WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.600 This is the audio from Recovery Stories Message of Hope, 2 00:00:03.799 --> 00:00:08.039 Part four, recorded on October seventeenth, twenty twenty four the 3 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:11.960 Travels City Mission. Here's Chris Goss with this Message of Hope. 4 00:00:12.839 --> 00:00:14.279 Good evening, How are you doing? 5 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:16.120 Uh? 6 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:17.839 Real, real quick question? 7 00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:20.800 Who in here is a drug addict or alcoholic or 8 00:00:20.839 --> 00:00:23.039 in recovery or person in recovery whatever you like to 9 00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:27.399 fucking call it? Okay, cool, glad you're here. Thanks for 10 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:32.920 coming real quick. My name is Chris, and a real 11 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:35.439 quick backstory. I used to love to shoot drugs and drink. 12 00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:37.640 So now you know who I am. Now I'm gonna 13 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:39.200 say it like i'd say in my home group. You know, 14 00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:40.840 you know my name is Chris, and you know who 15 00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:42.759 I am because I know you you know me. We 16 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:45.320 got the same kind of story, just a different ship 17 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:46.960 in the same same motion. You know. 18 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:48.920 It was Oh, real. 19 00:00:48.840 --> 00:00:54.359 Quick, there's gonna be some swearing, all right, and it's 20 00:00:54.399 --> 00:00:56.840 like you're seeing the movie over the top when Hawk 21 00:00:56.920 --> 00:00:58.920 turns his hat around and it turns it on. 22 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:00.679 And things are gonna get fun and serious. 23 00:01:01.439 --> 00:01:03.520 Well the hat just got turned around, so here we go, 24 00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:07.319 all right, so check it out. Like I said, I'm 25 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:09.719 forty four years old. I could claim I'm twenty three. 26 00:01:09.799 --> 00:01:12.439 Most people confuse me for a young guy. But the 27 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.280 best you know what it is is it's like, so 28 00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:17.680 I'm the third child. I'm an entitled kid. I guess 29 00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:19.840 you could say live. So I was born in Detroit 30 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:21.840 and my parents my dad got moved to the air 31 00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:26.319 base in Battle Creek. He's an air aircraft mechanic. So again, 32 00:01:26.439 --> 00:01:28.760 the third child. My brother's a cop in cold Water. 33 00:01:31.319 --> 00:01:33.959 My sister's a mother of a child I had. I 34 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:36.560 was the youngest. I had two sons, my sister has 35 00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:39.239 a son, my brother has two sons. And there's you know, 36 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:42.959 so I was the funkal turns out I was the drunkel. 37 00:01:43.400 --> 00:01:47.000 But you know what it happens. So I'd only have 38 00:01:48.200 --> 00:01:50.159 I think a half hour. I couldn't milk it a 39 00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:52.040 little bit. I'm not a very good public speaker, but 40 00:01:52.040 --> 00:01:56.159 a guy can I fucking speak in public? So, you know, 41 00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:58.200 it starts off like the age of thirteen, you know, 42 00:01:58.239 --> 00:02:01.799 you start taking pharmaceutic, you start drinking the party to 43 00:02:01.840 --> 00:02:04.599 be cool. So from the age of thirteen to probably 44 00:02:04.640 --> 00:02:08.039 thirty five, my middle name was xanax uh, So you know, 45 00:02:08.120 --> 00:02:10.879 and then you know, oh, I'll never do acid. I 46 00:02:10.919 --> 00:02:14.280 did that when you all never and I'll never shoot heroin. Well, 47 00:02:14.360 --> 00:02:16.280 I became pretty good. There's a commercial back in the 48 00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:19.319 eighties nobody wants to be a junkie when you grow up. 49 00:02:19.479 --> 00:02:22.080 I became very good and I succeeded at that one. 50 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:24.599 So then you know, in the meetings, we got jail's institutions, 51 00:02:24.599 --> 00:02:28.479 and death got the T shirt, been there, and I'll 52 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:30.400 be damned if I didn't die a few times too. 53 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:33.120 So it's just like, you know, the whole gamut of 54 00:02:33.159 --> 00:02:35.080 things that you go through, the things that I went through, 55 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:39.000 the things that we all went through. Excuse me, you 56 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:41.680 get a little parched up here, water boy? Can I 57 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:45.520 get one? You know? So basically how things work out, 58 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:47.360 as you know, you start off party and you want 59 00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:51.120 to be the cool guy. Uh, and so I'm the youngest, 60 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:53.199 and the way it works out for me is my 61 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:57.120 mom could never tell me no, So you know, it's 62 00:02:57.159 --> 00:02:58.680 you know, it all just starts off with. 63 00:02:58.759 --> 00:02:59.840 You know, the youngest. 64 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:01.439 And now I was a heavy set kid, and it 65 00:03:01.479 --> 00:03:02.879 turns out when you quit shooting hair and you get 66 00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:05.360 a little fatter again too, but you become comfortable you 67 00:03:05.439 --> 00:03:08.039 use humor, you start to fucking defend yourself. So I 68 00:03:08.039 --> 00:03:09.879 mean I could sit here for hours and tell you 69 00:03:09.960 --> 00:03:12.080 what not to do. I think we all could see 70 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:14.560 what what what can I get after? You know that's 71 00:03:14.599 --> 00:03:17.000 really gonna grab you by the booble and let you 72 00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:18.840 know what happened to me the worst? Well, they say 73 00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:22.000 rock bottom is a spot where you hit your lowest point. 74 00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:24.319 Well I went to rock bottom quite a few times. 75 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:27.080 One particular time I had TNT and blew right through 76 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:28.800 the fucking bottom and kept fucking going. 77 00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:32.879 Uh So, where do I want to start? 78 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:38.800 And there was that one, and then there was that one, 79 00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:43.000 and then there was that one. Uh So you know 80 00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:46.800 when when people are using drugs and you're around somebody 81 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:49.919 and you're doing drugs with them, and they've done too 82 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:51.520 many drugs and. 83 00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:54.439 They don't make it. 84 00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:00.879 Uh, what is a normal person's first reaction, call nine 85 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:06.479 one one, trying to save this person. Well I was 86 00:04:06.520 --> 00:04:11.199 more occupied by still getting high. So what had happened 87 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:13.759 was this guy had died and I didn't do a 88 00:04:13.800 --> 00:04:17.360 fucking thing about it, and I ended up going to jail. 89 00:04:18.279 --> 00:04:21.759 And uh, this is another part of the story, you 90 00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:22.319 know what I mean? 91 00:04:22.920 --> 00:04:25.600 This this is the depth it took me to These 92 00:04:25.639 --> 00:04:29.759 drugs and alcohol had me by such a stronghold that 93 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:32.839 this other person that you know, I only knew him 94 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:35.839 for a few days. I rationalized it forever, but then 95 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:39.079 I found out that it's you know, that's his story, 96 00:04:39.319 --> 00:04:42.319 and his story ended. And so why I'm standing here 97 00:04:42.360 --> 00:04:47.120 today is because my story continued. It's not the best 98 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:53.319 thing that happened in my life, but life keeps moving on. 99 00:04:56.000 --> 00:05:02.160 And you know, it's when you meet people in rehabs. 100 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:02.439 You know. 101 00:05:03.079 --> 00:05:04.800 First of all, I'd like to thank my friends in 102 00:05:04.839 --> 00:05:07.920 the back that came to visit and came to support me. 103 00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:08.959 I have. 104 00:05:10.360 --> 00:05:12.560 My home group. I have a guy that I knew 105 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:15.319 in home, you know, in the county jail. And then 106 00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:17.519 there's a special woman who's in the audience who we 107 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:18.600 share a home together. 108 00:05:19.079 --> 00:05:20.519 So I mean, these are all and you. 109 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:23.600 You get to know these people, and these are the 110 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:25.720 people that want to see me succeed. They don't care 111 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:27.639 that I just caught some dope or I got some booze. 112 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:29.319 They don't want to see me do that. They want 113 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:30.879 to see you do better. So they're they're to support 114 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:33.759 for they're sort to help. And then you know, life 115 00:05:33.800 --> 00:05:37.759 today for me is good. I wake up at five 116 00:05:37.759 --> 00:05:40.759 o'clock in the morning, I take my daughter, my son's 117 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:44.920 uh twenty one and eighteen are my oldest, and then 118 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:45.959 my youngest kid. 119 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:48.839 Is three, so it's to be huge gap, huge gap. 120 00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:52.759 So I'm in and all in that time. You know, life, 121 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:55.639 life kept life in me. And you know what I 122 00:05:55.800 --> 00:05:59.040 learned to do best was to get high and drink. 123 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:04.439 And I mean, I gotta try and keep it. 124 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:05.959 They say, it's a message of hope. 125 00:06:07.399 --> 00:06:09.519 So I don't want to relive on too much or 126 00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:12.360 the old fucking you know, copping dopes, going and getting 127 00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:14.160 high and all the things that you used to fucking do, 128 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:15.519 because we've all done it. 129 00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:16.439 We've all been there. 130 00:06:16.519 --> 00:06:20.000 And like I said, it's just we're in different ships, 131 00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:22.920 some bigger, some smaller, with the same rocky, crazy ocean. 132 00:06:23.399 --> 00:06:26.560 And uh you know, at some point somebody threw me 133 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:28.639 a life ring. And you know, this is where I 134 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:31.199 met a lot of people. And you know, some people 135 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:32.800 that I met in treatment I used with. So you 136 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:34.279 have to kind of pick and choose who you want 137 00:06:34.279 --> 00:06:37.519 to be around. And uh so I met this Cory Wintfield, 138 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:39.199 a guy, and he's like I'm gonna start a podcast. 139 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:42.160 The room woman is two seventeen, and so I've seen 140 00:06:42.199 --> 00:06:44.920 this guy actually do his thing, and he was out 141 00:06:44.920 --> 00:06:46.920 and he always kept trying. You know, you got it, 142 00:06:47.319 --> 00:06:48.920 and he's like, well, you'll do it on you know, 143 00:06:48.920 --> 00:06:49.680 you'll figure it out. 144 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:50.480 You'll figure it out. 145 00:06:50.839 --> 00:06:55.040 And uh, let's say, nine hundred and fifty eight days 146 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:58.439 ago was the last time I picked. 147 00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:00.879 Up a drink or drugs. So that's like years, seven months. 148 00:07:00.920 --> 00:07:02.759 I used to be that guys that I don't count days, 149 00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:04.720 so we'll make them fucking count. So for the past 150 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:06.680 nine and fifty eight days, I've made every fucking day 151 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:08.360 that I have count. 152 00:07:19.079 --> 00:07:20.600 Ain't that the truth? Uh? 153 00:07:21.079 --> 00:07:23.519 So you know, then, when when when I finally moved 154 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:27.680 into a sober house that wasn't in Battle Creek if 155 00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:29.600 you if you knew about Battle Creek, you heard war 156 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:32.160 stories about Battle Creek. Wonderful town if you know the 157 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:35.600 right people. Terrible place if you're a guy like me. 158 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:40.759 So I moved up to Boyne's City, Okay, I called 159 00:07:40.759 --> 00:07:43.560 it a piece of shit town for the first I 160 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:45.560 couldn't tell you how long it was because I didn't. 161 00:07:45.560 --> 00:07:48.040 I wasn't ready then because then when I moved, moved 162 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:49.720 into a sober house. We're gonna do what everything that 163 00:07:49.720 --> 00:07:51.959 you called the next step, I called it the next stumble. 164 00:07:52.600 --> 00:07:55.759 August first, I'm closing the place. In the thirty days. 165 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:58.040 You got to find somewhere to go. So, you know, 166 00:07:58.279 --> 00:08:00.000 just like I had a recovery coach who called me 167 00:08:00.040 --> 00:08:02.680 said he was gonna kill himself, I had another person 168 00:08:02.920 --> 00:08:06.079 offer me drugs as a sponsor in Battle Creek, and 169 00:08:06.519 --> 00:08:10.040 uh so, you know, I moved to Boyne City. 170 00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:11.199 We move into this sober house. 171 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:13.120 And if you go back to the very beginning of 172 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:16.439 the two seventeen Recovery podcast, you'll probably hear about sexual 173 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:19.480 relations or you'll hear any of these other things. You know, 174 00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:21.079 because I was on part of that podcast. It was 175 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:23.079 a very point in time in my life. But then 176 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:25.399 once I got you know, left the sober house, I 177 00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:28.959 was Northern Michigan, sober, smoking, reefer and drinking because by god, 178 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:29.959 you can buy it in a store. 179 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:33.440 I think there's one down the road. I'm not from 180 00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:34.879 this town, but you. 181 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:38.200 Know, it's uh, this is the craziest part about life today, 182 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:40.399 you know, is all these things. And I always told myself, 183 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:43.360 if I I'll just smoke weed. I'll just smoke weed. 184 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:45.279 Now, you know what. This weed wasn't good enough. 185 00:08:45.559 --> 00:08:49.080 So then this to the time that I'm living Northern 186 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:51.399 Michigan sober. I have my own apartment, I have my 187 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:53.840 own car, things that I haven't had in quite a while. 188 00:08:53.879 --> 00:08:57.600 Iss to you know, Uh, I get news that my 189 00:08:57.720 --> 00:09:02.559 father passed away, and so I'm not allowed to smoke 190 00:09:02.600 --> 00:09:06.279 in here, am I Okay, I'll just wait. 191 00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:08.759 So, you know. 192 00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:12.159 So the only way I could actually deal with my 193 00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:15.279 dad's death at the time, no matter how much, no 194 00:09:15.320 --> 00:09:17.440 matter how much I put in that needle, no matter 195 00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:19.320 how much I drank, my father was still in Fort 196 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:20.679 Custard National Cemetery. 197 00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:25.120 So that didn't work. 198 00:09:25.200 --> 00:09:27.159 And I promised myself, if I got to feel the pot, 199 00:09:27.200 --> 00:09:30.080 you know, I'll just smoke pot. Bullshit because I did 200 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:32.720 that one thing that made me feel really really good 201 00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:35.000 and drown out the emotions and the things that I 202 00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:37.240 never wanted to feel. So I just knew that one 203 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:39.240 thing that was always gonna make everything better, and it 204 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:42.320 turned out it didn't do well for me. So after 205 00:09:42.360 --> 00:09:44.879 this relapse began, they found me on the side of 206 00:09:44.919 --> 00:09:50.159 the road and my boss's van unresponsive. After I had 207 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:52.559 been driving back from wherever I was because I just 208 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:54.240 got my giddy up to get my ducks in a 209 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:56.120 row and I couldn't wait to get home to do 210 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:57.720 it because I needed and I need it now. 211 00:09:57.919 --> 00:09:59.440 JG Wentworth, thank you. 212 00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:03.639 So you know, all the times that I've been in 213 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:05.480 trouble before, all the you know times that I was 214 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:07.679 forced into treatment, all the times that I had to 215 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:10.720 go do it, I never did it for myself. So 216 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:15.120 I uh after, you know, so you get put on bond, well, 217 00:10:15.159 --> 00:10:17.399 I guess that they give you PBTs and you know, 218 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:19.360 are you drug screens when you're on bond? So they 219 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.519 don't like it when you drop dirty or blow hot 220 00:10:21.879 --> 00:10:23.440 and you know, so here I am, I get it. 221 00:10:23.639 --> 00:10:24.679 They let me out. 222 00:10:25.320 --> 00:10:28.720 It's four o'clock in the morning in Antrim County, and 223 00:10:28.759 --> 00:10:30.320 I'm from Battle Creek, where you can just get out 224 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:31.879 of jail, go across the street and go to the 225 00:10:31.879 --> 00:10:34.639 liquor store and cop some dope. I'm in the middle 226 00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:38.440 of fucking nowhere, four o'clock in the morning, with no shoelaces, 227 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:41.279 a tank top, a pair of shorts, and my sunglasses 228 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.039 and everything else was in the van. So I called 229 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:46.000 somebody that I knew, and she came and picked me 230 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:49.679 up four point thirty in the morning in Antrim County. 231 00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:52.559 She lived in Boyne. So this time the judge is like, 232 00:10:53.759 --> 00:10:54.440 you need to do. 233 00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:57.480 Some things, and you know, so here I am the 234 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:02.720 you know, blowing at eight o'clock in the morning, grabbing 235 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:05.039 my juice. 236 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:07.039 Didn't go to work, and then I got to drink. 237 00:11:06.919 --> 00:11:08.840 Until seven o'clock because I got to get it all 238 00:11:08.919 --> 00:11:11.200 in before I got to stop and figure out when 239 00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:13.240 I you know, I've not been enough time to. 240 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:14.120 Get in the next one. 241 00:11:14.679 --> 00:11:20.399 So finally I bumped into somebody i'd met in rehab before. 242 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:24.000 Well you know, oh, the the the world Wide Web, 243 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:26.200 the Internet. You know, you come across somebody you meet 244 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:29.320 that you knew, and well she was on parole because 245 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:30.279 she just got out of prison. 246 00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:32.519 So this is gonna be great, you know what I mean? 247 00:11:35.039 --> 00:11:38.639 And uh, the funny part is, so far everything has 248 00:11:38.759 --> 00:11:42.440 been great because people can change, and you know, unfortunately 249 00:11:42.440 --> 00:11:44.879 we lost her father and it was because of alcohol. 250 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:47.919 And I looked at her one day and I said, 251 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:50.000 I don't want to fucking be like that. She said, 252 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:54.600 well then quick drinking motherfucker. I kind of hurt a 253 00:11:54.639 --> 00:12:00.559 little bit, and you know it's so here's the message part, 254 00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:04.720 all the past, all the bullshit. She drugged me to 255 00:12:04.759 --> 00:12:08.759 meetings as I'm drunk, got to get my sheet signed, 256 00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:12.679 and then you meet people. No buddy Rob was the 257 00:12:12.679 --> 00:12:17.240 first one I met, and he, you know, he's these 258 00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:22.919 positive people in your life. So I keep going back 259 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:25.919 to these meetings because they say, keep coming back. 260 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:30.320 Battle Creek told me to get the fuck out these meetings. 261 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:32.159 They tell you keep coming back, we want to see 262 00:12:32.200 --> 00:12:32.679 you do better. 263 00:12:32.759 --> 00:12:35.480 Keep coming back. So then finally I went and bought 264 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:38.279 a pill. They didn't do anything but keep me, you know, 265 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:40.080 from getting deadly sick while drinking. 266 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:42.480 Because I'm not a huge matt. 267 00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:45.120 I think they call him medically his sister treatment person 268 00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:47.720 because I can find a way to fucking abuse anything. 269 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:50.240 But at this time, I took this an abuse pill 270 00:12:51.120 --> 00:12:53.679 so I wouldn't drink. And you know, here's where the 271 00:12:53.759 --> 00:12:58.200 road to recovery starts. Because everything that I had tried 272 00:12:58.360 --> 00:13:01.639 before it didn't work. Because you know why, it's what 273 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.519 I wanted to do. It's how I chose to live 274 00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.200 my life. It's how it was gonna. I was gonna 275 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:11.279 fix my problem. I was, well, it turns out that 276 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:15.519 I fucked ship up. So I keep going to these meetings. 277 00:13:15.559 --> 00:13:20.600 They keep telling me to come back meet these positive 278 00:13:20.639 --> 00:13:23.440 people that come here, that that supports you. You got 279 00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:25.960 positive people inviting you to come to produce me. I've 280 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:29.200 been sober for two years and nobody's ever asked me 281 00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:31.639 to talk in front of people. I think it's either 282 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:33.480 number one, because I'm gonna sit there and tell you 283 00:13:33.519 --> 00:13:35.080 how bad it was, to the point where you just 284 00:13:35.159 --> 00:13:44.480 might go, ah, but how bad? Sorry, rough crowd, Okay, uh, 285 00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:46.960 but I mean how bad, dude? How bad did I 286 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.279 want to get high in the past? Really fucking bad? 287 00:13:49.279 --> 00:13:50.960 But how bad do I want to be sober today? 288 00:13:51.559 --> 00:13:54.000 Even more so I get to wake up in the morning, 289 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:56.639 I get to go. I'm unofficial official number two on 290 00:13:56.679 --> 00:14:01.360 the glass line at Wodron Window and Door Corporation, means 291 00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:03.960 that I'm number two in charge. I like to make 292 00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:07.240 things sound better because it sounds better when you're sober. 293 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:10.639 All the things that I did, all. 294 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.360 The pot that I smoked, all the drugs that I did, 295 00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:13.759 all this stuff that I did that led me to 296 00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:15.759 where I am today. You know, you go to you 297 00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:19.320 get arrested, then you know you didn't die. Oh thank god. 298 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:21.960 I always said that a lot, but I never really 299 00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:24.519 believed in a higher power. And then tell I went 300 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:26.000 into a church one day and I was like, all right, man, 301 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:28.879 show me something. And all these coincidences that were happened 302 00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:31.720 in my life, there weren't coincidences. There was my higher 303 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:34.600 power that kept me alive to understand that I had 304 00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:36.519 something to do. I always to pray men, Hey, I 305 00:14:36.519 --> 00:14:38.440 don't know all my purposes, but fucking hurry up and 306 00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:41.440 tell me. I found out that it's in his time. 307 00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:45.039 Everything that I did up until that point. He kept 308 00:14:45.080 --> 00:14:50.320 me around to uh maybe talk to you guys, maybe 309 00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:53.799 to give a message of hope, you know what I mean, 310 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:56.639 being able to come up here and kind of uh 311 00:14:57.320 --> 00:14:59.759 ramble on for a little bit with a fucking dry mouth, 312 00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:04.240 cotton mouth. Want to smoke a cigarette? You know, that's 313 00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:07.639 the one advice I have, because Philip Morris likes me 314 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:10.080 more than I'll keep going. 315 00:15:10.120 --> 00:15:11.879 But it's just gonna go over your heads. 316 00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:14.799 You know. I was sponsored by Marlboro when I was 317 00:15:14.840 --> 00:15:17.720 on the podcast, but they never gave me any cigarettes. 318 00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:21.200 You knows all the things that I did in my 319 00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:22.840 therapist that I used to go to. I called her 320 00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:25.320 doctor angel face until I got a seven hundred dollar bill. 321 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:30.360 You know, she said, make sure you emphasize the fact 322 00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:34.879 that even smoking pot, I can't do it. I can't 323 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:36.679 drink a little bit because if I drink a little bit, 324 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:38.320 I drink too much. If I shoot a little bit, 325 00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:40.840 I'm gonna shoot too much. I can't even smoke a 326 00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:45.159 little bit of reefer today. I'm alright with that. I 327 00:15:45.240 --> 00:15:48.000 accepted the fact that I cannot put anything into my 328 00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.440 body to change the way that I am. Anything that 329 00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:53.600 changes this mindset. Even a little caffeine gets me jacked 330 00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:57.240 up a little too much. If I have an energy drink, 331 00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:59.360 I get cut off halfway through because she takes the 332 00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:04.279 can from me. So it's like, I'm grateful to be 333 00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:07.279 alive because I finally found a higher power. My higher 334 00:16:07.320 --> 00:16:10.240 power kept me alive to tell this story. And uh, 335 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:14.639 you know, life's good today. No, no, it's not fucking perfect. 336 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:17.399 Sometimes my shoelace comes undone in a public restroom. 337 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:19.919 That sucks. That sucks. 338 00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:24.679 You know what you gotta do is just tie and 339 00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:28.919 wash your hands. So, like, you know, I'm grateful to 340 00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:30.639 be alive. I'm grateful to come up here and talk 341 00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:35.840 to you guys. Didn't win anything, but you know what, 342 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:38.639 I got to enjoy a nice, complimentary meal. I was 343 00:16:38.679 --> 00:16:40.240 invited to here and offered a free meal and the 344 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:41.240 opportunity to spread a. 345 00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:44.480 Message of hope. And uh, I hope what I said. 346 00:16:44.919 --> 00:16:47.440 Well, it's like, I'm sure it's sunk in because you 347 00:16:47.480 --> 00:16:48.840 guys wouldn't be here if you didn't want to hear 348 00:16:48.840 --> 00:16:51.200 what the fuck I had to say. And there's other 349 00:16:51.240 --> 00:16:54.039 people here too. It's not just about me. Imagine that. 350 00:16:56.159 --> 00:17:00.679 You know, it's like I got good people. 351 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:02.799 In my my, my mom. Actually, you know, call, we call, 352 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:03.399 we talked. 353 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:03.720 Uh. 354 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:05.680 This is the woman who once told me she's like, 355 00:17:05.799 --> 00:17:07.200 I love you, but I'm not gonna love you to death. 356 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:09.960 I'm not gonna hold your hand into the grave. Don't worry, mom, 357 00:17:10.039 --> 00:17:11.359 I just gotta move back. And got kicked out of 358 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:14.359 a sober house. I'll be out in a couple of days. 359 00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:17.119 Six months later, you know, I'm overdosed. Six months later, 360 00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:19.200 I'm stealing two thousand dollars. I have to just bond 361 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:21.680 me out of jail. I became a very good criminal, 362 00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:25.000 but today I'm not just like you know, my name 363 00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:26.799 is Chris, I'm a drugadtic, alcoholic. But I'm not that 364 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.680 guy today because I have a higher power, because I 365 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:31.799 choose to talk to people, and I, you know, I 366 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:34.799 get that I don't I don't have to talk to people. 367 00:17:34.839 --> 00:17:36.519 I get to do the things I do. It's all 368 00:17:36.519 --> 00:17:38.680 about perceptions, all about how you see things. It's all 369 00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:40.880 about how you see your life. I did see myself 370 00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:42.079 as a worthless piece of shit. 371 00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:45.480 Now I'm now. Now I'm a pretty decent. 372 00:17:45.240 --> 00:17:48.160 Guy, good enough to where people will fucking come watch 373 00:17:48.279 --> 00:17:50.599 me and drive, you know, a few hours, an hour 374 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:54.519 and a half. Charlav Waite is my new hometown, my 375 00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:57.880 place where I live. It's uh, it's pretty classy. 376 00:17:59.319 --> 00:17:59.519 Uh. 377 00:17:59.559 --> 00:18:02.720 There's there's people that come up during the summertime. They 378 00:18:02.759 --> 00:18:08.720 call them budgies, but they get They drive all the 379 00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:11.680 way up to fucking visit the place that I live. 380 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:13.759 I get to drive to the you know, drive to 381 00:18:13.799 --> 00:18:17.440 the store and I see a glorious, majestic lake. I 382 00:18:17.480 --> 00:18:19.079 get to see wonderful sunsets. 383 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:19.720 You know. 384 00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:21.880 I used to, uh, I used to, you know, I 385 00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:24.640 used to fucking not care. I'd get pissed when the 386 00:18:24.680 --> 00:18:26.480 sun was coming up. It's damn it. 387 00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:28.119 I didn't go to sleep again. 388 00:18:29.160 --> 00:18:31.039 So the message of hope that I have for you 389 00:18:31.119 --> 00:18:33.359 guys is, you know, there's a there's a higher power 390 00:18:33.359 --> 00:18:35.680 that he loves you, if you know, if you want 391 00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:37.240 to find him, whatever it may be. 392 00:18:37.319 --> 00:18:38.519 It could be a chair in that room. 393 00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:40.880 But if the chair in that room keeps you coming back, 394 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:44.200 like they told me to, keep coming back, keep fucking 395 00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:47.039 going back, keep fucking making the better effort to be 396 00:18:47.079 --> 00:18:49.799 a better person than you were the day before. I 397 00:18:49.799 --> 00:18:52.640 don't know how much time I burned up. I didn't 398 00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:54.920 say burn it up. Uh you know, I'm just thinking 399 00:18:54.920 --> 00:19:01.359 about smoking. So I mean it's uh it scot. Always 400 00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:06.680 good to see old friends, new friends, friends in recovery. 401 00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:20.880