Speaker 1: I'm Ali.
Speaker 2: I came out after twenty years of marriage and I
Speaker 2: have three kids.
Speaker 3: I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
Speaker 3: out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
Speaker 2: and victories that.
Speaker 4: Come with it.
Speaker 3: When coming out feels like the end of the world,
Speaker 3: but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 5: This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 3: Eyebald, eyeball, eyeball to eyeball.
Speaker 4: This is de ja vous, is it? Yeah? The little
Speaker 4: amount of prep that we do for.
Speaker 3: These like you guys have no idea. You guys think
Speaker 3: are professionals, literally like the least professional things.
Speaker 4: True.
Speaker 2: But we did have an episode topic today that I like,
Speaker 2: and we usually don't.
Speaker 4: Even have a topic. It's about two minutes before.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were prepared.
Speaker 2: We were highly prepared. Yes, so you sent me up hilarious,
Speaker 2: very very fitting.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: The moment that this guy started talking, I was like,
Speaker 3: I have to send this to Ali. It was this
Speaker 3: comedian and he's talking about how on an airplane. First
Speaker 3: of all, he is judging the people that are working
Speaker 3: not working. But he was like, if you're in a
Speaker 3: middle seat. There's no one you need to be emailing
Speaker 3: right now. This is not an airplane email situation. If
Speaker 3: you're sitting in a middle seat seat, you're not that important.
Speaker 4: You are not important.
Speaker 2: If you find yourself in the middle seat, you are
Speaker 2: not important enough to.
Speaker 4: Have an email to send.
Speaker 3: And he's like looking at the guy's screen, like, no, Carl, exactly,
Speaker 3: it's so true.
Speaker 4: And then what else did he say? Said, I'll decide
Speaker 4: who gets.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like talking about how he's because he likes
Speaker 3: the aisle seat. That means he's the captain of that row,
Speaker 3: captain of the row, captain of the row. And he's like,
Speaker 3: i'd get the flight, attend to hints the snacks to me,
Speaker 3: and I decide what who gets the other? Next you
Speaker 3: get your bisk off. And I'm like watching this, I'm like,
Speaker 3: this is Ali. This is Ali's mindset.
Speaker 1: You got ask me if you you want to go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom, check in with me, and I'll got
Speaker 1: to go for me.
Speaker 2: You know, I'll let you know if it's happening for you,
Speaker 2: may or may not be depending on what I've got,
Speaker 2: what emails I've got going.
Speaker 3: I know that's just it. You've got the laptop out,
Speaker 3: You're important.
Speaker 4: It's true.
Speaker 2: Cat when they fly with me, they know that I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have the aisle seat, and then read will start
Speaker 2: negotiating with me on the drive to the airport about
Speaker 2: can I have the aisle for some of the flight
Speaker 2: or oh my.
Speaker 4: God, Like the hell you think you are?
Speaker 2: You think I'm gonna put a fifteen year old on
Speaker 2: the aisle and I'm going to be in the middle.
Speaker 1: Get out of here. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like the aisle seat feels like too much
Speaker 3: responsibility to me. It's captain of the iss It's captain
Speaker 3: of the isle. You got it. You do have to
Speaker 3: handle the snacks. You have to stay awake too, Like
Speaker 3: you're really like, if you fall asleep, then someone wants
Speaker 3: to get up, you gotta.
Speaker 4: Get woken up or they know better than to nudge right.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you get.
Speaker 1: Some icon ha.
Speaker 4: Yeah you I'm the captain.
Speaker 3: They say that, and you're like, yeah, anyone need to
Speaker 3: go to the potty robin.
Speaker 4: It's so very, very true.
Speaker 2: And the people sending emails like their elbows in tight
Speaker 2: in the middle.
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, you are not that important.
Speaker 3: Hang it up, get out your get out your phone
Speaker 3: and watch the Netflix.
Speaker 2: What is it about the window seat that seems slightly better?
Speaker 3: I love the window seat because it to me that
Speaker 3: feels like my own little personal office.
Speaker 4: I know, but is it like but I'm saying like
Speaker 4: it's a little bit better than the middle it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I'm choosing the window because I feel
Speaker 3: it's more private, Like no one can really I can
Speaker 3: angle myself. I can look at my phone and be
Speaker 3: angled to where someone can't watch my watch. I watch
Speaker 3: with full privacy. That's one that gets a little scary
Speaker 3: on the airplane. If you ever watched Euphoria, that's a
Speaker 3: very graphic show. Yeah, you're in the aisle seat. Speaking
Speaker 3: of graphics. We should talk about the porn topic. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we can talk about the porn topic, but I'm not
Speaker 3: delving in. There's a lot of information I'm keeping close
Speaker 3: to the close.
Speaker 4: I can see why you would in this particular moment.
Speaker 4: I can see why you would.
Speaker 2: But yeah, so so Robin and I were talking about
Speaker 2: how like it's not just like you don't just google porn.
Speaker 2: You've got to like type in a topic so somebody
Speaker 2: I can't remember who I was dming with.
Speaker 4: But they basically were like what if you had, like you.
Speaker 2: Had people basically DM in what they're they don't have
Speaker 2: to tell anybody.
Speaker 4: I'll keep it private.
Speaker 2: Come on, guys, you can trust me, you can trust
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 4: Tell me what you search up.
Speaker 2: And then with that, I'm so curious what other people's
Speaker 2: searches are because.
Speaker 1: They're very niche. Yes, it's very very niche.
Speaker 2: It's like and you you're into it for a minute,
Speaker 2: and then you're kind of like all right, like after
Speaker 2: a few months or like I'm ready for.
Speaker 1: A new niche right.
Speaker 3: So and also, I mean there are a lot of
Speaker 3: states in the US right now that have banned sites
Speaker 3: like porn Hub and you porn and or it's like
Speaker 3: you have to put your driver's license number in or
Speaker 3: something like they want to verify your age, like truly,
Speaker 3: but I'm like, I'm not doing.
Speaker 4: That, man, Like that's Big Brothers watching, right.
Speaker 2: But the problem with that is that the legit sites
Speaker 2: who where people are probably getting act.
Speaker 4: Are making you do that. So what do you' to
Speaker 4: end up doing?
Speaker 2: You're watching the one where in the basement, Yeah, in
Speaker 2: the basement with paid with unpaid labor.
Speaker 3: Right, so yeah, it's like this moral dilemma, and I
Speaker 3: think I might put the license in do I care?
Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I know.
Speaker 3: It's like I'm a full grown adult. I know I'm
Speaker 3: not lacking for anything illegal.
Speaker 4: I'm allowed to watch porn, guy, I'm allowed. I'm old
Speaker 4: enough to watch porn guys.
Speaker 3: Just now, just now, exactly.
Speaker 2: I did find myself because after that episode, somebody asked me,
Speaker 2: like what, I'm so curious what you do search? And
Speaker 2: I very very rarely get embarrassed.
Speaker 4: Like shy.
Speaker 3: That makes me shy.
Speaker 4: I got so shy about it. I did say it.
Speaker 2: I think I even said it to there was more
Speaker 2: than just her there, but I thought, for a minute,
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, you guys are kind of rattling me
Speaker 2: right now, right Like I feel a little bit uncomfortable
Speaker 2: with my search. And it's like kind of a harmless search.
Speaker 2: I'm not like looking up something weird.
Speaker 4: I'm not doing any step steps step.
Speaker 3: Why is that such like a theme. It doesn't make
Speaker 3: any sense. The step sibling, the step mom. I don't know,
Speaker 3: like why did this become such a thing.
Speaker 2: I know, I guess because like they are teenagers, Like
Speaker 2: if you blended a family, like I sort of them
Speaker 2: in this situation. I'm not blending a family, but I'm
Speaker 2: dating somebody who has kids who are beautiful and slightly
Speaker 2: older than read and he's harmless. But I thought it
Speaker 2: must cross his mind it's not your sister, So I.
Speaker 1: Mean, does she's beautiful.
Speaker 4: And like you are, you're human.
Speaker 3: I think it's one thing if it's like the kids
Speaker 3: have grown up in the same household from a young age, weirdo,
Speaker 3: that's fucking you're weird. Weird as fun there, Yeah, I
Speaker 3: know it happens.
Speaker 2: I had this conversation with Nikki actually about how like
Speaker 2: the way I was brought up in the way like
Speaker 2: some of her her friend's children are brought up, is like,
Speaker 2: and my parents have since like acknowledged this, but like
Speaker 2: there was so much shame around sex that it's like
Speaker 2: by the time I was married and trying to have sex,
Speaker 2: it was like I couldn't really fully enjoy it because
Speaker 2: it felt so shameful. Yeah, so then I come out
Speaker 2: it's hard again. And I was thinking about when I
Speaker 2: put my kids at Pidea, they were extremely sex positive,
Speaker 2: Like it almost was like a theme of the school
Speaker 2: of like there is zero shame around sex. This is
Speaker 2: a natural thing. And I remember, like it completely like
Speaker 2: flipped the way I feel about sex. They want these
Speaker 2: kids to grow up and have wonderful sexss like that
Speaker 2: is part of their entire being.
Speaker 4: So there was no shame.
Speaker 1: It was like, you should.
Speaker 4: Be experiments, You should be figuring out.
Speaker 2: This stuff so that when you consensually, consensually so that
Speaker 2: when you're older, you have this wonderful sex life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I thought, like, God, that's so fucking true, Like
Speaker 2: why would I want my kids not to have a.
Speaker 3: Great That's just it, Like, yeah, I don't want my
Speaker 3: kids to feel any shame around zero, Like it's a
Speaker 3: big reason why I want them to stay away from
Speaker 3: any kind of like religious organizations. I don't want my
Speaker 3: daughter and my son to be told that they're going
Speaker 3: to hell for you know, experience something something that's like
Speaker 3: natural for them exactly. And it's it's unfair too, because
Speaker 3: they're fighting this natural thing inside of their their bodies
Speaker 3: and their brains. And then on top of that being
Speaker 3: told that like not only should you be a shamed
Speaker 3: but you also might go to hell for this too, you.
Speaker 4: Know, it makes them not trust their body.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's like, oh, this feeling I'm having is bad,
Speaker 2: shame on me. So it's just you live in this
Speaker 2: like terrible feeling all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, you know, that's one of the
Speaker 3: connections that I kind of made over the last couple
Speaker 3: of years, is that I would feel a lot of
Speaker 3: like kind of not understanding why it and truly like
Speaker 3: enjoys sexy. And I remember for a long time I
Speaker 3: was thinking it was like the religious guilt that was
Speaker 3: and I'm like and I wasn't even really raised that hardcore, right,
Speaker 3: but it still was like weighing on me that I
Speaker 3: was somehow like maybe that's why this doesn't feel great.
Speaker 3: It's because I have that like internalized guilt. Yep, you know,
Speaker 3: and it's like, no, dude, you're just fucking gay.
Speaker 2: Well, even like they say, like so much of it
Speaker 2: is your brain, Like your brain is a sex organ basically,
Speaker 2: I mean, your brain is so much part of the experience.
Speaker 2: And when those neural pathways between the shame and then
Speaker 2: the pleasure of like I'm having sex with someone in
Speaker 2: this I don't even feel anything.
Speaker 4: I have numb or I'm like I can't get my
Speaker 4: mind in the headspace to get there. It's because like
Speaker 4: that has been cut, cut cut, Like that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 2: Shouldn't happen until now you're forty years old trying to
Speaker 2: have an orgasm and you're fucking struggling because that pathway
Speaker 2: has been demolished. And that's torture, right, It doesn't happen
Speaker 2: to little boys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's like I.
Speaker 2: Again, like I don't want my kids to have any
Speaker 2: of that nonsense. Yeah, Like it's and I see grown
Speaker 2: women who have it. Their brain can't like relax enough
Speaker 2: to like allow it or even to go into your
Speaker 2: brain to like have It's such a mind thing when.
Speaker 4: You're in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And like not only that, it's like you know, being
Speaker 3: gay and finally coming and like admitting that. I'm like
Speaker 3: I couldn't have admitted that twenty years ago, No way,
Speaker 3: Like I would have felt so ashamed totally and embarrassed
Speaker 3: for people to know.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 3: And I honestly that's kind of like a little bit
Speaker 3: what I think when we're talking about what do you
Speaker 3: search on the porn? Yeah, it's like that's part that's
Speaker 3: where that shame comes in.
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, it in private mode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I'm.
Speaker 3: Not telling you guys. But then it's like, why why
Speaker 3: is that shameful? When I'm a grown woman. I know
Speaker 3: it can free.
Speaker 1: Will all the things I can do whatever.
Speaker 3: I'm not looking anything illegal or doing anything, so I
Speaker 3: don't know, right, But that also does lead us to
Speaker 3: our our topic on what's your number?
Speaker 1: Yes, it's so good to preface this.
Speaker 3: There was a study done recently. I'll try to find
Speaker 3: it and link it in the show notes, but of
Speaker 3: how many sexual partners people have had in their lifetime,
Speaker 3: and I think it for our generation, it was around
Speaker 3: four point three.
Speaker 1: Fuck that.
Speaker 4: Were exactly exactly.
Speaker 3: Like survey nuns?
Speaker 2: Or is it just like you and I live in
Speaker 2: these huge cities where like people have experiences versus there's
Speaker 2: a whole big world out there where people are like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, But then wouldn't they even be doing
Speaker 2: it more because there's nothing else to do right exactly?
Speaker 4: I don't know. Should we play the role?
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's let's play the clip. Okay, this was a
Speaker 3: funny take. I am a super Slot.
Speaker 6: At least you're retired Slot. Just call me slutty mcsantry
Speaker 6: four point three partners in your life for like at
Speaker 6: a time or like in a year and like a
Speaker 6: six month span. I have a hard time believing the
Speaker 6: average is under five either.
Speaker 4: I was surrounded by hosts, well, that survey is a lie.
Speaker 6: First husband was number twenty.
Speaker 3: I was proud of that.
Speaker 4: I was like, great, hard Stop, and we got divorced.
Speaker 3: I had a whole phase two.
Speaker 6: They didn't be at a Crisp twenty six, But for
Speaker 6: some reason I thought I was average and actually hoping
Speaker 6: you're all going to tell me that you also agree
Speaker 6: that that study.
Speaker 3: Is bullshite, so hilarious a CRISP twenty six, CRISP twenty
Speaker 3: six that I liked her at hard Stop and then
Speaker 3: you get divorced, so it's like clean slate, right, you
Speaker 3: gotta start over again. I'm like, does that shouldn't even count?
Speaker 3: I did that twenty years ago, so good, Like maybe,
Speaker 3: but it is kind of weird to think about. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't think that the average person is four point three,
Speaker 3: especially like at this point men and women?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, no, how current?
Speaker 4: How First of all, how old do you think she is?
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 3: I would venture to guess around thirty or thirty forty? Okay,
Speaker 3: thirty five forty Yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Guess like I think about I mean, there are a
Speaker 2: lot of people that I look around and I'm like,
Speaker 2: who are they.
Speaker 4: Doing it with?
Speaker 3: Not who going over with you?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't mean it like that as much as like,
Speaker 2: how are they like they're so like it takes a
Speaker 2: certain personality to get laid.
Speaker 3: It's true.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're not just like out on the street.
Speaker 3: Sorry about this recently. It's like you gotta have some
Speaker 3: level of game.
Speaker 1: You gotta have some some level of game.
Speaker 4: So if you think about that and think about like
Speaker 4: all of.
Speaker 1: Our friends, yeah, were it.
Speaker 2: I would say everybody has the ability.
Speaker 1: To get it done.
Speaker 3: True. True, But if you think about like the masses, yeah,
Speaker 3: can everybody land the plane?
Speaker 2: Can everybody land the plane? I don't know the answer
Speaker 2: to that. No, Like, let's tonight look.
Speaker 3: Around and really think who's landing the plane?
Speaker 4: Who is landing the plane?
Speaker 3: Who's going in the bathroom with someone else? That's the
Speaker 3: big question exactly.
Speaker 2: And if you think about men in general, who's going
Speaker 2: I mean a lot of these guys, you're not getting anyone.
Speaker 3: No, I mean, but that's just it. Like you know,
Speaker 3: like movies like, uh, what's that movie.
Speaker 4: Called Hitch like one of my favorite movies.
Speaker 3: Kevin James and Besmith, and it's like he's only teaching
Speaker 3: him how to have game, like yeah, to be totally
Speaker 3: total to women, like yeah, look however you look, but
Speaker 3: if you can't approach someone.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter what, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: But it also like the whole shame game around your
Speaker 3: number and it's like, okay, but we're all adults here.
Speaker 3: You're being checked on a regular basis to make sure
Speaker 3: you don't have like STDs and stuff. You're not doing
Speaker 3: anything like wildly dangerous.
Speaker 4: I don't think there's any shame out like do it.
Speaker 3: Enjoy yourself.
Speaker 2: Enjoy yourself if you're single and you want to get
Speaker 2: out there, there's absolutely zero wrong with it.
Speaker 4: In fact, someone said to me in that same.
Speaker 2: Conversation where we were talking about sex positive and PIDEA.
Speaker 2: They were like, but you don't I don't want to
Speaker 2: be considered like a slut, And I was like, that
Speaker 2: word is not even like, it's so canceled. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: like there's no slut anymore when our boys sluts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly so, but I guess she was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: some are, but I'm like some are and some people
Speaker 3: are reckless with it. You know, that's reckless. I would
Speaker 3: say reckless is having unprotected sex, not you know, having
Speaker 3: multiple partners that you're not communicating with that you have
Speaker 3: multiple partners, right, Uh, maybe ghosting people, like not communicating
Speaker 3: in that respect of like what your expectations are hurting
Speaker 3: people emotionally and yeah, just not being safe and kind.
Speaker 4: I think kind is a thing, Like I think that is.
Speaker 2: Like that makes me sad if I think somebody.
Speaker 4: Thinks like that, I think, let's use me.
Speaker 2: I think I'm the only one, and then that's not
Speaker 2: the case. Like I think, yeah, if you're having honest,
Speaker 2: consensual sex with someone, but then also the impetus is
Speaker 2: on you to ask the question, like if you just
Speaker 2: go home with me and you expect that you're the
Speaker 2: only one, maybe you need to say, I'm not comfortable
Speaker 2: doing this with you.
Speaker 4: Who else are you sleeping with?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you need to take.
Speaker 4: Some level of responsibility for it.
Speaker 3: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: But I yeah, I'm team if you're single, Like if
Speaker 2: my friends just get divorced, I'm like fucking get after it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like this is your window.
Speaker 3: Right exactly? You know, I mean, I I use my discretion.
Speaker 3: I feel like and I have since coming out because
Speaker 3: this community is so small, Like, I don't like that
Speaker 3: aspect of people like talking.
Speaker 4: Is that why you date out of town?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You know I got to keep quiet to keep you
Speaker 2: gotta keep them quiet. Oh god, what's your number? Pre divorced?
Speaker 3: No, we're not pre divorce like with men.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to say.
Speaker 4: It's funny that you have no problem saying that.
Speaker 1: It's like it doesn't even know.
Speaker 3: I mean that was a long time ago too. I
Speaker 3: mean I can't quite remember. I want to say between
Speaker 3: eighteen to twenty.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's more than You're not supposed to react that way.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you just shamed me. No, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4: I meant I was proud of you.
Speaker 1: That was like, damn girl.
Speaker 2: You know you can say things, you know, the other
Speaker 2: thing on Instagram where you can say something four different ways.
Speaker 2: You can say it like disappointed, where I'd be like,
Speaker 2: oh damn yeah, or you can say it like excited
Speaker 2: for your friend, like.
Speaker 3: Damn, okay, okay, okay, like damn, So what was what's yours?
Speaker 4: Mine is like eleven eleven.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good wholesome number.
Speaker 2: I thought so, but you know the difference between you
Speaker 2: and I is that I knew I was gay, So
Speaker 2: I didn't even want these.
Speaker 4: The eleven that got laid, I didn't even want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like thinking back on that, like how did
Speaker 3: that happen? Especially since I went to a college that
Speaker 3: didn't have a lot of guys. I didn't really date
Speaker 3: that much in college. Yeah, it's more so moving down
Speaker 3: to Florida. Okay, there.
Speaker 4: Seems like a fuck state.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, people are crazy there. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4: I feel that in Florida.
Speaker 2: The minute I cross over into Florida, I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: they went down.
Speaker 3: Here, a Navy base, a Coast Guard base, air Force
Speaker 3: base down there, like it was there was a lot.
Speaker 2: What I mean, Taylor Swift has the song about Florida.
Speaker 2: It's like, shit goes down there massively.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so my number is eleven. Okay, around eleven yeah,
Speaker 2: give or take. I mean what counts anyway?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's just it too. It's like, okay,
Speaker 3: was it one time? Does that count?
Speaker 2: And it's like now that we have a new definition
Speaker 2: when it comes to women, Yeah, it's like, well, god,
Speaker 2: I've been having sex since the sixth grade. I met
Speaker 2: your numbers really high if we're counting that, if we're
Speaker 2: counting like some of the stuff that they say women,
Speaker 2: it's considered sex with women. Yeah, then it's like, well, god,
Speaker 2: I mean I don't know that then, right, that's that's
Speaker 2: definitely in the twenties.
Speaker 3: Definitely okay, But but I.
Speaker 2: Don't think like with men. To me, it has to
Speaker 2: be the thing. Yeah, but that's because I'm narrow minded,
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 3: So wait, okay, then you've you've definitely stuff with more
Speaker 3: women than I have for women. I don't know about
Speaker 3: that because I think I like maybe seven.
Speaker 4: I think, okay, we'll let that hang out there.
Speaker 2: I gotta think, yeah, I would have to think I'm
Speaker 2: going to say less than that.
Speaker 3: Do you know whatever you just said eleven No, I
Speaker 3: said eleven men?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Oh wait but when eleven men?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: You said close to twenty?
Speaker 1: Is when?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: Not okay, let me let me be clear.
Speaker 2: No, what I said is, you know, we had the
Speaker 2: conversation about what women and the definition became very obscure.
Speaker 3: It was like, oh, if you just.
Speaker 4: Have intimacy with a woman and and you.
Speaker 3: Do this and then you get the breaks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's like there is no clear definition with women.
Speaker 4: So I said, if that, then my number is less.
Speaker 4: Well I'm taking women out of it.
Speaker 2: I'm saying I've had more sex with men if we're
Speaker 2: counting all the other bs like third base.
Speaker 1: Third base sex.
Speaker 4: Yeah, third base with a woman.
Speaker 3: Is sex, right, that's very true.
Speaker 4: So how do you know?
Speaker 2: So with men if we're doing the traditional definition eleven
Speaker 2: with women, if we're letting it just be like anything goes.
Speaker 3: Then you're I don't know, okay, But also can we
Speaker 3: just like erase the men at this point?
Speaker 2: I know, I know, what's the statute of limitations? Like
Speaker 2: how long can it go to your like that's not allowed?
Speaker 2: I mean I've been admissible in course, yeah, I mean right,
Speaker 2: it's like it's.
Speaker 3: Been eight nine years, yeah, you know yeah, and then
Speaker 3: prior to that, having hooked up with another man, was
Speaker 3: is I think at this point like twenty years inadmissible.
Speaker 3: So yeah, she gets tossed out.
Speaker 2: It never happened, Okay, So basically then I'm on the
Speaker 2: average side.
Speaker 3: Now we're at four point three.
Speaker 2: Or four point three totally, totally, totally, especially because but
Speaker 2: that girl was very attractive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like she I'm sure she's obviously got a funny
Speaker 3: person out.
Speaker 4: She's landing the place she is landing a plan for
Speaker 4: sure A hundred.
Speaker 2: So yeah, but do you feel like also like with us, like,
Speaker 2: think about this. We came out later, so we also
Speaker 2: weren't in our like think about.
Speaker 3: A few We weren't in our prime.
Speaker 4: We weren't in our prime.
Speaker 3: This is another one of those things where I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of glad I wasn't gay in my twenties
Speaker 3: because I probably would have been out in the streets,
Speaker 3: would hate you, like, dude, you would be everyone would
Speaker 3: hate me.
Speaker 2: You did go through it like a short window after
Speaker 2: we came out where I'm like, this girl might end
Speaker 2: up canceled it.
Speaker 3: You know it's at about but I would have been
Speaker 3: o noxious in my twenties, Like, no fucking way, Thank
Speaker 3: god that wasn't the case.
Speaker 4: Somebody was looking out for you, Yes, somebody was looking
Speaker 4: out for you.
Speaker 3: I think there's a very very good reason why I
Speaker 3: didn't realize this earlier.
Speaker 2: I know, well, see I knew though. What does that
Speaker 2: say about me? Like, think about my personality too? Can
Speaker 2: you believe I held it in?
Speaker 3: I am surprised.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like a shell of myself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, like that's just it. And I was
Speaker 3: just talking about this earlier today, thinking about like the
Speaker 3: moment that I connected the dots and was like, I'm
Speaker 3: fucking gay. I couldn't keep it in. Yeah, but I
Speaker 3: know that twenty years ago I would have had to
Speaker 3: keep it in and it would have ruined me.
Speaker 2: I think what kept me in the game was I
Speaker 2: wanted babies so badly. I grew up in a house
Speaker 2: that was like it doesn't even matter, Like I wasn't
Speaker 2: going to come out like there are no gay people.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna have babies. I'm gonna be with.
Speaker 2: Chris, and I liked that choice. I never thought even
Speaker 2: ten years in, I shouldn't have done this. I was like,
Speaker 2: just can we have another baby and I'll stay in
Speaker 2: the game longer.
Speaker 3: I know. I think there's like certain things like with
Speaker 3: coming out later that you kind of grieve that you're like, wow,
Speaker 3: I didn't get to experience that. Yeah, you know, wish
Speaker 3: I could have known earlier and done these things and
Speaker 3: you know, had my ha fase and my face.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But then I think, and I'm like, look at all
Speaker 3: the great things that I have today that I wouldn't
Speaker 3: have totally, you know, the kids specifically. So I'm like,
Speaker 3: just right where we're supposed to be.
Speaker 4: We're right where we're supposed to be.
Speaker 2: And some people say that, like your sexual prime as
Speaker 2: a woman is really now.
Speaker 3: Right now in your forties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure I would be considered on the slight
Speaker 2: starting to decline.
Speaker 4: Speaking of which is my birthday, so every year.
Speaker 2: That goes by, But I would say my sex life
Speaker 2: has gotten so much better even in the period that
Speaker 2: I've been gay, Like every year it gets a little better, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because I'm like just more comfortable or comfortable. Yeah, yeah, sure,
Speaker 2: So I think that's I don't know, Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3: I think that's just it. It's like we've been taught our
Speaker 3: whole lives that sex is going to diminish as you
Speaker 3: get older. Yeah, but we're also listening to the straight
Speaker 3: women they're fucking sick of the men at that point. Yeah,
Speaker 3: i'd be tired too. I'd be like, yeah, a headache.
Speaker 4: I know, I've had a headache.
Speaker 3: So but now I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 4: I know, I know.
Speaker 2: I think that's that's such a good point, Like and
Speaker 2: it's so patriarchal to be like it stays good for men, but.
Speaker 1: Not for you.
Speaker 2: Right, you can't have babies anymore, so sex isn't good anymore.
Speaker 2: And like the anatomy of a woman is the same
Speaker 2: as a man. I don't know if you know this,
Speaker 2: but like you're this is like way too much information.
Speaker 4: I hate this word. But your clip is like a
Speaker 4: mic it's a tiny penis.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's like.
Speaker 4: The nerve endings are the same, it's just small inside.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it's like, why would it be any different for you?
Speaker 2: I think it's different because of the brain part that
Speaker 2: we've been so conditioned to not allow pleasure.
Speaker 3: And the hormonal changes that happen during perimenopod that have
Speaker 3: gone overlooked for years and years and years, and so
Speaker 3: women's bodies are shutting down in that way and it's
Speaker 3: not being addressed. It's just by oh, well, yeah, but
Speaker 3: so's their dick, you're old and yeah, but then we
Speaker 3: have viagra.
Speaker 2: But it's just like I have friends all the time.
Speaker 2: I have a woman right now who I was. She
Speaker 2: was on vacation with her husband in this beautiful place
Speaker 2: and she literally was like, he couldn't do it.
Speaker 4: We have We're gonna try again. Tomorrow, and I was like.
Speaker 3: Dude, there is no try again tomorrow, try again tomorrow.
Speaker 4: You just fucking lost the game right before, right.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, lesbians, no, we're not doing that right like
Speaker 2: we're landing the plane. We're landing the plane. And now
Speaker 2: he's probably I don't know, like no wonder and.
Speaker 3: Then how does he feel about that? Like that sounds
Speaker 3: like sad?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would start to think though, like the men I
Speaker 2: know are so eager to do it all the fucking
Speaker 2: time that it's like I would start thinking as he cheated,
Speaker 2: like what's happening with you that you.
Speaker 3: Can't they're going through. They're going through the same thing
Speaker 3: and mental and all that shit.
Speaker 4: They don't have the stigma for some reason, nobody is
Speaker 4: not at all.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it all gets put on the women, right,
Speaker 3: so it must be her fault.
Speaker 4: Well do you notice too that?
Speaker 2: Like and maybe I have to believe this because I'm
Speaker 2: getting older, but like, there it is like a thing
Speaker 2: about older women. I feel like we're coming into a
Speaker 2: phase where people really do though, at least in the
Speaker 2: lesbian world, older women are beautiful. Yeah, It's almost like
Speaker 2: when I think about what I'm attracted to it's not
Speaker 2: a twenty five year old.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ever, get out of here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think they're great for each other, right.
Speaker 2: I have no feelings about that, and so I think
Speaker 2: that's interesting.
Speaker 4: M hm, Like it's like you get hotter.
Speaker 1: And it is.
Speaker 3: You know, there are a lot of younger lesbians that
Speaker 3: are attracted to older women, and it is because they
Speaker 3: are mature and confident. Yeah, they know who they are. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that is very attractive when someone's super confident
Speaker 3: in themselves totally, like, and that only comes across at
Speaker 3: a certain age.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, Sure, there's people in their twenties and thirties that
Speaker 3: have that confidence totally, but it's kind of rare, and
Speaker 3: it's like.
Speaker 2: The experience, Like there's something beautiful to me about someone
Speaker 2: who's like been through some battles and like, right, if
Speaker 2: you can weather some storms without losing your shit because
Speaker 2: you're a baby who's never had to do anything yet,
Speaker 2: like you're you're kind of hot to me, Like if
Speaker 2: you're just like you can let it roll off because
Speaker 2: it's like, dude, life's too short to worry about this
Speaker 2: thing because you've had stuff happen. Another thing that Nicki
Speaker 2: said the other day is she's like, there's such a
Speaker 2: thing where like people you don't have a baby, so
Speaker 2: your body is like not me, but like people who
Speaker 2: haven't had babies do they don't have all the things
Speaker 2: that like we've had to our bodies. But she made
Speaker 2: the comment that she's like, because I know what it
Speaker 2: is to have a baby, Like, I'm so attracted to
Speaker 2: a body that's had a baby, Like I see the
Speaker 2: beauty in boobs that have nursed or like a scar
Speaker 2: from a c section or you know, whatever the thing is.
Speaker 4: So I think it's like.
Speaker 2: Also, you don't have to be this perfect body either, ye,
Speaker 2: Like women can be all different things.
Speaker 3: And that's really interesting too, like something that I, you know,
Speaker 3: earlier when I had thought about like, Okay, if I
Speaker 3: was ever with a woman, like I would feel really
Speaker 3: judged about my body, But then after coming out, I'm like,
Speaker 3: there's zero I don't feel that at all. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: and like what Nikki's saying, it's it's like mad respect.
Speaker 4: It's mad respect for people, you know, and.
Speaker 3: Even people who haven't had babies that just have been
Speaker 3: through a lot of like painful body you know, issues,
Speaker 3: you don't vibroids, you know all that shit. It's like
Speaker 3: having to have procedures done, having the scars from it,
Speaker 3: like it sucks, and like it's resilience, right, you know.
Speaker 2: I find myself all the time too, like the older
Speaker 2: I get, and maybe because I have a daughter, and
Speaker 2: I like all women in some way are beautiful to me,
Speaker 2: like I can see beauty in them.
Speaker 1: It does not really.
Speaker 2: There's classic beauties and then there's like you get you
Speaker 2: talk to someone for five minutes and you're like, you
Speaker 2: are fucking gorgeous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 2: And so I think, like that's interesting too with women
Speaker 2: mm hmm. And maybe because I'm gay, but like I
Speaker 2: don't think that about men.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's more so like the men are standing up
Speaker 3: for women.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really It's attractive, very attractive. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We were laughing last night because Mandy said something about
Speaker 2: like she was never tempted. I forget what the conversation was,
Speaker 2: but we were like, dude, you've been gay since you
Speaker 2: were twenty more, she weren't tempted.
Speaker 1: You've said that. I have no badge of honor.
Speaker 4: I never cheated on I never cheated on my husband.
Speaker 3: I had a very very attractive man trying to hit
Speaker 3: on me one night and I was like, no, dude,
Speaker 3: get out here, get out of here. I'm happily married,
Speaker 3: happily married, Like no, go away, go away, so easy.
Speaker 1: So easy, so easy.
Speaker 3: Right? Oh man, Well, so tonight's the night we are
Speaker 3: going to be celebrating Alley.
Speaker 1: Tonight.
Speaker 4: I'm going to be smoking a lot of pretzels tonight.
Speaker 3: I got your whole big pack.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what made did Robin tell you that
Speaker 2: to get this?
Speaker 1: Or no you are?
Speaker 2: And I got okay because she lit earlier today. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I want you to have pretzels tonight, and she just
Speaker 2: started laughing, and then you like, show up with pretzels.
Speaker 2: I told you that someone thought that picture the video
Speaker 2: that we made the TikTok.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that you had an actual cigarette.
Speaker 4: Somebody thought I had an actual cigarette. No, I don't smoke, guys.
Speaker 4: Let's remind everyone.
Speaker 3: Again exactly only that cigar that one time.
Speaker 4: I know that one time, that one time, that one.
Speaker 3: That's really the only time I've ever seen.
Speaker 4: So maybe I'll bring the bubble cigarettes out tonight. Should
Speaker 4: I told you the issue is they're heavy.
Speaker 3: Well and you have to blow out, and I feel
Speaker 3: like that's hard like it's not as I don't know, yah,
Speaker 3: maybe inhale, but then you suck in bubbles right.
Speaker 4: No shade on smoking.
Speaker 2: But I did the Home Bar a few maybe a
Speaker 2: month or two ago. I walked out on that back
Speaker 2: patio and like the smokers a back patio. There's a
Speaker 2: back patio at Home Bar, and let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: You don't want to go back there now.
Speaker 4: You don't want to go for the bad where the
Speaker 4: bad kids hang out.
Speaker 2: I walked out there and I thought, what it was
Speaker 2: this breakfast club. They literally looked like the I literally
Speaker 2: looked there. Nikki was like talking to a friend out
Speaker 2: there who was back there with the bad kids, and
Speaker 2: I said, she can't be out here, guys, she's got
Speaker 2: her bring her And they were out there just puffing
Speaker 2: away second on cigarettes like my lighting each other.
Speaker 4: I was like, this is really bad. Guys.
Speaker 3: I get like if someone comes up to me and
Speaker 3: asks me for a light, I'm like, you do it?
Speaker 1: Look like?
Speaker 3: I say, I have a lighter. Yeah, only lighters that
Speaker 3: I have her for candles, swy candles, thank you very much. Like,
Speaker 3: don't sit here, don't accuse me of vaping in the
Speaker 3: bag of your fucking uber God.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. That was so offensive
Speaker 2: to my friend. It was, yeah, would you rather be
Speaker 2: accused of vaping or smoking?
Speaker 3: Oh? Either, they're both just as bad. To me, yes,
Speaker 3: they're both bad.
Speaker 2: But I sort of feel like vaping is worse because
Speaker 2: you think you're doing something better. So you're now just
Speaker 2: not only are you a smoker, but you're kind of
Speaker 2: an idiot.
Speaker 4: So now you're like not like it.
Speaker 2: Like to me, it's like they're they're both probably the
Speaker 2: same term for you.
Speaker 3: I feel like vaping might actually be worse.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's like you, but I think people who
Speaker 2: vape like somehow think this is like more palatable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it is more palatable to be around,
Speaker 3: that's for sure. Like I'd rather be around someone vaping
Speaker 3: versus smoking a cigarette.
Speaker 4: But you're still like so damaging your body.
Speaker 3: But that's just it. It's like it hasn't been thoroughly
Speaker 3: studied yet, right, things that the health impacts that people
Speaker 3: have had from vaping, they're happening a lot faster than cigarettes.
Speaker 3: Do you know cigarettes can take a long time, right,
Speaker 3: Vaping there's like teenagers that are having to get like
Speaker 3: double lung transplants and shit like it's it's it's a chemical.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: What's interesting too is like my I have a friend
Speaker 2: with kids at one of the southern like SEC schools,
Speaker 2: and she said, all the kids there vape, Like it's
Speaker 2: very common to vape. All vaping at NYU where take goes.
Speaker 2: She's like, nobody vapes.
Speaker 3: They smoke.
Speaker 4: They do smoke. Yeah, noticed that smoke a lot of pot,
Speaker 4: but they do not vaite.
Speaker 3: In New York City. Like every time I go there,
Speaker 3: I'm like, damn, there's a lot of people here that
Speaker 3: smoke cigarette. Yeah, totally totally, But I mean I know that,
Speaker 3: Like it's one of those things too. When you're young,
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, it's not it's not gonna hurt me,
Speaker 3: you know, you get addicted and yeah, and then you
Speaker 3: can't put it down.
Speaker 2: You can't put it down, and you're like on the
Speaker 2: Then you find yourself on the back patio of home
Speaker 2: bar right sucking a cigarette as hard as you can.
Speaker 2: They're like bent, They're sitting on like a milk carts
Speaker 2: and like just passing cigarettes. I'm like, get her out
Speaker 2: of here. I'm like, y'all, can you're better than this?
Speaker 2: Niki better than this, Nikki, And if you need to
Speaker 2: talk to her, wait till she comes inside. This is
Speaker 2: this weirdo world. I literally said, this is weirdo world
Speaker 2: out here.
Speaker 3: You know they all talk about you know.
Speaker 2: The minute I walked inside that entire there, like she
Speaker 2: is such a.
Speaker 1: Who invited their mom?
Speaker 4: Like, geez, Nikki, your mom's coming.
Speaker 2: I think, Like when I couldn't find her again, I
Speaker 2: like peeked out the door.
Speaker 3: You better, you guys better these.
Speaker 4: Cigarettes out No, I better be drinking out here.
Speaker 2: It was so bad, so bad they I'm sure her
Speaker 2: friend is like, your girlfriend's a fucking bitch.
Speaker 3: Yeah I am.
Speaker 4: I am kind of a bitch sometimes.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: I don't the milk curtons in this There's no chairs
Speaker 4: out there.
Speaker 2: I'm like, it was a hot and there's like six
Speaker 2: people just like huddled around.
Speaker 4: It was not good. You want it, you gotta really
Speaker 4: want it, You gotta really want it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So all right, well, I better get ready for
Speaker 2: the shindig for your birthday.
Speaker 4: I know, you know.
Speaker 2: I don't like a lot of attention. There's some weird
Speaker 2: thing happening now.
Speaker 1: I saw some.
Speaker 4: Whispering last night that made me a little nervous.
Speaker 3: Oh really, yeah, I do have one question. Okay, do
Speaker 3: you want us to sing Happy birthday?
Speaker 2: I don't mind happy birthday, but don't make me do
Speaker 2: anything embarrassing.
Speaker 3: Okay, I got you, got me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, totally because I did notice some murmurings. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, my friends, I bet our shower.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, right, goodbye.
Speaker 3: I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
Speaker 3: and write a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Speaker 4: We'd love listener feedback.
Speaker 2: If you'd like to share your story, email us at
Speaker 2: Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 4: That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
Speaker 4: A L. L I at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Or follow us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles