Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey.
Speaker 2: Hal on, come on, this is knock Abuse No More
with your host, doctor and evangelist Kay y'all Rich, helping
you to admit what you feel in order to.
Speaker 1: Heal from the effects.
Speaker 3: Of narcissistic abuse because your phillies do matters.
Speaker 2: How y'all doing today on this lovely Monday morning.
Speaker 1: This is the first Monday in March. Yes it is March,
the second of twenty twenty six. I pray that you
have had a blessed stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free
week last week and that this week will continue to
be so. But if not, we're going to be talking
about a few things today. Again. My name is doctor
ko Rich with narck Abuse No More, where we're here
to help you admit what you feel in order to
heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings
do matter, Yes they do. But before we go on
with today's podcast, I'd like to invite your visitors on
our website at www dot NRC narc Abuse No More
dot net. That is www dot RC narc Abuse No
More dot net. And we're going to be adding some
things one throughout the year for different things that you
can have to empower or yourself if you are a
survivor of abuse of any kind, or you want just
general information or just to have things of affirmation to
uplift your spirits. We're gonna be having some things eventually.
I'm gonna have it also where we have Zoom appointments
where you can get counseling via Zoom, and so that's
gonna be hopefully taking place that by twenty twenty eight,
Lord willing. But in the meantime, I will just want
to let you know last week I got braces. Yes,
I have a mouth full of metal, and so I
didn't want to get on the podcast not knowing if
I was gonna be able to articulate my words exactly
right at the time, because it takes some getting used to. However,
I'm settling in the braces, so hopefully you will definitely
be able to understand me clearly, and if not, I
do apologize, but I do believe that you will be
able to. Okay, all right, So what are we talking
about today? We are talking about twenty four character strengths.
Twenty four character strengths. What are the twenty four character strengths?
Because everyone has something that's positive about them, even though
those narcissists, Okay, but everyone has something positive about them.
So we're gonna deal with twenty four character strengths. Hopefully
we can get through it through this podcast. And it's
often divided actually into six virtues. Six virtues, and these
are wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and transcendence. Now, when
you have gone through various types of abuse, you might
be at a low for its low self esteem. And therefore,
when you come out of it, or you're getting out
of it, or you're trying to get out of you're
trying to build your self esteem, you may have been
broken while you were in that abusive relationship, regardless of
what type of relationship it was. Rather it was intimately romantic,
rather it was on the job, rather it was at
the church amongst friends. So you're trying to build yourself
back up, and you're wondering, do I have anything that's
a quality within me? I want to before we begin today,
and I wanna go to the Book of James and
in the in the group in the Book of James, uh,
it talks about wisdom, and let let me find that text. Okay, yes,
it talks about wisdom because people often look for good
qualities in their employment and their friends, and uh in
their if you're dating in your spouse, hopefully you have
some good qualities and the spouse that you're with and
so uh. These particular character strengths was first introduced by
Martin Sulliman if I'm pronouncing that right, and Christopher Peterson,
and they they create these to identify a person's strength
on ways that we can use our strength throughout our
everyday lives. And it's to improve your life. So if
you have a healthy emotional well being, in order to
do so, it helps to know what your strengths are. Again,
oftentimes you may have been put down, you may have
been been made to feel as if you have nothing
to contribute to the world apart from the narcissists. However,
everyone has something to contribute to and so in the
Book of James in the Bible, the Book of James,
it tells us in James Chapter one and verse five,
it says, if any of you lacks wisdom, you should
ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you. And one of
the character the six virtues that we discussed earlier is wisdom.
And if you feel like, well, I don't have wisdom,
well I would say start off by asking God to
give you wisdom. And so for those who who have
this character trait of wisdom, you might For number one,
you might be creative. You're always thinking of new ways
to do things. Okay, So that's a good character trait
to have. You're curious. You take interest in a variety
of new topics of new things. You're open minded, so
you like to examine things from a three sixty point
of view. You're always think thinking things through. You have
a love of learning. You know, we can go and
get all kinds of degrees. You know, I have a
doctor degree. But one thing about it is no one
knows everything except for God. So you love mastering new skills,
mastering new topics of You love constantly learning. And then
you you like being able to provide counsel to others, uh,
trying to make sense of the world, trying to make
sense of things, trying to help others to navigate through life.
And that is a trait of wisdom. One thing you
know in the Bible, it tells us about King Solomon
and King Solomon had when he had just became king
after David, and he asked God for wisdom because he
acknowledged that he didn't know everything, that he cannot rule
God's people without having wisdom. And we too need to
always ask God for wisdom in order to navigate life.
If you're getting out of a relationship and you're like,
I have no clue where to begin, I have no
clue of what to do, ask God for wisdom. Also,
be around people. Try to get around people who are
more senior than you, some that have more experience in
certain areas than you, and get their wisdom. It's always
good to sit at the feet of someone who can
mentor you, who can teach you, someone who will not
judge you but help you in order to gain whatever
knowledge that you need. Another thing is courage. Courage um
carriage is something that we too can ask from God.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: With courage, it allows you to face opposition head on,
rather internally or externally. And when you have decided you
know what, I'm not gonna take abuse from anyone anymore.
That takes courage. When you're dealing with carriage up under
those subtraits, it's honesty. They mean speaking truth and being genuine,
even when it goes against the grain. It takes courage.
It really does bravery. When you are brave, you're embracing challenges.
You're not shrinking back from a threat. It doesn't mean
you don't you're not scared to do something, because sometimes
it could be a little fearful when you're you're doing
something new, but you don't allow it to keep you
in that position of fear. You know, the Bible tells
us that God didn't give us a spirit of fear,
but of love, power and a sound mind, and therefore
it takes bravery. When you think about bravery, you may
think about the story of David and this shepherd boy
who went against a giant when an army was hiding
in fear with Goliath. But this shepherd boy was had
the bravery of God in him to know that it's
not about the size, it's about who is on the
inside of you. Persistence finishing things once you get started.
You're not one that starts to task and stop start stop,
start stop. You're persistent, You persevere, You tackle challenges. You
try to see things to the end. That takes courage
and zest. Approaching life with energy and excitement. That means
that I'm excited to learn new things, I'm excited to
see things. I'm excited, I'm excited for new challenges. If
you never challenge yourself, you never know how brave you
can be. It's always good to challenge yourself. That's a fundercarriage.
Another thing is humanity. Those who score high in humanity,
they have the strength of being able to befriend others,
to care for others. So, in other words, of funder humanity.
And when you have that strength, you love being kind
to others. You know, the Bible lets us know that
we're to do unto as we would have done unto us.
That means that you love doing things for other people.
You love doing good deeds. You love of just being
there for people. Also funder humanity is love. Now we
know that we've talked about one Corinth since thirteen and
it talks about love. What love is love? You know,
value close relationships with others. That means when I love you,
I'm not gonna hurt you, at least not intentionally. When
I love you, I'm gonna look out for you. When
I love you, I'm gonna treat you as you deserve
to be treated with dignity and respect. And this is
what is often missing when you are dealing with someone
that's abusive. They don't know how to love, and then
you may be in an abusive situation where you don't
even know how to love yourself or know what love is.
Under humanity is social intelligence. That means being aware of
other people's feelings, other people's motives, being empathetic, also having
that discernment, and that discernment comes from God. We're gonna
take a quick break and we'll be back in just
a moment.
Speaker 5: Whoa he.
Speaker 6: Love with my shoulders tight, always ready for the f
meaning someone like oo want inside.
Speaker 7: Waiting for the other car?
Speaker 1: How much two courageous?
Speaker 6: She for passion?
Speaker 4: Kay thought feel men something.
Speaker 6: Was real, But my body was always received.
Speaker 8: Even when my heart on it. Feel but this feels different.
This feels though, think my speriod.
Speaker 5: Finn Lean.
Speaker 9: This is love without pad no rush in my chet,
no fear dressed up as his house, no anxiety and
it takes.
Speaker 6: This is love with out panic, no waiting for the drop,
no count down.
Speaker 1: In my breathing, no feeding like I'm about to the.
Speaker 10: Oh you don't pull away to feel needed. You don't
go quiet to be changed. Oh you don't test.
Speaker 5: MI to full shine.
Speaker 11: Ooh, you don't punish my faith. You don't confuse distance
with you, don't call ancient chemistry. You show up, steady,
present and let that be enough for me. I don't
check my phone with Field.
Speaker 12: How I don't feel small on.
Speaker 8: This is love without man.
Speaker 13: No shaking under mysket, don't rehearsing heartbreak for anything begins.
Speaker 14: This is love with Thu Pan just peace with Field once.
Speaker 12: Run the kind of love guy says when he wants
your heart finally.
Speaker 13: Maybe love was never meant to feel like survived a more.
Speaker 1: Maybe when it's wrong.
Speaker 13: God, it doesn't overlord joke.
Speaker 1: So I don't lose myself with you, I.
Speaker 12: Say, President Stable, This is love with Tho Many And
now I understand.
Speaker 13: Love doesn't Russia. He and he respects who you already.
Speaker 12: And this is love without Benny, and I finally see
the right. Love doesn't make you anxious, It sets you freez.
Speaker 7: Oh, love makes you feel calm, don't question it.
Speaker 1: And that is love without panic. All right, So we're
talking about traits that one has twenty four character strengths.
And these are divided into six virtues wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance,
and transcendence. So we're gonna dive into justice. And when
you have the trait of justice, you tend to have
civic strengths. You tend to want fairness number one, treating
all people the same. If you recall brother, it's Martin
Luther King, or rather it's different activists throughout our history.
They wanted they advocated for fairness, they're advocated for equal rights,
they're advocated for justice, and the Bible lets us know
that we are to treat people justly. Another thing is leadership.
May have leadership skills, which falls up under the trade
of justice. You're good at organizing group activities, making sure
that things happen. If you find that you're only the
one that organizes things, people may even choose you to
organize things. People may choose you to lead. You may
be a person that others love to follow. Then that
may be one of your character strengths. Another thing is teamwork.
You can't be a good leader if you can't be
a good follower. That means that I work well together
with others and I'm also able to be led. Okay,
So when you work together as a group as a team,
it's not about I, it's about we. As a leader,
the team's success is their success and the team's failures.
You take it upon yourself to say, well, this is
where I can grow better. That is good leadership, that's
good teamwork. I work well together with others, and that's
up under justice. Another one is temperance. Temperance. You you
you're you're protecting yourself against excesses in life. That means
that for one, you forgive, okay, up under temperance, that
means I forgive others that have wronged me. It doesn't
mean that you let that person continue to do wrong
to you, but it does mean that, you know what,
I'm going to let go and let God and we
all have to forgive others. You know, the Bible lets
us know that we have to forgive because God forgives us.
That's not an option. However, the thing is is that
because just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you
have to have allow them to have access to you
in order to keep rewounding you up Under temperance, it's modesty,
y you you let one successful accomplishment stand on their own.
That means that I'm not gonna brag about myself. I'm
going to uh allow others to see what I've achieved.
And so therefore, you know, you you're not going around
and look at me, look at me. You're modest in everything.
You have humility as well. So therefore you let others
see the things that you've done, not that you're going
around bragging on yourself. Prudence. Uh, you try to make
good choices. That means that I'm temperant. I I don't
try to overindulge. I'm I'm try I'm trying to make
the best choices. Whether it's with money finances, rather, it's
with decisions on the job. Rather, it's even with some
people that I'm involved with, for as friendships or if
you're thinking about dating or whatever. Use prudence. Another thing
is self regulation, mean being disciplined. That means that I
control my emotions. I control my appetites. Rather it's food, rather,
it's shopping rather, it's you know, just overindulging in anything.
I regulate myself. I discipline my self. And these are
things that we're to have even as Christians. We're to
be temperant in all things. We're gonna take another quick break,
and when we come back, we're gonna talk about transcendence, transcendence.
We'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 4: Stay type with silence. Fell like gorn and sign. I
learned how to graceful leaving, even while songs stood by
my side.
Speaker 1: But this feels different.
Speaker 14: This feels like my body loves something my mind didn't
totally fall.
Speaker 4: I don't hold my breath around.
Speaker 8: I don't readvert my pain.
Speaker 1: This is the love I can read.
Speaker 12: Don't waited in all, no fear hiding in the car,
nodn't force, This isn't love.
Speaker 7: I can read.
Speaker 15: Like after storm. I don't feel like I'm surprised. I
finally feel it home.
Speaker 14: You don't make me earn your press. You don't disappear peas.
You don't call intensity passion. You don't confuse chaos with.
Speaker 12: You.
Speaker 15: Don't rush my offs.
Speaker 1: You don't punish my troom.
Speaker 16: You may prove for.
Speaker 9: Without asking me to prove.
Speaker 4: I don't straight to be shows.
Speaker 1: I don't tense.
Speaker 4: When things get good.
Speaker 16: This is the love I can breathe.
Speaker 13: No anxiety just as desire, no spark that burns too fast.
Speaker 1: Then please me tell you this.
Speaker 10: Is the love I can breath, steady.
Speaker 15: Cold, real, the kind of love, God says twin.
Speaker 4: He wants you to finally he the love one.
Speaker 13: Maybe love was never meant to knock the winder to you.
Speaker 15: Maybe it was meant to story.
Speaker 1: Every time you near the truth, I don't.
Speaker 13: Lose myself you. I returned to who I've always been.
Speaker 11: This is the love I can.
Speaker 13: Breathe body hoid is no guarding, heavy moore, no braising
for control. Oh, this is a little I can beth.
Speaker 8: I know know what means.
Speaker 4: The right up doesn't take your breath away.
Speaker 1: He gives it back to.
Speaker 8: The loveless breath.
Speaker 4: Don't question, And.
Speaker 1: That is the love I can breathe in. All right,
all right, So we're down to transcendence transcendence.
Speaker 4: And.
Speaker 1: We've gone through wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance, and now
transcendence and transcendence is having a strong connection with God.
One of the character traits that is so important with
transitions and having that connection with God. That means you
appreciate the beauty and everything that God has created. You
notice it. You take time to smell the flowers, you
take time to notice the trees, you take time to
maybe even just walk through the grass. You appreciate creation,
you appreciate beauty. Another thing is gratitude, being thankful for
the good things, taking time to express thanks. You know,
God loves us to thank him for all that he
has done for us. It's not just once a year
around Thanksgiving, and a lot of time people are not
even showing that they're grateful for anything, But we want
to be have showed gratitude all throughout the year. Gratitude
to God, Gratitude to those who are a supportive and
loving of you. Gratitude just for everything that you have
been blessed with. Another thing is hope, expecting the best,
working to make it happen, believing that all things are possible.
That means that when I'm hoping, I'm having faith. You know,
the Bible talks about faith is the substance of things
hoped for the evidence of things not seen. So even
though I may not see it in the natural, I'm
believing for it in the spirit, and therefore I am hopeful.
Humor making other people laugh or smile. You enjoy doing things.
You might even enjoy a good joke, not at the
expense of hurting someone, as sometimes narcissists do. But you
enjoy making people laugh or smile, bringing a smile to
their face. Rather is you might bake a cake for
someone to bring a smile to their face. You may
just just say give them a compliment to bring a
smile to their face. Another thing is knowing in One
of the traits is religiousness. But we know that God
is about relationship, not religion, but relationship. That means that
i have a higher purpose and meaning of life because
I'm in relationship with God. Pharisees were about religion, but
God is about relationship. And so we have gone over wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance,
and transcendence. And everyone has something maybe one of these
traits on the inside of them, regardless of how you
might have to dig for it for the in order
to see it in someone. But you know that the
thing is is that we all have something in us
that God has placed on the inside of us. Some
people use it for good and some people use it
for evil, But it's not that people cannot make a
choice to do west right. And when you are coming
out of an abusive relationship, you've been abused, maybe physically, spiritually, sexually, financially, verbally, emotionally,
whatever whatever type of abuse you've been through, you might say,
you know, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and
I'm trying to get my get to know myself again
and knowing the traits and saying, you know what, I
am good at this. I do have this on the
inside of me. God has blessed me with this. That's
where you can start becoming a new you. All right,
we are about it here. I pray to today's podcast
has been a blessing to you and that you will
know that guess what your feelings do matter. This is
doctor an evangelist kaol Rich. Until next time.
Speaker 16: Nassas the first toss
Speaker 4: Into