Speaker 1: Welcome to episode five of Dear to See It. Y'all,
we were doing so good. We have been. We have
been doing so good. This show has been all that
I wanted it to be, all that I needed it
to be. Okay, y'all, we have been doing so good,
and I don't want y'all to forget some of our
milestones that we have. Okay, So first of all, I
want y'all to leave a five star review, not two,
not four, baby, five five star review, because I mean,
if you've been here in this episode five, that means
you love me as much as I love you, and
so you need to give us a five star review. Okay.
I want you to subscribe to the Relationship Restored and
Dear to See a YouTube channel. Okay, subscribe like in
some subscribe and then we have a goal by Labor day.
And our goal by Labor day is fifty thousand followers
on Apple Podcasts, five hundred reviews. We already had to
fifty we already have for there, baby, and we only
on episode five. We already have way there to five
hundred reviews. We already got two hundred and fifty. We
were probably over two hundred and fifty by now, okay,
and then we won one hundred thousand subscribers on both channels.
Y'all know, I'm a dog when it come to my goals.
Don't play on me and don't play on my name.
It will meet away you say you do, okay, helped
me hit my goals.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: We got fifty thousand followers on Apple Podcasts, five hundred reviews,
five star, all right, and then we got one hundred
thousand subscribers. All right period. All right, we have our
Peanut gallery again, our good sense Gabby visiting us. To
know Gabby is to love Gabby, you know, and I
don't think I've ever said that, but like some you
are so easy to love Gabby, Like you're just like
the most kind spirited, like just just easy going love,
you know what I'm saying, Just like friendship, Like I
can't even imagine you being combat like I've been. Clearly
we've never had any like altercations or arguments or anything
like that, but I couldn't even imagine, like, you know,
you just seem like you know how to mitigate a
lot of things in life, right, and yeah, you're a peacemaker.
Shout out to Gabby Anyways, if you want to go
out in the DMV area, look up Gabby and her
page and her company, all right, so that you can
figure out where to go in the city. All of
the events are just like SoLIT and that's really how
we first met. I was invited to one of Gabby's events.
It was a great time. Okay, So shout out to Gabby.
Gabby's coming to give us her look. Sent on all
the tea that will be dropping that will be dropping today. Okay.
Episode five, Episode five, y'all, look, you winn't thick right,
Me and you was never's part makey dott I okay,
color purple, okay, period? All right, A couple of or
a review to read for our show is listen, y'all.
Yes exclamation points three exclamation points. Yes. Been waiting on
the first episode to drop. It was absolutely everything that
I thought it was going to be, plus some Thank
you for always helping the girls out. Can't wait for
episode two. I hope of this everything that you thought
it would be. If you want the most real, raw trill,
just most genuine version of me, catch me on Apple podcasts, okay,
Spotify and YouTube. All right, this look this baby, this
ain't for no life. It's the same for no no Cloud,
the same for this is like literally the space that
I dreamed of. And so yes, I'm so glad to
hear things like this because this is really who I am.
Always I have this joke and I'll be like, I'm
not who y'all think I am. Hey, y'all always say this,
Like when I'm going on my rants, I'd be like,
I'm not who y'all think I am. And now you
get to see who I am. I'm just a girl
from Chicago. Baby, I'm a girl from Chicago. Look. And
also let me say this. Let me be clear, baby,
I am from the West side Chicago. I know people
only think that Chicago has the South Side. I'm from
the West side of Chicago. Ktown twenty first, No Worst
Baby twenty first and Homan Okay, the west side of Chicago. Now,
I went to high school south, but I'm from the
West side of Chicago. K Town Baby twenty first, No Worse,
twenty first at home and asked about me. My grandma
was living on My grandma was one of the longest
living person people on that block. I anyways, I digress.
We're going on to our first segment of the Red
Flag Report. Okay, I'm going to read this Red Flag Report.
Still marry but miles apart? All right? And a recent
essence article by Elizabeth Ayola Ayola, The concept of the
silent divorce is explored a growing trend where couples remain
legally married but emotionally, mentally, and often physically disconnected. Licensed
therapists say this breakdown is usually caused by unresolved conflict,
emotional neglect, poor communication, and unaddressed resentment. According to a
twenty twenty three Pure Research report, fifty five percent of
Americans believe unhappy couples stay in their marriages too long
and that lingering disconnect can take a toll on mental
health and self esteem. But is staying out of duty,
fear or routine the red flag? But it's staying out
of duty, fear or routine the red flag? Or is
it the refusal to do the work to reconnect?
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 1: The interesting thing I have to tell y'all sorry about
once upon a time, how I was in a ethically
non monogamous relationship. Okay, y'all, I don't think I'm crazy.
I don't know I to sell this on Live Baby
Alive on air Once upon a Time Child, I was
given the red flag to date. This a woman's husband's
a real thing, A real thing. Okay. A associate friend
of mine hit me up and he was like, hey,
to see you. My wife and I are exploring an
ethically non monogamous relationship. We were tasked with creating a
list of who we would like to be, who we
were interested in, and you've always been at the top
of my list. He was like, so like, basically, like
what do you think? And I was like, nigga, what
the fuck? Like, I was like, and he was like,
you want to talk to my wife? I said, put
that bitch on the fountain. I said, put her on
the phone, and he did. He put us in the
group chat. We exchanged numbers, and that woman called me
and she said to see if my husband's obsessed with you.
She was like, you have always been kind of the
talk with my husband, and now him and I are
exploring ethical nominogamy and if you wouldn't, I'm with it.
All I needed to do is hear her voice. I
was I was a little bit younger, I wasn't too young.
Maybe this is the years ago five years ago. Okay,
so I'm just like, oh, okay, long story short, this
man was low key like the love of my life.
And basically the wife called me back and was like,
I kind of been off too much that I can chew.
And I was like, wait a minute, like, girl, I'm
in love with your husband. What the fuck is going on?
You first? You said I could now what's going on?
And she said that once upon a time I told
this guy said, hey, you know I'm gonna have to
break up with you, right, And he was like why
why would you have to break up with me? And
I was like, because I want kids and you can't
give me kids. The wife called me and was like,
my husband came back and said, to see it wants children?
Can I give her kids? Is that part of the agreement?
And she was like, bitch, I didn't sign up for
this shit. I didn't know that he could like you
the way that heat. You know that he thought that
he could like you, right, And so that was a
whole thing. So once the one a time child I
was in this ethically non monogamous w wasash and I
brought all this up to say, y'all follow me here.
Is that a part of this cold general conversation was
living living a part together, and that was these couples
that were living apart but they were together. And I
feel like this is kind of what this article is discussing,
Like couples that are legally together but in reality a
fucking party their living single lives also there that they're
emotionally and physically disconnected. And I think this brings up
the conversation of what is the value add of a
legal marriage? Okay? And I think that people are finding
out that you lose a lot more in the marriage
slash divorce than it is actually to gain because when
people say love ain't enough, most of a marriage is
really about the love and the connection, right, Like that's
really mostly what it's about. And you end up combining
assets and when the divorce happens, you find out that
you lost a live more than love connection, that you
lost houses, you lost fucking parental rights, you lost I
mean literally like real assets, investments, portfolio, like you split
in shit that you never fucked.
Speaker 2: Like, wait, I bought that into the marriage.
Speaker 1: I bought that into the marriage, and now I have
to split it. So this's this whole thing, you know,
and and I feel like I have experienced firsthand what
it's like for just as a side person to like
uh an or unorthodox kind of marriage. Like these were
two people that were saying like, hey, I'm open today
in other people. You're open today to other people. But
then like in the end, like it was just like
this a weird thing. But I think that that's becoming
a lot. Like you see like what's his name? What
was it? Neo? Yeah, neo talking, he got three four.
Speaker 4: Five and like not kissing in a row and then
headed out to the concert.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, he got three four five girlfriends, So
now he's like that's like I feel like we're seeing
a lot of non traditional type of relationships where people
are maybe like not together but together legally together separated,
which also brings up the conversation. It's like, as a
single woman, if you meet a man and he says
he's married but he's separated, what you're gonna do?
Speaker 4: I think he's still married, So I'm kind of backing away.
That's just me, what about you?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting. I personally just like try my
best to steer away. But also what I have seen
people legitly separated, not involved with that woman baby since
for years. I mean legitly separated. But you also you
are married man. Yeah, And I think that like when
you're in your thirties, late thirties, no kids, never been married, shit,
start getting Nobody told us about this stuff, you know,
when you talk about marriage, love and life. Nobody told
you about this stuff. There's a lot I call them
the the divorce dereks, the divorce dereks. There's a lot
of divorce dereks out here that are actually separated but
legally married, yeah, and have no intentions on getting back
with their partner wives. But there are that there's a process,
there's a process before the divorce, right, And so I
think that it just really is like tricky. It's almost
like we get like kind of life's left over. It's like, yeah, damn,
like you on your second life. I'm on my first
life right.
Speaker 4: Right, So it definitely has like a little I'm like, dang,
but I don't know, just a little piece of me
is like I gotta see y'all separate is separated.
Speaker 2: I need to see.
Speaker 4: Like like just completely different lines of where I feel
comfortable because I just feel like at the end of
there's the bond sometimes that is. I mean, I would,
I would just hoped it would be created when you
actually go into a formal union with somebody that I'm like,
it's easy to talk your shit, like when we're just
like at a bar, at a restaurant, but like, let's
see she walk in here.
Speaker 2: If your back don't get straight right like that.
Speaker 1: But honestly to what I feel like, I always say,
like there's like a compilation when I think about like,
for example, like men are that are short, but if
you're wealthy and short, it adds a little bit more, right,
It's the same thing and the deficit. It's like I
may can do married but separated, but if y'all got kids,
but that I'm not doing it. Like if y'all if
you have the co parent as well, like you can't
be both. You can't be legally married slash separated and
you have the co parent. Now that is too much
for me. Like it's like a it's like a formula.
Yeah I have like if you short but you have money.
I thought this is real. And it said they were
like six two and six four is kind of the same.
And the guy was like what. It's not the same.
If you are six' to, two it's, like, okay, yeah
Maybe i'll Go. Dutch but if it's like if you
six four and you say, that you're like, a maybe
you're just don't tell me about your criminal. Past, right
six four grants you so much more than six. Two
it is not the. Same AND i feel, like, like,
again height plus, wealth, look talk to me. Nice it.
Depends but you're talking About. Mary but separate and you got, kids,
bitch count me. OUT i. Can't it depends on the
formula of the guy and what you have to. Offer
but separated plus co, PARENTING i can't do. It if
you were, separating there wasn't any children involved, you you
might just swing my. Way who knows IF i truly
believe you were, separated, right you? Know but that PART
i believe. THAT i think that a lot of people
are have seen the results of. Divorces they have seen
just what's the girl From Real housewives Of atlanta what's her?
Speaker 2: Name drew her husband living in the basement.
Speaker 4: Child oh, no, NO i just saw it like on on social.
Speaker 2: Media but, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: The husband is living in the basement because the arrangement
of the. DIVORCE i think they got the fate try
to work it out. First but, like the husband is
living in the basement and she has had court orders
that she cannot vis this is her home or their,
home and the husband lived in the basement.
Speaker 2: And she can't go to his. House she can't go
to her basement in her.
Speaker 1: Rasement it's crazy, thing you. Know So i've seen some
shit AND i feel LIKE i feel like things are
becoming a little bit, different you. KNOW i think that
women are more open to these like non traditional. Arrangements
even in my girl chat there's a lot of Women
christian women per se that are being approached By muslim
men who can have a few wives and they're, like,
Well i'm open to. Converting but what you. Know So
i've seen a lot of just like non traditional kind
of mixing. Situations But i'm not that, agile.
Speaker 4: Yeah BECAUSE i feel, like what IF i fall in
love and then you have to get the.
Speaker 2: Divorce now you're, like, OH i don't want to get.
Speaker 4: It it's like, okay well we didn't we donn did
all this and now you don't want to get the,
Divorce like, Right, YEAH i.
Speaker 1: Think it's just a. Lot So, Honestly i'm not, surprised
but you, said but it's staying out of out of
duty fear or, routine the red, flag or is it
the refusal to do the work to. Reconnect i'm kind
of on, one like both ends of the. Fence as
much as people will presume, That i'm, like, girl if
he not doing, this leave. HIM i always tell WOMEN
i DON'T i coach marry, women, ironically And i'm not
a married, person BUT i coach married. Women and When
i'm telling, you my advice to marry women is far.
Different this shit not no. Joke you married that, man under, god,
bitch getting the, mug getting the, booth getting the. Field
you gotta put that fucking work in getting. This you
can't just be Like i'm done with. You, no you
married that. Man you gotta do it the. Work you
gotta go to, Counseling you gotta work it, out you.
GOTTA i always, say, baby look if my husband cheat on,
ME i don't know What i'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Do and that is the honest, answer, RIGHT i think
we we gotta stop.
Speaker 2: Acting oh, No i'm that's not a Firmat let's not
be so.
Speaker 4: Cavalier in you an, oath like an agree a covenant, Essentially,
no it is a covenant that you made that you're, like,
Oh i'm.
Speaker 1: DONE i mean people people are even, say look a,
man give me twelve fifteen years of a good, life
a good life and we didn't have, kids and you
fucking around and look you have a little missed up
you you. YOU i can't confirm with the not ima
leave My husban'm gonna say that. Now look that's the.
Speaker 2: HONEST i think we need to start having.
Speaker 1: More conversations like you're talking about a life THAT i
build with, you and you made a.
Speaker 2: Mistake and, remember your life is not social.
Speaker 4: Media your life is your husband and you the, Wife
like stop trying to like Because i'm gonna. Be people
gonna think whatever you, can you can break up with.
Him they gonna say, something stay with, him say.
Speaker 1: Something, yeah, yeah, yeah it's really it's really difficult to
say so anyho. HMM i think we're living in some
new new ages and new, times AND i think that
men have more of a platform to be more flexible
and what they. Want it doesn't have to be. Monogamy
women are more. FLEXIBLE i think that that the numbers
in the ratio of available men makes women a little
bit more. Flexible and you've seen a lot of just
non traditional hookups and link ups and ship you know
What i'm, Saying just to make sure you can't afford three.
WIVES i always find the. Audacity it's, like, y'all ALMOST
i met a man your. Event you remember that like
pink event that you did at that, Place and they
had like all of the like artists in the. Background
it was like photos of, them like artwork of these
like it was like.
Speaker 2: A pastels and something.
Speaker 1: Event, YES i met a man there and he had
three of his girlfriends there AND i was, like. OH
i was, like, oh, yeah you're a. Wife and he was, like,
Oh i'm not. Married AND i was, like, OH i
thought you, Said and he's like he, Said i'm in
a polygamous. Relationship AND i look at, that nigga and my, sad,
bitch you ain't got enough money to be. Polygamousts and
that though you ain't got enough money to be, polygamousts
you niggas out here just just doing shit just because
you don't have enough money to be.
Speaker 4: Polygamousts AND i think we should talk about. That you
used to have enough money to date one person fifty, two.
Speaker 2: That's. All i'm. Like i'm just, Like, OKAY i don't
think we're there. Yet we need to see.
Speaker 1: Audacity you have enough, money. Y'all not look, y'all Not
Cam newton and Fucking neo and all these people that climb. Child, anyways,
ANYWAYS i look at that. MAN i.
Speaker 2: Laughed, no That, no that is comical your.
Speaker 1: Poligaments, baby you ain't got enough money to Be they multiple,
people all three of, them the whole. Crew, ANYWAYS i.
Digress topic number, Two offset won't spousal. Support new details
emerged That offset is now seeking spousal support and his
ongoing divorce From CARDI. B according TO, tmz the rapper
also requested joint legal cussy of their children While CARDI.
B i got something to say about, that While CARDI
b asks for primary physical. Custody they're on, again off
again relationship has been plagued by, cheating, rumors emotional tor,
boil and public, fallout including allegations of harassment and revenge.
Porn as a drama continues to, unfold it raises a bigger.
Question how can you spot the red flags early enough
to avoid getting this, deep this deep into. Dysfunction, okay
can we talk about the men that been ain't shit
ass fathers that's now going.
Speaker 2: For full fucking legal.
Speaker 1: Custody this has been a whole thing of weekend, dads bootleg,
stepdaddies and, like now you men are going for full.
Custody you don't even know what fucking grade your kid is.
In you don't know what they, Eat you don't know
if they fucking allergic to peanuts or a jell. O,
okay these men are now literally in, court revengeful getting
trying to get full custody of these, kids which is beyond.
Me you know that the kid been with the mama
this whole, time, baby cut it. Out you don't know
about this kid, really you've been picking them up on
the weekend once a, summer, okay every other. Summer, Right
so that's just one. Thing but, also can we talk about.
It first of, All CARDI, B i love you AND
i Love CARDI b, seriously but let's get the fuck into.
It CARDI. B your man proposes, you proposed to you
at a. Concert let's talk about. It he had four
or five kids before you fucking met. Him who knows
what that was, like who knows what that? Was like
the man proposed to you at a concert and then
y'all went to the.
Speaker 2: Courthouse So, cardi, hey.
Speaker 1: You never, had you never. Had and again this is
not to say that the weddings make it more real
or the bigger the ring or the, bigger.
Speaker 4: But he proposed to you at a, concert very, showy
very like, performative if you, will very.
Speaker 1: Ghetto it was a, concert a hood ass concert that
the boy proposed to, you and then you went to
the courthouse and got. Married so there is. THAT i
called that from a million miles. Away, yeah you, know
a million miles. Away and also, too like we have
all seen Just cardi just unravel so. Much we have
done so Many, again we talked About, carley we talked
About Brittany renner And cardi B, ollie y'all can call. Me, okay,
look so we can coach y'all through, this but let's
just we cannot fail to talk About CARDI b without
talking about that motherfucking. Comeback can we talk About Tiana?
Taylor and can we talk about The Cardi B's, okay, yes, listen,
ladies have you A Tiana? Taylor cardi be Cash doll fucking,
summer the way that these women been popping out with
new niggas.
Speaker 2: Happily all, smiles all. Smiles i'm, like goshy'all met that.
Speaker 1: Man that baby was ten months, old, period he, Said she,
said what's? Up i'm on to the Next we. Haven't
this is a this is a Little this is a.
Movement this is a movement of women say fuck, You
i'm not gonna take this treatment. Anymore and if you
can move, on so CAN. I and you were to
know what's.
Speaker 2: So, funny?
Speaker 1: Ladies this is so, good this is so. GOOD i
always say women cry, first men cry. Longer women cry,
first men cry. Longer, Listen Emon schumpert offset and who
the fuck? Else who was the third? Person? Oh no Cash,
dolls baby. Daddy oh them niggas, struggling all of them.
Speaker 2: Struggling none of them got them a new.
Speaker 1: Piece, okay women cry, first men cry, longer and Cash
doll happily blended family at Fucking Disney.
Speaker 2: World Tianna taylor.
Speaker 1: Planning the fucking, birthday surprise birthday for her. Man no,
notes no NOTE cardi b on the yacht with her?
Nigga where is he? Mine where is what what's his?
Speaker 4: Name?
Speaker 2: Tracy?
Speaker 1: Tracy where is he struggling with some Random instagram fake
booty girl who knows where he? Is and all sat
ain't got. New women cry, first men cry. Longer and
these women have had they have substance in their new.
Speaker 2: Relationship and the men are. Scrambling they are he mind.
Speaker 1: Nobody hard here back what he? Doing we ain't heard
it from him Since dancing with The. Stars we heard
her from that man's dancing with the laying load the words,
tiana boot, up.
Speaker 2: Looking, good, party boot, up.
Speaker 1: And they're all of their men are. Scrambling, ladies if
you ain't heard nothing, else what's my relationship advice for the?
Month be A cardi b be A, tiana be a
cash Style, okay and that's it on that, anyways we
off that look we are we, Are we off that,
Look we off that soap box. Period. Okay them men
ain't found nobody, that none of them in a. RELATIONSHIP
i feel like this is a new. Movement it's like
a love it SIS i love. It, no you're worth
an attacks at taxing.
Speaker 2: Huh okay, literally.
Speaker 1: And for all you women, also this is a good
thing for all you. WOMEN i get this question every
day became a single. Mom do you think men will date?
Me will? Kid? Now granted you not a, celebrity But
Tianna taylor has. Children, Yes cardi b had fucking, kids
and so cash y'all got two fucking. Kids all of
them got to a, piece all three of them got
to a, piece and they found new. Men so these
niggas don't give a. Fuck, Okay so please don't let
having kids hold you, back because clearly men out here
being stepdaddy's and bonus dads, period pointing of. Blank, anyway
we off that soap, box going to Our Bitch You
Smell good. Segment you, know y'all know this is my. Favorite,
Okay so we've been doing empties and y'all, know IF
i empty a, bottle, baby it is something to be.
Said this bottle is legit. Empty it is legit. Empty
and the funniest thing is THAT i went TO la
a couple of weeks ago and my homegirl THAT i
put on this fragrance had a full bottle of. It
she was, like, GIRL i remember you talking ABOUT i
love this. FRAGRANCE i was fraying her shit CAUSE i was,
LIKE i ain't got no.
Speaker 2: More i'm.
Speaker 1: Out i'm. OUT i ain't got no, more. Y'all this
fragrance Is Wulan child By Nie. Shawne and WHEN i tell,
you the green tea note in this fragrance is so freaking.
Good And i'm bringing these up because it is, summer.
Y'ALL i have, legit no lie over two hundred. Fragrance,
literally my fragrance pledge is probably about fifty thousand. DOLLARS
i ain't low on a, thing, BABY i got full,
bottles duplicates of many. Fragrance But i'm coming to you
today to show you a fragrance THAT i. Emptied, OKAY
i don't hit the bottom of no. Bottle.
Speaker 2: Baby IF i hit the, bottom it's a Winning i'm.
Speaker 1: Obsessed. Okay this Is Wulan child By Niche, Shae Nie,
SHAE i have more fragrances in your in this house
than any fragrance THAT i. Own sponsor me and stop
playing on my fucking. Name, Okay, niehae call me all.
RIGHT i have so many fragrances from you, all all.
Right i'm obsessed with this fragrance. House and it's really
because of the projection in the siage when you wear,
this you can smell. It IF i wash my, CLOTHES
i could smell it on. There, still that's so. Good,
listen so, good nie woulin. Chot, ladies if you're a summer,
girl if you're, fresh just if you're a fresh, girly,
right if you like a fresh, Scent i'm telling You
i've already talked About, birato young. Girls this is wulan.
Chid niehe's woolan. Chid it is just too good to be.
True And i've hit the. Bottom i've hit the. Bottom
it's literally nothing in.
Speaker 3: Here.
Speaker 1: OKAY i was springing my homegirl fragrance In. La All,
right it's just too good to be.
Speaker 2: TRUE i. Say the notes on hold, on.
Speaker 1: Y'all the notes in this are burgami. ORANGE i Love.
Bergamont you gotta be grown to wear, Burgamte bergamont. Orange
let's see, mandarin oohlong. Tea THE t, notes, Y'ALL i
know it sounds, weird like it's, like what DOES t smell?
Like if you? Know you know when you when you
smell it in? Here the tnte in, this and it's so.
Speaker 2: Crazy, nutmeg musk and fig are the base.
Speaker 1: Notes. Okay the heart note is really what carries the.
Fragrance and one of the hard notes is this oohlong t.
Notes this is one of my favorite favorite. Fragrances earlier,
today my sister SAID i better be on the fragrance
wheel AND i, said, well some of them going in
my going in my. Casket she was, saying, like, bitch
the day you, die you better put me on the
wheel for some of these. Fragrances AND i, said, well
some of them is going in my. Casket this is
one of. Them, okay this is one of them That
i'm gonna, say put that shit in my cask and
nobody can have. It, okay put it in my. CAST i,
said that's wulan shah nie. Seanne it's too good to be, true.
Y'all i'm telling WHAT i. Heard i'm telling you WHAT i, know,
baby all. Right, anyways we offer that bit you smell
good for, it bit you smell good, segment, y'all is
too good to be. True that it's one of my.
Empties AND i literally never hit the bottom of a. Bottle,
okay it's. Good get, In get, in why you, can
okay this, sorry dear to see a SEGMENT i love
when y'all write me. In, okay write Me. Okay the
link is in my. BIO i always post a. Link
y'all can write me boy snow me, in. Y'all y'all
want some live relationship advice right in To dear to see?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 1: Okay, Anyways, okay we're planning.
Speaker 3: Tore dear to see. You how do you know when
a good man really is a good. Man i've been
with my boyfriend for a few months, now AND i
can feel that he loves me and we are so happy.
Together but what DO i do about that little voice
in the back of my head telling me that he
might be playing me for a? Fool thank you so
much and good luck on your new.
Speaker 1: Podcast oh this one is kind of more complex BECAUSE
i want to know a little bit more about why
do you feel like he is playing you for a?
Fool and the reason why that's important is, because, like
sometimes women can get into relationships and they're so used
to be treated being treated, poorly and they're so used
to toxic men that they don't see a good thing coming,
right and they're skeptical of the good. Things it's, like,
oh this is too good to be. True he must be,
Lying he must be, cheating he must Be, no it's
actually not. You you came across a good, man. Right
but it's, Like i'm also, what listen to your intuitions
type of gul, Too, okay that your intuition is protects
you from so, much it's literally to protect you from
harm and. Danger So i'm more so like what you,
know what you find, out what you? See you, know,
like what what is it that you've seen that you're,
LIKE i can't, help but there's a small little voice
in my head that keeps questioning whether he's truly genuine
or secretly playing her, Right and so my thing is,
like check, yourself make sure that it's not childhood trauma
or just baggage that you're dragging in from a past, relationship,
right but also listen to your. Intuition. Right SO i
WISH i would have known a little bit. MORE i
want to know if it's like he's really a good, Man,
savannah but you you just got so much, yeah self,
sabotage just baggage and trauma from past, relationships or you're
attracted to toxic. Things, right when you get a relationship
that's actually calm and, respective you're just you're almost like
picking fights and like looking for the drama in. It all,
Right so that's just one thing Where i'm kind of, like,
okay could it be? That but also it's, like don't
skip over that look that turning in in your. Gut you.
Know SO i don't have that much, information BUT i
was just you, know encourage this woman to check, yourself
do an, audit do an audit of that, relationship and
make sure you be real about, it, Right like what
is it that making that's making you think that this
person could be playing?
Speaker 4: You double pound on that real part BECAUSE i think
sometimes we like don't even realize we're living in a.
Speaker 2: Fantasy we're, like, no we didn't see. That you saw.
Speaker 1: That you saw, That, yeah you saw.
Speaker 2: That you saw.
Speaker 1: That SO i wonder if you, know maybe she's seen
something that's kind of or just like you, know even
like the past just kind of it's a chaos that
when things get, quiet.
Speaker 4: Because it sounds like she's, happy like she says like
she's there's some signs that he, loves like he cares
for her.
Speaker 2: Deeply so it's like even a few months, too, yeah you.
Speaker 4: Know so it's JUST i think that that's, Real, like
let's do an audit and let's my self, sabotage.
Speaker 2: Like because that's that's so. Real we do that because
we do. That, Really, NO i don't want to feel
that what's wrong with?
Speaker 1: You why are you so? Nice and it's like, sorry,
right like why you you, know you know you want
to think about those kind of. Things you want somebody
that's kind and, genuine and you, know sometimes we're just
not in a space to really quite accept that and recognize,
that and we're like fishing for the drama and the
chaos and trying to figure out like is this? Religiou it's, like,
girl you just met a great. Guy that's kind of.
Normal can we normalize normal.
Speaker 2: Men that's not with the, drama that's not you, know
trying to talk to you friend just.
Speaker 1: Like, baseline cool, dude like cool regular. People you, know
so interesting. Enough BUT i would, say do an, audit check,
yourself be real about, it, okay make sure that you
are not just attracting people that that's full of chaos
and so now you don't really know like what, calm
cool and just peace looks like in your. Relationship so,
interesting but, yeah good luck to you, says it's only
been a few, months so keep your eye, out but,
yeah do a little self dive on.
Speaker 3: That.
Speaker 1: Okay our second voicemail is my son the? Problem dare to.
Speaker 5: SIYA i am thirty, two living In New, york very,
beautiful go to church Every.
Speaker 1: SUNDAY i take care of.
Speaker 5: Myself i'm in the, GYM i drink my, Water i'm
in my.
Speaker 3: BUSINESS i have a good.
Speaker 5: Job all of these. THINGS i also have a fourteen
year old. Son and my question to you, is what
is this taboo or IT'S i don't. KNOW i feel
Like i'm missing. Something it seems like the men aren't
interested in either single, moms single moms with, boys and
THEN i have like, Both i'm a single mom with
a teenage.
Speaker 1: Boy, like AM i missing?
Speaker 5: Something do guys not like? That because it's like as
soon AS i tell a guy THAT i have a
teenager teenage, son he's, fourteen they kind of seem to
run away a little. Bit And i'm, LIKE i don't
have the baby daddy. DRAMA i don't have.
Speaker 1: A bunch of kids and just have, Him so what
is the?
Speaker 5: Issue AND i just feel like it can't be me
BECAUSE i take care of, myself you, Know AND i
pray AND i Ask god to send me a, husband
And i'm waiting for my husband to find. Me i've
been following all of your, advice not. Dating, Crazy what
AM i doing?
Speaker 1: Wrong?
Speaker 5: Like is the single mom thing like really an issue with?
Speaker 3: Men you know?
Speaker 1: WHAT a lot of the things that she named are
not things that men are looking. For that's what women don't, understand.
Speaker 3: Some of.
Speaker 1: Them, like of course men are. Attracted they want to
be attracted to someone, physically. Right but it's like ALL
i heard this every fucking. DAY i have a, Degree
i'm a good, WOMAN i love you, KNOW i, COOK i.
Clean that is not what a man is looking. For,
okay that is not what you should be leveraging as a, woman.
Right AND i hear this so, much AND i think
that the key thing is just in your, head, right
it's in your. Head this is not this is not
actually about the, child, Right this is about actually everything
that you spoke about before that you feel, like you
take care of, yourself you're a praying, woman you do,
good you look, good you got a good, job. Whatever
and it's like when you see a, man AND i
say this all the, time when a man is at
the altar and he's crying with his little cue card
for his vows and he's, shaking right and he's crying
his little eyes. Out he's, like you made me a better,
man and you helped me be a better. Father and,
you he's, saying you're a, Patient you're, kind you're, compromising you're.
Understanding that is what that is what the men are looking, for.
Okay AND i know it's like a catch twenty two because,
yes attraction is like a, baseline, Right BUT i, see
and this is to all of my, sisters all of
my black. Women let me tell you. This the, job the,
degree and your income is not your currency in, life
and you gotta hop off of. It it's such a
masculine doggie dog world that you're. Playing AND i want
you to relinquish yourself out of the poverty and the
fucking jail Of i'm doing good for. Myself i'm a high,
EARNER i pay my own. Bills please get off that. Horse.
Okay that is not what men want from, you all.
Right men want you to be emotionally, sound, patient, kind.
Nurturing they want to see the wife in you and
the mother in.
Speaker 2: You that's.
Speaker 1: It, please put your accolades behind the accolades, Ooh i'm
about to get on, one. Y'all for black women in,
particular the accolade that you learned in life is the
doggy dog world that we used to compete with white. People.
Period you don't want to compete with that when it
comes to your man or, right you don't want to
use those same things to compete when it comes to
your man and your. Partner what we were told to go,
out get an, education don't depend on the man from.
That that is what we used to compete with white.
PEOPLE i went to two, Pwy's, OKAY i got two
degrees from two p. Wis that is WHAT i was
taught to compete with these white folk where money wasn't an.
Issue don't use those things to compete in your love, Life,
okay you got to relinquish, it free. Yourself black men
are not looking for, money degrees and fucking.
Speaker 2: Success they're looking.
Speaker 1: For the, softness, okay and black women that's what they.
Want they want the, kindness they want understand and then
they won't. Love they want. Patience AND i hear this
type of call every fuck of. That i'm let you
know this today. Baby it ain't your fourteen year. Old
it ain't your. Kid, yeah you know how many men she,
said you're thirty two years, Old so see year olds got. Kids,
okay it ain't your.
Speaker 4: Child.
Speaker 1: Baby you have to really tap into a different aura
of what you. Know what you have going, on and
being a praying woman is, great, right But i'm telling
You black women have to free themselves from this boss.
LIFE a man will marry A starbucks. Barista, okay why
because she was? Understanding you ever seen these women that
be like? Girl you know you saw you saw tyrone new?
Girlfriend you, know can you believe? It let me tell
you About tyrone's new. Girlfriend tyrone's new girlfriend know how
to fucking. Listen she knows how to shut, up she
knows how to, submit she knows how to be understanding and.
Patient they don't have nothing to do with what you
look like what you. Get But tyrone's new girlfriend is
making him feel like king fucking. Type. Okay she's making
him feel so good about so many, things and that
is what men are looking. For so everything you, name sweet,
girl is my son the. Problem, no it's not your, Son,
okay it's your perspective on what you think you bring
to the. Table once upon a time somebody asked me,
saying what would you say to a man that asks
you what do you bring to the? Table AND i,
said the ability to know what the table fucking. Needs,
OKAY i, know that's.
Speaker 4: It that's, it and that's a bar he. Was if he's,
smart he would shut up because, that's oh, shit.
Speaker 1: What do you bring to the? TABLE i bring the
ability to know what the table. NEEDS i know whether
we need new fucking, napkins new, cutlery if we need some,
water if we need.
Speaker 2: Hello we need some new table.
Speaker 1: Gas, hello we need to do table.
Speaker 3: Gas.
Speaker 1: BABY i bring the ability to know what the table.
Needs and that is innately what women. Bring we are.
Incubators we those are things that we men don't have. It,
okay men just generally don't have. It and that is
what first of, ALL i wouldn't even be answering them
type of questions because at the moment you ask me,
that the MOMENT i clocked the fuck. Out, okay but
if you wanted to, know all, RIGHT i bring the
ability to know what the table. Needs that is what
women's gift on this earth, is all, right, truly, truly.
Truly so, no, baby it ain't your fourteen year. Old
you gotta clock the fucking women do not know what
men are actually freaking looking. For and, actually you, KNOW
i don't know if we should be really trying to
really kind of even like counter that Our BUT i
don't want to live my life and thinking of like
what are men looking?
Speaker 3: For you?
Speaker 1: KNOW i want to.
Speaker 2: Exist that's.
Speaker 1: It ALL i want to do is. EXIST i want
to be. MYSELF i want to, exist AND i want
to attract the men that are attracted to WHO i am. Innately,
Right but for a woman that has a fourteen year
old or, Right i'm gonna tell you, this it's not
your fourteen it's not your.
Speaker 2: Trying it's so self.
Speaker 4: Sufficient i'm, like, yeah fourteen year, old, listen it's in high.
Speaker 2: School high, school he can watch, himself.
Speaker 1: Right i'm, like if you can't get a man to
get it to be an into you with a fourteen year,
old imagine these women out here with the fucking, toddlers
toddlers and two year. Olds they need a babysitter in
in order to go out a day with. YOU i
need a, Babysitter, Okay so trust, me it's not your
fourteen year old. Sweetheart you just have to do a
little bit of recalibrating and. Readjusting that's just my opinion or.
Speaker 4: WHATEVER i THINK i even learned like not to lead
with like your professional. Stuff it's not a it's not an,
interview like don't leave with, that don't leave with.
Speaker 1: That don't leave with, that and also too LIKE, i,
well what is it? ONE i THINK i found so
much peace and, actual actual solitude and knowing that in
the men that don't want to be with, me if
that makes any, Sense like so many women are, like
well what is it about?
Speaker 3: Me?
Speaker 1: Sweetheart you don't want everybody to be into. You you
you do not want everybody to be into. You you
want to have a very select few that fit the. Bill,
okay you want to have a very select few people
that actually qualify. You don't want to run them up
and have the gist. Everybody when a man is, like oh,
this you ain't my, type you ain't, great, awesome make
room for my motherfucking, husband thank, you use, me bye.
BYE i don't like. THIS i don't like the. MAKEUP
i don't like that WITH i don't like. That maybe,
great thank, You please make room for my. Person it
is a good thing when men find you not their
type or you're not in line with what they want to. Date,
y'all you do not want everybody to feel like they
can date you.
Speaker 2: And can we also like get our own type, Too
LIKE i don't like.
Speaker 1: THAT i don't like. This you never. You you rarely
hear men, saying, well she wasn't really my, type BUT
I i decided to and when we did see. Them
i've seen a couple of podcasts when these men was
on here talk about somehow they wife's wasn't they first
type the one they type at? First and we ate them? Alive,
okay women need to start we be letting men grow
on us too. Much it's, like, girl do you have a?
Type stick to your, type because men stick today. Type
they do and they never al and they do Not
they they play, around but they ain't gonna.
Speaker 2: Marry this was fun and this WAS i.
Speaker 4: Had SO i have a lot of guy friends and
like they will remember one of the singular he was just, like,
nah never wife AND i AND i found that to
be so, profound like because he just was so he
just he knew like this was only fun and, unfortunately
like she didn't think, that but like he it's like men,
know like this is, fun this is ending in two, months.
Speaker 1: And we just take a page out of their, book
and that many pages THAT i feel like we need
to take a. Pack, look it ain't that many pages
we should take out their, book but that's one of.
Them get what you want up, front be serious about.
It and if it's for, play, play it's for play.
Play but know who you want. To women will let
a man grow on them so, much and they's nothing
worse than being cheated on and lied to by a.
MAN i didn't even like, you, BRO i never liked
you to begin, with and then you grew on me
and you're a cheater on top of, that, babbie what's
the chances we're the? Chances what are the? Chances mm
hmm is that, girl my? Mam it's forty? Eight were four?
Gaming it's, saying, OKAY i think We it ain't your, son,
sweetheart trust, me it ain't.
Speaker 2: You fourteen year old tre In New, york have fun
this summery, girl have a good.
Speaker 1: Time, Listen Cash, Doll, Teanga, Taylor, cardi B, okay all
of them got kids are right Now i'm a good. Sign,
anyway here's that episode five in The books and The
books