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Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell. I'm Chris, and I died fairly recently,

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and my eternal punishment is to do this podcast where

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I interview everyone in Hell with my co host, who's

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running for president of Hell against his older brother, Satan Clayton.

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That's me.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I noticed that you switched up your normal intro.

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Speaker 3: You said I died fairly recently, so you're basically a

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full blown tenet of Hell.

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Speaker 2: Now how does it feel not being a newbie anymore?

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Speaker 1: I mean it's about the saying it's all pretty. It's Hell,

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So it's like it doesn't the length of time I'm

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here doesn't really matter.

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Speaker 2: No, I mean, I'm sure less things surprise you.

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Speaker 3: I mean like that first week, I remember you waking

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up with like spiders on your face and you're just like, ah,

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is that normal?

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Speaker 1: Does that happen?

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Speaker 3: And you know, I feel like all of all that

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stuff is kind of like business as usual at this point, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I kind of have like a checklist

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of things. I'm like, Okay, it's time to go do this,

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you know, my to do torture, and it's it's gotten

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a little more routine, I guess.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we.

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Speaker 3: Can we can mix up your routine. We can we

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can add some stuff, we can change some things around.

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You know, you want to sit down and can advise

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you through your schedule, you know, like we can move

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the nipple piercing to about noon.

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Speaker 1: And then we can move let me see the porky

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pine up the butt. You got an opening at three pm?

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Do you want to do you want to switch it

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to there? I mean I could tell what opening you're

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referring to, but yeah, sure, why not?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, you have mini.

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Speaker 3: Openings in which we could stick porky pines, pineapples, pine cones,

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you know, all the pines, pine trees. I think we

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can graduate you to pine trees now, like a full tree.

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Speaker 1: Yeah? You ready for that?

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Speaker 2: I think you are all right. Let's go to que

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all right.

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Speaker 1: This question is from Twitter from at Ben Matthews. He asked,

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is it possible to kill or destroy a soul?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: That's a great question, Ben, Thank you for that. It

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is actually very difficult. Let me tell you, souls are

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very resilient. You know, I've been trying for Chris.

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Speaker 1: How long have I had you? For? Nine months? Sure? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I mean I've had Chris for at least nine months,

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and I've been trying every day to crush his soul

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and it's just it just nothing works. You know, he

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just he just springs right back. It's got like Wolverine

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healing powers.

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Speaker 1: My spirit is not as what it used to be,

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but my soul unfortunately remains intact.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely definitely try to crush your spirit.

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You know, like, let me see the daily insults, you know,

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making your parents have microphones and have a live feed

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that comes down to Hell. And then every time they

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should talk to you or like yeah remember you in

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a bad way, then just hear about that.

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Speaker 1: I would be surprised that they would continue to talk

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so much shit after this long, but they manage.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they keep coming with material.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy.

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Speaker 3: I remember the other day when they were throwing out

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all of your baby toys and baby blankets and all

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those like possessions you had as a baby, and they're

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just like, you know, wow, we're gonna.

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Speaker 2: Have so much space for our new uh, for our

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new minijim.

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Speaker 3: You know, we will be able to put the elliptical

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where Chris's collection of toys were.

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Speaker 1: I thought they were to keep it for like a

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year or keep maybe one of them for a memento.

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But no, no, they got to get room for that

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bowflex man. We also have a question from our hot

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mail account, Good Morning from Hell at hotmail dot com.

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Carlos Lagunas asks the trumpets that signal the apocalypse, what

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do they sound like?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Those are it's a very specific type of trumpet noise.

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Speaker 1: In fact, I can go ahead, I've got it. I

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got it pulled up here on a second apocalypse trumpets.

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Yeah yeah, let.

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Speaker 3: Me let me lay it down for you here, yo, Hey,

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there it is. It's a it's it's a it's like

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a party horn, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Some point the audio file got leaked up to Hell

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and then just like musicians and rappers were using it

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like crazy. So like I feel like when the apocalypse

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does come, and it is coming very soon, I mean

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it's it's already started. Uh, the horns are gonna not

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be as effective at scaring people. People will be like,

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oh no, like little John's about to lay down a

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sick beat.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean I mean that's maybe that's good. You know,

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you lure them into a false sense of security, and

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that's true.

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Speaker 3: They're gonna come out to the streets to start dancing

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and like turn down for what and then you know,

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and then I evaborate them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well that sounds fun. And then we also

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have we got a package that was mailed in. Yeah yeah,

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let me.

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Speaker 3: You go ahead take this box cutter. It's the one

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that I normally stab you with, but I can. I'll

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let you use it to open it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah all right, so that's your Christ not tell Clinton.

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Button closes a box with some magic fairy dust. You

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can use it to finally escape. Hell wait, wait, nothing

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it is say nothing wait very host, No, no go

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god duck.

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Speaker 4: I'm flying.

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Speaker 2: Fuck you Clayton, I'm out of here. Christ, there's a heabit.

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There's a ceiling right there.

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Speaker 1: You're not going anywhere, man, damn it. Now I have

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to move your microphone.

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Speaker 3: I gotta boom it up to you so that we

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can still talk because you're not going anywhere. There's the ceiling.

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You're trapped in here. You're just floating up there like

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an idiot.

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Speaker 1: Thanks a lot as moody as James. God damn it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah now he's now it's just like a stupid pinata

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that I can't reach.

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Speaker 4: So uh.

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Speaker 3: All right, Well, cool, I guess you're gonna conduct the

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interview from up up there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah all right, Well that was fun cool? Yeah, okay, Well,

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I mean that's all I had if I'm not gonna

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escape to have it, and I don't have any other questions.

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Who's our guest for this week? Uh?

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Speaker 2: Well, Chris. I wanted to start out by saying I

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have a cult, but yeah, cult forty five.

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Speaker 1: Let me open it up. Okay, it's good stuff, all right.

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Speaker 3: Also follow up, I do have a cult, like a

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group of people that are following me. You know.

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Speaker 2: It's a little pet project in mind that I started

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about a month ago.

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Speaker 4: Uh.

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Speaker 3: Basically, I wrangled up all of the ex cult leaders

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and they all end up out in hell because you know,

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they're they're all nuts, you know, they're they're mean, bad people,

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So we bring them down here, warm them up a bit.

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But yeah, I started a cult with all the ex

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cult leaders, so I got I got fifty of the best,

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or I guess worst.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Cult leaders just waiting outside. They've been waiting out there

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the whole day, you know, because I told him too,

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because I'm a cult leader, and.

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Speaker 1: That's why I didn't they just do it. Huh, yep,

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pretty much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gonna bring on. I guess two of the

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my lieutenants. I guess i'll call him.

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Speaker 2: We got Willie McKay and Becketanis Evil.

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Speaker 5: Come on, guys, Yes, hello, it's actually Beccatonis. I've told

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you this many times. Yeah, but you can call me

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the name that is called for all those who practice

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the magic of horoscopes and crystals ever since the ancients.

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Speaker 1: Becky, Becky, Okay, Becky, all right, cool, and you can call.

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Speaker 4: Me Willie McKay for short.

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Speaker 2: Willie McKay. That's your full name, Willie.

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Speaker 1: That's not really short.

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Speaker 4: Actually my full name is Willy William McKay, but I

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just prefer Willy McKay. That's good enough for me.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Willy McKay.

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Speaker 2: Cool.

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Speaker 3: Well, I guess thanks for coming in. But I also

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don't need to say thank you, because you're my my little.

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Speaker 5: You know, thank you.

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Speaker 1: There we go. That's the kind of attitude.

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Speaker 2: Hey, you get a starburst, there you go, thank you.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know there were starbursts on the table.

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Speaker 3: That's that's just starbursts are only for the for good deeds.

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And Becky, here's she's doing great things.

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Speaker 1: So so y'all worship Clayton?

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Speaker 5: Well, yes, I mean he's available, So.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, worship is a very strong word. I would say

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that given our current predicament, there is one candidate that

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kind of exemplifies our interests.

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Speaker 5: I mean, we'll be real with you. We started out

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worshiping regular Satan, and we were pretty sure that when

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we jumped off that cliff, everything was gonna go great

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for us. But as you can see, we're here, so

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we make the best of our situation.

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Speaker 1: You jumped you were a cult leader. When was this.

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Speaker 5: Oh what's it been not that long, like fourteen thousand years?

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It's you know, time flies.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And so you were worshiping Satan and then

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well what were you expecting if you're worshiping Satan? Didn't

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you get what you want?

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Speaker 5: Well, you know, he promises all those earthly luxuries and

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you know, blood orgies and just delights and sometimes sacrificing

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the loudest child in the village in the stone circle

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just doesn't cut it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, campaign promises, you know, I know, you gotta follow

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through with them, otherwise you lose your constituents.

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Speaker 5: And now who can you trust?

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Speaker 3: You can trust me, you know, because you're talking about

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those earthly delights. I did outfit your PT Cruiser with

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leather seats. They're not They're not leather seats, their leather

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seat covers. But still, I mean you should. You should

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take what you get, you.

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Speaker 5: Know, Yeah, definitely, And I mean I would have appreciated

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it if perhaps with the leather seat covers, you would

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maybe gone with fabric instead. Because it's hot down here,

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and so every time I sit in the pet Cruiser,

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my legs stick to the back of the seats. But

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you know, it's better than just burning for all eternity.

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At least I've got a car.

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Speaker 4: Right, yes, yeah, yeah, But I'm gonna be honest, every

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time I ride in that car, my balls just stick

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to the leg of my pants. And my pants are

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also made out of ball skin, so that is a

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very unfortunate situation.

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Speaker 1: Wait, well, I gotta say they look great on you.

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Speaker 3: I will say, yeah, I got those custom fitted for you.

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It took a lot of pairs of balls to get

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those pants outfitted, but only the best for my cult followers.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you so much. The pubes are really

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coming in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I just want to say that the balls

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by your left pocket. Those do look that skin? Looks familiar?

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Speaker 4: Does it now? Chris?

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Speaker 1: Did you give him my ball skin? I sure did,

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got it?

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Speaker 4: Chris? Can you answer me a question? Does this? Does

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this tickle?

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Speaker 1: Stop?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Stop? You like that?

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Speaker 4: Chris?

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Speaker 2: No, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Please stop tickling my balls.

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Speaker 3: These guys have been great, you know, in the last month.

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It's been a bit of growing pains. You know, I'm

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not used to having this many followers, you know that

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are just like waiting on me hand and hoof.

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Speaker 2: But it's it's been pretty cool.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 2: They're okay, a little weird, you know, free labor, you know, because.

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Speaker 1: They're helping me run my campaign.

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Speaker 3: And you know, if you want to run a successful

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campaign for election, you know, go to the best and

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the best cult leaders.

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Speaker 2: These guys got it under lock.

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Speaker 5: I mean, who else could convince an entire village that

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if we threw our children into the sun, we would

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be rewarded. We're the best at that.

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Speaker 1: That's a hell of an arm.

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Speaker 5: You should see my legs.

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Speaker 1: Uh so, Willie McKay, Yes, So what's your story? What

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cult did you lead?

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Speaker 4: Okay, Well, first of all, maybe don't say it like

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it's such a bad thing. I mean, I'm the one

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standing on the fucking ground with my balls to my balls.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, maybe I like it up here.

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Speaker 5: So even Tea bagging your balls on Charlie Manson's head.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just tea bagging by wearing these pants. Motherfucker.

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What's up?

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Speaker 1: Well, I am so quite literally so uh he got

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you there, he got you there, Willie.

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Speaker 4: Well, not all of us are crazed lunatics like Becky here.

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Some of us are just simple folk with simple loves

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for simple things like LSD, my beautiful muse, the thing

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that keeps me going.

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Speaker 1: LSD.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, LSD, you ever tried. It's basically like, oh, well,

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I see you got some of that pixie dust there. Yeah,

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it's basically like that. It makes you see some weird

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colors and in my case, some awful apocalyptic images that

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depict the end of all humanity. And I basically figured

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I wanted to stop that, and also I wanted to

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keep doing this LSD, and the best way to do

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that was to gather a bunch of people make them

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do whatever I wanted.

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Speaker 1: So when did this happen? I assume somethi'me in the seventies.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, right after summer of sixty nine. If you

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know what I'm talking about. Everyone was nice and loose,

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for lack of a better term, and they were ready

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to believe that a man who did nothing but drink

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gallons and gallons upon LSD had all the right.

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Speaker 5: Answers and extra flexible too. That's how they were able

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to sixty nine for an entire summer.

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Speaker 4: Oh yes, everyone talks about the summer of love, but

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they don't talk about the summer of self love, where

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we all got so flexible we could suck our own penises.

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Speaker 1: Oh what year was that? That sounds like the summer

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I turned thirteen. You know, it's every summer if you're

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put your mind to it. Uh so, remind me again, Willie,

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how did you die?

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Speaker 4: Though?

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Speaker 1: I can't remember how you got down here?

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Speaker 4: Well, all right, that's kind of an embarrassing store. So

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it was one day I was high off my balls

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on LSD, just like Chris here is high without his

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balls and on pixie dust. And uh well, I did

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think that my followers had gotten me a offering of fireworks,

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and so I did try to put on my own

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Fourth of July. What I did not realize at the

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time was that those were the explosives that I had

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ordered them to stockpile. And uh well here I am m.

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Speaker 2: You should have seen the explosion though, Chris. He was beautiful.

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Speaker 3: I mean he was just nothing but dynamite and LSD.

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I mean it was it was crazy colorful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Uh so, Willie McKay, what did you tell your followers, like,

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were you I mean, because Becky was trying to convince

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people to I don't know what, throw their babies into

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the sun.

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Speaker 5: I mean really a lot of the things that I

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did were a dare. I mean I wasn't entirely sure

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that you know, jizzing on knives and saying incantations would

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do anything. But hell if it wasn't fun to watch.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's got a great point. Yeah, and it makes

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for a good sandwich.

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Speaker 5: So just that little extra salt, just like salted caramel.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah, so Willy, but like, what was your

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whole thing with your colt, Like, did you have a

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selling point?

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Speaker 4: You know? Well, I think you are completely misunderstanding the

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selling point that LSD has any of itself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, but like I know people have done

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LSD and not started colts they didn't do it right.

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Speaker 4: Yes, well, you see here, Chris, that is what will

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in the coal industry call a bunch of fucking nerds. Okay, okay,

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there are two ways to do LSD. There's the nerd

329
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way where you talk about your fucking feelings and you

330
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feel better and therapy helps you overcome your flaws and

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you continue as a better human being. And then there's

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the right way to do it, where you take a

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bunch of it and you suck each other's penises and

334
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eat each other's asses at all, right, and you have

335
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never lived until you've eaten an ass. Well, getting your

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dicks up. Yeah, I'm the main proponent of the ass

337
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eating Party. We are a political party based around one

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sole thing, uh huh, eating ass well, mostly doing LSD,

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but also we have a very good eating ass platform.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, you kind of kind of like cross

341
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pollin eate to bring in more followers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, something I'm going to incorporate into my campaign, which

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you know, going back you're talking about my campaign. These

344
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guys have been you know, a plus at helping me

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make campaign materials, you know, bumper stickers, recruitment videos. We

346
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got Marshall Apple White out there from Heaven's Gate. He's

347
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making some great stuff, I mean real, real, top tier

348
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VHS videos.

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Speaker 5: He's just a little creepy. He's always staring.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't blink. He doesn't blink, does he, Becky.

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Speaker 4: He doesn't makes a hell of an ASMR video. I'll

352
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tell you what that's true.

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Speaker 5: That is true.

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Speaker 1: So y'all are kind of like Clayton's lieutenants in his cult.

355
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Speaker 4: Well, I don't I fully believe in wars, but I

356
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do see myself as kind of the second in command. Yes,

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I prefer.

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Speaker 5: Over Lady Blood Queen. I know that's not an official title,

359
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but I just like the way it sounds.

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Speaker 2: It does sound pretty righteous, you're.

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Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, pretty metal.

362
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm kind of fucking regretting my shito over here,

363
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tacond a command. God, Damn, I feel like a hurt.

364
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Speaker 5: You had a chance. See, this is the problem with you,

365
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:14,359
modern cult leaders. No individuality, no experimentation. Go on, wear

366
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animal heads, dense in a circle, throw stones at the

367
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people you don't like and declare them a demon.

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Speaker 1: Get weird with.

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Speaker 4: It, Becky, I gotta tell you something, And this is

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the highest compliment I can muster, but you you eat ass.

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Speaker 5: Damn straight, but only on full moons.

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Speaker 1: She's very particular about it. Yeah, So what are the

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other members of Clayton's cult, like, I mean are they?

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Speaker 3: I mean we got tons of we got we got

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manson crash el Ron.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest with you. There is a lot

377
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of failed bands here. Yeah, just a lot of musicians

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who don't know how to play three chords.

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Speaker 1: So is that is that? Is that a people who

380
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suck up music, uh tend to like Clayton or people

381
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blue suck up music tend to start cults call.

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Speaker 5: Him a call um b up. I think there's also

383
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a hefty amount of people trying to get us to

384
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read their fan fiction, some sort of book. I mean,

385
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l Ron's the worst of it, but uh, it's really

386
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pervasive throughout the entire group.

387
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Speaker 1: A lot of artists.

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Speaker 5: I wouldn't call it art. I mean, that's pretty kind.

389
00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:30,119
I grew up around the playwrights of Greece and this

390
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,480
is nothing like that. This is a lot of uh,

391
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please screw me because I'm Jesus for some reason, and

392
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it all starts to sound the same.

393
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Speaker 1: So I guess I'm curious how many of your followers

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thought they were Jesus on earth?

395
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Speaker 4: Oh, pretty much all of us. I'm gonna be honest

396
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with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean.

398
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Speaker 5: I predate Jesus, but you know, for each their own.

399
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After that, I get it. He was fun.

400
00:18:58,279 --> 00:19:00,400
Speaker 4: Yeah. There was only one time on our where I

401
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,519
thought I might not be Jesus. And that's when I

402
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:05,079
met a Mexican fella named Jesus. And then I found

403
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,079
out about a whole different set of names.

404
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:11,039
Speaker 1: Oh so you even when you were a kid, you

405
00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:13,200
thought you were Jesus or is it really once you

406
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started LSD.

407
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Speaker 4: Jesus is inside all of us, but he's mostly inside

408
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of me. Jesus is, you know, very very deep embedded

409
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in my body.

410
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Speaker 3: I would like to state that Jesus is not, in

411
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fact inside of me. I take hydroxicoin every day. I

412
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have cleaned out Jesus from my body.

413
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Speaker 4: Oh well, but you feel that Jesus inside of you

414
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:41,079
as a as a small child. Yes, And I over

415
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time found out that I could do extraordinary things that

416
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normal people couldn't do, which obviously made me Jesus.

417
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Speaker 1: Huh, like what what?

418
00:19:50,599 --> 00:19:53,119
Speaker 4: Well? When I took LSD, I could see these weird

419
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colors and strange things.

420
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Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's everybody on LSD though.

421
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Speaker 5: Man, Yeah, that's to be honest. If I drink too

422
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,720
much soda, I'll see weird things. You got to come

423
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with something better than that.

424
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Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, Becky's you know, old enough from way back

425
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when she probably only sees black and white whenever she

426
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takes LST.

427
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Speaker 5: So how dare you? I definitely see gray and red

428
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for all the blood douche.

429
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Speaker 1: So have you all had any like confrontations with your followers,

430
00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:22,720
you know in the afterlife where they're like, hey, you

431
00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:25,359
said you were you know Jesus, or you said we

432
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,480
could go do all these awesome things and now we're

433
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:27,960
all in hell.

434
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,200
Speaker 5: Well, to be fair, most of them went to heaven.

435
00:20:31,279 --> 00:20:33,599
It seems like I'm the only one who got punished

436
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:37,240
for this. Like we're all dancing in the moonlight and

437
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,960
fucking each other, but I have to take the blame.

438
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,640
That doesn't seem right. But I am enjoying that PT cruiser.

439
00:20:44,319 --> 00:20:46,839
Speaker 4: So yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you. It doesn't

440
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,359
seem fair that I should be the only one punished,

441
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,599
even though all of us were having sex with me

442
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and giving me LSD.

443
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Speaker 1: Well, I mean some people might not consider that like

444
00:20:56,759 --> 00:20:57,440
a positive.

445
00:20:58,079 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 5: I mean it's free LSD.

446
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,039
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess there's Yeah.

447
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 4: You ever try to buy LSD, Chris, No, no, I haven't.

448
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,319
It's very difficult.

449
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I give it out in the form

450
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:13,160
of starbursts.

451
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Speaker 5: This explains a lot.

452
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:19,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sorry, I saw you taking it earlier, and

453
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,319
oh boy, should have warned you.

454
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Speaker 1: So uh so, where do you guys like live? You'll

455
00:21:25,599 --> 00:21:30,720
have like a I don't know, occult headquarters, like a compound. Sure, no, no,

456
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,039
they've all been checking up with me. How's even going, guys.

457
00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:36,559
Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you what. It's definitely not a compound.

458
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,319
Speaker 5: If you don't start doing your share of the dishes,

459
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:46,359
then so help me you. I will lose it. I

460
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:50,000
keep picking up your socks and doing the laundry, and

461
00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:53,720
I update the chor chart, but no one else is

462
00:21:53,759 --> 00:21:57,720
doing anything. I mean, look back in my day, we

463
00:21:57,799 --> 00:22:01,960
all took turns. Why down the stone circle and the

464
00:22:02,079 --> 00:22:07,279
jiz bucket. I'm just asking for equitable division of the chores.

465
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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I'll take that into consideration. I mean,

466
00:22:10,319 --> 00:22:13,079
I think I think that's completely fair and everyone should

467
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,559
be doing equal chores.

468
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna I'm gonna hit you with a bat,

469
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,400
you pinionna, you just stop it flowing up there.

470
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Speaker 5: I agree with the ball this one.

471
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you think you're so high and mighty because you're

472
00:22:25,759 --> 00:22:26,640
up up in the air.

473
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:27,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

474
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:30,079
Speaker 4: I gotta agree with old hot guy a little bit

475
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,000
because I've been meaning to bring this up. Do you

476
00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:37,799
have anything other than these ridiculous pink Hail Clayton T shirts?

477
00:22:38,039 --> 00:22:39,319
Speaker 2: I mean, those are your uniforms.

478
00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 3: You know, you got the ball sack pants and you

479
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,440
get the Pinkhale Clayton shirts.

480
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:43,519
Speaker 2: What's wrong with them?

481
00:22:43,839 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 1: I mean they look good. I mean I would buy them.

482
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:46,759
Just gotta say that.

483
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 5: I mean, the Bible says not to blend fabrics and

484
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,920
that's against the law, and I can respect that as

485
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,960
a choice, but could they be just a little more

486
00:22:57,079 --> 00:22:57,880
form fitting?

487
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 2: Listen, I'm sorry, all right?

488
00:22:59,480 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 1: Their units.

489
00:23:00,319 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 3: I wanted to mass produce these things and Chris screwed

490
00:23:04,039 --> 00:23:04,599
up the order.

491
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,559
Speaker 2: So don't don't look at me, look a look up there,

492
00:23:06,599 --> 00:23:07,119
look at him.

493
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 4: Well, that's my main problem with unisex is see, because

494
00:23:10,039 --> 00:23:12,960
I'm having sex with multiple people at any given time

495
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,240
of the day. I mean, don't get me wrong, It's

496
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,279
a beautiful T shirt that I would totally buy if

497
00:23:17,319 --> 00:23:20,240
I had access to Rooster tas amazing merch.

498
00:23:21,599 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 5: If I knew what websites are, I would definitely order one.

499
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:32,039
Speaker 1: Also, So, Clayton, you live in a studio apartment, right, Yeah,

500
00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:35,039
So y'all are all just squeezing in there? Is it

501
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,079
kind of like a turned rotation system.

502
00:23:38,599 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 5: There's an air mattress, but like air mattresses on Earth

503
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:47,240
as well, it's just constantly slightly deflated re hords.

504
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that.

505
00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: I've been meaning to ask. Is the air mattress just

506
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:52,920
filled with pure farts?

507
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:53,799
Speaker 1: It is?

508
00:23:54,319 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 5: I'm gonna explain the snow.

509
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's quicker to blow up that way,

510
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,480
It's true. Well, I mean, I just want to say

511
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,880
that I don't I don't think air mattresses should only

512
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,039
be filled with fart. I'm just gonna put that on

513
00:24:08,039 --> 00:24:08,480
the record.

514
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 5: Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?

515
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,559
Speaker 4: Well, you know, honestly, I'm wearing your balls on my

516
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,599
leg right now, and I gotta say you got some

517
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,839
mighty big kahonas fellaw.

518
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:28,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well thank you? Yeah, So what about like rent

519
00:24:28,839 --> 00:24:31,240
and utilities and stuff. Do you all just like split

520
00:24:31,279 --> 00:24:32,759
that even or how does that work out?

521
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 4: I've been forced to get a part time job editing

522
00:24:36,279 --> 00:24:38,759
true crime podcasts, and I gotta tell you it is

523
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,839
the most god awful thing I could ever imagine.

524
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 5: And I sometimes work at Rby's specifically I like to

525
00:24:47,759 --> 00:24:50,839
get people's orders wrong in the drive through on purpose,

526
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:55,079
but mainly that's how I've been supporting my pinterest habit

527
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:56,599
to pay for the internet.

528
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:01,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got the meats, so just it's like pretty

529
00:25:01,519 --> 00:25:02,839
expensive bill, huh.

530
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 3: I mean we're trying to keep it down, you know,

531
00:25:04,839 --> 00:25:08,160
Like I'm trying to like monitor the amount of times

532
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,279
that they flush the toilet.

533
00:25:09,559 --> 00:25:11,319
Speaker 5: We only flush when it's p.

534
00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:12,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

535
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:16,519
Speaker 4: The rule is if it's yellow, never let it mellow, and.

536
00:25:16,519 --> 00:25:19,759
Speaker 5: If it's brown, keep it for the rituals later.

537
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:24,640
Speaker 1: Yeah that's I mean, wouldn't it be I don't know,

538
00:25:24,839 --> 00:25:27,640
a little more comfortable if you reversed it where you

539
00:25:27,799 --> 00:25:30,799
flushed the brown and keep the P.

540
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,279
Speaker 5: I mean then we could keep the pea for the rituals. Yes,

541
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:39,359
but that would I think improve the smell more than anything.

542
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:45,319
See LSD gives really wicked shits and I mean like diarrhea,

543
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,720
like you wouldn't believe.

544
00:25:47,039 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't want to go in the bathroom after

545
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,920
or before me. My shits are actually so bad they

546
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,799
break the space time continuum and start smelling an hour

547
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:55,400
before us.

548
00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: Shit yet Yeah yeah, well yeah, I mean that's just

549
00:26:00,279 --> 00:26:02,880
something I would propose, is just flopping.

550
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 3: Chris, can you start dropping these stupid jewels of wisdom? Okay,

551
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,599
all right, let me run my colt and you run

552
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,319
your cult. Okay, oh wait, you don't have a cult.

553
00:26:10,279 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 1: That's right. Well, I'm just saying that, you know, there's

554
00:26:13,519 --> 00:26:16,319
maybe some better ways you could manage things, okay, these

555
00:26:16,599 --> 00:26:20,720
like okay Willie McKay Becky. I'm just you don't think

556
00:26:20,759 --> 00:26:23,160
for yourselves. You don't always have to do exactly what

557
00:26:23,319 --> 00:26:25,480
Clayton says, you know, like you don't have to follow

558
00:26:25,519 --> 00:26:27,119
his advice all the time. You know, like, do what

559
00:26:27,279 --> 00:26:28,279
makes sense to you.

560
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,559
Speaker 2: I give great advice, Thank you very much.

561
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 5: We have been asking for a suggestion box, but he

562
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,759
made it out of a bear trap.

563
00:26:36,279 --> 00:26:37,880
Speaker 2: Yeah that's pretty funny.

564
00:26:38,599 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, you get to submit the suggestions because they're

565
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,319
covering blood.

566
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 1: You know, what are you gonna do?

567
00:26:43,839 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 5: Which, like I I love blood as much as the

568
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,400
next person. But it took three weeks for my hat

569
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,240
and to grow back.

570
00:26:50,759 --> 00:26:53,039
Speaker 3: Well, how else was I supposed to accommodate the suggestion

571
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,039
that the suggestion boss should be a bear trap?

572
00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:57,440
Speaker 4: All right, I'm gonna be honest with you. I have

573
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,359
very much regrets suggesting that.

574
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,519
Speaker 1: Well LSD, you know hashtag that makes sense. I'm just

575
00:27:04,559 --> 00:27:07,880
saying there's always time for change. It's never too late.

576
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,079
Speaker 5: So are you saying there's a cliff here we could

577
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,079
jump off of, because I mean, last time it was

578
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,000
an improvement.

579
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 4: Maybe it's the fact that I haven't done LSD in

580
00:27:18,759 --> 00:27:21,519
thirty years, But you're making a lot of sense, mister.

581
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,119
Speaker 3: Well, guys, guys, No, no, the listener he doesn't know

582
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:25,960
what he's talking about.

583
00:27:26,599 --> 00:27:29,079
Speaker 2: He's not some like super powerful being, you know, like

584
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:30,359
I'm your cult leader.

585
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,799
Speaker 4: I mean, it's flying in the air dropping literal gems

586
00:27:34,799 --> 00:27:36,359
of knowledge on us, and.

587
00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 5: His balls have remained sentient despite being stitched into the pants.

588
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,799
Speaker 1: I think this is a sign, well, a sign to

589
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,880
what break up with Clayton if.

590
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,039
Speaker 5: That's what you want of us.

591
00:27:48,079 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 4: Lord, Yes, Also, you should probably take better care of

592
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,720
your balls in the next life. Just saying these are

593
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:54,599
kind of shafed.

594
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,079
Speaker 5: That's true, that's true, moisturize.

595
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,839
Speaker 3: Well, if you guys think that Chris is so great

596
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,400
and fine, you know what, Chris, you.

597
00:28:01,319 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: Can have him, You can have the cult.

598
00:28:03,039 --> 00:28:05,559
Speaker 4: Yay, what do we do next? Master?

599
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: Well, you don't.

600
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 3: You don't need to be a cult, all right, Chris.

601
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,759
It sounds like you got things under control. I'm gonna

602
00:28:10,759 --> 00:28:13,160
go ahead and leave, all right, and I'm.

603
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,039
Speaker 2: Gonna go tell the guys outside. Hey, hey, guys, hey,

604
00:28:16,039 --> 00:28:18,079
you got a new leader. Yeah, it's the one that's

605
00:28:18,079 --> 00:28:20,519
floating you as he's myth the goal. Wow, he's reached

606
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,319
the extension. All right, go orship him whatever?

607
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:24,759
Speaker 1: All right? See it? Dipshit?

608
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 5: Okay, do you have a favorite chint?

609
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 4: Do you have any more of that? Pixie does? No?

610
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 1: And no.

611
00:28:35,319 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 5: How many sacrifices do you want?

612
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 4: How many times do you want to eat this ass? Mister?

613
00:28:40,799 --> 00:28:42,119
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start bad question.

614
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 5: What we need is a good name.

615
00:28:45,039 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 4: A good name based around our fearless, amazing leader, Chris.

616
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,799
May I suggest we become Christians.

617
00:28:55,119 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 5: That sounds familiar, but sure, let's go with it.

618
00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:00,599
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it might be taken. I don't know

619
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,440
if I.

620
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 4: Don't know, man, A lot of things are taken. So

621
00:29:04,519 --> 00:29:07,359
what's our first order of business as Christians?

622
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:08,119
Speaker 5: Yes?

623
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: What should we do? What about get me off the ceiling?

624
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 4: You're right, our fearless leader is telling us that if

625
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,160
we can accomplish something under his leadership, he will prove

626
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,000
to us that he is the right one to lead

627
00:29:21,079 --> 00:29:22,440
us into the Promised Land.

628
00:29:22,799 --> 00:29:26,359
Speaker 5: And if we stuck pile our bodies on top of

629
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:33,960
each other, maybe we can reach enlightenment. AKA Chris, oh, Becky.

630
00:29:34,079 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 4: I love the way you think.

631
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,119
Speaker 5: I love the way you eat ass.

632
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:44,519
Speaker 4: Let's do it, all right, Hi, everybody, come on, body

633
00:29:44,559 --> 00:29:51,920
pile in the breakroom. We're getting this flying man down here. Chris,

634
00:29:52,319 --> 00:29:55,119
we can almost reach you. Grab my pants made out

635
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,759
of balls, the strongest part of your own balls.

636
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I we reach. Okay for people listen at home.

637
00:30:03,279 --> 00:30:06,279
If you want to join this sick new cult, just

638
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,759
be sure to subscribe and tell your friends about this podcast,

639
00:30:09,839 --> 00:30:11,240
and you'll reach enlightenment.

640
00:30:11,359 --> 00:30:15,079
Speaker 2: All right, Hel Chris, Hel.

641
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 5: Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris.

642
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 3: Hey, guys, thanks for listening to another episode of Good

643
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,160
Morning from Hell. We want to thank Armando and Paige

644
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,799
for joining us. They are our friends. From the Cult

645
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,279
podcast show. Guys, thanks for being on.

646
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:34,119
Speaker 5: Thanks for having us.

647
00:30:34,559 --> 00:30:36,519
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, this was a ton of fun.

648
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, tell us a little bit about your show, like

649
00:30:38,759 --> 00:30:40,400
what you guys do, who you guys are.

650
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 5: Well, we revove food, No, I'm kidding. We cover different

651
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,640
cults each week. We try to heavily research but then

652
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,000
also have fun kind of telling each other the story

653
00:30:53,039 --> 00:30:56,240
about how all the cults you've ever heard of have happened.

654
00:30:56,599 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: Tell us about the one you mentioned earlier. You have

655
00:30:59,519 --> 00:31:02,119
a cult that was about Final Fantasy. I mean you'll

656
00:31:02,119 --> 00:31:04,960
cover every single every single cult. It seems like.

657
00:31:06,119 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have covered a lot of interesting groups, some

658
00:31:10,519 --> 00:31:13,720
of which based in you know, kind of modern media

659
00:31:13,839 --> 00:31:17,000
or modern ways of getting people together. And one of

660
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,920
our episodes is about a group called the Final Fantasy

661
00:31:20,039 --> 00:31:24,880
seven House, which is about a lady who gets so

662
00:31:25,079 --> 00:31:29,359
obsessed with the game that she convinces real people that

663
00:31:29,519 --> 00:31:33,200
their souls have soul bonded with characters from the game

664
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:36,440
and they are their real life avatars in the video

665
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:40,559
game called Life. It's an insane story, and we did

666
00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:44,960
a whole episode about, you know, both what soul bonding is,

667
00:31:45,359 --> 00:31:48,359
the history of this group and also some of the

668
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,400
implications that it might have in how you go about

669
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:52,880
joining fandoms and stuff.

670
00:31:53,359 --> 00:31:57,039
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's wild. What have you all been covering more recently?

671
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 5: We actually just wrapped up a pretty long series on

672
00:32:01,079 --> 00:32:04,599
Waco in the Branch Davidians, and then we're currently in

673
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,440
the middle of a series on the Oklahoma City bombing

674
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:11,759
and how that actually relates to Waco and the Branch Davidians.

675
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's weird me and Blaine because we

676
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,039
live in Texas, we drive through Waco all the time,

677
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,279
and that that all happened like a couple hours away

678
00:32:20,319 --> 00:32:21,920
from us is wild. Yeah.

679
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: And I was also telling you guys before we started

680
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,960
recording that, like I was like in the Oklahoma they're

681
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,680
the building in Oklahoma City that got bombs like a

682
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,359
few days prior with my mom when I.

683
00:32:31,359 --> 00:32:32,279
Speaker 1: Was like a little kid.

684
00:32:32,359 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 2: So it's crazy stuff.

685
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 3: It's got the same appeal as like, uh, you know,

686
00:32:36,039 --> 00:32:38,799
true crime, you know, but it's like, you know, definitely

687
00:32:38,839 --> 00:32:40,799
a different angle on it. And talking about colts like

688
00:32:40,839 --> 00:32:42,880
it's really fascinating, eerie stuff.

689
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all do a really good job of talking about

690
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:49,079
a very kind of serious and kind of scary topic

691
00:32:49,119 --> 00:32:51,680
at times. But still being very very funny while doing

692
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,880
it and respectful, which is I can only do like

693
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,559
two of those things.

694
00:32:58,319 --> 00:33:01,039
Speaker 5: I mean, it's fun when you into people who, like,

695
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,440
you know, believe that they can read the mysteries of

696
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:04,880
the universe in somebody's foot.

697
00:33:06,519 --> 00:33:08,799
Speaker 3: All right, So, guys, where where can our listeners find you?

698
00:33:08,839 --> 00:33:09,799
On social media?

699
00:33:10,599 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 4: You can find us on Instagram at Cult Podcasts.

700
00:33:13,799 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 5: On Twitter at Cult podcast Show.

701
00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:18,279
Speaker 4: You can also find all of our episodes and a

702
00:33:18,279 --> 00:33:22,880
bunch more information by going to Cultpodcastshow dot com.

703
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 5: And we're available on all streaming platforms.

704
00:33:25,599 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 3: Okay, right on, what about Twitter? You guys have your

705
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,240
individual Twitter profiles. If people want to give you, guys

706
00:33:30,279 --> 00:33:31,279
a follow, we do.

707
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,759
Speaker 4: You can find me on both Instagram and Twitter at

708
00:33:34,839 --> 00:33:38,559
Mondo does stuff that's m A N. D O does

709
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,440
stuff all one word.

710
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:42,839
Speaker 5: And you can find me on Twitter at page Wesley

711
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,640
and on Instagram at Rampage Wesley.

712
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,319
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, so everyone should definitely go subscribe and check

713
00:33:49,359 --> 00:33:53,240
out their show, especially because me and Blaine are going

714
00:33:53,319 --> 00:33:54,640
to be on it and we're going to be talking

715
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,200
about Satanic cult.

716
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 5: Those are the fun ones.

717
00:33:57,759 --> 00:34:00,799
Speaker 3: We're going to bring zero knowledge, but we're gonna make

718
00:34:00,839 --> 00:34:03,079
some stupid jokes that hopefully your audience will like.

719
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,799
Speaker 4: Satanic cults are super fun because it's generally not always,

720
00:34:07,839 --> 00:34:10,719
but it's generally a bunch of willing adults just trying

721
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,480
to come on a bunch of stuff.

722
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, it's always nice when people are consenting

723
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:17,199
and having fun.

724
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 4: It's weird to say that the Satanists are the least

725
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,280
violent on average, but typically.

726
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 5: In our experience that's been the case.

727
00:34:26,119 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: Ah well, you know, it sounds like a fun time.

728
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 3: I think I know what I'm going to do to

729
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,519
do this evening. So yeah, all right, thanks Page, thank Sarmando.

730
00:34:34,519 --> 00:34:35,679
I appreciate you guys being on.

731
00:34:36,079 --> 00:34:37,199
Speaker 5: Yeah, thanks for having us.

732
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks again.