WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:09.400 and I have three kids. 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 4 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:15.000 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 5 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.719 and victories that come with it. 7 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 8 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 9 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:38.439 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. 10 00:00:39.159 --> 00:00:42.159 My dog just she almost darted out of my hands 11 00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:43.479 and went into like a tirade. 12 00:00:43.560 --> 00:00:44.759 I like barely caught her. 13 00:00:45.079 --> 00:00:47.759 Really, wait, why I can't believe you hold her through 14 00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:48.479 the podcast. 15 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:51.159 I know, I you know, thank you for bringing this 16 00:00:51.240 --> 00:00:52.640 up because I have a meaning to say, because sometimes 17 00:00:52.679 --> 00:00:54.920 when I'm editing, I can hear the dog chewing on 18 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:56.840 her bone, and I'm like, God, people probably think I'm 19 00:00:56.840 --> 00:00:58.280 like smacking gum or something. 20 00:00:58.280 --> 00:01:00.679 I know, they think you're eating with your mouth something. 21 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:02.119 Yeah, but it's the dog. 22 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:06.599 Because anyone who's ever been around a little dog knows 23 00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:08.159 that it needs to be the center of attention at 24 00:01:08.200 --> 00:01:08.760 all times. 25 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:11.879 This little dog is like no little dog I've ever met. 26 00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:14.560 She's got more personality and she's got. 27 00:01:16.079 --> 00:01:17.319 Energy in that dog. 28 00:01:17.359 --> 00:01:22.120 She does, and she weighs eight pounds and yeah, so 29 00:01:22.200 --> 00:01:24.200 if I don't hold her in my lap while we 30 00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:26.719 do this, she will bark at me the whole time 31 00:01:26.760 --> 00:01:30.280 because she cannot comprehend why I'm looking at the computer 32 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:30.879 and talking. 33 00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:33.079 Were you offended the other day when you were like, 34 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:34.560 I'm bringing the dog and I'm like. 35 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:36.560 When you were like you are? 36 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:39.359 You are? 37 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:40.239 Well? 38 00:01:40.239 --> 00:01:42.079 It wasn't that I thought that it would be bad. 39 00:01:42.120 --> 00:01:44.000 I just knew it would be bad for you because 40 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:45.400 I knew all my neighbors would have. 41 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:46.120 Their dogs here. 42 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:49.000 So the only reason why we were considering doing that, 43 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:50.799 and we as in me and my kids, is because 44 00:01:50.799 --> 00:01:52.719 we were trying to get to your house quickly. And 45 00:01:52.760 --> 00:01:56.519 it's like traffic in Atlanta has been pure insanity. It 46 00:01:56.560 --> 00:01:59.480 was Saturday, and it was going to be like over 47 00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:01.280 an hour and a half round trip for me to 48 00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:03.200 go drop her off of the condo and then go 49 00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:05.480 to your place. And so we were like, let's just 50 00:02:05.560 --> 00:02:08.919 go straight there, and we'll kind of like take turns like. 51 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:12.280 Babysit and the dog. And then as we're. 52 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:14.159 Driving, all three of us are kind of like getting 53 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:15.719 more and more anxious about it. 54 00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:18.719 And then I'm like, you know what, Today's not the day. 55 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:23.240 Today is not the day. She's just she's a handful, 56 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:23.800 for sure. 57 00:02:24.199 --> 00:02:26.159 She's a handful and she hates other dogs. 58 00:02:26.479 --> 00:02:29.439 So I never realized and this is not like my 59 00:02:29.520 --> 00:02:33.080 dog has many a shortcoming, but she is a great 60 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:36.080 dog because she is. I never realized how quiet she is. 61 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:40.000 She doesn't her only I would say issue is that 62 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:43.280 when we're recording here, she cannot leave you guys alone. 63 00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:46.479 But she's not a loud dog. She's not a jumper. 64 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:48.840 She's just kind of like she's. 65 00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:51.599 Bothering us while we're recording, or like you have like 66 00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:54.879 a guest there, like, and she wants their attention. 67 00:02:55.800 --> 00:02:59.159 So it's kind of like Charlie, but she's not barking, like. 68 00:02:59.080 --> 00:03:03.000 She's quiet about it. She's getting really overweight, and it's 69 00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:05.840 like the more overweight she gets, the easier she gets. 70 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:08.919 Like then she's really not trying to do anything. 71 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:11.479 You're going to give her more treats, more bacon, I 72 00:03:11.560 --> 00:03:12.159 actually don't. 73 00:03:12.439 --> 00:03:14.400 She is on a diet. Anyway, This is so boring. 74 00:03:14.560 --> 00:03:18.000 Let's talk about the takeover. Let's talk about the Urban 75 00:03:18.039 --> 00:03:19.520 Pie takeover. That was super fun. 76 00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:22.120 It was super fun. I had a great time. 77 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:22.719 Uh. 78 00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:24.280 There was a lot of people there. 79 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:26.280 I feel like everyone was kind of like looking for 80 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:28.360 something to do finally, like, yeah, it. 81 00:03:28.360 --> 00:03:30.400 Was like a good weekend to do it. I saw 82 00:03:30.439 --> 00:03:32.800 so many people that I've never seen it takeover. 83 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:35.639 Before, yeah, or that I haven't seen in like months. 84 00:03:35.800 --> 00:03:36.000 Yeah. 85 00:03:36.080 --> 00:03:36.360 Same. 86 00:03:36.520 --> 00:03:39.719 The lady who cuts my hair was there. Really, she's 87 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:41.639 never I mean I was like, what are you doing here? 88 00:03:41.879 --> 00:03:44.479 Like it was, Yeah, it was really fun. 89 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:47.199 Wait did you call your hair Keenan? 90 00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:51.520 Yeah? I've never met Keenan in person. We're friends on 91 00:03:51.560 --> 00:03:54.400 social media, but yeah, it was very cool to meet her. 92 00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:57.960 A couple of people drove down from like the deep 93 00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:01.280 suburbs really yeah. 94 00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:03.719 Okay, well yeah one yeah, one in particular Debt for sure. 95 00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:06.159 I see it as the deep suburbs. 96 00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:08.560 Sorry if I'm offending anyone who lives out that way, 97 00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:09.439 but it is the. 98 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:11.840 It's not even the suburbs at that point. It's your 99 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:13.080 a little different. 100 00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:17.120 Place, harder to get to Atlanta from. In my it's 101 00:04:17.160 --> 00:04:17.839 another city. 102 00:04:18.120 --> 00:04:18.839 Yeah. 103 00:04:18.839 --> 00:04:21.439 But yeah, I did have to call out you and 104 00:04:22.040 --> 00:04:23.800 your daughter for sneaking off into. 105 00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:28.360 The night Listen. I am known for this, but that 106 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:31.000 was I was That was the worst offense I've ever done. 107 00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:33.319 Like that one was even I was ashamed of. 108 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:35.480 It was so bad it was shameful. 109 00:04:35.680 --> 00:04:39.639 I literally so, Jamie and Ashley are sitting having pizza 110 00:04:40.120 --> 00:04:42.600 and they are right by the exit. Okay. I look 111 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:45.040 at Tate to like connect with her that this is 112 00:04:45.079 --> 00:04:47.240 what's about to happen, and tastes like, what like you 113 00:04:47.399 --> 00:04:51.079 just like you're in a conversation. I walk over like 114 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:54.959 I'm grabbing a slice of pizza. Grab the pizza, rotate 115 00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:58.160 my back, go literally the sneak out. You know, you 116 00:04:58.199 --> 00:05:02.360 send me that gift of Homer Simpson, and like I 117 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:04.160 backed up out of the door that I looked at 118 00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:06.399 tatea I go, come on now, now it's your chance. 119 00:05:06.839 --> 00:05:09.240 So she comes running out. She's like, we're just walking out. 120 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:12.759 You're not saying bye to anyone. I'm like, no, this 121 00:05:12.839 --> 00:05:15.000 is how it's done. I said, if you start saying bye, 122 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.480 we're going to be here another thirty minutes. I mean 123 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:18.439 where you want to go? 124 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:19.279 Yeah? 125 00:05:19.319 --> 00:05:20.800 And I got out of there and then I texted 126 00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:21.480 you immediately. 127 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:24.600 And it's awkward to say goodbye to everybody. 128 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:26.600 I know, especially because it was so early. 129 00:05:27.319 --> 00:05:29.879 Yeah, it was so early and then I went to 130 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:32.360 your house because I was determined to get my fucking sandwich. 131 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:33.680 Oh my god, I forgot about that. 132 00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:37.120 Holy shut off. Your alarm shuts. 133 00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:39.600 Off my entire alarm. Tatum is like, what the hell 134 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:45.240 she needed a sandwich that bad? 135 00:05:45.720 --> 00:05:46.160 Sandwiches? 136 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:47.879 Do you tell me that you were? If you would 137 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:49.360 have told me, I wouldn't upset the alarm. 138 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:51.040 Yeah, I told you I was gonna come by and 139 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:51.519 grab it. 140 00:05:51.839 --> 00:05:53.079 Damn my bad. 141 00:05:53.319 --> 00:05:55.519 I'm half of it, and I want to share my 142 00:05:56.680 --> 00:05:59.480 door dash secret that I just tried to that is 143 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:02.160 to change your name to a man's name and you 144 00:06:02.199 --> 00:06:04.120 will get a much larger portion. 145 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:05.399 Are you serious? 146 00:06:05.720 --> 00:06:07.600 That was the largest sandwich I've ever had in my 147 00:06:07.759 --> 00:06:09.879 entire life. That's why I had to like break it 148 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:10.800 into two meals. 149 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.000 What did you say your name was? 150 00:06:13.079 --> 00:06:16.759 I put Keith Lee, like because that's a food influencer 151 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:21.360 on TikTok, because that's so smart, so they'll think it's 152 00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:23.199 Keith Lee and load it up. 153 00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.279 That's amazing. Okay, that's a good hack. My hack is 154 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:29.199 at restaurants or reservations, I always say it's a birthday 155 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:30.120 or an anniversary. 156 00:06:30.279 --> 00:06:31.959 I do that too, but it's like most of the time, 157 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:34.000 they don't give a shit. Well, I feel like. 158 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:35.160 They get good tables. 159 00:06:35.560 --> 00:06:38.279 You do, Yeah, I don't know. I've tried. 160 00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:40.000 I guess maybe I do get a better table, but 161 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:43.439 I expect something like, I don't know, free appetizer. 162 00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:45.519 Free, appetizer free. 163 00:06:46.439 --> 00:06:49.920 I would always go like bond dates and be like, yeah, 164 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:54.560 it's our anniversary. We've been taking two weeks exactly. 165 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:57.279 A month is a long time in lesbian world. 166 00:06:57.279 --> 00:07:01.759 That is, be like, yeah, we're celebrating a year exactly, Like. 167 00:07:03.639 --> 00:07:06.560 I'm gonna let you introduce our guests today because you 168 00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:09.079 are the one who found her for us. 169 00:07:09.480 --> 00:07:13.680 I secured her, secured her. Does she know that? 170 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:16.519 Does she know that she got secured? Because she looks 171 00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:17.480 like Aubrey Plaza. 172 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:19.480 I was gonna say that's what I was gonna leave Sean, 173 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:21.199 so go for it. 174 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:25.959 I was scrolling on like Instagram and I came across Abby, 175 00:07:26.199 --> 00:07:28.199 and I swear I had to do a double take 176 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:30.240 where I was like, oh my god, it's Aubrey Plaza 177 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:31.399 and she's singing. 178 00:07:31.639 --> 00:07:35.360 Like what's going on here? And so I sent Abby a. 179 00:07:35.319 --> 00:07:37.079 Message and I was like, I just have to tell you, 180 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:39.759 like you look so much like Aubrey Plaza. It's crazy 181 00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:43.680 to me, so abby welcome and congratulations. 182 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:46.439 I'm looking so much like Aubrey Plaza exactly. 183 00:07:46.839 --> 00:07:49.319 And there's at work literally like stop meetings and say 184 00:07:49.399 --> 00:07:51.480 you look like Aubrey Paza and you sound like her too, 185 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:52.800 So oh my god. 186 00:07:52.839 --> 00:07:55.639 Wait, so this is like a common thing. I love that. 187 00:07:55.839 --> 00:07:58.279 Then it's obviously true, it's not just us. 188 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:00.600 And then I knew you Melissa. 189 00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:04.000 Are you Melisa or Melissa Melissa? 190 00:08:04.199 --> 00:08:04.720 Let's tell. 191 00:08:07.560 --> 00:08:09.519 I know. I knew who you were from Lesbian Chronicles. 192 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:11.879 I was like, oh my gosh, the Lesbian Chronicles woman 193 00:08:11.959 --> 00:08:14.600 just followed me one of them. 194 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:16.759 Well, not only did she follow you, but she used 195 00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:18.839 your music at a post. Everybody go check it out, 196 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.120 although I guess you're not singing. 197 00:08:21.240 --> 00:08:21.480 Yeah. 198 00:08:21.639 --> 00:08:25.120 I used the beginning clip of her song Naomi, which 199 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:28.800 is a great song. I used it for my Lesbian 200 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:32.320 Visibility Week post that I did a week late. 201 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:36.120 So I noticed that my song was on that and 202 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:38.600 I commented on that too, so oh perfect. 203 00:08:38.960 --> 00:08:40.840 Yeah did you you tagged her? I hope? 204 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:43.399 I mean, I wasn't sure how that works when you 205 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:45.360 like use an artist music, does it late? 206 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:47.240 I saw her name at the top, so you I 207 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:49.399 am there, but I wonder if we need to tag 208 00:08:49.480 --> 00:08:49.799 her too. 209 00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:51.559 Yeah, I can tag you totally. 210 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:55.279 Do you know I almost named Tatum Naomi, so I'm 211 00:08:55.320 --> 00:08:57.720 curious about that. And the title of that song. 212 00:08:57.960 --> 00:09:00.919 Yeah, it's actually based on an episode of Emily in Paris, 213 00:09:01.000 --> 00:09:03.120 and I have two exes who think that song is 214 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:08.879 about them, so really, yeah, but it's just about an international, 215 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:12.120 fun little romance. Okay, I love this romance. 216 00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:15.879 One side, aren't they? Yeah, gosh, a one side of romance. 217 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:16.080 Aren't they all? 218 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:17.720 Are they all exactly? 219 00:09:18.039 --> 00:09:18.240 Well? 220 00:09:18.279 --> 00:09:21.080 Tell us a little bit about your like coming out 221 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:23.399 and like how you got to Now. 222 00:09:23.720 --> 00:09:26.759 Well, Allie, it wasn't really an easy road. I grew 223 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:31.080 up in a conservative town in Connecticut, very Catholic, and 224 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:34.120 my mom's side is Catholic, but I'm actually Jewish from 225 00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:38.039 my dad's So I was already the weird, like fat 226 00:09:38.120 --> 00:09:41.240 Jewish kid in high school. In middle school, of course, 227 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:45.159 and I didn't really realize that being gay was even 228 00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:48.879 an option until maybe, I don't know, fourteen or fifteen, 229 00:09:49.519 --> 00:09:50.200 and I ask. 230 00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:53.559 You, was the Jewish or the Catholic? I'm Catholic. Was 231 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:56.440 the Jewish or the Catholic more oppressive. I'm just so 232 00:09:56.519 --> 00:09:58.759 curious you're because you have both in your house. 233 00:09:59.240 --> 00:10:00.840 Yeah, both lot of guilt? 234 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:03.840 Was it the Catholic the Jewish guilt? 235 00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:06.360 Well, the Jewish guilt is kind of like an inherent thing. 236 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:09.080 I mean that's just inside of you always. But I 237 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:13.759 think it was just like the overarching religious themes, you know, 238 00:10:13.799 --> 00:10:17.639 not only in my town. And this was like two 239 00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:20.720 thousand and six to two thousand and eight something like that. 240 00:10:20.840 --> 00:10:24.360 So okay, still wasn't It wasn't okay to be gay 241 00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:27.279 even back then. Yeah, So I watched a lot of 242 00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:29.600 Degrassi as a kid and kind of figured out through 243 00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:31.840 one of the storylines, like the Page and Alex storyline. 244 00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:35.240 If anyone remembers that that I was a lesbian and 245 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.000 I came out as By in like early high school 246 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:41.799 because a lot of other girls were coming out as 247 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:45.639 By at that time, and a neighbor actually got wind 248 00:10:45.639 --> 00:10:47.639 of it and told her mom, and her mom called 249 00:10:47.639 --> 00:10:50.480 my mom, and I got in a lot of trouble 250 00:10:50.759 --> 00:10:51.000 for me. 251 00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:54.720 Can you imagine if a mom called me to tell 252 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:56.759 me Owen was gay, I would feel like. 253 00:10:56.759 --> 00:11:00.960 It's something wrong, lack in their face, subject, whats wrong 254 00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:01.279 with you? 255 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:02.120 What a weirdo? 256 00:11:02.840 --> 00:11:03.080 Yeah? 257 00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:05.440 What did your mom say? I got in a lot 258 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:08.320 of trouble, okay, but it's like, is this woman stay 259 00:11:08.360 --> 00:11:10.960 in your fucking lane? That's like, what are you doing? 260 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:12.279 Devastating? 261 00:11:12.679 --> 00:11:13.720 It is devastating. 262 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:15.679 What was that like for? I mean, how were you? 263 00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:19.720 I was fifteen, so both of my parents were like 264 00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:23.440 not supportive at that time, to put it lightly, So 265 00:11:23.559 --> 00:11:25.879 yeah I was. I was like punished for it. But 266 00:11:25.960 --> 00:11:29.279 now they're both incredibly supportive. My mom actually loves all 267 00:11:29.320 --> 00:11:31.559 of the cloud that comes with being the mom of 268 00:11:31.639 --> 00:11:32.799 the lesbians. 269 00:11:32.879 --> 00:11:33.720 All the clouds. 270 00:11:34.759 --> 00:11:35.000 Yeah. 271 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:37.960 What did she say though? Like is it a small 272 00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:40.600 enough town that this mom is calling her? And then 273 00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:43.679 it becomes like the story and the friend group of 274 00:11:43.799 --> 00:11:46.919 like so and So's mom called my mom, it's like humiliating. 275 00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:50.799 No, In fact, it was like a lot of the 276 00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:54.480 vitriol was directed toward me, so you know the administrators 277 00:11:54.519 --> 00:11:57.240 found out at school of course, like the school counselors 278 00:11:57.279 --> 00:11:59.919 and the teachers and other kids, and I was really 279 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:02.720 ostracized because of it, and it really affected I think 280 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:05.559 the way that I was served as a student in 281 00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:07.799 that school. Like I told you, both in the little 282 00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:10.399 boor b. I sent that like my school counselor was 283 00:12:10.440 --> 00:12:12.919 telling me basically, don't even go to don't even try 284 00:12:12.919 --> 00:12:14.720 to apply to college, just go to community college. And 285 00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:17.279 I was taking all AP classes, and you know, I 286 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:21.519 was smart and musically talented and all of that, and yeah, 287 00:12:21.639 --> 00:12:23.759 just affected everything about my upbringing. 288 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:26.799 That's so surprising, like because I don't know, I think, 289 00:12:26.919 --> 00:12:28.639 you know, for me and Ali having grown up in 290 00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:32.039 like eighties nineties culture where it was like, you know, 291 00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:34.679 of course, I could expect something like that to happen 292 00:12:34.759 --> 00:12:37.799 back then, like without question, and I think, you know, 293 00:12:38.039 --> 00:12:40.759 two thousand and eight ish, in my eyes, I thought 294 00:12:40.799 --> 00:12:42.320 people were like really coming around. 295 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:43.399 But I guess it's like that. 296 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:46.000 Still stuff still happens, Like two day, I could see 297 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.840 that happening in my community where my kids are growing up. 298 00:12:49.399 --> 00:12:52.320 Of like a parent calling and saying that kind of 299 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:54.519 thing of like, oh my god. 300 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:55.080 Can you believe this? 301 00:12:55.720 --> 00:12:59.159 Was there also like a tone of like how could 302 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:02.480 Abby know at this young age that she's by? 303 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:05.600 Yeah? I mean I think at that point I had 304 00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:07.440 come out as by because like I said, I didn't 305 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:09.360 even know that being a lesbian was an option, and 306 00:13:09.399 --> 00:13:12.440 I was still figuring it out for myself. So certainly 307 00:13:12.519 --> 00:13:16.759 there was a lot of disbelief for or discrediting of 308 00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:20.000 my loved reality. But yeah, it's stuck. 309 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:23.840 Were your parents like immediately they're angry or they're they're scared, 310 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:26.759 But then are they like you're just confused, Like we're 311 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:29.000 going to get this fixed or you're gonna be okay? 312 00:13:29.480 --> 00:13:32.559 Like what was the come around and then the eventual acceptance. 313 00:13:33.559 --> 00:13:35.919 Yeah, there was a little bit of that, and I 314 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:40.759 think like this also led to some mental health issues 315 00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:45.039 for me. Yeah, imagine, so there was definitely some of 316 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:49.159 that in like therapeutic settings like oh, you're just confused. 317 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:50.799 You know, this will be something that you grow out 318 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:54.720 of once you feel better, like you're treated for depression. 319 00:13:56.879 --> 00:13:58.960 So there's a lot of that growing up. But then 320 00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:01.679 I think just as it became more societally accepted, my 321 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:05.559 parents were more willing to accept me and now are 322 00:14:05.799 --> 00:14:09.000 like full gay supporters and all that. 323 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.759 Yeah, how did your music Like did you as you 324 00:14:13.879 --> 00:14:17.840 wrote songs, like, did it start to showcase in your 325 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:20.440 work or was it like how does that work? 326 00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:20.799 Not? 327 00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:24.639 Really this is actually the really talked about it really Okay, Well, 328 00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:27.600 I didn't start writing music until I was twenty eight. 329 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:29.480 Okay, wow, go. 330 00:14:29.559 --> 00:14:31.960 Into that part of like, so you've kind of gone 331 00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:35.000 back in the closet. What did your life look like 332 00:14:35.559 --> 00:14:36.000 from there? 333 00:14:36.759 --> 00:14:39.559 I never went back into the closet. I was just 334 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:41.919 outay from there on out. Yeah. No, I was just 335 00:14:42.519 --> 00:14:43.960 known as the weird gay kid at school. 336 00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:48.000 Oh okay, even with the judgment, you just stayed the course. 337 00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:49.360 I stayed the course. 338 00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:51.360 That's amazing there I am today. 339 00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:52.080 Yeah. 340 00:14:52.120 --> 00:14:54.080 Even though you said the other girls were coming out 341 00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.720 as by, were they also judging? 342 00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.000 So the girls who were coming out as by were 343 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:02.960 kind of seen as like like the trashy girls. So 344 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:06.559 they were already stigmatized in that way, and so I'm 345 00:15:06.600 --> 00:15:08.840 sure that that played out for them in that way 346 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:12.360 in terms of dealing with teachers and administrators. But I 347 00:15:12.519 --> 00:15:15.799 was seen as someone who just like would have a 348 00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:20.799 life of petty crime. I guess like administrators and teachers 349 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:23.919 didn't think that I would achieve anything simply because I 350 00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:24.320 was gay. 351 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:25.840 It's so strange. 352 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.200 What did your life look like like once your parents 353 00:15:28.279 --> 00:15:31.240 had kind of like started to accept you your the 354 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:32.080 weird gay kid. 355 00:15:32.279 --> 00:15:34.600 Like, was there like dating happening during this time? 356 00:15:35.720 --> 00:15:38.480 Not really. I had a few like secret little girlfriends 357 00:15:38.519 --> 00:15:42.720 in high school, but obviously nothing serious. I didn't actually 358 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:44.279 start dating until I got to college. 359 00:15:44.519 --> 00:15:46.879 Yeah, so you went to Penn State, is what you said. 360 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:49.639 Yeah, I mean, was that like just this completely eye 361 00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:52.720 opening experience then, like to go somewhere like that where 362 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:55.960 there's like a lot more like diversity, I would assume. 363 00:15:56.120 --> 00:15:58.960 Mm hmm. I got really involved with like the LGBTQ Center, 364 00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:02.360 and yeah, I just met a lot of people who 365 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:04.720 are still my friends to this day. And that was 366 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:06.360 a great experience for me, just to know that there 367 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:08.720 were other queer people out in the world who were 368 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:11.399 successful and you know, doing good things. 369 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:14.320 Did the school ever say, like here, they are thinking 370 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.039 you're not gonna They're like minimizing you at that time, 371 00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:18.919 and then you go on to go to college and 372 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:24.320 you're like see you. Yeah, yeah, but at the time, 373 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:28.360 no feeling of like, wow, we really underestimated this kid. 374 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:30.799 No. I mean I feel like all my life I've 375 00:16:30.840 --> 00:16:32.879 been underestimated, and I still feel like I'm kind of 376 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:36.399 proving myself, improving my capabilities. But I just think it's 377 00:16:36.440 --> 00:16:40.919 sad when kids are underserved because of the stigma surrounding queerness, 378 00:16:41.080 --> 00:16:44.840 when it really has no bearing on anything about your 379 00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:48.799 or intelligence or capabilities or anything you can do. 380 00:16:49.399 --> 00:16:51.240 I would argue we're smarter, I hope. 381 00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:53.279 So I mean I agree. 382 00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:56.159 I think there's like an emotional depth and intelligence that 383 00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:59.360 it takes to like realize that about yourself. And I mean, 384 00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:02.240 maybe I'm taking a dig at myself here since I 385 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:04.920 didn't realize until I was like thirty seven, but like, 386 00:17:05.480 --> 00:17:09.039 I think there is something that requires like you to 387 00:17:09.119 --> 00:17:11.039 go a little bit more deeper on like who you 388 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:13.920 are and you know, how you want to live your life. 389 00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:16.920 Yeah, so, did you study music at Penn State? 390 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:19.759 No. I studied social psychology, and I actually put aside 391 00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:25.519 my music until twenty eighteen. Twenty wait, No, twenty nineteen 392 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:28.480 is when I started writing music. But I was trying 393 00:17:28.519 --> 00:17:30.720 to be a real serious academic and so I put 394 00:17:30.759 --> 00:17:34.279 aside all of my hobbies that I considered frivolous. 395 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:37.160 And then picked it back up. And then now you've 396 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:40.079 obviously moved to Nashville, So this is front and center. 397 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:40.799 Yes it is. 398 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:44.160 I still work full time in the health tech industry, 399 00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:47.559 so I'm an associate director and I do health plan implementations. 400 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:50.960 But on the side, I mean, it's all music and 401 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:54.720