Speaker 1: Conny gather roul Dirty.
Speaker 2: Conny can.
Speaker 1: Join the questing is a charted.
Speaker 3: Join the ticy Blast.
Speaker 4: Six writers face off by a roll of the dice
felt quite dirty, leaving nothing behind but fingerprints and a
tall tail, stealing carts, breaking parts with plenty of time
to kill.
Speaker 1: And Icybasters.
Speaker 3: Ten dis almas ticing you know the camp be tasty
Fasts come and join the dice Baster.
Speaker 5: Hey, there and Devian's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome to
the next episodes of The Dicey Bass Or Season two.
I'mmkay Gibson, your host, dungeon Master, and author of such
books as The Villainous Commonists, Villainous Comedy Action shadow Master series,
and the post apocalyptic urban fantasy cyberpunk series Techno. Answer.
Who do I have with me today? While we have
the full cast, Let's start with Robert Bevan. Mister Bevan,
how are you, sir?
Speaker 6: Uh? Kind of shitty? Honestly, I'm trying to change the
cartridge in my shower and.
Speaker 5: Change the cartridge in your shower. Could you explain that
to me?
Speaker 6: Yeah, because the drewby showerhead, so I had to take
off the handle. Delta sent me a new cartridge for free.
Good on them, Thank you Delta. However, the new one
doesn't fit in, so.
Speaker 1: Fuck you Delta. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 7: Passive aggressive sons of bitches.
Speaker 6: Spend forty five minutes to get back to square fucking one.
Speaker 8: Why is there not a podcast plumbing with Bevin?
Speaker 6: There might be.
Speaker 9: Soud Electronics with plumbing depths with Robert Beth like you're
trying to print water.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Hey, everybody wanted to be here by my plumbing issues.
No they don't. I'm Robert been. I play the role
of Chorcier, the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer with the Moorserwer in
real life. I'm right the Cambrige and Creature series of
comedy fantasy novels and short stories. Uh, starting with the
first book, Critical Failures and most recent Critical Failures ten
X marks your mom.
Speaker 5: Awesome, Awesome, All right, next up, mister walteririy Rick, Are
you sir?
Speaker 8: Pretty good? I changed the cartridge in my water filter
earlier and it did fit, So now I'm feeling like
all sorts of superior.
Speaker 5: I know what a water filter is, but I don't
know what a like New Jersey water filter is. So sorry,
I let the Rick Waalterery go out and call you
brob Barbert. I'm sorry racist much. Yeah, well we have
the same vernacular down here in Merland, so we say
water as well.
Speaker 8: So will Anyway, my name is Rick QUALTERI and I
play moo feace Eater. In real life. I read several
things concluding the Tome of Bill Tales of a Crypto Hunter,
but the stuff that'll be coming out soon next month.
I have two audio books. I have the audiobook of
bor War, and I have the audiobook of Time Chaser,
which is my new LITARPG adventure. Keep an eye on
audible and other places, and well, listen to that shit.
Speaker 5: Listen to that shit, keep an eye on it. Drew Hayes,
how are you, sir?
Speaker 7: Still kind of stuck on Emily pointing out that a
shower head is sort of just printing water. Never thought
of it that way. Kind of mind blown. But you know,
outside of moments like these, I play Kabert the Expedience Studients,
and I write books such as Superpowers, NPC's Fred the Vampire,
Countant at five and at Sherlock, the latest of which
is available in audio and has been for a while,
but it is also available in kindle The Case of
the Felonious Fair.
Speaker 5: I just like how it went up at the end
of the kindle. You like a villain at the end.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 5: Speaking of water printing and those shower heads, Miss Kaplin,
how are you?
Speaker 7: Hi?
Speaker 9: Hi everybody out there, and hi to our live studio
audience people. I'm doing really well. Actually, now that my
dog's bowels have calmed down this week, I feel back
to humanity, which.
Speaker 8: Is changing its cartridge.
Speaker 9: Believe me, if I could.
Speaker 5: Have, it's printing shits.
Speaker 6: So keep trying to shove a cartridge up in there.
Speaker 1: All the way.
Speaker 9: She's a pomeranium, but she with the amount of stuff
coming out of her this week is she's like a
little bag of holding.
Speaker 7: She did technically shot out your taxes, so that's upside.
Speaker 5: That mental image is.
Speaker 9: Anyway, I'm playing Claudia today, and let's see here. I'm
also the author under E. M. Kaplan of the Josie
Tucker Mystery series and Arsenic and Albis.
Speaker 5: Awesome, thank you very much. Last, but not least, Steve Weatherwell, hell.
Speaker 1: Are you, sir? I'm not there into gray Eva shower.
I need a shower. Had a rough night last night,
and I just sat down and thought, what smells of sambuca?
And it's me. Oh, I don't want to smell Sambocha.
Speaker 5: Yeah, mistakes were made, anything anything black licorice?
Speaker 1: I thank you? No. Yeah, So I'm then there's going
to be a very pensive episode. Audience, You're ready for
some long, dark silences.
Speaker 7: There's almost no good answer to what smells like sambo.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, how's your anal cartridge? But I
guess we know the hands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that fucked Gibbie.
Speaker 6: But yeah, all right.
Speaker 1: Books such as Everyone You Love Will be Eaten by Wolves,
which is sort of the literary equivalent of a hangover.
So go and read that. Ah, and I'm playing Stan
Dandy Liver, a jolly old pirate.
Speaker 8: Oh yes he is.
Speaker 5: All right, So before we get to the game, we're
gonna do a little bit of shilling. Uh, everybody want
to take a moment to let you know that we
are the eighty Family co Head over to our patreon
dot com check out all the parks we changed in
twenty twenty five. So for just two bucks a month,
you can join our discord chat with all the amazing
fans and us author five dollars a month or more
get you bonus Discord Audio channels, other channels, plus like
our live crew now the ability to sit on a
live game per month, so you can come in listen
to us play this live and screw it all up
and before we fix it in editing. If you want
to go help us out another way, head over to
our merch store. Now, Rick, we have an update on
our merch store.
Speaker 8: I am I was just about to jump in there
when you got it wrong and you totally like, you
know it denied me of that.
Speaker 5: But yes, sorry, I'm like almost like I'm a fucking professional.
Speaker 8: Go ahead. Yes, we are still selling on Tea Public.
Nothing has changed here, but we have a brand new url.
It's Authors and Dragons dot Dasherie dot com.
Speaker 5: Why is this better?
Speaker 8: Well, it's better because for you guys, it's the same
great Tea Public quality that you've come to know and love.
And it's better for us because when you buy from
this url, we get more commissioned so.
Speaker 5: We can put money back into this product and help
help make better things for all you great people. It
doesn't that better all the way around?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Rick? What if I wanted to buy seven T
shirts or you know, associated merchandise does not T shirts?
Can I get that at our fucking myuch store.
Speaker 5: Dot Dashery dot com.
Speaker 8: Man Man, I really wish I'd called it our fucking
merch store, not if we go in there, that's if
I can change the name. But yes, as a matter
of fact, you can. You can go in there, and
you can. You can choose stickers, you can choose caps,
you can choose hoodies.
Speaker 5: A and D shower cartridges.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean Indie Pomeranian cartridges. Can fear that now
for a huge bag of dog shit.
Speaker 5: Emily's homegrown, organic, locally sourced. We've been building the lily
for like where we're late and we're building lilies. Let's
get on with it, ladies and gentlemen. Greetings. All this
is Connie Stands conscience. How are you when last we
left off the dicey Bussars who are enjoying the sites
of Ferromeo, a port town on the southern coast. There's beaches,
booze and but we'll get to that last one in
a moment. While Stan was feeding his gambly addiction and
Mood had to feed his elf aside addiction, Claudia and
Cabert had learned that someone had impersonated Stand and claimed
the dicey Bastard's boarding pass.
Speaker 6: Gasp.
Speaker 5: Without them, they would not be able to board the
luxury cruise ship the Grand Whimsy to the lands of Stractum.
While Claudia and Cabert went to inform the others of
this terrible tumfoolery, our lovable specious Moog was moo napped.
Thanks to a lucky role moo familiar found the others
and guided them to a crocodile pit where our elf
shaped orc was being held. The culprits of this dashly
deed were none other than Eric green Tree, the child
the warlock, son of the family mood killed way back when,
and Wolf, I can't believe I'm saying this one. A
ten foot tall, walking, talking, and very pissed off hand,
a hand that looks remarkably like a blend between Moog's
missing hand and jorce for the Sorcerer. So we pick
up back there in this very special paternity episode to
see who is the father.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 8: Gasp.
Speaker 1: On the last episode they couldn't get boarding paths Alside
are about to be eaten by crocodiles.
Speaker 6: What's at stake? They might not make another luxury crews.
Speaker 5: You all have your priorities and I have mine.
Speaker 6: On the next episode of White People Problems.
Speaker 7: We might get transported by crocodile's stomach.
Speaker 5: Now, if I'm not mistaken. When we left off, some
people went down to help out Moog, who was under
a spell. But that now that you are down to
the spell is broken. He is free to move. Georgier
tried to jump down, fell and took a lot of damage.
Speaker 6: I tried to stay up and pushed or something.
Speaker 1: Yay did get pushed up? Gas light and give me?
We don't know he did.
Speaker 5: I know he took damage. That's all I'm going Mary,
all right, So to the top, at the top of
the map we have Eric green Tree, the young approximately
thirteen year old full elf warlock. All the way up
there to we have Koog appears to be his moo's
closet there. What'd you call it? Karen, Karen, Karen, Sorry,
to the right obviously we have moved down there by
the deep water too, dire crocodiles coming out of the water,
and what appears to be this character here, I will
I'd be live it shift see, I can put it
on the screen. There you go. It appears to be
a hand, an upright walking hand on two fingers with
its thumb and pinky as hands. There's a the other
finger seems to be missing, a mouth in the middle,
and what appears to be the leftover remnants of a
magic cockering around one of the legs. And it definitely
seems to be a blend between Moog and.
Speaker 1: George for the sorcerer brilliant. Yeah, that's exactly what we need.
Speaker 6: Is it hand sized or humans?
Speaker 5: It's about ten feet tall. It's mutated.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yes.
Speaker 8: It doesn't matter how big he is. At some point
he touched my dick.
Speaker 1: Well, now that we've got a moral victory under wraps,
I guess we can skim in the rest of this.
Speaker 8: Well.
Speaker 5: The floor is yours at the moment, like there are
crocodiles moving into chew on Moog, so and Eric's so,
unless you can figure out a way to avoid a fight,
one's coming. So I'm gonna give you all a little bit
of time.
Speaker 8: To prep How many hip points do I have right now?
Speaker 5: You were not damage. You were just knocked unconscious because
you failed a special role.
Speaker 8: Okay, well you were.
Speaker 5: You don't go unconscious because of being an LP. You
were kind of like paralyzed. You were, you could see,
you were aware, But now you are free.
Speaker 6: So I believe I have seven hit points. Is that right?
Speaker 5: Yes, you have seven hit points. You fell I rolled
some dice. Yeah, you got hit by a thunder it.
Speaker 1: I don't think you've ever started to fight with hit points.
Speaker 5: Well, every time the fight does start, you tend to
die very You fall down very quickly.
Speaker 1: So well, I guess i'll be rolling initiative. Well, you
could hear.
Speaker 5: You have a chance to talk your way out of
this if you want to try something.
Speaker 7: If we're all having a round, I'd like to quietly
cast water walk on myself. Having no faith this will resolve,
I will allow it. Thank you kindly.
Speaker 1: You know I have spouse I should use them sometimes.
Speaker 5: I'll allow you a chance to prep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe i'll identify an object. Great spout, Steve.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go ahead and cast a major durmur on myself.
Speaker 7: Smart, Oh my god, we might be in deep shit.
Georgia just made a competent move.
Speaker 1: Well, these crocodiles are presumably interested in moog or are
they just swimming around?
Speaker 5: No, they they you seem to be brought again. This
is more like this port town's very like, very floridian.
So it looks like this was done on purpose. So
they are coming at the moment, they are coming directly
from Moog.
Speaker 1: In that case, I would like to quietly cast an illusion,
a minor illusion, okay, of Moog, but it has to
be sort of five foot for five foot, so he's
got to be in a sort of a crouching position.
My illusion will be You'll be Moog, but you'll be
naked and sort of trussed up with an apple in
his mouth so he looks more appealing.
Speaker 8: Okay, okay, I mean, since we're capable of doing something,
I'll just use my once a day misty steps to
just pop over here.
Speaker 5: I'll allow it.
Speaker 1: That's fine to the attention of these Mook crocodiles. He's
hit crocodiles.
Speaker 5: Hey, Steve, this rock I'm putting on the thing. I'll
give you control over it.
Speaker 1: I don't think he can move. It just stays where
he is.
Speaker 5: No, no, you can put it where you want it.
So all right, where you wanted to.
Speaker 1: Cast exactly where Mook was when he disappeared. Okay, cunning, well.
Speaker 8: Done, idiots, join us in killing elf boy. That will
surely make you happy.
Speaker 5: Who are you saying this to?
Speaker 8: Moog?
Speaker 5: He responds back, But father, I don't. I am confused.
Touch my wonder, he excuse me. He's very conflict about
who he happens to be at the moment. He's just
kind of standing there. But he definitely Yeah, he's definitely
got some animosity right now. So if you want to
go try to give a persuasion role. It's convinced what
used to be your hand and is now essentient giant
murder machine.
Speaker 1: Go for it.
Speaker 5: After that, we're rolling initiative.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I can't. I can't help but think that that
rather than talk through his problems, we just want to
kill that elf child.
Speaker 5: So well, it's only part you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mood is rarely confused.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I will remind you all when you all went
to the ooze, like Jewser is never not sticky, and
it's your hand and his DNA combined to this thing.
Speaker 8: So I'm not sure I want that hand back.
Speaker 1: No, all right, what do we know about Georcer and
knew that we can use against this mutant hands He
probably wants to kill elves, probably wants to do something gross.
I mean there's a child up there at night.
Speaker 6: Does he consider me his father as well?
Speaker 5: Father's plural? Yes, you work on the last week he
called you both fathers.
Speaker 6: So is he the one that thorn whipped me off
the cliff?
Speaker 5: No, that would have been the ELF's one. He didn't
thorn with you. He thunderwaved you.
Speaker 1: Stam Will whisper to Claudia. I know we said we
weren't going to kill anymore children. Now if you'll steal
into pushing children off ledges, now it's the perfect time.
Speaker 9: Wait, I'm down there and the kid is up on
a level.
Speaker 5: How hard I make you fall? Because I mean I'm
trying to scroll back to see how how the dice went,
how far I made I want to say, it's at
least thirty feet Yeah, it's.
Speaker 8: Thirty feet up.
Speaker 9: I didn't get any damage or anything, so I think
it was okay.
Speaker 5: No, what I'm what I rolled for to two hurt
georser or some counting back. So yeah, it's thirty feet up.
Oh gotcha?
Speaker 9: Yeah, I hear your boss. I'm too lazy to go
back up there. So how about I just shoot him.
Speaker 5: You might at that angle you might not be able
to see him. You are thirty feet down, he is
backed from the lips, so you don't have a line
of sight on him. So why don't we go ahead
and roll? Initiative? Everybody?
Speaker 1: Also, giant crocodiles can't stress that enough?
Speaker 7: Always with the giant crocodiles. This giant crocodile's that.
Speaker 8: Why don't you just shut up about Why don't you
turn into a crocodile and talk to your people here?
Speaker 6: Juso? The Susser rules A twenty one.
Speaker 7: Oh Cabart got a nineteen, Kadiros twelve who got a four?
Speaker 8: Fuck?
Speaker 6: I didn't click on my tone?
Speaker 1: Some things never chase all right? Seventeen for Georgia, seventeen
initiative for Standandy Livit? Oh wow? Where initiative as fuck? Today?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 5: Eric got a twelve and hans O natural one. So
he just goes last. So descending order are top of
the order. Corbert, what do you like to do?
Speaker 7: I'm not saying I foresee this going badly, but uh
I am going into very quietly summon a beast at
third level. Okay, it's an air spirit so it'll be
just flying let's say, twenty feet overhead by the trees,
just right here.
Speaker 5: Can I see it? Or is it just a you thing?
I mean, is this is this the thing I gotta
put on the map or you know where it's at?
Speaker 7: Uh, it's probably better to give a token just so
we can track it. Okay, it doesn't have to be
anything on a copy of this rock just because sure
throat or on it or something.
Speaker 8: Oh do familiars go on the same turn as us
or do they.
Speaker 7: Go after same initiative after you?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 8: Yeah, the same right efforts?
Speaker 5: So yeah, okay, that's and it makes make sure it's controllable.
Familiar thought.
Speaker 7: You're asking about the summons. I think it's the same rule.
Speaker 6: Though.
Speaker 5: We'll do that for now because as already a little
bit behind, so we're just going.
Speaker 7: To I'm pretty sure it's the same, all right, Drew.
Speaker 5: You can control the one with the uh with the globe,
all right.
Speaker 7: And it it is uh, it is arriving to just
hang out, uh in case it's needed.
Speaker 1: Okay, I will.
Speaker 7: I'll also step back and take some partial cover.
Speaker 5: Smart smart smarts, so you're kneeling down behind that thing.
Speaker 7: Nothing that that obvious. I'm just kind of like gently
walking back, hiding my body behind the carts.
Speaker 5: That's fine, Okay, stand you're up, dude.
Speaker 8: We split the cart before the horse.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, nice, finally.
Speaker 7: All right, we can fit it.
Speaker 8: That's done.
Speaker 7: That's credit.
Speaker 5: Well, thanks for all your money this month of patreons.
We'll see you all night.
Speaker 1: Now. The most obvious thing to do here is run
away from the crocodiles. We're in a bad situation here.
I'm hoping the minor illusion. I think they've got a
roll of wisdom. Check on that. I'm hoping that will
slow them down. Well, I'm going to climb up ladder.
Go stand by, Cobert.
Speaker 5: And now the problem hang on, go back. You were
five feet away from the ladder, and the ladder's thirty
feet up. You don't have a smoothman speed of thirty five,
so you're most of the way up that ladder. You're
still five feet down and standing on the ladder.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I'll cool uh, I'll cool down as well.
I'm not running away. This is purely tactical. Guys. Feel
free to be purely tactical with me, fellas.
Speaker 5: Okay, Next up is Jorceph would like to.
Speaker 8: Do, sir.
Speaker 6: I was really hoping Stan was gonna fight the crocodiles
because I was gonna offer some distraction services. Okay, well
I'm still gonna do that and hope that everybody else
holds off the crocodiles. That is that skeleton? There is
that reel? Or is that just decorative?
Speaker 5: That's reels of corpse?
Speaker 6: Well like like how badly decomposed? It'ston can I so?
Is the head easily removable? Oh?
Speaker 5: No, yeah, I mean it's for some what's your strength?
I mean it's it's it's you know, probably let's say, yes,
let's go go for it. You what that head? Grab
the head?
Speaker 6: All right? I want to grab the head and play
a play a little game of catch with my son.
Speaker 8: Oh then, nothing whimsical whimsical about it?
Speaker 1: Asshole?
Speaker 5: Could you please give me a persuasion roll with advantage
for that?
Speaker 1: Okay, I will see if this is a game of
catch or you just throwing a scullet someone's face?
Speaker 5: Here go some yeah twenty, that is that with advantage?
Speaker 6: Oh I didn't roll it again.
Speaker 8: I'm to try this very special episode of Authors and
Dragon's Brung.
Speaker 5: I'll take on you know, what you toss it to
him and like, now the worst problem is like, so
underneath those those those robes, he again, he's walking on
his what appears to be his middle finger or ring finger.
The stump of the wrist is his head. There's a
mouth on the hand, and his hands appear to be
his thumb and pinky. Uh. The forefinger might be the
hidden dick that's hidden behind the robes. But so he
tries to catch with his stumpy hands. Let me give
them a little mocking, a little lot. Uh, you know,
he catches it, catches the cradles with his robes. Oh, thanks, dad,
this is wonderful lot. But I hate works or elves.
He's and his mouth is open and his tongue is
lalling out and he's droweling a little bit. He doesn't
he doesn't seem to be angry at the moment.
Speaker 6: So yeah, all right, all right, you guys take care
of the crux, all right, kay, thinking man, I don't
know what jimp is gonna do, so he can just
fly around.
Speaker 5: And you can control them. Put the where you want himself.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll go back there.
Speaker 5: Okay, well done. Next up is for some reason I
have a sea off up here, and he's just we're
going to delete him. So all right, we skip past
him to moog.
Speaker 8: Wait I had a four.
Speaker 5: All right, this is then it's your old thing from before,
and this is how do I get rid of you?
Speaker 6: Guys?
Speaker 8: Look at that? How are we seeing the right thing?
And you're seating the.
Speaker 5: Prong because I've got the last roll from like the
last time we used this, when I had you roll
innitie whist those elves and you're fighting him. So I'm
just gonna move him all the way down, and I'm
gonna move this elf this thing all the way down.
So okay, So yeah, the next one up would be okay,
Eric got it.
Speaker 8: All right.
Speaker 5: He is not having any of this shit. So he's
going to fire three shots of San Daniel with his
eldritch blash and try to push him off the ledge
and fall back down. So each one of these will
be with a plus five. It's a hits, the three
separate eldritch blast coming at you, So sixteen thirteen and
a fourteen Nope, thirteen, so yeah sixteen, Yeah, there's a
sixteen hit you.
Speaker 1: Let me just check. I don't have my sword drawing,
so I don't get my defensive dueist bonus.
Speaker 7: Although that would be a funny image for climbing a ladder.
Don't do this at home.
Speaker 5: I'm putting your mouth. But he's just caused a call
down hard art DoD Fortgreat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my class is fifteen, all.
Speaker 5: Right, So you one of the blasts hits you. It
deals ten plus four eight total damage and you fall.
You know it's not the full thirty, so you're gonna
fall an additional due to the first one seven, so
so eight force damage, you fall an additional seven damagement,
so fifteen total damage to stand. You are on the
ground next to Claudia.
Speaker 8: Fancy have you fallen and can't get up?
Speaker 1: Fine? Just not quite as tactical as I thought I
was there. Oh the crocodiles is still here. Well, this
puts us back in a very sticky predicament.
Speaker 5: Where did the crocodiles go? I world for them, But
the shit, what are the crocodiles? I'm gonna roll it
for the crocodiles because I know I rolled their initiative
eighteen so.
Speaker 7: They were splashing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we'll say for this first round. They they bought
your bullshit because I clearly missed them in the turn
and they'll move in the turnaround.
Speaker 7: So I mean crocodiles probably don't have super high intelligence.
It might take them a moment to adapt.
Speaker 5: I think that's a wisdom.
Speaker 1: Actually, that was a good trick, Gabe.
Speaker 7: Oh well, they do love philosophy.
Speaker 5: Never mind, Yeah, exactly. Actually they have a tent. Here's
the thing, they have a ten. They're very average of
their wisdom, very low intelligence.
Speaker 7: I would bet they have a higher wisdom than someone
in this party.
Speaker 5: I'm just the same thing, all right. So that was
Eric Wentz in the Quarter Europe.
Speaker 9: How deep is the water?
Speaker 5: Okay, so the first this versus light blue areas right
on the outside seems to be, you know, knee deep,
but once you get to the darker blue, it goes
down very deeply, very quickly, so you can't quite tell
from where you're at.
Speaker 9: Okay, that would be It would be really foolish of
me to fight a crocodile in its own habitat, so.
Speaker 1: You couldn't. You didn't need the qualified.
Speaker 9: I do, I do. I could use a crocodile belt
or I don't know, make a cool accessory. I'm not really,
I'm not really the person wheeling kind of person. But okay,
she's gonna try to climb up the ladder really quickly. Okay,
let's see, I don't have I have second story work.
I guess it is m hm, So I don't it
doesn't cost me extra movement.
Speaker 5: Nope, you're right your move speed. You could dash, you
could use your bonus action to dash up there. So
you don't have be able to use your movement or
your action yet.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm gonna dash up.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool, thirty feet you're moving. You're right by the ladder,
so you are at thirty feet at the top. You're
at the lare Okay, yep. I'll put you right there
at the top, yep.
Speaker 9: Okay cool. So now can I see Eric?
Speaker 5: Yes, you can well compare. Is your eagle bird thing
visible or invisible?
Speaker 7: Ah? I don't believe it's invisible. Hang on, let me
double check.
Speaker 5: Does it take up physical space? I'm just going to
see if Claudie has got line of sight on this,
because the guy's back in the bushes, so he made
of air.
Speaker 7: So I guess let's just say it's like a hawk
made of wind. Okay, so it's let's say distorting.
Speaker 5: I'll put it this way. He's he's in the bushes
and there's a distortion between you and you can see him,
but it's blurry.
Speaker 1: How about that?
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm shot at worst since target.
Speaker 1: Sew a machine out of my head.
Speaker 7: Now, okay, native to the chosen environment.
Speaker 5: We're gonna count this to three quarter cover, so it's
a minus five year shot. All right, here we go,
twenty twenty eight. Yeah, I can't sure. Yeah, twenty three
total damage yet, No, you'll no, no, there's no sneak
attack on this.
Speaker 7: So uh, she doesn't get a shit about that.
Speaker 5: So twelve damn shoots shooting through your hawk, Drew, she says, dah,
she's like pierce.
Speaker 7: The rock, ruffles the feathers underneath.
Speaker 5: Through the foliage. You have now shot a thirteen year old.
It's there's an arrow sticking out of his shoulder.
Speaker 7: Boomer, give me how many times does this has to
happen before or Claude starts getting like a bit.
Speaker 5: So it stops being funny. The answer is never.
Speaker 7: She starts getting bonus damage on that children.
Speaker 5: Well, no, she becomes a ranger. Then children become her favorite,
her favorite enemy.
Speaker 9: You may call me Claudia the babysitter.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Now, I don't know if you get to its acts
around yet or not. No rogues don't. You could do something,
but you're too close. So yeah, do you just do
twelve damage to him? Okay? Cool? Uh he is doesn't
seem to be happy, so cool. Move is now number
four your turn?
Speaker 8: All right? Now let's see here. I'm gonna shoot a
ray of frost at this crocodile.
Speaker 5: Okay, two, I think twenty four is going to hit it.
Speaker 2: So yes, is that at Oh yeah, that is a
crit So that's twich So that's twelve twelve cold damage
and his movement speed is lowered by ten.
Speaker 5: Not a problem, So twelve total, got it, and then we.
Speaker 8: Will just head over to here. So he's definitely not
line of sight to Keric, but he'll call up. We're
like Karen go claw el faced boy off.
Speaker 5: Karen heard you. Karen's gonna make attackle because Karen goes
out for you. It's right there. Fifteen. Uh yeah, he's
Karen's going in for a swing. So do you have
the quoset stats up by anybody chance? Because I assume
I assume they get a plus to their hits.
Speaker 6: So yeah, what's the damage?
Speaker 8: Come on?
Speaker 5: Yeah, five looks like five.
Speaker 8: Yep, five yep, And he has to make a DC
ten constitution save or take up poisoned it or be
poisoned wrong.
Speaker 5: I kind of see here, d' was the DC ten.
He's fine, all right.
Speaker 8: So he's got this creepy little thing, this creepy little
monster cricket clawing at him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's gross, all right, I mean brings us back
to the top. Nope. Uh, hands of the red gets
to go. So hands father, I'm so happy. It's drooling,
it's happy, and I was like, I don't know what
to do with my wonder I missed you, And he's
like looking at the ball, He's like, but those aren't
my father's. So he waves his stump and a uh,
A giant big beast's hand appears under one of the
crocodiles and lifts it up and begins to carry this
wounded ones closer up into the air, landing it up here.
Speaker 8: Well, that was handy.
Speaker 5: Uh you now that you've now that you're gotta you're
getting closer and you're playing with it with his hand
zone like it also appears there's seems to be a
glowing like sort of like a translucent hand underneath. He's
kind of levitating on It's like he's not quite on
the ground, so there's a hand holding him under. Yeah,
he's very hand all the hand powers he's got, folks.
Speaker 8: So yeah, I love Childer string into quite a handful.
Speaker 5: Hands over a rat. So uh yeah, top of the order. Cobert,
you have a giant crocodile taking up a lot of
space very close to you. What would like to do?
Speaker 6: So he didn't throw the head back?
Speaker 5: Okay, oh yeah, you.
Speaker 6: Know what he'll do.
Speaker 5: You're you're right, you know what, You're right here. I
will toss it backly. Just give him an uh vexterity
check with him to see how he does it. Minus
is a five. He kind of like throws it like
like a left handed toddler. Like aw. He drools and smiles.
Speaker 10: The Eric boy said you were evil, but you seem
nice except for elves. I don't know why I listened
to him.
Speaker 7: I will, I will just give this enormous crocodile a
little bit of space, and I will misty step my ass. Uh.
Let's I'm gonna put him over yeah, over here behind
the other carts, multiple carts between me and the giant
fucking crocketile. I did not build a fighter. I built
hate friend sport.
Speaker 5: It does not require a what's it called a Uh?
You don't have to You don't need to use your
action to disengage that you just missed up the way. Fantastic,
that's a bonus action. You still have an action, an
am I do? I do have an action, and I
will I will go ahead, and I will I.
Speaker 7: Will cast long Strider on myself to just go ahead
and increase my speed by another ten feet.
Speaker 5: Now does that can slaught your water walking? Are they
both concentration?
Speaker 7: Nope? The only concentration spell I have going is the
beast spell.
Speaker 5: Got it? Okay, Well, it is not the crocodile's turn
unless you have something. It's actually my elementals turn, Oh,
elements and uh, I think.
Speaker 7: I think it's gonna hang out for another round. I
don't feel comfortable attacking a child, and technically speaking, the
gator has not started fighting.
Speaker 5: Also, he's thirteen. In some in some cultures, is a man.
Speaker 7: You know, I know, I know this child is gonna die.
Cabert is not the one who's gonna put him down.
Speaker 5: I mean, he probably smells the funions and.
Speaker 8: You know, look at Cobert find ethics and morals.
Speaker 7: My bird takes the dodge action, got it?
Speaker 5: Good bird birth take the the misty bird.
Speaker 8: Yep.
Speaker 5: Well, Fortunately for the crocodile whose turn it happens to be,
he doesn't need to see a bird, and like what
he does see as a Claudia. It's right there. So
he's gonna wattle his big old ass up and he's
going to get right into Claudia space. And let's see here,
dot dot, how many tacks around is he get? He
gets two attacks, one with its bite and one with
its tail.
Speaker 7: Oh okay, now I feel bad about not attacking.
Speaker 5: So he's going to try attempt to bite Claudia. Then
it's going to try to tail whip you and knock
you off the ledge. First the bite twelve, I think
that misses you. Yeah, okay, and that's what the plus
eight My god, that sucks all right. Now he's gonna
try to tail whip you off the edge and knock
you back down of the pit twenty doble hit okay, uh,
now give me a strength, so give me a strength
saving throat DC sixteen are your throne? You made it,
so you womp the tail hits you dead in your dead,
dead dead heart. You resist the thing like not today, crocodile,
but it hurts like motherfucker. So take eighteen bludgeoning damage
to your Torso oh, okay, okay, crocodile two, and where
does our movement speed? This swim very so we see five, ten, fifteen, twenty,
twenty five, thirty. That's its movement and it will use
its action to waddle the rest away up to get
your stand. But that is now out of it. Can't
can't do anything this round. So stany, you have crocodile
right there? Really okay, and stand it's your turn.
Speaker 1: Stan will draw his sword and say, well on the fielder,
all that brushing up on our fencing work is probably
not going to pay off in a crocodile.
Speaker 8: Five.
Speaker 1: Let's see what we can do.
Speaker 8: Love it.
Speaker 1: But I'm also going to try and cast sleep. I
guess I'm just struck crocodile. See if i can buy
a little bit more time killed.
Speaker 5: All right, you try to cast sleep on the crocodile.
So it's it now, that is with the amount of
hit points it's got to do.
Speaker 1: Correct, that's right, Yeah, I can roll eight.
Speaker 5: So before you do that, before you waste your spell,
give me a quick give me, give me a nature check.
Speaker 1: Let's see what I know about crocodile. Yeah, okay, I'm
gonna guess not much, but we'll see nature check nature chick. Okay,
oh eighteen? Uh.
Speaker 5: They are big, armored and made of hit points. So
unless this sleep spell is pretty potent, you know you've
got to. It's got to do a lot or right,
because if it doesn't affect all the hit points, it
does not go to sleep. So it's a gamble.
Speaker 1: This crocodile does not look sleepy, is what you're telling.
Speaker 5: Me, right, He's like he's also not the wounded one either,
so yeah, yeah, easy to hit, but made of hit points.
Speaker 1: So I know crocodiles can't climb ladders generally, but would
I be able to sit half way up this ladder
and be out of the crocodile's reach or does it
look like it can.
Speaker 5: Well, it is a giant. It's a huge beast, so
it's three so it's fifteen feet long, so and it
can rear up crocs, so it can rear up halfway
up that ladder. So yeah, so you can try to
move out of the way, but you are going to
like you'd have to get You have to take the
You can disengage, that's your action and you can move,
but that snap at you or not take the ladder out,
So we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1: There's a crocodile at both ends of this ladder. Yes,
the ladder, Claudia, the ladder is a no go operation.
Tactical retreat is a bust. I repeat a bust.
Speaker 9: There's a crocodile.
Speaker 5: Friend, how it just to be violated by a croc
mouth or butts? So, because you're going to get them
both ends.
Speaker 1: So I'm got to stab the crocodile and use my
fancy footwork to disengage. Well free Okay. I think that's
depended on whether I hit it though, So let's see.
Come on, Matilda.
Speaker 5: Twelve, just missus, sir.
Speaker 1: Bulls. Well, I can take a cutting action to disengage. Okay,
Do I get a movement?
Speaker 7: You do?
Speaker 5: You get your full movement? You get thirty feet?
Speaker 1: Hi moog?
Speaker 8: Yeah, a little cowardly elf.
Speaker 1: Just want to come hang out with some other targets.
I need buddies.
Speaker 5: Next up is yourser sir.
Speaker 8: I would like to do.
Speaker 6: All right, I'm gonna take a take a page from
Moog's playbook there, and I'm gonna know. I'm gonna twin spell.
What do you call it? What are the ray of frost? Okay,
and try to hit both crocs? All right, okay, let's do.
Speaker 5: I'm putting these on the map only if I need them.
They're not there. They're not there right now.
Speaker 8: It's like we're having that Klaus moment where like Klaus
on the very last game became like, you know, a
competent thief.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, you aren't supposed to do anything useful for
another eight seasons than what gives.
Speaker 6: There's no guarantee this will be useful.
Speaker 5: All right, So you rolled a ray of frost fifteen
that hits?
Speaker 6: All right? Do I roll it twice or does that
count for both?
Speaker 5: No, it's the spell rolls. I think it rolls for both.
Like these are on the map just in case I
need them. They're not there right now, so okay, so
well that would have actually underneath them.
Speaker 8: Le's hold him up?
Speaker 5: So okay, so yeah, fifteen for so fifteen.
Speaker 6: Hits that says cold critical damage. Why is it critical?
Speaker 5: Because you didn't roll?
Speaker 8: Did you roll a kit hang on fifteen?
Speaker 6: That shouldn't be a crit?
Speaker 5: Right, no? No, fifteen hit? Did you click roll damages
on that little button?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Okay, so it's five cold damage if it was a crit.
Speaker 6: If it was so they aged take five.
Speaker 5: Theacha's five and there slowed got it?
Speaker 6: Yes, okay, And I'm going to move over to my
son and say, you know, you should do the responsible
thing and go get the ball that you lost in
the water. Son.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's a good idea, Dad. All right, Uh, let's
see that was you? It is it's Eric Green trees
turn now.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 5: You all seem to be very distracted. Kuga is the
only excuse to be. Karen is the only one that
sees it. Eric was invisible and starts to move away.
Rick view. If if Karen wants to take a blind
with with a penalty with a disadvantage to take an
attack of opportunity, sure, why not?
Speaker 8: Okay? Old disadvantage should have wrote twice.
Speaker 5: Twelve miss All right, okay, So Eric into the foliage,
so that is his turn. Claudia, you have a crocodile
on your face.
Speaker 9: Okay, Claudia will hold whatever part of her got chomped,
but she.
Speaker 5: Will also you got tails, you got tails slapped.
Speaker 9: Tail slapped gotcha. She'll be really angry and she'll say,
I bit my tongue and she will rage.
Speaker 5: I love it all right, So hang on, I got
that one second fizz and bell coryl Claudia. She fits
her tongue, tiny bit of pink saliva spits out, and
that's all it takes for her, her bear her, this
furry woman you see sweating sort of under the under
this this floridian like sun. Her muscles begin to swell
and her body begins to shift, and a globe goes
around quite I'm putting you down here, and this creature
takes its place as the mutant koala that lived inside
her now steps free. Her koala form a faceless, bloody
ethereal koala ten feet tall. It takes her place. Claudia,
you are now raging.
Speaker 8: This battle is starting getting a little weird from move
what now?
Speaker 1: What's fucked up?
Speaker 5: So a ten foot ethereal faced, skin faced koalo, bloody
koala is standing there and where Claudia used to be.
So h you have control of this creature, but it
still has all your stats everything else, So do what
does it you like to do? So you use your
bonus action and you rage.
Speaker 9: Okay, so she will attack the the creature.
Speaker 5: Okay, go for it.
Speaker 9: Let's see. So, being new to being a barbarian, should
she do a two handed or should she just let's see,
she has a dagger. Yeah, but she also has Willie
Pete's dagger in her inventory.
Speaker 5: Okay, it's just a dagger, I think.
Speaker 9: Yeah, just a dagger, so she could do a two handed?
Is that really?
Speaker 5: Grab two arrows for all I care, and just stab
with those and we'll cap that as a dagger for
the sake of flavor.
Speaker 9: Sorry, two arrows, yep, let's do it. Cole Wally co Walace, you.
Speaker 5: And need baby ain't nothing but mammals.
Speaker 9: Okay, so do I roll twice.
Speaker 5: Or that's with a bow, give me a dagger?
Speaker 9: Right there we go.
Speaker 5: Twenty two definitely hits and you because now you're now
as a barbarian. Now you're still first of all barbarians.
You don't get unless no, you actually counts up as
you have a five loos, so you get two attacks,
So give me a second one too. So the first
one hits for seven damage. And the other one hits
for an additional five. So you just broad Kuala power
comes down gripping these two arrows of yours and smashes
this thing for a total of twelve very angry barbarian damage.
Speaker 8: Good job.
Speaker 9: I mean, have you ever seen a wet kowa? They're
pretty freaky.
Speaker 7: Yeah, goddamn horror Like that's on the level of the
D and d ape picture scary.
Speaker 1: I've never seen a ten foot tall one with no face.
Speaker 7: Wait until your nightmares tonight, buddy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she is like and it is like do you
all everyone who is seeing this, which is not hard
to miss because she's fucking glowing? You all remember the
night that she skinned that Kuala just sitting there in
the moonlight, peeling its face. Not like that. That is
what you're seeing in this form now.
Speaker 1: So I'm staying off that ladder.
Speaker 8: Think for the crocodile.
Speaker 5: Moog, it's your turn, all right.
Speaker 8: Move, We'll step in and he will cast booming blade.
Speaker 5: Okay, uh, what's the hit? I see damage, but I'm
not seeing that.
Speaker 8: No, no, because I have to hit him first.
Speaker 5: Oh right, yeah, I know what the spelt got what
the WEBN got it?
Speaker 8: And then port splitter fifteen fifteen hits. All right, so
that's fourteen slashing damage, seventh thunder seventh thunder damage, and
if he tries moving, you'll take an additional thirty thirteen
thunder damage.
Speaker 5: Love it all right? Well done?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 5: Is that anything you want to do? So he goes
your bonus action? Your action you want? Do you want
to move or you stay in play?
Speaker 8: If I move, I'm gonna get cranked. So yeah, I
will stay. But but Karen, since there's no longer an
elf to kill, Karen will head over to uh to
attack the rocketile to hopefully give Clodia that sneak sneak
attack damage.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 5: Well, you also you get you get advantage because now
you are in flanking positions, so you gotta advantage in
your attacks on this crocodile.
Speaker 8: And give me one second because I just closed up
my fucking closet window because I'm an idiot.
Speaker 5: Never close the closet. Twelve missus twelve missus Okay, Unfortunately
it miss for stand and missus for you, and I
can't play favorites, so that's fine. I can. But you know,
people are listening. We have an audience now, and they're listening.
I can't let that happen.
Speaker 8: So as long as he's in flank with Clodia to
give Clodia a bit of a bit of a boost,
that's fine where she is actually.
Speaker 5: Uh, all right, Uh, I believe this is the end
of your turn, which brings it to Hanzo. Hanzo like,
that's a good idea, father, I should get the ball.
So he waves his stump and a uh, another hand
appears of another big bee's hand. It reaches down into
the water, scoops up the hand and hurls it at you, jorcerer. WHOA,
I'm not gonna roll damage at attack, but let's just
say a giant fucking hand throw a skull at you,
and a much more accurate way. So let's give this.
Let's see how well.
Speaker 8: A skull in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this thing just comes rocketing to you like like
a major league fastball. And he's, I mean the the
mouth on his chest, on his torso, smiles wide and everything.
It's like, why did you leave me? You left me
to the torlos who caught me a mutant and tried
to have killed me, and I had to kill them back.
Speaker 8: Oh, he's so handsome hands that was growing up?
Speaker 5: Did you say that out loud mood? Sure, he looks
at you in the mouth. He hears that, the mouth
turns you and smiles even wider. Dag Okay, top of
the order, co bear.
Speaker 6: I will try to be more hands on from now.
Speaker 7: On while my character is off screen. The mouth on
this one is pretty simple. I'm gonna step five feet closer.
Since I teleport from thirty feet away, that puts me
within thirty feet of the crocodile. Yep, close enough to
throw a thorn whip.
Speaker 5: Okay, you're trying to pull it closer.
Speaker 7: No, it's it is bigger than large, so I don't
think I'm going to be pulling it closer.
Speaker 5: Okay. Thorn Whip twenty does hit all right.
Speaker 7: For eleven damage.
Speaker 5: Good job, kool aid man.
Speaker 7: You guys just see from behind the carts a magical
whip come down and smack the crocodile and then vanish.
And then my bird will finally get in on the
action and it will use its a bubba buah bah bah.
What's what's the word? What's the word?
Speaker 8: Bird?
Speaker 7: Fly by attack? Okay, so it can run down, hit
it and then run back without provoking an attack of opportunity. Okay,
and it has a fly speed of sixty feet, so.
Speaker 5: Not from so you just paragrin falcon this thing, dive
bomb hit it, so.
Speaker 7: Give me, give me that time makes it in attack
equal to half the spell. Okay, that's fine. Where's the
attack damage spell attack modifier to hit? All right? So
Jesus Christ, this thing does not want to roll jack
ship for me. He doesn't Syntha bitch. Okay, So for
efficiency is so seven?
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 7: Doing it old school? Just add seven to this fuck
it got it twenty five?
Speaker 5: I think that hits.
Speaker 7: Okay, now the damage it'll let me automate.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, here we go eight and then.
Speaker 7: Hang on, I get to add another three for the
spell level eleven eleven damage again, so twenty two total.
Speaker 5: This crocodile is looking pretty rough, I mean compared to
where it started. You've beaten the living shat out of
this thing, so it's it's it's hurting pretty bad.
Speaker 11: Uh.
Speaker 7: I got my eye on a sat on a new saddle,
I'd like to point out.
Speaker 5: And the the the chat, we have a queen crush
who says, oh, he's such a good dad. You know,
it's almost shocked. The endoriser is a good dad until
you remember he has a lot of experience with children.
Well done, Queen Crush. So if you want to give
advantage to somebody, let me know. That made me laugh.
So if you want to give advantage to somebody, let
me know who, and then we'll have it. Like the
next time they need advantage, they will have two rolls.
So you made me laugh and that works all right.
Next up?
Speaker 6: Who that was drew?
Speaker 5: So crocodile? So crocodile like Still there's a there's a
little tiny bug thing behind it or the giant fucking
koala in front of it. So it's going for the
giant fucking koala. It's not very bright and it is hungry,
so it's gonna take a two attacks one no bites.
So you are raging. So these bites, if they do
damage that they are half damaged to you while you
are raging because you are non magical attacks because your
rage is going, Oh did you have on did you
on your rage bonuses? Okay, it looks like bite misses
because when you did damage before, I think you get
plus two your rages to your damage for your rages
I believe, So just remind me that for next time. Okay,
second attack, tail whip, same thing. It's gonna attempt to
tail you off the uh off the top. Let's see sixteen.
I believe a sixteen does hit you.
Speaker 9: It does not.
Speaker 5: It does not hit you, does not interesting? Okay, I
thought you did. Okay, my bet all right? Cool, well,
bite with nothing that sucks for him? Uh. Let me
see this crocodile at the bottom, Well, let me see
it now is turned towards Moog because that's the next thing,
because that's closest one. There's Staying who moved away. Now
there's Moog who did try to stab it. So this
one's coming in to uh get you. All right, so
Moog first for the bite, uh twenty one.
Speaker 8: Let's say here we shield you. No, I will use
shield and that will miss.
Speaker 5: Okay, and then come to a tail attack. Thirteen misses.
So all right, crocodiles are done. Stands your turn, sir.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, having actually read my fancy footwork feet, I
don't have to land an attack for it to work. Basically,
if I engage in a Mela attack, they just engage. Yeah.
They can't take any attacks of opportunity for the rest
of it around. So I'm gonna fancy footwork my way
up to this crocodile, stab it wherever it looks stabbable for.
Speaker 5: My own flavor. Just roll me a performance. I want
to see how fancy this for you still get to
walk in. I'm not gonna make a trip or fall.
I want see how fancy this forework.
Speaker 8: You should go on the other side of the crocodile
so we get advantage.
Speaker 5: I don't if he has enough room to get over there.
Speaker 1: It's just planning to planning to fancy footwork my fucking
out of this.
Speaker 5: That's fifteen just to get there. He can't get around them.
But I want to your performance is this?
Speaker 1: Is this?
Speaker 5: Is this a waltz? Or is this a funky chicken?
Speaker 1: And strike? And strike and vogue.
Speaker 5: Thirteen?
Speaker 8: You know what?
Speaker 5: Above average? You know you you had an You have
a nice little szamba beat going there, So I accept it,
all right? All right? Now stab the fuck out.
Speaker 1: Of it twenty six poof Is that a crit Uh no,
that's nineteen?
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 5: I roll the damage. Maybe stab that thing?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 1: Damage? Is I DoD roll down the damn We can
twelve facing damage, and then it will do if I
can still take some movement, I will use to yep.
Speaker 5: You have you move fifteen feet in, you can move
fifteen feet back.
Speaker 1: Out Yep, and vogue and vogue and run away gets
behind me.
Speaker 5: Okay, watch for me, dive in, dive out. That was
Stan Jorcerer. You're up, sir. You had you got a
probably a fractored skull at this point, slammed lodge into
your chest. You didn't take any damage. But Hanzo did it.
He did as you asked.
Speaker 6: Well didn't, my boy? Neither of these crocs have any
reason to move. So I'm not gonna bother with another
ray of frost. I shall instead twin Eldridge blast. Then okay,
and I'm gonna well all right after that, I'm gonna
have Jimp do something. But okay, one step at a time.
Eldritch blasts coming up.
Speaker 5: Nice, that's the first one. I'll give me the you
twin it? Oh yeah, so yeah, twenty five to both
give me the damage. So it's it's D ten plus
your mood of plus is that with your charisma modifier?
Speaker 8: Oh you don't.
Speaker 5: I don't know if you get that yet. If you
don't if you took that ult feet yet, so you
but regardless of ten to each of them, well done.
Speaker 6: Okay, And I would like to have Jim. Yeah, like
I said, I don't think the crocodile is gonna move
or fall forward or anything. But I gonna have them
fly up next to the crocodile on the edge of
the cliff and just try to look delicious.
Speaker 5: Okay, Jim's gonna fly up there and try to look delicious.
Speaker 6: No, no, no, over here by the you know, so he's
trying to lure him off the cliff.
Speaker 5: Oh, I see what you saying.
Speaker 8: That with underneath the cliff, he's elevated.
Speaker 5: Okay, he's elevated.
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is your first time playing a game with Bob.
Speaker 5: All right, well done.
Speaker 6: I did ask you to stand there.
Speaker 5: Eric's no longer here. Claudia, it's your turn.
Speaker 9: She's gonna dagger him again. But does she also get
since the other that's the country song.
Speaker 5: I it did have a twying to it, didn't he?
Speaker 9: Yeah? Okay, so the other the fart hawks on the
other side, as well as Karen.
Speaker 5: Yep, as you get advantaged. At least Karen alone will
give you advantage on the attacks.
Speaker 9: All right, excellent.
Speaker 5: If I'm not miss sake, I think you get plus
two damage per attack because you're raging. So first one dagger,
that one hits. Yep, that's a twenty seven yeap and
that's also hits, so nineteen. Okay, we'll just say it
this way. You killed it. You rage killed this thing.
You came down with her two will A leap comes
down either side of its neck and you look into
its dead reptilian eyes. Now, for my own sake of comedy,
I need to know something. Okay, it dies and it
rolls off the top, and it rolls off onto what
appears to be it smashes into gimp moog and stand,
this thing rolls off. So how much is the crocodile?
Speaker 1: A way? That's a lot right opportunity to dodge this.
Speaker 7: I mean the sizing structure you've used, I believe that's
a huge creature.
Speaker 5: It is a huge creature. It is a It is
a giant crocodile that falls into the huge category.
Speaker 1: Gibbie, I'm not like a fantasy hero in real life,
but even I can step backwards five feet.
Speaker 5: Well, that's why you get that's why you're dexterity saving.
Speaker 7: Your giants and tree ants are examples of huge creatures.
Oh Jesus, let's say I'm trying to find the size scale.
The height is usually thirty two to sixty four feet
and the weight is listed. You said huge, Yeah, it's huge.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 7: Uh two between two and sixteen tons?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 5: Well are you sixteen tons? And what do you get? Okay?
Speaker 9: So we can Claudia. Can Claudia have shouted something before it?
Speaker 7: No, that's a hell of a mage hand from hands
with that weight in mind?
Speaker 8: Jesus, No, it's yeah.
Speaker 5: Well he's he's hen. He was made in oo. He's
not a natural creature, so.
Speaker 1: He has advantage on hand based magics.
Speaker 5: He does have advantage on hand based magics. So what
I'm gonna do is I would like Moog and stand
and even even your your gimp there, everyone'd like you
all roll me dexterity saving throws. It's a falling, big,
lumbering thing, so deck startity saving throw twelve are better.
Speaker 6: Jip was flying near the edge trying to lure him off.
Speaker 5: Eleven, Moog, you did not make it, and stand. Give
me a dex starity saving throw of twelve are better
seven fantastic. You avoid, well, you're gonna you're gonna take
half and you're gonna take some rebounding damage. So let's
see me, can see me some weight? So, uh, he's falling,
he's weight fall science. So let's go with oh, let's
go with well, what kind of double sow? Because with
three D twelve only seventeen, so move takes seventeen damage.
Couch well, because I mean hits a rock. I mean
I could have gone worse. I'm just being polite. They
basically did sixty six, but make sure it's doubled. And
saying you take half of that?
Speaker 1: Why do I take damage? You took half of it.
Speaker 5: You got out of the way, because it's it's it's
you fell, but it's there's still just enough. You dive,
you do go out of the way, but you got
a little bit of the uh.
Speaker 8: The scale float dodge.
Speaker 1: No, but again I have the ability to step backwards
five feet.
Speaker 5: It's also our game. I mean, it's it's oh.
Speaker 1: I think I'm probably what did you to say, seventeen
half or seventeen?
Speaker 5: Yes, half a seventeen. I'm still so round down because
I'm nice, so called an eight.
Speaker 1: I'm not that alive, but I am still alive, all right.
Speaker 5: So this I'm go move this giant crocodile down here,
because he is now gone. There's one still standing, but
he's looking weak as well. So and a big thirty
feet fell down several thousand pounds of reptile where there's
a big dust of sand and a cloud, and it
looks like Moog is pushed into the fact it's on
top of them. Let's just go with that. Move you're
pined underneath the giant crocketile.
Speaker 1: I will look down at the move and say, moove
if he does me this morning, whoever I thought a
giant crocodile would fall from the sky and kill you,
I would have said, maybe.
Speaker 8: Moved like you a tiny bit less?
Speaker 6: Right now?
Speaker 5: All right, Moog, it is your turn. You're slowly suffocating
from this giant fucking dead thing on top of you.
Speaker 8: Okay, So how do I get out from the giant
fucking dead things smothering me?
Speaker 5: Well, did you use your missy step already?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: That sound sucks to you. Then, I don't know, figure
it out.
Speaker 12: Give me a strength starts eating screwed, I mean, gator
is delicious.
Speaker 8: I don't know, I got I got I got this
because it doesn't say anything about weight or anything.
Speaker 5: It doesn't just it just says magically transported. No, no,
I gotta catapult this thing.
Speaker 8: No boots of walking can can?
Speaker 6: I can?
Speaker 8: I see?
Speaker 5: Uh? Roll me? Roll me, roll me any dice odds
are putted north is like I'm trying to see. Give
me foresight, I die, Roll me a deformacy? Which direction
you're laying in that you're looking?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 5: You are looking north so you can barely make out
stand in this rock wall.
Speaker 8: Sorry, Stan, but I got to use the boots of
walking all over you to catapult myself toward him.
Speaker 5: Yep, yes you do. So you click the boots here
you're pinning under their hang on, do me a favorite,
Roll me an athletics. Roll to see if you can
actually click the boot, because that's part of the activation.
Speaker 1: It says.
Speaker 5: Nine, No, you cannot. Uh so.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 5: Suffocation rules are in effect. You get you get your
constitution modifier plus in an x amount of minutes plus
one minute, so you are you're still fine for the
moment because turn base is only in second. So you
are being crushed under the weight of a giant crocodile.
Speaker 8: So wait, I got something else I can try.
Speaker 5: Let's see here, that was your action. You are to
use your action to attempt to get out of there.
Speaker 8: So if you have something else, yeah, I'll use my
I will use my action surge. Okay, and I'll cast
thunder wave.
Speaker 5: At who.
Speaker 8: Just lashing out basically around me. Anything within fifteen feet
should get blasted away.
Speaker 5: Wait, okay, so you're aiming. I assume crocodile direction. It's
a cube, so it doesn't really matter, I understand. But
for example, the crocodile, that circle is a giant cube
that is literally a fifteen foot cube from your point
of origin, you be, and it's going to hit automatically
because the crocodile is like dead so it can't resist it.
So it's going to fly back ten feet right or
to five how far back does it go.
Speaker 6: It's gonna fly straight up and then land on you again.
Speaker 5: That's my point. That's what I'm trying to get it here.
So I want to know what it is that you're
doing so I know how to fuck you with it.
I'm like a genie with a wish here, So.
Speaker 8: It's going to get anything within fifteen feet.
Speaker 5: Sure, but it's there's a point of origin. So if
the bottom right corner were like, for example, you are in,
let me draw.
Speaker 8: It here real fast. Yes, the bottom right corner, we're yes.
Speaker 5: Right, So up three once, fifteen, up, fifteen over, fioting down.
So the entire crocodile fits inside of that fifteen foot cube.
So that is the point of origin of your blast. Okay,
So you're trying to which direction you're trying to push
you straight up against the wall. I mean, I'm trying
to see the media.
Speaker 8: I'm not pushing it straight up because I'm not a
fucking idiot. Okay, I'm putting it, pushing it. I'm pushing
into like trying to push it against.
Speaker 5: The ladder about Okay, you're trying to push it towards
the ladder, got it? Okay? Cool?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 5: So automatically happens because he is Your hands are I'll say,
your hands are free. You can cast this. Blah blah blah.
The thing shifts. How many feet does it move?
Speaker 8: Ten feet? Five? Ten?
Speaker 5: It takes out the ladder, bumps this crocodiles crocodile, It's
bumped in this direction. Claudia you're standing up near the ladder,
give me a dexstirty saving throw.
Speaker 8: Well, considering the spell, it should have hit that this
crocodile as well.
Speaker 5: Well again it's where the point of words of the
cube was twenty three. You're fine, I mean fancy footwork.
So when it was here. So I'm saying, it's like
you're aiming so ice what you're saying, you're pushing it
that way and that way. I'm tracking you out. Okay,
So what's the dex thirty saving what's the is a
constitution saving throw?
Speaker 8: Constitution twelve?
Speaker 5: It fails?
Speaker 8: Holy shit.
Speaker 5: Okay, uh this crocodile fails, which is amazing. It has
a very high constitution and it takes uh Okay, well
guess what. This one flies through the air and lands dead.
It was already wounded to the point like I only
needed or two more hits. But that you did.
Speaker 9: It nice, nice chop.
Speaker 8: Okay.
Speaker 5: So this, this crocodile flies through so in a big
crocodile cacophony of flailing reptile mood. You're laying there, you
can breathe. There's a moog indentation on the ground and
two crocodiles.
Speaker 1: Fewer wait to make the most of a bad situation.
Speaker 7: Moove, Yeah, that was turning shit into shardon egg.
Speaker 10: Sorry about the crocodiles, father, but the old boy said,
you don't want to be punished. But that daddy, Daddy
Red Wizard started to play.
Speaker 5: With me, and maybe I'm not Maybe it's not so bad.
Speaker 8: No, no, no, worry's son. Fortunately, that spell is pretty handy, Carly.
Speaker 7: At this point, I'm getting terrified that we're gonna end
up with the fucking hand in the party, and that'll
be the best person among us.
Speaker 5: He might be right without a stangle. And I think
this touching reunion between fathers and son, this is what
we're gonna end this episode of the Dicey Bastards after
good battle moog alive, some good battle and a giant
glowing murder kowala. I think this is a special heart,
special place in all our hearts. We're gonna tune in
next time. So on behalf of Drew Hayes, Steve Weather,
or Rick Walter, Emily, Captain Robert Bevan, I'm Mk Gibson.
We've been the Dicey Bassards and you've been great. We'll
see you all next time.
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 5: Everybody, Bye bye.
Speaker 11: You've been listening to Dicey Bastard's cats see if Authors
and Dragons check us out at Authors and Dragons dot
com or look up our Patreon if you want to supporters,
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by the golf Call four
Speaker 1: That's Fucked Up