Speaker 1: You haven't a Costello program.
Speaker 2: Listen to the great rhythmends of will Osbury and any
Speaker 2: darkness from the springy singing of Connie Hayes.
Speaker 3: And that's tawd Off study.
Speaker 4: Over stuffed little statesman who proudly said, Hey, I haven't
Speaker 4: costella Costella?
Speaker 1: COMI yourself? Who are you so excited?
Speaker 5: Hey, haven't I think the war is over all?
Speaker 6: That's silly.
Speaker 3: What makes you think the war is over?
Speaker 5: I just heard the lady next door talking fact to
Speaker 5: her maid.
Speaker 3: Oh but never locked, never mind that, yes, well, never
Speaker 3: mind that though. Up. You know, we've got to drive
Speaker 3: out to the eighth to the ball range to see
Speaker 3: the Andrews Sisters.
Speaker 1: Now, did car at Ken Niles's car? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I fired it just like you told me. Well
Speaker 5: that's well, but I had a terrible accident of it.
Speaker 5: What do you mean, I upset it. I gotta turn
Speaker 5: her over right away, our Ken Niles wife, who like it?
Speaker 7: Where we can do that when we come back from
Speaker 7: the Andrews Sisters ranch.
Speaker 5: No, I gotta turn the car over out or Missus
Speaker 5: Niles is gonna be mad.
Speaker 8: I'll explained to Missus Niles whereishing she's under the car?
Speaker 1: She's under the car.
Speaker 6: Is she in a callman?
Speaker 5: No, she's wearing a evening gog.
Speaker 8: Oh, well, then let's get ten niles to help us
Speaker 8: lift the car.
Speaker 5: Oh, Kennis in a good spot to help us?
Speaker 8: Fine?
Speaker 1: Where is he?
Speaker 8: He's under the car too. How does this accident happen?
Speaker 8: I bumped in one of the car rabbits. Boy, that's
Speaker 8: driver was mad at me, he said, for two second,
Speaker 8: punch in a o in What happened?
Speaker 5: He ran up a fill of eight dollars?
Speaker 1: You were silly to walkie with the driver.
Speaker 3: Why didn't you call a policeman.
Speaker 5: I didn't have to.
Speaker 6: I hit one.
Speaker 1: Hey, you hit plan, I hit a plice. You hit a.
Speaker 5: Policeman in unifall hope I hit him in an.
Speaker 7: O Oh, this is liveless, spoil our whole trip to
Speaker 7: the Andrews sisters ran and did the cup recognize you?
Speaker 5: Yep?
Speaker 1: Could he swear to you?
Speaker 5: Yep? And I sweared right back at him.
Speaker 8: I sw you gave a topper field, you tail of
Speaker 8: two cities?
Speaker 5: You all of a twitch?
Speaker 1: What did you say that for?
Speaker 5: I was giving him the dickens.
Speaker 3: That's a fine thing.
Speaker 8: Now I have to straighten you out with that policeman
Speaker 8: where is he? He's under the car too. What are
Speaker 8: they all doing under the car?
Speaker 5: If you looked for an apartment lady, Oh.
Speaker 8: Oh oh, here comes mister and Missus Niles better be
Speaker 8: the castello.
Speaker 9: No, no, you don't, you fat head flabby car flipping food.
Speaker 5: Do you realize you left me out there on the
Speaker 5: car holding got my rubber? See you stand there like
Speaker 5: an idiot?
Speaker 10: What you got to say?
Speaker 5: Good morning, Missus Niles? Do good morning me? Good night
Speaker 5: Missus Niles. That day went fast.
Speaker 3: Than car.
Speaker 1: Costella.
Speaker 3: What did you leave Missus Niles under the back seat
Speaker 3: of her car?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 11: Isn't that where they always get the cranky?
Speaker 12: Hurry Missus Snile, I'll be nice to hey something, Well,
Speaker 12: all right, I just a minute now, you worm.
Speaker 1: That's all right? Please ad my ahead?
Speaker 5: Blow me out yet?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 8: You're supposed to, don't you don't try to wiggle.
Speaker 6: Out of this.
Speaker 5: What about me? Look at my suit? I'm a mess, Niles.
Speaker 5: Without looking at your suit, you're a mess.
Speaker 1: But look at the spots all over my suit.
Speaker 5: Well, throw away to suit and wear the spots.
Speaker 13: We are going out to get the policeman and sue
Speaker 13: you for damages, damages.
Speaker 3: But missus Niles, did you get hurt?
Speaker 5: Did I get hurt?
Speaker 1: I have a big scratch on my crazy bones?
Speaker 5: Put your head on and nobody Ladison, Oh, hey, come on,
Speaker 5: I have a think. Best. I gotta get out of
Speaker 5: here before they come back with the cop.
Speaker 3: Oh you can cause more trouble.
Speaker 7: We were going to the ege of the bar Ranch
Speaker 7: to ask you andrew sisters to appear on USh and
Speaker 7: you wreck the car we were going to use.
Speaker 3: Well, now we'll have to rent a car.
Speaker 5: Well, let's get learn a car and we'll have to
Speaker 5: Well where can we get one?
Speaker 13: Now?
Speaker 3: You drive?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: You drive?
Speaker 5: I said I drive.
Speaker 1: You don't drive it?
Speaker 3: I drive it?
Speaker 5: Drive?
Speaker 1: What are you drive?
Speaker 5: Why should I drive?
Speaker 1: When you want to drive?
Speaker 8: I'm going to drive, ookstella, I'm renting at you drive
Speaker 8: and I drive it.
Speaker 5: Oh, then we both drive?
Speaker 1: No, we do nothing of the kind.
Speaker 3: I drive.
Speaker 1: When I say you drive, I don't mean you drive.
Speaker 1: I mean that I drive, although it's you drive.
Speaker 5: When you say you drive, you don't mean me drive. No,
Speaker 5: you mean you drive because I don't drive.
Speaker 14: Now you've got it.
Speaker 5: Now I don't even know what I'm talking about. Now,
Speaker 5: Look have it. You go to a place and you're
Speaker 5: gonna run a car. Yes, you are driving the car.
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 5: Where am I sitting?
Speaker 1: You are sitting right next to me?
Speaker 5: Is there a steering wheel in front of me?
Speaker 1: And no?
Speaker 5: And you're positive that I am not driving? I am
Speaker 5: positive and you are driving the car?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 5: All right? What kind of a car you're driving?
Speaker 1: You drive?
Speaker 5: Somebody better be driving?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, Look, I'm trying to explain this.
Speaker 5: We go and rent a car right now? Where are
Speaker 5: we gonna get you?
Speaker 1: Drive company?
Speaker 5: Now? I drive company. I thought we were calling alone.
Speaker 1: You don't understand it hurts you drive?
Speaker 5: Well, if it hurts, you drive, that's that is right,
Speaker 5: that's right.
Speaker 3: This is wort.
Speaker 1: Don't you see the head of the company's hurts.
Speaker 5: That's too bad.
Speaker 1: What hurts them? Nothing hurts it.
Speaker 8: Look, every company has to have a head. Not truly, Now,
Speaker 8: this company's heads hurts. Oh well, I'm taking an ask
Speaker 8: for listen, it hurts you drive all over the country.
Speaker 5: Well, off, it hurts to drive all over the country.
Speaker 5: Why should I drive and get hurt?
Speaker 1: You don't get hurt again, hurt, don't get hurt.
Speaker 5: Couty, nobody's gonna hurt for me.
Speaker 7: That's right.
Speaker 5: You're not gonna get hurt now, am I.
Speaker 1: Bull thing it hurt? You're not gonna get hurry. It's
Speaker 1: the hurts company.
Speaker 5: All the hurts company. I still I still look it.
Speaker 5: I am I next stop?
Speaker 6: All right, very said bone you.
Speaker 5: Now, I'm don't want to hurt nobody.
Speaker 1: Will you listen to me? Please the man. The man's
Speaker 1: name is.
Speaker 3: Love.
Speaker 1: Please no love, take it easy. The man's name is Krates.
Speaker 1: He rents cars.
Speaker 3: You drive.
Speaker 1: It's you drive all over the country.
Speaker 5: You drive all over the country. Yeah, not with that, Opa,
Speaker 5: what are you talking about? That's why I can't go?
Speaker 5: Oh prea?
Speaker 3: What do I mean? O?
Speaker 1: P a?
Speaker 5: Only a puny a.
Speaker 2: Car will osburn with the arrangement of one of your favorites.
Speaker 2: My dreams are getting better.
Speaker 3: All the time.
Speaker 2: Well, our two heroes Admin and Costello are driving their
Speaker 2: reded car over the desert to the Andrews sister's ranch.
Speaker 1: We find them on the road.
Speaker 3: They're motor mearrily hammering away as they head for the ranch.
Speaker 1: Let's listen to these hammerheads, m.
Speaker 3: Well, Castello.
Speaker 8: No matter how you drive, the pedestrians always managed to
Speaker 8: get across the road.
Speaker 3: Tomorrow.
Speaker 5: Yeah, sneaky devil sting. I wish I was a truck driver.
Speaker 1: What do you want to be a truck driver?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 5: They run into so many interesting people.
Speaker 3: Glass tell her you're a dope. Hey, huh, hey, what's HeLa?
Speaker 6: Castella?
Speaker 3: There's something, there's something wrong.
Speaker 5: But what's wrong here?
Speaker 6: What's wrong with us?
Speaker 1: What's the matter with his car? Out?
Speaker 5: I guess? Hello, Hello, feathers have an accident? Oh?
Speaker 7: Thanks, we just had one, right, Castella, say, mister, could
Speaker 7: you pull us to the nearest town?
Speaker 12: Nope, but the horse can. It's ten miles to Palm Springs.
Speaker 12: I'll tell you that for thirty dollars. Here just houk
Speaker 12: the strow pomp. Okay, here we go, get here, I take.
Speaker 1: The horse's horse.
Speaker 7: No, Castella, that guy is a gyp, a magic charging
Speaker 7: charging us thirty dollars to pull us ten miles.
Speaker 5: Don't worry.
Speaker 3: You get eating with him?
Speaker 5: Oh I got our weeks on.
Speaker 3: Okay, Castella. Here's the hotel, howering for the clerk.
Speaker 5: Okay, Oh t work, oh t work, Oh palm moment. Please,
Speaker 5: this is a very high class hotel.
Speaker 3: And I'll have you understand I'm not a jerk.
Speaker 5: You're not even a vibration.
Speaker 3: Castella. When you like a gentleman, please right, clerk, we'd
Speaker 3: like a room. All I have left is the bridle chamber.
Speaker 3: Do you want that, mister Rabbit?
Speaker 15: I do?
Speaker 3: Do you want it? Miss Costello?
Speaker 6: I do?
Speaker 3: I now pronounce your room and death five dollars. Mister Clarke,
Speaker 3: just a minute. You don't understand.
Speaker 7: We were here on our way to the eighth of
Speaker 7: the ball Ranch and our car broke down. We're going
Speaker 7: to see the Andrews sisters.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, see Andrews. Yes, they are so sweet.
Speaker 5: Every time I see them, I want to kiss them.
Speaker 5: My mind says owe, my heart says yes. And what
Speaker 5: do you hear from your liver?
Speaker 3: Well, mister Costello, if you will.
Speaker 12: Just sign the register, I'll have the boys show you
Speaker 12: to You're sweet, my what you're sweet?
Speaker 3: You're sweet?
Speaker 5: You're cute too high like?
Speaker 12: Yeah?
Speaker 1: All right, all right, come on, clerk.
Speaker 3: What about our room?
Speaker 12: All right, mister Costello, it's on the tenth floor. Here's
Speaker 12: the key ten O six. Now get going, Okay, I'll
Speaker 12: see you later. Okay, all right, all right, I.
Speaker 7: Know you are now listen, Claike. We want to get
Speaker 7: up early. We're going to the Hey, wait a minut
Speaker 7: tenth forward, tenth far. Wait a minute, you sent Costello
Speaker 7: to the tenth fall. There's only one flour in this hotel.
Speaker 7: You haven't got a tenth floor, couldn't have a new na.
Speaker 6: You're right.
Speaker 5: Oh this is sterious. Oh let's a castello. There's no
Speaker 5: tenth far.
Speaker 6: Come right down, Hostello, speak to me?
Speaker 3: Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you all right?
Speaker 6: What can I do for you?
Speaker 11: Send a boy for my bags? Hey, come on, let's
Speaker 11: get out of this place. I've never been so humidity
Speaker 11: in all my life.
Speaker 1: Humidity he humiditied me. Humidity means damn.
Speaker 5: Well, let's get out of this damp hotel. Bana al.
Speaker 1: Look, you can't check out.
Speaker 3: You just checked in.
Speaker 5: Oh it's the gypsy in me.
Speaker 3: Oh shut up, you're going right to bed now. We've
Speaker 3: got to see the Andrews sisters in the morning. Oh
Speaker 3: here's our room.
Speaker 1: Come on.
Speaker 3: Oh, I wonder who that can be. Nobody knows we're
Speaker 3: in town.
Speaker 5: I'll take it.
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
Speaker 5: Hello, Yes, this is lucash. No, I'm sorry. I'd like to,
Speaker 5: but I'm just pat. I won't tell you who was
Speaker 5: that full of them? They wanted to know what time
Speaker 5: it was.
Speaker 3: You are crazy. Now go get to bed. Come on,
Speaker 3: hurry up. Okay, oh h we've got to get up early.
Speaker 3: You understand to get to the ranks.
Speaker 1: Pardon me, boys, I'm the chambermaid.
Speaker 5: I heard you two clowns and checked in, and I
Speaker 5: thought you might like to hear the funny story.
Speaker 1: How about it?
Speaker 5: At it? This chamber made might have something we could
Speaker 5: use a good joke. We haven't had one on three pages.
Speaker 16: Oh right, god, well, did you ever hear the story
Speaker 16: about the double bed?
Speaker 6: Nope?
Speaker 5: I just made it. Oh this kit is gonna lay.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'll dare you.
Speaker 5: I've never been told humiliated.
Speaker 16: In my line.
Speaker 5: Now you see you at it? She said, the same thing.
Speaker 3: You're minify.
Speaker 5: She thinks she's a damp hot toto.
Speaker 3: Dantlass has nothing to do with it, she said.
Speaker 7: Humiliate, conjugated from the Latin humilius, humilia you millium.
Speaker 5: I humiliate, She humiliates, They humiliate.
Speaker 3: How do you understand?
Speaker 8: Yes, sir, everybody in the Joiner's damp says, maybe could
Speaker 8: tell me something. Our car broke down and we got
Speaker 8: to get to the Andrews Sisters ranch. Now, how can
Speaker 8: we get there on a jackass?
Speaker 12: Did you ever write a jackass?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 5: You better get on to yourself.
Speaker 15: Ha ha hmm.
Speaker 5: How do you like that? That's a very funny joke.
Speaker 5: If you ask me, and I'll ask me. I think
Speaker 5: it's a funny joke. I think I'll try that when
Speaker 5: i'm abbit.
Speaker 1: Hey haven't Yes, did.
Speaker 5: You ever write a jackass?
Speaker 13: No?
Speaker 5: Then hop on my back, Okay, on my b.
Speaker 2: Lovely Connie Haynes things one of the most popular songs
Speaker 2: of the day.
Speaker 3: I'm beginning to see the light.
Speaker 16: I never get much far hoolet guy, I'm never wing.
Speaker 9: Back at fire fly, But now that the stars.
Speaker 16: Are in your eyes, I begin to see the light.
Speaker 9: I never went in far after glow a candle light
Speaker 9: on the missile, But now when you're.
Speaker 17: Turned the laugh down flow, I begin to see the light.
Speaker 17: You tramble through the pall, shout bottom and the dog.
Speaker 16: Then you came and called the bottle that I'm fine.
Speaker 16: Now I never made love fine northern shine.
Speaker 9: I never saw rainbows in my wine, but now that
Speaker 9: lived so burning mine I.
Speaker 16: Was again and to see a light. Used ramble the.
Speaker 9: Shout of bottes in the doll then came and called
Speaker 9: the fat and the ball. No fie. Now I never
Speaker 9: made love leven shine, I ever saw rainboll in my wine.
Speaker 16: But now I can live supburn begin beginning.
Speaker 18: See well, come on, Costello, Costello, come on, we've got
Speaker 18: to check out of this hotel.
Speaker 3: And find the Andrews sister's ranch.
Speaker 5: Gee had it?
Speaker 8: I hate to leave this lovely hotel, you know, but
Speaker 8: I can't get it into my shoecase. What do you
Speaker 8: mean my shuecas is with towels, Costello, I'm surprised at
Speaker 8: you stealing towel from a hotel.
Speaker 3: What could be smaller wash rags? Come in?
Speaker 14: Oh pardon this unhorned intrusion, gentlemen, but I'm looking for
Speaker 14: Abbitt and Costello.
Speaker 5: Oh that's happened over there, and I'm Costello.
Speaker 3: You no, no, it couldn't be.
Speaker 1: I'm sure, sir.
Speaker 14: I'm sure that Lucastello does not look like a sword
Speaker 14: dog hootbelly, impacilic, flea bitten bum.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, you want to bet?
Speaker 14: Not what I say?
Speaker 3: Just a minute. Neighbor, Who are you anyway?
Speaker 8: Oh pardon me, My name is melonhead. I'm sorry with
Speaker 8: that with that head, you should be sorry. Put your
Speaker 8: hat on please, it's blinding me the head. Thank you,
Speaker 8: look at that scoff habit. It's for because all the
Speaker 8: way back to Santa Monica.
Speaker 14: Now just a minute, Costello, I have resent your remarks.
Speaker 12: I have plenty of hair, I mean on your head
Speaker 12: and putting your shirt food Costello.
Speaker 8: Costello, before you in shell man, and now please before
Speaker 8: you and sell him.
Speaker 1: Let's find out what he wants.
Speaker 5: Go ahead, find out what he wants on my head?
Speaker 5: All right, melonhead, tell us what you want so I
Speaker 5: can insult you again.
Speaker 14: Gentleman, I'm a theatrical agent specializing in television.
Speaker 3: Here's my card.
Speaker 5: Hey, there's nothing on the car.
Speaker 14: Well, television isn't here yet.
Speaker 1: Let's get down the business. Costello, Let's get down the business.
Speaker 14: I understand you boys are here to engage the Andrews
Speaker 14: sisters to appear on your radio show. That's right right now,
Speaker 14: mister Castello. If I could save you a lot of money.
Speaker 14: Look if you found fourteen thousand, nine hundred and eighty
Speaker 14: seven dollars and fifty cents in your pocket.
Speaker 8: What would you think I think I'd had on somebody
Speaker 8: else's pants?
Speaker 14: Oh no, no, no, now, gentlemen, my proposition is very simple.
Speaker 14: The Andrews sisters would cost you fifteen thousand dollars. But
Speaker 14: I happen to represent the original Andrew's brothers, the Andrews brothers, who.
Speaker 5: Are they a great tag? And the Andrews brothers.
Speaker 14: The Andrews brothers will only cost you twelve dollars and
Speaker 14: fifty cent.
Speaker 1: Do you know what that means?
Speaker 18: Yes, that means they must be allows you shut up costello, mister.
Speaker 7: Mellonhead, how can you afford the sell the Andrews brothers
Speaker 7: so cheap?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 3: I was caught by the price ceiling.
Speaker 14: Uh you see think of it, boys, the the Andrews,
Speaker 14: the three Andrews brothers for twelve dollars in the that's
Speaker 14: less than five dollars a brother.
Speaker 1: Where can you buy brothers cheaper than that?
Speaker 13: I can buy the Smith brothers brand Castella now got
Speaker 13: more hair as a beard, and you got on your hair.
Speaker 13: You stop quibbling with mister Mellonhead.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean he crippled on me first, So why
Speaker 5: I mean that? I don't go around crippling on they, buddy,
Speaker 5: I think cripple on me.
Speaker 6: All right, we'll thinking about it.
Speaker 8: I got a good mind to let him have it
Speaker 8: some more. I'll cripple them with both Carl, I never
Speaker 8: mind the free.
Speaker 5: I guarantee I crippled butter than heat.
Speaker 8: All right, we don't want the more quibbling. Why how
Speaker 8: does well stop right here? We ain't get no place
Speaker 8: for us?
Speaker 5: The melon head?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 1: When can we hear the Andrews brothers?
Speaker 5: When you hear him?
Speaker 3: Right now?
Speaker 5: All right, come in boy and sing stella the Andrews brothers?
Speaker 1: Can we?
Speaker 5: I know, OK, take much more money if we were only.
Speaker 1: Well castello? What do you think of the three Andrews brothers?
Speaker 5: Well, they could be worse.
Speaker 1: How could they be worse?
Speaker 5: It could be forum.
Speaker 1: I waiting in the constella. Let's not pass.
Speaker 3: Judgment until we hear the boys sing something else? Do
Speaker 3: you do you boys know apple blossom times?
Speaker 1: Who they do?
Speaker 6: Of course they?
Speaker 3: Boy?
Speaker 5: Go ahead hit it single.
Speaker 1: Medley, Ah.
Speaker 3: Be with you.
Speaker 8: In a.
Speaker 1: Blossom times.
Speaker 5: Sounds more like apple side of time?
Speaker 6: I be with you.
Speaker 15: And change.
Speaker 3: Me to mine.
Speaker 5: I'll have to.
Speaker 8: Change more of their names if they want to get
Speaker 8: on this program.
Speaker 14: Roy Road, roller out.
Speaker 5: A rolling half for you, Quiet you and all alou.
Speaker 15: And enough.
Speaker 3: I wondered what.
Speaker 5: Happened to that guy? Hey, that's not funny. That guy
Speaker 5: not only rolled out the barrel, he yemtied it.
Speaker 14: Oh all right, well happened, Costello, didn't I tell you
Speaker 14: the Andrews brothers were out of this world.
Speaker 5: They ain't out fall enough.
Speaker 1: That's not quibble, Costello.
Speaker 14: Look where can you find a better bargain than these
Speaker 14: three wonderful singers? Think of it, three brothers for twelve
Speaker 14: dollars and fifty cents.
Speaker 3: Now, why that that? You cost that much for three goats?
Speaker 5: Yeah, but look at the difference, nothing doing nothing doing mellonhead.
Speaker 5: Your pressures are too high, too.
Speaker 1: High, Costello.
Speaker 14: Before I'll sell the Andrews brothers for less than twelve
Speaker 14: dollars and fifty cents, I'll drown myself.
Speaker 5: Okay, you asked for that self.
Speaker 19: About life, he's a salt water colo with the wollworl
Speaker 19: on his rain, just the.
Speaker 16: Sall water calo and the murdy rider rain. He's the
Speaker 16: random of his country's fo whatever they may be. He's
Speaker 16: a long water cover ninety get on, little Nippy, I
Speaker 16: can him mad. I'm taking you pasture in a bar wide, Laura.
Speaker 16: He's a soup the earth boil, and he's long and
Speaker 16: black as.
Speaker 6: The water.
Speaker 16: Unana dead marine.
Speaker 15: Yeah, mo, lucky bag.
Speaker 16: I'm born of bread. Your market where the fat tried
Speaker 16: you peckin will keep you the pocky screen you love
Speaker 16: water cob them Luggina'm like you love that whenever I
Speaker 16: held give me?
Speaker 15: Why can that.
Speaker 16: Can think anything?
Speaker 8: Legged?
Speaker 10: This is?
Speaker 16: Can I be.
Speaker 17: Thinking?
Speaker 16: Probably probably a body.
Speaker 3: In a.
Speaker 15: Hat in ade was a lovely well.
Speaker 6: I don't not then the.
Speaker 15: Really kid? When you married, you know, said.
Speaker 5: No not long.
Speaker 1: And your.
Speaker 15: Over then.
Speaker 10: They don You're a lot of mother. I'm good.
Speaker 3: Do you not
Speaker 15: Love the printing