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Speaker 1: Right, y'all, nay han on, this is not thefuse no

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More with your house after and evangelist, Hey, y'all, rich stuff.

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Speaker 2: You sweat, make when you feel can?

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Speaker 3: Did you feel drop the mast? Not?

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Speaker 2: She said, because your feelings mat.

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Speaker 4: Y'all the one today on this lovely Monday morning.

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Speaker 3: Yes it is.

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Speaker 4: It's Monday, February in the second actually yeah, February second

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of twenty twenty six. I pray that you have had

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a blessed and wonderful week so far, and that the

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remainder of this week will continue to be blessed.

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Speaker 2: For you as well.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully it's been narcissistic free, stress free, abuse free, but

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if not, we're gonna be talking about some things today.

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I hope that you are ready for what we are

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about to talk about again. My name is doctor ko

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Rich or nark Abuse No More. Where we're here helping

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you admit what you feel in order to heal from

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the effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings.

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Speaker 2: Do matter, Yes they do.

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Speaker 4: But before we go on with today's podcast, I'd like

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to invite you to visit us on our website at

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www dot nrc use No More do O Org Again

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that website address is www dot rc n a rc

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abuse no more dot I'm sorry, that's dot net.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry. That is dot net, not org. That is

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dot net. Okay, okay.

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Speaker 4: And just as a reminder, we are on every Monday,

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Wednesday and Friday at ten a m. Eastern Standard time,

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nine a m. Central and you can listen to us

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on various platforms such as spreaker, our Heart Radio, Spotify,

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Apple Podcasts, and others.

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Speaker 2: All right, what are we talking about today?

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Speaker 4: We are talking about recognizing the warning signs of abuse.

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Re recognizing the warning signs of abuse. And for before

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we go on with today's podcast, I wanna give you

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a number to call if you are in.

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Speaker 2: An abusive situation.

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Speaker 4: You wanna get out as safely as possible, as safely

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as possible, and.

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Speaker 2: Even when you get out.

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Speaker 4: Always be aware of your surroundings, check in with people

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that love you and care about you, make sure that

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you have locks on your doors and safe.

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Speaker 2: And this is not paranoia, this is being safe. Okay.

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Speaker 4: So you might say, well, I don't want to be paranoid. No,

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it's not being paranoid, but you want to be safe.

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The Bible lets us know to be wise as serpents

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and harmless as does Okay, And so for those who

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want this particular number, I'm gonna give you the number

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to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, and it's one eight

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hundred seven ninety nine safe. That's one eight hundred seven

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ninety ninety seven two three three. You can also text

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the worst start to eight eight seven eight eight. Again,

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text the worst start to eight eight seven eight eight.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So we're talking about the warning signs of abuse because

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when we get into a relationship, oh, you might have

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been born into.

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Speaker 2: A certain family dynamic.

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Speaker 4: In the beginning of this relationship, it's normally wonderful.

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Speaker 2: You're in this honeymoon stage.

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Speaker 4: You have these butterflies, you feel like, hey, I've met.

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Speaker 2: This perfect person.

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Speaker 4: Most people think when they go into the relationship that

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they've met their ideal partner. Okay, And this is in

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the early stages of the relationship.

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Speaker 2: But then there are warning signs.

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Speaker 4: A person who is abusive have a hard time hiding it.

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Speaker 2: If you know what to pay attention to.

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Speaker 4: Abuse is about power and control, and they use various

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tactics and use various methods to have power and control

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over their victim.

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Speaker 2: But guess what.

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Speaker 4: You can take back your power, You can take back

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your control, You can take back your sense of self worth.

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If you know what to look out for, and even

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if you have found yourself in this situation, you can

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try to get out as safely as possible. So these

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are some red flags that are often present when someone

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is an abuser. They may not all be exhibited at

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one time or whatever, but pay attention to them because

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there are subtle signs, subtle signs that someone could be

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a potential abuser.

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Speaker 2: Or if you're.

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Speaker 4: Already in it and you notice these signs, then you're

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definitely more than likely in an abusive situation. Number one,

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they tell you that you never can do anything right.

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You never can do anything right. One thing that takes

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place in an abusive relationship. In order for the person

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to try to get control of you, they have to

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make you.

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Speaker 2: Feel like you're not in control.

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Speaker 4: They have to try to reduce you to as we

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used to say in math, the lord's denominator. That means

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that they try to break you down. They try to

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devalue you, they try to demean you. They try to

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make you feel as if you're not worth anything. They

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gas like you to make you doubt your reality.

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Speaker 2: You started off.

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Speaker 4: With confidence in the relationship, they will be sure to

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take that confidence.

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Speaker 2: Away from you in that relationship.

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Speaker 4: But the first thing they have to do is try

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to break you down. Therefore they're able to have more

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control over you. So they tell you that you never

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do anything right. That means that if you cook a

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good meal, it's not good enough. If you earn their clothes,

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it is not good enough. If you uh uh.

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Speaker 2: When whatever you do, if you taking care of children,

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it is not good enough.

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Speaker 4: Okay, So nothing that you ever do is good enough

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for the abuser. Number two, they show extreme jealousy of

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your friends or time that you spend away from them.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So one thing that an abuser and we when we

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talk about abuse, abuse comes in many forms.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: It it's not always physical, but sometimes it is.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 4: You, you can have em emotional abuse, okay, cause oftentimes

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it starts off emotionally. Before you ever get the first slap, punch,

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or kick or hit anywhere, they will emotionally abuse you.

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Sometimes it's physical abuse, uh, sexual abuse, financial, spiritual abuse.

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's still abuse.

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Speaker 4: So they show extreme jealousy of your friends or people,

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or when you spend time away from them.

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Speaker 2: They will always have a problem with your friends. Okay.

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Speaker 4: They don't want you to have any support system, especially

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if that support system is gonna say, you know what,

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something is not right with this picture.

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Speaker 2: Okay. So they try.

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Speaker 4: Their best to make you feel as if you're not

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spending enough time with them, and even if you're spending

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most of your time with them, they will criticize you

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for spending time with anyone else outside of them. They

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will criticize you for having friends. They will criticize your friends.

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They will find something wrong with your friends and or

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you just because you want to have a social life

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or spend time with someone else. That is a sign

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of jealousy and is an emotional tactic of abuse. Number seven,

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they prevent you or discourage you from spending time with

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your family or your coworkers or other people even at church.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So again, as we mentioned in the last one, they're

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gonna do whatever they can to try to discourage you.

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They'll start an argument just to keep you from being

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able to or even wanting to go spend time with

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even your other family members.

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Speaker 2: They will try to say you're not spend enough time

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with me.

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Speaker 4: You're not giving me enough time. When are we gonna

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spend time together? In mind, you you're not being neglectful

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in the relationship. But everyone needs somebody outside of the relationship. Okay,

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it's okay to have friends, it's okay to have family,

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extended family members. It's okay to have coworkers and peers

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that you would like to spend time with that are

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good people, quality people. But when you're dealing with someone

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that is insecure, someone that is abusive, someone that is jealous,

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they will always find a way to try to guilt

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you out of spending time with other people.

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Speaker 2: Next is they number five.

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Speaker 4: They will they are insulting, their demeaning, or they shame you,

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especially in front of others. One thing in the Bible,

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when it comes to husbands and wives, it says, husbands

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love your wives even as Christs love the church. Wives

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yourselves to your husband's Okay, so this is equal where

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there's respect supposed to be given on both ends. All right,

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But when you are, even if you're dating someone, if

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they insult you in front of others, if they try

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to shame you, if they try to sarcastically say oh,

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I was just joking. But it's at your expense of

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being embarrassed. That's a form of abuse, or that's a

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prelude to abuse. A narcissistic mindset will try to make

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you feel bad about yourself because in that way they

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can feel that much better about themselves. But the reality

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of it is, anytime someone has to devalue you in

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order for them to feel better, then guess what that's

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saying something about that particular individual.

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Speaker 2: Number six.

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Speaker 4: We're gonna actually, we're gonna take a quick break and

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we'll be back in.

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Speaker 2: Just a moment.

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Speaker 3: He smelled the first he was a perfect.

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Speaker 5: It's the way of health fires man when we knew

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before his mom.

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Speaker 6: In the cry of he's p.

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Speaker 4: S R.

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Speaker 6: Fears and m W SPA fries heal.

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Speaker 3: That side through his boy. He prayed.

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Speaker 6: The card.

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Speaker 3: Your first place rose a store, A little.

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Speaker 5: Heaping is the sound of the horseman. Two souls and

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spend fun.

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Speaker 3: Time we need.

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Speaker 6: We pay can be stole. And the guy.

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Speaker 3: Your policem.

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Speaker 6: God is need.

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Speaker 3: On a chance that you it me.

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Speaker 7: Scure re touch the harm disguise fall short in the side, steady.

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Speaker 3: Coastman, afraid things not weary.

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Speaker 2: For any friendship.

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Speaker 3: Never s fred card A fistral.

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Speaker 6: Grace holds his course. The world heavy Smasmosis.

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Speaker 3: It's for the single hearts.

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Speaker 6: One promise we're able to dine when refriendcun.

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Speaker 3: I prayed again.

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Speaker 2: And that is wealthy pray together. All right.

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Speaker 4: So we're still talking about signs of abuse, things that

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you need to recognize before you get into a relationship,

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at the beginning of a relationship, and definitely if you're

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already in the relationship, so that you will not fall

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victim of an abuser. All right, So number number six,

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preventing you from making your own decisions, including about work

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or school. Abusers, again, they are very insecure at the end,

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at the bottom of the core with regards to them,

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they're insecure creatures. Okay, So basically you they want to

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prevent you from excelling in any area of your life.

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So if you're going to school, they will try to

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prevent you from They will either try to discourage you

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from going.

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Speaker 2: Or try to prevent you from going, or try to.

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Speaker 4: Sabotage your growth in any area where you are trying

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to excel. If you're trying to have a job, they

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will not want you to do that because they feel

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that if you get this job, then you will be

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able to be independent of them.

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Speaker 2: That means that you have more autonomy over yourself.

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Speaker 4: That means that you're around more people that could possibly

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be a support.

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Speaker 2: System to you.

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Speaker 4: And this is even at school if you're trying to

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better yourself, so that maybe you know, Okay, I'm in

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an abusive situation and I'm trying to have this job

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or get a promotion, whatever you can do to better yourself,

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the abuser is not going to be for it. And

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this is their way of manipulation and control Number seven

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controlling finances in the household without decisions. So basically they're

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taking your money. They're refusing to provide money. This is

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financial abuse when the person who may be the bread

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winner or both Okay, you might be the bread winner too,

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so both of you all might be working. Both of

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you all might be contributing to the household. But then

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the abuser wants to manipulate and control all the finances. Okay,

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so therefore they will tell you you have to give

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them your check, your whole check.

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Speaker 2: They don't give you or leave you any money to

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do anything that you might need to do.

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Speaker 4: Women for personal women hygiene or something like that, or

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to buy maybe things for the children, or buy food

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for the house or whatever.

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Speaker 2: They want to be in control even when you are contributing.

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Speaker 4: And the thing is, even if you are maybe a housewife,

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if you are married to someone, that's still both of

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you all as finances in the eyes of God. However,

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an abuser is all about me and I, never about

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we and us. Number eight. Another thing that when you're

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dealing with an abuser, they pressure you to have sex

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or perform sexual acts that you're not comfortable with.

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Speaker 2: This is called sexual abuse.

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Speaker 7: All right.

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Speaker 4: So if you're ever a time and you say, you

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know what, I don't feel like, you know, being intimate,

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they will try to pressure you to do it anyway.

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If you feel that I don't know, there's certain things

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I'm not comfortable with, they will pressure you to do

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it anyway because they're not concerned about you. Is all

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about them, They're not concerned about your feelings.

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Speaker 2: It's all about them. Yes, that is definitely.

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Speaker 4: Even if you're married and they're trying to pressure you

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to be intimate when you're not really feeling it.

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Speaker 2: It's still sexual abuse.

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Speaker 4: It used to be a time when husbands were allowed

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to just rape their wives.

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Speaker 2: And yes, there is such thing as raping your spouse.

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Speaker 4: When they say no and they're not wanting to be

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intimate and you force it up on them, that is

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absolutely rape. And yes, husbands can be taken to court

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for raping their wives.

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Speaker 2: Number ten.

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Speaker 4: Pressure you to use drugs or alcohol. We know that

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illegal drug use is still illegal. Rather someone supplies it

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for you or forces you to to use it. Okay,

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when you're dealing with an abuse or one of the

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ways that they will try to gain control over you

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is to get you hooked on drugs or alcohol.

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Speaker 2: And that way, that's one way that they have where

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I can give it to you or I can take

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it away.

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Speaker 4: It's another mechanism for them to use control tactics over you.

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Speaker 2: Number eleven. Pressuring you through looks or actions.

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Speaker 4: It's not always what somebody say is not always it's

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not always what they say.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just what they do.

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Speaker 4: If you know that you're in an abusive situation and

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that man, it's just like with a parent and child.

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A parent can sometimes look at the child to get

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that child in line. Well, guess what that's not supposed

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to happen when you're an adult, all right, So if

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you're in an abusive situation, a person is giving you

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a threatening look as if you betther not or else.

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I will do anytime someone threatens you or look threatening

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to you, or try to do any type of action

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that could be uh A view as ad intimidation tactic,

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that is abuse. These are signs that you need to

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recognize before you get into a relationship, if you're in

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the relationship, and definitely if you get a chance to

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get away from that relationship so you won't get into

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it again. We're gonna take another quick break and we'll

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be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 2: He started through.

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Speaker 5: There be probably asper softly for this closer to his life.

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We stumble again with question.

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Speaker 2: The love is meant to.

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Speaker 5: Be the grace can't be rod, but forever looks like

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me and forgive the song fast, strange and scrupture even

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than God together side in hay.

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Speaker 6: So we still a little already fair, not just as

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that makes us bad.

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Speaker 3: He didn't just had to say God to look at.

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Speaker 5: He saw me whom I Bathe was fat when my

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hope is running thick.

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Speaker 2: He didn't walk away from me.

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Speaker 5: He bring me back again, heavy tints and in a

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way ship.

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Speaker 3: Heavy tame became a girl.

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Speaker 2: And the more he.

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Speaker 8: Chases process, the more logic, more he l more way differed,

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chose a beating, sold the eggs.

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Speaker 9: Today has got together, I said, hand in hand start

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he stood over what he plad.

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Speaker 2: Just bad.

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Speaker 6: He is good.

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Speaker 3: The other makes us better. He jass that. So got

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get it from the said up you, sire, If not

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ye up.

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Speaker 7: In the.

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Speaker 3: Seats chemistry at time, this is purvious.

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Speaker 2: This is the.

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Speaker 10: Levestation you love his kind. Let me feels hav inside

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as the casement. And so I knew there's a long time,

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said God said, it's a true standing Sady lost every.

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Speaker 3: Season, shot back deep in a portion. This is all

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he ground the stand of the sister. Time gets for head.

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Speaker 6: The water.

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Speaker 5: So he's.

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Speaker 2: And this is called chosen in the quiet, Chosen in

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the quiet.

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Speaker 4: All right, all right, So we're talking about signs warning signs.

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Speaker 2: Of an abusive behavior.

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Speaker 4: One in signs of an abusive behavior, especially if you

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have not gotten into relationship with this person or you're

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in the early stages of you definitely need to be

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looking at the signs.

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Speaker 2: All right, Number, I think we're on number twelve.

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Speaker 4: Insulting your insulting your parenting, or threatening to harm.

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Speaker 2: Or take away your children or pets.

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Speaker 4: This is common and abusive relationships is when someone poses threats.

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They give you threats that if you don't comply with

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their wishes that they're gonna harm your children, they're gonna

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take away your children, or they're gonna harm your pet.

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Speaker 2: If you can harm a pet, you can harm a person. Okay.

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Speaker 4: Oftentimes you might have heard of serial killers not just

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start killing people, they started off horm and pets as children.

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That's a common sign. So you definitely want to pay

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attention to if someone is threatening to harm or take

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away your.

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Speaker 2: Children or pets.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes, you know, people disregard the relationship between owners and

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their pets. But for those who are pet lovers, a

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person who knows that they will do harm to your

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pet just because they know it's gonna get to the

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root of your heart and this is what children. Sometimes

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you will have that spouse that threatens if you leave me,

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then I'm gonna sue for custody of the children. Let

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me just say this, if you are in an abusive relationship,

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make sure you start documenting things.

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Speaker 2: That's taking place.

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Speaker 4: Let people know, take pictures or are times events, file

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what you need with the police. Do so as safely

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as possible, so you will have documentation of things that's

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taking place when you are in an abusive relationship, because

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guess what, if they can't get to you, they will

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try to get to the children. So definitely you do

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not want to have your children in an abusive situation.

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Another thing, Number thirteen is intimidate you with weapons like guns, knives, bats,

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or mates. Intimidating you with guns, knives, bats are mates.

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I had told someone a while ago, this was like

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a couple of years ago, there was a situation with

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a pastor that had put a.

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Speaker 2: Gun to his wife's head. And the thing is, you

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00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,359
know this person wanted to make an excuse, well, they

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did this and they did that.

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Speaker 4: But the thing is, there is no excuse unless you

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inferior for your life to pick up a weapon and

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to threaten someone with that weapon, regardless of what type

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of weapon it is, a gun, knife, back, whatever the

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00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,799
case may be, that is abuse. And if someone has

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00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:42,319
ever threatened you, choked, you tried to pull a gun

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00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,279
to your head, threatening if you leave them, they're gonna

401
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,319
kill you, they're gonna kill themselves if even if they threatened, well,

402
00:28:49,359 --> 00:28:53,480
I'm gonna kill myself if you leave, make plans to

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00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,519
make your escape because if they threaten it, they can

404
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,880
do it. Don't do not just look at it as

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00:29:00,119 --> 00:29:03,599
empty words. Let me just say this, people, especially women

406
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,440
and children. Women and children are are the ones that

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mostly be abused. Okay, it happens with men too, but

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00:29:10,559 --> 00:29:16,240
mostly it's women and children, and women are dying every

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day at the hands of their abusers. Just recently, I

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00:29:21,079 --> 00:29:24,960
had read an article where this woman she had been

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killed by I believe it was her husband. And it's

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00:29:30,279 --> 00:29:34,039
sad when you hear about these stories and you read

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these stories or see these stories.

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Speaker 2: On social media.

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Speaker 4: People do not oftentimes believe that a person will carry

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through killing you, but they're doing it every day.

417
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Speaker 2: People you know, are getting raped every day.

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Speaker 4: People are getting killed every day, People are being abused

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every day.

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Speaker 2: Abuse is real. Murder is it's real.

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Speaker 4: Why is it that the United States has the highest

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prison population And part of that is we have abusers,

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people that have actually followed through their abuse with it

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ending and murder. And so this is something not to

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00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,759
take lightly. Do not think that, oh, well, he didn't

426
00:30:26,799 --> 00:30:29,799
mean it or she didn't mean it. If a person

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00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:34,759
can threaten you, they're a dangerous person. It doesn't matter

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00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,039
how lightly that threat is. If a person threatens to

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00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,119
do something to you on your job, if a person

430
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:47,880
threatens to a person threatens to uh to call people

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00:30:48,279 --> 00:30:51,480
to tell them what they feel is the bad about you.

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00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,440
If they threaten you in any way, then that person

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00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:01,119
is a dangerous person and that is not to be

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00:31:01,319 --> 00:31:02,079
taken lightly.

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00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: They are an abuser. It doesn't matter if it's your parent.

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00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, It doesn't matter

437
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,279
if it's another extended family member, it.

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00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter if it's a boss or a person you're

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00:31:16,279 --> 00:31:19,400
involved with. That is a danger.

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Speaker 4: Last, but not least, they destroy your belongings or your home.

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Someone who will destroy your things will destroy you, and

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00:31:34,359 --> 00:31:39,880
therefore it is important to make sure that you are

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00:31:40,079 --> 00:31:42,640
not in that abusive situation.

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00:31:43,759 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 2: Do not take this lightly, people. This is serious and

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00:31:47,799 --> 00:31:48,240
a lot.

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00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,759
Speaker 4: Of women, especially women, may be alive today if they

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00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:58,480
have paid attention to the warning signs or made plans

448
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:02,880
and actually followed through with those plans to get away.

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00:32:02,599 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 2: From that abusive person. They may be allied today.

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00:32:07,119 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 4: This is not to say that that person will not

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00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,279
try to threaten you or try to retaliate if you

452
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,640
leave them, But the first step is trying to leave

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00:32:15,839 --> 00:32:19,519
as safely as possible, and then also making sure that

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00:32:19,799 --> 00:32:25,519
you take safety precautions, sometimes a restraining order or whatever.

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Speaker 2: It's not gonna always do it.

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00:32:27,599 --> 00:32:32,279
Speaker 4: You may have to take other necessary precautions, for as

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00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:38,960
security locks, making sure you have alarm systems, making sure

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00:32:39,079 --> 00:32:42,200
that people are aware of where you're at and you

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00:32:42,279 --> 00:32:45,720
know in the event something happened. Maybe making sure you

460
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,359
don't go out at night anywhere, double bolting your doors,

461
00:32:49,799 --> 00:32:52,759
do what you need to do to be safe. This

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00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:59,599
is not paranoia paranoia, this is necessary. I want to

463
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,880
read you a verse in the Bible that talks about

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00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:08,920
abuse and violence, and this is in Proverbs chapter twenty two,

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00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,559
verses twenty four through twenty five, and a reading out

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00:33:12,599 --> 00:33:16,559
of English Standard version, and it says, make no friendship

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00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,200
with a man given to anger, nor go with a

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00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:25,599
wrathful man less you learn his ways and entangle yourself

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00:33:26,039 --> 00:33:26,880
in his snare.

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Speaker 2: What does this mean?

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00:33:29,359 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 4: Be careful of those who are given over to anger.

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00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:40,400
If they are controlled by their anger, they will control you.

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And if they control you, they will abuse you because

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at the end of the day, abuse is about power

475
00:33:49,119 --> 00:33:52,759
and control. All right, we're up out of here, are pressy.

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00:33:52,839 --> 00:33:57,200
Today's podcast has been a blessing to you and that

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00:33:57,519 --> 00:33:59,839
you would know. Guess what you're feeling.

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Speaker 2: Man, this is doctor kl Rich. Would doctor be no more?

479
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:05,880
I think they