WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:03.160
<v Speaker 1>Hello, it's good to have you here with me this evening.

2
00:00:03.839 --> 00:00:06.320
<v Speaker 1>We're going to work through a five four three two

3
00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:10.560
<v Speaker 1>one grounding script for grief at bedtime together. You can

4
00:00:10.679 --> 00:00:14.400
<v Speaker 1>keep your eyes open or closed whatever feels better for

5
00:00:14.439 --> 00:00:18.160
<v Speaker 1>you right now. This exercise takes under four minutes from

6
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:21.760
<v Speaker 1>start to finish, so there's no rush at all. I

7
00:00:21.879 --> 00:00:24.800
<v Speaker 1>know how the quiet of night sometimes lets thoughts circle

8
00:00:24.839 --> 00:00:27.559
<v Speaker 1>back to what you've lost, and that can make settling

9
00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:31.679
<v Speaker 1>into sleep feel impossible. Because of that, a short practice

10
00:00:31.719 --> 00:00:34.119
<v Speaker 1>like this one can offer a steady place to land

11
00:00:34.159 --> 00:00:38.240
<v Speaker 1>without needing to push those feelings away. You might notice

12
00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:41.600
<v Speaker 1>your mind wandering to memories or worries as we go,

13
00:00:42.079 --> 00:00:44.880
<v Speaker 1>and that's fine. The focus stays on what you can

14
00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:48.000
<v Speaker 1>sense in the present, which gives your attention something else

15
00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:51.200
<v Speaker 1>to rest on for a few moments. Since grief shows

16
00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:54.039
<v Speaker 1>up at different times and in different ways, having a

17
00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:56.960
<v Speaker 1>simple tool ready can help on nights when rest feels

18
00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:01.079
<v Speaker 1>far off. However, you don't need to for anything or

19
00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:06.239
<v Speaker 1>expect one session to change everything. Instead, we'll move through

20
00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:09.519
<v Speaker 1>the steps one at a time, naming what you notice

21
00:01:09.799 --> 00:01:13.920
<v Speaker 1>without judging it. In other words, this is just a

22
00:01:13.959 --> 00:01:16.920
<v Speaker 1>way to connect with your surroundings. When the weight feels heavy,

23
00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:20.400
<v Speaker 1>The counting gives a rhythm that many find easier to

24
00:01:20.519 --> 00:01:24.959
<v Speaker 1>follow than trying to quiet the mind all at once. Meanwhile,

25
00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:27.920
<v Speaker 1>if a sound or sensation pulls you in another direction,

26
00:01:28.359 --> 00:01:31.719
<v Speaker 1>you can always return to the next number. That said,

27
00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:35.280
<v Speaker 1>the whole point is to keep it brief and gentle

28
00:01:35.519 --> 00:01:39.920
<v Speaker 1>so you can move towards sleep afterward, let's begin with

29
00:01:39.959 --> 00:01:42.560
<v Speaker 1>your feet on the floor or the bed. You can

30
00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:45.400
<v Speaker 1>start with naming five things you see in your space.

31
00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:48.680
<v Speaker 1>There is no hurry at all, because this practice moves

32
00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:51.519
<v Speaker 1>at your pace. You might see a window, or a

33
00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:55.959
<v Speaker 1>door or a light fixture. Name each one slowly. However,

34
00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:58.560
<v Speaker 1>your thoughts may turn to other matters, and that is okay.

35
00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:02.079
<v Speaker 1>Return to the next item when you notice. Meanwhile, name

36
00:02:02.120 --> 00:02:04.200
<v Speaker 1>the fourth thing you see. It could be a book,

37
00:02:04.359 --> 00:02:07.599
<v Speaker 1>or a plant or anything else visible. Take time with it,

38
00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:10.639
<v Speaker 1>then the third. You are doing well by staying with

39
00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:13.680
<v Speaker 1>the process. Because the mind wanders, it is normal to

40
00:02:13.719 --> 00:02:17.080
<v Speaker 1>come back. The second one comes next, Notice it fully.

41
00:02:17.560 --> 00:02:20.560
<v Speaker 1>Finally the first thing you see and pause after, although

42
00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:23.479
<v Speaker 1>you feel pulled elsewhere, since that happens often, just name

43
00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:26.319
<v Speaker 1>the next without force while you rest here. The fifth

44
00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:29.039
<v Speaker 1>comes last of all. Now shift to four things you

45
00:02:29.039 --> 00:02:31.560
<v Speaker 1>can touch. Because touch brings you into the body, you

46
00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:34.360
<v Speaker 1>can feel the texture of each, perhaps a blanket or

47
00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:37.039
<v Speaker 1>your own hand. However, it feels right to name them

48
00:02:37.039 --> 00:02:40.319
<v Speaker 1>one after another. Meanwhile, if a worry arises, just let

49
00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:43.479
<v Speaker 1>it pass. In return, the third touch comes, Now feel

50
00:02:43.479 --> 00:02:46.360
<v Speaker 1>it without pressure, then the second. You are safe to

51
00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:49.120
<v Speaker 1>continue at this speed because there is no timeline here.

52
00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:53.280
<v Speaker 1>The fourth one follows. Pause after naming, although another thought appears.

53
00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:56.479
<v Speaker 1>Since that pattern continues, you can choose the next number instead.

54
00:02:57.000 --> 00:02:59.599
<v Speaker 1>While you stay present, the sense of contact grows clearer.

55
00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:04.280
<v Speaker 1>Next are three things you hear. Because sound is always around,

56
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:06.719
<v Speaker 1>you can pick them out. It might be silence or

57
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:10.879
<v Speaker 1>a hum. However, the choice is yours. Meanwhile, name the

58
00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:15.919
<v Speaker 1>third sound, listen closely, then the second. The first one arrives. Last,

59
00:03:16.120 --> 00:03:19.080
<v Speaker 1>pause to let it settle. Although the mind drifts, since

60
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:21.879
<v Speaker 1>that is part of it, you return without judgment while

61
00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:24.479
<v Speaker 1>the quiet holds you. The three sounds rest easy. Now,

62
00:03:25.039 --> 00:03:27.680
<v Speaker 1>Now two things you smell. Because scent connects you to

63
00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:31.639
<v Speaker 1>the moment, Name them gently, perhaps soap or fresh air. However,

64
00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:34.719
<v Speaker 1>if nothing stands out, that is fine too. Meanwhile, the

65
00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:38.159
<v Speaker 1>second scent comes. Notice it, although your attention moves. Since

66
00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.759
<v Speaker 1>it does so often, you can name anyway. While the

67
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:44.039
<v Speaker 1>air moves around you, the smells stay steady. Then one

68
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:47.319
<v Speaker 1>thing you taste. Because taste is subtle, you can sense

69
00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:50.719
<v Speaker 1>whatever is there. It may be mild or absent, however,

70
00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:54.560
<v Speaker 1>you name it anyway. Pause now. Although thoughts come, since

71
00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:57.639
<v Speaker 1>they always do, the single taste holds your focus while

72
00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:01.280
<v Speaker 1>you remain here. The final sense lands softly. Notice any

73
00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:03.840
<v Speaker 1>grief that is present right now, without trying to change it.

74
00:04:04.199 --> 00:04:07.319
<v Speaker 1>Let it sit beside you. Now, take three slow exhales.

75
00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:11.159
<v Speaker 1>The first one releases tension, The second one deepens the calm.

76
00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:15.159
<v Speaker 1>The third one prepares you further, keep the body relaxed

77
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:19.439
<v Speaker 1>as you prepare for sleep. This works because naming concrete

78
00:04:19.480 --> 00:04:23.199
<v Speaker 1>sensory details pulls the brain out of grief loops and

79
00:04:23.319 --> 00:04:27.240
<v Speaker 1>into the present, because it shifts attention from swirling memories

80
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:31.000
<v Speaker 1>to what exists right here in the room. Researchers at

81
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:34.519
<v Speaker 1>Harvard Medical School Mind Body Institute found this kind of

82
00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:39.000
<v Speaker 1>focus interrupts repetitive thought patterns that often build at night. Meanwhile,

83
00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:41.639
<v Speaker 1>the steps we followed with naming five things you see

84
00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:44.800
<v Speaker 1>create an immediate bridge to the current moment rather than

85
00:04:44.839 --> 00:04:48.000
<v Speaker 1>the past. However, when you continue through the other senses,

86
00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:51.160
<v Speaker 1>the effect grows stronger because each new detail adds another

87
00:04:51.240 --> 00:04:54.560
<v Speaker 1>layer of grounding. In fact, the final exhales activate the

88
00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:59.079
<v Speaker 1>parasympathetic system to lower nighttime arousal. According to University of

89
00:04:59.079 --> 00:05:03.839
<v Speaker 1>Pittsburgh Sleep Edison Center Hall at All, twenty nineteen, although

90
00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:07.240
<v Speaker 1>grief makes rest feel uncertain, these small choices still provide

91
00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:10.360
<v Speaker 1>a reliable path toward calm without any pressure to feel

92
00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:14.399
<v Speaker 1>better right away. Since each counted item keeps the mind occupied,

93
00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:18.079
<v Speaker 1>you may find the body begins to soften on its own. Therefore,

94
00:05:18.079 --> 00:05:21.079
<v Speaker 1>the sequence supports sleep by combining attention with breath in

95
00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:24.480
<v Speaker 1>a simple order. While some evenings the thoughts return quickly,

96
00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:27.319
<v Speaker 1>the practice gives you something concrete to return to instead.

97
00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:30.000
<v Speaker 1>On top of that, the exhales at the end signal

98
00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:34.279
<v Speaker 1>safety to the nervous system, so arousal decreases gradually. Basically,

99
00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:36.839
<v Speaker 1>this is why the grounding works when loss feels heaviest

100
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:39.680
<v Speaker 1>before bed. You can use this any night you need it.

101
00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:43.439
<v Speaker 1>You might want to try this grounding script tonight before

102
00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:46.519
<v Speaker 1>you settle in for sleep. Pay attention to how your

103
00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:51.160
<v Speaker 1>body responds once you finish the steps. Since the whole

104
00:05:51.199 --> 00:05:54.519
<v Speaker 1>episode runs short, you can easily play it again right

105
00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:59.079
<v Speaker 1>before bed if that feels helpful. The practice we walk

106
00:05:59.199 --> 00:06:01.759
<v Speaker 1>through gives you a simple way to shift focus when

107
00:06:01.800 --> 00:06:05.319
<v Speaker 1>thoughts start looping. Because it works with what you notice

108
00:06:05.319 --> 00:06:09.040
<v Speaker 1>in the moment, it fits easily into your evening routine.

109
00:06:09.079 --> 00:06:11.680
<v Speaker 1>If this podcast helps you make sense of your grief,

110
00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:15.560
<v Speaker 1>join our supporters club and help us keep these conversations going.

111
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:19.560
<v Speaker 1>You'll find the link in the episode description. Taking these

112
00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:22.399
<v Speaker 1>small pauses each night can make the hours ahead feel

113
00:06:22.439 --> 00:06:26.600
<v Speaker 1>a bit steadier. Meanwhile, remember that whatever comes up is okay,

114
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:30.279
<v Speaker 1>and you can always return to the next number. Ultimately,

115
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:33.120
<v Speaker 1>these moments of presence add up over time. Good night,

116
00:06:33.319 --> 00:06:35.519
<v Speaker 1>and I'll see you next time. On grief, let's make

117
00:06:35.560 --> 00:06:36.240
<v Speaker 1>sense of this shit.