Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I'm Chris, and I died fairly recently,
and my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where
I interview everyone in Hell with my co host, who's
running for president of Hell against his older brother, Satan Clayton.
That's me.
Speaker 2: Hey, I noticed that you switched up your normal intro.
Speaker 3: You said I died fairly recently, so you're basically a
full blown tenet of Hell.
Speaker 2: Now how does it feel not being a newbie anymore?
Speaker 1: I mean it's about the saying it's all pretty. It's Hell,
So it's like it doesn't the length of time I'm
here doesn't really matter.
Speaker 2: No, I mean, I'm sure less things surprise you.
Speaker 3: I mean like that first week, I remember you waking
up with like spiders on your face and you're just like, ah,
is that normal?
Speaker 1: Does that happen?
Speaker 3: And you know, I feel like all of all that
stuff is kind of like business as usual at this point, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I kind of have like a checklist
of things. I'm like, Okay, it's time to go do this,
you know, my to do torture, and it's it's gotten
a little more routine, I guess.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we.
Speaker 3: Can we can mix up your routine. We can we
can add some stuff, we can change some things around.
You know, you want to sit down and can advise
you through your schedule, you know, like we can move
the nipple piercing to about noon.
Speaker 1: And then we can move let me see the porky
pine up the butt. You got an opening at three pm?
Do you want to do you want to switch it
to there? I mean I could tell what opening you're
referring to, but yeah, sure, why not?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, you have mini.
Speaker 3: Openings in which we could stick porky pines, pineapples, pine cones,
you know, all the pines, pine trees. I think we
can graduate you to pine trees now, like a full tree.
Speaker 1: Yeah? You ready for that?
Speaker 2: I think you are all right. Let's go to que
all right.
Speaker 1: This question is from Twitter from at Ben Matthews. He asked,
is it possible to kill or destroy a soul?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: That's a great question, Ben, Thank you for that. It
is actually very difficult. Let me tell you, souls are
very resilient. You know, I've been trying for Chris.
Speaker 1: How long have I had you? For? Nine months? Sure? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I mean I've had Chris for at least nine months,
and I've been trying every day to crush his soul
and it's just it just nothing works. You know, he
just he just springs right back. It's got like Wolverine
healing powers.
Speaker 1: My spirit is not as what it used to be,
but my soul unfortunately remains intact.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely definitely try to crush your spirit.
You know, like, let me see the daily insults, you know,
making your parents have microphones and have a live feed
that comes down to Hell. And then every time they
should talk to you or like yeah remember you in
a bad way, then just hear about that.
Speaker 1: I would be surprised that they would continue to talk
so much shit after this long, but they manage.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they keep coming with material.
Speaker 1: It's crazy.
Speaker 3: I remember the other day when they were throwing out
all of your baby toys and baby blankets and all
those like possessions you had as a baby, and they're
just like, you know, wow, we're gonna.
Speaker 2: Have so much space for our new uh, for our
new minijim.
Speaker 3: You know, we will be able to put the elliptical
where Chris's collection of toys were.
Speaker 1: I thought they were to keep it for like a
year or keep maybe one of them for a memento.
But no, no, they got to get room for that
bowflex man. We also have a question from our hot
mail account, Good Morning from Hell at hotmail dot com.
Carlos Lagunas asks the trumpets that signal the apocalypse, what
do they sound like?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Those are it's a very specific type of trumpet noise.
Speaker 1: In fact, I can go ahead, I've got it. I
got it pulled up here on a second apocalypse trumpets.
Yeah yeah, let.
Speaker 3: Me let me lay it down for you here, yo, Hey,
there it is. It's a it's it's a it's like
a party horn, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Some point the audio file got leaked up to Hell
and then just like musicians and rappers were using it
like crazy. So like I feel like when the apocalypse
does come, and it is coming very soon, I mean
it's it's already started. Uh, the horns are gonna not
be as effective at scaring people. People will be like,
oh no, like little John's about to lay down a
sick beat.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I mean that's maybe that's good. You know,
you lure them into a false sense of security, and
that's true.
Speaker 3: They're gonna come out to the streets to start dancing
and like turn down for what and then you know,
and then I evaborate them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well that sounds fun. And then we also
have we got a package that was mailed in. Yeah yeah,
let me.
Speaker 3: You go ahead take this box cutter. It's the one
that I normally stab you with, but I can. I'll
let you use it to open it.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, so that's your Christ not tell Clinton.
Button closes a box with some magic fairy dust. You
can use it to finally escape. Hell wait, wait, nothing
it is say nothing wait very host, No, no go
god duck.
Speaker 4: I'm flying.
Speaker 2: Fuck you Clayton, I'm out of here. Christ, there's a heabit.
There's a ceiling right there.
Speaker 1: You're not going anywhere, man, damn it. Now I have
to move your microphone.
Speaker 3: I gotta boom it up to you so that we
can still talk because you're not going anywhere. There's the ceiling.
You're trapped in here. You're just floating up there like
an idiot.
Speaker 1: Thanks a lot as moody as James. God damn it.
Speaker 3: Yeah now he's now it's just like a stupid pinata
that I can't reach.
Speaker 4: So uh.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, cool, I guess you're gonna conduct the
interview from up up there.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, Well that was fun cool? Yeah, okay, Well,
I mean that's all I had if I'm not gonna
escape to have it, and I don't have any other questions.
Who's our guest for this week? Uh?
Speaker 2: Well, Chris. I wanted to start out by saying I
have a cult, but yeah, cult forty five.
Speaker 1: Let me open it up. Okay, it's good stuff, all right.
Speaker 3: Also follow up, I do have a cult, like a
group of people that are following me. You know.
Speaker 2: It's a little pet project in mind that I started
about a month ago.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: Basically, I wrangled up all of the ex cult leaders
and they all end up out in hell because you know,
they're they're all nuts, you know, they're they're mean, bad people,
So we bring them down here, warm them up a bit.
But yeah, I started a cult with all the ex
cult leaders, so I got I got fifty of the best,
or I guess worst.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Cult leaders just waiting outside. They've been waiting out there
the whole day, you know, because I told him too,
because I'm a cult leader, and.
Speaker 1: That's why I didn't they just do it. Huh, yep,
pretty much.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gonna bring on. I guess two of the
my lieutenants. I guess i'll call him.
Speaker 2: We got Willie McKay and Becketanis Evil.
Speaker 5: Come on, guys, Yes, hello, it's actually Beccatonis. I've told
you this many times. Yeah, but you can call me
the name that is called for all those who practice
the magic of horoscopes and crystals ever since the ancients.
Speaker 1: Becky, Becky, Okay, Becky, all right, cool, and you can call.
Speaker 4: Me Willie McKay for short.
Speaker 2: Willie McKay. That's your full name, Willie.
Speaker 1: That's not really short.
Speaker 4: Actually my full name is Willy William McKay, but I
just prefer Willy McKay. That's good enough for me.
Speaker 1: Okay, Willy McKay.
Speaker 2: Cool.
Speaker 3: Well, I guess thanks for coming in. But I also
don't need to say thank you, because you're my my little.
Speaker 5: You know, thank you.
Speaker 1: There we go. That's the kind of attitude.
Speaker 2: Hey, you get a starburst, there you go, thank you.
Speaker 4: I didn't know there were starbursts on the table.
Speaker 3: That's that's just starbursts are only for the for good deeds.
And Becky, here's she's doing great things.
Speaker 1: So so y'all worship Clayton?
Speaker 5: Well, yes, I mean he's available, So.
Speaker 4: Yeah, worship is a very strong word. I would say
that given our current predicament, there is one candidate that
kind of exemplifies our interests.
Speaker 5: I mean, we'll be real with you. We started out
worshiping regular Satan, and we were pretty sure that when
we jumped off that cliff, everything was gonna go great
for us. But as you can see, we're here, so
we make the best of our situation.
Speaker 1: You jumped you were a cult leader. When was this.
Speaker 5: Oh what's it been not that long, like fourteen thousand years?
It's you know, time flies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And so you were worshiping Satan and then
well what were you expecting if you're worshiping Satan? Didn't
you get what you want?
Speaker 5: Well, you know, he promises all those earthly luxuries and
you know, blood orgies and just delights and sometimes sacrificing
the loudest child in the village in the stone circle
just doesn't cut it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, campaign promises, you know, I know, you gotta follow
through with them, otherwise you lose your constituents.
Speaker 5: And now who can you trust?
Speaker 3: You can trust me, you know, because you're talking about
those earthly delights. I did outfit your PT Cruiser with
leather seats. They're not They're not leather seats, their leather
seat covers. But still, I mean you should. You should
take what you get, you.
Speaker 5: Know, Yeah, definitely, And I mean I would have appreciated
it if perhaps with the leather seat covers, you would
maybe gone with fabric instead. Because it's hot down here,
and so every time I sit in the pet Cruiser,
my legs stick to the back of the seats. But
you know, it's better than just burning for all eternity.
At least I've got a car.
Speaker 4: Right, yes, yeah, yeah, But I'm gonna be honest, every
time I ride in that car, my balls just stick
to the leg of my pants. And my pants are
also made out of ball skin, so that is a
very unfortunate situation.
Speaker 1: Wait, well, I gotta say they look great on you.
Speaker 3: I will say, yeah, I got those custom fitted for you.
It took a lot of pairs of balls to get
those pants outfitted, but only the best for my cult followers.
Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you so much. The pubes are really
coming in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I just want to say that the balls
by your left pocket. Those do look that skin? Looks familiar?
Speaker 4: Does it now? Chris?
Speaker 1: Did you give him my ball skin? I sure did,
got it?
Speaker 4: Chris? Can you answer me a question? Does this? Does
this tickle?
Speaker 1: Stop?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Stop? You like that?
Speaker 4: Chris?
Speaker 2: No, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Please stop tickling my balls.
Speaker 3: These guys have been great, you know, in the last month.
It's been a bit of growing pains. You know, I'm
not used to having this many followers, you know that
are just like waiting on me hand and hoof.
Speaker 2: But it's it's been pretty cool.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: They're okay, a little weird, you know, free labor, you know, because.
Speaker 1: They're helping me run my campaign.
Speaker 3: And you know, if you want to run a successful
campaign for election, you know, go to the best and
the best cult leaders.
Speaker 2: These guys got it under lock.
Speaker 5: I mean, who else could convince an entire village that
if we threw our children into the sun, we would
be rewarded. We're the best at that.
Speaker 1: That's a hell of an arm.
Speaker 5: You should see my legs.
Speaker 1: Uh so, Willie McKay, Yes, So what's your story? What
cult did you lead?
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, first of all, maybe don't say it like
it's such a bad thing. I mean, I'm the one
standing on the fucking ground with my balls to my balls.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, maybe I like it up here.
Speaker 5: So even Tea bagging your balls on Charlie Manson's head.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just tea bagging by wearing these pants. Motherfucker.
What's up?
Speaker 1: Well, I am so quite literally so uh he got
you there, he got you there, Willie.
Speaker 4: Well, not all of us are crazed lunatics like Becky here.
Some of us are just simple folk with simple loves
for simple things like LSD, my beautiful muse, the thing
that keeps me going.
Speaker 1: LSD.
Speaker 4: Yeah, LSD, you ever tried. It's basically like, oh, well,
I see you got some of that pixie dust there. Yeah,
it's basically like that. It makes you see some weird
colors and in my case, some awful apocalyptic images that
depict the end of all humanity. And I basically figured
I wanted to stop that, and also I wanted to
keep doing this LSD, and the best way to do
that was to gather a bunch of people make them
do whatever I wanted.
Speaker 1: So when did this happen? I assume somethi'me in the seventies.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, right after summer of sixty nine. If you
know what I'm talking about. Everyone was nice and loose,
for lack of a better term, and they were ready
to believe that a man who did nothing but drink
gallons and gallons upon LSD had all the right.
Speaker 5: Answers and extra flexible too. That's how they were able
to sixty nine for an entire summer.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, everyone talks about the summer of love, but
they don't talk about the summer of self love, where
we all got so flexible we could suck our own penises.
Speaker 1: Oh what year was that? That sounds like the summer
I turned thirteen. You know, it's every summer if you're
put your mind to it. Uh so, remind me again, Willie,
how did you die?
Speaker 4: Though?
Speaker 1: I can't remember how you got down here?
Speaker 4: Well, all right, that's kind of an embarrassing store. So
it was one day I was high off my balls
on LSD, just like Chris here is high without his
balls and on pixie dust. And uh well, I did
think that my followers had gotten me a offering of fireworks,
and so I did try to put on my own
Fourth of July. What I did not realize at the
time was that those were the explosives that I had
ordered them to stockpile. And uh well here I am m.
Speaker 2: You should have seen the explosion though, Chris. He was beautiful.
Speaker 3: I mean he was just nothing but dynamite and LSD.
I mean it was it was crazy colorful.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Uh so, Willie McKay, what did you tell your followers, like,
were you I mean, because Becky was trying to convince
people to I don't know what, throw their babies into
the sun.
Speaker 5: I mean really a lot of the things that I
did were a dare. I mean I wasn't entirely sure
that you know, jizzing on knives and saying incantations would
do anything. But hell if it wasn't fun to watch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's got a great point. Yeah, and it makes
for a good sandwich.
Speaker 5: So just that little extra salt, just like salted caramel.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah, so Willy, but like, what was your
whole thing with your colt, Like, did you have a
selling point?
Speaker 4: You know? Well, I think you are completely misunderstanding the
selling point that LSD has any of itself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, but like I know people have done
LSD and not started colts they didn't do it right.
Speaker 4: Yes, well, you see here, Chris, that is what will
in the coal industry call a bunch of fucking nerds. Okay, okay,
there are two ways to do LSD. There's the nerd
way where you talk about your fucking feelings and you
feel better and therapy helps you overcome your flaws and
you continue as a better human being. And then there's
the right way to do it, where you take a
bunch of it and you suck each other's penises and
eat each other's asses at all, right, and you have
never lived until you've eaten an ass. Well, getting your
dicks up. Yeah, I'm the main proponent of the ass
eating Party. We are a political party based around one
sole thing, uh huh, eating ass well, mostly doing LSD,
but also we have a very good eating ass platform.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, you kind of kind of like cross
pollin eate to bring in more followers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, something I'm going to incorporate into my campaign, which
you know, going back you're talking about my campaign. These
guys have been you know, a plus at helping me
make campaign materials, you know, bumper stickers, recruitment videos. We
got Marshall Apple White out there from Heaven's Gate. He's
making some great stuff, I mean real, real, top tier
VHS videos.
Speaker 5: He's just a little creepy. He's always staring.
Speaker 1: He doesn't blink. He doesn't blink, does he, Becky.
Speaker 4: He doesn't makes a hell of an ASMR video. I'll
tell you what that's true.
Speaker 5: That is true.
Speaker 1: So y'all are kind of like Clayton's lieutenants in his cult.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't I fully believe in wars, but I
do see myself as kind of the second in command. Yes,
I prefer.
Speaker 5: Over Lady Blood Queen. I know that's not an official title,
but I just like the way it sounds.
Speaker 2: It does sound pretty righteous, you're.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, pretty metal.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm kind of fucking regretting my shito over here,
tacond a command. God, Damn, I feel like a hurt.
Speaker 5: You had a chance. See, this is the problem with you,
modern cult leaders. No individuality, no experimentation. Go on, wear
animal heads, dense in a circle, throw stones at the
people you don't like and declare them a demon.
Speaker 1: Get weird with.
Speaker 4: It, Becky, I gotta tell you something, And this is
the highest compliment I can muster, but you you eat ass.
Speaker 5: Damn straight, but only on full moons.
Speaker 1: She's very particular about it. Yeah, So what are the
other members of Clayton's cult, like, I mean are they?
Speaker 3: I mean we got tons of we got we got
manson crash el Ron.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest with you. There is a lot
of failed bands here. Yeah, just a lot of musicians
who don't know how to play three chords.
Speaker 1: So is that is that? Is that a people who
suck up music, uh tend to like Clayton or people
blue suck up music tend to start cults call.
Speaker 5: Him a call um b up. I think there's also
a hefty amount of people trying to get us to
read their fan fiction, some sort of book. I mean,
l Ron's the worst of it, but uh, it's really
pervasive throughout the entire group.
Speaker 1: A lot of artists.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't call it art. I mean, that's pretty kind.
I grew up around the playwrights of Greece and this
is nothing like that. This is a lot of uh,
please screw me because I'm Jesus for some reason, and
it all starts to sound the same.
Speaker 1: So I guess I'm curious how many of your followers
thought they were Jesus on earth?
Speaker 4: Oh, pretty much all of us. I'm gonna be honest
with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5: I predate Jesus, but you know, for each their own.
After that, I get it. He was fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah. There was only one time on our where I
thought I might not be Jesus. And that's when I
met a Mexican fella named Jesus. And then I found
out about a whole different set of names.
Speaker 1: Oh so you even when you were a kid, you
thought you were Jesus or is it really once you
started LSD.
Speaker 4: Jesus is inside all of us, but he's mostly inside
of me. Jesus is, you know, very very deep embedded
in my body.
Speaker 3: I would like to state that Jesus is not, in
fact inside of me. I take hydroxicoin every day. I
have cleaned out Jesus from my body.
Speaker 4: Oh well, but you feel that Jesus inside of you
as a as a small child. Yes, And I over
time found out that I could do extraordinary things that
normal people couldn't do, which obviously made me Jesus.
Speaker 1: Huh, like what what?
Speaker 4: Well? When I took LSD, I could see these weird
colors and strange things.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's everybody on LSD though.
Speaker 5: Man, Yeah, that's to be honest. If I drink too
much soda, I'll see weird things. You got to come
with something better than that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, Becky's you know, old enough from way back
when she probably only sees black and white whenever she
takes LST.
Speaker 5: So how dare you? I definitely see gray and red
for all the blood douche.
Speaker 1: So have you all had any like confrontations with your followers,
you know in the afterlife where they're like, hey, you
said you were you know Jesus, or you said we
could go do all these awesome things and now we're
all in hell.
Speaker 5: Well, to be fair, most of them went to heaven.
It seems like I'm the only one who got punished
for this. Like we're all dancing in the moonlight and
fucking each other, but I have to take the blame.
That doesn't seem right. But I am enjoying that PT cruiser.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you. It doesn't
seem fair that I should be the only one punished,
even though all of us were having sex with me
and giving me LSD.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean some people might not consider that like
a positive.
Speaker 5: I mean it's free LSD.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess there's Yeah.
Speaker 4: You ever try to buy LSD, Chris, No, no, I haven't.
It's very difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I give it out in the form
of starbursts.
Speaker 5: This explains a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sorry, I saw you taking it earlier, and
oh boy, should have warned you.
Speaker 1: So uh so, where do you guys like live? You'll
have like a I don't know, occult headquarters, like a compound. Sure, no, no,
they've all been checking up with me. How's even going, guys.
Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you what. It's definitely not a compound.
Speaker 5: If you don't start doing your share of the dishes,
then so help me you. I will lose it. I
keep picking up your socks and doing the laundry, and
I update the chor chart, but no one else is
doing anything. I mean, look back in my day, we
all took turns. Why down the stone circle and the
jiz bucket. I'm just asking for equitable division of the chores.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I'll take that into consideration. I mean,
I think I think that's completely fair and everyone should
be doing equal chores.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna I'm gonna hit you with a bat,
you pinionna, you just stop it flowing up there.
Speaker 5: I agree with the ball this one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you think you're so high and mighty because you're
up up in the air.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I gotta agree with old hot guy a little bit
because I've been meaning to bring this up. Do you
have anything other than these ridiculous pink Hail Clayton T shirts?
Speaker 2: I mean, those are your uniforms.
Speaker 3: You know, you got the ball sack pants and you
get the Pinkhale Clayton shirts.
Speaker 2: What's wrong with them?
Speaker 1: I mean they look good. I mean I would buy them.
Just gotta say that.
Speaker 5: I mean, the Bible says not to blend fabrics and
that's against the law, and I can respect that as
a choice, but could they be just a little more
form fitting?
Speaker 2: Listen, I'm sorry, all right?
Speaker 1: Their units.
Speaker 3: I wanted to mass produce these things and Chris screwed
up the order.
Speaker 2: So don't don't look at me, look a look up there,
look at him.
Speaker 4: Well, that's my main problem with unisex is see, because
I'm having sex with multiple people at any given time
of the day. I mean, don't get me wrong, It's
a beautiful T shirt that I would totally buy if
I had access to Rooster tas amazing merch.
Speaker 5: If I knew what websites are, I would definitely order one.
Speaker 1: Also, So, Clayton, you live in a studio apartment, right, Yeah,
So y'all are all just squeezing in there? Is it
kind of like a turned rotation system.
Speaker 5: There's an air mattress, but like air mattresses on Earth
as well, it's just constantly slightly deflated re hords.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 4: I've been meaning to ask. Is the air mattress just
filled with pure farts?
Speaker 1: It is?
Speaker 5: I'm gonna explain the snow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's quicker to blow up that way,
It's true. Well, I mean, I just want to say
that I don't I don't think air mattresses should only
be filled with fart. I'm just gonna put that on
the record.
Speaker 5: Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?
Speaker 4: Well, you know, honestly, I'm wearing your balls on my
leg right now, and I gotta say you got some
mighty big kahonas fellaw.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well thank you? Yeah, So what about like rent
and utilities and stuff. Do you all just like split
that even or how does that work out?
Speaker 4: I've been forced to get a part time job editing
true crime podcasts, and I gotta tell you it is
the most god awful thing I could ever imagine.
Speaker 5: And I sometimes work at Rby's specifically I like to
get people's orders wrong in the drive through on purpose,
but mainly that's how I've been supporting my pinterest habit
to pay for the internet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got the meats, so just it's like pretty
expensive bill, huh.
Speaker 3: I mean we're trying to keep it down, you know,
Like I'm trying to like monitor the amount of times
that they flush the toilet.
Speaker 5: We only flush when it's p.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The rule is if it's yellow, never let it mellow, and.
Speaker 5: If it's brown, keep it for the rituals later.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's I mean, wouldn't it be I don't know,
a little more comfortable if you reversed it where you
flushed the brown and keep the P.
Speaker 5: I mean then we could keep the pea for the rituals. Yes,
but that would I think improve the smell more than anything.
See LSD gives really wicked shits and I mean like diarrhea,
like you wouldn't believe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't want to go in the bathroom after
or before me. My shits are actually so bad they
break the space time continuum and start smelling an hour
before us.
Speaker 1: Shit yet Yeah yeah, well yeah, I mean that's just
something I would propose, is just flopping.
Speaker 3: Chris, can you start dropping these stupid jewels of wisdom? Okay,
all right, let me run my colt and you run
your cult. Okay, oh wait, you don't have a cult.
Speaker 1: That's right. Well, I'm just saying that, you know, there's
maybe some better ways you could manage things, okay, these
like okay Willie McKay Becky. I'm just you don't think
for yourselves. You don't always have to do exactly what
Clayton says, you know, like you don't have to follow
his advice all the time. You know, like, do what
makes sense to you.
Speaker 2: I give great advice, Thank you very much.
Speaker 5: We have been asking for a suggestion box, but he
made it out of a bear trap.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's pretty funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, you get to submit the suggestions because they're
covering blood.
Speaker 1: You know, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 5: Which, like I I love blood as much as the
next person. But it took three weeks for my hat
and to grow back.
Speaker 3: Well, how else was I supposed to accommodate the suggestion
that the suggestion boss should be a bear trap?
Speaker 4: All right, I'm gonna be honest with you. I have
very much regrets suggesting that.
Speaker 1: Well LSD, you know hashtag that makes sense. I'm just
saying there's always time for change. It's never too late.
Speaker 5: So are you saying there's a cliff here we could
jump off of, because I mean, last time it was
an improvement.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's the fact that I haven't done LSD in
thirty years, But you're making a lot of sense, mister.
Speaker 3: Well, guys, guys, No, no, the listener he doesn't know
what he's talking about.
Speaker 2: He's not some like super powerful being, you know, like
I'm your cult leader.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's flying in the air dropping literal gems
of knowledge on us, and.
Speaker 5: His balls have remained sentient despite being stitched into the pants.
Speaker 1: I think this is a sign, well, a sign to
what break up with Clayton if.
Speaker 5: That's what you want of us.
Speaker 4: Lord, Yes, Also, you should probably take better care of
your balls in the next life. Just saying these are
kind of shafed.
Speaker 5: That's true, that's true, moisturize.
Speaker 3: Well, if you guys think that Chris is so great
and fine, you know what, Chris, you.
Speaker 2: Can have him, You can have the cult.
Speaker 4: Yay, what do we do next? Master?
Speaker 1: Well, you don't.
Speaker 3: You don't need to be a cult, all right, Chris.
It sounds like you got things under control. I'm gonna
go ahead and leave, all right, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna go tell the guys outside. Hey, hey, guys, hey,
you got a new leader. Yeah, it's the one that's
floating you as he's myth the goal. Wow, he's reached
the extension. All right, go orship him whatever?
Speaker 1: All right? See it? Dipshit?
Speaker 5: Okay, do you have a favorite chint?
Speaker 4: Do you have any more of that? Pixie does? No?
Speaker 1: And no.
Speaker 5: How many sacrifices do you want?
Speaker 4: How many times do you want to eat this ass? Mister?
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start bad question.
Speaker 5: What we need is a good name.
Speaker 4: A good name based around our fearless, amazing leader, Chris.
May I suggest we become Christians.
Speaker 5: That sounds familiar, but sure, let's go with it.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it might be taken. I don't know
if I.
Speaker 4: Don't know, man, A lot of things are taken. So
what's our first order of business as Christians?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 1: What should we do? What about get me off the ceiling?
Speaker 4: You're right, our fearless leader is telling us that if
we can accomplish something under his leadership, he will prove
to us that he is the right one to lead
us into the Promised Land.
Speaker 5: And if we stuck pile our bodies on top of
each other, maybe we can reach enlightenment. AKA Chris, oh, Becky.
Speaker 4: I love the way you think.
Speaker 5: I love the way you eat ass.
Speaker 4: Let's do it, all right, Hi, everybody, come on, body
pile in the breakroom. We're getting this flying man down here. Chris,
we can almost reach you. Grab my pants made out
of balls, the strongest part of your own balls.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I we reach. Okay for people listen at home.
If you want to join this sick new cult, just
be sure to subscribe and tell your friends about this podcast,
and you'll reach enlightenment.
Speaker 2: All right, Hel Chris, Hel.
Speaker 5: Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris.
Speaker 3: Hey, guys, thanks for listening to another episode of Good
Morning from Hell. We want to thank Armando and Paige
for joining us. They are our friends. From the Cult
podcast show. Guys, thanks for being on.
Speaker 5: Thanks for having us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, this was a ton of fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, tell us a little bit about your show, like
what you guys do, who you guys are.
Speaker 5: Well, we revove food, No, I'm kidding. We cover different
cults each week. We try to heavily research but then
also have fun kind of telling each other the story
about how all the cults you've ever heard of have happened.
Speaker 1: Tell us about the one you mentioned earlier. You have
a cult that was about Final Fantasy. I mean you'll
cover every single every single cult. It seems like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have covered a lot of interesting groups, some
of which based in you know, kind of modern media
or modern ways of getting people together. And one of
our episodes is about a group called the Final Fantasy
seven House, which is about a lady who gets so
obsessed with the game that she convinces real people that
their souls have soul bonded with characters from the game
and they are their real life avatars in the video
game called Life. It's an insane story, and we did
a whole episode about, you know, both what soul bonding is,
the history of this group and also some of the
implications that it might have in how you go about
joining fandoms and stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild. What have you all been covering more recently?
Speaker 5: We actually just wrapped up a pretty long series on
Waco in the Branch Davidians, and then we're currently in
the middle of a series on the Oklahoma City bombing
and how that actually relates to Waco and the Branch Davidians.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's weird me and Blaine because we
live in Texas, we drive through Waco all the time,
and that that all happened like a couple hours away
from us is wild. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I was also telling you guys before we started
recording that, like I was like in the Oklahoma they're
the building in Oklahoma City that got bombs like a
few days prior with my mom when I.
Speaker 1: Was like a little kid.
Speaker 2: So it's crazy stuff.
Speaker 3: It's got the same appeal as like, uh, you know,
true crime, you know, but it's like, you know, definitely
a different angle on it. And talking about colts like
it's really fascinating, eerie stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all do a really good job of talking about
a very kind of serious and kind of scary topic
at times. But still being very very funny while doing
it and respectful, which is I can only do like
two of those things.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's fun when you into people who, like,
you know, believe that they can read the mysteries of
the universe in somebody's foot.
Speaker 3: All right, So, guys, where where can our listeners find you?
On social media?
Speaker 4: You can find us on Instagram at Cult Podcasts.
Speaker 5: On Twitter at Cult podcast Show.
Speaker 4: You can also find all of our episodes and a
bunch more information by going to Cultpodcastshow dot com.
Speaker 5: And we're available on all streaming platforms.
Speaker 3: Okay, right on, what about Twitter? You guys have your
individual Twitter profiles. If people want to give you, guys
a follow, we do.
Speaker 4: You can find me on both Instagram and Twitter at
Mondo does stuff that's m A N. D O does
stuff all one word.
Speaker 5: And you can find me on Twitter at page Wesley
and on Instagram at Rampage Wesley.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, so everyone should definitely go subscribe and check
out their show, especially because me and Blaine are going
to be on it and we're going to be talking
about Satanic cult.
Speaker 5: Those are the fun ones.
Speaker 3: We're going to bring zero knowledge, but we're gonna make
some stupid jokes that hopefully your audience will like.
Speaker 4: Satanic cults are super fun because it's generally not always,
but it's generally a bunch of willing adults just trying
to come on a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, it's always nice when people are consenting
and having fun.
Speaker 4: It's weird to say that the Satanists are the least
violent on average, but typically.
Speaker 5: In our experience that's been the case.
Speaker 1: Ah well, you know, it sounds like a fun time.
Speaker 3: I think I know what I'm going to do to
do this evening. So yeah, all right, thanks Page, thank Sarmando.
I appreciate you guys being on.
Speaker 5: Yeah, thanks for having us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks again.