1
00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:09,519
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, hey, come on, this is arc

2
00:00:09,599 --> 00:00:13,640
abuse no More with your host doctor and evangelist, Hey

3
00:00:13,679 --> 00:00:15,199
are Rich helping.

4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,719
Speaker 2: You to admit what you feel in order to heal

5
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:52,679
from the effect of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings do matter.

6
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,560
How you are doing out there on this lovely Friday morning,

7
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,439
this isnar could be There's no more with your host,

8
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,159
doctor k l Rich. On March the what is it

9
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:12,519
the thirteenth, twenty six, I rated you all I having

10
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,599
a blessed and lovely day and that your week has

11
00:01:16,719 --> 00:01:23,000
been stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free, and if not,

12
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,439
We're gonna be talking about some things today. And I

13
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:32,599
often tell people that we we sometimes tend to get

14
00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:39,120
into relationships that are unhealthy because we have an unhealthy

15
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:45,200
view of ourselves. Yes, that, and many people have gotten

16
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:50,719
into bad relationships because they have had a bad view

17
00:01:51,079 --> 00:01:55,799
of themselves. And so we're gonna be talking about that today.

18
00:01:56,159 --> 00:02:00,239
We're gonna be talking about eleven signs, eleven signs of

19
00:02:00,359 --> 00:02:05,760
low self esteem. Eleven signs of low self esteem. Today's

20
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:11,120
podcast is coming from very well mined, very wellmind dot com.

21
00:02:11,159 --> 00:02:17,759
And we we we tend to not always know that

22
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:22,879
we have low self esteem, and we may gravitate towards

23
00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:28,879
negative things solely because of that having low self esteem,

24
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,439
not seeing the value of ourselves, you may struggle with

25
00:02:34,479 --> 00:02:38,479
your your own self worth. You may struggle with having

26
00:02:38,599 --> 00:02:42,919
confidence in yourself. You may struggle with feeling like you belong.

27
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,360
I know that in my teenage years, I really really

28
00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:54,319
struggle with having low self esteem. And so, uh, you

29
00:02:54,439 --> 00:03:00,479
always trying to be accepted, and therefore you don't understand

30
00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:06,080
oftentimes the value that you have as a person. And

31
00:03:06,159 --> 00:03:11,479
so before we go into today's talk in our podcast today,

32
00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:15,840
I want to take you to a verse in the Bible,

33
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:20,560
and it's in Psalms one thirty nine in verse fourteen.

34
00:03:20,719 --> 00:03:25,280
That Psalms one thirty nine and verse fourteen, and it says,

35
00:03:25,479 --> 00:03:30,960
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

36
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,879
Your works are wonderful, and I know that fool well.

37
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:39,639
And the psalm is was saying that you know he

38
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:45,759
praised God because God made him fearfully and wonderfully beautifully made.

39
00:03:46,039 --> 00:03:48,800
And when you have low self esteem, you don't see

40
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:53,719
that in yourself. You don't understand the value that God

41
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,240
has placed on you. And so therefore you don't see

42
00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:02,800
that in yourself. And sometimes when you are dealing with

43
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:08,080
low self esteem, you will gravitate towards a narcissistic type

44
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,479
relationship because it can be a magnet where we know

45
00:04:11,639 --> 00:04:17,120
narcissists love power and control. And so therefore, y, if

46
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,319
you don't have that that that high self esteem and

47
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:25,839
that confidence, it can cause you to gravitate towards someone

48
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:31,800
who uses it against you. And even if you consider

49
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:37,040
yourself as having high self esteem or be a high

50
00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,839
uh a person of high confidence or whatever, if you

51
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,160
get with the wrong person, they can cause you to

52
00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:49,879
lure your sense of self worth. And so we're gonna

53
00:04:50,079 --> 00:04:56,399
talk about some signs that you may have low self esteem. No,

54
00:04:56,519 --> 00:04:59,920
it's it's not a mental illness, but it can affect

55
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,839
your emotions, it can affect your thought patterns, it can

56
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:09,000
affect the things that you even try to do and

57
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:13,439
achieve because you feel like, I'm not good enough, I'm

58
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:18,839
not worthy enough, I'm not as good as this other person.

59
00:05:19,199 --> 00:05:21,959
And let me just say this, we all have good

60
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,759
qualities that God has placed on the inside of us.

61
00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:32,800
Everyone has something that is of value on the inside

62
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,879
of you. But the thing is is that you may

63
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:41,920
not see that because you may or may not have

64
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,079
been told, been told or taught that you know what

65
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,720
you are of worth, you are of value. And so

66
00:05:49,879 --> 00:05:52,519
when you feel this, if you're not of value, then

67
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,000
you may tend to take abuse from others because of

68
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:02,720
you not understanding your sense worth. So some of the

69
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:09,839
signs that when someone has a low self esteem, one

70
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,959
of the one, the first one we're gonna talk about,

71
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:17,600
is a lack of confidence, a lack of confidence. People

72
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:22,839
with a low self confidence, Uh, they tend to have

73
00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:28,839
low self esteem. Uh. It comes from not believing in themselves,

74
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:34,120
believing in their abilities, being confident in who they are

75
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:40,519
as a person. And so therefore you may gravitate towards

76
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:46,680
someone who even makes you feel worse. And therefore you

77
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,720
don't you don't have that confidence to say, you know what,

78
00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:54,199
I am able to offer something to the world. I

79
00:06:54,319 --> 00:06:59,160
am able to offer something to people. I do have skills,

80
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:04,240
I do have qualities, I do have things about me

81
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:11,079
that others would find of value. And when the narcissist

82
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:14,800
knows that you don't have the confidence, then they're gonna

83
00:07:14,839 --> 00:07:19,319
try to even more so, try to play on your

84
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:25,920
insecurities by making you doubt every single thing that you do,

85
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:31,639
and therefore you become even less confident as an individual

86
00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:35,680
because of the abuse, the emotional abuse that you're dealing

87
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:40,160
with when you're dealing with a narcissistic type of personality.

88
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:47,439
The next thing, number two is you have an external

89
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:52,439
locust of control. That means that you don't have a

90
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,160
sense of control. You feel you have very little control

91
00:07:56,279 --> 00:08:01,639
in your life. This may be your inability tea to

92
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,920
create the change that you want, maybe within yourself or

93
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:10,800
uh within others. You feel you're powerless. You might feel

94
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,480
that I'm not able to fix the problems in my life.

95
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,120
You might see yourself as being the problem, and so

96
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,279
you're saying I'm not able to fix me. So you

97
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,160
feel like you have no control over the things that

98
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:29,920
take place in your life. You're you're saying, I want

99
00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:33,240
to improve myself, but I don't know how to. I

100
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:37,080
don't have any control. And so therefore you may tend

101
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:41,000
to gravitate towards someone who you feel does have control,

102
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:46,039
but yet they misuse that and they abuse that and

103
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:50,600
therefore putting you even into a more a more compromised

104
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,799
position of feeling like I don't have any control over

105
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:56,960
the relationship. I don't even have any control over my life.

106
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,399
I don't have any control over the things that I

107
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,960
try to do in life, and therefore it also helps

108
00:09:03,039 --> 00:09:08,840
to lead to you having low self esteem. Another thing

109
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:18,240
Number three is negative social comparisons, negative socials, comparatons, and comparisons,

110
00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:23,000
and sometimes people compare themselves to others. You have these

111
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:28,159
these stars that's on the magazines, and you feel like,

112
00:09:28,279 --> 00:09:30,759
I want to look like them, I want to be

113
00:09:31,159 --> 00:09:34,240
like them. But the thing is is that it's just

114
00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:37,519
an image. It's just an image because when you see

115
00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:41,919
most of the stars on the magazines, they don't wake

116
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:46,080
up looking like that they have. The women may have

117
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:52,080
eyelashes and hair and makeup artists and they, I forget

118
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,639
what you call it what they do to the pictures,

119
00:09:54,720 --> 00:10:00,279
but basically they enhance the pictures to make it look

120
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,919
the way or make the people look the way they

121
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,759
want them to look. But oftentimes that's not who they are.

122
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,919
And so young girls could get into this a negative

123
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:15,399
social comparison where I want to look like Beyonce, Oh,

124
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,159
I wanna look like I don't know who the lady is,

125
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:22,519
Rihanna or whoever, and I wanna look like them, when

126
00:10:22,639 --> 00:10:25,960
even they don't wake up looking like what you see

127
00:10:26,399 --> 00:10:31,559
on the magazine. And so people compare themselves to people

128
00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:35,879
that they don't even know, and therefore it causes them

129
00:10:35,919 --> 00:10:40,679
to feel inadequate. It causes them to feel hopeless, It

130
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,679
causes them to have this low self esteem, and then

131
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:49,279
they gravitate to the person who is gonna give the compliments,

132
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,600
the person who's gonna make them feel good, at least

133
00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:55,480
for in the beginning of the relationship, and then they

134
00:10:55,519 --> 00:10:58,759
find out afterwards, well, I wind it up in this

135
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,000
unhealthy relationationship because this person, at least in the beginning,

136
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:08,360
made me feel good, but then it didn't work out.

137
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,159
And it's so important for people to have a sense

138
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,399
of self worth before you get into a relationship, because

139
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,080
if you don't have it before you get into that

140
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:24,480
relationship and you wind up being in the wrong relationship,

141
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:29,440
you're gonna tend to often stay in an unhealthy relationship

142
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,440
because you've attached your sense of self worth to that relationship.

143
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,519
We're going to take a quick break and we'll be

144
00:11:38,639 --> 00:11:40,639
back in just a moment.

145
00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:05,799
Speaker 3: There were no sense, like nobody else.

146
00:12:05,879 --> 00:12:06,279
Speaker 4: Could he.

147
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:20,480
Speaker 3: Just a quiet conversation my faith and with my feth.

148
00:12:24,279 --> 00:12:32,879
Speaker 5: I didn't aver love love light, didn't know the shape

149
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:46,639
it's I just placed it in God's head, intrusted way.

150
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,320
Speaker 6: Everyone love has been in love. But every hope I

151
00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:01,000
said about it was a scene. I had a scene

152
00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:07,639
growing somewhere into love. Then one day you are told

153
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:15,320
like a messy head, and I realized in them on it.

154
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,440
Speaker 2: Where those only seasons went.

155
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:24,480
Speaker 6: All the prayers aspong and sold off, all the free vial.

156
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 3: In state finally stood before my the prayer that you

157
00:13:40,159 --> 00:13:42,759
did not arrive like er.

158
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:56,440
Speaker 7: New dramatic question fame, just a calmer finger side.

159
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:08,919
Speaker 3: When you generally said by name and sudden leave away

160
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:15,200
started making sense. And how because of prayer I.

161
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:16,879
Speaker 2: Gave to him.

162
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:29,440
Speaker 3: Standing with me now, oh, first standing with me.

163
00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:39,919
Speaker 6: Oh, every year of God was empty, every road there lad.

164
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:44,240
Speaker 3: Was this heavy crie God.

165
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:50,039
Speaker 4: The answer to my prayer. And one day you ought

166
00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:56,720
to me, I can answer it. And I realized in

167
00:14:56,919 --> 00:14:59,360
that moment where those not.

168
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,200
Speaker 3: Only she insides all the prayers I.

169
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,279
Speaker 6: Spoke, and solves it all the faith I held, he

170
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,399
had said.

171
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:21,200
Speaker 7: Finally stood before mine, the prayer that maybe heavings and sides.

172
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:27,000
Speaker 6: Maybe that's how merecurs beginning you don't see the hand

173
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,360
and rides.

174
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,840
Speaker 3: Them and see the story walks round.

175
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:43,720
Speaker 8: Now everyster besides you feels like something in heaven because

176
00:15:43,879 --> 00:15:51,759
love is study next to me, the prayer that group,

177
00:15:53,639 --> 00:15:58,480
how every step beside it was like something.

178
00:16:09,279 --> 00:16:25,080
Speaker 2: The prayer, and that's the prayer that groove legs. I

179
00:16:25,159 --> 00:16:29,080
love these Christian love songs. You can find them on YouTube.

180
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:36,519
All right, So we're talking about signs of low self esteem,

181
00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:41,440
and it is important, especially when you have been in

182
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:46,279
an abusive relationship, to if you need to get counseling,

183
00:16:46,399 --> 00:16:48,879
to get the counseling that you need to help to

184
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:54,960
rebuild that self esteem that you once had or that

185
00:16:55,159 --> 00:16:58,480
you may not even have ever had, and that person,

186
00:16:58,879 --> 00:17:02,879
that counselor can help you to navigate in that area

187
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:03,759
to help.

188
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:03,919
Speaker 7: You to.

189
00:17:05,559 --> 00:17:10,000
Speaker 2: Have a better outlook of who you are and who

190
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:14,519
God has created you to be. Another thing, when you're

191
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:20,960
dealing with low self esteem, you also have trouble. You

192
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:26,400
may have trouble asking for help. You you might be

193
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:32,680
the people pleaser, and so therefore you are putting all

194
00:17:32,839 --> 00:17:37,039
you're all into the relationship, but you never get anything

195
00:17:37,319 --> 00:17:40,319
out of it in return. So you don't tell the

196
00:17:41,039 --> 00:17:44,319
person you will with that this is what I need,

197
00:17:44,599 --> 00:17:47,240
or you may not even have laid out exactly what

198
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,839
it is that you need, so you don't prioritize your

199
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:56,640
desires or your needs because you're always looking for everyone

200
00:17:56,759 --> 00:17:59,920
else after everyone else's needs. So you may find yourself

201
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:04,400
having a hard time saying no. You agree with everything

202
00:18:04,559 --> 00:18:07,960
that someone asks you to do, even when you're tired,

203
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:12,319
even when you're exhausted, even when you don't fill up

204
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,880
to it. You're having a hard time to say no.

205
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:22,480
You mightn't find yourself avoiding conflict and you're going along

206
00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:25,119
with things just so you can keep the peace, so

207
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:30,160
you're always agreeable even though it's unagreeable with you. You

208
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:36,279
might have difficulty with always apologized and accepting blame for

209
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,119
something that is not even your fault. You have a

210
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:46,839
loss of identity. Therefore, you may maybe have changed opinions

211
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:51,359
or change behaviors based upon trying to appease and please

212
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:57,400
someone else. And that's all wrapped up in having low

213
00:18:57,599 --> 00:19:02,519
self esteem. Another thing is when you when you have

214
00:19:02,799 --> 00:19:07,880
low self esteem Number five, you deal with maybe wary,

215
00:19:08,519 --> 00:19:12,960
you deal with doubt. You You you may have problems

216
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,640
uh making a decision, you might feel like, what, I've

217
00:19:16,799 --> 00:19:21,920
made the wrong choice, and so you tend to doubt yourself.

218
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:25,119
You have a fear of failure. You may have had

219
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,440
some past negative experiences, or you might be in a

220
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:33,200
situation where you're, uh, you're doubting yourself, or do you

221
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:38,160
with someone that's causing you to doubt yourself. So therefore

222
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,359
you feel like, well, you know what, I if I

223
00:19:40,599 --> 00:19:43,359
choose something in my life, then it's gonna be the

224
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:49,160
wrong thing. So you're always doubting yourself and therefore you

225
00:19:49,279 --> 00:19:52,279
if you make a choice, you might find yourself a

226
00:19:52,519 --> 00:19:56,880
backtracking cause you're second guessing yourself. And this is something

227
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,599
that the a narcissists will play on too, is someone

228
00:20:01,079 --> 00:20:05,079
who do not have confidence in the decisions that they make,

229
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,759
or they will cause you to feel like that nothing

230
00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:16,000
that you do is ever acceptable. Number six, You might

231
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:22,799
find that you have trouble accepting compliments. Accepting compliments, you

232
00:20:23,279 --> 00:20:25,559
might say, well, what does that have anything to do

233
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:30,720
with poor or should I say self esteem? Well, what

234
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:35,319
it is is that you you have a problem accepting

235
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:40,319
compliments because you don't find that you are worthy of it.

236
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,240
And so even when someone says, oh, you look nice today,

237
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,720
or you smell good today, you're feeling itself, Well, why

238
00:20:47,759 --> 00:20:51,960
would they say that about me? Because there's nothing good

239
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,480
about me? And so therefore you you have this uh

240
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:00,640
distrust with people that even give you a compliment because

241
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,759
you feel like that they might be insincere or you

242
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,960
might feel like they're being manipulative because of course they

243
00:21:07,039 --> 00:21:11,000
can't really think that way about me. You may have

244
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:16,559
been maybe traumatized in the past where you have internalized

245
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:24,039
you have a difficulty internalizing positive reinforcement because you've been

246
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:30,000
so used to negative reinforcement, and so therefore you might

247
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:34,200
even self sabotage if people are saying that, hey, you're

248
00:21:34,279 --> 00:21:38,240
doing something well, you might self sabotage just to get

249
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:43,640
the opposite reaction because you have a hard time accepting

250
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:51,720
anything positive that anyone has to say about you. Another thing,

251
00:21:51,799 --> 00:21:58,960
when you are dealing with low self esteem, have you

252
00:21:59,079 --> 00:22:04,839
may have a lot of negative self talk negative self talk?

253
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,400
What what? What? What is negative self talk? Well, you know,

254
00:22:09,599 --> 00:22:12,039
when you're dealing with negative self talk, that means you're

255
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:18,240
you have that internal monologue that sometimes produces it helps

256
00:22:18,319 --> 00:22:24,039
to produce anxiety insecurity. Uh, you may uh think about

257
00:22:24,279 --> 00:22:27,599
negative things. Uh uh, well, this is not gonna work

258
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,519
for me. That's not gonna work for me. You don't

259
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:35,160
treat yourself with the same kindness that you want others

260
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:40,079
or that you treat others, or you're not kind to yourself.

261
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,319
So you ti you tell yourself, well, this is never

262
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,960
gonna happen for me, This is never gonna work for me.

263
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:53,240
You speak negatively into your own life. Uh you, you

264
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:58,680
don't give yourself that positive affirmation that I can do something,

265
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:04,480
that I am worth something, and so therefore you speak

266
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:12,240
death into yourself instead of speaking life. Another thing, when

267
00:23:12,279 --> 00:23:16,839
you're when you're dealing with low self esteem, oftentimes you

268
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:21,599
may find that you have a fear of failure. You

269
00:23:21,839 --> 00:23:25,759
have a fear of failure. That means that you might

270
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:31,039
avoid people, places, or situations because you feel like, you

271
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,200
know what, I am going to fail at it, I'm

272
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:38,000
going to fail, I'm not going to succeed. So you

273
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,079
have you doubt that you're able to achieve success. You

274
00:23:42,319 --> 00:23:46,559
doubt that you're able to meet the challenge you feel

275
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,519
you might have. You have feelings of inadequacy. You feel

276
00:23:50,599 --> 00:23:55,079
that you know what, I'm not going to succeed in

277
00:23:55,279 --> 00:23:59,759
anything that I do, and so therefore you might not

278
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:04,039
even go the extra mile and trying to achieve things

279
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,759
because you feel like you might have this intense uh

280
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,279
sense of shame, or you feel like, you know what,

281
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,440
I haven't succeeded in the past, or you might have

282
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,440
had someone tell you that you can't succeed, and so

283
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,880
therefore you don't try to succeed because you feel like

284
00:24:24,039 --> 00:24:26,920
it's going to fail anyway. And when you're in a

285
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:32,440
narcissistic relationship, that person that might be the narcissist will

286
00:24:32,599 --> 00:24:37,440
sometimes often help you to feel that way where nothing

287
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:39,759
that you do is ever good enough because they keep

288
00:24:39,799 --> 00:24:42,839
setting a bar up higher and higher and higher, and

289
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:46,799
you're never able to meet it because it was never

290
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:52,279
meant for you to meet to begin with. Another thing

291
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:57,559
number nine is you have a poor outlook for the future.

292
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:02,200
You don't see anything or any chance of anything getting

293
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,039
better in the future, so therefore you have feelings of hopelessness.

294
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:12,960
It can encourage you to not look or not try

295
00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:17,079
to be proactive in doing things because you do not

296
00:25:17,279 --> 00:25:20,839
see where it's gonna land you anywhere good in the future.

297
00:25:21,279 --> 00:25:25,319
You might even self sabotage in order to prevent your

298
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,759
success because you feel like you're not going to achieve

299
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:34,039
the success, so therefore you might be dealing with anxiety, worry, panic.

300
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:38,599
You feel like you know what I can try all

301
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,759
I can, but nothing's ever gonna happen good for me,

302
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:49,160
and therefore this will prevent you from achieving, because you're

303
00:25:49,279 --> 00:25:53,200
already looking into the forecast to say that it's not

304
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,359
going to work. We're gonna take another quick break and

305
00:25:57,519 --> 00:26:05,720
we'll be back in just a moment. M.

306
00:26:16,599 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, we didn't rush the field, didn't force the spot.

307
00:26:26,799 --> 00:26:30,880
We'll let the sun speak, will let God god apart.

308
00:26:32,279 --> 00:26:37,480
I've been wrong before, for love is urgency, but this

309
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:43,440
time love was quiet, teaching me to breathe. You didn't

310
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,039
proves forever.

311
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,319
Speaker 2: You just stay to the and somehow there was out

312
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:50,880
of them.

313
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 3: The words people who say this is love, the relations

314
00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:00,200
love the way it is love that did it to

315
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:06,000
make me while my wounds stupid. It didn't chasete the moment,

316
00:27:06,319 --> 00:27:11,799
It didn't need control. A trusted god with time, and

317
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,400
he softened.

318
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,039
Speaker 4: My soul.

319
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 8: We prayed before decisions to pause and feel rats.

320
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,039
Speaker 3: You saw my hesitation. I start true figures.

321
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 4: Every step fell slow, but safer than before, like God.

322
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,759
Speaker 3: Was in the middle of all holding open dosh.

323
00:27:40,039 --> 00:27:46,039
Speaker 7: You never rushed my heeling, never asked for you let

324
00:27:46,079 --> 00:27:47,799
it a little gross heady.

325
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:53,519
Speaker 3: And that's how I knew this season of patience of

326
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:56,799
the state and didn't.

327
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:02,839
Speaker 7: Hurry the promised, didn't fight did it, didn't need to

328
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:03,839
smile out.

329
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 3: And didn't scream if they don't.

330
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 7: He trusted godly timing, and it finally fell like.

331
00:28:11,559 --> 00:28:22,039
Speaker 9: Like, oh, your love is man tost It doesn't need

332
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:22,880
to run.

333
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 3: It was beside your prayer. And so God says, it's time.

334
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:33,519
Speaker 5: You see all the patience of the way.

335
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 3: It all grace of that honor the process. If you

336
00:28:38,279 --> 00:28:43,839
saw sacred face, I don't feed tomorrow. I don't question

337
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,359
in the cosh because of other what it's on. God

338
00:28:48,599 --> 00:28:57,039
is never truly longe. We didn't rush the blessing.

339
00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 2: We live heavenly and that is love that learned patience.

340
00:29:11,079 --> 00:29:16,039
All right, So we've been talking about low self esteem.

341
00:29:16,319 --> 00:29:21,440
Signs that you are dealing with low self esteem. Now

342
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:27,160
what do we do to change that about ourselves? Well,

343
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:33,599
one thing is challenge that negative that negative self talk.

344
00:29:36,599 --> 00:29:42,920
Replace that self talk with something positive and ask yourself,

345
00:29:43,039 --> 00:29:46,200
why am I saying these things? To me, why am

346
00:29:46,279 --> 00:29:50,960
I believing these things about myself? And therefore challenge that,

347
00:29:52,279 --> 00:29:57,200
Ask yourself, Okay, what is it that I am uh

348
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:03,160
saying to myself that's neat and identify those things and

349
00:30:03,319 --> 00:30:07,160
then turn it around, why am I saying this to myself?

350
00:30:07,799 --> 00:30:11,000
And try to do the opposite of whatever it is

351
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,359
that you're telling yourself that you can't do. And in

352
00:30:16,519 --> 00:30:19,559
that way, you're trying to flip the script doing the

353
00:30:19,759 --> 00:30:24,720
opposite of whatever that negative self talk is saying to you.

354
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:30,319
Number two, keep a successfuile. That means document your accomplishments

355
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,960
rather you you say, you know what, it could be

356
00:30:34,039 --> 00:30:36,279
a It could be as simple as going on a walk.

357
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,799
You know what, I can't walk a mile, okay? You

358
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,119
might say your your your your negative self talk is saying, oh,

359
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,119
you're not gonna be able to walk a mile. Okay,

360
00:30:44,839 --> 00:30:47,640
walk walk that mile, walk a fourth of a mile,

361
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,160
a half of a mile, three quarters of a mile,

362
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,759
get to that mile. But in that way, you're saying,

363
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,839
I am working towards my goal and therefore I can

364
00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:01,759
achieve it and write it down and write down how

365
00:31:01,839 --> 00:31:05,839
you feel when you have achieved even the smallest bit

366
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:13,720
of success is success number three. Set some realistic goals.

367
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:18,039
Set some realistic goals and say to yourself, you know

368
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,680
what I can do it, I can do it. Make

369
00:31:22,759 --> 00:31:26,039
them they they call it smart when you make these

370
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:33,920
uh uh these achievable goals. Smart it stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,

371
00:31:34,359 --> 00:31:38,759
and time bound. And therefore, when you set specific goals,

372
00:31:38,799 --> 00:31:41,079
you're saying, Okay, this is what I want to achieve.

373
00:31:41,759 --> 00:31:44,640
Measure it. Okay, I as we just talked about on

374
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,920
the walk, Uh, I wanna walk a mile? Okay, measure

375
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,880
you might have to go from a fourth of a mile,

376
00:31:51,079 --> 00:31:53,240
then you go to half a mile, three quarters of

377
00:31:53,279 --> 00:31:57,440
a mile to the whole mouth. Alright, make sure it's achievable.

378
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,799
This is something that I can do. Say to yourself,

379
00:32:01,079 --> 00:32:05,359
I can achieve this. Okay. Why is it relevant? It's

380
00:32:05,519 --> 00:32:09,920
relevant in helping you to lu learn to establish that

381
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:14,400
self esteem that says that I can do it. And

382
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,599
time down, give yourself a A A A A certain

383
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,680
time frame. You say you know what I'm I want

384
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,799
to achieve this and this particular time. And let me

385
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,119
just say this, even if you are still working towards

386
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:32,960
accomplishing it within that time each day, each step is

387
00:32:33,039 --> 00:32:37,079
a day closer to your goal. All they tell people

388
00:32:37,119 --> 00:32:39,000
and they say, you know what, I wanna write a book,

389
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,799
And I tell them what you do is start off

390
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,519
with a sentence. Then start off with a paragraph. Cause

391
00:32:45,559 --> 00:32:48,880
some people say, uh, I haven't written anything down. Okay,

392
00:32:49,039 --> 00:32:51,880
get you a journal, get you, get you a writing

393
00:32:52,039 --> 00:32:55,519
path or whatever. Write a sentence, even if it's a sentence,

394
00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:58,680
once a day. Write a sentence that's a sentence closer

395
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,160
to your achieving your goal. Go write a paragraph that's

396
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,759
a paragraph closer to you achieving your goal. Write a

397
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:10,519
page that's a page closer to achieving your goal. And

398
00:33:10,799 --> 00:33:13,400
before long you will have added on and added on

399
00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:18,480
until you have accomplished what you wanted to do. Another

400
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:24,799
thing is practice self compassion. That means love yourself. I'm

401
00:33:24,839 --> 00:33:27,839
not talking about the narcissistic sins. Okay, they don't love themselves.

402
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,839
They don't love nobody, all right, They just all about me, me, me, I,

403
00:33:31,039 --> 00:33:33,279
I I and us. We. Yeah, we're gonna be talking

404
00:33:33,279 --> 00:33:37,720
about some more about the narcissists on another podcast. But

405
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:42,039
the thing is is that love yourself. That means that

406
00:33:42,279 --> 00:33:45,720
treat yourself with the same kindness that you would treat

407
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:51,240
someone else. Loving others means that you also need to

408
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:55,160
take time to love you care about you. Give yourself

409
00:33:55,279 --> 00:33:59,880
some self care. Many times people get burned out and

410
00:34:00,279 --> 00:34:04,279
work environments and different things because they don't take care

411
00:34:04,279 --> 00:34:09,639
of themselves. They're pouring into everyone except themselves. Make sure

412
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:14,920
to put yourself as a priority as well. The thing

413
00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:18,039
is is that when you're on e you don't really

414
00:34:18,119 --> 00:34:21,400
have much to pour into somebody else. So if I'm

415
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,119
gonna make you some pancakes, but I'm gonna eat on flour,

416
00:34:24,519 --> 00:34:29,239
guess what I gotta go get a refeel Okay, refeel yourself.

417
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:34,559
Number five, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has their

418
00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:39,440
own journey, everyone has their own walk, everyone has their

419
00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:43,320
own uh uh, whatever God has gifted you with, So

420
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:48,159
don't compare yourself to others. Do you whatever God has

421
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:54,239
given you to do, you do you. Number six. One

422
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,840
thing that is important to try to do is learn

423
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:03,000
to accept compliments. Uh. It's okay for someone to say,

424
00:35:03,079 --> 00:35:06,239
you know what, you did a good job on that, Okay,

425
00:35:06,559 --> 00:35:08,440
Cause the first thing when you have low fac it's

426
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,719
low self esteem. You're saying, oh I didn't do a

427
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:15,280
good job. Oh it wasn't enough. Accept the compliment. Okay,

428
00:35:15,559 --> 00:35:18,320
you did a good job today, Say thank you and

429
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:24,480
tell yourself, yes, I did do a good job, and

430
00:35:24,679 --> 00:35:28,280
let it in right there so you won't talk yourself

431
00:35:28,559 --> 00:35:34,639
out of it. Number seven. Identify your strengths. That means

432
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:39,760
that everyone has something about them that is good. Okay,

433
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,800
even the worst of the words people have something that

434
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,599
is good. The thing is is that you have to

435
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:51,280
identify your strengths. What are your skills, what are your talents?

436
00:35:51,679 --> 00:35:54,960
And if you don't know what those things are y uh,

437
00:35:55,119 --> 00:35:58,480
you can actually uh go to a counselor and they

438
00:35:58,559 --> 00:36:03,679
can give you a deal. Types of self assessment like career.

439
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:08,280
Career counselors give you assessment tests that can help you

440
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,119
to know what you do best in order to help

441
00:36:12,199 --> 00:36:17,400
you to be your best. Number eight. Get active. That

442
00:36:17,599 --> 00:36:22,800
means that, hey, get get moving. Get moving. Okay, when

443
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:28,440
you're a low self esteem sometimes you might deal with depression, anxiety, worry, panic,

444
00:36:28,559 --> 00:36:31,800
all those things that come with it. Get moving that

445
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,199
means you know what, I'm gonna go, take that walk

446
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,719
or I'm gonna go and even if it's just going

447
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,840
to the store, the window shop, you're moving around Okay.

448
00:36:40,199 --> 00:36:44,039
Sometimes it's just changing your scenery that helps you to

449
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:49,760
feel better about you. Number nine, this is so important

450
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:54,519
to do is to surround yourself with support. You need

451
00:36:54,599 --> 00:36:57,480
a support system. You need people that's gonna make you

452
00:36:57,639 --> 00:37:02,000
feel good about you. Okay, we don't want anybody that's

453
00:37:02,039 --> 00:37:05,760
gonna be making you feel down, putting you down, always

454
00:37:06,079 --> 00:37:09,639
drowning you and their negativity. Alright, this is what the

455
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:14,760
narcissists do. Wanna drown you and their negativity. Remove them

456
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:20,119
and get people around you who will value you, support you,

457
00:37:20,639 --> 00:37:23,599
and and uh and and the difference between constructive and

458
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,960
destructive criticism, which we talked about that on the last podcast.

459
00:37:27,519 --> 00:37:29,719
Is constructive you know you're the people that love you,

460
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,320
They're gonna give you constructive criticism and help to better yourself.

461
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,639
Destructive Charris excuse me, tears you down with no remedies

462
00:37:38,679 --> 00:37:42,760
in sight. But constructive is to build and uplift you

463
00:37:43,039 --> 00:37:46,440
and to support you in order to help you to

464
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:50,400
be the best that you can be. Last, but not least,

465
00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:56,760
do things that you enjoy. Oh, what a a confidence builder.

466
00:37:57,199 --> 00:38:00,880
Then to do something that you're passionate about. I love

467
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,599
to I love to paint, and I have been painted

468
00:38:03,679 --> 00:38:05,599
in a while, and guess what, I'm about to get

469
00:38:05,599 --> 00:38:09,360
a canvas and do some painting. You might like to sew,

470
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,480
you might like to dance. Whatever it is that you're

471
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:18,480
passionate about. Do something that you enjoy because it helps

472
00:38:18,559 --> 00:38:24,920
to reinforce a positive mindset. You deserve to be happy,

473
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:31,320
and guess what, your feelings do matter, and you want

474
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:39,639
to have positive feelings about your self. Come on, now,

475
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:46,639
you deserve it. It's okay to say, okay, well, you

476
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:48,920
know what, I haven't been feeling good about myself. But

477
00:38:49,039 --> 00:38:53,400
guess what, I'm gonna start learning to like me, to

478
00:38:53,679 --> 00:38:59,840
love me, to value me, to appreciate me, and so

479
00:39:00,039 --> 00:39:07,920
around yourself with others who can see the value in you. Well.

480
00:39:08,119 --> 00:39:10,800
I pray today's podcast has been a blessing to you

481
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,000
and that you would know that your feelings do matter.

482
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,360
This is doctor k R. Richard No I could use

483
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,280
no more until next time.

484
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,800
Speaker 5: The Local and Local