Speaker 1: Seven.
Speaker 2: Lamb Productions Presents Co Dony Episode thirty three, Too Cool
but Not for School?
Speaker 1: Is this the guy?
Speaker 3: Yes, he was just brought in.
Speaker 4: It was a busy night in the hospital and the
cop doctor were trying to help as much as possible.
They got a call about a man with a serious
injury who was just brought in the ambulance.
Speaker 1: He already has a chat.
Speaker 5: He brought the chart in.
Speaker 3: This is his chart, yes, so, but I haven't had
a chance to look at it.
Speaker 6: It has all of his important information on there. I'm
his fiance, Nancy O'Brien.
Speaker 1: Please it hurts.
Speaker 5: Please, you have to help him.
Speaker 1: That seems to be the issue.
Speaker 3: Well, why don't you tell him, miss Orian?
Speaker 6: Okay, Well he's too cool.
Speaker 5: Sorry, he's too cool.
Speaker 1: Like he's cold, he's too cold.
Speaker 6: No, not like that at all.
Speaker 3: She means he feels like he's too cool.
Speaker 6: No, that's not what I mean. He doesn't feel like it.
Speaker 5: He is it. Look at him. See the pain, see
what See he's in pain because he's too cool.
Speaker 6: He's been doing all sorts of things that are really
cool lately, and it's just too much, like surfing killer
waves and doing Allie's kickflips and backside one eighties on
a skateboard.
Speaker 5: He also bowled a clean three hundred yesterday.
Speaker 1: And that's ways and pain.
Speaker 6: I mean, among other things, like what it's all in
his chart?
Speaker 1: He wrote it all dumb?
Speaker 6: Well, I mean I wrote some of it. See that
chicken scratch the air, that's mine. He has nicer handwriting. Actually,
his handwriting is really cool too. He had an editor
once tell me that his penmanship was on par with Prakatmala,
the Napoliese child.
Speaker 5: Who see he can't help it.
Speaker 1: It can't help being cool.
Speaker 6: No, it's an infliction that's gotten out of hand.
Speaker 1: This the guy, it's the guy.
Speaker 7: Okay, we just finished up ours all prepped. I'm assuming
we need to get him in.
Speaker 1: Now you do time? No wise here now.
Speaker 7: Front desk told me that the empts brought him in
and it was urgent. He losing blood.
Speaker 1: He is their blood.
Speaker 3: I didn't see any blood.
Speaker 5: There's no blood. You gotta do something.
Speaker 2: Wait, so why is this guy here?
Speaker 1: He's too cool?
Speaker 2: Oh okay, well we can get him another blanket.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 8: No, she means he feels he doesn't feel Okay, she
means he believed.
Speaker 1: No he's just too cool time. He's a cool guy.
But I guess it's gotten out of hand. Case didn't
do Nancy for confirmation.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's gotten so out of hand that he can
barely stand and he has to stand.
Speaker 5: He's six four and has a long stride.
Speaker 6: What the hellless at He's no good lying down unless
it's for sex.
Speaker 5: He's the best sex I've ever had.
Speaker 6: He doesn't sweat, his hair always stays in that upright
swoo she has going on. He's got rock heart abs.
And he doesn't groan when we're doing it at all.
Speaker 5: No, he moans, just moans.
Speaker 1: What's the difference.
Speaker 6: Between a groan and a moan? A groan is just
like ugh, and a moan is like ah, here's the difference.
Speaker 2: Please don't do that again.
Speaker 6: Well, you guys obviously don't know what it takes to
be cool.
Speaker 1: Oh it's like that. Huh.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just beside myself. He's never
been this ill, he's never been this cool. Yesterday he
flipped a half empty bottle of water four times and
landed it on its base each time. And then after
that he went to the park and shot a basketball
over his shoulder half court and sunk it.
Speaker 5: Nothing but net.
Speaker 6: And you know what he said after he made the shot?
Speaker 5: What tis nothing?
Speaker 1: Tis nothing? It's not cool, Yes, it is.
Speaker 6: He was so confident that he'd make the shot that
it meant nothing to him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but tis nothing.
Speaker 6: No, that's right, you don't know.
Speaker 5: Now, Please help.
Speaker 7: Him, Okay, I mean I prepped the or we can
wheel him back.
Speaker 1: I guess sure, Please the paint hurry.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay. What's his name?
Speaker 5: Only the coolest name ever? Jason?
Speaker 1: Jason is not the coolest name ever.
Speaker 5: Yes it is.
Speaker 6: Let me guess you think something like Zach or Kyle
or Tyson is cooler.
Speaker 2: I like Tyson Chicken?
Speaker 5: Who's he?
Speaker 2: He's chicken?
Speaker 5: What a pussy?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Like actual chicken.
Speaker 6: He's scared good because Jason here could kick his ass.
Speaker 2: No like food and animal chicken, rock dimes.
Speaker 1: She doesn't get it.
Speaker 9: Let it go fine, Okay, I guess let's wheel in bath.
Speaker 5: Can I go with him?
Speaker 10: No, Nancy, you stay here. I don't want you to
see me like this any longer.
Speaker 6: Okay, I'll go to the waiting room.
Speaker 2: You're so brave, Nancy.
Speaker 11: Jason's then the cook, doctor and nurse Betty push him
into the Oh.
Speaker 9: Ah, they're gonna move you under the operating table.
Speaker 10: Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 3: I'll go get us some more help before we begin.
Speaker 2: Okay, good, because I'm not sure what we're doing here.
Speaker 11: Nurse Betty left to get more nurses. They still won't
sure how to fix him, but maybe someone would have
an idea.
Speaker 10: So what do you think?
Speaker 2: What are my chances?
Speaker 1: You want my honest opinion, give it to me straight, doc.
I think this is fucking stupid.
Speaker 10: What didn't you look at my chart?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I see the list of accomplishments.
Speaker 10: You see how many cool things I've done in my life.
It's started way back in school.
Speaker 2: I'm surprised you weren't too cool for school.
Speaker 10: No, man, education is important. I got all a's, but
it was also a jock. I made varsity, dated over
two cheerleaders. Stayed away from my carbs. My hair is
super soft, my jaw like can cut a carrot. I'm
shockingly fast. I went to Harvard, joined the fraternity, and
when I got drunk, I didn't I don't even slur.
My speech really good with pickup lines. And I dated
a model too, did I mention the model.
Speaker 2: I mean, just now you did.
Speaker 10: And there's more. I smoke weed. I never shut up
about it. I even took a pill and piez of
sho VICI I was cool, and when I finally got sober,
I felt ten years older. But fuck it, it's something to do.
And now living out in LA and drive a sports
call just to prove I'm a real big baller because
I made a million dollars and I spend.
Speaker 2: It on girls and shoes? Is that is that Mike Posner?
Speaker 12: What?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 10: But I met him before. I've met tons of celebrities.
I've met Lady Gaga, Robert Wagner, I was taught math
by Terrence Howard, and I ate a nice dinner with
the Army Hammer. I went to rallies with Rozanne. But
I voted for Obama.
Speaker 2: Who'd you vote for in the last election?
Speaker 10: Ah, seriously, I don't vote anymore. Instead, I bashed both
sides and tell people.
Speaker 1: I'm a libertarian.
Speaker 2: That's cool.
Speaker 10: See. I also hung out with three to or Andy
Smart and Dick Van Dyke.
Speaker 1: And p Diddy.
Speaker 8: Oh you might want to keep that last one to yourself.
Speaker 10: Don't worry. I never went to any of his parties.
I didn't have to at my own parties. I want
a party with Carl rad Jeps, Michael and Matt Hoffman.
We stole a couple of cup cars in egg Delarry
Bird's house.
Speaker 8: This is an eclectic mix of celebrities. But Jesus Christ,
enough name dropping. We get it, do you?
Speaker 1: Then you gotta help me.
Speaker 7: But if you've always been this cool, why are you
in so much pain now because you flipped some bottles
and made a half.
Speaker 10: Court shot and said, 'tis nothing?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's not cool.
Speaker 1: It is?
Speaker 2: It really is regardless Why now?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 10: Maybe it was all that combined and the fact that
I also sat front wrote to Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight,
or the fact that I flew first class to get
to the fight and sat next to none other than
Aaron Rodgers and George to Ka. We talked about vaccines
and homosexuality.
Speaker 1: Enough, stop name dropping.
Speaker 2: I can't help.
Speaker 1: But God, damn it.
Speaker 10: Oh sorry, I shouldn't say that. I'm also religious, well
pseudo religious, like I'm more spiritual. I like astrology, and
if you know well enough, I'll relate everything you do
to your daily horoscopes. Cool, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, Jason, we really don't know how to
fix this, but it hurts.
Speaker 5: It hurts so much.
Speaker 1: Where what where does it hurt?
Speaker 5: Right here?
Speaker 1: Jason touched, He's up to me right here. Yeah, you
know what I think it is? What gas gas?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I could just be gaspelled up.
Speaker 1: Seriously.
Speaker 10: I mean, I've only ever farted three times, and all
three times were in college to the frat house with
my boys. It was just to make them laugh.
Speaker 2: You never farted again after your college years.
Speaker 1: Not once. I think it's time to do it again
here in.
Speaker 2: A hospital where else?
Speaker 10: But that's not cool in front of people.
Speaker 1: It's not a big deal.
Speaker 10: I can't it's embarrassing, and if I get embed, I
won't be cool anymore.
Speaker 2: There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Speaker 1: It has to be something else. I really don't think
it is. You look pretty blowed.
Speaker 2: Hey, don't worry. It's just us in here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretend we're just a couple of your frat house.
Speaker 10: Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it'll be our little secret.
Speaker 13: Okay, no better, Yeah, I think I.
Speaker 1: But that's when Jason's so nice, Betty.
Speaker 11: With all the other hospital nesses and even some other
doctors and patience, and even Nancy was there.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, did you just fart, Jason?
Speaker 10: Uh uh uh wait.
Speaker 6: No, No, you farted in a room full of people,
people you don't know.
Speaker 5: That is so not cool. That's it.
Speaker 6: The engagement is off. I'm marrying Mike Posner. Now. You
always thought you were cooler than him, That's why he
wrote that song.
Speaker 5: But you aren't, Jason.
Speaker 6: You're a fucking farting loser.
Speaker 5: Good riddance, Lancy.
Speaker 12: No, but Nancy left and married Mike Bozner and lived
happily ever after. And Jason shot himself. No one showed
up at his funeral, not even his flat boys.
Speaker 1: Oh his mom.
Speaker 2: Cop Doctor, Cop Doctors.
Speaker 7: Written by Robert m Lamb, edited by Brian Messick, dialogue
editing by Jack Austen, starring Robert m. Lamb as time
and Jack Austin as case and narrator. Co starring ed Cornelius,
Megan Austin, and Hope Ennis. Music provided by Kevin McCleod
of incompatact dot com. Additional tracks from various artists on
ton five and artlist dot io. If you enjoy this podcast,
don't forget to rate and review and visit www dot
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Special shout out to our seven Lamb patrons, Brad McQuaid,
Chris Williamson, Kelly Foles, Bradley Williams, Carter Jewel, Jacob Tolbert
and Aiden Holmes. From everyone here at seven Lamb, thank you.
Speaker 2: This has been a seven Lamb production.