WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:03.919 Why is it so hard to put the phone down? 2 00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:09.720 Why can't we walk away from unhealthy habits, or why 3 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:14.480 can't we stop chasing the next reward? This is recovery, 4 00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:18.160 recharged straight talk with the pushybroad from the Bronx. I'm 5 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:23.920 Ellen Stewart. Let's dive right in. We are always chasing 6 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.879 the high. I know I am. I'm a recovering addict, 7 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:33.079 and I know that I always want to find something 8 00:00:33.159 --> 00:00:38.240 that's the next craving, the next instant pleasure. And I 9 00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:42.479 know that all of the emotional triggers drive us towards 10 00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:48.159 some kind of modern addiction, and right now it's social media, 11 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:52.240 digital addiction. And I'm going to talk to you today 12 00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:56.280 about why we just can't stop scrolling, among other things. 13 00:00:56.840 --> 00:01:00.920 So I've got the most important questions for you listeners 14 00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:06.120 who email me and send me text messages, and I 15 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:09.920 want to answer questions about why it's so hard to 16 00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:12.599 put that phone down, or to walk away from that 17 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:17.519 video game, or to stop scrolling Insta and TikTok and 18 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:22.120 all of those other places. So Jessica's sorry, not Jessica. 19 00:01:22.200 --> 00:01:24.959 Emily is with me in the studio today with very 20 00:01:25.079 --> 00:01:28.280 popular questions from you listeners, and I'm going to answer 21 00:01:28.280 --> 00:01:29.640 them for you. Emily. 22 00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:34.640 First question, social media has completely changed how we live. 23 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:37.719 How is it changing the way we understand addiction? 24 00:01:40.599 --> 00:01:43.840 Everybody knows addiction is one thing. We have one definition, right, 25 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:48.239 Addiction is substances. Right, I'm addicted to pod I'm addicted 26 00:01:48.280 --> 00:01:52.079 to drugs, I'm addicted to painkillers, or I'm addicted to alcohol. 27 00:01:52.159 --> 00:01:55.599 I'm an alcoholic. Okay, those are the addictions we know. 28 00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:58.200 So when somebody says addiction, that's what we think about. 29 00:01:58.239 --> 00:02:04.799 We think about substances. But our behaviors also are responsible 30 00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:09.879 for churning that addiction. The way our brains seek relief 31 00:02:10.039 --> 00:02:17.159 and reward. Social media platforms they're designed around quick stimulation, 32 00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:23.240 which is what an addict craves. So when we see likes, 33 00:02:23.319 --> 00:02:28.840 when we see comments, when we see scrollings, when we scroll, 34 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:31.599 when we see notifications. I mean, even if it's your 35 00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:35.240 birthday on Facebook and two people say happy birthday to you, 36 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:41.120 these small rewards can train our brain to constantly seek 37 00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:44.840 the next hit, the next hit of excitement, the next 38 00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:50.599 hit of distraction or validation. And that's very similar to 39 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:56.120 the patterns we see in other addictive behaviors. Emily. 40 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:00.680 Next question, we hear a lot about dopamine when talking 41 00:03:00.680 --> 00:03:04.319 about addiction. What exactly is happening in the brain. 42 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:12.639 Boy, don't mean. It's often called the reward chemical, but 43 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:18.159 it's really about motivation and anticipation. It teaches the brain 44 00:03:18.680 --> 00:03:25.560 pay attention. This matters. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, even social media 45 00:03:25.719 --> 00:03:32.000 can create powerful reward loops over time. People may chase 46 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:37.479 the feeling rather than the actually enjoying the experience. It's 47 00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:41.960 not about enjoying the experience anymore. It's about chasing the 48 00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:48.400 feeling of reward, and that's what makes it addictive. And 49 00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:51.439 that's how we kind of fall down the rabbit hole 50 00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:56.240 every single time, which means we spend more time on TikTok, 51 00:03:56.280 --> 00:03:59.520 we spend more time on instant, we spend more time 52 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:06.599 on Twitter, all of those things. It's just a loop, 53 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:10.000 a cycle. So let's find out what we can do 54 00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.520 about it. Next question, Emily. 55 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:16.240 Are people actually addicted to their phones or is that 56 00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:18.560 just something we say? 57 00:04:19.319 --> 00:04:23.040 Well, first of all, everybody has different levels. Not everyone 58 00:04:23.079 --> 00:04:27.839 who uses their phone frequently has an addiction. The question 59 00:04:28.040 --> 00:04:32.720 is who's in control? Is it you or your phone? 60 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:37.319 If someone repeatedly tries to stop but can't. And then 61 00:04:37.399 --> 00:04:41.800 on top of that, you neglect your responsibility, you lose sleep, 62 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:48.040 you damage relationships, or you use the phone to avoid life. 63 00:04:48.199 --> 00:04:52.040 Then maybe you got a problem. Maybe it's become a 64 00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:57.040 serious behavioral pattern. So tell yourself, I'm going to put 65 00:04:57.079 --> 00:04:59.000 the phone down for two hours, or I'm going to 66 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.879 shut it off in the middle the night. You know, 67 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.480 when I go to sleep, I'm going to turn my 68 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:04.120 phone off so that I don't wake up in the 69 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:05.759 middle of the night. Or I get up in the 70 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:07.519 morning and the first thing I want to do is 71 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.000 look to see what's going on in the world, or 72 00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:12.519 look to see who has sent me a text message. 73 00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:15.160 See if you can do without it for a couple 74 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:18.279 of hours a day. You can find out how much 75 00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:21.000 time you're spending on the phone. In fact, your carrier 76 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:24.360 kind of gives you a message. Doesn't your phone tell 77 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:27.160 you you spent nineteen hours on the phone today or 78 00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:31.120 something like that. I know mine does. See how long 79 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.240 you're actually spending and what you're using it for. And 80 00:05:34.360 --> 00:05:37.360 more importantly, do you keep thinking about it or do 81 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:42.519 you keep reaching for it all the time subconsciously? Then 82 00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:45.199 you can determine what kind of a problem or how 83 00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:49.279 serious this addiction is. Emily next question. 84 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:58.240 How does instant gratification from social media affect recovery? 85 00:05:58.439 --> 00:06:04.240 We are constantly seeking instant gratification as an addict. Recovery 86 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:13.600 requires patience, emotional tolerance, and long term thinking. Addiction trains 87 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:20.639 the brain to want immediate relief, immediate satisfaction, immediate stimulation. 88 00:06:22.199 --> 00:06:29.079 Social media can reinforce that same expectation. I'm uncomfortable, Give 89 00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:31.560 me something right now to change how I feel. Let 90 00:06:31.560 --> 00:06:35.399 me scroll cat videos, or let me take a look 91 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:37.680 and see if I can do a new recipe really quick. 92 00:06:37.759 --> 00:06:40.959 Or let me just find my meditation guru and find 93 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:43.920 the right way to heal this. I'm not saying that 94 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:47.199 some of the stuff that we see isn't helpful. I 95 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:50.240 scroll all the time for ways to improve how I 96 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:55.199 coach clients, to calm myself down, to find good meditation techniques. 97 00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:59.879 But I can't do that to escape the stuff that's 98 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:03.480 going on now. I have to tend to things like 99 00:07:04.040 --> 00:07:07.759 listening to my clients, like keeping my appointments, like getting 100 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:12.879 myself together, doing my chores, being responsible for my life. 101 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:18.800 If I'm scrolling instead of doing that, then my brain 102 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:22.879 is addicted. To social media. Emily. 103 00:07:23.079 --> 00:07:29.439 Next question, many people post partying, drinking, and drug culture online. 104 00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:32.759 How does that impact someone struggling with addiction. 105 00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:37.399 In the biggest way possible. Right, if you're seeing that 106 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:41.759 it's glamorous to drink and party, you're thinking, well, maybe 107 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:46.279 I can pick up that drink or drug. Right. Social 108 00:07:46.399 --> 00:07:54.920 media often highlights not only the experience, but never the 109 00:07:55.120 --> 00:08:00.519 consequence of that experience. A person might see so celebration 110 00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:05.879 for a hangover, but doesn't see regret or damaged relationships, 111 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:11.680 or legal problems or emotional pain. For someone vulnerable or 112 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:18.720 in early recovery, constant exposure normalizes or romanticizes the very 113 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:23.680 behaviors you're trying to change, So do yourself a favor. 114 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:27.199 You might not be walking into the bar or going 115 00:08:27.319 --> 00:08:31.240 down and visiting your local drug dealer, but if you 116 00:08:31.319 --> 00:08:34.039 keep scrolling and you keep getting that, you're going to 117 00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:36.639 want to go out and do it. It's like the 118 00:08:36.679 --> 00:08:39.039 more food commercials you see, the more you want to 119 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:42.519 go out and get something to eat. So think about 120 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:45.840 that the next time. If you're going to scroll, then 121 00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:50.399 set your algorithm to abstinence recovery, the joys of being 122 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:55.879 clean and sober, or the joys of scrolling less and 123 00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:59.279 see if that helps, because we can train our brain's 124 00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:04.519 positive for positive habits as much as we can change 125 00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:08.879 and train them for negative ones. Remember, if you want 126 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:11.480 help with all of this, because these are addictions, and 127 00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:14.919 we call them process addictions. Push you broad from the 128 00:09:14.919 --> 00:09:17.679 Bronx dot Com. I'm here to help you, and I'm 129 00:09:17.679 --> 00:09:19.600 taking on new clients, Emily. 130 00:09:19.799 --> 00:09:24.080 Next question, why do some people get triggered by seeing 131 00:09:24.120 --> 00:09:26.200 alcohol or drug related posts? 132 00:09:29.039 --> 00:09:32.559 The triggers in our brain, the addiction triggers in our 133 00:09:32.600 --> 00:09:37.639 brain form strong associations. A picture, a song, a place, 134 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:40.840 a video can motivate your memories. You know how that is? 135 00:09:40.879 --> 00:09:44.399 You hear something on you Know on Spotify, or you 136 00:09:44.519 --> 00:09:48.120 hear something on Pandora and you connect it to something. 137 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:52.000 I used to listen to a lot of seventies classic 138 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:54.559 rock and it took me back to my druggy days 139 00:09:54.559 --> 00:09:59.720 because that's when I did it. So the person isn't weak. 140 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.559 If you are not weak, the brain is just simply 141 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:10.759 remembering familiar pathways. Recovery involves creating new pathways so that 142 00:10:10.840 --> 00:10:16.480 you learn how to respond differently. Next question, how. 143 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:19.519 Does comparing ourselves online contribute to addiction. 144 00:10:23.080 --> 00:10:26.360 One of the biggest problems that we have, not only 145 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:30.759 in early recovery, but in social media attachment is that 146 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:33.720 we're constantly looking to see what someone else is doing 147 00:10:33.799 --> 00:10:38.639 compared to what we're doing. Anytime we compare, we create 148 00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:43.639 feelings of I'm not enough. People compare their private struggles 149 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:50.360 to somebody else's struggles. Feelings like shame, loneliness, anxiety, insecurity, isolation. 150 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:55.240 They are very common emotional triggers that can push people 151 00:10:55.399 --> 00:11:00.120 towards substances or unhealthy behaviors. And then we get on 152 00:11:00.279 --> 00:11:02.840 up in that cycle, and we keep scrolling and scrolling, 153 00:11:02.919 --> 00:11:05.919 and we get more and more down on ourselves, and 154 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:13.039 that presents a clear and present danger. So reset the algorithm. 155 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:17.960 Start asking the social media to put positivity and positive 156 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:26.039 body image and soothing self esteem pictures in place so 157 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.279 that you can build up and not tear down who 158 00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:34.960 you are. And more importantly, put the phone down. Put 159 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:40.559 the phone down, walk outside, get some vitamin C, meet people, 160 00:11:40.840 --> 00:11:45.759 connect with real people. That's how we change how we 161 00:11:45.799 --> 00:11:51.440 feel about ourselves and we stop comparing ourselves to fictional 162 00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:52.519 people in front of us. 163 00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:59.000 Next question, ken social media actually increase loneliness even though 164 00:11:59.039 --> 00:12:00.679 we're more connected than ever. 165 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:09.080 Pigging backing off of one, I just said connection and 166 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:14.759 contact are not the same thing. Someone can have thousands 167 00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:20.960 of followers and still feel unseen. Human beings need genuine 168 00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:26.279 relationships where they can be honest, where they're not their 169 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:31.679 interactions just that are based on likes or images or appearances. 170 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:34.320 You need one to one contact. Maybe you need a 171 00:12:34.360 --> 00:12:36.559 real person in front of you, even if you can't 172 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:39.799 physically see them, a zoom chat like I have with 173 00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:42.480 my clients one on one. We are talking. We are 174 00:12:42.519 --> 00:12:47.240 interacting in real time. It's not pre recorded. It's there. 175 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:49.799 I didn't make a video for you to listen to. 176 00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:54.840 We are exchanging ideas, we are talking to each other, 177 00:12:55.240 --> 00:13:02.399 which is why it's so important to have connection, real 178 00:13:02.600 --> 00:13:06.799 connection with people in front of you. The opposite of 179 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:13.759 addiction is not abstinence, it's community. You need a community. 180 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:18.200 Next question, why do people. 181 00:13:17.960 --> 00:13:23.559 Use substances or scrolling as an escape. 182 00:13:23.879 --> 00:13:29.840 Many addictions begin as solutions before they become problems. People 183 00:13:29.960 --> 00:13:34.960 often discover something that temporarily helps them avoid stress or 184 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:40.440 anxiety or trauma or boredom or painful emotions is what 185 00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:42.399 they think is going to be the full time fix. 186 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:48.759 The challenge is that temporary relief can turn into dependency 187 00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:54.120 when it becomes the only coping tool. So let's say 188 00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:56.919 you have decided to move away from this, and now 189 00:13:57.120 --> 00:13:59.440 you are on the phone all the time, and you're 190 00:13:59.480 --> 00:14:02.080 scrolling all the time, and you're looking for things, and 191 00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:04.679 you're waking up in the morning and seeing that if 192 00:14:04.720 --> 00:14:07.960 you posted something, how many people like it and what 193 00:14:08.159 --> 00:14:12.000 your fans are saying, and you're gathering pictures to post, 194 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:17.159 and you're spending your whole life doing this, and this 195 00:14:17.279 --> 00:14:22.480 becomes your world. This becomes your temporary relief. But it 196 00:14:22.519 --> 00:14:24.600 doesn't help you cope with the real things that are 197 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:29.480 going on. It doesn't help you understand better what's forcing 198 00:14:29.559 --> 00:14:33.799 you to be so obsessive in this way. And unless 199 00:14:33.799 --> 00:14:38.000 you're making money because you've become a creator or you 200 00:14:38.039 --> 00:14:42.440 are an influencer, than what you are doing is avoiding 201 00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:44.159 something deeper. 202 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:50.879 Next question, are young people more vulnerable to these digital influences. 203 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:55.840 We know they are right because the part of the 204 00:14:55.919 --> 00:15:01.080 brain responsible for judgment, impost control, and law term planning 205 00:15:01.159 --> 00:15:05.600 are still developing. Science tells us that we're not fully 206 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:09.279 grown adults until somewhere between twenty five and twenty seven 207 00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:13.639 years old, So everything that happens before that is still 208 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:20.320 a developing brain. So social influences and social pressure, online 209 00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:24.799 trends and wanting acceptance can make it very hard to 210 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:29.120 make healthy decisions because you're being swayed in so many 211 00:15:29.159 --> 00:15:33.919 directions and you don't know where to turn. So, yes, 212 00:15:34.840 --> 00:15:40.080 young people are more vulnerable simply because their brains are 213 00:15:40.200 --> 00:15:45.360 still in development. Next question, is. 214 00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:49.399 Social media all negative when it comes to addiction and recovery? 215 00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:54.159 Thank goodness no, and I am the pushy broad from 216 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:56.559 the Bronx here to tell you that my social media 217 00:15:56.639 --> 00:16:00.000 posts are positive. All of the podcasts that you see 218 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:04.799 see are clinicians talking about how you can transform your lives. 219 00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:08.440 The science, the medicine, all of the treatment in this 220 00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:14.080 country is positive. Social media can be a very powerful 221 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:19.559 recovery tool. You can find support groups, education, inspiration, and 222 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:24.919 communities that remind you that you are not alone. The 223 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:28.840 issue is in technology itself. That's not the issue. I 224 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:34.279 love tech, love it. It's how you use it and 225 00:16:34.320 --> 00:16:40.679 whether or not it controls you or it supports you. Emily, 226 00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:41.279 what else? 227 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.399 How can someone tell if social media is hurting their 228 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:46.159 mental health? 229 00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:50.879 One big way is to pay attention to see how 230 00:16:50.919 --> 00:16:55.200 you feel afterwards, after you scroll something, or after you've 231 00:16:55.240 --> 00:16:58.519 gone through something or you've listened to something. Ask yourself, 232 00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:05.119 am I hired, connected, informed? Or I am I now 233 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:10.240 more anxious, angry, jealous and empty? So let me ask you, 234 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:13.720 how do you want to feel inspired, connected, and informed 235 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:19.920 or angry, jealous and empty? Change the algorithm. People, I 236 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:24.079 want you to feel inspired, connected, and informed rather than 237 00:17:24.119 --> 00:17:27.519 negative emotions. You don't want to leave with negative emotions. 238 00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:32.759 Your emotional state after using social media tells you a 239 00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:38.599 lot about your relationship with it, so bear that in mind. Emily, 240 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:39.880 next question. 241 00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:46.519 What are some healthy boundaries people can create with technology? 242 00:17:47.720 --> 00:17:52.480 Like in anything in recovery, we have to start one 243 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:58.160 day at a time. Small changes make a very big difference. 244 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:02.480 Turn around and tell yourself when I get up, I'm 245 00:18:02.519 --> 00:18:04.759 not going to look at my phone until I'm ready 246 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:06.799 to go to work or I'm ready to start my 247 00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:14.400 day whenever that is, avoid scrolling before sleep, Turn off 248 00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:21.720 unnecessary notifications. I turned off sound for a lot of 249 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:25.079 my notifications because I felt that every single time there 250 00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:27.279 was a news item or every single time there was 251 00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:30.519 a text message, I did a little ping or ding 252 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:34.640 or whatever sound. I turned it off so that I'm 253 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:39.759 not looking constantly to see what's going on. I unfollow 254 00:18:40.039 --> 00:18:44.079 triggering accounts things they're going to make me feel angry 255 00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:51.039 or jealous or empty. Schedule specific offline time with your family, 256 00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:56.119 with your partner, with yourself most of all, and replace 257 00:18:56.359 --> 00:19:02.000 scrolling with activities that create real fulfillment. You know how 258 00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:04.359 to do that, And if you have trouble doing that, 259 00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:07.319 push your broad from the Bronx dot com. We'll get 260 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:10.759 you started. Emily, what else have you got. 261 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:16.240 For families watching someone struggle? What should they understand about 262 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:17.240 modern addiction? 263 00:19:20.279 --> 00:19:24.799 Well, we know more than we did before. Right, it's 264 00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:29.480 still a stigma, but nevertheless, people can understand that social 265 00:19:29.559 --> 00:19:33.319 media and digital addiction is something that people talk about 266 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:36.319 more and more, even though it's difficult for them to admit. 267 00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:41.079 And if we're talking about substance addiction, even though stigma 268 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:45.119 does come with it, we are opening up the conversation constantly, 269 00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:49.519 and here's one place to find that open conversation. So 270 00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:52.759 I want you to understand that addiction is often about 271 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:59.680 pain and coping and connection, not just simply poor choices. Okay, 272 00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:03.279 nobody wants to make those poor choices over and over again. 273 00:20:03.640 --> 00:20:08.119 We are compelled to our addiction brain compels us to, 274 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:15.559 but judgment of that usually creates much more shame and 275 00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:23.839 often fuels the addiction. So support boundaries, education and compassion 276 00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:29.799 are much more important than blame and shame. If you 277 00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:32.319 don't understand what's going on, and you were a parent 278 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:34.839 of a loved woman who is suffering from any kind 279 00:20:34.839 --> 00:20:39.200 of addiction, whether it's digital or substance, pushy brought from 280 00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:42.720 the Bronx dot com, I will work with you. Make 281 00:20:42.759 --> 00:20:44.960 an appointment, Emily. 282 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:49.039 Next question, what is the biggest message you want people 283 00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:55.400 to take away about addiction? In the age of social media. 284 00:20:56.640 --> 00:21:02.240 We are in a world that offers quick fixes, instant pleasure, 285 00:21:02.680 --> 00:21:07.480 an endless distraction. This is a massive world of add 286 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:12.680 Whether you have add or not, we know this. True 287 00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:19.319 recovery is about learning to be present, building meaningful connections, 288 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:25.279 and finding peace without needing to constantly escape. The goal 289 00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:29.720 isn't to stop an addiction, it's to create a life 290 00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:35.680 you don't have to run away from, and then automatically 291 00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:39.880 the addiction is put into remission. When you can stand 292 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:43.240 up and face your truth and say I can handle 293 00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:48.240 my feelings. My thoughts and take responsibilities of my actions 294 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:53.880 without a mood altering substance or a digital or digital 295 00:21:53.960 --> 00:21:58.960 stimuli to take it away or to escape into. When 296 00:21:59.079 --> 00:22:05.000 those situations have come to fruition, addiction is put in remission. 297 00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:09.079 That's how it goes Emily, next question. 298 00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:13.359 Why do so many people reach for their phone the 299 00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:16.599 moment they feel bored, stressed, or uncomfortable. 300 00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:23.599 Because in this entire topic, we've learned something. Our brains 301 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:27.759 naturally look for relief. Okay, that's a good thing. We 302 00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:32.319 look to feel better as quickly as we can because 303 00:22:32.519 --> 00:22:36.759 it really sucks staying in negative emotions. So that's where 304 00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:40.960 we go. And now we have social media ways to 305 00:22:41.240 --> 00:22:46.200 try to feel better. So maybe in the past, if 306 00:22:46.200 --> 00:22:49.079 you're in recovery, you've turned to alcohol or drugs, or 307 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:53.359 food or shopping or other distractions. But now the phone 308 00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:57.119 is literally at your fingertips. It's the fastest thing to 309 00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:04.559 turn to, so a quick contemporarily remove uncomfortable feelings. But 310 00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:09.000 the problem begins when we never learn how to sit 311 00:23:09.240 --> 00:23:13.359 with our emotions, process them, or pick up the phone 312 00:23:13.400 --> 00:23:15.920 and call your coach, or go see your therapist or 313 00:23:15.920 --> 00:23:20.240 connect with a real friend to understand what these emotions 314 00:23:20.279 --> 00:23:25.519 are trying to tell you. Emily, next question. 315 00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:30.240 How has social media changed the way people view themselves 316 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:31.440 and their identity. 317 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:37.240 I work with so many people, no matter what age 318 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:40.160 they are, and I've worked with some of the most 319 00:23:40.440 --> 00:23:47.359 influential people on media today. Social media creates this kind 320 00:23:47.359 --> 00:23:51.400 of pressure to build a perfect image. No matter what 321 00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:54.200 we want to pull off the perfect video. We want 322 00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:56.079 to take a look and see how many likes we 323 00:23:56.119 --> 00:23:59.200 can get, or we want to make money really quickly 324 00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:01.079 and find the best way to do it, or we 325 00:24:01.160 --> 00:24:05.000 want our videos to go viral because that we see 326 00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:08.119 as the ultimate test of how much people like me 327 00:24:08.279 --> 00:24:13.680 or how much money we can make. Twenty years ago, 328 00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:16.680 we didn't think about that. That was not a thing. 329 00:24:17.400 --> 00:24:20.559 This has come with social media. All of the things 330 00:24:20.599 --> 00:24:24.240 I have just said to you, we're not alive. At 331 00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:29.000 the turn of this century. We didn't focus on any 332 00:24:29.160 --> 00:24:35.079 of those things. People never thought about measuring their worth 333 00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:40.519 through likes or follows, or appearances or online approval or 334 00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:48.119 viral videos. When your identity depends on outside validation of 335 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:55.039 this kind, you're constantly chasing something that you can't fully control, 336 00:24:56.359 --> 00:25:01.039 and that's a dangerous situation to be it. So think 337 00:25:01.240 --> 00:25:05.440 hard about what you're doing and why you're doing it, 338 00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:11.599 because recovery is often about reconnecting your true self rather 339 00:25:11.720 --> 00:25:17.240 than the version you think the world wants to see. 340 00:25:17.480 --> 00:25:22.160 I need you to think about that really hard, Emily. 341 00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:27.039 Next question, many people say, I'm not addicted, I can 342 00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:29.960 stop anytime. How do you respond to that? 343 00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:33.319 Well, the first thing I say to those people, no 344 00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:37.440 matter what, is have you tried to stop? Have you tried? 345 00:25:38.839 --> 00:25:42.880 How far can you get? Addiction isn't measured by how 346 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:48.960 much you use something. It's measured by the relationship you 347 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:52.279 have with it. Okay, even though how much you use 348 00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:55.720 something is important because you can't sit around and say 349 00:25:55.799 --> 00:25:58.400 I have no relationship with alcohol and then keep drinking 350 00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:02.319 every single day. That doesn't work. Work however, when it 351 00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:05.920 comes to social digital use, as I said before, try 352 00:26:05.920 --> 00:26:08.559 putting it down, or try putting it down in certain 353 00:26:08.599 --> 00:26:10.160 times in the day and see if you can stick 354 00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:12.920 to a schedule. And even if you can stick to 355 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.799 a schedule, the most important thing is are you thinking 356 00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:20.279 about it continuously? Because even if you're not picking up 357 00:26:20.279 --> 00:26:22.400 the phone, but you're thinking about it, or you're saying 358 00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:24.160 to yourself I can't wait to pick up the phone 359 00:26:24.200 --> 00:26:26.920 in an hour because my curfew that I set for 360 00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:31.960 myself is over. Then you still have the addiction problem. 361 00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:36.319 The addiction problem goes away when you actually don't think 362 00:26:36.359 --> 00:26:39.480 about picking up your phone until later on in the day, 363 00:26:39.880 --> 00:26:42.880 or you're not bothered by how many likes you have, 364 00:26:43.160 --> 00:26:45.640 or you're not bothered by the fact that your video 365 00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:51.000 only had three views. So you have to be the judge. 366 00:26:51.720 --> 00:26:56.720 Just because you're abstinent doesn't mean that it is gone, 367 00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:00.799 because the feelings behind it have to be worked through. 368 00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:04.119 You have to understand. It's like when you're on a diet. 369 00:27:04.319 --> 00:27:07.160 You can decide no sugar, no cake, no candy, no 370 00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:10.880 ice cream. That's great, but if you constantly are thinking 371 00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:15.000 about it, and you are constantly preoccupied with those thoughts, 372 00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:18.359 then it's only a matter of time before that addictive 373 00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:22.400 thinking is going to take over. So you have to 374 00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:28.039 do some real work and you have to learn how 375 00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:35.240 to handle uncomfortable emotions and feel that your life actually 376 00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:40.480 improves rather than becomes harder because of those emotions. So 377 00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:46.000 those answers really tell the whole story. Emily, next question, 378 00:27:46.119 --> 00:27:47.519 we have time for one more. 379 00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:51.640 How can parents talk to their children about social media 380 00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:54.799 substances and addiction without pushing them away. 381 00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:01.440 Well, chances are, parents, you are just as addicted. So 382 00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:06.279 start with curiosity instead of criticism. Rather than saying you're 383 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:09.799 always on the phone, try asking what do you enjoy 384 00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:12.240 about being online? What are you getting out of it? 385 00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:18.799 Conversations open doors, lectures close them every time you open 386 00:28:18.839 --> 00:28:21.440 your mouth. Parents, stop thinking that you have to teach 387 00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:24.839 them something or you have to lecture them on something. 388 00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:29.079 Young people need guidance and you need guidance too, So 389 00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:32.519 ask yourself what am I enjoying out of this? Am 390 00:28:32.519 --> 00:28:37.079 I escaping my life? Or am I finding a way 391 00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:41.359 to get the support that I need? These are real issues, 392 00:28:41.799 --> 00:28:44.480 and I want you to know that there is a 393 00:28:44.519 --> 00:28:50.200 way to feel better and to do these things less. 394 00:28:50.839 --> 00:28:54.160 So push you brought from the Bronx dot com Come 395 00:28:54.279 --> 00:28:57.599 have a conversation with me. I'm so glad you're here 396 00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.759 to listen to this today and we'll see you next time. 397 00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:10.119 She's a pushy broad from the Bronx New yor follow 398 00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:14.119 her voice. A straight dog is nice. She's a pushy 399 00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:19.319 broad from the Bronx. Oh yeah, don't be surprised if 400 00:29:19.359 --> 00:29:23.559 you wanta this or twice. Make decisions, find the right choice, 401 00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:26.680