Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of the Chicks on the Right
podcast where we talk with our friend and sponsored the show,
Zach Abraham from Boulwart Capital Management, And we have one
of those am.
Speaker 2: Iv asshole segments today for you, Zach, that came.
Speaker 1: From Reddit, and it's about a woman who has she's
got this weird setup in her marriage where her husband
has recently decided we need to save a lot more money, and.
Speaker 2: We're going to have like this bucket of money that
we both.
Speaker 1: Need to put all of our earnings in and then
each of us can have one hundred and fifty bucks
a month to spend on what we want. For her,
that's not nearly enough, so on the down low, she
has been pocketing the tips that she makes from her salon,
which is like a set she cuts hair a couple
times a week. She's saving the tips from that secretly
so that she can buy more stuff with that, and
she's not including that into their shared bucket. So she's
asking Reddit, does that make me an asshole? And the
there's a very disparate set of opinions about that. Some
people are like, you should tell him this is like
super dishonest, and other people are like he sounds really
controlling and you should leave.
Speaker 2: What are your thoughts just based on that limited information?
Speaker 3: Uh? Okay, So I'm not I'm not saying this just
too engender sympathy or or a positive response from the ladies.
But my first thought when I hear that is like
any husband that thinks that that we need the same
amount of spendable money per month, I would just I
gotta guess this cat isn't thirty years old yet. I'm
also going to guess that they haven't been married for
very long. So I would just sit there and be like,
you know, you may as well go out and ask
your five year old to slam duncle basketball, like meaning
if you if you think that you and your wife
need the same walking around money, you're lying, you're high,
Yeah you're and yeah, it's like you know, I don't know.
It's like sitting there asking your fifteen year old, you know, hey,
me and mom are gonna go or your seventeen year old,
me and mom are going away for a week, don't
have any friends over, don't open the liquor cabinet right
like you hope they behave. But at the same time,
as a parent, you're sitting there going, you know what, man,
I'm probably putting I'm probably giving them a little bit
too much rope here.
Speaker 4: It's not even that, but the maintenance, Like it takes
my husband five minutes to get ready, it takes me
forty five. Right, there's products involved, there's stuff that goes.
It takes a lot more for us to do what
we've got to do.
Speaker 3: And here's the deal. Us men benefit from that. So yeah,
I just I would say this. I think that that
guy's being unwise on several different levels. Also, you know
the other. Yeah, instituting anything, any type of untruth, anything
hidden inside of a relationship or a marriage isn't good.
Speaker 4: Right, you get to set the amount. Struck me the
wrong way too, Like, why does he get to do that?
Speaker 3: Why does he we.
Speaker 4: Put it in the bucket? And then he's like and
it's going to be one hundred and fifty. I'd be like,
who died and made.
Speaker 3: You right now? And there is a kit. Yeah, there
is a controlling part to that, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't think that that. I don't think that that
makes any sense. I don't think that that's the right
way to quote about doing things. I mean, making it,
making a goal to get more aggressive about saving. Great,
that's wonderful, but at what cost?
Speaker 1: Right, Like, and don't you have to agree to the goal? Like,
shouldn't you be goal setting together? Yes?
Speaker 2: You know as a couple.
Speaker 1: Have you ever had to deal with, like anybody in
your practice where there's secrets and you know about the secrets.
Speaker 2: Has that ever happened?
Speaker 3: You know, I'm trying to think, Jen, I don't think so.
I think that we've had situations where secrets have been
uncovered through the process. Right, nothing really salacious, I've heard
about that happening. But what you do see, and this
is something that that I've really tried to institute in
my marriage as well. But what you do see is
money becoming a bone of contention. Money becoming this thing
that is non cooperative in the relationship. It's a way
to keep score, it's a way to hold leverage, or
the other person weaponized all those different things, and and
you usually see it surrounding scenarios where the earnings of
the household are very unevenly distributed. But that and that's
what look And I'm not saying I'm perfect at this,
and nobody is, but I think that's where you have
to sit there and you just can't split things between well,
I made this and you made that, right, Like for instance,
I mean, you know, my wife technically doesn't make anything
and I technically make all the money. But there's no
way that I would have been able to do that
had she not helped me build the firm and raise
kids and did all that kind of you know, behind
the scenes. So yeah, you have to have and if
if you don't trust your spouse because you do not
think that they're financially responsible, then that is not a
reason to pursue this track. Right. What you need to
do is you need together, you need to together go
get more financially literate, work on those things and educate
that person, not segregate them or you know, or try
to put them in a financial you know, put a
financial fence around them, right, because that's just that's a symptom.
You're just treating a symptom, and that's going to engender bitterness,
it's going to engender disagreements, it's going to you know,
it creates space, right, You're creating a space in between
the both of you, and that's you know, it's not good.
Speaker 4: Okay, So logistical question, because this is I'm dying to
know what you think about this. If you if people
are say they're living together, it's a couple that's living
together and they have separate accounts, right, and they're paying bills,
and they're like, you know, I pay the rent, you
pay the utilities whatever. They split the bills. Then they
get married and they continue to do that where they
have like separate accounts they've never made like a joint account,
and they still pay separate bills. Would you I mean,
I personally, like my husband and I we have one
big bucket. All the money goes in one big bucket,
and we're just that's it is what it is. We
don't keep score. It just is that's our marital money bucket.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 4: That's what we do. It's how we've always done it.
But a lot of these, I say a lot, I've
seen a lot of young kids that I know that
have done this whole separate accounts they have, they pay
separate bills and they do that. Would you recommend that
or would you recommend one big bucket?
Speaker 3: No, one big bucket. And people are like, well, here's
why I don't, And I look at them and I go,
that's exactly why you should right.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: The fear of the other person doing the wrong thing
is exactly why you need the shared bucket because you're
going to find that out and that enables you to
deal with it right. Light is the best antiseptic, right,
And I'm a big believer cleaning out the closet. The
other thing is it, like I said, it creates separation.
It creates division. If you're out there and you do
it and it works good for you, I'm not talking
about you. What I'm saying, generally speaking, is it creates
if you want a team, right, If you want to
be a team, you want to break down as many
separating factors as you possibly can't.
Speaker 2: That's the whole idea of marriage.
Speaker 4: Why get married right?
Speaker 3: Well, and look, you see it even in businesses. You
see it on sports teams. The less divisive factors that
we have, the better the team is going to function. Right,
just is the way it is, and so and there's
all kinds of reasons for that. A right, if you're both,
if you do have one pot truly, it acts as
a safeguard for people to not do things they shouldn't do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, what I mean, that's a good point,
and also that as a great point.
Speaker 3: I hope if you're a married man, well, if you're
any man, i'd hope you don't do this. But I
hope if you're a married man with children at home,
you're not going to a strip club on a business trip.
But that's what. If you're operating out of one bucket,
you're less likely to right.
Speaker 2: That point, you're less great, You're less likely to.
Speaker 3: And so I just transparency is always a good thing. Teamwork,
no division, all of that thing. The other thing, too,
is I think it helps to think with attitudes. Like
I said, I make all of the money, one hundred
percent of it. I don't make any decisions regarding any
amount of money and excess to two thousand dollars unless
I talk to my wife.
Speaker 2: First, which makes all the sense in the world.
Speaker 3: Tell why, she's my teammates, she's my partner, and also
it's her money, and I want to be on the
same page, and I expect that she does the exact
same thing with me. And you know, if you well,
I don't know if I could trust them. Well, you
probably should have thought of that before you got married.
Speaker 4: Right, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: Do you ever do like financial premarital counseling. Do you
ever hear of people do that? I think that should
be a thing because it's asation.
Speaker 1: That people should we have before they actually sign on
the dotted line, you know what I mean, at least
have had at least to inspire them to have the
conversation if they already, if they haven't already.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's why it's usually the number one reason
people get divorced is money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know how few It's shocking, but do
you know how few people have the conversation? It amazes
me how people go into these relationships with assumptions about
the person they're with, as opposed to like qualifying it.
You know what I mean. We're like, you know, when
my wife and I got married, you know how we
were going to discipline kids, had been discussed, our thoughts
on our careers, priorities, what kind of vacations we like
to say? You know what I mean, you had to
know all these things right, like, hey, I got to
see your cards, put your hand down on the table.
And I think so many people get lost in the
fairy tale of it. Did they forget to like, hey,
The more of these things that you deal with and
discuss and lock down, the more fairy tale you get
right like it's it's not a detractor. It gets you
on the same page. There's less friction, there's less mis miscommunication.
And I think people should absolutely. I think pre marital
financial conversations and counseling would be great and and and
one of the reasons I think it'd be great is
because I think it would prevent a non a non
insignificant percentage of people from actually getting married right, Like,
these discussions would bring up things, they'd create arguments, and
they would end up realizing that we can't do this,
like this is not.
Speaker 2: And so well.
Speaker 1: I don't know if pre marital financial counseling is on
your list of services, but it should be, and you
should be other services which people need to know about.
Speaker 2: How can they learn more?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are the Queen of transitions, Priestess. We had
we had some good discussions while you were gone, but
the transitions were no right.
Speaker 4: Nobody does it like mob Nobody.
Speaker 3: Pro pro pro.
Speaker 2: We're easy to find.
Speaker 3: Look at us Borcapitalmanagement dot com. Search for US, you
can google it, go to YouTube search Know your Risk podcasts.
Go there at Know Your riskpodcast dot com. Subscribe, download
all that kind of stuff not tough to find, and
just throw it out there in the Google and you'll
you'll figure it out quick.
Speaker 2: Thank you Zach, Thanks, thank you, ladies.
Speaker 3: Fun as always. Investment advisory services offered through TREK Financial
loc and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. The opinions expressed in
this programmer for general informational purposes only and are not
intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual
or on any specific security. Any references to performance of
security so it thought to be materially accurate, and actual
performance may different investments involved risk and are not guaranteed.
Past performance doesn't guarantee future results. Trek twenty four three
zero eight