Speaker 1: I'm Ali.
Speaker 2: I came out after twenty years of marriage and I
Speaker 2: have three kids.
Speaker 3: I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
Speaker 3: out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
Speaker 2: and victories.
Speaker 1: That come with it.
Speaker 3: When coming out feels like the end of the world,
Speaker 3: but it's really just the beginning.
Speaker 2: This is the Lesbian Chronicles.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the lesbiame Chronicles. How are you, Melissa?
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 3: I've been kind of stressed the last few days doing
Speaker 3: some work at my condo, but everything's falling into place finally,
Speaker 3: So it's been a minute since I've had actual anxiety
Speaker 3: around anything.
Speaker 1: Anxious this morning when yeah, this new.
Speaker 3: Platform, I know, we're you know, as always, we're on
Speaker 3: a learning curve here, and props to Allie she's we
Speaker 3: tested this out.
Speaker 4: We're going to see if it works.
Speaker 2: And the best is when we don't even really know
Speaker 2: how to do the original platform and I'm.
Speaker 5: Already changing, let's change, let's change exactly.
Speaker 1: Well, so you're getting that condo ready, I am.
Speaker 2: You're going to be spending more time down here, which
Speaker 2: means you're not going to be staying with me, which
Speaker 2: makes me feel a little sad for.
Speaker 3: The time peeing. So you know that could change. It
Speaker 3: could change on the drop of a hat, you know,
Speaker 3: so shock, drop of a dime, I don't know. And yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm on a rental list to rent it out again
Speaker 3: and number two so I could be right back there
Speaker 3: in your guest room.
Speaker 5: I know you anytime this I redid it for you.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's great there, I love it.
Speaker 4: I was there the past.
Speaker 3: I even stayed an extra night last weekend that was unplanned.
Speaker 1: I know. Do you know what? I was shocked literally
Speaker 1: day drinking. Yeah, we did go day drinking.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm super excited and I don't want to like
Speaker 2: miss out on minutes because I know we probably don't
Speaker 2: have you that song, but we have the lesbian matchmaker
Speaker 2: Sophia Spallino with us today.
Speaker 4: Hi Sophia, Hi, I'm so good. It's weird.
Speaker 6: My internet went out for a second, so I don't
Speaker 6: know what you said other than like that last introduction,
Speaker 6: so I hope it wasn't anything crazy.
Speaker 2: And we said was your last name, which you told
Speaker 2: me was spa lean? Oh like an orgasm.
Speaker 6: That's right, you know. Well, I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 6: Thanks for having me, ladies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're super psyched.
Speaker 2: We've been following you, and man, the service is like
Speaker 2: massively needed.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 6: It's it's been something that I started honestly selfishly to
Speaker 6: find my partner and then realize, oh.
Speaker 4: Like a lot of women need this.
Speaker 6: And it started like being like a TikTok series where
Speaker 6: I would read people's letters to their future wife, read
Speaker 6: different things that they were looking for, and then I
Speaker 6: was like, I can't actually help them, Like this is cute,
Speaker 6: like the content's cute that performs, but that's not actually
Speaker 6: helping anybody. And I kept getting requests. I had a
Speaker 6: social media agency, and I had a lot of clients
Speaker 6: who had come into work with me because I worked
Speaker 6: with lesbians.
Speaker 4: It'd be like, can you introduce me to her and her?
Speaker 6: And I was like, oh, that's like crossing business boundaries. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and like I'm not getting paid enough for that kind
Speaker 6: of stress because you know, oh my lord.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So eventually it just became this thing that was like undeniable,
Speaker 6: that like this is what.
Speaker 4: I'm meant to do and now we're here.
Speaker 6: But yeah, for a long time, I kind of like
Speaker 6: I was like, no, no, I'm going to stay on
Speaker 6: this path because I had a lot of success doing
Speaker 6: what I was doing, and I had to take a
Speaker 6: lot of steps backwards financially to like birth the baby.
Speaker 4: Essentially the only baby out.
Speaker 2: Launching businesses is if it's a double full time job.
Speaker 1: If a full time job.
Speaker 2: Is for forty hours a week, it's eighty yeah, and
Speaker 2: then you don't sleep, and then you don't layer that
Speaker 2: with lack of sleep.
Speaker 6: I literally wake up to p in the middle of
Speaker 6: the night and think like, oh, like Susie and Sally.
Speaker 4: That's a good matchic, why didn't we think of that?
Speaker 4: And like messaging my team at three m God.
Speaker 6: Bless these twelve women network with me like they are
Speaker 6: so grace for this job because it's like literally all
Speaker 6: the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's amazing. Let me ask you. This is like
Speaker 1: a total side note. But when you're on a flight,
Speaker 1: do you work?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 6: No, no, but okay, but there's like this this I
Speaker 6: could see Melissa's face, so I.
Speaker 4: Know because I don't.
Speaker 5: I'm like I'm downloading that like watching my job I have.
Speaker 2: I'm very judging about people not working on planes during
Speaker 2: the work week, but.
Speaker 1: I don't work like that.
Speaker 3: Like I work for like a company, So I'm like
Speaker 3: logged down, right, you know, eight hours and I'm off,
Speaker 3: you know, and I have to be like returning client
Speaker 3: emails or anything like that.
Speaker 4: I'm watching Netflix. I'm jealous. So Okay, here's my rules.
Speaker 6: When I'm on a plane, I have to put airplane
Speaker 6: mode on and not pay for the Wi Fi.
Speaker 4: Unless I'm crossing the ocean.
Speaker 6: That's my rule to myself because then I focus on
Speaker 6: content writing and like not using technology to like manipulate
Speaker 6: any thoughts, like no trat GPT, just focused or like
Speaker 6: what's naturally coming out of me and editing videos. So
Speaker 6: I'll just sit there on cap cut. I People ask
Speaker 6: that all the time, do you still edit all your videos?
Speaker 6: And like, honestly, most videos I still edit just because
Speaker 6: it's faster and I know what client details the leabout
Speaker 6: depending on the client's you know, levels that they're discrete.
Speaker 4: And stuff like that.
Speaker 6: But yeah, I'm really weird about it unless I'm flying.
Speaker 6: So if I'm flying across to Europe, I want to
Speaker 6: make sure. But I'm getting sleep so I'm not jet lagged,
Speaker 6: and that's really important because the next day I still
Speaker 6: have client calls just like I would. No one at
Speaker 6: any point in my world knows if I'm in Europe,
Speaker 6: if I'm in Texas, if I'm in Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: Because my calendar stays the same.
Speaker 6: So I get up and I work the same amount,
Speaker 6: no matter how much I yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 4: So for you, what are you doing on a plane?
Speaker 2: Well for me, like I I fly with you her laptop,
Speaker 2: So I get up and sang down.
Speaker 1: I pulled the tray out. I want everyone around.
Speaker 4: To everyone I'm working, Well, you're nappy.
Speaker 5: Ali's working exactly.
Speaker 2: It's really bad. But yeah, so I work. I do
Speaker 2: get the Wi Fi because I need.
Speaker 4: It for my work.
Speaker 2: It always sucks on the plane, but I for me,
Speaker 2: it's like I get a ship ton done.
Speaker 4: It's a productivity.
Speaker 2: So it's more just if I see a grown man
Speaker 2: sitting next to me with a suit and tie on
Speaker 2: and he's like watching Netflix, I'm thinking, you're such a
Speaker 2: loser dude, like somebody's saying you right now, I'm the worst.
Speaker 5: I'm like, I can tell your work, like you you're
Speaker 5: it's Tuesday.
Speaker 1: At two o'clock.
Speaker 2: Why aren't you working? But this is my problem? Like
Speaker 2: I don't like, Melissa's right, but it's.
Speaker 4: A me thing I get. Do you have employees though, Allison?
Speaker 4: I do have employees, right, So you're like you're on
Speaker 4: the clock.
Speaker 1: You're from your company right now.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's nothing that burns me up more than that.
Speaker 6: But I am so blessed with my team man, like
Speaker 6: they're not Yeah, they don't play around, but yeah, I
Speaker 6: totally get that. What what kind of business do you run, Alison?
Speaker 1: Well, we'll we won't.
Speaker 2: Make the podcast about me, but I run a design business,
Speaker 2: a house design business.
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, badass.
Speaker 3: I love it bricking baton, you know, bricking baton and baton.
Speaker 2: Okay, but let's get to the Let's get to your business,
Speaker 2: because I find this fascinating and we're hearing constantly that
Speaker 2: people are like these women are.
Speaker 3: It is all the time, you know, on TikTok it's
Speaker 3: like video after video after video of people being like
Speaker 3: how do I meet people? Like where do I go?
Speaker 3: Where are the like the good people that actually want
Speaker 3: to be in this too and aren't just sleeping around?
Speaker 3: So what is your take?
Speaker 6: My take is, well, first of all, just coming from
Speaker 6: authentic place, I've been a little bitter this week. I
Speaker 6: get these messages from said companies that are literally trying
Speaker 6: to pay me to copy my own language, of my
Speaker 6: own marketing, to like copy me, and they don't realize
Speaker 6: they're sending it to me right like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we won't name them, but we all know.
Speaker 6: Anyway, about two years ago, I decided I'm gonna get
Speaker 6: really aggressive and just call out what we all want
Speaker 6: and we're what we're too afraid to say out loud.
Speaker 6: And it's like, I don't want to date a loser, Like,
Speaker 6: you got to have a good mindset in life. You
Speaker 6: gotta wake up happy, You've got to be driven on
Speaker 6: some level. Or if you're not like this career woman, okay,
Speaker 6: then you need to be like really creative and passionate
Speaker 6: about what you're doing and have this zest for life.
Speaker 6: I don't want to be with someone who's just a bomb.
Speaker 6: I don't want to be with someone who's playing video games.
Speaker 6: I want to be with someone who takes care of
Speaker 6: their teeth, someone who cares about showing up in the
Speaker 6: world as their very best version of them. And so
Speaker 6: that's where I really started with, was I don't want
Speaker 6: to date someone who doesn't have a growth mindset. And
Speaker 6: I want to make sure about if I'm working really
Speaker 6: hard that I have a partner, he's going to show
Speaker 6: up as a partner. I came from a background that
Speaker 6: was like totally different back in the day. I used
Speaker 6: to write ads for I'm not going to say the
Speaker 6: name of the website, but like I was the ad
Speaker 6: girl for a very different type of dating platform back
Speaker 6: in my straight days. Okay, and anyone can google that,
Speaker 6: like there's so many videos and stuff, But I myself
Speaker 6: was never ever ever let's just use the word that
Speaker 6: that kind of website described sugar baby.
Speaker 4: So I had these ads that I created.
Speaker 6: With someone who is older than me, and we made
Speaker 6: these really good ads, but I myself was never a
Speaker 6: sugar baby.
Speaker 4: I worked so hard with my ex.
Speaker 6: Partner, we built his company together, and then I left
Speaker 6: him because I was a lesbian, and so when I left,
Speaker 6: I had like that that dating experience in the dating world.
Speaker 6: I was already doing dating coaching, and when I had
Speaker 6: to get on apps to start dating again, I was like,
Speaker 6: this is this is really hard.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 6: No hate to anyone who hasn't figured out their sexuality,
Speaker 6: but lesbians don't want to date people who aren't sure.
Speaker 4: About where they want to end up.
Speaker 6: So it's like you can be whatever letter of the
Speaker 6: alphabet you want to be, but like if you date me,
Speaker 6: just or not what you want to be, what you
Speaker 6: are because we're all born with our inherent sexualities. But
Speaker 6: when you come to me as a woman who knows
Speaker 6: I want to settle down with a woman, I just
Speaker 6: need you to be clear that like maybe you are
Speaker 6: by but you're very clear Like at this point in
Speaker 6: my life, I'm decentering men. I really want to settle
Speaker 6: down with a woman. And when I was on APPS,
Speaker 6: especially in the South, I was constantly hit with married
Speaker 6: straight women who are we're looking for a third And
Speaker 6: that was like so just just agreating. Yes, look if
Speaker 6: you are polyamorous, do your thing, honeyat polyamorous friends, But
Speaker 6: like I'm out here looking for.
Speaker 5: A wife, and like you were gonna be their toy.
Speaker 4: Oh and look I went through it. I ended up
Speaker 4: dating one woman who was in the closet and who
Speaker 4: has married. It was the least proud time in my
Speaker 4: life I can look back. I think it was like
Speaker 4: four or five years ago. Now.
Speaker 6: It nearly killed me, Like it made me physically ill
Speaker 6: to know that when she would leave me.
Speaker 4: She was going back to this guy.
Speaker 6: She would say, oh, but I'm gonna leave him for you,
Speaker 6: and I love you and you're the one for me.
Speaker 6: And I look at little Sophia, who was like essentially
Speaker 6: a baby gay child right like I was baby gay,
Speaker 6: and I I would just be so broken hearted every
Speaker 6: single day, and that's just not how love is supposed
Speaker 6: to feel at all. And after those experiences of dating
Speaker 6: women in the closet or going through a talking phase
Speaker 6: and then being hit with well, you know, I'm glad
Speaker 6: to talk to you really pretty, but like I'm just
Speaker 6: not sure if I want to marry it. I'm just
Speaker 6: kind of figuring this out. And it's like, okay, but
Speaker 6: this is like my time is at the time to
Speaker 6: figure it out, Like you could have met that upfront.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I respect everyone on their journey. I was
Speaker 6: once the girl on that journey. I was once literally
Speaker 6: on dating apps while having a boyfriend being like, Okay,
Speaker 6: I'm gonna find out if I'm gay. But I was
Speaker 6: so honest about it. I was the problem though, Like
Speaker 6: I can look at people and be like I was
Speaker 6: the problem.
Speaker 4: Where like I was trying to figure it.
Speaker 6: Out, and I grew up in the South where I
Speaker 6: couldn't figure it out. I waited for sexual marriage with
Speaker 6: the man to get married and then realize, well, this
Speaker 6: isn't for me, But then try it again with someone
Speaker 6: who is a good man, who is my friend, and
Speaker 6: I genuinely loved him, but like, uh, like, I can't
Speaker 6: marry you without having sex with the woman first.
Speaker 4: That's where I felt stuck.
Speaker 6: And he was like, figure it out, and everything was transparent,
Speaker 6: But it's still not fair that I was putting myself
Speaker 6: in those places where lesbians need to feel safe, like, hey,
Speaker 6: the woman I'm talking to is actually looking for what
Speaker 6: I'm looking for too.
Speaker 2: Your platform is essentially you're meeting people on.
Speaker 1: The other side of all that bullshit.
Speaker 2: It's like, you go do that, you go do that
Speaker 2: on the dating apps, you go do that with your friends,
Speaker 2: and they come to me when you're grown in where
Speaker 2: you're going to.
Speaker 6: Be yes, when women come to me, whether they're lesbian,
Speaker 6: by paying all the things, most clients are ninety five
Speaker 6: percent cis gender lesbians, other four percent maybe by and
Speaker 6: then there's that one percent of transistors that I really
Speaker 6: want to support because dating is really hard for them.
Speaker 6: But by the time women come to me, they're very
Speaker 6: clear they've decentered men and they want to live and
Speaker 6: die with one wife for life. So while I respect
Speaker 6: all the paths, like, you're here and you're ready for this,
Speaker 6: you want real You've done your internal work, you are.
Speaker 4: Very much sure.
Speaker 6: Of who you are, what you want, and that you
Speaker 6: like have a fulfilling life. You're just seeing your person.
Speaker 6: So it's a very different place to be.
Speaker 3: Yes, I mean, you're right, it is in you know,
Speaker 3: having It's been a minute since I did any of
Speaker 3: the dating apps, but it is one of those things
Speaker 3: where it's just like constant, like you're having to like
Speaker 3: decipher while you're on there, like is this person like
Speaker 3: just on here four feling? You might page through a
Speaker 3: little bit and then suddenly there's a boy and you're like, okay,
Speaker 3: is that maybe on the off chance that's your brother,
Speaker 3: but you know, ninety nine percent of the time it
Speaker 3: is the husband and they're looking for a third And yeah,
Speaker 3: like you're saying, it's like all too exploring, but it
Speaker 3: is so discouraging to be on there and looking and
Speaker 3: that's that's what you see. Now, How is it that
Speaker 3: you you know, pull people in? Yeah, And kind of
Speaker 3: make sure that that's where they're at screen.
Speaker 6: Yeah, So a lot of what I do is very
Speaker 6: aggressive in my marketing. Like some people get mad and
Speaker 6: think my videos aren't nice, and to them, I'm like bye,
Speaker 6: like you're not my client.
Speaker 4: So that's one thing.
Speaker 6: Is just a marketing that's not saying hey, everyone, come
Speaker 6: on in, because that's not how it should be.
Speaker 4: I also have no AI team. It's all human team.
Speaker 6: So my team is looking at every single interaction happening
Speaker 6: in the platform other than private dms, Like we're not
Speaker 6: looking at that, we can't see that, but we're making
Speaker 6: sure people are following a very strict code of conduct.
Speaker 6: We have a very serious reporting system, which I'm proud
Speaker 6: to say isn't used very often because we do attract
Speaker 6: a higher quality clientele. But for instance, if you would
Speaker 6: ever have someone ask for money or whatever, we flag
Speaker 6: that and.
Speaker 4: They're kicked out. So very very strict code of conduct there.
Speaker 6: And when people come in they have to declare that
Speaker 6: they are monogamous and that they're ready to settle down
Speaker 6: with the woman. Now, if you go one step further
Speaker 6: and you're doing private matchmaking with me, there's a very
Speaker 6: intense screening process that involves getting like legally the ability
Speaker 6: to background check someone those sort of things. That's another step,
Speaker 6: and that's a much different, higher level of service than
Speaker 6: coming into the platform. The platform is only seventeen a month,
Speaker 6: so very very different services, but still a layer that
Speaker 6: really protects people from.
Speaker 4: The typical scams. Do you guys know about the dating
Speaker 4: app scams right now?
Speaker 2: I haven't been on the dating apps before, but Melissa
Speaker 2: has told me there's some crazy shit.
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that people like this was a
Speaker 3: long time ago, but I felt like there's a lot
Speaker 3: of catfish. Some of the like alerts that I would
Speaker 3: notice is if someone claims to be in the military
Speaker 3: and serving overseas, I would do like reverse Google image
Speaker 3: searches of photos, like what are some things that you've
Speaker 3: you've noticed?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so all of the things you're talking about totally true.
Speaker 6: It happens a lot on TikTok too, because people kind
Speaker 6: of use TikTok as a dating app, and there's platform
Speaker 6: profiles that are created as just scams and like who
Speaker 6: are you talking to?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 6: But one thing that we are really passionate about as
Speaker 6: making sure nobody's soliciting for money. So there's a scam
Speaker 6: right now that's really scary because it is a real woman.
Speaker 6: So what they do is these crime rings hire gorgeous,
Speaker 6: gorgeous people, beautiful women. You'd be like, I hit the
Speaker 6: lesbian jackpot if the messages you and then you get
Speaker 6: her on a FaceTime call and she answers and she's
Speaker 6: still that gorgeous woman, but she's hired by a crime ring.
Speaker 6: Now this is where it makes it very hard for
Speaker 6: dating apps to even protect you. Right this is where
Speaker 6: you need to be aware of these things because if
Speaker 6: someone ever tells you, hey, this is what I do crypto.
Speaker 6: I need you to invest in this thing, and then
Speaker 6: you give them a little bit and then you get
Speaker 6: a bigger win from it and you're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 6: actually making money and they're like, oh yeah, let your
Speaker 6: money stack up.
Speaker 4: They'll keep convincing you to put more money in. You
Speaker 4: see your money grow, and then they swipe all your
Speaker 4: money out once you build up a good chunk.
Speaker 6: So that's called pig butchering and it's a big thing
Speaker 6: right now. And on the dating apps that we do
Speaker 6: is if somebody is at you to join like some
Speaker 6: financial thing, or asking for money, and you can screenshot
Speaker 6: that and report it will immediately take them out because
Speaker 6: once you get off the platform and you start talking
Speaker 6: personally like we can't help you, but by charging, we
Speaker 6: have a paywall.
Speaker 4: To come into the platform.
Speaker 6: It's forty seven dollars to be initiated, seventeen a month
Speaker 6: or ninety seven.
Speaker 4: For the year. That keeps most scammers out right.
Speaker 6: It's just another layer of protection because scammers are creating
Speaker 6: so many profiles everywhere, but it's free, and I kind
Speaker 6: of seeing what they can catch when they're fishing what
Speaker 6: sounds the once.
Speaker 2: I'm like, if I was a member and I paid
Speaker 2: with then what am I behind?
Speaker 1: Because it's really a pretty nominal fee. It's not a yeah.
Speaker 1: So then what happens on the other side, But.
Speaker 6: You get access to AI matchmaking, You get access to
Speaker 6: looking at dear future wife letters. This all kind of
Speaker 6: started when I was like, oh, let's write letters to
Speaker 6: our future wives and share them and share your photo
Speaker 6: with your letter and kind of like put a message
Speaker 6: in the bottle. So once you're in the platform, you
Speaker 6: write a letter to your futured wife, you could share
Speaker 6: as many photos of yourself. You get access to virtual
Speaker 6: speed dating with women from across the globes. You're getting
Speaker 6: to see each other on Zoom, You're getting to have
Speaker 6: those real face to face interactions.
Speaker 4: We have voice memos on the apps.
Speaker 6: You're able to like voice message each other, not just
Speaker 6: text each other.
Speaker 4: You could stay on the.
Speaker 6: App as long as you want before get like jumping
Speaker 6: onto a phone call or sharing any other personal information.
Speaker 4: And the coolest part is it's for growth minded women.
Speaker 6: So beyond the speed dating, AI matchmaking and community, we
Speaker 6: offer life coaching in group sessions and we do one
Speaker 6: every single quarter.
Speaker 4: I bring in guest experts who.
Speaker 6: Are therapists, money experts, sexologists, and of course I lead
Speaker 6: different ones that help you get your mindset right and
Speaker 6: your dating profile right to meet your person. And throughout
Speaker 6: these life coaching sessions, I break them apart. And what
Speaker 6: makes them unique is you'll be in a room of
Speaker 6: all these growth minded single lesbians. But I go pause
Speaker 6: the workshop, let's all ask each other that question, and.
Speaker 4: It turns into a round of speed dating.
Speaker 1: Oh that's cool, so.
Speaker 4: Your time's never wasted.
Speaker 6: We have members meet at our workshops and then like
Speaker 6: they cancel because the like I found my person.
Speaker 7: Buy how did they like, Because if they're all over
Speaker 7: the place, so it's not by region or by state,
Speaker 7: you just sort of learn about you know, maybe someone's
Speaker 7: in Chicago or wherever they are, and then.
Speaker 1: You can decide if it's you want to do a
Speaker 1: distance thing.
Speaker 6: Yes, I mean you can tell our AI matchmaker or
Speaker 6: search based on location. But if you're in Queer Country Club,
Speaker 6: your future wife isn't in your own backyard, and you're
Speaker 6: already aware that you've kind of like plowed through the
Speaker 6: same five women. I actually just let in office hours,
Speaker 6: like right before this live with new members, and I
Speaker 6: was like, yeah, if you're setting your radius to like
Speaker 6: up to thirty minutes away, you're looking for a week
Speaker 6: in hook up right like.
Speaker 4: You look for someone close, you're in the wrong place.
Speaker 6: Because at the end of the day, we're not about volume,
Speaker 6: we're about high quality women being in one place.
Speaker 3: How do you Because I know a lot of people,
Speaker 3: UH don't like long distance.
Speaker 5: I've done long since it is hard.
Speaker 3: I mean I'm opening my mind, you know, and trying
Speaker 3: to kind of like what you're saying is like, if
Speaker 3: you really want a quality person, like sometimes that's just
Speaker 3: what you gotta do. And how like, I guess, what
Speaker 3: are some things that you tell people to kind of
Speaker 3: shift that mindset on that?
Speaker 6: A hard thing I think for us all to process
Speaker 6: is let's think of it this way. There's about two
Speaker 6: percent of the lesbians in the United States, and one
Speaker 6: percent of those are single.
Speaker 4: About right, Let's just do some very broad numbers.
Speaker 6: Out of those, who's actually your physical type?
Speaker 4: And out of those, how many.
Speaker 6: Would actually physically like you back? And then out of
Speaker 6: those what about the lifestyle?
Speaker 4: A linemate?
Speaker 6: So now we're down to like just roughly point zero
Speaker 6: two percent of women in the US. Do you have
Speaker 6: any chance of real compatibility? And as a matchmaker and coach,
Speaker 6: what I know is most important is a lifestyle compatibility.
Speaker 6: Once we have two sane people who have done their
Speaker 6: work and are growth minded, what what really comes down to?
Speaker 6: Are you compatible in lifestyle? And as Julian Turreki says,
Speaker 6: she's a really good coach, mostly for straight people, but
Speaker 6: a lot of people listen to our podcast, she says,
Speaker 6: what's your idea of a life well lived? If if
Speaker 6: you can't agree on that, you've got no chance. You
Speaker 6: really don't, because you're gonna you're gonna argue about if
Speaker 6: you want to live in the beach or the mountains
Speaker 6: in two years from now. So really, if Melissa, I
Speaker 6: hear you like it's hard to like accept that dating
Speaker 6: long distance might be the only option. But if you're
Speaker 6: looking for more than this physical connection and a spark,
Speaker 6: and you're looking for true compatibility, especially as a lesbian
Speaker 6: who really the odds are already against us, it's getting
Speaker 6: to a place of like, I have to accept that
Speaker 6: my future wife is probably not near me, and I
Speaker 6: need to get myself into a place in my life
Speaker 6: where I do have the capacity to travel, because if
Speaker 6: I don't, it will be harder to meet someone. The
Speaker 6: good thing is about eighty percent of my clients are
Speaker 6: open to traveling for love, and about seventy percent are
Speaker 6: willing to travel more if their partner can't meet them there.
Speaker 6: So maybe you have like that corporate job that you've
Speaker 6: got to be somewhere for. Most women are willing to
Speaker 6: meet you there and have some form of availability and
Speaker 6: capacity to travel, especially when my private matchmaking clients funds
Speaker 6: are endless sometimes.
Speaker 4: I mean I work with.
Speaker 6: Women who are making one hundred thousand dollars a year
Speaker 6: to women who are making five million a year. So
Speaker 6: you might meet someone where travel is not a thing
Speaker 6: at all. You might meet someone where they say, I
Speaker 6: want to pay for your plane ticket, right, Like, there's
Speaker 6: so many opportunities, like don't limit at the around the
Speaker 6: fear of travel.
Speaker 2: If you move into the private matchmaking from the just
Speaker 2: AI more matchmaking, what do they get with the private matchmaking?
Speaker 6: Ooh okay, so I like to keep this private for
Speaker 6: my private consultations. Okay, but it is a higher level
Speaker 6: of service where me and my team are dedicated to
Speaker 6: working for you.
Speaker 4: So imagine this.
Speaker 6: I have three thousand ish, sometimes ten thousand interactions every
Speaker 6: single week on my platforms across all my social media networks,
Speaker 6: and we are vetting for every single woman that interacts
Speaker 6: with me as your type. So I can't respond to
Speaker 6: every DM. I don't even try. But what I can
Speaker 6: do is I can flag well, this is Sally Q's type,
Speaker 6: and I can flag it for my co matchmaker and
Speaker 6: she's able to run data tracks.
Speaker 2: Okay, I like it when you said, because I'm like
Speaker 2: the when sometimes you'll post like no tattoos, and I'm
Speaker 2: always like the like I don't have tattoos, but I'm
Speaker 2: always like.
Speaker 1: Thinking I'm I'm the odd.
Speaker 6: Person because I don't are you sing because I haven't.
Speaker 2: That, But I think, how that's interesting because it's like
Speaker 2: when I read that, I was like, I literally screenshotted
Speaker 2: it and sent it to somebody who who.
Speaker 1: Game gives me shit about not having tattoos.
Speaker 3: She's just trying to get out of the tattoos that
Speaker 3: she said she's going to get.
Speaker 5: I just am a chicken and I don't want.
Speaker 1: I don't know that I want anything on my body.
Speaker 4: I will will.
Speaker 6: I spent eighty bucks on a tattoo in college and
Speaker 6: I've spent two thy five hundred eighty dollars trying to
Speaker 6: get rid of it.
Speaker 4: And it still looks like a little van on.
Speaker 6: My leg right now, which as an aesthetics girl, I'm like,
Speaker 6: we need to remove it completely, like it drives me.
Speaker 6: Not so I would say, if you're not sure, just don't.
Speaker 1: I'm literally not giving it the pressure.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's highly unlikely I'll ever get one, But I
Speaker 2: thought when you said, I like, how sometimes you'll put
Speaker 2: stuff like that out there, like fucking looking yeah, and
Speaker 2: then people do respond It'll be like I want twenty
Speaker 2: five to forty five No, tattoos this other thing. So
Speaker 2: I can see where, like you are getting pretty specific.
Speaker 4: Oh, they're very specific.
Speaker 6: And as a matchmaker, there's time and place to push
Speaker 6: someone's boundaries whenever it's not serving them right when they're like, hey,
Speaker 6: she really can have one tattoo.
Speaker 4: But I bring you your dream girl who has no kids,
Speaker 4: who's Jewish bloodline, exact everything you watch, but she's got
Speaker 4: one tattoo. I am like, bitch, when you see y'ah
Speaker 4: pretty she is, you gonna lick that tattoo? Okay?
Speaker 6: Yeah, So, like exactly, there's a time and place to
Speaker 6: like push the boundary. But I always want to honor
Speaker 6: someone's preferences. You know, it's very important. And they're coming
Speaker 6: to me because they have a specific type and our
Speaker 6: job is to find that for them. So the more
Speaker 6: high quality women that keep coming in, the easier.
Speaker 4: It is for me. But I am not gonna lie.
Speaker 6: This is the hardest job on the planet and it
Speaker 6: keeps me up at night because I want to make
Speaker 6: my clients happy.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I feel like, you know, the Internet
Speaker 3: is a blessing and a curse, right, because it's amazing
Speaker 3: that we have endless options. But then it's also like,
Speaker 3: because you have endless options, people are like, well, she
Speaker 3: does have that one tattoo that I don't like, so
Speaker 3: move along.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like but at the same time, like you're trying to
Speaker 3: say that, it's it's rough out in these streets, so
Speaker 3: very like you the concrete playground, man, it is.
Speaker 4: It's tough.
Speaker 3: But I think that is like a difficult kind of
Speaker 3: like I said, mindset, you know, letting go of the
Speaker 3: thing of like you might have to get on an
Speaker 3: airplane to see this person at least for a few
Speaker 3: years until things can align better, or you might have
Speaker 3: to let go of the fact that they have, you know,
Speaker 3: a massive tattoo on their chest or something like how
Speaker 3: do you get that across to some of these people
Speaker 3: who maybe are like hitting that like roadblock with meeting somebody.
Speaker 6: I mean hard of matchmaking is coaching and it's really
Speaker 6: getting clear with people and what really matters to you.
Speaker 6: Because I am a matchmaker, I'm not a magician, and
Speaker 6: I cannot frank and steign your perfect person. However, there
Speaker 6: are times where people work with me and instead of
Speaker 6: their first match coming within the first three to four months,
Speaker 6: which can be normal, right, typically one to two, but
Speaker 6: it could be as long as four months for your
Speaker 6: first match if you're really picky. Sometimes it happens in
Speaker 6: a week of working with me and they're like, literally,
Speaker 6: pause my stuff now, like you found my person. That's
Speaker 6: only happened twice so far. I'm gonna be real, it's
Speaker 6: very rare. But other than that happening, I have to
Speaker 6: put on some coaching pants or my co matchmaker has
Speaker 6: to put on some coaching pants, and we're like, look,
Speaker 6: if this is what you want, this is also how
Speaker 6: you have to show up. And what's really hard for
Speaker 6: me is when women want someone who's like a model,
Speaker 6: but they're not trying their own bodies.
Speaker 1: Right, like, yeah, they haven't favorite honey.
Speaker 2: And the Indian matchmaker literally will say to these guys like, dude,
Speaker 2: you're five four in balding. You don't fit to go
Speaker 2: out with fucking Kim Kardashian.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, dude, Like you don't got it like that.
Speaker 6: And it's hard sometimes to have to do that, But
Speaker 6: I will say this, most of the time, ninety nine
Speaker 6: percent of the time, my clients come to be very
Speaker 6: self aware and growth minded about where they are and
Speaker 6: what's going to work. Realistically having a woman on their arm. Right,
Speaker 6: they're very self aware and grounded, and they're most of
Speaker 6: the time are not expecting miracles because they know it's
Speaker 6: a miracle and itself to find someone that aligns with you.
Speaker 6: And I'm at the place in my life in my
Speaker 6: business where if I think you're gonna be like rude
Speaker 6: to me or like expect something crazy, I don't want
Speaker 6: to work with you. I don't because I want Yeah,
Speaker 6: I just like peace in my life and I like
Speaker 6: my team to be treated with respect. And literally our
Speaker 6: clients are freaking amazing and they're grounded and they're successful
Speaker 6: and like, you know, like someone who just knows what's up.
Speaker 6: They're aware of where they're at and what they have
Speaker 6: to offer.
Speaker 3: So that is a good point too, of like in
Speaker 3: the meantime of like waiting for someone being that person
Speaker 3: that you want to be with, you know, and expect
Speaker 3: someone to have a pilates body and you sit on
Speaker 3: the couch all day.
Speaker 4: So yes, exactly.
Speaker 1: What about religion?
Speaker 2: How often are people like you said, you brought up
Speaker 2: a Jewish thing, I'm Catholic, Like, how often do people
Speaker 2: make that a priority in their dating love?
Speaker 4: A fellow Jesus loving lesbian because me too. I'm I'm
Speaker 4: like non denomina.
Speaker 6: I don't know, I want to attach myself to that
Speaker 6: because that's attached to a lot of bad things.
Speaker 4: Right now.
Speaker 6: Let's say I'm like a Christian mystic. So yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: So I attract a lot of religious women with my context.
Speaker 6: I talk about my faith a lot in my journey, which,
Speaker 6: by the way, if you're listening to this and you're like,
Speaker 6: oh my God, like I really struggle with that, DM
Speaker 6: me like God loves gay people.
Speaker 4: I'll send you my free doc. It's like not a sales.
Speaker 6: Thing, Like literally, how I reckon with my sexuality and
Speaker 6: faith so I could sleep at night, Al said.
Speaker 4: That's you.
Speaker 6: But anyway, I talk about the stuff a lot in
Speaker 6: my content. So I attract typically eighty percent ish. I
Speaker 6: don't have exact stats, but based.
Speaker 4: On my interviews, most are spiritual, not religious.
Speaker 6: I have like probably one percent that's atheists, a few
Speaker 6: that's agnostic, and then the rest is either Christian or Jewish.
Speaker 6: Most don't specify, but lately I've had a lot of
Speaker 6: Jewish women come into private matchmaking who do want someone
Speaker 6: who's at least open to a Shabbat dinner, who's at
Speaker 6: least open to appreciating some of their culture. And so
Speaker 6: I talk about that in my content a bit, But
Speaker 6: I myself, I'm not Jewish.
Speaker 3: What I think a lot of people who are like spiritual,
Speaker 3: they they're still open. I don't know the personally, like totally,
Speaker 3: I don't care what. I honestly find religion really interesting.
Speaker 3: So it's like, yeah, about someone else's faith is cool
Speaker 3: to me, but I can I can see the whole.
Speaker 3: Like you know, especially some religions, it's like you want
Speaker 3: to bring if you're bringing them home, you want mom
Speaker 3: and dad's approval.
Speaker 4: That's gonna put.
Speaker 6: True sometimes though, like we're past getting parental approval, and
Speaker 6: then that's.
Speaker 1: True, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's no parental approval.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 6: But but what you're saying is valid. And what I
Speaker 6: noticed where people were picky as they'll say, I'm open
Speaker 6: to anything, but if she's a church goer, she can't
Speaker 6: expect me to go. I'm very open. I want to
Speaker 6: hear about it, but like she can't expect me. And
Speaker 6: that's where we vet where like, Okay, client's a church
Speaker 6: goer and does want another churchgoer because she has children
Speaker 6: she brings to church with her. Right, those are the
Speaker 6: things that we're looking at more specifically, Yeah, talk.
Speaker 2: About age gaps because I know lesbians have a lot
Speaker 2: of so I'm curious, like what do your people ask.
Speaker 1: For, Like how we do older or younger? Are they
Speaker 1: willing to.
Speaker 4: Go okay on average?
Speaker 6: First of all, I love talking about this because that's
Speaker 6: how I started on the internet, by the way, was
Speaker 6: having a popular age gap relationship and creating those commercials
Speaker 6: for that company. So for me, age gap is like
Speaker 6: something I geek out on because I was one of
Speaker 6: the first people to talk about it in a way
Speaker 6: that was like, oh, we make these sugar baby video jokes,
Speaker 6: but like nobody hears a sugar baby at all, Like
Speaker 6: we have a very serious.
Speaker 4: Wholesome relationship. And now I talk about it a lot.
Speaker 6: And what's really interesting is I find whether women are
Speaker 6: younger or older most or very I don't have the
Speaker 6: exact stat on it, but most of the time they're very,
Speaker 6: very open to a twenty year range because it's so
Speaker 6: rare to find what you're looking.
Speaker 4: For in lesbian world.
Speaker 6: Alignment wise, some will have like a ten year range
Speaker 6: that's the lowest I typically see it because hear me out.
Speaker 6: By the time they come to me for matchmaking, Alison,
Speaker 6: it's like I need help. I just need to find
Speaker 6: someone that I might gonna vibe with, right, Like, it
Speaker 6: doesn't matter the age. Some women it does, and they
Speaker 6: usually stick around a ten year range, but most clients
Speaker 6: come to me and they're open fifteen to twenty years.
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean that's.
Speaker 6: Where we're gonna look first, right for the alignment. But
Speaker 6: if your soulmate happens to be in our system and
Speaker 6: she is eighteen years older and the data comes back
Speaker 6: at a ninety seven ninety eight percent match, we're not
Speaker 6: gonna withhold.
Speaker 4: Her from you based on that age gap.
Speaker 6: And I think that's what's really cool about matchmaking, especially
Speaker 6: for my clients who come to me who are fifty
Speaker 6: fifty three sixty sixty one. They're getting fucked over on
Speaker 6: dating apps because people set their highest point to forty
Speaker 6: or to fifty five, but then they cross fifty six
Speaker 6: or to fifty nine and not sixty, right, And as
Speaker 6: a matchmaker, I'm able to go, oh, you're a high
Speaker 6: and tight sixty year old.
Speaker 4: You could it's someone who is forty nine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the kind of I.
Speaker 6: Literally have a seven year old client, seventy year old
Speaker 6: client who's high and tight, like she's She came to
Speaker 6: me because she said, I'm tired of sleeping with these
Speaker 6: forty year olds that are still with like navigating, not
Speaker 6: being clear about their sexuality and wanting to go back
Speaker 6: and forth with a dude. I need someone serious, right,
Speaker 6: And so it doesn't matter how.
Speaker 4: Old or young you are.
Speaker 6: I know I can help you because a lot of
Speaker 6: the older women come to me because they're like, I
Speaker 6: can't date so in my age, everybody's not taking care
Speaker 6: of themselves at this point, and it's like no, no, no,
Speaker 6: I promise you they are because they come to me
Speaker 6: so like I know them, and I know you want
Speaker 6: to date someone younger because you're very fit and you're
Speaker 6: very active, and you want someone who's gonna want to
Speaker 6: have energy to hike with you or play with the grandkids.
Speaker 6: I know them, Like, relax and be open to someone
Speaker 6: your own age, because I know them, and I think
Speaker 6: it's hard. I have to convince women to be open
Speaker 6: to age gaps, but also to be open women their
Speaker 6: own age. A lot of the time, once they get older.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that is really interesting.
Speaker 4: Yeah what about y'all? Would you do an age gap? Ali,
Speaker 4: you want to.
Speaker 1: Take this one?
Speaker 2: I did one. It was thirteen years. I don't and
Speaker 2: I was older. I feel like I would I prefer
Speaker 2: to have someone my age, I think, or like, I
Speaker 2: just I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm insecure.
Speaker 2: I think I look towards the future and I start
Speaker 2: thinking about I'm going to be eighty and they're going
Speaker 2: to be, you know, seventy, and that just feels that's
Speaker 2: where I start to get scared. It's not right now,
Speaker 2: It's more like just down the road. I'm fifty one.
Speaker 2: I think that that. Yeah, it weighs on me looking
Speaker 2: towards the future. But it was like to her, it
Speaker 2: was no issue.
Speaker 1: She was like, I don't even think about it.
Speaker 6: I think it depends on, like how reassuring your partner
Speaker 6: can be too. Like when I'm in a relationship, I
Speaker 6: only date older typically forty five to fifty five on average,
Speaker 6: and I'm thirty three. So like whenever I'm dating someone,
Speaker 6: if it's serious, I'm always reassuring her, like if we
Speaker 6: tie the knot like I'm in this for better or
Speaker 6: worse with you. And I've gone through health issues, like
Speaker 6: really scary health issues. Three years ago, I could have
Speaker 6: been the one that was I was dating someone.
Speaker 4: Who was fifty six.
Speaker 6: I was thirty or twenty nine, and she told me
Speaker 6: she had to think about if she wanted to stay
Speaker 6: with me because of the doctor's report. Yeah, and I
Speaker 6: was so sad. So I know, I'm not trying to
Speaker 6: change your mind. I'm just trying to let you know,
Speaker 6: like if you do meet someone and like the spark
Speaker 6: is there, and they are someone who's like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 6: actually looking for a lifetime partner, Like someone like me
Speaker 6: would be very serious about staying with someone and sickness
Speaker 6: and in health. Right, But I think that's a very
Speaker 6: special relationship and you would only consider it with the
Speaker 6: right person.
Speaker 4: Your fears valid, Yeah, and it's tough.
Speaker 3: I think there's a difference though too, kind of maturity wise,
Speaker 3: you know, like someone who is twenty one is a
Speaker 3: way different maturity level than someone who is thirty one.
Speaker 4: Your brain's not developed, yeah, twenty six to twenty eight, honest.
Speaker 3: Right, So I did an age gap like by ten
Speaker 3: years right when I first came out, and it didn't.
Speaker 3: It didn't last very long. It was a few months,
Speaker 3: but it was one of those things that I had
Speaker 3: never considered dating someone that young, Like a man that young,
Speaker 3: There's no way I've ever been on my radar. So
Speaker 3: it is kind of like this little part of your
Speaker 3: brain that you do have to like kind of crack
Speaker 3: the door open on and be open minded to. I
Speaker 3: don't think a few years ago Ali would have considered
Speaker 3: dating someone that age. But they were, you know, really
Speaker 3: good together.
Speaker 4: So it's it's tough.
Speaker 2: What about also dating, like we sometimes talk about to
Speaker 2: like dating at or like I'll see people on dates
Speaker 2: and they're like on their phone or they're like they
Speaker 2: people are just like it's almost like their parents never
Speaker 2: taught them better, Like how you behave in this situation.
Speaker 1: You're teed up for?
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you ever see that where people will give
Speaker 2: you feedback? Like, yeah, she was great, but then we
Speaker 2: got to dinner and she had zero ability to connect.
Speaker 1: She's on checking her text. Like how does that play
Speaker 1: in too?
Speaker 2: Because you know, you can know these people to an extent,
Speaker 2: but you really know them until you put them out.
Speaker 6: There, right, Like it's such a human to human work
Speaker 6: that we do that I can only anticipate so much
Speaker 6: and try to protect my clients so much right at
Speaker 6: the end of the day. It's rare that we get
Speaker 6: feedback like that because, especially in private matchmaking, we're interviewing
Speaker 6: every single person before we send a match, so we're
Speaker 6: actually doing a face to face interview to make sure
Speaker 6: that you line up with your pictures and you're able
Speaker 6: to hold an intellectual conversation and your eyes aren't looking
Speaker 6: everywhere and you look like you're strung out right, Like,
Speaker 6: that's very important.
Speaker 4: To me before I deliver a client to somebody.
Speaker 6: With that being said, you can't predict how someone's going
Speaker 6: to be, so there there are those rare occasions and
Speaker 6: what I would say just dating etiquette, Please freaking flosh
Speaker 6: your teeth, brush your teeth, scrape your tongue.
Speaker 4: Do you have eyeboogies? Do you have those boogies? Like
Speaker 4: these are just some obvious self care.
Speaker 2: And sometimes you're a girl, like you're a woman, Like
Speaker 2: to me, it's like, of course you're checking, but you're not.
Speaker 6: I say, yes, there are some people, there are some
Speaker 6: lesbians out there that would not know and they're again
Speaker 6: they're typically not my clients, especially not my high level clients,
Speaker 6: but these are things that like I do share when
Speaker 6: I'm coaching in Queer Country Club. It's like, okay, let's
Speaker 6: all make sure we've got a good little skincare regimen going.
Speaker 4: You know, these are important things. So if you care.
Speaker 6: About these things, come to me so I can match
Speaker 6: you with somebody who actually cares about these things.
Speaker 4: But okay, etiquette, make an.
Speaker 6: Actual reservation, like actually plan for somebody, show up fifteen
Speaker 6: minutes early.
Speaker 4: If you show up late, I.
Speaker 6: Want nothing to do with you because at this point
Speaker 6: we're grown ups. I got to know you show up
Speaker 6: on time and your business or your work. If you're
Speaker 6: a film girl like me, oh, I was taking long
Speaker 6: to get ready. Okay, but you're an adult and you
Speaker 6: know how to time your hair, so work backwards.
Speaker 4: There's no excuse for this.
Speaker 1: Actually I agree with that.
Speaker 2: When you show up late, you just told me everything
Speaker 2: I need to know about how you respect my time.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, it's so important. And put if you're gonna
Speaker 4: have your phone anywhere, like if you know you want
Speaker 4: to take a picture together or something, your phone needs
Speaker 4: to be face down.
Speaker 6: You do not want to see any messages pop up
Speaker 6: anything like.
Speaker 3: That, yeah, but sometimes people will take that as shady
Speaker 3: and think that you're hiding something. Now I agree with
Speaker 3: you that you put it face down because otherwise it's
Speaker 3: lighting up. But some people will be like they put
Speaker 3: their phone face down on the table, I feel like
Speaker 3: they're hiding something that, you know what.
Speaker 4: I never really thought about that.
Speaker 6: But I'm also a woman who would never try to
Speaker 6: hide anything, So I think I never tried to.
Speaker 1: I mean, even we have.
Speaker 2: I had a like a little sore here over the weekend,
Speaker 2: and it's like I'm doing the music with my so
Speaker 2: nos and there's a room full of women, and I
Speaker 2: would have to every minute, you know, every little bit,
Speaker 2: go over to my phone and like fix the playlist
Speaker 2: or like adjust the song. And I'm so annoying I
Speaker 2: will announce I'm not on my phone.
Speaker 5: Right now, me too, mixing the playlist.
Speaker 2: I'm just fixing the music, guys. And because I'm so
Speaker 2: worried about people thinking they don't have my attention.
Speaker 6: Because I think intentionality is so beautiful, and I have
Speaker 6: a feeling for you, Alison when you say that quality
Speaker 6: time really matters to you in a relationship like presence
Speaker 6: see and that makes sense. While you're having that reaction.
Speaker 6: That's another way that we match.
Speaker 4: People as we look at your love language.
Speaker 6: And while I can't guarantee I'm gonna bring your dream
Speaker 6: woman who matches your language, exactly what we're vetting for
Speaker 6: is are we matching you with someone who's capable of
Speaker 6: bringing what you need of a table.
Speaker 4: Because anyone could say, oh, I need all these love languages.
Speaker 6: But if you say, look, I'm actually really bad at
Speaker 6: acts of service, I don't like to do it. I'm
Speaker 6: not gonna match you with somebody who needs acts of
Speaker 6: service as their number one love language. Otherwise you're never
Speaker 6: gonna You're gonna feel like you have to teach someone how.
Speaker 4: To love you.
Speaker 6: And if you've been in a bad relationship and you've
Speaker 6: ever felt like I had to teach that person how
Speaker 6: to love me, I had to remind them that, like
Speaker 6: this dedicated time was important to me.
Speaker 4: I had to keep asking them. They just weren't your
Speaker 4: person and they didn't care enough to try to be
Speaker 4: your person either, and that's important. So I love it.
Speaker 6: You know you're is that your love language ideally or
Speaker 6: do you have others?
Speaker 2: I think that and I think I am kind of
Speaker 2: so I'm definitely not gifts.
Speaker 1: I don't want anyone's I don't need any of that.
Speaker 2: I need more reassurance and time and yeah, and.
Speaker 3: What about you, Melissa, I would say time and acts
Speaker 3: of service, but not gifts. Yeah, like gifts, I usually
Speaker 3: am like, I don't know, I feel like there's a
Speaker 3: little bit lacking there. When someone just kind of throws
Speaker 3: some big gift at you, it's like, yeah, they're they're
Speaker 3: kind of making up for other areas where they're not
Speaker 3: meeting you as much.
Speaker 4: Yeah. The only time I think a big gift is
Speaker 4: nice is when.
Speaker 6: They are doing literally every other love language with precision
Speaker 6: and like yeah, and then I'm like, oh, wow, you
Speaker 6: really just are so kind of re there.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And sometimes that is how people show their love language.
Speaker 3: I guess what I mean is like if it feels
Speaker 3: a little performative.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know so yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Mask or fen that's another Like it seemed like there
Speaker 2: was a mask shortage for a while. Now you're constantly
Speaker 2: posting people want feen.
Speaker 1: It seems like what tell.
Speaker 2: Us, really what's happening? Then tell us what you think
Speaker 2: Melissa and.
Speaker 6: I are okay, okay, okay, So first of all, there's
Speaker 6: not a mask shortage.
Speaker 4: There's a mask for mask shortage. That is what I'm
Speaker 4: looking for.
Speaker 6: So right now, if you're masked for mask, please DM
Speaker 6: me that if you're listening to this, because I have
Speaker 6: clients that are very challenging to match and they are
Speaker 6: very well aware of how they present and what they're
Speaker 6: attracted to.
Speaker 4: Is the hardest to find. Mask for mask is very challenging.
Speaker 6: Okay, With that being said, there's a high fim shortage,
Speaker 6: and there is a difference between a FIN and a
Speaker 6: high FIM, and I feel bad having to tell lesbians
Speaker 6: listen to the dms. I'm like, honey, you're not a
Speaker 6: high I am looking for a Barbie. I am looking
Speaker 6: for When you walk in the room, no one thinks
Speaker 6: you're straight, and I'm sorry, no one thinks you're gay
Speaker 6: and everyone turns bisexual, like that's the kind of woman
Speaker 6: that like.
Speaker 4: There is a shortage job.
Speaker 6: So it's mask for mask and high high fims like
Speaker 6: lipstick lipstick lesbians.
Speaker 4: So if you're either of those, DM me, I want
Speaker 4: to talk to you. I want to interview you. For
Speaker 4: my clients.
Speaker 6: Those are where the shortages are are just normal fin
Speaker 6: normal films are beautiful love it like, but there's not
Speaker 6: a complete shortage of that type. So y'all are giving
Speaker 6: with the jacket. All I can see from here is
Speaker 6: the hats in the jacket. So you're giving you this
Speaker 6: very like hybrid to sporty like energy.
Speaker 4: That's what I.
Speaker 1: Wanted, That's what we were going for.
Speaker 4: There we go. Yeah, I like, I think it's.
Speaker 3: Funny because like we both evolved since coming out. Really
Speaker 3: initially I was pretty film not like high high fim
Speaker 3: like you're talking about. But I was trying to like
Speaker 3: lean more into that and then I was like, you
Speaker 3: know what, this actually is really not me. But I
Speaker 3: think I confuse people. I don't have on any makeup
Speaker 3: right now, but you're so pretty. Oh thank you.
Speaker 4: I will put on thank you. I'll put on makeup,
Speaker 4: I'll have long hair.
Speaker 3: And I think I am a little confusing, Like I'll
Speaker 3: have a mask. Woman like hit on me and I'm
Speaker 3: just like, oh, like, you're amazing.
Speaker 2: Until you open your mouth, until I and right, that's
Speaker 2: very true, until they see me walk like a cowboy
Speaker 2: and they're like, oh yeah, really.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 3: I had a theater teacher in high school tell me
Speaker 3: that I walked like John Wayne and I should have
Speaker 3: known then. You know, really she was saying you walk
Speaker 3: like a lesbian, but you know they couldn't quite say
Speaker 3: that to me.
Speaker 4: That's amazing. No, there is like this lesbian walk for sure.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, like mass daddy energy.
Speaker 6: But like, okay, so I'm assuming, I'm assuming you're indefeminine women.
Speaker 4: If you just said the mask woman hit on you
Speaker 4: and it wasn't like you're you're like things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say like them, like and like kind
Speaker 3: of edgy black cat film.
Speaker 4: Ah, okay, okay, love it.
Speaker 6: So that's still more of a high fem energy compared Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: and that's what That's what a lot of my clients want.
Speaker 6: And so yeah, it's the hardest to find, but I'm
Speaker 6: the woman for the job.
Speaker 4: So love that. You know where you're at clearly.
Speaker 6: And then Alison, how would you describe how you dress
Speaker 6: or how you present?
Speaker 1: I think I'm all over the board.
Speaker 2: Probably there's times I think I look feminine. There's times
Speaker 2: I look more masculine. I think the goal is always
Speaker 2: to have people not know necessarily, but I probably, like today, I.
Speaker 1: Think I look more masks because the hat.
Speaker 2: But the hat is strictly because I knew we were
Speaker 2: doing video and I'm trying to get a little.
Speaker 1: Promo in Absolutely, I don't know what would you say.
Speaker 1: I tend to date.
Speaker 2: I think more feminine women, but not because my partner
Speaker 2: for seven years was I would say androgynous Melissa.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think Ali too. Like, like I was saying,
Speaker 3: it's like your styles kind of shifted a little bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like she's going to a wedding here soon.
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, she's talking about wearing a dress,
Speaker 3: but I'm like, no, like you need some like high waisted,
Speaker 3: like wide leg pants and like this button down and
Speaker 3: a bow tie, like go that route. So because that's
Speaker 3: kind of I don't know, I like to do a
Speaker 3: mix of like mask them in those situations.
Speaker 6: Yeah it's hot, I get it, but yeah you might Alison,
Speaker 6: you might be what I consider So Okay, there's a
Speaker 6: lot of categories on lesbian dating apps, and I'm like,
Speaker 6: let's all put on our big girl panties and just
Speaker 6: admit that there's like there's feminine and there's masculine, and
Speaker 6: there's them between.
Speaker 4: Like if we just let's just leave it there.
Speaker 6: But there is this one thing that is you can't
Speaker 6: be categorized. You're someone who's fluid. You could be one
Speaker 6: day feminine and one day masculine. So I think of
Speaker 6: it this way, masculine, hybrid right in the middle. You
Speaker 6: don't define as fim or mask. Really, you're really androgynous
Speaker 6: or a fluid person who changes day to day right, Like,
Speaker 6: you could be anywhere. I feel like you might be
Speaker 6: more fluid. You probably lean typically like that tomboy them,
Speaker 6: but you are ultimately.
Speaker 4: Pretty fluid and you change it up a lot. That's
Speaker 4: what it seems like.
Speaker 1: I would say that's true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so many people are like, why do you want
Speaker 4: to categorize? Everybody?
Speaker 6: The comments, I'm like, I don't care about categorizing. I'm
Speaker 6: running a business.
Speaker 4: I've got systems for my team to organize women. I
Speaker 4: don't give a fuck what you like.
Speaker 6: If you don't like the category, call yourself whatever you want,
Speaker 6: I'm going to clap for you, Like, I just need
Speaker 6: to make sure that we have a system that works
Speaker 6: to match people and to generalize. Like sometimes boxes are
Speaker 6: good because they help us actually get what we want
Speaker 6: and what we're attracted to. But I'm not expecting you
Speaker 6: to put yourself in a box in your everyday life,
Speaker 6: but like, man, the comments sometimes I'm like, okay, guys,
Speaker 6: there's a lot of nuance here and it's a five
Speaker 6: second video.
Speaker 3: Chill chill, Like people in the comments will come after
Speaker 3: you sometime for like the slightest thing, and it's like, dude,
Speaker 3: sit down, like it's not that deep and delete exactly.
Speaker 4: I'm like, this is my living.
Speaker 2: Room, like a vibe, Like Melissa and I've talked to
Speaker 2: where I've met women that you would never think that
Speaker 2: I would be attracted to. Yeah, and then I'll have
Speaker 2: a conversation with them and I'm like one in particular
Speaker 2: that we had on our show that I literally was
Speaker 2: like I can't believe I find myself attracted to this person,
Speaker 2: but I do.
Speaker 1: But it's just like a vibe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 6: And that's what a lot of clients say too, Like
Speaker 6: they they'll come in and they have a range like
Speaker 6: could she just be as feminine as me? If I'm
Speaker 6: like hybrid and up like she could be all the
Speaker 6: way up here, And some will also specify I don't
Speaker 6: want a girl who's a barbie. I don't want someone
Speaker 6: that takes more than an hour to get ready, right,
Speaker 6: so that's a whole preference as well, and we we
Speaker 6: do look at.
Speaker 4: All the different options.
Speaker 6: And yes, I am building out proprietary technology right now
Speaker 6: as we speak, actually by developer right after this call.
Speaker 6: We're doing some tests today. So beyond the AI matchmaking
Speaker 6: in the platform, I'm developing technology for my team to
Speaker 6: use for more fish matching because I have twelve women
Speaker 6: right now and I want things to be faster for
Speaker 6: them to run compatibility checks.
Speaker 4: It doesn't take away the human component at all.
Speaker 6: Just make sure we can be really accurate and then
Speaker 6: see lit up where the deal breakers are if we
Speaker 6: need to do.
Speaker 4: Oh is that right? So like just make it faster.
Speaker 6: And I'm really excited to see how that's going to
Speaker 6: work and make things a lot better.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I think you're doing great work, man.
Speaker 3: I mean it's like this is it's so needed, and
Speaker 3: like we see it all the time. It's so hard
Speaker 3: to build connection and genuine connection and find people who are.
Speaker 4: Like wanting the same thing. I think there's so many.
Speaker 3: Lesbians out there who really do want that level of
Speaker 3: like monogamy, commitment, all those things, and it's just like
Speaker 3: the dating apps have just been like ruined so I
Speaker 3: think your service is great and hopefully you know, bringing
Speaker 3: love to people who really want it.
Speaker 1: One more thing I'm curious about and then I'll leave
Speaker 1: it alone. But what about just education? Like people?
Speaker 2: You know, there is like a I'm sure a baseline.
Speaker 2: I mean, if people are honest, there's a baseline that
Speaker 2: I wouldn't I would feel not attracted to if they're not.
Speaker 2: I don't you don't have to be like a surgeon,
Speaker 2: but like some some level of education.
Speaker 3: Extremely be an education, but intelligence, I guess is the better.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the better way to sait it.
Speaker 3: Because I just saw an interview with tig Nataro.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize this.
Speaker 3: She has a seventh grade education and you look at
Speaker 3: everything that she's done, you know, so it's like, who knows?
Speaker 4: Yeah, great point.
Speaker 6: First of all, we've got whatever is important to you,
Speaker 6: and don't feel bad if that.
Speaker 4: If that's what matters to you, that's what matters to you.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing.
Speaker 6: Every woman that I've personally dated, who was I've dated
Speaker 6: women across the board, but the ones who were extremely
Speaker 6: exorbitantly successful all happened to only graduate high school, which
Speaker 6: is crazy my personal experience, right the ones who were
Speaker 6: really successful. I've dated women who are hitting six figures,
Speaker 6: but like, they're not on the multimillions, right. Every multi
Speaker 6: millionaire I've dated has always barely by the skin of
Speaker 6: her teeth, graduated high school.
Speaker 4: It's really funny, and they becoming.
Speaker 3: I also want to be able to say every multimillionaire
Speaker 3: I've dated, like what, Like that's an actual sentence.
Speaker 4: You can say that is.
Speaker 6: An actual but it's like it's say, and a lot
Speaker 6: a lot of women I work with are Again. I
Speaker 6: have women who come from all walks of life. Women
Speaker 6: who may have been married to someone successful. Now they're divorced,
Speaker 6: they have alimony. They come to me they're still a multimillionaire,
Speaker 6: but they they don't live that lifestyle right because they're
Speaker 6: they're so humble. I have women who come to me
Speaker 6: who are teachers, women who come to me who are
Speaker 6: in tech, women who are a lot in the government.
Speaker 6: But Okay, back to what you're saying. So your preference
Speaker 6: does matter. And if you say I want to date
Speaker 6: someone who has at least.
Speaker 4: A master's degree, I got you.
Speaker 6: Now, will that make your dating pool smaller? Allison One,
Speaker 6: I won't sit here and lie to you but will
Speaker 6: I swort for those women for you?
Speaker 4: First? Yes, I have clear that.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I need this.
Speaker 2: I'm just asking question because I have I've met women
Speaker 2: out like it's social things, and I'm thinking to myself,
Speaker 2: I know personally I can tell just by there this
Speaker 2: is I'm gonna get blasted for this.
Speaker 4: But I say, maybe I'm talking their grammar or.
Speaker 1: Like how they speak.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can tell that, like this isn't someone
Speaker 2: that there.
Speaker 6: It wouldn't go very far, Like you're texting and you
Speaker 6: give me a too instead of a t O.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and maybe I can.
Speaker 2: I can look past some of that, but I just
Speaker 2: there is like a baseline. I guess everybody should have
Speaker 2: a baseline. Guys, am I an asshole for this? Like
Speaker 2: molestly even you have?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: No, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I I agree, but I mean, but I think there's
Speaker 3: also something to be said, like Sophia is saying, like,
Speaker 3: sometimes there are people out there that that eked by
Speaker 3: in high school, but they're really really brilliant.
Speaker 1: Totally. But that's what I'm talking about is the intelligence.
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, education, No, And that's the thing.
Speaker 6: So what's really cool as a matchmaker is I can
Speaker 6: look beyond the education and actually like interview that person
Speaker 6: for you, so I'm able to see if there's intelligence
Speaker 6: beyond the education. So most women who come to me, though,
Speaker 6: they're not like if they're really intellectual or on the opposite,
Speaker 6: really really wealthy. Most come to me most and are
Speaker 6: actually very humble individuals, and they're like, look, I don't
Speaker 6: care actually how much my partner makes. Just make sure
Speaker 6: she's self sustainable and she can hold a conversation about.
Speaker 4: X, y Z topics.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 6: That's it, and I think that's what you're really asking.
Speaker 6: But again, I'm happy to vet if it's like, hey,
Speaker 6: she's got to have at least a four year degree.
Speaker 6: I understand. Maybe you come from a family of education
Speaker 6: where they will not accept someone at the table for
Speaker 6: Thanksgiving who doesn't care about that sort of thing, And
Speaker 6: it doesn't make necessarily you wrong. It might be you
Speaker 6: trying to live up to your parents' expectations, and I
Speaker 6: have clients that are really struggling with that, and so
Speaker 6: every preference is valid.
Speaker 4: But as a big hearted.
Speaker 6: Human myself, I'm always going to like try to be like,
Speaker 6: but wait, like, let me tell you about this person,
Speaker 6: because she's actually extraordinary even though she's missing this one
Speaker 6: little thing. So yeah, but it's not a bad question
Speaker 6: ask like at all, I don't.
Speaker 3: I mean Elliott Is it's on the dating apps to
Speaker 3: say that, like, you know that I do only want
Speaker 3: someone with a master's.
Speaker 1: You, guys, I didn't say that.
Speaker 3: I know you and I know that, but I'm just
Speaker 3: saying you're intelligence without back end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because there are plenty of people, like if you
Speaker 1: sit there, if you're sitting at a dinner table.
Speaker 2: And people are talking about a topic, you can tell
Speaker 2: who has a relatively sophisticated understanding of what we're talking about,
Speaker 2: and you can ye, we're just adding color that don't
Speaker 2: really have a sophisticated understanding and they don't need to be.
Speaker 1: There's a baseline of that. I guess that, Yes, I'm going.
Speaker 2: To have a forty year conversation in my marriage with you.
Speaker 2: I don't want I want you to bring bring what
Speaker 2: I'm bringing.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And there's people who also clarify, like, I need
Speaker 4: someone really nurturing.
Speaker 6: Can you bring me a teacher, a nurse, or a
Speaker 6: stay at home mom, because I need someone who's the
Speaker 6: opposite of that, because I am so like in my
Speaker 6: law career, doing this this is I need like this
Speaker 6: nurturing soft energy. So like I'm telling you, like, no
Speaker 6: preference is like weird to me. I've also gotten one
Speaker 6: that's like she can't have a size X y Z
Speaker 6: foot because I like to buy my girl like sexy shoes.
Speaker 1: Oh my whoa. Okay, yeah, they're really getting in the weeds.
Speaker 6: Right Oh yeah, and guess what, she's happily matched right now.
Speaker 2: So really yeah, I love seeing when they make a match.
Speaker 1: Like you guys get so excited.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we get so excited. We don't always film it.
Speaker 4: I mean i'd be filming.
Speaker 6: Like all day every day because sometimes there's like multiple
Speaker 6: appointments in a day.
Speaker 4: But I do get excited and I get excited to share.
Speaker 1: Very cool.
Speaker 4: Thank you for asking all these questions.
Speaker 6: I feel like this was the most I've ever gotten
Speaker 6: to talk about my business but not feel like overly
Speaker 6: salesy and just genuinely geek out with someone on a podcast.
Speaker 6: So thank you for this space. Like that was really kind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll tell people how they can find you and
Speaker 2: we'll post a link in our show notes.
Speaker 4: But oh that would mean a lot to me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, So the easiest way is going to Queercountry club
Speaker 6: dot com and from there you can explore the dating
Speaker 6: club or you can go in for private matchmaking, and
Speaker 6: if you just want to dip your toe in, you
Speaker 6: can join our Luxury Lesbian Circle email list at the
Speaker 6: bottom of the page and just for free. Like, see
Speaker 6: what call outs I'm sending from my clients. Everyone asked
Speaker 6: me this, like, oh, Sophia, Like, what's the difference between
Speaker 6: responding to a call out for a client versus being
Speaker 6: a client? When you pay me, my team's working on
Speaker 6: your behalf. If you just come in and you're like, oh,
Speaker 6: I'm this cute thing. We're so excited if there's a
Speaker 6: match for you potentially, but it's kind of like a
Speaker 6: one in one thousand chance that being like an actual
Speaker 6: client that we're committed to bringing you aligned introductions, so
Speaker 6: very very different. But if get on the list, like
Speaker 6: freaking just get on the list. I want to help you.
Speaker 6: Sometimes people come to me and they're like, I just
Speaker 6: was watching your content and the next day I met
Speaker 6: someone out at a party and I had the courage
Speaker 6: to talk to them because I was just listening to
Speaker 6: your content. I'm like, however, you find love like I
Speaker 6: just want more of it in the world.
Speaker 4: Okay, so just get involved. I would love to say hi.
Speaker 6: If you want to message me and tell me what
Speaker 6: you're looking for, I'll be honest and point you in
Speaker 6: the right direction. Whether it's seventeen dollars a month or
Speaker 6: it is private matchmaking.
Speaker 4: I am here to help, and so is my team.
Speaker 4: They care just as much as me. Excellent. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: thank you ladies. Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Aphiate.
Speaker 4: Okay, have an amazing day and good luck with the condo.
Speaker 4: Thank you, I need it. Bye bye bye.
Speaker 3: I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
Speaker 3: and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1: We'd love listener feedback.
Speaker 2: If you'd like to share your story, email us at
Speaker 2: Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's Melissa M. E.
Speaker 2: L I s A and Ali A L l I
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. Or follow us on Instagram at
Speaker 2: Lesbian Chronicles