Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to put the phone down?
Speaker 1: Why can't we walk away from unhealthy habits, or why
Speaker 1: can't we stop chasing the next reward? This is recovery,
Speaker 1: recharged straight talk with the pushybroad from the Bronx. I'm
Speaker 1: Ellen Stewart. Let's dive right in. We are always chasing
Speaker 1: the high. I know I am. I'm a recovering addict,
Speaker 1: and I know that I always want to find something
Speaker 1: that's the next craving, the next instant pleasure. And I
Speaker 1: know that all of the emotional triggers drive us towards
Speaker 1: some kind of modern addiction, and right now it's social media,
Speaker 1: digital addiction. And I'm going to talk to you today
Speaker 1: about why we just can't stop scrolling, among other things.
Speaker 1: So I've got the most important questions for you listeners
Speaker 1: who email me and send me text messages, and I
Speaker 1: want to answer questions about why it's so hard to
Speaker 1: put that phone down, or to walk away from that
Speaker 1: video game, or to stop scrolling Insta and TikTok and
Speaker 1: all of those other places. So Jessica's sorry, not Jessica.
Speaker 1: Emily is with me in the studio today with very
Speaker 1: popular questions from you listeners, and I'm going to answer
Speaker 1: them for you. Emily.
Speaker 2: First question, social media has completely changed how we live.
Speaker 2: How is it changing the way we understand addiction?
Speaker 1: Everybody knows addiction is one thing. We have one definition, right,
Speaker 1: Addiction is substances. Right, I'm addicted to pod I'm addicted
Speaker 1: to drugs, I'm addicted to painkillers, or I'm addicted to alcohol.
Speaker 1: I'm an alcoholic. Okay, those are the addictions we know.
Speaker 1: So when somebody says addiction, that's what we think about.
Speaker 1: We think about substances. But our behaviors also are responsible
Speaker 1: for churning that addiction. The way our brains seek relief
Speaker 1: and reward. Social media platforms they're designed around quick stimulation,
Speaker 1: which is what an addict craves. So when we see likes,
Speaker 1: when we see comments, when we see scrollings, when we scroll,
Speaker 1: when we see notifications. I mean, even if it's your
Speaker 1: birthday on Facebook and two people say happy birthday to you,
Speaker 1: these small rewards can train our brain to constantly seek
Speaker 1: the next hit, the next hit of excitement, the next
Speaker 1: hit of distraction or validation. And that's very similar to
Speaker 1: the patterns we see in other addictive behaviors. Emily.
Speaker 2: Next question, we hear a lot about dopamine when talking
Speaker 2: about addiction. What exactly is happening in the brain.
Speaker 1: Boy, don't mean. It's often called the reward chemical, but
Speaker 1: it's really about motivation and anticipation. It teaches the brain
Speaker 1: pay attention. This matters. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, even social media
Speaker 1: can create powerful reward loops over time. People may chase
Speaker 1: the feeling rather than the actually enjoying the experience. It's
Speaker 1: not about enjoying the experience anymore. It's about chasing the
Speaker 1: feeling of reward, and that's what makes it addictive. And
Speaker 1: that's how we kind of fall down the rabbit hole
Speaker 1: every single time, which means we spend more time on TikTok,
Speaker 1: we spend more time on instant, we spend more time
Speaker 1: on Twitter, all of those things. It's just a loop,
Speaker 1: a cycle. So let's find out what we can do
Speaker 1: about it. Next question, Emily.
Speaker 2: Are people actually addicted to their phones or is that
Speaker 2: just something we say?
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, everybody has different levels. Not everyone
Speaker 1: who uses their phone frequently has an addiction. The question
Speaker 1: is who's in control? Is it you or your phone?
Speaker 1: If someone repeatedly tries to stop but can't. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, you neglect your responsibility, you lose sleep,
Speaker 1: you damage relationships, or you use the phone to avoid life.
Speaker 1: Then maybe you got a problem. Maybe it's become a
Speaker 1: serious behavioral pattern. So tell yourself, I'm going to put
Speaker 1: the phone down for two hours, or I'm going to
Speaker 1: shut it off in the middle the night. You know,
Speaker 1: when I go to sleep, I'm going to turn my
Speaker 1: phone off so that I don't wake up in the
Speaker 1: middle of the night. Or I get up in the
Speaker 1: morning and the first thing I want to do is
Speaker 1: look to see what's going on in the world, or
Speaker 1: look to see who has sent me a text message.
Speaker 1: See if you can do without it for a couple
Speaker 1: of hours a day. You can find out how much
Speaker 1: time you're spending on the phone. In fact, your carrier
Speaker 1: kind of gives you a message. Doesn't your phone tell
Speaker 1: you you spent nineteen hours on the phone today or
Speaker 1: something like that. I know mine does. See how long
Speaker 1: you're actually spending and what you're using it for. And
Speaker 1: more importantly, do you keep thinking about it or do
Speaker 1: you keep reaching for it all the time subconsciously? Then
Speaker 1: you can determine what kind of a problem or how
Speaker 1: serious this addiction is. Emily next question.
Speaker 2: How does instant gratification from social media affect recovery?
Speaker 1: We are constantly seeking instant gratification as an addict. Recovery
Speaker 1: requires patience, emotional tolerance, and long term thinking. Addiction trains
Speaker 1: the brain to want immediate relief, immediate satisfaction, immediate stimulation.
Speaker 1: Social media can reinforce that same expectation. I'm uncomfortable, Give
Speaker 1: me something right now to change how I feel. Let
Speaker 1: me scroll cat videos, or let me take a look
Speaker 1: and see if I can do a new recipe really quick.
Speaker 1: Or let me just find my meditation guru and find
Speaker 1: the right way to heal this. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: some of the stuff that we see isn't helpful. I
Speaker 1: scroll all the time for ways to improve how I
Speaker 1: coach clients, to calm myself down, to find good meditation techniques.
Speaker 1: But I can't do that to escape the stuff that's
Speaker 1: going on now. I have to tend to things like
Speaker 1: listening to my clients, like keeping my appointments, like getting
Speaker 1: myself together, doing my chores, being responsible for my life.
Speaker 1: If I'm scrolling instead of doing that, then my brain
Speaker 1: is addicted. To social media. Emily.
Speaker 2: Next question, many people post partying, drinking, and drug culture online.
Speaker 2: How does that impact someone struggling with addiction.
Speaker 1: In the biggest way possible. Right, if you're seeing that
Speaker 1: it's glamorous to drink and party, you're thinking, well, maybe
Speaker 1: I can pick up that drink or drug. Right. Social
Speaker 1: media often highlights not only the experience, but never the
Speaker 1: consequence of that experience. A person might see so celebration
Speaker 1: for a hangover, but doesn't see regret or damaged relationships,
Speaker 1: or legal problems or emotional pain. For someone vulnerable or
Speaker 1: in early recovery, constant exposure normalizes or romanticizes the very
Speaker 1: behaviors you're trying to change, So do yourself a favor.
Speaker 1: You might not be walking into the bar or going
Speaker 1: down and visiting your local drug dealer, but if you
Speaker 1: keep scrolling and you keep getting that, you're going to
Speaker 1: want to go out and do it. It's like the
Speaker 1: more food commercials you see, the more you want to
Speaker 1: go out and get something to eat. So think about
Speaker 1: that the next time. If you're going to scroll, then
Speaker 1: set your algorithm to abstinence recovery, the joys of being
Speaker 1: clean and sober, or the joys of scrolling less and
Speaker 1: see if that helps, because we can train our brain's
Speaker 1: positive for positive habits as much as we can change
Speaker 1: and train them for negative ones. Remember, if you want
Speaker 1: help with all of this, because these are addictions, and
Speaker 1: we call them process addictions. Push you broad from the
Speaker 1: Bronx dot Com. I'm here to help you, and I'm
Speaker 1: taking on new clients, Emily.
Speaker 2: Next question, why do some people get triggered by seeing
Speaker 2: alcohol or drug related posts?
Speaker 1: The triggers in our brain, the addiction triggers in our
Speaker 1: brain form strong associations. A picture, a song, a place,
Speaker 1: a video can motivate your memories. You know how that is?
Speaker 1: You hear something on you Know on Spotify, or you
Speaker 1: hear something on Pandora and you connect it to something.
Speaker 1: I used to listen to a lot of seventies classic
Speaker 1: rock and it took me back to my druggy days
Speaker 1: because that's when I did it. So the person isn't weak.
Speaker 1: If you are not weak, the brain is just simply
Speaker 1: remembering familiar pathways. Recovery involves creating new pathways so that
Speaker 1: you learn how to respond differently. Next question, how.
Speaker 2: Does comparing ourselves online contribute to addiction.
Speaker 1: One of the biggest problems that we have, not only
Speaker 1: in early recovery, but in social media attachment is that
Speaker 1: we're constantly looking to see what someone else is doing
Speaker 1: compared to what we're doing. Anytime we compare, we create
Speaker 1: feelings of I'm not enough. People compare their private struggles
Speaker 1: to somebody else's struggles. Feelings like shame, loneliness, anxiety, insecurity, isolation.
Speaker 1: They are very common emotional triggers that can push people
Speaker 1: towards substances or unhealthy behaviors. And then we get on
Speaker 1: up in that cycle, and we keep scrolling and scrolling,
Speaker 1: and we get more and more down on ourselves, and
Speaker 1: that presents a clear and present danger. So reset the algorithm.
Speaker 1: Start asking the social media to put positivity and positive
Speaker 1: body image and soothing self esteem pictures in place so
Speaker 1: that you can build up and not tear down who
Speaker 1: you are. And more importantly, put the phone down. Put
Speaker 1: the phone down, walk outside, get some vitamin C, meet people,
Speaker 1: connect with real people. That's how we change how we
Speaker 1: feel about ourselves and we stop comparing ourselves to fictional
Speaker 1: people in front of us.
Speaker 2: Next question, ken social media actually increase loneliness even though
Speaker 2: we're more connected than ever.
Speaker 1: Pigging backing off of one, I just said connection and
Speaker 1: contact are not the same thing. Someone can have thousands
Speaker 1: of followers and still feel unseen. Human beings need genuine
Speaker 1: relationships where they can be honest, where they're not their
Speaker 1: interactions just that are based on likes or images or appearances.
Speaker 1: You need one to one contact. Maybe you need a
Speaker 1: real person in front of you, even if you can't
Speaker 1: physically see them, a zoom chat like I have with
Speaker 1: my clients one on one. We are talking. We are
Speaker 1: interacting in real time. It's not pre recorded. It's there.
Speaker 1: I didn't make a video for you to listen to.
Speaker 1: We are exchanging ideas, we are talking to each other,
Speaker 1: which is why it's so important to have connection, real
Speaker 1: connection with people in front of you. The opposite of
Speaker 1: addiction is not abstinence, it's community. You need a community.
Speaker 1: Next question, why do people.
Speaker 2: Use substances or scrolling as an escape.
Speaker 1: Many addictions begin as solutions before they become problems. People
Speaker 1: often discover something that temporarily helps them avoid stress or
Speaker 1: anxiety or trauma or boredom or painful emotions is what
Speaker 1: they think is going to be the full time fix.
Speaker 1: The challenge is that temporary relief can turn into dependency
Speaker 1: when it becomes the only coping tool. So let's say
Speaker 1: you have decided to move away from this, and now
Speaker 1: you are on the phone all the time, and you're
Speaker 1: scrolling all the time, and you're looking for things, and
Speaker 1: you're waking up in the morning and seeing that if
Speaker 1: you posted something, how many people like it and what
Speaker 1: your fans are saying, and you're gathering pictures to post,
Speaker 1: and you're spending your whole life doing this, and this
Speaker 1: becomes your world. This becomes your temporary relief. But it
Speaker 1: doesn't help you cope with the real things that are
Speaker 1: going on. It doesn't help you understand better what's forcing
Speaker 1: you to be so obsessive in this way. And unless
Speaker 1: you're making money because you've become a creator or you
Speaker 1: are an influencer, than what you are doing is avoiding
Speaker 1: something deeper.
Speaker 2: Next question, are young people more vulnerable to these digital influences.
Speaker 1: We know they are right because the part of the
Speaker 1: brain responsible for judgment, impost control, and law term planning
Speaker 1: are still developing. Science tells us that we're not fully
Speaker 1: grown adults until somewhere between twenty five and twenty seven
Speaker 1: years old, So everything that happens before that is still
Speaker 1: a developing brain. So social influences and social pressure, online
Speaker 1: trends and wanting acceptance can make it very hard to
Speaker 1: make healthy decisions because you're being swayed in so many
Speaker 1: directions and you don't know where to turn. So, yes,
Speaker 1: young people are more vulnerable simply because their brains are
Speaker 1: still in development. Next question, is.
Speaker 2: Social media all negative when it comes to addiction and recovery?
Speaker 1: Thank goodness no, and I am the pushy broad from
Speaker 1: the Bronx here to tell you that my social media
Speaker 1: posts are positive. All of the podcasts that you see
Speaker 1: see are clinicians talking about how you can transform your lives.
Speaker 1: The science, the medicine, all of the treatment in this
Speaker 1: country is positive. Social media can be a very powerful
Speaker 1: recovery tool. You can find support groups, education, inspiration, and
Speaker 1: communities that remind you that you are not alone. The
Speaker 1: issue is in technology itself. That's not the issue. I
Speaker 1: love tech, love it. It's how you use it and
Speaker 1: whether or not it controls you or it supports you. Emily,
Speaker 1: what else?
Speaker 2: How can someone tell if social media is hurting their
Speaker 2: mental health?
Speaker 1: One big way is to pay attention to see how
Speaker 1: you feel afterwards, after you scroll something, or after you've
Speaker 1: gone through something or you've listened to something. Ask yourself,
Speaker 1: am I hired, connected, informed? Or I am I now
Speaker 1: more anxious, angry, jealous and empty? So let me ask you,
Speaker 1: how do you want to feel inspired, connected, and informed
Speaker 1: or angry, jealous and empty? Change the algorithm. People, I
Speaker 1: want you to feel inspired, connected, and informed rather than
Speaker 1: negative emotions. You don't want to leave with negative emotions.
Speaker 1: Your emotional state after using social media tells you a
Speaker 1: lot about your relationship with it, so bear that in mind. Emily,
Speaker 1: next question.
Speaker 2: What are some healthy boundaries people can create with technology?
Speaker 1: Like in anything in recovery, we have to start one
Speaker 1: day at a time. Small changes make a very big difference.
Speaker 1: Turn around and tell yourself when I get up, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to look at my phone until I'm ready
Speaker 1: to go to work or I'm ready to start my
Speaker 1: day whenever that is, avoid scrolling before sleep, Turn off
Speaker 1: unnecessary notifications. I turned off sound for a lot of
Speaker 1: my notifications because I felt that every single time there
Speaker 1: was a news item or every single time there was
Speaker 1: a text message, I did a little ping or ding
Speaker 1: or whatever sound. I turned it off so that I'm
Speaker 1: not looking constantly to see what's going on. I unfollow
Speaker 1: triggering accounts things they're going to make me feel angry
Speaker 1: or jealous or empty. Schedule specific offline time with your family,
Speaker 1: with your partner, with yourself most of all, and replace
Speaker 1: scrolling with activities that create real fulfillment. You know how
Speaker 1: to do that, And if you have trouble doing that,
Speaker 1: push your broad from the Bronx dot com. We'll get
Speaker 1: you started. Emily, what else have you got.
Speaker 2: For families watching someone struggle? What should they understand about
Speaker 2: modern addiction?
Speaker 1: Well, we know more than we did before. Right, it's
Speaker 1: still a stigma, but nevertheless, people can understand that social
Speaker 1: media and digital addiction is something that people talk about
Speaker 1: more and more, even though it's difficult for them to admit.
Speaker 1: And if we're talking about substance addiction, even though stigma
Speaker 1: does come with it, we are opening up the conversation constantly,
Speaker 1: and here's one place to find that open conversation. So
Speaker 1: I want you to understand that addiction is often about
Speaker 1: pain and coping and connection, not just simply poor choices. Okay,
Speaker 1: nobody wants to make those poor choices over and over again.
Speaker 1: We are compelled to our addiction brain compels us to,
Speaker 1: but judgment of that usually creates much more shame and
Speaker 1: often fuels the addiction. So support boundaries, education and compassion
Speaker 1: are much more important than blame and shame. If you
Speaker 1: don't understand what's going on, and you were a parent
Speaker 1: of a loved woman who is suffering from any kind
Speaker 1: of addiction, whether it's digital or substance, pushy brought from
Speaker 1: the Bronx dot com, I will work with you. Make
Speaker 1: an appointment, Emily.
Speaker 2: Next question, what is the biggest message you want people
Speaker 2: to take away about addiction? In the age of social media.
Speaker 1: We are in a world that offers quick fixes, instant pleasure,
Speaker 1: an endless distraction. This is a massive world of add
Speaker 1: Whether you have add or not, we know this. True
Speaker 1: recovery is about learning to be present, building meaningful connections,
Speaker 1: and finding peace without needing to constantly escape. The goal
Speaker 1: isn't to stop an addiction, it's to create a life
Speaker 1: you don't have to run away from, and then automatically
Speaker 1: the addiction is put into remission. When you can stand
Speaker 1: up and face your truth and say I can handle
Speaker 1: my feelings. My thoughts and take responsibilities of my actions
Speaker 1: without a mood altering substance or a digital or digital
Speaker 1: stimuli to take it away or to escape into. When
Speaker 1: those situations have come to fruition, addiction is put in remission.
Speaker 1: That's how it goes Emily, next question.
Speaker 2: Why do so many people reach for their phone the
Speaker 2: moment they feel bored, stressed, or uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Because in this entire topic, we've learned something. Our brains
Speaker 1: naturally look for relief. Okay, that's a good thing. We
Speaker 1: look to feel better as quickly as we can because
Speaker 1: it really sucks staying in negative emotions. So that's where
Speaker 1: we go. And now we have social media ways to
Speaker 1: try to feel better. So maybe in the past, if
Speaker 1: you're in recovery, you've turned to alcohol or drugs, or
Speaker 1: food or shopping or other distractions. But now the phone
Speaker 1: is literally at your fingertips. It's the fastest thing to
Speaker 1: turn to, so a quick contemporarily remove uncomfortable feelings. But
Speaker 1: the problem begins when we never learn how to sit
Speaker 1: with our emotions, process them, or pick up the phone
Speaker 1: and call your coach, or go see your therapist or
Speaker 1: connect with a real friend to understand what these emotions
Speaker 1: are trying to tell you. Emily, next question.
Speaker 2: How has social media changed the way people view themselves
Speaker 2: and their identity.
Speaker 1: I work with so many people, no matter what age
Speaker 1: they are, and I've worked with some of the most
Speaker 1: influential people on media today. Social media creates this kind
Speaker 1: of pressure to build a perfect image. No matter what
Speaker 1: we want to pull off the perfect video. We want
Speaker 1: to take a look and see how many likes we
Speaker 1: can get, or we want to make money really quickly
Speaker 1: and find the best way to do it, or we
Speaker 1: want our videos to go viral because that we see
Speaker 1: as the ultimate test of how much people like me
Speaker 1: or how much money we can make. Twenty years ago,
Speaker 1: we didn't think about that. That was not a thing.
Speaker 1: This has come with social media. All of the things
Speaker 1: I have just said to you, we're not alive. At
Speaker 1: the turn of this century. We didn't focus on any
Speaker 1: of those things. People never thought about measuring their worth
Speaker 1: through likes or follows, or appearances or online approval or
Speaker 1: viral videos. When your identity depends on outside validation of
Speaker 1: this kind, you're constantly chasing something that you can't fully control,
Speaker 1: and that's a dangerous situation to be it. So think
Speaker 1: hard about what you're doing and why you're doing it,
Speaker 1: because recovery is often about reconnecting your true self rather
Speaker 1: than the version you think the world wants to see.
Speaker 1: I need you to think about that really hard, Emily.
Speaker 2: Next question, many people say, I'm not addicted, I can
Speaker 2: stop anytime. How do you respond to that?
Speaker 1: Well, the first thing I say to those people, no
Speaker 1: matter what, is have you tried to stop? Have you tried?
Speaker 1: How far can you get? Addiction isn't measured by how
Speaker 1: much you use something. It's measured by the relationship you
Speaker 1: have with it. Okay, even though how much you use
Speaker 1: something is important because you can't sit around and say
Speaker 1: I have no relationship with alcohol and then keep drinking
Speaker 1: every single day. That doesn't work. Work however, when it
Speaker 1: comes to social digital use, as I said before, try
Speaker 1: putting it down, or try putting it down in certain
Speaker 1: times in the day and see if you can stick
Speaker 1: to a schedule. And even if you can stick to
Speaker 1: a schedule, the most important thing is are you thinking
Speaker 1: about it continuously? Because even if you're not picking up
Speaker 1: the phone, but you're thinking about it, or you're saying
Speaker 1: to yourself I can't wait to pick up the phone
Speaker 1: in an hour because my curfew that I set for
Speaker 1: myself is over. Then you still have the addiction problem.
Speaker 1: The addiction problem goes away when you actually don't think
Speaker 1: about picking up your phone until later on in the day,
Speaker 1: or you're not bothered by how many likes you have,
Speaker 1: or you're not bothered by the fact that your video
Speaker 1: only had three views. So you have to be the judge.
Speaker 1: Just because you're abstinent doesn't mean that it is gone,
Speaker 1: because the feelings behind it have to be worked through.
Speaker 1: You have to understand. It's like when you're on a diet.
Speaker 1: You can decide no sugar, no cake, no candy, no
Speaker 1: ice cream. That's great, but if you constantly are thinking
Speaker 1: about it, and you are constantly preoccupied with those thoughts,
Speaker 1: then it's only a matter of time before that addictive
Speaker 1: thinking is going to take over. So you have to
Speaker 1: do some real work and you have to learn how
Speaker 1: to handle uncomfortable emotions and feel that your life actually
Speaker 1: improves rather than becomes harder because of those emotions. So
Speaker 1: those answers really tell the whole story. Emily, next question,
Speaker 1: we have time for one more.
Speaker 2: How can parents talk to their children about social media
Speaker 2: substances and addiction without pushing them away.
Speaker 1: Well, chances are, parents, you are just as addicted. So
Speaker 1: start with curiosity instead of criticism. Rather than saying you're
Speaker 1: always on the phone, try asking what do you enjoy
Speaker 1: about being online? What are you getting out of it?
Speaker 1: Conversations open doors, lectures close them every time you open
Speaker 1: your mouth. Parents, stop thinking that you have to teach
Speaker 1: them something or you have to lecture them on something.
Speaker 1: Young people need guidance and you need guidance too, So
Speaker 1: ask yourself what am I enjoying out of this? Am
Speaker 1: I escaping my life? Or am I finding a way
Speaker 1: to get the support that I need? These are real issues,
Speaker 1: and I want you to know that there is a
Speaker 1: way to feel better and to do these things less.
Speaker 1: So push you brought from the Bronx dot com Come
Speaker 1: have a conversation with me. I'm so glad you're here
Speaker 1: to listen to this today and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 3: She's a pushy broad from the Bronx New yor follow
Speaker 3: her voice. A straight dog is nice. She's a pushy
Speaker 3: broad from the Bronx. Oh yeah, don't be surprised if
Speaker 3: you wanta this or twice. Make decisions, find the right choice,
Speaker 3: know yourself better, find your own points. It's okay. We
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