WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.520 --> 00:00:04.120 You were listening to a pleasure podcast. For more from 2 00:00:04.120 --> 00:00:25.559 our sex podcast collective, visit Pleasure Podcasts dot com. 3 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:30.039 Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered. Happy December. 4 00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:34.840 It's almost Christmas, and Christmas comes early today because I 5 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:37.119 have a guest for you guys that I've been trying 6 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:40.439 to get on this podcast for a long time, but 7 00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:43.240 just due to scheduling conflicts and the fact that she's 8 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:46.640 not here in La you know, we had a bit 9 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:49.479 of a tough time. But she's here now. I'm so excited. 10 00:00:49.960 --> 00:00:52.719 She is a. 11 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:56.359 Buxome, beautiful cosplay nerd and she is a Browsers contract 12 00:00:56.359 --> 00:01:01.079 star as well as the host of next year's Avan 13 00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:05.319 Awards twenty twenty six. Welcome the beautiful Abigail Morris. 14 00:01:05.799 --> 00:01:08.920 Hi, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. 15 00:01:09.120 --> 00:01:11.200 I know, I'm so excited to have you here as well. 16 00:01:11.319 --> 00:01:13.200 I'm glad that we could finally make this happen. I 17 00:01:13.239 --> 00:01:14.200 know it's been forever. 18 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:16.959 Yeah it was like consistent blue balls, but yeah, I 19 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:17.680 made it work. 20 00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:17.879 I know. 21 00:01:17.959 --> 00:01:20.920 And like literally every week Mash would be like, when's 22 00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:23.200 Big Titty to Abigail war is coming on? 23 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:25.560 And I'm like, I'm working on it. That is my 24 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:28.599 favorite nickname and it's used so often. It's in a city. Yeah, 25 00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:31.400 big titty Abigail. That's like so common. I love it. 26 00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:35.719 Well, I mean, so you actually said that, like you 27 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:40.319 started saving for a breast augmentation from like an early age. Yeah, 28 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:43.000 so like this is obviously like, oh a nickname that 29 00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:45.079 you're okay with, Like, yeah, you were, you were, this 30 00:01:45.159 --> 00:01:46.840 is what you were after, Oh for sure. 31 00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:49.280 I always always make the joke like when people apologize 32 00:01:49.280 --> 00:01:51.159 because they were like not paying attention to my face, 33 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:52.719 I'm like, I wouldn't have paid for them if I 34 00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:54.640 didn't want you to look at them. Yeah, like that's it. 35 00:01:54.760 --> 00:01:57.040 And I dress provocatively, like I know what I'm doing. 36 00:01:57.040 --> 00:01:58.359 When I dress the way I do and act the 37 00:01:58.359 --> 00:02:00.400 way I do, I love attention. So it's like but 38 00:02:00.439 --> 00:02:03.359 I'm also shy. It's very weird. But yeah. I got 39 00:02:03.400 --> 00:02:06.799 my first job when I was thirteen ish, and I 40 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:09.080 would kind of like go on to movie sets and 41 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:11.400 help with the caterers and kind of like cleaning up 42 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:14.120 and things like that. Then I went into retail and 43 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.560 worked at malls and did all of that, and I 44 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:17.680 would like set a side money to side saving up 45 00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:21.439 because my like the whole thing started because my mom 46 00:02:21.520 --> 00:02:24.039 had a huge breath, okay, like the biggest breast like 47 00:02:24.120 --> 00:02:26.039 every seen in my life. I'm like, that is so cool, 48 00:02:26.199 --> 00:02:28.719 Like I want that, and they just never came. And 49 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:30.960 then my younger sister had them, and she had like 50 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:32.879 triple ds when she was fifteen, and I'm like, you 51 00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.280 were so pissed. Yeah, I was so pissed. I was like, 52 00:02:35.280 --> 00:02:37.840 I'm happy for you, but like, where are mine? Like 53 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:40.080 I had my bee cups and I'm like they're just 54 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:43.000 not like developing. And my sister, my older sister, had 55 00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:44.840 the same size boobs as me, and I was like 56 00:02:45.240 --> 00:02:46.919 so accepting of her having that, and I was like, 57 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:48.879 it looks amazing on you, but it's not what I want. 58 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:51.919 And so I just kept saving and saving. Turned eighteen 59 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.400 and then literally left three days later to Columbia to 60 00:02:54.400 --> 00:02:57.120 get my boobs done. Wow, and then how did that 61 00:02:57.159 --> 00:03:02.120 first procedure go? Really well? I did fifty ccs and 62 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:03.840 then I want it bigger. I was like, no, this 63 00:03:03.960 --> 00:03:06.000 is like it's not what I want. I want dramatic, 64 00:03:06.199 --> 00:03:09.080 like I wanted like the bimbo look. While knowing that 65 00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:11.280 I'm like not a bimbo. So I have like my 66 00:03:11.319 --> 00:03:13.639 bimbo side, which is very fun and cutz, and then 67 00:03:13.639 --> 00:03:15.639 I have like my intellectual side. And I think that 68 00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:18.039 they both exist in their own environment, and they both 69 00:03:18.280 --> 00:03:20.840 exist consecutively as well, like it's like its own thing. 70 00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:23.759 So I went back a year later I think it 71 00:03:23.800 --> 00:03:26.560 was a year later, and did a thousand ccs okay, 72 00:03:27.159 --> 00:03:29.080 and then two years after that, I did a fat 73 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.199 transfer on top of that, and so now I think 74 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:32.960 I'm at the size I want to be at. Okay, 75 00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:35.800 there you're good, where you're good. I'm finally happy. I'm 76 00:03:35.800 --> 00:03:37.439 like this is me, Like this is the me that 77 00:03:37.479 --> 00:03:39.560 I want to be, and I'm really happy. 78 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:41.919 So you said that you have like your bimbo side 79 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:44.080 and you have like your intellectual side. Do you ever 80 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:47.479 have issues where people don't like take you seriously because 81 00:03:47.479 --> 00:03:50.120 you have big boobs or like, do you ever have 82 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.879 that frustrating moment or is it just like one of 83 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:56.719 those situations wire you're like, well, I'm too bad for 84 00:03:56.840 --> 00:04:00.240 you that you're so uneducated that you don't know what 85 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:01.039 I'm actually like. 86 00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.280 I guess it sometimes comes up like in the OnlyFans Realm. 87 00:04:04.360 --> 00:04:06.479 Some people will just kind of like assume that that's 88 00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:09.639 like my one hundred percent bimbo side. And I think 89 00:04:09.719 --> 00:04:11.639 that the ones that think that are typically the ones 90 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:14.240 that fetishize that. So I don't have an issue with that, 91 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:16.399 Like I can very much play into that if it's 92 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:19.560 that's what they're into. But in real life scenarios, like 93 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:21.240 I think I just carry myself in a way that 94 00:04:21.240 --> 00:04:24.600 people don't assume that that's like my reality. I definitely 95 00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:26.839 carry myself differently on like a day to day basis 96 00:04:26.920 --> 00:04:29.560 versus like when I'm turned on or horny or in 97 00:04:29.600 --> 00:04:31.480 that mood, then that's a very different side of me 98 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:34.120 that like checks in, like it's just only sex and 99 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:36.759 sexuality and like passion and everything is in my brain. 100 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:39.519 Then yeah, all smartness kind of just goes out the window. Right, 101 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.920 it's like dick drunk. But then when I'm in my 102 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:43.959 day to day life, like, yeah, I know, I definitely 103 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:45.920 act quite a bit differently. Well. 104 00:04:45.959 --> 00:04:49.920 I think also too, like today's Cornstar is so different 105 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:53.160 than it was like twenty years ago, because you could 106 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.879 be like just a bimbo with big boobs and like 107 00:04:57.000 --> 00:04:59.399 do really well because you didn't really have to do 108 00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:02.480 any work. On your own, right, Like you didn't have 109 00:05:02.519 --> 00:05:03.399 to do your own marketing. 110 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:04.600 You just got hired. 111 00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:07.519 By companies and then you shot and maybe you were 112 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:08.839 lucky enough to be a contract star. 113 00:05:09.480 --> 00:05:11.680 But these days, because so. 114 00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:15.240 Many performers make money independently, right and they run their 115 00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:18.879 own you know, OnlyFans and other like personal content platforms, 116 00:05:19.360 --> 00:05:22.879 they like have to be good at marketing. Like almost 117 00:05:22.959 --> 00:05:26.759 every successful porn star out there has got a great 118 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:27.959 head for marketing. 119 00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:31.079 Absolutely, or marketing or in some way like numbers or 120 00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:33.560 like the ability to talk to people in a specific way. 121 00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:37.480 Like everything ties back to some sort of background or 122 00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:39.800 history of knowing how to handle yourself in a level 123 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:42.399 headed way for the most part. Yeah, and so yeah, 124 00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:45.759 that's definitely something like a huge misconception people have. It's like, yeah, no, 125 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:47.519 porn stars, it's so easy. You go on set and 126 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:49.439 you do that and you're done, and it's not like 127 00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:51.000 if you want to build a name for yourself and 128 00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:53.879 build your career and actually turn into something like super successful, 129 00:05:53.879 --> 00:05:56.160 there's so much backstory to that now, and there's like 130 00:05:56.480 --> 00:06:00.000 building social media, doing reels, doing tiktoks, like answering messages, 131 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:03.399 answering emails, doing cross promotion, Like there's no shortage of things, 132 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:05.680 and like I get a ton of messages and emails 133 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:07.040 where people are like, how do you not have time 134 00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:09.199 to respond? You shoot on on set and you're done. 135 00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:11.399 I'm like, this is a twenty four to seven job. 136 00:06:11.560 --> 00:06:13.680 You're literally like you're working from the moment you wake 137 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:15.360 up until the moment you go to bed, and then 138 00:06:15.399 --> 00:06:16.439 you go to bed and you wake up and you 139 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:18.439 do it all again. Yeah, and there is no stopping, 140 00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:21.240 Like even on vacation, you can still get those emails, 141 00:06:21.319 --> 00:06:22.879 you can still get those work things, and so you're 142 00:06:22.959 --> 00:06:25.959 just constantly working. People don't realize how much work it 143 00:06:25.959 --> 00:06:28.319 actually it is, and I love it, Like it's not 144 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.879 a complaint on my part. I wouldn't choose anything else 145 00:06:30.920 --> 00:06:32.720 over this. Yeah, but it's a lot more work than 146 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:34.920 people realize. It is what takes the most amount of 147 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:38.639 your time. I think it used to be like content 148 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:41.959 creating for sure, and then now it's more admin works. 149 00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:44.519 So now it's kind of like fixing my schedule for 150 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.040 the content creating. And I still like I always want 151 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:50.279 to prioritize like my fans and paying attention to them, 152 00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:53.399 So calls with the fans and videos for the fans 153 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.240 or things like that, and kind of just like building 154 00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:58.720 those relationships takes a massive amount of time. But I 155 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:01.199 would say admin work is the most about answering emails, 156 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:03.439 arranging my schedule, figure out when I'm traveling for what 157 00:07:03.720 --> 00:07:05.560 conventions do I need to go to, what cosplace do 158 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:06.920 I need to create, what do I need to build 159 00:07:06.920 --> 00:07:09.079 for this? It's like a bunch of the back the 160 00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:11.560 background is what takes most of my time. Now. 161 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:13.800 Now, you mentioned that you want to always set aside 162 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:18.120 time for your fans, and you've said previously that like 163 00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:21.000 you really enjoy interacting with your fans. Do you have 164 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:24.720 any like particular scenarios that pop up in your head 165 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:28.079 that were like really meaningful moments. 166 00:07:27.959 --> 00:07:30.920 A couple I think one that really like always stuck 167 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:33.480 with me. So I've always been very open about the 168 00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:37.000 fact that I'm into women. I'm very much fifty to 169 00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:40.639 fifty seventy thirty. I have like a female preference. I've 170 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:42.839 had my girlfriend since I was seventeen, and I'm very 171 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:44.959 open about that. Are you still with her? Yes, we're 172 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:48.360 still together. Wow, She's amazing. She's the love of my life. 173 00:07:48.399 --> 00:07:50.160 But at Comic cond there was a girl that had 174 00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:51.800 came and seen me like three years in a row 175 00:07:51.839 --> 00:07:53.920 when I was there cosplaying, and it was like the 176 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:56.240 third year she actually came there like to come out 177 00:07:56.319 --> 00:07:58.439 to me, like before she came out to her family. 178 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:00.720 And that's like a really sweet moment for me. And 179 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:03.160 like she's not familiar with the porn Abigail at all. 180 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:06.240 She's familiar with the cosplay Abigail, the nerd Abigail, and 181 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:07.959 like she had like mustered up the courage and pulled 182 00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:09.000 me to the side and she was like, can I 183 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:10.399 talk to you? Like this is really important to me, 184 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:11.360 and she was like, I don't know how to tell 185 00:08:11.360 --> 00:08:13.160 my mom, and then she wanted to like just come 186 00:08:13.160 --> 00:08:15.759 out and like have this whole, in depth conversation. And 187 00:08:15.759 --> 00:08:17.639 that's one of those things that like it feels very 188 00:08:17.720 --> 00:08:19.800 special that you have the moment to be there for 189 00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:21.959 somebody to support them in that environment. And I think 190 00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:24.759 that's like one side of the enjoyment. And then there's 191 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:26.959 people that they're like they're shaking and they're so excited 192 00:08:27.000 --> 00:08:28.720 to meet you, and they just like they come to 193 00:08:28.759 --> 00:08:30.279 these events and they talk to you and like you 194 00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:33.279 can tell that it's just making their whole day and 195 00:08:33.639 --> 00:08:35.960 I've been like around other performers that they feel like 196 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:38.240 it's a chore to meet their friends, and I'm like, 197 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:40.600 I don't see it that way, Like I'm excited to 198 00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:42.759 be there, and everybody like at convinces they're like, do 199 00:08:42.759 --> 00:08:43.840 you want to take a lunch break? Do you want 200 00:08:43.840 --> 00:08:45.080 a water brick? Do you want this? Do you want that? 201 00:08:45.120 --> 00:08:47.600 I'm like and leave them. They're waiting for an hour. No, Like, 202 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:49.440 let me take a bite of a granola bart and 203 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:51.120 I'm gonna run back out there and I'm gonna just 204 00:08:51.159 --> 00:08:53.440 like keep going because it's like it's thrilling for me, 205 00:08:53.519 --> 00:08:55.679 Like I can go from eight in the morning until 206 00:08:55.720 --> 00:08:57.639 eight at night and like not get tired because it's 207 00:08:57.639 --> 00:08:59.440 like seeing the smile on their face and like the 208 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:02.840 excitement and like the just sincere joy of like getting 209 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:06.360 to meet you. It's like it's really heartfelt, Like it's amazing. 210 00:09:06.799 --> 00:09:09.720 So how did the girl who was like kind of 211 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:12.879 awkward when she you know, you've mentioned that you're kind 212 00:09:12.879 --> 00:09:15.919 of awkward and not that outgoing, Like how did that 213 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:20.279 girl become like the superstar Abigail Morris Browsers contract star 214 00:09:20.639 --> 00:09:24.200 host of the Avian Awards, Like, how did that transition happen. 215 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:29.120 Are you still that person? Oh? Yeah, Like outside of 216 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:33.200 the work realm a million percent. I am shy and awkward. 217 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:35.799 Like I feel like when I go into my work environment, 218 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:38.600 something clicks and like there's like this sort of like 219 00:09:38.639 --> 00:09:41.399 confidence that's there, and then outside of that, it's like 220 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:44.000 I'm still awkward. I don't know. If I'm on the 221 00:09:44.039 --> 00:09:45.559 phone and I have to have a conversation and I 222 00:09:45.559 --> 00:09:47.279 stutter in the first word, I'll hang up, wait a 223 00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:48.879 few minutes, and call back. That way I can have 224 00:09:48.919 --> 00:09:51.559 the conversation without the mistake there of what you'll be like, oh, 225 00:09:51.639 --> 00:09:55.519 start disconnected. Yeah. If I'm at a restaurant and I 226 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:57.600 realize I can't pronounce like whatever food I was going 227 00:09:57.639 --> 00:09:59.480 to eat, I'll change to a different meal, so that 228 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:02.919 way have to sound silly. I tried playing Roulette at 229 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:05.320 a casino not too long ago. I'm not a gambler. 230 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:07.879 It was just, you know, trying something new, and I 231 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:10.519 got so nervous I walked away. Like I am very 232 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:13.720 shy and awkward and antisocial outside of my work environment, 233 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:15.200 But if you put me on a set in front 234 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:17.360 of people, that's like I feel at home, Like I 235 00:10:17.399 --> 00:10:20.240 feel like I can rule the whole world, like while 236 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:21.919 I'm on set, and then put me in an environment 237 00:10:21.960 --> 00:10:23.240 where I have to talk to people and I'm like, 238 00:10:23.240 --> 00:10:25.120 never mind, Can I go home? Like I don't want 239 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:28.440 to be here. This is terrible. Bring me to a party. 240 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.120 I'm sitting in a corner. Don't be afraid to come 241 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:32.399 talk to me. I look like a bitch, but I 242 00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:34.519 promise I'm not. I'm scared to stand up and trip 243 00:10:34.559 --> 00:10:37.840 and fall or talk awkwardly or stutter like it's just shy. 244 00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:40.559 Abigail is very much still prominent in my life. So 245 00:10:40.639 --> 00:10:43.440 why do you think that, like the other side of 246 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:45.919 you comes out at work? Like what is it about 247 00:10:45.919 --> 00:10:47.559 porn that like brings that out in you? I just 248 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:49.799 work for the cosplay world because I know they yeah, 249 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:51.799 and it comes out in both of those environments. But 250 00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:55.240 I feel like just embracing, like that side of me 251 00:10:55.399 --> 00:10:58.879 just feels so empowering that it like overpowers the shy side. 252 00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:00.639 So the shy side is first, You're still there. If 253 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:02.879 somebody compliments me while I'm at a convention, like I 254 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:05.000 stutter and blush and it's just like people are like, 255 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:06.960 how do you blush when people compliment? You all the time, 256 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:09.279 and I'm like it just it just happens, like it's 257 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:11.399 just me. I was homeschooled, Like I'm not used to 258 00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:14.000 that like day to day interaction of like talking to 259 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:16.440 people or joking with people or I wasn't I am now, 260 00:11:17.559 --> 00:11:18.960 And so it's one of those things that I guess 261 00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:21.519 I just never really like moved on from. And so 262 00:11:21.559 --> 00:11:24.120 when I'm in an environment that like I'm empowering like 263 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:26.799 the things inside of me that I want to show off, 264 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:29.200 I think that it just has a different feeling for me, 265 00:11:29.720 --> 00:11:31.519 and it just feel like, like I said, like I 266 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:33.600 could rule the world. And then outside of that, when 267 00:11:33.639 --> 00:11:36.200 I'm not like embracing or really pushing the things that 268 00:11:36.200 --> 00:11:38.720 I feel empowered by, I'm just like shy and you know, 269 00:11:38.840 --> 00:11:40.759 cute and want to hide and not talk to anybody. 270 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:44.320 So I know that we like mentioned this briefly when 271 00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:46.519 we did like that short interview Avian a couple of 272 00:11:46.600 --> 00:11:49.600 years ago. But you grew up in a polyamorous family, right, 273 00:11:49.720 --> 00:11:53.639 with nine siblings. Nine siblings, that's which is pretty extraordinary. 274 00:11:53.720 --> 00:11:56.519 So how did your upbringing shape of your views on 275 00:11:56.600 --> 00:11:58.919 love and relationships and do you think it gives you 276 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:02.519 like a unique perspective on navigating the adult industry and 277 00:12:02.519 --> 00:12:05.679 its relationship dynamics because there's a lot of polyamorous people 278 00:12:06.159 --> 00:12:10.240 in the adult industry, which I guess is not really surprising, Yeah, right, not. 279 00:12:10.639 --> 00:12:13.960 Yeah, I think that the beauty of polyamory is that 280 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:16.519 there's no right way to do it. I mean, I 281 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:19.159 guess the right way would be with honesty, but outside 282 00:12:19.159 --> 00:12:21.399 of that, yeah, there is no right way to do it. 283 00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.639 Like there's triads, there's like open relationships. There's like no 284 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:27.919 correct way to do poly For my parents, like their 285 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:31.519 way was they brought other people into their relationship, but 286 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:33.120 they knew at the end of the day that was 287 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:35.679 their home relationship, that was their base relationship, and they 288 00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:38.399 would bring in other people like depending on what they 289 00:12:38.440 --> 00:12:40.720 needed in the moment, or what their relationship wanted, or 290 00:12:40.840 --> 00:12:43.320 just kind of just who they liked, and so they 291 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:45.399 would have long term relationships or they would have short 292 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:47.679 term relationships, and they would just kind of like, you know, 293 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:51.120 let it happen how happened. And one of the things 294 00:12:51.159 --> 00:12:53.559 that I think that that shaped for me relationship wise, 295 00:12:53.639 --> 00:12:56.080 is like I didn't grow up with like the societal 296 00:12:56.720 --> 00:12:59.320 feeling of jealousy, like that feeling of you have to 297 00:12:59.320 --> 00:13:01.919 own your partner or feel possessive of your partner, Like 298 00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:04.200 I don't want to put my partner in jail. That's 299 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:06.639 not my idea. Like I want to see them happy, 300 00:13:06.679 --> 00:13:08.039 and if that's the case, I want to see them 301 00:13:08.039 --> 00:13:10.480 happy doing whatever it is that makes them happy. So 302 00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:12.279 if my girlfriend wants to go out and have sex 303 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:14.679 with another man, that's so hot, Like that is just 304 00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:16.240 so hot to me, I'm like, Okay, come back and 305 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:17.879 tell me about it later while I'm going down on you. 306 00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:21.120 And or if like we have a partner, a male partner, 307 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:22.879 and if he goes out and is with other women, 308 00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:24.919 I'm like, this is just amazing. Or sometimes we do 309 00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:27.279 it all together and it's just for me, Like I 310 00:13:27.320 --> 00:13:29.120 want to see that enjoyment with them in every way. 311 00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:31.320 And a lot of people have had that conversation with 312 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:32.879 me where they feel the same way, but they're like, 313 00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:35.519 as long as it's just sex, and for me, it's 314 00:13:35.559 --> 00:13:38.120 not that way. Like I am. I believe that you 315 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:39.840 can fall in love with more than one people, And 316 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:42.200 I believe that because I feel that way. I feel 317 00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:45.919 equally love for mine and my girlfriend's partner and her 318 00:13:46.440 --> 00:13:49.440 and there's no like, there's no picking one over the other, 319 00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:51.799 Like I love them both fully, so I know that 320 00:13:51.799 --> 00:13:54.879 that's possible because I feel it. So there's no worry 321 00:13:54.919 --> 00:13:56.279 for me, like, oh my god, if they fall in 322 00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:57.720 love with somebody else, are they going to leave me? 323 00:13:57.960 --> 00:13:59.879 I think, if you're in my life, it's because you 324 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:01.759 to be, and if you choose to not be in 325 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:03.440 my life, it wasn't meant to be to begin with. 326 00:14:03.879 --> 00:14:06.120 There's no need of feeling jealousy. You're either here because 327 00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:07.440 you want to be or you're not here because you 328 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:09.480 don't want to be. And if I felt like possessive 329 00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:11.720 or jealous about that, then I don't think that's healthy 330 00:14:11.799 --> 00:14:13.519 in any way for myself or them. 331 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:16.679 I mean, I find that like most people who experience 332 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:19.000 a lot of jealousy in their relationship. I mean, let's 333 00:14:19.000 --> 00:14:23.279 be honest, it stems from insecurity, which stems from something 334 00:14:23.360 --> 00:14:26.320 else like within you that probably needs to be looked 335 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:28.480 at seriously, because I am actually so, I'm in a 336 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:31.799 monogamous relationship with my husband, but like, there's no jealousy 337 00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:34.960 in our relationship either, Like and this is you know, 338 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:37.039 I especially compare this to the first marriage that I 339 00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:39.480 had where he was very possessive and like very like 340 00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:42.240 he did not like me having male friends, whereas like 341 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:45.639 my current husband like doesn't care, you know what I mean, 342 00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:49.639 Like he's always trusted me. He's never exhibited any signs 343 00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:53.120 of jealousy. We've never had that problem. I feel the 344 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:55.600 same way, like he has female friends, Like it doesn't 345 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:59.840 bother me at all. And so I think that, yeah, 346 00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:04.320 jealousy doesn't have to always just exist like be an 347 00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:06.919 issue in you know, or come. 348 00:15:06.840 --> 00:15:08.759 Up in polyamorous relationship. For sure. 349 00:15:08.919 --> 00:15:13.240 It's so often actually probably comes up more monogamous relationships 350 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:16.720 because I think people are so afraid of losing their partner. 351 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:21.759 And you know, we've structured ourselves to only have one person, right, 352 00:15:21.799 --> 00:15:24.879 and that's the only person. So if you lose that 353 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:27.799 one person, you just start all over again and find 354 00:15:27.799 --> 00:15:29.159 a one person again. 355 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:30.399 Yeah. 356 00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:32.919 And I think also too that like people try to 357 00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:37.039 put too much on one person, you know. I think girls, especially, 358 00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:39.320 we grow up with this idea of like the handsome 359 00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:41.720 prince who's going to like rescue them. You know, if 360 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:43.320 you watch the old if you're as old as me 361 00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.360 and you watch the old Disney movies, the new Disney 362 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:48.120 movies are not like that, but the old one. 363 00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:49.720 But the old ones are you. 364 00:15:49.720 --> 00:15:53.120 Know, like distrust exactly, like the handsome Prince is going 365 00:15:53.159 --> 00:15:56.000 to come rescue you. And I think we try to 366 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.759 put like too much on one person like this one 367 00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:02.039 person has to satisfy all of my needs, my sexual needs, 368 00:16:02.039 --> 00:16:06.159 emotional needs, like you know, financial needs, like and I 369 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:07.799 don't know, I feel like that's a lot of pressure 370 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:08.639 to put on one person. 371 00:16:08.759 --> 00:16:10.879 It is. I feel like it's very unhealthy for the 372 00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:14.559 relationship or even just try and like suffocate that person 373 00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:16.399 and take all of their time. And like, for me, 374 00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:18.360 I'm very much a person that I love my space. 375 00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:20.720 I love my space, and I'm in a very physical 376 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:23.840 work environment. So if I'm physical with somebody all day 377 00:16:23.879 --> 00:16:25.840 long or like giving my all all day long, sometimes 378 00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:27.080 I want to come home and I don't want that. 379 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:29.000 I don't want to be on top of somebody or 380 00:16:29.000 --> 00:16:32.000 have somebody all over me. And I think for myself personally, 381 00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:35.200 having two partners satisfies a lot of that for me 382 00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:37.879 because if they're feeling like they want that they have 383 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:39.600 each other, Like at the end of the day, if 384 00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:41.639 I have to travel for long periods of time, and 385 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:43.480 they're not coming with me. They have each other. They're 386 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:46.720 never alone. If our partner is traveling and he can't 387 00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:48.480 be around for a lot of time, we have each other. 388 00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:51.879 So nobody is left with that, like that responsibility of 389 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:54.720 carrying the entire relationship. If one of us is incapable 390 00:16:54.759 --> 00:16:56.399 of doing it in the moment, somebody else picks up 391 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:58.759 the slat and if they can't, then the other person does. 392 00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:01.759 And there's like no short of like love to go around. 393 00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:04.519 Everybody's there for everybody all the time, and if somebody 394 00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:06.200 can't be there, somebody else is there to kind of 395 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:08.240 just pick it up in the moment. And for me, 396 00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:10.920 that's very beautiful because like, like I said, I need 397 00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:13.480 my space. And we have threpple room where we have 398 00:17:13.559 --> 00:17:16.359 megabed and it's two giant king beds because we all 399 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:18.519 love to cuddle, but we all love our space. So 400 00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:20.559 we snuggle for the first half hour and then everybody 401 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:21.519