Speaker 1: Welcome to the Becoming You Show, where limits get torched
Speaker 1: and possibility takes the mic. I'm lea rowing human in
Speaker 1: permanent beta, neurostrategist, mom to three amazing humans, married to
Speaker 1: one legendary soul, and your no fluff permission slate to
Speaker 1: stop waiting. Every week, we rewire brain patterns, smash hand
Speaker 1: me down mindsets, and die into the daring identity shifting conversations.
Speaker 1: Most people gosh ready to turn potential into proof. Grab
Speaker 1: your pen. Your next chapter starts now. Welcome to the
Speaker 1: Becoming You Show. I'm your host, Leah Rolling, and I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to have you on the show. So welcome,
Speaker 1: my beautiful friend. I want to start with something for
Speaker 1: this conversation that you're not gonna love, and then I'm
Speaker 1: going to spend the rest of this episode turning it
Speaker 1: into what I'm hoping is the best news that you've
Speaker 1: gotten all month, all year, maybe in a decade. So
Speaker 1: what if what if you've been circling the same thing
Speaker 1: for months now, maybe even years, You've named it, you
Speaker 1: understand it. You can explain it to me right now,
Speaker 1: Like if me and you were on a call together,
Speaker 1: you could explain it to me right now, in perfect detail,
Speaker 1: with all the reasons and all of the context, and
Speaker 1: I would nod right because it's a really good explanation.
Speaker 1: And yet you are still standing in the exact same
Speaker 1: spot you were standing in when it started. And somewhere
Speaker 1: in there right you started wondering, maybe, if you're like
Speaker 1: me and my other clients that I get to work with,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with you right? Why everybody else can figure
Speaker 1: this out? Why you know exactly, I mean exactly what
Speaker 1: the problem is and you still can't move. So I
Speaker 1: want to say this early because I think it's It
Speaker 1: might just take forty pounds off your chest. If you,
Speaker 1: my beautiful friend, have clearly identified the problem, you could
Speaker 1: articulate it to me, and you still can't move, You
Speaker 1: still feel very stuck. There's a really, really good chance
Speaker 1: that you've named the wrong problem right. The thing that
Speaker 1: you're trying to solve was never the real problem. And
Speaker 1: that's why all of your efforts, all of your hours,
Speaker 1: all of your hard work, your blood and your sweat
Speaker 1: and your tears doesn't seem to be moving it. So
Speaker 1: I want to get specific with this because I want
Speaker 1: I want you to find yourself in here, in this
Speaker 1: conversation somewhere, So let's see. Maybe you think the problem
Speaker 1: is your team, right. Maybe you think it's your team
Speaker 1: they don't take ownership. You've got to check everything, right,
Speaker 1: if Leah, if I could just find good people, everything
Speaker 1: would be different. Maybe you find yourself with that being
Speaker 1: the problem that you think is the problem. Maybe you
Speaker 1: think it's marketing. Right, nobody's seeing you. The algorithm changed, right,
Speaker 1: you need you need a better hook, you better, you
Speaker 1: need better content, you need a better strategy. You need
Speaker 1: you need another marketing agency. Right, you think that's the problem.
Speaker 1: Maybe you think the problem is your adds right, they're
Speaker 1: not converting right, cost per late is up. You need
Speaker 1: a whole new agency, a whole new funnel, and a
Speaker 1: new landing page, a new niche, a new career. Maybe
Speaker 1: you think the problem is you're weak, right, how much
Speaker 1: you actually weigh and you believe that once you lose it,
Speaker 1: then you'll show up, Then you'll put yourself out there.
Speaker 1: Then you'll be the version of yourself that you keep
Speaker 1: like thinking about. Maybe it's your health, maybe it's your energy,
Speaker 1: maybe it's your sleep. Maybe maybe if you just felt better,
Speaker 1: you'd finally do the thing or maybe it's money or time,
Speaker 1: or your spouse or the market or your kids' schedule.
Speaker 1: You guys have heard them all. Maybe it's the certification
Speaker 1: that you still feel like you need before you are
Speaker 1: qualified to start. And here's what makes all of this
Speaker 1: so sneaky. Every single one of those right, can be true. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: every single one of those can be true. Not one
Speaker 1: of them is a lie. But true and real are
Speaker 1: two different things. I'm gonna say that again, True and
Speaker 1: real two different things. Something can be completely factual and
Speaker 1: still not be the thing that's actually the problem. Right,
Speaker 1: so many of us are working really really hard to
Speaker 1: solve a problem that we've already decided is the problem.
Speaker 1: We're sure about it, just as I opened right, You've
Speaker 1: got it labeled right. We try a solution, it doesn't work,
Speaker 1: We try another, and then we slowly decide that the
Speaker 1: problem is just really hard, or or we're not capable,
Speaker 1: or we make it mean something about our own worth,
Speaker 1: or the timing is wrong, or maybe this isn't what
Speaker 1: you're cut out for. But most of the time, the
Speaker 1: problem that you named isn't actually the problem. You can
Speaker 1: be the hardest person, the hardest working person in the room,
Speaker 1: and get absolutely nowhere if you're working on the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: And that's the part that I want you to hear today.
Speaker 1: The stalling, the lack of progress is not a character flaw.
Speaker 1: The stalling the lack of progress is information, right, and
Speaker 1: it's telling you that you haven't found the real problem yet.
Speaker 1: Just ask me how.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I will get a solution to But why
Speaker 1: do we do it anyway? Why do we Why do
Speaker 1: we grab on to the wrong problem and we hold
Speaker 1: onto it so tightly. When I share this, this epiphany
Speaker 1: with my clients, you would think that it would be amazing.
Speaker 1: You would think it would be great. You would think
Speaker 1: that there would finally be an answer as to why
Speaker 1: it is that all the work that they're efforting was
Speaker 1: going for nothing. But yet they don't. They resist releasing
Speaker 1: that the problem that they were so that they white
Speaker 1: knuckled isn't actually the problem, right, And here's why, Because
Speaker 1: the wrong problem is safer. That's it, that's it safer.
Speaker 1: That's the whole reason. Right. The problem we name out
Speaker 1: loud is almost always the one. And I want you
Speaker 1: to consider this, and I'm sharing it with so much
Speaker 1: love and compassion. On this side it's the one that
Speaker 1: lets us off the hook. It's the circumstance. It's the situation.
Speaker 1: It's it's the other person, it's the market, it's the timing.
Speaker 1: It's the thing out there that we actually can't control,
Speaker 1: which means it's the thing that even if we tried
Speaker 1: and efforted, there's really nothing that we can do about it. Right,
Speaker 1: we get to be frustrated with it, we get to
Speaker 1: feel like we're wrestling with something really hard. We never
Speaker 1: have to touch the real one, because the real problem,
Speaker 1: the one underneath you, usually asks something of us, something
Speaker 1: of us, something that is a thousand percent in our control,
Speaker 1: that does not feel safe, that feels very scary. Could
Speaker 1: be a belief that we're protecting. It could be a
Speaker 1: fear that we don't want to look at. It could
Speaker 1: be a decision that we don't want to make. It
Speaker 1: could be a truth about ourselves that we'd rather not
Speaker 1: say out loud. The real problem, my friends, rarely ever
Speaker 1: ever ever out there. It's always in here. It's always
Speaker 1: in here, and in here is scarier. So we keep
Speaker 1: our eyes fixed on out there and call it problem solving.
Speaker 1: Most of the time, the circumstance is not the problem.
Speaker 1: As you know I teach on this show, it's not
Speaker 1: the circumstance. It's not the situation. It's not the team,
Speaker 1: it's not the market, it's not the time, it's not
Speaker 1: the money, it's not any of that. Your thoughts about
Speaker 1: that are the problem. We can work for years and
Speaker 1: years and years and years on trying to change a circumstance,
Speaker 1: and we do all to avoid a twenty honest minutes
Speaker 1: with the thought with ourselves, which brings me to kind
Speaker 1: of the thesis, if you will, of this conversation, right,
Speaker 1: you are not overwhelmed. You're just not You are under clear.
Speaker 1: So I want you to sit with that for a second,
Speaker 1: because it reframes your whole experience. We feel overwhelmed, so
Speaker 1: we treat overwhelmed like it's the problem. Right, We rest,
Speaker 1: we take things off our plane, we wait for a
Speaker 1: calmer season, and none of it actually works because overwhelm
Speaker 1: was never the real thing either. Overwhelmed is what uncertainty
Speaker 1: feels like when you don't know what the actual problem is.
Speaker 1: Everything feels like the problem. You can't tell what matters
Speaker 1: and you can't tell what doesn't, so you carry this
Speaker 1: whole tangled mess. And so The answer to overwhelm is
Speaker 1: almost never do more, and it's almost never just rest.
Speaker 1: The answer is get clear. And how do we get clear?
Speaker 1: We get clear on the real problem in one sentence,
Speaker 1: what is the real problem? And then when we get
Speaker 1: clear on the one sentence problem, the pile in this
Speaker 1: mess of entangledment shrinks down to the one thing, to
Speaker 1: the one thing, and you can move on one thing.
Speaker 1: What we can't move on is this tangled mess of
Speaker 1: confusion and uncertainty. So we need clarity. We need to
Speaker 1: get clear on the one thing, and we can just
Speaker 1: leave the tangled mess. I promise you will forever be
Speaker 1: a tangled mess. We could just set it down, access
Speaker 1: the sentence. So how do we find that sentence? How
Speaker 1: do we find this real sentence? You get curious, you
Speaker 1: get honest, You keep asking past the comfortable answer. Right.
Speaker 1: Here's the practice. When you name your problem, the one
Speaker 1: that you're so sure of, the one that people bring
Speaker 1: to me, you ask another question, right, And this is
Speaker 1: the question you ask, is this actually the problem? Or
Speaker 1: is this the thing I'm pointing out so I don't
Speaker 1: have to look at the real one? And then you
Speaker 1: wait for the honest answer. Got the fast one. Right,
Speaker 1: You're going to want to think that the answer is
Speaker 1: outside of you. So the minute you go outside of yourself,
Speaker 1: you want to bring it back to yourself. The answer
Speaker 1: cannot be outside of you. If the answer is outside
Speaker 1: of us, we're screwed because we will forever be at
Speaker 1: the mercy of circumstances, situations, other people, teams, markets, whether time, money.
Speaker 1: The problem is always internal, right, So if you allowed
Speaker 1: yourself to go outside of yourself, just bring yourself back in. Right.
Speaker 1: What if I'm the problem, you want to be Trust me,
Speaker 1: you want to be the problem because if you're the problem,
Speaker 1: guess what else is true? You're also the solution. If
Speaker 1: we're waiting. If we think out here is the problem,
Speaker 1: then we have to wait for them to find the solution. Right.
Speaker 1: So you just keep asking, and you keep going, and
Speaker 1: you keep asking, Okay, what's the problem with that? And
Speaker 1: then what's the problem with that? And then what's the
Speaker 1: problem with that? And you just keep peeling it away
Speaker 1: and you'll know you'll hit it because it'll have a
Speaker 1: bit of a charge to it, and you'll want to
Speaker 1: avoid and you'll want to get distracted in the pointing
Speaker 1: fingers outside of yourself, and it's okay that you want
Speaker 1: to do that. Just hold space for yourself, bring it back,
Speaker 1: bring it back to your self. Okay. Once you have
Speaker 1: the charge, you'll know that you landed on something that's true.
Speaker 1: And then from that that is where the work begins.
Speaker 1: That is where the work begins. Okay. So I want
Speaker 1: to walk you through what this actually looks like so
Speaker 1: that you can see it and maybe maybe you can
Speaker 1: find some relatability into these scenarios that I'm going to
Speaker 1: bring forward to you, and know that I'm bringing forward
Speaker 1: them to you so that you can get clear on
Speaker 1: what the actual problem is, not to discount how you
Speaker 1: currently feel about it. I hold beautiful space for the
Speaker 1: pain and suffering and frustration and discouragement that you're navigating. Okay,
Speaker 1: but there is a different path. But the path has
Speaker 1: to be clear. It has to be clear. Okay. So
Speaker 1: let's just say the problem that you've named is time,
Speaker 1: because everyone seems to think that they have a time issue. Okay.
Speaker 1: So then you ask, what's the problem with not having
Speaker 1: enough time? Well, everyone needs me or I'm the only
Speaker 1: one who can do these things, okay, and what's the
Speaker 1: problem with that? Well, if I let somebody else do it,
Speaker 1: it won't get done right, and then I'll just have
Speaker 1: to fix it anyway. Interesting, Okay, And what's the problem
Speaker 1: with that? Right? I can't trust anyone with the things
Speaker 1: that actually matter, okay, And what's the problem with that? Well,
Speaker 1: if I'm the one holding it all together, and if
Speaker 1: I'm not the one that everyone needs that, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure I'm even worth having around here? There it is, right,
Speaker 1: feel how completely different that is from I don't have
Speaker 1: enough time. The problem was never the time. We all
Speaker 1: have the same twenty four hours as every single person
Speaker 1: that you know. The real problem, right, was a quiet
Speaker 1: belief that your value is tied to being needed, to
Speaker 1: being indispensable, to holding everything so tightly that nobody could
Speaker 1: question whether you belong, that you negotiated your time for
Speaker 1: your value. And here's here's the truth, friends, No calendar,
Speaker 1: no calendar app, no AI on earth is going to
Speaker 1: fix that, which is exactly why you've probably tried six, seven, eight,
Speaker 1: ninety ten different calendars and you're still drowning. You're still drowning.
Speaker 1: Let's do a couple more, because I think I think
Speaker 1: by doing more, you'll have all of a sense. So
Speaker 1: these are all ones. Just again, the clients have brought
Speaker 1: to me, So let's talk about the ads, right, this
Speaker 1: is the real one, like I like literally I just
Speaker 1: had a client just Friday. It was a practice owner.
Speaker 1: He needed new patients in the door. That was his
Speaker 1: entire frustration. That was his problem. I need new patients
Speaker 1: in the door, and my ads are not working. This
Speaker 1: agency is not working, right, His entire frustration, his whole
Speaker 1: overwhelmed friends, was writing on whether or not the agency performed.
Speaker 1: That was the problem. He'd named the ads. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's peel it. What's the problem with the ads? Well,
Speaker 1: they're not converting, leah. And what's the problem with that, Well,
Speaker 1: we're not getting enough new patients. Okay. And what's the
Speaker 1: problem with that? Well, if if they don't fix it,
Speaker 1: then I'm stuck. His entire sense of whether things were working,
Speaker 1: of that land we're working or not was sitting inside
Speaker 1: something that he does not control. So here's what I
Speaker 1: got to ask him, what in this can you actually own?
Speaker 1: And that's what I'd ask you to do with whatever
Speaker 1: problem that's coming to mind as you're navigating and in
Speaker 1: this conversation with me, what is the problem that you
Speaker 1: think would be the problem. And what about that problem?
Speaker 1: Is yours to own today, now, tomorrow night, when a
Speaker 1: season gets easier today, what in this can you actually own?
Speaker 1: Because to my clients, you cannot control how that an agency performs. Sure,
Speaker 1: you could influence some of it, you could be a
Speaker 1: good partner, but you cannot control it. What you can
Speaker 1: control is what happens when a patient does walk through
Speaker 1: your door and sits down in your chair. That you
Speaker 1: own completely. And then the real question after that is
Speaker 1: are you doing that to the very best of your ability?
Speaker 1: And when I asked him that question, he knew that
Speaker 1: he wasn't. Most of us aren't. But that's exactly where
Speaker 1: your power lives, not in the thing that you've been
Speaker 1: frustrated about, in the thing that you've been quietly neglecting,
Speaker 1: because we were so busy being frustrated about the thing
Speaker 1: that you don't control. Team, the team, I hear this
Speaker 1: a lot. They don't own anything, Leah. I have to
Speaker 1: check everything. Okay, what's the problem with that? Right? Well,
Speaker 1: if I don't check, it will be wrong. And what's
Speaker 1: the problem with that, Well, it comes back on me,
Speaker 1: And what's the problem with that? Well, I already have
Speaker 1: so much on my plate, and what's the problem with that? Well,
Speaker 1: if I have to do it all on my own,
Speaker 1: then I'll never scale, I'll never hit I'll never be
Speaker 1: able to have a sustainable business model. I'll never hit
Speaker 1: that multiplier, and I'll never get where I said I
Speaker 1: was going. And what's the problem with that? My legacy
Speaker 1: won't be fulfilled? Okay, okay, So legacy fulfillment is the problem,
Speaker 1: the team distraction, right, And once, once we can figure
Speaker 1: out what the legacy problem is, right, then we can
Speaker 1: get we can get really curious about the real problem,
Speaker 1: which is why you have not learned to replace yourself. Right.
Speaker 1: If you want a legacy, if you want a sustainable
Speaker 1: business model that has a that has a multiplier to it,
Speaker 1: you've got to be replaceable. But you cannot be the
Speaker 1: only one creating results. At some point in time, leadership
Speaker 1: stops being about how much you can produce and starts
Speaker 1: being about whether or not you can lead your people
Speaker 1: to produce. And that requires you to let go, That
Speaker 1: requires you to transition yourself, That requires you to replace
Speaker 1: yourself into the next level. The team is not what's
Speaker 1: capping you. Your unwillingness to be replaceable is what's capping you. Right,
Speaker 1: So let's talk about all the excuses, because this is
Speaker 1: where people get stuck in this loop forever. When you've
Speaker 1: named the wrong problem, you will stall out. And because
Speaker 1: you're stalling, you'll reach for a reason. I don't have time,
Speaker 1: I don't have the resources, right, I need to learn
Speaker 1: more first. Now's not the right season. Okay, every one
Speaker 1: of those sounds completely reasonable, and that's exactly what makes
Speaker 1: them work. A good excuse is just a true enough
Speaker 1: statement standing in front of the real problem so you
Speaker 1: don't have to look at it. And confusion one of
Speaker 1: the most comfortable excuses of all. Confusion is often a
Speaker 1: choice that we make because it's more comfortable than deciding.
Speaker 1: And as long as you're confused, you're off the hook.
Speaker 1: You don't have to act, act, you don't have to ask,
Speaker 1: you don't have to risk, you don't have to be
Speaker 1: wrong because you're still figuring it out. Confusion feels like
Speaker 1: working on it, but it's actually just a really sophisticated
Speaker 1: way of not working on it. So here's what's waiting
Speaker 1: on the other side of clarity, right, Because it's the
Speaker 1: reason it's worth the discomfort. The moment you name the
Speaker 1: real problem. Like I said, the pile shrinks, the noise
Speaker 1: strops that low hum of overwhelm and uncertainty that you've
Speaker 1: been carrying, right, the thing that makes everything feel urgent
Speaker 1: and also impossible quiets down because you finally know what
Speaker 1: you're dealing with, the one sentence problem. The real thing, however,
Speaker 1: hard is so much lighter than a thousand vague ones,
Speaker 1: all all entwined in a nott. And when that happens,
Speaker 1: you get your energy back right, Carrying a tangled mess
Speaker 1: that you've been trying to sort out and wondering why
Speaker 1: you're not making progress is exhausting. Get clear. All that
Speaker 1: energy comes back, and now you can point it something okay,
Speaker 1: Because once you have the real problem, you don't need
Speaker 1: a whole plan. You need the right next action, one
Speaker 1: action that actually matches the real problem. Right, because think
Speaker 1: about what most of us been doing. We have been
Speaker 1: taking action on a problem that was never the problem,
Speaker 1: real action, for sure, hard action, expensive action sometimes even,
Speaker 1: and then wondering why we still feel stuck, why we're
Speaker 1: still not making the progress that we want, and getting
Speaker 1: more and more confused about what to do next. Again,
Speaker 1: the confusion makes sense. Of course, you don't know what
Speaker 1: to do next. You've been acting and taking steps efforting
Speaker 1: a wrong problem. So nothing you do land and nothing
Speaker 1: will land, And so you stop trusting yourself, You stop
Speaker 1: trusting that you are the asset. But when the problem
Speaker 1: is right, the next action gets really obvious, and it's
Speaker 1: usually really small, and it's usually uncomfortable, and it's usually
Speaker 1: sitting right there in front of you.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So, if the real problem is that you haven't asked anybody, right,
Speaker 1: that's the problem. People are telling me about their ads
Speaker 1: not working or their marketing is not working, and they've
Speaker 1: tried everything and nothing works. I will ask, how many
Speaker 1: asks have you asked? What if you don't have a
Speaker 1: business problem, you have an offer problem, how many of
Speaker 1: you asked? Okay, the right next action is one ask
Speaker 1: today today? If if the real problem is that you
Speaker 1: cannot replace yourself, right, it's handing handing over one thing
Speaker 1: to one person and not taking it back ever. Right.
Speaker 1: You don't need the whole trip mapped, You just need
Speaker 1: the one next step. Right. So clarity is a decision.
Speaker 1: We treat clarity, and this is something that I'm going
Speaker 1: to end this conversation with. We treat clarity like it's
Speaker 1: a feeling that's supposed to arrive, like one day we'll
Speaker 1: wake up and we'll just feel clear, and then we'll move.
Speaker 1: And so we wait and we wait to feel ready,
Speaker 1: to feel sure, to feel clear. And the waiting is
Speaker 1: the trap, because that feeling is not coming to rescue you.
Speaker 1: Clarity isn't something you wait for. It is something that
Speaker 1: you decide on. It is something that you choose so
Speaker 1: you get clear the same way you get anything else
Speaker 1: worth having. On purpose. You sit down, you ask the
Speaker 1: honest questions, right, you separate what's actually happening from what
Speaker 1: you can own about it. What in this can I own?
Speaker 1: Feel past the comfortable answer, and you get you get,
Speaker 1: you get, you get courageous to go underneath and what
Speaker 1: would be the problem with that? And what would you
Speaker 1: will land on the uncomfortable truth of the problem, and
Speaker 1: then when you get really clear on that, you will
Speaker 1: have a sentence. And then once you have that sentence,
Speaker 1: you will know the next right action to take. I
Speaker 1: promise you, okay. Clarity is a decision that you make
Speaker 1: on purpose, And the most self led thing that you
Speaker 1: can do is stop waiting, stop waiting to feel clear
Speaker 1: and just start choosing to get clear. So I put
Speaker 1: all of this in front of you, because this is
Speaker 1: exactly where my people and I are living this entire
Speaker 1: month in our lab. Right, getting clear is so much
Speaker 1: harder alone. It's so when it's in your head with
Speaker 1: the same thoughts circling the same way they always do.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to untangle that mess. One session, one coach,
Speaker 1: we can get that sentence extracted, so you can begin
Speaker 1: working on the problem that's actually the problem and not
Speaker 1: the one that you have been thinking is the problem
Speaker 1: and efforting and working so hard on. So if that
Speaker 1: is you, if you believe that it's possible that you've
Speaker 1: been working on the wrong problem for too long, now,
Speaker 1: come into the lab. Come into the lab and do
Speaker 1: the work with us. We will find the real problem.
Speaker 1: We will build a solution that actually solves for the
Speaker 1: real problem, instead of continuing to let you sabotage yourself
Speaker 1: by indulging it a problem that you believe is the
Speaker 1: problem when it never was. So if you're not with
Speaker 1: us in the lab, let this be the episode that
Speaker 1: you decide that, Let this be the conversation that you're like,
Speaker 1: I am done trying to effort it this in the
Speaker 1: way that I have been doing. Maybe I was wrong
Speaker 1: about it. Maybe I was wrong about the problem being
Speaker 1: the problem, and in that admission of that being wrong, HM,
Speaker 1: you might just find the right path. That is my
Speaker 1: hope for you this month, in the next conversation and
Speaker 1: always until next time, I will see you. Then, take care, everybody,
Speaker 1: take care.
Speaker 2: If this episode cracked something, open good, let it and
Speaker 2: then head to lea rollincoaching dot com and grab the
Speaker 2: tools to rewire the story and read play your future.
Speaker 1: It is yours. And then share this with someone who's
Speaker 1: still waiting to be chosen, still waiting for permission, and
Speaker 1: remind them they don't need a breakthrough, that they are
Speaker 1: the breakthrough. Until next time, my beautiful friends, invest in
Speaker 1: you and keep becoming