Speaker 1: I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
Speaker 1: and I have three kids.
Speaker 2: I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
Speaker 2: out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1: This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
Speaker 1: and victories that come with it.
Speaker 2: When coming out feels like the end of the world,
Speaker 2: but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 1: This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 2: My dog just she almost darted out of my hands
Speaker 2: and went into like a tirade.
Speaker 3: I like barely caught her.
Speaker 1: Really, wait, why I can't believe you hold her through
Speaker 1: the podcast.
Speaker 2: I know, I you know, thank you for bringing this
Speaker 2: up because I have a meaning to say, because sometimes
Speaker 2: when I'm editing, I can hear the dog chewing on
Speaker 2: her bone, and I'm like, God, people probably think I'm
Speaker 2: like smacking gum or something.
Speaker 1: I know, they think you're eating with your mouth something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's the dog.
Speaker 2: Because anyone who's ever been around a little dog knows
Speaker 2: that it needs to be the center of attention at
Speaker 2: all times.
Speaker 1: This little dog is like no little dog I've ever met.
Speaker 3: She's got more personality and she's got.
Speaker 1: Energy in that dog.
Speaker 2: She does, and she weighs eight pounds and yeah, so
Speaker 2: if I don't hold her in my lap while we
Speaker 2: do this, she will bark at me the whole time
Speaker 2: because she cannot comprehend why I'm looking at the computer
Speaker 2: and talking.
Speaker 1: Were you offended the other day when you were like,
Speaker 1: I'm bringing the dog and I'm like.
Speaker 3: When you were like you are?
Speaker 2: You are?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: It wasn't that I thought that it would be bad.
Speaker 1: I just knew it would be bad for you because
Speaker 1: I knew all my neighbors would have.
Speaker 4: Their dogs here.
Speaker 2: So the only reason why we were considering doing that,
Speaker 2: and we as in me and my kids, is because
Speaker 2: we were trying to get to your house quickly. And
Speaker 2: it's like traffic in Atlanta has been pure insanity. It
Speaker 2: was Saturday, and it was going to be like over
Speaker 2: an hour and a half round trip for me to
Speaker 2: go drop her off of the condo and then go
Speaker 2: to your place. And so we were like, let's just
Speaker 2: go straight there, and we'll kind of like take turns like.
Speaker 3: Babysit and the dog. And then as we're.
Speaker 2: Driving, all three of us are kind of like getting
Speaker 2: more and more anxious about it.
Speaker 3: And then I'm like, you know what, Today's not the day.
Speaker 1: Today is not the day. She's just she's a handful,
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 3: She's a handful and she hates other dogs.
Speaker 1: So I never realized and this is not like my
Speaker 1: dog has many a shortcoming, but she is a great
Speaker 1: dog because she is. I never realized how quiet she is.
Speaker 1: She doesn't her only I would say issue is that
Speaker 1: when we're recording here, she cannot leave you guys alone.
Speaker 1: But she's not a loud dog. She's not a jumper.
Speaker 1: She's just kind of like she's.
Speaker 2: Bothering us while we're recording, or like you have like
Speaker 2: a guest there, like, and she wants their attention.
Speaker 3: So it's kind of like Charlie, but she's not barking, like.
Speaker 1: She's quiet about it. She's getting really overweight, and it's
Speaker 1: like the more overweight she gets, the easier she gets.
Speaker 1: Like then she's really not trying to do anything.
Speaker 3: You're going to give her more treats, more bacon, I
Speaker 3: actually don't.
Speaker 1: She is on a diet. Anyway, This is so boring.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about the takeover. Let's talk about the Urban
Speaker 1: Pie takeover. That was super fun.
Speaker 3: It was super fun. I had a great time.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: There was a lot of people there.
Speaker 2: I feel like everyone was kind of like looking for
Speaker 2: something to do finally, like, yeah, it.
Speaker 1: Was like a good weekend to do it. I saw
Speaker 1: so many people that I've never seen it takeover.
Speaker 3: Before, yeah, or that I haven't seen in like months.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Same.
Speaker 1: The lady who cuts my hair was there. Really, she's
Speaker 1: never I mean I was like, what are you doing here?
Speaker 1: Like it was, Yeah, it was really fun.
Speaker 3: Wait did you call your hair Keenan?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I've never met Keenan in person. We're friends on
Speaker 2: social media, but yeah, it was very cool to meet her.
Speaker 2: A couple of people drove down from like the deep
Speaker 2: suburbs really yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, well yeah one yeah, one in particular Debt for sure.
Speaker 3: I see it as the deep suburbs.
Speaker 2: Sorry if I'm offending anyone who lives out that way,
Speaker 2: but it is the.
Speaker 1: It's not even the suburbs at that point. It's your
Speaker 1: a little different.
Speaker 2: Place, harder to get to Atlanta from. In my it's
Speaker 2: another city.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I did have to call out you and
Speaker 2: your daughter for sneaking off into.
Speaker 1: The night Listen. I am known for this, but that
Speaker 1: was I was That was the worst offense I've ever done.
Speaker 1: Like that one was even I was ashamed of.
Speaker 3: It was so bad it was shameful.
Speaker 1: I literally so, Jamie and Ashley are sitting having pizza
Speaker 1: and they are right by the exit. Okay. I look
Speaker 1: at Tate to like connect with her that this is
Speaker 1: what's about to happen, and tastes like, what like you
Speaker 1: just like you're in a conversation. I walk over like
Speaker 1: I'm grabbing a slice of pizza. Grab the pizza, rotate
Speaker 1: my back, go literally the sneak out. You know, you
Speaker 1: send me that gift of Homer Simpson, and like I
Speaker 1: backed up out of the door that I looked at
Speaker 1: tatea I go, come on now, now it's your chance.
Speaker 1: So she comes running out. She's like, we're just walking out.
Speaker 1: You're not saying bye to anyone. I'm like, no, this
Speaker 1: is how it's done. I said, if you start saying bye,
Speaker 1: we're going to be here another thirty minutes. I mean
Speaker 1: where you want to go?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I got out of there and then I texted
Speaker 1: you immediately.
Speaker 3: And it's awkward to say goodbye to everybody.
Speaker 1: I know, especially because it was so early.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was so early and then I went to
Speaker 2: your house because I was determined to get my fucking sandwich.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I forgot about that.
Speaker 3: Holy shut off. Your alarm shuts.
Speaker 1: Off my entire alarm. Tatum is like, what the hell
Speaker 1: she needed a sandwich that bad?
Speaker 3: Sandwiches?
Speaker 1: Do you tell me that you were? If you would
Speaker 1: have told me, I wouldn't upset the alarm.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I told you I was gonna come by and
Speaker 3: grab it.
Speaker 1: Damn my bad.
Speaker 2: I'm half of it, and I want to share my
Speaker 2: door dash secret that I just tried to that is
Speaker 2: to change your name to a man's name and you
Speaker 2: will get a much larger portion.
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 3: That was the largest sandwich I've ever had in my
Speaker 3: entire life. That's why I had to like break it
Speaker 3: into two meals.
Speaker 1: What did you say your name was?
Speaker 2: I put Keith Lee, like because that's a food influencer
Speaker 2: on TikTok, because that's so smart, so they'll think it's
Speaker 2: Keith Lee and load it up.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. Okay, that's a good hack. My hack is
Speaker 1: at restaurants or reservations, I always say it's a birthday
Speaker 1: or an anniversary.
Speaker 3: I do that too, but it's like most of the time,
Speaker 3: they don't give a shit. Well, I feel like.
Speaker 1: They get good tables.
Speaker 3: You do, Yeah, I don't know. I've tried.
Speaker 2: I guess maybe I do get a better table, but
Speaker 2: I expect something like, I don't know, free appetizer.
Speaker 1: Free, appetizer free.
Speaker 3: I would always go like bond dates and be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's our anniversary. We've been taking two weeks exactly.
Speaker 1: A month is a long time in lesbian world.
Speaker 3: That is, be like, yeah, we're celebrating a year exactly, Like.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you introduce our guests today because you
Speaker 1: are the one who found her for us.
Speaker 3: I secured her, secured her. Does she know that?
Speaker 1: Does she know that she got secured? Because she looks
Speaker 1: like Aubrey Plaza.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say that's what I was gonna leave Sean,
Speaker 4: so go for it.
Speaker 2: I was scrolling on like Instagram and I came across Abby,
Speaker 2: and I swear I had to do a double take
Speaker 2: where I was like, oh my god, it's Aubrey Plaza
Speaker 2: and she's singing.
Speaker 3: Like what's going on here? And so I sent Abby a.
Speaker 2: Message and I was like, I just have to tell you,
Speaker 2: like you look so much like Aubrey Plaza. It's crazy
Speaker 2: to me, so abby welcome and congratulations.
Speaker 3: I'm looking so much like Aubrey Plaza exactly.
Speaker 4: And there's at work literally like stop meetings and say
Speaker 4: you look like Aubrey Paza and you sound like her too,
Speaker 4: So oh my god.
Speaker 1: Wait, so this is like a common thing. I love that.
Speaker 1: Then it's obviously true, it's not just us.
Speaker 4: And then I knew you Melissa.
Speaker 3: Are you Melisa or Melissa Melissa?
Speaker 1: Let's tell.
Speaker 4: I know. I knew who you were from Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my gosh, the Lesbian Chronicles woman
Speaker 4: just followed me one of them.
Speaker 1: Well, not only did she follow you, but she used
Speaker 1: your music at a post. Everybody go check it out,
Speaker 1: although I guess you're not singing.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I used the beginning clip of her song Naomi, which
Speaker 2: is a great song. I used it for my Lesbian
Speaker 2: Visibility Week post that I did a week late.
Speaker 4: So I noticed that my song was on that and
Speaker 4: I commented on that too, so oh perfect.
Speaker 1: Yeah did you you tagged her? I hope?
Speaker 2: I mean, I wasn't sure how that works when you
Speaker 2: like use an artist music, does it late?
Speaker 1: I saw her name at the top, so you I
Speaker 1: am there, but I wonder if we need to tag
Speaker 1: her too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can tag you totally.
Speaker 1: Do you know I almost named Tatum Naomi, so I'm
Speaker 1: curious about that. And the title of that song.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's actually based on an episode of Emily in Paris,
Speaker 4: and I have two exes who think that song is
Speaker 4: about them, so really, yeah, but it's just about an international,
Speaker 4: fun little romance. Okay, I love this romance.
Speaker 1: One side, aren't they? Yeah, gosh, a one side of romance.
Speaker 3: Aren't they all?
Speaker 1: Are they all exactly?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit about your like coming out
Speaker 1: and like how you got to Now.
Speaker 4: Well, Allie, it wasn't really an easy road. I grew
Speaker 4: up in a conservative town in Connecticut, very Catholic, and
Speaker 4: my mom's side is Catholic, but I'm actually Jewish from
Speaker 4: my dad's So I was already the weird, like fat
Speaker 4: Jewish kid in high school. In middle school, of course,
Speaker 4: and I didn't really realize that being gay was even
Speaker 4: an option until maybe, I don't know, fourteen or fifteen,
Speaker 4: and I ask.
Speaker 1: You, was the Jewish or the Catholic? I'm Catholic. Was
Speaker 1: the Jewish or the Catholic more oppressive. I'm just so
Speaker 1: curious you're because you have both in your house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, both lot of guilt?
Speaker 1: Was it the Catholic the Jewish guilt?
Speaker 4: Well, the Jewish guilt is kind of like an inherent thing.
Speaker 4: I mean that's just inside of you always. But I
Speaker 4: think it was just like the overarching religious themes, you know,
Speaker 4: not only in my town. And this was like two
Speaker 4: thousand and six to two thousand and eight something like that.
Speaker 4: So okay, still wasn't It wasn't okay to be gay
Speaker 4: even back then. Yeah, So I watched a lot of
Speaker 4: Degrassi as a kid and kind of figured out through
Speaker 4: one of the storylines, like the Page and Alex storyline.
Speaker 4: If anyone remembers that that I was a lesbian and
Speaker 4: I came out as By in like early high school
Speaker 4: because a lot of other girls were coming out as
Speaker 4: By at that time, and a neighbor actually got wind
Speaker 4: of it and told her mom, and her mom called
Speaker 4: my mom, and I got in a lot of trouble
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine if a mom called me to tell
Speaker 1: me Owen was gay, I would feel like.
Speaker 3: It's something wrong, lack in their face, subject, whats wrong
Speaker 3: with you?
Speaker 1: What a weirdo?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What did your mom say? I got in a lot
Speaker 1: of trouble, okay, but it's like, is this woman stay
Speaker 1: in your fucking lane? That's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3: Devastating?
Speaker 1: It is devastating.
Speaker 3: What was that like for? I mean, how were you?
Speaker 4: I was fifteen, so both of my parents were like
Speaker 4: not supportive at that time, to put it lightly, So
Speaker 4: yeah I was. I was like punished for it. But
Speaker 4: now they're both incredibly supportive. My mom actually loves all
Speaker 4: of the cloud that comes with being the mom of
Speaker 4: the lesbians.
Speaker 1: All the clouds.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What did she say though? Like is it a small
Speaker 1: enough town that this mom is calling her? And then
Speaker 1: it becomes like the story and the friend group of
Speaker 1: like so and So's mom called my mom, it's like humiliating.
Speaker 4: No, In fact, it was like a lot of the
Speaker 4: vitriol was directed toward me, so you know the administrators
Speaker 4: found out at school of course, like the school counselors
Speaker 4: and the teachers and other kids, and I was really
Speaker 4: ostracized because of it, and it really affected I think
Speaker 4: the way that I was served as a student in
Speaker 4: that school. Like I told you, both in the little
Speaker 4: boor b. I sent that like my school counselor was
Speaker 4: telling me basically, don't even go to don't even try
Speaker 4: to apply to college, just go to community college. And
Speaker 4: I was taking all AP classes, and you know, I
Speaker 4: was smart and musically talented and all of that, and yeah,
Speaker 4: just affected everything about my upbringing.
Speaker 2: That's so surprising, like because I don't know, I think,
Speaker 2: you know, for me and Ali having grown up in
Speaker 2: like eighties nineties culture where it was like, you know,
Speaker 2: of course, I could expect something like that to happen
Speaker 2: back then, like without question, and I think, you know,
Speaker 2: two thousand and eight ish, in my eyes, I thought
Speaker 2: people were like really coming around.
Speaker 3: But I guess it's like that.
Speaker 2: Still stuff still happens, Like two day, I could see
Speaker 2: that happening in my community where my kids are growing up.
Speaker 2: Of like a parent calling and saying that kind of
Speaker 2: thing of like, oh my god.
Speaker 3: Can you believe this?
Speaker 2: Was there also like a tone of like how could
Speaker 2: Abby know at this young age that she's by?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I mean I think at that point I had
Speaker 4: come out as by because like I said, I didn't
Speaker 4: even know that being a lesbian was an option, and
Speaker 4: I was still figuring it out for myself. So certainly
Speaker 4: there was a lot of disbelief for or discrediting of
Speaker 4: my loved reality. But yeah, it's stuck.
Speaker 1: Were your parents like immediately they're angry or they're they're scared,
Speaker 1: But then are they like you're just confused, Like we're
Speaker 1: going to get this fixed or you're gonna be okay?
Speaker 1: Like what was the come around and then the eventual acceptance.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there was a little bit of that, and I
Speaker 4: think like this also led to some mental health issues
Speaker 4: for me. Yeah, imagine, so there was definitely some of
Speaker 4: that in like therapeutic settings like oh, you're just confused.
Speaker 4: You know, this will be something that you grow out
Speaker 4: of once you feel better, like you're treated for depression.
Speaker 4: So there's a lot of that growing up. But then
Speaker 4: I think just as it became more societally accepted, my
Speaker 4: parents were more willing to accept me and now are
Speaker 4: like full gay supporters and all that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how did your music Like did you as you
Speaker 1: wrote songs, like, did it start to showcase in your
Speaker 1: work or was it like how does that work?
Speaker 3: Not?
Speaker 4: Really this is actually the really talked about it really Okay, Well,
Speaker 4: I didn't start writing music until I was twenty eight.
Speaker 3: Okay, wow, go.
Speaker 2: Into that part of like, so you've kind of gone
Speaker 2: back in the closet. What did your life look like
Speaker 2: from there?
Speaker 4: I never went back into the closet. I was just
Speaker 4: outay from there on out. Yeah. No, I was just
Speaker 4: known as the weird gay kid at school.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, even with the judgment, you just stayed the course.
Speaker 4: I stayed the course.
Speaker 1: That's amazing there I am today.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Even though you said the other girls were coming out
Speaker 1: as by, were they also judging?
Speaker 4: So the girls who were coming out as by were
Speaker 4: kind of seen as like like the trashy girls. So
Speaker 4: they were already stigmatized in that way, and so I'm
Speaker 4: sure that that played out for them in that way
Speaker 4: in terms of dealing with teachers and administrators. But I
Speaker 4: was seen as someone who just like would have a
Speaker 4: life of petty crime. I guess like administrators and teachers
Speaker 4: didn't think that I would achieve anything simply because I
Speaker 4: was gay.
Speaker 1: It's so strange.
Speaker 2: What did your life look like like once your parents
Speaker 2: had kind of like started to accept you your the
Speaker 2: weird gay kid.
Speaker 3: Like, was there like dating happening during this time?
Speaker 4: Not really. I had a few like secret little girlfriends
Speaker 4: in high school, but obviously nothing serious. I didn't actually
Speaker 4: start dating until I got to college.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you went to Penn State, is what you said.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, was that like just this completely eye
Speaker 2: opening experience then, like to go somewhere like that where
Speaker 2: there's like a lot more like diversity, I would assume.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. I got really involved with like the LGBTQ Center,
Speaker 4: and yeah, I just met a lot of people who
Speaker 4: are still my friends to this day. And that was
Speaker 4: a great experience for me, just to know that there
Speaker 4: were other queer people out in the world who were
Speaker 4: successful and you know, doing good things.
Speaker 1: Did the school ever say, like here, they are thinking
Speaker 1: you're not gonna They're like minimizing you at that time,
Speaker 1: and then you go on to go to college and
Speaker 1: you're like see you. Yeah, yeah, but at the time,
Speaker 1: no feeling of like, wow, we really underestimated this kid.
Speaker 4: No. I mean I feel like all my life I've
Speaker 4: been underestimated, and I still feel like I'm kind of
Speaker 4: proving myself, improving my capabilities. But I just think it's
Speaker 4: sad when kids are underserved because of the stigma surrounding queerness,
Speaker 4: when it really has no bearing on anything about your
Speaker 4: or intelligence or capabilities or anything you can do.
Speaker 1: I would argue we're smarter, I hope.
Speaker 3: So I mean I agree.
Speaker 2: I think there's like an emotional depth and intelligence that
Speaker 2: it takes to like realize that about yourself. And I mean,
Speaker 2: maybe I'm taking a dig at myself here since I
Speaker 2: didn't realize until I was like thirty seven, but like,
Speaker 2: I think there is something that requires like you to
Speaker 2: go a little bit more deeper on like who you
Speaker 2: are and you know, how you want to live your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, did you study music at Penn State?
Speaker 4: No. I studied social psychology, and I actually put aside
Speaker 4: my music until twenty eighteen. Twenty wait, No, twenty nineteen
Speaker 4: is when I started writing music. But I was trying
Speaker 4: to be a real serious academic and so I put
Speaker 4: aside all of my hobbies that I considered frivolous.
Speaker 1: And then picked it back up. And then now you've
Speaker 1: obviously moved to Nashville, So this is front and center.
Speaker 3: Yes it is.
Speaker 4: I still work full time in the health tech industry,
Speaker 4: so I'm an associate director and I do health plan implementations.
Speaker 4: But on the side, I mean, it's all music and
Speaker 4: music promotion and just trying to be an advocate for
Speaker 4: LGBTQ and women's rights wherever I can through my music.
Speaker 1: Yeah, say more that.
Speaker 3: How do you do that?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 4: My area of research, I wasn't a PhD program I
Speaker 4: ended in during my end root Masters, but my research
Speaker 4: focused on LGBTQ and gender based sexual violence prevention. So
Speaker 4: I've gotten connected with a lot of organizations around Tennessee
Speaker 4: and even up in Connecticut that help, you know, survivors
Speaker 4: of domestic and sexual violence as well as running prevention programming.
Speaker 4: So I've been able to do some fundraising like concerts
Speaker 4: and party kind of things for those orgs, and I
Speaker 4: hope to continue that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really cool. Do you so you write all
Speaker 1: your own music?
Speaker 4: Correct?
Speaker 3: Do you ever?
Speaker 1: Because I've heard, like in Nashville that there's like sometimes
Speaker 1: the writing is almost I know nothing about what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about, but I have heard people say like the
Speaker 1: writing is like the skill set that people really cover it,
Speaker 1: like famous people are always looking for other people's songs,
Speaker 1: and that that's really a really in demand skill set.
Speaker 1: Do you ever, like, do you always want to perform
Speaker 1: your own or is it the songwriting you love, Like,
Speaker 1: which part of it do you? I'm sure you're gonna
Speaker 1: say you love all of it, but which part of
Speaker 1: it is really your thing?
Speaker 4: Well, you're right, I love all of it. My training
Speaker 4: is as a vocalist, like I'm I'm trained in opera,
Speaker 4: and I did musical theater, you know, all throughout my childhood.
Speaker 4: But I really do love the songwriting, and I.
Speaker 3: Love doing that.
Speaker 1: I think that's the hard part too.
Speaker 3: I do too.
Speaker 2: I mean, it is difficult to really, i mean put
Speaker 2: together a song and all the aspects that go into it.
Speaker 3: And I think it's another one of those things. I
Speaker 3: lived in Nashville very briefly.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize how like strong the songwriting bass is
Speaker 2: there until I went to the Bluebird Cafe.
Speaker 3: And watched these songwriters.
Speaker 2: We're singing these songs that were like massively popular, and
Speaker 2: I had no idea that like it Wasn't you know
Speaker 2: that these famous artists that had written the songs, like
Speaker 2: Linda Perry, for instance, from Four Non Blondes, she has
Speaker 2: written and produced a shit ton of me music like that.
Speaker 2: People have like no freaking idea that she was behind.
Speaker 2: And so I mean, you definitely have like the songwriting
Speaker 2: talent behind you.
Speaker 3: I'm wondering though.
Speaker 2: What it's like to be in a place like Nashville
Speaker 2: where you just, i mean everyone there is a singer songwriter, Like,
Speaker 2: is it hard to get on stage or how does
Speaker 2: that work?
Speaker 1: I've always been curious about that because, like if you
Speaker 1: go down Broadway, it's just place after place after place
Speaker 1: with such talent.
Speaker 4: The honky Tonk ecosystem, So like the Downtown what you're
Speaker 4: talking about with all of you are, that's its own
Speaker 4: kind of got it process. So if you're doing that,
Speaker 4: you're you're singing primarily covers and that's full time job.
Speaker 4: So you're like a band member or a vocalist who
Speaker 4: does Broadway. That's not really my lane. I just like
Speaker 4: book independent venues wherever I can. But like you said,
Speaker 4: it's it's really really hard to get on stage because
Speaker 4: a lot of the time now you have to actually
Speaker 4: pay and guaranteed ticket sales, and that you and I
Speaker 4: were talking about how hot you know you are dealing
Speaker 4: with that, like when.
Speaker 2: You yeah, when we did our event in Seattle, it
Speaker 2: was like finding a venue and selling tickets and yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, it's.
Speaker 1: A lot of pressure. Talk to us about the gay
Speaker 1: scene in Nashville so bad?
Speaker 4: Ali really?
Speaker 1: Oh no, okay, if you're in Nashville, wake up, what
Speaker 1: is the what's happening there?
Speaker 4: I mean, there's a lot of there are so many initiatives,
Speaker 4: so many groups, and so many people doing great things
Speaker 4: for the queer community. But it's a small community, and
Speaker 4: Tennessee is just not a hospitable place to be queer.
Speaker 4: There's a new law every day. In fact, Pride Month
Speaker 4: was just changed to I think like Nuclear Families a
Speaker 4: month or something like that.
Speaker 1: What yep, How Nashville is not I okay, Why isn't
Speaker 1: Nashville itself like pretty liberal? I understand the surrounding, but
Speaker 1: is even the city of Nashville conservative.
Speaker 4: It's the capital city, so I think it's more blue
Speaker 4: than the rest of Tennessee.
Speaker 1: Okay, but like I think.
Speaker 4: Memphis is more liberal than Nashville.
Speaker 2: Okay, interesting, Oh I'm googling this and yeah, Tennessee is
Speaker 2: now Nuclear Family Month for the month of June, whereas
Speaker 2: nationally it's Pride Month.
Speaker 1: So I don't even I mean, it's like laughable, kind
Speaker 1: of like, I don't that's so muggeling. It's rude. But
Speaker 1: why wouldn't they just pick a different month. But also
Speaker 1: it's a webbous jazz clearly, it's like that to me
Speaker 1: is so ugly. It's like, do you really that's what
Speaker 1: you want to do? But are there no lesbians? Like
Speaker 1: if you go out on a Saturday night, are there
Speaker 1: places where lesbians end up?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: We have the Lipstick Lounge, of course, which is one
Speaker 4: of the last lesbian bars in the US, although it's
Speaker 4: not really a lesbian bar anymore. They market themselves as
Speaker 4: like a human bar and they have karaoke, so of
Speaker 4: course you have a lot of tourists. Yeah, there just
Speaker 4: aren't that many spaces for lesbians to congregate or sapphic women,
Speaker 4: I should say. And it's like I said, Tennessee is
Speaker 4: just not a good place to be a queer person.
Speaker 4: I mean you feel constantly oppressed, you feel constantly on edge,
Speaker 4: and especially coming from Connecticut, even though my town was conservative,
Speaker 4: it's nowhere near the level that Tennessee is. So it
Speaker 4: was certainly a culture shift that I had to get
Speaker 4: used to. I just haven't had much luck either like
Speaker 4: with a.
Speaker 1: Busy gaking or yeah, yeah, do you do? Have you
Speaker 1: done the apps? I'm just curious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've done like Riyah surf app no look nothing great.
Speaker 1: Okay, Because I think like even here, we live in
Speaker 1: a very gay town. It's a big city. I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone's gay. And Melissa and I just talked about
Speaker 1: the other day when she comes in town. We have
Speaker 1: no interaction with straight people in my life. I mean
Speaker 1: on a daily basis, it's rare, like I have neighbors
Speaker 1: that are straight, but it's like I don't on a weekend,
Speaker 1: if I'm out, I don't see any straight people.
Speaker 2: When I lived in Nashville, I was married and straight.
Speaker 2: But I've been to Pride twice. There first Pride experience,
Speaker 2: I was kind of like, wait, Ali, you went too
Speaker 2: now to think about it, but we got VI tickets
Speaker 2: and I felt like it like put us off in
Speaker 2: this area that like kept us from like really branching.
Speaker 3: Out and like lesbians talking to right.
Speaker 2: But the second time I went, we didn't do VIP
Speaker 2: and I felt like a lot more people, there was
Speaker 2: more people to talk to. I had a way better time.
Speaker 2: The parade was a lot of fun, tons of good
Speaker 2: music too. Yeah it was I don't know. I feel
Speaker 2: like that first Pride experience in Nashville really put a
Speaker 2: bad taste in my mouth. But going back a few
Speaker 2: years ago, I had a I had a great time,
Speaker 2: like to the point that I would go back for
Speaker 2: Pride this year.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Atlie ready for road trip.
Speaker 1: But now is it now it's Nuclear family month?
Speaker 4: It can be a nuclear family's true?
Speaker 1: True, that's valid. Do you live near like are you
Speaker 1: downtown kind of downtown?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean, I will say like when I go to
Speaker 1: Nowville relatively frequently, but when I am there, there is
Speaker 1: an element there that we don't have here, which is
Speaker 1: there's more of that good old boy, big guy at
Speaker 1: the bar, like the hat, the croquies, like it was
Speaker 1: like everywhere, Like I did feel that in a way,
Speaker 1: I don't feel here in the city at all. Like
Speaker 1: it's rare that you see a big, good old boy
Speaker 1: sitting at Ladybird on the belt Line. He would look ridiculous,
Speaker 1: But there it was like you walk into the restaurant
Speaker 1: and there's lots of them with their wives and their
Speaker 1: families like it. So I think to your point, like
Speaker 1: it's Nashville is southern, it's you know, I think it
Speaker 1: does have that you have.
Speaker 3: To designed for queer people. I guess maybe no, but
Speaker 3: maybe it's heading in that direction.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there are some queer artists there, Sonya
Speaker 2: lee Is Brookiyden, Yeah, Brooke Ayden. There's another guy that
Speaker 2: I'm forgetting. There's like a male CE singer who's great.
Speaker 3: What's the name, Brian Ruby? Are you thinking?
Speaker 2: No, I don't think that's it. It's gonna drive me crazy.
Speaker 2: I'm sure i'll remember it once we're off here.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I did feel like they had some good like at Pride,
Speaker 2: some good like queer Nashville based artists performing.
Speaker 1: And I guess if they can have a Pride, there
Speaker 1: must be lots of gay people that there there were
Speaker 1: a lot of gay people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it's yeah, queers don't exist. It's just it's
Speaker 4: hard to break into a group because there are so
Speaker 4: few of us here.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that. Would you
Speaker 1: say now that you're like you're out, you're writing, Like,
Speaker 1: does your writing showcase that you're gay?
Speaker 4: Really showcases that I'm gay?
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, yeah, because I always admire that, like when
Speaker 1: I find out somebody is gay that like I didn't know,
Speaker 1: like if if they don't put it in their music
Speaker 1: at all, and then you find out I'm always kind
Speaker 1: of like really like, but I like it when it's
Speaker 1: like out there, like it's just I'm writing songs about
Speaker 1: women period, like that's yeah, that's the feeling.
Speaker 2: One of the things that I noticed and liked about
Speaker 2: hearing Abby's music is that it does have like she's
Speaker 2: She's definitely like I like women.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hello, it's very clear.
Speaker 1: I don't think that would be an amazing way to
Speaker 1: meet women.
Speaker 4: Well, they haven't come yet, so maybe they're shaking thing.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: Let's do a pitch right now. I live pitch, Shall
Speaker 1: live pitch.
Speaker 3: We're gonna make a me pitch yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you want to make yourself or do you
Speaker 1: want us to pitch you?
Speaker 4: I don't know, Dode.
Speaker 2: How about how about we curate this we can okay,
Speaker 2: when we post the episode, we can do like combo
Speaker 2: announce the episode and pitch Abby.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But also while we have you live, since we
Speaker 1: are going to pitch you, what age range would you
Speaker 1: be open to.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be thirty three in a few months, so
Speaker 4: probably like twenty seven twenty eight to like.
Speaker 1: Thirty okay, twenty seven twenty eight to thirty eight. I
Speaker 1: think that's fantastic. And then would you say, like somebody
Speaker 1: who's similar to you and like the creative endeavors or
Speaker 1: is it like you're not that's not important.
Speaker 4: No, I actually don't want someone who's also a session
Speaker 4: for an actor. I really value like fitness and I'm
Speaker 4: a tennis player, So okay, like someone who's into sports,
Speaker 4: actively plays sports and won't embarrass me at events.
Speaker 1: Okay, I like this somebody that you can take. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, that's important to have.
Speaker 3: Somebody's in a good plus one, A good plus one, okay,
Speaker 3: because somebody.
Speaker 1: I'll notice they bring somebody in the they're like on
Speaker 1: their phone or they're like doing something. It's like, you
Speaker 1: do want somebody kind of curated that has manners.
Speaker 2: If you're a date to an event, you need to
Speaker 2: be like on your game, ready to meet people, shake hands,
Speaker 2: do all the things.
Speaker 3: What about location? Are you Nashville specific?
Speaker 2: Are you open to long distance it's like driving distance
Speaker 2: or are you ready to hop on a plane and
Speaker 2: fly to like I don't know Amsterdam, Like what's the
Speaker 2: radius here?
Speaker 4: So I don't know how much longer I'm saying in Nashville.
Speaker 4: Probably head back up east. I would say, like Canada
Speaker 4: or Northeast. But I'm also desperate, So world's the limit. Honestly,
Speaker 4: where are you going to go in the Northeast? Probably
Speaker 4: back to like Massachusetts or Connecticut.
Speaker 1: Okay, why not New York City. It seems like the
Speaker 1: music scene there would be very cool, and they have
Speaker 1: a ton of gay people. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was born in Brooklyn and I spent my childhood
Speaker 4: in Brooklyn. But a city girl, not a brook or
Speaker 4: not like a New York City girl. I like La,
Speaker 4: I like Seattle, I like Montreal. My dad's family is
Speaker 4: from Montreal. But yeah, New York City is just you
Speaker 4: have to be a certain type of person to live there,
Speaker 4: and I'm not that person.
Speaker 1: Okay, I figure any of that.
Speaker 3: Like, I want to live in New York City one day,
Speaker 3: but for like a year. I think I'd be good
Speaker 3: after that.
Speaker 4: Do you like a trillionaire?
Speaker 3: Great?
Speaker 1: Yeah, a year is a trillionaire in New York City.
Speaker 1: I love New York City. I think of Brooklyn, though,
Speaker 1: is very neighborhoody.
Speaker 4: I can, yeah, it is. It's not like it doesn't
Speaker 4: have that small town obviously does not have the small
Speaker 4: town charm because it's Brooklyn. I don't know. I'm very
Speaker 4: Brooklyn like culturally, but I think just living there it
Speaker 4: wouldn't be a good fit.
Speaker 1: Well then you heard it, guys, all right, we're going
Speaker 1: to put together an actual pitch, but this is still
Speaker 1: a good pitch. Yea, yeah, especially since your sounds like
Speaker 1: you're moving closer to your family, which tells us you're
Speaker 1: close to your family. I like that, Like, I think
Speaker 1: that's a quality.
Speaker 2: If you want to tell us, like where people can
Speaker 2: like listen to your music, where they can follow you
Speaker 2: on social media because oh yeah, like your TikTok got
Speaker 2: like banned, Like what happened?
Speaker 4: So I had that song? Why does no one want me?
Speaker 4: It went viral on reels or like not viral, but
Speaker 4: it did well on reels, but it went really viral
Speaker 4: on TikTok and I got up to fifty thousand followers,
Speaker 4: and immediately TikTok said, you are impersonating yourself and ban
Speaker 4: my account.
Speaker 1: That's why impersonate yourself?
Speaker 4: I don't know. And they send me ten ninety nine's
Speaker 4: every year, so it's like, you have my social Security number,
Speaker 4: you have my license, you know, photos of my license,
Speaker 4: photos of my passport? Why can't your data validation policies
Speaker 4: match mea And the.
Speaker 1: Other problem with all these things is you can't call
Speaker 1: to fix anything. You can't call. My business has had
Speaker 1: trouble getting into our business Facebook account. We can't figure
Speaker 1: out how to get into it, and so we're just
Speaker 1: waiting for the day that something and we've called. There's
Speaker 1: no one to call. It's like emailing and you're so
Speaker 1: and we use it still, but it's like one of
Speaker 1: these days we're just not going to be able to
Speaker 1: get in and then it's there's no one to talk to.
Speaker 4: I actually looked up some people on LinkedIn, like trust
Speaker 4: and safety people. Maybe you could do the same for Facebook.
Speaker 1: Yeah, didn't work. It didn't work, though, Like.
Speaker 3: That import such a bummer.
Speaker 1: It's such a bummer. But this will be the story
Speaker 1: you tell when you've got millions and millions, so don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. Everybody has one story of shit hit
Speaker 1: the fan, everybody, right, Everybody I know who's made it
Speaker 1: big can tell you a story.
Speaker 3: Like that for sure.
Speaker 1: All right, Well Abby, yeah, go ahead, tell.
Speaker 4: Us they can find Instagram, right, yeah, Instagram at Abby
Speaker 4: nis Mbaum and then Facebook I think is like at
Speaker 4: Abbynis and Baum Music, and then I'm of course on
Speaker 4: Spotify on all the streaming platforms, and yeah, it's got
Speaker 4: a new song coming out, right, Yeah, I have a
Speaker 4: new song coming out on May fifteen, very.
Speaker 1: Okay, May fifteen. Okay, what's the name of the song.
Speaker 4: Called growth Story?
Speaker 3: Growth Story?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 4: Cool?
Speaker 1: We can only use that nice all right, Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, Abby, thank you. That's a good weekend.
Speaker 3: I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
Speaker 3: and write a review on Apple Podcast Spotify.
Speaker 1: We'd love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
Speaker 1: email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's Melissa M. E.
Speaker 2: L I.
Speaker 1: S A and Ali A L l I at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Or follow us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles