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Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of the Chicks on the Right

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podcast where we talk with our friend and sponsored the show,

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Zach Abraham from Boulwart Capital Management, And we have one

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of those am.

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Speaker 2: Iv asshole segments today for you, Zach, that came.

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Speaker 1: From Reddit, and it's about a woman who has she's

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got this weird setup in her marriage where her husband

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has recently decided we need to save a lot more money, and.

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Speaker 2: We're going to have like this bucket of money that

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we both.

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Speaker 1: Need to put all of our earnings in and then

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each of us can have one hundred and fifty bucks

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a month to spend on what we want. For her,

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that's not nearly enough, so on the down low, she

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has been pocketing the tips that she makes from her salon,

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which is like a set she cuts hair a couple

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times a week. She's saving the tips from that secretly

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so that she can buy more stuff with that, and

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she's not including that into their shared bucket. So she's

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asking Reddit, does that make me an asshole? And the

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there's a very disparate set of opinions about that. Some

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people are like, you should tell him this is like

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super dishonest, and other people are like he sounds really

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controlling and you should leave.

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Speaker 2: What are your thoughts just based on that limited information?

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Speaker 3: Uh? Okay, So I'm not I'm not saying this just

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too engender sympathy or or a positive response from the ladies.

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But my first thought when I hear that is like

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any husband that thinks that that we need the same

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amount of spendable money per month, I would just I

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gotta guess this cat isn't thirty years old yet. I'm

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also going to guess that they haven't been married for

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very long. So I would just sit there and be like,

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you know, you may as well go out and ask

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your five year old to slam duncle basketball, like meaning

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if you if you think that you and your wife

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need the same walking around money, you're lying, you're high,

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Yeah you're and yeah, it's like you know, I don't know.

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It's like sitting there asking your fifteen year old, you know, hey,

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me and mom are gonna go or your seventeen year old,

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me and mom are going away for a week, don't

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have any friends over, don't open the liquor cabinet right

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like you hope they behave. But at the same time,

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as a parent, you're sitting there going, you know what, man,

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I'm probably putting I'm probably giving them a little bit

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too much rope here.

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Speaker 4: It's not even that, but the maintenance, Like it takes

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my husband five minutes to get ready, it takes me

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forty five. Right, there's products involved, there's stuff that goes.

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It takes a lot more for us to do what

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we've got to do.

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Speaker 3: And here's the deal. Us men benefit from that. So yeah,

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I just I would say this. I think that that

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guy's being unwise on several different levels. Also, you know

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the other. Yeah, instituting anything, any type of untruth, anything

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hidden inside of a relationship or a marriage isn't good.

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Speaker 4: Right, you get to set the amount. Struck me the

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wrong way too, Like, why does he get to do that?

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Speaker 3: Why does he we.

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Speaker 4: Put it in the bucket? And then he's like and

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it's going to be one hundred and fifty. I'd be like,

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who died and made.

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Speaker 3: You right now? And there is a kit. Yeah, there

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is a controlling part to that, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that that. I don't think that that

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makes any sense. I don't think that that's the right

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way to quote about doing things. I mean, making it,

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making a goal to get more aggressive about saving. Great,

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that's wonderful, but at what cost?

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Speaker 1: Right, Like, and don't you have to agree to the goal? Like,

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shouldn't you be goal setting together? Yes?

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Speaker 2: You know as a couple.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever had to deal with, like anybody in

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your practice where there's secrets and you know about the secrets.

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Speaker 2: Has that ever happened?

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm trying to think, Jen, I don't think so.

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I think that we've had situations where secrets have been

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uncovered through the process. Right, nothing really salacious, I've heard

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about that happening. But what you do see, and this

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is something that that I've really tried to institute in

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my marriage as well. But what you do see is

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money becoming a bone of contention. Money becoming this thing

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that is non cooperative in the relationship. It's a way

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to keep score, it's a way to hold leverage, or

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the other person weaponized all those different things, and and

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you usually see it surrounding scenarios where the earnings of

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the household are very unevenly distributed. But that and that's

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what look And I'm not saying I'm perfect at this,

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and nobody is, but I think that's where you have

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to sit there and you just can't split things between well,

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I made this and you made that, right, Like for instance,

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I mean, you know, my wife technically doesn't make anything

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and I technically make all the money. But there's no

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way that I would have been able to do that

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had she not helped me build the firm and raise

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kids and did all that kind of you know, behind

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the scenes. So yeah, you have to have and if

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if you don't trust your spouse because you do not

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think that they're financially responsible, then that is not a

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reason to pursue this track. Right. What you need to

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do is you need together, you need to together go

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get more financially literate, work on those things and educate

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that person, not segregate them or you know, or try

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to put them in a financial you know, put a

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financial fence around them, right, because that's just that's a symptom.

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You're just treating a symptom, and that's going to engender bitterness,

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it's going to engender disagreements, it's going to you know,

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it creates space, right, You're creating a space in between

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the both of you, and that's you know, it's not good.

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Speaker 4: Okay, So logistical question, because this is I'm dying to

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know what you think about this. If you if people

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are say they're living together, it's a couple that's living

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together and they have separate accounts, right, and they're paying bills,

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and they're like, you know, I pay the rent, you

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pay the utilities whatever. They split the bills. Then they

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get married and they continue to do that where they

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have like separate accounts they've never made like a joint account,

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and they still pay separate bills. Would you I mean,

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I personally, like my husband and I we have one

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big bucket. All the money goes in one big bucket,

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and we're just that's it is what it is. We

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don't keep score. It just is that's our marital money bucket.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: That's what we do. It's how we've always done it.

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But a lot of these, I say a lot, I've

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seen a lot of young kids that I know that

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have done this whole separate accounts they have, they pay

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separate bills and they do that. Would you recommend that

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or would you recommend one big bucket?

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Speaker 3: No, one big bucket. And people are like, well, here's

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why I don't, And I look at them and I go,

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that's exactly why you should right.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: The fear of the other person doing the wrong thing

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is exactly why you need the shared bucket because you're

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going to find that out and that enables you to

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deal with it right. Light is the best antiseptic, right,

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And I'm a big believer cleaning out the closet. The

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other thing is it, like I said, it creates separation.

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It creates division. If you're out there and you do

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it and it works good for you, I'm not talking

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about you. What I'm saying, generally speaking, is it creates

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if you want a team, right, If you want to

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be a team, you want to break down as many

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separating factors as you possibly can't.

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Speaker 2: That's the whole idea of marriage.

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Speaker 4: Why get married right?

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Speaker 3: Well, and look, you see it even in businesses. You

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see it on sports teams. The less divisive factors that

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we have, the better the team is going to function. Right,

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just is the way it is, and so and there's

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all kinds of reasons for that. A right, if you're both,

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if you do have one pot truly, it acts as

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a safeguard for people to not do things they shouldn't do.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, what I mean, that's a good point,

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and also that as a great point.

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Speaker 3: I hope if you're a married man, well, if you're

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any man, i'd hope you don't do this. But I

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hope if you're a married man with children at home,

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you're not going to a strip club on a business trip.

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But that's what. If you're operating out of one bucket,

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you're less likely to right.

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Speaker 2: That point, you're less great, You're less likely to.

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Speaker 3: And so I just transparency is always a good thing. Teamwork,

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no division, all of that thing. The other thing, too,

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is I think it helps to think with attitudes. Like

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I said, I make all of the money, one hundred

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percent of it. I don't make any decisions regarding any

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amount of money and excess to two thousand dollars unless

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I talk to my wife.

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Speaker 2: First, which makes all the sense in the world.

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Speaker 3: Tell why, she's my teammates, she's my partner, and also

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it's her money, and I want to be on the

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same page, and I expect that she does the exact

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same thing with me. And you know, if you well,

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I don't know if I could trust them. Well, you

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probably should have thought of that before you got married.

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Speaker 4: Right, exactly exactly.

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Speaker 2: Do you ever do like financial premarital counseling. Do you

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ever hear of people do that? I think that should

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be a thing because it's asation.

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Speaker 1: That people should we have before they actually sign on

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the dotted line, you know what I mean, at least

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have had at least to inspire them to have the

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conversation if they already, if they haven't already.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's why it's usually the number one reason

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people get divorced is money.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know how few It's shocking, but do

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you know how few people have the conversation? It amazes

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me how people go into these relationships with assumptions about

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the person they're with, as opposed to like qualifying it.

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You know what I mean. We're like, you know, when

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my wife and I got married, you know how we

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were going to discipline kids, had been discussed, our thoughts

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on our careers, priorities, what kind of vacations we like

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to say? You know what I mean, you had to

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know all these things right, like, hey, I got to

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see your cards, put your hand down on the table.

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And I think so many people get lost in the

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fairy tale of it. Did they forget to like, hey,

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The more of these things that you deal with and

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discuss and lock down, the more fairy tale you get

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right like it's it's not a detractor. It gets you

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on the same page. There's less friction, there's less mis miscommunication.

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And I think people should absolutely. I think pre marital

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financial conversations and counseling would be great and and and

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one of the reasons I think it'd be great is

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because I think it would prevent a non a non

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insignificant percentage of people from actually getting married right, Like,

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these discussions would bring up things, they'd create arguments, and

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they would end up realizing that we can't do this,

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like this is not.

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Speaker 2: And so well.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if pre marital financial counseling is on

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your list of services, but it should be, and you

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should be other services which people need to know about.

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Speaker 2: How can they learn more?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you are the Queen of transitions, Priestess. We had

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we had some good discussions while you were gone, but

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the transitions were no right.

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Speaker 4: Nobody does it like mob Nobody.

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Speaker 3: Pro pro pro.

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Speaker 2: We're easy to find.

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Speaker 3: Look at us Borcapitalmanagement dot com. Search for US, you

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can google it, go to YouTube search Know your Risk podcasts.

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Go there at Know Your riskpodcast dot com. Subscribe, download

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all that kind of stuff not tough to find, and

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just throw it out there in the Google and you'll

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you'll figure it out quick.

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Speaker 2: Thank you Zach, Thanks, thank you, ladies.

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Speaker 3: Fun as always. Investment advisory services offered through TREK Financial

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loc and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. The opinions expressed in

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this programmer for general informational purposes only and are not

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intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual

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or on any specific security. Any references to performance of

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security so it thought to be materially accurate, and actual

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performance may different investments involved risk and are not guaranteed.

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Past performance doesn't guarantee future results. Trek twenty four three

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zero eight