,
after a couple. A few people in the back are
taking like water whiskey, water whiskey because they're drinking at
the same time someone's having a milkshake towards the very
far back, as they figure they'd be the safest. H
You are succeeding and making the place damper. That part
is very true. You are getting a lot of book sweats,
and so now I suppose I thinks just burning straight up.
It's kind of like that smoldering and smoking. So it
is like the fires not spreading as much, but it
is getting way coughering more because it's it's smoking more.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, well but less the cup can it
could only summon liquid, right, and I don't want it
to summon oxygen. Now I think about it, and I
don't remember much from high school sides, but that's probably
a bad idea.
Speaker 3: All right, Emily and Drew. Your characters are running out
of the pool area, and you see Grassy Knoll standing
by this portal, like help anybody? I need help fires
in here and everybody can help stop a fire.
Speaker 6: So we're in the little corner there.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean I can show you the map of
the room where that thing's about. I'll just say there
is that one oval area that is like it's kind
of like the portal junction where everybody stands. It's likeing
to go in and out off. So you come out
of one, go to the next portal.
Speaker 5: Me and my summon air spirit that I checked in
the downtime is still around, are gonna leap through. I
haven't taken damp and yet, So there's no constration role.
Speaker 3: All right, Nope, I will grab all of you to include.
Claudia is a murder bear, just in case. I don't
know why, but just in case, I'll just just I
can have it. I'm gonna move the fire over the
struction so you guys can squeeze onto the map control V.
There you go. I'll put Murder Bear of the corner.
So yeah, there are people like running around outside of
like that particular area because of like you know, there's
a lot of chaos going on the ship right now,
all over the place. And thanks to the little Eric
Greentree Moog's friend, that kid who joined the totally innocent party,
his demon that got on board is like causing all
kinds of have like you guys have obviously been dealing with.
But so the whole ship is in chaos at the moment.
You guys are doing your best to put out these
fires and stop literally and figuratively. So all right, So
Cobert and Claudia, you have come into the into the
library way pass this big ring of fire. You can
barely see Stan helping out some people, convincing them ball.
They're all like using cup after cup after cup of water.
Speaker 5: Uhhah.
Speaker 1: Fifty percent of my loyal crew have come to sayty.
Speaker 3: And Grassy Nole is back.
Speaker 6: I was gonna have Claudia just look at the fire
and go, well, I think he's dead.
Speaker 5: What do you think? Sad alligator noises?
Speaker 1: You say that every time I fall asleep.
Speaker 5: And she's right, every time he's alive.
Speaker 6: She's gonna hear him through her watch probably. Okay, I
imagine she's gonna start to sizzle pretty soon if it's
that hot and she's.
Speaker 3: That it is your straw, your damp strawl starting to
smolder like fire is like the fire is no one's friends.
It's definitely not your friend. And the one thing we
haven't got around you necessarily is like some people have
natural banes and something like that, and Clauda, you do
take double damage from fire, and if your undead like
condition and being stuffed full of straw, yeah, you're very flammable.
Speaker 1: So but very damn right now, right, very damn.
Speaker 3: It's your Samp and Dandy, Samp and damp and.
Speaker 1: Sandy, samp and Dandy.
Speaker 3: You'd be Sandy bar by the way, that was a
great public This is the Sam and Dandy.
Speaker 1: So a couple of ails down at the Samp and Dandy.
Speaker 5: Sounds like an eighty sitcom that lasted exactly one season.
Speaker 3: Right after Cop Rock.
Speaker 1: You can just rarely scripe in the barrel of the
buddy cup.
Speaker 3: I'm Samp and I'm Dandy and together a male horse.
Speaker 6: If Claudy brings out her cup and fills it with
water and just pours it towards the fire, how how
effective actually is that?
Speaker 3: It's just like throwing a cup of water out raging inferno.
Like it's like it's it's it's like there's a whole
bunch of people in that side. Kind of doing kind
of created a small barricade of moisture, but it's like
it's really just kind of stopping it. Like this is
this room is likely going to burn or unless you can,
unless you have a way to like put out this fire.
You've got to get the people out of here, but
they are so you've got one way in and out
flame that's growing in front of you people on the
far end, So this is for you to figure out.
Speaker 6: So okay, And since I don't have a plan.
Speaker 3: This is just this is this just happened.
Speaker 5: Holy shit, But I hang on fire bad what I
have to double read this because it.
Speaker 1: Tuds upbear laad dud dye to fuck.
Speaker 5: It kind of seems like I maybe did and I
don't even remember doing it, but it's on the character sheet.
I reading this, Uh, fifteen foot centered on point. Okay,
all right, hang on, I need to take a measurement
here real quick.
Speaker 3: Claude, you look over a cobar's got a protractor to
himself and.
Speaker 5: To be clear, still an alligator, yeah, exactly, blowing it
out all right. Fifteen foot radius, so that's fifteen feet
in each direction.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, a thirty foot in circumference.
Speaker 5: So what's the circumference of the ring of fire currently?
Speaker 3: It is about five It's about almost exactly thirty feet
the moment and growing, so it's thirty feet across. So okay,
it's about twenty seven twenty eight feet at the moment,
so yeah, we'll say thirty.
Speaker 5: I will shift back to human form as a freaction.
Speaker 3: Gross, how your horse, sorry, and race back to my Uh.
Speaker 5: I will shift out an alligator form as a freaction,
and I will I will cast freedom of the waves,
and I will describe this. You conjure a deluge of
sea water in a fifteen foot radius ten foot tall
cylinder centered on a point within range. This water takes
the form of a tidal wave, of a whirlpool, a
water spout or another form of your choice.
Speaker 6: Amazing.
Speaker 5: Uh, if there's like all sorts of attack, it's an
attack against creatures technically, but there's no one in that
radius right now, so there's no one to make the same.
So basically I just summon a thirty foot water spout,
uh rushing up exactly over the pillar of fire. All right,
So what the fuck for this spell?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: So I want to I want to work with you,
but I also want to do for the sake of
the flavor, which is like there's technically supposed to Again,
if you there's nothing to attack, the spell doesn't go
all so.
Speaker 5: Oh no, no, it doesn't say I have to attack.
It's just I pick an area, each creature in the area.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, Oh then then yeah, okay, I was gonna say,
I'll grass you know what, would gladly run like guys
another druid, you know, they would run in and like
you know, be the be the focus. But if it's
just water, all right, Uh, well, Drew just basically there
you go up, Drew goes wobeny wabbit watery, but boom
the fark and like you know, uh pissed from the
sky and like a seawater pillar appears and just douses
out the flames water everywhere. Book's wet, damp.
Speaker 6: That is way easier.
Speaker 4: That's why I was like reading that.
Speaker 5: So I was like, there's no fucking way this fits
this perfect.
Speaker 3: Grass you know takes two says for it. I did it.
My druidic powers did it. I told you I could do.
Speaker 4: It, Danda.
Speaker 1: While she's doing that, DANDYLI will carefully step in front
of the toasted corpse. Addressed to a surviving crowd, Ladies
and gentlemen, the dicey bastards have saved the day. Enjoy
the rest of your holiday.
Speaker 3: Totally innocent party. You are. You're welcome. We saved you.
Thank you so much. You know we're right now.
Speaker 4: We aren't here.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you've heard of us.
Speaker 1: I think she did you see it run away earlier?
Speaker 5: Yeah, just real quick. I would like compare to step
right back through the portal so he can go back
on the water slide.
Speaker 3: Well you as you're about to go through that, Julie
comes rushing through. Okay, okay, great, you guys are here. Fan,
where's the rest of you?
Speaker 1: I'd grab and not answer that question. I have some
context clues, but they're all horrible.
Speaker 3: All right, we have we have two more issues going okay,
two more demons of up here to like more, two
more demons I have up here. So it's I guess
we can totally in a smarty could go one direction
and the bachelors go the other. Uh there's the the
yoga place at the flex deck and relaxation sauna, the spa,
the paper champ.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know about you, guys, but I am
dry the fuck out. Anybody fancies sauna?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think I can do.
Speaker 5: A little damp in here anyway.
Speaker 3: Yeah you guys, you guys want to go over to
the sauna.
Speaker 1: Yeah, grassy noll you go see what's happening. And then
the yoga. Have fun with that.
Speaker 3: Okay, y'all remember to toy party We saved you. And
she runs through the portal and goes and grabs her
friends in like that.
Speaker 1: And uh, what's a deluded bitch? All right, let's go.
Speaker 5: That woman seems to have a severe mental disorder. It's
like she couldn't see me casting the spell. Well, yeah,
I'm sure someone will smash ther skulling. That's the natural
way it might be us.
Speaker 3: All right, so you guys are going to head over
to the sauna.
Speaker 1: It's a shame we can get Jawser in here. He
really needs a steam clean.
Speaker 5: Like anyone who needs a bit of a.
Speaker 1: Get that right in the folds, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but does that? Does anyone anybody want to smell
the steam that comes off exactly?
Speaker 3: That will jump over to the restaurant back where Moog
is watching this pizza fight still go down.
Speaker 1: I just want to clarify, sorry, before we get back in. Yeah,
there's a mutant cow zone, right, didn't it modify?
Speaker 3: It is a mute and calzone in correction, thanky, thank.
Speaker 1: You that one have gotten off easy.
Speaker 3: It is. It was a veggie pizza that got folded
into a cal zone that now has a piece of
bacon stuck inside of it. And it's it's, it's it's.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows that cow zones are more powerful than pizzas,
not better, but more powerful.
Speaker 3: All right, mood, what do you wanna do?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 4: Is there anything like on h on this area, like
on the table, like like a heavy flag in a
heavy lick you a bomb?
Speaker 3: I mean like, I mean it's there's play like heavy
stone eatery and crockery and.
Speaker 4: All right something like you know, one to five pounds,
because if not, I'll stand up and dicapitate one of
the people eating.
Speaker 3: But no, well there's also brick like literally there's literally
stone around.
Speaker 4: You're like, yeah, yes, are they loose?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 4: All right, then I will cast catapult on one and
send it kreening into uh, mister pizza, all right, give
me a tack roll. This is basically a got it
deck safe Yeah, deck save twelve.
Speaker 3: It makes it damn it?
Speaker 4: Okay, So I think Kate doesn't say it, just saysn't
a failed save the object stripes the target and stops moving.
Speaker 1: You just for a brick, ye, just for a.
Speaker 3: The thing the Vegi pizza, It got out of the
way and kind of just hit part of the cal
zone's edge, and like, you know, I'll say, for the fun,
it bounced off and like, uh, let's see that and
it hit let's say, let's say it bounce off and
cracked just in time off the side of the head.
You know what the hell? Man?
Speaker 4: Then, sorry, sir innocent deod health for here. Not mean
to do that.
Speaker 1: I thought that was going to be a wasted fro.
Speaker 3: But give me give me a uh performance, rolled me
see like how well you're selling this like this dead
elf at your poppeting? Pretty good? You know what, Let's
let's see what Justin's perception is. Great job, man, we'll
watch it next time. Sir, just gohead the head of
a break.
Speaker 4: Pardon me. Us elves are.
Speaker 3: Missus, missus, missus, so all of us attacks miss Justin
Toime's gonna try to do some more stabbing.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 3: He barely hits on that and off little and misses
on that. So uh and then now it's the pizza
curn piece is gonna try to again try to envelop
just in time. That's pretty good. What is Justin gonna do?
Justin just dodges it and he now he's just he
keeps picking up this direction. He's backpedaling, So I guess
this poor patron's gonna get eaten. So yeah, so just
a regular person gets dissolved by the cal zone. So okay,
uh move there. The path is relatively clear if you
want to ski skid out all out of there.
Speaker 4: I'm quite happy where I am.
Speaker 3: Well, as I say this, we'll come through and like,
uh it's grassy. No will pop in and say.
Speaker 4: Hey, oh wait you meet the path to the portal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, past the portal. So so justin toime, Grassy No
will pop in, like, hey, Tony, I said, party, we
got to get over to the to the yogas do
you Another demon popped in Jack Human and uh pattern
are on the way over to now let's go, and
they'll disappear back through so uh Matt demon says you
got this move and trots off, and just in time
will disengage and shoot past. And they're both making their
way towards the portal. They're not gonna make it to
the portal this through the portal of this round.
Speaker 4: So well on the next round, I guess I'll double move,
try to get to like George Hurts where I can
drag him with me.
Speaker 3: He seems to be pretty good. He's like lying like it,
like he's almost the skies. He's gonna pile of meat,
like if you left him there.
Speaker 4: You don't leave George to his own devices?
Speaker 3: Fair enough?
Speaker 1: Okaye crimes to even moo?
Speaker 4: What all right?
Speaker 3: So the other three? Uh Cobert, Emily, Emily, Yeah, Claudia.
Speaker 1: Instead it's Cabet and that delivered Emily the child killer.
Speaker 3: Exactly. You guys come to the portal and you entered
the pamper champ immediately you go will take plus one
to your wisdom, minus one to your dexterity. Remember to
go in and alter your character sheets.
Speaker 1: I don't say any demons.
Speaker 3: As you come in, it is there's steam everywhere. The temperature,
like the humidity goes way the fuck up. It is hot.
It is easily like one hundred and five hundred and
eight degrees in here.
Speaker 1: So much of anything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, your sight is cut in roughly half.
Speaker 1: Does everybody have a towel? I'm putting my towel on.
Speaker 3: There are to the left and to the right. As
you come in, there's like these old these there are
these you see the rugs, and the left of the
right of these rugs, you'll see these wardrobes that are
filled with towels and robes. Ahead of you, what you
can see to the steam like you obviously have like
a lava flow. People pouring hot water on that extra steamy.
There are people in the chairs to your left where
they are getting out. They're getting like their manicures and pedicures.
To the right there are tables for massages. And to
the back of the room. It appears to be like
a tub.
Speaker 1: People on giant Maxi pads.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, those are tubs hot water soaks and cold
excuse me, like and cold water streams for you so
you can go hot cold, hot, cold, hot, cold so
and it is extremely relaxing. But the more you look,
you realize these people are naked. Uh, they are panting,
Their bodies are contorted into pain the massages. Their bodies
are twisted. People on the massage table are being twisted
by invisible forces and do ways. The people are actually
in the in the chairs getting their manicures and pedicures
something Some in sea forces are grinding their toenails and
fingernails down to bone. Literally, blood is pouring out and
the people are pouring steam into the rock are now
are coughing and choking thing out of steam. So some
there's some force in here that is uh torturing these
people through pampering.
Speaker 1: Well everybody just looks a little bit extreme, but uh,
says standing Dandeliver as he takes off his robe.
Speaker 3: Just lives on the road.
Speaker 1: This is wrinkled naked ass with a towel, just just
going to knock the towel, still wearing the sword, bell
and things obviously, and the hat obviously.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've had of you know, some people like a really
deep tissue message, but this seems maybe a step too far.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just what new gen Z fuckers are doing
these days.
Speaker 6: This does not look relaxing at all.
Speaker 5: Nah.
Speaker 1: Well, there's one way to find out, Hey, patrons, is
this an extreme relaxation trend or are you being harassed
by demonic forces beyond mortal ken.
Speaker 3: So through the people up here on the so up
in this direction that there's a there's a people, a
couple of people sitting in the pedicure manicure station. Their
heads turn to look at you, but they go the
wrong way, like seventy degrees, the wrong action to come
around and look at you, like help. Ah as they
hold their fingers and like it's there the fire there
you see the files like you're kind of floating a
mid air that are like just slightly grinding down their fingers.
They're past the first knuckle, and they same do with
the toes.
Speaker 6: I think Claudia has the same massage. On one hand,
if I'm remembering right, I think she lost her fingernails
in the goo puddle. So she'll she'll hold up her
hands like me too.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure they requested this. I think there's some
kind of pult the guise of me going on here,
some invisible twat.
Speaker 6: So we have to kick the invisible.
Speaker 3: And as you say that this, this creature flies past you. Uh,
it comes becomes visible for a moment. Uh. You know,
if you want to give me, uh, give me an
arcana roll or nature role.
Speaker 1: Uh, try to figure out if it is invisible. But
this is very steamy environment. Yes, so yes, this see
I know my shiit Gabby say my first spa fight.
Speaker 3: Is everybody else just robing down to.
Speaker 1: I would hope. So, all right, it's just good manness.
Speaker 5: I don't think we have really figured out if could
bear wears pants or not, so I'm just going to
leave it up to the listener's imagination.
Speaker 1: Just put a towel over.
Speaker 6: His buddy, cover that thing up.
Speaker 3: I think you just put like, you know, take your
vest off, put a robe in the top part today
the bag of towel.
Speaker 5: Honestly, I always assumed that he just had like a
dance belt tucked in among his fur.
Speaker 1: For politeness, some kind of dovet size towel. Please attendant,
there you go.
Speaker 5: So he will, I guess unlatch his dance belt and you.
Speaker 3: Know, his slim let's just draggle the ground idol.
Speaker 1: That's to persuadeon you definitely say no, it is yes seventeen.
Speaker 3: Versus for a perception. You can see it like I
was like a long story short. You're you're not sure
what kind of like demon this happens to be steam demon, steaming,
whatever you want to call it. Let's call it a steaming.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: This is a definitely some creature from one of the hells.
That is like it's it takes your the pleasures and
flips it around on people.
Speaker 1: So well some people do pay for that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is true. So and that's what just takes
it to a new level of pain.
Speaker 5: So so perps could call him a steamo byte.
Speaker 3: You know what, let's go with the I like steaming,
but a steamer byte. I'm okay with that.
Speaker 4: Just so close to yes? What what?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you're so right. I didn't even think
about it, thanks to thank thank god. We only want
to offend anybody, Like I went to the spa and
met a steam and.
Speaker 5: I just like we used semen so much already, it's
gonna get confusing.
Speaker 6: That's a different kind of happy ending here in the speaking.
Speaker 3: I would like each one of you three to give
me a h give me a constitution saving throw. Oh no,
bro DC sixteen, DC sixteen.
Speaker 6: Claudia, you're fine twenty seven.
Speaker 5: He's in constitution, Yes, Constitution sixteen.
Speaker 1: You just make it.
Speaker 5: Twenty as a horse, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: HATI is a decrepit old man too.
Speaker 3: Okay, you are propelled across the room and you are
you get slung back through this area and you let
in through the ice cold water where it's like the
waters are now trying to drown you while the hot
waters in the tubs are trying to bubble over.
Speaker 5: Shit.
Speaker 6: Hey, don't hurt our old guy.
Speaker 3: So that you your robe and you're like now like
treading water in this deep, icy, icy, icy water and
it's kind of a shock your system. Uh so right,
you're fine now, but we'll see what happens in a
little bit.
Speaker 1: It's because it's cold. Give me back to my towel.
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll jump back up.
Speaker 4: Moog.
Speaker 3: What are you doing, buddy?
Speaker 4: Like I said, I'm going to make a run for it.
Try to grab a grocer and drag him through the portal.
Speaker 3: Now you can bare You'll get to him. But that's
about it, Matt demon and justin time watch you shrugs.
A good job, hero, and they leave through the portal.
So you get to the jorser, but the veggie pizza
the cal zone tracks you movement. Now it's still wounded
and it's leaking sauce, so it sees you and it's
coming back in that direction. The other two guys did
do some damage. Do you guys do doing this before?
It's not it's I mean, it ain't healthy, so but
it is out making its way towards you. You you
are too doorser. What would like to do?
Speaker 4: Fucking I'll shoot a ray of frost at it and
then I will move and put chorcer between me and it.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll see who absorbs who.
Speaker 4: Right twenty twelve cold?
Speaker 3: Uh you know what cals it does not? It doesn't
look really good man, I mean you heard it really bad.
It was already hurt before. But it doesn't seem to
like cold damage at all. It is a hot food
but item and it does not like cold. So you
did way more damagean you thought you were going.
Speaker 4: To so.
Speaker 5: Love that.
Speaker 4: I'll back up, you know, Okay, I won't say human
shield because it's Jorcerer, but but yeah, I'll just wait
for my next turn and try to blast them again.
Speaker 3: Well, well, since we'll stay here for a second, So
the veggie Pizza sees you and sees Georscer and it's gonnaind.
It's going to kind of come and try to lay
on top of the un conscious Grocer and dissolve him.
So it is going to attack Jorcerer. It's going to
miss Georger somehow. So all the grease, yeah, it's it's
slipped on the remnants of rashard of the Bard. Sorry,
buddy falls the Colson and falls on top of his.
Speaker 1: Shard of the Bards is just popping up between holes
in the cheese.
Speaker 3: Like actually, like I'll say that as if col Zone
hits oil slips shoots this this naked dorser over the
land next to you and is covered it. He has
covered in meat oil all cheat like he's disgusting and
he's kind of half passed out.
Speaker 4: So this is the worst game of Whack them hole
ever it is.
Speaker 3: But unfortunately the Colson lands will top of her shard
of the bard and uh squishes him. So, uh move
what we'd like to do.
Speaker 4: Let's do another Okay, fortunately that's only a six.
Speaker 3: That is a miss. That is technically a miss. Uh,
so nothing to do there. So now it sees you,
it stands back up half its movement. It can get
right to you, and it's going to uh you know,
it's just gonna just how to punch you move guy,
It's going to try to hit you square in the
face fifteen plus like twenty.
Speaker 4: Uh you know, we're gonna shield it. We're gonna shield that.
Speaker 3: Okay. Uh let me run out of spills here soon,
all right, And for a second attack, it's going to
try to beat that and it does not. So all right,
it's not looking good. I have one more good hit.
You can put it down and we can hop back over.
You can join the rest of the teams.
Speaker 4: So put down, all right. We're gonna do a green
flame up.
Speaker 1: Now we're gonna say this is a real grill. It
will be grilled situation.
Speaker 4: Jesus. All right, So we're gonna do a booming blade.
Speaker 3: It's you. I can see the damage. You hit it,
you hit it, for uh, that was that total damage?
Was that the hit and thunder?
Speaker 4: No, that that's just that's just spell damage. Uh, oh
my god, to actually try to hit them eighteen.
Speaker 3: Oh it hits all right, hit it with magic? Okay, Litsten,
you killed it. You split it down the middle and
all the veget the vegetarian goop falls out, broccoli and pesto,
and then all the you know, all the horrible things
that no one ever wants to have it a calzone ever.
Speaker 4: Sorry, So you know something, since since George has partially
passed out, I'm gonna let the guy rest. I'm gonna
grab a big slice. I'm gonna grab some of the
melted cheese, and I'm just gonna pull it over him
like a blanket.
Speaker 5: Oh god, both sweet and horrifying, Yeah, horrifying.
Speaker 1: Rest sweet prints.
Speaker 3: All right, So I'm gonna just go ahead and grab
you christ easy sweet pepperoni. I assume you're gonna take
off and try to run over to uh help, are
you gonna help? Are gonna follow the totally party to
where they're going? Or do you want to go to
where your party's at?
Speaker 4: I don't really give a shit about totally innocent party.
Where my party is at.
Speaker 3: I'm just checking. I don't know if you're going to
fuck with them.
Speaker 4: If I go with them, I'm gonna try to kill them.
So again, you're allowed.
Speaker 3: To do whatever you want to do. I know, all right,
all right, I'm gonna put you on the map.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 3: You will not act this round because you're still getting there. Yes, okay,
So Stan, you are dealing with the cold, the water,
the steam, the steamer bite steaming. Uh is in front
of Claudia and Cabert. What would you guys like to do.
Speaker 6: I've already raged recently, so I probably don't have that again.
Is that right?
Speaker 3: You have a couple of rages per day? You have
to look at your little thing there, you know? She
I don't have any you have it? You have at
least to a day.
Speaker 1: I think you are in a steam bath. And anyone
really gangry in a steam bath, probably I've never tried.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she'll go ahead and rage. I mean she saw
a Stan get hurt.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we'll swap you out. And then the murder bear,
come bear. It looks at your right and once again
she transforms into this uh ten foot tall faceless Kuala
stands up.
Speaker 6: She'll say that's our old man jerk, and then she'll
she'll try to slash at it.
Speaker 3: Okay, give you some tack rolls fifteen two hits, fifteen hits.
So you slash the steam demon and like, uh, as
you do, you're you you're gonna take a little You're
gonn take at least you guys say one point of
like hot actually you know well you yeah, you're you're
this form not You're not fully straw. You are transformed,
so you're.
Speaker 1: Not take one point of relaxation damage exactly.
Speaker 3: Basically, it's it's it's super concentrated steam you're slashing through,
so like you take a little bit of a burn.
It's like one point of burn. So okay, I swear
that feels like you should be doing more attack, more damage.
I thought we did. I send you a thing. It's like,
if you're doing more because you're raging on this other stuff.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think you did right.
Speaker 3: Well, we'll work it out later. I'll keep it. I'll
keep a little tally.
Speaker 1: Okay, time on the podcast to competence ratio and least
still do it all right.
Speaker 6: Hey, I don't think I'm bringing the average down.
Speaker 1: It's like did I send you a macro? Yeah, give
you do it fifteen more times at least, then we'll two.
Speaker 3: All right, So you slash out it, give me another,
give me another attack role. I think you get two
attacks as a bare form because you're a little five.
So okay, yep, definitely hit and you slash at it again.
You take a one point of burning damage. Your pause,
but you have slashed the thing. The thing recoils back
in pain. It's unhappy, but it's like it is shift
slay to the side as it wings flap. It's not
it ain't happy with you. So, Cobert, you've got this
shifting demon moving over your directions, trying to like it
hasn't moved out of quality's attack range. But it's definitely
not happy with this giant bear. Was it not expecting that?
Speaker 5: Well? I think I'm going to politely decline its invitation
to hang out.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well, just you know you want your aerole metal.
You still have that, right?
Speaker 5: My what you still have my aerole mental? Yes, I'm
going to use a What are these the wooden structures
over here?
Speaker 3: These are those are wardrobes. They are filled with towels
and robes at people's clothes they change in and out of.
Speaker 5: So gotcha, all right, I will teleport myself using my
bonus action to engage my free misty step that I
get from a feet not a spell one.
Speaker 3: Didn't you already use that to get ahead of the
line in the last game when you were getting past
kids to get up into the water slide?
Speaker 5: I thought us an actual misty step for that one. Okay,
I always forget I have the racial one, so I'm
just burning it now.
Speaker 3: Okay, cool, I have a lot.
Speaker 5: Of misty steps.
Speaker 3: Stan loves that.
Speaker 5: It's a good spell man, So yeah, a bonus action away,
and I think I need my bonus action to direct
my elemental so I will throw a I think I
can do Shelley at him.
Speaker 3: Wasn't it like a club spell, which would be like
is that a melee weapon?
Speaker 5: Uh No. The whole point of it is that you
know you're right, that's thorn whips, right, I can thorn
whip him. Yes, so I will thorn whip him.
Speaker 4: Good.
Speaker 5: Okay, Well, I'll thorn whip him with a wait an eight? Yeah,
an eight? Okay, So I probably don't hit you.
Speaker 3: Just kind of like it's just like just like like, oh,
like a you hear the crack.
Speaker 5: And snap of a mighty whip that hits nowhere near
the monsters.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, that weird look like I bounces back
it hits under the chin like the Indiana Jones like,
oh now I got a scar?
Speaker 5: All right, okay, and then I will use my movement
action two steps slightly back between these giant wardrobes so
that I hopefully can't be flanked or thrown back.
Speaker 3: Well, you're fit, they're nice. Stand you're in the ice
cold water way up north. How are you feeling, buddy.
Speaker 1: Well, because he's constantly aching. Actually being in the ice
cold war makes him feel a little bit better, kind
of feels to live a bit nicer. But to the mission, you're.
Speaker 3: Left and your right, and you see what appears to
be like patrons who are being held down underwater and
they're they're drowning. They're like because huntin forces are trying
to be like drown them in their relaxation spats. Same
thing people in the hot tubs.
Speaker 1: Okay, it is the distraction of this central beast, lessening
their their predicament.
Speaker 3: Uh. They it's hard to tell because you came in
and you saw what you saw. You saw people being tortured.
But you know now that it's paying attention to something.
They're like it seems like you. It looks like you
might be able to like pull them up if you
wanted to. But it several turns to get to all
of them. So, I mean, drowning rules are harder in
ded so it takes a long time.
Speaker 4: But like they are.
Speaker 3: You know, these people are currently drowning with than cold
or hot water, so you haven't be close.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to rely on my comrades to distract
the beasts, so hopefully that will make that predicament not
as bad. So I will endeavor to like at least
point them in the right direction of not drowning.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you're gonna try to just grab someone and
grab one all.
Speaker 1: Right, less of that, now stop drowning. Come on, there's
a change.
Speaker 3: This guy right here to your side. You definitely pulled
them to the top like you than you. They're sputtering
up all the cold water there and they're flaning a
little bit to realize it's the water.
Speaker 4: Get forward.
Speaker 3: It's only five feet of water too, So like ne're
kind just all they really to do is stand up,
but supernatural forces me what they are.
Speaker 1: See, if you just believe in yourself, you can do anything.
Why don't you go help somebody else?
Speaker 4: Not dry?
Speaker 1: How in five feet of water? I think you can
do it?
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay, And they kind of look around confused
and start waving off in this direction.
Speaker 1: Good lad, all right, And if I have any more
movement left, I'll do the same. Forebs nervous me here.
Speaker 3: Do you want to go to go over to the
sky here and get them out?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's just talfortable reaction, free action, so you
can pull that guy up too. So what's going on?
Speaker 1: So we've all had a busy day with visible dynomic
forces trying to drown. Is I recommend we get out
of the water, make ourselves useful?
Speaker 4: Good?
Speaker 3: Yeah, good, yeah, good idea? Mat Okay okay, And he
started doing that move you come in through the thing.
I said, let's you know something else you want to do.
Speaker 1: I will endeavor to get out of word also.
Speaker 3: Okay, uh yeah, you can probably get down here and
just get yourself at least up out of that cold
water onto the stone tip where you see.
Speaker 4: Yeah or right, am?
Speaker 1: I just stopped block naked with a sword, bell and
a hat.
Speaker 3: You might, I mean you probably steal someone else's road
because yours is now soaked, but you've gotta grab somebody else's.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, Yeah, well I'll definitely get hight.
Speaker 3: Uh move, you come in? How you doing? You come
in and you see what you see you've seen before?
You see it? A giant steam creature a uh Claudia
in her murder bear form. Uh, people being tortured by pampering.
Speaker 4: Why is mook so sweaty?
Speaker 3: It is hot as ship in here moving? Also music,
give me a constitution saving throw?
Speaker 4: All right? Five?
Speaker 3: Okay, fantastic. So also remember to lower your wisdom by
one and dexterity excuse me, wisdom goes up by one,
dexterity goes down by one.
Speaker 5: Okay, slash funnily enough that change put me back to
my original stats.
Speaker 3: Fantastic. Uh move with a fail of that constitution. With
supernatural forces fling you over to one side, you land
into this chair here. Uh the chair clamp clamp clamps
down down, your hands clamps down, your on your ankles.
Forces are holding you there and you feel like a
file kind of hovering in the air comes your nails
and starts fuck grinding down on the tip tips your fingers,
and on the tips here you feel your boots being
pulled off and grinding down your toenails, and it's pressing down,
pressing down, pressing down, and it's like, so you know
that a few seconds is gonna.
Speaker 4: Get past it. Oh I was moved most on couch out.
I have alls now.
Speaker 1: I don't recall Rick saying the move took the alf
off of his hand.
Speaker 3: Oh I figured that he would have slid off at
a certain point. It's like too much to carry.
Speaker 1: Oh well, I guess at this point, like having a
having a way upside down, fake hans probably going to
be working this favor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I mean if mel Gibson can do
with the movie the b for, I guess move can do.
You know the l feel like you, just like he taught,
telecommunicates to people.
Speaker 1: One astonishing deep cut that was.
Speaker 5: Is this the start of Moog's redemption journey? He learns
to love his dead elf puppet, and through that learning.
Speaker 7: He communicates his real feelings, you know, like the bell
gives a bathing the fuck show me how the dead
elf for the bad elf touchdowd.
Speaker 3: No, all right, we'll go back down with Claudia. Uh,
steam creature.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she was trying to make a macro turn.
Speaker 3: Hang on, he gets a turn, what am I doing?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 4: Just beat him?
Speaker 6: You can skip him.
Speaker 1: No, you know, maybe he's making a macro too.
Speaker 4: You don't know.
Speaker 3: All right, now he's gonna so he's he is going
to let me see editor his concentration, all right. Uh,
he is going to do two attacks on you and
then do another constitution save for Claude, give me give
me you staying viral flas going to do two attacks
on you because you attacked him. So plus seven uh
plus seventeen nope, okay, and eighteen.
Speaker 6: It would hit Claudia. Do who I get extra for?
Speaker 3: There is a thing in a rage bonus like I
swear I told you showed you the scent of soft. Uh.
You know, we're gonna we're gonna call it a hit
for now because I don't know for sure. Otherwise I'd
have to pull it.
Speaker 1: Because somebody didn't do their homework.
Speaker 3: All right, and it is uh six fire damage like
well steam damage slashes across you. Uh you know it
should have been more. But I didn't roll so well,
so sixth and now he is going to give me
a constant other constitution saving third this time, now that
he's been wounded with disadvantage nineteen again, I'll take the
lower of the two. Okay, damn it, all right, yeah,
you survive, all.
Speaker 6: Right, Well, don't sound so disappointed.
Speaker 3: Never mind. I was going to try to send you,
send you to a torture as well, but you survive,
so that's okay. It's now your turn.
Speaker 6: Okay. I don't think my macro is gonna work it.
I'm gonna have to go through some several rounds of testing.
Speaker 3: You're fine, yep, Okay.
Speaker 6: I think my short boat is actually pretty close in damage.
Speaker 3: Okay, kind of does a short yeah yeah or dagger
I think, uh so yeah, uh so. Eleven missus okay,
all right, you get two attacks around because of your.
Speaker 6: Bear form, so okay, I'll do the same thing.
Speaker 5: Yep.
Speaker 6: Uh ten missus, missus, okay.
Speaker 3: All right, because you're because of the burning or shoulder
form where it hits you like you just you just
couldn't quite hit the steam creatures as it's flapping around.
Uh you would like to move, You're gonna stay put.
Speaker 6: She she won't disengage, but she wants to move a
little bit up this way right there, Okay, cool.
Speaker 5: Co bear, all right, this time I shall direct my
area mental to strike out at the steam monster with
a It'll dart in and then dart out using its
fly by attack. Okay, with a ten mighty ten.
Speaker 3: Ten misses. Okay, but I'm sinking because this is an.
Speaker 5: Air correct correct Okay.
Speaker 3: Uh, I'm We're gonna have a little roll off competition.
I'm gonna roll my modifier. You're gonna give me what's
your spellcraft modifiers? A wisdom? Yes, all right, give me
your spellcraft modifier minus. So I've got a twenty four.
Speaker 5: I got a twenty three.
Speaker 3: I just beat you. So it's going to suck up
the wind from your air, la mental, It's going to
absorb it into itself.
Speaker 5: You turn.
Speaker 3: Well, sorry, so it is now slightly bigger. Yeah, and
it is now basically it inhales your your air and
turns it into it's it's it's steam.
Speaker 5: So all right, well I will use my action for
a thorn whip. Okay, go for it, jah fourteen.
Speaker 3: Uh missus damn screage.
Speaker 5: As well, bigger I did a lot to help, technically speaking,
not the party, but I did help someone.
Speaker 3: Uh, we'll come back to the top stand.
Speaker 1: All right, I've just seen that the answer to steam
demon isn't air, I reckon, the answer to a steambath
demon is probably a cold refreshing Kirkland light. So I'm
gonna use my movement to get as close as possible.
I am gonna whisper into my rephillip a muk a
cold refreshing Kirkland light. Okay, I got to splash that
onto the fire pit as I go, and we recharge that.
Speaker 4: It would be great if if nothing but like a
ceasoned system costco pop.
Speaker 3: So you're basically throwing like, you know, beer onto your beer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, imagine if we have more established the fucking advertising
opportunities we could.
Speaker 5: Have, right I got I was gonna say, I think
we all have to acknowledge that right now as this
scene is happening, as that liquid slashes out from the mug.
Speaker 3: That cold refreshing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that that sweet sweet kirk Glen light through the
portal across the temporal planes in a place where he
should not be able to hear or smell it. Jorser's
eyes snap open.
Speaker 3: Which we will find out on the next week's or
the next adventure of the Dicey Fashions, because that's exactly
what's going to happen. Stan is going to throw that
beer down. And what do they always tell you after
sona don't drink after like you don't don't get into
a hot tug because of it does damage to the body.
And this creature shrieks in anger. It eyes darted around you.
You definitely have its attention and it's going to It's
coming for you in the next turn.
Speaker 1: Hope I'll also have an interaction light a cigar.
Speaker 5: Yes, you're definitely an old band in the sauna right now.
That's freak.
Speaker 3: On that note on behalf Steve Weather or jays Rick Waltering,
myself and Emily Caplan. I'm Gibson. I who the hell
we are really dicey Bastards.
Speaker 4: You've been great.
Speaker 3: We'll catch you all next time. Bye, everybody, Bye.
Speaker 8: You've been listening to Dicey Bastard's cat see if Authors
and Dragons check us out at authors and Dragons dot
com or look up our patreon if you want to supporters,
get secret content and hang out on our discord music
by the Golf Care
Speaker 6: For This does not look relaxing at all.