WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:04.200 Baby, I'm a gangster too. It takes at a tangle. 2 00:00:04.759 --> 00:00:08.080 You don't mess with me. Mess with me, baby, I'm 3 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:09.240 a GANGSTERA tou. 4 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:17.199 Ouch baby, you're a gangstatoo. 5 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:26.800 For good warnings, this podcast is designed to take you 6 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:29.839 outside of your comfort zone and make you question reality. 7 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:39.640 Listening discretion is a vibe the fellas. 8 00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:50.280 This ain't my first time at the rodeos. M h. 9 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:52.759 M hmmm. 10 00:00:56.200 --> 00:01:04.359 Hello and welcome back to the show. We are back 11 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:14.719 for part two of the what was her name, Katy Couci? 12 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:25.120 It was like a color uh pink puss. Teal Swan. Yep, 13 00:01:25.319 --> 00:01:29.480 we are back for the part two of Teal Swan. 14 00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:35.319 Lot more to talk about, a lot more to uncover 15 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:40.400 with this but before we do that, I don't have 16 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:43.280 any stories for you today, but I have a couple 17 00:01:43.239 --> 00:01:48.640 of shout outs. I got one message from Tracy. I 18 00:01:48.680 --> 00:01:54.599 won't say your last name just for privacy purposes, but Tracy, 19 00:01:54.760 --> 00:01:58.239 I got your message. She went through the link tree 20 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:02.400 like a good girl. That's how you're supposed to do it, 21 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:05.640 so she said, I listened to your show religiously. I'm honored, 22 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:10.280 thank you. I love your episodes on John Beney. I 23 00:02:10.360 --> 00:02:14.159 did stumble across a few TikTok videos about John Benne 24 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:18.000 and Epstein. He had pictures of her in his apartment 25 00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:23.680 and one picture of Beney at a pageant and it 26 00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:26.159 had Maxwell in it. I thought you might want to 27 00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:29.439 look into it if you hadn't already listen. I'm sure 28 00:02:29.719 --> 00:02:34.520 they were running train on her. They never would say 29 00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:40.120 who the elite type person was, who was at the 30 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:45.280 White's family Christmas party that night? There was a nine 31 00:02:45.319 --> 00:02:49.319 to one one phone call placed. There was an elite 32 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:53.719 guest at the White family Christmas party. It's never been 33 00:02:53.719 --> 00:02:55.719 disclosed to it is. There was a nine to one 34 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:59.439 one call that night. And then that's the night I 35 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:01.719 think she died. I think she died at the Christmas party. 36 00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:06.400 And then they brought her body back home and called 37 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:08.960 nine one one again in the morning from the Ramsey 38 00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:15.879 home to stage this cleanup job because they knew her 39 00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:20.960 dead body was down in the basement. They planted it there. Uh, 40 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:26.919 from the night before, died at the Christmas party. Now 41 00:03:27.199 --> 00:03:30.759 I got another email, Let's see if I can find it. 42 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:35.639 Was very interesting. It was about Steven Spielberg. Yes, it's 43 00:03:35.719 --> 00:03:39.000 from the email. Is man in the mire? Eighty five 44 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:46.879 sent me an email, really really detailed email here about 45 00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:52.319 like Stargate SG one and Steven Spielberg, a lot of 46 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:54.280 really cool stuff. I just wanted to let you know 47 00:03:54.360 --> 00:03:57.039 I did get your email. Thank you so much for 48 00:03:57.159 --> 00:04:00.599 reaching out. I really appreciate it. I love here from you, guys. 49 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:05.240 You're my friends, You're my best piece, and we can 50 00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:07.800 keep it real with each other. Don't be afraid to 51 00:04:08.879 --> 00:04:14.159 send me email. Ghost dot peach at outlook dot com, 52 00:04:14.199 --> 00:04:18.480 send me email, hit me up, you know, bark up 53 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:21.600 my tree. Love to hear from you, guys, even if 54 00:04:21.639 --> 00:04:23.399 I can't get back to you right away, or if 55 00:04:23.399 --> 00:04:26.600 I give you a shout out and respond to you 56 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:33.639 via episode like this, Just know I love you and 57 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:38.519 I see your messages coming through. Now that we're done 58 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:43.920 with that part, we're gonna jump into part two of 59 00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:49.839 Teal Swan. I don't know how you guys are feeling 60 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:56.000 so far with the first part, but damn a lot 61 00:04:56.040 --> 00:05:03.240 of stuff being revealed. Here me share my shit. Sharon. 62 00:05:04.519 --> 00:05:11.839 Oh boy, here we go, Sharon. Sharon. Sharon had the sound. 63 00:05:13.160 --> 00:05:18.160 Okay, okay, okay, he's getting off on it like by 64 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:18.920 this point. 65 00:05:19.399 --> 00:05:25.800 Uh oh, all right, people, if you're ready, I'm ready. 66 00:05:27.800 --> 00:05:30.360 Let's get let's get to go and hang out. 67 00:05:32.199 --> 00:05:35.040 He had taken the knife and taken a huge slice 68 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:38.199 of this guy's leg off of his thine muscle and 69 00:05:38.360 --> 00:05:42.360 was just chewing on it because he was cannabalistic as well, 70 00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:44.639 so he was chewing on this this rock. 71 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:50.040 Don't forget. We left off with a dead ass, fucking 72 00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:55.920 corpse ass, carved up dead body with a full hit. 73 00:05:56.000 --> 00:06:01.319 He had an erection on, a dead erection on, and 74 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:04.959 she was made to have sex with the dead body 75 00:06:05.720 --> 00:06:09.240 in her keeper, her handler, whoever he is. This is 76 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:12.160 what he's doing. He's having this little snack time, little 77 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:17.639 dammer time, and a little slim jerky action going on. 78 00:06:17.959 --> 00:06:20.800 And anyways, that's where we left off. That's where we're 79 00:06:20.839 --> 00:06:21.279 picking at. 80 00:06:21.879 --> 00:06:23.839 Oh he never cooked it, by the way. He was 81 00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:26.240 into raw stuff, so he would eat this piece of 82 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:29.560 this raw leg. He was like enjoying it. You should 83 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:30.920 have seen the look on his face. It was like 84 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:35.040 he was for the first time feeling like this enthusiasm 85 00:06:35.160 --> 00:06:39.000 kind of And so he's in his enthusiasm bubble watching 86 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:41.639 me do all this stuff, and my reality is breaking 87 00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:44.000 and it didn't feel good. It's not like, oh my god, 88 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:46.959 this is awesome. This means that not everything he's told 89 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:49.240 me is true. It's like, wait a minute, my whole 90 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:52.560 reality is falling down. If he's told me this and 91 00:06:52.600 --> 00:06:54.079 I didn't do it, what else has he told me? 92 00:06:54.120 --> 00:06:54.759 That's a lie? 93 00:06:55.680 --> 00:06:58.800 And that was the first time that I had ever 94 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:03.439 conceptualized of the idea that I had a choice and. 95 00:07:03.319 --> 00:07:04.879 That everything he said may not be true. 96 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:09.160 So he had dug this enormous pit so as to 97 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:11.879 not start a forest fire, this huge pit in the ground, 98 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:15.439 and we threw the body in there, and then burnt 99 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:19.279 this body, which took forever. We were out there for 100 00:07:19.319 --> 00:07:21.839 a really long time, a lot of hours. He's in 101 00:07:21.879 --> 00:07:25.040 the same jovial mood, and I'm watching this body burn, 102 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:28.439 and then he takes the big pieces afterwards. 103 00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.120 And he'll like throw them. 104 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:31.759 You know, into the woods, and then the rest of 105 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:33.600 the ashes he will gather and then give that back 106 00:07:33.639 --> 00:07:34.399 to the mortician. 107 00:07:36.680 --> 00:07:38.000 And it's like, I couldn't. 108 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.600 I can't tell you how bad that feeling is when 109 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:43.279 your whole reality turns out to be a sort of 110 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:45.519 upside down. I was not celebrating. I can tell you 111 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:50.519 that I was like I should kill myself. But it 112 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:54.079 was this weird impulse that happened internally where I was like, 113 00:07:54.680 --> 00:07:57.079 and I wasn't really thinking about it, like I should 114 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:00.240 just drive away. So I get down to the base 115 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:03.680 of this trail after this whole scenario was over and 116 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:06.680 my car was there. He had had somebody dreve it there. 117 00:08:06.920 --> 00:08:08.920 I got into the car and I drove and I 118 00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:12.920 didn't go home. I drove like three hours to sell 119 00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:16.399 Lake City, where I had met a boy who actually 120 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:18.360 still works with me today, which is why this is 121 00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:21.279 such a cool sort of turnaround. But I had met 122 00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:24.519 this boy t two times before this point, cause I 123 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:28.759 had no friends. I'm really and for some reason, I 124 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:30.399 just felt like I could trust this guy, and it 125 00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:32.000 was the first time I ever felt that way. He 126 00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:35.080 was so innocent, I swear to God, it's like, if 127 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:36.840 you'll know if you meet him, and I'll probably introduce 128 00:08:36.919 --> 00:08:37.840 him to you guys one day if you. 129 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:38.360 Want to meet him. 130 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:43.120 But he's like the most innocent, amazingly sweet person ever. 131 00:08:43.240 --> 00:08:45.480 And some pardon me, thought I can use this to 132 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:48.519 my advantage. I didn't realize that I would end up 133 00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:51.000 like loving him as a person the way that I do. 134 00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:53.639 At that point, It was like a survival. Survival mode 135 00:08:53.759 --> 00:08:56.159 was I can this guy can hide me, Like I 136 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:58.639 can use him right now because he's sweet, and. 137 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:00.120 Because I don't know where else to go. So I 138 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:01.799 drove to his house. Nobody was there. 139 00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:04.440 I broke in the window. He was living with two 140 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:07.080 roommates going to college. And I went into the bathtub 141 00:09:07.120 --> 00:09:08.480 and I was like, Okay, I should just get in 142 00:09:08.519 --> 00:09:09.440 the car and drive back home. 143 00:09:10.039 --> 00:09:11.879 No I can't, Yes I can't. No I can't, Yes 144 00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:12.200 I can't. 145 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:13.759 I didn't know any other way to cope, and so 146 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:16.000 I was like I was feeling so guilty and so evil. 147 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:17.200 Basically, then I. 148 00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:19.559 Defaulted to what I do from the Blood Covenant group, 149 00:09:19.559 --> 00:09:21.840 which was if you wanna find the light of Christ, 150 00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:24.639 just cut yourself bleed and you can feel that. They 151 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:26.320 tell you that cause like the endorphit hit you get 152 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:28.639 when you cut or you hurt yourself. They teach you 153 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:31.840 that that is the light of Christ, that feeling that forgiveness. Basically, 154 00:09:32.200 --> 00:09:34.000 so I was like, Okay, I have to find that. 155 00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:36.360 And so I got a razor blade and I cut 156 00:09:36.399 --> 00:09:39.799 myself so bad I was bleeding all over the tiles. 157 00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:43.080 He was like running down the bathroom drain and when 158 00:09:43.399 --> 00:09:46.200 when my Blake says, ning, when he got home, he 159 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:49.159 that's what he walked up to, walks into his bathroom 160 00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:52.679 and is like a blood everywhere, and he's like, oh 161 00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:55.799 my god, you know, and typical, he doesn't call anybody. 162 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:59.080 He just cleans me up, feeds me, puts me in 163 00:09:59.120 --> 00:10:01.879 dead and then he's like, well, just don't go home. 164 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:03.879 You just shouldn't go home. I'll just take care of you. 165 00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:06.159 And it's like he didn't really know the full story 166 00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:08.000 of what was going on at that point, but I 167 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:09.360 was planning on going home still. 168 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:11.039 I was just gonna go home whatever. 169 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:12.879 But it was like the more that I was watching 170 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.120 him take care of me, make me breakfast, I was 171 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:16.759 feeling that sort of love and I didn't want to 172 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:19.240 go back. One day, it came two days, two days 173 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:21.799 became three days, three days became four days, and then 174 00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:25.320 it was like, after a while, I really had this 175 00:10:25.639 --> 00:10:27.720 that full urge of like, I don't want to go back, 176 00:10:27.799 --> 00:10:30.039 and so it started turning into fear of going back, 177 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:32.320 and then I just hid basically with. 178 00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:34.039 Him, where's your keeper? Now? 179 00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:35.120 I have no idea. 180 00:10:35.559 --> 00:10:36.120 Do you fear? 181 00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:39.720 Yeah? I would love to say no, I'd love to 182 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:40.840 say I've transcended that. 183 00:10:40.919 --> 00:10:41.279 No, I do. 184 00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:45.320 I fear more than anything because I have a kid now. 185 00:10:45.399 --> 00:10:48.200 So that's really what's done me in I think. 186 00:10:49.080 --> 00:10:52.480 But you're very public about yep, your story, cause there's. 187 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:54.799 Two ways to hide. See, at first I didn't take 188 00:10:54.840 --> 00:10:58.000 this route. At first, I hid time, I hid like crazy. 189 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:00.960 I didn't tell anybody. I only got thrown into therapy 190 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:04.480 because I literally got thrown into it by an ex 191 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:07.279 boyfriend of mine who I was so like a typical 192 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:07.960 abuse victim. 193 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:09.600 I didn't know that it wasn't okay to have sex 194 00:11:09.639 --> 00:11:10.559 with anyone. 195 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:14.600 And I was like so traumatized that and like thinking 196 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:16.759 that everyone around me kept people in the basement and 197 00:11:16.840 --> 00:11:19.879 that was normal that basically it was so difficult to 198 00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:21.480 be in a relationship with me at that point that 199 00:11:21.559 --> 00:11:22.799 he gave me an ultimatum. 200 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:25.519 He's like, this is not normal. What you're telling me 201 00:11:25.559 --> 00:11:28.080 happened to you. Isn't okay. You need to go to 202 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:30.440 therapy for that. I was like, no, no, I don't. 203 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:31.200 I'm totally fine. 204 00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:34.159 But I was so because I have of course been 205 00:11:34.200 --> 00:11:36.080 programmed to not be able to take care of myself. 206 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:38.320 You'll notice that my pattern throughout my life has been 207 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:39.840 get with a man, Get with a man, Get with 208 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:43.440 a man. I don't even waste ten minutes between one 209 00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.200 relationship and the next, because my option of survival is 210 00:11:46.200 --> 00:11:48.759 that basically, have a guy taking care of me. I 211 00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:52.120 took that approach basically, so the idea of being on 212 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:54.279 my own for any amount of time was more terrifying 213 00:11:54.279 --> 00:11:57.320 than being in therapy. So he actually took me to 214 00:11:57.360 --> 00:12:00.600 the rape crisis center and he like it was a 215 00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:03.000 big scuffle actually because I was resisting him, and he 216 00:12:03.039 --> 00:12:05.519 actually in nann just took me and like threw me 217 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:07.720 through the door. Now you can imagine how well that 218 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:09.720 was received in the rip crisis center, which is full 219 00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:11.879 of super angry, like anti rapist people. 220 00:12:12.519 --> 00:12:13.559 What the hell is it? 221 00:12:13.639 --> 00:12:13.720 Oh? 222 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:16.960 Yeah, he was jump rising. So it's still kind of 223 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:18.799 funny to this day that I'm thinking back on that. 224 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:21.759 But they like grabbed him, all of them and threw 225 00:12:21.799 --> 00:12:23.639 him up again. Said, well, they're sure that they're witnessing 226 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:25.480 domestic abuse, right, He's. 227 00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:27.600 Like, she needs to be here, you take her in 228 00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:28.480 the back right now. 229 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:33.200 So so the director of the rip crisis center takes 230 00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:34.399 me in the back of the room and is like 231 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:37.120 why do you think he thinks you need to be here? 232 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:40.240 And so I was like, well, I s and I 233 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:42.039 started sort of telling her a little bit of stuff 234 00:12:42.039 --> 00:12:43.600 that went on with me, and I like, I watched 235 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:45.639 her face sort of she was trying to be real professional, 236 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.600 but I watched her face go from like interest to 237 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:53.360 like white, and so she's like, this is I hope 238 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:56.480 you understand that this is well beyond the capacity that 239 00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:58.840 we have at this particular center. This is not what 240 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:02.200 we deal with. But I know somebody who does deal 241 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:03.759 with this. And it was like that was the first time, 242 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:06.240 by the way, that I hadn't even conceptualized if the 243 00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:08.480 idea that what I went through wasn't normal and wasn't okay, 244 00:13:08.519 --> 00:13:10.960 and was maybe even really bad. Like if you're if 245 00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:13.639 you're used to starving to death in Africa, that's normal 246 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:15.200 for you. Like if you're used to being part of 247 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:15.919 these groups. 248 00:13:15.679 --> 00:13:16.440 That's normal for you. 249 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:19.440 So it's only when I watch the reactions on people's 250 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.480 faces that I realized that this is like some other 251 00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.679 stu some like another level. So I was like, wow, 252 00:13:25.799 --> 00:13:27.639 you know, she's acting like this is really bad stuff 253 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:30.159 that I went through. Maybe I do need therapy and 254 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:31.720 maybe it would be good if I could get some 255 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:35.159 coping skills. So she she referred me actually to this 256 00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:40.279 woman who works in the town, who is a rape 257 00:13:40.279 --> 00:13:43.120 crisis or not a rape crisis. She's a trauma expert 258 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.279 in ritual abuse. That's kind of upsetting. I mean, like 259 00:13:46.399 --> 00:13:48.080 all of us need to stop here for a minute 260 00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:50.600 and realize, like if somebody can make their living and 261 00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:53.159 like honestly has to have patients referred to her. This 262 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:57.399 is how over overflowed she is with clients. If that 263 00:13:57.399 --> 00:13:59.440 can be a specialty, does that tell you how many 264 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:03.320 people in this particular area are suffering from this particular condition. 265 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:09.759 So I ended up getting in with her, and to 266 00:14:09.799 --> 00:14:12.480 say the least, it was like completely life changing. And 267 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:14.480 it didn't it didn't feel good at first because it's 268 00:14:14.519 --> 00:14:16.600 like it took me three years in therapy to admit 269 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:18.399 that maybe he didn't do this because he loved me. 270 00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:22.440 So it's not like in therapy we were digging through 271 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:24.399 all these suppressed memories. What it is is that I 272 00:14:25.320 --> 00:14:28.679 was unwilling to admit that what he said wasn't true 273 00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:33.919 about his motive. And then it's like, you know a 274 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:35.279 lot of people would like to say, oh, it probably 275 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:36.799 felt good to be in therapy. No is the worst 276 00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:38.519 thing in the world. Why because when you're going through 277 00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:42.799 a specific experiment or experience, it's like you're in survival 278 00:14:42.840 --> 00:14:46.039 mode and all those chemicals take over. And it's only 279 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:49.080 in retrospect that things started getting as bad as they seem. 280 00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:51.600 You know, when you have to revisit drama is when 281 00:14:51.639 --> 00:14:54.240 it gets the worst. That's when I had to admit 282 00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:56.559 it's really not that he was chasing you through the 283 00:14:56.559 --> 00:14:58.399 woods because he really loved you and wanted to make 284 00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:00.840 sure you could get away from people getting chased by 285 00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:05.039 a serial killer through the woods as a child. And 286 00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:07.720 it's like when you realize that and when you bite 287 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:09.559 off that, you don't want to live, which is the 288 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:12.240 reason that most of us as abuse victims. It's the 289 00:15:12.279 --> 00:15:15.360 reason I think that most of us buy into the 290 00:15:15.399 --> 00:15:18.559 ideas that were sold by these groups so much, just 291 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:22.000 because if you don't, you're gonna die. I mean, that's 292 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.600 a survival strategy. If I if I tell you I'm 293 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:27.360 doing this because I love you, you had better believe that 294 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:30.200 because the alternative is so bad you can't live through it. 295 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.240 So I had done that, and it was like I 296 00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:35.559 was letting go of the very thing which enabled me 297 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:40.320 to survive that whole situation in admitting that it admitting 298 00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:43.320 the truth about what was really going on instead of thinking, no, really, 299 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:45.600 it's all for my own good. So that was the 300 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:47.720 worst thing in the entire world. But I did start 301 00:15:47.720 --> 00:15:52.240 piecing my world back together again, and after about I 302 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:56.600 think two or three years of therapy, I was allowed 303 00:15:56.600 --> 00:15:58.879 to go into group therapy where I got to meet 304 00:15:58.879 --> 00:16:01.600 other women. And I will never forget the day that 305 00:16:01.639 --> 00:16:03.600 I first walked in and it was a group of 306 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:06.679 I think like five or six women, and the one 307 00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:09.440 who was sitting right over to my left side when 308 00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:11.639 I walked through the door, both of us started crying 309 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:15.159 because she and I had met each other at a 310 00:16:15.159 --> 00:16:19.320 at a Satanic mass, so we had both gotten out 311 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:21.639 of the same scenario and meeting each other was just 312 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.519 like it was so therapeutic, and it was like amazing 313 00:16:24.519 --> 00:16:27.279 to meet these women who had gone through the same 314 00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:29.080 kind of stuff as me and I I developed like 315 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:30.720 a serious attachment to them. 316 00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:32.159 But I don't talk to them today. 317 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.840 Why Because I went public, I served the reality of 318 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:38.440 my life and I wasn't planning on doing this, I 319 00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:40.720 might add, so I was going through therapy, and when 320 00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:43.480 I started talking about ritual child sacrifices and stuff like that, 321 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:46.600 where it turns into murder, they legally have to tell someone. 322 00:16:46.679 --> 00:16:49.039 So basically I was put in an ultimatum scenario by 323 00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:52.399 my therapist who said, either I'm gonna tell the cops, 324 00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:53.159 or you'd have to tell the. 325 00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:55.440 Cops because this is what we have to do. It's 326 00:16:55.559 --> 00:16:57.720 my job. And so I was like, all right, you know, 327 00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:00.399 I guess I'm gonna do it. Then, so she the. 328 00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.679 Chief of police in the area that I grew up in. 329 00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:05.920 Now it's a it's a really enormous issue of a 330 00:17:05.960 --> 00:17:10.319 case basically because technically, unless the FBI has control of 331 00:17:10.359 --> 00:17:14.279 a case, each individual report has to be reported with 332 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:16.359 the state that happened in. So if you've got a 333 00:17:16.359 --> 00:17:19.839 group like this that operates in multiple states, then it's 334 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:23.079 like not one person, one organization. The government can't get 335 00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:25.440 together and do all of it at once, right. So 336 00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:28.480 and then it's another issue too because they want exact 337 00:17:28.519 --> 00:17:30.160 dates and I'm it's like, you know, if I said 338 00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:33.319 to you, do you what's the worst memory you have 339 00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:37.720 from your childhood and like say that, it's say that 340 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:40.000 It's like when some kid kicked you with a soccer 341 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:41.599 ball or something, And I said, what exact day. 342 00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:42.799 Did it happen on? Could you tell me that? 343 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:46.640 Most people couldn't, so they're they're expecting things of of 344 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:49.359 me that I honestly can't do. I can tell you 345 00:17:49.480 --> 00:17:52.160 roughly what age I was based on reference points like 346 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:55.599 what teacher I remember going to or you know, something 347 00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:58.480 like that, but the exact dates. Unless I know the 348 00:17:58.519 --> 00:18:01.400 exact date, which I do, sometimes it's difficult to report on. 349 00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:05.559 So basically, the chief of police came back and sat 350 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:08.680 down with me and I for three hours. I recounted 351 00:18:08.839 --> 00:18:12.400 as much as I could remember dates for and things for, 352 00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:16.640 and yeah, he looked about as draumatized as ever. After 353 00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:19.039 I ended up saying what I said, and he went 354 00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:22.160 back and this big case was opened, and I spent 355 00:18:22.279 --> 00:18:25.119 a while there. For a few I was getting crime 356 00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:29.000 victims reparation money, and I spent a while there like 357 00:18:29.319 --> 00:18:30.079 reporting to them. 358 00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:31.200 They would film me while I. 359 00:18:31.160 --> 00:18:34.720 Would talk about what had happened, specific incidents that they 360 00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:37.559 would want to know about, looking at mug shots, looking 361 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:40.240 at missing pictures of children, things like that. And then 362 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:43.599 they decided in the end that despite the amount of 363 00:18:43.640 --> 00:18:46.359 evidence that I had, which is actually a lot more 364 00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:49.440 than most people escape with in my scenario because of 365 00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:51.680 the time lapse and the fact that they're really good 366 00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:54.599 at covering their tracks. I had escaped with a pair 367 00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:56.400 of jeans I was raped in. I had escaped with 368 00:18:56.440 --> 00:18:59.119 a human tooth that I took from a sacrifice, and 369 00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:02.960 I gave all this to them. So despite all of 370 00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:05.160 that and the scars which they did scar mapping on 371 00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:07.599 my body and everything, the case was handed over the 372 00:19:07.640 --> 00:19:10.960 district attorney. The district attorney gets to decide whether they 373 00:19:11.000 --> 00:19:13.920 have enough tangible evidence to prosecute. See, most people don't 374 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:18.640 understand that hearsay is not enough reason to prosecute someone, 375 00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:20.680 and it's not even enough reason for a search warrant. 376 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:22.920 And it makes sense when you think about it, Like 377 00:19:23.079 --> 00:19:25.599 if you're my neighbor and I say you got bodies 378 00:19:25.640 --> 00:19:26.920 buried in the backyard. 379 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:29.839 I listen. Whatever point she's about to make right now, 380 00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:32.599 I'm sure it's a good one. But most of the time, 381 00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:42.880 district attorneys are not your friends. Okay, the people in 382 00:19:42.960 --> 00:19:49.079 the area who be a part of this shit cover 383 00:19:49.240 --> 00:19:54.440 it up and bury it. The district attorney for the 384 00:19:54.559 --> 00:19:57.839 John Benet case was a piece of shit, and then 385 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:03.599 went on to work for John Rams. There's been many 386 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:09.839 a district attorney. The district attorney in the Minton does 387 00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:17.440 brother's case. Okay, they are not your friend, and they're 388 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:25.960 probably probably involved with this stuff. Like she's got if 389 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:30.000 this is real, Okay, this is true, she's got teeth, 390 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:34.680 she's got shit, Okay, this ain't. No, Oh, my neighbor's 391 00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:38.359 got body's buried in the backyard like the burbs or 392 00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:46.359 some shit. No, she's got artifacts from the rituals that 393 00:20:46.599 --> 00:20:50.559 she can present. And yet well the district attorney, no, 394 00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:59.680 fuck that. Okay, the district attorney is probably in on it. 395 00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:03.079 But anyways, I could. 396 00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:04.440 Do that just to piss you off, just to make 397 00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:06.680 the cops come over to your house. So just one 398 00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.599 person saying something is not enough for that, as we 399 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:12.720 saw with the recent case where there's like all the 400 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:14.880 girls being kept in the backyard and the cops were 401 00:21:14.920 --> 00:21:16.480