WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.519 --> 00:00:08.519 Well, I swan me too, so do I. How about you? 2 00:00:11.679 --> 00:00:14.320 Yes, it's the new Swan Show with our great singing 3 00:00:14.359 --> 00:00:16.000 star Doris Day a. 4 00:00:18.160 --> 00:00:20.039 New singing favorite Bill Farrow. 5 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:20.679 That's me. 6 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:24.120 Our guest Jack Bennet. 7 00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:25.920 Irene Ryan, the four hits in a miss than you 8 00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:29.000 Less Brown fan, We swan exclusively. 9 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:30.440 How about you? 10 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.399 Yes? How about you? Who me? 11 00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.359 My name is Robert hop Along. 12 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:50.000 Hope and now Bob Hope. 13 00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:51.359 Swan's eye view of the. 14 00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:59.039 News, Princeton, New Jersey. Hurried conferences and frantic alibis were 15 00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:00.679 the order of the day. Here it was the nation's 16 00:01:00.679 --> 00:01:04.079 polltaker sought to explain their disastrous error in predicting the 17 00:01:04.079 --> 00:01:05.439 results of last week's election. 18 00:01:05.719 --> 00:01:07.840 Doctor Gallup was amazed at the outcome, but he wouldn't 19 00:01:07.840 --> 00:01:09.680 admit he was wrong. Last night he was still peeking 20 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:11.959 into the White House window and singing, maybe you'll be there. 21 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:21.680 He was really unhappy when he saw the election returns. 22 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:23.359 He slams, it's the last time I take a house 23 00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:25.359 to house survey. From now on, I'm going to ask people. 24 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:30.599 I call up Elmer Roper and said, how can your 25 00:01:30.599 --> 00:01:33.159 predictions be so wrong? He said, You see, we mathematicians 26 00:01:33.159 --> 00:01:36.879 make a prodigious effort to ascertain by statistical and prognostication 27 00:01:36.959 --> 00:01:41.000 and political press to digitation the approximate parallelisms. I said, 28 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:42.400 what does that mean? He said, where can I get 29 00:01:42.439 --> 00:01:50.200 a job? And last Tuesday night Drew Pearson said over 30 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:52.560 the radio, I predict Dewey will be elected by ten thirty. 31 00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:54.920 At eleven o'clock, he said, I predict Dowey twelve, he said, 32 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:56.359 I predict the next morning he said, iy. 33 00:01:56.359 --> 00:01:57.840 Ya ya ya yai yea. 34 00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:04.680 New York. 35 00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:07.799 New York Phone Company executives announced here today the telephones 36 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:10.319 for automobiles were at long last ready and available for 37 00:02:10.439 --> 00:02:11.759 mister abridge motorists. 38 00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:13.400 I had a phone put in my car last week, 39 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:15.719 but the wires must be crossed every time I step 40 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:17.439 on the start of the sparks. Plugs give a busy 41 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:19.199 signal and the receiver sphere. It's a quart of hot 42 00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:24.400 oil in my ear. But they are a big help 43 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.240 to the motorists. If a guy's feeding, you can look 44 00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:28.360 in the rear vision mirror, see a cop trailing him, 45 00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:30.319 call his lawyer and the three of them can meet 46 00:02:30.360 --> 00:02:38.759 at the next intersection. But think what it'll be like 47 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:41.159 later on when cars have telephones and television. 48 00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:41.360 Two. 49 00:02:41.759 --> 00:02:44.240 A guy's driving along. His wife calls up and says, honey, 50 00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:47.240 bring home ahead of lettuce and carrots, a cucumber, and 51 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:48.680 get that tomato out of your car. 52 00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:55.280 Washington and DC, the greatest ovation in the history of 53 00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:57.719 the nation's capital, greeted President Truman as a crowd of 54 00:02:57.719 --> 00:03:00.680 seven hundred and fifty thousand cheered his tryal opened return 55 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:01.800 to the White House. 56 00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.080 Yes, sir, was that a reception From every window. They 57 00:03:04.080 --> 00:03:11.879 were throwing confetti and old cabinet members and and the 58 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:14.879 world will long remember President Truman's the historic words. When 59 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:16.840 he returned to the White House, he said, it's okay, 60 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:23.240 best you can send the laundry out now. When Harry 61 00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:24.840 got back to the White House, he started hanging up 62 00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:26.439 his coat. Governor Warren stuck his head out of the 63 00:03:26.439 --> 00:03:27.719 closet and said, I'll be out of your way as 64 00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:33.240 soon as I pack up my oranges. The Democrats did 65 00:03:33.240 --> 00:03:34.800 so well in that election they're even coming out with 66 00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:36.680 new products named after the President. They got a new 67 00:03:36.680 --> 00:03:39.120 thing now called the Harry Truman popsicle. It's a frozen 68 00:03:39.159 --> 00:03:56.199 Republican on a stick. And with the election coming out 69 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:57.520 the way it did. A lot of people had to 70 00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:00.159 change their plans. Now Margaret Truman has to go back 71 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:01.560 to the White House, and she had it all set 72 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:08.599 to be the fourth Andrews sister. The three candidates have 73 00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:11.000 really changed that tune since the election. Trumans changed from 74 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:15.719 Missouri Waltz to its magic, Dewey's humming, say it isn't so, 75 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:17.839 and Wallace is singing in a slow boat to China, 76 00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:28.279 announcing only eight more days of the swan nineteen forty 77 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:31.199 nine Mercury Contest, only eight more days to win up 78 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:33.920 brand new nineteen forty nine Mercury Automobile. 79 00:04:34.279 --> 00:04:36.040 Right now here are more winners in. 80 00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:40.560 The Daily Mercury Contest October nineteenth. Missus Don Andrews of Portsmouth, 81 00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:43.920 Virginia a new nineteen forty nine Mercury October twentieth. 82 00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:46.439 Missus B. V. Painter of San Diego, California, a. 83 00:04:46.360 --> 00:04:49.079 New nineteen forty nine Mercury October twenty first. 84 00:04:49.079 --> 00:04:51.160 Missus Arlene Brewster of Topeka. 85 00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:53.399 Kansas, a new nineteen forty nine Mercury. 86 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:58.079 October twenty second. Duplicate winners Mister fred S. Bosinger of Denver, Colorado. 87 00:04:57.720 --> 00:04:58.399 And Missus E. P. 88 00:04:58.519 --> 00:05:02.160 Williamson of Honolulu win a new nineteen forty nine mercury. 89 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:06.040 October twenty fifth, Missus Alvin M. David, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 90 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:07.439 A new nineteen forty nine mercury. 91 00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:10.560 Congratulations winners, and remember, folks, there are only eight more 92 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:13.480 days to enter. Lever Brothers is giving away a mercury 93 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:16.639 a day every day until November nineteenth. That's right, a 94 00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:17.240 mercury a. 95 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:20.480 Day plus one thousand dollars in cash awards daily. There's 96 00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:23.360 a new contest every day except Saturday and Sunday, and 97 00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:24.879 you can enter as often as you please. 98 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:25.560 All residents of. 99 00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:28.079 The continental United States, including Alaska. 100 00:05:27.639 --> 00:05:28.879 And Hawaii, are eligible. 101 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.199 Just be sure to follow the complete rules printed on 102 00:05:31.319 --> 00:05:33.839 free entry blanks at your store, and be sure to 103 00:05:33.879 --> 00:05:35.360 include your storekeeper's name. 104 00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:36.279 Here's all you do. 105 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:39.519 Finish the following statement, I like Swan soap because in 106 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:42.480 twenty five words or less. Then send a Swan soap rapper, 107 00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:45.079 together with your name and address to Levers Mercury a 108 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:48.399 Day Contest, Post Office Box three, New York eight, New 109 00:05:48.480 --> 00:05:49.240 York Well. 110 00:05:49.279 --> 00:05:50.879 I swan a mercury a day. 111 00:05:51.079 --> 00:05:51.600 That's right? 112 00:05:51.680 --> 00:06:03.199 See who by Crackere. Here's the galloo was selected as 113 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:05.839 the arcad Queen of the National Flower Festival, our Singing 114 00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:07.279 arc and Miss Doris Day. 115 00:06:13.399 --> 00:06:18.000 Every day I love you just a little bit more, 116 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:26.240 just a little bit more, a little bit more ever 117 00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:30.079 a day, want just a little bit. 118 00:06:30.040 --> 00:06:35.199 More than it did the day before. 119 00:06:37.240 --> 00:06:45.040 You'll never guess souty my love it. 120 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:50.399 Not even in your wi the streams. But just so 121 00:06:50.759 --> 00:06:52.560 you get a clear. 122 00:06:53.040 --> 00:07:00.519 Compare to my love, myny the Mississippi rivers just street 123 00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:10.480 every day, just a little bit more, just a little 124 00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:11.600 bit more. 125 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:14.600 A little bit more. 126 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:17.160 Every day. 127 00:07:17.759 --> 00:07:23.920 Watch just a little bit more than a did the 128 00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:25.920 jay before. 129 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:28.519 Then I. 130 00:07:48.319 --> 00:07:53.079 More than downy ladies, ladies and gentlemen you probably read 131 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:55.079 in the papers last week. Got while making a picture 132 00:07:55.079 --> 00:07:57.399 of Paramount, Bob Hope tripped and tore a muscle in 133 00:07:57.439 --> 00:08:00.319 his right leg. Now let's look behind the scenes see 134 00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:02.920 how an accident like this affects the motion picture industry. 135 00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:05.120 We take you to the production offices. 136 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:07.600 At Paramount with the heads of the studio, Henry Geeksburg 137 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:09.240 and why free Frankman are talking? 138 00:08:10.519 --> 00:08:13.560 Say why f yes, geez, I've been thinking we've got 139 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:15.319 a lot of money tied up on that character. 140 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:16.959 Bob Hope and if his leg. 141 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:18.720 Doesn't get any better, he may never be in another 142 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.439 paramount picture. How could a thing like that happen to us? 143 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:24.000 Oh I don't know. 144 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:35.360 Just lucky, I guess. 145 00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:39.039 But why what'll we do about Hope? His leg may 146 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:39.559 be broken? 147 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:41.440 Yeah, too bad, he ain't triggered. 148 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:44.720 We could shoot him. 149 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:48.000 You know how this accident happened, don't you, yev Hope 150 00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:49.960 was doing that boat scene and as he tried to 151 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:52.600 get on board, he slipped and felled because somebody had 152 00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:56.759 put grease all over the gangplank. You know, it looks 153 00:08:56.799 --> 00:08:58.519 like someone is out to get him. 154 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:02.600 Yeah, I remember, ge if there's an investigation. We're in 155 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:03.399 this thing together. 156 00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:13.039 Well, it seemed like the easy way. And while we're 157 00:09:13.080 --> 00:09:14.799 on the subject, we got to get rid of a 158 00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:15.919 lot of the actors over here. 159 00:09:15.919 --> 00:09:16.879 They're getting too old. 160 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:19.879 Yeah, how about that Crosby. Remember when we thought we 161 00:09:19.960 --> 00:09:21.000 had mice in the studio. 162 00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:23.759 We spent five thousand dollars to get rid of the mice, 163 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:25.559 and theyn found out it was Crosby's joints. 164 00:09:25.559 --> 00:09:26.559 So we're doing the squeaking. 165 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:38.000 You know why if I think Bing is about the. 166 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:39.919 Same age as Hope, Oh, I know it. 167 00:09:40.440 --> 00:09:42.639 If we put them in another road picture. The road's 168 00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:49.519 gotta be downhill, by the way. Where is Hope? 169 00:09:49.559 --> 00:09:53.840 Now he's over in his dressing room resting. 170 00:09:55.000 --> 00:10:00.440 Oh oh, Doris, this pain is it's awful? 171 00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:01.799 Oh is it really that bad? 172 00:10:01.879 --> 00:10:02.120 Bob? 173 00:10:02.519 --> 00:10:03.480 Let me look at your leg? 174 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:07.519 Oh my gosh, it's all twisted out of shape, isn't it? 175 00:10:07.799 --> 00:10:08.679 That's the wrong leg? 176 00:10:14.919 --> 00:10:17.960 Oh gee, Bob, I hate to see you in such misery. 177 00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:19.080 Does it hurt much? 178 00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:19.320 Well? 179 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:20.840 I don't care about that. I just wish it had 180 00:10:20.840 --> 00:10:23.039 been my other knee. Why, well, the knee I heard 181 00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:27.519 is the one with a dimple in it. Now I'll 182 00:10:27.519 --> 00:10:29.240 never be able to wear my pedal pushes with a 183 00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:29.840 split up. 184 00:10:29.720 --> 00:10:36.399 The side, Bob, Bob, I just don't understand how a 185 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:38.879 thing like this could happen to you. 186 00:10:38.879 --> 00:10:40.960 You're so strong and husky. 187 00:10:41.159 --> 00:10:41.440 Am I? 188 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:44.600 Yeah? And so loaded with vitality? 189 00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:45.519 Honestly? 190 00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:48.360 Sure? Well, I always think of you as being a 191 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:49.759 real he man. 192 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:53.399 You do, Yes, I have so much more than Gregory? 193 00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:54.879 Why should I fight it? 194 00:11:00.279 --> 00:11:00.799 Say? It was sure? 195 00:11:00.799 --> 00:11:02.200 And nice of you to drop in, though, Doris. 196 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:02.679 I want to. 197 00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:07.120 Hello Doris, Hello, mister Holt. 198 00:11:06.919 --> 00:11:07.799 Oh, Hello miss Ryan. 199 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:09.679 Hello? Mi is Ryan? How do you feel today? 200 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:12.720 Well, you know me, I always try to keep my 201 00:11:12.840 --> 00:11:17.360 chin up even though my archers are falling. I heard 202 00:11:17.399 --> 00:11:19.759 about what happened to mister Holt, and I thought i'd 203 00:11:19.759 --> 00:11:21.000 come over and cheer him up. 204 00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:22.720 Oh thanks. You see, I hurt my leg and I 205 00:11:22.759 --> 00:11:24.159 can't move it. It's nothing to worry about. 206 00:11:24.600 --> 00:11:25.720 Oh, I don't know about that. 207 00:11:26.360 --> 00:11:28.720 My uncle Julius had the same thing once in his 208 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:31.639 shoulders and he couldn't move his arms. 209 00:11:32.120 --> 00:11:35.039 The doctor made him leave them in one position. Oh 210 00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:36.320 that must have been terrible. 211 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:39.679 Well it worked out all right. When he died two 212 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:42.440 days later, his arms were already folded. 213 00:11:42.120 --> 00:11:42.720 On his chair. 214 00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:53.159 That's nice, Poorsha faces life. This gal backs into it. 215 00:11:55.240 --> 00:11:57.440 Yeah, Bob, you should listen to miss Ryan. 216 00:11:57.480 --> 00:11:59.159 She can help you. She's been through a lot of 217 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:00.440 these things, you know. Oh. 218 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:05.639 Yes, I've never really been all well all my life, 219 00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:12.200 that is all of it, you know, And recently, mister Hope, 220 00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:13.320 it's been much worse. 221 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:17.919 Yesterday I thought I was losing my mind all day long. 222 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:19.919 I kept hearing voices in my head. 223 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:22.720 You were hearing voices in your head, yes, But. 224 00:12:22.759 --> 00:12:24.000 I found out what it was. 225 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:26.639 The battery in my hearing aid was low and I 226 00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:27.720 was still getting. 227 00:12:27.399 --> 00:12:28.480 The election returned. 228 00:12:36.840 --> 00:12:38.159 Well, don't worry, Hoover made it. 229 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:38.519 You know. 230 00:12:40.679 --> 00:12:42.440 Well, it was nice for you to drop in, miss Ryan. 231 00:12:43.240 --> 00:12:46.159 Well, I do hope you get better. Oh, that reminds me. 232 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:48.639 Before I go, I wanted to show you a picture 233 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:51.399 of my uncle Julius, the one who died. 234 00:12:51.639 --> 00:12:52.919 Well, what do I want to see a picture of 235 00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:53.360 him for? 236 00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:55.000 Well, you might get worse. 237 00:12:55.519 --> 00:12:58.000 And if you don't pull through, it'll be nice if 238 00:12:58.039 --> 00:12:59.639 you know somebody when you get there. 239 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:16.120 Keep me chin up now, all right? If she ever 240 00:13:16.159 --> 00:13:18.399 gets married, she'll spend her honeymoon in the window of 241 00:13:18.399 --> 00:13:19.559 the Wrexall drug Star. 242 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:23.080 Well, I have to be running along, Tubabe. I promised 243 00:13:23.120 --> 00:13:25.440 Hi Abbek i'd meet him. He's making a screen test 244 00:13:25.480 --> 00:13:25.879 over here. 245 00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:28.480 Aberbach is making a screen test. You mean they've run 246 00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:29.000 out of talent. 247 00:13:29.960 --> 00:13:31.919 Well, I think Hi will do very well in pictures 248 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:32.720 because he tests. 249 00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:34.840 Hello everybody, Hello Doris. 250 00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:37.039 Oh hello, Hi? Are you all ready for your screen test? 251 00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:39.159 Yes, Doris, I just came from the makeup department. 252 00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:40.679 They didn't get your ears on straight. 253 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:51.279 At least my lobes are on the bottom. 254 00:13:51.559 --> 00:13:53.919 Hello Doris, how about running through the screen test with 255 00:13:53.919 --> 00:13:54.600 me like you promise. 256 00:13:54.720 --> 00:13:55.919 Okay, I have you the script. 257 00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:58.519 The scene we're doing takes place in the New York penthouse. 258 00:13:58.559 --> 00:13:59.879 We're social leaders, and we're married. 259 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:00.759 We're splitting up. 260 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:01.039 Now. 261 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:02.480 You have the first line, and I want you to 262 00:14:02.519 --> 00:14:04.559 pay close attention to my diction. 263 00:14:05.879 --> 00:14:09.279 Montgomery. I'm afraid that you and I are through. It's regrettable, 264 00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:10.240 but we can't go on. 265 00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:15.960 Yes, Ellie, I'm so sorry that we must split, but I'm. 266 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:17.960 Afraid we must go off separate ways. 267 00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:22.159 Don't you think you're carrying too many pounds of pressure? 268 00:14:22.200 --> 00:14:22.399 There? 269 00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:27.600 Lobes down upside down? 270 00:14:27.720 --> 00:14:32.399 Okay, sorry, well, Montgomery, if we're. 271 00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:37.639 Parting, well, Montgomery, if we're parting, I insist that you 272 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:38.279 give me the house. 273 00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:39.399 You have the house, and I. 274 00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:40.679 Want the Cadillac and the two Mercury. 275 00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:42.720 They're yours. But there's one thing you may not have. 276 00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:45.559 If you're speaking of the children, I want them. 277 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:47.759 You may have the children, my riches in my home, 278 00:14:48.279 --> 00:14:49.440 but I insist. 279 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:52.399 That you leave one thing. What that cake of swan 280 00:14:52.519 --> 00:14:53.320 soap in the kitchen. 281 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:57.039 Jimmy Fedder will give this picture of four bubbles. 282 00:14:59.559 --> 00:15:03.720 Yes, Alice, take everything, but please please don't take that Swan. 283 00:15:04.159 --> 00:15:07.120 Swan is the newer, better, white floating soap. Swan never 284 00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:10.240 crumples like our green castles did. No, sir, you can 285 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:12.960 use Swan right down to the last smooth sliver. And 286 00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:16.360 why because Swan is made by a modern, patented process 287 00:15:16.519 --> 00:15:19.320 that no other soap can use, a process that makes 288 00:15:19.320 --> 00:15:19.960 Swan better. 289 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:21.320 For dishes and hands. 290 00:15:21.559 --> 00:15:24.879 Swan is as mild as the finest castile. It protects 291 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:27.200 your hands, keeps them soft and smooth. 292 00:15:27.320 --> 00:15:29.440 He's right, my hands are so soft. When I want 293 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:31.440 to point at anybody, I have to starch one finger. 294 00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:42.799 Oh Alice, Alice, I can't leave you. Just think a 295 00:15:42.840 --> 00:15:45.799 cake of Swan brought us together again. I still love you. 296 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:46.679 And I love you. 297 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:49.279 I love you, Alice, I love you Monty. 298 00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:50.840 I'm engaged with the Lever Brothers. 299 00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:55.759 Yes, for your hands, your bath, and for babies bath. 300 00:15:55.879 --> 00:15:58.559 Swan is the best soap a float. When I swan, 301 00:15:58.720 --> 00:15:59.759 me too, you're. 302 00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:00.960 Sir, my crackheads. 303 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:10.720 Here's our junior crooner we barred from the oasis this week, 304 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:13.480 nineteen year old Bill Fairley. 305 00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:21.080 There is no verse to this song, because I'd have 306 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.399 walked away a moment too long. 307 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:26.840 To say that I'd love to get you. 308 00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:35.519 On the slow boat to China, all to myself below. 309 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:42.840 Yet you, and keep you in my arm. 310 00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:47.240 Severer ball, leave all your. 311 00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:54.080 Love weeping on the fire, away showers out on the 312 00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:02.720 blinding with the moon big and shiny, merely your heart 313 00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:11.000 the stone. Yes, I wanna get you on a snowboat 314 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:32.640 to China, all to my jail, ball. Yes, I wanna 315 00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:39.160 get you on a snowball to China, all to. 316 00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:40.559 My jail. 317 00:17:44.839 --> 00:18:02.680 On a real slow boat, on a slow ball China. 318 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:07.400 That's my son for Cleveland, Billy Barrel, Thank you very much, 319 00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:11.640 sing a slow boat to China. Now tonight, ladies and gentlemen, 320 00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:14.759 tonight we're going to present a very different kind of 321 00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:20.279 thing here. We have a thing here. Musicians, Please no 322 00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:25.599 tuning while the stars on. Please Now, as I was saying, please, please, 323 00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:28.880 hey you, hey Evelyn, stop with that magic violin. I 324 00:18:29.000 --> 00:18:31.279 resent that well, Jack, Benny. 325 00:18:31.079 --> 00:18:45.680 Ladies and gentlemen, Jack, what are you doing here? 326 00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:55.319 Some surprise? We rehearsed nine weeks already, Bob. 327 00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:57.240 Look it, I heard about your leg and I thought 328 00:18:57.240 --> 00:18:58.039 i'd pay you a visit. 329 00:18:58.079 --> 00:18:59.880 Well that's swellow you Jack. But how come you're sitting 330 00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:01.279 in with less Brown's Orchestra. 331 00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:04.319 Well, just once, I wanted to play in a band 332 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:07.359 and not worry about the leader's breath taking the varnish 333 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:08.079 off my vial. 334 00:19:14.039 --> 00:19:15.839 Well, you don't have to worry about less. Less hasn't 335 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:18.200 been high since Patrillo picked him up to Bourpen. But look, 336 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:20.920 it was awfully nice for you to drop in and 337 00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:21.279 see me. 338 00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:21.640 Jack. 339 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:24.119 Well, I was sorry to hear about your accident, Bob. Yeah, 340 00:19:24.119 --> 00:19:25.759 it's a little uncomfortable. But the worst of it. 341 00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:28.319 Is, whenever I hobble down the street, people keep throwing 342 00:19:28.359 --> 00:19:31.960 money in my hat. 343 00:19:34.920 --> 00:19:35.319 They do. 344 00:19:38.359 --> 00:19:40.519 That's how embarrassing. That's terrible. 345 00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:42.839 I must be awful, Bob. 346 00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:51.880 How much do you average a block? Oh it varies, 347 00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:54.440 but take my advice, Jack, stay away from Beverly Hills. 348 00:19:54.440 --> 00:19:59.519 Nothing but dewey buttons. But I can't get over how 349 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:01.279 nice it is of you to drop in on me, Jack. 350 00:20:01.359 --> 00:20:03.319 Well, Bob, that's the way it is with us troopers. 351 00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:05.319 You know, we show people have to stick together in 352 00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:06.319 these times of trouble. 353 00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:07.039 Why, as soon as I. 354 00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:08.839 Heard of your accident, I rushed right over here to 355 00:20:08.839 --> 00:20:10.240 be the first one at your side. 356 00:20:10.359 --> 00:20:10.599 Jack. 357 00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:12.079 You came over just to help me? 358 00:20:12.400 --> 00:20:15.920 Well, yes, yes, of course, if you buy the insurance 359 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:19.279 policy I have in mind, it helps me a little. 360 00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:26.559 Too, Jack. Why are you selling insurance? 361 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:29.920 Well, you see, it's a little early to start unloading 362 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:31.359 my line of Christmas cards. 363 00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:36.000 Well, Jack, I don't get this. You're a wealthy man. 364 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:43.319 You're worth millions of dollars. Whoops selling insurance? 365 00:20:43.400 --> 00:20:43.519 Huh? 366 00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:45.480 Well if you got a sample policy, you can show 367 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:55.359 me there in your portfolio. Jack, did you hear that? No? 368 00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:56.359 No, I didn't hear anything. 369 00:20:57.519 --> 00:20:58.880 You sure you didn't hear that? Echo? 370 00:20:59.480 --> 00:20:59.599 No? 371 00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:10.960 Kid, this is your show. Well look, Jack, let's face it, 372 00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:13.200 this is ridiculous. You don't have to sell insurance. You're 373 00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:15.960 a star. They write about you in the Saturday Evening Post. 374 00:21:16.279 --> 00:21:19.319 You're one of the outstanding comedians in show business, one 375 00:21:19.319 --> 00:21:23.720 of them. You don't mind me throwing that in there? 376 00:21:23.720 --> 00:21:25.000 Do you now? 377 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:30.680 This is still your show? Oh but you're really great, Jack. 378 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:32.799 People stay at home on Sundays just to listen to 379 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:36.359 your radio show. I have so much more than Fred Allen. 380 00:21:36.440 --> 00:21:37.359 Why should I fight? 381 00:21:40.920 --> 00:21:41.119 Say? 382 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:43.640 Wait a minute, that's my gag. I'll trade you for 383 00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:48.680 the odele. What'll my sponsors say? 384 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:49.079 Well? 385 00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:51.039 I swam, yes, sir? 386 00:21:52.119 --> 00:21:55.079 Wait a minute, ge wiz my goodness, and wait a minute, 387 00:21:55.079 --> 00:21:57.880 I'll say orry ye, wait a minute, yes. 388 00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:01.480 Sir cracky, way out the. 389 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:11.799 Easy Jackieither we pedal the stuff this way or I 390 00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:13.279 have to put on a pair of water wings and 391 00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:14.839 sell it bathtub to bathtub. 392 00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:18.359 My next line is a hum dinger. 393 00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:21.680 Bath's up to bathtub? 394 00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:27.640 Huh? I have trouble with my sponsor too. That's a dandylion, Thanks, Bob. 395 00:22:32.039 --> 00:22:36.519 I rehearsed four weeks for that line. Well, we were 396 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:38.720 going to give you something you could get your teeth into, 397 00:22:38.839 --> 00:22:41.319 but we weren't sure you'd have them with you tonight. 398 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.759 You wouldn't dare say that if you were still with 399 00:22:50.839 --> 00:22:52.079 Pepsiden brother. 400 00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:00.640 Power. 401 00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:10.039