Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, haa, it is not
abuse no more with your house doctor and eventually this
Ko Rich holp you to admit what you feel is
obviously heels from the effect of nisissistic abuse because.
Speaker 2: Your feelings do matter. How y'all doing out there on
this Wednesday, February the fourth of twenty twenty six. I
pray you are having a blessed and wonderful days. It's
just beginning. This is your host, doctor and evangelist Ko Rich,
helping you to admit what you feel in order to
heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse because your feelings
do matter, Yes they do. But before we go on
with today's podcast, I want to invite you to visit
us on our website at www dot narc Abuse Nomore
dot net. That's www dot narck abuse No More dot net.
And just to remind you, we are on every Monday,
Wednesday and Friday at ten am Eastern Standard time, nine
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All right, so what are we talking about today? We're
about to get all into it. We're talking about the
snow white syndrome. The snow white syndrome. Now it's all
us known as snow white complex. And you might ask, okay,
what is this about. Well, let me give you a
little background for a snow white uh, snow White. I'm
gonna read this little synopsis that I have found. Snow
White is a classic fairy tale about a beautiful princess
snow White, whose vain, evil stepmother who's also a witch,
grows jealous of her beauty, leading the queen to try
and have her killed. Causes snow White to flee and
find refuge with the Seven Dwarfs before a poison apple
puts her into a death like sleep, from which she's
eventually awakened by a prince. So that that's the summary,
and I want to just play this little clip for you.
But before I do that, let me let me just
give you the overview of this snow white syndrome. And
it's basically when it's when you're dealing with narcissist it
describes a toxic parent child relationship. Okay, oftentimes it's a
narcissistic mother and a daughter. Okay, but this can you
can also relate this to any type of narcissistic relationship,
but oftentimes it's portrayed with the mother and daughter where
the mother is like the queen. So she's this wicked
queen and this big old castle, and she feels threatened
by her daughter's youth, beauty, and success, which leads to jealousy,
It leads to emotional and verbal abuse, it leads to
sabotage the mother. She tries to destroy the daughter's self
esteem in order to maintain her own very fragile, almost
nonexistent self esteem or ego, and this forces the daughter, okay,
cause the daughter to become passive, become a codependent, become
a people pleaser, always seeking perfection, always trying to to
walk in the shoes that her mother has provided for her,
but never actually being able to fit them. The goal
of the wicked step mother, and this example for snow White,
is to do what she can to sabotage that daughter
at any way possible because of her own insecurities. And
so this causes a lot of low self esteem, a
lot of devaluing, a lot of things that the daughter.
She tries her best to please the mother, but she's
she's never able to please this mother. This toxic mother.
So in other words, this is why this is called
the snow white syndrome when you're dealing with this type
of individual. I want to play a little clip from
snow White. Uh, and you might remember this from from
as a child of her with this mirror mirror on
the wall, who's the fairest of the mall? So let's
just take a moment to listen to this clip.
Speaker 3: Sleep the magic mirror come from the part of space.
Speaker 4: Someone let me.
Speaker 5: See me.
Speaker 4: Like magic mirror on the wall?
Speaker 2: Who is the fairest level?
Speaker 6: Name is debut, majesty but whole, lovely man. I see
rags cannot hide that gentle grace alas she's more man
than the lasher.
Speaker 5: Reveal it's red. Is the roads air black as etherly
skin white the.
Speaker 7: Snow snow whiting.
Speaker 2: Okay, so that is a clip from snow White. So this,
this wicked witch would always wind up going to the
mirror mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the first of
them all? And the mirror mirror will reply the yeah
at the fears of them all until comes snow White.
And that's the sad thing is that the snow white
syndrome when it comes to this narcissistic queen mother. She
is one that is threatening, and she's threatened by someone
who is really posing no threat to her at all.
This is a mother who's up in age, a witch
that's up in age. And then you have the younger one,
and she's threatened by the youth of this youth and
beauty of this young girl who has done nothing to
her at all. So she makes it her mission to
try to kill this young girl. And this is what
happens in the dynamics of the snow white syndrome, when
rather it's the narcissistic queen mother or whoever it is,
tries to basically kill off the daughter. The try to
diminish the daughter because she feels threatened because of the
daughter and ain't know. The sad thing is is that
when you're talking about a parent dynamic, there should not
be any type of competition at all. But the mother
that has this type of mindset always feels threatened by
anything that the daughter does or accomplishes in life. She
will even accuse the daughter of being jealous of her
when it's actually the other way around. And so this
narcissistic mother, this narcissistic queen embodies this obsessed person. She's
extremely prideful, she doesn't have empathy, she doesn't have a
sense of self worth about her own self. So therefore
she's having this constant need of at excuse me, of admiration.
She envies her child and wants to surpass her child,
when an actuality she may not be able to. And
so therefore, because she feels maybe threatened because she didn't
accomplish certain things in life, and because there were certain
things that she wanted to do in life, and because
her daughter may have achieved those things and excelled in
those things, then she becomes jealous and she becomes threatened.
And so this is where you have this narcissistic queen
mother mindset of the snow white syndrome. Now snow white.
In this particular fairy tale which she's the daughter, she
is made to feel that because she was successful, because
she achieved things, because she strived and thrived beyond the
challenges that she had in light that it's a betrayal.
She's made to feel like her success is a betrayal
to the narcissistic queen mother. She's forced to act as
if only the things that makes her mother look good.
Is is effective for us being able to have that
love from her mother, she may be forced to act
as a mirror to her mother, reflecting only positive images.
And so therefore, if she's not able to do that,
then she's banished. Rather, it's literally or or emotionally if
she threatens her mother's control, her mother's dominance. So therefore
this instead of the mother, the queen mother, being proud
of her successful daughter and it thinks that she's achieved
and the challenges that she's overcome, that those things become
a direct threat to the queen mother, And so therefore
the mother, the queen mother, tries to eliminate, or sabotage
or diminish that daughter. Now the narcissistic mother, she may
sabotage her daughter's achievements to prevent her daughter from becoming
even more successful than she is, and she does it
in a covert manner. She may give backhanded compliments, She
may give threats even if she does if the daughter
doesn't meet up to what the mother wants, she may
give veiled insults her job, or her role or her mindset.
At this point is I need to break you down?
So that I can feel lifted up myself. And that's
what that's what narcissistic mothers do. When you're dealing with
this snow white syndrome, you're dealing with someone who does
not have any confidence in their own selves and their
own abilities. They're threatened by the daughter. Now, they don't
show this to the others around them unless you're in
that direct household. But she and let me just say this,
another thing is when you're dealing with someone that has
this type of snow white syndrome, they will use their
daughter's achievements only if it benefits them. So when people
around say, oh, I see your child has achieved this,
or they've achieved that, oh, the narcissistic snow white queen mother,
she will use that to embellish her own ego, okay,
to inflate her own ego. So only when it proves
her beneficial is when she will take the compliments of
others in regards to her daughter. But behind closed doors,
she's actually envious of that. She will undermine what the
daughter has achieved. And even if some people would notice,
they will not this, oh I see that your daughter
achieved this. But then the mother she tried to in
a covert way, even undermind it where it might go
over someone's head, but she undermines what the daughter has achieved.
Another thing, when you're dealing with this snow white queen mother,
is the daughter, under the weight of the abuse may
adopt this passive victim persona. So this daughter she wants
to be rescued from this abuse that she's dealt with
from this queen mother, so she struggles to try to
have her own identity. She tries to She feels as
if she has to manage her queen mother's emotions when
that has never been her job. The queen mother would
try to make the daughter feel like she's responsible for
her happiness and she sacrifices everything for her, and when
in actuality, it was never the daughter's fall or the
daughter's choice as to what the mother decided to do
with her own life. The mother made certain decisions herself
and she could have done whatever she wanted to do
in life. But the queen mother would try to make
it make the daughter feel as if her achievements is
only met I have only been accomplished based upon the
sacrifices of the mother. So, in other words, the queen
mother in this snow white syndrome tries to make the
daughter feel as if it was not the daughter's hard
work that achieved anything, it was only because of the
sacrifice of the mother. And this is way past the
growing upstage, where this daughter is into her adulthood, has
lived her life. She may have gone and got that promotion,
she may have gone and got that education, whatever it
is she's achieved. This is things that she's achieved on
her own, apart from her mother, in order to establish
her own unique identity. But the mother will still try
to pull the daughter down in order to make her
feel as if she's nothing without the mother, or she's
nothing without the approval of the mother. And so therefore
that daughter has to work extra hard to try to
separate herself from this envious, jealous mother in order for
her own identity to not be at risk. All right,
we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back
in just a moment.
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the christ storms.
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sweetness is your presence, brains, bade, baby or bad.
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All right, all right, okay, so we're continuing on. We're
talking about the snow white syndrome. Snow white syndrome, and
I pray that you know, if you are dealing with
this with a parent, that you will be able to
understand now what you have been dealing with because a
lot of times, especially with daughters and mother daughter relationships
are very a lot of times complicated, and so the
daughter is left to feel as if you know, something
is wrong with her, when it's actually the insecurities of
the narcissistic queen mother. And so when when you're dealing
with this type of snow white syndrome, you're often dealing
with parental envy. Parental envy, and that's again when the
mother is unable to celebrate her child's success. Okay, she
perceives it as a threat to herself and so therefore
resulting in is felt narcissistic dynamic. Did she her own
self esteem? Is she feels threat in herself. And the
sad thing is is that the mother should be the
most supportive in your life, but sometimes the mother can
be the most negative person in your life. And it's
so sad when it happens. I've had people write to me,
I've seen things on social media where people are describing
how they feel with their narcissistic parents, you know, especially mothers,
and it can be very draining, It could be very
hurtful when the one that should celebrate you the most
is the one that is the one that puts you
down the most. There's even times when mothers will put
up someone else. You will have two people in the
same field, and the mother, just because she's threatened by
the daughter, she will uplift the other person over her
own child. And it's because of her own insecurities, her
own jealousy. Another thing when you're an underlying theme of
this is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse, and so it could
be where the mother, the queen mother in this situation
with Whoe's love creates a dark environment. The user's guilt.
And one thing that is important for those who may
be daughters of mothers like this is you're not responsible
for your mother's happiness. She is responsible for her own happiness.
She is if she has issues, self esteem issues, is
for her to with those issues, for her to go
get counseling, for her to get the help that she
needs to resolve her issues. Her issues should never become
your issues, and even though she tries to mesh them together,
you have to be able to get the help that
you need to separate from that in order to not
allow her identity crisis to become yours. And oftentimes it's
gonna take some self help with regards to getting counseling
or support groups or things of that nature in order
to help you not allow the Queen Mother and her
snow white syndrome to have a negative effect on you.
And if it already has, then you can still get
help that you need by getting counseling. There's nothing wrong
with that. Another theme in this is codependency, where the
child becomes addicted to trying to gain the mother's approval.
Let me just say this, It comes to a point
in your life where if you want to grow emotionally
that you will have to cut the biblical cord, okay,
and know that you will never get their approval from
your mother. And this is you have to also be
careful that you don't allow it to be a give
take situation where you're the recipient of she gives the approval,
takes it back, gives the approval, takes it back, because
you will always be on this merry go round on
and off again. Where she gives approval, I'm proud of you,
takes it back, not your nothing gives approval, takes it back.
You don't need the approval of your mother. When you
understand that, and you can actually tell yourself that you
do not need her approval. You're your own woman. The
only approval you need is God's. Okay, God's approval. You
don't need the approval of your mother. As far as
who you are to be as a woman, as a daughter,
as a child of God, you need God's approval as
long as you align things up in the will of God.
It has nothing to do with your mother. When you
are an adult, you're in your own house, you're making
your own money, you're doing your own thing, you're achieving
your own dreams and goals. You do not need the
approval of your mother or no one else because you
keep trying to get it. You're gonna keep trying. You're
gonna keep repeating that cycle, and you will never be
regardless of how much you achieve, how many dreams you
how many things you accomplish, when you're dealing with a
narcissistic snow White syndrome queen mother, you will never truly
get her approval. Everything you do will be a threat
to her, and that's in her own mindset. One thing
that happens when when you're dealing with this snow white
syndrome allegory, uh, is you do you might deal with
covert narcissism with the mother.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: She's passive, aggressive, So she might in public appear to
be this loving person, supportive person. Oh, I'm proud of
my child and everything, and behind closed doors there's anything,
but so in public she's supportive, I'm proud and all that,
and she may even tell you that, but then be
very very careful because if you're truly dealing with this
a narcissistic mother with the snow White syndrome, what she
gives she also take away and This is why I
just mentioned about you have to have your own sense
of identity, and don't try to have the approval of
the mother, the queen mother, because the queen mother is
never gonna give you true approval. And the thing is,
you don't need it. She is always gonna use that
as leverage because she thinks that you want it, because
she thinks that you desire her approval, So don't try
to get it. Be comfortable in what you do and
what you you've achieved, and what God has helped you to do.
You know, it's something that you're born into a family.
But the thing is is that sometimes your family can
be your worst enemy. And when that happens, you need
to know that you can rely totally on God, not
your family, not the Queen Mother, but God, because he's
the one that's with you always. We're gonna take another queen,
another quick break, and we'll be back in just a moment.
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Speaker 2: With Heaven man, love it, love it, love it, love
it beautiful, and Heaven matched our hearts. All right, All right,
So we are talking about the snow White syndrome by
the Queen Mother, and coming from snow White and the
Seven Doves, the Princess syndrome often used to describe a
sense of entitlement or a lack of responsibility. And and
this is what happens with the queen mothers when uh
and this can happen with children too, when you overindulge
them and don't actually allow them to grow up and
knowing that everything's not gonna be handed to them. And
so when you're dealing with this snow white syndrome, you're
you're dealing with al so, a person that feels entitled
even you know, they feel entitled to have what the
daughter has, even though they didn't work for it, but
they feel like they're entitled to it. And so again
you will have this person who doesn't take responsibility or
accountability for their actions. They don't apologize, They expect you
to sweep everything that they've done under the rug, and
they don't actually take responsibility for their actions. Any attempts
to address their harmful actions will devolve into this power
struggle where she's going to win without acknowledging your feelings
or your needs. And when you're dealing with someone like that,
you know it's really nothing that you can do to
change the situation. When you're dealing with someone who won't
even acknowledge that they that they have done something that
was hurtful, of something that was wrong, because the queen
mother will always blame the daughter and never take accountability
for her own actions. I want to read you something
from Psalms chapter twenty seven, verse ten. Psalms Chapter twenty seven,
verse ten. And this is something that any daughter or
any child that is going through something like this should
keep in mind. It says, when my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will take me up and care
and take care of me. And other versions say when
my mother or father forsake me, the Lord will take
me up and receive me. And so one thing is
important is that you know you might not have that
relationship that you may have desired with that parent, But
God is the one that becomes your He is our parent,
He's our heavenly father. And so when you have an
earthly parent that does not do or have the relationship
with you that you should have with them, the Lord
is the one that picks you up, carries you, and
he's the one that uplifts you. And so you don't
have to worry about getting validation from that narcissistic queen
mother because you have that validation that you get from
the Lord. And this is something that a lot of
daughters deal with. A lot of daughters deal with this competition, power, struggle,
struggle with their mothers that have this snow White syndrome.
But the thing is is that when you become confident
in who you are as an individual, then you do
not have to no longer worry about trying to get
validation or approval from the queen mother. You know, another
thing that these queen mothers will do is use manipulation
to get what they want. Now we know that in
the story of snow White, she wound up getting this apple.
She turned herself into this old lady where queen where
snow White will feel sorry for. And so she had
this apple full of poison and she gave this apple
to snow White and then you know the story force
what happened with that. The thing is is that be
careful of when you receive things from the queen mother
because oftentimes it's tied to strings. Okay, so they use
whatever they give you as a sense of having control
and hold over you, and then they will be sure
to throw it up in your face and it becomes
a bomb at the end. So this deadly, poisonous apple,
be careful what you take from them, because oftentimes it
can become deadly, emotionally deadly when you're dealing with them,
and then you start this whole whole roller coaster over again,
and you will keep going on this roller coaster until
you decide to jump off. She's also jealous of your
other relationships with other people. She's threatened by relationships with
other people. You can have a good friend, and she
would try to make you feel like you don't deserve friends.
You can have a good support system, and she will
try to undermine or make you feel like you don't
have that you should. You don't deserve to have loyalty
or have those that really really care for you. Why
because she is so self absorbed. And the thing is
is that when you have others that you can rely
on and you don't have to rely on her, oh,
she feels that much more threatened because then she knows
that she loses control and not able to dominate you
because you have others that are in your corner to
support you. Again, she puts down your accomplishment. So a
toxic snow white syndrome narcissistic queen mother. She will downplay
your success. Again, this is due to her own insecurities.
This is due to her own jealousy, and so therefore,
if you crave acceptance and approval from her, you will
never get it because nothing that you do she will
make you feel as is never enough to win her acknowledgment,
and so she will undermine you. She will even withhole
compliments and not actually when you achieve something or you've
done something, she will withhold it just because she feels
as if that's where you're craving and she doesn't want
to give it to you. So it's so important if
you are able to not care or not wary or
concern yourself would get to any type of approval or
acknowledgement from her. There are other people around who will
celebrate you, who will love you, who will congratulate you,
who will uplift you, who will be there to cheer
you on. And even though you may want it from
that person who birthed you into the world, who you
think would have your back, the reality of it is
when you're dealing with someone like this, they will never
truly have your back. They will never truly congratulate you.
And therefore, although it could be and may be hurtful,
it's best to acknowledge it, to realize it, to accept it,
and get the help that you need to move forward
so that it would not be a type of log
that's holding you down in the sea. All Right, we
are a body here, I pray to today's podcast has
been a blessing to you. And guess what your feelings?
They do matter? Is this doctor k O. Richard North.
If it's no more, until it's not