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<v Speaker 1>When I retired, of course, I expected things to change.

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<v Speaker 1>I expected more free time, I expected less stress. I

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<v Speaker 1>expected that wonderful feeling of not having to set an

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<v Speaker 1>alarm clock anymore, and I expected that to last forever.

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<v Speaker 1>But what surprised me were the little things that kind

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<v Speaker 1>of quietly disappeared. Not the big milestone so much, because

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<v Speaker 1>we're more prepared for those, but the tiny things that

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't even realize were important until they were gone.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you're retired or you're getting close, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a feeling at least one of these things is going

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<v Speaker 1>to make you smile and say I thought I was

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<v Speaker 1>the only one. I'm Morey Debransky. This is life starts

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<v Speaker 1>at retirement. I produce a retirement lifestyle video every Saturday

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<v Speaker 1>at noon ish. I'd love for you to subscribe and

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<v Speaker 1>join our community. So one of the things that kind

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<v Speaker 1>of quietly disappeared that I didn't expect to make a

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<v Speaker 1>difference in my life was the alarm clock. Because for

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<v Speaker 1>almost forty ish years, my alarm clock would go off

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<v Speaker 1>before six every weekday morning, and I used to just

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<v Speaker 1>hate that thing. I did not like having to get up,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, but then retirement came in one morning, I

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<v Speaker 1>just kind of woke up naturally, and of course it

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<v Speaker 1>was before six at the beginning at least. And I

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<v Speaker 1>looked at the clock, though, and I smile and I went, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>this is wonderful. But over time I thought, now now what,

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<v Speaker 1>like really now what, because I realized that that little

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<v Speaker 1>alarm clock wasn't just waking me up, it was giving

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<v Speaker 1>my day purpose before my feet even hit the floor.

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<v Speaker 1>And nobody told me or I guess I just didn't

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<v Speaker 1>realize that one of the hardest parts of retirement isn't

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<v Speaker 1>really having too much time. It's deciding what deserves your time.

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<v Speaker 1>So these days, I still don't set an alarm clock

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<v Speaker 1>unless I absolutely have to, but I do try to

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<v Speaker 1>add some struck mature into my mornings, whether it's filming

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<v Speaker 1>a YouTube video, going for a walk, working on some

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<v Speaker 1>of my speeches, or even just sitting on my phone.

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<v Speaker 1>Often I like to have a diet coke in the

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<v Speaker 1>morning instead of a coffee and just checking my phone.

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<v Speaker 1>So I guess I've learned that the routines don't disappear,

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<v Speaker 1>but now we just get to choose them ourselves. The

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<v Speaker 1>second thing that quietly disappeared that I didn't realize i'd

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<v Speaker 1>miss was just what I call the little sort of conversations.

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<v Speaker 1>So from the office, I don't miss the office politics.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't miss the endless meetings, the deadlines, the performance

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<v Speaker 1>reviews yuck. But I do miss just those little conversations.

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<v Speaker 1>You'd walk past someone's desk and you'd say, hey, did

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<v Speaker 1>you watch the hockey game last night? Or how was

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<v Speaker 1>your weekend. A lot of those conversations just lasted like

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<v Speaker 1>thirty seconds or a minute, but it really maybe reminded

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<v Speaker 1>me that we belonged somewhere. And after retirement, those little

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<v Speaker 1>moments just quietly and nobody really checks in, Nobody drops

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<v Speaker 1>by my desk because I don't have a desk, Nobody says, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>do you have a minute. And it turns out, though

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<v Speaker 1>that those little conversations filled a much bigger place maybe

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<v Speaker 1>in my life than I ever realized. And that's one

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<v Speaker 1>of the reasons I try at least every day to

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<v Speaker 1>meet friends for coffee, to go golfing, to get out.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I could sit behind this with this computer all

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<v Speaker 1>day long and mixing. You know, the day's gone and

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't even seen anyone. So connections don't really have

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<v Speaker 1>to be big to matter. Sometimes just those thirty seconds

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<v Speaker 1>is enough, and oftentimes I'll sit there and read your comments.

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<v Speaker 1>They're one of my favorite things to do, So thank

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<v Speaker 1>you for that. The third thing that I miss, and

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<v Speaker 1>I know this is going to sound ego driven, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's whatever, it's having a title because for years, when

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<v Speaker 1>someone asks, hi, I'm more ingen what do you do, well,

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<v Speaker 1>the answer was easy. I'm a mortgage broker, I was

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<v Speaker 1>a sales trainer whatever that. I worked at Yellow Pages.

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<v Speaker 1>It was simple, it was instant. You knew that. And

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<v Speaker 1>I can clearly remember the first time somebody said hey,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you do after I retired? And I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>and instead of saying, hey, I'm retired, I said, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>well I just left my job. I was at Yellow

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<v Speaker 1>Pages and I was a sales manager. Well, they didn't

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<v Speaker 1>ask what I used to do? What do I do?

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<v Speaker 1>Why couldn't I say, I try I retired. It bothered

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<v Speaker 1>me for years and years and years, but it took

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<v Speaker 1>me a while to realize. I guess it really wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>about losing my identity, although that it did bother me

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<v Speaker 1>and sometimes still does bother me, but it was I

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<v Speaker 1>guess I've learned since that, I've discovered I'm more than

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<v Speaker 1>just that job title, and I think that's been one

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<v Speaker 1>of the gifts that I really enjoy about retirement. Number four.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the things I didn't realize that i'd missed

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<v Speaker 1>that just quietly disappeared is deadlines. Can you imagine that

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't think i'd missed that at all. But for

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<v Speaker 1>most of our working lives, something was always do. There

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<v Speaker 1>was a meeting, a report, a customer, a project, or

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<v Speaker 1>even just you had to be at work at a

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<v Speaker 1>certain time. You had to be there. And even if

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<v Speaker 1>we complain about deadlines that I did, they gave our

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<v Speaker 1>day momentum. And now nobody cares if I follow the

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<v Speaker 1>laundry today or tomorrow. And the funny thing is, though

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<v Speaker 1>I still give myself deadlines. So I still like structure

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<v Speaker 1>in my life. Some people don't, but I need some structure.

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<v Speaker 1>So I do what I say. That's going to be

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<v Speaker 1>up every Saturday at noonish my videos. And I still

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<v Speaker 1>like that structure. So if I tell you that I

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<v Speaker 1>want to keep my word, and so I've learned, then

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<v Speaker 1>I guess that purpose for me didn't necessarily disappear in retirement.

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<v Speaker 1>I just had to create new purpose in my life

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<v Speaker 1>so that I could have that. So I have deadlines

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<v Speaker 1>and I didn't think i'd miss them. So the next one,

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<v Speaker 1>number five, being needed, it just quietly disappeared, and then

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<v Speaker 1>it reappeared in a different way. But this really surprised

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<v Speaker 1>me because for years and years and years, somebody needed

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<v Speaker 1>me every single day, customers, coworkers, etc. And then retirement

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<v Speaker 1>came and all of a sudden, my phone doesn't ring

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<v Speaker 1>very often, my emails slowed down. I'm still needed. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel I'm still needed by my family. My grandchildren still

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<v Speaker 1>need me, my husband still needs me, my mom, but

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<v Speaker 1>even the grandkids are growing up. We have a twenty

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<v Speaker 1>year old granddaughter who really doesn't need me, my fifteen

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<v Speaker 1>year old. I made a video about her and how

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<v Speaker 1>she came out to the trailer this summer and didn't

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<v Speaker 1>need grandma, and it was really hard. I'll include that

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<v Speaker 1>the Lincoln here. But I guess retirement taught me that

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<v Speaker 1>being needed isn't something we should wait for. Sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>need to create that need if you want that. So

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you're volunteering, helping a neighbor, you're babysitting out here

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<v Speaker 1>at the trailer. We were just working on We're having

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<v Speaker 1>a ladies golf tournament on Sunday, so being needed for

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<v Speaker 1>me feels good. So sometimes you just need to reach

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<v Speaker 1>out and be that person who reaches out first, and

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<v Speaker 1>then that feeling doesn't have to disappear, but it does change.

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<v Speaker 1>Number six Now I know this one most people can

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<v Speaker 1>relate to, and I'm the money person in our family Payday.

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<v Speaker 1>That counds kind of funny too, but I do miss

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<v Speaker 1>pay day every single two weeks. I knew exactly what

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<v Speaker 1>was coming into my bank account and we're not broke,

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<v Speaker 1>but we're not like woohoo rich. But it was nice

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<v Speaker 1>to have that commitment, nice to have that knowledge that

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<v Speaker 1>you knew what's coming in. And retirement's different. Now we

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<v Speaker 1>have investments, we have pensions, we have budgets, we have woods,

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<v Speaker 1>are awls, and so it isn't necessarily worse, but it's different.

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<v Speaker 1>And that just quietly disappeared. I knew I would miss,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the money, but I realize every two weeks

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<v Speaker 1>for a long time, I went, oh, oh, what are

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<v Speaker 1>we gonna do now? So if you felt that too,

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<v Speaker 1>you're definitely not alone. And then number seven, Sunday nights

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<v Speaker 1>I don't miss the Sunday night anxiety. I don't miss

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about Monday morning meetings and getting up, but I

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<v Speaker 1>do miss, which is weird. I do miss what Sunday's represented,

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<v Speaker 1>like a fresh week, like yeah, something new, it was

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<v Speaker 1>a new beginning, and without work, Monday can feel like

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<v Speaker 1>a Thursday. And there's days where I'll get up but

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<v Speaker 1>I don't even know what day it is, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>both good and bad. I think the longer that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>into retirement, the more it's easier, but the weeks can

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<v Speaker 1>really start blending together. So now again, I try to

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<v Speaker 1>give myself something every week to look forward to, a

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<v Speaker 1>golf game, a video, coffee with a friend, a day trip,

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<v Speaker 1>working on my next cruise talk, whatever it might be.

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<v Speaker 1>I try to do something every day to give myself meaning.

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<v Speaker 1>So now those are the seven things that sort of

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<v Speaker 1>just quietly disappeared that I didn't realize I would miss.

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<v Speaker 1>But as I was making this list, I realized something

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<v Speaker 1>that every one of these quiet moments leaves behind maybe

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of an empty space. And retirement isn't

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<v Speaker 1>really about filling your calendar so much, or for me,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's about filling those spaces with things that matter.

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<v Speaker 1>So some of the quietest moments now after time have

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<v Speaker 1>become the happiest parts of retirement. Others take a little work,

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<v Speaker 1>but I guess none of us have to figure this

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<v Speaker 1>out alone. We're all in it together, and hopefully we

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<v Speaker 1>all can figure it out. So I'd love to hear

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<v Speaker 1>from you what was the biggest thing for you that

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<v Speaker 1>went quiet after you retired, Because maybe it's something different

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<v Speaker 1>and I didn't even mention it for you, So tell

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<v Speaker 1>me that in the comments. I do read them all

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<v Speaker 1>every single time, and I think our story just might

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<v Speaker 1>help someone else realize that they're not the only ones

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<v Speaker 1>feeling that way. I'm Lauren Debrasky that this life starts

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<v Speaker 1>at retirement. If you're new here, I'd love to have

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<v Speaker 1>you in our community. Every week we talk honestly about retirement,

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<v Speaker 1>the good, the challenging, the everything in between. Because I

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<v Speaker 1>truly believe that retirement is the end of something, it's

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning of something wonderful. My saying is, make your

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<v Speaker 1>retirement remarkable. Thanks for joining me. I'll see you in

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<v Speaker 1>the next video.