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Speaker 1: I hadn't dated anyone in five years. After Emily, it

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stopped making sense. People tried my sister, especially even co

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workers I barely talked to, invited me to things, always

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with a luck that hovered somewhere between pity and optimism.

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Most of it ended the same way, someone asking if

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I thought about therapy or maybe trying again. I appreciated it,

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I really did, but it felt rushed, like everyone was

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trying to get me to move forward before I had

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time to pick my feet up. There wasn't anything obviously wrong.

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I went to work, replied the text eventually, and even

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smiled when I was expected to. But with people, I

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kept things at a distance. I couldn't let anything real

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in without feeling something would break open. Most days I

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told myself I was tired. That was easier than admitting

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I didn't know what to do with the space she

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left behind. New people felt like stand ins for something

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I couldn't recreate, and the idea of trying again made

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me feel dishonest, like pretending a wound had closed when

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I could still feel it every time I turned my

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head the wrong way. For the first few months, I

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used to stop and talk to her same turn off

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just past the tree line, a quiet spot with a

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bit of sun in the mornings. I'd bring coffee sometimes

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and sit in the grass with her, pulling out a

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handful of blades to play with. I tell her about work,

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about my sister's latest attempt to set me up, and

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how awkward it felt. Anything to fill the silence. There

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was no version where Emily and I worked anymore. I

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knew that, but I kept showing up in the mornings

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every other day or so before work, like clockwork. It

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was selfish, but pretending we were still together. It was nice.

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Eventually I stopped meeting up with her as often. My

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therapist said that meant I was starting to move on,

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and it was a good sign. I didn't feel the

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need to talk every day. I didn't argue, but some mornings,

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on the drive to work, I'd catch a glimpse of

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her on that stretch of road and instinctively ease off

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the gas, just slowed down enough to see her. Then

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I met Claire. We were both invited by mutual friends

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to a backyard barbecue in late spring. I was leaning

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against the fence with my phone in hand, pretending to

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check something when she walked over and asked if I

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always looked that board or if tonight was special. I

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told her I was trying to figure out the exact

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minute it'd be socially acceptable to leave. It was meant

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as a joke, but it was also true, and something

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about that made her let out a snort, laugh, sharp

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and unexpected, like she hadn't meant to let her escape.

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I remember thinking that laugh was the first honest sound

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I'd heard in forever. We spent the rest of the

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night orbiting around the usual small talk without ever landing

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in it. We ranked fast food fries, debated the worst

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gas station snack, and traded the craziest things we'd overheard

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in public. When it got too cold, she handed me

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a number and told me to call her when I

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was ready. Said I would, and I did. It started

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slow coffee, which turned into a couple of drinks, and

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walks had turned longer than we meant them to nothing forced.

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Being around her felt easy in a way I didn't expect.

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By the third month, I caught myself doing things without thinking,

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reaching for her hand, leaning in close to say something

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dumb just to make a laugh. I wasn't floating anymore.

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I was there. Claire never asked for context. She just

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left space for me to figure it out on my own.

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I think she knew I was still mentally sorting through

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things I didn't tell her about Emily. I wasn't ready.

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It didn't feel right to bring up old relationships when

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something new was just starting to feel stable. And even

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if I had, I wouldn't have known where to begin.

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Not long after, I moved, not just to get closer

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to Claire, though there was part of it. The job

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was better, a quieter place, better pace, less noise between

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the hours. But if I'm honest, I think I just

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needed something that felt different, somewhere new, to wake up

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somewhere she hadn't been. Claire helped with the boxes. She

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unpacked the kitchen, while I stood in the living room,

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hands on my hips, staring at a blank wall, like

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it might tell me something about the version of myself

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that was supposed to live here. At some point, she

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called out from the other room, hey's this yours. I

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walked into the hallway and found her kneeling by an

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open box holding a photo album I hadn't seen in years.

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The cover was worn soft, the edges. She opened it

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without waiting, flipped through a few pages. Is this your

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awkward phase? She joked, holding a photo of me and

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maybe twenty I smiled kind of something like that. Then

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she turned the page. There was a picture of me

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and Emily, one I didn't remember packing. Claire didn't say

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anything for a beat too long. Her eyes skimmed the page,

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then flicked up to mine. I knew what she was

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going to ask before she did, but instead she closed

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the album gently and set it aside. So I'm guessing

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she's not your cousin, she said, half a mild tugging

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at the corner of her mouth. I didn't say anything.

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I didn't need to. Whatever reaction crossed my face must

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have told her enough. Claire smile faded just slightly. You

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want tea or coffee? That was it. No pressure or push,

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just the soft pivot back to the kitchen. She understood

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that she brushed up against something and decided to leave

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it alone until I was ready. I liked that she

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didn't push the playlist. Showed up the morning after she

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stayed over. We were both running late. She took the

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first hour while I stood in the kitchen, half dressed,

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scrolling through my phone while the kettle heated. It was

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there at the top of my homepage, a new playlist

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you remember us right. At first, I thought it was

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one of those autogenerated nostalgia things. Spotify does things like

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that sometimes, But there was no thumbnail, just a collage

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of art albums I didn't recognize. I hit play. The

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first track was quiet, with soft vocals and slow guitar.

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Nothing I could name, but the melody felt like something

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I'd heard once in the background of a coffee shop.

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I let it play while I ground the beans and

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filled the press. Then the second song started. I was

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leaning on the counter when it hit me. It wasn't

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just familiar. It was hers Emily's, one of the ones

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I used to hum without realizing, tapping a foot against

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the dash. I hadn't heard it in years. For the

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second it played, I could feel it in my chest,

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sharp and too sudden. I reached from my phone from

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halfway to skipping. Claire walked into the kitchen just then,

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towel wrapped around her hair, damp and clinging to her neck.

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Oh I love this one, she said. She brushed past

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me and nudged my hand away like it was nothing.

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Go shower. You gonna be late, I hesitated. Then I

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handed her the mug, took my phone with me, and

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set it on the bathroom sink. I stepped in and

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let the hot water hit my shoulders, but something about

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the song stuck behind my ribs. That second one was hers.

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Then the third track started, and that was it, the

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song Emily and I joked about getting married to. I

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pressed my back to the tile and slid down until

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I was sitting on the shower floor. The water was

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too hot, but I couldn't move. That third song pulled

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something up I kept buried so deep I'd started to

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believe it wasn't there anymore. My chest tightened until it

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hurt to breathe, and I just sat there, knees pulled

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in while the water ran over my face like it

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might wash something out of me. I let it happen.

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I let it break through, slowly and quietly, until I

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managed to pull all the pieces of me back together.

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When I finally stepped out, I checked the playlist with

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a kind of quiet dread. It had been created that morning,

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which was impossible. Sure, Emily and I used the shere

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a Spotify account, but that was years ago. Now, seeing

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her name tied to something new, still pulled at something,

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and for a second I caught myself wondering if she

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knew about Claire. Once I realized what I was asking,

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I let out a low, tired laugh. Not because it

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was funny, It was just one of those reactions who

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can't control when something hid in the wrong way. It

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settled in my chest and dragged up guilt, and it stung.

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I'd moved on, and I hadn't seen her in a

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long time, and even though I kept telling myself I

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had my reasons and that it was healthy, they didn't

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feel like enough anymore. I don't know what shifted, but

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suddenly it felt like I owed her something, thing that

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I betrayed her. For the first time in a while,

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I felt like I needed to see her again, not

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just remember her, not just scroll through old photos or

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let a song cut me from the inside. I needed

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to be there. I dressed quickly, my heart still thudding.

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When I stepped out, the house smelled like fresh coffee

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and clear shampoo. She was by the door, boots half on.

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You good, she asked, yeah, I said, just tired. She

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reached out and fixed the piece of hair near my temple.

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You're always tired. I'm working on it. She handed me

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a travel mug, kissed my cheek, and left before I

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had to explain anything. Things were just starting with Claire.

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I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to

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pulling away, but I had already made up my mind.

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I called in sick and left before I could talk

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myself out of it. The playlist started on its own

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as I backed out of the driveway. I didn't touch it,

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just let it play. If I wasn't sure before I

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was sure. Now windows cracked, The road stretched ahead like

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something waiting. The day felt too quiet for what was

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happening in my head. The town was only an hour away,

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mostly highway, then that familiar stretch of two lane road

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that curved through old hills in open fields. It had

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been a while, but I knew the way. I didn't

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need a map. About half way there, a slow song

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faded in, barely audible at first. I didn't recognize it

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right away, not until memory came in hard behind it.

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It was the one that played the night we danced

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in the kitchen after a mom's funeral. We hadn't eaten

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and we were both wrecked. But the song had been

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on in the background, and she pulled me close without

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saying anything. Resting ahead in my chest like it was

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the only place that made sense, I gripped the wheel tighter.

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My throat burned. I blinked hard and didn't look away

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from the road. A few miles later, the music shifted.

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Don't Break My Heart. It played once, then again. The

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line kept looping, break, Break, Break, glitching and distorting. It

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echoed like the car itself had picked it up and

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was repeating it back to me. The hair on my

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arm stood up. I looked up just in time to

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see the semi drift into my lane. I hit the

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brakes as fast as I could. Tires screamed, and the

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world jolted. Everything inside the car slammed forward. The truck

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missed me by inches. I sat there on the shoulder,

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hands white knuckled on the wheel. My heart pounded in

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my throat. The music had stopped because of the song.

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I was safe, but I didn't know if that should

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comfort me or scare me. My mind hurt thinking about it.

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There was no doubt in my mind that this playlist

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was set up by Emily. She was somehow in control

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of my phone. In a way I didn't know was possible,

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but this was something more. How did she do that?

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The rest of the drive passed in silence. The playlist

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was still open on the screen, but nothing played. Even

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when I tried booting up another playlist, no sound came out.

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It felt like I was now somehow getting the silent treatment,

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something Emily used to do with a few times I

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upset her. I reached town around the early afternoon. Everything

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was where it had always been, the crack sidewalks, the

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houses we'd pointed out to each other, the corner that

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we used to wait on after school, trading dumb jokes

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and stories that no one else would care about. And

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I hesitated Before when I reached this point on the trip,

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my heart would race with the thoughts of seeing Emily,

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an unhealthy obsession turned compulsion. But for the first time,

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there was a second thought that cross wired my brain,

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thoughts of Claire. This only started after she stayed the

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night at mine. Emily's intentions were clear. Was I ready

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to just walk into them? I made a decision with

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a deep breath. I turned the wheel, ready to exit

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the town and leave Emily behind once and for all.

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But it seemed Emily wasn't done with me. The song

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that came through my car speakers crackled with pops. It

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was so loud, borderline distorted with volume. I didn't even

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know my beat up car could get this loud. Nothing

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I did would soothe them. My phone screen was unresponsive.

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The volume dolls span with no change. I wanted to

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fight it, but I knew I couldn't. She had a

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hold over the situation that was beyond my understanding, and

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deep down she knew she didn't even have to push

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this hard. My brain screened at me to run, but

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my heart wanted to see this through, and all logic

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was being thrown out the window. I parked where the

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neighborhood thinned out. Trees were taller here older. I followed

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the same stone path. I didn't have to wonder where

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she was, didn't have to call to arrange a meeting spot.

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She was always in the same place. Then I saw her.

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I stood in front of her for what felt like

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two long hands in my park. Its mouth too tried

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to say anything that wouldn't sound stupid. I kept waiting

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for the silence to break on its own, hoping the

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guilt would settle into something I could carry again. Sorry,

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I haven't been around, I said. Finally. It felt strange

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talking to a grave after this long, but once I started,

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I couldn't stop. I told her. I tried to move on,

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that it had taken longer than I wanted to admit

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that even now I wasn't sure i'd done it right.

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I said a name a few times, just to feel

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the weight of it again, but it felt foreign. My

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nose stung and my eyes burned a bit. Down hard

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just to hold myself together. And then I told her

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about Claire. He probably already knew, but I gave it

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to a straight, a formal introduction. It felt right to

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say it out loud. You probably wouldn't love the idea,

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but Claire makes me happy, and I need that. I

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need something real, I said. But it hasn't stopped me

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caring about you. It never could. But holding on the

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way I had it started to feel more like a

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weight than a memory, I added. I know you're upset,

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I said, and maybe this won't help, but I hope

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it at least makes sense. I miss you, I always will.

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I was broken without you, but I'm finally getting better.

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Just as the words left my mouth. I started to

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hear something. It's been so low without you here, like

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a bird without song. It was a song coming from

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my phone. I didn't start it. I hadn't touched anything.

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The voice was unmistakable, sneid O'Connor. The track was nothing

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compares to you. Emily used to play it when she

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thought I wasn't listening, humming along under a breath in

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the kitchen while she moved between cabinets like the whole

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house belonged to the rhythm. Nothing can stop these lonely

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tears from falling. Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong?

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I tried wiping my face, but it didn't do anything.

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I thought. I cried it all out in the shower

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that morning, but the tears didn't slow. They kept coming,

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slow and hot. No, No, it wasn't you. I just

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thought staying away helping. Everyone kept saying I needed space,

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that moving on meant not looking back too much. I

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rubbed at my eyes. But I should have come sooner.

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I should have done this my way. I thought I

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was healing, but really I was just avoiding you. The

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chorus played again, quieter now, just the voice and the

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wind and everything. I hadn't said in a long time. Look,

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I'll visit more, I said, not just when I'm falling apart,

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not just when I miss you. I'll give you updates

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on my life, even the boring parts. I let out

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a sob chuckle at that. But please, you have to

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let me live my life. Okay. The song ended and

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the playlist didn't load another. I stayed for a while longer,

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watching shadows shift across the stone while I waited for

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the tears to stop falling. A strange feeling of peace

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washed over me, and eventually I stood and walked back

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to the car. The sky had gone pale. I didn't

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know if anything I said had mattered, but it felt

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like something had let go. The drive home was quiet,

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the playlist never started again. I left my phone silent

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in case it ever did come back on. Part of

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me wanted to hear from Emily again. Little flashes of

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her kept cutting through her laugh, the way she held

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a mug with both hands when she was tired, how

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she used to steal the covers and pretend she didn't notice.

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She hadn't been trying to break claar of me up.

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She was just lonely. When I got back. I taketed Clare,

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just the simple I'm home. I didn't trust myself to

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say more than that. She called a few minutes later.

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Her voice was soft and steady. She didn't know anything

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was wrong, but something bubbled deep inside me. But I

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told her anyway. I sat on the edge of my

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bed and said everything I've been holding in, about the playlist,

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the drive, the songs I hadn't heard in years, about Emily,

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about how long it had taken to feel remotely normal again,

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and how even now I wasn't sure what that meant.

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I told her what she meant to me, that I

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didn't know if I was doing this right or if

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I ever would, and that I love her. Claire didn't interrupt,

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and when I finished, I felt lighter for the first

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time in years. I felt understood, like some one else

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had seen the whole mess of it, what I'd lost

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and still carried, and she didn't flinch. She welcomed me.

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I could breathe again, because I wasn't holding that weight alone.