WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:05.599 I'm Ali. 2 00:00:05.879 --> 00:00:08.320 I came out after twenty years of marriage and I 3 00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:09.119 have three kids. 4 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 5 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.880 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 6 00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 7 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.199 and victories that. 8 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:20.640 Come with it. 9 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 10 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 11 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:37.479 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. 12 00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:39.359 Eyebald, eyeball, eyeball to eyeball. 13 00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:43.520 This is de ja vous, is it? Yeah? The little 14 00:00:43.560 --> 00:00:45.119 amount of prep that we do for. 15 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:48.759 These like you guys have no idea. You guys think 16 00:00:48.759 --> 00:00:53.520 are professionals, literally like the least professional things. 17 00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:53.759 True. 18 00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:55.960 But we did have an episode topic today that I like, 19 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.079 and we usually don't. 20 00:00:56.880 --> 00:00:59.119 Even have a topic. It's about two minutes before. 21 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:00.000 Yeah, we were prepared. 22 00:01:00.200 --> 00:01:04.480 We were highly prepared. Yes, so you sent me up hilarious, 23 00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:06.040 very very fitting. 24 00:01:06.439 --> 00:01:06.959 Oh my god. 25 00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:09.680 The moment that this guy started talking, I was like, 26 00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:11.239 I have to send this to Ali. It was this 27 00:01:11.319 --> 00:01:14.879 comedian and he's talking about how on an airplane. First 28 00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:16.719 of all, he is judging the people that are working 29 00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:18.200 not working. But he was like, if you're in a 30 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:22.159 middle seat. There's no one you need to be emailing 31 00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:25.560 right now. This is not an airplane email situation. If 32 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:29.079 you're sitting in a middle seat seat, you're not that important. 33 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:29.920 You are not important. 34 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:32.799 If you find yourself in the middle seat, you are 35 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:33.840 not important enough to. 36 00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:34.719 Have an email to send. 37 00:01:35.159 --> 00:01:39.280 And he's like looking at the guy's screen, like, no, Carl, exactly, 38 00:01:39.280 --> 00:01:39.920 it's so true. 39 00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:41.959 And then what else did he say? Said, I'll decide 40 00:01:41.959 --> 00:01:42.359 who gets. 41 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.879 Yeah, he's like talking about how he's because he likes 42 00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:49.319 the aisle seat. That means he's the captain of that row, 43 00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:53.760 captain of the row, captain of the row. And he's like, 44 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:56.599 i'd get the flight, attend to hints the snacks to me, 45 00:01:57.200 --> 00:02:01.079 and I decide what who gets the other? Next you 46 00:02:01.200 --> 00:02:04.439 get your bisk off. And I'm like watching this, I'm like, 47 00:02:04.519 --> 00:02:06.560 this is Ali. This is Ali's mindset. 48 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:08.719 You got ask me if you you want to go 49 00:02:08.719 --> 00:02:11.159 to the bathroom, check in with me, and I'll got 50 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:11.479 to go for me. 51 00:02:12.039 --> 00:02:14.280 You know, I'll let you know if it's happening for you, 52 00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:16.280 may or may not be depending on what I've got, 53 00:02:16.360 --> 00:02:17.560 what emails I've got going. 54 00:02:17.719 --> 00:02:19.960 I know that's just it. You've got the laptop out, 55 00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:21.120 You're important. 56 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:21.840 It's true. 57 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.879 Cat when they fly with me, they know that I'm 58 00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:27.120 gonna have the aisle seat, and then read will start 59 00:02:27.159 --> 00:02:30.000 negotiating with me on the drive to the airport about 60 00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:33.240 can I have the aisle for some of the flight 61 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:34.240 or oh my. 62 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:36.039 God, Like the hell you think you are? 63 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:38.319 You think I'm gonna put a fifteen year old on 64 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:39.960 the aisle and I'm going to be in the middle. 65 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:41.120 Get out of here. I don't know. 66 00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:43.960 I feel like the aisle seat feels like too much 67 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:46.840 responsibility to me. It's captain of the iss It's captain 68 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:48.159 of the isle. You got it. You do have to 69 00:02:48.199 --> 00:02:50.400 handle the snacks. You have to stay awake too, Like 70 00:02:50.439 --> 00:02:54.439 you're really like, if you fall asleep, then someone wants 71 00:02:54.439 --> 00:02:55.439 to get up, you gotta. 72 00:02:55.199 --> 00:02:58.000 Get woken up or they know better than to nudge right. 73 00:02:58.360 --> 00:02:59.400 I'm sure you get. 74 00:02:59.240 --> 00:03:00.120 Some icon ha. 75 00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:02.960 Yeah you I'm the captain. 76 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:06.759 They say that, and you're like, yeah, anyone need to 77 00:03:06.759 --> 00:03:11.039 go to the potty robin. 78 00:03:12.199 --> 00:03:13.800 It's so very, very true. 79 00:03:13.960 --> 00:03:16.960 And the people sending emails like their elbows in tight 80 00:03:17.039 --> 00:03:17.560 in the middle. 81 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:19.280 I'm like, dude, you are not that important. 82 00:03:20.360 --> 00:03:22.360 Hang it up, get out your get out your phone 83 00:03:22.360 --> 00:03:23.120 and watch the Netflix. 84 00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:27.199 What is it about the window seat that seems slightly better? 85 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:29.840 I love the window seat because it to me that 86 00:03:29.879 --> 00:03:31.800 feels like my own little personal office. 87 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:33.719 I know, but is it like but I'm saying like 88 00:03:33.759 --> 00:03:35.120 it's a little bit better than the middle it is. 89 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.520 Yeah, I mean I'm choosing the window because I feel 90 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:41.919 it's more private, Like no one can really I can 91 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:44.800 angle myself. I can look at my phone and be 92 00:03:44.919 --> 00:03:48.560 angled to where someone can't watch my watch. I watch 93 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:52.919 with full privacy. That's one that gets a little scary 94 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:54.960 on the airplane. If you ever watched Euphoria, that's a 95 00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:59.039 very graphic show. Yeah, you're in the aisle seat. Speaking 96 00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:03.520 of graphics. We should talk about the porn topic. Yeah, 97 00:04:03.560 --> 00:04:05.199 we can talk about the porn topic, but I'm not 98 00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:07.759 delving in. There's a lot of information I'm keeping close 99 00:04:07.800 --> 00:04:08.520 to the close. 100 00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.759 I can see why you would in this particular moment. 101 00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:13.039 I can see why you would. 102 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:16.360 But yeah, so so Robin and I were talking about 103 00:04:16.360 --> 00:04:18.839 how like it's not just like you don't just google porn. 104 00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.879 You've got to like type in a topic so somebody 105 00:04:21.959 --> 00:04:23.639 I can't remember who I was dming with. 106 00:04:23.720 --> 00:04:27.000 But they basically were like what if you had, like you. 107 00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:30.680 Had people basically DM in what they're they don't have 108 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:31.399 to tell anybody. 109 00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:32.319 I'll keep it private. 110 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:36.639 Come on, guys, you can trust me, you can trust 111 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:38.000 for me. 112 00:04:38.519 --> 00:04:40.160 Tell me what you search up. 113 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.959 And then with that, I'm so curious what other people's 114 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:44.959 searches are because. 115 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:47.360 They're very niche. Yes, it's very very niche. 116 00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:49.560 It's like and you you're into it for a minute, 117 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.319 and then you're kind of like all right, like after 118 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:52.600 a few months or like I'm ready for. 119 00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:54.360 A new niche right. 120 00:04:54.600 --> 00:04:57.720 So and also, I mean there are a lot of 121 00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:00.839 states in the US right now that have banned sites 122 00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:05.720 like porn Hub and you porn and or it's like 123 00:05:05.720 --> 00:05:08.079 you have to put your driver's license number in or 124 00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:10.560 something like they want to verify your age, like truly, 125 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:12.639 but I'm like, I'm not doing. 126 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:15.079 That, man, Like that's Big Brothers watching, right. 127 00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:18.560 But the problem with that is that the legit sites 128 00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:21.240 who where people are probably getting act. 129 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:23.959 Are making you do that. So what do you' to 130 00:05:24.079 --> 00:05:24.600 end up doing? 131 00:05:24.639 --> 00:05:27.920 You're watching the one where in the basement, Yeah, in 132 00:05:27.959 --> 00:05:30.319 the basement with paid with unpaid labor. 133 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:34.959 Right, so yeah, it's like this moral dilemma, and I 134 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:37.160 think I might put the license in do I care? 135 00:05:37.160 --> 00:05:38.000 I mean, I know, I know. 136 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:40.240 It's like I'm a full grown adult. I know I'm 137 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:41.879 not lacking for anything illegal. 138 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.439 I'm allowed to watch porn, guy, I'm allowed. I'm old 139 00:05:44.519 --> 00:05:45.959 enough to watch porn guys. 140 00:05:47.079 --> 00:05:48.399 Just now, just now, exactly. 141 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:51.560 I did find myself because after that episode, somebody asked me, 142 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:54.000 like what, I'm so curious what you do search? And 143 00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:57.639 I very very rarely get embarrassed. 144 00:05:57.439 --> 00:05:58.120 Like shy. 145 00:05:58.360 --> 00:05:59.079 That makes me shy. 146 00:05:59.199 --> 00:06:01.600 I got so shy about it. I did say it. 147 00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:04.000 I think I even said it to there was more 148 00:06:04.040 --> 00:06:06.759 than just her there, but I thought, for a minute, 149 00:06:06.759 --> 00:06:08.720 I'm like, wow, you guys are kind of rattling me 150 00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:11.319 right now, right Like I feel a little bit uncomfortable 151 00:06:11.319 --> 00:06:14.079 with my search. And it's like kind of a harmless search. 152 00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:16.519 I'm not like looking up something weird. 153 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:20.959 I'm not doing any step steps step. 154 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:24.360 Why is that such like a theme. It doesn't make 155 00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:28.079 any sense. The step sibling, the step mom. I don't know, 156 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.680 like why did this become such a thing. 157 00:06:31.319 --> 00:06:34.120 I know, I guess because like they are teenagers, Like 158 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:37.120 if you blended a family, like I sort of them 159 00:06:37.319 --> 00:06:39.399 in this situation. I'm not blending a family, but I'm 160 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:44.079 dating somebody who has kids who are beautiful and slightly 161 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:48.800 older than read and he's harmless. But I thought it 162 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:52.879 must cross his mind it's not your sister, So I. 163 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.879 Mean, does she's beautiful. 164 00:06:56.120 --> 00:06:57.720 And like you are, you're human. 165 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:00.279 I think it's one thing if it's like the kids 166 00:07:00.279 --> 00:07:03.000 have grown up in the same household from a young age, weirdo, 167 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:06.360 that's fucking you're weird. Weird as fun there, Yeah, I 168 00:07:06.399 --> 00:07:07.720 know it happens. 169 00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:13.879 I had this conversation with Nikki actually about how like 170 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:15.879 the way I was brought up in the way like 171 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:19.720 some of her her friend's children are brought up, is like, 172 00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:23.000 and my parents have since like acknowledged this, but like 173 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:27.439 there was so much shame around sex that it's like 174 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:31.040 by the time I was married and trying to have sex, 175 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:33.800 it was like I couldn't really fully enjoy it because 176 00:07:33.839 --> 00:07:36.399 it felt so shameful. Yeah, so then I come out 177 00:07:36.519 --> 00:07:39.560 it's hard again. And I was thinking about when I 178 00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:45.040 put my kids at Pidea, they were extremely sex positive, 179 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:47.600 Like it almost was like a theme of the school 180 00:07:47.800 --> 00:07:51.680 of like there is zero shame around sex. This is 181 00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:55.199 a natural thing. And I remember, like it completely like 182 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:59.560 flipped the way I feel about sex. They want these 183 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:03.439 kids to grow up and have wonderful sexss like that 184 00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:05.279 is part of their entire being. 185 00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:07.079 So there was no shame. 186 00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:08.959 It was like, you should. 187 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:12.720 Be experiments, You should be figuring out. 188 00:08:12.519 --> 00:08:15.519 This stuff so that when you consensually, consensually so that 189 00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:20.360 when you're older, you have this wonderful sex life. Yeah, 190 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:23.439 and I thought, like, God, that's so fucking true, Like 191 00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:25.240 why would I want my kids not to have a. 192 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:27.399 Great That's just it, Like, yeah, I don't want my 193 00:08:27.480 --> 00:08:30.000 kids to feel any shame around zero, Like it's a 194 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:32.200 big reason why I want them to stay away from 195 00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:34.759 any kind of like religious organizations. I don't want my 196 00:08:34.919 --> 00:08:37.360 daughter and my son to be told that they're going 197 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:40.080 to hell for you know, experience something something that's like 198 00:08:40.279 --> 00:08:46.000 natural for them exactly. And it's it's unfair too, because 199 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:50.480 they're fighting this natural thing inside of their their bodies 200 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:53.039 and their brains. And then on top of that being 201 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:56.519 told that like not only should you be a shamed 202 00:08:56.559 --> 00:08:59.200 but you also might go to hell for this too, you. 203 00:08:59.159 --> 00:09:01.039 Know, it makes them not trust their body. 204 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:04.799 Yeah, because it's like, oh, this feeling I'm having is bad, 205 00:09:04.960 --> 00:09:06.679 shame on me. So it's just you live in this 206 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:09.600 like terrible feeling all the time. 207 00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:12.799 Yeah, And I think, you know, that's one of the 208 00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:14.960 connections that I kind of made over the last couple 209 00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:18.399 of years, is that I would feel a lot of 210 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:21.799 like kind of not understanding why it and truly like 211 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:24.679 enjoys sexy. And I remember for a long time I 212 00:09:24.759 --> 00:09:26.720 was thinking it was like the religious guilt that was 213 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.960 and I'm like and I wasn't even really raised that hardcore, right, 214 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:32.279 but it still was like weighing on me that I 215 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:35.000 was somehow like maybe that's why this doesn't feel great. 216 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:38.279 It's because I have that like internalized guilt. Yep, you know, 217 00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.559 and it's like, no, dude, you're just fucking gay. 218 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:43.279 Well, even like they say, like so much of it 219 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:46.720 is your brain, Like your brain is a sex organ basically, 220 00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:49.600 I mean, your brain is so much part of the experience. 221 00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:54.120 And when those neural pathways between the shame and then 222 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:57.200 the pleasure of like I'm having sex with someone in 223 00:09:57.240 --> 00:09:58.600 this I don't even feel anything. 224 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:01.679 I have numb or I'm like I can't get my 225 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:04.799 mind in the headspace to get there. It's because like 226 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:08.480 that has been cut, cut cut, Like that shouldn't happen. 227 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:11.600 Shouldn't happen until now you're forty years old trying to 228 00:10:11.639 --> 00:10:15.320 have an orgasm and you're fucking struggling because that pathway 229 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:19.759 has been demolished. And that's torture, right, It doesn't happen 230 00:10:19.799 --> 00:10:20.519 to little boys. 231 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:22.879 Yeah, so it's like I. 232 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:25.120 Again, like I don't want my kids to have any 233 00:10:25.159 --> 00:10:28.159 of that nonsense. Yeah, Like it's and I see grown 234 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:33.320 women who have it. Their brain can't like relax enough 235 00:10:33.480 --> 00:10:35.919 to like allow it or even to go into your 236 00:10:35.960 --> 00:10:39.320 brain to like have It's such a mind thing when. 237 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:39.600 You're in it. 238 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:40.000 Yeah. 239 00:10:40.039 --> 00:10:43.200 And like not only that, it's like you know, being 240 00:10:44.159 --> 00:10:47.320 gay and finally coming and like admitting that. I'm like 241 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:49.480 I couldn't have admitted that twenty years ago, No way, 242 00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:52.399 Like I would have felt so ashamed totally and embarrassed 243 00:10:52.519 --> 00:10:53.200 for people to know. 244 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:53.720 Yep. 245 00:10:53.919 --> 00:10:55.960 And I honestly that's kind of like a little bit 246 00:10:55.960 --> 00:10:57.759 what I think when we're talking about what do you 247 00:10:57.799 --> 00:11:01.120 search on the porn? Yeah, it's like that's part that's 248 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:02.240 where that shame comes in. 249 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:05.240 It's like, yeah, it in private mode. 250 00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:06.279 Yeah, like I'm. 251 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.480 Not telling you guys. But then it's like, why why 252 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:11.440 is that shameful? When I'm a grown woman. I know 253 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:13.039 it can free. 254 00:11:12.799 --> 00:11:14.320 Will all the things I can do whatever. 255 00:11:14.360 --> 00:11:18.799 I'm not looking anything illegal or doing anything, so I 256 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:21.120 don't know, right, But that also does lead us to 257 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:24.320 our our topic on what's your number? 258 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:28.399 Yes, it's so good to preface this. 259 00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:31.399 There was a study done recently. I'll try to find 260 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:34.000 it and link it in the show notes, but of 261 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:37.440 how many sexual partners people have had in their lifetime, 262 00:11:38.039 --> 00:11:40.399 and I think it for our generation, it was around 263 00:11:40.440 --> 00:11:41.600 four point three. 264 00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:42.559 Fuck that. 265 00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:49.200 Were exactly exactly. 266 00:11:49.399 --> 00:11:50.639 Like survey nuns? 267 00:11:51.759 --> 00:11:53.639 Or is it just like you and I live in 268 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:57.720 these huge cities where like people have experiences versus there's 269 00:11:57.759 --> 00:11:59.679 a whole big world out there where people are like, 270 00:12:00.440 --> 00:12:02.120 I don't know, But then wouldn't they even be doing 271 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:04.720 it more because there's nothing else to do right exactly? 272 00:12:04.919 --> 00:12:06.120 I don't know. Should we play the role? 273 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:08.320 Yeah, let's let's play the clip. Okay, this was a 274 00:12:08.360 --> 00:12:11.360 funny take. I am a super Slot. 275 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:13.960 At least you're retired Slot. Just call me slutty mcsantry 276 00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:18.159 four point three partners in your life for like at 277 00:12:18.159 --> 00:12:20.519 a time or like in a year and like a 278 00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:24.240 six month span. I have a hard time believing the 279 00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:26.120 average is under five either. 280 00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:28.639 I was surrounded by hosts, well, that survey is a lie. 281 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:30.679 First husband was number twenty. 282 00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:31.799 I was proud of that. 283 00:12:31.879 --> 00:12:34.600 I was like, great, hard Stop, and we got divorced. 284 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:35.799 I had a whole phase two. 285 00:12:36.039 --> 00:12:38.039 They didn't be at a Crisp twenty six, But for 286 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:40.240 some reason I thought I was average and actually hoping 287 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:42.159 you're all going to tell me that you also agree 288 00:12:42.200 --> 00:12:43.360 that that study. 289 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:48.559 Is bullshite, so hilarious a CRISP twenty six, CRISP twenty 290 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:51.000 six that I liked her at hard Stop and then 291 00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:53.480 you get divorced, so it's like clean slate, right, you 292 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:55.960 gotta start over again. I'm like, does that shouldn't even count? 293 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:59.279 I did that twenty years ago, so good, Like maybe, 294 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:01.679 but it is kind of weird to think about. I'm like, 295 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:04.559 I don't think that the average person is four point three, 296 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:08.440 especially like at this point men and women? 297 00:13:09.159 --> 00:13:10.919 Yeah, like, no, how current? 298 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:13.039 How First of all, how old do you think she is? 299 00:13:14.039 --> 00:13:14.360 Huh? 300 00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:18.960 I would venture to guess around thirty or thirty forty? Okay, 301 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.559 thirty five forty Yeah, I. 302 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:24.039 Guess like I think about I mean, there are a 303 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:27.399 lot of people that I look around and I'm like, 304 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:28.279 who are they. 305 00:13:29.639 --> 00:13:30.159 Doing it with? 306 00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:34.919 Not who going over with you? 307 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:37.039 Well, I don't mean it like that as much as like, 308 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:40.080 how are they like they're so like it takes a 309 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:42.000 certain personality to get laid. 310 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:42.960 It's true. 311 00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:45.759 I mean, you're not just like out on the street. 312 00:13:45.559 --> 00:13:47.879 Sorry about this recently. It's like you gotta have some 313 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:48.679 level of game. 314 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:51.360 You gotta have some some level of game. 315 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:53.200 So if you think about that and think about like 316 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:53.679 all of. 317 00:13:53.639 --> 00:13:56.919 Our friends, yeah, were it. 318 00:13:56.919 --> 00:14:00.080 I would say everybody has the ability. 319 00:13:59.559 --> 00:14:00.240 To get it done. 320 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:04.279 True. True, But if you think about like the masses, yeah, 321 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:05.480 can everybody land the plane? 322 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:07.919 Can everybody land the plane? I don't know the answer 323 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.159 to that. No, Like, let's tonight look. 324 00:14:10.039 --> 00:14:11.759 Around and really think who's landing the plane? 325 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:12.600 Who is landing the plane? 326 00:14:12.600 --> 00:14:15.000 Who's going in the bathroom with someone else? That's the 327 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:16.159 big question exactly. 328 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:19.399 And if you think about men in general, who's going 329 00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:22.559 I mean a lot of these guys, you're not getting anyone. 330 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:24.879 No, I mean, but that's just it. Like you know, 331 00:14:24.919 --> 00:14:26.679 like movies like, uh, what's that movie. 332 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:29.519 Called Hitch like one of my favorite movies. 333 00:14:29.240 --> 00:14:32.519 Kevin James and Besmith, and it's like he's only teaching 334 00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:35.159 him how to have game, like yeah, to be totally 335 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:38.840 total to women, like yeah, look however you look, but 336 00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:40.960 if you can't approach someone. 337 00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:42.679 It doesn't matter what, it doesn't matter. 338 00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:46.200 But it also like the whole shame game around your 339 00:14:46.279 --> 00:14:49.960 number and it's like, okay, but we're all adults here. 340 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:52.200 You're being checked on a regular basis to make sure 341 00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:54.639 you don't have like STDs and stuff. You're not doing 342 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:57.879 anything like wildly dangerous. 343 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:00.960 I don't think there's any shame out like do it. 344 00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:01.799 Enjoy yourself. 345 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:05.120 Enjoy yourself if you're single and you want to get 346 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:08.840 out there, there's absolutely zero wrong with it. 347 00:15:08.879 --> 00:15:11.240 In fact, someone said to me in that same. 348 00:15:11.039 --> 00:15:14.320 Conversation where we were talking about sex positive and PIDEA. 349 00:15:14.440 --> 00:15:15.840 They were like, but you don't I don't want to 350 00:15:15.879 --> 00:15:18.600 be considered like a slut, And I was like, that 351 00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:21.840 word is not even like, it's so canceled. Yeah, it's 352 00:15:21.879 --> 00:15:24.879 like there's no slut anymore when our boys sluts. 353 00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:28.279 Yeah, exactly so, but I guess she was like, yeah, yeah, 354 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.200 some are, but I'm like some are and some people 355 00:15:30.279 --> 00:15:33.360 are reckless with it. You know, that's reckless. I would 356 00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:36.360 say reckless is having unprotected sex, not you know, having 357 00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:39.120 multiple partners that you're not communicating with that you have 358 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:45.600 multiple partners, right, Uh, maybe ghosting people, like not communicating 359 00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:48.240 in that respect of like what your expectations are hurting 360 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:55.159 people emotionally and yeah, just not being safe and kind. 361 00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:58.679 I think kind is a thing, Like I think that is. 362 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:01.960 Like that makes me sad if I think somebody. 363 00:16:03.159 --> 00:16:05.559 Thinks like that, I think, let's use me. 364 00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:08.279 I think I'm the only one, and then that's not 365 00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:11.360 the case. Like I think, yeah, if you're having honest, 366 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:15.960 consensual sex with someone, but then also the impetus is 367 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:18.960 on you to ask the question, like if you just 368 00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:21.519 go home with me and you expect that you're the 369 00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:24.600 only one, maybe you need to say, I'm not comfortable 370 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:25.320 doing this with you. 371 00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:26.600 Who else are you sleeping with? 372 00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:28.720 Yeah, like you need to take. 373 00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:30.600 Some level of responsibility for it. 374 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:31.879 Yeah for sure. 375 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:35.840 But I yeah, I'm team if you're single, Like if 376 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:38.679 my friends just get divorced, I'm like fucking get after it. 377 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:40.840 Yeah, like this is your window. 378 00:16:40.759 --> 00:16:45.080 Right exactly? You know, I mean, I I use my discretion. 379 00:16:45.240 --> 00:16:47.480 I feel like and I have since coming out because 380 00:16:47.519 --> 00:16:49.960 this community is so small, Like, I don't like that 381 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:52.080 aspect of people like talking. 382 00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:53.639 Is that why you date out of town? 383 00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:56.960 Yeah? 384 00:16:57.240 --> 00:16:59.639 You know I got to keep quiet to keep you 385 00:17:02.840 --> 00:17:07.400 gotta keep them quiet. Oh god, what's your number? Pre divorced? 386 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:10.839 No, we're not pre divorce like with men. 387 00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:13.759 Yeah, I want to say. 388 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:15.799 It's funny that you have no problem saying that. 389 00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:16.960 It's like it doesn't even know. 390 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:19.880 I mean that was a long time ago too. I 391 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.680 mean I can't quite remember. I want to say between 392 00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:23.599 eighteen to twenty. 393 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:24.279 Damn. 394 00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:26.759 Okay, that's more than You're not supposed to react that way. 395 00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:29.440 I'm sure you just shamed me. No, I'm so sorry. 396 00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:30.519 I meant I was proud of you. 397 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:32.160 That was like, damn girl. 398 00:17:32.599 --> 00:17:34.200 You know you can say things, you know, the other 399 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:36.799 thing on Instagram where you can say something four different ways. 400 00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:39.200 You can say it like disappointed, where I'd be like, 401 00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:41.880