Speaker 1: Right, y'all, nay han on, this is not thefuse no
More with your house after and evangelist, Hey, y'all, rich stuff.
Speaker 2: You sweat, make when you feel can?
Speaker 3: Did you feel drop the mast? Not?
Speaker 2: She said, because your feelings mat.
Speaker 4: Y'all the one today on this lovely Monday morning.
Speaker 3: Yes it is.
Speaker 4: It's Monday, February in the second actually yeah, February second
of twenty twenty six. I pray that you have had
a blessed and wonderful week so far, and that the
remainder of this week will continue to be blessed.
Speaker 2: For you as well.
Speaker 4: Hopefully it's been narcissistic free, stress free, abuse free, but
if not, we're gonna be talking about some things today.
I hope that you are ready for what we are
about to talk about again. My name is doctor ko
Rich or nark Abuse No More. Where we're here helping
you admit what you feel in order to heal from
the effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings.
Speaker 2: Do matter, Yes they do.
Speaker 4: But before we go on with today's podcast, I'd like
to invite you to visit us on our website at
www dot nrc use No More do O Org Again
that website address is www dot rc n a rc
abuse no more dot I'm sorry, that's dot net.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. That is dot net, not org. That is
dot net. Okay, okay.
Speaker 4: And just as a reminder, we are on every Monday,
Wednesday and Friday at ten a m. Eastern Standard time,
nine a m. Central and you can listen to us
on various platforms such as spreaker, our Heart Radio, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, and others.
Speaker 2: All right, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 4: We are talking about recognizing the warning signs of abuse.
Re recognizing the warning signs of abuse. And for before
we go on with today's podcast, I wanna give you
a number to call if you are in.
Speaker 2: An abusive situation.
Speaker 4: You wanna get out as safely as possible, as safely
as possible, and.
Speaker 2: Even when you get out.
Speaker 4: Always be aware of your surroundings, check in with people
that love you and care about you, make sure that
you have locks on your doors and safe.
Speaker 2: And this is not paranoia, this is being safe. Okay.
Speaker 4: So you might say, well, I don't want to be paranoid. No,
it's not being paranoid, but you want to be safe.
The Bible lets us know to be wise as serpents
and harmless as does Okay, And so for those who
want this particular number, I'm gonna give you the number
to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, and it's one eight
hundred seven ninety nine safe. That's one eight hundred seven
ninety ninety seven two three three. You can also text
the worst start to eight eight seven eight eight. Again,
text the worst start to eight eight seven eight eight.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: So we're talking about the warning signs of abuse because
when we get into a relationship, oh, you might have
been born into.
Speaker 2: A certain family dynamic.
Speaker 4: In the beginning of this relationship, it's normally wonderful.
Speaker 2: You're in this honeymoon stage.
Speaker 4: You have these butterflies, you feel like, hey, I've met.
Speaker 2: This perfect person.
Speaker 4: Most people think when they go into the relationship that
they've met their ideal partner. Okay, And this is in
the early stages of the relationship.
Speaker 2: But then there are warning signs.
Speaker 4: A person who is abusive have a hard time hiding it.
Speaker 2: If you know what to pay attention to.
Speaker 4: Abuse is about power and control, and they use various
tactics and use various methods to have power and control
over their victim.
Speaker 2: But guess what.
Speaker 4: You can take back your power, You can take back
your control, You can take back your sense of self worth.
If you know what to look out for, and even
if you have found yourself in this situation, you can
try to get out as safely as possible. So these
are some red flags that are often present when someone
is an abuser. They may not all be exhibited at
one time or whatever, but pay attention to them because
there are subtle signs, subtle signs that someone could be
a potential abuser.
Speaker 2: Or if you're.
Speaker 4: Already in it and you notice these signs, then you're
definitely more than likely in an abusive situation. Number one,
they tell you that you never can do anything right.
You never can do anything right. One thing that takes
place in an abusive relationship. In order for the person
to try to get control of you, they have to
make you.
Speaker 2: Feel like you're not in control.
Speaker 4: They have to try to reduce you to as we
used to say in math, the lord's denominator. That means
that they try to break you down. They try to
devalue you, they try to demean you. They try to
make you feel as if you're not worth anything. They
gas like you to make you doubt your reality.
Speaker 2: You started off.
Speaker 4: With confidence in the relationship, they will be sure to
take that confidence.
Speaker 2: Away from you in that relationship.
Speaker 4: But the first thing they have to do is try
to break you down. Therefore they're able to have more
control over you. So they tell you that you never
do anything right. That means that if you cook a
good meal, it's not good enough. If you earn their clothes,
it is not good enough. If you uh uh.
Speaker 2: When whatever you do, if you taking care of children,
it is not good enough.
Speaker 4: Okay, So nothing that you ever do is good enough
for the abuser. Number two, they show extreme jealousy of
your friends or time that you spend away from them.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: So one thing that an abuser and we when we
talk about abuse, abuse comes in many forms.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: It it's not always physical, but sometimes it is.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 4: You, you can have em emotional abuse, okay, cause oftentimes
it starts off emotionally. Before you ever get the first slap, punch,
or kick or hit anywhere, they will emotionally abuse you.
Sometimes it's physical abuse, uh, sexual abuse, financial, spiritual abuse.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, it's still abuse.
Speaker 4: So they show extreme jealousy of your friends or people,
or when you spend time away from them.
Speaker 2: They will always have a problem with your friends. Okay.
Speaker 4: They don't want you to have any support system, especially
if that support system is gonna say, you know what,
something is not right with this picture.
Speaker 2: Okay. So they try.
Speaker 4: Their best to make you feel as if you're not
spending enough time with them, and even if you're spending
most of your time with them, they will criticize you
for spending time with anyone else outside of them. They
will criticize you for having friends. They will criticize your friends.
They will find something wrong with your friends and or
you just because you want to have a social life
or spend time with someone else. That is a sign
of jealousy and is an emotional tactic of abuse. Number seven,
they prevent you or discourage you from spending time with
your family or your coworkers or other people even at church.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: So again, as we mentioned in the last one, they're
gonna do whatever they can to try to discourage you.
They'll start an argument just to keep you from being
able to or even wanting to go spend time with
even your other family members.
Speaker 2: They will try to say you're not spend enough time
with me.
Speaker 4: You're not giving me enough time. When are we gonna
spend time together? In mind, you you're not being neglectful
in the relationship. But everyone needs somebody outside of the relationship. Okay,
it's okay to have friends, it's okay to have family,
extended family members. It's okay to have coworkers and peers
that you would like to spend time with that are
good people, quality people. But when you're dealing with someone
that is insecure, someone that is abusive, someone that is jealous,
they will always find a way to try to guilt
you out of spending time with other people.
Speaker 2: Next is they number five.
Speaker 4: They will they are insulting, their demeaning, or they shame you,
especially in front of others. One thing in the Bible,
when it comes to husbands and wives, it says, husbands
love your wives even as Christs love the church. Wives
yourselves to your husband's Okay, so this is equal where
there's respect supposed to be given on both ends. All right,
But when you are, even if you're dating someone, if
they insult you in front of others, if they try
to shame you, if they try to sarcastically say oh,
I was just joking. But it's at your expense of
being embarrassed. That's a form of abuse, or that's a
prelude to abuse. A narcissistic mindset will try to make
you feel bad about yourself because in that way they
can feel that much better about themselves. But the reality
of it is, anytime someone has to devalue you in
order for them to feel better, then guess what that's
saying something about that particular individual.
Speaker 2: Number six.
Speaker 4: We're gonna actually, we're gonna take a quick break and
we'll be back in.
Speaker 2: Just a moment.
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Speaker 5: It's the way of health fires man when we knew
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Speaker 3: That side through his boy. He prayed.
Speaker 6: The card.
Speaker 3: Your first place rose a store, A little.
Speaker 5: Heaping is the sound of the horseman. Two souls and
spend fun.
Speaker 3: Time we need.
Speaker 6: We pay can be stole. And the guy.
Speaker 3: Your policem.
Speaker 6: God is need.
Speaker 3: On a chance that you it me.
Speaker 7: Scure re touch the harm disguise fall short in the side, steady.
Speaker 3: Coastman, afraid things not weary.
Speaker 2: For any friendship.
Speaker 3: Never s fred card A fistral.
Speaker 6: Grace holds his course. The world heavy Smasmosis.
Speaker 3: It's for the single hearts.
Speaker 6: One promise we're able to dine when refriendcun.
Speaker 3: I prayed again.
Speaker 2: And that is wealthy pray together. All right.
Speaker 4: So we're still talking about signs of abuse, things that
you need to recognize before you get into a relationship,
at the beginning of a relationship, and definitely if you're
already in the relationship, so that you will not fall
victim of an abuser. All right, So number number six,
preventing you from making your own decisions, including about work
or school. Abusers, again, they are very insecure at the end,
at the bottom of the core with regards to them,
they're insecure creatures. Okay, So basically you they want to
prevent you from excelling in any area of your life.
So if you're going to school, they will try to
prevent you from They will either try to discourage you
from going.
Speaker 2: Or try to prevent you from going, or try to.
Speaker 4: Sabotage your growth in any area where you are trying
to excel. If you're trying to have a job, they
will not want you to do that because they feel
that if you get this job, then you will be
able to be independent of them.
Speaker 2: That means that you have more autonomy over yourself.
Speaker 4: That means that you're around more people that could possibly
be a support.
Speaker 2: System to you.
Speaker 4: And this is even at school if you're trying to
better yourself, so that maybe you know, Okay, I'm in
an abusive situation and I'm trying to have this job
or get a promotion, whatever you can do to better yourself,
the abuser is not going to be for it. And
this is their way of manipulation and control Number seven
controlling finances in the household without decisions. So basically they're
taking your money. They're refusing to provide money. This is
financial abuse when the person who may be the bread
winner or both Okay, you might be the bread winner too,
so both of you all might be working. Both of
you all might be contributing to the household. But then
the abuser wants to manipulate and control all the finances. Okay,
so therefore they will tell you you have to give
them your check, your whole check.
Speaker 2: They don't give you or leave you any money to
do anything that you might need to do.
Speaker 4: Women for personal women hygiene or something like that, or
to buy maybe things for the children, or buy food
for the house or whatever.
Speaker 2: They want to be in control even when you are contributing.
Speaker 4: And the thing is, even if you are maybe a housewife,
if you are married to someone, that's still both of
you all as finances in the eyes of God. However,
an abuser is all about me and I, never about
we and us. Number eight. Another thing that when you're
dealing with an abuser, they pressure you to have sex
or perform sexual acts that you're not comfortable with.
Speaker 2: This is called sexual abuse.
Speaker 7: All right.
Speaker 4: So if you're ever a time and you say, you
know what, I don't feel like, you know, being intimate,
they will try to pressure you to do it anyway.
If you feel that I don't know, there's certain things
I'm not comfortable with, they will pressure you to do
it anyway because they're not concerned about you. Is all
about them, They're not concerned about your feelings.
Speaker 2: It's all about them. Yes, that is definitely.
Speaker 4: Even if you're married and they're trying to pressure you
to be intimate when you're not really feeling it.
Speaker 2: It's still sexual abuse.
Speaker 4: It used to be a time when husbands were allowed
to just rape their wives.
Speaker 2: And yes, there is such thing as raping your spouse.
Speaker 4: When they say no and they're not wanting to be
intimate and you force it up on them, that is
absolutely rape. And yes, husbands can be taken to court
for raping their wives.
Speaker 2: Number ten.
Speaker 4: Pressure you to use drugs or alcohol. We know that
illegal drug use is still illegal. Rather someone supplies it
for you or forces you to to use it. Okay,
when you're dealing with an abuse or one of the
ways that they will try to gain control over you
is to get you hooked on drugs or alcohol.
Speaker 2: And that way, that's one way that they have where
I can give it to you or I can take
it away.
Speaker 4: It's another mechanism for them to use control tactics over you.
Speaker 2: Number eleven. Pressuring you through looks or actions.
Speaker 4: It's not always what somebody say is not always it's
not always what they say.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just what they do.
Speaker 4: If you know that you're in an abusive situation and
that man, it's just like with a parent and child.
A parent can sometimes look at the child to get
that child in line. Well, guess what that's not supposed
to happen when you're an adult, all right, So if
you're in an abusive situation, a person is giving you
a threatening look as if you betther not or else.
I will do anytime someone threatens you or look threatening
to you, or try to do any type of action
that could be uh A view as ad intimidation tactic,
that is abuse. These are signs that you need to
recognize before you get into a relationship, if you're in
the relationship, and definitely if you get a chance to
get away from that relationship so you won't get into
it again. We're gonna take another quick break and we'll
be back in just a moment.
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Speaker 5: There be probably asper softly for this closer to his life.
We stumble again with question.
Speaker 2: The love is meant to.
Speaker 5: Be the grace can't be rod, but forever looks like
me and forgive the song fast, strange and scrupture even
than God together side in hay.
Speaker 6: So we still a little already fair, not just as
that makes us bad.
Speaker 3: He didn't just had to say God to look at.
Speaker 5: He saw me whom I Bathe was fat when my
hope is running thick.
Speaker 2: He didn't walk away from me.
Speaker 5: He bring me back again, heavy tints and in a
way ship.
Speaker 3: Heavy tame became a girl.
Speaker 2: And the more he.
Speaker 8: Chases process, the more logic, more he l more way differed,
chose a beating, sold the eggs.
Speaker 9: Today has got together, I said, hand in hand start
he stood over what he plad.
Speaker 2: Just bad.
Speaker 6: He is good.
Speaker 3: The other makes us better. He jass that. So got
get it from the said up you, sire, If not
ye up.
Speaker 7: In the.
Speaker 3: Seats chemistry at time, this is purvious.
Speaker 2: This is the.
Speaker 10: Levestation you love his kind. Let me feels hav inside
as the casement. And so I knew there's a long time,
said God said, it's a true standing Sady lost every.
Speaker 3: Season, shot back deep in a portion. This is all
he ground the stand of the sister. Time gets for head.
Speaker 6: The water.
Speaker 5: So he's.
Speaker 2: And this is called chosen in the quiet, Chosen in
the quiet.
Speaker 4: All right, all right, So we're talking about signs warning signs.
Speaker 2: Of an abusive behavior.
Speaker 4: One in signs of an abusive behavior, especially if you
have not gotten into relationship with this person or you're
in the early stages of you definitely need to be
looking at the signs.
Speaker 2: All right, Number, I think we're on number twelve.
Speaker 4: Insulting your insulting your parenting, or threatening to harm.
Speaker 2: Or take away your children or pets.
Speaker 4: This is common and abusive relationships is when someone poses threats.
They give you threats that if you don't comply with
their wishes that they're gonna harm your children, they're gonna
take away your children, or they're gonna harm your pet.
Speaker 2: If you can harm a pet, you can harm a person. Okay.
Speaker 4: Oftentimes you might have heard of serial killers not just
start killing people, they started off horm and pets as children.
That's a common sign. So you definitely want to pay
attention to if someone is threatening to harm or take
away your.
Speaker 2: Children or pets.
Speaker 4: Sometimes, you know, people disregard the relationship between owners and
their pets. But for those who are pet lovers, a
person who knows that they will do harm to your
pet just because they know it's gonna get to the
root of your heart and this is what children. Sometimes
you will have that spouse that threatens if you leave me,
then I'm gonna sue for custody of the children. Let
me just say this, if you are in an abusive relationship,
make sure you start documenting things.
Speaker 2: That's taking place.
Speaker 4: Let people know, take pictures or are times events, file
what you need with the police. Do so as safely
as possible, so you will have documentation of things that's
taking place when you are in an abusive relationship, because
guess what, if they can't get to you, they will
try to get to the children. So definitely you do
not want to have your children in an abusive situation.
Another thing, Number thirteen is intimidate you with weapons like guns, knives, bats,
or mates. Intimidating you with guns, knives, bats are mates.
I had told someone a while ago, this was like
a couple of years ago, there was a situation with
a pastor that had put a.
Speaker 2: Gun to his wife's head. And the thing is, you
know this person wanted to make an excuse, well, they
did this and they did that.
Speaker 4: But the thing is, there is no excuse unless you
inferior for your life to pick up a weapon and
to threaten someone with that weapon, regardless of what type
of weapon it is, a gun, knife, back, whatever the
case may be, that is abuse. And if someone has
ever threatened you, choked, you tried to pull a gun
to your head, threatening if you leave them, they're gonna
kill you, they're gonna kill themselves if even if they threatened, well,
I'm gonna kill myself if you leave, make plans to
make your escape because if they threaten it, they can
do it. Don't do not just look at it as
empty words. Let me just say this, people, especially women
and children. Women and children are are the ones that
mostly be abused. Okay, it happens with men too, but
mostly it's women and children, and women are dying every
day at the hands of their abusers. Just recently, I
had read an article where this woman she had been
killed by I believe it was her husband. And it's
sad when you hear about these stories and you read
these stories or see these stories.
Speaker 2: On social media.
Speaker 4: People do not oftentimes believe that a person will carry
through killing you, but they're doing it every day.
Speaker 2: People you know, are getting raped every day.
Speaker 4: People are getting killed every day, People are being abused
every day.
Speaker 2: Abuse is real. Murder is it's real.
Speaker 4: Why is it that the United States has the highest
prison population And part of that is we have abusers,
people that have actually followed through their abuse with it
ending and murder. And so this is something not to
take lightly. Do not think that, oh, well, he didn't
mean it or she didn't mean it. If a person
can threaten you, they're a dangerous person. It doesn't matter
how lightly that threat is. If a person threatens to
do something to you on your job, if a person
threatens to a person threatens to uh to call people
to tell them what they feel is the bad about you.
If they threaten you in any way, then that person
is a dangerous person and that is not to be
taken lightly.
Speaker 2: They are an abuser. It doesn't matter if it's your parent.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, It doesn't matter
if it's another extended family member, it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter if it's a boss or a person you're
involved with. That is a danger.
Speaker 4: Last, but not least, they destroy your belongings or your home.
Someone who will destroy your things will destroy you, and
therefore it is important to make sure that you are
not in that abusive situation.
Speaker 2: Do not take this lightly, people. This is serious and
a lot.
Speaker 4: Of women, especially women, may be alive today if they
have paid attention to the warning signs or made plans
and actually followed through with those plans to get away.
Speaker 2: From that abusive person. They may be allied today.
Speaker 4: This is not to say that that person will not
try to threaten you or try to retaliate if you
leave them, But the first step is trying to leave
as safely as possible, and then also making sure that
you take safety precautions, sometimes a restraining order or whatever.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna always do it.
Speaker 4: You may have to take other necessary precautions, for as
security locks, making sure you have alarm systems, making sure
that people are aware of where you're at and you
know in the event something happened. Maybe making sure you
don't go out at night anywhere, double bolting your doors,
do what you need to do to be safe. This
is not paranoia paranoia, this is necessary. I want to
read you a verse in the Bible that talks about
abuse and violence, and this is in Proverbs chapter twenty two,
verses twenty four through twenty five, and a reading out
of English Standard version, and it says, make no friendship
with a man given to anger, nor go with a
wrathful man less you learn his ways and entangle yourself
in his snare.
Speaker 2: What does this mean?
Speaker 4: Be careful of those who are given over to anger.
If they are controlled by their anger, they will control you.
And if they control you, they will abuse you because
at the end of the day, abuse is about power
and control. All right, we're up out of here, are pressy.
Today's podcast has been a blessing to you and that
you would know. Guess what you're feeling.
Speaker 2: Man, this is doctor kl Rich. Would doctor be no more?
I think they