1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, haa, it is not 2 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,880 abuse no more with your house doctor and eventually this 3 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,679 Ko Rich holp you to admit what you feel is 4 00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:21,000 obviously heels from the effect of nisissistic abuse because. 5 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 2: Your feelings do matter. How y'all doing out there on 6 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:59,439 this Wednesday, February the fourth of twenty twenty six. I 7 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,439 pray you are having a blessed and wonderful days. It's 8 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:08,439 just beginning. This is your host, doctor and evangelist Ko Rich, 9 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,200 helping you to admit what you feel in order to 10 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:17,079 heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse because your feelings 11 00:01:17,239 --> 00:01:20,640 do matter, Yes they do. But before we go on 12 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,599 with today's podcast, I want to invite you to visit 13 00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:28,040 us on our website at www dot narc Abuse Nomore 14 00:01:28,159 --> 00:01:32,439 dot net. That's www dot narck abuse No More dot net. 15 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,799 And just to remind you, we are on every Monday, 16 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:40,879 Wednesday and Friday at ten am Eastern Standard time, nine 17 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,680 a m. Central and that is on various platforms such 18 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:50,799 as Spreaker, I Heart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and others. 19 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,439 All right, so what are we talking about today? We're 20 00:01:53,439 --> 00:01:55,560 about to get all into it. We're talking about the 21 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,519 snow white syndrome. The snow white syndrome. Now it's all 22 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,200 us known as snow white complex. And you might ask, okay, 23 00:02:04,239 --> 00:02:06,799 what is this about. Well, let me give you a 24 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,840 little background for a snow white uh, snow White. I'm 25 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,840 gonna read this little synopsis that I have found. Snow 26 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,280 White is a classic fairy tale about a beautiful princess 27 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:21,759 snow White, whose vain, evil stepmother who's also a witch, 28 00:02:22,159 --> 00:02:25,879 grows jealous of her beauty, leading the queen to try 29 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:29,319 and have her killed. Causes snow White to flee and 30 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:34,240 find refuge with the Seven Dwarfs before a poison apple 31 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:38,199 puts her into a death like sleep, from which she's 32 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:44,719 eventually awakened by a prince. So that that's the summary, 33 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,960 and I want to just play this little clip for you. 34 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,599 But before I do that, let me let me just 35 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:56,800 give you the overview of this snow white syndrome. And 36 00:02:56,879 --> 00:03:00,560 it's basically when it's when you're dealing with narcissist it 37 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:07,240 describes a toxic parent child relationship. Okay, oftentimes it's a 38 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,360 narcissistic mother and a daughter. Okay, but this can you 39 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:17,840 can also relate this to any type of narcissistic relationship, 40 00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:22,280 but oftentimes it's portrayed with the mother and daughter where 41 00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:25,039 the mother is like the queen. So she's this wicked 42 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:29,800 queen and this big old castle, and she feels threatened 43 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,120 by her daughter's youth, beauty, and success, which leads to jealousy, 44 00:03:35,719 --> 00:03:39,439 It leads to emotional and verbal abuse, it leads to 45 00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:44,120 sabotage the mother. She tries to destroy the daughter's self 46 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:50,479 esteem in order to maintain her own very fragile, almost 47 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:55,840 nonexistent self esteem or ego, and this forces the daughter, okay, 48 00:03:55,919 --> 00:04:00,840 cause the daughter to become passive, become a codependent, become 49 00:04:00,919 --> 00:04:08,360 a people pleaser, always seeking perfection, always trying to to 50 00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:12,919 walk in the shoes that her mother has provided for her, 51 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:18,040 but never actually being able to fit them. The goal 52 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:23,079 of the wicked step mother, and this example for snow White, 53 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,040 is to do what she can to sabotage that daughter 54 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:33,199 at any way possible because of her own insecurities. And 55 00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:37,959 so this causes a lot of low self esteem, a 56 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:43,759 lot of devaluing, a lot of things that the daughter. 57 00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:47,160 She tries her best to please the mother, but she's 58 00:04:47,319 --> 00:04:52,959 she's never able to please this mother. This toxic mother. 59 00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:56,439 So in other words, this is why this is called 60 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:01,279 the snow white syndrome when you're dealing with this type 61 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,160 of individual. I want to play a little clip from 62 00:05:04,199 --> 00:05:08,120 snow White. Uh, and you might remember this from from 63 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,879 as a child of her with this mirror mirror on 64 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:16,560 the wall, who's the fairest of the mall? So let's 65 00:05:16,639 --> 00:05:18,680 just take a moment to listen to this clip. 66 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 3: Sleep the magic mirror come from the part of space. 67 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 4: Someone let me. 68 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 5: See me. 69 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 4: Like magic mirror on the wall? 70 00:06:03,399 --> 00:06:05,759 Speaker 2: Who is the fairest level? 71 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 6: Name is debut, majesty but whole, lovely man. I see 72 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:23,839 rags cannot hide that gentle grace alas she's more man 73 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,279 than the lasher. 74 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 5: Reveal it's red. Is the roads air black as etherly 75 00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:37,120 skin white the. 76 00:06:37,319 --> 00:06:40,639 Speaker 7: Snow snow whiting. 77 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: Okay, so that is a clip from snow White. So this, 78 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:54,240 this wicked witch would always wind up going to the 79 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,720 mirror mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the first of 80 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,680 them all? And the mirror mirror will reply the yeah 81 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,920 at the fears of them all until comes snow White. 82 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:11,160 And that's the sad thing is that the snow white 83 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:16,879 syndrome when it comes to this narcissistic queen mother. She 84 00:07:17,519 --> 00:07:22,680 is one that is threatening, and she's threatened by someone 85 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,519 who is really posing no threat to her at all. 86 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,959 This is a mother who's up in age, a witch 87 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,399 that's up in age. And then you have the younger one, 88 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,759 and she's threatened by the youth of this youth and 89 00:07:36,839 --> 00:07:40,959 beauty of this young girl who has done nothing to 90 00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:45,800 her at all. So she makes it her mission to 91 00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:50,160 try to kill this young girl. And this is what 92 00:07:50,319 --> 00:07:53,720 happens in the dynamics of the snow white syndrome, when 93 00:07:54,879 --> 00:07:58,519 rather it's the narcissistic queen mother or whoever it is, 94 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:06,839 tries to basically kill off the daughter. The try to 95 00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:11,959 diminish the daughter because she feels threatened because of the 96 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,360 daughter and ain't know. The sad thing is is that 97 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:20,279 when you're talking about a parent dynamic, there should not 98 00:08:20,439 --> 00:08:24,879 be any type of competition at all. But the mother 99 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:30,360 that has this type of mindset always feels threatened by 100 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,480 anything that the daughter does or accomplishes in life. She 101 00:08:35,639 --> 00:08:40,000 will even accuse the daughter of being jealous of her 102 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:45,080 when it's actually the other way around. And so this 103 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:54,600 narcissistic mother, this narcissistic queen embodies this obsessed person. She's 104 00:08:54,759 --> 00:09:04,039 extremely prideful, she doesn't have empathy, she doesn't have a 105 00:09:04,159 --> 00:09:08,559 sense of self worth about her own self. So therefore 106 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:14,120 she's having this constant need of at excuse me, of admiration. 107 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:19,639 She envies her child and wants to surpass her child, 108 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,960 when an actuality she may not be able to. And 109 00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:29,240 so therefore, because she feels maybe threatened because she didn't 110 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,279 accomplish certain things in life, and because there were certain 111 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,720 things that she wanted to do in life, and because 112 00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:40,399 her daughter may have achieved those things and excelled in 113 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:45,840 those things, then she becomes jealous and she becomes threatened. 114 00:09:46,159 --> 00:09:49,000 And so this is where you have this narcissistic queen 115 00:09:49,159 --> 00:09:55,759 mother mindset of the snow white syndrome. Now snow white. 116 00:09:56,279 --> 00:10:03,480 In this particular fairy tale which she's the daughter, she 117 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:09,759 is made to feel that because she was successful, because 118 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:16,120 she achieved things, because she strived and thrived beyond the 119 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:21,480 challenges that she had in light that it's a betrayal. 120 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,720 She's made to feel like her success is a betrayal 121 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:34,200 to the narcissistic queen mother. She's forced to act as 122 00:10:34,279 --> 00:10:40,120 if only the things that makes her mother look good. 123 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,919 Is is effective for us being able to have that 124 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,639 love from her mother, she may be forced to act 125 00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:52,600 as a mirror to her mother, reflecting only positive images. 126 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,200 And so therefore, if she's not able to do that, 127 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:01,799 then she's banished. Rather, it's literally or or emotionally if 128 00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:08,519 she threatens her mother's control, her mother's dominance. So therefore 129 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:13,440 this instead of the mother, the queen mother, being proud 130 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,840 of her successful daughter and it thinks that she's achieved 131 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:22,480 and the challenges that she's overcome, that those things become 132 00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:27,639 a direct threat to the queen mother, And so therefore 133 00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:32,399 the mother, the queen mother, tries to eliminate, or sabotage 134 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:37,879 or diminish that daughter. Now the narcissistic mother, she may 135 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,200 sabotage her daughter's achievements to prevent her daughter from becoming 136 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,440 even more successful than she is, and she does it 137 00:11:46,519 --> 00:11:51,600 in a covert manner. She may give backhanded compliments, She 138 00:11:51,759 --> 00:11:56,080 may give threats even if she does if the daughter 139 00:11:56,159 --> 00:11:59,639 doesn't meet up to what the mother wants, she may 140 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:05,039 give veiled insults her job, or her role or her mindset. 141 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:08,679 At this point is I need to break you down? 142 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,480 So that I can feel lifted up myself. And that's 143 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:17,799 what that's what narcissistic mothers do. When you're dealing with 144 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:22,080 this snow white syndrome, you're dealing with someone who does 145 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:26,000 not have any confidence in their own selves and their 146 00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:31,039 own abilities. They're threatened by the daughter. Now, they don't 147 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:35,240 show this to the others around them unless you're in 148 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:40,639 that direct household. But she and let me just say this, 149 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:47,200 another thing is when you're dealing with someone that has 150 00:12:47,279 --> 00:12:52,120 this type of snow white syndrome, they will use their 151 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:58,159 daughter's achievements only if it benefits them. So when people 152 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:02,039 around say, oh, I see your child has achieved this, 153 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:08,840 or they've achieved that, oh, the narcissistic snow white queen mother, 154 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:14,600 she will use that to embellish her own ego, okay, 155 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:19,360 to inflate her own ego. So only when it proves 156 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:25,360 her beneficial is when she will take the compliments of 157 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:30,440 others in regards to her daughter. But behind closed doors, 158 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:35,600 she's actually envious of that. She will undermine what the 159 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,799 daughter has achieved. And even if some people would notice, 160 00:13:40,759 --> 00:13:43,000 they will not this, oh I see that your daughter 161 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:47,000 achieved this. But then the mother she tried to in 162 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,240 a covert way, even undermind it where it might go 163 00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:57,039 over someone's head, but she undermines what the daughter has achieved. 164 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:03,159 Another thing, when you're dealing with this snow white queen mother, 165 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:09,000 is the daughter, under the weight of the abuse may 166 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:16,919 adopt this passive victim persona. So this daughter she wants 167 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:22,240 to be rescued from this abuse that she's dealt with 168 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,960 from this queen mother, so she struggles to try to 169 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,159 have her own identity. She tries to She feels as 170 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,600 if she has to manage her queen mother's emotions when 171 00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:39,960 that has never been her job. The queen mother would 172 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:44,000 try to make the daughter feel like she's responsible for 173 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:50,279 her happiness and she sacrifices everything for her, and when 174 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,440 in actuality, it was never the daughter's fall or the 175 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,039 daughter's choice as to what the mother decided to do 176 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:03,120 with her own life. The mother made certain decisions herself 177 00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:06,039 and she could have done whatever she wanted to do 178 00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:09,120 in life. But the queen mother would try to make 179 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:14,039 it make the daughter feel as if her achievements is 180 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:18,639 only met I have only been accomplished based upon the 181 00:15:18,679 --> 00:15:23,440 sacrifices of the mother. So, in other words, the queen 182 00:15:23,559 --> 00:15:27,080 mother in this snow white syndrome tries to make the 183 00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:31,519 daughter feel as if it was not the daughter's hard 184 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:35,360 work that achieved anything, it was only because of the 185 00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:40,639 sacrifice of the mother. And this is way past the 186 00:15:40,759 --> 00:15:46,039 growing upstage, where this daughter is into her adulthood, has 187 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:50,159 lived her life. She may have gone and got that promotion, 188 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,840 she may have gone and got that education, whatever it 189 00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:57,799 is she's achieved. This is things that she's achieved on 190 00:15:57,879 --> 00:16:01,639 her own, apart from her mother, in order to establish 191 00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:06,320 her own unique identity. But the mother will still try 192 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,720 to pull the daughter down in order to make her 193 00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:15,679 feel as if she's nothing without the mother, or she's 194 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:20,559 nothing without the approval of the mother. And so therefore 195 00:16:20,639 --> 00:16:23,320 that daughter has to work extra hard to try to 196 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:29,240 separate herself from this envious, jealous mother in order for 197 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:34,600 her own identity to not be at risk. All right, 198 00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:38,120 we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back 199 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:40,159 in just a moment. 200 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:04,599 Speaker 4: To bring me peace. Before I even speak. 201 00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:08,759 Speaker 3: A word, it's in the way you touch my hands 202 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,119 like you already normal heard. 203 00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:19,559 Speaker 4: It's through the art and every mornings into something heaven. 204 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:25,039 Speaker 5: See, baby, that's the reason why I. 205 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:30,559 Speaker 4: Love you and little things in davy day. 206 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:35,400 Speaker 3: I see God's ways in all the ways you make 207 00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:36,200 a loss. 208 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:43,319 Speaker 5: I love your hand, the more things, the quiet ways 209 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:48,759 your heart is kind of the gentle strength you always bring. 210 00:17:49,759 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 4: The way you quiet start. 211 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:58,079 Speaker 5: Say that I don't need a crown, timing rangs, just 212 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:06,920 the sweetest lisens, brave, babby, old baby. 213 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 4: I love you in the live thing. It's in the letter, 214 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,400 in your voice. 215 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:20,079 Speaker 3: When life is trying to break me down, it's in 216 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:27,799 the presents person. Whenever trouble comes around you shan't like 217 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:33,680 mercy in my day. You're the softest touch of spree. 218 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 4: And that's the reason why I'm out her love. You 219 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:45,559 move in a little thing with therby stir, with theverby breath. 220 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,799 Speaker 5: God uses you to show me rest. I love you 221 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:51,240 and the. 222 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 4: The quiet ways your heart. 223 00:18:55,400 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 3: Is kind, the gentle strength you always bring, the way 224 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,119 the christ storms. 225 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 4: In my man. 226 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 8: I don't need a crown or tamer range. Just the 227 00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:18,039 sweetness is your presence, brains, bade, baby or bad. 228 00:19:19,279 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 4: I love you the little thing. 229 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 8: Of the bread and the love in by the song. 230 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:34,839 Speaker 4: Moments you give away love vaully. 231 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:41,440 Speaker 5: It shows me how mentally and where the world is 232 00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:47,920 had it. You cannot steal a bas a lo lot, 233 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,079 the meals that person in. 234 00:19:51,119 --> 00:20:01,640 Speaker 4: The middle of the Montay love love thing, the quiet 235 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,119 ways you lift man. 236 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 9: So the gent truth that makes me wold, I don't 237 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:18,720 need a kingdom all king tansu D. 238 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 7: For d you let lives you're still say. 239 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,839 Speaker 2: And that is called love you in the little things? 240 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,799 All right, all right, okay, so we're continuing on. We're 241 00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:10,640 talking about the snow white syndrome. Snow white syndrome, and 242 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,480 I pray that you know, if you are dealing with 243 00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:17,400 this with a parent, that you will be able to 244 00:21:17,799 --> 00:21:21,400 understand now what you have been dealing with because a 245 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:26,920 lot of times, especially with daughters and mother daughter relationships 246 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:31,640 are very a lot of times complicated, and so the 247 00:21:31,759 --> 00:21:34,480 daughter is left to feel as if you know, something 248 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:39,799 is wrong with her, when it's actually the insecurities of 249 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:45,359 the narcissistic queen mother. And so when when you're dealing 250 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:50,960 with this type of snow white syndrome, you're often dealing 251 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,400 with parental envy. Parental envy, and that's again when the 252 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,960 mother is unable to celebrate her child's success. Okay, she 253 00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:06,200 perceives it as a threat to herself and so therefore 254 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:11,680 resulting in is felt narcissistic dynamic. Did she her own 255 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:16,240 self esteem? Is she feels threat in herself. And the 256 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,240 sad thing is is that the mother should be the 257 00:22:20,279 --> 00:22:25,519 most supportive in your life, but sometimes the mother can 258 00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:29,559 be the most negative person in your life. And it's 259 00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:34,000 so sad when it happens. I've had people write to me, 260 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,720 I've seen things on social media where people are describing 261 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:44,039 how they feel with their narcissistic parents, you know, especially mothers, 262 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:49,319 and it can be very draining, It could be very 263 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:54,559 hurtful when the one that should celebrate you the most 264 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,200 is the one that is the one that puts you 265 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,519 down the most. There's even times when mothers will put 266 00:23:02,599 --> 00:23:05,559 up someone else. You will have two people in the 267 00:23:05,599 --> 00:23:08,920 same field, and the mother, just because she's threatened by 268 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,279 the daughter, she will uplift the other person over her 269 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,319 own child. And it's because of her own insecurities, her 270 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:21,880 own jealousy. Another thing when you're an underlying theme of 271 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:27,400 this is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, and so it could 272 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,559 be where the mother, the queen mother in this situation 273 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:40,039 with Whoe's love creates a dark environment. The user's guilt. 274 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,519 And one thing that is important for those who may 275 00:23:44,559 --> 00:23:48,519 be daughters of mothers like this is you're not responsible 276 00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:53,599 for your mother's happiness. She is responsible for her own happiness. 277 00:23:54,799 --> 00:23:58,839 She is if she has issues, self esteem issues, is 278 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,400 for her to with those issues, for her to go 279 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,599 get counseling, for her to get the help that she 280 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:10,319 needs to resolve her issues. Her issues should never become 281 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,880 your issues, and even though she tries to mesh them together, 282 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,839 you have to be able to get the help that 283 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:23,599 you need to separate from that in order to not 284 00:24:23,799 --> 00:24:29,920 allow her identity crisis to become yours. And oftentimes it's 285 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:35,000 gonna take some self help with regards to getting counseling 286 00:24:35,519 --> 00:24:41,119 or support groups or things of that nature in order 287 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,960 to help you not allow the Queen Mother and her 288 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:53,000 snow white syndrome to have a negative effect on you. 289 00:24:53,079 --> 00:24:56,680 And if it already has, then you can still get 290 00:24:56,799 --> 00:25:01,079 help that you need by getting counseling. There's nothing wrong 291 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:07,119 with that. Another theme in this is codependency, where the 292 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,759 child becomes addicted to trying to gain the mother's approval. 293 00:25:13,039 --> 00:25:16,680 Let me just say this, It comes to a point 294 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,759 in your life where if you want to grow emotionally 295 00:25:22,079 --> 00:25:26,000 that you will have to cut the biblical cord, okay, 296 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:32,400 and know that you will never get their approval from 297 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:37,000 your mother. And this is you have to also be 298 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:42,319 careful that you don't allow it to be a give 299 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,559 take situation where you're the recipient of she gives the approval, 300 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,359 takes it back, gives the approval, takes it back, because 301 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,599 you will always be on this merry go round on 302 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,720 and off again. Where she gives approval, I'm proud of you, 303 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:03,079 takes it back, not your nothing gives approval, takes it back. 304 00:26:03,759 --> 00:26:08,680 You don't need the approval of your mother. When you 305 00:26:09,079 --> 00:26:14,079 understand that, and you can actually tell yourself that you 306 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:19,319 do not need her approval. You're your own woman. The 307 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:24,440 only approval you need is God's. Okay, God's approval. You 308 00:26:24,519 --> 00:26:27,920 don't need the approval of your mother. As far as 309 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,759 who you are to be as a woman, as a daughter, 310 00:26:33,079 --> 00:26:37,680 as a child of God, you need God's approval as 311 00:26:37,759 --> 00:26:40,440 long as you align things up in the will of God. 312 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,319 It has nothing to do with your mother. When you 313 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:48,319 are an adult, you're in your own house, you're making 314 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,400 your own money, you're doing your own thing, you're achieving 315 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,039 your own dreams and goals. You do not need the 316 00:26:55,119 --> 00:27:00,200 approval of your mother or no one else because you 317 00:27:00,319 --> 00:27:02,519 keep trying to get it. You're gonna keep trying. You're 318 00:27:02,559 --> 00:27:07,160 gonna keep repeating that cycle, and you will never be 319 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,240 regardless of how much you achieve, how many dreams you 320 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:16,640 how many things you accomplish, when you're dealing with a 321 00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:22,960 narcissistic snow White syndrome queen mother, you will never truly 322 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:28,359 get her approval. Everything you do will be a threat 323 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:35,960 to her, and that's in her own mindset. One thing 324 00:27:36,039 --> 00:27:40,720 that happens when when you're dealing with this snow white 325 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:45,559 syndrome allegory, uh, is you do you might deal with 326 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,640 covert narcissism with the mother. 327 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:48,599 Speaker 4: Uh. 328 00:27:49,039 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 2: She's passive, aggressive, So she might in public appear to 329 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:59,720 be this loving person, supportive person. Oh, I'm proud of 330 00:27:59,799 --> 00:28:06,799 my child and everything, and behind closed doors there's anything, 331 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,559 but so in public she's supportive, I'm proud and all that, 332 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,880 and she may even tell you that, but then be 333 00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:18,079 very very careful because if you're truly dealing with this 334 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:23,480 a narcissistic mother with the snow White syndrome, what she 335 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,079 gives she also take away and This is why I 336 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,799 just mentioned about you have to have your own sense 337 00:28:30,799 --> 00:28:35,079 of identity, and don't try to have the approval of 338 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:39,200 the mother, the queen mother, because the queen mother is 339 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,359 never gonna give you true approval. And the thing is, 340 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,799 you don't need it. She is always gonna use that 341 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,720 as leverage because she thinks that you want it, because 342 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:55,039 she thinks that you desire her approval, So don't try 343 00:28:55,039 --> 00:28:59,559 to get it. Be comfortable in what you do and 344 00:28:59,599 --> 00:29:03,680 what you you've achieved, and what God has helped you to do. 345 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:09,039 You know, it's something that you're born into a family. 346 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,799 But the thing is is that sometimes your family can 347 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:20,240 be your worst enemy. And when that happens, you need 348 00:29:20,279 --> 00:29:24,359 to know that you can rely totally on God, not 349 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:30,079 your family, not the Queen Mother, but God, because he's 350 00:29:30,119 --> 00:29:33,960 the one that's with you always. We're gonna take another queen, 351 00:29:34,519 --> 00:29:37,559 another quick break, and we'll be back in just a moment. 352 00:30:03,759 --> 00:30:06,359 Speaker 5: I'm known to pray alone. 353 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 4: Indeed, though. 354 00:30:09,119 --> 00:30:12,599 Speaker 5: Asking God to sue a ride to move. 355 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 4: Didn't know live to any alcome soon fo. 356 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:30,559 Speaker 10: Let day he was like ray sorry play he answered 357 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:37,079 to the work I could say. He wrote on names 358 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,920 in the same line of faith and love. 359 00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 7: No there patience, so waiting eything and having that s 360 00:30:48,319 --> 00:30:49,599 s me he from. 361 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 2: The stuff God's made a tree. 362 00:30:52,079 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 4: Swear overall that's intrest his holding it is not your holding. 363 00:31:05,079 --> 00:31:05,559 Speaker 9: Head and. 364 00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 4: Heaving myself to fell. 365 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,759 Speaker 5: That face every other. 366 00:31:15,279 --> 00:31:24,039 Speaker 4: Any conser that haven o the passin the weaven match. 367 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:36,240 Speaker 5: You don't need perfect We just sneed grades. Fou the 368 00:31:36,519 --> 00:31:42,240 sun to the fans in face to bow this storm. 369 00:31:43,319 --> 00:31:48,599 He's been a bad. Faith is the fame that he 370 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:56,279 keeps us a when I hold I filled his piece like. 371 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 4: A co after every storm. 372 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 5: We see Susos from promised read the coming names, didn't. 373 00:32:12,799 --> 00:32:14,359 Speaker 4: He says, he's just remats. 374 00:32:15,799 --> 00:32:22,240 Speaker 5: It's divine. You never say that that heaven's his son. 375 00:32:22,799 --> 00:32:28,079 Speaker 4: Debby, kill debbycause let me right rare. 376 00:32:29,519 --> 00:32:38,359 Speaker 5: Replace her in heaven Master, our father, you saw as 377 00:32:39,839 --> 00:32:46,559 it's a miracle from God, lance a prayer, my turn 378 00:32:46,839 --> 00:32:55,799 as fat Heaven masters. 379 00:32:59,119 --> 00:33:07,839 Speaker 2: With Heaven man, love it, love it, love it, love 380 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,880 it beautiful, and Heaven matched our hearts. All right, All right, 381 00:33:12,039 --> 00:33:20,000 So we are talking about the snow White syndrome by 382 00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:25,680 the Queen Mother, and coming from snow White and the 383 00:33:25,839 --> 00:33:31,279 Seven Doves, the Princess syndrome often used to describe a 384 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:35,720 sense of entitlement or a lack of responsibility. And and 385 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:40,440 this is what happens with the queen mothers when uh 386 00:33:40,559 --> 00:33:43,839 and this can happen with children too, when you overindulge 387 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:50,400 them and don't actually allow them to grow up and 388 00:33:50,559 --> 00:33:53,960 knowing that everything's not gonna be handed to them. And 389 00:33:54,519 --> 00:33:57,880 so when you're dealing with this snow white syndrome, you're 390 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:02,359 you're dealing with al so, a person that feels entitled 391 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,440 even you know, they feel entitled to have what the 392 00:34:05,559 --> 00:34:07,839 daughter has, even though they didn't work for it, but 393 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,239 they feel like they're entitled to it. And so again 394 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:16,719 you will have this person who doesn't take responsibility or 395 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:23,639 accountability for their actions. They don't apologize, They expect you 396 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,480 to sweep everything that they've done under the rug, and 397 00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:33,639 they don't actually take responsibility for their actions. Any attempts 398 00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:38,920 to address their harmful actions will devolve into this power 399 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:44,199 struggle where she's going to win without acknowledging your feelings 400 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,400 or your needs. And when you're dealing with someone like that, 401 00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:53,159 you know it's really nothing that you can do to 402 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,679 change the situation. When you're dealing with someone who won't 403 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:01,519 even acknowledge that they that they have done something that 404 00:35:01,679 --> 00:35:05,000 was hurtful, of something that was wrong, because the queen 405 00:35:05,119 --> 00:35:11,000 mother will always blame the daughter and never take accountability 406 00:35:11,199 --> 00:35:15,199 for her own actions. I want to read you something 407 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,119 from Psalms chapter twenty seven, verse ten. Psalms Chapter twenty seven, 408 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:24,280 verse ten. And this is something that any daughter or 409 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,119 any child that is going through something like this should 410 00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:31,639 keep in mind. It says, when my father and mother 411 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,639 forsake me, the Lord will take me up and care 412 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:40,480 and take care of me. And other versions say when 413 00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:43,280 my mother or father forsake me, the Lord will take 414 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:49,159 me up and receive me. And so one thing is 415 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,960 important is that you know you might not have that 416 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:57,199 relationship that you may have desired with that parent, But 417 00:35:57,599 --> 00:36:01,519 God is the one that becomes your He is our parent, 418 00:36:01,559 --> 00:36:05,360 He's our heavenly father. And so when you have an 419 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:11,280 earthly parent that does not do or have the relationship 420 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,719 with you that you should have with them, the Lord 421 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,519 is the one that picks you up, carries you, and 422 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:22,119 he's the one that uplifts you. And so you don't 423 00:36:22,159 --> 00:36:26,599 have to worry about getting validation from that narcissistic queen 424 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,360 mother because you have that validation that you get from 425 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:38,320 the Lord. And this is something that a lot of 426 00:36:38,519 --> 00:36:44,960 daughters deal with. A lot of daughters deal with this competition, power, struggle, 427 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:49,320 struggle with their mothers that have this snow White syndrome. 428 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:53,519 But the thing is is that when you become confident 429 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,480 in who you are as an individual, then you do 430 00:36:58,639 --> 00:37:02,239 not have to no longer worry about trying to get 431 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:09,639 validation or approval from the queen mother. You know, another 432 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,519 thing that these queen mothers will do is use manipulation 433 00:37:13,679 --> 00:37:16,320 to get what they want. Now we know that in 434 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,400 the story of snow White, she wound up getting this apple. 435 00:37:19,519 --> 00:37:23,599 She turned herself into this old lady where queen where 436 00:37:23,599 --> 00:37:27,760 snow White will feel sorry for. And so she had 437 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,880 this apple full of poison and she gave this apple 438 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,719 to snow White and then you know the story force 439 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,719 what happened with that. The thing is is that be 440 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,280 careful of when you receive things from the queen mother 441 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:47,840 because oftentimes it's tied to strings. Okay, so they use 442 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,119 whatever they give you as a sense of having control 443 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,719 and hold over you, and then they will be sure 444 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,679 to throw it up in your face and it becomes 445 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,599 a bomb at the end. So this deadly, poisonous apple, 446 00:38:01,079 --> 00:38:03,559 be careful what you take from them, because oftentimes it 447 00:38:03,639 --> 00:38:08,519 can become deadly, emotionally deadly when you're dealing with them, 448 00:38:08,559 --> 00:38:14,280 and then you start this whole whole roller coaster over again, 449 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,760 and you will keep going on this roller coaster until 450 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:23,960 you decide to jump off. She's also jealous of your 451 00:38:24,119 --> 00:38:30,920 other relationships with other people. She's threatened by relationships with 452 00:38:31,039 --> 00:38:34,360 other people. You can have a good friend, and she 453 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,800 would try to make you feel like you don't deserve friends. 454 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,400 You can have a good support system, and she will 455 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,920 try to undermine or make you feel like you don't 456 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,639 have that you should. You don't deserve to have loyalty 457 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:51,320 or have those that really really care for you. Why 458 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,559 because she is so self absorbed. And the thing is 459 00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,119 is that when you have others that you can rely 460 00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,440 on and you don't have to rely on her, oh, 461 00:38:59,519 --> 00:39:02,760 she feels that much more threatened because then she knows 462 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:07,360 that she loses control and not able to dominate you 463 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,840 because you have others that are in your corner to 464 00:39:12,119 --> 00:39:16,679 support you. Again, she puts down your accomplishment. So a 465 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:23,400 toxic snow white syndrome narcissistic queen mother. She will downplay 466 00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:27,719 your success. Again, this is due to her own insecurities. 467 00:39:28,039 --> 00:39:31,679 This is due to her own jealousy, and so therefore, 468 00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:36,360 if you crave acceptance and approval from her, you will 469 00:39:36,639 --> 00:39:40,400 never get it because nothing that you do she will 470 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:45,000 make you feel as is never enough to win her acknowledgment, 471 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,079 and so she will undermine you. She will even withhole 472 00:39:49,559 --> 00:39:54,119 compliments and not actually when you achieve something or you've 473 00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:58,639 done something, she will withhold it just because she feels 474 00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:02,679 as if that's where you're craving and she doesn't want 475 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,920 to give it to you. So it's so important if 476 00:40:06,039 --> 00:40:12,039 you are able to not care or not wary or 477 00:40:12,159 --> 00:40:16,159 concern yourself would get to any type of approval or 478 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:21,079 acknowledgement from her. There are other people around who will 479 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,239 celebrate you, who will love you, who will congratulate you, 480 00:40:25,679 --> 00:40:29,119 who will uplift you, who will be there to cheer 481 00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:32,440 you on. And even though you may want it from 482 00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:35,920 that person who birthed you into the world, who you 483 00:40:36,199 --> 00:40:39,719 think would have your back, the reality of it is 484 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,440 when you're dealing with someone like this, they will never 485 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:49,639 truly have your back. They will never truly congratulate you. 486 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:55,000 And therefore, although it could be and may be hurtful, 487 00:40:55,679 --> 00:41:02,039 it's best to acknowledge it, to realize it, to accept it, 488 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,440 and get the help that you need to move forward 489 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:12,440 so that it would not be a type of log 490 00:41:12,599 --> 00:41:17,559 that's holding you down in the sea. All Right, we 491 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,239 are a body here, I pray to today's podcast has 492 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:26,039 been a blessing to you. And guess what your feelings? 493 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,719 They do matter? Is this doctor k O. Richard North. 494 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,519 If it's no more, until it's not